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is0gild · 4 years

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Ice Cream and Fire Oven Pizza - Chapter 4

Pairing: Elsa x Lea/Axel || Side Pairing: Riku x OC

Summary: Modern AU. She's an introvert ball of nerves who works at Ice Palace, a mall food court ice cream shop. He's the outgoing, sassy goofball who works at the Pizza Planet across the way. Hilarity, snark, and fluffy romcom hijinks ensue.

Word Count: 3,861

FIRST CHAPTER || PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER

Credit for super friggin’ cute and super friggin’ amazing cover art goes to the super friggin’ talented ky-jane here on tumblr!

So there I was.

Liplocked with a complete and total stranger.

A ridiculously and obscenely attractive stranger.

A fact I hadn’t been fully aware of nor really all that inclined to notice until right then, while stuck in said liplock.

I think it’s some sort of universal law, actually. That the more one embarrasses themselves in front of another person, the more insanely beautiful that person ends up being. I don’t make the rules. It’s just science.

These were the critical thoughts that were running through my head in that second.

One single second. That’s how long the kiss lasted. Short when you really think about it in the grand scheme of things. But at the time? It had felt like an absolute eternity. One miserable, mortifying eternity. It’d seem that while I hadn’t randomly gained the ability to reverse time in that moment like I had silently prayed for, it was a distinct possibility that I had somehow magically learned how to slow it down, but only to make humiliating incidents such as this last excruciatingly long.

Worst. Super power. Ever.

Green, by the way.

The color of his eyes. In case you had been wondering.

I hadn’t been. Not particularly. But it was kind of hard not to notice when those eyes were all in your face and bright and vibrant and-

...was that… guyliner?

I’d heard of such a thing, but I’d never seen it in practice until now. It actually looked kind of amazing. Wow, how did he get the wings to look so… so swoopy and-

Wait. Hold up. I smelled pepperoni.

I suppose that made sense. He did work at a pizza place, after all.

There was the scent of flour too.

That also tracked, what with him having just dropped dough all over his head.

What was a bit of a head scratcher however was the hint of cinnamon added into the mix. Had to wonder where exactly that one was coming from. I mean, it’s not exactly a common pizza topping. Not that I was aware of anyway.

Oh, and his lips? Soft. Like, super, duper soft. Dang, did he use moisturizer on those puppies? ...was that even a thing? Did people actually moisturize their lips? I don’t know about that, seems odd, but maybe-

I finally snapped out of it. The painfully longest second of my entire life at last came to an end and time sped back up to normal. I jerked my head back, hands flying up to clasp over my mouth, my eyes round and horrified, my face burning and breaking heat records across the globe. His own eyes were wide as he blinked at me a couple times before settling back on his heels in a daze.

Oh god, oh god, oh god…

What had I done?

No, seriously. What had I just frigging done?!

He was the first one to break the roaring, deafening silence as he began, “H-”

“LET ME SEE IF WE HAVE ANY MORE IN THE BACK!” I blurted out loudly over him before I even realized what my mouth was doing, causing him to stagger a small step backwards.

That hung in the air between us for a couple awkward seconds.

And then I bolted.

One second I was staring at his dumbfounded, stupidly gorgeous face, the next I was in the back room, slamming the door shut behind me and pressing my back up against it, hyperventilating and staring at my two coworker’s dumbfounded, not-quite-so-stupidly gorgeous faces.

…did that just really happen? Was this even real life? No way… there was just no possible way! This had to be a dream. A terrible, cruel dream! One that I was ready to wake up from now in my old bed in my old room in my old life, because the real world? Too much for me! This had been a bad idea, I’d been kidding myself, I couldn’t handle it! I may not have been happy in my old life, but at least it was safe and predictable and everything stayed the same and nothing happened, nothing like… like…

Groaning, I squeezed my eyes shut as the last few agonizing minutes did an instant replay in my mind. I rolled away from the door over to the wall beside it, hiding my face against the cool, concrete surface.

This was a nightmare. All I needed to do was wake up.

I banged my head against the concrete.

Thump.

Wake up…

Thump.

Wake up!

Thump.

For the love of all that is good and merciful, please, please wake up already!

I peeked one eye open.

Much to my dismay, the sight that greeted me was still that of the bland grey storage room wall as opposed to my old, safe fluffy pillow back in my old, safe warm bed.

It wasn’t a dream.

Drat.

And now my forehead hurt. Great. Just… great.

Another groan escaped me as I flipped back around, still using the wall for support as I slid down to sit on the ground, hugging my knees to my chest. Frozone and Kristoff had put down the large box they had been carrying between them and were now kneeling down in front of me. Their faces were twisted in confusion and concern, their lips were moving, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying to me.

It just kept playing on loop over and over again in my head.

Had I really just said that? After doing… that?! To the poor, unsuspecting pizza guy?!

He was going to think I’d escaped from an insane asylum! That’d I’d planned that. That’d I’d plotted and possibly even schemed. That that was my MO, to lure pure, innocent men into my carefully laid traps before I pounced and-

Dear lord, I was a sexual predator.

They were going to make me watch the harassment orientation video again.

Would it be enough? Or was it too late for me? Was I too far gone and out of control? Men everywhere, see me and despair! Cower and flee, lest I corrupt thy virtue and-

“I kissed him,” the words came tumbling out of my mouth before I’d even realized it and with them, sound came rushing back to my ears.

“You what?!” Frozone yelped as he shot back up to his feet, at the same time Kristoff asked, “Kissed who? A customer? What happened?”

“I- He- It… Dough!” I all but shouted the word, striking up a finger, my eyes darting wildly between the two of them. “There was dough! Flipping, flying! And then, it wasn’t. And- his head! Oh gosh, his head, it was- I started laughing! I mean, wouldn’t you? Who wouldn’t have, it just was too- but then there was the wave! Oh my god, the wave! So I did the only thing I could, obviously… I hid! But then, that was just… it was so stupid! So I stood back up, but, but… he was there and I was there and we both were there and it… it just… It. Just. Happened!”

The deluge came to an abrupt and blessed end and a hush fell. A long one at that, punctuated only by my haggered panting. My coworkers just stared at me unblinking for a few seconds before exchanging looks between each other.

“Did you, uh… follow any of that?” Kristoff mumbled out of the corner of his mouth.

“Not really,” Frozone shook his head, stepping over to the door. He cracked it open an inch to squint through, before brightening a bit. “Oh, that’s not a customer! That’s just one of the pizza dudes from across the way.”

I furrowed my brow up at him, shaking my head, “Does that really make it any better?!”

His fingers scratched under his cap before he shrugged. “...guess not.”

I stiffened. “Wait… he’s still out there? Oh god…” I buried my face into my knees, arms covering my head as I tightened my ball formation. I couldn’t face him, I just couldn’t! Please just kill me now. Put me out of my misery, I beg of you. “Tell him something… anything. Please, just… make him go away!” Then I gasped, head jerking back up once more, “Tell him I don’t work here!”

Frozone stared at me blankly. “...you want me to tell him we left the storefront unmanned, allowing some lunatic to climb behind the counter, steal and get dressed in one of our uniforms and pretend she worked here, all without us realizing it?”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant. Please, that’d just be silly,” I waved him off. Pft, what a ridiculous idea. “No, I meant tell him that no one like me works here. Tell him that… that I was just a figment of his imagination! Yeah, that it was all in his head! Or, oh! Tell him that I was a ghost!”

Totally plausible.

At least, to my somewhat addled, panicked brain, it was.

...I may have been a bit logically compromised at the moment.

His eyelids drooped. “Yeah, no, I’m not doing that.”

My shoulders slumped at that. But then I perked up again as I seized on another idea. “Then tell him I’ve left the country!”

“...left?” Kristoff cocked an eyebrow at me. “Past tense? As in you’ve already crossed the border? ...in the space of five minutes?”

I nodded my head rapidly. “Yes! I’m already in France! Or Arabia! Ooo, Norway!”

Sighing, Frozone squatted down in front of me once more. “Listen, if this guy is harassing you or… if he attacked-”

“What?!” I burst out in horror before quickly shaking my head. “No! No, it was all me! My mouth was the offending party here! His lips were just innocent bystanders! But it was an accident, a mistake, I swear! I didn’t mean to-”

“Alright, alright, I believe you,” he raised a hand, gesturing for me to settle down. “I’m still not sure I totally understand what exactly went down, but… this all just sounds like one big misunderstanding. I’ll go talk to him and see if I can get him to leave,” he said gently as he rose.

