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#hard to put my thoughts into words

shikai-the-storyteller · 2 years

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There is something so deeply cathartic about being one amongst nearly 50,000 people watching Phil build a memorial for Techno in his Hardcore world. Something about shared grief. Something about humanity. Something about love and friendship and the legacy it leaves behind.

#i talk #hard to put my thoughts into words #it feels like a silent vigil #I'm so grateful Ian and Kristin are such good mods #it was really hard seeing everyone's chats yesterday #technoblade #dsmp talk #not really but

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vexx-the-egg · 2 years

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Can I say, that there's something so deeply cathartic about the way Everything Everywhere All at once shows Asian american familys. Its not polished or glamorize nor is it mystified as many movies tend to do. The Wang family is true to the heart middleclass americans. The finacial struggles, the messy dining room tables, small bickering, working a small business to a ford a small house. The Wang family home FEELS like a home. Not just a set.... and I don't think very many Asian-centric American movies do that all the time.

#everything everywhere all at once #they also show a bit of traditinal culture in a way that feels grounded #like stuff around the house any Asian american could recognize and relate to but its not treated like an idol or fantasy element #of course i wont say i dont love those when they come up! im a sucker for fantasy and glamor...but its nice to have some realistic and...#i dont know nostalgic? show of the asian american experience #hard to put my thoughts into words

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ripplefields · 2 years

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💌💔 🧸 🪀 💤all the headcanons for Capn!

AHHH BOYLOSWR !! GUYFAILURE !!!

fluffy hc -

he's very good at reading what their partners want, being the group's main salesman . he'll see sweet eyeing a stack of cassettes in the thrift store, and pull out a few dark dollars n buy it, "a perfect gift for my perfect partner" he'll say in a smooth voice, usually receiving either a kiss and hug from k_k or an eye roll and a kiss from sweet, both making him flustered

angst hc-

he doesn't like to admit it, but he really doesn't have a sense of identity . sure he's capn but if not "capn", the cool flirt who's making jammin tunes, who is he ? if he isn't "capn" who is he truly ? he's had times where he just stares in a mirror, contemplating who he truly is .

hurt comfort hc-

he takes time away from the shop when he's upset, he hates not being his usual cool guy self so whenever he's angry or sad he'll go for walks in the city . maybe let a few tears fall but never too many . whenever he comes back sweet and k_k are always aware of why he was gone, pulling him to the couch and letting him relax before gently asking if he wants to talk about it

silly hc-

one of the best things he's gotten in a qna box was from a plugboy who started off the letter asking genuine questions about sweet and k_k (asking abt the band, how it started, how they learned how to play) but when they got to capn there was only one question

"why do you wear sunglasses? we don't have a sun"

sweet will never let the joke down and sometimes when capn puts on different glasses (the untinted ones) or just forgets them, they'll be like "oh? finally realized we don't have a sun?"

sleeping hc-

generally is the best sleeper of the polycule lol . k_ks sleep schedule is AAAAALL over the place, and sweet has trouble getting to sleep a lot due to overworking tendencies but capn is always just like oh it's 10:30 ? sleepy ? jumps in bed snnnrrkkk mimimimi

(he has his moments but is usually a pretty good sleeper, once he's asleep he sleeps like a rock tho)

#scc stuffs #CAPN HCS GALORE !!!!#THE GUYFAILURE HIMSELF!!!!!#ok i'm going to sleep now it's quite late #thank u all for the hc stuff !!!!! sry if it was unintelligible #hard to put my thoughts into words

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canisalbus · 4 months

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Machete and Vasco are so pomegranate-and-the-hand-that-slices coded. To me.

Pomegranates are seen as messy, bloody, inconvenient fruits. You slice or tear or bite and in return for your effort you come away underwhelmed, disgusted, and stained too deep to wash. The consumption of a pomegranate is a violent act of defilement, for both the fruit and the eater.

But that is because most do not understand how to open a pomegranate. They have little patience for the precise carving. They see no point in coreing the fruit gently, no reason to be reverent as they pull the quarters apart. When done correctly, opening a pomegranate leaves little mess. Your fingers will still stain, your knife will still slick, but there will be no pool of crimson drowning both you and the fruit.

The seeds are only sweet to those who understand the merit of a light hand and intricate slicing. Why put in so much effort for a food so bitter and clearly armored against consumption? Surely it must not yearn to be eaten.

(^insane about silly catholic dogs)

#absolutely losing my mind over this #how dare you come to my house and deliver a poignant character analysis cloaked in metaphors and symbolism #I went all day thinking about pomegranates #doing late christmas shopping? pomegranates #glazing ham? pomegranates #watching futurama with siblings? pomegranates #they're still kind of an exotic fruit where I'm from and I only got around to trying one a handful of years ago #some fruits offer themselves readily but pomegranates are hard and resistant and require a bit more specific handling #I looked up a guide and even then the kitchen counter ended up a murder scene #I've gotten better but I know some people can open them very neatly and I still haven't figured out the right technique #I love you anon I love the fact that you've clearly been rotating my silly catholic dogs in your head #and are able to put your thoughts into words with such marvelous grace and eloquence #surely it must not yearn to be eaten UNFATHOMABLE #answered #anonymous #gift art #Vasco #Machete #pomegranates are canonically one of Machete's motifs/symbols but I never thought of them from this angle #at least not this extensively

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egophiliac · 6 months

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I was wanting to try doing an art piece in the style of the signature spell poster art pieces you create. But I’m not really the best at coming up with a composition for such a thing.

