#hot armored waifu

[erikamaybe]

The Rewards of Service

When the call to protect the Earth went out, they said only the most dysphoric trans girls could survive the mental and emotional strain of being remade as the perfect, adorable, death dealing waifus needed to protect and unite the planet. The process was agony, so much  had to be taken away and replaced with metal and polymer. But what's left of you is TOO CUUUUTE! The perfect pinup spokes model for the Cause. From your fashionable haircut, to your cherubic face, to your perky breasts, to your smooth tummy, down to the demure coin slot pussy your navy blue one piece swimsuit/ flight suit just hints at, you're finally the petite and playful girl you always wanted to be. The metal rings of the interface sockets where your old limbs used to be weren't part of the plan, but it was a small price to pay. The chaos and fear and death of fighting in near Earth  space… that was a bigger price. You survived your first sortie, but you just can't stop crying. You hang in the darkened de-arming cradle, cold unfeeling robot arms holding you up as more remove your flight armor and your engagement limbs, packed with rocket pods, flight jets, and laser  arrays. The lights come on, blinding you. You can hear the crisp tap of heels on the deck, a blurry figure approaching. As your vision returns you make out an exaggerated hourglass figure looming over you. "Hello, I'm your permanent handler and government issue girlfriend" What?  They issued you a gf? What the hell? No one told you about this! You've almost gathered yourself to protest when a huge hand cups your cheek. It feels so warm after the cold of space. You let go of your protest as you melt into the hand. You look up at her as your vision finally  clears. She's huge, easily 8 feet, broad in the shoulders and just as broad in the hips. Her bosom is barely contained by a military grade brassiere and a crisp, button up shirt. She must have a canine gene-mod, with floppy ears and a prominent nose. Her expression shifts from coldly professional to a knowing smirk as your eyes linger on her body. "My name is Garnet… But you can call me mommy when my cock is inside you." WAAAAAAAHHHHH!?!? Your brain turns off as your body turns on, nipples hardening and your pussy, the best 22nd century medical  science could provide, blooms with heat and wetness that rapidly soaks your flight suit. That wonderful hand pats you gently on the head. "Good girl, you're exactly what your psych profile said you would be." GOOD GIRL!? HEAD PATS!? MOMMY COCK!? "That's right, you're  humanity's last, best hope. You get all the head pats and mommy cock a good girl can handle for what you're doing." Did… did you say that out loud? You did, you said that out loud, she heard it… You blush hot enough to feel through the flush of lust and praise. If you had limbs you'd cover your face and run away. But all you can do is close your eyes and pretend to be dead. Your composure almost breaks when she strips off your flight suit, but no, nope, you've died of embarrassment. But when something massive and hot is shoved deep into your pussy, the  moan you let out goes on forever. Whatever self control you had left is lost as you cum from that single, unexpected thrust. Your body clenches around the molten, throbbing heat inside as you moan and scream and cry, letting out everything you've held back as you endured torture  to become something you could be happy as. Arms wrap around you and press your face into starchy shirt over soft breasts. You're lifted away from lifeless robot arms, still impaled, a warm hand cupping your ass for support. "There, there baby girl, let to all out for mommy" And you do… you let it all out for mommy… 

It felt so good to finally cut loose and scream and wail. It felt so good to do all that while impaled on the enormous cock of an equally enormous woman who is holding you to her bosom. It felt so good to be called 'baby girl'... When you're finally all cried out from the horror of war and death and gender you look up from the wet and snotty mess you've made of Garnet's… of Mommy's shirt. At some point she carried you away from the cramped confines of your de-arming hanger and now you're in a surprisingly luxurious bathroom. You had no idea there was  anything like this on the carrier. You'd always showered with the other girls back ground side. "You seem surprised sweetie. You're a very important war asset now. No more maybes, no more training. You fought, you killed, and you didn't die or have your psyche collapse completely.  Now you get everything you could possibly need to keep your head on straight and keep doing your job." The thought of putting your flight kit on and going back out there hits you like a brick. You're stunned, disoriented, about to start crying again when suddenly you're lifted off Mommy's cock and set down into a warm and soft cradle. The sudden emptiness and all over warmth breaks your train of thought. Garnet leans in, looming over you, her huge hands cupping your face. "Hey… It's ok. I'm here to make it ok. I'm here to make all this worth it." The  kiss she gives you is a slow, exploratory thing. She takes her time, exploring you, learning you, tasting you. The whine you make when she draws away is deeply embarrassing despite, or maybe because of, the intimacy you're sharing. "I can't kiss you and get undressed at the same  time silly. Or did you want me to get in the bath fully clothed?" She swings the cradle around so you can watch her undress. She starts with her pleated knee length skirt, shimmying to get it down past her phenomenal hips and butt. Her shirt-tails are barely sufficient to tuck in, they do nothing to hide her ass or her sheath and bright red cock. Canine gene-mod confirmed. She meets your gaze as she unbuttons her formerly crisp military shirt, posing like an old fashioned pin-up, winking and blowing kisses, making you blush and squirm. A groan of relief  accompanies the removal of her dour, functional, military issue bra. The thump it makes in the floor is almost as loud as the crack of her back and your gasp of horny delight at the bounty of jiggling titty pointed at you. Finally she steps out of her sensible heels.  Garnet, nude and glorious, turns and places a hand on your tummy, rubbing and groping your nubile body with shocking casualness. "What a cute thing you are. Cute and helpless and all mine…" A pair of fingers slide into your pussy, nothing compared to the monster girlcock shoved  into your earlier, but still shocking, invasive, thrilling. "I saw you staring at my tits baby girl. Be a good little weapon and I'll let you have arms so you can play with them. But you haven't earned arms yet. Today you've earned being my living onahole and a hot bath." You're  not sure how to feel about the way Garnet's talking at you, but that concern takes a back seat to asdkgjlkrbnfonvoawsdklfwpriojg!!! as she starts eating you out. Normally you might call the perfectly crafted pussy they gave you… neat, demure. Perfect for just hinting at a more  intimate sexuality from behind a contrived panty shot. But under the heat and moisture and skill of Garnet's lips and tongue and TEETH you can feel things blooming… engorging. It's amazing but an ache is starting inside you, an acute sense of emptiness ready to be filled by  Garnet's glorious knot. You finally find your voice after so many wordless cries. "Garnet…" Your voice is so whiny and needy… oh gosh you hope Garnet finds it sex that you're unraveling under her attention. "Garnet, please… I… I want to be your onahole. I need to be filled.  I… I… oooooooooo..." Oh god you're cumming, you're cumming while Garnet's long canine tongue schlorp schlorp schlorps your brain right out of your head. It all comes out in a rush "Ineedtobeused! FUCKMEPLEASE!" You can't believe you said that!  But you really, really did and you could swear you feel Garnet grinning as she coaxes your orgasm to another peak. After that all you can do is moan and gasp and try to writhe as waves of pleasure crash through you.

