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just-dreaming-marvel · 3 years

Text

Love and Medicine ~ 3

MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 4,600ish

Summary: The beginning of your intern year continues.

Warnings: man parts (lol) and talk about rape

You really tried your best, but you couldn’t get the image of a naked Dr. Steve Rogers on the floor of your living room out of your head. You had decided one night that, to help get the image out of your head, you needed roommates. The house that you had inherited was big enough and the longer you lived there, the lonelier it became. So, you created a ‘roommates wanted’ sign and posted it in the locker room before your shift.

You had several interns come up to you explaining why they would be the perfect roommate for you within the first few hours of your shift. It was annoying and you turned every single one of them down, being very particular about who was going to live with you.

“Why do you put up posters for roommates if you don’t want roommates?” Val asked as you, her, and Scott walked down a corridor.

“I do want roommates,” you defended.

“And why can’t we be those roommates?” Scott wondered

“We’re just together a hundred hours a week, you want to live together too?”

“No,” Natasha responded, walking up to the group. “Ooh, you’re bringing bribes now?” She motioned to the cup of coffee in your hand.

“I need a place to live,” Scott rambled. “My mom irons my scrubs. I have to get out of there.”

“It’s not a bride,” you told Natasha before turning to Scott. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“But I can’t put down last, first, and deposit,” Scott argued.

“It’s totally a bride,” Natasha scoffed.

“I can cook,” Val added. “And I can clean.”

“No,” you stated. “I just want two total strangers who I don't have to talk to, or be nice to, and it's not a bribe, it's a mocha latte.”

“Clint, you’re running the code team,” Gamora ordered as you all walked up to her. “Y/N, take the trauma patients, Natasha, deliver the weekend labs to patients, Val, you’re on sutures, and Scott, you’re on scut.”

“Dr. Gamora,” you called. “I was hoping to assist you in the OR today, maybe do a minor procedure? I think I'm ready. Mocha latte?” You held the cup out for her.

“If she gets to cut, I want to cut too,” Natasha added.

“Yeah, me too,” Val joined in.

“I wouldn’t mind another shot,” Scott shrugged.

“And if everybody else gets one, then I do too!” Clint said.

“Stop talking,” Gamora demanded. You all fell silent. “Every intern wants to perform their first surgery, that's not your job. Do you know what your job is? To make your resident happy. Do I look happy? No. Why? Because my interns are whining. You know what will make me look happy? Having the code team staffed, having the trauma patients taken care of, having the weekend labs delivered, and having someone down in the Pit, doing the sutures.” She swiped the mocha latte from your hand. “No one holds a scalpel until I'm so happy I'm Mary freakin' Poppins.”

“Mocha latte my ass,” Natasha grumbled.

“Why’re y’all still standing there? Move!”

Everyone moved, you heading to the elevator with a few files. You paused in your steps when you noticed who was waiting at the elevator. Dr. Steve Rogers. You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself, before making your way to stand and wait next to him. When he noticed you, he tried to hide the pleasant smile that wanted to take over his face.

“New York has ferry boats,” he stated.

“Yes,” you replied, a bit confused.

“I didn’t remember that. I grew up here then left, now I’ve been living here for six weeks, and I didn’t remember there were ferry boats.”

“Well, Manhattan is an island.”

“Hence the ferry boats.” The elevator arrived and the two of you stepped onto it. “Now I have to like it here. I wasn’t planning on liking it here. I just moved here from the country. I’m supposed to not like big cities like Manhattan. But I have a thing for ferry boats.”

The elevators doors closed, leaving them alone in the elevator. He was leaning against the wall behind you as you stood in the middle, holding the files to your body. You hoped that he couldn’t hear your heart pounding in your chest.

“I’m not going out with you,” you blurted. You don’t know if you were trying to tell him that or if you were trying to convince yourself that you weren’t interested.

“Did I ask you to go out with me?” He questioned. He paused before asking the next, “Do you want to go out with me?”

“I'm not dating you. And I'm definitely not sleeping with you again. You're my boss.”

“I'm your boss's boss.”

“You're my teacher. And my teacher's teacher. And you're my teacher.”

“I'm your sister, I'm your daughter,” he joked.

“You're sexually harassing me.”

“I'm riding an elevator.” He stepped towards you, you could practically feel him breathing down your neck. You spun around to face him.

“Look, I'm drawing a line. The line is drawn. There's a big line.”

“So, this line. Is it imaginary, or do I need to get you a marker?”

You stared at him for a second, basking in all his attractiveness. It didn’t take you very long to go ‘screw it’ and drop the files you were holding and kiss him. Steve was a tad surprised but caught on quickly. When the elevator dinged, you quickly crouched down to pick up the files and rushed out of the elevator. Steve stood there, looking amused.

“We’ll talk later?” He called after you. You ignored him and he chuckled to himself. “Definitely, later.”

~~~

In between taking care of patients, you had interns begging you to let them be your roommate. You were slowly regretting the idea of roommates the longer the day went on. Thankfully, your pager rang and requested you down in the ER.

“You the surgeon?” A nurse asked as you entered the room.

“Yes,” you replied.

“We’ve got a rape victim. 21-year-old female found down at the park, status: post-trauma, she came in with a GCS of 6, BP 80 over 60, head trauma, unequal breath sounds, right pupil is dilated, and she's ready for x-ray. You ready to roll?” You were listening but also focused on the girl’s shoes. They were the same ones you had worn to work. “Hey!”

“Uh, sorry,” you stumbled. “Yeah. Call it in to clear CT, let them know I'm coming, load up the portable monitor, call respiratory for a ventilator, I'll get x-rays while I'm down there.”

You quickly learned that the girls name was Mallory and, just by you reading the scans alone, she would be needing surgery. Dr. Banner and Dr. Rogers were both called in while you were allowed to watch and hopefully assist.

“She’s going to spend a hell of a lot of time in recovery and rehab,” Dr. Rogers stated.

“If she survives,” Dr. Banner added.

“What is she, like, 5'2", a hundred pounds, she's still breathing after what this guy did to her? If they catch the guy, they should castrate him.”

“See how shredded her hands are? She tried to fight back.”

“Tried to?” Dr. Stark repeated, walking into the room. “Rape kit came back negative. She kicked his ass.”

“So, we have a warrior amount us, huh?” Rogers questioned.

“Hell yeah we do! I just came in to tell you about the rape kit and to see if you needed me anytime soon. Can’t have the poor girl be reminded of the incident with so many scars.”

“Mallory,” you interrupted. “Her—her name is Mallory.”

“Mallory,” Rogers and Stark repeated.

“I think I may have found the cause of our rupture,” Banner said, pulling out a piece of flesh. “What is this?” He held it up. “Does anyone know what this is?”

“Oh my gosh,” you gasped, with Dr. Stark snickering from the sidelines.

“What? Spit it out, L/N.”

“She bit it off.”

“Bit off what?”

“That’s his…” You swallowed. “His penis.” Shocked groans filled the OR. “She bit off his penis.”

“Told you she kicked his ass!” Stark exclaimed as Banner couldn’t toss the piece of flesh into the try fast enough.

