#fuck it i tagged it anyways tumblr let my interests connect me to my people lmao

[manofmanymons]

No one asked but I feel like talking about them so I will

I could go on all day about all the different reasons I really love Miu and Kaito as characters, but I could also do the same for literally every other character. Bc I love the entire cast of Survive to death and have more to say about them than anyone would ever want to hear.

But the main reason these two stand out to me above the rest despite the fact that I wouldn't say they're BETTER by any means is just that...they're so relatable to me, it almost hurts.

Starting with Miu, I'm both a younger sibling and the youngest in my friend group. So like, I'm no stranger to being coddled to death. Even people who I've specifically asked to stop treating me like a child still act like I'll somehow accidentally kill myself if they leave me alone for ten seconds. I'm an adult and literally earlier today my roommate freaked out that my hand was too close to the stove even though I've been cooking and baking for us for the past week. And it's infuriating! I know they mean well and I know it's because they care but ffs it makes me feel like everyone thinks I'm some kind of weak useless idiot. I digress (spoilers for the harmony route) I also know what it's like to have parents that won't believe you when bad things happen to you and try to blame you for things that can't possibly be your fault. I ALSO also know what it's like to have a special interest that means a lot to me but that other people think is weird.

And with Kaito

Boy I don't even know where to start with him

Guess I'll start with saying even though I just said I'm a younger sibling, my family dynamic is a little weird. My sister has always been a bit of a troublemaker, while I was the "so mature for your age" kid, so for as long as I can remember, I've been the one looking after her. I've always felt so responsible for her, and when some shit happened to her in our old town that was bad, well...it kinda felt like I failed my one (1) job. Our parents didn't take her side in what happened; in fact they were pretty pissed at her for getting into trouble. And she didn't wanna tell her friends. So I was really just...all she had. If I wasn't there for her, then no one was. We moved to a new town, she started acting up more, things got difficult. I hated my classmates and my family and I was just so goddamn angry all the time that I was constantly getting in fights at school. It's a lonely experience, feeling like the weight of the world is on your shoulders and no one even notices or cares. And it wasn't until YEARS later that even my sister looked back and was like "holy shit I would've gone insane without you" and even acknowledged that I did a lot for her. So yeah I guess you could say I know how it feels to love someone and want to do anything you can for them even if you're not sure they love you back.

It's exhausting and frustrating and you get PISSED a LOT. Sometimes at them. Especially when they get mad at you when you're just trying to keep them SAFE goddammit why don't they GET THAT. But you don't just stop loving them, ya know? And yeah that makes me a hypocrite considering earlier I said I hate when people feel like they need to protect me, but also my 5 foot 90lb sister tryna go out ALONE with telling anyone where she's going is not the same as me having someone pull a box cutter out of my hands because "sweetie be careful that's sharp"

ANYWAYS

The hyperspecific circumstance of being an edgy 14 year old suddenly adopted into a friend group where people are baffling kind to you and now you have to learn how to communicate with words is just comically relatable like Kaito gives me so much secondhand embarrassment with his shitty communication skills. Like I, the player, understand exactly what he's TRYING to say. But then what he actually says is just so far off the mark that I cringe at the flashbacks of teen me doing the same thing. Like okay spoilers for the wrathful route and dracmon's mega evolution but FOR EXAMPLE

The time he tried to tell Aoi that he understood that she felt responsible for Saki's death but that it really wasn't her fault and she did all she could but he accidentally made her feel 10x worse instead

And the time the sentiment of "please leave so I can go all out in this battle knowing that you are safe because you're important to Miu which makes you important to me and I need to protect you" just came out as like "get out of my way"

He tries so hard to do good but he fails so much at conveying his intentions that it always comes across as bad and it makes me so sad for him because like...MOOD, little buddy.

Even though the violent cringey little bastard that was 14 year old me doesn't exist anymore and hasn't in a very long time, Kaito is just such an intensely personal character to me—to an almost terrifying extent. He occupies a very special place in my heart, even over characters I've loved for years. He's my favorite little guy!

#this got so personal and ranty should I even tag it #kaito shinonome #miu shinonome #you know who else is embarrassingly relatable #fucking #shuuji #i graduated highschool at the top 3% of my class and my dads unironic genuine response was why not 1% #placed 5th in a state wide competition and nearly broke down crying bc it wasnt good enough #ily shuuji #digimon survive was fucking PERSONAL for me yall dont understand #catch me kinning half the cast #DID I MENTION MY ENTIRE WARDROBE WAS BLACK AND RED AND I FUCKING DYED MY HAIR BLOND #BECAUSE YEAH THAT WAS ANOTHER THING TEENAGE ME DID #my friends kept calling me kenma bc of my pudding hair kskdkf #fuck it i tagged it anyways tumblr let my interests connect me to my people lmao

[thedroneranger]

The Drone Ranger's Be Kind Rewind ⏪ beyondthesefourwalls Edition!

A rec reblog series dedicated to the fics that we love so much, we've re-read them!

@beyondthesefourwalls' Rewind is here! We all know how much I love my Bradshaw Baddies™, so I was delighted when Alli slid into my messages :)

While we continue to churn out amazing new content, let's be kind and rewind to look at some of the OG content we love! And don't forget to reblog when you re-read! Continue to show your comfort fics and favorite creators some love. It helps keep the fresh content coming :)

Let's keep this going throughout the summer. If you're interested in participating in the Be Kind Rewind, message me. The more, the merrier!

If you want to know when a new Rewind drops, join the tag list, and check out previous Rewinds!

fics below the cut (listed in alphabetical order by title)

and so it goes, Bradley Bradshaw, @laracrofted This story is so fucking hot, so it’s only fitting it takes place in a hot tub. There��s that tiny element of forbidden romance/we shouldn’t be doing this that makes it that much spicier. It’s a delicious read.

Come Back, Bradley Bradshaw, @ereardon One of my absolute favorite exes to lovers fics ever. It’s so well down and I love how Bradley has to earn every bit of her forgiveness, and how willing he is to build the trust back up.

Early Birthday Present, Bradley Bradshaw, @clints-lucky-arrow The touch of angst in this one makes the fluffy ending that much sweeter. It’s such a cute one!

home to you, Bradley Bradshaw, @iwritetopassthetime Love at first sight is my favorite trope, and protective Bradley always gives me a thrill. This had me hooked from the very first chapter. Bradley and Blossom are just 😍

Hot For Teacher, Bradley Bradshaw, @roosterforme There’s just something about Rooster and a slightly older woman (who outranks him nonetheless) that really REALLY does it for me.

Is It Working For You?, Bradley Bradshaw, @roosterforme If tumblr ever creates a filter revealing how many times someone has visited a specific post, I’ll have to run and hide. I’ve reread the BG and Roo origin story more than I’ve read anything ever. I fall in love even harder every single time. My OTP of OTPs.

little wallflower, Bradley Bradshaw, @bradshawsbitch This is so wholesome and cute and makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. How Bradley doesn’t shy away at her disability and then puts in the effort is so adorable.

skyrockets in flight, afternoon delight, Bradley Bradshaw, @gretagerwigsmuse The first story I ever read for the TGM fandom, all completely by accident. It popped up on my dash before I ever watched the movie and for some reason I read it anyway. It set down the TGM rabbit hole and here we are.

The Only Thing, Jake Seresin, @justfandomwritings Jake and Addie’s love story is so pure. They were only ever each others even if it took awhile to make it official and I love revisiting how it all came together.

your love is the love i need, Javy Machado, @theharddeck My favorite Javy story! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve reread it. The build up and tension is so so good and I love how connected they clearly are.

Creator's Own

This Love Came Back to Me It’s an ongoing one, so not a throwback, but I’m so proud of this one that I would love people to give it a read!

Tag list and friends: @petcr3 @desert-fern @Sagittarius-Lovewitch @mygyn @sweetwhispersofchaos @horseshoegirl @the-annoying-fan @dingochef @moon42flight @thecitysgraveyard @ereardon @roosterforme @cherrycola27 @galaxy-of-stories @taytaylala12 @malindacath @violyn20 @awildewit @potato-girl99981 @shanimallina87 @blue-aconite @djs8891 @linkpk88 @furiousladyking @daggerspare-standingby @princess76179 @jstarr86 @hecate-steps-on-me @darkheartcherry @soulmates8 @roosters-girl @dempy @roosterisdaddy36 @hangmanscoming @s-u-t @mavrellover91 @chicomonks @averyhotchner 

A kind reminder, this is a 18+ blog. While not all stories in the recommendation list are 18+, please respect boundaries and do not interact unless you are 18 years of age or older.

#top gun maverick #top gun #tgm be kind rewind #jake seresin #jake hangman seresin #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw #hangman #bradley bradshaw x reader #rooster x reader #javy machado #javy coyote machado #coyote machado #coyote top gun #tgm fic rec

[cleolinda]

Weekend links

My posts

I chimed in on a very helpful post about polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), specifically on treatment side effects. Apparently our collected knowledge is more than most people are getting told by their own doctors.

A post about Neneh Cherry's "Move with Me" (with a sidebar about the '80s hit "Buffalo Stance"), a song I listen to when I feel scattered.

The part where I say "He's six" is the entire reason I wrote about Hozier’s "Eat Your Young." I still wasn’t sure I wanted to post it, and then I saw an article titled "Maui Needs Speculators" and I went, yeah, okay, here we go.

I need to write things that aren't posts about music but it's hot and I can't think. The only thing cold around here is in my nose and this is Unideal.

Reblogs of interest

I didn't reblog the Trump mugshot because I knew everyone would see it anyway, and honestly, I don't want his face on my blog anymore than it has to be, although his attempt at looking badass was hilarious.

("do u want to see the most anyone has ever considered fleein to russia")

I don't know what the fuck Tumblr thinks it's doing with icons but I wish it would fucking stop.

A NEW KILLERS SONG 2023 why have you been so good to me

There were several interesting posts about Gaeilge, indigenous languages in the US, and an Irish-Choctaw connection re: the new Hozier song "Butchered Tongue."