Do you have a process for how you come up with the compositions for them?

oh, awesome! it is an INCREDIBLY enjoyable style to work in; I hope you have fun with it! :D

I'm not great at putting my thought/art process into words, so my apologies if this doesn't make a lot of sense, but I'll try! my first step is always to do a LOT of thumbnails to figure out both the idea and how I want to show it; not trying to do a real sketch or anything, just little doodles to figure out what exactly I'm trying to portray. (I also call these "garbage passes" because they're not meant to be any good, they're just there to throw things out. aha. ha. ...anyway.) I think it's important during that first stage to really focus on the idea and the layout and not to get too bogged down in the actual drawing yet!

I tend to save my final thumbnails, so I'll use 'em as examples (I posted the ones up through episode 5 here if you're interested!) (and, uhhh, spoilers through episode 5 also in this post, hopefully that won't be an issue!)

the main thing I try to think about in composition is balance -- not necessarily in terms of symmetry, but in where each element is placed and how much space it's taking up. remember, empty space is still space! it's also really important to think about the parts that don't have anything in them, as much as the parts that do!

personally, I like to divide things up roughly by both halves and by thirds -- there's a lot more in-depth info out there on why the "rule of thirds" in particular works well visually, but in short, our brains tend to focus on things that are placed closer to imaginary division lines, instead of in the exact center of an image. so even when I'm doing something that is very centered and symmetrical, I try to keep that in mind and generally aim around those for landmarks like faces/eyes (or...where they would be, anyway) and other focal points.

it's not a formula of "the character's face should be in this division of this grid" or anything, more like "our minds like to focus on these areas, let's think about how to use that", if that makes sense! and of course rules are made to be broken, art is lawless anarchy, and so on. but it can be a good starting place for deciding where you want to put things!

(blue - thirds, red - half)

and against the finished versions, because they do usually end up changing a lot (including the empty space of the border):

(...these actually lined up a lot better than I thought they would. :') it makes me look like I do things way more intentionally than I do.)

other stuff I just try to keep in mind is that our eyes like following arcs and paths, which can be a good way to guide the eye:

and frame and control the focus:

honestly, composition is one of those things I feel like I struggle with a lot, so I'm not sure how much of this is helpful or actually makes sense outside of my head. but hopefully it helps a little! it's all just stuff to think about while drawing and not anything hard-and-fast, so don't, like, stress out about making sure things are lining up exactly on the thirds or anything. again, it's more "our brains think these are the dopest parts of the rectangle" than anything else! take advantage of the cool parts of the rectangle!

NOW GO HAVE FUN DRAWING seriously though, it is always super cool that other people like this idea and style enough to want to do it themselves and for other/their own characters! thank you! ❤️❤️❤️

#art #sketch #twisted wonderland #...technically i guess? it's not about twst but there is twst art present anyway #i did have a few more examples but then i wasn't sure if you were cool with episode 7 spoilers. whoops. 🫠#many other people have explained the rule of thirds and directional flow way better than me and i apologize #it is so hard to put things into words i am so sorry #me: the...you know...the lines...they sort of converge? like a triangle?#the internet: mm-hmm. yes. go on.#me: (sweating) the...the triangle points here...because it...it has a point.#the internet: it's doing better than you are then #genuinely shocked at how well some of these line up though #uh. i mean. actually it was all totally intentional and i put actual thought into it! NOT an accident at all!#my eyes darting back and forth shiftily are just ✨following the paths✨

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folightening · 1 month

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Every so often, Nations need to be among their people. To recharge their humanity. To remind themselves what it is to live. It keeps the human part of them intact and stops them from becoming the monsters they could be.

#hetalia #no longer fits into my wip so here it is as an idea I probably won't be expanding on #I have thoughts on them and immortality and how they work and how human they are #but it's hard to put those thoughts into words #fol stuff

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velvetburnt · 8 days

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im thinking about sydney and harper's relationship and how its been outright confirmed by purityguy that syd stayed at the asylum at some point, which is the reason they're so "pure" at first meeting while missing quite a bit of their memories

sydney also knows harper, it's safe to assume this is from the asylum times, but we don't know the extent of what happened between them.

and i want to assume it's because of harper doing their ... harpering, but also: how long ago was this exactly? because ultimately.. harper isn't that much older than the pc, and by extension, sydney.

paired with this line you can hear from a patient in the asylum, (that i cba to hunt down in the game itself,)

what exactly got harper sent to the asylum in the first place and how long ago was that? was harper always like that, or was it a gradual change, a weird evolution of sorts from being in the asylum for so long? how old was harper when they transitioned from a patient to a doctor? was harper still just a regular patient when sydney was admitted? were they already a doctor by then?

there's so many variables, which leaves so much room for theories!! and i love cooking my own food!! me personally?? i like the idea that harper wasn't quite a 'proper doctor' yet when sydney was admitted.

darling sydney, freshly traumatized from the loss of their parent, and from potentially having witnessed the rite being performed on kylar's parents.

harper, still a patient, probably around 18 years old or so, maybe a bit older? practicing and perfecting his hypnosis on other patients, including sydney. simple things like.. memory alteration. real convenient!

eventually, that skill lets harper to take up the role of a totally legitimate and licensed doctor. the doctors and nurses who took care of him are now his assistants. they always had been. and those who only knew him as a fellow patient... well, they can simply go ahead and forget about that entirely, can't they?