Feeling relief flood my chest, I raised my hands over my bowed head, pressing my palms together. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“Yeah, yeah, just… try not to let it happen again,” he mumbled over his shoulder before disappearing through the door.

Wonderful! Problem solved!

...for now, anyway.

I moaned, leaning my head back against the wall and hiding my face in my hands.

I still had to deal with the fact that he worked at the Pizza Planet directly opposite of me. That’d I’d probably have to see him every day, or close to. That’d he probably try to talk to me and want an explanation for the… thing I did. I didn’t even know if I could explain it. I had a hard enough time making small talk with people. And this? So not small! Not even close! Ugh, what was I even going to do the next time I saw him? I had no idea. Absolutely none. Was crumbling to dust and scattering on the wind a viable option? No, probably not.

A tiny whimper escaped me.

“Aww, why so glum?” a very dopey, but very familiar voice asked.

Eyebrows knitting together, I dragged my hands down my face, peeking out between my fingertips.

One of those little reindeer plushies was in my face, being held aloft by Kristoff. Using a finger to bob the stuffed animal’s head up and down, he continued on in that same goofy warble, “Turn that frown upside down! Cheer up! Things aren’t as bad as they seem.”

I just gave him a dull stare.

“When I’m feeling down, I like to sing a song and-”

“Kristoff,” I grumbled, folding my arms atop my knees.

He tipped the dolls head to one side. “Who’s Kristoff? I’m Sven and I’m here to brighten your day and-”

“Kristoff,” I interjected a second time, eyelids drooping now as I said flatly, “Please make the reindeer stop talking to me.”

“Got it,” he immediately dropped the idiotic voice as he tossed the plushie over his shoulder.

“Thank you.” I then sighed, cradling my face into my arms.

It’d been sweet of him to try to comfort me, but…

...I think I’d preferred it more when he was a bit of a grump.

“Wait,” Rayne froze, her reflection’s gaze meeting mine in the mirror. Eyes dancing and voice quivering slightly as she bit back a grin, she asked, “I’m sorry, but you did what now?"

I grimaced, looking down at my lap and shifting uncomfortably. “Please don’t make me say it again.”

“Oh my god!” Now she erupted with laughter, making me twitch in my seat.

My face warmed for what must have now been the thousand and twenty-sixth time that day (oh yes, I’d been keeping count) and I released a tiny huff, glancing back up at her reflection. “I fail to see what’s so funny.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she waved one hand, trying to muffle her giggles behind the other and failing miserably. She at last managed to sober somewhat, saying, “I get it though, I really do. You want to earn them fat tips. But sweetie, you’re supposed to suck up to the customers, not suck face with them!” She spluttered and broke down once more.

I narrowed my eyes, heaving a sigh through my nose.

Ah, having the loving care and support of a dear friend.

Wonder what that’s like.

Must be nice.

I had gotten home not too long ago from my disastrous first day. Thankfully, Frozone had taken pity on me, letting me hide in the back for the remainder of my shift and help him with getting the rest of that new shipment sorted out. But tomorrow I wouldn’t be so lucky. My insides were already twisting into a million knots at the very idea. Sleep? Ha! Like I’d be getting any of that tonight.

Rayne and I were now in my bedroom. By now all of the baby stuff had been cleared out and the room was looking pretty bare. Not like I had a lot of munny (aka none) to decorate with. But hopefully that’d be rectified soon and I could start making the space feel a little more homey… a little more me. For now, there was the bed they’d already had in there, now complete with a quilt comforter with various patterns and shades of blue - sort of a “house warming” gift from Rayne and Riku. As for the rest of the furniture, they’d introduced me to a thing called curb shopping, out of which we’d managed to find me a free wardrobe and dresser, both obviously old and a little nicked but otherwise serviceable, as well as a vanity with a large mirror attached and an accompanying chair.

It was at that vanity that I now currently sat, with Rayne standing behind me while she brushed my hair. Or, rather… had been brushing. At the moment, she was a bit otherwise preoccupied with her chuckling at my expense.

“Why exactly are we doing this again?” I muttered through my teeth.

“Hm?” she wiped at the corners of her eyes, finally settling down enough to resume carefully stroking the brush through my long, pale strands. “Oh! Well, since jellybean here,” she patted her tummy, “is a girl, I gotta prepare! And Riku’s majestic mane is not around at the moment, so who else am I gonna practice on? Besides, it’s soothing. It’ll help make you feel better.”

...which, okay, it kind of was.

She shrugged, “Plus, brushing hair is a time honored tradition of girl talk.”

My nose crinkled slightly. “This is girl talk?”

She gave me a pointed look. “We’re discussing kissing boys, what do you think?”

My shoulders slumped, “Ugh, don’t remind me.”

One corner of her lips twitched up and she pinched my cheek. “Lookit you, already making friends on your first day, I’m so proud!”

Lightly swatting her hand away, I scoffed. “I know I’m a bit clueless when it comes to this whole being around people thing but last time I checked, what I did was not the socially acceptable way to make a new friend.”

“You’re right. My mistake.” She smirked, “I should have said boyfriend.”

I paled. “Boyfriend? Oh no, certainly not. He definitely thinks I have a few screws loose now... That I’m a total freakshow. He’s probably just as mortified as I am. Beyond maybe demanding I explain myself and that I apologize, he’s not going to want to have anything to do with me.”

“You kidding?” she quirked an eyebrow. “You’ve seen yourself, right? Girl, you’re a total knockout. That boy is probably praising Aphrodite for blessing him with the divine gift that was your sweet, sweet lips.”

I groaned, my hands wringing the hem of my skirt. Now commencing blush number one thousand and twenty-seven. “This is all just so humiliating. I wish I could just disappear! Just… find a deep dark pit somewhere to dive into and get lost miles below the earth’s surface and… and discover an underground kingdom of mole people! And they’d welcome me with open arms and accept me as one of their own to live out the rest of my days in peace… that is of course, until I inevitably kiss one of them on accident because, let’s face it, I have a taste for it now, the beast has been awoken, this dark urge cannot be controlled, so then they’ll banish me down an even deeper, darker pit where I’ll find the mole people’s mole people and-”

“Elsa,” she bonked me on the head with the flat of the bristled implement.

“Right. Babbling. Sorry,” I winced, hanging my head. “Maybe...maybe I should just quit.” The hairbrush stilled again, this time as Rayne fixed me with a dull stare. I sighed, “No, I know, it’d be pathetic to give up after only working one day, and over something so silly. Besides, I… need to stop running away from my problems and start facing them head on.”

She smiled and the combing began again. “Good girl. Sorry,” she murmured the last part as she caught a snag, eliciting a soft hiss from me. “Now stop changing the subject. I want all the juicy deets on Romeo. Spill.”

Ugh, I really just wanted to forget the whole thing ever happened. But there was no getting out of this, it seemed. Might as well get it over with. “Well… he works right across from me and-”

“Wait, you mean at the Pizza Planet?” At my nod, she pressed, “Was he blonde?”

I frowned. “No, redhead.”

Her eyes widened. “Aw snap, you kissed Lea?!”

...Lea?

Both eyebrows shooting up my forehead, I blinked. “I don’t know, maybe?”

Annnnnnnd there she went, exploding into another fit of laughter.

I wished Anna were here. She never would have-

...oh, who am I kidding? She would have been cracking up twice as hard.

Reaching for a lock of my hair to twist at, I asked, “Do you... know him?”

“That mall used to be practically a second home to me, I know almost everyone that works there. Oh gosh, trust me, you have nothing to worry about. Lea’s a giant sweetheart, he’ll understand that you’re just a total spazz and it’s all a big mistake. Just talk to him.”

My eyes darted to the left. “I think I’d rather take my chances with the mole people.”

“Oh shush. Just do it, you’ll be fine, I promise.” She fell silent for a couple more sweeps of the hairbrush. “Soooooo…” she drew the word out before conspiratorially whispering, “what was it like?”

My forehead wrinkled. “...what was what like?”

“You know…” she waggled her eyebrows at me, “Laying some sweet sugar on that big red tree of a man.”

Make that one thousand and twenty-eight. I clasped my hands over my ears, “Gah, please tell me you did not just say that!”