 Sweating, panting, disoriented… Whaaaaa? Oh, Garnet stopped eating your pussy like the goddamned world champion of cunnilingus and you have enough spare neurotransmitters for your higher functions to work again… neat… but also boooooooooo… Huh? Oh, speech, Garnet is talking.  "Are you listening? Oops, there we go, I can see the lights are back on upstairs from your cute little pout. I said, I'm gonna show you something neat, accept my share request." You double blink, bringing your HUD up to full opacity. There's a share request for a video feed  labeled: Garnet Live Feed. You accept with a thought and your field of vision fills with Garnet's eyecam stream. Aaaaaand she's looking at your pussy. Your shining, sopping, engorged pussy. Your labia have bloomed into something from Georgia O'Keefe's fever dreams, meaty petals  surrounding a fleshy passage that looks… almost… hungry… as it pulses and winks at Garnet, topped by an erect clit the size of your thumb. Waah? What? What delirious mind designed a pussy that went from dainty coinslot to cockhungering maw? "One who's studied your porn history with the focus of a sculptor researching a block of marble baby girl" Oh fuck your said that out loud again… you've been spending too much time alone… again… "MY PORN HISTORY!?" you blurt out. "Baby girl… Our program has developed the most complete and effective predictive  psych profile in human history. You have no secrets left. And your profile said you wanted a "cute" pussy that would be able to "take monster girldick". The euphoria designers aren't miracle workers, but they come damn close." She runs a finger around your vagina, caressing your  labia and tracing your ready hole, sending shivers through you. "So when you get stimulated by a monstergirl like me with the right activation enzymes in my spit… you get ready for her monstergirl dick. So… do you feel ready?" Yes? Yes! YES!!! You nod your head with enough  vigor to bounce slightly in your cradle. "Say it, use your words bottom." Oh nooooo… Meme attack, critical hit to the extremely online trans girl. Fuckfuckfuck… You just have to tell her that you want her fat cock filling your pussy, fucking your brains out. You can do this!  "Garnet… um… I guess… I mean, if you want to… You could stuff my slu…" No, not today. You aren't down in the barracks dirtside anymore, trying to out slut the other cyborg babes to get fucked by one of the girls able to top in the Pre-Op bunk next door. Today you're a hero, or, at  the very least, an essential asset. An asset that had EARNED a reward. "Mommy, I want you to fill my essential to the defense of Earth pussy with your huge knotted monster girldick. You said I earned being your onahole, so… so please give me what I've earned." Garnet bites her  lip as she slides her hands under you. "Good girl… very good girl… that's the kind of attitude I like in a fuck toy…" A series of warnings flash across your HUD as she lifts you, hands around your neck and waist. 

ONAHOLE PROTOCOLS: ON 

ACCELERATION DAMPERS: ACTIVE 

NECK ARTICULATION: LOCKED 

INTERNAL OXYGEN SUPPLY: ACTIVE 

SPEECH FUNCTION: LOCKED 

WOMB PROTOCOL: ACTIVE 

WOMB!?!?! You think this at Garnet as hard as you can. "Baby girl, I told you the euphoria designers aren't miracle workers.  All this has to go somewhere if you're gonna get knotted like you've been wanting for so long. It just opens your "cervix" which leads right into your state of the art robot tummy-tum, which is being told to not start digesting me while I'm in there" Bored with talking instead of  fucking Garnet roughly shoves you down onto her cock. OOOOOOH FUUUUUCK this is so much more than before. You can feel your guts rearranging to make room for her. Yeah sure, physically you are ready for this. Emotionally, you were not ready for how being an immobile limbless  fucktoy being mercilessly manhandled would feel so right. Your eyes roll back and your tongue lols out of your mouth as you surrender to being used. When Garnet penetrates your "cervix" there's a moment of heavy pressure and a deep 'pop' as she enters your guts. Oh god she's so  deep and you're not even on her knot yet. The wet sound of pussy getting wrecked is joined by primal glurks as her cock quests ever deeper, forcing air out of your locked down throat. Finally Garnet hilts in you for the first time, her grunts becoming a feral snarl. She sets you  back in the cradle even as her grip tightens. She humps you in a frenzy of short, fast strokes building to a final triumphant thrust as she cums with a howl. Finally you get to feel a knot inflating inside you and it sets off what would be a back breaker of an orgasm if you could  move. In this hypersensitive womb mode you can feel her pumping into you, thick and hot, filling you and overfilling you. You don't see the kiss coming, fierce, slobbery, possessive. Garnet moans into you as the both of you shudder through orgasms together.

