#he'll be gr8

[lemonhemlock]

Do you think Aemond would have made a much better king than both aegon ii and rhaenyra

Thanks for dropping by, Anon! What a loaded question! I suppose the matter of contention here would be "which Aemond?"

Book!Aemond is villainous to the point of caricature and offers little in the way of characterization. The historians of the time do not dive into his personality or motivations. Is he genuinely like that or has he suffered some breakdown of sorts? Does he become too far gone or can his trauma be overcome?

The problem with Aemond is that he reveals nothing in the direction of policy, both in the books and in the show, so it's very difficult to appraise his potential for kingship when we don't know his ideas. This is true even of Aegon. We know Aemond will burn the Riverlands, but what are his starting-point policies for peace times?

Meanwhile, characters like Daemon and Rhaenyra have had more time to make political decisions, just by virtue of being older. We already know Rhaenyra is not an astute political actor, because she proved herself before the war began. We already know Daemon relies on a combination of throwing tantrums, running away, murder and waging war as a means of problem-solving, because he has lived a full life before the start of the war.

This will get long. :))

Show!Aemond fortunately has received much needed humanization and characterization, even so much as to become a fan favourite with little screen time. His appearance on-screen suggests that, as a child, he is well-behaved, dutiful, sensitive and kind. He doesn't cause trouble, doesn't get into fights, is studious and a rule-follower. He has low self-confidence because he is the only boy in his cohort without a dragon and is hurt that he is not accepted. He has no problem confiding in his mother and seeks her out for comfort. He respects and cares for his sister. These are all good qualities to have in a king.

Not low-confidence, but the fact that he doesn't retaliate to his bullies and takes it patiently on the chin says something. He doesn't resort to cruelty as his first reaction. He instead tries to prove himself over and over, which is why he is often scolded for annoying the dragons and putting himself in danger. That can also be interpreted as recklessness, but it's not exactly thrill-seeking behaviour. This is dragons we're talking about and it's basically the only way he can gain one: by claiming one. Taking risks is kind of inevitable in this situation. Aemond is not a hatcher, else a dragon egg would have hatched for him already.

There are also shades of Targaryen exceptionalism in him: he must have a dragon and marrying your sister is normal and even opportune. But he doesn't look down on his mother for not being a Targaryen and he doesn't seem jealous of Rhaenyra or Daemon for having "purer" blood than him (gosh) or even of the Strong boys for claiming to have "pure Valyrian blood" (my god, I sound like a Slytherin). I think Aemond was a pretty respectable, sweet kid that yearned for connection with others (his brother, sister, mother, I think he would have accepted even Jace and Luke had they been nicer to him) and was saddened when he got rejected within his tiny circle. He tries very hard to prove himself worthy, in the hopes that he will one day gain that sense of belonging.

I think little Aemond really wanted some friends and would have responded very well to people treating him kindly, but he isn't a pushover and not necessarily the type to cede to peer pressure. He could haven taken his cues from Aegon and shared in his vices out of a desire for closeness with his brother (perhaps that is why he agreed to go with Aegon to that brothel?), but he didn't. He has his own moral code and isn't comfortable with breaking it willy-nilly.

Based on this, I think that, with the right councilors, Aemond could have been a pretty decent king. Again, he hasn't released his Manifesto yet, so I have to base my assumptions on something. 😅

People look at his fight with Jace/Luke/Baela/Rhaena and claim he is insensitive and disrespectful and violent. I disagree (obviously, lol).

He went out in search of Vhagar unarmed, through the fields of Driftmark, after dark, perhaps because violence wasn't really his modus operandi.

He was brave enough to approach Vhagar and claim her. Riding Visenya's dragon is obviously supposed to be evocative and symbolic, but Vhagar doesn't necessarily bond only with the serial killer gene. She was also Laena's mount, who is not presented as any kind of psycho and seemed to be a generally well-balanced person.

That was probably the best moment of his life, finally gaining the confirmation he craved for. Getting a little cocky and talking shit afterwards is not a crime. Defending yourself after being assaulted 4-1 is not a crime.

After he got maimed, with half his face stitched up, he demonstrated enough emotional intelligence and political awareness in order to diffuse the situation twice in favour of his mother. That's good indication for his political acumen if he ever were to become king.

However, unfortunately, this incident obviously traumatised him and he will not the same afterwards. He is now disfigured, disabled, suffered through a great injustice and was betrayed by his literal blood relatives. I can't imagine what that would do to someone's self-esteem. Even claiming the biggest dragon in the world wasn't enough to gain him acceptance and appreciation.

Now, the next time we see Aemond, he is undoubtedly framed in a villainous way. He has a pirate eyepatch, looks like an anime villain, has obviously been studying the blade and is kind of a dick to his bewildered, nice-guy nephews. But is that so out of the ordinary? He hates Jace and Luke's guts. He has no reason to be nice to these expired coupons.

I'm not gonna lie, Aemond has his own issues. He has thrown himself into his studies and training as a means to cope with his new eyeless existence. He has anger issues and a desire for vengeance. How would that translate into being king? Well, for starters, he is still very kind to his mother and sister. He stands up for his Aegon, even though he's a lecherous street rat. He's still "doing the right thing" and abiding by his own morals like a good little boy. He prays with Mummy at dinner. Aemond is a trauma-survivor (now of sexual trauma, too, thanks to Aegon) who deals with it via perfectionism and repression, but he doesn't strike me as someone who wouldn't listen to reason. He still longs for connection. I have made another super-long post about how Aemond basically insinuates himself into Criston's quest to find Aegon just because he wants to shoot the shit and process his past troubles.

Should he become King at this moment, I think he'd continue to be a good little boy and listen to Mother & Grandsire, but probably take his duties way more seriously than Aegon ever did. As downsides, Aemond has a chip on his shoulder now, probably has more low-confidence because of his mutilation, and is really, really mad at Lucerys for taking his eye.

I don't know what he'd do to Luke and Jace if he became King. When constrained by social norms, i.e. at dinner, with Viserys still alive, he tries his damndest not to react to anything at all, probably an attempt to control himself. He is dead silent and only reacts to look after Aegon and Helaena. He already thinks this situation is humiliating. When Luke laughs at the pig, it's literally the final straw for him. And still! What he says is a mere insinuation, not even mentioning the word "bastards". The people present already know the truth and it's a private event anyway.

He wanted to ruin their night and did it in the most low-effort way possible. He is astute enough to figure out this will get under their skin, mirroring Criston's behaviour when he provoked Harwin into that outburst. But we don't know if this is a true talent for reading people or if he just knew how to read Jace and Luke because with them he made the extra effort.

To those sat at the table, his outburst could have appeared out-of-nowhere, but he has been nursing this grudge for nigh on 6 years, since he's been literally disfigured and disabled because of them. I mean, if THAT doesn't earn you the right to hold a grudge, nothing will. I get why he would feel it so disrespectful to be forced to dine with them when he hasn't even received an apology. I don't blame him here, since I'd probably also try to make these guys' lives as hellish as possible.

When these social constraints disappear (Viserys dies and they are on the verge of going to war), Aemond feels like he can finally have his revenge and sets out to terrorize Luke. So, from his perspective, he let loose one time and ended up doing something catastrophic, that can have terrible consequences for his own family. He is obviously shaken and regrets it immediately. He's never done anything of this magnitude in his life and must feel panicked and in need of guidance ASAP. For a King, that's not very good, because he'd be the person to impose these social constraints in the first place. It doesn't bode well if the King himself lets loose and this happens.

So, I guess we'll have to see where they go with his characterization from here. At the moment, he should be feeling very vulnerable and is possibly in a headspace that allows him to be manipulated. From what I can gather, Aemond is not the type of person to thrive on his own. He needs connection and genuine bonds with people in order to not feel swallowed up by his feelings of inadequacy. If left to his own devices, he'll probably spiral. In a way, he is similar to Aegon, who also craves love and validation more than anything.

Unfortunately, after Blood & Cheese, I think everyone will be consumed by their own anguishes and left incapacitated to give themselves the comfort that would allow themselves to heal. Aemond himself is likely to become riddled by guilt and have some kind of mental breakdown.

The answer to your question is, therefore, dependent on several variables.

When does Aemond become King? Does Aegon succeed in running away to Essos? I have spoken about how/if he could realistically become King in that scenario. If he does manage it somehow, I feel he probably would abide by Alicent's advice. The question is how he would approach Luke and Jace down the line, with his desire for revenge. In that scenario, he would probably not go to Storm's End himself, but maybe send Daeron or some other emissary.

Does he become King because Aegon succumbs to his injuries and dies in the war? Is this before or after the battle with Daemon? Does Helaena still die? Does Brothel Queens happen? Does Maelor still die? He will be forced to set Alys aside and marry a proper noble girl. How would he handle that? What kind of character is Alys? We don't really get a look inside his head from the text, so we'll see how they approach his characterization in the show, but each new tragedy will be an opportunity for depression and agony.

Is Aegon the second son or does he even exist in this version of the story? If he is the first-born, Aemond is going to come with different emotional baggage.

#aemond targaryen #house of the dragon #asoiaf #aemond as king #j/k we all know aemond is a communist king women's rights scholar and environmental activist #he'll be gr8 #you're doing amazing sweetie!!!! #ask #anon

[synthshenanigans]

Attempting to Jash a pal of mine. Hes only seen like 2 of his songs so far but we'll see how it goes (Hes seen Storm and a Spring & Ain't No Rest For The Wicked)

Him after Ain't No Rest:

Im getting him its working

Also this bit

Calling me out damn

#one of us one of us one of us #idk if he'll listen to all of him or even Vol 1 but #hes gettin there #also he gets that if i find something i really enjoy #especially involving music #he knows that I'll think about nothing else #hes gr8 #chonny jash #also apologies for posting so much today #a lots happened lol

[the-furies]

as a normal person: this game is fun!

as a system with fictives from said game; houuughghfhrffffgggrr . 👍!!!!

#disco game liveblogging #talky #i mean we're Fine #i. think. squints at 🪩 i meam like y'know. he might not be. rn. #but he'll be ok Just gotta sleepies. or watch vidjaOh my god our back hurtsm what the fuck. #. ANYWAYS #im enjoying Game :D <== hhas only actually played like 20 mins of it Myself bc electrochem has been up front #for the past . yes. #still fucking reeling from the intrusive fucking thought you get from the ledger like H E L L O. GODDAMN #But YEAH IT'S GR8 CANNOT W8NTO PLAY IT AGAIN AJD AGAIN #putting this on the same shelf as t.bo.i in our brain. games tht we rotate so so so fast in our head <3

[mblue-art]

MAY I BOOP ERROR IF HE FEELS LIKE IT

if not i still wanted to give him this :3

*hands a bucket of Easter (and maybe valentine) chocolates with a ‘you’re doing gr8 sweetie’ letter*

- @shishax

he'll allow u to boop pinkies :3

he enjoyed the gifts (also wtheck he finished all the choco so fast. bro)

#(/silly) #ask #mblue talks #error!sans #mblue art

[m-jelly]

Can I request erwin x reader headcanons for his s/o who has trust issues and suffers from insecurity about herself becoz her ex boyfriend cheated on her. She is section commander and is gr8 in her work.

Erwin x Insecure reader headcanons

Cheating concerns and trust:

Firstly, Erwin doesn't have the time to cheat if you think he might cheat. Erwin is either always with you or working hard and if you are a section commander then he's working close with you. So, he doesn't have the time to cheat on you if you're worried he will. You and his work are his life.

Erwin is not the type to cheat. Erwin is incredibly loyal to the core. He will stick to a person and his job until the very end. If you are together, you are his everything and he will never look at another woman because you are his woman.

There's only you around him. The rest of the people around him are young cadets, underage cadets, and Hange. Hange is not interested in Erwin and Erwin isn't in them. So, you have nothing to worry about there. If you think it'll be some rich woman, it won't. Erwin does not like making deals with the rich to get money. He strongly believes in the scouts and wouldn't sell himself out.

If you still think he's a cheater or don't trust him, he will do everything he can to build up that trust and get you any help you need to build up the tools to calm your mind and trust your partner. If you need couples therapy, that's what you'll get because he wants it to work.

Insecurities about yourself:

The man is your personal cheerleader. He thinks you're an incredible section commander. He adores how smart and kind you are and what you do for others. He is proud of you.

Erwin will give you words of praise often and you can tell he means it because he doesn't give praise lightly.

Erwin will take you on sweet dates and compliment the way you look. Plus, he looks at you with such deep admiration and love in his eyes. You're everything to him.

Erwin will listen to you when you want to talk about your worries. Your worries are his worries and he'll sit with you and let you vent to him about everything. Erwin is very logical, so he'll help you work through your troubles until you feel better.

He'll tell you he loves you often and has all his meals with you. He has to have his meals with you and he wants to. He wants to spend time with you so he can talk to you and reassure you he is always there with you.

He's always with you and he can read you like an open book. So, when you're feeling bad around him, he'll pull you close and sit you on his lap and ask you to talk to him. He'll chat to you for as long as you need to and if you don't want to talk he'll hold you and give you kisses.

#headcanon #aot headcanons #attack on titan headcanons #erwin headcanons #commander erwin #shingeki no kyoujin erwin #aot erwin #erwin smith #erwin x you #erwin x y/n #erwin x reader #erwin smith x you #erwin smith x y/n #erwin smith x reader #jelly fanfics

[bleachbleachbleach]

Man, today is just sports anime day at B3 or something, but I was dissociating from this morning's Zoom meeting by staring at these cards in my kitchen. Last week, we impulse bought a some Bleach wafers at the grocery store that came with fancy holographic cards. XDD Anyway, I'd made a joke about including them in a place of honor, among cards from/of my beloved family and friends, and also the fact that Zaraki, Hitsugaya, and Ennoshita-from-Haikyuu are all hanging out together, but my co-blogger pointed out that the match-up isn't completely left field. After all, they're all captains. And I was like, OMG UR SO RIGHT.

But then today I was like, what if they did that reality TV wife-swap thing?

Zaraki, if he were feeling mellow enough to submit to the idea of volleyball, would find common ground with the Shiratorizawa coach. Ikkaku would come with, resume in hand. The resume reads "GR8 KENDO TEAM @ KARAKURA. LED TO TOTAL VICTORY." Yumichika would design the uniforms.

Hitsugaya wasn't serious enough about the actual game of soccer to suggest to me he'd be good at captaining a volleyball team, but if he brought Matsumoto, I can name at least two people on Karasuno's team who'd obey her every word. And Hinata would be a lot happy to be a LOT taller than someone (like, 30cm), so Hitsugaya does have that going for him.

Ennoshita in the Gotei, on the other hand... He'd replace Lisa, who would return to Karakura to be Queen of the Vizard. Engeki Ennoshita (who has a bigger role then Anime Ennoshita) has Been to War, and I feel like he'd thrive. Transported to the afterlife in nothing but his old man yukata and some sandals? Fuck it, he's been through worse! Sure, he'll lead this ghost army! Why the fuck not!!

