#god i need her so badly

[gay-wh0re-slut]

Heyy, I just wanted to know if you could write a story with rhea x Fem! reader where the reader is ashamed of her body hair and Rhea comforts her,ending with a big smut✨️

Sorry for this request but my body hair makes me very uncomfortable and I need to read something like this🥺

don’t be sorry! body hair is normal and everyone has it! society has told us (women esp) that body hair is bad but it’s not, it’s natural! you can do whatever you want with it, shave it, don’t shave it, hell braid it if it gets long enough lol, i know it’s easier said than done but never be ashamed for things that happen naturally as a human being but don’t worry friend, i got you.

Ever, Ever

rhea x fem!reader

content: talks of body hair but then turns to hot sexy times with hot buff goth wrestler gf ooooo (slight choking, praise, oral, fingering, squirting hehe)

You giggle at a funny post you found on instagram, “look!” you turn the phone to Rhea who was sitting beside you on the bed.

She was doing some work on her computer but she turned to look, “oh, that’s a good one,” she laughed with you.

The two of you continue to sit in comfortable silence as she types away and you scroll away. You both loved nights like this, nothing going on, just being together, relaxing and enjoying each other’s presence. It was a good reset for both of you, with your nine to five job and her crazy one, it was good to just be.

She slammed the enter key one last time and closed her laptop, “finally,” she sighed as she placed it on the side table. “Do you want a snack?”

“Ooooh, yes please!” you smile at her.

“I’ll be right back,” and she walked out of the bedroom.

You smile thinking that there’s no where else you’d rather be. You’re with the love of your life, having a night in, doing absolutely nothing, well, now you were. She comes back in with a lot of things.

“I wasn’t sure what I wanted or what you wanted so I brought options,” her arms were full with cheez-its, fruit snacks and who knows what else.

“Oh,” you chuckle, “thank you, baby.”

She displayed them all out over the bed, she gestured dramatically over them twinkling her fingers to show you the options.

You decide on the fruit snacks, two bags because one is never enough.

“Good choice,” she said picking up the protein bar.

“C’mon, live a little,” you joke to her.

“Fine, fine,” she throws the bar down and taps her chin thinking. Finally she chooses the potato chips, “better?” she held them up, they were still the healthy ones.

“Yes, thank you,” you laugh.

“I’ll take the rest back,” she gathers up the remaining snacks and heads back to the pantry.

The two of you sit on your phones, enjoying your respective snacks, showing each other funny tiktok’s, memes, and cool drawings people made of her.

Her hand landed on your thigh, but you thought nothing of it, she loved to be touching you whenever she could.

You didn’t notice her put her phone down but you did notice when she moved herself closer to you and started kissing your arm. You kissed her head in a response but she kept going. Gently kissing up your arm until she made it to your neck. Wave after wave of pleasure sent through your body with every kiss. She took your phone out of your hand, that you weren’t really paying attention to anymore, and put it on your side table.

The hand on your thigh moved up to gently caress your hot center, “c’mon baby,” she whispered.

You moaned softly into her touch but suddenly stopped her, “no wait-”

“What’s wrong? You okay?” she immediately pulled her hand away.

“Yeah, it’s just… you’ve been away so I haven’t, uh… shaved,” your face was red from embarrassment.

“Baby,” her face softened, “I love every part of you no matter what. A little hair isn’t gonna hurt me.”

“But I don’t want-”

“Unless you got some crazy thing going on down there, like teeth or something,” she chuckled, “I don’t mind one bit.”

You tried to talk, “But it’s gro-”

She put a finger over your mouth, “It’s not gross, it’s not ugly, it’s normal. Do you care when I don’t shave?”

She didn’t move her finger so you just shook your head.

“Exactly,” she finally removed her finger, “if you don’t want to continue, that’s perfectly fine, but unshaven or not, I’m still gonna love you,” she smiled.

You gave her a weak smile, “are you sure? Because it’s pretty gnarly.”

“Baby…I promise.”

You stared at her for second to make sure she was really sure, “okay.”

“Now, can I get back to what I was doing or…” she said jokingly.

You giggle, “yes, please.”

