#getting acquainted with self

[mimosaapapi]

Few recents from my birthday weekend, I’m either at work or somewhere minding mine. 🖤🎉

#my birthday post #hairgrowth #self care #self growth #getting acquainted with self #28 of em #highly blessed

[upmala]

come swim with me, my love

#i’m becoming a creature #getting in there was slimy #me and the lake got very closely acquainted #my photos #fujifilm #self portrait #rusalka #rusalka gf #drowner #folklore #water nymph #nature nymph #nymph aesthetic #forest nymph #goblincore

[cheswirls]

hhhhhhhhhhhh saboace royalty au. ace was crown prince but can’t use magic which is necessary to become king, so he renounces his title and becomes infamous for his eccentric tendencies to play up the illusion that he’s truly not meant for the throne and that his younger sibling has full rights to the title of heir.

sabo is born to a family serving in the royal court, has been a genius magician since he was a child, and is the perfect example of a young man fully educated to serve at the king’s side. which is why he’s allowed himself to be tied down into a loveless political engagement with the king’s heir, putting the whims of his family before his own and resigning himself to become the future ruler’s consort/spouse to legitimize his role as an advisory right-hand man.

but then the heir grows rebellious and denounces the engagement with sabo in public and ace swoops in to save the day (and sabo’s reputation), demanding his father give sabo to him instead. he steals sabo away and challenges his sibling’s right to the throne, intent on earning back the title not for himself, but so he can make sabo (who is heavily qualified to rule) the king - and since they’ll be wed, no one will be able to undermine sabo’s position as he will technically be part of the monarchy that governs the kingdom.

#op #i…aaaaaaaaaaaa iykyk but if you dont small tangent story time #i asked friends for magical show recs w unique magic concepts bc i decided to set the #toxic codependent forever-bond in a fantasy au so i can make it be a set of self-inflicted curses #the only free time i have is walking to and from work so ive been scribbling notes on my phone #thinking of what type of magic system to have for this one was becoming a distraction #esp since the focus rly isn’t on magic itself and only on aspects of the bond that show how unhealthy it is #instead of obsessing over it more i decided to have someone decide for me #flash forward one of them brings up using the fantasy yuri anime that came out early this year #then proceeds to give me the rundown of all seven published light novels until i cave and watch the pilot episode #its SO good i actually watched 2 and love anis and euphie and will definitely be reading the LN over winter break #also completely snapped me away from the au bc i am so in love w this now #went in to ep 1 with misconstrusions and fell halfway thru screaming this is so saboace core and i have a halfbaked plot at the ready #thinking smth smth sabo visits the palace to get acquainted w/ fiancee and makes fast friends w/ ace #then they realize they have legit feelings for each other and the whole thing was gonna be a play #on the steals-partner-from-sibling trope that i jus loosely dreamed up bc algard reminded me of sabo and then i couldnt not think of them #but then i finished the ep and went OH it went down like that!!!! thats brutal. and then i changed it #and then i watched ep 2 and changed it further based on glossed-over advanced plot knowledge #bc the solution to algard feeling pressure from a title he never wanted and anis rejecting it in the first place #is obv (in this very yuri-centric fantasy novel) to make euphie queen instead and legitimize it by her marrying anis #and then i hyper projected that onto saboace bc i love them so #yessa after letting me ramble abt this so i could resist the urge to furiously jot down notes: i think val made you worse actually #(shes not wrong also val responding w ‘lmao wlw wins again’ and nothing else had me in stitches #best/worst influence it is 5am and i have done nothing for my studio class yet am having the time of my life) #curse of the average hobbyist writer to always have good ideas when there is no time no breathe life into them #writing

[roonilwazlibimagines]