#no brain just bleach #this does not need tags no one needs to see this

[hungryistrying]

jinx’s perfect guide to ruining loving relationships

summary: 

"I'm going on a double date with my sister and need to bring my boyfriend."

"So?" Ekko frowns at her, failing to understand how he's part of her master plan.

"So, smartass," she flicks his forehead, hilariously causing his frown to deepen, "I'll need a fake boyfriend. Which would be you."

Ekko looks at her as if she's grown two heads. He opens his mouth. And promptly closes it. Then Jinx sees his throat bob as he swallows. Is his throat dry or something? Must be the warm weather. She'll bring him a water bottle later to prove what a considerate fake girlfriend she could be.

Jinx devises a brilliant plan to break up her sister and her girlfriend. All she needs is a fake boyfriend so she has a valid reason to crash all their dates. Easy peasy! (Un)fortunately for Jinx, things do not go as planned.

rating: teen

word count: 10073

status: ongoing

crossposted to ao3

chapter one: fake it 'til you make it

Jinx is staring at Ekko's hands as he works on the capacitors for their assignment. Which is weird. She's being weird and needs to stop being weird. She needs to stop staring at his hands before he notices and calls her out on said weird behavior.

"You're such a freak," someone insistently whispers behind her. Must be Mylo. She wishes he would shut up so she could focus and stop staring at Ekko's hands. He just. Has really big hands, you know?

"Jinx?" Her gaze snaps back up to Ekko's face as he stares at her questioningly. "You were going to ask me something, right?"

"Oh. Right!" Jinx pulls out her phone and swipes through her text messages to find the relevant ones. "So basically this is my situation."

vi(rus)

I'd like to see you again. do you have time to meet up soon?

We could go to that diner you always liked

It's close to your campus right?

You

ye i guess

we could meet the 21st

i could come 4pm-ish?

vi(rus)

Sure, can't wait to see you 😊

Crap

Wait i have a date with my gf that day

I totally forgot, my bad. Rain check?

You

oh

i started seeing someone too tho

we could like double date or smth

vi(rus)

You did? I'm happy for you pow!

It's a date then. Can't wait to meet your s/o

You

yep

you'll meet my bf

and ill meet ur gf

itll be gr8

Ekko's eyes widen as he takes in the name of the contact. "Wait, Vi is back?!"

Jinx dismissively waves her hand. "Eh, that's old news. But anyway," she puts away her phone, "I'm going on a double date with my sister and need to bring my boyfriend."

"So?" Ekko frowns at her, failing to understand how he's part of her master plan.

"So, smartass," she flicks his forehead, hilariously causing his frown to deepen. "I'll need a fake boyfriend. Which would be you."

Ekko looks at her as if she's grown two heads. He opens his mouth. And promptly closes it. Then Jinx sees his throat bob as he swallows. Is his throat dry or something? Must be the warm weather. She'll bring him a water bottle later to prove what a considerate fake girlfriend she could be.

"Okay, back up," Ekko starts, recovering from his surprise. "When exactly did you start talking with Vi again? And why the hell do you need a fake boyfriend to meet her?"

"I don't know, it's not like I wrote it on a calendar or something!" She definitely did, but he didn't need to know that. 

"But you're missing the point. She tells me she wants to meet and then blows me off for this Catherine-chick or whatever her name is." Jinx knows her name is Caitlyn. She found her on LinkedIn. Who the hell even uses LinkedIn? 

She shoots Ekko a devious grin. "So…I came up with a great idea!"

Ekko stares at her like it's a horrible idea. Which is unfair, really, since he hasn't even heard it yet. No matter, Jinx is certain he'll realize it's genius once she explains.

"Since my dearest sister wants to get back in my life but can't seem to get her priorities straight, I'll do her a favor and remove the distraction–"

"Please don't tell me your great plan involves homicide."

"What? No, let me finish!" Sheesh, Jinx knows she's crazy, but she isn't that crazy. Yet. "Vi just needs a push in the right direction. So I figured I just need to crash her date to make her realize that she and Crayon are a horrible match."

Ekko doesn't look as convinced as she'd hoped, but maybe he just needs time to process her genius. After all, he's not saying it's a bad idea.

"It's a bad idea." 

Okay, so scratch that.

"It is not!" she insists before giving him a pleading look. He's always been a sucker for her puppy eyes, and well, desperate times call for desperate measures. "Come on, Ekko. You don't even have to do anything! Just show up, say you're my boyfriend, get a free meal, and leave the rest to me!" 

He gives her a skeptical look while Jinx continues to pout at him in hopes of swaying him. Eventually, Ekko shakes his head and lets out a loud sigh, causing him to visibly deflate. 

"This is insane," she hears him mutter under his breath before he continues, "but fine! I'm in." 

Jinx is about to start cheering when Ekko continues, "But I still think this is a bad idea. You don't need to ruin your sister's relationship to get her back, Pow-"

He abruptly cuts himself off and she freezes. Tension rises between them, it's suffocating and thick enough to cut with a knife. Jinx bulldozes right past it, however, and pretends she never heard his slip-up.

"Yeah, yeah. Point is you agreed! I should go to my next class now, but I'll text you our game plan soon. They'll never see it coming, it'll be hilarious." 

Jinx packs her things at a totally normal pace. Not at all rushing to get up and out of there while Ekko looks at her like he sees through her. Not at all hearing intrusive voices incessantly whisper all around her.  Not at all feeling like bugs are crawling underneath her skin. Not at all–

She's totally fine and she's leaving.

"Well, see ya!" Jinx calls over her shoulder as she leaves. She can feel Ekko's gaze boring into her back but is determined to keep walking. For all that she knows it's Mylo and Claggor instead. On really bad days it can even be Vander. 

But today isn't a bad day! Today is the day Jinx starts her master plan to get her sister back.

When Jinx is finally released from her last class and back in her dorm – after spending five minutes wrestling with her door because the amount of junk on her floor unintentionally barricaded it shut– she wades through the ocean of clothing and shrugs her backpack off her shoulders, allowing it to land on the only free space on her floor with a thud.

Crap, her laptop was in there, wasn’t it? Oh well, too late.

With a tired sigh, she plops face-first onto her bed so her brain can reboot after professor Talis gave her more information about electromagnetism than she even knew existed. 

But that's not important right now. With a grin, Jinx turns so she’s lying on her back and kicks her feet off the bed in excitement. She asked Ekko to be her boyfriend – err, fake boyfriend – and he said yes (well, very skeptically, but still).

…Which she's excited about because he'll help her break up her sister and her stupid girlfriend. Obviously. 

Ugh, whatever. Get it together, Jinx! This isn't about fake-dating Ekko or whatever. It's about getting Vi back. She smacks her own cheeks, urging them to stop warming up. The stupid heat must be getting to her too. Man, she should open a window in here.

If Jinx had a roommate, they’d probably think she's insane. But courtesy of Jinx’s amazing puppy dog eyes and Silco pulling some strings, she was the exception in that she had no roommate. 

If it was up to Silco, she probably wouldn't even be in a dormitory, but she managed to convince him otherwise.

“You’re aware you don’t have to stay in the dorms?” Silco enquired, leaning against her bedroom door as she stuffed yet another suitcase with her clothes. “We live near the university so I could get a chauffeur to drop you off every morning.”

With a shrug, Jinx shut the suitcase and said, “I just feel like it.” Which wasn’t entirely the truth, but it wasn’t a lie either, so details.

“Very well,” he sighed, finally dropping the matter. “Do you need my help?”

Before she could answer, a husky voice from across the hallway called, “Sir,” and Sevika, his right hand, walked up to him, “you’re needed for some business.”

Silco nodded and turned to Jinx with an apologetic smile. “I’m afraid that duty calls. I’ll be sure to drop you off on your first day on campus.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jinx dismissively waved him away, trying to figure out how many clothes she could stuff in this suitcase without actually folding anything, “just do your job, I’ll be fine.”

With that, he walked off. Behind him, Sevika – being the annoying, old toad that she is – felt the need to send Jinx a withering glare, which she graciously responded to by flipping her off. 

With a scoff and a mutter of “Damn brat,” Sevika walked off and finally left her alone.

Currently, Jinx scrolls through her phone and sees that Silco has sent her four texts asking how she’s doing and if she needs anything. 

old man

Are you doing well?

I’m simply concerned because you call me every single day.

Perhaps it slipped your mind, but I did not receive a call yesterday.

Do not hesitate to tell me if you require anything, money for school supplies perhaps.

You

sry fell asleep last night

dont worry im ok

Jinx was decidedly not okay last night. The reason she didn’t call him is that Mylo was being an asshole, distracting her, and actually not letting her sleep. 

He incessantly taunted and reminded her that she was a failure, a jinx, a screw-up. And as usual, Claggor just watched and let it happen. He never says anything but perhaps that’s worse. Always in the corner, his eyes like a knife on her back. 

So Jinx sat there, all night, hiding under her blanket as if that would somehow help. At some point, she passed out. When she blearily woke up to the sound of her alarm clock in the morning, everything was quiet again.

She sees Silco typing a response, and after two minutes of waiting for his old man hands to send the damn reply, she gets bored and up from bed. 

Fishbones needs to get fed anyway. An ironic name for a fish, but at the very least he wasn’t literal fish bones. Pets weren’t technically allowed in the dorm, but with some more…persuasion from Silco, they’d ruled an exception and allowed Jinx to keep her dwarf shark. 

Maybe it’s stupid but she needed that fish. There are a lot of days that Jinx doesn’t think it’s worth getting out of bed (like seriously why bother, college classes suck and feeding yourself is overrated). But then she remembers the stupid fish needs food or a clean tank and she drags herself out of bed anyway. 

After tossing in the fish food, she presses her face against the cold glass and asks, “Did you miss me, Fishbones?”

Fishbones – being, well, a fish – stupidly keeps swimming around to eagerly eat the rain of food that’s been scattered into the tank, completely ignoring her. It hurts more than she’d like to admit, but then she remembers it’s a fucking fish and briefly wonders if she is going insane.

She hears her phone vibrate and picks it off the bed to read Silco’s response.

old man

Well if you insist. Should you run into any troubles with your studies, do not hesitate to contact me this time.

You

k

With a groan, she tosses her phone back down. Right. Studies. That stupid shit. Aside from the classes where she actually gets to do fun stuff, most of her classes just consist of making tests, submitting essays, and doing assignments.

Which, yeah, fine, that might be a realistic university experience, but fuck all of it. It's so damn boring. Still, she wants to graduate so she needs to get her damn act together.

With a determined huff, she pushes the laundry off her chair and sits at her desk. Okay, let's get some serious studying done! Or some shit. She has a test coming up next week for Modern Biology which actually counts towards her final grade because Singed is a goddamn sadist.

She’s convinced he hates her too. Maybe that’s because she’s never actually done any homework for that class…Nah, that’s can’t be it. He’s just old and miserable. She thinks of his wrinkly skin with a grimace. Hopefully, Jinx ages better than that guy did. 

She flips open her notebook and grabs several colored pens and markers. She's seen people make these aesthetic-y study notes in different colors. Seems pretty fun, so she could try it– 

Wait, where the hell did she leave her textbook? With a groan, she gets back up from the chair and looks around her room.

Holy fuck, it's a mess in here.

Most of her wardrobe is on her floor instead of in her dresser. She's…not very confident about what's clean and what's dirty anymore. She can see cables, candy wrappers, and papers buried between the heap of clothing. Her textbook is (probably?) somewhere in this trash heap.

Okay, so it's not like Jinx isn't aware of the obvious fact that her room is messy. She's just super good at ignoring it most times. Besides, she keeps her bed clear so she can sleep in it and her desk empty enough to work at. That's pretty much where the bar is at for her own level of neatness.

"You're a pig," Mylo snickers.

She rolls her eyes and groans, "Shut up, no one asked you."

"Cleaning can't hurt, Powder." She turns at the sound of Vi's voice but sees nothing there.

Still, she sighs and concedes, "Good point. A clean room cleans the mind, right?" Jinx frowns before shrugging. "I dunno if that's a real saying, but it is now!”

“Alright, let’s get this show on the road!” she cheers, hoping it’ll somehow hype her up at the prospect of having to clean her room. It doesn’t, but fake it till you make it, right?

Step one is probably getting all the clothes off the floor. But how will she know whether it’s clean or dirty? With a shrug, she grabs a wad of clothing and tosses it into an empty carton box. Whatever, she can just wash everything. 

Going to the laundry room with a carton box will be a sight to behold but everyone knows that laundry baskets are a scam. Or well, maybe they don’t because they keep buying them anyway, but Jinx is onto the laundry basket scheme and won’t be fooled!

Jinx sighs in satisfaction when she can actually see at least half her floor again, but something is missing. Oh, of course! She needs a soundtrack when she cleans. Her bluetooth speaker is (probably) somewhere in here, so until she finds it she’ll just have to make do with playing music directly from her phone.

She swipes her phone off the bed to scroll through her playlist. Oh wait, she has a notification. Can’t hurt to check it out, can it? 

Vi posted something. Right, for a moment she forgot they even followed each other. Vi asking for her socials was followed by her very rapidly scrolling through her posts to see if she should delete anything before deciding the coast was clear and adding her on Instagram. 

It’s a picture of her sister posing with her stupid, tall, pretty girlfriend. “My favorite cupcake 😋” reads the caption and Jinx feels like gagging. Disgusting, she hates couples in love. This, among a plethora of other totally valid reasons, is why she has to break them up.

Oh, that reminds her! She’s pretending to be a couple in love herself for the sake of ruining said disgusting relationship. Okay, research time. What does Ekko post about? Does he even have social media? 

She never bothered asking him, they have each other’s numbers but they only text if it’s about their project. Turns out finding his social media isn’t exactly detective work. She types in his name and he’s the top result. 

Alright, time to comb through his posts…So they can be a more convincing couple. For the sake of tricking Vi, obviously. She can hear Mylo snicker behind her and wants to slam her head into a wall so he’ll shut up.

Ekko doesn’t have a lot of posts. Most of them seem to be him with his friends or pictures of electronics he’s restored. She can’t help the snort that escapes her at that. He still does that, huh? Some things never change.

She stops at a picture of him at high school graduation, posing with people she doesn’t know. He looks a little different in the picture, not by much really, but she can definitely tell he’s changed since. And it’s a little weird. She used to think they’d always know each other, but that was before…everything. 

There’s a gap between them now. She doesn’t know what happened to Ekko after she got taken in by Silco. She doesn’t know if she wants to either. Because if they talk about it, Jinx might have to talk about what happened to her as well. And there are a lot of things she’d rather not remember.

Lost in her thoughts, Jinx doesn’t realize her finger is hovering over the like button until it's too late. She freezes when she sees a white heart flicker on the screen.

She liked the graduation post.

Which is thirty-five weeks old.

