#hey i'm on my periods so i gotta write stuff i guess

[fuckthisshitimin]

You know -- I still get terrified of what people might think when they meet the real me. I didn't grow up religious, I've been raging for years against Christianity's idea that a thought can be a moral crime, I've deconstructed so many things, I've unlearnt so much guilt, so much judgement.

And if I don't believe in God (?) I believe in Soul // I believe I have a soul -- I am scared it is bad. My soul, my core, that's the real me, the rotten and bruised essence I live on, the beautiful divine humanity that got thrown against every wall, right? It's my soul that yearns and prays, my soul that knows the bottomless pit of anger and the deeper yet hunger for love -- it's my soul that knows they are the same.

When I am scared, I think of the voice that screams hate from inside, I think of how little I care. People, and other's feelings and the mass of other souls that I waltz through every day. I don't care about them. I don't care about you.

The shards of anger that I swallow back -- when she has done nothing but she stands in my way, move hag, I am so sorry, I won't say that. The secret occupations -- how I say poems in my head when you rant about the same problems again, I don't care, I don't care, I am sorry, bad, bad friend.

Bad, ugly soul, unwitnessed, sacred, rotten, secret.

And I do nothing -- I eat it up so it won't hurt, because I don't want others to see, I don't want to fuck this up, I don't want to be mean.

It's the paradox of a non-believer in a culture shaped by the Cross -- my instincts are vile and they do no harm and I have no one to ask forgiveness to. I am sorry.

I am sorry, I say again, and to no one, I feel sorry.

When I look at myself from outside, when I try, I think -- if I have wronged no one, I am not wrong, here. The real me, maybe, is closest to what I show, furthest to what I hide. Maybe the real me isn't a secret I only know, maybe the real me is the visible sum of my efforts, maybe the real me isn't my soul, but the one that is loved. Maybe the curation of my soul and the craft of offering the best bits while keeping the unfair blood-hungry ones away from the world is who I am.

And I don't have a definite answer. Because I believe in my soul. Maybe it needs a God, to make sense, maybe I need to be its God.

In the meantime I will try to be less afraid, and less guilty.

I will try to be my friend. When I spend a week ruminating on a bad day I'll listen and say a poem in my head and patiently nod until I don't need to spill anymore. When I stumble on my own feet I'll refrain from swearing at it, from resenting it.

When a friend tells me they are scared I'll hate the real them, I know I'll say: I know the real you. They say hello to me every day. I know the real you, you show them to me, I don't care about your secrets, they are yours to keep, they are yours to carry silently in your stomach when we speak. Then the words you choose will have steeped in your secrets, and when a shard of glass you swallowed will come back up your throat and you cough it into my face I promise you I won't hate it, I promise you I won't be scared. Maybe I will cough back, maybe I will swallow my knives and play with your ragged glass, maybe I will make a spectacle of the edges cutting my fingers. I will tell you they are just like mine.

#bloodposting #[meaningless statement] #mikhail writes #hey i'm on my periods so i gotta write stuff i guess

[polaroidbills]

GET'CHA HEAD IN THE GAME

˚✧₊ ( 🏀 📕 ) sim jake - an imagine

genre/cw: jake x fem!reader, angsty, fluffy, basketball player x nerd(?), kissing, forbidden love(ish)

word count: 3052

synopsis: jake sim is the captain of the basketbal team, but he needs some help with his grades. he decides to ask a random girl at a party, who's reading a book, to be his tutor. they start to fall for each other, but what happens when their friends want them to stick to the status quo?

—> mega inspired by high school musical 1 (jake as troy and y/n as gabriella!)

cameos: yeonjun (txt), beomgyu, (txt), and taehyun (txt)

a/n: i thought of this idea at like 1am. and it's a bit rushed but whatever. enjoy!

now playing... start of something new - hsm

i walk into the house party, with the slight smell of alcohol filling my nose. i find the first empty spot on a secluded couch and start reading.

parties were never really my thing. but my mom forced me to go, since i never go out. she thought it would be nice for me to get to know the people in the neighborhood more, since i just moved here.

music blares into my ear drums as i read.

"really? you're reading at a party like this?" i am interrupted.

"well i guess," i say still keeping my eyes on the book.

i feel the couch dip on my rightside and i turn to see a cute guy sitting next to me.

"i'm jake," he puts his hand right in front of the page to shake it.

i sigh and close the book as he leaves me no choice, "y/n."

"i don't think i've seen you around? are you new?"

"yeah i just moved here a week ago."

"ohh cool cool. so you're into that learning and reading stuff right?"

"uh yeah i guess. my grades are good soo."

"great, 'cause i actually need a tutor.. i'm the captain of the basketball team and i won't be able to continue if my grades keep going down. could you help me?"

of course he chooses a party to pick out the one girl who's reading a book to be his tutor.

"um sure? i guess? that would look good on my resumes."

"great! so i'll see you around? what's your num-"

"yo jake!" a shout from across the room is heard, "c'mere!"

"sorry gotta go! i'll see you in school though right?"

"yeah! uh-" and he's gone. just like that.

i guess i tutor now?

well, tomorrow's my first day anyway.

march 27, 2021 was my first day on junior year in a completely different school. everything was different. i was in a different country, city, timezone, and environment.

my first day went by smoothly. i got to know the school a lot and observed the cliques and groups. no one really noticed me, which didn't bother me at all. i liked being invisible sometimes. i have no worries and no drama.

i sit myself down at a table in the cafeteria and start eating, yet again, opening up my book.

i them feel a sort of presence by my side. i look up and low and behold, jake sim.

from what i've heard, jake sim is the captain of the basketball team, and the son of the coach. pretty much the most popular guy in school, and probably the most good-looking. his number is 16.

"hey," he says sitting down, "whatcha reading?"

"normal people by sally rooney. it's my favourite."

"oh cool cool. um so listen, we could have our first tutor session at free period today? in the library?"

i close my book and look at him, finally getting a good look at his face. he's cute.

"uh sure. i wasn't expecting it to be today but yeah, i'll meet you in the library at free period."

"okay great! oh and could i get your number so just in case something happens?"

"sure!" we exchange numbers and he walks away, going back to his friends, and i go back to my book.

my math class was good too. i was busy copying down notes and equations my teacher was writing down. but i noticed a mistake.

"shouldn't it be x=7? and not x=1?" it appears i sid it out loud a little to loudly.

"i'm sorry? did you have something to say y/n?" my teacher asks.

"uh shouldn't it be x=7?" i ask once again.

"that would be quite literally impossible-" she checks on her calculator, "i stand corrected!"

after class, a girl approaches me.

"hey would you like the join the scholastics decathlon? we have a championship coming up and you would be perfect for our team! i'm minji by the way!"

"oh um sure! i've been trying to get involved a little more and doing things out of my box, so why not?"

"great!"

i am now committed to being a tutor and a scholastic decathlon member. i wonder what's next?

the day zooms by and now it's free period.

i grab my books and head off to the library, where i sit and wait for jake to arrive.

i wait and wait for him. where is he? it's been almost half an hour since we were supposed to start and i'm growing impatient.

i start packing up my things, thinking i've been punked and stood up and that he won't show up. but before i can, a boy comes running down the library and in front of me.

"i'm- sorry i'm- late i- had to avoid- sunghoon 'cause he wanted- to play ball," obviously out of breath jake explains himsef as he sits down.

"well let's get started!" i hurriedly get straight into it, not wanting to waste time.

"and don't forget that x is the variable not just a random letter."

"woah it makes soo much more sense now!"

i finish the lesson up smoothly after about an hour.

"thank you so much! i really appreciate this! tomorrow again?"

"yeah sure! and i can check your homework answers then!"

we close our books and grab our things, leaving the library.

its been about two weeks since i've been tutoring jake. and he's made a lot of progress. we've aso been getting a lot closer. we're friends now.

i ended up telling minji about it and she gave me mixed feelings. she told me that the scholastic decathlon is in two weeks and i need to focus on it, and not on jake. i didn't know how to respond, i just nodded and walked away.

(jake's pov)

i have another tutor session today with y/n. and its been heping a lot. i got an a in my math class, and a b in english.

we're also a lot closer than before. we've even hung out outside of school and tutoring. like to a coffee shop or something. i'm starting to really like her i think. i mean she's pretty, smart, kind, and soo helpful. i don't know if she feels the same though.

i leave for the library. and as i open the door, sunghoon steps in front of me.

"so you've been ditching playing ball during free period to go to the library? really? basketball during free period is our thing."

"i'm sorry. it's just if i keep my bad grades, i won't be able to play basketball. so i need to study-"

"jake!" y/n waves to me and sunghoon turns to see who it is. i return the wave and continue the conversation with sunghoon.

"who's that? isn't that the new girl?"

"oh uh yeah. she's been tutoring me- and it's really helping."

"you've been ditching me to study with her?"

"uh yeah i guess. she's really smart and helpful and i think i'm starting to like her."

"look- i gotta go, but all i have to say is to stick to basketball. don't go dating a nerd and start being all book wormy. and don't forget the championship game is in two weeks."

as he walks away, i'm left speechless.

stick to basketball? i'm just trying to get my grades up, right? or is he right? am i just using these sessions to get closer to y/n?

i shake my head, shoo away those thoughts, and make my way to y/n.

(y/n's pov)

i see jake finish his conversation and make his way to me.

"look! i brought snacks this time!"

"oh cool."

"you seem down, is something up?" i notice his slouchy posture and low voice.

"no it's nothing."

"you sure? you know you can tell me anything right?"

"yeah i just really don't wanna talk about it right now."

"oh that's okay. hmm i think i have something that can cheer you up! come with me!" i grab his wrist and run to the school gym.

when i grab his wrist, electricity shoots through me. i really like him. i can't explain it. the way his hair flows, his honey-like smile, and the way he csn make me laugh no matter what. i'm in love.

"the gym?"

"yeah! we're gonna play some basketball!" i grab a ball from the rack.

"really? you know how to play?" he walks to me.

"well- no. not exactly." i shoot the ball, but it completely air balls and misses the basket.

"i'll teach you."

jake walks closer to me and shows how to position myself to shoot.

"bend your knees and elbows and jump. don't forget to follow through with your other hand."

i follow his steps and attempt to shoot, but again it completely misses. laughing it off, i grab the ball to try again.

"here- could i touch you?" he gestures to my elbow and hands.

i keep my eyes on the ball, not daring to look him in the eye. it's too dangerous.

"this like this," he moves my elbow more, so it's bent. "andd your hand over here," he places my hand on the side of the ball.

my heart is racing. he's never been this close.

"and shoot!" i throw the ball and it actually makes it into the net. swish!

"ah! i did it! it went in!" i gasp turning to jake jumping into the air.

the surprised look on his face is so cute.

"look at us! we help each other!" i say and peck him on the cheek.

i turn around to shoot again. but i feel a hand on my wrist.

jake grabs my wrist and turns me back to him. i'm struck and can't move. he comes closer to me. even closer than before. i drop the ball as he closes the space and puts his lips on mine.

we're kissing. i didn't know he felt this way too.

the kiss is slowly and lovely. but he pulls apart to breath.

i stare into his eyes.

"y/n i really like you. like really really like you. you're all i think about."

i'm speechless at the sudden confession. but i'm glad to hear how he feels.

"and you might not-"

"i really like you too!" i interrupt him. his eyes instantly light up. and he starts to smile.

"really?"

"yes. i've been waiting for you to make a move."

"well i'm making it now. will you be my girlfriend?"

"yes."

a week had gone by of me and jake dating. i can't believe it's real. we're together. like for real.

i've never been happier.

(sunghoon's pov)

i walk over to mingi, y/n's best friend to come up with a plan.

"look i have a plan, and i hope it works."

we wait for jake in the locker room before practice. we created a presentation for him.

he walks in and we start.

"choi yeonjun! class of '99 captain, championship mvp, and legend! also known as ace!" i start off.

"choi beomgyu! class of '01 captain and championship mvp! also known as baller beom!" jay continues.

"kang taehyun! class of '02 captain and championship mvp! also known as lightning!" heeseung adds.

"no one of which were involved in books and studying. they won these games because they kept their eyes on the prize and didn't get distracted with books days before the championship game."

"get your head in the game!"

"look guys if you don't think i'll give it my 110% into this game, then you don't know me," we start setting up the camera.

"but we just thought-"

"no here's what i thought. i thought we were a team, i thought we were friends. we lose and win together."

"but then the girl and the studying."

"dude i'm for the team! i've always been for the team!"

(y/n's pov)

i am sat down by minji.

"in a world full of poverty and inequality, a game of basketball plays. though it's entertaining and fun, it provides nothing for this world! thats is the world of jake sim. rather than genorousity and change, he has slam dunks and fouls! unlike oprah winfrey and eleanor roosevelt. that is the inevitable world of jake sim."

"um i have a tutor session soon. i should really go."

"y/n! pay attention."

"dude i'm for the team! i've always been for the team!" the screen plays. i turn to the screen which shows jake.

"and the girl is just someone i met! alright? and the studying is nothing, it means nothing to me! it's probably just a way to ease my nerves and distract me! i don't know. but you're my guys and my team. y/n means nothing to me! i'll forget about her and the studying! are you happy now?"

suddenly it feels as if my heart has been shattered and stomped on like glass.

this is how jake really feels. it all meant nothing.

"this is the real world of jake sim."

tears starts filling up into my eyes. as they flow i realize how jake just used me for grades.

i walk out of the room not wanting to be there any longer.

a few minutes later i reach my locker to grab mu things and leave.

"hey! what's up?" jake comes up beside me but i ignore. "there's something i wanna talk about with you."

"yeah about how i meant nothing to you and that i'm just some girl you met? and how you can just forget about me?"

"y/n-"

"i really liked you jake. how could you?" i walk away as tears form in my eyes once again.

"y/n?"

the doorbell is heard and my mom answers the door. i walk halfway down the stairs.

"hi mrs. y/l/n, i'm jake."

"ohh so you're jake," i gesture to my mom to not let him in or tell him i'm here.

"is y/n here?"

"oh um sorry she isn't here right now."

"oh. that's okay, thanks though," he walks away and i go back upstairs.

the next few days go by and now the scholastic decathlon is in two days.

i've been doing everything in my power to avoid jake. in the cafeteria i sit at a different table. and i turn the other way if i see him, completely disregarding him.

minji could clearly see how hurt i was, i couldn't even focus on studying or reading. i just spaced out, and ignored everyone.

jake has tried to talk to me multiple times, but seeing that i wasn't going to talk to him, he stopped trying.

"y/n! the decathlon is in two days! pay attention!"

"i'm sorry it's just- my mind is in a different place."

"look y/n. i have something to tell you," minji sits.

"we knew sunghoon could make jake say things like that. we planned it all. we thought what jake would say would keep your mind focused on the decathlon. but it seems to have done the opposite."

"you planned it all?"

"yes. sunghoon made jake say those things."

"no one made jake say anything. be said those things himself."

(jake's pov)

what have i done? she completely ignores me and avoids me every chance she gets.

words can't explain how empty and bad i feel.

sunghoon see it too. i keep missing simple lay-ups or space out in the middle of practice. clearly not keeping my head in the game.

i don't know what to do.

"jake! pass the ball!"

"oh sorry-"

"dude the championship game is in two days."

"sorry man. my mind keeps getting distracted. i don't even know what i did."

"i know."

"what?"