("Suffer my carefree bops, planet earth")

Marie Curie's name was actually Maria Skłodowska-Curie (Skwo-dov-ska) and her Polish identity was deeply important to her, which I did not know and am glad to learn

SILPHIUM IS NO LONGER EXTINCT

"Thoughts on one of the hardest things: banishing the imagined bad faith reader from your writing process"

"1k words without inspiration: i will do it. i will take the ring to mordor"

POV: It is 1992 and you are Selina Kyle, which I probably shouldn't have left in the tags

Video

I had a number of fun reblogs under #animal sounds this week

We invented a new game called “protect the asset”

Dances to pull out at parties

The sacred texts

This Gru meme about Orpheus and Eurydice

Personal tag of the week

Let's go with #color, where I tag anything, artwork or not, that catches my eye

#weekend links #odds and ends #linkspam

[pilot-posting]

Loading Halo Port Connectivity...

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╰┈─) Pilot Profile Access... Granted

Pilot: Em, MIP 12.A 🏳️‍⚧️

Rank: Corporal

Role: Mechanized functions technician, asset damage prevention.

Mech: Haratora-Zed, Class-X

Age: 18.

Synapse Connctivity: Sensitive. At-risk of addiction or mind-meld.

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heyo! I'm Em, I'm currently writing a short story called "Asynchrosis" in a series of parts here on my Tumblr! Here are links to each individual part in order!

All story parts are tagged under #asynchrosis

Pt.1, Pt.2, Pt.3, Pt.4, Pt.5

Links to story related asks!

Srynthetica1 (how does jacking in feel?), Anon1 (who's we? why class-x? how combat?)

tags, #asynchrosis for Asynchrosis, #ems got mail!! for asks #emersons scrawlings for generally writing posts

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Wait? Who are you?

I'm Em, I'm a very normal trans person who absolutely does not let her weird obsession with what is essentially just robot-fucker v*re infect her every day life. I absolutely do not impulsively buy techwear clothes to cosplay a mech pilot who's a little bit down on her luck and I totally don't want someone to hypnotize me into believing I have cybernetic implants. I, in no way, want someone to dominate me so deeply that they force me to treat them like a pilot treats their handler and I don't want them to clicker train me to be able to force me to obey them.

On another note, my pronouns are IT/she. I use she/her self referentially because it's easy but PLEASE use it/it's for me. "Ohhh but that's degrading" IT'S NOT AND EVEN IF IT WAS I'D LOVE IT.

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DM's and ASK POLICY

I prefer asks! I love answering questions in a way which is productive to furthering the knowledge of everyone who enjoys the work I make! DM's however are HEAVILY encouraged if you want to degrade me, treat me like a whore, stick your fingers in my mouth, or hypnotize me.

Asks can also be horny! Send me horny prompts in asks, tell me how badly you want to be put into synchrosis~

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IS IT HORNY???

They always ask IS it horny not HOW is she horny,

Anyway, yeah! I'm pretty much always able to get into the mood unless I came like under 10 minutes ago. You can do with this information whatever you want.

With that said, what're my do's and don'ts?

DO!

DO ANYTHING YOU WANT TO ME IF YOU'RE ALSO A TRANNY, I LOVE MY PEOPLE AND I WILL GLADLY BE AN ACTUAL CUM DUMP FOR Y'ALL

Degrade me

Hypnotize me

Force yourself onto or into me

Cut me, stab me, or perform invasive surgeries to cause me to meld in greater amounts with the perfect machine form I yearn to control

Cum inside me or on me!

Fuck my throat, or keep me under your desk, I have an oral fixation :3

Bind me up, suspend me, gag me, blindfold me, really anything that limits my awareness of myself is actually pretty ok.

Squish/bite/lick my chub

Make me call you names like master or owner.

Make me less person more machine!

DON'T!

Knife/gunplay is fine. Snvff however is unbelievably disturbing.

Gore is fine to the degree that my organs stay mostly in the same place they started, in regards to roleplay.

Don't engage in excessive praise. This sounds really depressing but I'm not used to it and it can cause me to panic!

Don't bring any bodily fluids except for blood, cum, and sweat into roleplay or sexting!! I don't like p*ss and sh*t lmao

Asking me to commit to major lifestyle changes without me expressing my interest beforehand will probably result in me caging up. I like kink lifestyle, but I want to take my own pace.

Do not interact if you find me attractive because I'm trans UNLESS YOU'RE ALSO TRANS.

But yeah I guess all you need to know is I got horny when a Legion first forced my Titan up onto the barrel of it's predator cannon and fired about 400 rounds of 40 mm anti-aircraft grade rounds through the midsection of my Ion in 2016.

#emersons scrawlings #ems got mail!! #asynchrosis #mech nsft #nsft #trans nsft #mech pilot #mech posting #mechs #mecha #robot girl #brainwashing #trans t4t #t4t nsft #pinned intro #hornyposting #robogirl #robot fucker

[smokedanced]

GETTING TO KNOW YOU.

respond to the following prompts out of character. then, tag others that you'd like to get to know a little bit better!

ROLEPLAYER NAME: havu.

ROLEPLAYER PRONOUNS: they/them.

MUSE NAME: -inhales- charlie bradbury, chloe price (pending), clara oswald, dean winchester, edi, edward teach, ella finnegan, eloise bridgerton (pending), ever hayes, garrus vakarian, hannibal lecter, hurley reyes, iris hunt, izzy hands, jake takizawa (pending), jeremy bradshaw, jillian marks, juliet burke, kenna de poitiers, lucius spriggs, mary stuart, river song, tali'zorah, the tardis, tenth doctor, tyrion lannister, will graham. on other blogs, castiel, thirteenth doctor & wren shepard.

PREFERRED COMMUNICATION: tumblr im box is small, so discord is much easier for me to focus on, but either.

EXPERIENCE: over ten years on tumblr, nearly two decades overall (shit, i'm old).

PREFERRED ROLEPLAY TYPE: the best roleplay connections are those that are cross-genre. a lot of different tropes and moods for the same characters, to make up a vibrant story. a thread here, another there, no need to write them chronologically at all! i do have some favourite tropes (hurt/comfort, villain/victim, kink...) but even those work the best when included in a multigenre arc. so basically anything goes!

PET PEEVES & DEALBREAKERS:

any kind of making fun of and/or harrassing, bullying, making callouts, or trying to dictate other people's fictional enjoyment. i don't care if the subject matter is something i'm personally disgusted by; if you call people gross, freaks, weird, for the fiction they enjoy, if you reblog callouts that focus on fiction, i will unfollow/block you. boundaries are fine, a polite "dni if you write (topic)" is fine. but if you even push your pinky toe over the line towards making it anything more than a personal boundary, i do not tolerate that, and i do not feel safe around you.

not letting me know which muses you are interested in. the amount of people who follow me, but never do my interest tracker or initiate interaction (i'm ok with the tracker not being done if you send in stuff or just plain tell me in a message which muses you want to write with), despite this being in my rules, is frustrating. i can't read your mind. i can't just assume all of my muses are free game, unless you tell me that. i give people several months to do this before unfollowing, but eventually i will unfollow, as there is... no interaction. i will happily interact first, send memes, etc. if i just know what muses you are open to.

assuming i'm not interested/am upset with you if i don't respond to ooc messages fast enough. it's fine if it's a dealbreaker for you if someone is responding slowly, but you don't get to say i "wasn't interested". you don't know that unless i say that plainly. i rarely talk in real time. i take hours, days, weeks, even months to reply to people ooc. fuck, one of my best friends and i sometimes don't say a word to each other for over a year, and we still are best friends. i do try to not take literally months to reply to people's ooc messages, because it's not very productive in the sense of keeping plotting going, but taking days or a couple of weeks is just normal, imho, especially if it's not every message several weeks apart all the time.

PLOTS OR MEMES: a little bit of both! i prefer to plot a little at least, but whether that's before writing, or after sending some memes and writing a few responses, is all the same for me! i'm very flexible about this, though, so totally winging it, or plotting in detail, are both fine for me as well.

LONG REPLIES OR SHORT REPLIES: i'm fine with all lengths of replies, but medium, generally? i also think we should normalise reply length varying. if the muses are having rapid-fire dialogue, it makes no sense to write several paragraphs just to make the reply longer, when you need to give the other muse a chance to respond, anyway. and when there's a time-skip and descriptions of what happens in between, it makes no sense to try to jam it all in one little paragraph, a lot of the time. so whatever suits the reply? but also, 2-4 paragraphs as a general guide is my preference. single-para can feel too restricting, and over four paragraphs, especially if they're all chunky ones, makes it harder for executive dysfunction. don't worry about either of these, though! i think the best really is to just write what feels good for the reply, be that shorter or longer.

BEST TIME TO WRITE: legit this just varies, there is no specific time, although i do try to keep a regular sleep schedule (with varying results lol).

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES: no. i may have some similarities to some, but i am not extremely like any of them. i am actually jimmy price from hannibal. only half joking-

TAGGED BY: @serabellyms, thanks! TAGGING: please tag me if you steal it from me, i am curious! i don't want to tag anyone and make them feel obliged to read all this LOL.

#; outofsmoke #; mun

[deepestbluesky]

i was tagged by @minnarr to list my 5 favorite fics i've written! it's actually very funny to me, because i saw one of these posts yesterday from a writer i like very much who i've followed for ages, and then i got tagged today, and i realized the connecting thread is literally just one person in between. anyway!

note: in case you haven't looked closely at my ao3 page (or. not closely tbh. to my eternal regret, it's still my top fandom), i used to write hockey rpf. i don't anymore, because i think hockey and especially the nhl is morally bankrupt and actively harmful, and i no longer feel comfortable writing about nhl players or sharing fic about them. this is all to say: 1, i actually don't think i've explicitly said that before and it's important to me, and 2, i will not mention any fics from this fandom.