You can feel your tummy distending to accommodate the inhuman volume of cum being pumped into you. Your vagina is stretched taut around Garnet's throbbing knot, a hot, intimate, comforting sensation. You can't whimper when Garnet stops kissing you, but it's worth it when her arms wrap around you and lift you out of the warmth of the cradle and nestle your face and upper torso into the warmth of her behemoth bosom. Slowly the onahole safety protocols disengage as she pets your hair. "Now, does my good toy have anything to say now that her voice is back online?" Words? No words, only warm. Inside and out warmth, finally driving the cold of space, of fear, of death from your body, your mind, your heart. All you can manage is sleepy satisfied noises as you nuzzle her impossibly soft breasts. "Hahahaha… Ok, guess I'm  asking too much from baby girl…" You jostle slightly as Garnet turns to the bath that's been patiently waiting for the two of you to finish fucking, gently circulating to keep the water at the perfect "almost too hot when you first get in, then perfect and soothing once you have a second to acclimate" temperature. The feel of slowly submerging into a perfect hot bath rouses you, eyes fluttering open to see Garnet smiling down at you with a mix of gentle condescension and affection. A hand on the back of your head guides you into a kiss, and this time  you aren't limp with post cry exhaustion or literally locked in place. You kiss her back with all the need and enthusiasm that's been building since she first called you Baby Girl. Some timeless eternity later you both pull away, gazing into each other's eyes. You pause, enjoying  this perfect moment, enjoying the feel of Garnet's hands caressing and groping your body with casual possessiveness, her knot still filling you, supporting you. "Garnet… I… I think I'm in love with you… Is… Is that too incredibly shallow? To fall in love  because you're beautiful, and kind, and fuck like my deepest fantasies come to life?" Garnet shakes her head gently. "Baby Girl… You're in so deep you don't even understand the depths to which you're being manipulated. It would be a genuine crisis to this operation if you weren't  falling in love with me right now. But I'm right there with you. I signed up for this job… But I picked you. I've been falling in love with you for months. This isn't going to be a smooth road, we're in a war for the survival of humanity as a concept. I'm much more informed about what's actually happening. But I want you, I want you to survive, I want you to have something to survive for. Tomorrow the long road of being together starts. But for tonight…" You feel Garnet's massive cock swelling and throbbing inside you.  "I'm going to test exactly how much cum my girl can hold." With bitten lip and hasty nod you agree. Worry can wait till tomorrow, you're not going to let anything take tonight from you. You earned it.

#PHGposts

[luckyladylily]

I think that what fromsoft needs to do is make a Girls Frontline/kancolle style gacha game, but this time they are mech girls representing AC, MT, and the like.

Now I know what you are thinking. "This sounds horrible! Why would you want that?!"

First of all, hot robot girls, but more importantly this way we can generate funding using the demographic of people who like to gamble for anime waifus to make cool spin-off games for the franchise, like the armored core tactics game that has been spinning in my head since both armored core and final fantasy tactics were formative games in my childhood.

#ac6 is so good please just make a tactics game

[teaveetamer]

Is it me or does it seem like the Edelstans are mostly targeting male aligned people for harassment campaigns. Nilsh and as far as I know, Moonlitboar, along with other accounts that identify as men are the ones the Edelstans show no mercy to. I’ve yet to see them go on a witch hunt for a single fem aligned account despite a few small tussles here or there. It reminds me of how Gabbie Hannah would specifically go after other women content creators while ignoring any men who criticized her. Do you think this is some sort of hypocritical malevolent sexist behavior where these Edelstans believe that women Edel critics and their opinions should be held in higher regard than mens’ because they are the same gender as their UwU waifu— and therefore harassing them to the same degree goes against their fucked up moral code? Truly, these Edelstans are my knights in shining armor. 😒

I think a lot of us have been noticing this for a while now. Gascon, EmblemXeno, and Nilsh are all men who have stated that they are men at some point in their profile/banner/header/whatever else. They also go after Ezra pretty aggressively (or at least they did before they found out she was an LGBTQ+ woman). They’re also under the impression that BWIIDT is a man and not a woman. I don’t know Moonlitboar’s gender identity or anything but a lot of these people come from Reddit, where the assumption is male as default unless otherwise stated.

I think there’s an impression that we’re all either hopeless fujos or otherwise brainwashed by the big bad men in our space. They’re under the impression that Nilsh is some kind of leader or genesis of Edelgard critical takes on Tumblr who directs us women to do his bidding, which completely disregards the fact that many women here (including myself) were talking about this stuff as far back as 2020, before Nilsh was really active. I think it’s very telling that nothing that has come out of my mouth has been “worth rebuking” until it was said by a man.

No matter which way I look at it, it comes off as sexism. Either hostile, because they literally do not believe my opinions are worthwhile because I am a woman (and clearly that means my ovaries must have clouded my judgement and I only care about the hot hot mens). Or benevolent, because they believe I must be “saved” from men who must have brainwashed me, otherwise I would be expressing the “right” opinions (AKA the ones they agree with). In any case, they cannot possibly fathom that I, a woman, have looked at all of the evidence and formed my own very valid opinions about the matter.

And even that aside, I do think they’re aware of how bad the optics would be if a (primarily male aligned) fanbase started attacking a (primarily fem aligned) space. Notice how they always hide behind “defending women” as part of their crusades

#Edelgard discourse

[awokennerd]

So spoilers ahead for the new destiny showcase! It's just my first impressions and it's not really cohesive

Gosh, the hype is real! If there is one thing the marketing team is very good at, is selling Destiny!

So, first off! I absolutely love how they have the voice over of the trailer as Ghost. We have dragged our little buddy through so much, and it's nice to hear his perspective on things.

Next! No new darkness subclass? I'm kinda surprised, but I'm super duper hyped by the warlock solar buddy! I don't care about any other detail about subclasses! I repeat WARLOCK SOLAR BUDDY IS FINALLY CANON!

Eris fusing with Xivu was kinda out of left field, but having two waifus fuse with one another is kinda hot! Also, seems like we won't rez Savvy right away. I figured it would be a lot of hive magic shenanigans this season. I just wasn't expected Xivu this season, even tho I probably should have been. Also, seems like Ikora is only in one cutscene again...rip my girl

Also, I don't care about Crotas End in D2, cause I don't raid, BUT I do care a lot that Crotas End armor is in the game! I absolutely love the armor set after finding it online one day and I am so happy it's coming to D2 and there is a chance I could use it.