#I think this is like the third time I’ve started a thread with all of my life issues but I feel like I need one for every reemergence I make #anyway if you’ve read literally any of my other life stories that I don’t like telling in a post but feel good about doing it in the tags #then you are well acquainted with the boy I never dated who broke my heart like 3 years ago which I am still hung up on probably because we #are still friends but anyway yesterday we had this event and the photos came out and like literally everyone in the photo is looking at him #but he is looking at me :(((((( and it just makes me think of like that one one direction post where zayn and Liam are looking at each other #and someone said the same thing I think everyone was looking at zayn but zayn was looking at Liam and then someone was like ‘well he only #has one pair of eyes’ #anyways #said event was a school reunion so I’m kinda spiralling because my mental health was not good in high school and as much as I will deny it #it has gotten considerably worse but it’s fine we’ll probably #just get some angsty imagines out of this and then I’ll ghost for another few months #anyway #sending love to my high school self #she needs it #the story of my life #update - my Aunty ships me and said boy together so hard I’m surprised she doesn’t have a tumblr about us and she went through all the #photos and only liked the ones of me and him 😭😭😭

[maddy-ferguson]

failed my driving test twice, no actual friends in college, applied to a cool thing and was rejected, no bitches...thank god i'm seeing goodfellas in theaters in a few days because what do i have going for me rn

#the only ones who understand me are cher horowitz and pacey witter. and pacey got his driver's license later (i don't remember but #like i'm sure he did lmao) we don't know if that'll ever happen to me #what's annoying is i still don't think i'm a bad driver. delusions of grandeur maybe. but like yes for like 30mn after i failed the second #time i cried like while walking to the bus stop (i only saw like three people because YEAH it takes like an hour for me to go to the place #where you take the test like it's so annoying i have to take 2-3 different buses AND THEN i don't even have it. plus the money...) and #i was like you are the dumbest bitch ever but it's not because i don't feel capable it's because i DO and i make dumb avoidable mistakes #like it's just very frustrating #talked about the no friends at school thing like a month ago. we were together on wednesday and it's actually not as bad as it felt the day #i posted that but i don't hang out with them outside of school and don't want to is my point. they're like acquaintances that i'm not sure #i like #the thing i applied to i really wanted after i failed my test i was like i need ONE GOOD THING to happen to me this month and then i was #like no i can't post that because what if i don't get it. well #no bitches is self-explanatory #and goodfellas in theaters is real remember when it was already playing earlier this year but there was only one showing and i couldn't go #and i was so annoyed. there's three this time and i could even go to all three if i wanted to. one scorsese movie every monday at 1 from #now on for me please #and like i say: brf slt

[sysig]

DAAAAAAAAAAAAX <3 <3 (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #DAX #ZEX #Hello I have been inconsolable ever since ZEX mentioned that he wished DAX were there so he wouldn't be the only VUX #It is a hideously addictive thought - DAX being there to support his Admiral - he certainly could use it! #Talana got pulled in from Zelnick's girlfriend's ''real'' counterpart - why not Dexter!! Hghgh #It sets my brain on fire (terribly affectionate) #I love DAX sm ;; I love ZEX sm! I love their dynamic sm ;;;; #He would've been such a comfort hhh my head is full of all these horrifically self-indulgent scenes of They ♥ #Firstly of them meeting up with each other!! ZEX is very tactile haha <3 He needs the physical reassurance so bad haha ;u; #Not quite like twining arms but DAX won't recoil at least <3 Hugs good! #Can you tell that second one was a spacefiller lol #ZEX very well acquainted with crying now haha - at least it's for something positive! For once :') #Ugh imagining their little differences in approach is so fjdkslafdf - same stimuli different outcomes! I love them hgh #I like to imagine DAX just observing the showers with a distant annoyance-interest like ''What the heck is that'' lol #Very dissimilar from ZEX's Intense interest but not actually picking up any skills from the experience lol #But really it's just my secret desire for DAX to learn how to wash hair so he can corral his Admiral into taking care of his body haha #Two VUX would have a very different kind of scaffolding of learning how to get along! They'd both benefit from whatever one finds out! #Might keep ZEX just a teensy bit more on track of finding things out to report back and help DAX out hehe <3 Maybe possibly lol #Still wouldn't stop him from hitting on DAX hehehehe ♪ What's this? Someone he likes and trusts in a human form? Hmm :) #Hhhh they ;; Recreating the scene of Max coming onto Dex and then Dexter turning it around on him - not that they'd know #I'm fine this is fine I'm not crying or anything ;;;; Parallels are my favourites I can't stand this <3 <3 #There's just so much to think about! And it's all so much to me!! ♥

[iraqueer]

.