~~~

After the surgery, the penis was placed in a small cooler. You were tasked to bring it to Fury for the police. You knocked at the door of his office, where an older woman is in there.

“Hi, is the chief in?” You asked.

“He’s on his way,” she responded. “Is that it?”

“Can I see it?” You looked down at the box and then up again. “No, forget I asked.”

“Y/N, it’s good to see you,” Fury greeted as he entered, going to his desk.

“You too, sir,” you responded with a nod. “Listen, so they said to bring this to you,” you lifted up the cooler. “So…?”

“Yes, for the police,” Fury responded.

“Right.”

“When did the police say they'll come?” Fury asked his assistant.

“You know how slow they are,” she answered. “So, she’d better take it with her.”

“What?” You questioned.

“You have to take it with you.”

“Chain of custody rules,” Fury explained. “All medical matter in a rape must stay with the person who collected it, until it's placed in police custody.”

“You collected the specimen, so you have custody.”

“Custody of a penis…” You said.

“Yes,” Fury answered. “Until the cops come for it.”

“Okay. Well, what am I supposed to do with the penis?”

Fury simply shrugged before excusing you. You huffed, leaving the office with the cooler. You wandered the halls until you saw Clint working at a desk. You walked over, setting the cooler down and causing Clint to look up at you.

“What’s that?” He pointed to the cooler as he asked.

“Don’t ask, you don’t want to know,” you responded.

“I do want to know. Really.”

“You really want to know?” Clint nodded. “It’s a severed penis.”

“Okay… I didn’t really want to know.”

“Told you.”

“I didn’t know why I have to be the one who gets hugged,” Natasha complained to Peter as they walked up.

“Because, I don’t do that,” Peter replied. “Besides, you're the ovarian sister here.”

“Did you just call me an ovarian sis— an ovarian— since when has the possession of ovaries become an insult?”

“Y/N’s carrying a penis around in a jar,” Clint interrupted.

“Oh, from the rape surgery?” Natasha looked around.

“Yeah,” you answered. “And it’s not a jar, it’s a cooler.”

“Talk about taking a bite out of crime.” Natasha chuckled as she left.

You were suddenly lost in your head, unable to stop thinking about Mallory’s shoes. They were the same as yours. You had worn them to work today, which was weird. You never really wear them.

“You okay?” Clint asked.

“Yeah… it’s just… Mallory's shoes. The rape victim, Mallory, her shoes. I have the same ones. In my locker. And I normally never wear them, because they're not comfortable, but today I did, and she was wearing the same shoes, and it's just… stupid, and I'm tired, and forget it.”

“You know what you need?” Clint stared at you.

“No. It’s stick and twisted. We said last time was the last time.” Clint looked away. “You’ve been doing it without me?”

“Nancy Reagan lied. You can't just say no. Come on.”

“Do you know what would happen if anyone knew?”

“I'm doing it. You can come with me… or you can stay here, and be miserable.”

“Fine,” you tried to hold back a smile as you followed Clint.

He led you to the nursery, where you two stood at the window and watched the babies. You laughed as Clint did some baby talk.

“You are such a woman,” you laughed.

Clint’s pager beeped before he could retorted. “It’s a code,” he sighed. “I gotta go.”

He left, leaving you to sigh as you watched the babies.

“You are really cute,” you whispered as you looked at them.

As you watched them, you noticed at one of the babies was struggling. His face was slowly turning blue. You quickly entered the nursery, setting the cooler to the side before checking the babies chart. Then you sided your stethoscope to check on the babies heart.

“What are you doing in here?” A Peds Intern asked, walking into the room.

“There were no tests ordered,” you answered. “And the baby has a murmur.”

“I know.”

“He turned blue.”

“You're surgery, you're not authorized to be in here. Do you know how much trouble you can get into for this?”

“Are you going to do any tests?”

“It's a benign systolic ejection murmur. It goes away with age.”

“So you're not going to do any tests.”

“He's not your patient, he's not even on your service.”

“Are you sure it’s benign?”

“I'm a doctor too, you know. You should get out of here.”

Deciding you’d rather not get in trouble, you grabbed the cooler and left. You were stopped along your wandering by more interns who wanted to room with you. After having listened to three of them, you walked away, still unimpressed, and went to Mallory’s room. You were looking at her through the window when Dr. Rogers came up.

“Y/N,” he greeted. “I've called every hospital in the county. Sooner or later, the guy that did this is going to seek medical attention, and when he does, that penis you're carrying around is going to nail him.”

“Where is her family?” You asked.

“Doesn’t have any.”

“No siblings?”

“No. Both parents are dead. She just moved to New York three weeks ago. Welcome to the city.” When you didn’t give a response he turned to look at you. You were lost in your thoughts. “Y/N, you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. I just… I just have to do something. I have to go.”

“Right. I’m going to sit with her.”

You nodded before rushing away to find Dr. Banner.

“Dr. Banner?” You called when you saw him.

“Mmm?” He hummed, turning to face you.

“There's a baby up in peds, I saw him have a tet spell, and I think I hear a murmur.”

“Mmm. Did peds call us for a consult?”

“Actually, no. They’re not doing anything about it—“

“So you want me to what?”

“If you could just go up and look at him—“

“Mm-hmm, not without a Peds consult.”

“Yeah, but—“

“I’m a busy man, L/N, and there are rules. Look, it’s not like I’m the Chief or something.”

Then he stocked off, leaving you frustrated.

“Stupid rules.”

~~~

Eventually, you found a spot in the lobby to sit. Just waiting for the cops to show up.

“What’re you doing down here?” Natasha asked when she came across you.

“Just sitting here with my penis,” you responded. “What about you?”

“Hiding from Peter.” She sat beside you.

“I kissed Steve.”

“You kissed Steve.”

“In the elevator.”

“Oh, you kissed him in the elevator.”

“I was having a bad day. I am having a bad day.”

“Oh, so this is what you do on your bad days. Make out with Captain McDreamy.” You both stood up.

“Well, that, and you know, carrying around a penis just makes everything seem so shiny and happy.”

“Mmm. Clint said Mallory was wearing your shoes.”

“Yeah. It’s weird, right?”

“I think it’s weird that you care.”

“I think it’s weird.”

From outside, a car swerves. You and Natasha could hear it from inside, causing you to rush out. A man staggered out of the car, clothes soaked in blood, mainly around his crotch. He collapses. Other doctors and nurses followed you out and immediately began checking on him. You immediately knew that the guy was the owner of the penis you had been carrying around all day. The other doctors brought him into a trauma room. You followed, quickly calling security.

“So, what’ve we got?” Gamora asked as she entered.

“Take a look,” you responded.

“What?” She leaned closer. “Alright, let’s get him to OR 1. Y/N, you call the Chief and let him know we got the rapist.”

~~~

You and Natasha were in the OR with Gamora and Stark. They were working on the rapist.

“I saw Mallory,” you said, eyes on the operating table. “You can’t believe the beating that she took. And then to see this…”

“It's like that old saying, you should see the other guy,” Natasha said.

“Okay, kiddos, why are we not attempting to reattach the severed penis?” Dr. Stark asked.