LUCKILY, i've somehow???? written a lot????? since then????? this continues to baffle me. how did i get here. (🎶letting the days go by🎶) (if you think, gee, did sky have trouble picking 5 fics? it has been fully half an hour and i'm still at 11 fics. the lengths i go to for tumblr posts that don't matter.) (have now picked fics, didn't take much longer bc i decided to try and go for a wide spread of fandoms, and also to pick the ones in that 11-fic list that had the lowest kudos lol)

give thanks to the broken bones. this is a batfam fic in which bruce wayne gets kidnapped as a civilian and dick grayson comes to rescue him. i have some defensive feelings about this and about the way dick and bruce's relationship is written here, but i often feel like i'm not great at writing complicated relationships that aren't just fluffy, and i feel like i nailed it here. also: gen fics.

tired of waiting for tomorrow to come. another batfam fic! this one a character study of sorts about jason todd and also my love letter about bruce springsteen's music. it's one of the most self-indulgent fics i've ever written and i'm really satisfied with it, even tho there are definitely things i wish i'd done differently too. i wrote a dvd commentary companion too so if you want Even More Of My Thoughts about it, they are on ao3 :D

daydreamers please wake up. there are goddamn NINE fics for this fucking fandom and mine is the LONGEST??? this is a fic for another dc comic, Far Sector, written by nk jemisin and drawn by jamal campbell. i loved far sector, i think it's gorgeous and fun and a cool sci fi story with very fun characters, and so when i had a chance to write a fic for it for yuletide, i was DELIGHTED. and then i realized i had to figure out how to write horror for the first time. it was a lot of work and i think it turned out really well.

don't let the stars get you down. this is a fic for the untamed, and it's jiang yanli and jin zixuan. i have now written TWO platonic marriage fics for the untamed, and i'm personally thrilled about this fact. this one is shorter but also, in some ways, more interesting to me. i really love fics that dig into jyl and what she's doing and thinking and i haven't written as many as i'd like, but that is very much what this fic is. also i just have so much love and affection in my heart for the idea of two people being married and having a kid while not being In Love and in fact having sex with and falling in love with other people.

you're a curious one. this is a word of honor fic, and it is, of course, hanwenzhou. so, to be clear, if you count shl/tyk/qy together, it's CLEARLY my second most written fandom. and yet it ended up with only one representative on this list, partially because i have more kudos in this fandom lol. but that said, if i was only gonna pick one, it had to be REALLY on brand, and this fic is PEAK sky is on her bullshit. inspired by a critical role scene with sexy dangerous vampire attacks. the whole fic is building tension that never quite resolves bc building the tension is way more fun to me than writing sex scenes usually. spoiler: everything is actually fine and there's a happy resolution. this concept still lives in my head rent free.

idk who to tag, so AS USUAL, if you see this and want to play the game, do it and say i tagged you! i am very serious, you can tag me even if we've never interacted. you can also not tag me but say you got it from me! whatever works.

#my fic #ask games

[anerea-lantiria]

3 Things

@naryaflame thanks for tagging me and making me think of three things to share that I'm proud of from 2022...

... which I'm finding surprisingly difficult! I have no regrets, and there are things I'm happy about, yet nothing I'm consciously proud of.

Hmmm, let's see... *goes off and ponders; returns right before bedtime two days later* ...

One thing stands out, and it's a personal rather than fandom thing: learning to let seemingly hurtful or malicious things aimed at me by my mother — who is evidently sliding into dementia — slide themselves. Actually what I'm doing is reinterpreting them as things she's saying to make herself feel better, rather than as things intended to make me feel bad. She's used this for as long as I can remember, she's just far less subtle about it now. I'm not always successful, but when I am she becomes the kinder person she really is, and I think it's her (messed up but aren't we all) way of checking that she's still loved no matter what. (Of course it's a lot more complicated and nuanced than this, but this is just a brief tumblr post after all.)

Another two things that occur to me are connected: the is first allowing myself to let the artists of two of my three adopted Scribbles & Drabbles claims know, the day before reveals, that I was unable to submit their promised fics in time. I had been struggling with unidentified illness for months and was pretty much at the lowest point of my year then. I had allowed myself months to rest, believing I'd recover enough in time, but things worsened. I was going to push myself to force something out, but realised I was allowed to be affected by things affecting me, to be gentle on myself. Which is not an easy thing for me to do. (And for many people, I know! Even — and maybe especially — when we're the ones telling others to put their wellbeing first!)

The third thing is my brain promptly going "fuck that!" and writing ficlets for said adopted Scribbles & Drabbles artworks, with the words for one finally flowing till it was done at 3am, and then starting the other from 5am after a short sleep. (Who needs drugs when one's brain is over-efficient at producing cortisol and adrenalin, and shakes one awake saying "I have words!!! Grab your laptop!"?) Letting others down is anathema to me, and being told (or admitting) that I can't do something only acts as a motivator for me.

(I'm not sure whether the last two are things to be proud of, whether they actually cancel each other other out, or add up to something greater than the sum of their parts!?)

Anyway, that's about the most personal post you're likely to see from me on Tumblr!

I'm interested to know three things you're proud of from 2022 (if you'd like to share) @cuarthol, @melestasflight, @cycas, @polutrope, @lucifers-cuvette, @arizonapoppy, @elennalore, @starspray, @undercat-overdog, @unnamedelement, and anyone else who hasn't already been tagged and who would like to share.

#tag game

[leandras-books]

Regarding the donor thing in 6x04

(Reposting my answer to an ask here so it ends up on the tag because my main blog is currently shadow banned - I’ve appealed, but tumblr staff is working slow)

@blutterlie asked: 

hey hi just wanted to say i had the exact same thought about 911 and one of its main themes/messages being how biology doesn't = family. and therefore buck going through with the sperm donation could totally fit in with that theme/message. i could really see the show depicting it as a positive/healing thing for buck, where he's like, "i'm happy i made these people happy!" and i can definitely see eddie being surprised but supportive. realistically i don't see eddie being all like, "don't do this, you already have a kid!" anyway, just wanted to throw in a supporting voice to your viewpoint lol i'll be interested to see if we're right!

**

Hi, thank you! Yeah, that's my take too.

I also think it really depends a lot on the mindset of a person. Buck, a year or two ago, might have viewed it differently. Let me try to elaborate if I can sort through that vague feeling I have in my mind, lol.

So, Buck, who always yearned for connection, for meaningful relationships, for a real family, but never truly believed and trusted that he could have it, that he had that impact and importance in someone's life - that Buck knowing there was a kid out there that was biologically his but not being able to play a significant role in that kid's life? That Buck would have been devastated, because he'd see it as possibly his only chance of ever having anything resembling a real family, and that chance turning into another instance of rejection, of "not being good enough" to actually matter in a significant way. Just parts to be used to achieve a goal for somebody else.

But I don't think he's that person anymore. I truly believe he's grown so much and he's made peace with his past - never fully, of course; something like that always stays with you to some extent, but enough to move on from it. He's way more confident in his own importance and significance for others; he still has a bit to go for it to establish so deeply that he finds himself fully "at ease and peace", but he's on his way there. (The way the conflict regarding being interim caption resolved quite easily and beautifully was a perfect sign for his growth; instead of taking from it all the reasons why he isn't worthy, he simply accepted it and didn't think any worse of himself for it).

I think the missing puzzle piece here is Eddie and Christopher, because, as much as Buck knows at this point that he matters to both of them a great fucking deal, they're still one step away from becoming an actual family. Buck knows he's important to Chris, but he also still thinks he's more of a backup plan. He needs to know and see that he's much more than that. And I truly believe this is what we're about to get, within this season.

And once he's there, whatever moments of doubt he may have in the coming months about the sperm donor situation, he will fully realize what I said in my initial post and you said in that ask. He IS a father. Christopher isn't biologically his, but he can love him as much as if he were, and he can play a significant role in his life. And on the other hand, Connor and his wife's baby is biologically his, but that's just chemistry, just a sequence of amino acids that happen to match his own roughly 50%. It doesn't make him a father, it doesn't make them have any kind of connection.

Lastly, as I said, Buck before would have seen this as him just being "parts to be used", but other than when his parents made him with no agency on his side about it all, here, he chose to do it. He wasn't thrown into it against his will, he freely chose to do something for someone else. And not because he thinks helping others is his only worth in the world. I cannot explain it, but watching all those scenes I felt like it was a decision that, yes, was big and a bit frightening, but it was also closure on the whole being made to save his brother thing. Because this time he was the one with the power to decide. He was able to take his trauma and turn it into something positive, productive, something that reflects his nature of wanting to help others but fully keeping his agency while doing it.

I'm really hoping this is the angle they're going with this, because it would be such a huge step of growth for Buck.

The more I think about it, the more I actually love this story line (and yep, before the ep yesterday I was all on board of "somebody/ideally Eddie is gonna talk him out of it!" train).

#evan buckley #911 spoilers #911onfox #buddie

[nolantalks]

HOW DID YOUR PAST GROUPS GO?

Not counting the outside drama from the drama loving and creating part of the community, they went really well every time. I only ever had drama that was created on my group by a member once where he and my co-admin who didn’t like I wouldn’t let him changing like 80% of the lore to what he wanted. He and this member stole and deleted a lot of the lore off the group and even deleted a side blog I created and left for my co-admin to run that was going to do bi-weekly ‘missions’ and main event like things for the members. They both ran off and created their own abilities group that ripped off a lot of my stuff even used the missions system I had. But they made it extremely politic with the Irish liberation stuff as a big part of the main plot as my co-admin lived in Ireland and apparently support that? It never got off the ground as the three members they got to leave my group to join were told just to steal the skeleton canons they were playing on my group and they didn’t want to steal and felt uncomfortable and left so they closed it and created a weird omegaverse males only group where they would do challenges for money and if they failed or declined they were punished by taking money away and either killed or assaulted. It was weird and didn’t last more than a couple of months as they fought a lot and interest was low. Believe they even called it gay chicken.

Anyway, other that that bit of drama ever thing was smooth sailing in the groups themselves. I only ever closed them because may members would tell me from time to time they got harassing messages on being in my group and threatened along with me getting them on the main. I’d eventually feel bad for my members and eventually close the group for their benefit and then reopen later only to get the same thing.

The members themselves loved being there and we were all one big community of our own. My groups then and now definitely fulfill their mission of being a great fun place for people to just post and have fun with fellow mature adults and not worry about all the toxic bullshit seen in a lot of groups then and today.

It wasn’t run til recently talking with friends both online and offline and testing by professionals and people more knowledgeable than I that I’m apparently an empath though I don’t believe in that stuff myself. But given all my habits, interactions, and the fact I have mirror-touch synesthesia, they apparently believe I’m a category called super empath. Which apparently some think isn’t great given my bipolar disorder and how sometimes it seems the medication doesn’t work on me. Don’t know the connection or anything but apparently it’s also rare but since I’m also on the spectrum I’m just the right mixed of emotionally fucked that some people weren’t surprised.