Giving you a devilish grin, she bows her head to kiss your neck again, leaving soft slow pecks on your skin. She moved herself on top of you straddling your hips. Your hand tangled into her hair keeping it out of her way.

She nibbled at your ear until she whispered, “You’re so…” she kissed your jaw, “hypnotizing…” she kissed down your jawline, “and beautiful…” one of her hands snuck to your neck and gently squeezed, “and…” her hand clutched to your neck hard as she looked you in the eyes, “don’t you ever, ever think otherwise.”

Your eyes were wide but your smile was huge at the sensation, “yes Mami,” you choke out.

“Good,” she barked as she released her hand, “my sweet girl,” she then she dragged her hand over your shirt down to your pajama shorts, sneaking it under the waistband. Her fingers found your dripping center, “look at you,” she gently swiped her fingers against you, “barely even started and you’re already ready for me.” She teased at your entrance, but decided against it. So she settled for teasing your clit instead.

Your back arched as a long moan left you, “mmmmcan’t help it,” you released your breath. One of your hands was behind her neck while the other was on the back of her thigh pushing her in closer, digging your nails into the tattoos as she continued to work her magic. You pull her neck down so that she could kiss you, and that she did.

You didn’t expect it to be, but it was hot and sloppy and you begged for more. Her hand below went faster as the kissing became more intense. You made small whines into her mouth between labored breaths. Her lips finally let go of you as she pulled her hand out.

You huffed at the loss, but she quickly got off of you and yanked your shorts and underwear off and threw them onto the floor. Without hesitation, she spread your legs and immediately began to lap at your wet folds.

“Fuck,” you groan as your hands found their way back to her hair.

Her arms curled around your thighs, “you taste so good, babygirl,” then she began to suck on your clit.

You tightened your grip at her words as your eyes pinched closed but you could feel her smiling against you. You were squirming but she was holding you perfectly still with her insane strength. She finally let go of one of your legs, teasing her fingers at your entrance once more.

“Mhmm…yessss, please!” you whine.

“You know I love when you beg,” and she pushes her way inside.

“Oh fuck,” as your back arched again.

She was pumping in and out of you at a steady pace as she continued to use her tongue on your pulsing bud. You writhed under her grip but she kept your hips still. The pressure in your stomach was quickly building, “harder, mami, please!”

“Oh, you want it rough today, princess?”

“God yes, please,” you beg.

“As you wish,” she grinned.

You barely noticed but in one second she removed her hand, flipped it over, plunged back into you so now the heel of hand was facing up and her two middle fingers were pumping into you at an outrageous pace. She kissed your thigh before she maneuvered herself back on top of you. She kissed you, making sure that you could taste yourself on her tongue.

She trailed her kisses down your neck, then began to bite, rolling your skin in her teeth, “you’re doing so well,” she whispered, she sucked at your skin not caring if she left a mark, “you feel so good on me,” she said in your ear.

You were untangling beneath her, your eyes were in the back of your head, your hands were gripping at anything you could reach, her arms, her back, her hair, the sheets. You barely had any air in your lungs, your hips were riding her hand that was setting the ungodly pace, trying so hard to keep up.

“I know you want to, baby,” she grinned at the noises that were spilling out of you, “I’m not going to stop you,” her voice was calm and sultry, it was driving you insane, more than you already were.

“Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!” you screamed.

“C’mon baby!” she yelled over your deafening whines.

You gasped for air as you curled up with your mouth wide open and your eyes rolled back, “FFFUUCKK!!” the pressure inside of you released so violently that you slammed your head onto the pillow beneath.

She immediately pulled her hand out of you as you squirted all over the sheets and her hand that couldn’t move fast enough.

“Holy fuck,” you heard her say over your loud moan. She plunged back into you when you were done and continued her pace smiling from ear to ear, “again,” was all she said. Though this time, her free hand found its way back to your neck and squeezed.

Your hands gripped her arm as you gave her a wicked smile. Just a minute later, the pressure was back and ready to be released again. You groaned, whined and moaned as well as you could under her hand.

“Just one more time, princess, one more for me,” she commanded.

You followed orders and the knot in your stomach untangled again. You couldn’t say anything but a loud scream of pleasure, as she removed her hand, still not fast enough, and you squirted once more.

