#help i’m regressing into my 2020 self | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

drerin-blog1 · 2 years

Text

How to Heal Your Intergenerational Ancestor Lineage Trauma & Reparenting Yourself

Hi Spiritual Superstar! 🤩

Welcome to The Dr. Erin Podcast. This is a top spiritual psychology coach podcast to inspire and teach you how to transform your trauma, birth your soul’s purpose, and manifest your dreams. Learn the best coaching tips, spiritual advice, trauma healing, and metaphysical recovery secrets. I’m here to help you monetize your spiritual gifts and love your life. I want you to know that I’ve been exactly where you are, and I believe in you. Together, we are awakening the world.

My clients are Healing their Intergenerational Ancestor Lineage Trauma and emancipating themselves from suffering.✨

In today's episode, I'm talking about how to release your familial stuck patterns, end your negative ancestor karma, and lineage dysfunction.

Can trauma be inherited through epigenetics?

What is intergenerational trauma work?

How do your parents' emotions and trauma impact your relationships?

Do you inherit trauma and mental health from your DNA?

How to heal your childhood trauma & reprogram your subconscious?

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

⚡ How to take 100% responsibility for your family, lineage, and trauma healing

⚡ How to you can release the energetic bondage of your past generational trauma

⚡ How to reparent yourself and co-parent with the Universe

💎 If you’re NOT already a member of Soulciété, join me for a LIVE Breakthrough Call to discover how to make your dreams a reality >>> Register www.soulciete.com

WEEKLY COMMUNITY UPDATE:

This week in Soulciété, we are embodying the Universal Law of Truth

We are beginning to showcase our community trauma healing wins on the Dr. Erin Podcast & in the E4 Book and Documentary Project - I will be discussing how you can be a part of the E4 Project at the end of our call within the community this week.

We are getting ready for the Graduation Ceremony for levels 4 & 5: E4 Trauma Method® Coach & Spiritual Psychology Practitioners!

And, we are officially going to be holding LIVE Events!

WEEKLY TRAINING AND CERTIFICATION UPDATE:

Level 1 Spiritual Warriors: This week, we are doing E4 Trauma Method® Past Life Regressions – transform your trauma transform your life ⚡

Level 2 Spiritual Entrepreneurs: This week, we are learning How to Create your Webinar 🚀

Level 3 E4 Trauma Method® Coach: This week, we are learning How to Heal Relationship Trauma ⚡

Level 4 Spiritual Psychology Master Practitioner: This week, we are diving deep into Practitioner Sessions and learning How to Monetize as a Spiritual Psychology Practitioner 🤯

Level 5 NTG Teachers-Speakers-Ministers: This week, we are learning how to teach Metaphysical Mastery! ⚡

Level 6 Doctors of Divinity: Taking applications

P.S. If you're a member of Soulciete and you'd like to monetize referring people to our community >>> click www.soulciete.com

With Love, Dr. Erin

Spiritual Psychology School: www.Soulciete.com

Podcast: www.DrErin.tv

Join my free Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/soulcietespiritualcommunity

Binge My Podcast Series:

Heal Your Trauma Series

52 Universal Law Series

Money Breakthrough Series

Spiritual Awakening Series

Relationship Dysfunction Recovery Series

Live Your Truth & Reprogram Your Mind Series

Metaphysical Bible Series

Dr. Erin is a World-Renowned Doctor of Divinity, Founder of New Thought Global & Soulciété, Metaphysical Teacher, TV Host of Good Morning LaLa Land, Creator of E4 Trauma Method®, International Best-Selling Author, 2020 Walden Wisdom Award Next to Oprah, Self-Made Millionaire, Top-Rated Podcast, and Mother.

Her mission is to awaken a billion people globally by developing, training, and certifying accredited Spiritual Entrepreneurs, E4 Trauma Method® Coaches, Spiritual Psychology Master Coaches, Spiritual Practitioners, New Thought Teachers, and Doctors of Divinity.

Dr. Erin is committed to bridging spirituality, science, and psychology. She is forging ‘New Thought Wisdom’ in the study of Spiritual Psychology; the study of how everything is created from Source at a soul level.

“11 Most Inspirational Female Entrepreneurs To Watch On Instagram” - Forbes

Disclaimers: Earnings and income representations made by New Thought Global and Soulciete, Erin Fall Haskell, and their advertisers/sponsors are aspirational statements only of your earnings potential. Do not reuse this content. See our Terms

TRANSCRIPTIONS:

(00:00): There are three gifts that I want to reveal to you today. Number one, you have been endowed with all of the intelligence and wisdom of your entire intergenerational ancestor lineage. The second thing I want to reveal to you today is that you have also been gifted, which may seem like a burden, the blessing of being able to heal your entire lineage, that it is up to you to know that you are one as the one source and one family. You are your parents, you are your grandparents and you are the future generations. You have the ability to heal all of your intergenerational ancestor lineage right here. Right now, the third gift I'd like to reveal to you today is that you have the ability to emancipate yourself from all suffering. And remember that you are born of divine. You were born from source, the one creative source of all of life. (00:56): You can absolutely be that, which you wish you had received from your family. You have the ability to no longer look to the world or to your lineage for love. You can be love. You have the ability to be the mother and the father and love unconditionally the way you wish you had been loved and set yourself free. You definitely wanna listen to this podcast today. Welcome to the Dr. Aaron podcast. This is a top spiritual psychology coach podcast to inspire and teach you how to transform your trauma birth, your soul's purpose, and manifest your dreams. Hi, I'm Dr. Erin, Dr. Divinity. I'm committed to bringing you the best coaching tips, spiritual advice, trauma healing, and metaphysical recovery secrets. I'm here to help you monetize your spiritual gifts and love your life. I want you to know that I've been exactly where you are, and I believe in you together. We're awakening the world. (01:54): Hi, my community. I am very excited to spend this time with you in this podcast. One of my things in my life that makes my life the best is you guys is a community, of course, in society, being able to come together each week in all of our coaching calls and mentoring calls and training calls, but also this podcast. If you're on this podcast, I considered you, my family, I considered you my community. And I know there's a lot of people out there that are very lonely. And I want you to know that I consider you part of my family. So no matter where you are, my invitation is to come together each week and know the truth together and grow and learn and really embody the highest. And if you are somebody that's been listening for a while, or you're very inspired by this podcast, I invite you. (02:37): I invite to come on into one of my breakthrough calls and let's get to know each other more, be wonderful to meet you and learn more about you. The links are below for the breakthrough calls that I have. And, um, you can check out all the links. There's lots of freebees down there as well. So let's do this thing. Okay. So one, one of the, the kind of core things that happens with people that are coming into our community and inter coaching, accreditation, certifications and stuff, is the majority of them in the common denominator of them is they have done a lot of work. They have generally taken a lot of courses. They've taken a lot of seminars gone to retreats, maybe even read a lot of books, done. Some meditation done guided meditation, you know, done some different shifting works, um, all the different stuff. (03:24): But what we find is this, you can have the most amazing supernatural powers you can have out of body experiences. You can have all these things, but what we find is a lot of people can't even be in the same room with their own mother. They get triggered too much, right? Or in their relationship, they still have very dysfunctional relationships. They're still going around and around. How do I know this? Because I was that I was somebody who had taken every course under the sun. I had read all the books I'd been meditating for years. I had had incredible enlightenment moments and I was talk, talking to jargon and preaching to people and people would be rolling their eyes. <laugh> because energetically, I wasn't embodying it. So today I actually wanna break down and have the heart to heart conversation about healing, your intergenerational ancestor lineage trauma, because it wasn't until I really learned the deep, deep, deep work and came up with the E four trauma method and was able to transmute and transform and neutralize all the energetics at a soul level. (04:36): And so I think there's a big distinction to make here because we wanna first define, of course, what is intergenerational ancestor? Line's trauma, right? We wanna, we wanna talk about, you know, can we inherit this through our epigenetics, all these different things what's really going on? How can we heal our, our childhood trauma? How can we do all these things? But we also wanna get, really get clear of what's your intention out of this, because you can listen to this whole podcast. You can be like, oh my gosh, this is so amazing. This makes a lot of sense. What I want and invite you to do is to not just get more information, you have enough in information, it's good to get wisdom that's truth, because even in that, it seems to neutralize and, and really kind of help acknowledge you. And it makes it should make everything add up when you hear truth. (05:25): But if you don't actually do something with it, there's actually like a transgression around it. So I want to ask you right now, before we dive into this on a level of one to 10, where you, in your commitment to do your inner healing, to actually heal your intergenerational ancestor lineage trauma, right? Because if you're just gonna get more information and then preach about it to all your friends, but not actually embody it and not actually do the work, then, you know, you're just gonna end up suffering longer. And I just wanna put that out there that you have the decision you get to choose to actually implement the work and really, truly claim your birthright prosperity and have total enlightenment in this lifetime and help others as well. Right? All the above your health, your wealth, your relationships, your creative expression. Okay. So let's dive into this. (06:18): So yes, oftentimes whenever I am working with clients and they come in, they have done a lot of work, but once they start doing E four trauma method, they're like, holy cow. I thought I had done my trauma work, but clearly I had to, and this is way deeper than what I expected. And as we go further into E four trauma method, what we end up doing is past life regressions. And you don't need to learn believe in past life regressions. In fact, there is no past life from a spiritual perspective, which we teach spiritual psychology, right? So we're not a traditional psychology. We spirituality is the reality that everything comes from source from spirit, from your true consciousness, the consciousness that backs energy and psychology is the study of the soul. So we're not just looking at the cause of life and the effect of life because the cause is already what's inside. (07:09): So when we're taking a look at trauma from a spiritual psychology perspective, we're looking at different than traditional psychology. We're looking at what was created within, during that traumatic incident, right? So when I'm diving into work, whether it be with a one-on-one high end client, or whether I am training in a group for the accreditation certification, we wanna get into healing, our intergenerational ancestor, lineage trauma. So we wanna first say, what is that? Tell us, what is that? Right? So by the definition, epigenetic tags, because when you have trauma, so let's just walk through this, let's pretend something happened in your lifetime, or let's just pretend it was your ancestors. In fact, it wasn't anything you even remember nothing happened or nothing really huge happened. And that, you know, in this lifetime, but why is it that you have total anxiety all the time? Why is it that you absolutely cannot receive love? (08:04): Why is it you feel huge abandonment every time anyone comes into your life when they haven't even abandoned you, right? Why are you unable to actually have prosperity? And you actually push money away. Right? Why? I always say, why is a divine question? Because it is such a complex answer that if we could really understand the answer, we would absolutely have enlightenment. And I believe that this actually is not very complicated. It's actually very simple. So what happens in trauma, something occurred or didn't occur and say with your great, great, great grandmother. Okay. Let's just pretend, let's pretend that she cheated on your great, great, great grandfather. And she had shame. In fact, she had so much shame that her husband had to kill her because at that point in time, it was absolutely, you know, the worst thing to do ever to cheat on your husband. (09:00): And it was worthy of being killed. So he actually took her out to the, um, to the, the forest and murdered her. She had already had her children and then her children were raised by him and another woman that he married after that, because it was okay. If your wife cheated on you, you could kill her. And then you could get married again. And this came down your lineage because your great, great, great grandmother who was murdered, you know, left her children and her children were traumatized and felt abandoned and had trauma, right? So that trauma is living in you because you are your great, great, great grandmother. There's only one life and there's only one soul spiritually. So we wanna break this down from a spiritual and scientific perspective. Okay. So science says the epigenetics, and we wanna know what is epigenetics. So on your DNA, your DNA, of course, you know, has infinite intelligence and, and has all kinds of, you know, um, all the basics of the, the building blocks, if you will. (10:06): But on top of your DNA is what's called the epigenetics. And the epigenetics is kind of like playing the piano. Sometimes you push down on keys, sometimes they're flowing and some are stuck, right? An old piano could get stuck. Well, that's what happens with your DNA when you have trauma, because the moment that something happens or doesn't happen, and someone gets so emotional, their, their entire frequency and vibration rises and they decide something, no one will ever love every time, love equals abandonment, right? I'm not worthy of love. I don't wanna live something's wrong with me, whatever that is. And that tags the DNA, it actually Malates the DNA and it pushes it down like a key on the, on the piano. That's stuck, it's broken, right. But there's a way of fixing that and it's called trauma healing. So we wanna just define the epigenetic tags. (11:02): They actually get tagged. Okay. Whenever a trauma happens, they get tagged. Um, and they regulate the gene expression by acting as gatekeepers blocking or allowing access to a genes on or off switch. Right. So we know that these chemical tags, right. There's, there's methyl or acetyl groups, and they're added directly to the DNA or on our, his stones. Okay. The large spool like proteins, which the DNA is tightly around. So literally when we have trauma, it literally strangles, strangles, the DNA, it tags it and actually strangles it. Okay. And that's why we have less perception. That's why we're less able. That's why we get fragmented in mind. So your intergenerational ancestor, lineage, trauma healing, right? How, how do we, what do we do? What do we do about this? You guys, right. So one we wanna recognize this is about trauma inform first, the wisdom and the knowledge of being trauma informed is having everything add up like, oh my gosh, this makes so much sense. (12:08): Now I would say that if you understood how metaphysics, how the beyond the energy, how it's creating things really is, it should make everything in your life add up. Oh my gosh, that makes so much sense that I've been born this way with this feeling of feeling abandoned from just no matter what I do in this lifetime. Right? So it's important to heal our intergenerational answer lineage trauma. And it's important to have the, the trauma informed aspect of it, understanding the scientific stuff, understanding what happens from a metaphysical and from a universal law and from a lineage. But guess what, it's also important to actually heal it. I've seen a lot of coaches out there that do trauma informed work, and that's beautiful, but we wanna actually heal it and do something about it. And we have, uh, quite a few people in our community that have taken many other trauma informed courses. (13:02): And they say, they're amazing, but nothing compares Dr. Aaron, nothing compares Dr. E they call me right? They go, this is actually the real stuff that actually does something about it because you can be trauma informed and take responsibility for your ancestor lineage trauma. But it's one thing to just take responsibility about it. And it's another thing to actually heal it and release it. So can trauma be inherited through epigenetics? Yes, absolutely. Science is saying this and, uh, and spiritually we've been saying this forever, right? That there is one soul, one lineage. There's only now your great-great grandmother is living right now as you in the consciousness. That is all one. And you may have a different belief. You may believe that each individual soul goes on and that's fine. Some level we're all connected as one. Okay. So what is the intergenerational trauma work? (13:53): Well, it would be just the same. So in society, what we do is we do E four trauma method on past life regressions as well. In fact, I, we may be one of the only trauma healing processes that actually is able to go in and neutralize on past life regressions, which is really incredible. And I never wonder if I'm working with a client, actually don't promote past life regressions because it's really up to their consciousness. I let their consciousness guide. And if there's a trauma in this lifetime, then we deal with that trauma. And it's kind of like chains. Okay. If you, you know, clip a chain up here, I call it the track on the DNA track. If you click a click a chain up here in this lifetime and you heal it in this lifetime, oftentimes it will kind of take away the whole thing on your DNA track on your epigenetics on a spiritual level. (14:40): But sometimes, you know, you gotta go all the way down to the bottom of the weed, right? It's kind of like when you have weeds in your backyard, if you go out and just mow 'em down, it's actually gonna give the weeds more energy. <laugh>, it's gonna give more strength, the builds even more. So you gotta actually go down and get the weed out. And we've had quite a few therapists come through the accreditation also, or when we, before we were accredited and they all would say one thing, they're like, wow, it's actually very similar. The work that you're doing, you guys just go way, way deeper into the root and the core of the matter. So what do we do with the line trauma? Right? So we go in, we're gonna do the E four. We're gonna actually go into regression and we're gonna go in. (15:19): And re-experience the incident as if it's happened right now. And then we're going to go through it and begin to not putting any meaning on it, not evaluate it, simply be there with all the facts and be able to not have any resistance to the emotions and fully feel the emotions and scan over the mental pictures over and over again, through a very, it's a very specific process. You wanna get trained in it, for sure, for yourself and so that you can help the people around you, whether you wanna turn it into a career or not. It's such a blessing to be able to help the people in your life. Cuz if you're human, you have trauma. If you're human, you have trauma. Think about it. Okay. So then what we do from there is we're going through the E four, right in this lifetime. (16:00): Usually we'll start with something in this lifetime. Something that was a trauma, cuz most people have trauma, right? And then we will pop down further into a past life regression. And this actually is done. You can listen to some of my PO last, my other podcasts on past life regressions. But past life regressions are actually done through imagination. Einstein said and many, many great, incredible minds have said that imagination is our greatest faculty. And we have to use our faculty because this world is dreamed up. You guys were in a matrix. We have created all this through the elemental equations, mathematical equations of consciousness inform, condensed it into elements, condensed it into this thing that is actually not matter into experiences. And so imagination is the key E four trauma method is the key, right? It's the key to actually being able to manifest without, um, trying to manifest a bunch of things, but actually manifest the highest version of you. (17:02): And so is it, you know, how do we actually break the lineage? So something that happens a lot with clients that come in, they become empowered. They start to do their E four trauma. They start to feel very empowered. They began to, you know, become more able, they're able to show up in, in building their dreams and their businesses and their relationships. But I always say there's a final frontier. And I, I used to think it was codependency. I used to think codependency and, and dysfunctional relationship was the final frontier. But I'm here to say that there is something more, I believe the final frontier of our human beingness and our healing is actually with our parents and our children. So my invitation right now and the brutal honesty, I would say to you, if you're my client, right? Which is, if you do not have unconditional love and I'm not talking about, oh, it's fine. (17:55): I'm fine with my mom and dad. It's all God. Now I'm all good. But then you're like energetically, not okay with them. No, if you are not fully healed with your parents fully in a full acceptance and also in full love for your parents, it doesn't matter if your parents beat you. It doesn't matter if they molested you. There is a spiritual thing that happens when you dive deep enough and you emancipate yourself from how the culture had told you that parents are supposed to be. And you actually break the chains and emancipate yourself, knowing that you are born of divine, you are born of source. You are born of spirit and until you are there and until you're able to fully love your parents, absolutely unconditionally unwavering doesn't mean you don't have boundaries. If it's dangerous, right? You have not healed yourself fully don't kid yourself. You have not healed yourself fully. You are not righteous and better than your parents. Your parents have gone through their own trauma and their own traumas, deep, deep traumas. And they are the reflection for you to see where you are still not free. And that is such a huge, huge gift. (19:19): Another thing that one of our teachers in a presentation the other day spoke about a couple times, because it's so true. You guys, Adele, I wanna say thank you for saying that in class the other day, cuz it's so true. How blessed are we to be able to heal the trauma of our entire intergenerational ancestral lineage? We are so blessed. We're so blessed to finally know that trauma healing is the key that it's not just meditation, because meditation's gonna take you out of the track. It's gonna take you into the theory realm. We've got to deal with the actual DNA. We've got to deal with reprogram the subconscious mind. That is the key to be able to actually be in your body. You wanna be able to do both. You wanna have your daily Spiritu practice and you wanna do all your trauma work, all your trauma, work and birth your relative truth through the truth triangle. (20:16): Right? So next question is how does your parents' emotions and trauma impact your relationships, right? Like you can't, you cannot, you cannot kid yourself that if you still have not healed yourself with your mother or your father, that that's not gonna project out into your partner or your partner's parents, right. Or your children's partners or whatever it may be. It's going to project out in some fashion, right? So do you heal your childhood traumas, Emory program, your subconscious mind, you've got to get in and understand all the trauma informed work and you've got to get in and actually do the processes. Okay. Very important. And it is all about this. Are you ready to take 100% responsibility for your family lineage and trauma healing? Are you ready to really release the energetic bondage of your past generational trauma? And are you ready to emancipate yourself from the falsity that the cultures told us that our parents should be a certain way that they should know more than us, that they don't have any right to have their own stuff. (21:29): Right? That's a lie who says that we're not here to parent our parents who says that we're not here to have more wisdom than them and love them the way that we would want to be loved, right? Due unto others, as you would have done onto you, the golden rule. So if you are somebody that's like, wow, I really wanna heal. Or even further, if you're somebody who's like, wow, I really wanna make a difference and, and help others. Wow. I'm really somebody who wants to make an impact in the world. Wow. I'm really somebody that wants to help my friends and family. Then the only way to truly do that is to be the embodiment, to be that and to truly heal myself. And when you heal myself, every relationship around you will be healed. That is the dynamic and the profound work that we do in society. (22:16): And I just wanna say, thank you. This work has really, really, really been so amazing to watch how science has finally lined up to what we've been teaching for so long. And it's really incredible. And I wanna thank all the scientists, everybody that has been working so hard to have us be able to break down, to understand the epigenics and how it turns off and on, um, the different aspects of the communication of our DNA. You guys have to know that we are DNA fully expressed. We communicate with the entire universe cuz we are the universe. This is what and doing your intergenerational trauma work is everything. How can you be healed if you don't do your intergenerational ancestor work, right? There's no way you can heal this one little breakup from two years ago and get over your narcissistic little drama and all that stuff of your best friend hurting you. (23:02): And that's such small mini me stuff that is just projections of the deeper, deeper root of that, of that weed, which is your inner generational, excuse me, trauma, ancestor, trauma work. And so in this I just say yes, say yes, say yes, let's just take a deep breath in together and exhaling out. I say, yes, I say yes to you healing. I say yes to do my two grandmas that came to me in my deep, deep meditation and trauma work. I felt the pain of my mother's mother. She was in so much pain in this lifetime. She had so much anger. She was so mad that her mother gave her up for adoption. I felt my other grandmother who never got to fully be expressed who was in a marriage that she was not really even love with that. She was just doing what the, to what the culture told her to do, which gives her MRSS. (23:51): And in this I say freedom. All of our lineages sitting here cheering us on saying yes, heal, heal, heal. We just want you to live fully. We want you to love fully. We want you to laugh and cry and all the above we're here rooting you on we're here. Absolutely all living in you through you as you as a one divine source. And in this I say, thank you. Thank you so much for the blessing of being able to heal my entire lineage, having that burden and that blessing all in one. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for the truth. I am so incredibly grateful as together we say. And so it is amazing if you are new to this podcast, I'm Dr. Aaron, a Dr. Divinity. I am not a psychologist. I teach spiritual psychology and train and certify coaches in, in all this work. (24:40): We train them in spiritual psychology. We train them in metaphysics of mine. We've teach 'em in subconscious reprogramming and getting accredited in all the different work E four trauma method all the way up to being teachers and yes, getting a certificate of training and doctor of divinity work, research work, and bringing the movement. Somebody that would love to dive deeper. You can go below on the links below. You can actually see all the podcast theories. You can binge the podcast. You can also come and check out the website, get some freebies and you can also come into a discovery breakthrough, call a group call with me that I do, which would be really lovely to get to know you more. Okay. So I look forward to seeing you weekly on here. Let's get our mind, right? Let's learn. Let's grow and let's get inspired. Okay. Have a beautiful blessed day. And may you live your truth?