#sheddingvelvet.txt #this was supposed to be like a paragraph or two while i brushed my teeth and got ready for bed but #i like talking :)#anyway lalala i have THOUGHTS sorry this is weirdly put together and hard to read im SLEEPY #please feed me any and all harper lore scraps though i am dying to know more about this weirdo #i can't wait for more scenes with sydney and harper. those two are so tied together and i want to know more #not to even mention how ivory factors into all of it!!! ykno that one fuckin line about asylum patients and a pale figure? yeayeaye #especially when we eventually get more post-soft bad end scenes with the asylum like the one we got with whitney #i want an expanded scene like that with sydney and the asylum.#GRGHH ok words hard im going to bed #dol #degrees of lewdity #sydney the faithful #sydney dol #harper the doctor #harper dol

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roseworth · 2 years

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steph as the third robin is a much more interesting story than tim as the third robin but y’all aren’t ready for that conversation

bruce saying “i’ll never have another partner again” but then steph is a child vigilante all on her own to stop her dad, and batman keeps trying to tell her that it’s dangerous but she won’t listen and keeps going out every night. but she reminds bruce of jason and she’s doing the vigilante thing anyway, so shit he has no choice but to train this child so she won’t get hurt or killed and so he takes in another robin because he realizes that it was about helping them find an outlet and steph is going to be doing this with or without him and he would much prefer she do it with him rather than go headfirst into danger alone

#posting this in the middle of the night bc i am scared people will be bitter about it #but i’m right #i just wish i could put my thoughts into words better #i’m trying so hard but my brain has so many feelings about this :(#stephanie brown #dc

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bassguitarinablackt-shirt · 2 months

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okay so when i was very new to the pjo fandom i had alot of thoughts about being queer and being a half blood, so heres an old rant of mine edited a bit (alot) to be semi coherent and postable!

Being a half blood is by definition queer, not normal. Half bloods are unable to fit in with mortals, they're too different, too strange. Yet, they're able to find community at camp half blood, a place with others like them, others just as weird and different. I think this is something that resonates with alot of queer people, it's at the very least something alot of us have dreamed of or experienced something similar to.

Another thing that I think is worth mentioning is how we see, especially with Annabeth talking about her family–mortals sometimes almost demonizing half bloods, treating them as dangerous. Once again, in a way this speaks to alot of queer people. Being treated as dangerous for something you can not control, something that's just simply a part of who you are, the way you were born.

I think it might be worth mentioning how it's nearly impossible for a god to be cishet? Especially alot of the greek gods were as queer as can be. Humanity feels the need to fit themselves into boxes gods have no need for, half bloods i think fit right in the middle of that which i think might be a little reminiscent of how queer people are shoved into boxes that shouldn't exist by others around them.

I have no idea how to segue properly SO, MY FINAL POINT: The concept of being a half blood is something that i think speaks to alot of people, as a half blood you don't fit in, as a queer person you don't fit in; yet as either there are other's like you, a community that will welcome you with open arms.

tagging some people who might be interested: @agentwaffle @a-wondering-thought (i know you two want to see this) @genderfluidsgetguns @ssavinggrace (i just want you two to see this)

#asher says stuff #im so fucking scared to post this but like here goes nothing #my thoughts are incoherent and hard to put into words alot of the time so im lucky if this makes any sense whatsoever #also sorry if this feels like. dhdjhshsh idk the word fuck #i feel like i just used all the same points over and over again #okay im just gonna post this and go die in a hole <3

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kerizaret · 28 days

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Something about Tsukasa, the most show-off character ever, who always stands out and has so many of these flashy card, getting a fes card that's surprisingly... simple. Domestic. ""Plain"" even, in comparison to what we were used to (mostly the trained version but some could argue the untrained as well)

I know we were expecting something grand like Tsukasa himself and I see a lot of people being disappointed but honestly... I think this fits a lot actually. This might've just been the best choice for Tsukasa' fes

Because really, under all that attitude and boldness and showing off, Tsukasa's dream and feelings are kind of... simple. To make people smile. To be a world famous star, yes, but that's only the means to the goal of making everyone around the world happy

This is one of the most important developments of Tsukasa from how he was in the main story. Being a star is NOT just being a great, famous actor to him – he's proven it countless times. It's obviously a very big part of it, but if it was just about acting then why does he also constantly reference to being a "star" in more "mundane" situations unrelated to acting?

A star inspires. A star makes his sister smile. A star doesn't worry those around him. A star helps those in need. A star guides those who are lost. A star would choose to save the amusement park that makes everyone happy and means the world to his best friend instead of trying to win a contest to gain fame. These aren't exactly things related to being an actor or a celebrity

It's more as if a part of being a "star" is... being like a big brother?

Tsukasa's whole dream stemmed from just him wanting to make Saki smile; shows were just what proved to be something that could achieve it. Is it really such a surprise then that this is what his goal revolves around as well? What he believes a "star" should be when they're not on a stage? And what his fragment SEKAI bases on?

Not on being a flashy, famous star in the spotlight. But on being the person you can rely on that will take care of your worries and turn your frown upside down. Someone you will look at and think of home. And that's something so simple and domestic, and something I feel like is reflected really nicely in his trained fes

Hell, his outfit is called "Kind Brother" too. Because that's who Tsukasa is first and foremost, to himself

If that isn't enough proof than idk what else is

#anyway ramble over #im sorry if this doesnt make sense its hard to put my thoughts into words #im just so extremely soft about the tsks fes card #i will defend it with my life #tsks is a big brother first human second #also #its just. so very him to exceed our expectations #go girl give us something completely different than everyone was thinking of and slay it #keri rambles #prsk #tenma tsukasa #someone take these characters away from me or else

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sankatsuka · 3 months

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Backlit Lens Flare and CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY Discussion - Reigniting The Passion Lost to Peer Pressure

Everyone wants to have a place to belong, where the hard work we pour into the things we love will be seen and appreciated by people. But what happens when you decide you will never find this place and resign yourself to a life of solitude, only to be proven wrong by a group of people who insist on your wholehearted hard work? And it only later dawns on you that you will someday have to part ways and you will lose the miraculous place you finally found.