Also, this whole Episodes things after the Final Shape will be interesting. Like, will we still have major DLCs or just Episodes? But! I am happy that they are kinda their own separate things in a way, because I think they can do some fun stories beyond the main series. Though I wonder if they'll do a few years of Episodes and then do a new Destiny saga. They did say that the Final Shape is only ending the first saga, so it seems like they're cooking something. I also wonder if they'll make a new destiny game post Final Shape? Maybe a few years with Episodes and then a new fresh game? I guess we'll see.

#The Final Shape #Destiny Episodes #destiny #destiny 2 #destiny the game #d2 #chatter #Season of the Witch #Crotas End

[moodymisty]

Kiss, marry, fuck:

Wolffe, Fives, Kit Fitso

—

Obi-Wan Kenobi, Cad Bane, Fox

—

Fennec Shand, The Armorer, Shaak Ti

Me, on my quest to fuck every character in the star wars universe:

Marry: Fives because he deserves love

Fuck: Wolffe because I just know he's wild in the sheets bark bark

Kiss: I refuse to even touch Kit Fisto. I hate him so much I refer to him as "The Fister" and my friend CONSTANTLY harasses me with Kit Fisto merch because I hate him so much.

---------------------

Kiss: Obi-Wan Kenobi because he's a good jedi man ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (he's a manwhore but shhh don't let Yoda know)

Marry: Fox. I just, I love him. He fuels my "I obsess over a character with minimal screentime" disorder

Fuck: Cad Bane. And the stupid hat stays on.

—————————

Kiss: The Armorer, because I feel if I did anymore she'd bonk me with that hammer

Marry: Shaak Ti because she is my waifu for lifeu

Fuck: Fennec Shand because she made it impossible to watch TBOBF like hot damn

---------------- And class, for your homework, contribute kiss marry fuck with:

Bounty Boys- Boba Fett, Cad Bane, Din Djarin

Clone Cuties - Hunter, Jesse, Cody

Force Fem Fatales - Aayla Secura, Satele Shan(shameless kotor rep), Shaak Ti

#kit fisto slander #the thought of kissing kit fisto screaming crying throwing up #other Nautolans? Great! him? NO #not writing

[feathery42]

Just watched aot and it’s such a experience

I finished aot in like three days and the difference in the other animes I’ve watched, it isn’t afraid of killing, oh that one weird but cool character you liked? dead. The hot girl with a good personality that was your waifu? Dead. Only the main character has plot armor and one is safe.

#literally thought the ending was going to be eren on the wall eagerly staring into the distance #attack on titan #aot #eren jaeger #plot armor

[lorddeathofmurdermountain]

Wild ass prompt - you guys know how in Armored Core 6, the third ending, Alea Iacta Est, is basically the perfect setup for crossover fanfiction? Okay, so hear me out - instead of being flung to some watery planet, Raven and Ayre end up in Kivotos. Maybe in a fountain or something, it'd be funny. Or a pool.

Imagine trying to explain a big fuckoff robot whose pilot doesn't speak and has a hot Coral Wave Mutation waifu in his head that calls him studmuffin? Oh yeah baby, I'm talking about Crack Raven. Honestly, I think the version from "World's Okayest Lobotomite" would be best, it's just the perfect blend of crack and serious.

Like, oh no! Wakamo is gonna blow up S.C.H.A.L.E.? No the fuck she ain't, because Raven had a gun with a caliber bigger than her entire body. I'm just imagining Raven standing behind her (don't ask how he snuck up on her with a giant mech) and pointing his gun at her and she like slowly turns around when she notices the big fucking shadow blocking out the sun. Cue a gun barrel in her face that could genuinely fit her inside like when you cover a bug with a cup. In fact that's actually a very funny joke, too. Raven doesn't wanna blow some "poor" girl (and the surrounding infrastructure) up so he just stuffs her in his gun barrel. Bc let's be real Wakamo is a fucking lvl. 3 grunt compared to what kind of explosive missions (or "blow jobs" for short) Raven enjoys.

#ramblings of a madman #one could say #RAVINGS of a madman #kek #writing prompt #fanfiction

[char-lotteral]

I agree with Kishimoto never trying to use the girls. The hate they get is not fair. I used to defend Sakura back in the days because I hoped kishi would do her justice. When shippuden started I WAS SO HAPPY because I thought this was the start of something great for Sakura and the girls but NOOOOO. Every time, Sasuke showed kishi turned her brainless. If you compare Naruto's actions and Sakura's actions to sasuke, you'd see they're completely different. What's up with that weird fake love confession scene 😭? It makes her look like she was manipulating Naru. JEEZ.

Also he literally had badass Tenten and Temari with cool useful abilities and he didn't use them ?! TF ?! Thank god for modern authors who treat their characters with respect :)

okay2 you know how i am with these longass rants so click readmore and brace yourselves

The way I see it, Sakura's character development in shippuden was always one step forward, two steps back. She gets this really badass scene (like her fight with Sasori and those cool ass medical skills) but is then regressed back into a pining girl in love every time Sauce is on screen or Kishi just throws her in the background YET AGAIN.

I love Sakura's abilities actually. Her brute strength, intelligence, vast knowledge and skill as a medic nin. But what I dislike about her character is how kishi handled her feelings for Sasuke. Naruto and Sakura's obsession with Sasuke was so???? huh??? it was so damn toxic and i never once understood why both Nardo and Sak were so obsessed with him. They were a team for one year???? I mean its great that they care about him alot but Sauce's feelings were kinda valid. His freakin clan died. Id go batshit crazy against my own village too. BUT BESIDES THAT. Both Nart and Sakura's Sasuke obsession was so annoying. 80% of shippuden was literally Keeping up with the Uchihas or Naruto yelling SASUKEH. BUT what irks me so much is the fandom's double standards with both Naruto and Sakura. "Oh Sakura shouldve gotten over her Sasuke obsession" but then turn around and call Naruto's obsession cute and gush about how he's so in love with him!!

Hot take but the only reason why sasunaru is "the most developed ship with the most chemistry" is because theyre both male characters.