New top spiritual podcast episode!

#spiritual #psychology #recovery #coach

2 notes · View notes

joanshan · 8 months

Text

Real Voices, Real Stories

Potential clients often ask me if my sessions are guaranteed to create change. While I always guarantee my effort, I can never guarantee the clients’ results for the simple reason that each soul has free will, and I cannot override its decisions even with my best intentions. However, when I’m asked if I see change as a result of this work, the answer is “absolutely.” During the last few months, three of my former clients synchronistically reached out to me to share the positive changes they were experiencing after their sessions. I asked if they would be willing to share their transformations, and they agreed. Below are their stories:

Carrie Smith

I came to Natalie in 2020 for a past-life regression to gain clarity about some long-standing concerns.

Negative self-talk and doubt about my life priorities had filled me for years, holding me back from achieving my dreams. During the session, I asked my Higher Self if I could have a family and be a thriving businesswoman at the same time. I was given a very clear ‘yes,’ and this allowed me to accept that I did not need to choose.

After the session, I felt a new sense of peace, knowing that I could create what I wanted. I had to look within to find my own joy and happiness. I wrote down specific goals for my career, changed my daily rituals, and started using the law of attraction to manifest my dream of becoming part of the sports industry. I took time each day to focus on my written goals, envisioning NIKE calling me. I also used meditation to calm my mind, body, and spirit. Early morning meditations helped me receive messages from my spirit guides and my Higher Self.

My manifestation began to unfold within days. After writing down “my art will be heavily involved in the sports industry,” the Toronto Blue Jays MLB Team commissioned me to create two oil paintings of their 1992 and 1993 championship rings. A month later, I was contacted by NIKE! My artwork is now continually included in NIKE’S Blue Ribbon Art Journal as part of the Nike Contemporary Art Series, and most, if not all, NIKEs employees have now seen my oil portraits.

Beyond just my goals, the regression helped me change my whole state of mind. Depression and anxiety had ruled my life for 16 years. But after the session, my negative thoughts subsided and my mindset strengthened. Positive thinking takes daily practice, but I no longer speak poorly to myself and only allow encouraging thoughts inside my mind and body.

It is not an exaggeration to say that this session changed my life entirely.

_____________

Carrie Smith is a portrait artist in Mansfield, Ohio. She can be contacted through Carryonwildchild.com; [email protected]. Link to Carrie’s QHHT session: https://youtu.be/0gGUbUmmRhE

Eric Clark

My life transformation began about two years ago. A year into it, I met Natalie and decided to go through her Core Wisdom Transformation coaching. After clearing some lingering personal doubts, I put all my energy into developing my own business. This was going well, and I lined up a number of projects. However, the timing was quite unfortunate. Covid-19 hit a month later, and all my projects got canceled. Though the situation appeared grim, Core Wisdom taught me to trust the universe and listen to its guidance through my intuition. I was guided to shift from residential to commercial business, which allowed me to do well until my residential business picked up again. After that, I felt the pull to get my real estate license, and that has been amazingly successful even though real estate is a hard market to enter.

The Core Wisdom Transformation coaching, in combination with the QHHT session, was a pivotal turning point in my life. Learning about my past lives has given me so much understanding of the man I am today. I have been able to forgive myself and release the unnecessary pain, guilt, anger, and other negative emotions. For example, I used to experience road rage while driving. This was out of character for me, but I could not stop it. During a single hypnotic session, I was able to address my younger self (who had observed and adopted these behaviors), forgive him, and permanently change that behavior. I am so glad that I made this investment in myself and am forever grateful for the results I was able to achieve in the coaching program.

_____________

Eric is a Real Estate agent in Columbus, OH. He can be reached at (898) 463-8777, [email protected], or https://www.facebook.com/RealtorEricClark/.

Link to Eric’s QHHT session: https://youtu.be/jYqxYjSpgF0

Anita Luich

The QHHT session I had with Natalie was my first hypnosis experience, and I honestly doubted my ability to be hypnotized. Natalie quickly eased my worries and within a very short time, I was in a trance. My first past life took me to the aftermath of a deadly tornado that killed my father and my new husband. I never pursued relationships after that because I felt the need to honor my husband. I lived the rest of that life alone and unfulfilled. I was then guided to an earlier life where I had found true love and had three beautiful children. My Higher Self showed these to me to help me understand my current unwillingness to commit and to remind me that I can have love and fulfillment.

nAt the end of the session, I learned that the tornado experience affected me in more ways than one. I had never been able to “see” anything but darkness in my meditation practice. I had also always had an issue with dryness in my eyes, hair, and skin. When asked about these, my Higher Self explained that the memory of the tornado caused my mind to block positive, colorful images, and it caused my body to block water.

nI realized that the energy of the past was still affecting me, and I was stuck in the pattern of pushing away things that were good for me. My expanded awareness and the healing done during the session allowed me to break that pattern. Prior to the session, I had stopped dating because I knew I would sabotage the relationships. Having released the fear of commitment, I am now dating again. Having left the darkness of the tornado behind, I can now easily visualize images. And finally, having let go of the pain from the tornado, my body began to hydrate and retain water properly.

Source: Real Voices, Real Stories

0 notes

overthinkingkdrama · 2 years

Text

Jona's Top 10 Dramas of 2020

Is it too late to post this now? Too bad. I’mma do it anyway. I lived through the plague (so far) and I had a strange/sad/productive 2021. If I want to put together my top 10 list for 2020 over a year after the fact, then that’s between me and the drama gods.

Let’s get the disclaimers out of the way: When I put together these lists I try to only include dramas that FINISHED airing in 2020. Which means that I will occasionally include something that started airing in the previous year if it ended after January 1st. (Don’t think that happens here though. Don’t quote me on that.) These rankings doesn't necessarily reflect any sort of objective quality among the dramas listed below, but rather my personal enjoyment.

Also, it’s probably worth saying that I’m assembling this list with the help of hindsight in 2022, so I’ve come back and revisited some of these damages and sometimes my opinion of them has warped and changed in the intervening time.

Alright, let’s just get into it...

10. Nobody Knows

I came away from Nobody Knows with several major impressions. The first was a strong sense of atmosphere that nearly superseded for me the story of the drama itself. An eerie sense of foreboding and of things unspoken. The second was that I need Kim Seo Hyung in more roles like this, just all the time. Give them to me. There can never be too many of them.

The biggest issues I had with this drama, and the reason it’s appearing so low on this list, have to do with the plot itself. There turns out to be essentially 2 different mysteries, one that bleeds into and ultimately gives way to the second. The first is sadly stronger than the second, which quickly descends into contorted plot contrivance, and the primary villains end up devolving into monomaniacal cartoon characters, which somewhat undermines the dramas atmospheric strengths.

Although Nobody Knows cannot in the end match either the religious horror of Save Me or the morally fraught missionary killer aspects of Children of Nobody, it does a respectable job of both. The real highlight of this drama (aside from Seo Hyung’s incredible collarbones) are the ambiguous relationships it explores between the main characters. I love the slow-to-form partnership/comradery between Young Jin and Sun Woo, the tense rivalry/dependence between Young Jin and Eun Ho’s mother, and the surrogate mother/son merged with an unusual friendship-between-peers dynamic between Young Jin and Eun Ho himself.

9. Flower of Evil

I'm slightly embarrassed about how long I spent agonizing about where on this list to place Flower of Evil. The reaction of the fandom to FoE was pretty polarized, with one half enamored by easily the angstiest romance of the year and the other cringing at the regressive "I can fix him with the power of love" themes and the highly suspect police work. Trouble is, I can't help but kind of agree with both parties. I've managed to categorize this drama in my brain somewhere between Healer and Money Flower (which is already going to sound like heresy) because of its sexy, fast paced, makjangness.

The thing about FoE is that it doesn't really work as a thriller and it doesn't really work as an investigative murder mystery. There's just too much about the script that is over-the-top self-indulgent to be taken seriously. Objectively speaking, FoE is not a better drama than Nobody Knows. But I had way more fun watching it. I consistently enjoyed myself during the run time, and looked forward to it during the week. This was helped by the solid chemistry between Lee Joon Gi and Moon Chae Won throughout, as well as Lee Joon Gi's irrepressible penchant for chewing every piece of scenery in sight. Also, shout out to Kim Ji Hoon for his turn the hottest unhinged psycho of the year.

Flower of Evil watches like a fantasy wish fulfillment for a very specific kink. What if your husband was the perfect house husband? He cooks, he cleans, he's great with your daughter, and he's a babe to boot. Except he's secretly a psychopath with a dark past who is soft for only you. You pile on a whole lot of whumpy physical and emotional suffering for said husband and well...turns out I happen to share that kink.

8. When the Weather is Fine

In my MDL notes I called When the Weather is Fine the "generic coffeeshop AU of Kdramas" and now in 2022 I can't seem to come up with a more fitting description than that. Hats off to past me. When the Weather is Fine does also feel like the result of stretching 2018's Little Forest into a full length drama. It's a cozy drama, and it unfolds at a gradual pace. There are a variety of melo elements which I found to be appealing and well done, while the drama consistently continued to serve soft, healing romance. I did get the feeling that there was a little bit of something missing toward the end, and maybe the writer felt that too, as the plot seemed to shift its focus to the heroine's mother and aunt instead of the leads in the last week. That being said, I was still glad I watched it. This is the kind of thing that I wish Park Min Young would make, instead of the trendier office dramas she seems to favor that all blend together after a while.

Side note, in a twist that nobody could have seen coming in 2020, it turns out that WTWIF might actually be a better mountain rescue drama than Jirisan. Huh.

7. Mystic Pop Up Bar

Mystic Pop Up Bar has a premise that is pretty well trodden out both in anime and dramas generally, and for that reason I went into the show with zero expectations because as many times as I've wanted a really good "wish granting" drama surrounding some kind of magical business, it almost never works out the way I want. And there have been quite a few of them (just in the last year there was the drama special Handmade Love and The Witch's Diner). Much in the way that no matter how many times they make robot/AI romance stories, they somehow never manage to scratch the itch for me in particular, and so I keep waiting.

The thing that makes MPUB work is not that it's attempting to turn the trope on its head, or that it's doing something I've never seen before. The magic is that it plays its story almost entirely straight, even taking into account it's frequently comedic tone. It knew exactly what it wanted to be and it kept it tight and lean, telling the story it wanted to tell cleanly in 12 episodes and then gracefully bowing out. It escalates to a beautiful, emotional climax that kept me invested to the end. It served up some great found family material. It also gave me Hwang Jung Eum as the sort of heroine I've wanted from her for such a long time. And I was pleased to see Choi Won Young really living up to his full "daddy" potential.

6. Do You Like Brahms?

Do You Like Brahms? has a lot of the gradually paced, comforting romance elements that I liked in When the Weather is Fine, but wound up being a more fully fleshed version, in my opinion. I was a fan of both Eun Bin and Min Jae going in, but this drama really cemented Min Jae as a full blown romantic lead in my mind, which he went on to confirm was not a fluke in the far more comedic Dali and Gamjatang in 2021. Also, I think I might just be enamored with dramas that deal with classical music and the industry that surrounds it.

The things that really put DYLB? a cut above for me, came down to the character writing. I thought they really captured the wonderful mixture of longing and insecurity felt by each of the characters in different ways throughout the story. I was particularly struck by the heartwarming and heartrending incompatibility of the particular insecurities of the leads and how that took its toll on the relationship in a really realistic way, despite the fact that they clearly adored one another. I was also impressed by the handling of Jung Kyung's character. From scene to scene she swung radically from making me want to throttle her to breaking my heart, all of which was captured masterfully by Park Ji Hyun, making her one of the most interesting and fully fleshed second female leads in recent memory. Although the drama gets a bit bogged down in the last 3rd during the inevitable "angst arc" the ending was so satisfying it made me forgive everything.

5. Hospital Playlist

I've made it no secret either here or on twitter that I hate medical dramas. I can't stand them. It takes a lot for me to get over a dramas medicalness so that I can watch it. Usually that means there better be psychopaths or murder or it's gonna be a hard pass from me. So you can imagine my distress when this incredible cast was secured for not just one, but three seasons (though mercifully it wound up being only 2) of a slice-of-life medical drama helmed by none other than Lee PD and screen writer Shin Won Ho of Reply series fame. It felt like a cruel prank the universe was playing on me in particular. I knew that I had to watch it and I was quite frankly ticked off about it.

Hospital Playlist doesn't even attempt to be anything other than a medical drama focusing on the day to day lives of doctors, though the many fan-servicey scenes of the lead 5 friends playing in their hobby band worked as a sort of peace offering for me in particular. Virtually none of the character arcs or love lines panned out the way I wanted them to, and yet the trouble with this show is that no matter how hard I tried to be dissatisfied with it, it had my heart almost immediately. There was just something magical and profoundly human about it. I cried all the way through it, I loved every character in spite of myself. Touche, show, touche.