"our team and the scholastic decathlon team made a plan to keep your guys' heads focused. but it didn't work. i made you say those things in the locker room and we live streaming it onto minji's computer. y/n was watching and heard what you said. we thought it would help you not get distracted."

"you did what?" i run out of the gym, in a hurry to y/n's house. i wasn't planning on doing this today, but it's now or never.

(y/n's pov)

my phone rings.

jake <3

i decide to pick it up this time.

"hello?"

"y/n. i'm sorry. i know you might not forgive me but please. i could never forget about you. you've been on my mind 24/7. i can't even focus during practice. my life without you is a misery. please come back."

"jake i don't know- you said i meant nothing."

"i know i did. and no excuse could make up for it. but just know that i love you. i love you so much. please."

"jake-"

"i got you something before you say anything else."

"jake what?"

"turn around."

i turn around to the window and there stands jake on my balcony. a surprised smile plays on my face. i walk over to open the door and hang up the phone.

"what're you doing here?"

"i got you this," he hands me a book.

"no way. you did not. A SIGNED COPY?! oh my god! thank you!!" i impulsively pull him into a hug, not thinking. "oh sorry," i awkwardly laugh.

"no no it's okay. i liked it, " he smiles.

"look y/n. i'm so sorry. words couldn't describe it so i thought i could give you this instead. open the pages."

i open the book. "oh. my. god. jake." i'm in awe.

"you annotated it? thats so sweet! thank you! yes i forgive you."

"yes!" he jumps up and down cutely in celebration. "thankyou thankyou thankyou! look i even wrote down a playlist for you in the book, so you can listen while you read or just whenever! anddd just in case you didn't dorgive me now, i wrote down an extra apology on the last page!"

i laugh at his rapid words.

"and i-" i steal his lips for a second to kiss him. and he's left speechless.

"i-" he pulls me in another time to put his lips on mine. and we pull away.

"i love you y/n."

"i love you too jake."

@polaroidbills please DO NOT copy, plagiarize, or repost any of my work.

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[coquettedragoon]

Hey, therapy anon from a while back here. Hope you've been doing well. I was just thinking about your general ethos about putting kinks into your game, specifically how you do it with the trust that your friends and people that care about you will still love and support you without judgement. It's kind of happened for me too in the time since I first read it. I had a lot of shame bottled up about my kinks, and I still have some to deal with, but I've been making stuff where I'm more open about it recently and it's honestly been great. I've found more people that share those interests through it, and the people that don't are still my friends (and in some cases partners) all the same. So like, thank you forever for that

Anyway this might be too personal a question I guess, feel free to not answer all or part of it, but what was the process of being open about that stuff like for you as a writer (if there was one at all)? And are there any moments where you doubt yourself in that way? If so, how do you deal with it? And finally, if Elise were to pilot a dragoon, would it be like how the horse pilots a Gundam in G Gundam?

i think in my ideal life id just be a hermit who slides my work under the door without speaking to anyone publicly about it, but i gotta make a living off of it so i gotta talk about it a lot... i kinda just am the way i am because i feel strongly about being openly a weirdo is a poison frog color defense mechanism. people dont actually care That much about peoples weird kinks, they care about having gotchas and gossip about people, and the attention gained from being the one to share it. but if its just public knowledge someone is making weird art etc theres not a lot of clout in talking about it. ive been making art for a long time and have been insulted by a lot of strangers etc and over time i just care less. seeing someome who wrote a callout about your work recieve one themselves for writing fic about love live girls having period sex kind of jokerfies you but also you just stop caring.

if elise ever pilots a dragoon it'll look like a neotank from advance wars. im excited to desgin a centaur pilot suit when i get around to it

[crosshimes-fanwritings]

The Vacant Days: Puzzle V: Crush Struck

Fandoms: Professor Layton, Zatch Bell, The Dangers In My Heart, Kyousougiga and Toilet-bound Hanako-kun. Rating: T Summary: Luke realized that he had developed romantic feelings for Suzume. Notes: I suck at writing romantic shit lmao. Words: 2,658

Luke did not get enough sleep last night. He was still too tired during breakfast. He noticed Suzume still hadn't come out of her guestroom. He was worried about her. A and Un fought over pancakes, and Myoue scolded them while Koto ate her waffles silently. Anna, Kyoutarou, and Moeko had a conversation in Japanese. Tweeds devoured bacon and eggs. Crow, Marilyn, Kou, and Nene finished their breakfast and excused themselves. Amane and Shou chatted about their plans for today. Layton sipped black tea with milk. Flora drank orange juice. Luke stood and told Layton that he'd checked on Suzume. Layton nodded at him with a smile.

"What are you, attracted to her?"

"…Kinda."

Luke blushed. Why did he admit it to Flora? Sure, Suzume had made his heart race when she called him cute. He'd get butterflies in his stomach every time Suzume gave him a tender smile. He felt bothered when Suzume made it clear about not being interested in romantic relationships.

He was only fourteen years old. He was still too young to even think about romantic relationships. Period. He never cared about romance in the first place.

'That's right. I don't care about the mushy stuff.'

Luke stood in front of Suzume's bedroom. He took a deep breath and knocked on her door.

"Miss Mizuno, Miss Beth, and Flora made breakfast." He spoke out to her. "Are you hungry?"

"EHH?! What time is it?!" Suzume's voice called out in a panic.

"It's 11: 15 AM." Luke checked his watch on his wrist to confirm the time.

"Crap!" Suzume opened the door. "I'm going to be late for an appointment!"

Luke gawked at her. Suzume wore a white tee shirt and gray sweatpants. Her wavy hair was down. Luke felt his cheeks heated up as he turned his eyes away from her. Why was his heart pounding?

"What?" Suzume looked at him, annoyed, and folded her arms. "I'm just wearing a simple shirt and sweatpants, Triton. There's nothing unusual about my sleep outfit."

"No…." Luke covered his heated face with his hand. "It's just that I rarely see you with your hair down."

"Huh?" Suzume blinked and tilted her head.

"I'll be in my study…." He told her before he left. 'Why did I become flustered?' He covered his mouth with his hand, his cheeks quite pink now.

"HEY, TRITON!" One of Luke's classmates called him from the rooftop of a building. "Nice day, is it?!"

"Yeah, Goldman! A nice day indeed!" Luke responded back as he and Layton entered a fashion shop. "Miss Mizuno supposed to be here."

"Miss Mizuno had informed me that her father visited this shop before." Layton looked around the shop in curiosity. "There are a lot of pretty dresses and amazing suits here. Very fashionable."

"Hey, Triton! Mr. Layton!" Anna emerged from the changing rooms. "Right on time! You two gotta see this!" She told them in her broken English excitedly.

"What is happening, I wonder?" Layton tilted his top hat, smiling.

"I guess we'll see," Luke said as he and his mentor followed Anna to the changing rooms.

"Hey, Suzume! Are you ready to show off your new cute dress?" Anna asked, her eyes shining in adoration.

"Ehhh?! Who's here?!"

"It's only Triton and Mr. Layton."

"Oh, okay. I thought it was Adachi. I need to fix my-"

"Oh, come out already!" Anna pulled Suzume out of the changing room. "You looked so perfect in the dress! You should be a fashion model instead of a nurse!"

And Luke has become stunned by Suzume's new dress. Suzume wore a navy blue and white gothic dress with white stockings and black high-heeded dress shoes. She had a blue and white bow on her loose hair with curls. She had makeup on with foundation, powder, mascara, and pink lip gross. Luke flushed tremendously and covered his face with his hand.

'Miss Mizuno is so beauteous! She has the look of a supermodel!'

"Oh, my." Layton's eyes were full of astonishment. "You looked very gorgeous, Miss Mizuno."

'She is much more than gorgeous, Professor! She's attractive as bloody hell!'

"Thank you, Mr. Layton. Suzume smiled at him. She eyed Luke. "Triton?" She noticed he was squirming. "Hello? Are you going to compliment me or not?"

"UGH!" Luke stepped away from her. His heart was throbbing like crazy. "I mean! I-" He shuddered, fidgeting his fingers. He downcasted his eyes nervously. "Well…You…are…."

"Triton. This isn't like you." Suzume frowned."You are usually straightforward."

"I am! I'm just-" Luke burst out. He took his cap and covered his face with it. "…you're pretty…very pretty." He mumbled.

"Luke, are you unwell?" Layton showed concern for him. "Your cheeks are reddened, my boy."

"Professor, I'm okay…" Luke quickly responded to his mentor's question.

"…." Suzume gaped at Luke in surprise. "…You're the first boy that called me pretty." Suzume gazed at him softly. She approached him and caressed his hair. "You looked much cuter without your cap on."

Luke gaped at her, his mouth open. He gazed into Suzume's eyes.

'Now I think about it. Why did I notice Miss Mizuno has pretty eyes just now?'

Suzume rested her forehead on Luke's forehead and closed her eyes. She sighed in delight.

"So, we're even, are we?"

'What is Miss Mizuno doing in front of the Professor and Miss Yamada?! I'm afraid that I'm going to lose my composure! Wait, I already lost my composure! My heart is ready to come out of my chest!'

"Look at you, Detective Adorable!" Suzume rubbed his cheeks affectionally. "I'd never get tired of teasing you!"

'And I'm bloody dead. Literally.' Luke had blacked out.

"Ah, Miss Mizuno," Layton told her. "I'm afraid Luke has passed out from the excitement." He smiled at her awkwardly.

"Holy cow! He did!" Anna gasped.

"What the hell?!" Suzume yelled in shock. "Wake up, Triton! This isn't funny!" She shook him repeatedly.

"Miss Mizuno, calm down. Let's take him to a resting place." Layton advised her.

"Ahh…" Luke fluttered his eyes open. He sat up and looked around. He was in Mr. Eggmuffin's bedroom. 'Oh…I remember. I passed out from the excitement, I guess. Ehh?' Luke noticed his blazer was missing. "The heck?"

"Oh, you're awake," Suzume entered the bedroom, carrying a tray with a bowl of soup and a spoon. She sat on a chair next to the bed. "I'm sorry about earlier." She had a guilty expression.

"No. There's no need to apologize, Miss Mizuno." Luke assured her. He sniffed the smell of the soup. "What kind of soup is that?"

"Oh. It is an Egg Gongee." Suzume smiled. "It is a porridge made from rice and egg. It is good for colds."

"I…I don't have a cold through."

"Well, Mr. Layton told me to take precautions."

"Where is the Professor?"

"He's out, doing some solo investigation. "

"I…I should be out there with him."

"No. You need to rest, Triton." Suzume picked up the spoon and dipped it into the bowl. "Say ahhh." She pointed the loaded soup spoon at Luke.

"….I can feed myself." Luke bit his bottom lip nervously, his cheeks shaded in pink. "….I'm not a kid…"

"I know. I was teasing you." Suzume giggled. She put the spoon in her mouth, shallowing the soup. "Look! It's fine! The taste is great! Try some!" Suzume reloaded the soup into the spoon and pointed at Luke.

"….If you insist. A gentleman must do what a lady asks him, after all." He opened his mouth and tasted the soup. His eyes widened in a daze. "This is delicious!"

"Yep! I have to practice it so many times." Suzume chuckled.

"Practice?"

"Well, I wasn't a good cook when I was your age," Suzume grinned at him awkwardly. "Thanks to cooking classes and self-studying, I finally improved my cooking skills."

"Well, you are a good cook, Miss Mizuno. You gotta share the recipe with me sometime."

"Of course! Well, I'm going to check on the others. Eat the soup and rest. I'll bring you chamomile tea in a little bit." Suzume patted Luke's head and placed the tray on Luke's lap. She stood and smiled at him softly, giving him a velvety gaze. "Get better, detective boy." She exited the bedroom and closed the door.

"Thanks…" Luke whispered and ate the soup. 'This is so good. I wonder how awful the soup would have tasted if I met Miss Mizuno four years ago. I'd be ten years old, and she'd be fourteen…Huh?' Luke spotted a golden locket on the chair. 'A locket. Is this Miss Mizuno's?' Luke placed the tray aside and picked up the locket. '…I wonder what is inside. I'm curious.' Luke closed his eyes and shook his head in refusal. 'No! A gentleman shall not pry into a lady's personal belongings…Still…It wouldn't hurt if I peeked a little, right?' He opened the locket slowly. 'Huh?' Inside of the locket was a family picture. A curly-haired woman with a similar hair color to Suzume, a brunette man with slick back hair, and a younger Suzume in a school uniform. '…This is Miss Mizuno, with short hair. And these people must be her parents. It has to be.' He closed the locket and put it back on the chair.

After Luke finished his soup, Suzume returned with a teacup and saucer.

"Good. You ate all of the soup." She handed over the tea to Luke.

"Thanks." Luke smiled softly.

"Ehh?' Suzume spotted the golden locket on the chair. "I was looking for this!" She quickly grabbed it and grasped it in her hand. "I'm glad I found it! It's important to me!"

"I'm sorry. I took a peek in it." Luke admitted.

"Oh. It was just a family photo." Suzume told him. "My father told me to keep the locket with me."

"The item…"

"Huh?"

"Could the locket be the item that the Serpent Phantoms are looking for?"

"Oh, don't be silly, Triton. It's only a locket with me and my parents in a photo."

"Maybe there is a puzzle hidden somewhere in the locket!"

Suzume just gave Luke a blank stare. Now, he thought about it. Her expressionless face was cute. He gulped. Was he going to call everything Suzume does cute now?

"What?" Suzume raised an eyebrow.

"Never mind. I might have overthink it."

"Triton, are you nervous?"

"O-of course not! Why would I be nervous?"

"You sounded nervous through."

Luke knew he was in a blushing mess. His heart was racing wildly. He was absolutely nervous. He was alone in the same room with the girl he was probably attracted to.

"Crap," Suzume touched his forehead to check his temperature. "You're burning up, Triton."

""No…I'm fine." Luke covered his face with the blanket. "Really. I am."

"I'm going to search for Mr. Layton! You aren't fine!"

"No! I said I'm fine!" Luke suddenly grabbed her hand.

"Huh?" Suzume gaped at Luke in surprise. "Triton, what are you-"

"What?" Luke looked at his fingers intertwining with Suzume's. "…Damn it!" Luke pulled his hand away from hers. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to…" He shuddered. "…hold your hand without….your permission…"

"It's fine. You're just a kid, after all." Suzume patted his head, smiling at him softly. "I'll be back with Mr. Layton." She exited the room after grabbing the tray with the empty bowl and spoon.

Luke curled into a ball under the blanket. He felt his face was burning alive.

'What are these strange feelings? I need to seek advice from the Professor.'

Luke just let slumber take over him. He was too exhausted to think anymore.

When Luke returned to this house, his houseguests were all in the living room. They were having a discussion about the strange things happening at Steam Bison. He didn't care about the topic right now. He was too occupied with his feelings. Suzume or his mentor still haven't returned. Luke went to his study and at his desk. He opened his notebook and tried to focus on the notes, but it was too difficult.

He felt it was wrong for him, a 14-year-old boy, to be captivated by an 18-year-old girl's kindness and humor. His reputation as a detective would be in jeopardy. Again, why would the residents even care about a teenage boy's crush on a girl who was four years his senior?

"Luke, are you there?" Layton's voice asked after a knock on his door.

'Yes."

"May I come in? Miss Mizuno had informed me that you aren't feeling well."

"Sure…"

What else did Suzume tell his mentor? Hopefully, she did not tell Layton about the hand-holding moment. Layton entered his study and closed the door.