She released the grip on your neck and you immediately pulled her in for another sloppy kiss. Your lips smacked as she pulled away, “You’re so fucking hot,” she breathed.

You couldn’t fathom saying anything you were so weak so you settled for the wicked smile. You kissed her once more before going completely limp underneath her.

She sat on her heels next to you. She looked the mess you made underneath your bottom half and chuckled, “We gotta wash the sheets.”

#rhea ripley #wwe #rhea ripley x reader #god i need her so badly

[malama-art]

i'm so normal about her

#pokemon #rika #art #fanart #my art #sv spoilers #i need her i need her so badly oh my god

[britomart]

[ID: Nine photographs of Florence Welch during the Dance Fever tour, holding fans’ faces with one hand as she sings, often leaning in so her forehead touches theirs. /end ID.]

#i need this to happen to me so badly do u understand… i would literally risk it all this would literally fix me #soapbox #florence welch #like. aghhhhhhhhh #and i am seeing her in march like good god…. #idk how early i’ll have to line up to be at the barrier but i will be there.

[linkvcr]

Thinking about skyward sword Zelda... I need her to be affected by her own journey. The shift in her tone before and after going to the surface, realising she's divinity reborn as a mortal, stripping away parts of her identity to make room for a new [old] one. Realising hylia [her but not her] used her best friend in ways she wouldn't even dream of. Being stuck in a crystal for thousands of years and having her soul ripped out of her and losing the one companion she had in such quick succession. And she's supposed to be fine??? How does she cope? Who does she pray to after this?

#i need to be put down like actually #i need people. to think about her more #ohhh my god she is fascinating and so so tragic to me #i need to draw her. BADLY #ty pea for listening to this exact ramble #txt

[vampireloverz]

cw/tw: lady dimitrescu x fem! reader, pussy inspection (reader receiving), previously established dynamic, reader wears a dress, size difference

“My lady…” your voice fades into nothing as she leads you by the hand to her oversized, opulent bed.

“Hush now, and sit down.”

You obey willingly, happily, crossing your hands in your lap as you sink into the mattress and watch her sit across the room at her vanity. The hard line of Alcina’s shoulders relaxes a bit as she takes off her wide brim hat to set it aside, you catalogue each of her dark curls that frames her face beautifully in the candlelight. It feels odd to watch her light her own cigarette, usually you’re doing it for her, anticipating her needs as you wait on her hand and foot.

Alcina’s lips purse around the tip of her delicate cigarette holder, it leaves traces of her lipstick behind when she pulls back and breathes out smoke, “Lift your skirt.”

You’re not surprised, this is routine by now, but it still makes heat bloom from your neck to your cheeks as you toe off your shoes and scoot back on the bed, pulling your dress upwards until your legs are exposed to her.

The silence in her bedroom is deafening, each rustle of your clothes and drag from her cigarette feels impossibly loud as you wait for her, not moving more than instructed.

It feels like ages before you hear the creak of her chair as she rises, heels clicking closer and closer until her hands are on you, cold and spanning much more of your thighs than your own hands can. She drags one of her long, claw-like nails over your inner thigh, up, up, up, until it’s right at the top of your underwear. You hold your breath as she hooks into the cotton and begins to drag it down, you should’ve known she would tease you like this.

When your underwear finally slides off your legs and exposes you, she makes a sound in her throat, a rippling, rumbling thing that tells you she’s pleased, a touch amused even.

"Sweet girl, you’re trembling.”

Her long, perfectly manicured fingers spread you open for her, you always have to work through the embarrassment as you wait for her to observe and inspect you until she’s satisfied. You allow yourself a sigh when she begins to stroke you idly, each pet over your clit makes you clench and twitch. It’s not enough to make you cum, not even close, all it does is make you sensitive and impatient, wetter by the minute. It takes all your effort not to buck your hips into her hand, you know that won’t get you anywhere besides a spank or two right on your cunt.

She’s toying with you, and she doesn’t even try to pretend she’s not. Your lady is usually gracious with you, her daughters are usually the ones who tease you, but when she has her fingers or mouth on you she becomes awfully condescending— and you both know how wet it makes you. Alcina loves to feel your fragile human body, loves to make you squirm and writhe while she gets her fill of your pretty face and quickened heartbeat.