This is what I like to think Rui Kamishiro encapsulates - the battle between being yourself and wanting a place to belong. How easy it is to get swayed from what you love when you think you've found this place and start to subconsciously dedicate your passion to this place instead, to the point that if you're not aware enough, you can forget the feelings in your original passion (resulting in the hesitation and doubt in Curtain Call). After all, nobody is the same, and if you focus too much of your passion on them, that passion becomes about them and not yourself. Ultimately, it is how not acknowledging a healthy boundary with people who are different from you can affect your passion (Shiho as a character is very integral to this).

Warnings:

I believe the entire WxS plot is meant to be misdirection.

Personal interpretation of Rui and several characters by inferring from text.

I believe Rui is a flawed person with no bad intentions, so there will be criticism of his character here. I really suggest turning away if it upsets you.

Spoilers for all WxS unit stories up till Backlit Lens Flare (as well as for Saki, Shiho, Akito, Mafuyu and Mizuki's characters up to their most recent stories)

Edit (11/2/2024): Made multiple edits as always, but biggest change is talking more about the foils in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY and Kitty's message. Edit (12/2/2024): Compulsory mention of Rui's mom and how he was set up for failure from way back then. Edit (12/2/2024): Expansion on the parallels between Rui and Mafuyu - what it is that makes them the CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY and Jackpot Sad Girl. And a summary on how three commission parallels supports this interpretation of CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY about Rui's characters. Edit (13/2/2024): Lets add a bit more about how Resonate with You criticizes Rui's actions in Curtain Call. AND MANJI ALSO BEING A SLANG MEANING EXCITEMENT, STILL APPLIES TO TSUKASA IDC!!

Rui's character in the story starts off as someone who has thrown the part of himself who wants to have fun making things with people after being repeatedly let down by them. The early times with Wonderlands x Showtime helped him remember that desire from childhood to find a place that accepts that desire, that he criticizes Tsukasa for not appreciating WxS - for not realizing the best shows can't be accomplished without friends.

"--The best shows can't be done alone."

Following the fallout, Tsukasa and WxS' continued insistence and appreciation of him makes him start to see them as a place he can finally belong to. The place he's searched for for so long since childhood. That when he saw Tsukasa get hurt, he became swayed from doing the things he wanted to do for the first time and he hadn't even noticed it - because Tsukasa might leave him like his classmates had, so he has to hold back so as to not disappoint him further. This resulted in Tsukasa and Ruis second argument, with Tsukasa being angry at Rui for lying and holding back - which I later argue is the exact same feelings in his FUZAKERUNA in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY.

"This is surprising. I didn't think I'd ever feel this way." "Being afraid of losing your place, and then being unable to face the actors who seriously respond to you - this is a failing as a director."

However, this entire ordeal ended in Rui acknowledging his weakness, putting the whole deal behind them and moving on with the show, as KAITO advised. (Spoiler: it isn't weird at all to say that this happens again, with how he deals with it so indifferently like this.)

And then in Curtain Call, he becomes painfully aware that everyone may leave someday for their dreams--

"Someday, the day we will have to depart will come... For both me, and everyone."

Doesn't this just seem like a repeat of Halloween in a different way? He's scared they'll all leave him alone. One can say that Curtain Call ignited the exact same fear of being left alone and losing your place that Rui felt in Halloween - and his reaction feels exactly the same too: acknowledge it, put it behind you and move on to doing what is best for the best shows. After all, Rui lives for the best shows, because it is what makes him most happy - albeit Backlit Lens Flare suggests how he doesn't actually fully remember the joy and passion for shows he had as a child (discussed later). The best way to put it is - Rui feels like a walking corpse of his childhood.

Normally, when you realize this possibility of parting in the future, you talk to your friends about this (see: Saki Focus 3, Get Over It). But Rui refrains from talking to the people he should be talking to (WxS) and proceeds to go for the most obvious decision for his dream by joining Arklands. Only after Asahi turns him away does he go for the next obvious option he sees - the reckless decision that he would do everything in his power to achieve everyone's dreams together. And he can so confidently chase it because he's smart, only to be put down in Backlit Lens Flare lol.

Rui has really just been powering his way through the things he finds unpleasant, as KAITO had told him to in Halloween, ignoring the bad parts and doing everything for the sake for the best shows. You can really, really argue that KAITO's advice in Halloween seems very, very morally ambiguous now lol. He doesn't think ahead of what is the best choice and what would make him happiest - it's as if he's avoiding the very line of thought of how he would do post-WxS. Compared to Shiho in Focus 1, 'Resonate With You', who shows how she has thought it through and is happy enough just spending time with Leo/need for leisure - Rui doesn't even reach this line of thought of what happens next.

I think that he avoids thinking properly about these stuff because he wouldn't have a proper answer to it. Can he really trust Asahi when many other people have disappointed him after showing some interest before this? On the other hand, he's argued with Tsukasa twice and everyone is still enthusiastic - WxS is the only place he's ever felt secure.