She snorted, “What? Don’t get me wrong, I could kiss those pillow lips of Riku’s all day-”

“I really didn’t need to hear that.”

Rayne rolled her eyes. “But there’s nothing wrong with having a little curiosity! So stop holding out on me already, girl. I want to know everything.”

Averting my gaze, I grumbled, “I was kind of too busy having a frigging heart attack to really pick up on any details.”

Alright, so, not technically true. Like, at all. It had actually been kind of distressing how painfully aware I was of everything teeny-tiny little thing in that one now infamous second that had stretched on to infinity and beyond.

But… I really, really didn’t want to talk about it.

I noticed Rayne eyeing me suspiciously, not quite buying it. Before she could press further however, I cleared my throat and said, “Could we… please just talk about something else now?”

“Fine,” she harrumphed. Her lips pursed to one side, then, “...have you called them yet?”

Twitching, I muttered, “Something other than that.”

“No, no,” her reflection pinned me with a stern look. “You don’t get to do that. I already let you wriggle your way out of the last topic, which by the way we’re gonna be circling back around to.” Great. “But really, you need to talk to them and just get it over with already. Rip the bandaid off. They’re probably worried sick.”

I exhaled slowly through my nose. “I know, I just… was giving them more time to cool off.”

“It’s been a week, how much longer do you think they really need?”

I shrugged, “Oh, I dunno, I was thinking maybe… sometime next century?” Another bonk to my head from the hairbrush. “Ow! Could you not?”

She crossed her arms and frowned down at me. “Call them.”

Yeesh, the child wasn’t even born yet and Rayne already had her Disapproving Mom Stare down pat. I could tell you now, that kid wasn’t going to be getting away with anything.

“I don’t even have a phone.”

She fished her mobile out her pocket and slapped it down on the vanity. “Call them.”

Gnawing on my lower lip, I slowly reached for the phone, resting my hand over it. A couple heartbeats of hesitation, then I was pushing it away. “Tomorrow, okay? I… I’ll call them tomorrow.”

Her eyes narrowed, but at last she relented. “Alright then. I’m gonna hold you to that though, missy. Now,” she set the brush down beside her phone and gathered my hair into two separate clumps, one just behind either ear, “I’m envisioning pigtails. How cute would that be?” She beamed at me in the mirror. “What do you think?”

“Uh… sure?”

As she happily set to work, my thoughts wandered back to making that dreaded phonecall.

Tomorrow…

That’s what I’d told myself yesterday. And the day before that. And the day before that. So I certainly hoped she wasn’t going to hold me to it.

But who knows… maybe I actually meant it this time…

...eh… probably not.

Author’s note: Elsa being the walking, talking, awkward ball of anxiety rears its ugly head once more! To her credit, at least she remembered to say what Kristoff told her to say… now the question is, did that really help matters? You decide! Side note, I found an excuse to make Kristoff talk for reindeers in this fic, and really, that’s the dream right there. And thanks to Rayne, at least Elsa now knows the name of the stranger she accidentally got to first base with, so that has to be a step in the right direction, right? Also, gosh, I know it sucks that we’re already 4 chapters in and Lea hasn’t even gotten to talk yet. Don’t worry, he starts talking next chapter! It’s all small and slow at first, but once he has a chance to really get going, he doesn’t shut up, I promise xD

Next chapter, will Elsa woman up and sort things out with Lea? Will she make this phonecall to the mysterious “them” (you all can probably guess who) that Rayne alluded to? Stay tuned to find out! Thank you so much for reading, and an extra BIG thank you to anyone who liked or reblogged last chapter, seeing that always brings the biggest, goofiest smile to my face!

FIRST CHAPTER || PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER

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borisbubbles · 5 years

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Eurovision 2010s: 65 - 61

65. Michael Schulte - “You let me walk alone” Germany 2018

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[2018 Review Here] (shared with Eugent)

When Germany revealed this homely carrot top as their entrant I of course IMMEDIATELY rolled my eyes at it. Discount Ed Sheeran, GTFO!! Idk what the general lowdown on Ed Sheeran is, but good lord that man is responsible for some really BORING and GENERIC music (I will never get the obsession with “Perfect”, ever.) and as you can expect that also bled into my initial opinon of Michael.

However, two things. A of all, “You let me walk alone” is a much better song because it is actually VERY catchy, in a good way. ONE love / TWO hearts / THREE kids / LOVING mum is among the more memorable hooks in this decade.

Secondly, Michael’s emotion is *real*. This is a song about his coping with his dead father and well... I am not made from stone. Dude was in GENUINE TEARS during the endgame!! And as someone who deeply loves his father, I can definitely empathize with that message on a personal level.

There are better songs around. There are better performers around. There is better emotional pull left in this ranking. Regardless, Michael was able to stun me into teary-eyed silence and that is a feat which earns nothing less than RESPECT.

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64. Softengine - “Something better” Finland 2014

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FANTASTIC INDIE ANGELS <333 The appreciation I have to Softengine I have is obvious, yes? Highly energetic indie rock song from one of my favourite Eurovision countries. 😍 That also did VERY well because it’s genuinely that good. Take THAT Finland bullies!!! #HeyaSuomi

However, Softengine offer even more than just a kickass rock song. They offer some of my favourite song lyrics ever? They are both puzzlingly weird and endearingly ESL Even Human Bound People Rolling Dice Such A Novel Life She Thought While Knowing Nothing At All~

What on earth is Topi singing about? 😍 Well actually, it’s the story of an old man looking back at the life he’s had and.. It actually has a LOT of emotional pull wtf? Take a look at the bridge:

ALL THESE WORDS SHE MEANT TO SAY TO ME

ALL THESE WORDS AGAINST MY FAITH

ALL THESE WORDS BEFORE SHE PASSED AWAY

ALL THESE WORDS WILL NEVER NEVER NEVER CHANGE

A wonderful display of juvenile energy that has me coming back craving for me. SHOULD HAVE BEEN TOP 10 but lol it’s Finland when is Finland not getting bullied by people with no taste. 😭

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63. Litesound - “We are the heroes” Belarus 2012

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More rock angels. 😍 However, Litesound rank on the other end of the quality spectrum, being great because of their incompetence.

Honestly, I don’t think there’s anything more endearing when the inept give it their all, completely oblivious to their amateurism, a description which -let’s be honest- is “Belarus in Eurovision” is in a nutshell 😍. Well that plus the hilariously rigged NF, remember that ALYONA LANSKAYA originally won Litesound’s NF and then had to bequeath her spot to them when her voting fraud was exposed. 😍 It’s not even the most hilariously rigged NF of the decade though, omg YES we shall discuss that whenever it’s “Samo shampioni’s” turn. 😈

Anyway, Litesound bring the a double whammy of hilarity with some A+ Bad English diction (let us all sing along)

WONEVER STEN INDO AR WEH WHEEL MEK IT FRU DE DEH CUZ WE AR DA WEINERS WE AR DA GEEROS

WIR BRACKING DOWN DA WALLZ GODDA HIT DE MALL CUZ WE ARE DA GEEROS WE ARE DA DRIMURS

and the fact that all Litesound members look like animals, introducing:

The seahorse

The afghan greyhound

the mongoose

and of course Dima who might be the lovechild of Alsou and an ostrich. 😍

All of this may make you believe I merely stan Litesound on an ironic level, but I actually LOVE them on an unironic level too. “We are the heroes” is a fun, futuristic electronic rock rollercoaster and Litesound strike a perfect balance between good song, disarming incompetence and going ALL OUT in proving themselves as high quality, laced with high voltage addictive rock beats. SO, NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY, NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO, I’LL MAKE IT ALL RIGHT! I’M BRACKING DOWN THE WALLS, THEY ARE THE *HEROES*

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62. Justs - “Heartbeat” Latvia 2016

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AGE OF AMINATA <3 what a glorious two-piece act in the herstory of Latvia. To Latvia’s credit they completely reinvented themselves in the Supernova Era, usually resulting in bold entries (and Carousel).

If "Love injected” was the earthquake that shook Latvia AWAKE with her experimental masterpieces, then "Heartbeat” is the aftershock, providing the same avant garde novelty, but not as impactful with a lesser impact.

