#he unlearns how to draw. he fucking unlearns how to draw because he's too cool for loser hobbies now. i'm going to kill someone

[pa-pa-plasma]

about to watch an hour & a half long video titled "Why How To Train Your Dragon 3 Is Not Good" & I feel so fucking vindicated right now

#I'M GONNA SAY IT: HTTYD 3 SUCKS ASS. I'M RIGHT & I SHOULD SAY IT #like from a writer's standpoint it sucks but ALSO from a viewer's standpoint. HTTYD 2 & 3 just aren't very good #i mean obviously 3 is waaaay worse than 2 but both take any & all character development from 1 & kinda throw it in the garbage #& i think because 1 was so good it just set the bar so high. but then again #Riders of Berk. Defenders of Berk. & RTTE were all very good shows with like less than a quarter the budget of the movies #why did the shows have better characterization & development than the actual main movies? #you cannot imagine my disappointment when they were like ''whatever let's just slap Ruff with Snotlout or Fishlegs at the end'' #Snotloud & Fishlegs are bisexual & dating. this is the only version of canon i will accept #the shows gave me that why can't the movies??? #yes they literally kiss in the show. yes you need to watch it right now #idk i feel like in the movies hiccup is the only character. everyone is a background character to him #& his characterization isn't even consistent with the first movie #he unlearns how to draw. he fucking unlearns how to draw because he's too cool for loser hobbies now. i'm going to kill someone

[fishfingersandjellybabies]

I have this concept in mind that Damian even without Batman and the brothers in his life, Damian would end up giving up the League of Assassins doctrine in some point

It was just going to take longer than it was in the canon, I can see that over the years Damian was slowly realizing that killing wasn't going to solve anything, that staying there wasn't going to help him in anything, that that "love" that his mother it wasn't right, that lifestyle turned him into someone without emotion and empty

So Damian, seeing no more meaning in those empty words, programmed acts and violence for meaningless violence was just going to get up and walk away on his own

This was going to happen when he was 16/17 years old. He would realize that that anger he held inside of him wasn't going to solve anything and that desire to please his family was just a tool to keep him as an object (secretly Damian always knew this, just admitting it hurts so he always avoided confronting that thought)

So now you have Damian on the run from the league of assassins, living like a normal person and trying to be invisible. Damian has no desire to get to know Gotham and Bruce's other children (yes, Damian is aware of Batman and his father and all the rest - that's another painful part of his life that he intends to ignore). As Damian does not go to Gotham, he prefers to visit more unusual places so as not to attract attention from the League of Assassins or superheroes until he meets Jon through a terrible accident

As we know Jon gets involved with political stuff, global warming, social causes and stuff

Well, there's a war going on somewhere and now he has a group of refugees in danger. Damian decides to act like a mercenary and protect that small town full of innocent people (he's trying to redeem himself for the crimes he committed) and then Jon arrives to save the day. be superboy

they meet there, Damian doesn't say anything about his past and who he is, but Jon falls in love with the mysterious mercenary with the green eyes, and they end up having a brief relationship together. Jon wants a serious relationship, but Damian denies it, thinking it's stupid

The war ends and Damian leaves, leaving a saddened and hurt Jon behind

Years later (now both with 27) the Justice League listens to the rumor that Ras is dead and the new king commands the League of Assassins, it just makes everyone nervous but since the new leader does nothing against the world, everyone starts to ignore it until the day that a League of Assassins infighting ensues

Former loyal members the old doctrines don't like the new king and started attacking civilians, the justice league gets involved to protect the civilians and then Jon arrives to find Damian leading the attack against the former traitor members

I like to think that in their brief time together Jon gave Damian a dark green sea stone as beautiful as his eyes and Damian gave Jon a gift too, a drawing of the place where they first met

both still keep the gifts and even after so many years they still think about each other. Jon has no hope in finding that handsome mercenary again and "hey! He is actually the new cult leader who everyone is talking about!"

I really love this idea because Damian unlearned everything alone because he wanted it, after that angry state in his young age (that anger is just a trauma response to me) he just realize how fucked up everything was then "nope thanks" and stand up and leave

I'm sorry for bothering you with this but I want to share it with someone. I hope you have a good day and rest well - 🌻

not a bother, I love hearing new ideas! And this one seems so fleshed out, so you've clearly thought it about it a lot! Are you going to write a fic on it? That'd be cool!

But I agree and I think that's the best thing about Damian? Is that there's always that feeling that he would move on eventually/help people, with or without Gotham. He is inherently kind, and that's the coolest part about him. Despite all the anger and skills and trauma, he is kind and he always will be. bad writers be dammed!

And then Jon sees that and gets that and is just so mystified by this boy who is happily standing up to the world ALL BY HIMSELF like...fuckin' whoa.

But then it's almost a 'secret royalty' situation and Jon finds out not only about his League lineage but BATMAN and is like 'shit he's even cooler????' and then to see him be a hero still even after all that is like. He's smitten and there's nothing he can do about it.

love it, thank you for sharing it with me!

#jondami #damian wayne #jonathan kent #au chattering #asks #anon

[mymarifae]

bbberdly?

favorite thing about them

i think he's a fun, dynamic character! i appreciate the depth he's given. he's not brushed off as some sort of poor excuse for comic relief. he's just as much of a whole, well-rounded person as any of the other characters! what you see on the surface isn't the whole story - which is one of the biggest takeaways for all the main characters. i love that he's genuinely brave and that he has a good heart, and how much he cares about noelle. he's just a kid, y'know!!

the pretty divisive response to his character is just kinda like... i think on the older side of the fanbase, we were all more or less teenagers when chapter 1 came out. and i think some people forgot that these characters didn't grow up with us 😭 "he's annoying" "he's embarrassing" yeah he's a teenager. that's kind of. what teenagers are. idk i mean i might just have a higher tolerance level for insufferable teenager attitude? but i mean. i adore all the kids with my whole heart but there are moments with all of them that i kinda just pause and pinch my forehead and sigh. and i mean this so positively!

as an adult observing a cast of older teenagers, you should feel some fucking secondhand embarrassment. because "oh my god once upon a time i was this kid. oh my god. oh no." but it's with a certain fondness, too, you know? like idk let's all just relax... he'll grow up and mature. it's fine. he's still a good kid. pinches his cheek

also i do like his design a lot! i know i over-redesign him when i draw him but it's not because i dislike how he looks in canon or anything. it's just fun for me to add all those extra markings and stuff ^^ and i want him to look like his mama i like how unironically cool he is in the dark world <3

least favorite thing about them

ok taking everything i just said into consideration. i am annoyed by how little he listens to noelle. and i think he deserved and needed that furious shaking moment from her. and it's only chapter 2 so i'm not too miffed, buuuuut i kind of wish the wrap up on his character development there didn't end with him just finding a new trait to flaunt and brag about. like, i wish there had been more of an understanding that it's not a competition; he doesn't have to be the best, and not being the best doesn't make him the worst. he can just simply be and exist on equal footing with his peers.

BUT AGAIN. it's only chapter 2. and that's clearly like, the path he's heading down. so it might be a little unfair for me to complain that that process wasn't rushed because it's probably paced throughout future chapters. he's got a tough mindset to unlearn and it's natural for it to take time.

but still it's hard to change my feelings here when the rest of the game isn't out and i can't see his development arc come to its full conclusion yet *grumbles and kicks a rock or hwatever*

favorite line

honestly everything he says makes me want to throw my computer into the ocean (affectionate). but i'm kind of obsessed with:

"Kris, you're tired of being the class No.3, gazing distantly at Noelle and I's fruited figures..." because what? what are you fucking talking about? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU JUST SAID

but i think him calling kris "fellow bluebird" is genuinely cute

brOTP

i will never shut the fuck up about him and noelle being besties. i stand by this being their dynamic when no one else is around

also susie and berdly friendchip forever. he says something a little snarky that she genuinely finds funny and she GUFFAWS and slaps him on the back and sends him flying. i think also that he and jockington are friends, because i'm Insisting that he does cross country too. he relaxes a little bit around jockington - not as much as he does with noelle. but, y'know