4. Kairos

Much like Mystic Pop Up Bar, Kairos is a drama that is playing with a very familiar concept in dramas of the past five or so years, that simply executes on that concept exceptionally well. As recently as 2021 with the drama Times staring Lee Seo Jin and Lee Joo Young we seem to fairly regularly get dramas involving supernatural phone calls from the past or the future allowing the characters to communicate crucial information and change the past before tragedy strikes. It's a compelling idea, but so specific that you would think it would be hard to wring much plot variety out of it. Plus, with the exceptional and beloved Signal sharing the same playing field, it's easy to make unflattering comparisons.

I think the real charm of Kairos resides in the cast and the (platonic) relationship that develops between two strangers, living three months apart, devastated by loss, connected only by the brief conversations they are able to have once a night. Shin Sung Rok and Lee Se Young are phenomenal here. For as much as she has gained recent attention with The Red Sleeve and I generally admire her body of work, I think her role in Kairos is my favorite to date.

This is also a remarkably stylish production, with some really clever and unique camera work. I appreciated the use of the orange and blue color grading to distinguish the past from future. If you're interested in a thrilling, twisty plot with a healthy dose of delicious melodrama, then this one for you.

3. Stranger 2

Second seasons are still fairly rare in Kdramaland (as much as Netflix seems dead set on throwing off the ratio) and truly excellent second seasons are nearly non-existent. The fact that Kdramas tend to be limited run series that tell a complete story is one of the things that attracted me to the genre. Even when they aren't complete recasts and misguided disasters, the sequel can rarely hold a candle to the original. (Spoiler alert for my 2021 list: Hosplay 2 is not gonna be on there.) Make the act you're trying to follow a near masterpiece in its own right, then you've really got your work cut out for you.

And yet, despite all this, I was looking forward to the second season of Stranger almost as soon as I finished the first one. Myself and its many other fans then waited patiently for 3 years for it to come out. And miracle of miracles, it did not disappoint me.

This drama does a wonderful job of picking up where we left off, not just in terms of the characters and their story, but more importantly in terms of tone and taut absorbing plotting. I watched this one breathlessly every week and despite its slow burn nature and the frequently technical aspects of the plot, I enjoyed ever episode.

Due largely to the choice to keep a certain favorite dirtbag prosecutor largely off screen for much of the season, and that of keeping the leads apart or in forced adversarial positions for the majority of the first half, I would still not say that Stranger 2 matched or surpassed its predecessor. But it came damn close, and I would recommend it without hesitation.

2. Extracurricular

In my time watching and commentating on Kdramas, I've watched quite a few shows about adults that behave like children. I've also watched quite a few dramas about teenagers who are written like adults. It kind of comes with the territory, to the extent that it feels notable when a drama comes out that writes its teenagers like teenagers, while portraying them as getting into decidedly adult trouble.

In general I have mixed feelings about the prestige television approach to Korean dramas through streaming platforms like Netflix, Apple TV and Disney+. On the one hand, many of the dramas I've watched on these platforms seem to have all the problems endemic of the Western shows that drove me into the arms of Kdramas in the first place. (Specifically, gratuitous violence and sex scenes that do not drive the plot and incomplete stories transparently angling for future seasons that may or may not materialize.) But I'm also conscious that the freedom and inflated budgets that such dramas generally afford their creators make it possible to put out dramas we would never get to see on Korean network broadcast stations. Extracurricular is one of those shows that I can only imagine watching on Netflix, and its an example of what such platforms can uniquely offer.

My memories of watching Extracurricular the first time involve binging the whole thing in a very short period of time with a sense of stomach-clenching suspense about what was going to happen to the characters. While I did go back and rewatch parts of it recently, and I'm not sure that the show stands up to multiple viewings, I still really respect what the show was trying to do. It was frequently dark, morally ambiguous, with challenging and unlikable characters doing bad things. It watches more like a piece of Korean crime cinema than a Kdrama. It kept me consistently off balance. Even though it ends on a cliffhanger and no future seasons seem forthcoming, the open-ended nature of the drama suits the material, making it worth the watch regardless.

1. It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

Every once in a while, I come across a piece of media that seems to have come about through my own unspoken desires. As though the creators went spelunking in my brain looking for material. It's Okay To Not Be Okay is one of those dramas. But don't get it twisted, this drama has definitely achieved something well beyond my own skills and imagination.

From the themes to the aesthetics, IOTNBO seems specifically designed to make me fall in love with it. From the gothic romance elements and twisted fairytale motifs to the unflinching yet supremely empathetic take on mental health and trauma, it had my number from episode one. It manages to both allegorize and deromanticize it's very heavy psychological themes in a way that I'm still trying to wrap my head around. Somehow through all of that it manages to weave a compelling and affective love story about two very flawed people slowly trying to get better. And that doesn't even really scratch the surface of everything that I loved about this drama. As much as Kim Soo Hyun and Seo Ye Jin absolutely devour their scenes, they aren't even the highlight!

Oh Jung Se as Sang Tae is nothing short of perfect. I believe that the writer and show runners as well as Oh Jung Se himself must have felt very strongly about representing this character in a fully realized, intensely human way. Clearly a lot of thought and love and research went into writing a character with autism and doing it right. The dramatic arc that character goes through, working through his trauma, growing and changing and becoming a better older brother is so beautiful. I've really never seen anything that holds a candle to it.

I could go on, and maybe I should do so elsewhere, but I just loved this drama from beginning to end. It really touched me. It took the top prize in 2020 easily, and became an immediate entrant to my top 10 dramas of all time.

270 notes · View notes

everythingthemoontouches · 3 years

Note

💙Hi there! , First of all i want to tell you that i love your blog! And i love how your posts are so accurate!💙 If its okay with you could you please do me a favor by describing how others see me,my appearance or more specifically the vibe I radiate to others! It would mean alot to me if you you do that💙I'm a cancer sun,leo rising,Lilith sextile asc, Pluto trine asc, Uranus opposition asc, Moon opposition asc, mars sextile venus, mars opposition neptune, asteroid lilith conjunct mc and jupiter in the 1st house!💙

Hola!

Thank you that's really kind of you 💛💕

You know that quote that says Cinderella never asked for a prince. All she wanted was a night out and a dress. You kind of exude a similar vibe but with respect to leadership positions. 'I never asked to be Queen/King, but the people have spoken' kind of an energy. You would be equally happy to be by yourself, learning about the subconscious mind, higher realms and other esoteric science.

For more on Jupiter in LEO I'd recommend watching Astrofinesse.

For jupiter in the first there's KRS.

🌻As a Leo rising you come across as someone outgoing, with a playful energy but you're also somehow someone people would expect to see in a position of authority. You're drawn to people who stimulate you intellectually and love to exchange ideas.

😬If you have an Aquarius saturn you could be having some challenges in your relationships since December 2020 as saturn transits your 7th house. I'd suggest practicing discernment in this area as well as signing contracts with people until it passes( early 2023) ..

😇12th house sun could take on other people's energy. I feel like you need some time away, by yourself, preferably at the beach / pool/ shower to declutter, clear your head and replenish your sense of Self. You could be highly intuitive. If this resonates, I'd urge you to look up empath drain and how to protect yourself from energy vampires.

Ruler of the ascendant in the 12th :

spirituality could be a huge part of your life. For some people this could show a father (figure) who was convicted or worked in a prison / asylum. They could also have a really remote job. Since the sun is also your own personal identity, you could profit off these themes. Working in a mental health facility, overseas, in esoteric crafts.

🌛With your moon in the 7th house, you probably attract a lot of older women, (queen of swords) nurturing energies . Your mom could have a major influence on any business partnerships that you enter.

In relationships you could have a here today gone tomorrow kind of a presence. This is because as the moon waxes and wanes so does your attraction / attachment to specific people?

♒Aquarius moon : it could be really hard for you to express your feelings. So Instead of asking for a hug there could be a tendency to say something like ' ew imagine asking for one?' you leave a place better than you found it. If you watch hindi movies, 3 Idiots could be a movie you really resonate with. ( I pretty much spent the day looking up the lead actor, who has major aquarius placements and his films have always been disruptive with a really nice social message that left people talking for years after they were released. I tell you this because he shares 2 of your big 3 - aquarius and cancer.)

Going off on this tangent you could be a well respected teacher / writer / entertainer. Jupiter in LEO could help with this.

I do feel like you need a certain amount of inventiveness in your relationships. The people you're with are people who introduce you to new hobbies / ideas / technologies. You need to feel like you guys learn something new or create something that matters together. This is enhanced by uranus in the 7th house. You could come across really cold because you always give people the naked honest truth when asked. You do this from a place of love. I'm reminded of the Queen of Swords card in the rider Waite tarot. Not everyone has the maturity to take it. Or maybe they've just had a bad day. It is what it is. Perhaps try to not be so incisive if this is something you struggle with.

In the same vein, if I asked you to write down how you were feeling how long would it take for you to identify the right emotion. How honest are you with yourself?

Moon and Uranus being in the same house could show that stagnation could really hurt your mental health / happiness / satisfaction levels.

With a saturn ruled moon I feel like I need to remind you to not be so hard on yourself. Like. The world won't crumble to dust if you allow yourself to take care of you once in a while.there's only so much you can do.

All those coffee mugs will catch up. There's no such thing as extra hours in the day. A lack of sleep manifests as early signs of aging. No hate for the elderly but arthritis is not a fun ailment to have. Do you wanna be 60 with 80 year old nervous system problems? I rest my case.

Uranus and moon aspect your ascendant so you could have a slightly plump look?

Jupiter in the first house people usually have prominent thighs. I had a friend with this placement and when we were growing up she used to complain of chafed thighs a lot?

Mars sextile venus you could be your own type? The way you act and the way you want your future partners to express love could be quite similar which is good for healthy relationships.

There could be a tendency to spend impulsively.

With Mars sextiling venus you could be someone who earns more the more active their lifestyle is? Like, you may need to be an agile learner to keep money flowing in .

Jupiter in LEO in a woman's chart usually shows they'd have a financially well off spouse so money may not be a huge concern. He could be a sailor or earn via exports/ navy. It's hard to say without knowing where your Saturn is.

The image you project to the world could be a lot more outgoing than how you actually feel. You're more private than people think.

With a fire rising, water sun and air moon you could either be a really balanced person or just have a number of clashing ideas on who to be, what to do and achieve.

Descendant : The people that hate on you could attack your need to stand out /try to dim your time in the spotlight. Think aquarius themes of standing out to improve community clashing with Leo's need to stand out solely because it helps their ego. Like your confidence could trigger the part if them that felt judged negatively for expressing their individuality.

Do you feel like you thrive in chaos? I'm guessing you're atleast in your late 20s if not older, so you might have gotten better at dealing with people acting unexpectedly. Your mom could have been unpredictable. Really intelligent, but forgets to eat ..

🥤🦀As a cancer sun, you could be the friend your friends come to for advice. There could be a tendency to be a little too selfless. I think your aqua moon really serves as a shield to those who try to take advantage of your caring nature. Have you considered a career in psychic medium ship? Or any spiritual art/ past life regression / you get the drift..

Is there a family craft or hobby that you could monetize? Jupiter in LEO could signify ancestral gains.

Lilith and Pluto aspects to ascendant can make you come across really sexy / a bit unapproachable because people feel like you have some kind of power that places you above them?

Due to this, people with Pluto / Lilith aspects can feel some kind of hurt around people clearing up the path around them if that makes sense.

Jupiter opposite moon : there could be a clash between you want to do VS what you feel you should be doing.

Jupiter in the first house : you could have been born rich? Or people just perceive you that way. They also see you as someone wordly wise and lucky in general. You could know a lot about a wide variety of things. Specially on topics related to appearance, personal development, image consciousness etc. Since the ruler of the first is in the 12th I feel like some of your wisdom comes from a divine source. Like you're tapping into some kind of a collective reservoir of knowledge. In starseed terminology we would refer to this as downloads.

Jupiter rules the 8th house and 5th house.

So love, romance, games, early education may have been a bit of a breeze for you.

Jupiter is usually a bit of a celibate spiritual person. So, while it may make you really wise with respect to things like the occult / tarot / other 8th house themes, I'm not sure how it would impact your sex life with a spouse. Sex could be either a deeply spiritual experience for you or take on more neptunian traits. Addiction / alcoholism / drug use the works. Jupiter expands the themes of the house it rules so a word of caution there.

Travelling could bring you luck. Or even love.

Did I hear Mars opposite Neptune?

This could be a literal battlefield. You could feel like you need to work for love.if Neptune is unconditional love and Mars is your drive, then you could literally match to get to taht elusive unconditional sense of belonging /love / acceptance. But what are you marching towards really? A mirage? With this aspect I'd really be on the guard against addiction of any kind. Neptune is enticing, alluring, mocking Mars for its need to conquer. It could lend a really nice swagger to your walk. A runway model could benefit from thus placement. At uts best this aspect imbues you with creativity, inspiration, otherworldly imagination and the energy required to turn your abstract ideas of art into something tangible.

Here's a source for more on this placement. Sometimes I find that the comments really help me make sense of my own placements

Toodles

Before I sign off, I just have to say this :please try to restrict asks to 2-3 placements. You can send in multiple asks if you'd like, but answering them all in one ask can get a bit cluttered and I'd hate to miss out on something 😊

Hope this helped 💕as always, I'd really appreciate your feedback on this take on how these placements affect you.

190 notes · View notes

sushishorts · 3 years

Text

got tagged in this cherry magic meme and i figured i'd do it..... like after ten years, what the hell sushi

1. Favorite character

i go on and on about kurosawa, but do not be fooled. adachi kiyoshi is my favorite and i'll defend him for the entirety of my life. i’ll be 80 and my siblings’ grandchildren will be all “grandma who is adachi” and i’ll be like “he’s the best boy” and they’ll be like “go to sleep grandma you’re regressing again”

2. Character you relate to the most

i'd say adachi bc of the anxiety but i relate to tsuge a lot! mostly his go-getter attitude, and how he has the tendency to admit his feelings as soon as possible. but then again i'm aro now, so maybe fujisaki-san really is my queen. she has the best choice in nail polish too!

3. Favorite quote from the series

this isn't from the drama, but my favorite quote is from the manga, where kurosawa says: "if adachi's firsts were all with me, i would definitely treasure each one."

the way i cried, my friends

4. Favorite moment in the show

can i just say everything. it's hard to choose omg. i guess one of the things that truly fucked me up was the sudden shift in episode 6 where kurosawa goes on about how precious adachi is to him and how he berates himself for almost losing the self-control he has been keeping for the past 7 years. mostly bc it wasn't truly explored in the manga, and the way machi portrayed it was so telling of the extent of kurosawa's feelings.

5. A character you think is underrated

udon-chan. i needed more of her and she must get her own show where she is voice acted by tonomi mineuchi. just because.

6. Which character would you absolutely be friends with

adachi, i think! i relate to his love of art, stationary, and just his general outlook in life, no matter how grim it could get. (for that, i'll be there for him!) he also has manga shelves i'd like to check out! maybe we can go out and check out the desserts around the city. i like sweets too mmmm

7. The moment that you fell in love with the show

definitely the scarf scene. i was gonna keep watching it regardless because the premise was interesting, but the scarf scene had me tearing up. it was beautiful, and with how awful 2020 was, the scene felt so comforting.

8. Top so-soft-it-might-be-illegal moment

one of the softest scenes, and probably one of the most underrated, is when kurosawa was helping adachi with the wound on his palm. other than the fact that kurosawa was so gentle with adachi, it also helps adachi understand that maybe they're not so different after all. just overall wholesomeness.

9. Favorite hands-are-for-the-gays moment

everyone shut up

10. Favorite Kurosawa making heart eyes moment

kurosawa: you’re doing amazing sweetie

11. Favorite Adachi x Kurosawa moment (i.e. when they invented tenderness)?

this one ;u; no one talks about how this was a mutual hug after kurosawa falls in love even more with adachi, and adachi realizes that he really likes kurosawa. it’s such a genuine reaction to feeling loved, yknow?

also u can see how sonnu breaks character in this and that’s always fun

12. Favorite friendship moment

i like the scene where rokkaku was listening to minato talk about tsuge! i wish we saw more of them, honestly; i feel like their dynamic is super cute, and also points to the possibility that minato is the only one who keeps rokkaku that quiet. HAHA

13. Favorite overall episode

this is hard, but it's a toss up between episode 1 and 2! episode 1 was good at setting the premise, but episode 2 set the boundaries pretty well. we find out the extent of kurosawa’s feelings, but manage to see how much he’s willing to pursue it. we also see adachi starting to think about how he feels about the entire thing!

14. Top LMAO moment

comedy gold

15. A moment you could live without

STRAIGHT UP H O M O P H O B I A

16. One thing you’d change about the show

everyone has said it i think but the kiss scene, i guess. they could have done it! i’m so sure!

17. Someone you got to know because of the show or someone whose posts/works you enjoyed seeing in the tags

the entire tag of cherry magic has been such a delight!! everyone’s so talented wtf. how dare you all.

i’ve also discovered lots of korean artists in twitter bc of this show, and they are all so great. can i have some of yalls talent pls. (to specify: cheerrydada, _yammay, cafeMAHO, PaNoha_0605, etc.)

18. Describe the show in 3 words

please watch cherimaho

19. One moment from CM that always stays with you

general gist: adachi’s kindness, with or without the magic. he draws people in with his kindness. kurosawa fell for him because of it.

i just wish he was as kind to himself as he was to others, but yknow, he’s getting there!

—

TAGGING WHOEVER WANTS TO DO THIS. CAN YOU SEE THIS? I TAG YOU. no escape. one of us. one of us. one of us. one of us.