However, to recycle a phrase i’ve already used multiple times, a lesser Aminata is still fucking awesome. “Heartbeat” packs a massive emotional punch, being more aggressive and volatile than its predecessor, which... works out fine actually. Killer lines such as:

YOU’RE MY DESIRE AND MY PAIN BUT ALL THE BATTLES ARE IN VAIN YOU MEAN MORE THAN ANYTHING TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

need an emotionally intense delivery and Justs fucking GOES for it without any inhibitions for his own health and safety

and with every passing second

he gets more into the zone

right until the end, when he LOSES his voice and is reduced to panting an aspirated ”thank you”. 😍 If you’re going to sing about lost love, you’d better do it by also SCREAMING YOUR LUNGS OUT <3

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61. Hatari - “Hatrið mun sigra” Iceland 2019

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God I’ve been dreading this write-up. Not because of the Hatari stans (lol who is going to complain about getting ranked 61st out of 408), but can I do Hatari justice in print? Hatari weren’t as much as an entry as they were the fiery spirit of mischief, an existential manifestation of defiance, a gestalt of provocative resistance, all contained in the tiny package of two asshole hellraisers. Yes, assholes. You see, the one thing you NEED to understand before everything else is that Hatari’s poetic palestine shawl moment is one of grade A assholery. Pulling that at the last sec towards their hosts WAS a dick move and Hatari were fully aware of it. We MUST see this as a fact before we discuss anything else that is also Hatari-related.

However, that’s precisely the point? Provocation was the sensation that swept the icelandic nation and its idolization became Hatari’s vocation with dedication and its application in the humiliation and the vexation of the Israeli station in support of the Palestine civilization, leaving KAN in devastation after months of the rabid disorganization was a justification well worth the potential probation. In other words: GET REKT KAN SHIT HOSTS HOPE U GET BLACKLISTED LOLOL #Hatredwon 😈 😈.

ps: still getting the Israelis to cheer for them despite being OPENLY pro-palestine when will ur faves.

~My reasons~ for ranking Hatari lower post-show are less grounded in the politics (again, they were jerks but... that’s also the entire point of sending Hatari lmfao) and more determined by the actual live performance: I thought Klemens was underwhelming and his parts of “Hatrið mun sigra” were also the fave bits. 😭 On the flipside I thought Matthias was excellent (when he didn’t miss his cue) and I legit laugh out loud each time I see his hilarious OTT facial expressions.

What a justified use of guyliner <3 The act was yet again a diabolically brilliant clanging of chains, bashing of mallets, grinding of gears, steaming of punk, a satanic cirque du soleil come to rain justice and brimstone down on our hopeless souls. Hatari were the anti-heroes we needed and don’t deserve.

ps: i hope i will ever find someone who loves me as much as Klemens loves Teresa May.

Iceland’s chart looks much better than I thought it would, but the averages actually put them somewhere in the middle on average. Iceland are always hit-or-miss for me, much moreso in the 2010s than in any other decade and it’s largely down to them failing to pick the best available option because, you know, BadTastitis.

the next update... will be the FINAL one in this shade of green :o Yes, we are about to move on to the highest, upperest, bestest tier of Eurovision entries. The mind-blowingly amazing entries that are not off this fucking world. Find out who makes the cut and who doesn’t TOMORROW :o

#Eurovision #Eurovision Song Contest #Iceland #Latvia #Belarus #Finland #Germany #Hatari #Hatrid mun sigra #Justs Sirmais #Heartbeat #Litesound #We are the heroes #Softengine #Something better #Michael Schulte #You let me walk alone

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secondsofhappiness · 6 years

Text

How Robert Sugden Stole Christmas

I have to say, I have been watching Emmerdale for nearly 23 years now and that was hands down the most batshit crazy episode they've ever done.

This could be a long post...!

First off, I think the premise was clear: delve into Robert's head and offer an insight into him, his past and his future and to try to tie up some loose ends including issues with family, Aaron and his own mental health. That much was obvious and I think they achieved a lot of that but I think it could have been done in a much more simple way with less confusion (some moments baffled me a little) and a little more clarity in storytelling.

We have Rob realising, through his dreams, that his actions cannot continue, being smacked in the face with the possible outcome of his behaviour...

I mean, not only is the inside of Rob's brain INSANE, it's fascinating what it focuses on - high fashion (did you see Charity's HAT?!), guy liner, Jimmy's underpants (what the ever loving hell?!), Aaron in a suit (obvs), Doug's incessant rambling and Dan dancing in a velvet suit. Christ. Frightening.

The thing I adored was that it started with The Sugdens and ended with them too. He woke up to them in his dreams AND his reality. The focus on them as a family was the best part of the whole episode to me. I'll get back to that...

- Aaron would die if Rob didn't change? I mean, I get that in the past Aaron's self harming was an issue and Aaron alluded to his mental health being so bad that he'd end up in a dark place but it didn't make sense to me why Aaron would be dead. Or was this just a way to shock Rob into realisation?

- Seb. Why did Rebecca say he was ill and no longer around? What on earth was that about?

- Lawrence still has feelings for Robert? What was the whole cheek stroking moment?! Are we still there?!

That aside - VALERIE EFFING POLLARD. The fact she appeared sitting on her gravestone, sassing everyone and making terrible jokes at Rob's expense. Perfection. I am SO SO happy she was the returning character and it made me realise how desperately I missed her. She made the first half for me.

Ryan was endlessly wonderful, especially with the wide eyed "what the hell" moments as they progressed and the sass. His one-liners never ever fail to make me smile hugely. Ryan delivers them like no other and I enjoyed the many Jimmy hugs. Again, WHAT THE HELL WAS WITH JIMMY'S underpants? Rob's subconscious is bloody screwed up!

So Rob learned a weirdo lesson. It was all a little heavy handed, abstract and confused but I got their intention - he needed to be shown that his actions have consequences that he normally doesn't see or isn't faced with the reality of.

I LOVED Rebecca's portion of the "lesson" for her words. They were GOOD words. The whole speech about the attraction of Rob, how he has no friends and generally slapping him in the face with reality was so refreshing as it was all about Rob and his character and it was very aware. The show does know who he is and I was so giddy that they really displayed that.

On a hilarious note - Rob in guyliner being kicked into a grave was bloody hysterical, not to mention Chas in her dramatic "mourning mother" outfit. The whole thing was camp and ridiculous and crazy fun even if it was a little too wacky to make that much sense at times hahaha

Then we have the reality. The Sugden scene right off the bat was my favourite part of the episode. We have gotten so used to Rob dismissing his family, showing little interest in spending time with them (unless he wants something or can't escape them) and I've felt so disappointed of late that Rob and Vic never seem to have a sibling relationship. I felt it so deeply in this episode with her teasing and her cuddles. That whole scene was simple but full of such warmth. Rob even gently teased Doug. Diane was a true mother figure and Vic was such a little sister. It was so lovely and watching Rob slowly feel grateful for them ending with a cuddle that clearly meant a lot to him... it was wonderful to me. All I could think was that when they left, who else will visit him? It was very Scrooge-esque. I truly felt Rob's loneliness and isolation in the moment that Vic was perhaps going to leave. What a sad sad moment that was and Rob's teary eyes were gut wrenching.

Then there's the Aaron of it all.

Now, I feel like the episode was designed to end two strands of storyline:

1) Aaron's path to self worth, agency and confidence

2) Robert's path to realisation, a healthy lifestyle and acceptance of his behaviour

I liked the Rob we saw. I LOVED the recognition that Rob has done this before - the whole seeing the light bit - and has a poor record of carrying through. That was EXCELLENT. It's true and it's so important for his character to recognise that.

I loved his line about loving Aaron more than himself. That was so well written and illuminating. It's so unhealthy that he feels that way. We've seen it time and time again. I also really loved the moment he accepted that his relationship with Aaron was intense in good and bad ways. It's so true and it was a WONDERFUL moment of clarity for him. His behaviour with Alex was also crazy illuminating. It's not the first time he has recognise that Alex is "perfect" and what Aaron "should be with". Fine, he's simple and easy to love and just generally inoffensive and good. That's a brilliant thing and Rob sees this as what Aaron should have. Aaron should be with someone who makes him happy and treats him well but we all know Alex isn't it. He's way too plain for him but, for now, he's easy and gentle and the antithesis of Rob and well, isn't that the point?!

The final scene was really something.

This is the progress I wanted for them all along. It's the redemption I wanted for Rob all along.