Goodbye cruel world. Maybe she could drop out of college and immigrate to another country. Or just gaslight Ekko into thinking he imagined this. Wait! What if she quickly sets her account to private and changes her name and profile picture? Then Ekko won’t know it’s her. 

Okay, shit, fuck, dammit. Don’t panic! It’s not a big deal! She can’t unlike it now, though. He’d get the notification anyway. Screw it, no reason to be a coward. She should double down instead. Jinx furiously scrolls through all twenty-three of his posts and likes each and every one of them before she hits the follow button.

She sighs in relief. Great, she can just say she did it for…credibility purposes? Right, because isn’t it weird if they’re dating and they don’t even follow each other on social media? Yes! That makes a lot of sense. Good going, brain. With a determined nod, she goes to text Ekko.

You

hey

follow me back on insta rn

eggo

Out of nowhere but ok?

You

it’s not out of nowhere!!!

we’re dating its weirder if we dont follow eachother

i liked ur posts 2

you know so its

more legit

so do the same thing

eggo

😐 You fr think Vi is gonna check our socials to see if we’re actually dating?

You

ugh just do it 🔫🔫

He doesn’t respond after that, but she does get a follow back notification so she’ll take what she can get. With a relieved sigh, she plops down on her bed. Alright, crisis averted.

Well, that’s one step of her plan completed. Because that was definitely part of the plan and Mylo needs to stop laughing. Asshole.

Speaking of her plan, how does one break up a couple? Jinx needs a game plan. She opens google and types in “how to ruin a relationship”. After several unhelpful articles on how to be neglectful in a relationship, she drops her phone with a groan. 

These are all articles about how to ruin your own relationship. Jinx is trying to sabotage somebody else’s relationship. Wow, it sounds…pretty evil when she says it like that. But it’s not! Jinx only has one sister, that Caitlyn-chick can always just get a different girlfriend. 

Okay, that doesn’t make it sound any better, but she’ll raincheck that train of thought for another time. Like when she actually gives a shit.

She turns to lie on her side and looks around her room. Oh. She was going to clean and study. With a groan, she pushes herself off the bed and goes for the carton box filled with her clothing. She hasn’t finished clearing her floor, but the box is stuffed to the brim so she might as well just wash what she has at the moment.

When Jinx makes her way to the basement of the dormitory there are already other students present doing their laundry. Which isn’t an uncommon sight, but one of them looks strangely familiar. A girl with lime-colored hair and lively eyes is humming a tune and drumming her fingers against one of the washing machines while she waits for her laundry.

Jinx doesn’t even realize she’s staring until the girl whips her head in her direction. Her lips rise in a grin and she fully turns to her and says, “‘Sup, aren’t you Jinx?”

Jinx nods, curiously tilting her head because how does this girl even know her?

“I’m Zeri.” She extends her hand in greeting, but quickly drops it with a chuckle when she realizes both Jinx’s hands are full holding up the box. “You’re friends with Ekko too, right?”

Ekko? Oh, that’s why she looks so familiar. She’s seen this girl in some of his Instagram pictures.

“Yeah, me and Ekko…” Jinx trails off with a furrow of her eyebrow.  Are they even friends? More importantly, should she tell this girl they’re dating instead? Nah, it’s not– Oh wait! But consistency is key too. If she tells this girl she’s friends with Ekko now, but then tomorrow they say they’re dating, wouldn’t it be weird? Then again, what are the odds of Vi knowing that? But what if–

Ugh. Whatever. Her head hurts from thinking about it.

“We’re dating,” she finishes with a grin. There, better safe than sorry. Worst comes to worst they just say they broke up after the blind date. Easy peasy!

Zeri’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Wait, what?!” She gets up in Jinx’s personal space, resting her hands on her shoulders and bouncing up and down with a grin. “No way! Congrats!”

Jinx blinks at her overenthusiastic reaction. Wow, Zeri’s more excited about this than she is…Then again what should Jinx be excited about? It’s not even a real relationship.

“I can’t believe that jerk, though.” She lets go of Jinx again and places her hands on her hips with a huff. “He didn’t even tell me! I thought I’d be the first to know too.” With a pout, she looks to Jinx for answers.

Jinx shrugs. She’s just making this all up as she goes, but this Zeri-chick doesn’t need to know that. “Well, ya know,” she awkwardly chuckles, “it’s a recent thing and it’s not super serious either so…”

Zeri looks befuddled at that before snorting, “Not super serious? Is that what he said? What a loser,” she sighs, shaking her head in amusement. “Well, if you say so.” She reaches into her back pocket and grabs her cellphone, shaking it in front of Jinx’s face. “We should totally talk more, though! I want to know how this even happened. What’s your number?”

Well, fuck it. Jinx made her bed, might as well lie in it. She gives Zeri her number. After Zeri sends her a text – and the vibration in her pocket confirms that she received it – Zeri grabs her own, now clean laundry and waves Jinx goodbye.

Zeri is. 

Bouncy. 

Yep, bouncy, that’s the perfect word to describe her. Jinx finds she doesn’t really mind, it’s better than slow and boring people. How the hell did Ekko befriend someone like this, though? 

Oh right, she should probably tell him one of his friends thinks they’re dating now.

She stuffs her clothes into an empty washing machine, tosses in a cup of detergent, and prays none of her stuff will become discolored as she turns it on. Hey, it’s never gone wrong in the past. Should work out this time too, right? At least she took out the white things. Not that she owns a whole lot of white clothes, to begin with.

Jinx slides to the floor, waiting on her laundry while reaching for her phone so she can text Ekko again.

You

so like

funny story

what if

hypothetically

theoretically 

or even metaphorically

He types up a response before she even gets to her point.

eggo

You know you can do this crazy thing called sending 1 text instead of blowing up my phone

You

no fuck u

anyway

as i was saying

what if

i maybesorta told one fo ur friend that were datign haha

Ekko doesn’t respond for a minute. A minute turns into two and it’s agonizing. Jinx’s eyes are glued to the screen and her heart is hammering in her chest. Crap, he’s not actually pissed, right?

You

okok sry she gave me her number so

i can just text and say i was joking lmao promise

dont be mad at me

im 2 cute for that 

eggo

Nah I’m not mad

She lets out a sigh of relief. But then Ekko types. And stops typing. And begins typing again. Well, he said he’s not mad so what’s the big idea?

eggo

Not cus of the cute thing tho 😒 youre very annoying 

She feels the corners of her mouth rise at his response. Wow, petty much? Way to get a girl all worked up again over such a boring reply.

You

well jokes on u

im annoying AND super cute u h8er 🔫

anyway

the date is tmrw remember?

so like we should like meetup 15min earlier tmrw

like on campus i mean

eggo

Aight what for tho?

You

you’ll see 🥰

eggo

😐

"You said it was just one date," is the first thing Ekko says the next day as she clasps one of his hands in her own and puts a water bottle in the other, "and why are you giving me water?"

Jinx already knows his hands are big, but feeling it is different. His hand practically engulfs her own. And it’s warm and sturdy and a little calloused and–

She needs to stop thinking about his stupid hands.

"I never said it was just one date. I said you didn't have to do anything during the date." Ekko scowls at her technicality but it's still true. "And the water bottle is for you. You looked all warm and dried up the other day because of this heat. You're welcome!" Somehow, his scowl gets even deeper at her observation. Wow, ungrateful much?

"I still don't understand why we have to do all this...stuff." Ekko swings their entwined hands forward for emphasis.

"Because," it's pretty fun so Jinx continues to swing their hands back-and-forth as they walk. "Cretin also attends this college, unfortunately enough. So isn't it weird if she sees us on campus and we don't even look like we're dating?"

"Why do we need to look like we're dating?" he asks, exasperated. "Maybe I just don't like PDA."

"Well, maybe I do like PDA,” she complains. “Wouldn't you do it for me?"

"...This is stupid," Ekko grumbles while Jinx shoots him a victorious grin. "How long do we have to walk around like this anyway? We can't work on our robotic arm while holding hands." 

"First of all, we totally could. Don't be such a non-believer," Jinx idly intertwines their fingers while trying very hard not to think about how big Ekko's hands are again. "And Candy studies Criminal Justice plus she's a senior, so we got to walk around some more to make sure she sees us on campus."

"For someone whose name you can't remember, you sure know a lot about her," Ekko teases.

Without missing a beat Jinx rebukes, "You need to know your opponent to execute the perfect plan of approach." 

"And what's your perfect plan of approach besides crashing their date?"

She shrugs. "Dunno yet, I'm improvising that part." Ekko snorts in response, making Jinx bump her arm into his shoulder in retaliation. "What? Being adaptable is also important!"

"If you say so..." 

Jinx tries to act affronted at his insincere admission, but then she looks back at Ekko and sees him grinning at her and finds it hard to keep the corners of her own mouth from rising.

"Ekko?"

He and Jinx both turn their heads at the call of his name. A dark-haired guy curiously stares at them. He looks kind of familiar, probably another one of Ekko's friends.

Ekko nods at him in greeting. "Scar, what's up man?"

Oh right, his name is Scar. Jinx is pretty sure they’re all in the same Engineering Mechanics class. Not that they ever really speak. She knows what people think about her. That she's too crazy, too volatile, too...much. Which is probably why Heimerdinger partners her up with Ekko all the time. Who else would put up with her?

Scar's eyes flicker to Ekko, then Jinx, and eventually to their entwined hands. "So...you and Jinx?" 

"What about it?" Jinx challenges. She tries to sound casual about it, curious even. But it comes out with more bite than she intends it to.

Ekko subtly puts himself between her and Scar. She's not entirely sure whether it's to protect her or his friend. Still, his voice is surprisingly steady when he confirms, "Yeah, we are." 

Scar squints at them and Jinx is prepared for him to raise all her hackles with whatever insult he's about to throw her way when he snorts, "Well, about time. Congrats man."

She...wasn't expecting that reaction. From this angle, Jinx can see Ekko's shoulders stiffen as he chokes out a response. "Uh. Yeah. Thanks."

Ekko and Scar continue to catch up while she's determined to bore a hole into the back of Ekko's head as she continues to stare at him. Because what was with that response? Do they talk about her?

"See you around, Ekko." Scar waves him goodbye as he walks off.

"Yeah, you too!"

Ekko turns back to Jinx as she continues to stare him down. For a moment they do nothing but hold each other's gaze. Admittedly, it's pretty awkward. 

Jinx knows that she's trying to assert her dominance, but why the hell is Ekko just staring at her too? She needs him to break first so she can properly grill him. As she continues to look at him without saying anything, Ekko seems to become more and more agitated.

"...What?" he eventually blurts. Oh thank god, her eyes were getting super dry from looking at him that long without blinking.

"About time?" she quotes Scar, curiously raising an eyebrow at Ekko.

"He's just crazy. Don't mind him." He refuses to meet her eye as he says it. It's suspicious and Jinx is determined to find out what exactly they talk about when it comes to her.

"Why are you being so cagey? Just tell me what that was about!" she urges while Ekko attempts to open his water bottle. Seemingly forgetting his other hand is occupied holding hers, he ends up raising both their hands.

"Do you mind?" Ekko looks at her as Jinx is still holding onto his hand. Instead of letting go, she uses her own free hand to unscrew the bottle cap.

"There, teamwork!" She flashes him a winning smile accompanied by a thumbs-up.

He turns away his head to take a sip of his water, but not fast enough for her to miss the way his lips quirk upwards. She's not entirely sure what he's smiling about, but she's not done with him yet.

"Come on Ekkoooo, just tell me!" Jinx whines while he's determined to ignore her antics and keep walking. Since they're still holding hands, he's essentially dragging her along like a bag of potatoes.

Ekko rolls his eyes and abruptly stops. Nearly causing her to stumble into him as he turns to her again. "What do you want me to say? I told you it's nothing! I guess Scar just noticed we talk sometimes."

"And that's all?" Jinx doesn't try to hide the skepticism in her tone.

"That's all!"

Jinx stares at him entirely unimpressed. "I don't believe you at all."

"Then don't.” Ekko shrugs. “Can't make anything more of it."

Jinx clicks her tongue. "Whatever, so boring…And Ekko?"

"Yeah?"

"You seriously need to drink more water in this weather. You look hot." He abruptly starts walking again, dragging Jinx along with him once more. 

"Isn't this enough walking around campus to show people we're dating now? Let's just head to the workshop."

"Let's hope for your sake the air-conditioning's on," she snickers while Ekko seems determined to ignore her helpful commentary.

They eventually reach and enter the workshop, with plenty of curious glances snuck being their way too. Jinx and Ekko being there is no uncommon sight. Even if they aren't there to work on assignments, they often use the facilities for personal projects and to swap ideas. Still, it must be pretty weird to others for them to suddenly walk in holding hands.

Dustin turns to them, definitely high if his bloodshot eyes – and the fact that Jinx has only seen him sober on two occasions – are anything to go off. 

“Jinx!” He waves at her and asks the question that's most likely on everyone's mind. "You’re dating this guy?"

"Yup," Jinx says while she and Ekko take their place at an empty workbench.

Dustin makes a considerate noise and eyes them for a moment longer before he sagely nods and says, “Makes sense, he’s your type.”

She nearly drops the screwdriver she reached for at his assessment. “Ugh, shut up!” Jinx hisses, aware of the way her face is warming up while Ekko smugly grins beside her.

With a scowl, Jinx decides to ignore Dustin and his unnecessary commentary. Not like he has the attention span to hold a conversation anyway.

"So I'm your type?" Ekko says, his tone entirely too self-satisfied for her liking.

She scoffs. "Don't take it seriously from Dustin, he's high as a kite."

Her reply doesn’t dissuade him. “Really now?”

“Yup.” She squints at him. “Ya know, like how Scar is just crazy?”

She hums to herself in satisfaction at the following silence. That’s what she fucking thought. Ekko wisely doesn’t attempt any more wisecracks on the topic, and instead, they work in comfortable silence as they set up their hardware equipment. 

Jinx quietly hums in satisfaction to herself as they work. Despite the…awkwardness of going around telling everyone they’re dating, at least her plan is smooth sailing so far! Who would've thought people would actually buy it? 

"I'll work on the motors for the receiver,” Ekko says, distracting Jinx from her train of thought. “You got the accelerometer handled?" 

"You know I do, it's child's play. More importantly, let's talk glove designs!"

He raises an eyebrow at her. "Glove designs?"

"Well yeah, how are we going to make a robotic arm with hand-motion controls if the glove that holds the transmitter looks dumb?" 

He laughs, "Okay, I hear you. So what were you thinking about?"

Jinx storms through the myriad of fun and colorful design ideas she has as they continue working. She jumps from one idea to the other with little to no logical connection, sometimes even forgetting words in her rush to get her ideas out into the world as fast as possible. 

Still, Ekko patiently listens to all of it while mostly humming in agreement, occasionally interjecting with his own suggestions. 

Working on projects is one of Jinx's favorite things to do in the entire world. And she’s not too proud to admit that working with Ekko is fun. He can keep up with her, and even slows her down when she gets ahead of herself. Not that she’ll ever tell him that. No need to inflate his oversized ego anymore.