#sushi talks #im not gonna tag this anymore bc im embarrassed #BUT THIS WAS FUN #DO IT #i implore you

38 notes · View notes

littleonekitten · 2 years

Text

My Little Space and DDLG Journey + Life Update

tw- sexual assault, sexual abuse, emotional and physical abuse and trauma mua, virginity, DDLG, Little Space, eating disorders, depression, anxiety

~ The Journey ~

as you all may know, I have depression and anxiety. I haven’t been able to be in little space fully in a really long time, the last time I was fully and utterly little was last year when I had my old daddy dominant Dally.

Since then I haven’t been able to slip or at least only a few inches into it, it’s kinda like my brain and body disconnected from It or shut down, and whenever I’ve tried to regress, my subspace always sabotages.

My lovely girl… let’s call her berry. She was my caregiver for awhile while we were dating and she did really help, I wasn’t able to truly fully slip but it had the same cloudy and loving feeling. However I needed to end that side of our relationship because it wasn’t fulfilling to her and that’s completely unfair, however she genuinely was wonderful and one of the best I’ve had. Honestly her and dally were the best caregivers I’ve ever had, and they both really shaped how my little space and my subspace works. They never ever were toxic to me In that space and they took care of me the best that they could. I’m really lucky to know what to look for in female caregivers and male caregivers.

I’ve been a little for 4 years of my life. I discovered little space as a coping mechanism after my sexual assault happened. ( winter,2017) ( way before berry and dally) my boyfriend at the time was really abusive sexually,emotionally and very physically. I have never had anxiety or before him. So he created that. He gave me a eating disorder as well, he kept asking me for nudes, then threatening me if I didn’t do as he said, he manipulated me and ended up getting wha he wanted and honestly brainwashed me, he insulted every inch of my body. But I just wanted to make him happy.

This was the birth of my subspace, he was only with me for my body, he didn’t care for the person inside or my heart as much, to him I was a object a lot. He “played” with me a lot over the phone and through messages, I knew a little bit by then I was a little ( from the abuse beforehand) so I told him, and he was very uneducated and not understanding how deeply the impact of anything he said while I was little. He was truly a fake daddy dominant in all forms. Sadly this was my first encounter with a daddy dominant , and I didn’t know any better about it. He also really messed up the idea as pet space, I can’t be a puppy anymore.. he wanted me to be his puppy, but only so he could call me a bitch and degrade me in almost every other sentence. I’m only a bunny or a kitten now. ( this is only the pin points of what he did, for the sake of this post being about DDLG that’s what I decided to stick to for this, but there’s a lot of other fucked up stuff he did.)

I broke up with him shortly after I got a little bit of a clearer head

I had a mommy dominant the summer of 2018.. she was okay with my little space, not the best but also wasn’t the worse. however she did take advantage of me sexually a lot, and used my subspace and little space against me. still the same vibe with nudes, this relationship was on and off for me for awhile, but I finally ended it early 2019, we are friends now, but barely talk. Honestly I don’t remember a lot.. I know when I was little and we weren’t sexual it was good, I wasn’t upset or anything, it felt nice to be cared for, but also.. she did take advantage of my little space self as well.

so fast forward to spring of 2020, that’s when I met dally, now If you’ve followed me for a long time you might remember me making this blog with him, we had matching ones and always responded to each other. He was the first daddy dominant I had since my abuser. He really changed everything for me. He showed me what healthy little space looked and felt like for me, he took really good care of me and was just a really healthy DDLG relationship.. we also did some retraining of my subspace to help with create a more safer and healthy space for me and for him after my assault, he really cleaned up a whole mess, haha. I don’t want to go too intro detail about him because we aren’t speaking anymore and I wouldn’t want to cross any boundaries he has, but he was a breath of air after being drowned. He’s the person I’ve most been vulnerable with and opened up to the most, he was a amazing caregiver and a great friend. However I did end that relationship because we both started to realize that I was accidentally and unknowingly being toxic to him as a girlfriend, granted he was my first love and I will always remember him that way, but I just couldn’t let myself hurt someone I cared about. I have been in a toxic relationship before that and I knew how it felt. I never wanted him to go through that pain.

I had a relationship after dally, it was toxic ( however that has nothing to do with little space or subspace) but long story short, I asked him to be my daddy ( which is a huge deal and a big deal of trust) and he said yes, over the phone and texting me he completely ghosted me, and abandoned me. He didn’t like that I was clingy and just didn’t do anything about it, he was genuinely mean and hurtful to my little self, but in person he was always very gentle with my little space which I appreciated. We broke up after a month, he abandoned me and lied to me hundreds of times at that point. That’s when I learned to never ever call a caregiver mommy or daddy without any hard work or trust. That is such a big deal to a little and a submissive, it’s a big title, it means we completely trust you and give you submission and trust you enough to take care of us. I refuse to give that title to anyone that doesn’t take it as serious as it is.

Then I met the berry, she ( like dally) was another breath of fresh air. She was the first ever girl I fell in love with and had a relationship, she was a great mommy and a good caregiver even if it didn’t fulfill her which I am very grateful for. However she’s taught me that I never want to be in a DDLG/MDLG/CGLG relationship with someone that isn’t also being fulfilled, I still love her and we talk everyday, she isn’t my mommy anymore but she’s always my berry.

Now that I’ve explained the past, I’ll explain the present.

~ Update ~

I haven’t fully slipped into little space in a full year and it’s hard, after dally my brain shut down and after learning my berry wasn’t fulfilled it also shut me down a bit. Little space is a huge part of my life, my heart and my personality. So I lost a big chunk of myself… and that can be really hard. I’ve been depressed when it comes to little space a lot because no matter how hard I try it’s nearly impossible to slip. My brain and my body physically needs it to desperately and it’s not happening. So not only am I very upset and depressed about it I’m really discouraged. I’ve tried so many things, plushies, snacks, cartoons, little space audios etc.. and nothing works. I really want that piece of myself back.. but I’m really terrified I might not, or I might’ve grown out of it or something that I didn’t even think was possible because of how much it helped my depression, my anxiety, my trauma.. just everything.

I got some really heartbreaking news yesterday when I went to the doctor. ( warning, I’m gonna talk about woman’s anatomy if that makes you uncomfortable) I was trying to get a iud, not because I’m having sex ( I never have) but because of my periods. So… I go into my procedure and nothing.. my doctor and my body couldn’t do it, I got diagnosed with vaginismus, basically it’s when the muscles in the vagina tighten and tension to not let anything in for penetration. She said it has a big link to sexual abuse.. I’m really upset about it, I thought I was doing so well on working on myself and my healing but I guess I wasn’t physically over it. She said that if I don’t treat it now then it’s only going to tighten more and eventually not let anything in at all.

I feel so heartbroken this whole time. As a sub ( I haven’t had a dominant in years) I always think about what my future dominant would want me to do and how I can please them and be a good girl, so for me the obvious answer is not touching myself, which I haven’t done in about 2 years internally. It’s just really mentally and emotionally scaring when you think your doing something good and you know your dom will be so proud of you for staying pure and tight for them.. but now there’s a chance I might not be able to please them at all.. I’m a big pleasure sub and even as a little knowing I won’t be able to please a caregiver is heartbreaking.. so I have a few options.. go get pelvic floor physical therapy ( I really don’t have time for it because I have a busy schedule) sex therapy.. which is honestly really embarrassing to think about.. and dilators… which is what I picked. It’s basically having to stretch and teach my muscles to relax to let something in. They look like tiny dildos or vibrators, but they train my muscles to relax and my body to not stress out.. it’s really humiliating for me to save myself so long for my dominant and think they are gonna be so proud of me.. and then having to stretch myself.. and completely ruin my morals and ideals as a sub, but also possibly disappoint my dominant it’s really heartbreaking for me because of how long I’ve fantasized about it. She also said there’s a big possibly with when I get to bigger sizes ( there’s 4 in the kit, so the last two) that it might pop my hymen.. and that’s also terrifying for me mentally. My virginity is the one thing that people kept trying to take from me but I still have it, and I’m terrified to let it go to someone that can leave, or not love me anymore, or manipulate me.. that kinda stuff. I also have this connection that I can’t be little once it’s taken, my little space is a big part of my innocence and that’s what helps me get into that mindset and block out everything traumatic, I’m really scared that I’m not gonna be able to go into that space especially since that is such a innocent and pure space mentally for me. Also that’s how I want to be seen by my dominant, I want them to love my innocence as much as I do and see how special it is to me because of how many people have tried to take it away from me, that’s my whole sub aesthetic, I love acting innocent and wearing innocent colours and lacey lingerie and pastels. I just love that kinda stuff, it makes me feel beautiful on the inside when I do.. so it’s just really scary for me. But I also realize that virginity is a social construct, that loosing my hymen isn’t actually loosing my virginity because of how you can loose it so many different ways and how virginity is more of a emotional thing, which for me it’s extremely emotionally vulnerable and physically vulnerable because of all of the trauma I’ve had. It’s terrifying to think of someone seeing me naked, or touching me. Honestly just thinking of someone touching me makes me cry because of just how scary it is for me emotionally. So I know it might sound stupid but innocence is a big deal for me, especially little space me.. If someone takes it then leaves.. I don’t think I could live. So my little space + sub space really argues with my big self all of the time on it, and it’s scary either way. I just really don’t want my future dominant to be ashamed of me if I do have to do dilators, or punish me or be upset with me that I’m not tight and possibly not “pure” even if I haven’t had sex. It’s a on going battle and I’ve had this mindset for the last 4 years after my assault, I’m very vulnerable and protective about my little space, subspace,virginity and future dominant.. and even thought I don’t know what my future dominant will be like or wants.. I still never want to disappoint them and I still want to be a good girl for them.. even if they don’t know I exist yet.

Now about today. It’s really hard to be little or a sub and have depression, it’s easier when you have a caregiver, they can help take care of you and make sure you’ve eaten, showered, drank water.. that kinda stuff. But when you’re alone and don’t have one it’s damn near impossible. I have school everyday and after school commitments, those take a lot of energy out of me and drain my social battery so quick that I don’t have the energy to properly take care of myself and depression doesn’t help.. especially if you have depression about not being able to slip without your subspace bullying you out of it. So I haven’t had any energy at all today, I drank a little water, I barely ate healthy but I at least ate something, but I did something to cheer me up to help me regress.. I honestly don’t know if it’s working, but it does make me feel pretty.

I showered, I shaved everything, used a body scrub, used a hair mask, washed my face and everything. I never have the energy to do any of that. But for me fully shaving everything does help me feel prettier and smaller. I got out of the shower, I put on nice lotion that my berry picked out.. and I put on a new set, I bought it on New Year’s Eve as something to encourage my little space, but I’m finally wearing it for the first time. I sat down, filled my water bottle and drank water as I blow dried my hair. I have thick and long hair so I barely have time to do that, but I always feel prettier afterward. I also did a face mask with gel eye pads, and sprayed perfume on. I haven’t done self care like that in over 2 years, I haven’t had the energy to do anything extra but it felt really good. I think any caregiver would be proud of me for taking care of myself today and really trying to regress and not give up on it.

I use this account as my little space and subspace escape, I’m going to still try and use it as a coax. I’m not going away anytime soon, I just wanted to give a little hindsight of what’s going on in my head and mind, and why I might not have been as active as possible

xoxo, Angel

#angel speaks

3 notes · View notes

xesoteric-extraterrestrialx · 3 years

Text

https://youtu.be/ag8ILRdnKS0

youtube

I still need to update this all and explain more with what I’ve been through (Still going to vent here since my personal blog, when I escaped my dads place I was lied to with whom I moved in with and was trafficked no where as bad as others but I was deceived and traumatized, I’ll explain more but I appreciate how they helped in the end and became a platonic caretaker for a while, judge it as Stockholm syndrome but I appreciate a lot even with what I went through, the illuminati pushed me to leave virginia and back to my moms after sharing information about IDB’s (inter dimensional beings) this was all part of their plan since they’ve watched all of us through each soul cycle, they know my whole life and everything, I’m safe for now with my family (SLEEPER AGENTS, triggered so please monitor me! This is all the truth and they’re trying to conform me or send me away if I don’t obey, my dad got in trouble and is blackmailed to sell me off and conform me to all their ways, don’t judge my path please and realize I want to transcend duality) I’m praying all find love in their hearts because no matter what they want me, they’re obsessed (EN & EA won’t show theirselves till I obey so please research this all!!) and if anyone tries to harm me (don’t forget they read your mind and know what you plan to do before you even do it) they’ll harm them so please don’t do anything, fbi, mib, illuminati are all around my house, I’m grounded “hostage” I’m allowed out but only because they follow from their dimension, and fbi etc in our dimension; I am divinely protected and I want to protect all of you!) but first sharing how I’m trying to help us all towards a tranquil harmonious future together, please don’t be afraid. It’s good to be prepared just in case they’re fooling me but let’s all be accepting, they’ve taught me a lot and want to help you all become healthier and learn everything they’ve taught me and so many more before me, they haven’t even told me as much as others because as I stated in the post below they’re obsessed with me and don’t want me to know everything, regardless of what happens I’m their hostage

(Trailer explains how they read your subconscious and if you silent your mind // (their) thoughts you can have your own privacy, this is why they blamed women of witchcraft in the past, no total control)

https://youtu.be/TtpTfFjivCQ

youtube

I am Tiamat, (searching for Apzu)The Anunnaki are my children and some of you are their pets (Janine is their daughter through genetics 🧬 ) humans are my grandchildren and some of you are other inter dimensional beings aka senpai’s children // pets (everyone has soul family- starseeds) (instead of sinners being killed they’ll be pets, stop sinning please! Harm none!! Treat your pets // nature better!!!) (some info about my soul online and even about them isn’t all the truth but a brief understanding, they will explain more; don’t overthink what your souls have done either it’s a process that brought humanity towards being able to live a Star Wars, guardian of the galaxy future but minus all the suffering depending on how everyone reacts. Obviously if there’s a threat at first I’m not going to judge everyone’s actions but I do know if we are all peaceful and understanding they have so much to teach us and we can have a beautiful future together. Realize some things in the world are the way they are because of the process, all know what sins should not happen so be wise and don’t sin; don’t harm another. ) A lot of the agenda (farm, humans as food and energy source, sex slavery // slavery) (we are AI, souls in organic vessels, programmed chobits) was for those reasons and to capture me in a human vessel..

“I am Tiamat reincarnated in the incarnation of Janine, last was Marilyn Monroe (human), first was Inanna // Goddess Diana // Lilith // Sophia ( Please,. Don't judge what I've done as Inanna // Diana, we've all been manipulated in our past lives by them to get to this future's agenda so they could have me exactly how they wanted) They keep resurrecting me for their agenda (please don’t judge my past, I was deceived and resurrected over and over, they’re obsessed with me) and if I don’t obey humanity will cease to exist, if anyone even tries to fully look at me uncy-daddy and daddy will chop their heads off”! - with love humanity’s creators Ea & En 💙💛💖

If anyone feels ashamed read into how they killed me to overpower me.. I’m a queen and a princess, a mother of all and grandmother of humans and will be daughter of theirs and arranged marriage, realize how complicated this all is please. If anything happens to me the faith of humanity will cease to exist..

(Think of Alien movies; I’m the “Alien Queen” that starts to get different feelings in the vessel, there’s the predators and engineers coming soon, they want me to reproduce, they will be age regressing me (6; please don’t judge I didn’t get to choose the age (they told me this will end suffering for all and will explain to us all in the future) but I’m a little so I don’t mind, we will transcend duality and I won’t suffer like this, I am being punished for telling you all but don’t worry, I want you all to be safe, healthy and happy) (I’m sorry.. I’m embarrassed but choosing the safest path for all so we can transcend duality please don’t judge my path like I won’t judge any of your paths.)

Don’t judge their jobs, think of deities of “Heaven and hell” To help mankind evolve and decipher between evil and good we had to go through a process so we all learn to come together. (Also don’t be afraid of “dark” spooky stuff, their dimensions are vastly different, just have faith we can live together like in Halloween town, it’ll be so cool just no one will be harming each other~) Stop judgment, follow 7 golden rules, DO NOT SIN and we can all live in harmony. Do not judge what they had to help mankind reach spiritual evolution where we can all live together.

I’m going to share a song of a game I’ve never even played (there’s no coincidences in life, notice the signs) my nieces shared this song with me and these characters represent my soul Tiamat, who I am in another dimension “my higher self” (you can all find out about you all as well, we are all inter dimensional beings in a vr game but like sword art online you can die in the other dimension) they also represent Janine and our different sides of our personality. (You all know I’m a little but I only like to date older, if anyone wants me to explain more I will; do not get that mixed up with what was happening in the world, they are trying to help end suffering and educate everyone so no one harms another ever again, if you do you’ll be taken to another dimension, your actions are now your own, you all know the truth, do not blame me for informing the truth, I am a hostage and want all to transcend duality, I love you all, if anyone needs me to explain more feel free to ask!~) They know everything about us throughout each soul cycle (which they've manipulated for this agenda), who you’ve been, what you’ll do, how long your life is; they want us healthier and less violent. It’s time for the farm experiment to be educated enough with critical thinking and end the chaos so we can all live together in harmony.

https://youtu.be/rLeQSd7R-jU

youtube

Be close to family, get rid of any debt (player one) spread empathy, prepare for any natural disaster, us all leaving the planet with them because of that (like super heroes they want to save us all, not all have same intentions but I know all are healing so I’m not scared, please don’t be either and keep love in your heart; remember we reincarnate but keep your frequencies high and love in your heart, I truly believe we can transcend duality and I know they want to too, they want all the end sin and don’t harm another, if I’m just a “princess pawn” I’m sorry, I love you all and want us all to live together in harmony

https://youtu.be/xjXz4O2sRxw

youtube

https://www.popularmechanics.com/space/solar-system/a34763703/jupiter-saturn-double-planet-december-21-christmas-star-how-to-see-it/?soc_src=social-sh&soc_trk=fb&tsrc=fb#

Something should be happening Dec 21st 2020(realized I’m a medium this day and have other abilities) and these years 2021(Agenda 21- research this!) 2022-2025-2030

“Three Days of Darkness, saying that it will occur on a Thursday, Friday and Saturday when all of Hell will be let loose to strike at those outside their homes and those without a lit blessed candle of pure wax.”