OTP

still him and kris they're sillies

nOTP

anything else

random headcanon

okay so i don't fucking have anything because much like with susie if i experience a berdly thought it's an immediate brain-to-tumblrpost pipeline SO. i guess i can share this itty bitty thing that was never worthwhile enough for me to mention:

i completely ignored that lions and most other big cats can't really purr due to the structure of their skull. cartilage. whatever it is. and i made an executive decision that giselle can purr like ages ago, because it's cute. and *throws up my hands* whatever, berdly can have little a purring, too. as a treat

he doesn't do it as easily as giselle will. he's usually gotta be like, half asleep already. and it's very quiet. the first time kris ever hears him do it is during a sleepover at noelle's. the four (susie's there too. but she passed out like 5 hours ago) of them are in her room playing video games, and berdly RESIGNS his controller after losing like 20 consecutive rounds of mario party and he watches while noelle and kris switch over to something two player and eventually his head drops onto kris's shoulder. and he's just softly purring... and they're like furiously whispering "n. noelle? noelle?? what's happening??" and noelle pauses and listens for a second and she's like oh ya he does that sometimes. and then she's like >:), but only when he's completely happy and comfortable... wonder why that is!? and it spirals into a mini bickering match between her and kris. she can be merciless with her teasing.. they're trying to be very quiet so they don't wake berdly or susie

(it doesn't work. berdly wakes up. the moment is ruined. susie on the other hand could probably sleep through the entire roaring)

song i associate with them

six feet - patent pending

musician - porter robinson

bad trick - jetty bones

math - iris lune

favorite picture of them

my own art

love and light.

#someone: talk about berdly! me: ok. i will be brief. [page 1/583465834653487567456345643857] #puts him in a box. #mailbox

[glimmerglanger]

Mer!AU prompt--Cody mentioned the difference in their refractory periods in chapter six of C+T. Any chance Obi-Wan is gonna notice as well and do something about it? :D?

OHOHOHO! Obi-Wan is very considerate that way. (Spoilers: he does something about it).