Anyway my feeling so deeply for the people affected by the 40 year old virgin trolls has been the only thing that makes me close groups that are rather wise very popular and active with at least 12 or more people with a lot of characters. Which is why I keep my current groups safe and advertise in a smart way on servers that I know the like 4 trolls I have are on. Since the members haven’t been getting those messages my groups have been active and growing for two years now and it’s been a hell of a time.

WHAT ABOUT THE CURRENT STATE OF GROUP?

It’s sad and pathetic really. I remember there was a time when if I wanted to join a supernatural RP there was an all you could eat buffet of them all over tumblr. Now there are maybe…. Three? And I say that because I’m not counting fandom groups. I’m also not counting the groups that play by teen wolf/the vampire diaries rules as that shit is boring. And also say three as I’m going off what’s in the servers that my stalker fans think they got me kicked out of. And all of them are really toxic or cliquey places.

These days you gotta use the tags to find a decent place. I’ve noticed a lot of good or just decent groups are sticking solely to the tags and not even entertaining joining all these advertising servers on discord. A lot of them run their places like I do mine so I can see why they wouldn’t want to be harassed by the people that are easily triggered by everything on the planet.

Even more of them are ‘semi private’ which from being on a couple before means they only advertise in the tags, friends can be invited, and they only use the servers to answer LFG type posts and mostly just a ‘can I dm you’ way. Actually see a lot of jcink, tumblr and discord groups doing this these days.

HEARD YOU MIGHT TURN THIS BLOG INTO AN ACTUALLY RPT IS THAT TRUE?

I have honestly thought about and almost did at one point. However, that’s more a plan the people taking over this alias want to really do. So it probably will turn into one around the time they take it over and reblog resources, maybe make their own, discuss things, shit posts, meme posts whatever. I already have a gif maker blog, a coding help blog, and my own personal that all use my actual name well nickname of my name as the alias on them which is how I’ve been able to keep them safe the last year I’ve had two of them and the last few months with my gif maker blog.

[ofstormsandfire]

whispers of what’s gone mayhaps? (For the why I wrote it bingo thing). I think that’s the title? The one theorizing abt TotK.

OH LMAO THIS WILL BE A FUN ONE HOLD MY ROOT BEER

because I feel like procrastinating further on actually writing things, I'm going to go more in-depth into each of these options.

this idea won't shut up until I write it: it really didn't. I was thinking about a champion powers in totk au for a while, and then I thought of a really great scene and at that point it was a race against time to write it before totk came out and all my silly theorizing would be moot.

everyone lives and nothing hurts: extremely common in my botw/totk fanfic. all four of the champions are blorbo and I care about them quite a lot. choosing a favorite—revali—is easy enough, but it's really hard to choose a second favorite and I'm not sure I could.

I was joking with my friend and it happened: multiple people on discord witnessed me losing my mind about silly goofy theorizing for this one, and suddenly realizing. ah. fuck. I've got to write this now, don't I?

I woke up at 3 am with an idea: strictly speaking it wasn't exactly 3 am, but it was definitely closer to 2 am than to 1 am and I was actively falling asleep when I had the idea for a really, really great scene (and at that point I really, really had to write it.)

thought of a great scene: revali and urbosa full on not realizing that they're not ghosts anymore until revali, supposedly taking advantage of being unable to be seen by the local monsters, is yelling down info about them to link & co. and then gets shot out of the sky. ouchie.

spite: generally a motivator for just about anything I write in some way. in this particular fic it was probably at least partially spite towards 1) ao3 making the utterly terrible decision to consolidate botw and totk into one fandom tag despite the fact that they are two drastically different games and no other zelda games that are sequels to each other (like oot/mm, for instance) are combined in that way. and 2) people who just could not wait any longer for the game and decided to start leaking it all over the internet. it was incredibly difficult to dodge those! if you're going to be impatient, cool, have fun, but don't ruin the game for everyone else who would like to go in blind and is actually being patient!

but what if they were gay?: my general approach to botw fic, let's be honest here. I've always been partial to rivals to lovers as a trope and revali and link are really so much more similar than either of them ever realized.

thought of a great line: "If you truly are Link, you have ten seconds to prove it."

just to see if I could: motivation for a lot of my more out-there ideas, honestly. I enjoy messing around with my writing, I enjoy testing my limits and trying new things. also, I was curious how much my own thoughts would be connected to actual canon. in the end, it was a surprising amount!

anyway, had to type out the second half of that twice because yay thanks tumblr for being a functioning site, but if you haven't read this fic and you're vaguely interested you can find it here, and if there are any other fics of mine—long, short, anything in between—that you'd like me to fill this out for, my askbox is always open <3

thanks for the ask, anon!

#anonymous #hopeposting #whispers of what's gone #fanfic things #writing things #ao3 things #loz #botw #totk #my writing #askbox

[insertdisc5]

Hi!! I wanted to ask, in celebration of Deltarune CH. 2, do you have any updated thoughts and head canons about the game?? Like, y'know, similar to a previous ask about Kris in your Deltarune tag? Thanks!

thoughts on kris part 2 i guess???? (part 1 from ch1 here lol)

spoilers for deltarune like woah. this wont be kris focused just random thoughts on everything. thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk

not that many thoughts for this chapter tbh! EDIT LOL: this was a lie i have a lot of thoughts

-just in general i feel like the player isn't the only one controlling kris... like yes the player forced kris to do what happened in the snowgrave route but AT THE SAME TIME idk it feels like there's someone else too. just because of the terrifying voice i suppose. and also the jerky movement kris does every time they get their soul out? unless there's another reason for it... maybe getting your soul out means you walk weird lol

-BUT ALSO i feel like kris is 100% in control when they create fountains. idk it just makes sense kris would create them. to create another world, a better world, A WORLD WHERE THEIR BROTHER IS HERE PERHAPS? i do wonder why they get their soul out then though. i'm all for it sweetie! do whatever! i support you!

-(i am and will be playing deltarune with only kris' best interests in mind. i will not hurt anyone unless kris wants me to. dont worry my little meow meow im on your side! talk to me! no? okay ill stay under the sink its fine)

-speaking of asriel. SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER (starts crying) V-VACATION COLLEGE WHEN

-kris misses their brother so much it's so sad. if you make kris steal 5$ from asriel they take it "reluctantly"? talking to asriel online so often even alphys knows?? the google search?? GOING INTO ASRIEL'S GOOGLE SEARCH ROOM WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED BECAUSE THEY'RE CONVINCED THEY ALREADY KNOW WHATS IN THERE? THAT ONE IS LESS OF A MISSING THING BUT IM LIKE OH MY GOD

-the city walk with susie at the end makes it clear to me that kris really values susie's friendship... kris even sits with her if you spend long enough near the lake like aaaaah ;_;

-and even in snowgrave you spend your last acts with the final boss calling for your friends like YES there's a way bigger creepy aspect to this (kris as more of a Leader who Commands and commands their subjects to come) but still :'0 (and then noelle answers oh my god noelle im so sorry for the trauma)

-berdly. listen. listen. listen. liste

-berdly sucks but [berdly hurts his arm in the battle against queen if you don't save him because he doesnt want to hurt you] [berdly realizing smg's wrong in snowgrave and immediately taking steps to save noelle] berdly is my little crumb nugget. i will protect him.

-noelle. noelle. girlboss!

-like ooooh listen. hearing about the genocide path for undertale. made me go "that is SO COOL. i HAVE to experience it myself this is great. hehehe killing time" and like no regrets. i was fully enjoying the experience knowing i was an awful person. SNOWGRAVE THOUGH. i will never try this myself its too fucked up. casually grooming your childhood friend to murder people <3 and also acting like a weird stalker towards her <3 stockholm syndrome speedrun i will get all the info i can about this but i will never do this myself

-people remarking the kris/player>noelle relationship is similar to the relationship between player>chara in genocide path is like yes. chefs kiss. don't worry we just are making you stronger and everything will be fine "you made me kill my friend? and for what?" this is fine sweetie don't worry about it!!!!!!

-like the amount of details added to snowgrave, like if you equip noelle's watch she notices later? and her battle animations change as time goes on, she gets an ice shield and stops sighing in relief after battle? oh my god? oh my god.

-(berdly is not awake.) JUST KILL ME RIGHT HERE I HAVEN'T STOPPED THINKING ABOUT BERDLY NOT BEING AWAKE!!!!!

-also why didnt he turn into dust. so many possible reasons. is magic a thing in the normal world and perhaps no magic means no dust (theres graves). maybe he isnt dead. maybe hes braindead. maybe he'll come back. either way that boy is now in the closet big enough to put someone in

-also dess' name probably being december AND THATS WHY NOELLE LOST THE SPELLING BEE?!?!??! FUCK ME UP!!!!! JUST FUCK ME UP!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

-also so many good pixel art this chapter. too many? i didnt need pixel art of cardboard noelle falling on the statue. like thank you but please. please it hurts my game artist brain.

-the expressions in this chapter were also top notch. all the unsettling noelle expressions like (i fall over face first)

-i threw away the ball of junk (which i already tried in ch1) and this time the game was like "ARE YOU SURE BC THIS IS A BAD IDEA" and kris felt bitter :'( (it deletes all your items in the dark world)

-i uh fucked up and skipped the susie+noelle scene bc listen last time ralsei mentionned seeing what susie is doing we missed some PRIMO LORE. turns out it just makes you skip the scene and you dont get anything new. welp

-speaking of ralsei well you know. he exists. but im stuck on him going "i just wonder what being ralsei-like even is...?" ralsei my dude there's so much i could say about this. do you feel like you can't be ralsei-like because you feel like you have to be asriel-like

-but also that makes no sense bc susie hasnt even mentioned ralsei looks like asriel. and i cant imagine asriel being so meek. so WHAT GIVES

-ralsei as kris’ “i wish i was a monster just like my bro and family and i’d look like asriel but with red horns [THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME] and my name would be something cool like ralsei instead of a boring human name like kris and im sweet and cute because thats how i act with asriel because ASRIEL MADE ME” theory because that would be cute.

-ASRIEL GOING TO THE CHURCH TO CONFESS HIS "SINS" WHEN "SINS" AREN'T A THING IN THE ANGEL BELIEF LIKE I KNOW THIS INTERACTION WAS TREATED AS A JOKE BUT WHAT THE FUCK ASRIEL?