#really does so being fun to your brain to get affirmations and compliments from strangers or friends (ie people i see frequently) more than #the family i live with. like mixed with rsd wich makes evrey criticism hold ten times the weight of a compliment means when i do get i compl #compliment from the family i live with it sounds disingenuous #like i know ill get a lecture or a passive aggressive comment so that compliment doesnt count. or i had to fish for it so it doesnt count #it makes me feel like im barely tolerable to the people i live with who see me the most in my tuest self the only reason my friends or aqu #or acquaintances dont feel that way is cuz they havent been around me enogh and eventually ill exhaist all goodwill and love that people hav #have for me until they only associate with me because of obligation. it also makes me prone to cry when someone gives me a compliment and it #it makes me scared to share this with my family becasue i feel like theyll ruin it. i tell my husband that the pediatrician says the kids a #are growing qell amd hitting theyre milestones and he sqys that she always says that and to everyone and it cheapens the compliment #people who dont live with me think im intelligent amd competant and funny and a joy to know but i dont get that fweling from my family and i #i know part of it is because of my shit brain that weights criticisms so much more strongly but a part of it is the things they say amd more #more importantly the things they dont it feels so rar that i get a compliment of any kind and i dont know if its my stupid depressed brain #making me perceive this or if its true if its a mix or if i developed this thought process because i was taught this #worst part is i dont feel shit enough to cry and get that emotional release #tldr eventually evreyone hates me and one day my kids will too hahahahahaha i physically feel pain rn lol

[fitzrove]

i've become uncontrollable nobody can talk about oppenheimer with me/mention it in my presence irl without me launching into my feminist analysis/rant monologue about it (see my previous posts for the points made in said rant monologue)

#usually its also Dudes and they never get it #xD #what a self-important and pretentious post #i shouldve never seen that movie because now that i see the good parts of it that resonate with me i can also see how its existence is base #entirely on sexism XDD #and so are ppl's reactions to it #a guy who i told i gave it 3/5 stars to said 'i relate to it as a scientist so i guess i can see how it wouldnt come across so to other ppl #bitch i also relate as a scientist thats why i think some parts are good #and he knew this #rant #feminism #the worst thing is my queer feminist friends didnt care abt oppenheimer and didnt go see it - only my dude acquaintances did #the only person i can talk about it to is my sister (in stem) and we already worked our similar criticisms out between us #shes done talking about it xD

[odd-kid-42]

Listening to the post-s1 Talking Dads, and I swear Brennan Lee Mulligan needs to come into contact with Anthony Burch. They need to both be waiting on a crosswalk and Anthony can sigh wistfully about how he never asks players what they imagine as the long-term arcs for characters because he 'is actively playing against them'. I whole-heartedly think Brennan "I believe in railroading players to allow characters to grow in the directions I as DM and the player see fit while keeping the game interesting" Lee Mulligan could advise on the kayfabe.

It is just so obvious that they are operating off a false understanding/self-imposed rule about how D&D is supposed to work that doesn't actually help storytelling and DM-player satisfaction. Like, idk guys! I feel like you can talk about intentions without ruining anything. It's not like Dimension 20 is suffering under Brennan's approach to storytelling. He has a whole podcast about it.