"There were a few people who saw my ideas and said, 'it would be interesting if we could do it'." "But even those people gradually became reluctant with the more new ideas I brought to them."

It may generally be underestimated in the story just how much Rui doesn't inherently trust people and actors.

Even CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY begins with 'Nobody's listening anyway. Music's all just fashion, players leaving the field after devouring dead sounds one night.' which can be interpreted as people who became reluctant after they spent too long around Rui as he says to KAITO above, innit.

And then, Backlit Lens Flare happens and Rui encounters ??? (Sakaki). Sakaki immediately identifies the problem with Bakuno's acting, pinpointing it to the directors instead of the actor. Rui was not able to.

Remember, the freelance option isn't permanent - there's the possibility someone may be recruited away (It's a story for another day that he is only really worried about Tsukasa instead of the whole WxS but doesn't realize this). Rui paying attention to their growths first of all before his own is testament to how he's trying to make sure they quickly grow so they can achieve their dreams together:

"...It seems it became good stimulation for both of them right away." "...I also need to more proactively study from this opportunity."

So even now, Rui is more worried about WxS over himself. He prioritizes making sure they are getting something out of the freelancing gig over himself. Only after watching them was he stimulated to do his best too - and here comes the question, where did his drive to be proactive for his own passion go to?

Sakaki's ingenuity finally pops this question to Rui's mind. Had Rui's brain not been filled with the worry of losing his place, he may have been able to think more clearly and just as quickly reach the same conclusion as Sakaki. If he had been filled with thoughts of what was satisfying for himself instead of how he could stay with everyone, he may have been able to create a much better film (see: Shiho Focus 3, Stick to Your Faith). In fact, why is he even so bothered about falling behind Sakaki, when Rui isn't even an adult or a professional director himself?

It's not normal to be bothered about that: Nene was never hard on herself for not being as good as Kazamatsuri, because it's a given she's far away. But she does get upset with herself when she realizes she had looked down on Sakurako and naively seen her as an equal. You only react that way with people you see as equals if you're secure.

Perhaps, the passionate person Rui used to be would have admired Sakaki and want to learn from him out of a pure love for shows instead. And not be so bothered about how he was falling behind professionals.

We see Rui fail twice in the story: not figuring out the problem with the scene, and not thinking ahead of personalizing the script like Ohara had. (There is a third time too: how Tsukasa and WxS seem so moved by Bakuno's performance that Rui played no part in - meaning there are others who could easily replace him - if the emotions in this discussion hold true). And it's no wonder it would have him start questioning and blaming his obsession with WxS for it - if he had not been preoccupied with them, he may have avoided his failures altogether, and even if he did, he wouldn't have been this upset.

It's like a hit to his ego. Is how he's acting and behaving really the same boy who loved shows and would do anything for a show that would satisfy him?

Right now, it's as if Rui is trying hard to protect his position as a talented genius that surpasses everyone so WxS will need him for their dreams and want him around. No one can replace him; only he can achieve their dreams for them.

But Sakaki and Ohara prove him wrong.

The closing lines of Backlit Lens Flare, where he focuses on his own feelings towards directing instead of anything WxS learned, implies this self-realization of how he had been behaving. Rui is finally focused on himself.

"I'm disappointed that I didnt come up with this method, but strangely enough, I feel refreshed." "Directing... really is interesting."

FIRST UP. WHY DID YOU NEED TO COME UP WITH THE METHOD. SECONDLY, WHY ARE YOU REFRESHED. It makes sense to me as someone who's been carried away a lot: when you realize you lost sight of your original intentions and began worrying more about so many unnecessary things, you feel bitter at your mistake but relieved and refreshed you've finally been woken up.

To me, all of these feel like they're pointing to Rui being afraid of losing his place in WxS. So he has to be capable of solving everything, achieving everyone's dreams, so they will need him for it and they can keep staying this way. Before this, it seemed like a normal human emotion he had just never experienced before, but now, it's starting to show it's actually detrimenting his passion.

This is what I believe the theme of trends are playing into in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY - doing anything you can to make sure there will be people to hear and appreciate your music, and the spite in realizing you've lost yourself in that pursuit. Money is the artificial love you receive by catering to people so they would stay and listen to you. It's heartless, but following his character, it seems the crowd he's referring to is WxS. Because they have their strong individualistic dreams and just won't simply stay with him as he wants them to, he has to keep worrying about keeping up with them (Tsukasa mainly):

But still, here, there, everywhere, loners, manji, Gen Z, even monkeys want it.

Loners=Rui Manji (a sign of good things to come)=Tsukasa (being surrounded by good luck charms; kanji 天 being associated with heaven; inviting Rui to WxS) (edit: manji is also a slang for excitement, which Tsukasa literally is for Rui) Gen Z=Nene (digital age, playing video games) Monkey=Emu (in Rui's picnic card and Emu in Sky's Edge)

(In NY2, Emu ended up drawing tons of big luck omikuji, and Tsukasa is surrounded by monkeys in Island Panic - so you can suggest their roles are reversed. But the robot monkey Tsukasa in picnic suggests Tsukasa isn't a real monkey.)

Curtain Call and Backlit Lens Flare together show how not addressing and expressing fears properly and simply moving on changes nothing. Self-awareness and powering through is useless advice - anyone who's had troubles with lovers, friends and family know you need to talk and accomodate each other. Or not, is it even feeling loved and cared anymore, isn't it just about control then?