This little snippet is VERY spicy. Not safe for wizards. Happy married folks really, uh, enjoying their relationship.

~~~~~~~~~~

Obi-Wan spent time considering the many differences between humans and merfolk as time passed. So many of them were obvious. Others were… less so. There were some he only got to explore when Cody was with him, when they could get close to one another, tangle together.

Learning the things that Cody liked was, very much, a pleasing endeavor. Learning the things that he would have expected from a lover of his own kind took more time, partially because it meant unlearning so much Obi-Wan had grown up accepting.

But Obi-Wan knew how to adapt and very much enjoyed learning everything possible about Cody. And so he learned that Cody wanted his touch to continue, even after orgasm raced through him. He wanted to be touched all through the aftershocks and - and beyond, ideally.

Obi-Wan picked up other information - here and there - in his new home, about different species that lived in the water. He assumed, after some reading, that perhaps the merfolk also had an actual bone in their cocks. 

It would explain a lot. Including Cody’s ability to...keep going, past the point when a human would have grown soft and over-sensitive.

Still, Cody never pushed for them to continue longer, never continued touching when Obi-Wan grabbed his hand to still him, though Obi-Wan’s reactions to orgasm must have seemed odd to him. He simply….accepted what they had, and, the one time Obi-Wan broached the subject of their couplings being, well, less than satisfying, he’d seemed genuinely befuddled.

He’d proceeded to demonstrate exactly how satisfying he found their joining, and Obi-Wan knew he’d made enough noise to carry through the water, based solely on the looks he got from his guards the next day.

So, Cody had no….complaints about their love-making. But that did not stop Obi-Wan from wanting to give him, well. Something closer to what he expected. What he was used to. At least occasionally. Obi-Wan considered his options for making such a thing happen while Cody was away, handling things in Sundari.

By the time Cody returned, he had a plan. 

Cody ever and always enjoyed having Obi-Wan’s mouth on him, and happily collapsed back against their low bed as Obi-Wan bent over him, barely exchanging initial greetings. Obi-Wan felt impatient under his skin, keyed up with desire, which was not quite his intent.

He needed to hold off his own release as long as possible, to make any of this tenable, and so he ignored the ache of his cock, sliding his mouth further down, instead. Cody panted out his name, hand brushing back over his hair, his skin tasting of salt.

Obi-Wan enjoyed the feel of each ridge sliding over his bottom lip, over and over again, enjoyed the way Cody swore, muscle tensing in his stomach and his fin. They had been apart for nearly two weeks. Obi-Wan knew it would not take long, not the first time, and slid his mouth further down, swallowing, nose brushing scales and--

Cody groaned out a warning, tugging just a little on Obi-Wan’s hair, and Obi-Wan hummed reassuringly around his cock. The vibration must have been just enough to toss Cody over the edge; he arched, cock twitching, pulsing against the top of Obi-Wan’s tongue.

Obi-Wan stayed where he was as long as possible, his eyes watering, his throat aching. He could hold his breath quite a long time, which - he’d found - had uses besides swimming. He stroked Cody’s side, breath held in his chest, and Cody rocked sinuously up off of the bed, slow rolls of his body, working his cock in Obi-Wan’s throat, the ache of it deep and sweet and--

And Obi-Wan eventually had to slide up, sucking in a breath through his nose and resisting the urge to cough, even as another wave of come spilled into his mouth, this time.

He swallowed it, the tip of Cody’s cock between his lips, keeping him there until Cody panted out, “Fuck, Obi-Wan, come here,” and grabbed at him, pulling him up to kiss him, slick with the wet smeared all over Obi-Wan’s mouth.

Cody rubbed at his cheeks, groaning against his mouth, the hard line of his cock pressed against Obi-Wan’s thigh, where Obi-Wan had intentionally tossed a leg across him. Cody reached down, fingers sliding over Obi-Wan’s stomach, and Obi-Wan caught his wrist, tugging to the side.

“What?” Cody asked, drawing back enough to blink at him. “I want to--”

“Not yet,” Obi-Wan cut in, with a smile that felt half-wild. He’d never get to what he wanted to do if Cody started touching him. He’d get distracted, overwhelmed with pleasure. That could wait, at least for a little.

“But--” Cody started, and cut off when Obi-Wan shifted, straddling him properly, scales so cool against the insides of his thighs, Cody spread out under him, the purple light pouring off of his skin lighting up the otherwise dark room around them. 

Obi-Wan ground against him, just for a moment, sending a shiver of want down his own back, leaving it pooling in his gut. It was so tempting to just continue the movement, and it had been two weeks for him, too. 

He had the brief thought that he should have - perhaps - waited to attempt this until Cody had been back a few days, until they’d burned out some of their initial wants. But he’d been impatient. And so he ignored his own aching cock, sitting up a little straighter and reaching for the oil he’d set to the side.

“I missed you,” he panted out, slicking his fingers and sliding his hand down over Cody’s cock, already wet from his mouth and throat. He ached with how much he wanted, and with the preparations he’d done, earlier.

He’d left himself so close to coming, earlier, when he was getting ready for this, stretching himself out, hoping to make himself less on edge once Cody actually arrived.

Things hadn’t quite worked out that way, but… “I miss you with every breath,” Cody told him, “hold on, I can help,” he started, sliding a hand over Obi-Wan’s hip, around to his ass, and he’d been very pleased with himself for filing down two of his nails, last time he’d visited.

Obi-Wan couldn’t think of the feeling of Cody’s fingers inside of him - only to the second knuckle, because the webbing got in the way after that - or he’d spill before they even got started. He bit his bottom lip, made a ragged sound, and sank down, hoping to distract himself.

The stretch of Cody’s cock was distracting, but it did absolutely nothing to slow down the blazing rush of want in his spine. Cody made a thick, hungry sound, both hands on Obi-Wan’s hips now, squeezing as he rasped out, “You--fuck--you got ready? Ready for me?”

“I was knowing you were going to be here,” Obi-Wan managed to answer, a smile on his mouth as he considered the hunger in Cody’s expression, wondering why Cody seemed to like that information so much. “I did not wanting to wait.”

Cody’s eyes were so wide and so dark as he panted out, “I won’t make you wait, then,” and arched up, driving his cock the rest of the way inside, Obi-Wan crying out at the feel of him, half-falling forward, catching himself on his hands. 

Cody no longer had to worry about hurting his stomach or agitating wounds when they were together. He moved beneath Obi-Wan, and it took Obi-Wan a dizzy moment to even think about meeting his movements.

First, he had to reach a hand down and squeeze the base of his cock, because just the feel of it after so long….

“You’re not stroking yourself,” Cody said, ragged, his gaze down by Obi-Wan’s cock, by his unmoving hand, and Obi-Wan jerked out a nod, unable to find words at the moment. “I’ll help you,” Cody added, sliding a hand over, and Obi-Wan made a rough sound.

“Not yet,” he managed to pant out, wrestling for control and managing some measure of it after a moment. Cody blinked up at him, expression questioning, and Obi-Wan added, “I want. To wait. A while longer.”

Cody opened his mouth and shut it again on a groan when Obi-Wan felt controlled enough to rise up, to sink down on him, and, oh, he felt so good. 

At least, in this position, Obi-Wan could avoid direct stimulation of his prostate. But it was still so good, having Cody in him after so long denied. He was so painfully aware of his aching cock, of the need, and he could feel himself losing his rhythm, distracted and wanting and--

And it was not much of a surprise when Cody wrapped an arm around him and rolled them, rasping, “Let me, I’ve got you,” and oh, changing the angle and fucking into him. Obi-Wan groaned, wordless as Cody hooked an arm under one of his knees, hitching his leg up.

Obi-Wan had meant not to come yet. He really had, but the position dragged his cock against Cody’s stomach, and Cody drove into him so perfectly, and it had been too long, and he spilled with a ragged cry, scrambling for a grip at Cody’s shoulders and arms.

Cody hesitated, breathing hard above him, and Obi-Wan dug his free heel against Cody’s back, panting out, “Keep--keep going, it’s, keep--”

It was, apparently, all the motivation Cody needed. He rocked into motion, fucking Obi-Wan through it, mucles shifting and clenching under Obi-Wan’s hands until he cried out, as well, curling forward and coming in long, hot pulses and Obi-Wan felt them.

He’d gotten used to the way Cody rolled against him, after an orgasm. Even sensitive, he loved that slow movement, the knowledge that he could make Cody feel so good. He felt his breathing even out as Cody nuzzled against his hair, still all lit up, casting shadows on the walls around them.

Cody brushed a kiss to his mouth, long moments later, and shifted to slide out of him, murmuring, “Let me get you some--”

“Stay,” Obi-Wan panted, tugging on Cody’s arm even as he rolled. He wanted to - to see if he could wear Cody out, properly. But his hips protested the idea of trying another round on his back. He vaguely considered that he should have cleaned the come off of his stomach before smearing it all over the sheets, but it was too late to fix that now. He glanced over his shoulder and said, “Come here.”

Cody stared at him, looked down his body and then up again, eyes unfathomably dark. He said, “But… I know you’re tired.”

“Not that tired,” Obi-Wan assured him, and slid one knee a little out to the side, which was, he knew, a bit of a dirty trick.

Cody was ever so fascinated with the way he could bend and stretch his legs. And, sure enough, it had Cody sliding a hand up the back of his thigh, rolling a little closer, asking, “Should I hold you, then?”

“You should fucking me, then,” Obi-Wan told him, and Cody made a thick sound. After all, Obi-Wan wasn’t that sensitive, not yet. His plan was still manageable, and--

Cody slid against him, between his legs, settling close and all the thoughts fled Obi-Wan’s head as Cody asked, “You’re sure?”

“Come on,” Obi-Wan said, in answer, tilting his hips up, and then swore, thready, when Cody pushed forward, into him, all at once, he was already so slick and stretched and--

And Obi-Wan felt himself getting hard again, the situation getting more pressing when Cody worked a hand under him, gripping his cock, stroking in time with each thrust, panting against his shoulders, and--

Obi-Wan’s second orgasm left him shaking, face pressed against the sheets while Cody kept going, mouthing at the back of his neck, leaving his skin aching in anticipation. Obi-Wan managed to twist an arm up and back, to twist fingers into Cody’s hair, tugging him closer.