#dndads #dndads critical #the disclaimer that Brennan owes no one anything #I just listen to his interviews and wonder what would happen if Anthony and he spoke #I know Freddie knows/is acquaintances w Brennan and has discussed dnd with him #I just feel like Anthony and co were operating under a self-imposed rule that left Anthony at minimum unhappy #bc Anthony explicitly was saying how unhappy he was with s1's ending #and Matt was going 'Darryl had no arc haha but that's dnd :).' #like no it's not #where are you getting that from? no it's not #not listening to s2 + don't care to discuss s2 #but based on Anthony's self-flaggelation it doesn't have to be this way dude #you can cool off and talk to your friends about what they want #you can feel like you are making narrative progress in a productive way as the backbone #and let them goof throughout wo getting frustrated at yourself #also Anthony get your bpd treated the suicide jokes aren't great expressions of those feelings okay? #I don't need to be unintentionally finding the /public reddit posts/ about how you feel + s2 listening friends commenting on the s2 #DMing doesn't have to be agony dude you haven't done anything horrible enough to justify these feelings #least of all in public with teenagers listening jesus #got distracted but anyway

[mimosaapapi]

Always on the move Jack, somewhere enjoying life. 🥷🏽

#my post #hairgrowth #getting acquainted with self #self care #freaks and geeks

[catgirltitties]

talking to myself in tags ignore

#self indulgent #i realize that i try to keep myself socially stimulated at all times #like i cant be alone for a single second #im blogging constantly to feel like others are with me #always in a vc #i mean like back in my hayday in 2018 i had a constant stream of people of all levels of intimacy #a bumpin group chat a partner plenty of acquaintences #i was like turbostimulated socially #i hope i get a big group of friends again #and i hope i get someone who always wants to talk to me #personal

[emypony]

.

#damn babygirl i wish people checked up on me more #this self conscious catgirl is so tired #sometimes i WISH people just came into my dms to ask me if im ok #i do it constantly to others because i hope theyre not as sad as i am feeling in that moment #genuinely afraid to have made someone feel bad and drive them away from me #and omg i feel nyself running thin again just bc im afraid to lose the interactions we have altogether because i cant process certain media #in a healthy way whatsoever and i get super hung up on thinfs that really dont matter that much in the end #YEAH IM RAMBLING IT'S 5:30 AM AND I COULD BE SLEEPING RIGHT NOW BUT INSTEAD IM JUST CRYING FOR A STUPID REASON!! #i think ive only had one person check up on me based off the vibes in chat i gave off alone in the past couple of months #which was baffling and surreal btw and i think it broke something within me #it came from someone i wouldve never expected to even notice because sometimes it feels like its such a vast difference between us #i sometimes even wonder how are we friends in the first place #like do i even deserve to call this person my friend do they feel like that? or are we just discord acquaintances? #anyway all this just made me sad and my dumb ass is crying and yearning to be loved by my online peers thats all lol. meows pathetically #idk i guess i just.want to hear / see it more rather than just teying to tell myself that over and over hoping im not deluding myself abt i #personal #sorry for the emotions dump idk whats wrong with me tonight actually #me having to come to terms with the reality that i actually have a following and this might get boticed by more than 2 ppl #bc not everyone follows 3k blogs like i am :skull emoji: yknow #im probably gonna delete later because im actually a super self conscious person to the point i get nauseatingly anxious about it holy shit #i dont vent often and im 120% keeping it in but when i do oh boy #the dam bursts and im left like a sopping wet dog on the floor looking like a sad blob #which i am feeling like right now! #vent #emy rambles #ALSO LIKE THIS ISNT TO SAY IM NOT GRATEFUL FOR MY FRIENDS OMG I AM #k really am #sometimes its still like. idk. unbelievable to me that people are genuinely interacting with me and the things i write or headcanon #and i shouldn't expect them to know whats wrong with me or if i feel bad if i dont say it or communicate that to them #but yknow one can yearn

[besarelcielo]

how do y’all make yourselves photogenic or were you just born that way? and also how do you all take selfies every day and look so good in them daily…i know some ppl take like 1,000 pics and the world only gets to see the good ones but i can’t bother to take pics of myself most days like i don’t get the urge or desire at all to take selfies unless im stepping out and even then i feel more of a “i’d better document myself because one day i’ll die and not have the chance” type of pressure than an actual desire to show the world how i look lmao

#and i know this sounds like im just deeply insecure but i don’t think i am ugly until i take selfies usually 💀 #mirror fine existing in the world fine ive done the work i love myself.. #but still when it comes to self documentation i just feel stupid and hideous most of the time lmao #it prob doesn’t help that i work from home so most days i don’t get ready to the extent i did when i went to a physical job #but it was also this year i realized i am okay with my appearance i had to work to get to this point u know.. #maybe once i become more acquainted with this new confidence in my own body and existence taking selfies will be more natural

[emotionallychargedtowel]

get to know me ask game

Tagged by@nieves-de-sugui. Thanks, dearie!