Time flies by, and sure enough, it’s time for them to head to the diner. Alright, it’s showtime. Her heart is racing and she’s not entirely sure if it’s because of the nerves of seeing her sister again or the excitement of finally setting her plan into motion. 

Jinx has this in the fucking bag. How great could Vi’s dumb, rich (she googled her too and found out the Kirammans are some old money, political family, gross) girlfriend even be? 

And, aside from mundane commentary that she chooses to ignore, Mylo and Claggor haven’t even bothered her that much.  Everything is going her way today!

“You ready for our date?” Jinx grins at Ekko, practically vibrating from excitement.

He raises an eyebrow at her as he keeps packing his bag, but she can see the amusement in his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.” He slings his backpack over his shoulder. “I’m ready whenever you are.”

She grabs his hand and practically drags him out of the workshop. Clearly startled, he only stumbles for a moment before matching her pace, even as there’s a bounce in her step while they head for the diner.

“Okay,” she starts, a conspiratorial glint in her eyes, “we need to match up our backstory. Any ideas?”

He frowns in confusion. “What backstory?”

“How we started dating, duh.” Jinx rolls her eyes. 

Sheesh, could it be any more obvious? Has he never been in a fake relationship before– Actually, she hasn’t been either? Okay, maybe this is a pretty weird situation but still! Ekko agreed to do this so he better keep up.

“We met in class,” he shrugs.

Jinx thinks her offended gasp speaks for itself, but she still says, “Abso-fucking-lutely not. Denied.”

He looks genuinely confused. “That’s what happened, though? It’s not too crazy if we just hit off and started dating.”

“Don’t be so boring, Ekko,” she complains. “You have to be grand and romantic! Oh, how about this? A pit bull on the loose chased you around campus. While you were terrified and shaking in your sneakers, I distracted and chased off the mean, scary dog. You fell head-over-heels in love with me and then begged me to date you until I finally agreed!”

One look truly is worth a thousand words because Ekko’s unimpressed expression tells her exactly how he feels about this backstory.

She clicks her tongue and relents, “Okay, fine. We’ll go with your boring backstory then.”

“You mean my realistic backstory.”

“Same difference.”

He doesn’t respond after that, the exasperation clear on his face, making her cackle in delight.

With this out of the way, Jinx lets her mind wander. She’s definitely excited to set her plan into motion, but it’s undeniable that Jinx is nervous too. That’s so lame of her, she needs to get over it. 

Vi came back and claimed it was for her, that she never wanted to leave in the first place. She’s not sure if she believes that yet. But even if she does, will Vi stay? If she’s too busy with her girlfriend, she’ll definitely forget all about Jinx. Especially because she can be…exhausting. Jinx knows she’s a handful.

Maybe Silco is right and they can’t trust anyone aside from each other. But maybe, just maybe, things can be the way they used to be and she and Vi can be sisters again. Jinx doesn’t know and she’s both terrified and desperate to find out.

"You good?" Ekko asks, startling her from her thoughts. 

"Yeah," she answers a little too quickly for it to come across as casual, so she tries to laugh it off. "Obviously I'm good, we're about to ruin Vi's date with her stupid girlfriend! It's going to be awesome!" 

If the way he frowns at her is anything to go off, he doesn't believe her. "If you say so. I still think this is a bad idea, though."

"It'll be fine! Now let's get this show on the road!" she assures, grabbing his hand and dragging him along.

Jinx is full of nervous energy as she and Ekko stand in front of the diner. They're twenty minutes too early because of her. Which is uncharacteristic of Jinx, and anyone who knows her also knows she's barely on time for anything. Let alone early.

Still, it's not a big deal. If Vi and her (horrible choice of a) girlfriend ask, then she and Ekko also just got there. It's totally going to be fine!

“Was showing up way too early also a part of your genius plan?” Ekko asks.

“Everything is a part of my genius plan.” A beat of silence. “Also, I have really bad time management skills.” 

Ekko laughs at her honest response and time passes with surprising quickness as they use the surplus of time for idle chatter. Jinx perks up when after fifteen minutes she sees her sister – accompanied by the bane of her existence – head their way. 

"Hey, you're already here!" Vi's face lights up after spotting her. "Sorry, did we make you wait long?"

"Nope, we just got here too," Jinx says at the same time as Ekko responds, "It's cool, we came way too early."

She narrows her eyes at him and he just shrugs in response.

Vi looks at him in bewilderment, as if she only just registered his presence. "Ekko?!"

She moves towards them and crushes him in her arms. Jinx awkwardly steps aside just as Ekko tentatively returns her embrace.

"I've missed you, little man," she hears Vi whisper, her voice surprisingly tender.

Ekko puts some distance between them so he can shoot her a watery smile as he says, "Me too. It's great to see you, Vi."

She…wasn’t expecting them to be so sappy. But maybe she should have. Jinx and Ekko don’t talk much about their childhood, it’s not something she wants to talk about either. But Vi was as much a part of his as she was of her own. She feels guilt gnaw at the bottom of her stomach, but wills the uncomfortable feeling away so she can focus on the situation at hand.

Vi’s girlfriend is smiling at her. Gross.

"I don't believe we've met before," she says in her prissy British accent. Because of course she has a prissy British accent. 

Caitlyn proceeds to extend her hand and Jinx stares daggers at it. Alright, the operation's set to go. How is Jinx going to make Vi realize she doesn't need to be dating this…person?

"I'm Caitlyn Kiramann, it's nice to make your acquaintance," she says, blissfully unaware of the current inner workings of Jinx's mind.

She grins and clasps Caitlyn’s hand much harder than necessary. "I know who you are, Cady."

Dumbfounded, her eyes dart down to the iron grip Jinx currently has on her hand. Her smile strains, but she carries on, "It's…Caitlyn. You must be Powder, right?"

Jinx tenses and drops Caitlyn’s hand as if burned. "It's Jinx."

“Oh,” Caitlyn frowns, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean–”

“Whatever,” Jinx scoffs. She doesn’t give a shit about some Tory’s apology.

"I see you two are making nice," Vi intervenes, breaking the tension between them. "Pow, Ekko. This is my girlfriend, Caitlyn." Vi wraps an arm around Caitlyn's waist and gives her a sickeningly sweet smile that makes Jinx feel like gagging.

Then she smirks at Jinx and eyes her and Ekko. Oh. Right. "So, are you going to introduce us to your boyfriend?"

"You already know Ekko.” She grabs onto his hand, pulling him towards her. “And, uh, well. He's my...boyfriend." Dammit, the delivery was way too awkward. She’s still unnerved by Caitlyn of all people having the nerve to call her Powder. 

Also, pretending they’re dating in front of Vi is way more embarrassing than doing it in front of some random college students. It’s not like random college students teased the two of them as kids about sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G. 

"I can't believe it. Your boyfriend is Ekko?” Vi laughs in disbelief. “How sweet to see your puppy love blossom!"

"Haha, very funny, Vi." His voice is steady but Jinx can see the way the tips of his ears faintly warm up. Well, at least it’s embarrassing for both of them. "But yeah, we're dating now." 

Vi smiles fondly at them, before holding open the door to the diner. "And you're going to tell me exactly how it happened because I'm dying to find out."

Alright, it’s game time! They're (fake) dating. They're on a double date. A double date where she's going to kick Vi's girlfriend to the curb. Jinx totally has this in the bag.

...Alright so she hasn't figured out how she has this in the bag yet. But like. Eventually, she'll figure it out. Improvisation is her greatest strength for a reason!

They make their way to a free booth, Vi and Caitlyn sit beside each other while waiting for the two of them to do the same on the opposite bench. They both eye the seat beside the window, Jinx eagerly pushing Ekko aside so she can take it while he scowls at her.

"Very mature," he deadpans, begrudgingly taking his seat beside her.

She sticks out her tongue at him. "What? Never heard of ladies first?"

"Yeah, ladies first. Not gremlins."

She gasps mock-offended and smacks his arm while he snickers. Eventually, Jinx can't keep up the charade either and bursts into laughter.

"You guys are so cute!" Vi coos, abruptly making Jinx and Ekko stop.

Jinx clears her throat and grabs for the menu. "Uh, yeah. We are, I guess. You know what we aren't though? Ordering food. And we should be!"

Vi lowers the menu on the table, making it so that she and Ekko have no choice but to face her. "Not so fast you two. I still want to know how this happened." She points at both of them for emphasis.

“Yeah, well what about you two?” Jinx shoots back. If she finds out what their backstory is then she can poke holes in it.

“Don’t try to distract me now,” Vi snorts. “I have older sister privileges here.”

Caitlyn puts a hand on Vi's shoulder. "Give them a break Vi, there's plenty of time to interrogate them after we've ordered."

Vi lets out a defeated sigh before smiling at Caitlyn. "I guess you're right, Cupcake. I'll let these rascals off the hook for now." 

Caitlyn fondly rolls her eyes at Vi and calls for a waitress to have their order taken. 

After recovering from the horror that is hearing her sister call her girlfriend Cupcake, Jinx shoots Ekko a disbelieving look. He just shrugs, apparently unbothered by the disgusting pet name. 

God, is that just normal couple behavior? Jinx has never unironically given anyone a pet name. Is she supposed to call Ekko by one too? A shudder runs through her at the thought. Absolutely not, it’s just not right.

The waitress comes their way, but puzzlingly enough, upon spotting them she looks surprised before promptly disappearing into the kitchen. Soon enough, she exits again with the cook in tow and her reaction immediately makes sense to Jinx. They knew that cook, after all.

"Sonuvabitch, I can't believe it!" The cook bellows as he heads for their booth, he's as loud and large as Jinx remembers him. Though maybe more wrinkly.

Vi stands from her seat, a smile lighting up her face upon spotting their old acquaintance. "Jericho! You still run this joint?"

"You bet I do! Are you still getting into trouble, kiddo?"

“Nah, I’m turning a new leaf. Promise I won’t even dine and dash anymore!” Vi jokes.

“Glad to hear it!” Jericho heartily laughs. “Tell you what, this one’s on the house. Haven’t seen you kids in ages.”

Vi lets out a startled laugh and shakes her head. “No way, I still owe you a lot of money for all those meals. I should at least pay for it now.”

He pats her shoulder. “Don’t worry about it, kid. I’m just glad you came back in one piece.” He gives her a regretful smile. “I’m sure Vander would be too.”

“Yeah,” her smile strains for a moment, and Jinx can’t help but uncomfortably squirm in her seat, “I appreciate it, Jericho. Thanks.”

"And look at the two of you!" Ekko and Jinx's heads snap up at his enthusiastic holler. "I can’t believe how large you've both gotten."

Ekko stands to greet Jericho and Jinx follows his lead. He smiles at Jericho. "Meanwhile you haven't changed a bit, it's good to see you're still around."

"Yep, everything is the same except for your wrinkles," Jinx helpfully supplies, making Ekko nudge her side with his elbow. "Hey!"

Jericho laughs in response. "Well, you got me there!"

"You'll never believe this, Jericho," Vi starts as she sits back down beside Caitlyn, "those two are dating!"

He turns back at them in disbelief. "No way! You're dating now?" After some consideration, he laughs. "Well, you were always attached by the hip as youngins, I guess this was inevitable. Congrats!"

Jesus, why does everyone say that?! Maybe she should be grateful that everyone is believing them with surprising ease. Alas, she’s too busy contemplating flinging herself off a bridge in mortification.

"Uh, thanks," Ekko awkwardly responds. Despite all the reactions they've already gotten for their alleged relationship, this one is the most mortifying of them all.

"And the lass beside you?" Jericho nods his head towards Caitlyn, while Jinx and Ekko hurriedly sit back down and pretend they're not embarrassed by his assessment of their relationship.

Vi slings an arm over her shoulder and smiles. "This is my girlfriend, Caitlyn."

Caitlyn politely smiles at Jericho. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

Jericho sends back a smile as big and toothy as ever. "Right back at you, missy. I hope this troublemaker isn't giving you too much of a headache."

She laughs while Vi makes an offended sound. "Nothing I can't handle, I assure you. Thank you."

He sighs and looks at them all fondly. "Well, I best get out of your hair now and actually cook the damn food, but I'm happy to see you all together again."

Vi shoots him a final smile. "It was great to see you too, Jericho. We'll be sure to drop by more often."

"An old friend?" Caitlyn inquires after Jericho's made his way back to the kitchen. 

Vi nods. "We used to come here all the time when we were younger. Family dinners." Then she grins back at Jinx and Ekko. "Ekko would come too, then again he's basically family too." Ekko smiles back at her and it’s almost sweet until Vi’s grin turns into a smirk and she continues, “And maybe he actually will be one of these days.” 

“God, can you stop embarrassing me for one second?” Jinx groans.

“Nope, I’m legally obligated to embarrass you.” 

“Your presence embarrasses me enough, you don’t have to make it worse.”

Vi gasps in disbelief. Jinx freezes. Shit, maybe that was too much. Too harsh. Too…Jinx. But then Vi’s gasp turns into a laugh and the tension leaves her body. 

“Can you believe this, Cupcake?” Vi puts a hand to her chest as if wounded. “They grow up so fast and so mean.”

Caitlyn pats her shoulder and comments, “I’m sure they learned from the best.”

“You calling me mean?”

“I never said anything of the sort.”

The waitress comes back with their drinks, briefly interrupting their conversation. And an idea hatches in Jinx’s head at their disgusting banter. 

“I think she did call you mean, Vi,” she interjects. “Pretty problematic thing to say to your girlfriend. Don’t you think so, Ekko?”

“Please leave me out of this,” he says, taking a sip of his drink. She glares at him, unhelpful fuck.

Vi just looks amused at her observation, however. “Didn’t Ekko just call you a gremlin?”

“Ignore it, that’s just his…pet name for me.”

Ekko chokes on his soda beside her, and Vi and Caitlyn similarly burst out into laughter. Goddammit, so any hopes of that plan succeeding are dashed. Disappointed, Jinx focuses on her own drink instead.

After recovering from his coughing fit, Ekko takes note of her drink and makes a face at her. “You still drink Mountain Dew?”

“Yep,” she rolls her eyes at his assessment, “and you still have terrible taste?”

“Hating Mountain Dew doesn’t mean I have terrible taste, it means I love myself.”

“Keep telling yourself that while I have a good time knowing my taste in drinks is superior.”

He scoffs but doesn’t rebuff, Jinx notices Vi’s eyes on them and curiously raises an eyebrow at her.

"Well?" Vi eventually asks.

Jinx tilts her head in confusion. "What?"

"You know what.” Vi gives them a pointed look. “Tell me how you guys started dating! I didn't even know you still talked."

Oh, right. She totally forgot about that. Her eyes meet Ekko’s, wondering which one of them will start. Jinx would take the lead if she was allowed to use her own super romantic rescue story, but Ekko just had to ruin her fun.

“We met in class,” Ekko says, probably realizing she’s not going to start. "We both major in Mechanical Engineering and have a lot of the same classes, so we started talking again.” 