“Teeth don’t slice, they tear. You can only reattach with a clean cut. If she wanted to slice him off with a knife…”

“Besides,” you continued for Natasha, “the digestive juices didn't leave much of the flesh to work with.”

“Right,” Gamora agreed, “so what do we do?”

“Sew him up minus a large part of the family jewels,” Natasha answered.

“And his outlook?”

“He'll be urinating out of a bag for a very, very long time,” Natasha added.

“Oh, too bad.”

“Shame.”

“I can’t imagine not having sex,” Stark commented. “I think that I would just end my life if I couldn’t do a round every day.” Everyone looked at him. “What? It shouldn’t be that surprising.”

“No wonder, Dr. Potts keeps turning you down,” Gamora said.

“I’ll get her one day. Just you wait. I’m going to marry that woman if it’s the last thing I do.”

~~~

You met with the police after the surgery where they told you that they couldn’t send their crime scene guy down for hours. Annoyed, you searched for your intern friends. You found them in the empty corridor, sitting on the beds.

“So, the police say that they can’t send down the crack crime scene guy for hours,” you told them as you entered, sitting down beside Natasha. “So I have to spend the night with a penis. Peter, don’t say it.”

“Ahh, it was too easy anyway,” Peter responded.

“Who here feels like they have no idea what they’re doing?” Scott asked. Everyone of you, but Peter, raised a hand.

“I mean, are we supposed to be learning something?” Clint wondered. “Because I don’t feel like I’m learning anything.”

“Except how not to sleep,” Val added.

“It’s like there’s this wall,” Natasha said, “and the attending and the residents are over there, being surgeons, and we’re over here, being—“

“Suturing, code running, lab delivering penis-minders,” you grumbled.

“I hate being an intern,” Peter stated.

Gamora walked into the hallway, looking expectant. All of you interns quickly got up and took your leave. All the others had things to do, so you found yourself in front of the babies again. As you looked at the baby you’re so worried about, you noticed the parents. Taking a deep breath, you decided to go up to them.

“Hi,” you greeted with a soft smile.

“Hi,” the mother greeted back.

“Is he yours?” You nodded to the baby.

“Yeah,” the mother smiled.

“He’s adorable… Have you noticed anything that would concern you?”

“No,” the father responded. “Have you?”

“Earlier today I noticed him turning blue.”

“Blue?” The mother repeated.

“Yes. I checked him and I heard a murmur.”

“We were told that the murmur was benign,” the father stated.

“I don’t think it is. I think—“

“You are so out of line,” the Peds Intern interrupted.

“She says the murmur might not be benign,” the father said.

“I think we should do an echo, to check,” you suggested.

“This is your career,” the intern said, going to get her resident.

“There’s really no reason to get alarmed,” you told the parents.

“What’s the problem?” The resident asked, coming back with the intern.

“If our baby is sick, we want him treated,” the mother ordered. “Now.”

“Who said your baby was sick?”

“Her,” the Peds Intern answered, pointing to you. “The surgical intern who has no business on our service.”

“Who authorized you being here?”

“I was just,” you began, “actually—“

“I did,” Dr. Banner came up from behind you. “Could you excuse us for a second?” Dr. Banner took the resident to the side, but not far enough for you to not hear. “Are you messing with my intern, Dr. Keener?”

“No, sir,” the resident responded.

Dr. Banner turned back to you and the other intern. “Give me the chart.”

“There’s nothing wrong with him,” the intern said, giving up the chart, “I checked.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“You can guarantee that he is fine, you are 100% sure.”

The intern looked hesitant.

“How sure are you?” The resident questioned.

“I don’t know,” the intern responded. “75%.”

“Not good enough,” Banner said. “He’s my patient now. That okay with you, Dr. K?”

“Absolutely,” the resident responded.

“He can take our patient?” The intern asked.

“He’s an attending.”

“Which means I can do whatever I want,” Banner replied before heading to the parents. “Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, I’m Dr. Banner, head of cardio. We’re going to run some tests and give you an answer within the hour. Excuse me.” He turned to you. “L/N.” He motioned for you to follow, which you quickly did. “I want an EKG, a chest x-ray, and an ECHO. I don’t have all day.”

“You’re a busy man.”

“I’m a busy man.”

You quickly ordered the tests then wandered the hospital more, since you weren’t allowed to do anything while you were watching the penis. After a little while, you found Dr. Banner again.

“Well?” You asked as you walked up to him.

“It’s a birth defect,” Dr. Banner replied. “Tetrology affirmed lower pulmonary artresia. You were right. I'm booking the OR for tomorrow.”

“Thank you for backing me up on this.”

“Whoa, whoa, wait, whoa. You were right. But if you ever pull a stunt like that again...going to the parents behind a doctor's back? Trying to steal a patient from another service? I will make your residency year hell on earth.”

He walked off and you smiled slightly to yourself. You made your way back to the babies, where you watched, from the other side of the window, Banner talk to the parents.

“His heart surgery is scheduled for the morning,” the Peds Intern told you. “I really did think I was right, you know.”

“I know. We almost never are. We're interns,” you responded. “We're not supposed to be right. And when we are, it's completely shocking.”

“Are you— I mean, being an intern, do you feel…”

“Terrified. 100% of the time.”

“Good, it’s not just me.”

“No.”

You decided, after finishing up with the babies, to go check on Mallory. When you arrived, you realized that Steve was still in there.

“How is she?” You asked, standing in the doorway.

“No change,” Steve answered with a sigh.

“Have you been here all night?”

“Mm-hmm. Yup… If I was in a comma, I’d want someone to be here. I know I would have people there. Having no one? Can’t imagine that.”

“I can.”

“Don’t you have any family?”

“I do. Just… I don’t think they’d come.”

Steve watched you carefully before speaking again. “So… we’re kissing but we’re not dating?”

“I knew that was going to come up.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I like the kissing. I’m all for the kissing. More kissing, I say.”

“I have no idea what that was about.”

“Is it going to happen again? Because if it is, I need to bring breath mints. Put a condom in my wallet.”

“Shut up now.” Steve laughed. “There was this baby up in the nursery. He's brand new. No one's neglected him or damaged him yet. How do we get from there to here? She's wearing my shoes and someone's beat the crap out of her, and she's got nobody.”

Suddenly, Mallory’s machine’s began beeping. You quickly hit an alarm on the wall.

“Her ICP’s double, get an OR!” Steve yelled. “Put her in for a craniotomy!”

~~~

You waited outside the OR, still watching over the stupid penis, while Steve operated on Mallory. You were nervous for her and felt bad that no one was there for her. Once the surgery was over, Steve exited the OR, walking past you. When he noticed you were there, he turned back.

“Hey,” he greeted. “I, uh, I had to leave her skull flap off, till the pressure in her brain goes down.”

“She’s not going to make it, is she?” You asked.

“She’s going to be fine.”

“If she ever wakes up.”

Steve nodded. “If she ever wakes up.” You nodded, biting your lip as you looked away. “You okay?”