I guarantee you if Naruto was a girl and SHE would be the one to have this unhealthy obsession who was chasing around Sasuke, the fandom would shit on Naruto just as much. And if Sasuke were a girl, Sauce would be sidelined like the rest of the female cast and Naruto would have another male character to have a "brotherly bond" with, because thats the only bond Kishimoto is actually good at developing. Yey for male characters having all the screentime and cool assets <333

And about that confession scene, I get her intentions. I really do. I understand that she did that in order to bring him home and that she cares about him but honey, w-why?? Why lie to him about your feelings?? Supposed he DID believe her, then what? then what kishi???? huh??? Some of her fans point the blame on Sai or whatever but I personally dont see why that scene was at all necessary. Maybe to establish Naruto's feelings for her wasnt all that serious? or his maturity? idk man. That scene was such a clusterfuck.

In the end her development in The Last and in Boruto was immaculate. She had one of the best glow ups in the old gen and ironically enough, her character wasn't butchered in Boruto. She got badass scenes she was cheated from in shippuden. I also love how she's finally getting the spotlight she deserves. Unlike the other konoha 12 :,)))

Okay onto the next female character that Kishi completely wasted. My baby. My light. 🙈 AAAHHH HINATAA.

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN OKAY2 DEEP BREATHS.

Let me just establish this real quick. Hinata's goal was to get stronger because of Naruto, her goal was never to be with Naruto. She wanted to become someone who is worthy enough to stand beside him, someone whom he can consider as an equal, as a partner. She NEVER once said "marrying Naruto-kun is my all time goal UwU" (if youre one of those weirdos who interpret her character that way, youre immediately invalid, go take a hike)

I personally dont have anything against their crushes but to the point of making their personalities revolve around these guys every time theyre onscreen is so fucking frustrating. And with the way he writes their dialogues is so.damn.cringey. Like that one scene in the war arc with Tsunade and Madara

"I mAy bE a WomAn but I aM nOt WeAAKKKK"

BAAHAHAAHHA WHAT?? Everyone else gets coolass monologues and one liners but thats the best you can come up with Kishi?????? Hilarious.

If im being honest. Hinata's character is actually kinda well written. Not well executed. Dear God no. But with the way he set her story, her personality, her chracterization. She's honestly one of the best written female characters on the show. IMO. By Kishi's standards of writing women ofc. She's hands down one of the most complex characters. Her shy personality wasnt out of the blue, it wasnt a cutesy waifu trait. Her abusive upbringing made her that way. Her trauma turned her that way. So yeah, sue her if she looked up to Naruto as an inspiration when everyone else in her family treated her like dust. Shit on her for having Naruto's love light in her dark when her own damn father wouldnt even look her in the eye and her entire clan shunned her because she was "weak." She doesnt owe her family shit so idgaf what they do with the Hyuga clan. Neji and Hanabi aren't included btw

Im not gonna deny that her role in the show was only as the love interest but tbh for a love interest, Im glad her character wasnt so one dimensional. It just pains me SO MUCHHH how fucking wasted she is. Every time she's with Naruto, they always make her into a damsel in distress. They always feel the need to turn Naruto into the heroic prince. How cute.

LIKE THAT ONE SCENE IN THE LAST WHERE SHE'S THROWN IN THE CAGE?? WHY??? LET NARUTO AND HINA FIGHT THAT FREAKING ALIEN GOD TOGETHER. QUIT WITH THE TOXIC MASCULINITY. WE GET IT. NARUTO'S STRONG. GOOD FOR HIM. NOW LETS SEE HINATA THROW HANDS AND PUT NARUTO IN THE CAGE GODAMMIT

Hnggggg dont get me started with her role in Boruto. She's as relevant as a damn houseplant in the manga. They made her into an invisible trophy wife and "the mc's mother" and we all KNOW what happens to the shounen mc's mother once mc is in need of character development :) Quit putting her in the background. Give us that scene where she won against Hanabi DESPITE being retired for years. Give us that scene where she trains Boruto. GIVE US ANY FIGHT SCENE OF HER WHERE HER POTENTIAL ISNT WASTED WTF?¿

Now if you say that Hinata didnt have development. YOURE INVALID. She came from an abusive household, the shyest girl in her class, her insecurities got in the way of her own confidence, had difficulty of standing up for herself now became a loving mother of two, has the guts to kick her husband out of the house(with whom she couldnt even keep eye contact with when she was a kid) became the strongest hyuga, most supportive wife and mother, and has given her kids the comforting childhood she never had as a kid.

She has one of the most beautiful stories in the show and if you think her personality is only Naruto-kun and big boobs, then im sorry that you cant appreciate such a heartwarming story.

And I agree, killing her would honestly make me feel more at ease than continue to see her suffer because of godawful misogynistic writers. But at least let her die in an epic fight. Please. PLEASEE. She got nerfed so bad, i feel a physical pain every time i think about it

Okay what else. I think Ino got pretty good development. Another wasted potential in shippuden but she's doing good for herself in Boruto. I dont know what Temari is up to. They basically made her into another classic angry mom who beats up her husband for comedy trope. Haha very funny and original! Im not sure with her career, im not that invested in the anime.

Tenten??

oh G O D Tenten. The dirtiest of all. Her jokes about her screentime is so mean and i hate that its true ahsjhs. She was the only female character in OG who's goal wanted to be as strong as Tsunade but what did Kishi do to her?? Sidelined. Forgotten. Irrelevant. Like every damn female on the show :D

Konan shouldnt have died. I blame plot armor. I know in my heart that Konan wouldve kicked Obito's ass if it weren't for Kishi's boomer mindset.

Tsunade had so much hype when she was introduced but died down in the war arc. Madara wiped the floor with the kages. Holy shit. Not only that, but yipee! Naruto is there to save the day AGAIN!!!!