“My lady,” despite your best efforts your tone still comes out desperate, “Please!”

You can’t help the embarrassed whine that escaped you when she laughs, a dark, beautiful thing that floats out of her perfect lips.

Suddenly her mouth is on you, tongue laving over you like you’re nothing more than a flavor of wine to be sampled and savored, and your self control shatters, your hips buck into her. Thankfully, she’s in good humor and she follows the movement gracefully, stroking your clit with her tongue before she pulls away.

“My dear,” she coos, making goosebumps rise all over your body, “Settle down now, I’ve only just begun.”

#lady dimitrescu x reader #📝 — re #god i need her to fuck me so badly #💒.mini #lady dimitrescu 🖤

[welcometogrouchland]

i was gonna make a whole seperate post about how context and art seems to imply that the ex boyfriend that got stephanie pregnant was at least 18, if not older, when she was 16/15, which is kinda squicky (i mean not if she's 16 really, but 15 yes) but in my journeys on the Stephanie Brown wiki (real and delightful thing that exists) i discovered the batman chronicles #22 where her UNCLE HITS ON HER???? i think that's what we're meant to get from it anyway the dialogue is subtle (the art is not imo). AND I. WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT. STEPHANIE YOU CAN START AS MANY GANG WARS AS YOU WANT WITH YOUR LIFE THE WAY IT IS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

#ramblings of a lunatic #dc comics #stephanie brown #SORRY AND COUPLED WITH ROBIN 1993 ISSUE 111 WHERE IT'S REVEALED HER DAD'S FRIEND TRIED TO ASSAULT HER WHEN SHE WAS A KID #STEPHANIE BABY IM SO SORRY YOUR LIFE IS LIKE THIS #god no wonder she was so insane about tim. simultaneously loving him and being paranoid he was gonna cheat or something #i mean a) he skirted close to it at times very early on in his robin run which is. weird to say the least. rip tim sorry they did that to u #but also b) every man in her life treats her like THIS (guy who got her pregnant also abandoned her) so yeah #no wonder she expects the worst from tim but also clings to him like glue. bc he hasnt done any of those things (yet. to stephs knowledge) #it's super unfair on tim but also ohhhhh my god. oh my god her life is awful her life is so awful #i know a lot of ppl resent bg 2009 for not going into how awful her life is and there's merit to that criticism #but also the book was explicitly trying to give her a fucking break from the hardship #and after reading this. i can get behind it. i could before too but doubly now #i need. so many hurt/comfort fics about stephs history with shitty guys. so badly

[ewwww-what]

I like to think that Gorgug hangs out with the seven the way Zelda hangs out with the bad kids. You know that horrible awkward feeling where you only know one person at a party? It’s like that but everyone else at the party is inseparable and they keep teasing you (in a good-natured way) with jokes you don’t understand, and all you can do is smile and nod and try so hard not to embarrass yourself in front of these people you perceive as way too cool for you.

#every adventure group has to have a weird guy who dates a weird guy that’s just how it goes #please oh my god the seven going ​‘way to step up Gorgug!!!’ when he calls Zelda from Sylvaire #the fact that they love Zelda does not give Gorgug a single ounce of immunity from being teased #and Zelda showing up at Mordred for moving day #and all the bad kids just accept her being there no problem #like clearly they hang out at least a little #please I really really need someone to write something about them it’s hurting me #save me the seven. save me. the seven please. save me. #I need more content of them so so bad I am STARVED #part of the reason I want donospring to stay good friends so badly is because of this idea #weird ex girlfriends and their respective friend groups that mix just a little #fantasy high #the seven #the seven maidens #d20 #d20 fantasy high #d20 the seven #zelda donovan #gorgug thistlespring #donospring #txt post

[thisaccountisagainstmywill]

Biting into Orin would be like biting into one of these bad boys.

It's all I think about when I see her. I want to put my mouth on her.