"GET BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE BRATS!"

Luke ignored Myoue's yelling from the first floor. He scowled at the sounds of windows crashing from upstairs. He needed to take note to reprimand whoever broke the window.

"Luke, I think someone broke a window again." Layton looked up at the ceiling in disappointment.

"The window isn't my concern," Luke told his mentor and sighed. He was too occupied to even care about the crashing sound.

"I see. May I sit on the sofa chair?"

"Of course."

Layton sat on the sofa chair. Luke could feel his mentor's eyes on him. There was awkwardness in the study room. Luke turned a page in his notebook and gaped at what he saw. It was a sketch of a gigging Suzume with her eyes closed. He quickly closed his notebook and blushed.

'When did I sketch Miss Mizuno?! I hope the Professor didn't see it!'

"Luke, are you really all right?" Layton questioned in a concerned tone. "You seemed to be discomposed."

"Huh? What are you speaking about, Professor. I am calm and collected! I'm your apprentice, after all!"

"Luke, you are usually open about your emotions."

"…." Luke bit his bottom lip, and his left eyebrow twitched nervously. He felt his face had turned pale. He gulped. "Well…I'm a gentleman now, right, Professor? Gentlemen are reserved when it comes to emotions, right?"

"Luke…" Layton frowned at him. "I know something is disturbing you. You can talk to me about the issue."

"…."

There was no point in keeping secrets from his mentor. Luke knew better than to try to deceive Layton. His mentor had figured out the clues and solved mysteries for a long time. Luke was there when Layton exposed the perpetrators.

Luke rested his head on his desk, covering his burning cheeks with his arms. He mused about Suzume and the day when he first met her. His first sight of her doing something dangerous stupid. Most ladies cling to their male friends, husbands, or brothers for protection. Suzume did not bring a male companion for security.

"Why would I use a man as a human shield when I took self-defense classes, Triton?"

She once told him when he asked her.

"I was sick of being useless. It reminded me of when I was your age. I was stupid and naive."

Luke didn't want to pry into Suzume's personal issues further, so he discontinued questioning Suzume about her life in Japan before she came to Steam Bison. The only private problem of hers he was involved with was her father. He did offer his assistance, and she accepted it. To Suzume, Luke was the teenage detective, and she was his young adult client. It was only natural. She'd leave Steam Bison with no strings attached. Regardless, Suzume found her father or not. America wasn't her home country, after all.

Suzume was much more than just a pretty face in a dangerous alley. She was very kind, humorous, and cheerful. She was also mature and stern at times. Luke would get too euphoric when he heard Suzume's voice or if someone mentioned her.

"Hey, kid. Don't let her out of your sight. A couple of boys your age expressed a romantic attraction to the young lady. You may have competition, Detective Luke."

A grinning bystander once told Luke when he and Suzume stood at a gift shop. Suzume was too focused on the gifts to take home to acknowledge the bystander. Luke was genuinely confused by the comment at the time. Now, he didn't even want to know who were the other boys who developed a crush on Suzume.

"Luke, please talk to me." Layton pleaded. "I am worried about you. This isn't like you."

Of course, Luke wasn't being himself. He's dealing with an unfamiliar feeling. No, that was a lie. He did not want to admit to Layton that he had developed a crush for the first time. Luke lifted his head and took a deep breath. He needed to get the feeling off his chest. He turned his head towards Layton.

"I've been feeling so strange around Miss Mizuno."

"I figured."

"What…?"

"Luke," Layton smiled at him gently. "There is no shame in developing an infatuation, my boy. You desired a reciprocation. It's natural for boys your age."

"I think a reciprocation may be too far off, Professor."

Luke wasn't that desperate. He just barely figured out his first romantic feeling. He didn't want to jeopardize his interactions with Suzume.

"So, it isn't wrong for me to have these feelings for her?" Luke asked in hope.

"Of course not, Luke."

"Triton!" There was a knock on the door. "Please come out! They are serving free ramen in Japantown!"

'Speak of the devil…'

"Oooh! Can I come?!" Amane's voice asked in excitement.

"Oh, freak off, Amane! I am only inviting Triton! I need to talk to him alone anyway!"

Luke flushed. His heart beat rapidly.

"Luke, would you be willing to spend time with Miss Mizuno?" Layton asked. "I'll invite Mr Yugi and the others for dinner."

"…." Luke smiled softly. "Sure, Professor. I'd love to spend more time with her."

"Very well." Layton winked at him, tilting his top hat. He stood and headed towards Luke's door. He opened it to find Suzume and Amane standing in front of him. "Mr. Yugi, are you interested in joining me for dinner?"

"Free food?! Of course, Mr.Layton! You're the best!" Amane exclaimed loud enough to attract attention. Everyone emerged from wherever they were.

" Hell no! We ain't letting free food, Hanako. We're going to help Mr. Layton with the bill!" Kou disapproved.

"Yes. It's only fair." Nene agreed with Kou.

"Yo, You two are such party poopers!" Amane pouted at his friends.

"We want to come too, Mr. Layton!" A and Un jumped happily.

"Hey! We're also pitching in, you brats!" Myoue told the young boys. "I apologize, Mr. Layton." Myoue smiled at him.

"It is quite all right, Mr. Myoue." Layton smiled kindly.

"Good!" Flora also overheard as she walked to Layton. "I am too tired to cook anyway!"

"Same," Koto added. "The night is still young! Let's go eat out!"

"I found a buffet, Mr. Layton!" Tweeds announced. "Let's go eat there!"

"Hell yeah!" Marliyn added energetically.

"Awesome! I can't wait to see what the American buffet offers!" Anna yelled as she grabbed Kyoutarou and hugged him tightly.

"Yeah, yeah," Kyoutarou was too occupied with his manga in his hand. "Let's go eat, I guess. I am kinda hungry."

"Let's freaking goooooo! There might be hot chicks waiting for us!" Shou raised his fist up happily.

"Oh, shut it, perv." Moeko tossed an annoyed look at Shou. "Oooh, Suzu. I can't believe ya so going to miss out on a buffet." Moeko looked back and grinned at her. "Over free cheap ramen."

"So? I don't mind free ramen, Sekine." Suzume winked at her, showing her finger close to her lips.

Luke's heart melted at the sight. He gazed at her in a daze.

"Yo, what's wrong with you?" Crow raised an eyebrow at Luke.

"You're squirming."

"I'm NOT squirming!" Luke burst out, his cheeks completely red.

"All right. Enough." Layton announced. Everyone became silent and returned their attention to him. "Suzume and Luke will head to the ramen shop. Would you be honored to lead us to the buffet, Tweeds?"

"Of course, Mr. Layton! Everyone follow me!" Tweeds announced.

"We'll be back, Luke, Miss Mizuno. Have fun." Layton told them, giving the two a gentle smile, and followed Tweeds.

"Hey, Triton." Amane approached him and whispered in his ear. "Get her, loverboy."

"HUH?!" Luke stepped away from Amane. "How did you-"

"It was so obvious," Amane said quietly, grinning at him playfully. "See ya~" He joined the buffet crowd as they marched out of the Triton manor.

"Geez, what the heck did that joker tell you?" Suzume asked.

"N-nothing!" Luke waved his hands nervously. "So, why free ramen?"

"Because I want to spend time with you, Triton. I noticed you've been unwell," Suzume grinned brightly and raised her clenched fists to show she was enthusiastic. "I want to cheer you up, okay!"

Warmness occurred in Luke's chest. He noticed Suzume wore a different dress this time. It was a simple brown-colored overall dress, and Suzume wore a simple white dress shirt with a cute ribbon under the shirt collar. She wore white stockings and black Mary Jane shoes. He gaped, his eyes glimmered.

"You're too kind." He told her gaily. "Shall we leave now?"

"Of course! Hold my hand!"

"WHAT?! I'm not a little kid!"

"I know!" Suzume giggled. "I was just kidding! Let's go!"

'…I think I…like her. I really like her…' Luke thought as he followed Suzume. 'Does her hair always smell this good? It smells like vanilla. Is her hair always this wavy? This is going to be so awkward.' Luke turned his eyes away, covering his lips with his fisted hand as he blushed. 'Only if she was my age. Then, I'd definitely have a chance.'

#Crossover Fanfiction

[monaisdark]

AHHHH! I loved your virgin shiggy post, I was wondering if you could make a part two with reader giving shigaraki a tit-fuck in an empty classroom, with degradation kink, and exhibition kink! I'm sorry if this too horny - Anon ♥♥

haha.. im back i guess. Its been a couple weeks but i have some time to start writing again :)) checking my inbox, i did NOT expect this many people wanting a pt2 to my virgin shiggy post. prolly my fault for holding it off for so long :/ so i made it longer than i planned but count this a thanks for 200+ followers!! <3 anyways i really need to catch up on my inbox but expect more from me !!

➨ paring — Virgin! (not anymore) Tomura Shigaraki x Fem! Bully! Reader

➨ warnings — Sub! Shigaraki, Dom! Reader, mommy kink, slight masturbation, humiliation, degradation, begging, exhibition, tit-fucking, hand-job, cum denial

PART 1

Shigaraki messed up. It’s been a week. A week since you cornered him in a room and took his virginity.

He still remembers what you told him when you left— “Take a shower tomorrow. Also wear a different top for god’s sake. If you do... I might let you touch me.” 

Shigaraki beat himself over for agreeing to it as soon as he got home. You were his bully. One of the people making his school experience even more unbearable than it already was.

Yet he completely was undone as soon as you placed your hands on him, and you knew it. He just didn’t know what you wanted.

Dick? No, you were pretty and popular— you could probably get some from more desirable guys. To bully him? Sure, you said mean things to him during the encounter but the bullying was always around your friends.

For a whole school week, he stayed home. Making up some bullshit to the school that he had the flu. Frankly, he was scared to go. How was he supposed to face you?

Did you tell anyone? Secretly record it? Was he currently the laughing stock of the entire school for begging to continue to fuck you?

But even away from school, you had an effect on him. He’s still a horny guy. Now, jerking off wasn’t the same anymore, not when he had some taste of pussy thanks to you.

Shigaraki would always end up thinking back to you, even with porn he couldn’t get you out of his head. His hands clamping around his cock weren’t the same as your pussy, same with the bodies of other women.

He found himself indulging into mommy kink porn, something he didn’t really get off from before you. Shigaraki pretend it was you talking to him, bouncing onto his lap and letting him touch you.

But after a bit— Shigaraki found it going no where, they weren’t you.

Cursing, he would always finish early. And not in a good way. In a way where he was left unsatisfied. Putting his painfully hard cock back into his sweats and trying to sleep his horny-ness away.

Shigaraki realized he needed you, you talking to him, you around his cock. Now, he regretted not sticking to his word. But he’ll make it up for you.

You were quite mad. Shigaraki hasn’t been to school since that day. How ungrateful, you literally let him put his dick in you and now he ghosts you in real life.

You fully expected him to be at school the next day with the way he begged you to stay, clean and ready for you. So imagine your annoyance in seeing him not show up for several days.

But today was different, the newly ex-virgin actually showed up. To your surprise, he still did more than you expected him to do despite being a week late.

Shigaraki had changed his hoodie to a whole new one, it looked recently bought. As well as his hair, looking more soft than greasy like it typically was. Though he didn’t style it, it still overhanging on his face.

Still, he definitely looked a lot better, not enough for others to notice but enough for you to smirk at your work.

Both of you didn’t interact with each other besides a few glances until lunch. You guys sat on completely different ends of the cafeteria, him sitting in a small corner table while you sat in a large one.

Shigaraki looked fidgety, meekly looking up every few minutes to watch you interact with your friends. He was waiting for school to end, planning to catch you at the same empty classroom you took his virginity in.

Though you had completely other plans.

“Hey, I’ll be right back.” You got up from your table, grabbing your bag from off the floor. “To?” One of your friends asked, not looking up from their phone.

“Some nerd, he’s gonna do my homework we got last period. Apparently, his parents found out he’s been doing our homework and now he's gotta do them during lunch. Gotta make sure they do it right.” You lied through your teeth, hoping they would just back off.

They didn’t look up, instead pulling their homework worksheet out of their binder with one hand, putting it in yours, “Get him to do mine.”

You rolled your eyes, grabbing the paper, “Yeah.” You walked away, crumbling the paper to throw it in the trash. You’ll just say you lost it. Not like they’ll do anything about it.

Narrowed eyes landed on Shigaraki, his eyes currently focused on his phone. You strudded your way to him, smirking to yourself.

Shigaraki almost jumped when he felt something brush against his leg. Looking up, he was met with you sitting down next to him.

“Hey.” You said, placing your bag on the table and putting your last period’s homework on the table.

“You’re good at chemistry, right?” You questioned, shifting through your bag for something to write with.

“...Well— I... um...—“ Shigaraki stuttered, unsure of what was currently going on.

“Great.” You pulled the phone out of his clammy hands, replacing it with a pencil. “...What?” He tilted his head, was this a joke? Did you completely forget about a week ago?

“Hm...? Well, get onto it.” You uttered him on, putting your chin in your hands, eyeing him. Reluctantly, he looked back to paper, beginning to work on it.

After around 5 minutes, you brushed against him even more, getting close to his side. “What does that say?” You pushed yourself further into his side, your chest touching his arms.

Shigaraki cursed himself for already becoming red, he pants tightening around his crotch as last week flashed into his head again.

“Um... m-mole is a unit of measur— Hmph!“ He held back a loud whine when your right hand traveled to his crotch.

“What— what are you doing?” He asked under his breath, holding back small whimpers as you palmed him, “Where have you been?” You questioned sternly, upset he kept you waiting.

“I’m sorry... I got sick.” He bluffed, it was too embarrassing to admit he was scared. With how he left you hanging, he expected people to be laughing at him the moment he stepped onto school grounds.

“Sick? A whole week?” You hummed, you could already tell he was lying. Still, you were proud that he even bothered to make it up to you by fixing himself up.

“With your diet of energy drinks and chips, I’m surprised you’re not dead.” You decided to let it go, he was just nervous to show up.

Yet you think he deserves a bit of punishment.

Shigaraki felt heavy as you teased the zipper of his jeans. He immediately tensed, “Wait— now..?” He saw you narrow your eyes, “Something wrong?”

“There’s people here!” He whispered yelled, flinching as he felt you unzip his jeans ever so slowly, trailing your finger along his exposed boxers.

“So? You’re just some loser in the corner, nobody will notice if you aren’t obvious.”

Shigaraki could already feel pre-cum form at his tip, staining his boxers a bit. You giggled a bit, feeling the dampness of his boxers. “Already?” Shigaraki shook his head, “I... I haven’t came since... that day.”

You laughed a bit louder than you expected to, good thing the cafeteria was already loud. “How sweet of you. Couldn’t get it on?”

Shigaraki focused his eyes on your paper, muffled moans caught at the back of his throat as you freed his cock from his boxers.

Now slowly pumping him, Shigaraki dropped the pen of the table. He wanted to do something with his hands, to touch you.

He moved his hand to your thigh, but of course, you didn’t allow him, “You’re too eager. Get back to work.” You ordered. Shigaraki was about to question you but you stopped him with stroking his cock faster.

Both of you continued this way for a bit, him answering questions with his shaky hands while you jerked him off.

Shigaraki could’ve sworn he felt eyes on him a couple of times, yet every time he looked up, nobody was even batting an eye in his direction.