AND UGHHHH If the female characters were given proper treatment then maybe MAYBE all the endgame couples wouldve made fucking sense????¿¿¿

I think that ends my rant. Im not sure how the female characters in Boruto are handled. Except maybe Sarada (she's pretty well executed in the manga imo). But arguably they are sooo much better handled in Boruto than how the old gen girls were. And thats because Kishi isnt anywhere near the new gen female cast. I cant formulate a solid opinion with the other new gen female cast since im not entirely invested in the anime. Not ashamed to admit that I only watch it for the sunshine moments and for Hinata :DD

#and *scene #salty char.txt #char complains about Naruto AGAIN #yey #please end my suffering #i need to leave this fandom what am i still doing here #naruto #day 202 of WTF KISHI #i think i got that out of my system

[ashbelero]

Who's your favorite muscley waifu? I like Noi from Dorohedoro💪

She is quite a unit.

Honestly I don’t have too many female waifus. Muscley boys aren’t usually on my list either, since they don’t typically fit my type.

But overall, it’s probably Siegfried.

I’ve had a crush on Siegfried/Nightmare since I played Soul Calibur on the Dreamcast way back when.

Look at him, all smooth and cgi painted, he’s adorbs. Look at his cute baby polygons.

And then in SC2, we got no Siegfried most of the game because he was too busy taking off all his armor and being consumed by his eyeball sword. I was okay with this.

I played up to 3 and then I wasn’t able to keep up because I didn’t get the proper consoles. But I still have all of my games and I do like checking in on my childhood love. The brooding, hot long-haired dude with a giant sword who contributed to my teratophilia probably.

Fuckibg hot. Chop me in half please.

#siegfried #soul calibur #the legend will never die

[moonvalecrossing]

Hot Probably Unpopular Opinion on Xenoblade Chronicles

Just reached the post mechonis core of Xenoblade Chronicles storyline. Imma rant a bit so I’ll put read more to help people avoid spoilers but holy shit, I hope the rest of the game makes up for what I’ve played so far.

tl;dr or to avoid spoilers: I hate the plot so far. Characters are problematic. Please for the love of god I hope that the rest of this game makes up for what I hope was the first 75% of it. I’m not gonna read replies to this until I finish the game though because I don’t want spoilers. Unless you wanna non-spoiler tell me it does get better. Because god this game’s become a chore to get over with already.

Man this story went to shit around Prison Island. I really wish Fiora had died and we got a Machina party member instead. She’s literally nothing more than a plot device with tits. She is important to the plot solely because of Shulk she has no agency of her own just BE WAIFU FOR SHULK YES and that’s fucking WHY she was chosen to be the only female (AND ONLY SURVIVING AS WELL- THAT’S RIGHT ALL THE MALE ONES GET KILLED OFF FOR PLOT HURR) face so she could be Meyneth’s body avatar. I swear I might go insane if I hear Shulk yell “FIORA” one more goddamn time.

All the non-party characters I’ve really liked so far? Fucking killed off because CRAZY MACHINATIONS OF ZANZA. The fact that there were so many High Entia of pure blood that could turn into telethia is FUCKING STUPID AS SHIT like what in the ever loving fuck? I get it, racist elves gonna be racist and not breed with the homs or whatever. But the fact the fucking emperors had two wives one of which had to be a high entia just proves they’re all dumb as shit because THEY KNOW THEY TURN INTO TELETHIA, as the awesome prince guy reveals right before he blows himself up to let the party survive. (Like Face-Gadolt did. Both my favorite non-party main npcs died in teh same damn way).

My other favorite NPC so far turned out to be evil. Should have known they wouldn’t name someone Dickson without the dick part being important. I swear to every fucking god if Alvis is also evil in the end I will never touch this game again after I beat it. He’s literally the only one left. All the other main npcs are insufferable asshole military men, or Juju, the fat machina dude I can’t remember the name of, or Mayor Nopon man.

And don’t get me started on the female characters. They could be likeable, but literally every single female character (save Linada but she doesn’t do much more than be doctor lady making her another tired female character staple: HEALER) has main motivations tied to a fucking man. Even the party characters. Fiora’s entire existence is Shulk. That’s literally all her character. The first control you get of her is TAKE LUNCH TO MAH MAN hurrrr. Sharla’s is briefly Juju and once he’s no longer holding the idiot danger ball its Gadolt, and once she joins the continued journey, its avenging Gadolt while also hinting her and Reyn will hook up. Then Gadolt’s back again and she picks up the idiot wife ball until he blows himself up again. Can’t wait for her to get back on the ‘gonna end up with reyn’ path. /s And Melia. Poor Melia. She could be great. Unfortunately the designed her with the unlucky pining for the hero idiot ball. When not sad she’s not gonna get to date shulk she’s angry her father died. And now her brother blew himself up to, so now all her strong male role models are currently out of comission until Shulk wakes from his plot coma.

The only other female NPC of any merit that isn’t a villainess and evil is sexy so far, Vanea, screams ‘brother’ when she’s not being a plot information dump. I swear you could change her from being Egil’s sister to his lover and there would be absolutely no change in her character. God damnit, Japan. Also damnit translators. Any of you girls out there with a male sibling? Start calling him ‘brother’ and see how long it takes to feel awkward. People don’t talk like that stop writing characters to talk like that especially female ones.

Why all the female characters have to be chained emotionally to a male one. Also why the fuck is almost every one of Sharla’s armor’s designed to show off her tits or ass. Also the design of fucking Meyneth has a goddamn hold in the dress so you can see the crotch area of her panties. EVEN THE GODDESS GOTTA SHOW OFF DAT SHE GOT THE PUSS HURRRRRRR.

I liked the world building. Then the gods got into the plot. And it all went downhill from there. Zanza’s a bullshit character. He’s up there with Aizen from Bleach with all this one step ahead bullshit. If this were an anime I’d have dropped it at this point. Funnily enough just like I did bleach when Aizen became the badguy. It’s almost as if always winning chess masters are bullshit writing.

#opinion #Xenoblade Chronicles #unpopular opinion #thanks for coming to my ted talk #don't come rushing to defend all the waifu characters I'll just roll my eyes at you

[eternally-ravenous-lion]

OH NO SHE TRIED TO SHOW AFFECTION AND MY FROG POWERS ATE HER.