In Resonate with You, Shiho makes Leo/need think through their choice to join her into becoming a professional, rather than accepting them right off the bat. She knows from her prior experience working with people that half-hearted musicians would only fail, suffer and drop out. It is only by Leo/need wholeheartedly declaring their intentions of facing music sincerely and seriously that Shiho is convinced that they can all do it together for sure. This is such a contrast to Rui in Curtain Call where he decides on his own that he will find a way for WxS to achieve their dream together, while barely thinking at all. And he winds up focusing so much on making sure WxS stays together. You need to think it through, face the future seriously and talk properly. NOT JUST LEAVE IT THERE!!

Or else you'll lose sight of your original motivation from focusing too much on things that don't really matter as much to you: you'll just end up half-hearted.

Further proof that Backlit Lens Flare is Rui's realization of his half-heartedness since Curtain Call, is that Tsukasa gets angry at him in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY like he does in Halloween. It isn't even a desperate shout to save someone - it's like a look of pure judgmental disappointment, as if they've been through this already. Stop lying.

He already shouted in anger in Halloween. If that didn't reach Rui, then there was no point in being all angry anymore.

Rui was repeating Halloween, trying so hard to protect the place he belongs to and forgot what he himself truly wants. From there, the lyrics in the entire CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY are self-explanatory: what happened to the things you wanted to sing? (I was so happy with the lyrics because it was exactly what I was thinking in Curtain Call but no one seemed to care).

One thing you can never take away from Rui is that he is a very, very passionate guy. He loves what he does that he would spend every waking hour of his day working on it. Even if he's become a shell of his former self, his body is still naturally drawn to shows (Samsa Kanade reference heh). And Rui himself believes himself to be purely passionate too. So when he realizes that passion has been thoroughly dirtied, it makes sense he's as angry as he is in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY.

In Anni 2, Rui says he didn't know what he wanted to do like Mafuyu, but then he corrects himself to say he THOUGHT he knew.

"Actually, in the past, I didn't know what I wanted to do." "No... I should say that I thought I knew, but I actually didn't know at all."

For a brief moment, Rui thought he was just like Mafuyu with nothing to call his own. Until he quickly remembers that he did indeed have something he wanted to do, but claims to have been mistaken.

Why did you briefly relate to a girl who felt like she had nothing she wanted to do like everyone else, if that isn't a sign of his current state of mind - feeling like he has no dreams like WxS, and having to keep up with them so that he can feel like he belongs (discussed later in the parallels with Cinema). His lost passion became more evident at this point of the story.

If you 'thought you knew', then that means it was once a genuine feeling too. Even if you're alone, doing what you love is still fun - Shiho in her Focus 3, 'That Day, The Sky Was Far Away' demonstrates this. Although she had been let down by the bandmates, she was still fine alone because music made her feel better. And she even inspired Mihane because of her enthusiasm. After all, what you love to do should make you happy to some extent.

In comparison, Rui seems to have forgotten that shows were actually fun in middle school (probably because Stick to Your Faith never happened for him). When he approached Mizuki, he was standoffish and didn't think to introduce Mizuki to the fun of shows even when they expressed some interest in it. Probably because he couldn't even remember it himself. But being able to make that decision suggests he did still have some semblance of emotions that felt like shows were fun. Once again, a walking corpse of his chiildhood.

In the end, it's like he already lost this original joy for shows since middle school, and then grew even more confused about what made him happiest with the new joy he experienced after finding a place in WxS. He hasn't been able to wholeheartedly enjoy his passion because he's been continuously rejected, and he thought he was having fun when WxS accepted him - but in the end, that fun was from finally finding a place.

Update: Tetrad gives more implications of how Rui had gone astray post-Curtain Call. Tsukasa and Rui sing together, "We're facing the same direction", but Rui appears troubled. It's like Rui can't declare that he is chasing his dreams as confidently as the rest of WxS. Deep down, a part of him probably knew this even before Backlit Lens Flare happened but was afraid of facing it.

I would further go on to associate CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY to both Kitty and Cinema which its imagery resembles. The card set takes place in Shibuya where Kitty takes place in, and Cinema uses the same director's cut + Tsukasa's trained card directly mentions Cinema on the billboard.

There's also the naming that is clearly based on Jackpot Sad Girl - which I think just goes to highlight how both Rui and Mafuyu have the power through it mindset that it lands them dead and sad respectively: people need to reconcile their differences with others to truly love and feel alive (Rui) and people can't endure stress for too long without getting depressed (Mafuyu). Both ignored their human needs and thus this is where they wound up.

The parallel with Kitty feels like it's also within the overall messaging - how facing things can lead to losing yourself even more when you aren't mentally prepared and have no clear-cut answer (sounds similar to what Rui carelessly did in Curtain Call, doesn't it?). In Mafuyu's case, she seemed about ready to change herself again to please her mother, and in Mizuki's case, opening up to Niigo would make them more sensitive to what they say and probably even change themselves so as to not be left alone. Mizuki has even expressed this sentiment once by dressing as a boy in middle school, when they already knew they loved cute things since childhood and was even reaffirmed by their sister.

In Our Survival and Escape, the point is made that it's BECAUSE Mizuki never opened up to Niigo that they were able to protect their heart. Compare this to Rui, who bore everything about himself to WxS by not holding back with his performances and past and thus gained their unconditional acceptance. As a result, he becomes swayed by them when he realizes that things would come to an end and becomes preoccupied with stopping it even at the cost of himself - his passion. If Mizuki had similarly put their utmost trust in Niigo like this, it wouldn't be surprising either if they quickly get swayed to stop expressing themselves too if one of them ever expressed dismay (hinting that they would leave).