#bg3 #orin #bg3 orin #orin the red #i need to go outside #i want to bite her so fucking badly #god damn the fucking texture work they did on her #suck off a tech artist

[andersonlore]

listening to it isn’t enough i need ethel cain’s music injected into my veins

#right now need it so badly #god i love her #rayne rambles

[seoz-seoz]

Did someone say buff adult Rin??

Yeah...🤤

#im so gay about buff girls #i didnt even make her that buff i havr failed i need to get better at drawing difffernt body types... #nohara rin #rin #adult rin #buff girls #crush the watermelon!!! with her thighs!!! #naruto fanart #rin fanart #naruto #crack #kinda #seoz art #ive said it before and ill say jt again- nohara rin can smush me into a pulp anyday anytime 😘 #obito and kakashi want so so badly to put their heads there instead!!!!!! #not to be a lesbian but oh my god #🥵🥵🥵 #😳😳😳

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Not to continue my recent trend of oversharing on tumblr dot com, but I am very much struggling not to feel like I'm doing everything in my entire life wrong at present

#normal things to think after your doctor tells you you need to get a blood test re-taken bc you mistimed your dose #I'm just. I'm tired man. #I've been putting off a phone call for two months #i spend every day lately torn between do I need to go to hospital or am I just unfit and anxious #I rot and decay when left alone but also people are Too Much #I want to Create but I can't get started and when I do I'm just so disappointed with whatever I make #I'm exhausted but I'm awake at 4am bc if i go to sleep tomorrow will start and I'll have to do this all again #and I need so fucking badly for someone to just crush me so hard in a really long hug until my bones realign #and i need to find past me shake her by the shoulders and yell “you're fine! you'll be fine! cut your hair! eat your greens! #take up swimming and also some new pronouns! no one else will respect em but they're for YOU and so is the health stuff #please for the love of fucking god just look after yourself better than i did!“ #there's toooooo many fuckin holes in this sinking ship #I need a full body MOT and then to be cradled against the chest of a large gentle man for 12-36 hours #mr. bees speaks

[spideybonez]

god the scene where amanda kills adam hurts so badly. they both deserved so much better :C

#i'm painting them rn and it's making me emotional #they had such potential for an interesting dynamic :(( if only she hadn't killed him #thinking about the deleted scene where he sees her at his apartment building #god they would've been such a good duo #GOD I NEED TO WRITE A FIXIT FIC SO FUCKING BADLY I CANNOT COPE WITH THIS TRAGIC REALITY #saw #saw franchise #adam faulkner stanheight #amanda young #saw iii #si yaps

[bagelbongos]

@/tayvincent6 on twitter

#i need her so badly oh my fuckijg god #i am ready to risk everything #to do everything #i am on my knees #rose lavelle

[mayasaura]

Something I'm gonna be so interested in finding out is the literal magical power dynamic between John and Alecto. Alecto is the source of John's power, but she can't do necromancy. She can do something, for sure, the way she moves through the River like it's her natural habitat, but all of this started because she needed someone else to wield her power. She couldn't do it herself.

#maybe the real rose bride was Alecto all along #but fr it seems like most intentional use of power and magic needs to be channeled through a champion or avatar #like a dnd god #so I wonder if she'll be acting for herself in the next book or if she'll be looking for someone she can trust to act for her #or if she'll need to find someone she can trust to act for her but love John too much and be too hurt by John to try #did she take Harrow with her bc she owes Harrow a debt or bc she needs a new champion #or both? #alecto the first #alecto speculation #ntn spoilers #nona the ninth #the locked tomb #tlt meta #starting to wonder if it won't be Alecto resurrection Gideon but Alecto giving Harrow the power to resurrect Gideon #which would be. so funny how badly Gideon could take that #oh sure you won't accept depending on ME for unlimited power but you'll take HER #not even clocking that the difference is taking Gideon would have destroyed her but Alecto isn't hurt in the process #tlt spoilers

[trashlie]

You brought Nol and Yui up and elaborated on their dynamic beautifully, I just wanted to add something that I've been thinking about a lot lately. Nol isn't only a threat to Yui because he is a potential heir. He is also a threat because if he ever exposes what she did to him in the Hirahara mental facility, it could be her downfall. The incident between the brothers was something she was personally, directly involved in. It all boils down to her. Whatever the contents of Yujing's article will be, Yui will probably be able to weasel her way out of any accusations. (I don't see her standing trial for murder or any of the Kim's crimes anytime soon.) But this? This is not something she will be able to get away with that easily once people start digging and questioning things.