#tim plays god eater #oh lord this game really wasnt made to deal with such a bulky costume #this is supposed to be hot anime avatar hugged by waifu #but its now young girl devoured by man wearing from armor of death #all hail frog king and his unbeatable armor #but alas he will never know human touch again

[dragonotaku-justineverything]

Top 5 waifu fairy tail

I was honestly hoping for one for Fairy Tail! I love this anime so much! There are so many top tier girls in this anime!!! Let’s goooo!

5. Dimaria Yesta

Starting off with a hot baddie! I loved her outfits, she was really pretty, and she makes me love short hair! One of the hottest villains for me in Fairy Tail.

4. Cana Alberona

Though she is a ‘drunk’ (though a very functional one), I don’t remember ever seeing her wasted despite the BARRELS of alcohol she would drink. And it kind of got watered down in later episodes. She’s always smoking hot in the bikini top and shorts, and seeing her become more of a main character around the Tenrou Island Arc was nice! She’s also badass enough to use the power of Fairy Glitter and blow people away with it!

3. Ultear Milovich

I liked her redemption arc a lot! I thought it was nicely done and ended as  beautifully as it could have. She’s got seriously sexy curves and is always wearing a drop dead sexy, skin tight suit! I thought her magix was super interesting and unique! (Until Dimaria came around, but still!)

2. Mirajane Strauss

Boy, when I first saw Mira in Fairy Tail episode 2, I thought she was absolutely adorable! I was so prepared for her to be my favorite female character right then and there! She was so sweet, funny, caring, adorable, and just a cinnamon roll! Then she unleashed Satan Soul around episode like 75 against Freed, and I was like, “HO SHIT! YOU ALL DONE MESSED WITH THE WRONG CINNAMON ROLL!” She showed everyone that she was also such a badass! Then her other Satan Souls are introduced to show she EVEN STRONGER than we thought she was! I love pretty much everything about her. 

1. Erza Scarlet

Guys.... guys..... it’s my girl. The Queen of the Fairies! TITANIA! My favorite anime girl ever! She solidified my love of redheads! She was THE strongest female character I remember seeing at the time! She went from being intimidating and scary from first seeing her (she terrified Natsu and Gray to the point they were shaking and forced themselves to get along! Even after only like 3-4 episodes and EVERYONE knew that was a big deal) to being quirky, cute, silly, and just everything to love! She’s full of love for her guild mates who she sees as family (Tough love, but love none the less). I love all her unique armors, how badass and strong she is, and I almost screamed during the Tower of Heaven Arc several times! 

Erza Scarlet is amazing!

I LOVE HER!!!!!!! SO FREAKING MUCH!!!!!!

#fairy tail #erza scarlet #mirajane strauss #ultear milkovich #cana alberona #dimaria yesta #top waifus #personal ask #personal opinion #alexsuperstar #thelastdragneel6417

[cynthiaandsamus]

Custom Toonami Block Week 52 Rundown

Code Geass: Mao closes in on Lelouch but as we learned from Mad Pierrot in Cowboy Bebop never corner yourself in an amusement park if you’re a childish demi-god manchild, the cheery shit will fuck you up. Also Villetta’s tits are in this episode.

Inuyasha: We’re still in post-Backlash Wave filler town this week but we get a good look into Miroku and Sango’s relationship when Sango finds out Miroku can actually take some shit seriously and has a lot of reverence for the dead and grieving. Also Sango’s Hiraikotsu gets damaged so she can be shipped off next episode to fix it while the rest of the gang relive a filler adaptation of a manga chapter from before she joined.

Yu Yu Hakusho: Yusuke has to convince his mom and not-girlfriend not to burn his body because the almighty toddler in the sky can’t just give him a new body to slip his soul into, this isn’t magic it’s just magic. Anyway Yusuke in Kuwabara’s body, hijinks ensue, and Keiko is a doll and loves Yusuke so much and it’s great.

Unlimited Blade Works: It’s time for the season one finale and oh boy did a lot of stuff happen. The first like third of this thing is basically an Uzaki-chan episode, like that weird kind of anime episode that just feels like it was endorsed by the Tokyo tourism board to get the anime-watching youth out into the city and go do things by portraying cute anime girls doing it. Then everything changed when the CGI Water Skeleton Nation attacked. So Saber isn’t Shirito’s waifu anymore she’s Castergiku’s waifu now and no one seems all that bothered by it except Shirou. Also Caster’s gonna cheat and pull an SAO and skip the last thirty levels of the game and fight the final boss and this is probably all going to get very confusing very soon.

Gurren Lagann: It’s finale time and for Gurren Lagann that means standing on top of galaxies and throwing kamehamehas with the force of the big bang itself in a show of scale that has been unmatched in anime since. It’s all really dumb but at the same time it always puts a big dumb smile on my face to watch this finale, it really is something and this fight is one of the most iconic in anime history I think. Also Nia dies, everyone gets old except Leeron because the gays don’t age. It was a lot of fun coming back to this series, it makes no god damn sense but its energy is unparalleled.

FMA Brotherhood: The government quickly realizes creating an army of zombies to fight wars for you wasn’t such a great idea because they’re, well, zombies. The Homunculi star getting paired up for their final fights, Envy gets his body back while Sloth fight the Armstrongs, for some reason even though Olivier can swing Alex around by his shorthairs, during a non-comedy fight all her DPS can’t do much against a Tank. Al gets out of the Earth Dome Jutsu and prepares for probably the coolest fight in the series against Pride and Kimblee.

Attack on Titan: Reiner finds out this his armor isn’t so armory and unlike Sheer Heart Attack he does have weaknesses. Eren’s like “We’re literally standing in my tragic backstory there’s no way I’ll lose” and they all gang up to kick Reiner’s ass for being a racist asshole.

Well Gurren Lagann ends this week, meaning I have to find another replacement for a slot on the block. The Gurren Lagann/Kill La Kill slot is all about wacky fun and over the top hot-blooded action, some candidates for replacement have been Akame Ga Kill, Konosuba, and Panty and Stocking, but I’m open to suggestions. I want to keep the block somewhat balanced in terms of themes so something along the same vein would be good but next week will be a new premiere and that’s always fun!