He could feel his cock twitch at the excitement of being caught. How would they explain one of the most popular girls giving an outcast a hand-job under the table?

As he got to the last question— he was already drooling on the paper, mouth clenched shut to avoid moaning and panting to be let out.

You could tell he was about to cum, the writing on the paper progressively getting sloppier as time went on. “M-mommy...” Shigaraki whispered just enough for you to hear, “Hmm, you want to cum?”

He nodded furiously, he was extremely pent up and needed release. And just as he thought, you were the only one who can give it to him.

Shigaraki whimpered when you pulled away, looking up at the clock and collecting your stuff. “Then after school, room 204. Actually listen and show up when I tell you this time.”

You walked away just in time for the bell to go off, signifying that lunch was over. Leaving Shigaraki, once again, a mess.

Here he was again, feeling nostalgic as you walked into the empty classroom. Shigaraki easily grew again while anticipating this, the tent prominent in his jeans.

“Y’know, good job for showering and changing.” You gave him praise, Shigaraki turning red from your words. “This... this means I can touch you, right?”

You nodded, “Yeah. I actually keep promises.” He ignored the jab at him, it didn’t matter how mean you were— he was going to touch you finally.

Shigaraki awkwardly shuffled towards you, raising his hands up to look at you with wide eyes. He slowly paced a hand on your boobs, trying to see if this was just some test and you’ll get mad at him.

When he didn’t get anything back, he immediately started to dough on your clothed breast, cupping them. Then, he moved to unbutton your shirt, already seeing you thought ahead and took off your bra before coming here.

He fully took off your shirt, not wasting time on latching his mouth onto one of your nipples, both hands playing with your breasts. Shigaraki was basically humping your leg, sucking your nipples like a baby.

You giggled a bit, patting his head. He looked up at you with a clouded look, pure joy in his eyes as he finally got to touch you.

Looking back down at him, another idea popped up— you already took his virginity and gave him his first hand-job, whats another one of his firsts? “Shigaraki, do you want to feel really good?” He unlatched from your nipple, “I can be inside you?”

“No.” He frowned a bit, but perked up when you trailed your fingers on his boxers. “What if I put this,” You pointed at your boobs, “In between these?”

Shigaraki was already down, eagerly sitting on a desk while you got on your knees. He freed his cock, putting it in between your slick pushed together breasts, thanks to his sucking earlier.

You wasted no time on stroking it up and down with your breasts. He moaned feeling the softness of the valley between your chest, your breasts around his cock giving him warmth as you stimulated him.

Shigaraki was definitely feeling great, you even let him bend down and grab your breasts to control the speed of the tit-job.

Though, Shigaraki wanted more. You were giving him all these things, a hand-job, a tit-fuck. He’s been inside you once and he didn’t get to do what he wanted in the first place. To cum inside his mommy.

He feels a knot grow in his lower abdomen, but he doesn’t wanna cum yet. Instead, he pulled himself away from you, much to your confusion.

“What? You literally were about to cum and I was gonna let you!” You groaned, getting up as Shigaraki faced you.

“...Mommy, can I fuck you?”

“No, you didn’t come to school for a whole week. If you really wanted to you would have showed up.”

Shigaraki turned red, sputtering as he held onto your arm, “Please! I just want you cum inside you.” He whined, tears pricking at the chance of not getting to have sex with you after all this time.

You looked at him stoned faced as he begged, even falling to his knees dramatically to add to his desperation. “Fucking virgins, man.”

Shigaraki felt himself be pushed down, your skirt and panties on the floor. You straddled onto his length, moans filling the room quickly.

“Yes! Thank you, thank you, mommy!” Shigaraki thrusted his hips into yours, feeling even more over-joyed when he was allowed to touch your chest while you were on top of him this time.

Shigaraki desperately missed this, now he remembers why his hand didn’t compare to your tight pussy after trying to jerk off. He found his own rhythm quickly, muffled ‘mommy’s due to his mouth on your breasts.

“I’m doing this because you cleaned up, if you didn’t I would’ve left you to your own sad-ass devices already.” You lied, honestly, you hated the idea what he possibly was ignoring you by not showing up to school.

Even then, you’ve grown a bit found of him. His body, his expressions, his voice, everything really. It didn’t bother you as much when you saw his still messy hair, you were just glad to see him.

Though, you’d never admit it. Instead, it showed through the way you were tightening around his cock, panting as he moaned into and out your body. Shigaraki very quickly wrapped his arms around you, both of you on the edge.

“Fuck— Shigaraki. Cum, cum for mommy, okay?” You ordered, Shigaraki more than ready to fulfill it.

“Ah, thank you! Thank you, mommy! I’m gonna cum inside you!” Both of you rided out your highs, Shigaraki filling you so much it started to drip outside your full cunt.

He fell on top of you despite you initially being on top, you wanted to scold him but honestly couldn’t bring yourself to right now.

The room quieted down, the only words being exchanged were by Shigaraki softly muttering “Thank you, mommy.” into your neck

#sub shigaraki #tomura shiragaki #dark fic #dom reader #dark #bully reader #fem reader #tw degradation #tw humiliation #tw mommy kink #bnha smut #bnha x reader #x reader #shigaraki x reader #mommy

[lov3nerdstuff]

Hi Kay!

I just wanted to take a moment and say how deeply moving (and overall comforting) I find your writing to be! I've gone through almost the entirety of your masterlist twice in the past month alone and have found myself returning more often to the pieces of literature/poems your reference sometimes. (Especially that one poem by Benedict Smith! I've read a few more by him because of you and they're just wonderfully lovely 💛 so I'm eternally thankful to you for including it.)

I may be wrong in assuming, but I believe you may have studied/are currently studying a degree involving literature. I hope this isn't too foreward of me but I was wandering if you have any other works of literature that you'd recommend? (I'd love to read anything you recommend from poems to plays 💛) I'm slightly embaressed to say but the works I've read are quite limited to a highschool level and since I'm currently studying Pharmacy, there are very few people who can recommend me such moving works. :)

I also feel like I should apologise for writing such a large ask, so please accept this apology as well hehe 💕🥺

Sincerely,

Bek 🌻

Hey there Bek 💚💕✨

First of all... I'm incredibly sorry for how long it took me to reply to this ask, I know you sent it weeks ago and I'm honestly just ashamed of myself for only replying now! I've been taking a bit of a Tumblr break again, or rather a break from literally everything, and I guess not having written anything in a while made me feel guilty whenever I opened Tumblr, so... All I can say for myself really is that I'm sorry you had to wait so long! Again, I never ever ignore anyone, I promise! It just sometimes takes a while for me to reply 😅🙈

Now, I'm so happy to hear that you've been enjoying my writing! 🥺🥰 Hearing that it's comforting and inspiring to you is honestly such a relief and indeed does make me happy more than I can say 💚 It's so cool that you're checking up on all the references I make aaahhh 🥺🥺🥺 I love it 😁 You're always more than welcome, love! I don't think I could stop including references to literature, culture, history and the science around it even if I tried 😅☺️

And yeah, I did study classics and newer literature as a minor for my undergrad degree 😄 But tbh I still work with literally a lot even now (I'm in grad school for media and cultural studies) even though it's technically not something I've been properly taught ☺️ I'm just a nerd who likes to learn on her own, and with media and culture you can pretty much delve into almost anything you want 😂😅🤷🏻‍♀️

Now, it's not forward at all to ask me for literature recommendations! 😁😃 I truly love recommending stuff!!! I have a few up my sleeve, even though you've probably heard of a few already, for obvious reasons: A lot of what I truly enjoyed reading was something Tom Hiddleston has worked on in one way or another! It's truly a magnificent guideline for picking new literature... Just look up the literary origins of his films/shows/plays and you will be in for quality literature most of the time! I don't think I've ever mentioned it on here, but me reading High-Rise (JG Ballard) because I heard Tom would be partaking in the film adaptation was actually what sparked my love and passion for literature!!! Yep, it's that good. Now on to the recommendations though 😁(This... got rather long):

Plays

Anything by Harold Pinter really, but for obvious reasons you'll find a lot of additionally fun stuff for Betrayal, which is lovely and truly funny if you're in on the kind of humour btw

Medea by Euripides (a classic, but I love it nonetheless... You can find translations in almost every language) ((and pls stay away from Seneca's Medea, because ugh... Euripides is far better AND the og story, as much as anyone can say that for Greek mythology)

La Bohème by Puccini (I know, this is technically an opera, but if you read the libretto it's honestly just like a play... And if you're up for it, the og story is in prose and written by Henri Murger... It's better than the opera, but oftentimes more difficult to find) ((this one is hilarious and basically explains an entire cultural subgroup in the 19th century)

Faust by Goethe (many people hate it, but I LOVE this one!!! It's also been translated into any and every language, and it's so interesting philosophically!!! It's also referenced SO freaking often literally everywhere, and the operas and ballets based on it are always my fave) ((there's technically Faust I and Faust II, but you're good to go just reading the first one)

Anything by Shakespeare, obviously... Though I do love me my Hamlet like every other literature enthusiast (Yes, I can do that one famous soliloquy in act 3 scene 1 by heart as well...)

Poetry

Again, anything Shakespeare for the win, but I LOVE the sonnets and keep a copy of them with me most of the time (Yes, I own multiple copies of the sonnets...) ((My faves are 116 and 91, but there's always so much truth to be found in there!!!))

A lot of the stuff William Blake wrote is amazing, though you have to pick carefully with him if certain religious motives aren't your thing... I love The Tyger, which is an individual poem, and the collection of works called Tyger, Tyger which does have many good ones and a few ones that are a little more on the mediocre side

Do not go gentle into that good night by Dylan Thomas (I know this one by heart as well... It's beautiful, and there's a version of Hiddleston reading it on YouTube, which gives you even more goosebumps than the poem does anyway)

Invictus by William Ernest Henley (same for this one, also read by the one and only) ((I love to read this when I'm feeling down or powerless))

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T. S. Eliot (This is another wow piece with many quotable lines and truths... I love it a lot and keep coming back to it! It's also a great example of how literary modernism tried to condense the complexity and passing of time and history into a single frame that had to be intrinsically poetical in nature... As in, this poem could've been a short story in any other period, but modernists loved to make everything a poem so here you go)

Der Zauberlehrling by Goethe (This one sucks in all English translations I’ve found, poetically speaking, but in German it’s such a fun piece! If you’ve ever seen the Disney ‘The Sorcerer’s Apprentice’ with Mickey Mouse or listened to the orchestral piece by Paul Dukas, then this poem proves very useful in truly understanding either! But again, the English translation should only be taken for informational value... The German one is also worded hilariously)

Prose

Short edited by Alan Ziegler (This is a collection of short prose forms that honestly is a must for me... I love this book to pieces and have had it for years now! It’s an international anthology, so you’ll find more and less famous authors from all around the world represented with short stories, prose poems, short essays and just curious and interesting snippets of writing! I draw a lot of inspiration from this book)

High-Rise by JG Ballard (As mentioned above, I owe this book part of my personality... I don’t think I would be the same person without having read it. It’s not necessarily full of wisdom, but if you’re interested in a different kind of portrayal of the human condition, then this is the read you need to take a look at)

The City of Dreaming Books by Walter Moers (This is another piece that changed my perception of literature, even though this is a more ordinary and ‘fun’-value read... It’s one of my favourite books and it’s endlessly entertaining! So if the classics are a bit heavy for you, this one is perfect for casual readers as well! Its value really does lie more in the realisation of how fun literature can be, and the freedom you have as an author... So really, I could recommend everything by Moers, his style is amazing both in the German original and in the English translation. Yes, I’ve read both.)

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett (This is comedic gold, stylistic gold and generally a bloody perfect book. Also a ‘fun’-value read, but it also does a magnificent job at showing you what you can do with literature, and how well-developed characters are supposed to be written)

The Penguin Book of the Undead (Penguin Classics) edited by Scott G. Bruce (This book is basically an education on fifteen hundred years of supernatural encounters and how culture wrote, used and perceived them. You get introductory texts for different periods and social groups, explaining how and why ghost stories were written and used, followed by passages of the prime source texts (eg. ancient necromancy shown on The Odyssey). Really, this book is just for cultural history nerds)

The Earthquake in Chile by Kleist (This isn’t necessarily one of my faves, but it has helped me understand what studying literature and culture can do for you. In case anyone remembers my insistence in Wicked Game that you gotta know what a pomegranate symbolises... this novella is such an instance where this knowledge would prove useful. Generally, it gives many opportunities to think about privilege and circumstance)

The Symposium by Plato (You’ll probably not want to read the entire collection of speeches tbh... But the concepts introduced mainly here and in some of Plato’s other work are well worth looking into! For example, the ‘double being’ introduces a concept that in modern fiction is called soulmates... Just sayin’)

#literature #lit rec #recommendation #literature recommendation

[gaypeople4itzy]

Helloooooo so like I've been stalking your blog for a while but never got the courage to say anything- anyways how are you doing? Have you rested well? I just want to say you're a very good writer keep it up okay? Who am i kidding its probably a natural talent. Anyways i love you-

— Kaiya

Hiii :D

Firstly that's so cute oh my god awe😭 I'm glad you finally found the courage to talk to me, I promise I don't bite love <33

As for my state well it's been a bit rough (yes again) lately but I'm trying to balance school and writing and stuff (yk gaypeople4itzy gotta keep the model student reputation), but other than that and the fact that my periods just started and I feel so ew, I'm alright !

I'm going to be honest, I didn't rest much, because see I get home at around like 5:15pm, then the time for me to relax and try to get over my school day goes very quickly and I have to eat, then I do homework, wash myself (sometimes I do it right when I get home) and then I write if I don't feel too bad, but I'm also pretty tired easily and I talk to a lot of people so I get less time for me and stuff

Though it's alright, it's fun

But anyways seriously you're so nice ! I don't know if it can be considered a natural talent but I've never token any specific classes for it, I've just always been good in my first language and English too! I would write poems and texts as a kid so I guess that's where I'm at now

Wait actually that's a lie oml💀, I've struggled doing like, big writing works at school till grade 4-5 I think ? Where I remember my teacher not giving us any word limit (or minimum) and boom, it became natural and a habit to write a lot !!

And hey I love you too Kaiya (v pretty name btw), I hope you're having a nice day/night, take care mwah mwah mwah <3333

#gaypeople4itzy #gaypeople4itzytalkingtothemselves #gaypeople4itzysendslove #gaypeople4itzyanswered #gaypeople4itzyinbox

[botwstoriesandsuch]

hey, I saw you play a keyboard (amazing compositions btw legit thought they were actual nintendo ngl), when did you start? I'm a noob, so any suggestions on hand independence? How long did it take you? (and yes I know everyone is different but still 👉 👈👉 👈👉 👈👉 👈👉 👈

But also I kinda still don’t know what I’m doing because while it’s nice and all to play the piano, I don’t know SHIT about advanced music theory which is kinda important for making music. Like I know my staccatos and vibratos and tacos and concert band terms, but fucking beats me what you pair an F minor seven chord to. What the fuck is a relative key...A major? More like a major failure amiright

Luckliy I didn’t really make music for a long time so it didn’t really matter...that was until a little game came along in 2015, you may have heard of it, or maybe you haven’t, it’s called Undertale? Yeah kinda a niche game, but anyhow I was pretty hooked on that game and I was like “hey, music tho...do be boppin.” So I learned all the songs, and I followed all the tumblr fandom blogs. And there was this one fancomic that I really liked and I was like “hey......I got a cool little idea” and I sat at my keyboard and fucked around until a thing sounded good. That’s not even me joking or exaggerating. I, a like 13 year old kid, just kinda played some notes together until something sounded decent. And thus was my very first song, which was THIS babam

THIS piece of shit somehow actually got the attention of one of the mods for that Undertale webcomic?? And they were like "hey that's really nice!" and obviously with the benefit of hindsight we all know that was a lie, but I in my eager, powerhungry, 13 year old state accepted the compliment and absorbed it into my ego forever. I spent WEEKS on this piece of shit, I even made shitty trace art...so if some random stranger that ran a tumblr blog/VA twitter said that I did an amazing job, then god fucking dammit I am an amazing composer.