To prevent it all from coming to light, she needs to keep Nol in this miserable state. Similarly to how she needs Kousuke to have this warped perception of reality, the same applies to Nol. She needs him isolated, internalizing the guilt, believing he deserves everything that happened, that fighting back is useless and only leads to more pain. But if he ever breaks free from her control, finds support, starts unpacking everything that has happened... That's when he becomes unpredictable, and unpredictable is dangerous. Back then, Yui got rid of Nessa but let Nol live. I wouldn't be surprised at all if a day comes when she really regrets that decision.

And this really makes me wonder how exactly Nol remembers the incident. Does he remember it clearly, or was his memory warped? Does he stay quiet because it's his word vs Kousuke's Yui's the media the whole world so he knows no one would believe him? How did he process his time in the facility? Does he remember it clearly and would be able to talk about, or is it all a haze? Does he recall names, faces? Would he be able to recognize the people he met there again?

Related to this, I have this feeling that whatever was going on in the mental facility, is... bigger than Nol. Bigger than just one kid getting abused and brainwashed. What if he isn't the only victim. What if it is the entire facility, or at least a subsection of it. What if Yui, since she runs the facility, fostered this kind of environment? This is a sensitive subject so I'm trying to find the right words... Unfortunately, this is not as unrealistic as people might think. It's horrible and absolutely disgusting but abuse in mental asylums, as well as institutions with a similar framework like nursing homes, is not a rare occurrence, because of the power dynamics in place and the residents being isolated from the outside world. Unfortunately, not every nurse, doctor, or medical staff is a good, caring, kind person. Some of them are the worst, most heartless people who simply want to have power over others. And power is such a key theme in the story already, isn't it. Given the author's background in the medical field, I would not be surprised at all if this is something she is planning on commenting on in season 2...

[Content warning: In my response I will talk a little about implied sexual assault related to Yui.]

Oh man, this is such a GOOD message and I think you're bringing up something that hasn't been explored nearly as much so far! That, yes, as we move into s2 we are going to start seeing the much darker underbelly of the story that has been sort of held off for so long, things that have only been danced around, until our characters grow older, aaaaahhhh!

But yes, re: Nol and Yui, that's such a good point! Like... something that I've talked about with a lot of people lately is that maybe Yujing is actually working on two stories - one as a favor to Rand, to help rectify Nol's image and reputation, and the other her much bigger story about Yui and the Kims, because I agree, there is no way whatever she has right now is going to be able to make the necessary dent, it will be so easy to bury. But if it turns out she IS working on two stories, this does a couple things. First, it plants that seed of credibility. If Nol was, in fact, an innocent person pushed to take the fall of the Hirahara's partner's son, then what can that say about Yui, the Hiraharas, the Kims? What does that say about corruption amongst the elite?

And what does it say about Nol's past?

If Nol's image can be redeemed (as much as it can be, because I have no doubts there will be people would brush it off, but fortunately Yujing bears a reputation for her honest work and reporting) while planting that seed, then later in the future when Yujing has even more dirt, even more testimonies, even more events to report on, people will be more willing to accept it, to believe it, to start to see that corruption, and how good people lose their lives (whether because they actually die or it's a case like Nol, who hasn't really been "living" all of these years as much as going through the motions).

Being able to expose the kind of manipulation and meddling Yui has done would be big, for her both as a Hirahara and also overseeing the health facilities, the hospital, etc. Someone of her status and position manipulating and drugging her own child and step-son, institutionalizing someone who didn't need it, the things that went on in there? ;A;