“I’m fine.” Your pager went off. You looked down to see it was the Chief. “I’ve gotta go. That’s the Chief. Maybe I can finally get rid of this thing.” You lifted the cooler slightly.

“Yeah,” Steve chuckled. “Good luck.”

~~~

“So here is where you put the signature, down here, the initials,” Fury’s assistant pointed out on a paper.

“Mmm,” you hummed with a nod, taking the paper and pen from her. “Okay.”

“It just says that the penis was never out of your sight.”

“Of course.” You sighed and handed over the paper. “There you go. One penis.” You glanced at the clock and realized that it was time for the baby’s surgery. “Am I all done here? I kinda want to go watch a surgery.”

“Sure.”

You tried to rush, but not rush, to the OR Dr. Banner was working in. When you arrived, you found a spot in the back.

“We'll be using a medium approach for a trans-ventricular repair with a right ventriculostomy,” Banner explained. “Let’s open him up. L/N!” He looked around for you.

“Yes, sir?” You replied.

“Go scrub in. When we've finished cracking the baby's chest, I'll let you hold the clamp.”

“Seriously?” You tried to contain your excitement.

“Don’t make me change my mind.”

You rushed to scrubbed in. And, let’s just say, holding onto that clamp was a rush and just what you needed to help brighten your shift. After that, you went to watch the babies, Val, Clint, and Scott all joining you.

You let out a sigh. “Okay, fine,” you relented. “You guys can move into the house.”

“Yes! Yes!” The guys shouted.

“I can’t believe you caved!” Val laughed.

“I can’t believe it either,” you mumbled, trying to hide the smile.

~~~

You changed out of your scrubs and stared at the shoes in your locker. You couldn’t stop thinking about how weird it was that you had decided to wear those shoes today. With determination, you shut the locker on your shoes and went to the elevator. Steve was there waiting.

“So… it’s intense…” he started. “This thing I have for, ah, ferry boats… I mean.”

You smiled at him. “I’m so taking the stairs this time.” You walked off.

“No self-control,” he called after you. “It’s sad. Really.” He chuckled to himself as you continued to walk away. “Wow… this is so—“

“Weird. It’s weird,” Dr. Stark came up, ready to go too. “Like I said before, that look is bad news. And you—“

“Didn’t I already tell you to shut it Tony?”

“Fine.” Tony held his hands up. “But, seriously, don’t come crying to me when it all blows up in your face.”

next chapter >

NOTES: from now on the taglist when be added by a reblog. I will reblog it using my second account, @just-dreaming-marvel-2. Just so that my main page doesn’t get too cluttered.

If you want to be added to the tag list, please dm me or send in an ask.

#steve rogers x reader #tony stark x reader #gamora x reader #the avengers x reader #avengers x reader #peter quill x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #clint barton x reader #scott lang x reader #marvel imagine #marvel imagines #valkyrie x reader

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highwaydiamonds · 3 years

Note

Um. Excuse me. You had cancer??

Yeah... I mean I guess I really haven't discussed it much on tumblr. I have a little bit, but only in vague ways, or rarely made veiled references in tags.

SO, get a drink, get a snack, because this is a bit of a saga, and you already know I am longwinded at the best of times. I'm going to do like Vizzini said, and go back to the beginning. I hope you're ok I'm making this public Shells, it seems easier to? And I'll put this behind a cut because I really do wax on ( and on).

It's the end of August 2018 and i appear to have gotten some kind cold/respiratory infection. I'm at work the first day of it and it feels like a cold. No big deal. (Also this is all pre-COVID so no I didn't have COVID). The next day I feel really awful, so I call off work, and figure all I need to do is rest and I'll be ok. Turns out, NOPE. The next day I feel worse- now I can tell I have a bit of a fever, my appetite was basically, " eat one baby carrot and my appetite is exhausted." Finally, I get to the point that I am having trouble lying down - as in I am becoming short of breath when I try to lie flat (sorry if I am using the wrong word - lay/lie was always a grammar issue that eluded me.) So, I decide, ok, i will be sensible girl and go get medical attention. But I am stubborn and feel the ER is overreacting, so I go to urgent care. i park in the front row of urgent car parking, but by the time I reach the intake desk I have to put my head down because I am so winded and a bit lightheaded.

They take one look at me and tell me, point blank, "we're getting a squad for you to take you to the ER." I say, " what? no, I don't need that, this is not that big a deal." They counter, " you could barely walk in the door and you you are having significant trouble breathing. We don't have the ability to see you here." So, for the first time in my life I have to go via ambulance from urgent care to a free standing ER.

I get to the ER - where they decide, OK, lady, you're a mess. Let's get some chest x-rays and we're gonna slap some IV fluids and I can't even recall if they immediately put me on IV antibiotics or not. But after two hours there they informed me, " hey.... So, we think you need to go to the hospital-hospital not the freestanding ER." I tell them well you better hand me my laptop ( I'm that bitch who takes the laptop with her juuuuust in case I am stuck in the hospital. you never know.) Because i am not going to a hospital until I figure out if they're in my health plan. I do so and then for the second time in my life, all in one night because sometimes I am an over achiever i guess, I go via ambulance to the hospital.

They admitted me and over the next few/couple/ hours ( it was hard to tell) I progressively felt worse. I had trouble breathing if I didn't sit absolutely straight up, and at that point I hadn't gotten good sleep for around 60 hours or so. Me being me I started to get teary and panicky, because I was so tired and wasn't sure what to do. I called for the nurse and she came in and then within the next half hour your girl got taken down to the ICU. By the time we arrived down in the ICU I was really getting panicky. My mom died in the ICU ( different hospital but still) and I knew the fact they took me down there was no laughing matter. I started to think about, " ok is this what death is like? this isn't what i thought it was going to be - this is panicky and scary and not all white lights and peace."

The next thing I knew - it was two days later, and I woke up intubated. Did you know that you can be conscious and intubated? I did not. I'll speed things up a bit here. I spent a total of 8 days in the ICU - I had one hell of a case of pneumonia, and there were a couple of other diagnoses thrown in ( nope, not cancer. promise, we will get there.) . The nurses I had were AMAZING. I was intubated for about 6 of those 8 days. Then I got weaned off of it. Funniest moment on the ventilator: Physical therapist comes around and says, " Hey let's get you up and walking, you think you can?" I nodded and shrugged my shoulders to try and communicate, " sure, ok!" It went totally fine, but there were nursing students, residents, other doctors and who knows who else looking out of rooms and over desks at the two of us just y'know... *walking down the hall*. I gestured to the people because it was just flipping weird. I had an audience at the exact time NOBODY wants an audience and it confused the hell out of me. PT advised me, " there aren't too many times ventilated patients are ambulatory. You're a bit of a curiosity so people want to see."

Once I got out of the ICU and was put back on a regular floor, I got to meet with other doctors re those other diagnoses I mentioned ( chronic things I just have to manage) I also mentioned that it had been a really long time since I had been to a GYN and as had been noted in the ICU I spotted quite frequently ( I have never, ever in my life been regular period-wise and it just got weirder over time, but I just didn't really consider it. So I asked while they were setting me up with new practitioners ( my previous doctor had retired) too please set me top with a gynecologist.