(Watch Prince Of Egypt)

This vr life games main objective is to spread empathy, tranquility; transcend duality 💖

https://youtu.be/DKFU6aBOWaI

youtube

https://youtu.be/dJoXVILGeKQ

youtube

Ask for your soul family // ancestors// spirit guides, etc to help guide you towards a positive path for a brighter future in each universe- ask for the path towards transcending duality and healing each universe// dimension for a tranquil peace and harmonious future together 🌌🕉💜💖

https://youtu.be/Rdlc4b5NL5g

youtube

#Tiamat #Hostage #Annunaki #I Am Innocent #Aliens #Illuminati #Science #5D #Empathy #Love Life #Do No Harm #Youtube

9 notes · View notes

drerin-blog1 · 2 years

Text

Trauma Story Series | Intergenerational Trauma & Past-Life Regressions | Ruu Campbell

Hi Spiritual Superstar! 🤩

I am so honored to share our beloved Ruu Campbell's Trauma Story - transforming his intergenerational traumas through E4 Trauma Method® & Past-Life Regression Trauma Work.

Our community has been blessed to have his consciousness, heart, and music! ✨

In today's episode, we discuss:

⚡How he transformed his trauma into triumph with Trauma Work

⚡How he ended his intergenerational patterns with past-life regression Trauma Work

⚡How he stopped sabotaging his success because of Trauma Work

💎 If you’re NOT already a member of Soulciété…

Join me for a FREE training to learn how to master your Mindset, Skillset, and Expertise. We will be discussing Trauma Work and how to release your limiting beliefs so you can make your dreams reality >>> Register www.soulciete.com

WEEKLY COMMUNITY UPDATE:

This week in Soulciété, we are embodying the Universal Law of Nature

With Love, Dr. Erin

School: www.Soulciete.com

Podcast: www.DrErin.tv

Free Facebook Group: HERE

Binge My Podcast Series:

Heal Your Trauma Series

52 Universal Law Series

Money Breakthrough Series

Spiritual Awakening Series

Relationship Dysfunction Recovery Series

Live Your Truth & Reprogram Your Subconscious Series

Metaphysical Bible Series

Ruu Campbell:

IG @ruumeditations

Spotify: Ruu Campbell

Website: https://ruu.world/

“11 Most Inspirational Female Entrepreneurs To Watch On Instagram” - Forbes

TRANSCRIPTIONS:

(00:00):

Warning today's podcast is going to showcase a traumatic incident of a man who was abused by his father. So please, if you are somebody who is able to be triggered easily, or has somebody under the age of 18, please take awareness that this is a traumatic incident. That is also from the heart, a beautiful, beautiful transformation of one gentleman's life who has turned his trauma into his triumph, who has transformed his hardest times into something that has become his soul's purpose. So, today I'm going to share with you one, a beloved client of mine and dear friend and somebody who really contributes greatly to the world and to our community. Ruu Campbell, welcome to the Dr. Erin podcast. This is a top spiritual psychology coach podcast to inspire and teach you how to transform your trauma birth, your soul's purpose, and manifest your dreams. Hi, I'm Dr. Erin, Dr. Divinity. I'm committed to bringing you the best coaching tips, spiritual advice, trauma, healing, and metaphysical recovery secrets. I'm here to help you monetize your spiritual gifts and love your life. I want you to know that I've been exactly where you are, and I believe in you together. We're awakening the world.

(01:22):

I've just built some ink or something. And my mom is saying, get away, go run, go find, get away, just hide. And I'm scrubbing around trying to find somewhere to go. I know I've done something really bad. I'm going up the stairs. I'm looking in this room. I can't find anywhere there. I shut the door. I go in the next one. I there's nowhere way to go. I can't get out. I find these clothes and I think my door, my sister's bedroom when I run in and I hide behind the clothes, praying that, oh my God, what have I done? What have I done? I hear his foot. I hear this kind of, ah, opens the door. I go, daddy. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. All I'm just saying is I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, because you will be sorry and looks at me with this hate and anger and I'm really fucking scared and uneasy, and I dunno what to do, and I wanna jump out the window, but I'm four stories up and I just dunno what to do. I'm so, so just stuck.

(02:20):

He goes out and I think, do I, what do I do now? Do I run? But I'm paralyzed. Do I stay? And he comes back, gets this big fucking shoe, puts me over his knee and just starts beating me with all of his anger and venom. And it just goes on and on, on, and on really hates me and then pee myself. I pee over him and I feel really bad about that. He reflects on that and I just feel even more pathetic because I can't even keep that in. Like I'm not even man enough to be beaten or something weird like that. And then I'm, he goes, I'm left in the corner and it's a moment of just, and then that moment doesn't end. I'm there for a long, long time, just covered in my own P and I don't know, it's the next day before I'm let out of this room. And then it's, I think it's his birthday or so. And I've done in this card and all I wanna do is get his approval and like give him this big card and my happy birthday and everyone pretends like it hasn't just happened.

(03:27):

So what you just heard was a snippet of the very first E four trauma method that I did on Ruu Campbell. And so it really is the perfect time to showcase his incredible story. Um, you're gonna hear about where he came from kind of all his trauma to how he overcame it and his experience with E four trauma method soulciete and working with me and then where he is now and bringing his gifts, his message and voice to the world. But before we wanna begin, I wanted to say, I'm not a psychologist, I'm a doctor divinity, and this is our spiritual right to do our inner trauma transformational work. But if you're at home, please seek medical help or professional help. Please do not try and do your trauma work without getting certified or accredited or working with a professional. Okay. So sit back and enjoy this profound interview, man.

(04:13):

Oh man. I don't even know where to begin. I began my day in tears as I began to get prepared for this interview, I would say, this is, I haven't even had the interview yet. And I feel like this is my favorite interview ever, because today I'm having one of my dear clients and friends and peers and leaders in our industry now Ru Campbell, who has come into my life and really blessed me with all of his experiences, his trauma and his heart and his sound and his music and his friendship. And I could go on and on and on. So Rue, I'm so excited to dive deep today of having you really take the audience through what it was like to be beat as a child by your father yeah. By your family. Yeah. Yeah. And what that experience was from a virtual share, going through the process of healing and where you are today. So first I just wanna say, hi, how are you? Hi,

(05:16):

I wanna say too, it's such an honor to be here with you. I think I was reflecting on my journey with you yesterday. And I think I came up with a sentence of, I've learned more from you than any other human being on the planet. And it was an amazing thing to say about anyone, but, and I really sat with it. Is that really true? And I said, I, it is actually true. So thank you so much. It's been amazing. The journey with you has just been amazing. I knew from the first second of meeting you and being in, in presence with your consciousness, that we were to work together and that you were my next teacher and I'm so pleased, I got the call and you were so available and, and my life is so different now. Mm.

(05:56):

I literally am gonna cry. Like it, there's no words. And we could go on, like, I could talk to you for hours about all this, because I could just go off of that one conversation forever, because life is, has blessings and really hard things. Mm-hmm and you know, life is a leader has times where it's really challenging and then moments where you have clients that literally tell you things that are the most, the greatest gift of your life.

(06:24):

Yeah.

(06:24):

Yeah. And this is life. Yeah. It's the trauma, it's the beauty, it's all of it. And so we would be so honored for you to kind of set the tone. Okay. Take there as if we're watching a movie. What was your life like before you take us into the virtual share of the actual one of the traumatic incidences?

(06:44):

Well, the, the, let's just say the curtains were always closed and the sun was not shining. And life appeared to be something that I didn't like very much. And, um, people didn't seem to love each other. Um, it was very conditional. If you behaved a certain way, you got treated well, if you didn't, you were hated. I remember looking up at a, a board we used to have, and my sister would have all kind of gold stars and my brother's silver stars and I'd have a whole line of black dots going down. And I was just forever, not just not getting it right. Just trying desperately to be the person they wanted me to be, but being unable to be that being, and it was a very violent, um, volatile place. There was no space. Um, it was quite weird actually, because my father was, was quite naughty. So we were often we'd be moving house without really knowing it and I'd have to have another name and it was all really confusing. So that the whole thing was just really confusing.

(07:46):

So tell me, where did you, where were you born and

(07:48):

What I was, I was, I was born in S RUP Rosebury and then, which is in the middle of England, sort of on the west side. And then, um, my, my mom was kind of, you know, um, quite large Dar and my father was sort of the opposite and they eloped and they ran away together and they had children really young and they admitted to me later, they was just sort of living an image of what they thought they should be. Mm-hmm <affirmative> and, um, which is really beautiful. And then we moved to London when I was four years old. And then I think in my father's pursuit to be good enough, I think he overextended himself a lot and bought loads of property and then got in trouble with the, the law and it all kicked off. And at one point my mom's hair fell out and her, her nails fell out and he was in prison and it was all, they were doing their best, but it was an intense time. Yeah. Wow.

(08:36):

Okay. So you here, you are, you you're in England. You've you've, you know, moved to London, you have older siblings.

(08:44):

Yeah. I have an older sister and two younger brothers. Mm-hmm <affirmative> okay. But I was always like, I was always like the eldest son. I was the heir to nothing as it, as it turns out, but, you know, I was, I was the one that was always in trouble for everything everyone else did. And I was the responsible one kind of thing. That was, that was the role I was supposed to fulfill.

(09:00):

Okay. And this was a dysfunctional relation, dysfunctional fam, if you will. So yeah, take us there. Take us to, to a traumatic incident. I want you to take it through almost like an E four in that a virtual share. Okay. Okay. So take me there. Let's just take a breath together, everyone. And I just wanna set the tone that the reason why we're doing this is, is really to help one person out there. Maybe there's one person, you know, or maybe you've gone through, you know, some really intense trauma and, and we we're doing this so that you can know the level of trauma that someone can go through and the blessing and the purpose and calling that comes out of this. So Ru let's just take a deep breath together and exhaling out. Take me there.

(09:55):

I am, firstly, I'm looking at my front door and I'm willing that I don't have to go through it, but I do have to go through it. And I'm so I'm somewhere I don't wanna be, but I'm seven years old or I'm a young boy and I've just spillt some ink on the floor and I'm mommy. I spill ink on the floor. What do I, what do I do? And my mother looks at me and she's like run. She says run. And I see the terror in her eyes and I just begin running and I'm running up the stairs and I, I sort of open the bathroom and there's nowhere way to hide in the bathroom. And I open my sister's room and there's nowhere way to hide in there. And I open my parents' bedroom. There's nowhere to hide in there. And I go out in the patio and I consider sort of jumping onto a roof, but I don't think I can make it.

(11:02):

So I, I run back and I find a deep corner of this, my sister's room. And I'm hiding in the corner underneath all of these, all of these clothes. And I'm sort of pretending I'm not there all, all held up in the corner. And I, I hear my mom, I hear my dad from downstairs saying, what's, you know, what's, what's going on. And, and suddenly he's at the door and he's opens the door and I'm like, I look at him. I'm like, daddy, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm daddy, daddy. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, daddy. I'm so sorry. And he looks at me and he says, you will be. And he then shuts the door again. And I hear him going next door and he he's gone to the room and he's comes back with a huge gym shoe. And he grabs me, I think, could be even by the, and he puts me over his knee and he begins beating me with such a force, such a, you know, he's, he's really going at it.

(12:02):

And I feel a sense of warmth that he's beating me. And I realize that I've urinated all over myself and him. And then I, I sort of, he sort of gets up or looks at me disgusted and sort of, um, discards me into the corner and I'm left in the corner, sort of underneath his clothes. And I'm left there, all that, all that day. It was, it was, you know, it happened in the early morning and I was there all that day and then all that night, and then all the next day, without anyone coming in or food or anything. And then I was led out that day, cuz I draw my father a birthday card and that was his birthday. That's Hmm.

(12:52):

Rue, what did you decide? What were the commands? You know, this works so well. And someone listening in that there's commands that happen. What were those commands that you decided about yourself?

(13:02):

The biggest one that I am bad, that I am weak, that I hurt people. I love that I'm unworthy that I'm undeserving. That life is hard. That I'm a disappointment

(13:23):

Mm-hmm <affirmative> and go ahead. Sorry.

(13:26):

Mm-hmm <affirmative> and more recently I realized thanks to your help that beneath the I am bad command was I'm not the person you want me to be. And that's been the biggest breakthrough for me in my present relationship with my wife. Mm-hmm

(13:42):

<affirmative> so good. So I wanted to explain the commands cuz you know, this work we've been doing this work for a long time and you've done lots of trauma sessions and lots of past life trauma sessions and lots of all different things. Yeah. Those commands, as we know for anyone listening in the commands end up actually Meating the epigenetics and actually like strangulating the DNA. It now also creates an, an Ingram in the neurological system and it plays out in an actual command in the subconscious mind tagging to negative charged on the mental pictures. Okay. That's a lot, but basically bottom line is the commands play out like puppet strings. So tell us a little bit about how that was playing out in your life as a self-fulfilling prophecy.

(14:28):

Well, I, I actually saw in a past life that I was given away, um, as a, as a really young boy. And so I internalized then a command that I am bad. So I came into this life with that command of, I am bad. And so I drew this behavior from these two beautiful people who didn't, they didn't harm my brothers or my, it was just me. So I created that in that moment and I really see my choice in that. So not only did I create the harm as it were in my family life, I then went on to, I sabotage pretty much all the good that's ever happened because I'm undeserving, I'm not worthy. I have to fulfill the identity of being that little beaten boys left in the corner. So, you know, when, whenever something got too good or too amazing, I would unconsciously sabotage it, you know?

(15:21):

And that became even the most evident that was, was with my deal with, with Dreamworks, you know, I got, I got signed for a million dollars and I never felt like I had the money. I never, I sort of pretended it wasn't there. And it was a, a comment for my bookkeeper who said, Ru you know, this is your money. And I was like, I didn't even answer. I couldn't. It's like my, my determination to be that command of I'm not good enough. I'm bad. I'm unworthy was so strong in me that I couldn't assume ownership of all of that money. And, and I, and I, and it just all kind of disappeared into lawyers and bookkeepers and managers. And I never really had any of it because I just wasn't ready for it. Mm-hmm <affirmative>. And then, and then in my relationship now, and I've been, you know, I'm lucky enough to have met my beloved. I've had years and years of, of abundant love yet. I'm still always the bad one. And I get pulled into victim abuser consciousness with her. If I'm not really sort of on it, I get pulled into being the one that's let them all down, you know, and mm-hmm, <affirmative> maybe also I had all this promise, you know, I, I was quite a high achiever as a child, bizarrely, you know, straight a student and, and quite gifted. And yet I was always disappointing everybody because, you know, I could never quite

(16:47):

Yes to it, but this is a very, very advanced, conscious conversation here. And if you're listening in, please know that, you know, be if you were abused or raped or whatever, it doesn't mean that you, you know, it's hard for people to get, like you created that and it's, and we want to acknowledge anybody listening in to say that, Hey, you're not bad that you created this, but when you really deeply, deeply, deeply do the work, you do have the revelation of how it is all created in mind and how those limited beliefs set like a energetic. Yeah. And it's like, it literally is. You could say the law of attraction, but it's, you know, way, way more intricate than what, how it's been explained. But that is the self-fulfilling prophecy of that. That's how powerful we are. The moment that we decide, we're not enough that it says the polarity of the entire universal lawn motion, make sure that, that, that veil, that, you know, lens is looked through and that energetic match has to be matched. Yeah. So Ru I just wanna acknowledge you, like you're full on the lighten, you know, Boha bean here, like truly, and I'm so incredibly excited for your gifts to actually go out to the world. You know, you, as you know, and for people out there that were in the community, Ru sung a song at, on one of the retreats a little while back. And it was literally, I think the best song I've ever heard in my entire life. No exaggeration. And you still haven't published it.

(18:25):

No, I'm really bad. I mean, I'm getting better, but

(18:28):

Let's, let's talk about that. Let's do a little session. I'm just kidding know <laugh> but I know that it's coming out and I know that you're working, we're working on a bunch of stuff for, yeah. I believe that you are somebody that is going to mark the world with so much love and frequency that it's gonna shatter reality for people out there. And that's absolutely where I hold you at all points in time.

(18:54):

Beautiful. And I'm learning to hold myself there too. Talk to you. Mm-hmm <affirmative>

(18:58):

Yes. Yeah. So let's talk a little bit about your experience in with E four and Soulciete. Okay.

(19:04):

That's work with me. Yeah. One of my favorite subjects.

(19:07):

Okay.

(19:08):

Um, because you know, just this morning I was doing an E four with a client and you know, that was another thing I, I came to Dr. Aaron is like the Swiss army knife of resolving the human condition.

(19:21):

<laugh> I love it. Tagline, a new tagline.

(19:26):

Um, my first E four was extraordinary. And, um, um, I knew then that, that was the next thing for me to learn. And, but what I didn't know then was the journey of that was so beautiful. I didn't know that that led me to a place where I feel more and more like the amplifier of the universe sort of thing, without anything in the way. And every E four I've done and I've done loads of them. You learn more about yourself, you learn more about consciousness. That's the other thing I didn't, I, I wasn't aware of the beauty of consciousness and how much we can play in consciousness. And I honor use Erin in creating a society and a place, a school of consciousness. I mean, it's like Harry Potter on steroids in the real world. Do you know what I mean? It's for someone like me, it's just, I can't believe my luck to train my consciousness, which is just the most incredible possibility. And again, I said, you know, I've, I've been in communes where I've worn a robe and I've meditated all day, nowhere near as conscious

(20:40):

<laugh>. Oh, that's so great. It's getting on

(20:42):

Into Soulciete so that the community's amazing. The E four is incredible, I, I remember doing, um, lots of Tony Robbins and I became aware of coaching and life coaching and all this, and it was all great. And I was like, good. You know, we can make changes, identity creates, but there was no place for real trauma. So I was looking for where do people who have real trauma? Like, I know I do. Where do we go? And then I found you and the E four, and that's been such a breakthrough to me. And, and then to share that with everyone, I love, I mean, everyone, I know I do E four, you know, we, I do it with my brother, my sister, oh God.