“Exactly, we spend a lot of time together because of classes and stuff,” Jinx helpfully supplies. Shit, what else should she say? “And uh, well…he’s my favorite person to spend time with, I guess? And we like being together. A lot. So we started dating.”

Vi laughs, “So that’s all it took?”

“I like him. What else should it take?” She responds like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

She can’t help but look at Ekko after she’s said it. He’s staring at her, his expression unreadable. As if snapping out of a trance, he looks away from her and turns back to Vi. “Yeah. Exactly. We…like each other. You know. Romantically.” He croaks.

Jinx feels her own face heat up at his addition. Well, the delivery was awkward but good enough?

Vi’s eyes curiously dart between the two of them, before she leans back and shrugs. “Alright then. Well, I’m happy for you guys.”

The waitress returns with their food, serving all of them a bowl of Jericho’s famous fish stew. Man, she hasn’t been here in forever but looks just as good as it did when she was a kid.

“Oh, you’ve never had this stuff before, right Cupcake?” Vi asks Caitlyn, who nods in confirmation. “I’m sure you’re going to love it. Jericho makes the best fish stew you can find in this part of town.”

Caitlyn smiles at her. “I’ll have high expectations then.”

Jinx frowns at both of them. Disgusting, their lovey-dovey mood totally ruined her appetite. “So, you going to tell me how you two met now?” 

She doesn’t really want to know. Especially not when she’s putting herself at risk of witnessing more of their gross flirting, but she needs some type of strategy to ruin this relationship and she’s running out of ideas at the moment.

“Sure, guess it’s only fair.” Vi nods. “I met Cait not too long after I got out. Some fuckers with switchblades jumped me. I had the situation under control but–”

“You were bleeding in an alley,” Caitlyn interrupts, voice full of disbelief. 

“Yeah, and I also beat four punks unconscious by my lonesome,” she retorts. “As I was saying, I had the situation under control. Suddenly Cupcake showed up and tried to help stop my bleeding. Thought I’d died and met some angel in heaven for a minute there.”

Caitlyn rolls her eyes. “Again, bleeding out in an alleyway is not having the situation under control, Vi.”

“As long as I’m not dead the situation is under control. Now let me finish, Cupcake.” Caitlyn looks like she wants to argue, but Vi carries on before she can. “So after she helped patch me up, we started talking and hit it off. She’s been a real help, wouldn’t have found her without you, Pow.”

Jinx’s eyes widen at that information. She didn’t know that. Maybe it made sense, they did attend the same university, after all. Still, the thought of Caitlyn being the one to help them reunite makes Jinx weirdly uncomfortable.

“Didn’t realize Cartilage was that helpful,” she mutters, keeping her gaze down on her food as she idly stirs it with her spoon.

 “Caitlyn is extremely helpful. She helped me score a job too. I work as a social worker now.”

Caitlyn smiles and clasps Vi’s hand. “That was all on you. You were perfect for the job, I just happened to know someone who was looking for the right person.”

“Maybe, but I wouldn’t be where I am without you.”

“Well, either way,” Ekko's voice startles Jinx, he’s been quiet while listening to Vi, “I’m glad you’re back. I missed you.”

Vi gives him a warm smile, patting his shoulder from across the table. “I missed you too, little man.” She clears her throat and grabs a loaf of bread, tearing a piece off. “Well, let’s dig in before the food gets cold.”

The rest of the date passes rather peacefully. Too peacefully. Vi and her stupid girlfriend are sickeningly in love and Jinx hasn’t figured out how to make her sister realize she should end this relationship. 

She ignores the uncomfortable feeling (that may or may not be guilt) at the realization that Caitlyn is the reason they even reunited in the first place. Dumb feelings don’t matter, Jinx has a plan and she has to see it through somehow. 

However, before she knows it the date is over and they find themselves outside of the diner saying goodbye. Dammit.

Vi steps towards her and envelops her in a hug. Vi always gives the best hugs and she melts into the warm embrace of her older sister. But then she steps back and grabs onto Caitlyn’s hand instead and the warmth she felt is instantly replaced with icy vitriol. 

“I’m so glad I got to see the both of you, but I have to head to a client soon,” Vi explains with an apologetic smile. “We should do this again some other time.”

“Yes! I totally agree!” Jinx says, ignoring the way Ekko’s gaze bores into the side of her face. “I’ll text you to set up another double date. We should definitely do this again. Soon.”

“Great! Then it’s a date,” Vi says. “Cupcake and I better get going now, can’t wait to see you guys again.”

Caitlyn smiles at both of them. “It was very nice to meet you two.”

“Sure thing, Crouton,” Jinx deadpans as they walk off, unenthusiastically waving them both goodbye.

“Another double date, huh? Guess your genius plan of approach didn’t work out.” At the sound of Ekko’s voice, she turns towards him with an impish grin.

“Yeah…so as you can see Vi and Carrot are still dating.”

“You said one date.”

Jinx groans. “Come on, Ekko! All I need is one more shot to break them up. Please?”

He looks at her with exasperation and doesn’t even bother deigning her with a response, walking back towards their campus. Unfazed, Jinx follows right after him. She’ll get him to agree eventually.

“Please?” she begs, clinging onto his arm like a koala. Huh, his bicep is pretty muscled. “Pretty please with a cherry on top?” 

He stops walking, staring her down as she continues to hold onto him like an anchor.  

“Do you work out?” Jinx blurts without thinking. Shit.

He frowns in confusion at her sudden change of subject. “Yes?”

“Ignore what I just said.” She quickly drops his arm. “Just go on another fake date with me. What do you want? Money? Stolen exam answers? I could kick someone’s ass for you– Actually, I’d do the last one for free and fun.”

He doesn’t look particularly persuaded by any of these offers, raising an unimpressed eyebrow at her before he sighs, “I’ll think about it.”

“Hell yeah!” At her success, she wraps her arms around him in a crushing hug, grinning up at him. “You won’t regret this. This time it’ll work out for sure.”

“Uh, sure thing.” He chokes out, looking anywhere other than her. Sheesh, what’s with him? Well, whatever. Either way, Ekko agreed to play along a little longer and Jinx definitely won’t screw it up again. 

After all, the second time’s the charm, right?

#timebomb #ekkojinx #ekko #jinx #arcane #writing #fanfiction #modern au #fake dating #hungry posts

[ginjointsintheworld]

Hi Gin, simple question:

Veronica or Max???

She is the villain, understood, but the fact remains that he is a bad medical director and his do-gooding and his being morally superior are pathetic.

LFAJDSLKJDLKJ damn anon, cannonballs fired 😭

if we're talking as a medical director then honestly neither of them are good medical directors because while veronica may keep the lights on, she's also tunnel vision when it comes to making the hospital profitable even at the expense of the patients. so i still have to go max because even though he'll likely drive the hospital bankrupt, as many people will be helped as possible until then because the other doctors are empowered to provide proper care. honestly if he could just like... focus on fundraising and get out of other people's way that'd be gr8.

#anon #asks

[phrootsnacks]

jjba thursday part 4: ep 25-27

I was going to go to a new club today but I got too nervous so I went home and now im having popcorn

and watching jojo's bizarre adventure

episode 25 - Heart Father

wow thats crazy that he's assuming the identity of the guy he just killed and assumed the identity of

check it out

this guy is. saiki k but if saiki k was a serial killer

this camera has some gr8 resolution for ghosts

stylish!!!!

hes a ghost. what do you mean if he doesn't... breathe... he'll die?

good job okuyasu

girl that is NOT your deadbeat husband

episode 26 - Janken Boy is Coming!

why is that child dressed like polnareff

rohan is big braining this

im coming around on rohan. he's kind of a bitch lol

wow this kid is surely something else huh

death note but stupid

actually no this exact sort of thing would happen in death note

the fucking invisible baby

yeah actually this is death note but stupid

whoa whoa whoa ok

and they lost the baby again

episode 27 - I'm an Alien

maybe its not so much stand users attract each other, as it is this one guy with an arrow who is stuck in a photograph keeps hitting people that live in the same town as him

new intro! hey what are they all pointing at

I feel so sorry for anyone in a heterosexual marriage. because what the fuck

the josuyasu bros! and theyre being so stupid! :D

so is this guy a literal alien. if so hell yeah

and are josuke and okuyasu talking to each other telepathically. wow that's so cute

this show is so. bizarre

hey I remember this trope. where josuke becomes fast friends with someone and cracks a plan where he makes money. didn't end well for the previous guy

"I'm a little nervous about this, but-- *gulp* you look good. make that great!" hey. why did josuke say this about a dice

rohan with yet another gay (complimentary) little outfit. cunt

see josuke isn't pulling this scheme with his nephew who's older than him because jotaro would see right thru it

unfortunately josuke doesn't have any tact (and neither does the alien) so rohan will probably catch on soon enough

I feel like I say this every week but I really enjoy this show. it is so silly never mind the serial killer look they found an alien and josuke is scheming! isn't that fun

#jjba thursday

[pesterloglog]

Vriska Serket, Terezi Pyrope, Roxy Lalonde, Dave Strider, Arquiusprite, Kanaya Maryam, Karkat Vantas, Tavrosprite, Jake English, Rosesprite, John Egbert, Rose Lalonde, Jaspersprite

Act 6, page 7515-7545

VRISKA: Ok every8ody, time's up!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: Wrap up your convers8tions. Our tactical meeting is officially 8ack in order!

VRISKA: Alright, has everyone shut up yet?

TEREZI: 1 TH1NK SO

VRISKA: Gr8!

VRISKA: Let's not waste another second then. I'm diving right into this.

VRISKA: Everyone pay close attention, and try to keep up!

VRISKA: I'll start 8y descri8ing the exact n8ture of the threats we're dealing with, and go from there.

VRISKA: According to intelligence gathered during our trip along with some reconnaissance work on arrival, this session has four, possi8ly five major adversaries.

VRISKA: The Condesce of course, and three Jack Noirs of varying levels of danger.

VRISKA: Plus, there's a female prospitian of equivalent power to the strongest Jack. She's sort of an x-factor.

VRISKA: It's hard to accur8tely gauge her threat level, 8ut I'm not a8out to take any chances.

VRISKA: All these threats are just outside the incipisphere, en route to the session as we speak.

VRISKA: Once they arrive, all hell will 8reak loose. That's when endgame is officially go.

VRISKA: You only have a couple hours to prepare, so you need to listen to every word I say.

VRISKA: Victory will depend on following my plan to the letter!

ROXY: so.....

ROXY: wheres the condesce right now?

VRISKA: She's on Derse, preparing for the same critical convergence herself.

VRISKA: After our little prison raid caught her completely off guard, costing her some hostages and key points of leverage, we've essentially reached a temporary ceasefire 8y default while 8oth sides regroup.

VRISKA: This is not how she expected things would go.

VRISKA: We had the advantage of surprise that time, 8ut we won't 8e so lucky next time.

VRISKA: She's w8ting for the Jacks to get here just like we are.

VRISKA: Once they do, she'll instantly have the upper hand, and she knows this.

VRISKA: Her particular com8ination of a8ilities along with her supervillain-like cunning make her an EXTREMELY DANGEROUS part of this equation!

VRISKA: That's why we need a good strategy in place 8efore the shit hits the 8reeze 8lender.

DAVE: so in addition for waiting for way too many jacks to get here

DAVE: were also waiting for my bro too right

DAVE: who... gets here at the same time or...

VRISKA: Yes, the other Strider was 8anished to the periphery as well, and is in transit.

VRISKA: He'll arrive at the same time, give or take, and should 8e a gr8 tactical asset.

VRISKA: Sources tell me the dude is pretty good with a sword.

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> That's me

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I'm the source

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I told her that, and it's true

VRISKA: Yes, thank you Arquius.

KANAYA: This Is Starting To Sound A Bit Complicated

KANAYA: How Are We Supposed To Keep Track Of All These Villains And Heroes Coming And Going When And Where

VRISKA: You're right, Kanaya.

VRISKA: At this point in the meeting, I think we could use some diagrams to help with the 8attleplans.

VRISKA: Karkat?

VRISKA: If you wouldn't mind.

KARKAT: I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHY YOU PUT ME ON DRAWING DUTY.

KARKAT: I'M EASILY THE WORST ARTIST HERE.

KARKAT: AND IN A SETTING THAT INCLUDES DAVE, LET'S GET REAL. THAT'S NO SMALL FEAT.

VRISKA: I specifically assigned you to diagramming duty so that it would keep you occupied.

VRISKA: That way, you'd stand a chance of keeping your mouth shut while I talk strategy.

KARKAT: THAT'S WORKED OUT GREAT SO FAR, HASN'T IT?

KARKAT: WE'VE LOST HOW MANY STRATEGY-SECONDS TO ME COMPLAINING ABOUT DRAWING ALREADY??

VRISKA: Sure, 8ut I know that drawing requires a lot of concentr8tion from you.

VRISKA: Once you're in the zone, I expect you'll simmer down.

KARKAT: WOW, FUCK YOU!

KARKAT: YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT, BUT FUCK YOU NEVERTHELESS!

KARKAT: WHERE THE SHIT IS MY ART PENCIL. I HAVE SOME DRAWING TO DO.

VRISKA: Let's run down the threat list, with a full de8riefing on each threat.

VRISKA: We'll start with the 8ig fish herself, the former empress of our world, Her Imperious Condescension.

VRISKA: The only reason we've 8een a8le to temporarily neutralize her stranglehold on this session is 8y taking two major pieces away from her, Harley and Crocker.

VRISKA: Rest assured, she's already scheming to reassert her dominance, and if it weren't for my intervention here, I'd 8et everything I had on the sea witch.

VRISKA: She's spent centuries upgrading her a8ilities which now include 8OTH kinds of telekinesis. The simpler variety more common to rust 8loods, and the nasty kind which sometimes yellow 8looded mutants have involving all the fucking eye lasers and shit.

VRISKA: If that weren't enough, she has a mix of telepathic a8ilities too, like mine, plus the animal communion kind more typical of 8rown 8loods.

TAVROSPRITE: lIKE ME!

VRISKA: Yes Tavros, like you.

VRISKA: This means she can hijack animals AND trolls, assuming they aren't particularly resistant to influence, like me o8viously.

VRISKA: Humans I'm guessing are still off limits to her influence, unless they've got some animal 8lood in them, which is what makes Jade such a dangerous element here.

VRISKA: One of the mission critical priorities is to make sure she stays asleep. If she ever wakes up, and the Condesce takes control again, that's pro8a8ly game over for you guys.

VRISKA: Jade's first guardian a8ilities make her too much to deal with on top of everything else.

VRISKA: It's also possi8le that the Condesce may have some sway over the prospitian and one of the Jacks 8ecause of their part-dog n8ture too.

VRISKA: It's hard to say what their level of resistance is, so I really can't 8e sure.

VRISKA: Strategically, it's 8est to err on the safe side though, and presume this could 8e an issue.