You're right that it's very likely Nol is not the only person who was abused in that facility, and I think it's very likely, too, that we might see this further explored. Something I think about re: Yui is that she has some kind of trauma, too. Not just the whole "I am a woman and I resent the patriarchy for what I have never been afforded and I have had to work harder in order to get what I have" and the survivalist mentality of needing to be at the top so that no one can take your position, which is already... uh... a lot lol. But on top of that, I think it' very possible that Yui was possibly assaulted when she was younger (perhaps even by one of the Kims which is a whole other can of worms) and that in never getting to process what happened to her, in not getting to get much needed help, perhaps she internalized that in a very damaging way. That mentality that this happened to her because she was weak, because she wasn't vigilant, because she wasn't powerful enough could be a part of the way she treats others, how she has this almost.... doesn't it feel like she treats people like her prey, that they dance for her amusement? That maybe if they were stronger, if they were more powerful, she wouldn't be able to play them like a fiddle? And I think, in an insidious way, this goes hand in hand with what you're bringing up - about fostering an environment where people who thrive on power can lord that over others.

It's especially sick and dark because yes, you are right - there are people who do often need that help and don't get the help they need because of the kinds of people who work in those institutions. We do see that a lot in nursing homes! And given that Nol was institutionalized on a basis that seems to be largely fictitious, or at least that it wasn't what it appeared, it feels even more hand in hand that powers of abuse were at play in there.

I have a few thoughts additional to this, too.

Something I think about Nol at this time is that he probably WAS an angry, hot-headed kid. His mother uprooted him and moved them to a foreign country where they live as undocumented immigrants in a home that Rand pays for for them, but they aren't living as citizens of this place. They're effectively living in hiding, in the shadows of Rand's Other Family. He must have been so alone! He must have been so upset. His father is this man who has a whole other family, he's MARRIED, and his mother is essentially his mistress, The Other Woman. She uprooted their lives for THAT. To be near him even though they couldn't actually BE. Nol wasn't part of their lives, part of that world. Every interaction we've seen of Kousuke and Nol spanning those years is just Kousuke refusing Nol, demeaning him.

In 219 when Nol and Shinae are talking about not celebrating his birthday, he talks about abusing the cow that became your burger and it makes me wonder if Nol and Nessa argued when he was younger, when he was hot-headed and bitter and angry and upset about being forced to live like this for a man who never once showed the side of him that his mother insists exists. Did he say terrible things about her choices, about what she was doing? Did he say hurtful things?

And to this thought... did Yui ever drug Nol via tea with something that might amplify and exacerbate his already hot-headed, bitter, angry feelings? That made him lash out at an old brother who treated him like dirt. At a family that made him feel like an invisible monster, like a mistake? Could the incident that happened the night he was taken away have involved something like that? And even if not then, we know Nol has an aversion to tea, which means it could still have been anything else. And not only an aversion to tea but an aversion to Yui's touch, to her presence...........

Whenever I think about the time he was institutionalized, I think of it a lot like what I think conversion therapy sounds like. They took this kid who is, for the most part, pretty normal. Is he having adjustment issues? Probably. Is his anger misplaced and out of place? Probably not. They took this kid and convinced him that something is wrong with him - that he himself is an anomaly, a mistake. That everything would be better if he didn't exist. Like, I feel deep in my heart that what happened to Nol was deeply brainwashing in nature, psychologically impacting how he sees and perceives himself, how he thinks about these incidents in the past that he was involved in. That everything would be so much better if he just didn't exist. His mother wouldn't be dead. His father's family would know peace. They convinced this kid that bad things come to those he cares about, because he is a blight. That he was a terrible son and he lost his mother because of it. I feel SO STRONGLY that this must be why this mentality is so deeply ingrained in him, why it's something that he cannot just let go of, because his entire identity is deeply rooted in it.

His entire panic about waking up in the hospital, and how he could calm down once he found out it wasn't Hirahara Memorial. His aversion to drugs, even when it was a pain killer given by Kousuke at the beginning of the story. I just.... i just KNOW terrible things happened in that hospital to him, and probably to others. ;_____; I'm haunted by his aversion to Yui's touch, the way he reacts every time she reaches to him ugggghhhhhhhh

So yes, I do wonder how much he remembers of that time - and it's probably going to depend on any drugs they were administering (whether or not he needed it). I think, too, he probably was made to participate in anger management, which probably further just warped his perception of himself and his feelings, and what he's allowed to feel.