Cody bit him almost right by his neck, teeth sinking in at the end of his orgasm, when he felt most sensitive, and he cried out, blindingly aware of each slide of Cody’s cock, of each shift of his teeth, or his weight and warmth and light.

Cody blanketed him and came with a sound that was muffled against Obi-Wan’s skin.

And Obi-Wan managed to say, through the daze, before Cody could get any ideas about pulling out and getting him water, about tending to the bite, “Again.”

Cody made a ragged noise and rocked into him more purposefully, and it was--so much. Too much and at the same time not enough, as though there were some plateau in Obi-Wan’s head that he’d never reached before, and each too-much touch was driving him closer to it.

He squirmed, couldn’t stop himself, heard a whine in his throat as Cody kept his teeth set just so. There was no room for thought, for anything really. He was just his blood and his nerves and sensation, striving to see, exactly, how much he could take.

#glimmer replies #ask me anything #by the sea #codywan #flotsam and jetsam #clotsam and tetsam #spicy #not safe for wizards #not even REMOTELY #SO NOT SAFE

[selfships-in-spanish]

A lengthy response to big accusations that were made of me

Hello everyone.

I’ve been forwarded screenshots of a certain person calling me out publicly after receiving an ask asking specifically about me. And well, the another one with a more meaner message, from them both. So much for no anon hate huh. But since this person (and I won’t mention names) has me blocked, I am literally unable to even defend myself from their accusations. And they made heavy ones with words that shouldn’t be used this lightly.

I decided to make a lengthy response with my own “version” of the events, so before judging me you can also have more info about this issue, about “the other side”. They may not want to stir the pot or create drama, but they did when they decided to say they hold the absolute truth to this and to reconsider if you should follow me without giving me a chance to explain my own side of the argument.

Well, that and openly insulting me. Welp.

I will attach the few screenshots I was able to gather to prove my points. The pictures attached will have a number so you can know what it references. Sadly I do not have more, but I hope those will suffice.

To be honest, this only shows me how they never actually cared about how I felt, even when we were friends. It’s easier to pin everything that went wrong in a friendship to the other side than to listen and recognise what you didn’t do well.

After our argument, I never posted anything related to them, insulting them or nothing of the sort. No tweets, no tumblr posts, nothing. This was something between us two, so I just let the issue die since I didn’t want anyone getting even more hurt because of two adults were unable to fix at the moment. I must admit I thought about contacting them, because I do recognise I worded my thoughts very wrong and I was hurtful and spiteful. I am not proud of that and of what I did and I am sorry for it. I was in a bad place and I directed my anger to them, took it out towards someone, and that is something one must never do. I am deeply sorry for that and I am working on correcting it because I don’t want that to happen ever again.

I recognise the wrong I did. But, as I said, I’m blocked everywhere, so I am unable to contact this person to even say this or talk it out like two civilized humans. I guess it’s better to make a public post and point fingers at me.

But, I’ve been accused of racism, of lying, of misleading and making them give me money, of grooming and corrupting minors, of ostracising people, creating servers, making myself pass as a woc… and I’ve never been more shocked to read all that with my own eyes than I am right now. Because all those accusations, what they say, the intention, is to cut any wings me or my art may have on this site. Art is my livelihood, and by throwing such heavy implications mean losing people, and we all know what that means when you are creative. Cancel culture doesn’t leave room for one to defend themselves, it’s easier to attack, to “consider who you give your support to.” Did I ever go after their head like this? I didn’t, because I am not that kind of person.

Right now I’ve been painted as some heartless monster. When I first started talking out with them, I was intimidated for sure; they were way more popular, got along with the “cool fandom cats” and I was (and still am) a nobody enjoying her little corner with her OC and bazillion AUs people enjoy. I knew they were very vocal with social issues and I was honestly glad that there were people being loud enough for others to hear, but when that was their whole life, that EVERYTHING had to do with social justice, every second spent with them was that same issue, it drained me down. My life was a mess, I was a mess, I was struggling with so many stuff that in that moment I didn’t need a person constantly telling me I was the fucking worst and a demon for almost anything I did or said. I couldn’t speak, my reasonings didn’t hold any importance because I was a white girl. I understood, even if it seems they do not think so, I understood why they were doing it, where they come from, but some days when you are struggling to even keep yourself alive, it was all too much. Being accused of being a racist is A Big accusation and something that shouldn’t be thrown to somebody’s face this lightly.

I do understand that I come from the privilege of being born with white skin. We are in a society, culture and education system that reinforces the racist behaviour, but it is also something us all are fighting against. We are not okay with racism, we want racism to end and that starts with acknowledging your own privileged ass. And I do, my boyfriend got stopped more than once in airports because he has tan skin and brown hair, easily mistaken for someone from middle east in the eyes of an ignorant. I do know it, but making me a monster doesn’t help it. Being constantly told that you are white scum (actual words if I recall correctly), aggressive tweets telling that all white people are vile and shouldn't be allowed anything, doesn’t help (1). I know what it sounds like, but becoming what you are fighting against only makes you become a bully yourself. I will always try to use my privilege to give poc a voice for them to speak and make their issues known. I’m still learning, I’m still unlearning what our society and culture has grinded down on us, but I’m making the effort to not be a white racist cunt like society expects me to.

I come from people who have been oppressed. Spain has a history of oppressing anyone on their path (colonialism, anyone?), and my people were part of it. We still cry for our freedom, and my grandfather and parents can vividly remember and tell you of how the Facist Spanish government would come in the night, take people and execute them to god knows where, because we still don’t know where our dead are. Until recently, Spain still had the fascist dictator in a mausoleum where people could come to pay homage to! Our culture, our language… everything was prohibited and on the verge of being wiped out from earth. So yes, I understood what struggles can other cultures and people face. Not the wholeness of it, because of course there are differences, but I can understand to a certain degree.

Does this mean I hate ALL spaniards because some do hate us catalans for who we are and where we come from? Absolutely not. So how could they say that because of me they hate all white women? Why do you make me the sole cause of your internalised problems? What about your white friends? You hate them too? Learn. Grow. 

So, when they accuse me of lying about being woc, of not correcting them and misleading them when they thought Spain was full of poc people, when I explicitly said in more than one occasion, that I am NOT a woc, I am a spanish white girl and that Spain is in Europe, I was truly shocked to read that with my own eyes. If your educational system failed so bad on you, don’t accuse me of it. We all have google and we all can look where X country is placed. So I’m genuinely baffled that someone is pointing fingers at me for not correcting them and making themselves the victim when I did correct them. If they listened or not, is another matter. If they assumed something and expected me to know they assumed it… how would I even know?

I have never created a discord server in my whole life. I joined one (we all got those never-ending lists of discord servers you joined), but never created it. If people created one aside the previous discord where me and the person were in, that must be for some reason. Or not at all! Maybe some people get along better and decide to have their own chat so they don’t clog or make the other server members feel bad or weird. But, putting me as the whole “ringleader” of this all? Do you seriously think I got that kind of power over people? I’m a fucking nobody! I made some friends, true, but never ever encouraged them to do anything or obligated them to follow me. On the contrary, I joined other people. I never did anything of the sort! I got other friends besides this person, many other internet friends where we share discords, but I never created or instigated anything. In fact, I’m quite the opposite, I always lurk in the shadows minding my own damn business and not raining on anyone’s parade.

And linking on the whole discord servers, corruption of minors and grooming. How sick do you have to be to accuse me of that? Are you even conscious of what an accusation you are making? Understand what an uncomfortable position you are putting me in, of having to defend myself from those accusations, whether the claim is true or not. It’s a very heavy one to make and forces the accused party to go defensive, like it or not. You publicly said I’m a groomer as someone says it’s a sunny day. Just, what the hell is wrong with you? 

Who is that minor? Where is that NSFW art you claim? Because I do not recall any NSFW art being gifted at me from a frigging’ minor. The only person I’m thinking about never, ever, drew NSFW. Ever.  And the only person who did draw a NSFW picture of Ona and Connor, was a friend who was an adult. Also, when will you stop putting words in my mouth I didn’t say? Is it just to justify your anger towards me and keep painting myself as the heartless cunt and you the poor victim?

We never forced any NSFW content on those minors the person says, and the person who accuses me of this, even created a 18+ channel where all minors were excluded. But before that? That discord didn’t have one and spilled the NSFW on the general chat. Even the accuser spilled NSFW on a channel where a minor was present, but god forbid! I am the corrupting one! We only talked NSFW stuff in there dedicated 18+ channel and I don’t recall actively participating in it. 

And, if we all recall it also, because I’m sure all of us who were in the discord do, there were mods there to prevent and do what their name says, moderate a chat. But instead of that, when one of us who talked about something NSFW in the general chat, the mod came over and said something along the lines of “i’m in public i don’t want to see nsfw when i enter the gen chat”. Then left.