-kris definitely has a connection with the big red door in the city, judging by what the kids say they probably went there... i feel like this place's dark world will be the Final Dungeon you KNOW some shit happened there. also the sounds you hear when you go there is the phone dark world call's sound slowed down? AND AFTER SNOWGRAVE APPARENTLY YOU CANT HEAR IT ANYMORE? HUWAH?

-speaking of songs the songs were all so good, My Castle Town rules, the berdly snowgrave music is stuck in my head, flashback is uwah wuahah, Until Next Time is so good, AND ALSO A FRIEND NOTICED THE DARK WORLD CITY THEME IS JUST tHE SONG 74 (MOST NOTICEABLE WITH THE SNOWGRAVE VERSION)?????? WHAT DOES IT MEAN????? it might be just "hey its just reuse" BUT MR FOX YOU KNOW WE'RE GONNA READ INTO THIS IS NOELLE THE ONE SINGING IDK BRO!!!!!!!!!!

-asgore dreemurr fired from the force what happun!!!!! game theory is that asgore is related to dess' death/disappearance but eh who knows

-you start the chapter at lvl2 and get to lvl3 after the final boss, a friend mentioned this is probably because we destroyed a world and im :0

-to go back to kris it's still so interesting to figure out who they are based on how they act/people mention them. like kris shaking the ferris wheel car? yeah makes sense i can imagine a pranking kid do this. kris' dance? yeah thats a little silly but i can buy it. doing cool anime poses? well i dunno this doesnt line up PERFECTLY but sure. BUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN SNOWGRAVE... especially >proceed like that is such a weird thing that i can't imagine them doing, but i can't completely see the "player" doing either (compare with going to sans -which kris doesnt know- and going "SANS!" because of course the player would know sans), like THATS one of the reasons i feel like there's someone else in there. the weird robotic merciless actions. if im going super meta it feels like there'd be someone else like writing the choices into existence for us to pick you know? gaster probably? god i need to read more gaster theories i completely sidestepped the gaster shit bc i wasnt interested. anyway just spitballing

-(looks at big shot guy) please dont make him the next tumblr guy i beg you

-obligatory "queen was great" mention if only because this part made me laugh a little bit too hard

that was a lot. thank you for letting me talk

#ask tag #deltarune #deltarune spoilers #snowgrave spoilers

[johannestevans]

Weekly Update 17/04/2021

Good afternoon!

Firstly, let me start by saying that the new prompts for this year's Monstrous May are out! You can check out the announcement post on Twitter here or on Tumblr, and they're open to absolutely any creator who feels like participating. Simply take as many prompts as you like, and create work for them - art, fiction, TikToks, sketches, edits, meta, headcanons, etc. Fanworks are welcome, as is adut work and erotica. Just post for each day in the #MonstrousMay hashtag on Twitter, or tag as Monstrous May on Tumblr!

Here's the prompts from last year, and if you peruse the #MonstrousMay and #MonstrousMayChallenge tags, you'll find people's prompt fills from last year.

Media Recommendations:

I recommended Severance a few weeks ago, but the finale has come out since then and it ripped my little brain into shreds, so I'm recommending it again:

Severance - Created by Ben Stiller (of Night At The Museum fame) and Aoife McArdle, Severance is a sci-fi thriller based around a dystopian/modern-day horror premise. It's centred around workers on what is known as a Severed floor - workers undergo a surgical procedure to formally "sever" the mental and emotional connection between their working selves and their at-leisure selves. The people they are on the job have no memory or awareness of their lives outside of working hours, and on days off, they have no memory of their time at work. It's a really, really interesting show that's digging into a lot of ideas around cybernetic advancements and also workers' rights, and what I'm loving most about it is that it's effectively a TV show where almost the entirety of the main cast are exhibiting symptoms of moderate-to-severe brain damage both in and outside of work. Moreover, it also has an unbelievably tender love story between two of the older working guys, played John Turturro and Christopher Walken, and as you guys know, I'm a sucker for old dudes in love.

Anyway, otherwise I would like to recommend:

Cucumber (2015, cr. Russell T. Davies) - Surprising nobody with a knowledge of my usual proclivities, the unapologetically and joyfully queer pirate show has imparted on me an insatiable lust for Con O'Neill, so I've been digging back thrugh a lot of the work he's in - I watched Cucumber/Banana/Tofu when it came out in bits and pieces, but I was a teenager at the time and found the whole thing pretty boring, so imagine my surprise watching it now and finding it disgustingly, painfully relatable in so many ways. This is a drama about literally the worst man you could imagine and all of his long-suffering friends - it's ultimately a series about repression and repressed desire and the trauma of just... being queer in a world that insists it isn't. It's about sex and it's about desire and it's about navigating the world when you feel fundamentally unlovable - every character is so fleshed out and so real, and the agony watching this is just palpable. There's one character in particular that made me feel like Russell T. Davies had personally reached out of my laptop screen and smacked me gently across the face and called me a stupid traumatised little twink, but that kind of personal call-out is always a good sign, I think. I really do recommend Cucumber, and while it doesn't have quite the same impact, the two companion shows - Banana and Tofu - are also worth checking out, Banana for a more light-hearted messy vibe, and Tofu as documentary for just a real insight into sex and relationships.

Bedrooms and Hallways (1998, dir. Rose Troche) - I've wanted to watch this for ages because Tom Hollander portrays some top-shelf fruit in this but couldn't find it anywhere, but someone mentioned Con O'Neill's in it too so I did another search and I got it. It's very nineties and that's constant, but it's also so messy and so joyful in how messy it is - like, have you ever wanted to get fucked on the floor of a stranger's house by Hugo Weaving? Of course you have, and now you can watch Tom Hollander do exactly that. Everyone in this is just the right kind of unbearable and ridiculous, and it's really fun seeing cis men navigate the pecularities of masculinity and sexuality when they're so bad at it, but trying so hard.

Boiling Point (2021, dir. Philip Barantini) - This is billed as a thriller and I wouldn't describe it as that, but I also wouldn't know how else to describe it. If you've ever worked in FnB, you'll feel this movie pretty viscerally - it's a window into one bustling, up-and-coming high class restaurant, and it's unbelievably compelling for being just that. It's just an everyday piece of people's lives, and it had me by the throat throughout - I've met every character in this personally, probably a dozen times apiece, and I loved that aspect of it, loved seeing the difference between customer-facing personality and that with other people, the relationships behind the counters and in the backrooms, and it's brimming with tension throughout.

The Kitchen (2019, dir. Andrea Berloff) - This one has received middling reviews, and frankly I'm gonna put that down to racism and the fact that a lot of people don't know how to digest flawed, complex characters, especially not when those characters have the audacity to be women or Black. This is 70s period piece following three women who are all the wives of Irish mobsters - when their husbands are jailed, they take over the local protection and intimidation rackets, struggling to learn the trade while also grappling with misogyny and anti-Blackness from within their own communities. It just does a lot of riffs on this sort of story that are a real relief, and Ruby particularly, played by Tiffany Haddish, really steals the whole film, she's got so much depth to her and for once she actually gets credit and respect as a character rather than just being killed off or thrown aside.

Apart from these, I'd also recommend Turning Red (2022, dir. Domee Shi) which is such a fun and adorable film, I really enjoyed it; The Hunt For Red October (1990, dir. John McTiernan), the first half of which is kind of dull but then really ramps up in its second half, and had me rooting for poor Sam Neill to get his round American woman and his RV vacation, and Professor Marston and the Wonder Women (2017, dir. Angela Robinson), which is a bisexual BDSM period piece that actually surprised me with how good it was. Oliver Platt doesn't have much in this but he's very hot in it if he's your thing the way he is mine.

I also had cause to rewatch Treasure Planet and Atlantis: The Lost World this week, and they're not new to me, but if they are to you, they're always worth a watch (or a rewatch!). Those two movies alongside Lilo and Stitch and the Road to El Dorado really show off that golden age for animated films, and these ones drive me wild every time.

New Works Published

Erotic Short: Caught

A thief is caught in the treasury and his punishment is delivered by the guards on duty.

Rated E, cis M/trans M/cis M, 3.2k. Unadulterated porn without plot — dubious consent, anal, vaginal, and oral sex, spitroasting, size difference, rough sex, fingering, messy sex with a bit of squirting and also messy oral, double penetration (vaginal/oral and vaginal/anal), crying, mindbreak, pussy spanking, spanking, some nipple play. Unsafe sex, no prophylactics or contraceptives are used or mentioned.

On Medium / / On Patreon

Our Flag Means Death Fanfiction: What's Hot

Rated E, 1.3k, Izzy Hands/sex worker OC, implied Lucius Spriggs/Izzy Hands. Izzy blows off steam, which does not go unobserved.

On Ao3

Fantasy Short: Agreements and Curses

A young man is dispatched to a fae land and joins the princes’ retinue.

20k, rated M, M/M. As part of an exchange program between the magical city from which he hails and the fae island state of Einsamal, a young man is sent as a child to explore fable and adventure, and in the process falls in love with one of the princes. The prince, a child of Loki, faces his own trials.

Some slow fantasy, a bit of romance and Norse trouble and emotions and angst. Introducing Princes Loptr and Fenris, Boniface Nottingham, aaaand with some more of Loki at his usual mischief.

On Medium / / On Patreon

Erotic Short: Archival Management

An archivist with a messy life finds himself intensively managed by his sexy, older boss.

Erotic short, 10k, cis M/M. Magical archivists in Camelot with the most mundane of delicious emotional and sexual issues. Featuring age difference, orgasm denial, oral, desperation, crying, a bit of mild humour and nastiness, delicious emotional manipulation, and a heavy dose of mind-reading.

On Medium / / On Patreon

Erotic Short: Sleeping Beauty

A sailor takes something that doesn’t belong to him, and the captain punishes him.

9.2k, cis M/trans M and cis M/M. A carpenter’s apprentice can’t resist the captain’s cabin boy while he’s meant to be performing maintenance, and afterwards, the captain and the cabin boy punish him between them — if the apprentice wants another chance at sex with the cabin boy, he has to let the captain bugger him first.

On Medium / / On Patreon

#original fiction #our flag means death #ofmd fanfic #weekly update

[lord-of-christmas-lights]

I could post regular Narnia headcanons...