But as for that night in question, I get the feeling even Nol doesn't have a clear memory of it, based on the beginning of episode 150. Something we've been picking up on re: memory in ILY is that color is one of the factors that determines how clear a memory is. A good example of this is Shinae's recollection of the formal and how it all works backwards from blurry, black and white images and slowly gains more clarity and saturation as she returns to what wasn't affected by being drugged. Other things is stuff like in Kousuke's memory where Nessa's face is scribbled out.

Nol's memory of the night he was taken away is jarring - there's no clarity, everything is blurred as if it's in motion, we can't make out the images, the colors are inversed (he himself appears blue and black). I think this implies that he himself has a very tenuous grasp on what happened that night, cannot recall clearly for himself his memory vs what Yui said. The most clear things, in fact, are what he was saying, his insistence that he wasn't doing anything, that he didn't touch him, he just wanted to ask him something.

We've seen even in Shinae's memories that speech can become blurred, so Nol's speech being the clearest part....? Interesting, right? So there seems to be some conviction in what he said and insisted, but the rest of it seems to be vague, easy to manipulate, to convince him he's remembering wrong.

And I think there's two strong possibilities here.

The first is that Nol could have been drugged at that time - and this really plays into the theory that maybe he's been given things that amplify and exacerbate his emotions, make him look like he's a violent, unstable child, make him come across more belligerent. If he was drugged maybe that's why the vision is so blurred, so warped.

The other possibility is this: quimchee has revealed that Nol is practically blind without his glasses, is nearsighted, and that this is, in fact, plot-related. We also know Nol now wears contacts - perhaps so that he can never be left blind if he forgets his glasses (loses them, they're taken from him) and.... what if that's connected to the night he was taken away.

Further, on top of this, Yui is the spitting image of Kousuke, but in a wig. And the night that Nol was taken away? Yui's hand looked like it was scuffed/battered/injured.

So I think it's safe to assume that no one but maybe Yui (and Rand?) has the best understanding of what happened that night. It seems possible that Nol was without his glasses, so already all but blind, and based on this being such a traumatic event, the memory is already distorted, the colors show that. Even if he wasn't drugged when this happened, it seems like it's something he himself can't very well recall, except for the words he spoke. ;A;

And to tie in your initial points lmao yes I think that's a really important thing to remember. Yui needs to keep Nol in a state where he cannot question these things, where it's easier for him to believe these lies that he's been saddled with, to continue to believe that he is a blight, a mistake, something that never should have existed, that wherever he goes, doom follows, that those he cares about are damned by his association. Every time he takes interest in someone Yui sees to it that they are "taken from him" like how Alyssa was pushed into a career that would mean she doesn't get to see him, leaving him alone and isolated, and convinced that this is what happens. It's UGGGGHHHHHH it's so awful, but YES that's very much how she operates, and why it's so so SO important to me that Nol and Shinae talk, because like she told him back at the Parks, nothing changes if he leaves. She still works for Yui, she's still under contract. Rand has reinforced this notion, that she WILL NEVER ESCAPE and the best she can do is to learn to play Yui's games and fight the way she does. As long as Nol is alone, she can continue to isolate him, continue to use the people he cares about against him, to punish him with their harm.

But like you said - maybe if he can get away from that, he can get the much needed clarity. It will take a lot of work and patience to unlearn what has been drilled into his head, but I think being able to talk to Shinae, to be open with each other would be an important first step, so that they can never be used against each other, and so that he can see that it's not him - it's Yui, and it's always been her. ;A;

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #ILY Anon #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #Yui Hirahara #Kousuke Hirahara #GOD nonny i cannot overstate what a good message this is i'm literally about to send it to my friends lmaooooo #sitting her with the revelation that the way 150 opens is one part Nol's distorted memory and possibly one part his nearsightedness? AAAAAA #thinking about how yes Yui's favorite tactic is to isolate because THAT'S how you effectively manipulate #and about how i so badly need her hubris to be her own downfall #that the people she played like weapons will one day be turned on her #i NEED it

[k1d-crypt1d]

just finished reading silence of the lambs for the first time... clarice starling.... hi

#it was so fucking good oh my god #clarice starling my beloved my wife my one and only #i understand why hannibal is fucking obsessed with her #anyways i need the next book so badly now #silence of the lambs