1) It’s on the mod to keep NSFW things in the NSFW chat, and if they feel they need to enforce the rule with an iron fist, they do it. Instead said mod just moaned about it and did absolutely nothing. The affected parties apologised and made a conscious effort to keep the NSFW in its rightful place. Sometimes you may get carried away in a conversation and realise too late it was in the wrong place. It happens, you apologise and transfer the comments or continue the conversation in the right channel, deleting the old comments.

2) Said mod is unable to handle stressful situations, and when there’s a feud between users in the discord server, the mod decides to leave the discord for days, leaving the issue unattended.

Everyone has their right to self-care, but being a mod means you have to deal with such situations. If you are not fit, say so and there will be someone else to do it. No worries. But don’t come to complain about certain people behind their backs and face the issues.

Why am I the sole target of this, when in this case we were all to blame? Including the person who is targeting me in their call-out post, even more when they also talked about NSFW in the general chat, but the mod did not complain about it. Guess why? Because they were best friends. Which is another point to this all. The blatant favouritism in the discord chat.

As I said more than once already, it is totally okay to get along better with other people, it is natural and not something to fret over, but when your “getting along” means disregarding some people and only blindly listening and waiting for said people to follow your every whim? How they are able to hide their heads under their wings instead of facing the issues, even more when people are getting hurt by it? I’m not speaking for myself this time, but for people who was in there and left the server. It was there, they knew the favouritism over some people, and chose to ignore the damage they were doing by tearing the discord apart in two sections.

But, don’t you realise, person who is accusing me, what you just accused me of? The implications in it? For heaven’s sake, I even told this person about how my ex best friend was fucking a goddamn minor and I told her to rethink her whole fucking life. I was disgusted by it, talked several times with her to discourage her from doing that and even seek help, but instead she crossed me out from her life and demonised me. I am fucking disgusted. So, someone accusing me of such things, even knowing part of my past and life…?

How fucking dare you?

Also, how fucking dare you LIE about giving me a website? Paying for it? This person never did. I was planning on it on my own, when I got a job where I could pay for one, but they never once in their life bought me a website. They offered it? Surely, but I never told them to yes, pay for it right now. I always feel so fucking bad when people buy me stuff or give me money, and I never wanted them to do so under any obligation. And they never did, never explicitly told them so. A website was an objective I had as an artist, an illustrator, and I voiced such objectives with them as you would talk about your ambitions to a friend. But I guess I was wrong and they took it as ammunition to throw shade at me. But they did not buy it and I did not explicitly ask her to buy me one. Period.

And keeping on the money topic, they did donate money on my kofi, I think it was 9$ or 10$? I can’t remember right now, but you can look at the message if you’d like. But how sick and wicked do you have to be to emotionally BLACKMAIL people because you were such a saint and donated to someone who didn’t have a job at the time and was struggling in paying anything? How can you boast about how you donated money to someone who was in need of it, and then expect “I’m a good person points” for it? You donate to someone or something because you believe in them or the cause, because you genuinely want to help someone, but not to use it later to make the person you donated to feel bad after an argument. That is something seriously shitty to do. If I’ve donated money, I don’t expect eternal gratitude or the person I gave money to swear their loyalty to me. They are not in my debt. I gave them my money because I wanted to. I wasn’t expecting anything in return.

They talk about ostracising them, but in fact, it’s quite the other way. They created their own clique, which okay, it is fine, as I said earlier, everyone gets along better with some other people and that is fine. But when it gets to the point where the only important voices, the only ones that matter, are the ones in your own clique, and that any other voice who disagrees gets thrown under a bus? They said they supported everyone in the discord chat, but truth be told, they only supported what interested them. 

They talk about the Notre Dame cathedral burning (2). I will speak for myself, but I was angry that they celebrated the burning of an artistic reference of a certain architectural style, a true exponent of it. I was angry because art was burning, and I was as angry and deeply saddened when the National Brazilian Museum burned too, because countless of art and knowledge of civilizations that were long gone were burned, to never be known again. You cannot celebrate the burning of art and culture, no matter where it comes from, and even less when you got a friend who is also deeply rooted to France itself. No “oopsie daises” will fix the fact that you said you were happy the cathedral burned down in front of a french person who was mourning the loss of a symbol of his culture.

But, as soon as those of us who got offended voiced those feelings, their excuse was that “it was just a joke”, which they also like to exclaim is an abuser and bigot tactic. How can you joke about that? Even more knowing that you got Europeans and even French people in your discord? How little do you regard your supposed friends feelings?

For example: someone says something racist, then people get mad. Then the person who said the racist thing defends themselves by saying it was just a joke.

Perplexing, right?

I just got one question for you. Did you ever think about how me, about how we all felt, when we also told you multiple times we weren’t liking where you were going? When we tried to talk to you about such issues, and you just lectured people instead of listening, trying to cover your ass? How many times we tried to fix everything up? Because we all make mistakes, we all think we have the absolute truth, but sometimes we don’t and it takes a great deal of willpower to apologise for those. It wasn’t that hard to get off the high horse and listen. If your white friends are hurt by you, stop and think as to why, instead of saying “good”. They are supposedly your friends, not your enemies. I told you you were becoming what you fought against for.

I was aggressive, I was angry, I was rude. And I do want to apologise to you for handling my feelings wrong. But you never gave me a chance, even less listen to a white spanish girl who you thought was a poc because you assumed things when I said in more than one occasion that I was European and Spanish and white. You jumped to the train when you saw a non-pasty white OC in the community. You yourself told me you were happy and gleeful to see my OC, which made me happy that it brought you joy. And now? Were those all lies? You lied to me for what purpose? What did you gain in getting close to me, as far as you saying two peas in a pod, to now disregard all that, thrash talk about my art, my OC whom you LOVED and praised, just because you’re hurt and angry at me and never, ever, dared to come after me in private, even if it was to yell at me? Never took my own feelings in mind because I was a white girl and thus I do not deserve empathy at all? And after a goddamn year?

But I guess it’s easier to paint me as a monster in public than try to talk things out, knowing where you could find me. Also it’s easier to accuse people of your problems than seeking out help to solve them. I admit I was immature in my execution of wording out my feelings, but that does not invalidate me or discredit me or the reasons pointed out. And it also doesn’t give you enough reason to call me a cunt publicly, besides more insults and truly hurtful things to my integrity and self. I thought better of you, but I guess you disappointed me on that, too.

Any of you who read this, first of all THANK YOU for sticking for so long. Feel free to do as you please. I only felt I had to at least try to defend myself from such hard and hurtful accusations, even more when I have no room to do so besides writing this out and hope it reaches their hands, in case anyone who wonders what is going on has another pieze of this puzzle. This is a direct attack to me, saying my name and also encouraging people to reconsider if they should be following me, telling my followers what they should do. What are you afraid of, accuser? I never once in my life told people to stop following them because of what little feud we might have. It was between them and me, and they didn’t care to solve it either, letting themselves fester in their hurt feelings instead of talking to me about them or moving on as I did.

Thank you for reading so far, and also thank you for the support you have all given me after all this time. It truly means so much to me that you decided to stick out here with me. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. 

Have a good day.

SCREENSHOTS:

(1)

(2)

#discourse #personal #mius speaks

[flying-elliska]

Hi Ellie!! I hope u dont mind this ask ❤Do u have any advice on how to do stuff on your checklist and not get overwhelmed? I can hardly do one thing out of my to do list and then i get severely depressed for not being able to do anything. i dont think i can function like a human being sometimes. anyway youre so cool ellie!!! i admire you loads!!! - help asked from one adhd struggling teen

HI anon ! I’m sorry for not answering sooner i had a beautiful answer ready and then Tumblr just ate it T_T anyway i don’t mind at all i think it’s awesome that you’re asking me ! this is honestly still something I’ve struggled a lot with. here are a few things that helped me (keep in mind i’m not a professional and this is only my personal, limited point of view) :

- ofc the first thing is to get as much help as you can, there are lots of people out there who can help. Generally talk to people around you about your problems ; often they want to help and just don’t know how : i know the tendency to feel ashamed and keep it in but that’s not good. Some people might be a bit ignorant so maybe keep a few ressources on hand you can send to people to educate them if that’s an issue ; and educate yourself so you feel more secure and legitimate in your opinions. 

- one thing that’s helped me lots is to go on #ADHDtwitter and #Neurodiversesquad because a lot of people on there are actual adults who are sharing both their struggles but also tips on how to actually manage the symptoms and have full and happy, if messy, lives. It’s very inspiring. It helped me a lot to feel understood, less alone and gave me a ton of ideas. Some accounts to start with : @ danidonovan - @ blkgrllostkeys @ ADHD_Alien (her comics are so cute) @ dustyexner plus lots of others