So I'm out of the hospital by September 10th, 2018. The gyro appointment occurs i want to say by mid- to late September. I go in and meet her and she's lovely. While I'm up on the table she says, " hey let's do all the things and get a uterine biopsy!" I say, " excellent, do the things!" We agree it's likely going to be nothing but hey we're smart people and we will play it safe. Huzzah Gyno visit accomplished! (if I were a gamer I'd make some kind of ladybits achievement unlocked now, but I'm not a gamer.)

Two or so weeks go by - or however long it takes to get those test results back (some of these spans are lost in the mists of time). Dr Boyle calls me and apologizes that the test results that she was sure would be nothing... they are not nothing. Turns out, it's endometrial cancer.

At that point you could have knocked me over with a feather. Shells, I wanted my mom to be there so badly, I can't even express it. She would have understood how I felt - she'd been there with her breast cancer. But at the same time, I was glad she wasn't there? I remember how heartsick my mom was to tell Grandmommy when Mom got cancer. I didn't want my mom to have to hear that news, to worry about that. Dr Boyle advised me that she would be referring me to a good oncologist and i should hear from them in a week or two.

Thus began MRIS and PET scans and ultrasounds, and blood work etc. The oncologist diagnosed that he figured I might be stage three, but it depended on my lymph involvement. It brought back memories of when Mom was diagnosed and when she told me she was stage three. I asked my Dad later, "what does that mean?" He told me, " there are only four stages, so what do you think?" This time around I knew what it meant. So, we put me down for surgery November 9th, 2018. That's two days before my birthday - so I joked that I was getting my cancer out for my birthday - hooray! My best friend actually flew in from texas for my surgery ( my best friend is a SAINT, and I love her more than pearls and rubies.)

Best surgery story from this experience: For my total hysterectomy (uterus and ovaries go sayonara and then also two signal lymph nodes in the chain of nodes on either side of the pelvis to se if there is any lymph complication.) I had to be tilted back - so with my head down to move as many organs away from the uterus etc during the laparoscopic procedure. I knew this going in, However, when I woke up back in my hospital room I looked at Bestie and said, " I hurt in places I didn't expect to hurt. Oh wait. My shoulders hurt because they're not used to being weight bearing, but the procedure was laproscopic - so why the heck does my vagina hurt?" Bestie in one of her best moments ever says, " I know why." I replied, " wait, YOU know why MY vagina hurts?!" She said, " yep. So your surgery was supposed to take 3-3.5 hours ended up taking 5 hours instead. Your uterus was really big. The oncologist told us they need up having to cut it in half to pull it out of you." bestie admitted she joked with the oncologist that it was like I had just birthed a baby, he looked back at her (NOT laughing) and said, " yes, that's basically what she did." I laughed so much at that ( i mean i was also well medicated, but still) I told Bestie, " I had a Uterus! Let's call it George!" ( In retrospect I am disappointed in myself that I misgendered my own uterus, I should have called it Georgina.)

So, after healing from the surgery, by about January of 2019 I started two courses (each with a few rounds) of chemo. First came what the doctors and I called "low-pro" chemo - that we did along with radiation. Honestly, though i was making a heck of a lot more bathroom trips, you wouldn't have generally known I was sick. Most of my coworkers had no idea. I just was a bit more tired than usual. After the low pro rounds - then we moved to the bigger guns. Radiation was done but I moved to more significant chemo drugs, This wasn't because things were bad - this was the plan all along :) But I knew the "high-pro" chemo was going to make me lose my hair. THAT was a psychic struggle. I cried so much knowing that was going to happen. I got hats and caps and I even got a very nice wig. I mean, I planned as much as a girl can plan when she hears that news. I even preemptively cut my long hair. It was about half way down my back at that point. So I went in and asked the stylist please braid it and put it in between two hair ties - and then cut it - so i could keep my braid. I couldn't do locks of love anyway as it was colored, and I know it's selfish, but I wanted my hair. So, the hair went from half down my back to a face framing bob. then I just waited. And then in a few weeks it happened. I could put my hands through my hair and easily, painlessly pull it out. I am not a cute bald girl. That's when people KNOW you have something going on.

I was very lucky though, there ended up NOT being lymph involvement, and even the high pro chemo didn't make me nauseous or lose appetite. I did have HORRIBLE bone pain usually the first week after chemo ( i'd get it every three weeks). I learned a hell of a lot from that. I also was able to get some meds to help alleviate it a bit, and I took time from work when the pain was at its worst. But I have never experienced pain like that - where no matter what I did - no position changes helped. Even ice packs or heat pads didn't help or do much. It was just a waiting game, a painful waiting game. Oh also - I learned that IV benadryl is nothing like oral benadryl. IV benadryl is like walking right into a brick wall made of sleep. That stuff knocked me the hell out right quick - amazing.

Right before COVID started and the world shut down I got the flu because my immune system was in the toilet- and so I spent another week in the hospital and except for the bone pain that comes with chemo, you know what is worse than chemo injections? POTASSIUM injections. Among other things, my potassium levels were low and so I got those injections with other meds. Those suckers HURT. they BURN, and so i spent a week in the hospital only to eventually come out and find out the world was starting to shut down from COVID. Not my job at that point, but my oncologist told me, " GO HOME - YOU KNOW YOU ARE IMMUNO COMPROMISED - DON'T STAY AT WORK." So, I went home until about a month after I finished chemo.

Since finishing chemo it's been about scans, which have gone ok so far... I'm not willing to talk about the R word. I just think I'll have to be careful the rest of my life - My mom always said, "once you've gotten cancer, you always have cancer." So, maybe it's the anxiety talking, but it's kind of like waiting for the other cancer shoe to drop. In the mean time though, it's business as usual - try to find good stuff in the midst of the hot mess. Cancer has been a crisis but not a reason to lose my sense of humor. I've needed it more than ever :)

So, sorry for the SERIOUSLY LONG ASS answer, but sometimes it's just better to lay it bare. I'm not ashamed of this stuff. It's been a lot. It's been a journey... It still is... it's part of the rest of my journey, which i hope isn't over by a long shot yet. I don't believe things happen for reasons - the world is WAY too absurd for that in my opinion, BUT good gravy have i been able to learn so much from this whole three ring circus. I'm not grateful for cancer, but I am grateful for the lessons.

Thanks for checking in, Shells. You're a complete sweetheart.

#the r word is remission #cancer funtimes #i really didn't let many people know tbh #not just online #i didn't tell one of my two remaining family members for months #i have very good friends who knew and friends who are like family that supported me #i know it's crazy to say i'm lucky - but i am. i so am.#and if anyone read all of this - you definitely deserve a hug and several cookies. if i had cookies to give i would but i just have hugs

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venting-journal · 3 years

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Well update time.

My half siblings and the rest of my family know about me now and most have been okay with it.