His strength of character and his self awareness was striking to me and I was so stunned by him this whole episode especially during the scene with Alex. He was like "if you like Aaron, you are insane and a total coward if you don't fight me for him." Jesus. Character development or what

The fact that he OPENLY admitted that he'd be a crying heap on the floor or throwing himself out of the window. The fact his feelings were on the surface of his skin. The fact he let people care for him. The fact that he was honest with Aaron in such a vulnerable way... it was all truly something to cherish as a fan of Rob's character. He has never been given so much insight before and it was so special.

I loved that a few things were made very obvious:

- Rob did this for Aaron

- Rob also did it for himself despite how much it hurt

- Rob is focusing on himself and being better

- Rob is allowing his family in a little

- Rob loves Aaron very very much

- Aaron loves Rob very very much

- Aaron is the person in control of his own life and his own choices (this was really important after the past few weeks of people dictating to him)

- Aaron and Rob CANNOT be without each other in their lives in some way

- Robert has a friend (which we all knew he had anyway but him actively declaring his friendship with Aaron as something so vital and important... lovely)

All of this was so final but in a "mid point" kind of way. It was healthy and a rather lovely way for them to find some peace. It turned an INCREDIBLY complex relationship into something rather simple - we both care deeply but romantic shiz isn't on the cards so we are committed to be friends

This didn't seem like friends in the cop out sense. It seemed very firm and accepted and truthful. Aaron wanted it and it meant a lot to him, clearly. Rob, well, he wants is desperately and means it but the hurt will take a little while to lessen.

All in all, it was bloody weird. Good but weird and emotional and I haven't a flipping clue where we go from here but if there's one thing you can't deny, it's that Danny and Ryan have RIDICULOUS chemistry and their scenes - no matter the subject matter or tone - are forever incredible. Ryan carried that episode and god does he have range - he can flip from comedy to heartbreak so rapidly it's a joy.

So yeah! I'm off to rewatch again as my family are all asleep so I'll no doubt have more random thoughts. I'd love to know what you all think though ☺️

#wow that was long #how Robert sugden stole xmas #emmerdale #robron

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juicecupswanqueen · 7 years

Text

“The Newsflash That Broke Emma Swan”, Chapter 5

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

Warnings: The chapter is packed with cute SQ stuff. Hook appears near the end of the chapter, but I have already said that there is no C$ kissing. C$ is over. This writing exercise seems to be going well. I hope you are liking it. I’m enjoying it.

----------

“Emma?”

After magically materializing into the grey house’s living room, Regina inspects the area, finding it empty.

She slips her thin leather gloves off and pulls at her leopard print scarf. “Emma?”

A barely muted, “Up here,” floats down the stairs, and after placing her things on a tasteless, antique side table, that looks more like it belongs on the Jolly Roger than in this living room, Regina takes the stairs one at a time, her heels tapping as she ascends.

Her instincts lead her down the hall, though she has never been upstairs before, and she discovers the lady of the house in her bedroom. The blonde is sitting against her enormous headboard, smack dab in the middle of the bed, which her body seems to have reclaimed. Her knees are tucked under her chin.

As soon as Emma spots Regina, she lays a cheek against her knees, smiles weakly and closes her eyes quietly exposing fresh tears.

“Oh Emma.”

Immediately, Regina rounds the bed, going to her, and plops down onto the side, taking the blonde protectively under one arm. Emma pervades her senses; the scent of the woman’s shampoo, the feel of golden locks just under her chin, the quiver Regina discerns, proving that both women are aware that they never gather this close.

It is foreign to Regina being the comforter. She inflicted pain and fear many times in her past, but she never really soothed anyone until her son came into her life.

“He hates me.”

“Who? Henry?” Her cheek encounters the softness of Emma’s crown.

“Who else matters?” Emma sniffles dropping her hand on Regina’s.

“I thought… maybe…” she doesn’t want to talk, let alone think, of that mangey pirate.

Emma wipes her tear. “Oh. No. I mean, I’m positive he’s upset with me too, but I can deal with that.” The tears pour over. “But Henry…”

“He adores you, Emma. You know that.”

A pacifying hand moves in broad, slow strokes on Emma’s back. Regina occupies herself by examining the décor of the room, hating it instantly. “You sleep in here?”

“Hook fashioned it much like a Captain’s Quarters on a pirate ship.”

Eye-balling the chandelier above them with disdain, which had been made of the wooden wheel of a ship’s helm, Regina complained, “It’s ghastly.”

“Yeah, well. I rarely spend much time in here. Too busy working. Just sleep and…” Emma freezes, and falls silent, not wanting to get into other things that she has done in here with her husband. That all seems like such a long time ago now. If Regina has noticed her hesitation she doesn’t say anything. “Anyway, I’m not much for decorating and stuff. Growing up, I’d rarely let myself get attached to things, moving from one foster home to another. And as an adult I would just rent furnished apartments,” she remarks with a hidden smile at Regina’s down-curled lip. “The room’s not exactly your taste, I know.”

The old Regina would have scoffed and further insulted the room, but the new Regina is a bit more concerned about being outwardly rude, so she tries for tact. “Well, it’s very nautical. It’s wooden and brass…”

“Regina,” Emma prompts, alerting her friend to be honest.

“Garish. It’s grotesque in here, Emma.”

Emma chuckles and wipes a lone tear. Being with Regina has already made her feel much better.

“I never really thought about it one way or the other…”

“Were you in a coma? I mean, look at this place!”

Emma laughs a bit more, “…but seeing it through your eyes…”

“It’s like falling asleep in an old-fashioned sea food restaurant or something. My God! Is that a swordfish mounted on the wall? And an anchor? That can’t be a real anchor.”

Emma burrows more into Regina, who lays her cheek on the top of Emma’s head again, sighing and quipping, “If I am sitting on his side of the bed, I may shoot you.”

They both erupt into chuckles and know the only thing Regina ever shoots are fireballs. Emma briefly recalls the time she had given Regina a gun to take with her to New York to save Robin. She remembers the sheer terror she felt at the possibility of losing Regina, and at the helplessness she felt by not being able to accompany her in the world without magic. She eventually had, of course, for the sake of also finding Lily, but mostly because Regina had told her that she needed her.

She snakes an arm across Regina’s lap and Regina tugs her in closer, flooding her with a mix of conflicting emotions: happiness, guilty pleasure, culpability, sadness for disappointing Henry…

“Regina?”

When Regina glimpses back at her, her brown eyes soften because Emma, though feeling better, is still afraid that she may lose her son. To Emma, this feels like Violet and Camelot all over again. “Tell me again that Henry doesn’t hate me.”

“Believe me, Emma. Our son does not hate you.”

“Say it again.”

“He doesn’t hate you.”

“No. The other thing.”

“What? Our son?” The corner of Regina’s mouth lifts along with a shoulder. “Well, that’s what he is. Our son. Yours. Mine. No one else’s.”

“It’s about time you admitted it. Finally.”

It’s a joke of course and Emma is still leaning on Regina’s shoulder so she doesn’t catch that perfectly-groomed, dark eyebrow quirk. “Are you picking a fight with me, Miss Swan.”

“What are you going to do about it, Madame Mayor?”

Regina can’t help snickering and Emma likes the sound of it and turns her face up. Their eyes lock and their gaze becomes heated for a moment before Regina puts a stop to it.

She is here to offer her friendship. Considering how upset Henry was this morning and how she is currently in the boudoir of the Joneses, she doesn’t feel that doing anything more is appropriate. No matter how much she might want to.

“Henry’ll come around, Emma. He needs time. He doesn’t know the whole story,” Regina reassures her as if she can read her mind. “He needs to cool off and then he can be reasonable. Our son’s a hot-head. I wonder which one of us he gets that from?”

Emma’s eyes meet Regina’s humorously and they both claim at the same time, “You.” The moment turns toward hilarity and they are leaning against the headboard, companionably sharing a joke, heads pressed together, when they are interrupted by a sneer at the door.

“Well, isn’t this cozy?”

They break apart to find Hook leaning against the door jamb, tongue running across his teeth angrily followed by a jaw clench. He inspects his pointed metal hook for a hand like he plans to use it to stab someone with.

“So, Your Majesty…” The formality is a taunt and he says it to insult Regina. “The least you could do is use your own bed to fuck my wife in.”