VRISKA: This is why taking on the Condesce has to 8e a HUGE PRIORITY!

VRISKA: Ideally, you should 8e trying to kill or disa8le her as quickly as possi8le.

VRISKA: 8ut if that's easier said than done, then what you need to do is keep her OCCUPIED!

VRISKA: Throw everything you have at her. Whatever crazy powers you've got.

VRISKA: Just keep her 8usy!

VRISKA: Distracted enough 8y a 8unch of pesky kids so she won't have time to get clever with her powers.

VRISKA: This is the 8est defense against the off-chance she might 8e a8le to sway the dog Jack and prospitian, AND a failsafe in case Jade wakes up for whatever reason.

VRISKA: When it comes to killing her, I don't have much to advise.

VRISKA: There's no intel on her weaknesses or anything like that. In fact, I'd 8et she doesnt have any.

VRISKA: Like any powerful endgame 8oss, you just have to keep hammering away at her until she's dead.

VRISKA: Nuff said!

VRISKA: This 8rings us to the Jacks.

VRISKA: To differenti8, I'll give them nicknames.

VRISKA: There's Dog Jack, Lord Jack, and Ro8o Jack.

VRISKA: Let's talk a8out them in order of threat level.

VRISKA: Karkat, I'm going to need another shitty drawing.

VRISKA: This time, of Dog Jack and his prospitian counterpart, please.

VRISKA: Ah yes. I see you are intent on 8eing a wiggler a8out this, as we have all come to expect.

VRISKA: Whatever, I've 8een working within the confines of everyone's stupid limit8tions already, so I might as well work around yours as well.

VRISKA: There, perfect.

VRISKA: Dog Jack is easily the most powerful adversary of the 8unch, in terms of pure physical capa8ility.

VRISKA: The Condesce has the edge in guile and flexi8ility, and Lord Jack has a ton of offensive power too...

VRISKA: 8ut there's nothing quite like the first guardian a8ilities to give someone an overwhelming tactical advantage.

VRISKA: The a8ility to teleport anywhere in the session any time, or ANYONE anywhere any time, while having access to an inexhausti8le power supply from the green sun really makes it no contest, even against an otherwise awesome com8atant.

VRISKA: If it were just him you had to deal with, I wouldn't like your odds, honestly.

VRISKA: 8ut luckily for us, there's a major factor here which should mostly neutralize him during this huge melee, which is the prospitian.

VRISKA: Power-wise, she's a precisely even match for him.

VRISKA: And 8etter yet, she apparently can't stand the guy.

VRISKA: I still don't know what her real motives are, 8ut you know what they say. Enemy of my enemy and all.

VRISKA: So I say let her have at him, and if the opportunity presents itself, help her defeat him.

VRISKA: I will also give this 8it of advice.

VRISKA: If Jade ever wakes up, AND THE CONDESCE IS SUFFICIENTLY PREOCCUPIED, make sure Jade goes nowhere near the Condesce, and sic her on Dog Jack.

VRISKA: She's the only one here who's a8ilities are on par with his, so that's where they're 8est applied.

VRISKA: Got it? Good.

VRISKA: Next, Lord Jack.

VRISKA: Karkat?

KARKAT: HOW DOES THIS LOOK?

VRISKA: Gr8!

VRISKA: I think I can work with this.

VRISKA: Ah yes. Another true work of art has 8een made here today.

VRISKA: Anyway, this ugly customer you see here?

VRISKA: This is the Jack n8tive to the session we're in now.

VRISKA: Somehow he got possessed 8y, or like, INFUSED with...? Lord English's crazy, ridiculously destructive magical energy.

VRISKA: I have no idea why or how this happened, how it's theoretically even possi8le, or why we should actually care.

VRISKA: The fact of the matter is, it happened, and now we have to deal with this hideous rain8ow-eyed monstrosity.

VRISKA: Given what I have learned a8out Lord English's a8ilities, this will make his attacks quite lethal, and he will 8e EXTREMELY difficult to kill.

VRISKA: In fact, that fucking rain8ow energy might just give him the highest constitution ranking of any adversary, possi8ly making him the toughest one here to actually kill off.

VRISKA: The only reason he's not at Dog Tier threat level is 8ecause, for all his power, at least it's localized to wherever he happens to 8e.

VRISKA: He's a8out as slow as any of us lowly non-omnipotents.

VRISKA: He's not quite as relevant to keep occupied, or even to defeat, as the Condesce herself.

VRISKA: 8ut he's still going to 8e HUGE TROU8LE when he gets here.

VRISKA: You're going to need to stick some really good fighters on him.

VRISKA: My advice is also to SERIOUSLY prepare for casualties during that fight.

VRISKA: As the group's chief healer, Jane is going to need rapid access to the multiple fronts of this 8attle.

VRISKA: More on that l8ter.

VRISKA: That 8rings us to Ro8o Jack.

VRISKA: He's the Jack origin8ting from our session.

VRISKA: Remem8er him, Karkat?

VRISKA: We hatched a plan with him to take down the 8lack queen. Seems like so long ago, doesn't it?

VRISKA: Now apparently he's got some cy8ernetic upgrades?

VRISKA: Who the fuck knows how that happened, or for that matter, why or how he's on his way here now.

VRISKA: My mind 8oggles trying to even picture the amount of stupid shit he's 8een through 8etween now and when we knew him.

VRISKA: Put this on the ever lengthening list of gar8age that doesn't matter and no8ody cares a8out.

VRISKA: The fact is, we have no idea what his affili8tions are at this point, 8ut like I'm always saying...

VRISKA: 8est to just plan for the worst, and assume this is just another scru8 we've gotta kill.

VRISKA: He's the lowest on the threat level, though his various enhancements and accessories may pose more of a challenge than we 8argained for.

VRISKA: He's also traveling with a juju known for its high storage capacity, so he's possi8ly packing company.

VRISKA: May8e a LOT of company...

VRISKA: I won't get into that now though.

VRISKA: You're going to need to reserve a squad for dealing with this guy and whoever he's 8rought along for the ride.

VRISKA: It's a lesser priority, so I'd recommend an ensem8le of third-stringers.

VRISKA: No offense to whoever those 8rave souls may 8e!

VRISKA: Every lamewad has their place in an epic 8attle, and everyone's effort counts.

VRISKA: Eg8ert-looking kid, I'm looking at you.

JAKE: !

VRISKA: Possi8ly you too, Tavros.

VRISKA: May8e.

TAVROSPRITE: ,!

VRISKA: That covers the overall tactical situ8tion!

VRISKA: Gr8 jo8, Karkat.

VRISKA: Really, just an all around gr8, gr8 jo8. I mean that.

KARKAT: THANK YOU.

VRISKA: Now, listen...

VRISKA: We've got to keep these 8attles spread out across the session so you all don't start tripping on each other's toes, turning this into more of a clusterfuck than it already is.

VRISKA: That means you need to st8tion teams ready to intercept the Jacks wherever they're coming from.

VRISKA: You also need to launch your lightning-strike raid on the Condesce 8efore any of them get here.

VRISKA: As for your party's healer, like I said, she'll need to 8e highly mo8ile.

VRISKA: So what you'll need to do is lay out a network of key portals and transporters so she can make the rounds, and 8e in tight communic8tion with her.

VRISKA: One of you less relevant, more mo8ile folks should get on that now.

VRISKA: See? Scatter window portals like these around the various 8attle sites.

ROXY: yo did you loot my house or something...

VRISKA: Please don't interrupt.

VRISKA: Transportalizers will work too, if you can get them all hooked up right.

VRISKA: This is definitely 8usywork, 8ut it's also really important. So we need someone competent in charge of this.

ROSESPRITE: I think I can handle that.

VRISKA: Yeah?

ROSESPRITE: Yes.

ROSESPRITE: I'm quite mobile in this new form.

ROSESPRITE: Also I think my abilities will help with forecasting the optimal network to lay out, along with helping Jane coordinate her routes during battle.

ROSESPRITE: Plus, I have to admit.

ROSESPRITE: I kind of relish the idea of being a "less relevant" party member.

ROSESPRITE: Particularly since I think it is inherently true now.

VRISKA: Ok, Rose... um. Rosesprite?

VRISKA: That's gr8. You can volunteer for that jo8 if you want.

VRISKA: 8ut let's not get ahead of ourselves!

VRISKA: We'll 8e divvying up the roles momentarily.

VRISKA: 8ut, cool. We have you down for that. Again, it's critical.

VRISKA: The whole party will need to defend Crocker's life at all costs.

VRISKA: She CAN'T get sucked into any com8at!!!

VRISKA: If she dies, you could all 8e fucked.

VRISKA: 8e sure to fill her in on the logistics whenever Arquius has finished deprogramming her.

VRISKA: Everyone got it?

VRISKA: Awesome.

VRISKA: Since that pretty thoroughly covers the full tactical situ8tion, we can move on to the real strategizing.

VRISKA: NOW we can assign com8at roles. ::::)

JOHN: vriska, wait.

VRISKA: ????????

JOHN: before you go on, i just wanted to say...

JOHN: i'm really impressed with your strategic analysis so far!

JOHN: you really seem to be all over this. i wouldn't even know where to begin figuring all this stuff out.

JOHN: anyway, i'm glad we have you back on our side!

VRISKA: Aww, thanks John!

JOHN: just thought i'd say!

JOHN: i didn't want you to go through all this stuff for us, thinking it was going unappreciated.

JOHN: anyway, please continue!

VRISKA: You got it!

VRISKA: Now it's time to divide everyone into teams.

VRISKA: Let's go down the list of foes again, and assign party mem8ers to each 8attle.

VRISKA: Once again, starting from the top...

VRISKA: The Condesce.

VRISKA: We'll need a team to raid Derse again, 8ut this time for all the mar8les.

VRISKA: And remem8er, the raid has to start 8EFORE the rest of the action, to keep her from getting the upper hand.

VRISKA: And the party has to 8e at LEAST good enough to if not defeat her, keep her 8usy for a long time.

VRISKA: So who wants a piece of the sea witch?

ROXY: ME ROSE: ME.

VRISKA: Alright, I've got two takers from the Lalonde camp.

VRISKA: We'll need more though. Who else?

JOHN: i'll go!

VRISKA: You sure, John?

JOHN: i think so.

JOHN: from what you said, it sounds like this is the most important battle.

JOHN: if we don't keep her busy, everything could get messed up.

JOHN: i think i'd be good at that! i can use all my windy powers for distractions and such.

VRISKA: Ok. You're with the Lalondes then.

VRISKA: Make it count!

KANAYA: I May As Well Go Too

KANAYA: It Would Be A Shame If The Party Defeating The Woman Who Terrorized Our Planet For Ages Had No Representation From Our Species

VRISKA: Shame or not, I'm afraid that won't work Kanaya.

KANAYA: Why Not

VRISKA: You can't join their party. Well, not yet at least.

VRISKA: There's another critical role which you specifically need to play first.

VRISKA: We can't risk losing you in 8attle until it's complete.

KANAYA: What Is It

VRISKA: I'll explain l8ter! After the teams are set.

VRISKA: Ok, let's say Team Condesce is good enough for now, with John, Rose and Roxy.

VRISKA: Next foe: Dog Jack.

VRISKA: Like I said, we're 8anking on the prospitian keeping him 8usy, so he's not an immedi8te 8attle priority.

VRISKA: We won't design8 a team for him right now.

VRISKA: 8UT, as I mentioned, in the event Jade wakes up for some reason, she should 8e reserved exclusively for this fight.

VRISKA: That means someone needs to tell her, if not in person, then some other way.

VRISKA: Perhaps leave a reminder for her. May8e tied to her finger or something. :::;)

VRISKA: Others can join the fight against him if need 8e, once their targets have 8een dealt with.

VRISKA: Until then, 8etter to let the heavy hitters keep him in check.

VRISKA: Next: Lord Jack.

VRISKA: Who wants di8s on this guy?

DAVE: i guess thats me

VRISKA: Ok, Dave.

DAVE: there are all these rumors swirling around that ive gotta beat LE anyway

DAVE: which is probably bogus but w/e

DAVE: killing this guy at least would be the next best thing right

DAVE: so maybe if i do that i could like

DAVE: put the "prophecy" to rest

VRISKA: That logic sounds reasona8le to me.

VRISKA: For what it's worth, I never 8ought into the idea that you were supposed to 8e the one to kill English anyway.

VRISKA: So that's one down. Who else?

TEREZI: OK, WHY NOT

VRISKA: You sure, Terezi?

VRISKA: You're not immortal, remem8er. And this one's going to 8e tough.

TEREZI: YOU S41D W3 N33D GOOD F1GHT3RS TO GO 4T TH1S GUY

TEREZI: 4ND 1 TH1NK 1'M PR3TTY D3C3NT

TEREZI: 4T L34ST 4T ST4BB1NG TH1NGS

TEREZI: SO 1'LL GO

TEREZI: B3S1D3S...

TEREZI: *SOM3ON3* H4S TO W1TN3SS D4V3'S H3RO1SM, 1F H3 W4NTS TO B3 L3T OFF TH3 HOOK FOR TH4T PROPH3CY >:]

VRISKA: Hey, it's your decision!

VRISKA: Anyone else?

TEREZI: WH4T 4BOUT D4V3'S BRO?

TEREZI: 1 H34RD H3'S SUPPOS3D TO B3 HOT SH1T

DAVE: um

DAVE: yeah sure

DAVE: thats fine if uh

DAVE: youre comfortable volunteering someone who isnt here for a deadly battle

DAVE: its cool if you want to do that

VRISKA: Dave, come on.

VRISKA: As if it's not extremely likely he'd seek you out upon getting here anyway.

VRISKA: Why don't we just pencil him into the team as "Pro8a8ly"?

DAVE: ...........

VRISKA: Just 8e sure to de8rief him on the whole situation when he gets here.

VRISKA: Think you can handle that, Dave?

VRISKA: Ok, gr8!

VRISKA: Which reminds me...

VRISKA: What a8out you, Arquius?

VRISKA: How do you want to fit into this?

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I haven't decided yet

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I'm going to crunch some more numbers in the vast combat matri% I just compiled now, in the microblink of a nanosecond, to deduce the optimal strategic appropriation of my assets (i.e. muscles)

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Joining Real Dave in battle is semitempting, but I do not wish to horn in on Real Dirk's shit

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Instead I would prefer to blaze my own trail, with my own hooves

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I always wanted to do something really important and heroic

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I mean, aside from all the other stuff I have done like that, which is quite a lot

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> But something quite grandiose, and perfectly unmistakable as a gesture turning the tide of fortune for all of e%istence

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> This is what I have always desired

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Well, that is to say, both halves of me once had such an ambivalent desire, which was compromised by our respective internalized confli%

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> But together, that desire is fully realized. No longer ambivalent

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Neigh, it is now fully bivalent. Perhaps even univalent

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> I would like my gesture to shock everyone

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> It must come from out of the b100, make virtually no sense, stun all involved, and have a lasting, profoundly unintelligible impact an all future and pseudofuture events

VRISKA:

ARQUIUSPRITE: 🕶️--> Does this answer your question

VRISKA: Oh!