Thus, in order to find the answer to real love, you have to protect your heart first, even if it means running away and distancing yourself from others (Kitty). But unlike Mizuki, Rui was taught from childhood to simply not care about what people say, so he has never been aware of just how much words can affect you (compare the advice Mizuki's sister and Rui's mom gave them: completely different). This winds him up in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY, where he's unknowingly adjusting himself for WxS to not leave him.

As for Cinema, both songs capture how Akito and Rui's struggles and fears at the time feel like the exact same - being left behind and losing your place because you weren't enough, to the point of losing who you really are (Akito pushing himself to be passionate to match everyone else, Rui falling into the trap of peer pressure to match everyone else. What they envy in 'everyone else' is how they want things that Akito and Rui don't feel like they really care about and view as meaningless. But in truth, they don't care about it only because they're more concerned about belonging - they've always had it deep down in them.).

But in Akito's case, VIVID BAD SQUAD directly reaches out for him when he pushes himself far too much and forces himself to suffer to make up for his lack of talent. That's why Akito is reassured that even at his weakest and most pathetic, there will be people there who refuse to leave him alone. So Cinema feels like Akito freely lamenting on how he's different from the people, that he can't keep up with them, but with VBS by his side, he feels like it's fine to find and pursue who he truly is.

On the other hand, CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY feels like Rui's suppressed spite from having to keep up with WxS in order to not be left alone. Because everyone else will betray him, it has to be and can only be WxS who've endured him until now. It's the first time he found people who would stay, so he's desperate not to lose them that he would subconsciously change himself so he can keep matching their needs. And the realization makes him spiteful, because he's lost what was fun for him from that need to change for others to stay. And he's left to stay lost to the very end, because the only way right now for him to be himself and stop worrying is by others matching him instead, but there is no way to 100% control people - compared to Akito who found his answer by coming to terms with the impossibility to control yourself to be someone else. Because VBS was there to accept him as he was when he was trying so hard to be someone else.

Rui will probably eventually realize he has to just accept he's lost his passion from the fear of being alone and stop lamenting controlling everything around him, once he gets tired of it and reaches his limit like Akito in Stray Bad Dogs.

Suddenly everyone started up onto a nonsense scenario (Whatever you do, wherever you look, there's a traffic of influencers.)

It's just like a movie, exactly like a movie. (But still, here, there, everywhere, loners, manji, Gen Z, even monkeys want it.)

No matter where you go, there's a story. (Just give me a punchline, its meaning can be whatever.)

Cinema and CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY are like the perspectives of two boys who feel like outsiders to the world, but one is actively trying change himself to belong somewhere and the other finds himself suddenly facing peer pressure when he used to not care about belonging somewhere. It's even contrasted in Akito's customer service front and Rui's indifference to school terrorism that they are foils of one another in a society. And probably why Akito hates Rui too - for taking any means necessary to achieve what he wants without a care for people, when Akito has spent his life working hard to be equals to people in order to belong.

[More similarities in lyrics, in no particular order (CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY in brackets):

Traffic’s already jammed up now. Oh well, nothing I can do about that anyway (Whatever you do, wherever you look, there's a traffic of influencers.)

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this.” "What was it supposed to be like then?" (What happened to things you wanted to sing about?)

Back then I'm sure it was there. The thing that I envisioned was there. When was it that I... (There must have been something you wanted to sing about.)

What are you playing at? Who are you trying to be? There's no way you could be that, right? (At this rate this will never end. What you want definitely isn't money.)]

Maybe it's coincidence, but the lyrics in Cinema also reference Curtain Call very early on:

Someday it'll be bye-bye when the end comes, so Smile for the curtain call and applause.

Cinema is accepting of it and faces it head-on. Rui still avoids it.

And Cinema also captured what happened in Backlit Lens Flare with Bakuno. Something Rui couldn't figure out on his own without Sakaki and Emu:

If you're not suited for the role, Then just rewrite the script!

This is as if implying Akito realizes early on that people are all different, and there may come a time you have to part because of your differences. So you don't have to keep worrying about fitting in - try your best to be yourself instead and smile when it all ends.

This is something that Rui hasn't faced at all, so it's pretty meta that he hadn't thought of matching the actor's individualities. It seems he's lived with the belief that directors have to adjust themselves according to the level they believe the actors are on and actors have to work their hardest to live up to the director's wishes at all times - because the director knows best. Instead of truly understanding their actors for who they are as individuals and what they individually need.

"I always try to cast actors in a way that brings out their strengths." "That's why I always get you to play the role of a type that is easiest for you to match."

And this becomes a regret for Rui in the same story - realizing that he hadn't thought enough about what Tsukasa really wanted and needed.

"...I feel a little regretful that I hadn't thought that far."

Nene's surprise at Rui's words further imply that this isn't how he normally is. That he wouldn't be thinking so much about people and their personal needs.

It isn't therefore surprising that he agrees with and commits to the mindset that he has to power through his emotions without speaking to anyone. He expects that from his actors, and applying it to real life, it means that your role and scenario have already been decided from birth and what was left was living up to it. It's frighteningly similar to the lyrics in Engeki, which I wasn't even thinking about. Except it wasn't forced on him but rather something Rui decided on his own, with no harmful intent from the people who fed that mindset. Even before KAITO - it was his mother who unknowingly instilled this in him:

"People are people, I am myself. If you take care of what you like, someday you'll be able to make friends too. Like how I met your dad." (i.e. don't bother with the painful things around you, just keep doing what you do and keep going until you get there.)