- regarding having trouble doing things, this is definitely a Big Damn Problem for adhd folks. the concept of the emotional Wall of Awful really helped me with this, you can find more about it in this Youtube video by the awesome How To ADHD channel (all her videos are so helpful !! have a look!) basically the idea is that we accumulate emotions linked to certain tasks based on unhappy past emotions that make it a lot harder for us to do things and that building it down takes a lot of time and effort but there are ways to work with/around that. learning to process, connect to and be more mindful of our emotions is a huge task, but it’s often a central one. 

- don’t try too hard to be neurotypical aka ‘normal’. find the solutions that work for YOU. If they’re a bit weird ? Whatever. The point is that it works. You will probably end up having weird routines that make no sense to others but it doesn’t matter as long as it helps you. Be creative and don’t be afraid to think outside the box. I’ll give you an example :  one of the reasons i hate going to bed early is because late at night is when i feel the most free of outside obligations and therefore i don’t want to give that up. So instead what i’ve been trying to do from time to time is a ‘clown hour’ where i basically give myself permission to do whatever the fuck i want (within reason lmao) but in an active way ; basically indulge my rebellious inner 8 yr old. Last time I ended up watching martial arts videos on youtube and practicing kickboxing kicks on the Mulan soundtrack and then put on funeral music and improvised my own eulogy by thinking about what i would like people to say about me after my death. Lmao that sounds completely wack when explained to other people but the point is - stuff like that really helped me reconnect to the idea that my time is mine to do with as i please, not just late at night. Anyway my point is : make it fun, make it a game, try things, experiment. Our brains crave novelty and if they don’t have it and feel burdened by shame, pressure and expectations of course they get depressed and stuck. Give your brain the fuel it needs to work. 

- just accept that sometimes you’re going to be a mess. it’s okay. you can be a bit of a mess and also live a fully, happy, joyous life. our society puts so much pressure on us to have this Perfect Instagram Life where everything is polished to unrealistic standards and gives us the idea that your morals are linked to productivity and if you are not constantly striving to be a Model Consumer Pretty Picture you are a Bad Person and a slob/lazy/unworthy/etc and all of that is...toxic garbage of the highest order that everyone should unlearn but especially us. related to that i would be careful with use of social media, tailor it to only give you content that makes you feel good/intellectually engaged/creative because it’s so easy for us to go into bad comparative spirals.

- tied to that be careful of your own perfectionist drives. it’s veeeeery common for adhd people to want to overcompensate their perceived shortcomings by wanting to be perfect. aka you haven’t done anything in weeks and all of a sudden you have this insane to do list where you expect yourself to turn your entire life around in a week. well, not going to happen. i’ve found it so important to limit myself. for instance what i do now is i forbid myself to put more than 5 items on any todo list. once i’ve cleared items i can add more, but not before. it’s a lot less scary that way. also prioritizing is very important so you don’t get bogged down in details.

- try to be mindful of your own energy. a big tendency of adhd people is to overpromise and underdeliver because we are enthusiastic and we want to please people but we are bad at estimating time/energy it will need. learn more about your own boundaries, what things are hard for you to do (for me, it’s socializing in groups) and what gives you energy (for me it’s writing, reading and walking in the woods) and try to balance that. learn to say no, it’s tough but necessary. So that you have enough left for the tasks you need to do. 

- create an environment that is benevolent and helpful for you in which to work/do things and that generates positive emotions. Get yourself a cute notebook. Put on happy music. Don’t forget to feed yourself. Don’t give into the urge of punishing yourself. You deserve happy good things - not overindulgence as escape - but our brains thrive on short term rewards. Bundle the unpleasant tasks with more stimulating stuff (for instance i always listen to podcasts while cleaning/grocery shopping etc). Create pleasant little routines for yourself (for instance one of the first things i try to do in the morning is do a little drawing of my emotions, it makes me happy, then i have tea and i plan my day.). Put on alarms constantly so you don’t lose track of time, but with a cool song. Find yourself cheerleaders who can encourage you in a positive way. Stuff like the pomodoro technique, timing yourself while doing a task, etc, can really help. Or telling yourself you will do a thing for ten minutes and stop when it’s unbearable, etc. Prioritize joy, pride, affection, desire to help, altruism, love, curiosity, interest and passion as motivators, instead of anxiety, guilt and shame. 

- find ways to build self esteem and confidence in your own skills. it’s often a lack of that that can block you from doing what you need to because you might be afraid of screwing it up. what I did for a while, for instance, is to keep a record of the stuff i did everyday and then extrapolated the skills i displayed from that. another thing you can do is make a list of simple skills you want to learn and find ways to do that, like youtube tutorials, etc. especially when it’s practical stuff and quick to learn, it can really feel so good, and make you more familiar with a sensation of success (and if you fail it can be a fun experiment gone wrong, and self discovery, you don’t have to be good at everything.)

- find ways to challenge yourself. depression happens for adhd people when we let ourself stagnate, isolate ourselves because of shame, and get into this idea that we are subhuman and we don’t deserve good things. that is false. you deserve a happy life. and our brains crave novelty. find your passion and indulge in it, find the things that make your brain come alive (as long as they’re healthy ofc). if you’re not sure what that is, just keep trying. you will find it. but resist the temptation to make your life smaller and smaller. you might mess up but that’s okay. it’s human and it will make for interesting stories later. instead of trying too hard to ‘fix’ yourself, focus on developping your positive sides. it will give you energy, self-respect and draw you forwards like a rocketship. we thrive on passion, not reprimand. 

- anyways : i know how tough it can be. depression is really something i struggle with, too. and doing things remains Hard. but my point is, you are not alone, and you are not broken. chances are you too, like most adhd people i know, are a fun, creative, compassionate person with a heart of gold and so much to give. our main enemy is most often the shame that comes with living in a world that is not adapted to us. but the truth is we are just playing the game of life on a much harder setting than a lot of people, and we don’t even have the manual. of course it’s going to create struggle ! so i think the best thing to do for yourself is cultivate a sense of compassion towards yourself, self acceptance, and humor. 

- as a teen you probably have a limited margin of autonomy to make your lifestyle fit your needs but - there is so much potential for it to get better ! as you grow in self knowledge and ability to make your own choices, you will find the right solutions and your life will get so much better. i have heard so many stories like this. since i got diagnosed, too, my life got a lot better. i won’t lie, it’s a lifelong process. but there is so much possible. give yourself time. you are so young, and you are definitely a human being. being human is struggling with being flawed and vulnerable and imperfect. i know the world can be shit sometimes, you probably got some negative messages - especially from your own brain bc depression definitely lies to you ! but don’t let yourself be guided by ignorance and fear. you deserve better. i bet you’re also super cool. the happier you are, the better off the world will be. so invest in yourself. educate yourself, develop your self knowledge, be kind to yourself, and keep making little steps. you’ll get there. <3

#adhd #actually adhd #neurodiversity #mental health #depression #anon asks

[kiruuuuu]

Me too, @ruaniamh. Me too :) Thank you so much for this request because I’ll gladly make Doc suffer some more! 💖 (Rating M, no mutual suffering cos Jäger is actually having a great time in this one, non-explicit sex, ~2.5k words)

.

“You look tired”, Blitz remarks right as Doc finishes his examination and earns himself a withering glare.

“Seems like your arm has healed. Maybe now you’ll think twice about engaging in any sport with the small word ‘ultimate’ in its title, even if it’s followed by ‘frisbee’. And yes, I am indeed tired”, Doc replies icily, “and you and your teammates are a large part as to why. Did you know I received a call last night about what I thought to be a medical emergency which turned out to be the impromptu funeral of a rabbit which wasn’t even dead? It must’ve taken a few sips from Bandit’s rum bottle because it showed very similar symptoms in that both of them were largely lethargic with spontaneous bouts of activity, if you can call running into a tree head first a hobby. With how often Bandit does it, I’d say it counts.”

“That’s exactly the reason why I’m mentioning it”, Blitz continues, incomprehensibly excited, “because we actually have a present for you. We pitched in together since you’ve done so much for us, went above and beyond, and we wanted to show you just how much we appreciate all that you’re doing.”

Oh. This is – unexpected. For a few blissful seconds in which the existence of a universe with frightfully idiotic special operators seems nothing but a fever dream, Doc is actually flattered and moved by the gesture. Then suspicion takes over. “…what is it?”

“You’ve been stressed recently and so we thought a vacation is just the thing you need.”

They’re not wrong, though admittedly, Doc could always use a vacation, he just normally doesn’t allow himself to take a rest, abandon his work and the people who count on him. Because as much as he likes to complain, he does genuinely believe they’re good, hard-working people who are able to change the world for the better and he’s proud to serve by their side, honoured for the opportunity to befriend this many compassionate, attentive -

“So we bought you a stay in an all-inclusive hotel in Spain. For an entire week!”

Doc just looks at the beaming German in front of him. He would’ve taken anything, anything, even the bitter cold of the arctic over having literally nothing to do. He likes to go hiking, explore cities and landscapes, and what he doesn’t enjoy is laying in the sun all day wasting away. “That’s uh -”, he starts and is interrupted by a cheery: “You’re welcome! And don’t bring too many books, I’m sure you’ll find enough to do once you’re there.”