So yeah after that I just kinda....did it. I LIKE TO THINK I IMPROVED FROM THAT PIECE OF CRAP but hey who knows. You just kinda gotta....play those funky little notes, I still haven't taken a music theory class and hey, I'm turning out well enough. *dabs* Hand independance.....can't relate to the struggle, ask 7 year old me and get gud kid. (OK BUT ACTUALLY, are you right handed or left handed? so just play a fancy little melody with one hand, then practice playing it with BOTH hands on different octives. It's easier than just immediately going to a different hand because your brain is wired to like...connect your fingers or something. So then when you can play your little melody with both hands, then switch entirely to the non-dominant hand and practice that till it's perfect. Then babam, you did a thing. And that's under the assumption that your dominant hand is all powerful and can play whatever. Also just....practice. Just gotta practice practice practice. It's chiche, but that's how it works. It's easier to practice if you got a hyperfixation on a certain fandom that is famous for its good music.)

Ok so LONG STORY SHORT. 1) I was four. 2) Get gud and practice. 3) I guess...2015,,minus 2020,,or wait no skip 17 and 18 i didn't do anything that year....like 3-4 years??? Dont let that scare you, I made a total of 4 songs over that period, and most of my actually good shit that I actually took seriously I only made in 2020, so I guess it's really more like 1.5 years. And hell it'll probably be faster if you actually know what goes on with notes, cause again, I just compose based on vibes and feelings, I don't know jackshit on the technical chord shit or whatever. One might note that all my shit lacks complicated chord progressions and instead relies on triplet and arpeggio movements....

Oh ALSO two more things. Forget about melody. Fuck the melody. You want a fancy catch tune? FORGET IT. The only thing that matters is the harmony and background that's it, pour your heart and soul into that first and then you can place whatever bullshit tune you want on top of that and it'll sound 600% better I promise. Then ALSO ALSO, just watch a bunch of youtube videos about people analyzing and gushing and critiquing other music, sepcifically music that your passionate about like maybe video game ost for example. Cause when you enjoy the thingy then you're eventually gonna learn stuff and then do stuff you know? That's why I don't suck as much as I should at composing, and also the similar method for how I learn literally anything else, like writing. Ok long post done.

#brrrrrrrrrrr it's a ramble #long post #do you guys even filter long posts or am i just tagging that as an apology? #its and apology #INCOHERENT #mudkip music #kinda #not botw

[dangan-happy]

I want Mikan to have wheelies to escape her feelies./ Hey hey, Miu, Kaito, Kokichi? Yet again, it is I. I'm having motivation issues again and for the last few days I've felt horrible. Really, I've just been questioning my worth again due to a bunch of stuff, especially cuz I argue with my mom 24/7. I just could use some comfort rn, if that's alright. P.S, felt like I should say this. IK one of you guys mentioned ADHD; and I'm actually getting tested for that soon! Ty :). -Spider anon

Spider anon!! Hey bro!! What's up! You're on my list of anons with the coolest names, you funky little spider anon. My bad, I got kinda distracted, so now I'm gonna focus on helping you. Aw man, I'm sorry to hear you're having motivation issues again, and feeling generally horrible. Hey! Stop questioning your worth right now! You're amazing no matter what. You're a unique, awesome person, and you can do whatever a spider anon can-on!

Arguing with parents is pretty common, and yeah, it's always a tricky thing. Since I don't have any details, I can't really give any advice on that, but maybe try spacing yourself away from your mom as much as you can to avoid arguments. I seriously can't remember if it was me who mentioned ADHD, but I'm glad to hear you're looking into that! I totally know what that stuff is like, and hopefully the actions you take will lead to some solid help.

Alright, you want comfort? I got comfort! Bro, I seriously can't stress enough how amazing you are. I've only talked to you twice, but I can tell you're an incredible person who I'd totally be friends with. Even if you're not feeling super motivated right now, that doesn't mean you're worthless. No matter what happens, you're still worth as much as possible. Like you know the world's biggest diamond? You're worth more than that. I started a random "I would be friends with this anon" squad, and like, if you want in, I'll totally give you a star sticker. I guess that's like, our official membership badge or something. Either way, don't lose faith in yourself. Believe in yourself no matter what. Try to become your own biggest fan, because there's so much about you that's amazing. I hope nothing but awesomeness comes your way man, it was good to hear from you again!

-

Hey! I'm literally never going to forget you because of the dumb spider anon song parody Kaito made, which is in my head right now which sucks because it's literally one line on repeat over and over again, but anyways, hi again, welcome back! Aw man, I totally get the motivation thing. Like, it's just soooo much work to get up and do things, or like, even get up half the time. Hey, even if you're not feeling it right now, that doesn't change your self worth at all!! Sorry to tell you, but someone with as much worth as you literally can't have their worth shrink ever. That's just how it is, laws of science or whatever. We all have our spirals, and that doesn't change who we are as people, or how much we're worth. I kind of fight with everyone, so I do get the whole 24/7 fighting thing too.

Dammit, I'm agreeing with Kaito. Sometimes it's a good idea to take a step back and take some personal space to let your head clear. When we get emotional, us amazing humans can make some pretty dumb choices, and I don't want you getting into a trap like that. Honestly I dunno who mentioned the ADHD thing either, but I'm just gonna go ahead and take credit for that. You're welcome Spider anon, you can write me a song or something to show your gratitude. I'm totally kidding, and it's good that you're getting tested! Hopefully that'll get you some answers and some ideas on what to do next to help yourself out.

Yeah, sure thing I'll give you some comfort! All you gotta do is ask. Ok, get ready. So, I'm a pretty great judge of character, like I had Kaito pinned as an idiot from the start, and I was like, totally right about that. I can tell that you're a really talented person, even if you don't feel like it all the time. You're seriously an amazing person, and anyone who knows you is lucky to. I'd like, totally be your friend too, and for the record, I'd be a waaaay better friend than anyone else. But seriously, you're amazing. I know you have periods where you doubt yourself, but trust me, people around you see how amazing you are, and hopefully you will one day too. Keep being your awesome spider self, kay? I'll see you around!

=

Spidey! Hey there babes, great to see you again!

Not so great that you’re feeling horrible though, that sounds like a lot of shit that you’re going through.. Motivation issues and your mum is arguing with you? Geez, I don’t get adults man…

Listen, I know your mum is a total pain in the arse with constantly arguing with you, but you’re not any less important, you’re worth a whole lot. Fuck what she thinks, you’re doing the best that you can and that’s the important thing!

Oh hey, I know it’s not me who mentioned ADHD, but I’m glad that you’re getting tested for it, it’s always better to get it done professionally instead of self diagnosing and freaking out.. I get it, it’s easy to look at the symptoms and think, ‘hm, this sounds like me!’, but you know what I mean..

You mentioned wanting comfort, so how about I let you take a nice, long rest against me? I’ll hold you until you feel better, does that sound good? Spidey, you’re worth all the happiness in the world, that much I promise you..

#danganronpa #danganronpa roleplay blog #ask #kaito momota #kokichi oma #miu iruma #mod kaito #mod kokichi #mod rockstar

[coinofstone]

5x12 The Diamond of the Day pt 1

Final two episodes! Big finale! Why am I making myself cry in the middle of the afternoon! Both eps in this post.

I do love that they made Arthur a sore loser

Enter treacherous white woman #2. Srsly it was lazy writing when they did it for Mordred, it's worse now with Gwaine.

I do love the actual Round Table war room discussion but a) why isn't Merlin seated at the round table and b) why does Leon have so much goddamn faith in Camelot's walls? Like??? You literally said the same thing last year and yet Camelot *did* fall when Agravaine brought an army through the tunnels!

Poor Aithusa. Kid's had a rough life.

I do love Arthur responding to Merlin presenting him with all his supplies ready - which he prepared without his magic mind you - with suspicion 😂

But then he calls Merlin a coward and it's sad

Katie has such a great voice. That entire thing in the cave from her taunting to her laughter to the spell, it just just beautifully played.

Whole ass battle to prepare for and Arthur is just walking around moping cuz Merlin isn't there

So, Merlin's father-vision telling him he's magic itself and he just needs to believe in himself to get his magic going again, does this mean he *didn't* need to go to the cave to get it back? Cuz it seems like he needed to recharge in the cave itself, his injuries were healed when he woke up. That seems like magic cave stuff to me.

Also that "always have been and always will be" - I'm taking to mean 'always have been' in the sense that since he's 'magic itself' even before he was born, his magic existed in other, intangible forms, like we are all stardust etc. But now that he is, he will always be, aka he will not die.

Arthur waking up with his wife in his arms and Merlin's name on his lips, jumping out of bed to act on dream-info.

Balinor telling Merlin to trust in what will be.... like bitch that is literally not how this ends.

5x13 The Diamond of the day pt 2

You know that gif of the cat knocking everything off the table? That's literally Merlin shooting lightning at everyone from his perch on the ridge.

I have a lot of snarky things to say about Merlin coming out of the cave in full Dragoon gear and riding a horse instead of teleporting like the other witches but I'ma keep that to myself.

Mordred is a bitch and Aithusa has terrible aim. At least Aithusa's loyalty to Morgana makes sense.

Arthur said oh shit I'm magic - oh wait no it's that old man again

He also straight up "No! Bad dragon!"-ed Aithusa

Y'know, for all I've watched this episode and screamed about Arthur's death, I don't think I've ever focused on the exact moment he gets stabbed before.

Mordred catches him from behind and he meets it, no fault there. But as soon as he realizes his assailant is the knight who turned on him and joined Morgana, what does he do? HE LOWERS HIS FUCKING SWORD

He leaves himself wide fucking open and vulnerable and Mordred seizes the opportunity. I understand wanting the moment of recognition for Arthur, but on what planet is a trained warrior going to drop his sword mid-attack because he recognizes his attacker as a dude who only just recently decided to forsake him? It's soooooo dumb

There was a whole sequence a few episodes back where Mordred and Arthur are sparring, the point of it was to show that Mordred has become a skilled swordsman. So what exactly was the point in having Mordred run Arthur through as soon as Arthur idiotically lets his guard down? This should've been a meticulously choreographed sword fight, with Mordred getting the upper hand and sticking Arthur properly. Not this nonsense. Look at Arthur's FACE! Oh, Mordred... 👉👈 do you maybe wanna be friends again- STAB ... guess not

Uther's been rolling in his grave but he's taking an extra tumble watching Arthur forget all his skills and training in that moment.

I do appreciate Arthur getting Mordred back though. Like that moment of merciless anger followed by the hurt and regret playing on Arthur's face, warring with surety and responsibility. It was good.

I've rewatched the big confession scene about 16 times just now.

I don't quite understand why Merlin took Arthur to the woods to begin with. Instead of bringing him to the med tent in the battlefield or back to Camelot. What was the reason?

Merlin saying it feels strange (to use magic freely in front of Arthur) and him just going 'yeah' completely deadpan makes me laugh every time.

I really feel like Arthur's head should be elevated at a further incline if he's going to be fed.

Gaius refusing to outright expose Merlin as the sorcerer but nonetheless letting Gwen figure it out on her own warms my heart.

My God Arthur is sitting there dying, feeling betrayed about his best friend 'lying' to him, and still he can't stop himself from looking at Merlin's mouth.

Percival summoned MUSCLE POWER

Hey um random but why does Gwaine even know where Merlin and Arthur are headed? Why would Gaius tell him?

Arthur looks at Merlin so lovingly after he's killed Morgana 😭😭

And now he's literally grabbing at the man's hand 😭 "just hold me, please"

That's gotta be the gayest death scene in television history. If you can watch that without thinking Arthur puts his hand on the back of Merlin's head because some part of him wants to bring him down for a kiss, or that "just hold me, please" is in any way shape or form a 'bros' thing, and certainly not at all an intentional mirror/callback to Isolde dying in Tristan's arms, then I'm afraid you are what we professionals refer to as a dumb-as-nails fucknugget, more commonly phrased as 'willfully ignorant'.

"All that you have dreamt of building has come to pass" yeah except for the whole, y'know, magic still being illegal thing.

I've said this before, but, while I'm sure there was a determined intention to have Arthur die in his armor, probably in some kind of attempt to make sure the audience knows he's died a warrior's death, I *really* think it was kinda stupid that Merlin never removed it, despite Arthur being weak, despite the fact that there was something like five days between him getting stabbed and him actually dying, despite that for the duration of that time they were traveling or hiding out. Merlin managed to produce a cloak to put on Arthur, why did he need the full armor on that whole time? Like even if they left the chainmail on, those plates on his shoulder were just getting in the way, and it looked quite uncomfortable.

Also not for nothing but Lancelot got like, every flower in the forest surrounding lush verdant greens in his death boat, Arthur gets a bunch of sticks.

It suddenly occurs to me, watching this now, that the reason Leon/Percival is such a common side pairing in Merthur fics, is because these two motherfuckers are the only original Knights of the Round Table to survive the series. 🤦‍♀️ I dunno how I failed to notice that before now. My stupidity amazes me.

I'm *really* glad they decided to do this scene with Gwen wearing the Pendragon red dress instead of the black mourning dress. Yes she looks fabulous in it but it's more the symbolism than the 'reality' - with Gwen wearing her house's colors it represents a continuation rather than a finality. Camelot will go on, Gwen will undoubtedly end the war on magic and with Morgana dead (and frankly, I think by now she already brought about the death of all the angry incel type rulers in Albion) there stands to reason her reign will begin with a period of peace, possibly longer than Arthur's. We kind of have to assume that the 'time the poets speak of' is, inevitably, Gwen's reign - which only came about through Arthur's death. It's a little bit toooo subtle in my opinion, but at the same time, I understand the need for the focus on Merlin and Arthur - after all, this show was their journey - not leaving much time to focus on Gwen and Camelot in the aftermath of Arthur's death.

I will just say, the first time I watched this that fucking truck scared the ever living shit out of me. I also just immediately, viscerally hated that scene and declared it invalid - but I think it was because the truck made me jump out of my skin. It has since grown on me, particularly once I started reading 'Arthur Returns' fic.

Everything beyond this point is post-series spec and headcanon, so if that's not your jam you can exit safe in the knowledge that as usual, if there's anything worth commenting on in the S5 extras, I will create a separate post!

For those interested, my go-to post-series fic is We Begin Again by katherynefromphilly I fully headcanon this series as the continuation of the series.

I have a lot of thoughts about Gwen and Merlin post-Camlann.

For one, poor fucking Gwen. She's lost her father, her brother, and her husband, all by what, age 30? That's rough. And who knows what happened to her mom, that was pre-series and I don't think it was ever mentioned.