RULES: bold the ones that are true & tag 10 people to do it. (I'm not big on meme tagging, and anyway, I seem to be one of the last people on the planet to get around to this thing.)

APPEARANCE

blonde hair // I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // I have one or more piercings // I have at least one tattoo // I have dyed or highlighted my hair // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I have freckles // I paint my nails // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look // I prefer Nike to Adidas // I wear baseball hats backwards

I've wanted to get some piercings in my ears for a few years now but between brokeness and covid stuff I haven't gotten around to it yet. Someday?

I have two tattoos. One is a reference to a song by a band I used to know and the other is in honor of my kids but also some stuff from my own childhood. Both were done by a close friend of mine. A lot of people don't realize I have them, especially the first one, which is on my ribcage. I want to get more tattoos but that may be tough since I can't go back to Texas anytime soon and the idea of working with a new artist here is a huge bummer--no one could take the place of my friend.

I just got my balayage re-done, with purplish ash blond bits, and it's the best thing I've ever done to my hair. Now if the weather would just cool off enough for me to be able to wear it down!

I had cosmetic surgery in middle school to make my ears stick out less.

I'm not super depressed most of the time but I'm prone to anhedonia (difficulty experiencing positive emotions) so I don't smile much and I seldom laugh aloud. Though since I started ADHD meds I started laughing a bit more, which has been nice.

I used to wear makeup a lot more, but I have allergy stuff that makes it hard to wear eye makeup so I've gotten out of the habit. I miss it. It was a good source of gender euphoria.

I'm not displeased with how I look, but saying I'm pleased with it seems a bit strong.

HOBBIES & TALENTS

I play a sport // I can play an instrument // I am artistic // I know more than one language // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition // I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim // I enjoy writing // I can do origami // I prefer movies to tv shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing // I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year // I enjoy spending time with friends // I travel during work or school breaks// I can do a handstand.

I can play both guitar and piano, but not very well at all.

I love doing visual art but got out of the habit over the years. I always tell myself that someday I'll go back and take some classes or something, when I have more free time. I would love that. For now I just draw things for my kids sometimes.

I can cook without a recipe but I can't bake without one. That way lies madness.

I swim about as well as I play piano and guitar--I can get it done but it may not be that aesthetically pleasing.

Sometimes I enjoy writing. Other times it's more like a compulsion.

I've read books this year but none that were part of a series so far. The last time I read a series was probably when I read Trollope's Barchester Chronicles a couple of years ago. My latest non-series book was Manning Marable's biography of Malcolm X (the audiobook version, which I highly recommend).

I very rarely get to travel and I'm a bit envious of those who do.

RELATIONSHIP

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year // I have a crush // I have a best friend who I’ve known for ten years // my parents are together// I have dated my best friend // I am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // I have a long distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends // I have made an online friend // I met up with someone I have met online

Today is my 16th anniversary with my partner (our getting together anniversary, not the wedding one, which is in December). He was my best friend when we started dating.

The friend I'm closest to at the moment is someone I've only known for about four years. I do have some close friends I've known a lot longer, though.

Making online friends and meeting them in "real life" is the best. It's been way too long since I did that. I've made some really important friends that way, including a friend who was my person of honor at my wedding and one of my closest friends in the city where I currently live.