And the last wink really should’ve made him realise what was going on.

.

“You”, Doc says loudly, loud enough to be audible over the busy chatter in the luxurious lobby, carpet thick, windows tall and spotless, pillars actual marble, and points at the person whom he’s addressing, “you. I – this… you are fucking kidding me. This isn’t happening. I’m out. I’m going fucking home. Jesus fucking Christ, what the fuck were they thinking?”

People have begun to stare and Jäger walks over, suitcase in tow, so Doc doesn’t have to yell anymore. “I’m pretty sure I can guess”, he replies and sounds entirely too upbeat about this whole disaster of a situation, “you know, Elias has been going on about you and me not showing enough affection to each other.”

So Blitz thought he’d play marriage counsellor. Great. Fan-fucking-tastic. Not only is everyone on the base still convinced the two of them are a couple, now they’re also meddling in their alleged affairs. Even though it’s only noon and Doc got enough sleep last night, he’s beginning to feel exhaustion weighing down his bones. “Did they really -” Book an expensive hotel for a week so Doc and Jäger could have some quality time together? The thought is too horrifying to actually say out loud.

Jäger shrugs and nods. “Seems that way, hm? I was confused why the lady behind the counter told me my ‘partner’ had arrived already.”

“I need something to drink.”

“Knock yourself out. It’s all inclusive.”

.

Doc does indeed knock himself out. He spends the first evening in the hotel bar, bemoaning his fate to everyone who doesn’t manage to get away fast enough and the first night hugging the really quite beautiful toilet while Jäger just giggles at him. He doesn’t seem any less intoxicated than Doc himself but apparently is more adept at holding his liquor – at least for a while. They somehow manage to take shifts in sleeping in their double bed (because of course they’re going to have to share a bed) and vomiting and they end up looking like zombies during breakfast. Blitz sends a text to Jäger about whether they’re enjoying their surprise and Doc only barely restrains himself from answering with a barrage of insults.

There really isn’t anything to do, so when Jäger goes to sleep off the food coma from the excellent breakfast buffet, Doc visits the beach and seeks shelter under a parasol where he tries to read one of the many books he brought until his eyes are falling closed as well. The sweltering heat together with the bright sun are headache inducing even through the painkillers he took pre-emptively this morning, and so he resorts to the one thing which never fails to help: dozing. It’s been a while since he was free from all obligations and duties and so he’s unlearned what to do when he’s not constantly anticipating the next emergency.

He’s awoken by a gentle touch to his hand and blinks groggily into the bright red fabric of the parasol which has miraculously moved to ensure he’s still in its shadow. Going by the fact that Jäger is now perched on another lounger next to him, it’s safe to assume he has to thank the German for saving him from the fate of ending up as red as a boiled lobster.

“Can you get my back? I want to go swimming in a bit.” Jäger holds out a bottle of sunscreen and switches over to Doc’s beach chair when he accepts it with a sigh. “Have you seen the dudes around here? It’s like a gay paradise. Pure eye candy.”

“You should’ve asked one of the prettier ones to smear sun cream all over you”, Doc grumbles as he rubs the cool lotion into the skin of Jäger’s back, barely resisting the urge to draw a dick on him first.

“I did. He’s currently at it.”

Doc snorts, amused for exactly as long as it takes for him to notice Jäger’s small moan while he’s massaging the back of his neck. A terrifying thought dawns on him. “Please tell me you don’t get horny when you’re bored.”

“Of course I do. What else is there to do? Just take a look around, there’s so many gorgeous guys wearing shockingly little and I bet they want to get away from their nagging fake husbands too.”

He pushes against Jäger’s shoulder blades, causing him to lean forward, and dips his hand into the back of his swimming trunks. Better safe than sorry – he once got a nasty sunburn right above his waistline and cursed himself for not being more careful. “I refuse to believe that anyone out there shares our fate. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Also, if you fuck a stranger in our bed, I’m going to murder you in your sleep.”

“Alright, I’ll stay classy then and fuck them on a toilet or something. I saw you ogle that one brunette though and the same goes for you. No fucking with women in our bed, and if it’s a dude, you better invite me to join.”

“Is that really all there is to do here? Flirt with people?”

Jäger shrugs. “You can go for a swim with me.”

Their banter is oddly freeing. Because no matter how much Doc doesn’t want to be here in this hot hell, at least he’s not alone. He likes Jäger as a person and their mutual exasperation helped them bond even further – maybe he should change his perspective and view this week as a spontaneous holiday together with a friend. Yeah, he can do that. So he finds himself nodding. “Alright. Let’s go.”

“Wait, you should probably apply some sunscreen too. I’ll help.” And as Jäger’s hands gently dig into his muscles, causing him to hum in approval, Doc realises something about himself he didn’t know before. He also gets horny when he’s bored.

He’s just never been this bored before.

.

“Look, Gustave, you’re a great guy and I really enjoyed your company, but I have to be honest with you – I’m not the kind of person to encourage affairs”, the cute brunette woman tells him with a soft, regretful smile.

He blinks at her. It was perfect, they spent the better part of two hours talking, getting to know each other and making each other laugh. Hers is melodic and sweet, the lines in the corners of her eyes alluring and the fact that she’s actually successful and happy as a freelancer nothing but impressive. She’s caring and a great listener and - “What do you mean?”

“I’ve seen you with your husband. I’m sorry, but I don’t do this kind of thing. If you’re unhappy, I’m not the person with whom you should talk. He is.” And with a last squeeze of his hand, she vanishes into a different corner of the vast and uncomfortably dark bar, leaving Doc to put his head in his hands and take a deep breath.

Someone takes her place with a bitter grin which speaks of solidarity. “No luck either?”, Jäger asks.

“No. She also went right past couple and directly to marriage. Maybe we should stop hanging out together.”

“That only works if we’re not sleeping in the same room. Feel free to book one for yourself because I’m definitely staying for free.”

“Why so optimistic, did you actually manage to score a romantic public bathroom blow job?”

“Ah, not yet. But I’m still looking.” Jäger takes another sip from his brightly coloured drink as if he hasn’t had enough the previous night, and lets his gaze travel through the room, allowing for Doc to study him in peace. He’s actually not bad company, a bit immature at times but even Doc got caught up in splashing around in the sea earlier, and he entertained him by explaining exactly how he could take all the electronics in their room apart to construct a microwave, thus allowing him to microwave Nutella to the perfect consistency to eat it with a spoon directly out of the jar. Doc stated that he’d just need to put the jar out in the sun or change the thermostat in their room and Jäger called him a spoilsport in return. He really isn’t that bad. It could be worse.

“Marius”, he says pensively and is immediately granted Jäger’s full attention, “do you… want to go back to our room?”

He doesn’t understand at first, reacts with confusion at Doc’s odd tone of voice but once he gets it, his eyes widen. Nodding eagerly, he attempts to finish his drink and answer simultaneously, resulting in a coughing fit which leaves Doc grinning.

The grin fades as soon as they shut the door behind them.

They don’t even manage to undress fully before Doc is buried to the hilt, and so Jäger gets to try his hand at multitasking once more, this time pulling it off without a hitch: he’s riding, taking off his shirt and moaning filth at the same time while Doc grabs two handfuls of his plump backside and meets his movements, idly wondering just how thick the walls between rooms are.

.

It ends up being almost compulsive. They try their best to find other activities, join people they don’t know in beach volleyball or badminton, go swimming every day, take walks, browse the internet on their phones or on Jäger’s laptop, but there’s a surprising amount of hours in the day and some of them actually make it impossible to leave their air-conditioned room because they’re entirely too hot. So they really have no other choice.

Soon, the other guests’ reactions to merely seeing them span a wide range, among them outright disgust, knowledgable smirks and supportive smiles. One retiree even approaches them with a mischievous grin and lets them know he’d be up for a threesome if they’re looking, but Doc quickly sends him away before Jäger can even think about agreeing.

It happens more than once that Doc finds himself on their bed, Jäger entirely too loud while on his hands and knees before him with a frothing mixture of what Doc identifies to be his own come as well as the coconut oil they’ve grown fond of using dripping down his scrotum and he doesn’t even have the energy to be scandalised anymore. He’s accepted his fate by now, and if his fate is to survive a gruellingly carnal sex holiday, then so be it.

He’s stopped trying to correct people who call Jäger his husband. He even makes the mistake of signing a postcard his friend sends back to Hereford.

.

“So, how was your vacation?”, Blitz asks with a shit eating grin while they’re having lunch, sharing a curry IQ made which drew both the GSG9 as well as the GIGN operators together, resulting in six expectant faces turning to Doc and Jäger at the question.

“It was really fucking hot”, Jäger replies like an idiot and Doc wishes him physical harm.

“I bet it was”, Bandit mutters into his meal and earns a few snorts.

“You definitely look more relaxed than before”, Blitz takes over again, not wanting the conversation to derail this soon.

“Do I?” Doc certainly doesn’t feel more relaxed, his muscles are aching and his penis is still sore.

“Yeah, you’re positively glowing. So you both enjoyed yourselves?”

“Or each other, more like.” Bandit again. And that is it.

It can’t be that no one is taking Doc seriously, not when he stoops to actually holding a funeral speech for a fucking rabbit for his colleagues, not when he’s sweated and bled and worked himself raw for them. It’s ridiculous, absolutely absurd and, frankly, insulting. He can only imagine the reactions were he to actually start dating someone else and it’s bad enough he has to deal with his family thinking they’re together because they refuse to listen as well and why in the world is his dick hard. No, really. Why. This is probably the most inopportune -

“Did you make the curry with coconut milk?”, Jäger wants to know from IQ and judging by the vague panic in his expression, Doc surmises that he’s in a similar state. And oh. Does this mean he can never eat or smell coconut again without getting a boner? “I, uh, just need to go to the bathroom real quick.”