Merlin, dear god poor Merlin. First of all, I just wanna say straight off that my instinctive headcanon about Merlin was that he never returned to Camelot. I couldn't really say why exactly. I just don't think he could stand being there after Arthur's death. But practically speaking, Merlin's still got Aithusa to deal with, that dragon needs some godsdamned house training asap. He's still the last Dragonlord, it's reasonable to assume he'd immediately take that on considering Aithusa is partially responsible for Arthur's death (the sword Mordred killed Arthur with, only succeeded in killing Arthur because it had been forged in Aithusa's fire-breath) so he's either going to attempt to train the bad behaviors out of Aithusa, or...well...

The only thing is, I do not believe Merlin would abandon Gwen, or Gaius. So my hc is inherently flawed. I do think Merlin probably spend a couple months with his mum, and I do think he ultimately settled near lake Avalon waiting for Arthur's return.

But I do wonder, what must their relationship have been like? Gwen, surely, would've sought his guidance in establishing laws governing the use of magic. And surely, peace cannot last indefinitely, so Merlin absolutely would've defended Camelot and protected Gwen. There's just no way he could've completely turned his back on them, but I doubt he could bear living in Camelot. And Gwen is both strong and practical enough to get on without him there 24/7, even though I'm sure she'd miss him.

I also think she would've found love again. Whether with Leon, as many people hc, or someone else not in the series.

ANYWAY.

Thanks to everyone who came on this journey with me. I will post comments on the extras if I have anything worth saying - and I think I'll do a master post linking all these episode posts after I clean them up once I get time to sit at a computer and do so. Until then! 💙💚

(Gif source) (h/t @shut-up-merlin)

#bbc merlin #bbc merlin spoilers #merlin #merlin spoilers #merthur #onceandfuturerewatch #5x12 #5x13 #5x12 the diamond of the day pt 1 #5x13 the diamond of the day pt 2 #bbc merlin 5x12 #bbc merlin 5x13 #merlin 5x12 #merlin 5x13 #the diamond of the day #the diamond of the day pt1 #the diamond of the day pt2 #for the love of Camelot

[creative-nightmares-37]

How to become punk

This is  4000+ words so it's a very long shot, and i made this a longgggg time ago but I hope you like it, at the bottom ill post his transformation!

"I don't understand it!" I sighed to myself angrily as I watched Patton blush.

     What's so great about Virgil?! I mean I could be like that!

     "Anyways Patton, I gotta go." Virgil says giving him a two fingered salute as he turned his back and walked away.

     "Oh my goodness Logan did you see him?!" Patton exclaimed. "I can see it now, we're going to own four dogs, and our house it gonna be mag-" He starts as I interrupt him.

     "I wouldn't look to far into the future Patton, your not even sure if you two at compatible ." I state feeling my heart break slightly.

     "Plus he's no good for you, he's got a bad reputation in the school, and previous schools."

     "Maybe that's why I like him..." Patton mutters to himself as he stares lovingly in the direction Virgil walked in.

      Patton, the school most innocent kid, has fallen for the 2nd most bad boy in ringwell high.

     And his best friend has to watch.

-

     "His hair is soooo purple now, it's a great color on him!" Patton smiles growing red in the face.

     "You know if you like him so much why don't you talk to him." I suggest putting on a fake smile.

      "But I couldn't!" Patton starts.

      "Yes you can, you've been swooning over him for the past two months." I say rolling my eyes.

     "Will you come with me then? I need a wingman." He pleas

     "If it will make you happy." I say knowing he doesn't know the double meaning to that statement.

     "Awe thank you Lo!!" He says as I lead the way to Virgil.

     "Hey teach, hey pat." Virgil states leaning back against the wall.

     "Hey Virgil!" Patton smiles, as they quickly start to talk.

      Soon I see a tall figure, covered with tattoos, hair in a Fo-hawk. Wearing a jean jacket with the arms ripped off combat boots and ripped jeans. Devan, the reason why Virgil is the 2nd biggest bad boy of the school.

     "Hey Virgil." He says voice deep. "who's this?" He asks raising a brow at Patton, and I can see his heart skip a beat,

     "I'm p-Patton." He states flustered

     "And I'm Logan." I state as Devan nods his head.

     "Well do you want to ditch next period. Virgil?" He asks as Virgil nods.

     "Sure thing Dee."

     "I'm going to get a new tattoo, I'm thinking snake scales right here." I says turning his head and pointing at his neck.

     "That's sweet! I think imma get a thunderstorm, or something" Virgil states as he licks his snake bites on his lips.

     "Well I'll see you two around." Devan says giving a wink to Patton and I can see his breathing quicken.

     "Sure thing." He blushes as the other two walk away.

     "He was sooooo hot! I would let him fu-"

     "Don't finish that sentence" I sigh trying not to sound sad as I fix my glasses.

     So Patton as a thing for bad boys huh, well I guess that is do able.

     "He Logan, I'm gonna be gone next week, my cousin is getting married!" Patton smiles as my heart explodes.

     "That's fine, I'll pick you up when your back." I state as he nods happily.

-

(Next week)

     "Virgil I need your help." I state as he glances up at me.

     "With????"

     "I need to be more like you, Patton has a thing for bad boys and-" I start but get interrupted

     "You have a thing for him, and trust me I can tell he likes bad boys." He laughs "but don't worry I got you covered." He states as relief washes over me.

     "But under one condition." Virgil states as my stomach sinks. "You need to help me with Mr. popular over there He states pointing over at Roman Prince.

     "Why that moron?" I think out loud as Virgil blushes.

     "I don't know, maybe it's because he's a moron, but you get him to at least befriend me, and I'll give you a free ride into Patton's heart". He states before mumbling "since h- a- does"

     "What did you say? Ya know nevermind, you have a deal." I say as Patton's smile flashes through my mind. "I bet I could do it within 30 minuets." I state confidently as Virgil stares at me strangely

     "If you can I'll even teach you how to build and ride a motorcycle." He laughs not believing I'm my capability's and Romans arrogance with his overwhelming lack of common sense.

     Oddly enough I'm pretty good friend with Roman, although it's safe to say I'm probably the Biggest nobody in the school, and he's the one who's got everyone around his finger, we make a pretty good team.

     I make my way over, as a smile grows on my face "oh Mr. Popular." I say in a goofy voice as he turns around with a smirk.

     "Oh great it's Einstein himself." He says putting on a face of disgust and I laugh. "What's up lo?" He asks.

     "Can I talk to you for a bit?" I ask as he nods his head and waved goodbye to his friends.

     "You good?" He asks In a soft voice as I nod.

     "I just got a few questions for ya that's all." I shrug "first what's your favorite color

     "Purple? Why?"

     "Do you like guys?" I ask

     "Wow big jump okay..."

"Oh shut it, i think i know the answer." I state slapping his arm as he chuckled under his breath.

"and uhh yeah I've been openly bi for a few months, I can't believe I didn't tell you." He laughs awkwardly.

     "What do you think of Virgil August?" I ask

     "I've never talked to him, he seems kinda Unapproachable." Thats what he says about everyone he likes, he uses it as an excuse, even tho he knows he cab talk to anyone.

     "Hmm, what about look wise." I ask knowing he won't catch on.

     He turns around full 180° and checks Virgil out in the least subtle way possible. "He's a cutie, I guess. But I adore his piercings."

     "Wanna meet him?" I say alittle surprise on how he hasn't even guessed why I'm asking all of theses questions revolving around the angsty bad boy.

     "Alright." He shrugs as we make our way over to the dark dressed teen.

     "Virgil this is Roman, Roman, Virgil." I state as he looks at me surprised.

     "Hey, your the receiver on the football team right?" Virgil asks as he doesn't know.

     "And your the kid who plays the guitar before and after school." Roman says giving his, what the girls call it 'heart stealing smile' and I can tell it worked on Mr. bad boy over here.

     "Uhh yeah." Virgil blushes. "I didn't think anyone heard that." He states bringing his hand to his neck and rubbing it nervously.

     "Your really good, Is love to hear you play sometime." Roman claims casually as Virgil shrugs

     "Roman! Come here!" I hear josh call as Roman holds up a finger telling him to wait.

     "Here." Roman says pulling a sharpie out of his letterman's jacket as he grabs Virgil's hand and taking off the lid.

     "Give me a call, maybe we could see a movie sometime." He smiles as he finishes writing his number and just as he leaves he turns around waves us goodbye and gives Virgil a wink.

     "Holy shit you did it. Holy fuck I have his number, holy damn he wants to take me to a movie." Virgil fangirls

     "Holy hell, can you say holy one more time?" I laugh as Virgil rolled his eyes.

     "Well, lets make Patton fall for you harder than I can fall down the highschool stairs."

I laugh as I remember Virgil staring at Mr. Royal pain, not paying attention to the snow covering the steps, as be sails down the stairs spraining his wrist as be almost manages to do a hand stand only to flip over the rail to the other half of the stairs. And somehow I was the only one who saw it.

-

"Alright Logan, now that you've built one, now you need to learn how to ride one." Virgil sighs as I look at my hands covered in oil and other substances.

     "Can I you know, wash up first?" I ask wiping my hair out of my face.

     " No you gotta learn now dammit." He states with a smile.

     "Uh alright." I state akwardly. "Ohhh you were using sarcasm weren't you?" I say as it clicks.

     "Yes, yes I was." He says shaking his head, but once you've learned how to ride, we will do something about this." I states pointing me up and down.

     "I'm thinking electric blue." He mumbles outloud.

     "You know if it makes patton, share similar, feelings I'll do it." I sigh

      "You do know you shouldn't have to change for him, he should like you for you." Virgil states uneasy.

     "That's the thing, no one is going to want to date a super computer with no style." I state.

     "Well, I'll do this for you, but I'm not going to have you do the permanent stuff, just in case you ever want to go back." He states as we make our way inside to get washed up.

     After an hour of relaxing I hear Virgil call my name.

      "Let's teach this nerd how to ride!" He laughs as I walk into the living room rolling my eyes, knowing full well he's just teasing.

     I follow him out side to see the motorcycle I built, and his.

     "So what have you driven?" He asks

     "A car and a Moped" I shrugged as he lets out a snicker

     "So you've driven a gay motorcycle?" He laughs." As I nod laughing with him. "Don't worry I've driven one too, but atleast you should be decent at riding this bad boy."

     "If you say so." I claim as I climb onto my bike."

     "So when riding your right hand is responsible for two crucial functions, acceleration and braking." He begins to explain "remember that a little twist on the throttle goes along way, you'll find that out when you find your ass on the pavement."

      "You have to be smooth when pressing the brakes, if not you can and will skid and cause an accident if you push the brake to quickly." He states moving over to the other side of the bike "but if you are going to use your rear break right here, you are going to have to multitask and use your foot, this is the most effective way of stopping." He explains while I make a mental note to use that one more often.

     "The clutch on the motorcycle is very similar to a car." He starts pointing at it. "You must brake slightly when switching gears, so your bike won't rattle. But finding neutralwitg your left foot will get some getting used to, make it a habit to clutch every time you switch." He stated as he grabs the clutch and puts it in neutral.

     "That about it, now go to first gear and ride."He states walking over to his bike.

     I take a deep breath in as I slowly let go of the break, hold down the clutch as I make it into first gear, and I start off down the dirt road.

     Slowly it becomes more natural, me using my left foot gets easier and I'm learning how to use the brakes without almost flipping the bike. After a few hours of riding around me and Virgil decide to call it a night.

     "You did good," he stays with surprise In his voice "better than my first go."

     "Thanks!" I smile at him as I walk inside and flop on the couch.

     "I say when we wake up in the morning, we go get some bleach and box dye, and mix up your wardrobe alright." He says throwing me a few blankets and pillows.

     "Thanks Virgil, really."

     "Anytime, plus you got me a date with Mr. Roman Prince so I might as well." He laughs slightly, " if ya need anything holler, I'm probably gonna be awake till, three."

     "Alright But you should sleep more, really." I state

     "Oh god your beginning to sound like my mother." He scoffs lightheartedly as he walks into his room.

     I pull out my phone to see a text from Patton,

Hey lo, my flight will be here at 10:30am on Thursday, I know your going to be at school. But I'm hoping you can still pick me up

Yeah that should be fine, and you know how you were telling I should change up my style?

Yeah! Omg did you do it,? What are you going for?! I think you would look fantastic with a piercing or two!! Or like a jean jacket!!

You'll see, let's just say I've picked up a few tips from our neighborhood edge lord.

Omg I'm so exited, I can already imagine what your going to look like!!

Yeah anyways I'm gonna head to bed I'll see you in a few days, goodnight Patton.

Goodnight lo, I have something ive wanted to tell you, but since your suprising me, I can wait.❤️

Strange he normally doesn't send hearts to me. I think as I feel my heat rate increasing. he's probably is just excited to see me all 'punked up' I think to myself as I plug in my phone and allow myself to fall into a peaceful sleep

-

     I wake up at a semi reasonable time, later than I normally sleep.

      I sit up and rub the sleep out of my eyes before realizing that I slept in my clothes from before.

     I stand up, and make my way into the kitchen to see a note.

I'm guessing you wake up early so if you so eat what ever, I'll be up around one, if you want you can continue practicing riding

-V

10 isn't early. I think to myself shrugging as I open the fridge and decide to make myself some egg toast. I'll make Virgil some before he wakes up.

     After about 15 minutes it's done yet food isn't really on my mind. All I can think about is patton. His smile, his laugh, his very sexual innuendos that are actually funny, how he's been by my side since day one. I love it how his curly hair springs back up when he pulls on them. The freckles that line his glasses, his dimples. He bright emerald eyes. He, in my eyes is the definition of perfect. But I'm worried he won't like me, even after I change for him, after all I'm just... me

     My hair is a taupe brown, messily combed back, so strands naturally fall in my face. Brown eyes, they sometimes look gold but they aren't anything impressive. I'm tall, lanky, boring. My smile doesn't light up a room. My laugh isn't the best. Patton is everything I'm not, so why am I trying so hard to 'win him over?'

     I sigh as I push my plate to the side, I know I'm in too deep, plus Patton already knows that my look is going to change so I might as well.

     I sit in the same spot at the breakfast bar, pondering, the 'What ifs' and all the possible endings if we got together, having some be a magical fantasy others, heart breaking friendship ruining endings . Apparently I was sitting here for a long time since Virgil stumbled into the room pulling out the milk from the fridge.

     "Logan I can feel your doubt in my sleep, what's up?" He asks with purple hair flying every which way.

      "I don't know, I feel like even after I change, Patton's still not gonna like me." I explain as Virgil laughs slightly

     "Are you Fucking me right now? Patton only ever talks about you!" He exclaims. "He May not know it but I can see that he is head over heals, believe it or not Patton is always happier when your around. He blushed when he retells the adventures you've been on, like I said were not doing anything to permanent, just making you pop, so everything clicks for him." Virgil says trying to lighten my mood.

     "But how do you know, all we know is he loves me platonically, Patton likes bad boys, and guess what I'm not." I huff as Virgil rolls his eyes as the doorbell rings.

      " Uhh I'll be right back, but this conversation is not over." Virgil states as he stands up and swings open the door to see Roman standing confidently, hair styled to his perfection, while Virgil is standing embarrassed, hair like a train wreck, purple pajama bottoms with storm clouds, and shirt less.

     "Uhh her Roman!" I hear Virgil squeak out "I didn't know you were coming."