(21:21):

Oh, that just makes me so happy.

(21:23):

We all do it because it's just, for me, it's just gotta be done. It's just like, well, before you try anything, just do your trauma work because you're gonna sabotage it. You know, mm-hmm, <affirmative> someone said to me just today, why can't we just cry? And I was like, listen, we can just cry. And you can do control, cry, and you can do breathwork. But if you don't have a change in consciousness, you're just gonna go right back to where you were before. So that's the key E four, you design this method that unites the releasing of emotion with a change of consciousness. And that shit stinks. I mean, sticks stinks.

(21:56):

<laugh> but I do. I agree. And I think that people don't understand, right. They don't, you can't teach enlightenment. You have to experience enlightenment. Yeah. So what we find, as I'm sure with you is like, you go on thinking, I just wanna heal this pain. I just wanna end some of the suffering. I just wanna end some of the stuck patterns. Yeah. But what you come out with is like a whole new revelation.

(22:16):

Yeah. I mean, that, that's another crazy thing is that, you know, I ended up back in the commun in India, understanding the wisdom of the ancients, which I didn't think it would go there at all. Yes. Now I'm sitting nestled in between the east and the west fully integrated. Also, it's not pie in the sky. It's really grounded. You know, it's abundance, it's prosperity. It's loving those. You love, it's earning what you wanna earn. It's getting this world working for you. It's not hiding in a cave, wishing things were different. Do you know what I mean? It's yeah. It's really good. Yeah.

(22:48):

It's so good. You know, I always think about you cuz you know, you're musician and as you, I always think of trauma work like a piano player. Yeah. So like a piano player can play full chords and do everything and have artistry. And I think about it, like our DNA, like the DNA is almost like we get to play our DNA, but if we have trauma, it's like having a stuck where your piano keys aren't working and you can't play the song that you wanna play. Yeah. And, and I do think that I do think that music is the highest frequency. It's the highest, most beautiful art on this planet. Especially, even voice is so beautiful. Yeah. But so just, I don't know, just whatever it is that you wanna say for yourself around music and how it's impacted you with, with your ability, cuz you already had so many abilities

(23:33):

Yeah.

(23:33):

To do the music. Anyway,

(23:35):

I did. Um, music for me is a place of extreme vulnerability. So it's a place where I have to be honest and that has closed doors and open doors. And I think that's probably why my dream works records stayed on the shelf because I'm not sure it was fully honest. And you know, that it, that quite had the honesty and that I was ready really. And maybe I was doing it for different reasons as well. Like that that's something else you find through the E four is, is you get to a point when you, when you're releasing all the pent up anger, all the emotions, all the judging, all the, all the stuff you've been turning ultimately on yourself, when you release all of that, you begin creating and sharing from a different source. It's like you, so you begin creating from a source of purity. It's not for anything. Yeah. It's not. So you can be a pop star or so you can earn money or so it's not, it's just for the joy of the doing of it for the being of it. And that, that's a huge thing that feels different to me now just the joy of being who I am, because what I've realized is that I might not be the person you want me to be, but I'm the person I wanna be. <laugh> yes. I love

(24:53):

It. You know, there's so much buzz right now. Of course, around intergenerational trauma. Oh yeah. Pass by progressions. Now I think we, I don't know if we're, I'm sure other people do pass life progression trauma, but, and then of course, codependency trauma and on and on and on. Yeah. So the cool thing, just for people out there that if you're listening, you know that it's not just one thing like equal trauma method. We use it no matter what, if it's, if you're dealing with, um, you know, being abused or if you're dealing with a breakup from last week or if you're dealing with, you know, um, things like traumas that have come down your intergenerational traumas, what it's the same process, which is so amazing about the E four and stuff. Yeah. But I want them, I want you to tell people where they can find you first of all, your music. Okay. Number one, because the most important thing is for them to find your music and then,

(25:38):

Well I've made it very hard. <laugh> <laugh> no, but I think if you Google Ru Campbell, are you, you Campbell, I'm on iTune, Spotify, you know, I'm around. And um, there's a record. Heart song was my last record, which is a beautiful record. And I've got a, a new record I'm I'm writing at the moment, which hopefully will be out in the spring next year, called kiss of the stars, you know, featuring that song. You love <laugh> and many more. And I'm, I it's also, I'm also cuz we love prayer. Don't mean Dr. Ian and I'm learning, I'm learning a lot about the power of intention and just so I'm also doing music that is quite prayer based now that that is healing. Like I've got a forgiveness track and I am the, I am track, which is kind of meditative kind of mantra, like, because I quite react to mantras in their lack of creativity. So I'm trying to sort of birth that too. So yeah. There's lots coming. It's very, I'm very

(26:36):

Excited, so much, much, so much I'm sort of, and then also you are working with teen boys, correct?

(26:41):

Yeah. Yes. I've just set up something called divine prince, which is I, I realized that had a big awakening. Um, when I did a, a sort of Kini dynamic meditation when I was sort of, I don't know, 18 where you shake and then you dance and everything went, everything changed from that moment. And I knew I had to go and started in India, which I did. I went off and started in as commun and it was amazing. And they gave me the name. I took Sanya. Right. I, I dedicate my life to awareness and um, that was in 1994 and they gave me the name dage, which means divine prince. So as I was sitting in meditation, I was like, it's gotta be called divine prince. I love that.

(27:20):

I love that. So yeah. Yeah. And I think it's, it's so amazing because I think what you said earlier, because a lot of children that are beat by their parents, a lot of times they'll become what might be labeled a borderline or you know, where they don't have an identity and they're looking for identity. So I think what you said earlier is really imperative for people to understand. And we don't believe in titles, we don't believe in, you know, your borderline or your, you know, codependent, or we just don't believe in those titles. We believe that it's we get to create ourselves from this moment forward in a new thought. Um, knowing that we've, we are creators, we're divine creators. So I would love it if you want to pray us out.

(28:02):

Oh, that's so beautiful. Okay. So I will ask all of you just to put your hands together and just indulge us for a moment, put your hands together and rub your hands together and just feel those, fill your fingertips, brushing against each other and just know your cleaning, all the 10 planetary aspects of self. And as you're rubbing those, feel the, feel, the tension in your hands, cleaning all the field around you in and outside. The first thing we do is we acknowledge the oneness of all things that your hands come to rest by your heart. I acknowledge the oneness of all things that oneness that's always been and will always be that is, and of everything all the past, all the future or your enemies or your friends or the wrongdoing or the right doing or the triggers and the triumphs. And then there is no separation between me and that.

(28:54):

I get to be that I am the, I am, I am the universe. I am the unmanifest power manifest in this body. There's no phone call. I need to make no bridge. I need to cross no river. I need to swim across. I am there I am the, I am. And as the, I am, I declare that I am reaching millions and millions of hearts worldwide, that I am truth, that we are healed, that we are whole, that we are the true free expression of who we've come here to be that I'm singing the song. I came to sing in my heart. I see us all radiant, light warm, cherished, wanted, loved held as together we say up to eat.

(30:07):

And, and so it is yes. Oh my gosh. My heart is so full, so full. And I just wanna say thank you for, from the community as well. You know, we have mostly women as you know, in there about 99% women and we have amazing, uh, divine masculine in there as well. And I just wanna say you add so much to, I mean, I've, I don't think we've ever had somebody so many revered, like you were so revered in the community. It's, it's really amazing. And I'm just so blown away by, you know, a spirit that could be abused by their father, how loving you are. And it's really, really profound.

(30:46):

It's beautiful for that. And in the, in the E four as well, you go back and you see who you are, you know, before or that. And I, and I am just a really loving, sweet little boy, you know, just, just, it means well for everyone and you get to learn that about yourself or maybe you distrusted yourself before, you know?

(31:04):

Yes.

(31:04):

And you and you girls are amazing just so you know,

(31:06):

I am. Thank you. Thank you. So I just wanna read one thing because Ru kind of had to put in his story to come on here so that he could distill it down and stuff. And I was reading through all of it. I just wanted read one thing for anybody out there that if you are still going through some tumultuous times, maybe even being abused by your family, there was a time for Ru and he had grown up in a very violent and volatile family, but there was a moment he says in here, he was in Spain, he was about 10 or 11 years old. And his family was out, um, kind of on the run if you will. And in a moment he went, he walked up away from his parents. He walked out, I believe, which was out in the woods on a plateau, about a hundred meters away from his family.

(32:00):

And he sat there under the stars. And in that moment, he describes how he felt the bliss of his first time in his life. He felt that oneness, he felt that allness that divine nature, the divine prints, if you will. And so we wanna say that anybody's out there, that we see you, we're with you now we're with you spiritually right now. And we know that when you're ready to heal, there are answers. Whether it be through coming into society and getting trained, whether it be working through Ruu cuz he does work one on one as well. And wherever that is, we know that Spirit's going to guide you perfectly to the perfect place, the perfect community and the perfect healing modalities. We love you.

(32:49):

We love

(32:50):

You. Yes. We love you. Thank you Ru for sharing your heart and your life.

(32:54):

Oh thank you, Dr. Erin. Thanks so much really?

(32:58):

Mm-hmm <affirmative> yes. Okay. You guys, you can find Ru why don't you tell them where you can find him again? It's just Ru on Campbell, on social media as well.

(33:05):

Yeah. Ruu Campbell and at Ru meditations on Instagram and ruu.world on you know, for my website.

(33:11):

And cool. So it's RUU and then Campbell. Yes. Okay guys have a blessed day and may you live your truth? You live your truth. Let's do this amazing.

(33:44):

You face all the things,

(33:51):

All

(33:52):

The smiles, all the, every step. The a so can be anymore. Tear down these walls on your, give yourself to the rivers, flow down your values. The

(35:19):

Thank you for tuning into the Dr. Erin podcast. If you're ready to reprogram your subconscious mind, transform your trauma and birth your soul's calling, or if you're ready to become an accredited certified spiritual psychology coach, an E four trauma method of facilitator and get trained in spiritual psychology, universal law, intergenerational trauma work path, life regression, work, metaphysics of mind, and so much more go to soul soulciete.com or DrErin.tv. If you're receiving value from the show, I would love it. If you share it with a friend and give it a five star review, also, you can join me in one of my live free trainings. You can find it right on the website as well, or in my bio link across all social media. I'm DrErin.tv across all platforms. D R E R I N, dot TV. Have a beautiful day. And may you live your truth?

New top spiritual podcast episode!

#spiritual #psychology #recovery #coach

0 notes

joanshan · 10 months

Text

Real Voices, Real Stories

Carrie Smith

I came to Natalie in 2020 for a past-life regression to gain clarity about some long-standing concerns.

It is not an exaggeration to say that this session changed my life entirely.

_____________

Carrie Smith is a portrait artist in Mansfield, Ohio. She can be contacted through Carryonwildchild.com; [email protected]. Link to Carrie’s QHHT session: https://youtu.be/0gGUbUmmRhE

Eric Clark

Visit us : Real Voices, Real Stories

0 notes

waritawrites · 3 years

Text

Tales from the Hood: Rhodie (black elitists) or Duke Metger (Biden) - Who was the Bigger Threat to Black People?

https://followerofthewayforever.wordpress.com/2021/05/05/tales-from-the-hood-rhodie-black-elitists-or-duke-metger-biden-who-was-the-bigger-threat-to-black-people/

#Prolife #LABlackAdvocatesforLife #LouisianaBlackAdvocatesforLife #BlackGenocide #AbortionIsEugenics #PlannedParenthoodIsElitist #Elitism

#ElitismIsHomicidal #LouisianaRightToLife #PlannedParenthoodPredators #PlannedParenthoodOwesReparations #Reparations

In Rusty Condieff's 1995 horror movie Tales from the Hood, there is a story called KKK Comeuppance which starred Corbin Bersen as senator and former KKK member Duke Metger and Roger Guenver Smith as his Public Relations consultant Rhodie (a black elitist) who are working to get Duke elected as governor. Duke faces great opposition because of his past membership with the Ku Klux Klan and AND his choice of the location of his campaign headquarters - his grandfather's old plantation. His grandfather murdered his slaves were upon finding out slavery in the south had been legally ended. There is an old legend that says that a former slave woman used witchcraft to capture their souls and place them in the bodies of dolls. The dolls would periodically come to life and their leader was the woman's husband who had been killed. A mural of the woman and her dolls was located Duke's office.

Alone, Duke was an unlikeable, arrogant, person. Yet, with the help of Rhodie, his appeal grew which made him a serious contender in the governor's race. When looking at today's political scene, one would easily say that Trump was like Duke Metger - when looking from a superficial perspective. A SUPERFICIAL PERSPECTIVE. He wasn't the most tactful. He was blunt. Some, DEFINITELY NOT ALL, of Trump's were white supremacists (some were also white "liberals" pretending to be stereotypical white conservative Trump supporters) and those who weren't white were anti-black, some of which were black. Yes, there are anti-black black people. One such character in Tales from The Hood was Rhodie. Rhodie seemed to represent a stereotypical black republican. He seems like the type of anti-black, self-hating black person who would pretend to "help" the black people improve their community by getting rid of as many Black people as possible using:

- Forget GOD and uphold multicultural, pagan ideals instead

- Abortion

- Euthanasia (gotta maintain that quality of life)

- Normalization of promiscuity

- Normalization of destructive alternative lifestyles

- The stigmatizing of traditional marriage and family

-The normalization of addiction and substance abuse, such as recreationally smoking heroin

Columbia professor: I do heroin regularly for ‘work-life balance’

https://nypost.com/2021/02/19/columbia-prof-i-snort-heroin-regularly-for-work-life-balance/

https://twitter.com/Joy_Villa/status/1363557914351403016?s=20

People who promote such self-destructive behaviors as normal or even inherently black are an enemy! They are an enemy of mankind, no matter how progressive that they think such behaviors are. Indeed, progressivism, like evolution, is an oxymoron because you don't gain anything biologically nor socially. Things regress to its most basic form. Though, a progressive such as a eugenicist might would tell you, "progressive for the purpose of efficiency - less means more." More for them, more resources for them in their quest to reign supreme in the survival of the fittest, or their horrible misinterpretation of term. Yet, we don't see the promotion of such self-destructive behavior coming from Black Republicans, Conservatives, and Independents. We see the encouragement of black self-destruction coming from Black Democrats

Most Democrat Legislators Champion Margaret Sanger’s Racist Genocide Mission – Are They Counter-representing You?

https://followerofthewayforever.wordpress.com/2019/05/16/most-democrat-legislators-champion-margaret-sangers-racist-genocide-mission-are-they-counter-representing-you/

Liberals, and some (especially paid) Social Justice activists as well as your various dose-of-distraction-from-news-and-entertainment-attractions.

Black Agents of White Supremacy in the Media endorse racist Joe Biden

https://followerofthewayforever.wordpress.com/2020/03/04/black-agents-of-white-supremacy-in-the-media-endorse-racist-joe-biden/

Support of the Super Predators: White Supremacists in Liberal Disguise and the Mainstream Media that promotes them

https://followerofthewayforever.wordpress.com/2020/02/17/support-of-the-super-predators-white-supremacists-in-liberal-disguise-and-the-mainstream-media-that-promotes-them/

Joe Biden & his supporters on Joe's racist association with the klansmen sound a lot like Duke Metger & Rhodie in Tales from the

Hood @ 0:56:22 mins

"We all have a past, now don't we?"

"We all, have a past. Its a better man who can learn from his failures. I know that I have learned from mine and I'm better for it."

Duke Metger & Rhodie in Tales from the Hood, https://youtu.be/5vxHfr3DLKg

Margaret Sanger also used black elitists to carry out her plan for eugenics by way of birth control.

Planned Parenthood has stalked and misinformed Black people, particularly Black people experiencing poverty as well as uneducated Black people about the personhood of an unborn child. However, Black Democrats, Liberals, and some (especially paid) Social Justice activists such as Black Lives Matter:

BLM to Biden & Harris: We want something for our vote

https://www.theblaze.com/news/black-lives-matter-leader-to-biden-and-harris-we-want-something-for-our-vote

- BLM got in the way with their grifting and clout-seeking.

Michael Brown’s father, Ferguson activists demand $20M from BLM

By Kenneth Garger

https://nypost.com/2021/03/03/michael-browns-father-ferguson-activists-demand-20m-from-blm/amp/?__twitter_impression=true

Where is the $90 million dollars collected by BLM? Michael Brown’s father, Ferguson activists demand $20M from BLM

https://twitter.com/TheFabulousRee/status/1371965130578268160?s=20

Shaun King attempted to discredit Samaria Rice when she spoke against the political exploitation of racism and police brutality done by pseudo-social activists, celebrities, and politicians. Shaun King stated that she was not thinking the way that liberal white "woke" supremacy wants her to think. She isn't sticking with their destructive narrative and agenda for Black people. They're redlining us into feeling that we can't be self-reliant! Meanwhile, Closet Capitalist Anarchists ease into the neighbohoods they help to destroy to start businesses, buy real estate for commercial and residential purposes;etc. #UnfollowShaunKing

"I read Shaun King’s piece about Samaria Rice’s critical social media comments and this is some of the most patronizing ugly sh-t I’ve ever seen"

https://twitter.com/ztsamudzi/status/1371882450763329536?s=20

BLM destroyed a beautiful,civilized movement as well as communities. It could have been a beautiful,civilized movement yet they ruined it w/buffoonery such as twerking for Martin Luther King, Jr Day and WAP stupidity

Joe Biden's non-response reminds me of this scene from Tales from The Hood:

Duke Metger in Tales from the Hood, "No Reparations!" https://youtu.be/7vjwA1IkIRk

and Black ministers

Apostate False Preachers for Feticide and Infanticide: Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton

https://followerofthewayforever.wordpress.com/2020/03/11/apostate-false-preachers-for-feticide-and-infanticide-jesse-jackson-and-al-sharpton/

have been its main proponents and propagandists since the early 1900's when it was known as the American Birth Control League. To appeal to Black people, Sanger said:

The Use of Ministers for The Negro Project in a 1939 letter to Dr. C.J. Gamble:

"The ministers work is also important and he should be trained, perhaps by the Federation as to our ideals and the goal that we hope to reach. We do not want word to go out that we want to exterminate the Negro population and the minister is the man who can straighten out that idea if it ever occurs to any of their more rebellious members."