“Killian,” Emma reprimands and the name is stretched as if she is calling out a nuisance.

“Don’t be crass, Hook.” The interruption is from Regina, and she addresses him with extreme displeasure.

“Well, you are in my bed with my wife. Don’t think I’m stupid enough to believe you haven’t tasted the pleasures of her flesh yet.”

Regina feels Emma’s anger rising and she places a hand calmly over the blonde’s and basks in the pirate’s annoyed observance of it.

“Too late, Hook. I’ve thought you more than stupid enough for decades.”

The statement is delivered contemptuously and the pirate’s eyes become dark and menacing.

“We were just talking.” This from Emma. She wants to leave the bed, feels vulnerable being the only one in the room not fully dressed. It is ridiculous that she doesn’t want her husband to see her in her underwear. She inwardly scoffs at the absurdity of that thought. Wow! How everything has changed in the span of a day.

“You’re a liar.” His words to Emma are sharp and scornful and this is a side of him that she has only seen once before. Emma recollects standing inside Rumpelstiltskin’s cell, in the Enchanted Forest, while he spat disparaging insults at her before leaving her to die. Hook looks to Regina and demands, “I want you out of my house. Now.”

Regina gets up slowly and Emma senses the challenge in her stance rather than acquiesce. A few other curses may have passed since the original dark one that brought the fairytale characters into this world, but no one ordered the queen around, especially in a town she had originally created. “Or what?”

“Oh, I would love for you to stick around and find out, Regina.” He stands at the ready, his Hook at his side and his hand on his cutlass and it is just then that Emma notices he is dressed in his old pirate outfit.

Regina smirks at him, an enlivened glimmer in her eye as if this battle between them was finally at hand. It is fear and wariness that springs Emma onto her knees, the bedsheet dropping just a little, exposing only the waistband of her striking purple underwear. Her hands extend outward to each of them.

“Ok,” Emma placates, “We’ll go. Just… everyone, calm down.”

Hook’s eyes flash. “Not you, love. You and I need to talk.”

“If you think I am leaving her here alone with you, smelling like a rum distillery, you have another think coming, guyliner.”

It is only after Regina’s revelation that Emma smells the alcohol on Hook. It is subtle and not a foreign occurrence to her, so she thought nothing of it.

“My wife has nothing to fear from me.”

Regina’s words are chilly as she tosses out, “Is that how it was last night?”

Emma’s hand immediately goes up to her throat where he held her up against the refrigerator.

“That…” He is apologetic and he turns his face away unable to see the damage written on Emma’s face. “I didn’t mean to…”

“Push yourself on me? I told you to stop several times! Do you think you are the only creep who has ever tried to…take advantage of me,” Emma castigates angrily, seeming to forget Regina is there for a second. Her fists clench. She is suddenly reminded of her past when a drunk foster father or foster brother had tried to force themselves on her. Her husband was the last man she thought would try and hold her down.

“Scumbag.” The word drops from Regina’s lips in a quiet fury, understanding exactly now what Emma had meant when she mentioned Hook had become violent.

He turns and waves it off with perhaps a little regret. “It was an err in judgement.”

Rage radiates off the former queen at the charge of attempted rape. She is unsympathetic and disgusted with men who think they can force themselves on women and her reply is meaningful, a warning to never touch Emma in such a way again, “I swear another err like that will get you killed.”

The threat chases away any remorse he may have felt and he turns scathingly toward them. How dare Regina come into his home and tell him how to interact with his wife.

Emma is shaking her head slightly with her eyes closed because this is not how she wanted to start her morning. She knows she and Hook need to talk but somehow, she is not ready right now.

“I think I need some space, Killian.”

“More time with Regina, you mean.”

She doesn’t contradict him and instead considers it. “Maybe,” Emma says, surprising the others in the room and she quickly replies, “All I know is that these feelings aren’t new.” The man’s hand tightens on his sword handle. Regina is studying his grip and calls forth her magic to attack should she have to.

Emma doesn’t intend to hurt him. She just wants to put everything to rights. However, she realizes that being honest with herself, will hurt him and there is nothing she can do about that. As his pride smarts, she watches him cross the line of reason and logic. He grows even darker and she has seen him this way before. The hate she senses from him now is just like when he learned she had turned him into a Dark One, and she expects him to lash out.

“You are a lying, cheating whore.” His insult hits her in the gut like a punch, but she tries to hold her head high. “Get out and take the bitch queen with you.”

It’s as if she and Hook are completely different people from just a few days ago, but Emma doesn’t have time to contemplate further on it because a flame flares in Regina’s palm and Killian draws his sword.

No!

Emma, in her haste to halt any bloodshed, grabs Regina’s wrist and feels her magic pull them from the room.

[XX]

In a loft apartment across town, Snow White is sitting at the kitchen table having breakfast with her family. She makes silly faces at her baby son, Neal, to try and get him to eat. Her husband, David sips his coffee before putting another bite in his mouth; his hand smoothing out the newspaper in front of him.

A large swirl of light smoke appears, grabbing her attention and giving way to two shapes. In the next second, her daughter, Emma, and her good friend, Regina, are standing right in the middle of the room.

At the sight of his daughter in a skimpy white tank top and scant purple panties, David spits a mouthful of Cheerios out, exclaiming, “What the-?”

“You took us to your parents’ place?” Regina looks around dumbfounded.

Emma shrugs and magically beckons her mother’s long coat from the hook by the front door, slipping into it quickly. “It was the safest place I could think of.”

They both focus on the two very surprised people sitting at the table, and the little baby clapping his hands and reaching out to be picked up by his older sister.

.... To be continued.

#swan queen #jcsq fanfiction #the newsflash that broke emma swan

65 notes · View notes

weirdpaul · 7 years

Text

Every Band I’ve Ever Seen Live!

Abdominal Snowmen

Abysme

Action Camp

The Afghan Whigs

Alabaster Box

Alan Astor

Alaska

Algebra Suicide

Align Alike

Allegheny Rhythm Rangers

Allies

Alpha Control Group

Alzo Boszormenyi

AM/FM

America Hearts

Amoeba Knievel

Anita Fix

Annie and the Bombers

An Offhand Way

The Anti-Psychotics

The Antiques

The Antiquities

The Aquabats

Assassinate Caesar!