     "Well I wanted to surprise you!" Roman laughs as Virgil pats down his bed head. "Trust me you look great." Roman complements as Virgil opens the door letting the taller In

     "Hey lo! What's up?" Roman asks as he slides into the chair next to mine.

     "The ceiling." I shrug. As he give me a small smile and shakes his head.

      "You ready for your hair transformation?" He asks giving me wiggly eyebrows, like the goofball he is.

     "Actually, I am."

     "Great! Cause I already got the dye!" Virgil says shaking two boxes, one is bleach the other a bright blue dye box.

     "I thought we were getting those today?" I ask aloud

      "Yeah but i was bored last night, sooo." He laughs while he stands on the other side of the breakfast bar.

     "When did you go out?" Roman asks.

     "4:30 I think maybe 5ish" He states already mixing the bleach.

     "Good god! No wonder why you sleep in so late." I claim surprised.

     "Yeah, yeah, I've heard it allllll before. Now come over hear and imma make your hair look hotter the Dee's. I glance over at Roman and I see a look of jealousy that's covered with a smile.

-

     "Is it supposed to feel it itchy?" I yell going into the shower for the second time.

     "Yes!" I hear the two yell

     "Just like last time!" Roman adds as I watch the blue run down the white tile

     "It looks like I killed a smurf!" I yell and I hear laughing.

      After the color fades in the water I hop out and get dressed.

     "Holy fuck" roman states with a giddy smile.

     "Your hair took the dye so well!" Virgil complements, well I think it's a complement. "Now let me style it!" Virgil says as I sit in the familiar chair, that I've been sitting in for 2 and a half hours.

     After fifteen minutes I hear the blow dryer get turned off and the combing stops.

     "Well go see your luxurious hair." Virgil's says pointing at a mirror and I'm met with the brightest blue hair I've ever seen.

     "Wow..." I say running my hands through my fingers speechless.

     "Now how do you feel about contacts?" I hear Roman ask.

      "I have some, but I normally don't use em." I explain as Roman pulls some out of his letterman jacket.

     "I stole theses from your house last night." He shrugs handing them to me and I take them rolling my eyes.

"You mean my landlord let you in?" I state raising an eyebrow as Roman nods and laughs with a cheesy smile.

     I get up close and personal to the mirror in front of me, and put them in with ease, while I can feel Virgil cringing.

     I blink a few times as it shifts into place. I look over at the two smiling like idiots.

     "Hey Virgil?" I start. "Do you know how to do any piercings?" I ask as he cocks a brow, smiles.

     "Yeah, I can do snake bites, ear piercings, tongue and eyebrows." He states,

     "I want all, except the tongue one." I state. If I'm being completely honest I've always wanted piercings but I've never had the means or courage to get them.

     "You sure? I mean they are a pain to clean." He states making sure this is what I really want.

     "Yeah." I state confidently as he leaves, and returns with a box."

     "I'm starting with your ears." He starts. "They are the easiest to do." He claims as he pulls out a lighter and a needle.

      "Roman go into the kitchen and find me a potato." He states as Roman stands up and leaves and Virgil starts lighting the needle.

     "Roman what's taking you so long?!" Virgil yells? After at least five minutes of waiting.

     "I'm coming! Calm you horses." He Roman sighs dramatically as he tosses Virgil the potato. And before I know it my ears and my lip is pierced twice.

     "Your right! This didn't hurt at all!" I say surprised as Virgil nods concentrating intensely as I feel his hands pinch my left eyebrow.

     " be still." He grunts as he gets a bigger needle with a piercing connected to the end."

     I feel the needle go in and this time it's painful.

     "Fuck." I mutter, as Virgil freezes in fear

     "Your lucky." Virgil states as he starts to clean up his gear.

     "Why?"

     "I normally don't do eyebrow piercings because there's a vein near there where it could permanently paralyze you, unless your lucky." He says

     "And your only now telling him?!" Romans gasps and I nod along.

     "Trust me, I know my Shit, I'm trying to be a professional."

     "But your not." I state as he gives me a playful glare.

     "Alright nerd, well I guess i cant call you that anymore, anyways lets go shopping."

     "I love shopping!" Roman smiles happily as we all head out the door

-

We come back with bags upon bags of  grungy/ punk outfits that I personally like, and will make me look 'cooler'

     "Well that's been enough shopping for me, my children and my grandchildren." Virgil says flopping on the couch.

     "Are you serious?" Roman gasps. "It was only 2 and a half hours!" He says

     "Well how long do you normally shop, Mr. Flamboyant over there?" He asks lifting his head from the cushion, just to let it fall back down.

     "I normally go out, and wander around all day, then go home with all my Goods." He states holding his few bags.

     "I'm so happy I'm not you" Virgil stare muffled as I get a call by the one and only Patton.

      "Hey Patton? What's up?" I ask and I hear a weak voice respond

     "Um, are you alone right now?"

     "Uhh." I state walking into Virgil room and locking it behind me. "I am now, what's wrong."

     "So uh, my cousin slipped up that I liked guys at her wedding, and my parents didn't take it well." He states voice cracking.

     "I'm so sorry Patton." I sympathize as my heart breaks for him.

      "It's alright." He sniffs. "But they made me come home early, and I know it's all of a sudden but I need a place to stay, and a ride, and I know that you just got your own place and I don't want to intrude but I-"

     "You can stay with me Patton. Where are you right now?" I say understandingly.

    "I'm out side the airport."

     I'll be right there, luckily for you, I just finished shopping so you can see my new style." I say trying to lighten the conversation.

     "I can't wait." He says and I can hear the soft smile on his face.

     "See I'm a few." I state.

     "Thank you so much Logan, really, and I've been thinking a lot, and I've decided that I got something important to tell you once your here."

     "I can't wait." I say just as he did to me as he hangs up and I open the door to clothes thrown at me."

     "Go to your lover!" Roman squeals as I stare at him and shut the door.

     "I get dressed in a long green shirt with a flower print on it, black skinny jeans and boots as quickly as possible, and I freeze at the door.

"Do you think i can drive all the way to the airport?!" I panic.

" Of course you can! Your a natural, just go on the back roads." He states worring a little since we didnt practice much.

     I soon arrive to the air port where I see Patton with a back pack and I pull up beside him.

     "Hey patton." I smile as I see his jaw drop slightly.

     "Holy fuck." He whispers but quickly turns pink.

     I open my arms as he clings on to me.

"What was the thing you were going to tell me?"

     "I Uhh... I've thought... um." He starts as he pulls away.

     "So, I was talking to Virgil and he made me realize that Ireallyreallylikeyou! Butnowyoulooksogreat! Andidontknowwhattodowithmyself!" He says quickly as my heart speeds up.

     And I do something the nerd I was would have never done. I grab his face and kiss him, and he quickly melts into the kiss. And we break apart smiling.

     "You have no idea how long I've been waiting to do that." I gasp as Patton blushes.

     "I liked your nerdy style, but I love this one." He states.

     "That's why I did it."

     I watch as his eyes grow wide as he runs his fingers through my hair. "Logan! You shouldn't have changed for me! I was going to ask you out anyway."

     "But I like the style too, so don't worry about that." I reassure him and he stares skeptically.

     "If you say so." He states as I take off his back pack and put it beneath the seat the I get onto my bike.

     "You coming?" I ask as he nods happily and climbs on the back seat, his arms snaking around my waist and as I begin to ride I feel his head lean against my back and I can truly say that this is the happiest I've ever been.

@dailypattondoodle @ashstormfall @loki-god-of-soap

[fluidityandgiggles]

Sleep Is For The Weak - Chapter 10

Previous Chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 5, Last Chapter

Writing Masterlist - for previous chapters not otherwise linked, Read on AO3

Notes (I guess): It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for! Well... I hope so...

Yeah, it took me a month to get this chapter on the road, but... I can’t really be blamed. Well, I can, but let’s be fair, I’m in India right now, I have almost no wifi and I’m mostly relying on data (I ran out of data while writing this and now have to wait forty minutes to get data again... oops...), I managed to get The Schmuel Song from The Last Five Years stuck in my head out of boredom, and really I planned to update much earlier but sometimes... chapters get stuck.

I’m sorry I’m updating this late... I hope the fact that this is the longest chapter yet A N D that something y’all have been waiting for is going to happen will make it up!

As always, all the thanks to @broadwaytheanimatedseries​ for the original idea, to @whatwashernameagain​ for her original story and for being such a sweetheart, and to @winglessnymph​, @asleepybisexual​ and @anony-phangirl​ for all their help, even if it’s just listening to my ideas and giving feedback (you’re all wonderful and I love you so much!)

Tag list (sort of):  @bunny222​, @ab-artist​, @secretlyanxiouspersona​, @your-username-is-unavailable​, @virgilcrofters​, @why-things-go-boom​, @ilovemyspoopydad​, @violetblossem​, @maybe-i-like-the-misery​

(Wanna be tagged? Just lemme know!)

Trigger warning: period appropriate transphobia (the early 00s were not exactly trans-friendly). This chapter is a bit lighter, but keep this in mind.

—————

Saturday, December 21st, 2002

Christmas at the Harris shoebox was never that festive to begin with.

There was always some sort of rush hour-type boost in sales on and off-Broadway, or at least that's how David explained it to Remy when he was younger, so he would only really be home if he only had matinees or if, God forbid, Christmas (either eve or day) fell on a Monday. And Remy was always busy with school, at first with his program in Columbia and then his project at Bronx Science and now…

Well, now was no different. Christmas Eve was going to be on a Tuesday, next Tuesday to be exact, and Remy was too busy reading ahead in his psychology books.

India dropped him off in Manhattan on her way to Johns Hopkins. They got out a day early to go from Boston to Manhattan - Remy didn't have exams that day anyway - and stayed over at Remy's overnight before the second half of the ride. "They", of course, also included India's girlfriend Jenna, who was the one driving. She was a wonderful human being and Remy honestly couldn't believe he never met her before. It felt like they knew each other for ages! (David wasn't happy when two twenty-something year olds crashed on his couch that Sunday night, without warning, but Remy told him they're leaving first thing in the morning. He still wasn't very happy at that, but maybe going with it was the best option here.)

"You know who I ran into on my lunch break today?" Remy raised his head and took off his reading glasses (he was starting to need glasses for more than reading…) to look at his father, who - at eleven forty-five at night - finally got home from tonight's show. "Come on, ask."

"Who did you run into on your lunch break, dad?"

"Do you remember Michelle Tan?"

Of course Remy remembered Michelle Tan. She took chemistry and engineering and always looked down on him as if learning psychology made him less than her. Not to mention that when he showed up to graduation with short hair - his first step towards socially transitioning, really - she kept saying the nastiest things to him about how inappropriate it was.

"What about her?"

"Nothing, she just asked how you're doing." David threw himself on the couch next to Remy, taking off his shoes and opening his shirt in the process. "I said that you're doing alright and that your degree was going okay."

"Oh. Okay."

"...that's all you're going to say? Oh okay?" Remy pulled his shoulders. What else was there to say, really? "Thought you'd be a bit happier that—"

"Dad, Michelle Tan is the one who came to me after graduation and told me that short hair is undignified and that just because I think it makes me more of a boy doesn't mean that I am. Do you really think I'd be that excited about you running into her on your lunch?"

"I didn't know. I had no idea."

"It's okay."

David was working on a new show by Tony Kushner. He promised Remy that he's not going to spoil anything to anyone this time (though let's be honest, he said that about Dancing At Lughnasa in 1991, and Rent in 1996, and…). He stayed out late for the workshop, and barely had any time to care for himself. He never did whenever a new show started.

Remy could forgive him for forgetting stuff.

However, this neglect was absolutely and utterly unacceptable.

"Can you take a day off tomorrow? I mean, it's just the workshop, I doubt Eliza would mind it if you didn't come." David hummed in agreement. "So it's decided. Tell Eliza you're not coming tomorrow. We're gonna, like… do absolutely nothing tomorrow. We'll go somewhere fancy, like that diner on—"

"Since when are pancakes fancy to you, Remy?"

"Since I don't get to eat them anymore because I don't have time and I'm not using boxed mixes, thank you very much!"

"We can go to Hard Rock Cafe."

"Dad, Hard Rock isn't fancy. Sorry to disappoint. I just want to go to Times Square, to be honest…"

And then he turned on the TV and put a recorded episode of South Park. And Remy gave up. He went back to his book, to remember the teacher who made them read Oedipus Rex in English class, to get pissed at Freud who said that all men secretly want to fuck their mothers and called it the Oedipus complex without even knowing (probably) that Oedipus didn't want to fuck his mother but the moment he found that out he stabbed his own eyes out and exiled himself, accompanied by his children, which prompted the start of Oedipus at Colonus and Antigone.

Remy always felt bad for Antigone. But that was a personal issue.

——

"Remy? Remy! Hey, Remy, I'm here, and you're here, and—"

These sort of calls have been going on since about five minutes after David paid for their lunch and he and Remy started making their way to the subway back home. They started right around the… Martin Beck theatre? Yeah, around there. Remy was kind of scared to turn around and look who that is, until his dad told him to, so he did.

Emile was dragging his older sister and her dog behind him and he was getting really close.

"I didn't know you'll be here right now!" Emile's face was flushed, hidden under the hood of his fluffy mustard yellow coat. His glasses were covered in raindrops and all fogged up.

He looked absolutely adorable.

"Sweetie, what are you doing here?" At the hurt face, Remy quickly added "I'm just curious, that's all. Did you bring Mycroft too?"

"Well… no, I didn't. Mycroft stayed home. I can't bring him on holiday vacations. Our neighbors are looking after him, though! They're very nice and they're technically his grandparents! Well, kinda. I got him from a litter their bunnies had. It's a long story. And we were at the Man of La Mancha matinee just now! Julie and I have tickets to The Lion King at seven, and my parents are going to The Full Monty. It's a holiday tradition!"

Well then… hmm…

"Oh, you haven't met my dad yet!" Emile almost started jumping. "You have to—"

Someone tapped on Remy's shoulder. "I thought we're going home, not talking to cute boys on the street?" David asked jokingly.

"Hello, sir! I'm—"

"That's Emile, Dad. He's a friend. I told you about him. And his sister Juliana."

"But she's buying books so we're going to wait for her!" The tiny blond said oh so excitedly. He could never not get excited, it seemed. Remy loved that about him.

"What did you say her name was?" At David's raised eyebrow, Emile started jumping even more.

"Juliana! Yoo-li-a-na. It's Dutch, not English. She's named after our great-grandmother who died in Auschwitz. It's a really sad story, if I do say so myself—"

"Munchkin, we gotta go." The aforementioned woman who just got out of the bookstore grabbed Emile's hand and gave it a short squeeze. Her accent was even harsher than Emile's, but… Remy couldn't complain. He heard her speak before. He met her before. "Remmington, nice to see you again."

"You too, Julie. And Ladybug." At the sound of her name, the dog started wagging her tail quite happily. Remy never got to see her off-duty, but he assumed that this was the closest he'll ever get to.

"Mom and Dad are waiting. You coming or what?"

As the three went away, Emile waving goodbye quite enthusiastically and lending his sister a shoulder to lean on (Remy only recently found out why he did), Remy struggled to find the words to explain to his dad what just happened.

Thankfully, he didn't ask. Instead, David said "so that's your boyfriend, huh?", took his hand and pulled him in the direction of the subway. They still had to get home today.