VRISKA: Sorry, I was just temporarily mesmerized 8y your incredi8le spiel.

VRISKA: Needless to say, I a8solutely agree with your philosophy on heroic action and wanting to do something important.

VRISKA: In any case, you've earned the right to do whatever the fuck you want, just 8y dint of 8eing awesome.

VRISKA: End of story!

VRISKA: Ok, next...

VRISKA: We'll need to design8 a team for Ro8o Jack and his... entourage.

VRISKA: Alright, full disclosure. This is where things get kind of stupid.

VRISKA: Even talking a8out this guy and his crew is pro8a8ly a waste of good tactical analysis.

VRISKA: 8ut the fact is, he's going to 8e here, and you're going to have to deal with his 8ullshit.

VRISKA: I strongly recommend the dregs of your party get stuck with mop-up duty on this.

VRISKA: Really, I'm kind of laughing already. Oh man.

VRISKA: I really don't want to spoil too much fun for you guys, 8ut.

VRISKA: No, I shouldn't.

JOHN: what?

VRISKA: Ok, intelligence reports I have gathered, namely through a 8it of time hopping reconnaissance, suggests that Ro8o Jack may, I repeat MAY, 8e in transit with a 8unch of green time traveling idiots in that oven.

VRISKA: Don't quote me on that.

VRISKA: Anyway, if true, none of these 8ozos are particularly powerful.

VRISKA: They'll mainly just 8e a nuisance.

VRISKA: So who wants to deal with them? Hmmmmmmmm?

VRISKA: Hey kid.

VRISKA: Kid!

VRISKA: Yes, I'm talking to you again.

VRISKA: God damn it, what was his name again?

VRISKA: Joke?

TAVROSPRITE: vRISKA, sTOP,

TAVROSPRITE: iT'S JAPE, aND YOU KNOW IT,

VRISKA: Listen, Joke.

VRISKA: Joke! Snap OUT of it! I'm talking to you.

JAKE: Oh sorry.

VRISKA: This is a strategy session, Joke. Please stay alert.

VRISKA: Now do you think you can handle 8eing on this team?

JAKE: Um...

VRISKA: Awesome. That's the spirit.

VRISKA: This assignment should 8e right up your alley, kid.

VRISKA: Who else?

TAVROSPRITE: mE, i'LL DO IT,

VRISKA: Thanks for volunteering Tavros.

VRISKA: This fight is pretty well suited to your skillset too.

VRISKA: And you can join Joke here to help him get ready, 8ut there's one thing I need you to do 8efore the 8attle starts.

TAVROSPRITE: oH, rEALLY,

TAVROSPRITE: wHAT,

VRISKA: I'll explain to you l8ter in priv8. 8ut it's critical, and something only you can do.

TAVROSPRITE: oHHH!

TAVROSPRITE: tHAT MAKES ME, tHE FUNNY FEELINGS COMBINATION, oF SKEPTICAL, nERVOUS, aND EXCITED,

VRISKA: Good!

VRISKA: That's exactly how you should 8e feeling a8out it, trust me.

VRISKA: So anyone else want to step forward??

KARKAT: ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME NOW.

VRISKA: Come again?

KARKAT: WELL, LET'S SEE IF I'M TALLYING THIS UP RIGHT.

KARKAT: JOHN AND LALONDES ONE AND TWO ARE ON TEAM CONDESCE.

KARKAT: THE STRIDER BROS AND PYROPE ARE ON THE LORD TEAM.

KARKAT: JADE, WHEN NOT ON NAP DUTY, IS ON THE DOG TEAM, EXCLUSIVELY.

KARKAT: THE MAYOR ISN'T DOING SHIT, BECAUSE I AM *PERSONALLY* SEEING TO IT THAT NOT A SINGLE POST-APOCALYPTIC TATTER ON HIS HEAD GETS HARMED.

KARKAT: CROCKER IS ON HEALING DETAIL, AND LALONDE THREE VOLUNTEERED TO SUPPORT THAT.

KARKAT: KANAYA HAS SOME VAGUE YET TO BE EXPLAINED MISSION TO DO, AND SO DOES TAVROS.

KARKAT: AND JOKE HERE JUST GOT SHUNTED OFF TO THE PEEWEE LEAGUE.

KARKAT: SO WHO THE FUCK IS EVEN LEFT, ASIDE FROM ME???

KARKAT: AND THE FUCKING CAT I GUESS.

KARKAT: ARE YOU SURE WE SHOULDN'T PICK A ROLE FOR ROSE'S FUCKING CAT LUSUS BEFORE MOVING ON TO THE *ABSOLUTE* BOTTOM OF THE BARREL, SOMETIMES REFERRED TO AS "THE VANTAS ZONE"?

VRISKA: Oh, gr8 point Karkat!

VRISKA: Hey there, kitty.

JASPERSPRITE: MEOW!!!!!

VRISKA: What would you like to do?

JASPERSPRITE: I would like to eat some tuna fish and cuddle with either rose or roxy or both! :3

VRISKA: Awwwwwwww!

VRISKA: Ok, that can 8e your very important jo8. Don't let us down!

JASPERSPRITE: Purr purr purr. ;3

KARKAT: THANK GOD WE SORTED THAT OUT.

KARKAT: NOW THAT WE'VE ESTABLISHED THE KITTY CAT IS HEADING UP THE FISH EATING OPERATION, I THINK WE CAN SAFELY PROCEED TO THE RUNG OF STRATEGIC IMPORTANCE DIRECTLY BELOW THAT.

KARKAT: THE INFAMOUS "WHAT IS KARKAT GOING TO DO?" RUNG.

KARKAT: AND SINCE EVERYONE ELSE HAS A JOB, AND MY SKILLS ARE RELATIVELY UNIMPRESSIVE, I'LL HAVE TO SIGN UP FOR TEAM DIPSHIT TOO.

KARKAT: HELL, EVEN THE KID IN THE BANANA HAMMOCK IS A GOD TIER AT LEAST.

KARKAT: SO I GUESS THAT MEANS I'LL BE TAKING ORDERS FROM HIM? SURE WHY NOT!

KARKAT: SECOND IN COMMAND TO A THIRD RATE HERO. SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT TO ME.

VRISKA: Karkat, yes, you're a8solutely right that you 8asically suck, and that as a tactical resource you should 8e managed accordingly.

VRISKA: 8ut you aren't joining Joke's team, or doing any fighting for that matter.

VRISKA: Like Kanaya, there's another more pressing matter reserved for you.

VRISKA: In fact, it's the same as hers!

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK?

KARKAT: WHEN WERE YOU PLANNING ON TELLING ME THIS!

VRISKA: Karkat, I already alluded to this when you waltzed over, interrupted my conversation with Kanaya, and pretended you weren't flirting with me.

VRISKA: Remem8er?

KARKAT: OH. RIGHT.

KARKAT: WELL?? WHAT'S THIS "PRESSING MATTER"?

VRISKA: I'm getting to that!

VRISKA: Very soon, in fact. I just needed to get the teams squared away first.

KARKAT: OK WELL...

KARKAT: ARE THEY?!

VRISKA: Looks like it!

KARKAT: SO THAT MEANS JOKE...

KARKAT: FUCK. *JAKE* I MEAN.

KARKAT: REALLY IS A ONE MAN TEAM, DESIGNATED FOR ROBO JACK AND HIS OVEN BOZOS???

VRISKA: Apparently.

VRISKA: You ok with that, kid?

JAKE: UM................

VRISKA: You can do it.

VRISKA: Just 8elieve in yourself, or whatever the fuck.

VRISKA: When in dou8t, just remind yourself that 8attle isn't even particularly important.

VRISKA: And help could 8e on the way once some of the other 8attles start coming to some sort of resolution.

VRISKA: Just hang in there!

JAKE: O... okay.

VRISKA: Excellent!

VRISKA: That concludes the tactical planning part of this de8riefing.

VRISKA: It's all perfectly logical, right?

VRISKA: No questions or anything? Cool.

VRISKA: Really, I shudder to think what you num8skulls would 8e doing if I weren't around, like John just implied with his nice remarks.

VRISKA: He really did you all the 8iggest fucking favor in the history of time shenanigans 8y clo88ering me in the face three years ago.

VRISKA: You should all make him a gift 8asket when this is over to show your gratitude.

VRISKA: No need to thank me of course. I'm just doing my jo8 here. ::::)

VRISKA: Now!

VRISKA: Let's go over some really 8asic non-com8at endgame stuff, then we'll 8e ready to 8r8k.

VRISKA: First, a8out Kanaya and Karkat's "mission" I alluded to a minute ago. This is really important.

VRISKA: You 8oth listening??

KANAYA: Yes

KARKAT: NO.

VRISKA: Ok, well one out of two isn't 8ad. As long as Kanaya understands, that's mainly what matters, since she's the more important part of this equ8tion.

KARKAT: WOW, I'M FUCKING SHOCKED!

KARKAT: WHAT DO WE, OR, EXCUSE ME... WHAT DOES *SHE* HAVE TO DO?

VRISKA: You 8OTH have to go to Jade's planet and see Echidna.

VRISKA: Even though this session is a8out as far from "normal" as it can possi8ly get, the same 8asic rules apply.

VRISKA: Someone needs to seek an audience with her, and get her to agree to release the genesis frog.

VRISKA: Or, the tadpole that grows up to 8ecome the frog, which is the stage of development he's in at this point.

VRISKA: Remem8er, Kanaya? You had to do this on your planet, to get our frog released into Skaia.

KANAYA: Yeah

KANAYA: She Asked Me To Do Something Impossible

KANAYA: To Which I Replied

KANAYA: Thats Impossible

KANAYA: So She Ended Up Demanding That I Fight Her

KANAYA: So I Did

KANAYA: Which

KANAYA: Made Me Feel Sad

KANAYA: Id Rather Not Have To Do That Again

KANAYA: Will I Have To Do That Again

VRISKA: If that's what she wants, then yes.

KANAYA: Why Does It Have To Be Me Though

VRISKA: 8ecause SOMEONE has to!

VRISKA: Sources tell me this is the plan the Condesce had for you, 8efore we derailed all her shit.

KANAYA: You Keep Talking About All These Sources

KANAYA: Who Are All These Sources

KANAYA: Did Arquius Tell You This Too

VRISKA: No! Look, I've 8een 8usy, ok?

VRISKA: Inform8tion is everywhere if you know where to look.

VRISKA: Derse has a lot of agents on the inside who are wise to the old lady's plans.

VRISKA: Shaking the 8ushes for good intel isn't that complic8ted, it just takes a little effort!

VRISKA: Some people on this lily pad should may8e try looking into that some time.

KANAYA: If You Say So

VRISKA: Would you just can...

VRISKA: Would you just put a LID on it for a second, and listen?

VRISKA: Normally Jade would 8e the one to do this, 8ut at the time, Jade had 8ecome corrupted, so I guess Echidna wouldn't deal with her.

VRISKA: And now, Jade's asleep! Which is exactly how she needs to stay.

VRISKA: So that leaves the person Echidna requested in Jade's a8sence, which is you.

VRISKA: I am assuming 8ecause you were also a space player, so you'll 8e a8le to understand her gar8led nonsense language.

VRISKA: 8ut that's not all there is to it. She also requested you 8ring Karkat.

KARKAT: UGH.

KARKAT: WHY THE HELL WOULD SHE WANT TO SEE ME?

VRISKA: No idea!

VRISKA: Denizens are mysteeeeeeeerious.

VRISKA: May8e she wants a knight along? Or a 8lood player?

VRISKA: Or may8e she just has a 8one to pick with you in particular.

VRISKA: You know, since you and Kanaya were 8oth involved in the frog 8reeding stuff in our session, and, let's face it.

VRISKA: You kind of messed that up! You were pretty hasty and reckless a8out it, and the result was a defective frog.

VRISKA: Sure, there's more to it than that. Like pro8lems with the human session that were totally interrel8ted with ours due to cyclical time gar8age, 8ut you get the point.

VRISKA: Echidna pro8a8ly doesn't take kindly to people who are cavalier with the sacred frog duties. That's kind of her domain, like, the propag8tion of existence and all that.

VRISKA: So may8e you've got some stuff to atone for 8efore she agrees to let another precious frog out of her divine custody?

KARKAT: YOU'RE DOING THIS ON PURPOSE, AREN'T YOU.

KARKAT: TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT SOME ANCIENT HISTORY, SO I'LL BE NERVOUS ABOUT THIS ENCOUNTER.

KARKAT: WELL I'LL SPARE YOU THE TROUBLE. I'M ALREADY NERVOUS! I DON'T WANT TO GO PROSTRATE MYSELF BEFORE A BABBLING SNAKE GODDESS EVEN UNDER IDEAL CIRCUMSTANCES.

VRISKA: Karkat, relax.

VRISKA: I am guessing this will just 8e a sort of formality.

VRISKA: That's how things always struck me with her, like... getting the 8lessing from a queen, or some huge mythical matriarch 8efore proceeding with some incredi8ly important event, or claiming a cosmic reward.

VRISKA: Or may8e you'll have to just kill her again? I don't see what difference it makes.

VRISKA: Really, who knows what her real purposes are? They're pro8a8ly totally unfathoma8le.

VRISKA: Echidna is kind of a 8ig Deal Denizen. One of the real heavy hitters, like that other guy... the really strong one with the ridiculous name.

VRISKA: She might even 8e the 8iggest deal. She's the mother of all denizens. I mean, not in a literal sense. Like, I really dou8t she physically spawned them all.

VRISKA: So if she wants you to do something, it's serious. And if you need to do something of massive cosmic significance, like release a frog that contains an entire universe in its 8elly, then 8y the same token, it has to go through her.

VRISKA: The other denizens are a 8unch of petty grum8ling riddle-merchants 8y comparison.

VRISKA: You should feel honored she even wants to see you.

KARKAT: HOW ARE WE EVEN SURE SHE HAS A FROG TO RELEASE??

KARKAT: WHO MADE THIS FROG? THE JOKERS FROM THIS SESSION?

KARKAT: I THOUGHT THEY SPENT MONTHS DOING NOTHING.

VRISKA: It's the same frog Jade made!

VRISKA: With Kanaya's help, remem8er?

VRISKA: Hell, you may have even 8een involved in that process too. I don't recall every single detail.

VRISKA: 8ut it fell in the forge on Jade's planet 8ack in the old session, and now Jade's planet is here.

VRISKA: Hence, the frog is here too. It's just 8een... let's say hi8ern8ting inside the planet for a few years.

VRISKA: Echidna kept it warm for us until we were ready. Which is now!

KARKAT: OK. YEAH, I REMEMBER NOW.

KARKAT: SO THE CONDESCE WAS GOING TO MAKE US DO THIS ORIGINALLY? WHY??