Or I could post the continuation of this post and go into depth about how Eustace and Caspian are affected by deity Narnia. Welcome back to Inhuman Narnia 101 and it turned out just as long as the first one so buckle up.

Check out this post by @dorianviolet for another awesome version of Inhuman AU Caspian

Warnings for slight body horror mentions including blood magic stuff, slight religious themes and theological discussion towards the end.

Before anything: This AU directly contradicts canon a lot. I don't care, that's why it's called an AU. Some of it is deliberate, some of it is accidental. I haven't read the books in a number of years, so this is all based on the movies and general information I've picked up from fanfic and tumblr. Discussion on this post is welcomed, criticism and arguments are not. Thank you.

First off, here is the link to an exploration of Dragoning, the Eustace-centric fic I wrote about this. I refer to it repeatedly in this post so if you want the full thing, there it is.

Second, let's get into this. So in my last post, I talked a lot about Narnia, her general existence in this AU, and her motivations as a character. She wants the people in her world to be a part of her, and no one else. Some of this is a conscious choice, and some of it isn't. Eustace's changes throughout his time in VOTDT are definitely not purposeful. It was his greed that drove him to the treasure, it was his own "curse" in becoming a dragon. That was not Narnia reaching out to him and purposefully trying to mold him to her world. As such, he takes on more of an observing role.

Eustace doesn't ever actually directly address his cousins on the subject of their inhumanity, in this fic or in any other I write. He simply sees it, notes it happening, and moves on. Even in the sections in my fics where the subject of inhumanity in general is brought up between Eustace and one of his cousins, it's always about Caspian, the greater Narnian world, or himself.

"Eustace asks why, and Lucy answers. Narnia changes people, she says. It happens to everyone, but the closer you are to her Heart, the greater it is. I don't know where Dragons are. Perhaps closer than we realized. It's exhilarating, isn't it? Aslan will return us to normal though, at the end of our journey." - AEOD

I don't know why, but I don't like the idea of Eustace trying to directly address the Pevensie brand of inhumanity. That line above takes place after his UnDragoning, after the way he sees things has changed, and I see it as him asking what exactly has changed, you know, why are Dragons different than boys?

That brings me to how Eustace himself changes. Now, if he hadn't gone and turned into a Dragon, I imagine Narnia wouldn't have taken much note of him. He's a random human, stuck-up, not at all in line for ruling her lands, and just kind of exists without much else going on. She still would have affected him a little, as she does to all humans in her world but it would have been almost entirely spiritual with no physical changes. And then we got the greatest fuck around and find out scene ever. He becomes a Dragon.

I love dragons, always have, I have a very deep spiritual connection to these creatures, and as such, I have gone all out on worldbuilding for Narnian Dragons. Again, the quote from AEOD, "...the closer you are to her Heart, the greater it is. I don't know where Dragons are. Perhaps closer than we realized." In the Inhuman AU, Dragons were the first creatures Narnia (the deity) and Aslan made when they created Narnia (the world). They just really liked the dragon shape from other worlds and thought, "Hey wouldn't it be cool if our world was populated by these big fire-breathing lizards?" Now I don't actually remember how often Dragons are mentioned and/or featured in the books so I'm going with my idea that Dragons are a somewhat rare but not extinct species. They have to be created through magical means, often through physical transformation of people or objects, though there are a few known cases of natural-born Narnian Dragons. Eustace's creation was the curse on the treasure, though I don't see his Dragoning as a curse itself. As in, the curse isn't in the being a Dragon, it's in how the Dragon was created. So, Eustace experiences this accidental change into a creature that's closer to Narnia's Heart than pretty much any other being in Narnia. They were her first creations, forged from the fire in the Stars, and they are the closest to her magic. And that gets her attention.

Now, if you went and read AEOD, you'll have noticed that one of Eustace's biggest changes (aside from the obvious physical ones) is his vision. This is just a natural thing for Dragons, they are far more in tune with magic and the earth and everything than everyone else, but Narnia's special interest in him definitely amplifies the hell out of his magic sense.

"The people here say dragons see the oddest of things, and he has to assume it's a hallucination....He refuses to give into its whims, reminds himself it's just his imagination. Until Reepicheep comments on it." - AEOD. Following this quote, Reepicheep mentions to Lucy that her inhumanity is returning faster than Edmund's and Eustace has a total panic attack at the idea that what he's seeing is real. He sees what everyone else does, Lucy's stained fingers and Edmund's ability to manipulate words, but he also notices stuff no one else does like the stars in Edmund's throat and the echoes that follow Lucy's words. This is further cemented after his UnDragoning, where the extra stuff he perceived has vanished. Now the general idea in this AU is that the closer to Narnia's Heart you are, the more you know and perceive. Everyone can see some of the more obvious inhuman aspects of the Pevensies, but there are things that only Dragons, druids, Stars, and some other magic folk really close to Narnia's Heart see. I'm not going to get into an exact chart of what certain characters can and cannot see because that can change over time and such and I'd rather leave it mostly up to personal interpretation on what other characters do and do not perceive about the Pevensies and other such inhuman characters.

(Side note—I had to pause in the writing of this post here to go to my second meeting for an autism assessment and I think if I just showed the doctor my notes app and the inhuman/dark fantasy narnia tag on my blog, I'd get the diagnosis instantly lol) So anyways, Narnia senses Eustace becoming a Dragon and is like "Ooohoo what's this?" and starts sort of digging into him in the same way she does to her Kings and Queens. This triggers his already enhanced perception of Narnia (the world) to get even stronger, and this is when he starts seeing stuff like people's souls, Caspian's second heart (more on that soon), and looking at Lucy/Edmund/Lilliandil becomes almost painful because Narnia's magic is so bright in them. Aslan then UnDragons him, which Narnia really doesn't like btw, and Eustace is back to being a fairly average human.

This is where stuff established in AEOD ends.

Now I have so many ideas and half finished fanfics written out in my notes app about Eustace, UnDragoning, and inhumanity and it would be impossible to cover them all here, so I'm just going to go with the highlights. One of my favorite ones is the idea that after Eustace's UnDragoning, he still feels very connected to being a dragon. He's had this taste of pure inhumanity, and something like that doesn't just leave a person. There's a fic I read once long before I was fully invested in this fandom about Eustace and draconity that I will never stop thinking about and was actually the reason I started considering Eustace and Narnian Dragons in this AU. One of the really important things to note is that once a Dragon is created, they can never be uncreated. They can be UnDragoned, where their physical form is returned to whatever it was before their Dragoning (a rock, a talisman, a faun, etc) but their soul has changed on a fundamental level to that of a Dragon. Now for Eustace in my Inhuman AU, this manifests spiritually as a deep longing to return to being a Dragon. Physically, he experiences fun side effects like increased heat tolerance, nails that grow faster than normal, and because Narnia likes to meddle, a single ridge of scales along his spine. In some versions of my drafts, he stays at the end of VOTDT and experiences a slow Dragoning because Narnia's influence on him is that strong, other versions he stays but never quite returns to the Dragon he was before, and in yet other versions, he returns to England and loses that connection enough that physically, he will never be a Dragon again. As I said, Narnia is fascinated by him, she's never really had a human Dragon before, but he is still just a random guy who happens to be related to the Pevensies and as such, she doesn't invest as much time or magic into his inhumanity.

So that's Eustace. This is already such a long post but I promised to talk about both him and Caspian so here we go.

Now, in my last post I talked a bit about how Narnia (the deity) affects the other humans in Narnia (the world) to an extent, but it's nowhere near the amount she does to her Kings and Queens, and also this diminishes more and more the farther you get from Narnia (the country). Telmar is fairly close to Narnia (the country) but as we see in PC, a lot of Narnia's magic and spirit has been diminished by the time Caspian is born. Up until the awakening of the land during the battle, Caspian is essentially 100% human. However, this changes very quickly.

It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment Caspian becomes a King of Narnia. Is it when he refuses to kill Miraz? Is it when Aslan tells him he's one? Is it during his actual coronation? Yes, yes, and yes. I try not to pin it down to an exact moment. By the end of PC though, he's definitely noticing some changes in himself. I have an unpublished part 2 to an exploration of Inhumanity (my only other actually posted fic on this stuff) that I swear I will clean up and get posted soon that goes into further detail on the changes he's noticing at the end of AEOI. Some of the big ones include a second golden heart, seeing some of the life magic in the world around him, and a golden glow on his palms. He also slowly develops the ability to heal, though it's not always consistent. Magic takes practice, lots and lots of practice. In pt 2, the glow on his palms has gotten so bright and also spread around his head like a halo, and Lucy shows him how to conceal it so he's not impossible to look at, but because of Magic™ there's still a dusting of golden powdery stuff across his skin. His blood turns golden because Ben Barnes + golden blood is such pretty imagery, and like the others, it gets sucked down and absorbed into Narnia's Heart when he bleeds in battle. Also when I say he's got a second heart I mean he's got a second fucking heart. Ribcage shift and all. (His appearance doesn't actually change, it's more like a pocket dimension thing going on inside him, but he sure as hell can feel it happening). Having Narnia as a patron goddess just means you have to put up with a second puberty sometimes lol.

Anyways, there's a line in AEOI that I feel explains this stuff really well. "He cannot truly protect the land without becoming a part of it himself." Narnia changes her Kings and Queens because she wants them to be a part of her. Aslan doesn't really see these changes as necessary (in canon, a world without deity Narnia, they don't happen), and if the storyline we pick is the one that's the constant cycle of humanity and inhumanity, it's sort of a push and pull between them. Aslan wants the Pevensies, and by proxy anyone else who rules Narnia or experiences these changes, to keep their humanity, to stay as they were Created by him. Narnia, however, wants them to be as much a part of her as she is of them. It's very clear in both the books and the movies that Narnia (the world) is where these characters belong. In the end, they all come home to her (yes, Susan too because fuck Mr. Clive Staples Lewis). Caspian being anything less than fully inhuman is something she cannot handle. She is constantly having to recreate the Pevensies, reestablish her hold on them, only to have them return to England and become mostly human again. Caspian cannot be taken away from her, he is in this world by birth and she is going to do everything she can to shape him into the ruler he needs to be.