And while Jäger flees, Doc feels his own erection twitch in his pants. “Yeah”, he says distractedly, “me too.”

The snickering follows him all the way to the bathroom door and yet is soon forgotten. Seems like he’s not too tired for now.

#rainbow six siege #doc #jäger #doc/jäger #fanfic #request #and the saga continues #I'm delighted you like them cos they're fantastic to write #doc is like y my pp hard #classical conditioning is a bitch :)

[thetorturegardens]

My turn~ can you sing? What's your favourite candy? Zodiac sign? What are you insecure about and what is your favourite physical feature of yours? What makes a person attractive? Any phobias? Have you ever hated anyone? Are you a jealous person? Dream vacation? Ever had dream paralysis? Do you get scared of horror movies? Do you draw? Are you close to your family? A quote you would tattoo on yourself? Best meme? Any pets? What makes you happiest? :)

damn why are my followers all so cool, i love you???? honestly. thank you for being interested & asking me all of this!

can you sing?

ok so here’s the thing, i’m notorious for not singing. ever. it bothers my friends so much. the only thing i ever sing along to is the RENT soundtrack. i have a good voice, but absolutely no harmony, so i don’t know how to apply it properly to make it sound good. 

What's your favourite candy?

reese's peanut butter cups & take 5 bars! anything chocolate, especially with sea salt!

Zodiac sign?

i’m a total textbook libra!

What are you insecure about and what is your favourite physical feature of yours?

i’m a little insecure about gaining muscle in my arms, honestly! i know that’s silly & i should be happy about it but i miss when they were thinner. but at least i know i could knock someone out with a swing now, haha! my favourite physical feature is probably my big eyes or my super long hair!

What makes a person attractive?

physical features are very secondary to me, & i know how cliche & fake that sounds, but if someone is extremely charismatic & has a good sense of humour, no matter how they look, i will find myself becoming more & more attracted to them. i like someone who has an intense social(& self) awareness. that’s the sexiest thing ever to me.

Any phobias?

just one, & it’s a very silly one. i’m fully aware that it’s ridiculous & irrational but i am literally terrified of worms. when it’s been raining out i go out of my way to stay inside so as not to see any because i will actually cry & have panic attacks if i see too many of them lol! i will make my friends carry me across the sidewalk so that i don’t have to look at them/touch them

Have you ever hated anyone?

it’s difficult for me to hate people, but yes. i’d say i hate at least one person.

Are you a jealous person?

i used to be very jealous in relationships when i was younger, out of insecurity. but now? very rarely do i get jealous! i’m so glad i’ve grown out of that & unlearned that mindset! it’s a very important thing to be aware of

Dream vacation?

i really want to visit a doll museum! there’s one where my friend robyn lives & i wanna go there with her so badly!

 Ever had dream paralysis?

YES, fuck y’all are gonna laugh at me but i did have sleep paralysis when i was a child once. i had a dream that the backstreet boys were chasing me & my body actually could not move & it was literally terrifying having nick carter standing over my bed ominously & trying to pull all of my hair out of my head

 Do you get scared of horror movies?

no, the only one that genuinely have scared me was a scanner darkly, but that’s only because i watched it when i was on shrooms

 Do you draw? 

i used to! not so much anymore, unfortunately. i just don’t have the time! i used to be fairly good at it, too

Are you close to your family?

no, i have a half-brother that i haven’t seen since i was 10. my extended family all live quite far away, & the ones that are in the area don’t really share the same beliefs that my immediate family has. my aunt dawn & cousins are really lovely, though! my parents & i get along the best we can, but it’s difficult sometimes. i love them so much through absolutely anything, though

 A quote you would tattoo on yourself?

“i want to rub the human face in its own vomit & force it to look in the mirror” - JG ballard

 Best meme?

cigarettes in unusual places

 Any pets?

yes, i have three kitties! lucy, jackie, & lucky! they’re such lovely babies

 What makes you happiest? :) 

gosh, this is cheesy, but i really love being around mason. no matter how awful i’m feeling, he is able to make me laugh. all of my friends make me happy & i am so grateful to have them in my life, but being around him is almost like being happy-drunk. i love being in his presence. 

#Anonymous

[tellywoodtrash]

Is it ok to like still like Nakuul as an actor after his nazi comment?

Hi anon!

This is exactly what I’m personally struggling with, as well. This one misstep (and that’s what I believe it is, a stupid, STUPID mistake; I don’t really think that he actually condones ethnic cleansing and genocide) has forever tainted him in my eyes; particularly because he was corrected, but instead of learning from it and being contrite, he maintained he was just being “tongue in cheek” and still has that caption up.

I suppose he saw it as some kind of attempt to censor him, and that ppl who object to this one measly Instagram caption are being overly sensitive and PC. Afterall, the phrase “grammar nazi” is common parlance, and desis regularly refer to anyone who is too bossy/authoritative as a “Hitler”. So I kinda, sorta, maybe, 5% see where he might be coming from.

Also, I realize no one is fully #woke. I myself am still in the process of unlearning so many problematic previous behaviours. Educating yourself on political and social issues is a continuous, never ending process, and everyone should be cut some slack while on that journey.

But overall in this case, I think he has no excuse. He’s educated and well-read, comes from a military background, and most importantly, was actually corrected when he misspoke. When someone says that something you did is offensive, you don’t get to decide that it wasn’t. I’m just so disappointed at how he handled this whole situation, and kinda hate myself for still keeping up with him on social media.

I think the best thing to do in this case is separate the actor from the character. If we started delving into the personal views of every actor, there’s not going to be anything left to watch. Because real life people are not as perfect as scripted, fictional ones. Especially actors/people in the entertainment industry. Best case scenario: they’re just lame as fuck and not remotely as cool as the characters they play on screen. Worst case scenario: they’re actual fucking criminals. These are rich, privileged ppl who constantly have yes-men and adoring fans around them, constantly boosting their already overinflated egos. They’re hardly ever self aware and rarely held accountable for the things they do and say.

Personally, I draw the line at contributing money to known awful ppl (can’t remember the last time I paid to watch a Salman Khan movie… I won’t be watching Johnny Depp movies from now on either.) Is Nakuul as awful as these two? No, of course not, he’s just ignorant and a pseudo-intellectual faker. But I do take some petty and vindictive solace in the fact that I’m consuming this show on shady bootleg sites instead of on the channel, thereby denying him (and awful-in-their-own-ways Gul/Harneet) higher ratings.

#nakuul mehta #camokurtagate #real life issues #answered #tt answers

[flamengosource]

Draw. Against the very powerful Avaí. Guess the striker? Leandro Damião. 

I struggled so much to start this text, and I think that’s the best way I can do. For those who didn’t believe that what Flamengo is doing on the field isn’t football, I bet now y’all not only believe, but maybe are now e-mailing the directors asking for us to come back to just being Clube de Regatas. 

Zé promoted two changes today, let’s talk about them:

For me, Thiago did his job pretty well. The goal wasn’t all his fault, in my opinion. Our defenders really lacked in that specific shot. Out of that, he was pretty secure on the goal, much better than Muralha. The only thing he’s missing is experience, and that he’ll gain having a sequence. And I hope he has it. 

Vinicius Jr. started his first professional match and he did what he could. Nothing more, nothing less. He can’t make any miracles all by himself. Even though God proved He is Flamengo more than ever today. But I’ll talk about that later in this text.  

Techinically, the team is a complete disaster. Again, there’s no organization, it seems like the team literally unlearned how to play football and can’t seem to understand what the coach wants. Or, they are making a huge effort to get Zé fired. But, again, I refuse to believe on this possibility. 

About our coach: Zé seems lost. Lost in everything. He doesn’t know how to control the group anymore, how to boost their confidence (that is really, really lacking since the match against San Lorenzo), how to make efficient changes, who plays and who doesn’t, etc. To be quite frank, I believe he doesn’t even how to go back to his house all by himself. 

As of now, June 11th, 7h58, he’s still Flamengo’s coach. But who knows? I hope he somehow reacts over all this shit pretty soon and make the team play football again. I’m not even asking for a beautiful football, I just want something decent and efficient. That’s all I’m asking, Zé. I like you, I really do, but it’s impossible for me to defend you when you still believe in Márcio Araújo. Hell, I don’t even think his mother believes on him anymore. Meritocracy, Zé. M e r i t o c r a c y.

And wow, another mark for the books: Flamengo was able to suffer an goal by a team that had scored just ONE GOAL in FIVE MATCHES. WOW, CONGRATS Y’ALL! 

But when I say that miracles do happen, and now I believe on them more than ever, is because we tied. Ok, cool. But guess who was the striker? LEANDRO FUCKING DAMIÃO. HE DID. AND IT WAS A FREAKING GOAL!!! I bet none of you believe on me, right? Here’s the video. Watch it with your own eyes, take your own conclusions and thank God very very much for that miracle. I’m sure we won’t see him score another goal in hundred of years. And that’s cool, he’ll be out of Flamengo by that time. 

Geez, I already wrote two much. I’ll finish soon, but first, let me take some time real quick to say I LOVE MANCUELLO SO MUCH, HE WAS SO GOOD TODAY, OMG. The guy has IT, just let him play in his own damn position. And that means that you’re OUT @ Arão. 

Márcio Araújo was extremely bad; Arão, who started the match was pretty bad too, but after the first half went to the bench. I hope he stays there a while, Mancu really deserves to start in the next game. Vizéu took Vinicius’ place in the 2nd half but didn’t produce anything (I’m disappointed at you boy, don’t do that, I believe on you).

Out of that, let’s AGAIN hope that changes will come for our next game wednesday, at Ilha do Urubu, our HOME, against Ponte Preta. I swear to God, if Sheik scores a goal, I’ll go CRAZY. 

#Flamengo #Analysis #Campeonato Brasileiro 17