On the work front I had to quit the job I had when writing the last post due to medical issues. I tried working somewhere else, thinking it would be easier on me but it wasn't and my health started declining even further. I worked there for four weeks so I had nothing to protect my job and the last week I had an incident with a customer that lead to the worst anxiety attack of my life. My coworkers and manager said everything would be fine but my anxiety really messed with me after that. Eventually my medical issues were getting so bad at work that I couldn't see straight and would move around almost in a confused state like my mind couldn't keep up with what was going on around me. I left work early to go to urgent care and all they could do was tell me to take ibuprofen which helped with the pain but my mind still reacted as if it was there. I was then given the option of quitting and being able to apply again once my medical stuff was taken care of or I'd have to not miss any days or leave early or else I'd get fired and wouldn't be welcomed back. I decided to quit because I didn't want to lose a job opportunity for when I was better. Looking back on that job I realized how safety wasn't a concern to them (which is one of the reasons I ended up with my anxiety attack) so I won't be applying there in the future. Currently I'm unemployed but not receiving unemployment because they deemed my case as quiting for unnecessary reasons.

My health issues, as I believe I stated in the previous post, I believe were the result of a 3 inch cyst on my right ovary with the ovarian tube wrapped around it. I thought it was causing my pain and sickness and I went to the doctor many times prior to my last job and throughout it. They had me take so many blood tests I can't even remember the number but they kept finding nothing except for problems with my liver (fatty liver disease, unrelated to my symptoms). Eventually they sent me to a surgeon to hear his opinion on whether the sister should come out or not. He said it wasn't what he would consider big and that in a 3 months they'd check the size again to see if it was growing. It was but slowly and so he decided to go ahead with an operation scheduled on the 1st of March 2021. He informed me that the symptoms I was having were most likely unrelated to the cyst and that taking it out would most likely provide no relief. There was also concern that I had endometrioma (like endometriosis but in the ovary) which resulted in what is called a chocolate cyst (a cyst full of blood) because in the ultrasounds the ovary with the cyst on it was enlarged. My health continued to decline but wasn't as bad without the stress of work. My surgery went well and I actually had a funny moment when I came to because I couldn't speak (they had a tube down my throat during the surgery so it was very hard to speak once it came out) so I tried using what little sign language I knew to spell out "Mom". She was the one that came with me and I actually was able to leave fairly quickly. When I got back to my boyfriend's house my Mom stayed with me until late at night and my grandma came shortly after we arrived because they were worried my boyfriend wouldn't take care of me. When he came home from work he was surprisingly attentive which eased my family's worries. As the days progressed he became less attentive, probably because I wasn't in enough pain to take my pills, but I still could not move around easily and would get extremely dizzy randomly. Eventually my post Op came up on St Patrick's Day and the surgeon told me I was healing just fine and that I actually didn't have endometrioma.

Now with my relationship that's the day it took a turn. Despite getting good news and heading to my Grandma's for dinner my boyfriend decided once we were in front of her house to tell me he wasn't sure if he needed a break or if he wanted to break up with me. He said he only wanted me to have a safe place to recover from my surgery (I wasn't fully recovered, just recovering well) which gave the impression he had been thinking this for a while. He then left me there and because my Grandma was busy she didn't hear me outside so I was stuck out there alone with what he had said running through my head for a half hour. The night was pretty much ruined and it took me a couple hours to stop crying. He apparently went to go hang out with friends after he had left me and I asked him if I should move out to which he said yes. My family wasn't ready for me to move back in with them so he agreed to let me stay at least until they were ready. When he returned home we had a really bad fight that sent me into a panic attack and he tried to comfort me. He decided that he wanted to take a break and for the next two days he was very affectionate which confused me. He and his brother (the other person living with us at the time) left to go visit their Mom and that was when my family came to move me. I was officially moved out 4 days after St Patrick's Day. A week passed and he and I talked over text, I was still having a hard time coping, and he eventually decided we could hangout again but still be on a break. That didn't last long and we turned into a sort of long distance relationship. He wanted me to get a therapist and a job, saying I'd need them if I wanted to go on a trip with him at the end of the summer. Well after everything with my past jobs, the surgery, and my mental state I was too scared to start working again. I told him that I would get a therapist first and move from there which he seemed fine with at first. My search has so far been a failure and every time he would ask about it and I'd tell him I still hadn't found one he'd get mad. I eventually started telling him that I didn't want to talk about it with him and to please stop asking but he didn't. I tried to work on myself even though I still hadn't found a therapist and I felt like I was making progress although I had a bad day here and there. That brings us to last Friday, April 30th, and I was feeling insecure. With all the times he had dumped me before I was constantly on edge feeling like I had to do everything right in order to make him accept me. My insecurities got the best of me, through some of our texts he started to stop acknowledging me saying "I love you" and I got scared and upset. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and asked what was going on... That was a mistake.... He misunderstood and twisted my words thinking I was accusing him of ignoring me so we ended up in another fight all over a misunderstanding. He ended up dumping me again claiming I had been making no progress finding a therapist or a job and was accusing me of not trying. He accused me of using him as an excuse not to do it. I told him that wasn't true and that I was trying but he didn't care and didn't believe me but he still wanted to be friends.

Since then we've had more fights, me trying to explain how I feel about the situation and him ignoring it and saying it was just an endless cycle pretty much admitting he didn't have faith in me in the first place so he didn't try. When I pointed out all of this to him and told him how I felt he said I was just being mean and saying shitty things about him. We've kind of calmed down now although I'm still really upset and feel used and betrayed. Today I told him that if he really wanted to be friends I would try but now he seems to have changed his mind and says he needs time.

Overall things have been really shitty with a few good moments sprinkled in between. Every time I'd start improving he'd dump me and say I wasn't. It was very toxic and I told him I wouldn't deal with it anymore. I told him that if he wanted to be friends he'd have to work on himself as well.

Anyway I've been ranting for long enough. I hope anyone who actually reads this has a wonderful day/night.

#depression #anxiety #rant #rant post #update #medical #workinprogress #im just upset #don't take shit #family drama #deep breath #sad thoughts #im sad and angry #i'm angry

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buckybarnesappreciationsociety · 7 years

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“I Can’t Do This Without You” Part 1

Summary: The Barnes family is shaken to the core by Y/N’s cervical cancer diagnosis. This series chronicles their struggles and after care.

Word Count: 1,767

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

OFC: Izzy, S.J (Steven James), Tony, Sam. Steve, Clint, Nat, Wanda, Bruce, Dr. Cho, Dr. Patricia Traver.

Warning: Discussions about menstrual cycle and cervical cancer.

A/N: Any form of cancer is devastating and I am NOT making light of anyone. I was diagnosed with a cancerous ulcer that spread to my cervix, uterus and fallopian tubes at 24 years old. The doctor froze the cells before they spread further. I’ve had 2 surgeries to remove the aforementioned female parts. The downside to having a hysterectomy is menopause. I experienced it at 24 and it was pure hell!!!!! To anyone who has a relative, friend, or themselves are dealing with cancer, I’m praying for their or your recovery.

Y/N Barnes became alarmed when her menstrual cycle became heavier than normal and coupled with excruciating pain. She didn’t waste any time making an appointment with her gynecologist and longtime friend, Dr. Patricia Travers.

What she wasn’t prepared for were the findings of the transvaginal ultrasound (TVUS) and CA-125 blood test. The findings shook Y/N to the core.