AESTHETICS

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sun rise // I enjoy rainy days //I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // I enjoy the smell of the beach // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching // I have attended a bonfire // I pay close attention to colors // I find mystery in the ocean // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favorite season

I'm a huge fan of rain and storms. Even though it rains a lot in the PNW, I still miss Central Texas rain. The drizzly days here are nice, don't get me wrong, and overall the weather suits me far better. But I miss big, hard rains with thunder and stuff. I could go for one of those freaky horizontal deluges with golfball-sized hail and thunder that shakes your house. I don't want to be out in it, or not for long. But I'd love to look out the window at one right about now.

Freud wrote about an "oceanic" feeling where human beings have a sense of oneness with the universe (his friend coined the term and he ran with it). It's not a coincidence that this term references the ocean. The ocean just has an effect on the human psyche/nervous system that we haven't begun to understand.

MISCELLANEOUS

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // I am the mom friend // I live by a certain quote // I like the smell of sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities // I enjoy Mexican food // I can drive a stick shift // I believe in true love // I make up scenarios to fall asleep // I sing in the shower // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial // I am a redhead // I own at least 3 dogs

I'm only a mom friend on request and with people I'm close to, but I enjoy my mom friend duties when I get the chance.

Are there people who don't enjoy Mexican food? I miss Tex-Mex so danged much.

Sometimes when I can't fall asleep I make up stories. One of my go-to things is stuff that that might happen after the endings of Austen novels. For example, if Mr. Darcy is going to be Jane Bennet's brother-in-law he is going to have to apologize for the bullshit he pulled when he interfered in her relationship with Bingley. And he'd better do a good job, too.

My favorite song to sing in the shower is Great Potential by Freakwater.

I'm usually shy about tagging so I'm going to forego it this time but if you're reading this, please feel free to use me as an excuse to do this!

#question meme thing #getting acquainted #uncharacteristic self-disclosure

[icterid-rubus]

I need to know if you called the alumni guy or not!

I have not, he said he’d call tonight. Although, I’ve got my phone in a death grip and am mentally wrestling with myself to not text him that I’ve like been hospitalized or something and can’t talk lmao

#alas sorry anon I don’t think this will be juicy gossip simply cringy stilted catching up #i actually went to the library and got a self help book on cbt and social anxiety because I’ve decided this ain’t normal #the only other time I’ve met up with an acquaintance since lockdown they tried to get me to join their mlm vitamin scheme #so needless to say I’m dubious as to what he could possibly want

[valdotjpg]

forever thinking abt where the fuck he got that flamesprayer from btw.

#ive seen a bucha hcs/theories regarding this specific topic but i cant rlly decide on one myself #cuz i think that the theories abt him being an ex hunter are cool but also like. he claims hes 'never made use of it' so im a bit torn #ik that he could be just like . lying. hypothetically. but i also have this disease that makes me believe everything gilbert says ever #so i think abt other ways he couldve gotten it. #for a while i just thought that he couldve like Bought it somewhere for self-defence #which is. yknow. still a possibility! albeit an unlikely one if u start overthinking it a bit #the flamesprayers description mentions that theyre (usually) used by 'certain members of the healing church' #and all the commoners in central yharnam are armed w/ simple guns and like . pitchforks and shit #so getting your hands on one of these bad boys would probably be a very rare occurence. like a church member kicking the bucket #and then their family or friends managing to keep the shit the church gave to the aforementioned person. and then parting ways w/ it #in exchange for a small fortune. #another possibility (which i quite like) is that it was a gift from someone #it could be from some random person we know nothing abt #OR. and hear me out here. gilberts place is close to ipsefkas place right. thats most likely where he used to receive his blood treatments #and iosefka wears the white church set. same set the dudes in cathedral ward wear. the ones that have flamesprayers #so like. *pushes my 'theyre friends' agenda on you* #ok most likely definitely not friends. Acquaintances #i think it somewhat fits iosefkas generous nature. maybe if she felt guilty enough abt not being able to cure him.. plus gilbert being #stuck in yharnam bc of it...... #its an interesting thought. #but. again. the ex hunter (or ex member of the church. after all the flamesprayer isnt used exclusively by church *hunters*) theories #have their appeap too. theyre tasty #augh see what i mean. i think abt this too much #new theory: he found it on the floor somewhere.