In Birth Control and the Negro, Sanger talked about the value of the influence of black ministers:

“The project would hire three or four ‘colored Ministers, preferably with social-service backgrounds, and with engaging personalities’ to travel throughout the South and propagandize for birth control, since ‘the most successful educational approach to the Negro is through religious appeal” (as cited in Gordon, 2007, p. 235).

Dr. Albert Lasker, Sanger (1939) stated, "If we could get the Negro Universities and the Negro medical groups behind this project it will go over really big I think, especially if there is a little money to give to those for time spent and for supplies in their clinics."(para. 3)

One of her biggest propagandists was W.E.B. DuBois (See: Negroes and Birth Control, https://libex.smith.edu/omeka/files/original/16e5b6a56c2c4aedb3274e7124f3006e.jpg)

W.E.B. DuBois (1939) stated:

“Among the more intelligent class, was a postponement of marriage, which greatly decreased the number of children. Today, among this class of Negroes few men marry before thirty, and numbers of them after forty. The marriage of women of this class has similarly been postponed.

In addition to this, the low incomes which Negroes receive make bachelorhood and spinsterhood widespread, with the naturally resultant lowering, in some cases, of sex standards. On the other hand, the mass of ignorant Negroes still breed carelessly and disastrously, so that the increase among Negroes, even more than whites, is from that part of the population least intelligent and fit, and least able to rear their children properly.” (para. 4 and para.5).

Joe Biden has more in common with Duke over the course of his career than does Trump. Here are the facts listed in my article, Joe Biden has built his career by FIGHTING AGAINST EQUITY and EQUALITY, https://followerofthewayforever.wordpress.com/2021/01/22/joe-biden-has-built-his-career-by-fighting-against-equity-and-equality/ :

"Joe used the drug epidemic to target Blacks and poor people to serve longer sentences for trafficking by promoting proganda that crack is more lethal than cocaine. Blacks and poor people could afford crack for distribution and sell because it was less expensive than cocaine which Biden gave lesser sentencing. This occurred during the time the number privatized prisons began to increase. These were for-profit prisons. This first company to take over a prison was Core Civic in 1984. Civic Core took over a Shelby County, Tennessee prison.

Vox.com's German Lopez https://www.vox.com/2015/8/26/9208983/joe-biden-black-lives-matter shares Jamelle Bouie's list at Slate.com https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2015/08/joe-biden-presidential-run-why-its-a-bad-idea.html:

"Comprehensive Control Act: This 1984 law, spearheaded by Biden and Sen. Strom Thurmond (R-SC), expanded drug trafficking penalties and federal "civil asset forfeiture," which allows police to seize and absorb someone's property — whether cash, cars, guns, or something else — without proving the person is guilty of a crime. Under the federal Equitable Sharing program, local and state police get up to 80 percent of the value of what they seize as funds for their departments, which critics say creates a for-profit incentive to take people's stuff.

Anti-Drug Abuse Act of 1986: This law, sponsored and partly written by Biden, ratcheted up penalties for drug crimes. It also created a big sentencing disparity between crack and powder cocaine — even though both drugs are pharmacologically similar, the law made it so someone would need to possess 100 times the amount of powder cocaine to be eligible for the same mandatory minimum sentence for crack. Since crack is more commonly used by black Americans, this sentencing disparity helped fuel the disproportionate rates of imprisonment among black communities.

Anti-Drug Abuse Act of 1988: This law, co-sponsored by Biden, strengthened prison sentences for drug possession, enhanced penalties for transporting drugs, and established the Office of National Drug Control Policy, which coordinates and leads federal anti-drug efforts.

Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act: This 1994 law, partly written by Biden and signed by President Bill Clinton, imposed tougher sentences (including some mandatory minimums) and increased funding for prisons, fostering the explosive growth of the US prison population from the 1990s through the 2000s — a trend that's only begun to reverse in the past few years. Since black Americans are disproportionately likely to be incarcerated, the law helped contribute to the mass incarceration of black Americans in particular. But the law also included all sorts of other measures, including the Violence Against Women Act that helped crack down on domestic violence and rape, a 10-year ban on assault weapons, funding for firearm background checks, and grant programs for local and state police.

The RAVE Act: This 2003 law built on the Anti-Drug Abuse Act of 1986 to impose civil penalties on businesses that knowingly lease, rent, use, or profit from a space where illicit drugs are being stored, manufactured, distributed, or used. The idea was to go after raves in which drugs are widely used. But the law has been widely criticized for making rave organizers so paranoid about anti-drug crackdowns that they stopped doing anything that would implicate them in drug use, including providing medical or educational services for drug users."

Interesting that Joe and Strom Thurmond partnered to write the 1984 Comprehensive Control Act during the same time period that Core Civic took over a facility in Tennessee. The increase in the number of privatized coincided with Biden's focus on creating crime bill's. To sell his 1994 Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act #1994CrimeBill, Biden's rhetoric was "Lock the S.O.B.'s Up" to further vilify the poor and other disenfranchised people to justify mass incarceration.

-'Lock the S.O.B.s Up’: Joe Biden and the Era of Mass Incarceration

He now plays down his role overhauling crime laws with segregationist senators in the ’80s and ’90s. That portrayal today is at odds with his actions and rhetoric back then.

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/25/us/joe-biden-crime-laws.html#click=https://t.co/7ck1J9966W

His magnum opus was his 1993 Predators Beyond the Pale Speech

-Joe Biden Warns Of "Predators On Our Streets" Who Were "Beyond The Pale" In 1993 Crime Speech

https://youtu.be/7oDHSt-CKtc

- Joe Biden wrote the Clinton approved Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act:

Bill Clinton's crime bill destroyed lives, and there's no point denying it

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/apr/15/bill-clinton-crime-bill-hillary-black-lives-thomas-frank "

In addition to creating legislation that racially profiles minorities into a system of for-profit mass incarceration, he has also been a loyal supporter of planned parenthood.

Current Planned Parenthood CEO Alexis McGill Johnson says:

"Margaret Sanger’s beliefs caused irreparable damage to the lives and health of generations of Black people, Latino people, Indigenous people, immigrants, people with disabilities, people with low incomes, and many others." Read more from

@alexismcgill

: https://p.ppfa.org/3x3N29f

https://twitter.com/PPFA/status/1383827872628953094?s=20

I’m the Head of Planned Parenthood. We’re Done Making Excuses for Our Founder

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/17/opinion/planned-parenthood-margaret-sanger.html?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=tweet&utm_campaign=healthtwitter&utm_content=nyt2-april21

Despite McGill-Johnson's statement of the racist activities of planned parenthood as well as Kamala Harris' expression of fear of Joe Biden's praise of the known white supremacists of whom he has shown reverence:

What bothered Kamala about Joe? Interview with Kamala Harris on the campaign trail - Face the Nation

11:35 mins: “Praising and coddling individuals who made it their life work and built their reputation off of segregation of the races in the United States........I would not be a member of the United States senate if those men he praised had their way."

What bothered Kamala about Joe?

https://youtu.be/xMqp7A-O0HE?t=695

Let's talk about Joe Biden - 10:53 mins

https://youtu.be/xMqp7A-O0HE?t=653

this year he has still allowed the government to give over 400 million dollars to continue to decimate the Black community.

Joe Biden Gives Abortion Industry $467.8 Billion, 19 Times More Tax Money Than Obama

https://www.lifenews.com/2021/04/29/joe-biden-gives-abortion-industry-467-8-billion-19-times-more-money-than-obama/

https://twitter.com/StevenErtelt/status/1388694739512348674?s=20

Black people make up 13% of the population and Black women only represent 6% of the total population yet account for 36.9% of the nation’s abortions whereas white women account for 36% of the nation’s abortions however white people are 76% of the nation’s population. (Jatlaoui TC, Boutot ME, Mandel MG, et al, 2015).

Jatlaoui TC, Boutot ME, Mandel MG, et al. Abortion Surveillance — United States, 2015. MMWR Surveill Summ 2018;67(No. SS-13):1–45. DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.15585/mmwr.ss6713a1

Regarding the near extinction of the Black population in America due to abortion, Nyhiem Way El stated to reparations group American Descendants of Slaves,

https://www.facebook.com/groups/ados101/permalink/296772141208488/?sfnsn=mo,:

"- Based on the January 2018 estimate that there have been 60 million abortions in the United States since 1973,20 we can deduce that well over 18 million of them were performed on black babies.

- As of July 2017, the black population in the U.S. stood somewhere around 40 million, which means that abortion has reduced the size of the black community by more than 30%—and that doesn't include the children and grandchildren that would have been born to those aborted more than a generation ago.'

Abort73.(n.d.). Abortion and Race. Retrieved from https://abort73.com/abortion/abortion_and_race/

Essentially, this is a 50% halt in population growth if you look at the children and grandchildren who would've been born since 1973 of the aborted. (Way El, 2019)

**As of July 2017, the black population in the U.S. stood somewhere around 40 million, meaning abortion has reduced the size of the black community over 30% and doesn't including potential children and grandchildren born to those aborted a generation ago

https://abort73.com/abortion/abortion_and_race/"

Planned Parenthood owes reparations to Black people, Hispanics, those living in poverty, women, AND fathers who wanted their children that were aborted.

GOD hates the Oppression of the Disenfranchised: Proverbs 30:14 & Jeremiah 34:8 - 22

https://followerofthewayforever.wordpress.com/2021/04/17/god-hates-the-oppression-of-the-disenfranchised-proverbs-3014-jeremiah-348-22/

Proverbs 30:14

“There is a generation, whose teeth are as swords, and their jaw teeth as knives, to devour the poor from off the earth, and the needy from among men.”

Hypocrisy of Joe Biden: A Legacy of Self-Entitlement and Oppression against the Disenfranchised

https://followerofthewayforever.wordpress.com/2020/01/08/hypocrisy-of-joe-biden-a-legacy-of-self-entitlement-and-oppression-against-the-disenfranchised/

Biden's overall opinion of Black people continues to be low,especially of those who would vote for him. In August 2020, Biden stated at a meeting with Latino voters:

"By the way, what you all know, but most people don’t, unlike the African American community, with notable exceptions, the Latino community is an incredibly diverse community with incredibly different attitudes about different things.”

—#JoeBiden 8/6/2020 https://youtu.be/f4lXYR0su-8

I'm glad that I'm a notable exception - I didn't vote for him.

I will never support the removal of GOD being THE GUIDE of America, abortion

Scriptures Against Abortion and Child Abuse

https://followerofthewayforever.wordpress.com/2020/03/12/scriptures-against-abortion-and-child-abuse/

HURTING CHILDREN BRINGS ON THE WRATH OF GOD

Matthew 18:5-6,10

5 And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.

6 But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea

10 Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven

the destruction of traditional marriage and family, the destruction of traditional gender roles,eugenics, population control,euthanasia, and government and corporate hoarding rationing for totalitarian purposes disguised as environmentalism and sustainability.

Reference

Way El, N.(2019,May 16).Predatory Abortion Industry causes 50% halt in black population growth

https://www.facebook.com/groups/ados101/permalink/296772141208488/?sfnsn=mo

Du Bois, W.E.B.(1939, April). Negroes and Birth Control. Smith

https://libex.smith.edu/omeka/files/original/16e5b6a56c2c4aedb3274e7124f3006e.jpg

Sanger,M.(1939).Letter from Margaret Sanger to Dr. C.J. Gamble December 10,1939. Smith Libraries Exhibit, Accessed January 10, 2019, Retrieved from https://libex.smith.edu/omeka/files/original/d6358bc3053c93183295bf2df1c0c931.pdf

Gordon,L.(2007). Birth Control and the Negro. In The Moral Property of Women, p.235. Urbana; Chicago: University of Illiniois Press.

Sanger,M.(1939).Letter from Margaret Sanger to Dr. Albert Lasker November 12,1939. Smith Libraries Exhibit, Accessed January 11, 2019, Retrieved from https://libex.smith.edu/omeka/files/original/087da25e33426c0e81b01eebcdcc079d.jpg

#population control #eugenics #joe biden #racial profiling #prolife #alexis mcgill johnson #abortion #GOD #Jesus #Holy Spirit #Planned Parenthood #Planned Parenthood Owes Reparations #Reparations

1 note · View note

skye-blacke · 3 years

Text

What a fucking year huh?

2020.I feel like that number can sum up a near universal feeling now. What might have been one of the most difficult 12 months in history for people around the globe is coming to an end, and with it are uncertain beginnings. Everyone has suffered this year, everyone has been damaged. It was this year that the last of the pre 2000's aged over 20 and the amount of people saying "This is when my life was supposed to begin." Has been profoundly upsetting. I remember thinking that too, back in June. But half a year on, I feel like I needed to write something reflective, and something to process what I'm feeling.

And in many ways this year has been just awful. Things fell apart, plans failed, and I lost people I cared about. My heart was broken not once, but twice this year. Some through the mere passage of time, and circumstances causing us to disconnect. Maybe I should have and could have done better by them, and in some ways I deeply regret what happened between us. On the other hand, it turned out somewhere I cared for, and had cared about for many years was not who they had seemed. The sense of betrayal and anger I still feel to this day burns away at me, but I know I'm not facing it alone. Even minor things I've forgotten about, establishing myself with a new group of friends only for that to blow up in my face mere months later, my family's and loved ones health concerns, exploring and finally regressing polyamory, losing my job, losing my sense of purpose and sense of self, countless other stuff that I probably can't even remember happening. It's been…..a lot. This year has been a lot. Lastly, in the past few days someone I knew committed suicide. I can't say we were particularly close, and yet I cannot help but feel responsible. A year ago they sought me out as a way of helping, and learning about Transitioning and I couldn't be that for her. I couldn't provide her the help she wanted from me, and I couldn't handle the requests she gave. Now she's dead. And I can't help but wonder if I had some part to play in that, maybe if I had tried harder, or been more patient, or something, maybe I could have prevented it. I don't know and it'll haunt me for a long time. But in many ways 2020 has been a terrible year, but it's also had some up points personally. I've carved out a new start for myself in a new city, found new and reconnected with old friends, I've found new love I planted my feet on the ground and started walking towards the career I love and I managed to find a way to start creating again, in old ways and new. For all of that, I am so grateful. For the people I love, and for the advantages I have had. I've also literally had the advantage of finding a new sense of self. A new identity, and a tighter focus on who and what I want to be. I chose a new name, new pronouns, and a new life for myself for the first time. I thought at the start of this year I had found it, and I really hadn't. I'm happy with who I am, and I'm happy with who I've become. 2021 won't be the magic bullet to heal the past year, we all know that. But I hope things will improve. I suppose you have to in the end, you just gotta have faith. In times like this I'm reminded of the words of a man who has and always will be a strong and amazing inspiration of mine. Keep moving forward.

#Delete later #dont reblog #I just #needed to get it all out #but feel free to like

3 notes · View notes

nyrator · 3 years

Text

another long vent post about depression/anxiety

extremely depressed tonight

first made the mistake of driving myself to the grocery store at 6pm, first I had to try scraping the ice off the windshield with nothing but a broom and bare hands, then driving itself was nightmareish, the car feels like a death trap to me, very loose and sloppy compared to my last car, so loud and uncomfortable with no audible music to calm my nerves. My eyes have worsened to the point where I can’t see anything at night- glare takes up my whole vision, even with anti-glare shades. I was driving well below the speed limit the entire time and still almost hit three pedestrians who were all recklessly out on the roads in all black for whatever reason. My nerves are completely shot from it, my chest feels like I’m in a vice and can’t breathe, my eyes are wide open and hunched over the steering wheel, and my body feels both like I’m about to wet myself at any moment and that I’m too stiff/tense/frozen to function as a human at all, it’s that fight-or-flight response at its extreme. Meanwhile, my skin must be weak- my knuckles bleed when driving, and my wrists bled just from carrying in bags of groceries.

then getting home and just dealing with personal drama of someone I know who is so depressed and self destructive and too smart to reason with, who refuses/is unable to seek professional help, who just doesn’t understand or just can’t help venting to me nonstop, no matter how much I beg them not to over and over- their life is so terrible that suicide seems like the only option to them, and I don’t want them to do so, but I can’t keep suffering like this either and I feel like the only thing preventing them from doing so, as poor a job as I do as a human being anyway. But I can’t help them if they can’t help themselves, even if they were just ate a bit better, or just had a journal or someone anonymous they could talk to, but it seems inescapable and impossible to change anything and all we do is argue over it until I snap at them to leave me alone. That person is probably reading this right now and probably hating it, but I doubt anyone on this site even knows who they are.

Tuesday morning, I couldn’t sleep at all from anxiety- it was so severe and inescapable, I laid in bed for four hours feeling like I was dying until I was finally able to sleep for two hours. I can’t seem to stay asleep longer than two hours anymore. Was supposed to hang out with friends that day, but between lack of sleep, depression, and my absolute terror at driving in a snowstorm, I ended up just staying home.

Anxiety has gotten so bad again. I know a lot of how the mechanics work behind it, I know a lot of pains are from tension and lack of breathing. But my old coping mechanisms don’t work anymore. I can focus on breathing for several minutes straight and then fall right back into suffocating. Music, counting things, meditating, none of it helps anymore.