Cancer.... cervical cancer, stage 3. Y/N felt the color drain from her face and the air from her lungs. She started hyperventilating. Dr. Travers coached her through breathing exercises. After her she calmed down, Y/N sobbed as she held onto her friend like a lifeline.

At home, Bucky helped S.J. prepare for soccer practice. Sam volunteered to drop him off at the field.

With time to spare, Bucky turned on the t.v., grumbling about some reality show. Glancing at his phone, no call from Y/N. Of course, the first thing came to mind was HYDRA.

Noticeably upset, Bucky pressed speed dial #2 for Y/N’s phone, he practically lost it when Patricia answered.

“Pat, where’s Y/N? Why are you answering her phone?” The tightness in his chest restricted breathing.

“Hey James. Y/N is here in my office. Would you come down ASAP? We have some news and she wants you here.”

Already upset, Bucky hung up, running down the corridor shouting for Steve.

“Hey Stevie!!! I need ya.” Bucky bellowed.

Stumbling to his bedroom door, Steve was taken aback by Bucky’s urgency.

“Buck, what’s going on? Jeez you scared the shit out of me.” His disheveled hair indicated Nat was over.

Out of breath, Bucky nervously tried to explain the news he’d received. Shocked, Steve agreed to pick-up S.J. from practice and take him out for burgers and a chocolate shake.

“Thanks pal. I gotta get to Y/N. Just don’t say anything to S.J.”

Taking two steps at a time, Bucky ran to his car. Running a few traffic lights, his mind was a jumbled mess. “What the hell is wrong with my Doll?”

Coming to a screeching halt, the unsettled super soldier almost punched a hole in the elevator wall because it was moving too slow.

Finally reaching the 14th floor, he made a mad dash for Dr. Traver’s office. Once inside, the receptionist ushered him in the back, where Y/N and Patricia were waiting.

When the door opened, Y/N threw herself into Bucky’s waiting arms. Patricia thought it best to leave them alone. This was too much to fathom all at once. Y/N needed her husband for morale support.

Gripping his blue henley, Y/N found it difficult to form a sentence. “L-let’s sit down.”

“You’re scaring me doll. Please tell me what’s going on!” Tears welled up in his cerulean eyes.

Taking a sip of water, “I have Stage 3 cervical cancer Buck. Oh god, I can’t believe it.”

The salty liquid streamed down his chiseled jaw. Unable to speak, Bucky simply held his wife, as they cried together.

After 15 minutes, Dr. Travers entered the room, sitting behind her desk.

“I know this is a lot to take in, but there are options. We would do what’s called a radical hysterectomy and oophorectomy. The hysterectomy will remove the uterus and tissue fibers; the cervix and maybe an inch or 2 of your vagina. Also, your ovaries would be removed as well. After surgery, if we find anymore cancer cells, a low dose of chemotherapy will be administered.”

Bucky gasped as Dr. Travers showed them on a model of the female reproductive system what would be removed.

Shifting in her chair, Y/N held Bucky’s hand. “Pat, what will I become? I’m not having anymore kids, but I don’t want to feel as if I’m not a whole woman.”

“Y/N, you’ll still be a whole woman without your reproductive organs. After you’re healed, I don’t see why the surgery would dampen your sex life.”

“I don’t care about that sweetheart, all I want is my wife healthy and cancer free. I’ll be with ya through it all.” Bucky lovingly held Y/N’s trembling hand.

As Y/N gazed into Bucky’s’ eyes, her lip trembled, as she mouthed ‘thank you’

“Um doc, how soon will she need surgery?,” Bucky inquired.

“I’m not going to sugar coat anything. The sooner, the better.” Dr.Traver’s was forthright with her answer.

Inhaling sharply, Y/N mentioned Izzy and finals. “Izz is taking end of semester finals. We’ll wait until she’s home and talk then.”

“Alright. Today’s Wednesday. When will she finish her finals?”

“On Friday evening. James and I will talk to everyone at the same time.”

“I’ll wait for your phone call. Just know, this is serious. The sooner we get in and remove the cancerous cells, your chances will be higher to avoid chemo.”

Standing from his chair, Bucky thanked Dr. Travers. Helping Y/N steady herself, they thanked their friend and headed towards the car.

“I love you so much James. You’re home to me.” Y/N held Bucky’s flesh hand.

“Dollface, I’ll be right by your side through all of this; so will the team.”

Wiping her face, “How are we gonna handle this? Everyone needs to know.”

“What about a family meeting? Izzy and S.J.’ll need a strong support and they have that. How about Saturday afternoon?” Bucky nodded ‘yes.’

When Bucky pulled up to the Tower, he and Y/N attempted to calm themselves for the sake of S.J. and the team.

From the garage to inside should be an easy 3 minute jaunt. To Bucky and Y/N, their steps were marred by today’s report from Dr. Travers.

The weight proved heavy on Y/N’s shoulders and her tears flowed like heavy raindrops. Bruce, Nat, Wanda, Clint, Tony, and Vision were in the common room debating some stupid game show.

Wanda felt pain radiating from Y/N. She stopped talking and pulled her into a hug. Everyone else didn’t know what to make if the sudden shift in the atmosphere.

Tony quipped, “Hey Popsicle, what’s going on?”

Sitting on the plush sofa, Y/N and Bucky prepared to tell the team. The pain evident on Bucky’s face, he held his wife close.

“I have Stage 3 cervical cancer. I’m having surgery before the end of the month.”

Nat didn’t try to stop the tears; neither did Tony and Wanda. Bruce and Clint were numb.

Y/N laid out what type of surgery she’d have and impending chemotherapy if all the cells aren’t removed.

“Listen, we don’t wanna tell the kids yet. Izz is taking finals and S.J. needs to focus on his studies and soccer game. I’ll tell Steve and Sam, just not right now.” Bucky choked back tears.

Tony was adamant about ensuring Bucky and Y/N will have everything needed for after care. “You and Bucky concentrate on the surgery. I’ll handle after care. Whatever it takes you’ll have. I’ll have contractors come in and turn two rooms into a medical suite, complete with chemo equipment and anything else.”

Y/N pulled Tony into a hug. She and Bucky were overwhelmed by his gesture.

Tony and Bruce excused themselves and headed to the medical bay. Dr. Cho was briefed. She sprang into action researching all Y/N would need after surgery.

Clint, Nat, and Wanda pulled Bucky and Y/N into a group hug.

Wanda pulled Y/N into a hug. “Me and Nat are here for you always.” Nat nodded ‘yes’.

Clint patted Bucky on the shoulder. The distraught super soldier nodded as he and Y/N headed to their apartment.

*************************

Y/N sat on the sofa, patting the space next to her. With a heavy heart, Bucky joined her.

“James, please hear me out. In case something hap-” Bucky abruptly stood, covering his ears.

“STOP IT!!! I’M NOT GONNA LISTEN TO THIS! WE’RE GONNA GROW OLD TOGETHER. SEE IZZY GRADUATE COLLEGE AND S.J. GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL!!”