VRISKA: 8ecause her goal was pretty much the same as ours!

VRISKA: To win this game and cre8 a universe.

VRISKA: The 8attle taking place here isn't over WHETHER one will 8e created.

VRISKA: It's over who gets to control it when it's made.

VRISKA: Ideally, that should 8e us, rather than a genocidal fish dict8tor.

VRISKA: In fact, we don't want ANYONE to "control" it.

VRISKA: No8ody should control a universe. That's what 8ad guys try to do.

VRISKA: We just want it to 8e a nice place to live, and free of any controlling influence that will make life misera8le for the people who live there.

VRISKA: Having an attitude a8out the Ultim8 Reward that differs from that in any way was just ANOTHER thing we fucked up the first time around.

VRISKA: So let's just 8e clear on what we're fighting for here.

VRISKA: Got it?!

KARKAT: ...

KARKAT: YEAH

KARKAT: YOU'VE MADE YOUR POINT.

VRISKA: Next item:

VRISKA: Earth!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: When you enter the new universe, you're going to need a planet to live on.

VRISKA: Why not just resettle the one you all grew up on?

VRISKA: The Condesce kind of fucked it up though.

VRISKA: In your scratched universe, she spent a few centuries getting it ready for a new troll "paradise".

VRISKA: She flooded the whole thing. So when you get there, you'll need to skip ahead to some time far in the future, when the oceans have receded.

VRISKA: Should 8e liva8le 8y then. Hell, it may even 8e a pretty nice place!

VRISKA: Here John. Take this.

VRISKA: When the 8attle is over, make sure you give it to Jade.

JOHN: what is it?

VRISKA: It's Earth!

VRISKA: Remem8er how three years ago you told Terezi we needed your wallet, 8ut you didn't have it?

VRISKA: Well in the time since, we talked a8out it a lot, and figured this was most likely the reason she told you to give it to us.

VRISKA: It wasn't a 8ig deal, actually.

VRISKA: We spent some time deciphering the code for your wallet. It took a little while, and a few lucky guesses on the code digits, 8ut we eventually got there.

VRISKA: Then I just used it to upgrade my much cooler 8 8all modus.

JOHN: you hacked my dad's wallet??

VRISKA: Sure. Like I said, we had some time on our hands.

VRISKA: It is after all just a fucking wallet. It's not like it's some legendary item he got on some mythical dad quest.

VRISKA: I mean, he did 8UY the thing somewhere, right?

JOHN: um. yeah, i guess so.

JOHN: i dunno.

JOHN: i still think it's a pretty special thing.

VRISKA: Nope!

VRISKA: Sorry to 8e the 8earer of 8ad news. It is literally... just a wallet.

VRISKA: Anyway.

VRISKA: Then, 8efore I did the scouting work on this session, I rode the meteor through the g8, watched it crash on Earth, then just captchalogued the whole damn thing and got out of there.

VRISKA: No sweat!

VRISKA: Presuma8ly like Grim8ark Jade was supposed to, if she wasn't asleep.

VRISKA: Again, it was a pretty good plan, she just never saw me coming.

VRISKA: Sorry Condy, if you want your waterlogged little glo8e 8ack, you'll have to pry it from John's dead hands now.

JOHN: er.

JOHN: ...yeah.

VRISKA: Those are the important things to remem8er.

VRISKA: 8ut don't forget the 8asics.

VRISKA: Remem8er to finish 8uilding up your hives as far as they'll go.

VRISKA: Then deploy the grist rigs which will disperse your planets' hoards into Skaia, giving it the nutrients it needs to mature the frog.

VRISKA: This is Sgru8 101 stuff, 8ut I guess it 8ears repeating since most of you have never actually made it this far.

VRISKA: When the hoards are empty and Skaia is ready, then all you have to do is make sure someone's in position to ignite the forge.

VRISKA: Then everyone rendezvous right 8ack here on the lily pad to claim the Ultim8 Reward.

VRISKA: Which is represented 8y the hive shape thingy with a door on it that leads to the new universe.

VRISKA: Any questions 8efore we kick this into action?

JOHN: yes, i have one.

JOHN: vriska, what's YOUR part in all this, aside from making all these air tight plans?

JOHN: you've been making it sound like you won't be here when all this happens!

VRISKA: Of course I won't.

VRISKA: I'll 8e off doing something much more important than all this.

VRISKA: I'm traveling to the furthest ring to go kill Lord English.

JOHN: WHAT??

JOHN: wow.

JOHN: isn't that going to be, uh...

JOHN: hard?

VRISKA: Of course it will 8e.

JOHN: are you sure you can even...

JOHN: DO that?

JOHN: like, by yourself, i mean.

VRISKA: John, I'm not an idiot. I won't 8e diving into this 8lindly.

VRISKA: See, somewhere out there in the incomprehensi8le causal-stew of the furthest ring, there was once a plan that was coming together to defeat him once and for all.

VRISKA: It involved a secret weapon, an army, and all sorts of other shenanigans.

JOHN: yeah, this...

JOHN: sounds weirdly familiar.

VRISKA: Oh, I'm sure it does.

VRISKA: 8ut the point is, along the way, that plan stalled out.

VRISKA: It went nowhere 8ecause the party involved disintegr8ted and lost their way.

VRISKA: So someone needs to light a fire under that shit again, and I don't see anyone else stepping forward.

JOHN: how are you going to do that?

VRISKA: Let me worry a8out that.

VRISKA: You have your hands full enough as it is.

JOHN: so, is...

JOHN: is that it?

JOHN: is that the end of this cool strategy jam, slash fun reunion?

VRISKA: That's it!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: That's the whole situ8tion, my whole plan, and everything you need to do.

VRISKA: Good luck everyone!

TEREZI: *HUM4N "GOLF" CL4P*

VRISKA: Thanks, Pyrope!

KARKAT: ALRIGHT, SO WHAT NOW?

KARKAT: KANAYA, I GUESS WE HEAD TO, WHAT WAS IT?

KARKAT: LOJADE?

KARKAT: LIKE RIGHT NOW? SINCE I GUESS THE CLOCK IS TICKING.

KANAYA: Lofaf

KANAYA: And Yes

JOHN: right. and we're supposed to go after the condensce really soon, too. right?

ROSE: Condesce.

ROSE: And yes.

JOHN: but not like... RIGHT away? there are still a couple hours for us to prepare.

JOHN: which we should use! to come up with a fighting strategy.

ROXY: yeah!!!

JOHN: i wish jade and nanna could be awake for this.

JOHN: i really want to talk to them, and let them in on all the cool stuff we're about to do.

JOHN: i guess they have to stay asleep for a while, though. oh well.

JOHN: hey, jake!

JAKE: Huh?

JOHN: want to come make plans with us?

JOHN: we can help you figure out how to deal with robot jack, and whatever hooligans he is bringing!

JAKE: Oh!

JAKE: Yes.

JAKE: Thanks john.

JAKE: May... maybe.

JOHN: ok!

TEREZI: H3Y D4V3

TEREZI: W3 SHOULD PROB4BLY WORK OUT 4 F1GHT1NG STR4T3GY TOO

TEREZI: S1NC3 1T SOUNDS L1K3 W3'V3 GOT 4 R34L N4STY ON3 TO D34L W1TH >:]

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: but

TEREZI: WH4T

DAVE: dunno

DAVE: it feels weird to make some battleplans when one of our team members still isnt here

TEREZI: W3LL, 1 TH1NK W3 C4N 4T L34ST OUTL1N3 TH3 STR4T3GY, R1GHT?

TEREZI: F1GUR3 OUT HOW W3'LL 4PPRO4CH 4 V1LL41N W1TH H1S P4RT1CUL4R STR3NGTHS 4ND W34KN3SS3S

TEREZI: 4ND 4SSUM3 OUR TH1RD M3MB3R W1LL B3 R34DY TO F1GHT 1F W3 T3LL H1M TO

DAVE: yeah you know im sure if teen hardass strider shows up with his sword and shades and shit and we say

DAVE: hey dude look bad guy go kill

DAVE: im sure the guy will be more than willing to oblige

DAVE: its just

DAVE: man

TEREZI: WH4T!

DAVE: it feels wrong

DAVE: planning "around" him

DAVE: like hes a weird hypothetical battle mannequin

TEREZI: FROM TH3 TH1NGS 1 H4V3 H34RD 4BOUT H1M, FROM YOUR OWN P3RSON4L MOUTH

TEREZI: TH4T 4CTU4LLY SOUNDS L1K3 4 PR3TTY 4PT D3SCR1PT1ON TO M3

DAVE: no!

DAVE: its

DAVE: its more complicated than that

DAVE: and im supposed to...

DAVE: be getting ready for this huge deadly battle which is SO much more intense than anything i ever did

DAVE: even like 3 years ago back when i was actually doing adventure shit instead of watching dane cook movies

DAVE: and somehow be all geared up for that

DAVE: AND meet my teen bro for the first time

DAVE: and say oh there you are thats cool

DAVE: lets fight this random nigh indestructible asshole

DAVE: and then

DAVE: hug bump or something?

DAVE: how do i deal with all this

DAVE: i think i could end up getting us all killed and none of you are taking this seriously

VRISKA: Ok Strider, I've heard enough.

DAVE: ??

VRISKA: I have 8een more than patient, and more than accommod8ting.

VRISKA: 8ut your hangups regarding your ancestor are starting to 8order on pathetic.

KARKAT: HEY!

KARKAT: WHY DON'T YOU CAN IT.

VRISKA: Karkat, stay out of this.

KARKAT: NO, I WON'T.

KARKAT: NOT IF YOU ARE GOING TO START TRASHING PEOPLE WITH RESPECT TO THEIR SENSITIVE ISSUES IN A MANNER THAT IS *WAY* OVER THE LINE AS FAR AS THE BASIC GROUND RULES OF GOOD NATURED SHIT TALKING GOES, GROUND RULES ON WHICH I *HAPPEN* TO BE AN EXPERT.

KARKAT: EITHER MAKE SURE YOUR TRASH MOUTHED INVECTIVE IS CRITICALLY CONSTRUCTIVE, OR SHUT UP!

VRISKA: Who said I wasn't 8eing constructive?!

VRISKA: God.

VRISKA: I cut him all the slack in the world on this, 8ut I can see it isn't doing him, or any of us, any good at all.

VRISKA: I can see I'm going to have to expedite matters.

VRISKA: Go figure. Leave it all to Vriska, ONCE AGAIN.

DAVE: what

DAVE: what the fuck are you even going to do

VRISKA: I told you.

VRISKA: I'm expediting matters.

#homestuck #vriska serket #terezi pyrope #roxy lalonde #dave strider #arquiusprite #kanaya maryam #karkat vantas #tavrosprite #jake english #rosesprite #john egbert #rose lalonde #jaspersprite #homestuck act 6 #page 7515 #page 7516 #page 7517 #page 7518 #page 7519 #page 7520 #page 7521 #page 7522 #page 7523 #page 7524 #page 7525 #page 7526 #page 7527 #page 7528 #page 7529

[tartt9]

most used playlist !!!

a peek into... jamie's spotify [ most used playlist ]

it's called jamie's gr8 dayz, and it features songs from abba, drake, rihanna, nicki minaj, beyoncé, lady gaga, the spice girls, whitney houston, the rolling stones, the smiths, the talking heads - it's fully a variety of the music that he likes that won't make him cry. he'll play it in the car on the way to nelson road, in his airpods during workouts [ if he's not actively engaged in listening to his teammates or roy ], when he's going for post-work cooldown jogs either around richmond or in his home gym. he probably plays it once a day, at minimum - and it heavily skews his spotify wrapped at the end of the year every year.

[ from here ! ]

#answered ! #headcanons !

[goatalicious]

hate that while I am personally not into Gojo (stupid beautiful tall manwhore that he is) and I get the thirst people have for him... when fans say he's hung they're right. i know he has swangin schmeat. but its just gonna hang there while he gets rammed. he'll hold his 5lb balls like a lil coin purse per the way bottoms do. the poor thing. just cause hes got a monster wang everyone's gonna want him to be a top everytime.... I'm so sorry Gojo goodluck with all that

#jjk #nsftumblr #IGNORE ME #nanami topping is gr8 #toji topping is gr8 #sukuna topping gr8 #when i see a Hojo topping fic i HAVE to laugh lmao #he'll top but its a service top he needs a power bottom

[ssaalexblake]

I liked disco 4x01! I think Book’s planet just got nuked by the flux, but it was v good!

#discovery #all i'm saying is that better be a red herring #and they're all alive really #b/c them showing a cute little tiny child and then them destroying the planet he's on 10 minutes later is. Rude. #i liked the president too #and michael was So funny this ep it was like she was #defensive abt what she percieved as a surprise performance eval #so she turned it back on her head and decided to openly evaluate her instead #and was on the Line of insubordination but not Quite jumping over it #i love michael lolllll #and the opening scene reminded me of trek beyond #which was gr8 because i love that movie #adira being a lil mini tilly was the cutest #they've taken over her babbling #but i wish they hadn't done those twisting camera views b/c it makes me feel weird #and SILVER FOX ADMIRAL ODED #yes he's got a name but he'll always be admiral oded fehr to me

[the-moon-pal]

how many kids ("kids") does don have?

Officially? None, in me talking and just having fun and deciding "Don has adopted these kids" he has like 2

#ask #anonymous #There's this character my friend Will has called Fin and thats like no.1 son #he cares about his merman kid JsGSHSJ #second one i just like said 'yeah sure why not' was like shifty bc he'll probably need help #YES officially he has already a father figure. but mike didn't even show up when his car place exploded so. sorry kid but i got u a gr8 dad #i don't know if i should count Gus as one of his kids. since its more like yea they know each other but idk if he would see him in that way #oh and everyone who sees Don as their dad #HSHSJDK

[archieism]

gonna try to see if i can rearrange my schedule or use a sick day today cause my cat is not doing well and i am trying really hard not to freak out

#personal #idk what to do idk what to Do #his breath is so gurgley like at this point i'm hoping if he'll even eat #i'm not doing gr8 and he's doing even worse #and my manager has so far been super bitchy when people have to surprise leave or call in sick #even if it's an injury or smth and there's a pandemic :) #fuck him my cat can't breathe #he better take it like an adult or i'm gonna lose my mind #i can only deal wirh so many things at once

[dreamersneverlose]

.

#tfw youre sad and your s.o. talks to you about your problems and offers support #and lots of forehead kissea #and then makes passionate love to you and turns you into a twinkie #i love him so much #i feel so isolated now that i moved away and my friends dont seem to want to talk to me or hang out #and he knows how much that hurts me #but hes so good and seems to always sense when im feeling down #even if hes on his computer he'll come check on me often #and if he can tell im not doing gr8 he plays video games with me or just sits and watches tv next to me #simple little things that show me im not alone even when i feel isolates #just wish i had friends around here to do things with on the weekends #i miss that so v much if im away from someone too long i assume its bc they absolutely fuckin hate me #personal #vent #rant