——

Monday, December 23rd

"So we're staying here until… I think the fifth," Emile rambled on the phone. Sure, it was eleven thirty already, but… free minutes were more important than proper sleep schedules. Not that either of them had any of those. "After that were going to Missouri, my dad is taking me to Glore, you know—"

"I have no idea what Glore is.”

"It's a psychiatric museum. And after that we're going to California! To Disneyland, and then the murder museum."

Emile kept rambling about his plans, and he was so loud, Remy could hear his dad tell him to quiet down a couple of times. He was just so excited, and it was always so endearing…

"So what I'm trying to say is," Emile rambled away. "Would you like to hang out sometime? We could go see a musical! Like, umm… Rent! We can go see Rent! I haven't seen the new cast yet… I heard that Jai Rodriguez is awesome though!"

"I don't know… I can't really afford that—"

"Nonsense! What do you have me for if not for this sort of thing?"

"Remy, either you hang up now and go to sleep so you can deal with your grandparents tomorrow," David grunted from the couch, where he tried to sleep, "or I do it for you."

"Alright, boo, how about the twenty-seventh?"

"Sounds good to me!"

"Okay. Good night, Em."

"Good night!"

Remy didn't tell Emile that he actually saw Rent off-Broadway before. And… didn't exactly like it. Maureen, the only bisexual, was presented as promiscuous and very selfish (though that might've just been her personality, he had no idea, Jonathan Larson died before he could ask him) and Angel, the only character he ever truly identified with - a gay, genderqueer drummer who is HIV+ - is really the only main character to die, leaving the most wonderful and wholesome relationship in the show broken and sad and with a bad ending, while the horribly dysfunctional Roger and Mimi - both also HIV+ - got to have a happy ending.

And really, what type of bullshit was that? Gays have already been so villainized in the media, Remy did not need another one.

But he'd go. Just to be with his best friend. He really wanted to.

"Are you ready for the ride to Jersey?" David asked jokingly. Neither of them was ever truly ready for the six-hour (at best) long ride on the interstate to Red Bank. David's parents were, to say the least, terribly nosy and had no tact. Adding to that the fact that his cousin Gilbert (his aunt and her husband had a terrible taste in names, Remy decided rather early in life) wasn't going to come home for Christmas from his boarding school in Nova Scotia, also known as the only sensible member of the family with whom Remy could actually hold a conversation would not be home for Christmas…

This holiday was going to be a disaster.

"Ready as I'll ever be, I guess."

——

Tuesday, December 31st, 2002; 9:54 p.m.

Christmas was horrible. But Emile made it better.

This was how Remy described the holiday on his call to India on the thirty-first.

"What I mean is… you know the feeling when your family is just so bigoted and— yeah, okay, I'm sure you know that feeling." India laughed on the other side of the phone. It made him feel… strangely better. "So, like… my family are horrible, okay. My grandparents are, like, the worst. My grandma can't stop sticking her nose in everyone's business, and like, usually it's fine, it's not that bad, but last week my cousin wasn't home so she had more criticism to give to everyone else so she chose to pick on my sexuality, and like—"

"Pick on your sexuality?"

"She literally said ‘why can't you just be who you were when you were sixteen, you may not carry the family name but you will continue the bloodline'—"

"What twisted mind would say something like that?"

"My grandma, sweetie. This is my grandma."

India actually laughed at that. Remy could hear confused sounds from the other side, which he assumed belonged to that Jackson kid she talked about a couple weeks ago.

"Is she also the type of person who would say that Jenna is a nursing student because she's black and a woman?"

"I wouldn't put it past her to act like Professor McKenna. But anyway. So that's my grandma, and my grandpa is… he's deaf and senile. You can imagine what that's like."

India hummed. "Sounds like a fun holiday."

"Well, after coming back Emile and I went to see Rent. I still hate that musical but it was fun to watch it with him. And my boyfriend only called once like, three days ago. And I mean, rude much?"

"I'll bet. I got to talk to my psychiatrist, and… guess what."

"I'm scared of guessing."

"I'm gonna get my first doses of blockers and estrogen real soon, if everything goes right." Remy tried to avoid the tightness in his chest. "I know, I know… you've been waiting for this too."

"Is it weird that I can't wait to get mine but I'm still scared of when you'll get yours?"

"No, absolutely not. I totally understand. We all have a fear of change, peach. Some of us more than others. But it's going to be such gradual change that you won't even think of it, okay? It's exactly how I explained it to Jackson. Even when I get top surgery, which will probably be the most dramatic change, it's not going to be such a big shock. I promise."

India had to end the call rather quick after that. Apparently some doctor needed to talk to her about some stuff, and he could hear her grit her teeth before saying her goodbyes - the doctor called her "Mr. McGinty" - so it must not have been good.

He had a… sort of date, with Emile, at Times Square later. His sister was going to this bar in Greenwich right after the ball drop, so until then, she said she'd chaperone - as if they needed one. But Nathalie had some rules and stuff so they had to have her around, or else.

Whatever that else would be.

"Dad, I'm going out!" A hum of agreement came from his dad's room. Okay then…

Remy got his bag and his phone, sent a quick text to Chris wishing him a happy new year - he probably wasn't going to see it until Remy pointed it out to him when they got back to Boston - and left.

(He probably should check on his dad, but he was going to be alright. Two and a half years sober now, and he had his cartoons. He was going to be okay.)

——

11:57:11 12 13 14... p.m.

"I'm cold!"

"You're from Minnesota, Emile."

"I don't see your point."

Emile was wrapped in his own yellow coat and Remy's black coat (well, one of his three black coats; this particular one he got on a trip to Disneyland when his dad worked on the national tour of some musical, he already forgot) and was still freezing. How in the…

"Do you want to go to Starbucks and get a hot chocolate?"

"Is Starbucks even open at this hour?"

"There's one on fifteen hundred. It's open twenty-four hours."

"...okay, fine." Remy offered his hand and Emile quickly wrapped his arm around Remy's, allowing him to lead the way.

1500 Broadway wasn't the closest to the ball, but Remy was sure that they could make it there and back.

Maybe it was a bit of wishful thinking, but he was going to be an optimist this time.

11:58:28 29 30 31… p.m.

"We never told Juliana that we're going," Emile muttered through chittering teeth. "My mom is going to be so mad—"

"Emile, babe, calm down. We're almost there."

The huge building was already in their line of sight, and Remy couldn't feel happier. He could totally use a latte right about now, and Emile obviously needed a hot chocolate and a cookie. The poor thing was seconds away from becoming a human icicle.

He didn't want to be responsible for his best friend suffering from hypothermia, after all.

"You see that huge building over there?" Remy couldn't make out if Emile was nodding under all his layers or what.

"What about it?"

"We're gonna go to Starbucks in there, okay?"

"You're an addict, you know that?"

Remy didn't listen. So he liked his Starbucks, so what.

He dragged Emile behind him.

11:59:38 39 40 41… p.m.

The line was moving awfully slow for some reason. Remy had no fucking idea why so many people were at Starbucks so close to the ball drop…

Well, he was being a bit of a hypocrite.

"Can we get something to eat too?" Emile whispered to him, standing on his toes. The black coat from Disneyland was back in Remy's possession. The building was warm enough.

"Sure, why not?"

"Thanks, sweetie!"

Sweetie. Holy shit

"Schmuel would work till half past ten at his tailor shop in Klimovich," Emile sang to himself. Remy remembered that song very well. Norbert Leo Butz had a very… interesting way of singing it.

Then again, he never heard anyone else sing it.

He would ask Emile where he heard that song later.

"Forty-one years had come and gone at his tailor shop in Klimovich—"

"Ten, nine, eight…" oh crap.

Remy grabbed Emile's shoulder, shutting him up momentarily. It took just a couple of moments for either of them to fully realize what was going on before—

They kissed.

If there were fireworks they were blinded by the fluorescent lights and deafened by the loud cheers all around them, but they still kissed.

Kissing his blond was very different from kissing his boyfriend. Not that it felt wrong or anything, just... different. Nothing forced, nothing too overpowering. It was lovely, and sweet, and Emile was as soft as always. Nothing felt wrong there.

Not even the little voice that said that Chris won't like it. He wasn't there. He didn't need to know.

And so, they kissed.

——

Wednesday, January 1st, 2003

00:17 a.m.

"You saw The Last Five Years?" Remy asked, a cup of latte warming his rather freezing hands as he walked Emile back to his hotel (Juliana left them to go to a party in Greenwich Village).

"I didn't go to school for anything but my exams from mid-April. I saw that musical so many times, I kinda lost count."

"Oh, okay. Cool."

#kylo cant write #sanders sides #remy/sleep #emile picani #remile...? remile #keep him safe #sleep is for the weak #the remy centric prequel #tw: period appropriate transphobia

[themarginalartist]

Gotta agree with the fact of every character being OC. I doubt there is difference between chars with studios behind them and chars made by one peep. Most interesting is the creativity with most of all, I think. Could read anything as far as it is creative. But how do you set good vibes to reader to make him stay and be excited for next chapter? I can see it happening on me when reading something, but I don't seem to find the key of doings to do so while I'm really interested on how

(I am so sorry this got really, really, really long so I’m putting it under a readmore, I am not kidding, this is ridiculously long. I checked before posting and it’s 1576 words (not including this bit here), which is like my normal chapter length so read at your own risk I guess???)

I mean a character is usually created by one person, or at least the initial concept of them is, then expanded on either by that person or the writers in order to weave them into the story. 

As far as getting a reader interested… I am not really sure why a lot of people are interested in my things…

But usually the way that gets me interested in reading something, and I am basing this off my response to different novels I’ve read (I’ll get to fan fics in a sec), is a combo of the synopsis and the first chapter being the hook. Now not every synopsis makes me want to read a novel, I have read many books where the synopsis made me go “huh” which is like mild interest, and then I start the first chapter if I have time, if by the time I am done with the first 2-3 pages and I haven’t found anything interesting the book gets put back. 

There was one time at a scholastics book fair that I read like the first 3 chapters of a book, it was while I was in high school and my brother was still in elementary school, but like I was hooked the moment I read it… The title escapes me though… 

As far as fanfics go, I used to be the most avid reader of them in my friend group, admittedly at the time I was looking for a very specific fandom and such, but my preference for fanfics is a longer story or longer chapters. My friends were not that way… Which made getting recommendations and giving them hard. 

But as far as what I like to see when I am browsing for a new fic is if the fic is hosted on FF.net or Ao3 a synopsis that doesn’t give the main plot away, but gives a quick intro to the idea, so for example on Think Ink (which I should update that synopsis I think) the bad version would be “Henry’s also been turned into an Ink Demon and now he has to figure himself out. Fighting different studio members and searchers in his journey to understanding himself.” where as “Henry woke up covered in ink, a spike of fear rushing through him, his life forever changed from that moment on.” is a bit better (not the best but yeah). 

Then comes the spelling and grammar component which I can’t stress enough. If the fics first chapter is extremely bad, and I am talking to the point were the word used is wrong, the spelling is wrong on a number of words, and there isn’t a clear tense being used, then I exit out, it doesn’t matter if I really like the synopsis or something or it’s an AU I liked, if the grammar and spelling makes the fic unreadable then it’s game over. 

Next is characterization, similar to spelling and grammar, if the character you are using is portrayed wrong, it’s also a game over. However there are a few exceptions to this. For example I used to really love Hetalia, the basic gist of the anime is that all the countries have a human representative but is also heavily biased as the Japanese stereotype of those countries. Italy in Hetalia is seen as an airheaded, easily frightened, guy who is a womanizer, eats pasta for literally every meal, surrenders in a second, and takes naps whenever possible, again this is the Japanese stereotype based in WW2. So if he’s characterized as being really serious there needs to be a damned good reason for it. You can’t just change a character to fit what you want if you’re basing it on someone else’s work. 

Next comes plot. Plot is key for any fanfic, I mean yeah every once in a while it’s fun to read a one off or throw away fic of cute activities like baking and stuff, but there’s no action or craziness (unless it’s a fic disguising itself as such which is also fun). The goal of the first chapter is set up. In a novel the first chapter is about introducing the main character(s), the world, and what the problem is. And fanfic is no different, however it has the luxury of us already knowing the character (in a way at least, take Spiderman, there’s the basic concept but there’s also a number of versions of him from different cartoon series and comic series). We might also have the luxury of knowing the world already as well, so that can be sorted out really fast, the rules and nature of the world are defined so we don’t need to explain anything. So then comes the problem, what is the character facing, is there something going on right now or is it coming, do(es) the character(s) have the power to stop it now or are they going to have to travel. The goal of the rest of the story after the first chapter is to show how the character(s) grow and change as a result of the difficulties they face in order to take care of the problem. 

And finally cutoffs. First what I mean by cutoffs is where an author chooses to create a time skip, scene change, or end of chapter point and I’ll talk about each of those in brief. 

For a time skip, the only reason that should happen in a fic is if the task at hand would be meaningless for the reader to know about like them going through all the steps of baking a cake (unless it’s to show the characters relationship with each other then don’t skip) or if there is a large gap of time where nothing important happens and I am talking about years of time, which is what happens in Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, there is a 7 year period where Link is “gone” from the world and so when he comes back to it many changes have taken place and so it’s a call to action for him. 

A scene change is similar to a time skip in some cases such as character x and y are driving and now scene change to x and y being at a motel for the night, but in other cases it’s a shift in who’s talking like we were getting told x’s point of view for a long time and now y is saying x is stupid or something. 

And finally the end chapter cutoff, which is honestly a hard one, there has to be a reason for the end of a chapter, a lot of times cliffhangers are the main way to go about it, but also resolution of a current problem is important to consider. For example chapter 4 of Think Ink was a cliff hanger I purposefully put in, one because it was evil and made people want the next chapter, and two because I wasn’t ready to continue on with the story at that point, I can’t tell you the amount of “omg what the heck why did you cut off there” I got from people. Now compare that to chapter 10 of Think Ink, the end of that chapter is Henry and Bendy finally coming to an understanding of each other, what has been going on with each of them separately, and the beginning of repairing the bond. It ties up loose ends that Henry and Bendy had been facing for a long time. 

Good vibes come from the care and dedication to the fic that you have. And every reader is different, they pick up on different things, they read something in different ways. I mean hell I have been asked if I wrote lines on purpose when the reality of the matter was I was just like hey this sounds good and it was by accident. But I think what a lot of people don’t think about is how not all stories have happy beginning, middle, and endings. Sometimes there is loss, there is anger, there is dumb decisions that a character made, there are mistakes and problems and too often I see fics that are just “oh everything is happy and good and light”, and that’s not interesting for a multi-chapter fic, maybe a chapter but not the whole thing. 

So in reality there isn’t a short answer. It just depends on how well you can connect with your readers. And it takes time, there have been plenty of fics that I begin reading after 4-5 chapters are already out or the fic has been completed, so don’t worry if people aren’t reading yet, just keep going and stuff. And not everything I said has to be a part of the fic, time skip and scene jump all over the place, make mistakes and get wild with writing. And the biggest thing, and best way to get better, is to make note of what you like the most, what caused you to like a writer’s style, why did this work, what hints did the author drop in order to lead you to this plot point. And it sounds like school work… but that’s because this is what you have to do for basically every English/Language Arts essay ever. analyze the text…

Congratulations on making it to the end of this monster wall of text btw. 🎉🎉🎉

#thoughts in the margins #LONG ANSWER #I am so sorry #I just #have a lot of thoughts