Reaching out for his hand, Y/N tried to calm Bucky down. “Baby, please. I need to get this out. Come sit with me please.”

Bucky slumped down on the sofa, holding his head. He openly sobbed. Y/N rubbed his back. “Doll, I wouldn’t be able to do this without ‘ya. It’s unreal baby. You can’t leave me. Please don’t leave me,” he begged.

Laying his head on Y/N’s lap, she gently ran her fingers through his hair. “Babe, IF it happens, Izzy and S.J. will need you more than ever. Please try to stay strong for them. Please James, stay strong for our kids. Promise me.”

“I promise dollface.”

Y/N heard S.J, Steve and Sam return. Bucky went to the bathroom and washed his face. Trying to hide behind the pain with a forced smile.

“Hey mom, guess what? Uncle Steve and Uncle Sam took me for a burger and chocolate shake. It was so cool. We had fun!”

Bucky greeted S.J. with a hug. “Hey buddy. Did’ya have a good time after practice?”

“Yep. I’m full. Uncle Steve ate more than me and Sam. You should’ve been there.”

************************************

Sam didn’t say anything but he knew something was off. “Hey Buck, wanna join me and Steve for a drink or three?”

“Go on sweetheart. Maybe you can find where Thor hid the Asgardian mead.” Y/N stood up and kissed Bucky.

Pushing them out the door, Y/N turned her attention to S.J. He was so excited about soccer practice, his next game and spending the afternoon with his uncles.

Sam, Steve, and Bucky went to the rooftop to talk.

“Hey Barnes, what’s going on man? You look like you’ve lost your best friend.” Sam wondered.

“Y/N has Stage 3 cervical cancer.” Before he could finish, tears rolled once more. Bucky had no idea he cried so much! He was devastated.

Sam was enraged. “Shit shit shit!” His hurt led to anger. He flipped over 3 chairs and a table.

Steve put his arm around Bucky as they cried together.

Once the anguish died down, Bucky asked his friends not to mention it around S.J. When Izzy comes home for fall break, they’ll get everyone together and tell them.

Steve and Sam vowed to be there for him, Y/N and the kids.

Life is a precious commodity, so cherish it while you can. Tomorrow’s not promised to anyone!

@omalleysgirl22 @rebelslicious @pegasusdragontiger @magellan-88 @shy2shot @papi-chulo-bucky @bolontiku @beyondbarnes @goodnightwife @this-kitty-has-claws @not-moose-one-shots @buckyohh @captnbarnesrogers@sgtjamesbuchananbarnes107th @supersoldierslover @irene-rogue-adler @3brosangel @promarvelfangirl @theimpossibleg1rl

#this is serious #family and friends #support network #praying for a cure #i'm praying for you

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crpskills-blog · 5 years

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Stay away from Memorial Hospital in Jacksonville FL

This is a dictation I made on my phone after a terrible experience at Memorial Hospital in Jacksonville. The post date was supposed to have been February 3rd but I just forgot about it .. You really want to stay away from this place I'll have multiple post about this Hospital and images of what they did to me This dictation software doesn't use auto correct or add punctuation marks so please excuse the Grammer and spelling errors below Today was one of those days... Honestly, I could try to explain it a Million Ways but unless you have the condition that I do you never understand. Here's how I spent the last 8 days: So it all started out with my wife getting sick.... Simple, right!? Just take her to the hospital and she'll get better... Wrong! I wish my life was that simple I wish anything in my life was that simple. 4 days she'd been complaining about stomach pain, she's not one to complain or to get sick for that matter so when this happened I take it seriously she didn't. After about 4 days of suffering at home she finally gave in to going to the emergency room. I ended up taking her to a hospital called memorial university... From what we knew it wasn't that bad, supposed to be a simple in and out. This is far from the case. Not only were the doctors they are complete idiots they also had a habit of treating people less than human. Now, most of you probably what are experience something like this and I guarantee you first time you do, your flight, fight or freeze will kick in. With me personally, it's always fight. My wife was in a lot of pain and she needed help so you can bet your ass I will be the biggest asshole you'd have to deal with. ( I'm supposed to be blogging right so let me run on) If I still have your attention here's what happens next. The doctor finally came in the room and said she had an infection. Look it's really simple if you have an infection you will have a fever or in some cases there's a possibility where fever doesn't show. My wife was still having extreme stomach pain which doctor didn't even attend to. War on opiates right? Most of you people out there idea of the ridiculousness of that statement. Look I get it there's a drug problem I mean I'm sorry for sounding cold here but drugs that's not prescribed to you or that you go and seek out on the street and then die overdose because you were being an idiot why the fuck should that affect people really need pain medications. Anyways I digress, point of the matter is she still had extreme pain in her stomach that wasn't being attended to. I kept bothering doctor who og Course kept ignoring me until I have to bring that asshole side out of me again. As I stated before we were not there pain medication we were there for treatment. Admittedly. That Did help the situation but it still took too much effort just to get. 5mg morphine iV push. My wife normally doesn't take any medications at all so even that little of a dose should have had some effect. It didn't. Again I could go complain to the doctor but this time I requested have an ultrasound stomach. ( if any of you is thinking that we were treated that way because she didn't have insurance or good insurance you are wrong. Just pray you don't have to go memorial hospital anytime soon) The doctor finally approved the ultrasound and guess what? She saw an abnormal growth pretty much on top of my wife's ovaries. I mean the rest of the story you'd think get better but it really doesn't. So let's recap; we found the issue and now it's time for emergency surgery. I'm guessing everything will be fine, they'll prep an OR and have the surgical staff standing by. Man, how wrong I was again. The surgery that was supposed to have taken place in an operating room in front of me with no nurses and no help in the room other than me. I mean I literally scrubbed in. The doc said there was no other help available and we could help her now by doing it here now as she needed it immediately. I scrubbed in and thinking that at least this doctor will know what to do when she opens up my wife. Look don't want to go too much into the surgery so I'll be brief. Operation took probably 2 hours or so, i help out as requested and after it was over they gave her 1 mg of morphine. Remember I was going on earlier about it not being an infection? Turns out I was right, it was pretty much a cyst the size of a baseball, literally. We took everything out and I left the room for the doctor to close up. Easy peasy right? Yeah... For someone with actual medical training this doctor was an idiot. She, as in the doctor, ended up leaving the wound as an open wound so it would basically close itself. Meaning no Staples or stitches was needed. The only thing we would need to do is just do basic wound care. So we're back at home this is now the second day after my wife had her surgery. It was time for wound care. Her daughter and I started the process and in doing so we found an entire gauze bandage in the actual cut on her stomach! Can you believe that man? I mean, she was throwing up like crazy when she came home and we thought maybe the doctor didn't get it all or something else is happening but as soon as we open that wound to take care of it we found AN ENTIRE gauze inside of HER. To give you an idea that's almost about 5 to 6 ft tall of junk laying in her. I do have the pictures but the story I told above was not about me was a big news about my wife so obviously to post the images. She's choosing not to at this time, however, I'm just starting this site out and who knows maybe she'll change your mind in time. ( yes I know I didn't tell you about my day much but honestly this was something that needed to be publicly posted) Read the full article

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