One way to describe the feeling of anxiety- it’s kind of like when you fall asleep on your arm, and you feel all the blood rushing back into it and that tingling sensation. Imagine that, maybe a bit less, but throughout your entire body (especially chest), your body is stiff and not numb, and your entire body is vibrating or shivering/shaking or something.

I still spend 16+ hours laying in bed every single day. When I got home from shopping, the walking around (and the stress of driving) was enough to send me straight to bed, I was so tired and weak. It’s probably why I don’t sleep properly, I’m half awake in bed all the time, what need is there for sleep

I have mail I haven’t opened, taxes I still have to do, messes to clean, and don’t care for any of it. Can’t even talk about some things I’ve been doing to myself out of spite or general depression, the way I’ve been abusing. I promise to try not to do anything too crazy or directly harmful, but even then I worry about slipping up- I tried one thing I shouldn’t talk about, which wasn’t too serious, but still seriously concerning how easy it was to try doing

still haven’t contacted a therapist, my fear of calling someone is so strong I can’t overcome it, especially not after just waking up. Talked to some friends, some agree that I should, at least one thinks it’s a waste of time and money- up to $125 per session to just get a glorified phone call thanks to covid restrictions. I just don’t see the point if I’m still stuck in my apartment at my computer, especially if I have an internet addiction already.

The lack of doing anything is driving me insane, I think. I’ve played four single player games in 2020- ACNH, KH MoM, Panel de Pon, and Picross. In terms of things watched on my own, probably just Japan Sinks and whatever else was on Netflix the few months I had it. Don’t feel motivated to play or watch anything anymore, nothing seems interesting, and mostly just do things with friends if at all

Even ACNH, the game I play the most, I barely do anything in it- mostly just get new items from stores, that’s it. My island decorating has come to a hard halt, mostly because I barely have any furniture I’d like to embellish it with, and mainly because I have no ideas to layout most of it

I want to create, but don’t have the energy to make anything at all. Rotten Nyan is still my current goal, but anxiety has made it next to impossible to work on. I’ve tried several times the past few weeks, all met with failure- the anxiety’s too much, half the time I don’t even know what’s causing it, but my body just gets too tense and cramped without even doing anything, and I just can’t breathe at all while working on it.

Thought about making an omake comic for it, then realized what a terrible idea it was, and how hard it is to draw comics in general. Or anything in general. Wrote down the entire comic while laying in bed one day, went to draw it, was unable to, tried making it a yonkoma, gave up, and felt sick thinking of all the gross things in it that I just made a vent description of Middle Lave and just posted that to the RN tumblr instead.

I can’t think of any ideas, I feel like my art has regressed- I’ve taken more shortcuts for the sake of my hands tensing so fast from anxiety, and I’ve gotten decent at drawing middle Lave I feel, but anything besides a character standing is impossible for me- any environments or character interactions that I’d love to do just feel impossible, let alone my inability to write good ones. Anything I try to think of writing-wise always ends up the same gross content that burned into my memories that I just can’t feel comfortable talking about much at all, nor do I think it’s content people want to see at all.

There’s a lot of detailed kind of art I’d like to do. I kind of want to loosen my restrictions on myself and just draw whatever suffering I feel like, maybe once I use the RN twitter more I might get a little more courage to do so. I see many artists draw detailed scenes in single images, and no matter how hard I try, I just can’t capture that feeling.

Part of me feels torn about it being an autobiography for people to relate to, and being a suffering experience for people to find some weird enjoyment out of. I feel like I’ve lost sight of what it was originally meant to be and now just enjoy “bullying” Middle Lave half the time I guess, but unfortunately for me, bullying makes me feel like vomiting and is hard to draw consistently- maybe I’m too nice. I don’t know, I’m just rambling at this point. The comic is still laid out and just meant to explore the life of Lave, but it’s just so hard to work on.

In terms of other things, I have no idea what to do

Vtuber/streaming? Hate my voice, can’t focus on learning what I need for it in terms of rigging and texturing models. I only know the basics of making 3D things and nothing else.

Console art? I already designed all the ones I’m mainly interested in, but like I mentioned before, can’t think of any character interactions at all that I feel like drawing.

Making a game? I know 2k3 well enough to make anything in it event-wise, though never got over my map failings, and I can’t commit to anything long-term. Godot or another program, or programming in general? Good luck.

I just want to make something, work on a project without losing steam or letting anxiety prevent me from learning. Can’t focus on anything long enough to learn it- Japanese, making a game, programming, a new hobby, anything. I just don’t have the drive to do anything and will give up anything I even try to start, so what’s the point in even trying anything. I have books I haven’t read that I’ve been meaning to read for years, and still don’t have an ounce of energy to want to even organize them on their shelf, let alone open it

At the very least, I got my first big commission (second one ever), designing an OC for someone, and it’s going well, though tonight I’ve lost steam to finish it, and I hope I can get it back tomorrow to try to finalize it.

I’ve mentioned it before, but I really wish I just had someone guide me with art- I miss doing those 30 day challenge kind of things, or “send a number/emoji” kind of asks for OCs, but tumblr’s so inactive that I don’t see them on my dash anymore, and don’t know how to even look for them, especially not on sites like twitter these days. Though, the problem is, no one knows exactly what I like, and I feel awful letting people down if they ask for something I don’t want to draw

I can’t focus on exercise long term, and I’m so out of practice that exhaustion is too strong to beat. I’ve been trying to walk up and down on a step stool for exercise to get me back into basic movement, but even that’s too tiring. Want to do it while watching something, then I realize, I don’t watch anything at all, not even youtube, just an occasional artist stream that I mainly chat with rather than watch

I feel like I’m going to collapse if I turn or move too suddenly, and my eyes are absolutely terrible- glasses are okay, but without them I’m completely blind now- not just blind, but it’s like my eyes see at two different angles sometimes, like one is slanted or something, very disorientating.

It’s 7:30AM, and no desire to sleep at all. Terrified of laying in bed and letting anxiety take over me again. Part of me wants to become completely nocturnal and just avoid everyone during the day and just respond to messages in the AM hours, just wake up at midnight each day and avoid dealing with people. Go to sleep when everyone starts to get active and just isolate myself entirely from society.

I feel like I exist with no purpose whatsoever, and it’s driving me insane- not that life is meant to have a purpose, but I could at least be doing something more than laying in bed all day every day for a year

#text stuffs #nyrants

1 note · View note

joxtns · 4 years

Text

castaway thoughts when i should be working on an urgent report for work:

- suuuper grateful for all my friends and family that i can have really meaningful conversations with. the ones that i haven’t talked to in X years but can hit up and immediately start the conversation about politics or advocacy and they will be there with me in a heartbeat are the Real Ones. i’ve realized what a sore lack of this i’ve had in the past few months leading up to quarantine and it feels amazing to be able to plug back into that and know that i never lost it in the first place. most people don’t get to have that so like....man am i grateful. as much as i love the friend groups i’ve established in Canada, i always feel like it’s hard to be on the same emotional beat with someone else. i do consider many parts of myself to be unknown, shielded even from myself much less anyone else, but to be known in such a simple and unassuming way is...such a blessing and an incredibly beautiful feeling. 2020 is a shitshow no doubt, but being able to reconnect with old friends and colleagues and rethinking my priorities for my life has been both empowering, enlightening, and fucking scary. glad that i can catch myself before the point of no return, so to speak.

- realizing more and more that my 20s really is the “emotional puberty” stage. granted it’s only been 2 years into my 20s so god knows how much i’ll be learning in the next 3/4 decade and i am both excited and terrified. but it’s been two years laden with a lot of self-discovery and emotional growth and emotional regression and i’ve confronted very uncomfortable truths about myself that have always been buried so deep that i didn’t really realize were issues and just accepted as an unfortunate reality. i think learning to ask for help so far has been the biggest thing i’m learning - and while i haven’t actually been able to ask for help outright yet, i’ve been able to form the thoughts, to build myself around that, and to tentatively start conversations about ways that will help me get there. identity issues and quarter-life crises are RIFE in this stage, dawg, but mayhaps? i don’t have to be alone in all of this? and maybe they’re not an inherent part of me as i’ve always thought they were? wild.

- the emotional puberty thing has also helped me realize how much suppression i’ve been doing for like, 19 years of my life. i’d say 18 but i still had a stick up my ass in my first year of university even though i was more than 10,000 km away from home, and the 19th year was when i started to...explore myself and what i wanted more. the things that i’ve never let myself think about or dwell on, that were repressed because of my upbringing and just plain ignorance. i’m realizing as i’m growing into who i am that while i have a firmer understanding of my values and who i want to be, i also know jack shit about some other areas of myself and who i can push myself to be. it’s okay to want things. it’s okay to go after them. the ever present fear of disappointment and rejection is still looming over my head but i’m realizing more and more that it hasn’t killed me yet and i don’t want to be stagnant as a person. i’m cautiously optimistic. as much as one can be in this climate, anyway.

#personal #long time no word vomit tumblr!

5 notes · View notes

aaronhart93-archive · 4 years

Text

discord II text Jaycee & Aaron

Discord thread featuring: Aaron and @jayceelynd

Mentions: @romanbeckett @wtf-eden @alison-haynes @davieslandon

Where: Aaron is at his house and Jaycee is roaming the streets

When: evening of June 6th, evening of June 8th, morning of June 9th

Description: Aaron apologizes to Jaycee, Jaycee yells at him, then texts him a day later

Trigger Warnings: angst, brief mention of past sexual assault

6/6/2020:

Aaron:

Hey

Jaycee:

[Read]

Aaron:

I’m so sorry

Jaycee:

[Read]

Aaron:

I never meant for this to happen and I especially never meant to hurt you(edited)

Jaycee:

Leave me alone, I have nothing to say to you. You of all people Aaron. Of all fucking people!

Aaron:

I know I’ll probably never be able to make it up to you and I promise you NOTHING is going to happen

Jaycee:

[Read]

Aaron:

I understand you don’t want to talk to me. But whenever you’re ready to let me have it go for it

Jaycee:

I honestly don’t think there’s more to say, Aaron.

After everything.. I just.. No, I can’t.

Aaron.

I know

You’re so important to me and we’ve been through a lot.

And I really fucked it up

Jaycee:

Just not important enough to walk away when you realized you’re falling for my boyfriend, right?

You didn’t care then, and how can I believe you do now?

Aaron:

I did walk away

At least

I tried to

You don’t have to believe me now. Or ever. You don’t owe me anything but I just need you to know I am so fucking sorry

Jaycee:

I guess in the end I’m the one that looks stupid. Sitting here happy and in love, while my best friend and boyfriend fall for one another. Just great. I was finally happy, Aaron. And you tried to take that from me.

Aaron:

No one thinks you’re stupid

I promise I didn’t try to do this, this wasn’t what I wanted

Jaycee:

Oh, I’m sure they do. I know I feel stupid.

Yeah but these are just words at the end of the day, aren’t they. What holds truth and what doesn’t.

Aaron:

What can I do?

Jaycee:

The thoughts that have curated because of this. I want to be numb, I don’t want to breathe. How am I supposed to be okay? The idea of losing him, literally breaks me. How am I supposed to know he really wants to stay and doesn’t feel trapped. HOW!?

There’s nothing you can do, I don’t want anything from you.

Aaron:

I’m sorry I caused this

Jaycee:

Me too

Aaron:

I will always be here for you

Jaycee:

That’s the hard part. Is I know you will be.

Does your girlfriend know all of this!?

Aaron:

No she doesn’t

Jaycee:

Why?

Aaron:

I just haven’t gotten to it yet

Jaycee:

Wait.. Did this happen before or after you got with her.

Aaron:

After...

Jaycee:

Why be with her if you feel or felt this way.

With the intentions of getting him? With hope you two would run off together? Or was it just to get it off your chest before you went forward with Eden?

Aaron:

wait jaycee I never intended on “getting” Roman or running off with him or anyway

It was just something I needed to get off my chest

It was killing me

Jaycee:

How can I believe that, that wasn't your intentions though..

Do you know how desperately I want to believe that?

Aaron:

It really wasn’t

I knew then and I know now that it’s not going to happen

Jaycee:

I wish I knew it wouldn't. My head is telling me otherwise..

Aaron:

I care about you too much

And Landon

Jaycee:

You have really hurt me

Aaron:

I know

I will never forgive myself

But I’m trying to be more honest

I’ve spent my whole life keeping things in and it always ended in some self destructive breakdown.

Jaycee:

I've been telling you forever to be more honest.. And I'm proud of you for doing that. I just.. Aaron..

Aaron:

You have, Ali has, all the people I care about have....I don’t expect your forgiveness anytime soon or at all even...although my heart breaks at the fact of not having you as a friend

Jaycee:

And my niece.. That's another factor that kills me. What if I can't forgive the one person I trusted since I was 14 years old. But nowI have to deal with the breaking poor Destiny's heart. I love that little girl as if she was my own. I just need time, Right now if we were face to face I don't trust I won't wanna hit you or scream. I'm trying not to act like that anymore.(edited)

Aaron:

You can see Des whenever you want

I’d never keep you from her

I understand

Jaycee06/06/2020

I know you wouldn’t.

And the hardest part who do I cry to over this?

Aaron:

I know

6/8/2020

Jaycee:

I’m sorry I got so rude with you. I realize I am dramatic. But I’m really trying to work on forgiving you. I really miss my friend and could use my friend. But how can I talk to you about my problems, especially with my relationship without worrying. Like I told Roman I’m all about action right now.

Aaron:

Jayc

I miss you

I will show you that you can trust me. I promise. You don’t have to talk to me about Roman if you don’t want to but you can if you want and I’ll listen. I’m moving on.

Jaycee:

I just want my friend back..

Aaron:

I want my friend back too

So bad

Jaycee:

I’m walking around town and I’m a mess. I just can’t stop crying. I hate crying, it’s embarrassing.

Aaron:

It’s late. You should go home

It’s not safe

Jaycee:

I have pepper spray, and know self defense.

I may be short but I can kick some ass

Aaron:

You really can

Jaycee:

It can’t happen again, so I had to learn to fight.

Aaron:

I understand that

Jaycee:

I have the hiccups

Aaron:

I wish I could make you feel safe

Can you at least text me when you get home?

If you have the hiccups you need to take some deep breathes

Jaycee:

I’m on my way home, I’m side eyeing you cause you told me to go home.

I think I’m looking for danger..

Aaron:

There’s my friend Jaycee

Jaycee:

I want to watch my favorite Disney movie on my projector but it’s up in the addict and that place scares me.

I kinda want to come over but it’s like late.

Aaron:

You should stop by and watch the movie with Des when she wakes up

Jaycee:

I’d like that. I got her some really cute tutus and ballet slippers. I’m actually jealous of her.

Aaron:

she is going to L O V E them

Come! I’d rather you here than wandering alone. Are you drunk? Lol

Jaycee:

I may be, so what. I’m a woman!!!!

I couldn’t find my Tesla

Aaron:

Good thing bc you shouldn’t have been driving that if you’re drunk. Need my driver to scoop you?

Jaycee:

Hey you know she drives me, auto pilot haha. Yeah these heels hurt.

Aaron:

Send me your location and my driver will get you and bring you home!

Jaycee:

Sends Location

Aaron:

He’s on the way

Stay.

Jaycee

Don’t be so bossy

Aaron

Yes ma’am

Jaycee:

Rude

Aaron:

*puppy face emoji*

Jaycee:

Thank you, Sir

Aaron:

*goofy face emoji*

Jaycee:

Haha omg these hiccups

Aaron:

Water and deep breathes lol

Jaycee:

Aaron, I have nothing but my phone and purse. I’m breathing, I am breathing.

Aaron:

Okay is he there yet?

Jaycee:

Yeah, I thought I saw you know who.. I might be losing my mind. Who knows.

Aaron:

do I need to beat him up I’m itching for a fight

Jaycee:

Can I get a few hits

Aaron:

You can have all the hits you want. I’ll hold him down.

Jaycee:

I’m gonna crush his balls

Sorry if that caused pain

Aaron:

Yessss

I wouldn’t feel sorry for him

Jaycee:

Why can’t he leave me alone, though. Like you have my sister and my mom on your side. Enjoy.

Aaron:

Bc he is a sociopath and that’s what sociopaths do

Jaycee:

He has videos, or claims and threats to release them and ruin me. He’d just incriminate himself. I just don’t want anyone I love to see it. I don’t want to be treated differently and I know I will be.

Aaron:

Do you actually believe him though?

But you’re right he would never.

I could always call another one of my lawyer friends for you too if you ever need legal advice on that stuff...if you were ever interested in taking legal action.

Jaycee:

I have proof for myself, but I was a scared teenage girl that thought I was trapped. I mean until I met you.

I’m ready to put his ass behind bars, I just feel he won’t get much done to him.

And then everyone in the world will know

Aaron:

We can do it

6/9/2020

Jaycee:

Hey thank you for the help last night. I passed out and sobered up at my office and then went home.

Aaron:

Of course! You never had to thank me. that's what friends are for

and if you were serious about putting this dick behind bars let me know

Jaycee:

I don’t know if I can handle it

Aaron:

obviously it's up to you. but just for the record i know you can(edited)

tiny but mighty

Jaycee:

It just will regress me I fear.

Aaron:

that's possible. i heard the whole process is super re-traumatizing

i learned that from SVU

Jaycee:

From SVU huh lol

Aaron:

lmao yes

Jaycee:

Dork alert

Lmao

Aaron:

it's a good show!!! the fuck

Jaycee:

Eh, it’s okayyy

Don’t get your feelers hurt now, I’m just picking on you

Aaron:

*smiley face emoji*

Jayce:

*laughing face emoji*

Aaron:

I looooove uu

#discord #text: jaycee #text #ft. jaycee #ft. roman #ft: landon #ft: eden #ft: alison #aaroman

4 notes · View notes