Once again, I would like to state that Aslan and Narnia are not opposing sides of good and evil. Gods cannot be defined by human standards, and to think either Narnia or Aslan completely in the right or wrong in this AU would be, well, an interesting standpoint, but really not the one I'm going for here. I'm not going to say it's a misinterpretation, I am very open to hearing people's thoughts on this AU, and everyone's going to see things differently. Just, please reread what I've written about them before you start making that argument.

Anyways, that wraps this post up because I have spent the better part of the past 6 hours writing this. I spent way more time on Eustace than I intended but it's just so fascinating to think about inhumanity from his perspective considering he's the only one in canon that actually was (briefly) inhuman. Again, if you got this far, congratulations! If you use any of my ideas mentioned here, please tag me, I am so starved for inhuman Narnia content lol.

#inhuman/dark fantasy narnia #caspian x #prince caspian #the pevensies #eustace scrubb #the chronicles of narnia #narnia headcanons #rambles of a hyperfixating kai

[pilot-posting]

Loading Halo Port Connectivity...

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╰┈─) Pilot Profile Access... Granted

Pilot: Em, MIP 12.A 🏳️‍⚧️

Rank: Corporal

Role: Mechanized functions technician, asset damage prevention.

Mech: Haratora-Zed, Class-X

Age: 18.

Synapse Connctivity: Sensitive. At-risk of addiction or mind-meld.

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heyo! I'm Em, I'm currently writing a short story called "Asynchrosis" in a series of parts here on my Tumblr! Here are links to each individual part in order!

All story parts are tagged under #asynchrosis

Pt.1, Pt.2, Pt.3, Pt.4, Pt.5, 5.5, Pt.6, Pt.7

Links to story related asks!

Srynthetica1 (how does jacking in feel?), Anon1 (who's we? why class-x? how combat?) Anon2 (stim-port size?)

tags, #asynchrosis for Asynchrosis, #ems got mail!! for asks #emersons scrawlings for generally writing posts

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Wait? Who are you?

I'm Em, I'm a very normal trans person who absolutely does not let her weird obsession with what is essentially just robot-fucker v*re infect her every day life. I absolutely do not impulsively buy techwear clothes to cosplay a mech pilot who's a little bit down on her luck and I totally don't want someone to hypnotize me into believing I have cybernetic implants. I, in no way, want someone to dominate me so deeply that they force me to treat them like a pilot treats their handler and I don't want them to clicker train me to be able to force me to obey them.

On another note, my pronouns are IT/she. I use she/her self referentially because it's easy but PLEASE use it/it's for me. "Ohhh but that's degrading" IT'S NOT AND EVEN IF IT WAS I'D LOVE IT.

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DM's and ASK POLICY

I prefer asks! I love answering questions in a way which is productive to furthering the knowledge of everyone who enjoys the work I make! DM's however are HEAVILY encouraged if you want to degrade me, treat me like a whore, stick your fingers in my mouth, or hypnotize me.

Asks can also be horny! Send me horny prompts in asks, tell me how badly you want to be put into synchrosis~

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IS IT HORNY???

They always ask IS it horny not HOW is she horny,

Anyway, yeah! I'm pretty much always able to get into the mood unless I came like under 10 minutes ago. You can do with this information whatever you want.

With that said, what're my do's and don'ts?

DO!

DO ANYTHING YOU WANT TO ME IF YOU'RE ALSO A TRANNY, I LOVE MY PEOPLE AND I WILL GLADLY BE AN ACTUAL CUM DUMP FOR Y'ALL

Degrade me

Hypnotize me

Force yourself onto or into me

Cut me, stab me, or perform invasive surgeries to cause me to meld in greater amounts with the perfect machine form I yearn to control

Cum inside me or on me!

Fuck my throat, or keep me under your desk, I have an oral fixation :3

Bind me up, suspend me, gag me, blindfold me, really anything that limits my awareness of myself is actually pretty ok.

Squish/bite/lick my chub

Make me call you names like master or owner.

Make me less person more machine!

DON'T!

Knife/gunplay is fine. Snvff however is unbelievably disturbing.

Gore is fine to the degree that my organs stay mostly in the same place they started, in regards to roleplay.

Don't engage in excessive praise. This sounds really depressing but I'm not used to it and it can cause me to panic!

Don't bring any bodily fluids except for blood, cum, and sweat into roleplay or sexting!! I don't like p*ss and sh*t lmao

Asking me to commit to major lifestyle changes without me expressing my interest beforehand will probably result in me caging up. I like kink lifestyle, but I want to take my own pace.

Do not interact if you find me attractive because I'm trans UNLESS YOU'RE ALSO TRANS.

But yeah I guess all you need to know is I got horny when a Legion first forced my Titan up onto the barrel of it's predator cannon and fired about 400 rounds of 40 mm anti-aircraft grade rounds through the midsection of my Ion in 2016.

#asynchrosis #ems got mail!! #emersons scrawlings #small streamer #mech pilot #twitch streamer #mech nsft #nsft #mech posting #mecha #trans nsft #mechs #robot girl #armored core 6

[ciaran-archive]

Serious question. How do you write long stories? Is there a technique or advice for that? No matter what story I have in mind, I can't seem to tell it in anything longer than 1 to 2k. Writing 5k is tiring already, where do people seriously get that stamina to even do 50 or 100 or 200k? It's mind-blowingly amazing.

there is nothing less worthy or amazing about writing shorter fic - i know writers who struggle with it, and i’ve come to inhabit that position somewhat myself, though i’m determined to stay in practice. it’s a different skillset, that’s all. your fics aren’t worse for being shorter.

that said i will not deny that longer fics generate far more engagement from fandoms simply by virtue of updating more often  → being on top of the ao3 tag when people first open it  → getting more clicks and being considered less ‘frivolous’ (which is bullshit, but what can you do)

if you’re dead sure you want to write longer fic, i would first recommend reading this post about writing drabbles, which i promise is relevant to the point i’m about to make.

Because drabbles are about one moment. You don't need to know exactly what happened before this moment of dialogue, or what happens next, or what's happening around it. You don't have to do any of the planning you might do for a longer fic, but you also don't have the space to let the scene lead in and develop naturally. You've got 100 words.

a lot of writing a longer story is about establishing the scope of your story, deciding what beats you want to hit. there are a lot of ways to go about this; [some people like to outline. i don’t outline, ever, so if you want help for outlining you should look at the other sources on the internet. there are quite a few.] i’m going to talk about the way i’ve learnt to do it.

so when i’m writing a short fic, the thing i’m considering is one or two ideas, and one or two moments (short in this case being under 5k). this also depends on the style i’m going for - fics with sparser styles can fit more scenes, if i’m going for my usual style, each scene takes about 700-2000 words at least and therefore takes up more space. a lot of how i eased into writing longer fics was focusing on stylistic changes - you can push up the word count of a fic by going moment by moment. note the difference between: 

They’d been standing next to each other as they spoke; now Felix turned to him in the rain, startled by the admission of weakness. He reached out clumsily, bumping his hand against Ryan’s until he took the hint and grabbed on.

and 

The rain made it near-impossible to hear Ryan speaking, but the harshness in his voice would’ve been audible through a hurricane. “So you ran away,” he said, like he hadn’t expected this. 

“Course I did,” Felix snapped. “What was I supposed to do? Stick it out and let her kill me?” I almost did, he added under his breath.

Ryan’s sensitive werewolf ears, of course, caught that. “I’m glad you did,” he amended, as though it pained him to admit it. “I would’ve - I did the same. It’s all you can do, sometimes.”

Felix turned to him, blinking through the curtains of water. Ryan was slouching in the downpour, eyes narrowed elsewhere. Mostly he was startled by the admission of weakness - rare in a person who prided himself so thoroughly on being reliable and independent. He reached out, struck by the urge to offer whatever clumsy comfort he was capable of; his hand bumped against Ryan’s, and he held it there until Ryan caught up and wove their fingers together. 

His hands were wet and cold, and he gripped so hard Felix’s very human bones ached, but he wouldn’t have pulled away now. Not when he’d been the one to offer.

it’s not even that one is necessarily better than the other - they both work, and they’re working in different ways. they’re set in the same scene, conveying the same beat - reaching out to comfort someone in the wake of vulnerability. it’s just that one is longer, and therefore gives you more room to - set the scene (rain, being unable to hear each other) - use dialogue to show what is being told in the first example - convey extra information about the characters (actually, if this was a scene i was writing in a fic or novel, the stuff about ryan being a werewolf would already be known to the reader, so i would use that space to convey something else about ryan in that moment) - elaborate on felix’s internal state: the transition from defensive to curious/surprised to gentle - linger for a sentence or two on the moment of connection

this is about unraveling a scene and making it bigger than it was, breaking it apart into tinier beats and describing each one in the narrative. what happens when you do that and your fic doesn’t get much bigger still?

back to scope! we understand, as people who read and write and live, that the part of a story that you choose to depict in a narrative is not the entire story: events happen off-screen. some of them happened before the story started, and they will continue to happen after the story ends. the narrative is only showing you an arc, a particular series of events. 

when you’re writing fic, you have in fact tremendous amounts of flexibility when it comes to the scope of a story. you can write something that is about a single moment in canon, and trust that your audience is following along because they have the context already. so you don’t need to waste time on setting it up, which often means - if you’re given to a certain kind of fic writing (canon compliant / small divergences / missing scenes / character studies) your fics will end up not being very long because you’re not reiterating what you don’t need to reiterate. your idea is small because it inhabits a small space, is squished between canon events, and so doesn’t ever get bigger. if this is what is happening, it’s good, and you should try to preserve this going forward. 

people who are writing longer fic are, simply, working with bigger ideas*. they’re not just going “what if he said what he wanted in this scene instead of going home?” and writing the bit where they kiss immediately after - they’re also going “what if this changed everything in the future? what happens if they tackle all their problems together from now on? what new problems arise from this?”