And hence why this commission is full of firey anger. The story tramples on the way Rui has lived until now, proving him wrong when he thought he finally found his answer by powering through his fear of losing WxS. How it made him realize that he had at some point been driven by something petty like being with friends forever and lost the passionate part of him, the one who would do anything to satisfy himself. He's realized he's no longer having fun like the child he used to be, evident from the lyrics that start off with how he no longer has anything he wants to convey.

"Now let's all laugh. Aren't views more important than art? A terrible price for the virus. So what will you do? Is that really fine?" The lyrics are as if Rui is finally realizing that everything he's been doing, making people smile up until now, has been just for views (for WxS to stay around), and it finally makes him question, is this what he really wants??? Where did all the passion, fun and self-satisfaction that he thought he was making shows for went to???

(This is a more literal translation, the popular TL translates it as Then what do we do? Was that how it was supposed to go?)

I don't know if it's clear now - but in conclusion, CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY feels very much like Rui realizing how he was more focused on protecting his place over enjoying what he does. The first lines of the song do seem to be screaming a spitefulness in not being able to just do what you enjoy: "No one wants to listen (...), I don't have anything I want to convey (...)"

That's why CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY is an ironic name, appearing on the director's cut to imply they're filming a movie of Rui's life. How Rui had been living dead against his own self - falling victim to peer pressure (trends) to protect his place in WxS. Until Sakaki reminds him of the heights his true self wanted to reach and reignites the passionate fire for theatre inside him.

In summary, to simplify it, CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY's parallels come together to tell a complete story about Rui Kamishiro (biased but idc): 1) Jackpot Sad Girl: The unhealthiness of Rui and Mafuyu's mindset of powering through what they think they want without properly talking to people. 2) Kitty: How putting your trust in people can sway your heart and steer you away from what you truly want, something Mizuki knows and thus avoids but not Rui. 3) Cinema: A combination of Jackpot Sad Girl and Kitty - how a person with Rui's mindset is left feeling angry and confused when realizing he has lost himself from having his heart unexpectedly swayed by people. This is foiled by a complete opposite like Akito who has lived a life with no reason to truly call his own and is bitterly aware of how it is all because his life has always been completely defined by other people.

(Man, I LOVE the Cinema foils so much. Akito and Rui are such perfect opposites I LOVE THEM.)

And finally, from the end of CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY:

Devoid of soul, music remains silent Unheard lyrics conceal their essence; without playback, music loses its meaning. Thus, modern music is pronounced deceased.

YES. YES. DEVOID OF SOUL AS I SAID, HOW RUI KAMISHIRO FEELS LIKE A WALKING CORPSE OF HIS CHILDHOOD. PLAYBACK!!! LOOK BACK AT YOUR PAST AND FIND YOURSELF!!! REMEMBER THE JOY AND PASSION YOU CAN'T GIVE UP RUI-KUN!!! Stop trying to keep people around, face solitude and be brave: what's most important is to be yourself!

Backlit Lens Flare felt like a reawakening for Rui, and it's why it's one of the best stories alongside Pandemonium for me. If Tsukasa is completely avoidant, then Rui is full of blatant lies. But of course because the writers will never clearly describe the emotions in WxS stories, I can't confirm this is the intended interpretation. It's just my own personal interpretation that I enjoy best and makes most emotional sense to my personal experiences.

But my opinions are bound to change because there are soooo many ways of seeing things. For now, this is what I think of Rui Kamishiro in Backlit Lens Flare and CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY.

#project sekai #rui kamishiro #kamishiro rui #wonderlands x showtime #wxs #it's so difficult to talk about rui #i do kinda get how this feels but i guess it's hard to put into words because of how dull the feeling is and you don't even know its there #until you do something thats out of character for yourself #someone whos always trying to convince themselves they dont care when people hurt them will get it #ok i take back my comments on the popular tl of cyberpunk dead boy being biased its just difficult to translate lol #rui is literally set for failure and doomed by the narrative #im sorry i keep editing i just find it so hard to put my thoughts about rui into words

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fiepige · 9 months

Text

Just pointing this out since I haven't seen anybody else mention it:

Notice how Hobie's already collecting parts for his own watches before they even get to the lab?

Look at him in the gif above and you can clearly see him pickpocket something from a tray from a bypassing spider-person!

I love this detail so much!

And notice when they get to the lab and Jess is no longer with them he no longer hides the fact that he's taking stuff from the lab (he even makes sure Miles sees it, probably to signal to him that he doesn't respect the spider-society and neither should Miles).

This also shows that Hobie trusts Miles more than the other spider-people already! Since he doesn't have a problem with Miles seeing him take all this stuff from the lab, but he hides it when he's around the other spider-people as seen in the first gif!

#AHHH there are so many details in this movie!!!!#I've been thinking about this a lot ever since I saw the movie for the second time #but now I'm finally making a post about it #I just hope I've made it clear what I mean #I've been having a hard time comming up with the right words to formulate this #but I'm going to try anyways #Hobie is so great and I love how much care and thought is put into him and his actions!#also I hope it's clear from the gifs what I mean #I've never made or uploaded gifs before but I felt like pictures couldn't clearly show what I meant #hobie brown #spider punk #across the spiderverse #across the spider verse analysis #my post #my gifs #please talk to me about hobie I love this guy so much

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