Atom and His Package

Atomic Mosquitos

ATS

Auk Theater

Automatic Matty P

Aydin

Baby Bird

Baby Shakes

Bad Fathers

Bang Bang Lulu

BaggyPantsRich

Bald Mountain Band

The Bassturd

Bastard Bearded Irishmen

The Bastards of Fate

Bastro

Bat Zuppel

The Beagle Brothers

Beard Science

Bearsuit

Beasters

Beat Happening

The Bedspins

Ben Blanchard

Bennett-Blanchard

The Benquick

Big Mouth Strikes Again Billy Castle

Billy Catfish

The Billy Nayer Show

Birdcloud

Birthday Suits

The Blandinas

Blast Off 3.0

The Bloated Sluts

Bloodbaby

Bloodless Cooties

Bloody Incisors

The Bloody Seamen

Blue Chair

Blue Oyster Cult

Blue Skies Collapse

Blunderbuss

Bob Log III

Bobby Conn

James Bogacz

Bomb Banks

Boom River

Bootsy Collins

Bottomless Pit

Bowhunter

Bradford Reed and the Amazing Pencilina

Brain Handle

Brass Chariot

Brass Panda

Braz Cubas

Brewer's Row

Broke Boland & the Dirty Pickles

Brown Angel

BS2000

Buddy Nutt

The Bumps

The Burndowns

Burning Cacti

Burnout War Cry

Butter Kings

Butthole Lipstick

The Buzzcocks

C-Money and Karl Kash

Cactus Wheelhouse

Camp PP

Canasta

Candy Machine Guns

Canned Hamm

Captain Catfeesh

Casino Bulldogs

Casy Stelitano

Catnip Coma

The Causey Way

Caustic Christ

The Ceiling Stares

Celebration

Centipede E'est

Cex

Channel Scorpion News

Charlie Anteater

Charlie Slick

The Cheats

Chestnut Station

Chet Vincent

Child Bite

Children of October

Choke City

Chris Leo

Chrome Moses

Churchbuilder

Chux Beta

City Dwelling Nature Seekers

The City Steps

The Claymores

The Clearing

Cloaca

Clownvis Presley

Cobalt Black

The Cocktails

The Code

Colin and the Shots

Colombian Express

Combustible Three

Concrete Elite

CooCoo Rockin' Time

The Copyrights

Corpus Christi

Cougars

Crank Radio

Creta Bourzia

Crisis in America

The Crow Flies

Crucial Unit

Crunk Witch

Cryptorchid Chipmunk

Curses and Kisses

Daily Grind

Daiquiri

Daniel Johnston

Danielson

Dark Lingo

Darren Keen

Dave Bernabo

David Liebe Hart

Dead City Dealers

Dean Cercone

Death of Samantha

Decaffeinated Grapefruit

Decision Way All-Stars

The Degenerettes

Demander

Deral Fenderson

Derek Deprator Band

Derica

Dethlehem

Developer

The Devil Dogs

The Devil is Electric

The Devil's Jukebox

Devin Russian

Devo

Die Kruezen

Dirtbag Diary

The Dirty Charms

Dirty Fences

Dirty Sunshine

Dirty Weekend

Discuss

Disrobe

Divine Seven

Divorce

Do Crimes

Don Caballero

Don Capicola

Dollar Shots

Donora

Doog

Dookie Houser Emcee

The Douglass Brothers

Down By Law

Downside

The Dozal Brothers

DQE

Drink Tax

The Dripp Brothers

Drug Dealer

Duckmandu

Duke of Uke

The Dumplings

Duo!

Dwarf Fortress

Ear to Ear

Earlimart

Earls of Industry

Ec8tor

Echolalia

Edie Sedgewick

Ed's Redeeming Qualities

Eggs

8 Cylinder

Eighty Eight Magnum

'85 Flood

El Boxeo

El Grosso

Electric Grandmother

The Elemental

Elephant Bones

Elf Power

Eli “Paperboy” Reed

Elliott Sussman

Elsinore

Ember Schrag

The Emergency

Emerson Jay

Emily Jo Fabiszewski

Endless Mike and the Beagle Club

Eoley Mullulay

Erectus Monotone

Eric and the Electric MP3 Player

Erika Carey & the Calamities

The Eruptions

Eskimo '88

Estelle

Eugene Chadbourne/Jimmy Carl Black

Euphonic Brew

Everyone Everywhere

Evolution Control Committee

Ezra Lbs

Face Down in Shit

Falon

Fancytramp

Fangs of the Panda Fat White Family

Fate of Icarus

Jerry Fels and the Jerry Fels

Fezzwig

The Fife and Forth

The Fingers

Fire & Sex

The Fireworks

First Into Space

First Jason

First Person Singular

The Fizzies

Flaming Lips

The Fletch-heads

Flotation Device

Flotilla Way

Folk Implosion

The Forbidden Five

Forgotten Nobody

Four Dead Flowers

The Four Roses

Four Seasons Boys

Frank Barone

French Toast

Fry Jones

Gadgits

The Garden

The Garment District

Gary Musisko

Gary Twoman

Gentleman Auction House

George Willard

German Shepherd Ghost Road

Gil Mantera's Party Dream

Girl Talk

Girl Trouble

Glad Girls

Go Pills

Go Pillx

The Goblins

The Goonies

Goonland

The Goops

The Gothees

Grand Buffet

Grand Piano

Granola Explosion

Grant Valdes

Gravel

The Graveyard Rockers

Great Ants

Greg Cislon

Groundwater Mafia

The Grow Ops

Grumpy

Guided By Voices

Guru Guru

Guyliners

Half Japanese

Happy Flowers

Har Mar Superstar

HARM

Hard Money

Harry and the Potters

Heaven & Hell

Heavy Cream

The Hecklers

Height

The Heiz

Helmet

Hell Yeah the Hellcats

The Helper T-Cells

The Heretics

The Hidden Twin

The Hi-Frequencies

The Hillbilly Varmints

The Hips

The Hodag

Hogwind

The Homostupids

The Hope Harveys

Hot Dog Forest

Hot Mess

Hotness

Houdini's Psychic Theater

House of Assassins

Household Stories

Hovland

Howard Jones

HTML

The Human Brains

Hungry Bill

Hurra Torpedo

I am the Lost Sea

I Speak Tree

Ian Semasko

Ice Capades

Icon Gallery

In the Wake of Giants The Independents

Instead of Sleeping

International Espionage

The Invisible Nothings

Irene Moon

Ivenfaint

J. Marinelli

Jack in Irons

Jack Medicine

Jack Sabbith

Jackson

Jad Fair

Jake and the Jakeman

Jam Messengers

Jana Bates

Jandek

Jane's Addiction

The Jasons

The Jealous Zealots

Jefferson Golfcart

Jericho Theory

The Jim Dandies

Jody Perigo & Laura Totten

Joe Jack Talcum

Joe Landes

Joey Molinaro

Johnny and the Razorblades

Johnny Locomotive & the Engineers

The Johnsons

Jonathan Hape

Jonathan Richman

Jonny Cohen

Joybox

JPS Brown

Judas Priest

The Juicy Girls

Juno Vega

Jupiter's Girlfriend

K-Hun

Kafka Romance Dissolver

Kalon

Karl Hendricks

Kazimier

Kevin Finn

Khaled

Kick Old Man

Kick the Can

Kill Or Be Killed

Kind of Like Spitting

King Karcass

King Kong

King Missile

kingdom Of Not

Kisswhistle

Kitty Pryde and the Shadowcats

Koala-T

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jesusmbuttars-blog · 7 years

Text

Six of the Best Wild Camping Tips

1. If you’re going to be self-sufficient for several nights, weight will be key. Be ruthless when it comes to disregarding non-essentials (hair-straighteners aren’t often useful in emergencies) and co-ordinate what you carry with your companions – e.g. four small, differing "ouch pouches" could replace a heavy main first aid kit, take one cook-kit per two people, etc. Aim for a pack-weight limit of 15kg and definitely stay under 18kg.

2. Wear basel ayers made from natural fibres; ideally wool or bamboo. Cotton’s inability to dry quickly can contribute to hypothermia and it should not be worn. Synthetic basel ayers quickly fail the sniff test when worn for long periods, whereas merino wool and bamboo can be worn for multiple days without smelling like a wet labradoodle.

3. If you’re going to buy new kit for wild camping, spend money where the biggest weight savings can be made. An expensive titanium pot might shave 50g off your pack weight, whereas a lightweight tent might cut over 2kgs for the same outlay. Down sleeping bags tend to weigh half as much as synthetic bags of equal warmth and pack down to roughly half the size. Lightweight ¾ length sleeping mats work well and can easily be supplemented with clothing if conditions require it.

4. Freeze-dried meals are the only real option as you need at least one proper meal per day and wet foods (boil-in-the-bag or otherwise) weigh too much. Supplement these with high-energy, dry-mass foods and snacks (nuts, dried fruit, oat bars, etc.). Freeze-dried breakfasts and desserts can become expensive (up to £4 each) – for breakfast, pre-mix Ready Brek (or other instant oats) with dried milk powder and sugar and use supermarket instant custard as high energy desserts (10p each in some supermarkets).

Rice or pasta might seem like cheap alternatives, but 10-15 minutes cook time per meal will require a lot of gas. Pizzas are simply not an option.

5. As you can rarely rely on weather forecasts for trips that might last more than a week, using a clothing system based on multiple layers will allow you the flexibility to cope with all conditions. Anyone turning up in jeans or carrying an umbrella should expect to form the basis of the first camp fire.

6. If possible, try to avoid brightly coloured tents. You’d be making a good decision by looking into Vango tents. A group of four green tents would be almost invisible to the naked eye from a distance, whereas a group of orange or red tents would be obvious, lessening the wilderness experience for you and other trekkers. 3 notes Wild Camping Tips

Tip 1. Location.

Locations can be defined by four interchangeable parameters. These are:

Sheltered Windy, Dry and Damp

There is a further sub-category of Damp which is “Wet” and another division of “Wet”, which is “Underwater”.

Try to avoid “Wet” if at all possible but the choice between “Sheltered” and “Windy” is less clear-cut.

If your site is sheltered, you might get a lot of condensation. On cold nights, this will be white and will form a small but short blizzard when you nip out for a pee.

If your site is windy, there will be little condensation, but your tent will collapse at 3;00 am. It will not blow away because you are in it and holding it down. As soon as you get out, though, it will blow away.