*hopefully they are working with bigger ideas. i have seen longfics that are just incredibly fucking tedious because the author swallowed a thesaurus and had a tenuous grasp on plotting to begin with. 

that’s for a canon divergent fic, presumably. you might also be writing a post-canon fic, with its own set of pre-fic events and a new set of problems to deal with. currently, for example, i’m writing a fic where akira and goro were dating after canon, broke up, and stayed together in a deeply dysfunctional way after that - and the consequences for them now that they’re forced to deal with the mess they’ve made of their lives, together and apart. so now they have to deal with: the catalyst for dealing with their old problems, which is a problem in itself, and their old problems, which have been festering for a really long time.

which forms the core of the scope i’m talking about. i have to go through a bunch of scenes to set this fic up - i need to show their old problems and their new problems, i need to explain why the old ones haven’t been dealt with already, i need to set up the potential for dealing with them and the necessity of doing so, i need to give them places to start, and also i want to allow them to fail so they can choose to start again. i know these things because i have some idea of the kind of story i want to tell. if i didn’t know this, my story would not go anywhere by itself, and i would have to start outlining scene by scene the way people who actually outline do it, and i hate doing that because then i never write. 

if you can outline and it doesn’t make you want to chew wood, then i highly recommend picking up the habit. it’s very useful, and the methodical approach is a fantastic failsafe for the moments when you (me) get stuck on your fic (breakup au) and have to stop writing for several weeks in order to figure out a single fucking plot point that will let you move forward and

anyway. 

so yeah! to sum up;

find a larger scope for your story

get in the habit of picking apart beats into discrete moments and guiding the narrative through them

learn to outline if you can

last thing - which is perhaps the most vital and least reliable - stamina. 

you WILL lose interest in half the longer fics you write. it WILL suck. if you think you know pain because you have 700 words of a fic and can’t get through the last 400, i promise you it is like that but much worse because you have 7000 words now, or 17000 words, and you are stuck with no way forward. it will suck so BAD. 

don’t beat yourself up over it. once you’re in the habit of writing something long, you will retain that habit, and be able to apply it elsewhere. the words aren’t wasted, they’re practice, and they’re worth what they’ve taught you.

but! all the scope and internal scene-building and outlines won’t help you if you do not (and this is not as bad as everyone makes it sound) actually write. you HAVE to learn to actually write. you have to figure out what you like about writing and make a longfic outline [/ scene beats notes chart / themes mind map / tumblr tag of inspiring quotes and photography] that consists entirely of stuff you love and then you have to sit down and write your fic. it is not terribly scary. it’s okay to fail, but you also have no way around this. 

i hope this helped, and good luck!

#writelogging #ok 2 rb #anon #asks

[captainkirbypunch]

My love has left tumblr once again.

As many of you may know, the account under the name MDZADR, has left tumblr. They felt unsafe in their fandom, and as such have deleted their tumblr and AO3 account due to the bad memories linked to them.

As a part of their departure, they have asked me to post something in their name, as follows.

If you want more details about how I came to this realization, continue to read. If not, here is your summary:

TL;DR: For the safety and health of this fandom, I wanted to spread the word that Mooping-10 is filled with people who absolutely cannot be trusted, creating a very hazardous environment for the zadr community, and MelodyoftheVoid is connected to all of those people, living a double life amongst those of us that don’t “ship zadr correctly.” She has plenty of friends her inner circle knows nothing about, and nobody on either side knows who she really is. 

Full story below.

I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye. Nobody did anything to me today, but this just wasn’t worth it.

My AO3 and tumblr are both gone. I didn’t say goodbye because I didn’t want to look like an attention seeker.

Here’s the thing. I wasn’t going to name drop, but you guys need to know the truth. I’m instructing my boyfriend (hi y’all) to turn asks off for his own safety after this because this is going to be a nightmare, but... allow me to tell you the full story. I’ll try to break up the text so it’s less difficult to read, but this is important. I’m sorry to air discourse so publicly, but please... I need you to listen to me.

I’ll start from the beginning, without being vague anymore about who “she” is. I request that you please read the whole thing and not skip parts of it. The whole story matters.

I finally returned to the fandom about two months or so ago. As I’ve mentioned, I don’t do well in my thoughts while left alone too long, so I posted saying I would stop messaging people I knew because I didn’t want to bother them. There were only two people I was talking to at the time, but one of them is famous so I didn’t want to message her directly saying that. Doing so would have put her in a position of feeling obligated to say “you’re not bothering me” rather than just simply being able to sigh with relief from no longer being contacted. 

But the first person to contact me was the famous person, and she asked if I was okay, and told me she liked talking to me.

God, I actually cried.

But, that’s just her. Melodyofthevoid is the type of person to talk to people in the fandom, totally unaware of her demigod status. She comments on stories, interacts on posts, messages first... a pillar of kindness, so it seemed.

But let the story continue.

Over time, we were talking more often. 

Mostly sending memes (cause everyone I knew, myself included, aren’t exactly great at holding conversations. No shade. Memes are a love language). I was still in the hero worship stage of our relationship, so my view of her was that that was perfect.

Now, let me bridge a connection with a new story idea I got around December 28th or so, and my thinking she was perfect.

I had recently finished watching Madoka and questioned “If I had magical powers, what would they be?” It then turned into its own story idea, basing creators’ powers around the strengths and weaknesses in creations. I actually realized “oh fuck. My stuff is incoherent. My friends’ works aren’t too different...”

Thus spawned the name “Incoherent” for the project.

What does that have to do with this? Well, here’s the thing that really fucked everything up quickly. 

This was not on purpose, because originally the project (which I had told nobody of yet at the time) was all about improving your works, making platonic friends, dressing our personas in cute outfits, and writing fun magic.

While listening to music and thinking of the story one day, my brain accidentally shipped my persona with hers, and I couldn’t unsee it. And I’m lousy at keeping my own secrets (other’s are different) so she found out on probably day one or two about my weird crush because of an ask meme of all things. 

She didn’t try to put me off any, which was another problem for future things to come, and so I decided that since Incoherent was finally making me feel alive again and feeling the euphoric feelings of love wouldn’t hurt anything (I figured they’d mellow out on their own eventually because that’s how infatuation works) since they helped fuel my inspiration, and then we would just continue from friends to better friends one day and this part of our lives would be over.

Besides, the forbidden is attractive somehow, and makes stories more entertaining. She’s aro/ace, so I had no chance anyway. Someone safe to crush on, in her own way.

This isn’t a story of a love betrayal however. There was no such thing. But it’s important to the story because Incoherent is where my mistakes were made, and hers brought to light.

By this time, I had a handful of people I was talking to, and I created a discord server for the project. Only my boyfriend (hi!) and I were in it at the time. I was not-so-subtly asking my friends what they’d look like if they were a magical person, what their names would be... I thought I would have had to lure Melody in to make her want to join us, but I managed to get her in very easily. Everyone was happy and excited! It was a no obligation, no time limit thing for us to enjoy, a little sandbox to play around in. 

Sure there were plans to make it bigger and I was working on art to the best of my ability, but it was gonna be a fun thing mostly. No pressure on anyone.

And how things started becoming a problem was that the rest of us posted publicly about the project and interacted with each other’s posts relating to the story, but she had started to interact publicly less and less with our things, and everyone noticed it.

It wasn’t because we were greedy and wanted the popular girl to reblog our things. It’s because we had a feeling she was ashamed of being seen publicly with us. The reason we were worried before then and started making that connection was because I mentioned I was going to ask another user if they were interested in joining Incoherent. Melody was the only one that seemed uncomfortable, and I messaged her asking about it. We agreed I wouldn’t invite that person but I knew things were off about it.

That person is like me. How long until Melody didn’t want to talk to me anymore? A few days ago, the other shoe finally dropped. A member of our little group and I were talking and (let’s call them Friend for simplicity. They asked to not be name dropped here) Friend was worried they had made Melody upset by tagging her in a meme picture they drew of her persona, and the two had agreed that Friend remove the tag. This spawned an anxiety-filled conversation where Friend and I expressed our concerns about Melody not interacting with the project, or us.

So since I wanted reassurance that that wasn’t the case, I messaged Melody with my concerns. I told her I had the feeling she was ashamed of being seen in public with us because of her friends, and she didn’t refute me. She simply told me to go get some rest. I messaged back with “I’m right.”

I deleted Discord off my phone for hours and nearly deleted my Tumblr, AO3, and the server after my boyfriend helped pass messages between us. Melody confessed that was the case because her friends expressed discomfort with my works, and she was playing both sides.

Her words, not mine.

Melody told me she would be withdrawing from the Incoherent project because it wasn’t fair to us if her heart wasn’t in it.

She didn’t stand up on my behalf when they said things about me. Her friends are the type who talk behind creators’ backs for shipping zadr “incorrectly.” Worse than antis because they actually participate in the “pro-shipping” side of the fandom. I broke that day and messaged her at 3 am.

We finally spoke at 3pm. We both missed each other. I tried to understand more. I wanted it to be more like a conversation rather than an interrogation. It was only one-sided however, and she never opened up further. And I made some mistakes and poor choices of words, and we ended up parting ways permanently right there. 

I nearly deleted everything, but much like a coma patient attached to many machines on a hospital bed, my blog was kept alive a little longer by people sending kind words in droves. I was briefly fuelled by spite, wishing to watch the world burn by making everyone on the "correct" side of the fandom upset by posting the worst, most vile content this fandom has ever seen.

I was also welcomed with open arms by a very kind server with fellow degenerates, all of them screaming and crying and partying when they managed to get me in their server. It was so heartwarming...

But as I spoke to others about my situation, I realized something. A disturbing pattern.

People telling me horror stories about how Mooping-10 was cult-like. How the people running it were antis. I was even told once that they have a secondary server where they go to have their talks and do their work, likely the place where the real bashing is held.

The server itself has rules against such behavior, but I suppose it's different when they do it.

One person (and this is the most unnerving part for me, personally) told me Melody actually set off alarm bells in their head without having even done anything yet, and the most disturbing part of the story was that one of the moderators was afraid and upset because they got Covid, and received basically no moral support at all. Only getting told "spoiler that. Sorry you got Covid".

I was horrified. That server has 100 people in it. How many of them are the same? They act like popular kids in school who picked up an unpopular main character and then bash others, and the main character joined in because they don't want to be left behind by their new "friends".

To put it short, back to my point:

TL;DR: I simply only wanted to spread the word that: Mooping-10 is filled with people who absolutely cannot be trusted, creating a very hazardous environment for the zadr community, and Melodyofthevoid is connected to all of those people, living a double life amongst those of us that don't "ship zadr correctly". She has plenty of friends her inner circle knows nothing about, and nobody on either side knows who she really is.

#Invader Zim #zadr #tagr #rapr #zagr #mdzadr #MelodyoftheVoid