A dry site may well become wet during the night. See the various categories of wet above. A wet site never becomes dry, however.

Tip 2. Putting up the tent.

Remove tent from tent bag bag. Assemble pole(s). Remove pegs from little peg bag. Lay out tent. Chase tent bag across the moor, catch it, put it in your pocket and return to site. Chase tent across the moor and catch it. Have a bit of a fight with it, sustaining a slight eye injury caused by a flailing guy rope with one of those metal things on the end. Return to site. Stand on tent (lie on it if very windy) whilst inserting a couple of pegs to stop it blowing away. Insert pole. Pull out all guy ropes and peg them down. Take tent down and start again because the door is facing into the wind and the tent is filling up like a balloon and you’re in some danger of unplanned flight Go to (2) above

Tip 3. Settling in

Once your tent is up, locate your sleeping mat and, if it is an inflatable one, inflate it. Listen to sound of escaping air but fail to find the source. Watch mat slowly deflate. Locate your sleeping bag and lay it out. Fluff it up a bit. Find your stove and pot, stuff for a brew (e.g. tea), spoon or spork and water bottle. Exit the tent and find the nearest stream of purest cold mountain spring water (a.k.a. raging torrent of brown stuff). Fill the water bottle without falling in, or letting go of the bottle. Examine the bottle for life swimming about in it, bits of vegetable material, lumps, scum, insects or detergent foam. Shrug if any of these are found since emptying and refilling the bottle will only increase the quantities of whatever it is you’ve found. Start to boil up “water” for a brew Doze off whilst waiting for pot to boil. Wake up suddenly covered in scalding water. Extinguish fire in tent porch. Go to (4) above.

Tip 4. In-tent entertainment.

Snuggle cosily into your sleeping bag and plug your Ipod into your ears Listen to Abba’s Greatest Hits whilst imagining you hear strange noises outside. Notice inner tent is dancing around unusually. Listen to the wind thundering towards your tent and watch the pole(s) bend violently at each vicious gust. Imagine strange noises outside/wonder if the tent will stand up to the oncoming onslaught. Decide it will. Then not be so sure. Repeat cycle whilst pretending to be unconcerned. Doze off. Wake up suddenly thinking that you’ve heard strange noises outside and/or wondering whether not you left the grill on this morning and/or that your bladder is full and one side of the tent has collapsed in the wind and water is pooling by your head. Exit tent dressed only in thermal undies. Replace all the pegs, and arrange a small cairn of rocks on each guyline to hold them down. Chase sleeping bag across moor. Plan escape to nearest Bed & Breakfast, using GPS to plot the route. Phone nearest B&B and go there immediately or go to (3) above. (You lost the ipod chasing the tent across the moor)

5 notes Day Hiking Tips and Safety

For outdoor lovers the world over, day hiking is at the top of their lists for preferred ways to spend the day. Whether you’re a weekend warrior or serious backpacker, there’s something to be said for taking time out from contemporary life’s ultra-fast pace to get back in touch with nature.

Heading out to the trails for the day brings with it many implicit benefits. Of course, there is the obvious fact that day hiking is a fantastic workout and quite enjoyable for nature enthusiasts. But it can also provide you the opportunity to enjoy the outdoors with your family or significant other. Whether you’re trying to find some time for just yourself and the outdoors, or attempting to make time for the most important relationships in your life, day hiking is a great way to achieve either.

It’s important to note that a good day hike requires a few necessities. Without them, a fun day in the outdoors can quickly take a turn for the miserable. Below are the key essentials that all day hikers – from beginners to seasoned veterans – should be familiar with.

Proper planning is important. Obtain trail maps, guidebooks, trail distance, estimated time required and any other information before you leave on a hike. Keep trail maps and guidebooks in a waterproof ziplock bag. Consider using a GPS. Check weather conditions and forecast. Consider the ability level of everyone in your group, when choosing a hike. It’s very important to tell someone of your plans and when you expect to return. In an emergency, this could help with the rescue. Check in with them when you get back. Never hike alone. Always go with a friend. Don’t pack to heavy.Keep your pack weight as light as possible. Take plenty of water – 2 or 3 quarts per person. Staying hydrated will help maintain your energy level. The temperature is always cooler in the mountains. Plan and dress accordingly. Dress in layers. Start early so that you have plenty of time to enjoy your hike and the destination. Plan to head back so you finish your hike well before dark. Hike only as fast as the slowest member of your group. Pace yourself. Don’t hike too quickly. Save your energy. Stay on trails unless you have excellent navigational skills. Never approach wild animals. They may look cute and harmless but they are very unpredictable and can be very territorial and protective. Always be alert and aware of your surroundings. In most cases, the animals are more afraid of us and will run away. Do not attempt to feed wild animals. Most injuries occur when people try to feed them. Look out for snakes, spiders and other critters. Watch where you are walking, be careful when picking up sticks or rocks and look around before taking a seat. Again, snakes are usually more afraid of us, but if they feel threatened or if you make sudden movements they may strike. Stay calm and slowly move away from them. Be careful where you are walking. Watch out for low branches and loose rocks. Take it slow through mud and water and be careful of loose leaves on the trail. Stay away from steep cliffs and other drop off areas. Look out for brush with thorns and learn to identify poisonous plants. Keep track of your progress on the map so that you know where you are at all times. Take turns leading and following trail markers. Share decisions. Pack high energy snacks like granola, energy or fruit bars, gorp trail mixes, fruit, candy, beef jerky, bagels, or pita bread, etc. Don’t drink soda or alcohol when hiking. They will dehydrate you. Use a purification system for water from a natural resource. For blisters or hot spots use moleskin or bandages immediately to stop further damage and to relieve pain. Keep your feet dry – change socks often. Hiking sticks or poles may help make your trip a little easier by giving you some stability on wet trails, and reducing strain on your legs when going up or down slopes. Be aware of your increased exposure to ticks when hiking in the outdoors. Protect yourself against other insects such as bees, ants, mosquitoes, flies, etc. Not only can they be annoying, but they can cause quite a bit of pain and discomfort. Many people have severe allergic reactions to their bites and need to carry necessary medical supplies or seek medical attention. Again be aware of your surroundings. Refer to Keeping the Bugs Away for more details. Bring a whistle on hikes. Three short whistles mean you are in trouble and need assistance. Learn to identify the many things you will discover as you hike.

How to Pack a Food Bag

One of the secrets of successful backpacking is learning how to become extremely organized and to stay organized throughout your trip. That might sound obvious but it’s actually a skill that requires a lot of practice and the development of a set of rituals that you can “do in your sleep”, regardless of the weather or your level of fatigue.

Packing a Food Bag

Take your food bag for example. How easy is it for you to get out a snack? Do you find yourself stopping and unpacking your entire food bag each time you want to make a meal?

While this may sound like an insignificant inconvenience, random food bag organization can lead to skipped snacks or delayed meals that can have a significant performance impact on your ability to put in long days or high miles. It took me a long time to understand the relationship between good food bag organization and my daily caloric intake patterns, so here’s some advice on food bag organization that you may find useful.

When I pack my bear bag at home, I first divide all of my meals into 5 piles: breakfasts, lunches, dinners, snacks, and drinks. I put each pile into it’s own plastic bag. I find that the best ones to use for this purpose are the plastic bags that I get from the dry cleaners that wrap my folded dress shirts. I place my backpacking towel, bear bag line, and mesh sack at the bottom of my food bag. Then I insert my O.P. Sack into my bear bag and place my long handled titanium spoon and tooth brush along the inside, propped up vertically for easy access. Next, I put the 5 bags of food into my O.P. sack, one by one, so that the meal or snack that I want next, is positioned at the top of my food bag. After, I’ve eaten something, I reorder the bags as required, so that food breaks can be kept short if I want to get going again. I always carry my food bag on top of the other gear in my backpack so that it’s easy to access during the day.

What nice about this system is that I’m always aware of exactly how much food I have left during a trip, because all of the same types of meals are organized together. It also makes choosing which one I want to eat a lot easier because they’re all grouped together. Before I organized my bear bag this way, I found that I had to always fully unpack and repack my bear bag each time I wanted a snack or to make a meal, and I never knew exactly how much food I had left because it was all dumped together.

Source: Six of the Best Wild Camping Tips

#hiking #camping

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