#ooc #Toonami #Custom Toonami Block #Code Geass #Inuyasha #Yu Yu Hakusho #Unlimited Blade Works #Gurren Lagann #FMA Brotherhood #Attack on Titan

[transmechanicus]

The whole of my rambling gives context to what I gotta say: hot. buff. android/cyborg chicks. Cause I dunno about you, but I am so sick and tired of dredging around for Android/cybergirls content only to be met with big eyed and questionably young looking Waifu Material. Like no!!! I wanna see chicks on the other side of the coin! hot chicks with actual body on em with big laughs and big hearts and great hugs and scars and tats worn like badges

MOOD

Cannot understate how frustrating i find it!! I want chicks with muscles! With effective armor! With hair that isn’t advertising L’oréal in 5 minutes! With scar tissue and tattoos and who look like they could crush a riot cop and take me out on the same battery charge! I want messy and loud and confident chicks in my games! You don’t just get to slap some generic metal on a 1 dimensional Playboy model and call it good!!

#my stuff #asks

[kendrixtermina]

The "waifu bait" criticism of Edelgard is so dumb given that most of the cast is technically waifu/husbando bait in one way or another, they're all meant to appeal to players as romance options, and she's the only one getting flack for it. (Well, not the only one, there were some people giving Dimitri shit too for being "wish fullfillment for stupid teenage girls who think they can fix a man," but I see the complaint most often with Edelgard.)

Yeah. I mean, you can boink Rhea and Jeritza!

It’s not like satelite love interests aren’t a plague onto anime and fiction in general, but I only ever hear this “you only like them because they’re waifu/bishie” thing directed at characters who very much DO have personality, unique compelling features and plot relevance. 

I’ve also seen this thrown at, say, Evangelion’s Miss Ayanami, as if all the fascinating sci-fi concept stuff and compelling narrative about finding your own worth and making a connection in a cruel lonely world wasn’t there - and at least we do see her through a “main character’s love interest” sorta lens. (I was thinking about how Byleth is actually quite similar, except more proactive with more of a dorky side, and less philosophical/reflective, but because Byleth is the MC we come off with a fairly different impression. )

Meanwhile with Edelgard they really didn’t pull any punches, the whole story is set in motion and dominated by her active choices, most the unique designs/outfits she gets are geared to look elegant/powerful.  (Apart from the usual ‘individually wrapped boob armor would break your sternum’ thing but you’d really have to know physics for that/ could be fixed easily by making the fit more sweater-like), she has a specific discernable philosophy and makes impactful choices, that can genuinely be agreed or disagreed with.

You can’t swag her into your way of thinking - you can only ally with her under the presupposition that you already actively agree. (See all the people complaining that you cant “criticise her more”, expecting her to be like Dimitri basically even though they are exact opposites. You can only get on her route by making two deliberate choices. I mean they wrote this with your first playthrough in mind, in-universe you’re not there because you wanna complete all aroutes but because you actively chose to join her after she spent a year unsubtly trying to recruit you to her cause)

You don’t talk Claude out of his tactics either. (and forcing it all into this comparision often leads ppl to overlook that he has ambiguities or character development at all, maybe he isn’t vilified but he gets simplified and therefore wronged just as much in the end. They’re not all Dimitri. The whole point of having three or four different potential deuteragonists to choose from is that they’re different)… heck, even if you look at Dimitri, you only get him back to what he really wanted to do back in part I before his black-and-white thinking and exaggerated sense of duty got the better of him. 

With all three, joining them eventually just enables them to get closer to their actual vision. Back when you meet her in Remire, Edelgard outright tells you that “with your power on my side, we could courttail the slitherer’s atrocities much more efficiently”. You don’t change her mind at all; You enable her to use “Plan A”. Same with Claude, who otherwise plains much more defensively both because he has less support and because he’s more jaded. And Dimitri essentially pulls a Sayaka, ie being unable to live up to his own unrealistic standards drive him to lose all hope and become the very opposite of the hero he wanted to be, but you do help him get back to that, or to a more balanced mature understanding of that. 

The best proof of that is that the popularity poll numbers actually went down after the release, ie a lot of ppl who liked her just bc they liked her design were turned off that there’s a specific personality there that isn’t necessarily their type/ a MO they don’t necessarily agree with. Or all those peeps complaining that the S-support was too understated for them. Claude got that too - They’re just not the most open/expressive people in the world, one would think that after playing through their routes you would know and understand that. Whereas Dimitri has been super emotional from day one (which is both his greatest strength and greatest weakness), so it figures that he’d be more conventionally romantic. 

- Hardly things that would happen if she were written to be “blandly pleasant”.  I mean generally speaking she’s not the best as showing her feelings and when she does she’s often pretty blunt at it even with her closest friends (El: ”Hubert! I order you to tell me what it is you’re not telling me!” Hubert: [elegantly weasels out of answering] El: [after he’s left the room] I’m worried about him tho. )

Seems senseless to claim that she’s blandly pleasant when she’s absolutely gotten a love-it-or-hate-it-marmite-reaction all across the board. It also seems to go along with the implicit idea that everyone who likes her is heterosexual boys. I’m neither, and it’s not like heterosexual boys aren’t ever interested in “plot” or “writing” I mean geez. Though I would resist the temptation to fully ascribe it to things like that. 

To an extent it’s simply confusion. “How can they like this thing that obviously sucks? Must be an ulterior motive”, whereas in reality ppl who like her have probably parsed what happened here differently to begin with (It depends greatly on how powerful you concluded Rhea was, ie, wether what Edelgard is doing is a conquest or a revolt. She certainly sees it as a revolt. Even today in the modern day most of us see revolts as legitimate, or at least, if they get overly destructive, as a fault of the bad government. Heck, there are many on this very site who would label all revolts legit by default (”eat the rich”, the more ‘original sin-like’ variants of privilege theory) which is further than I would go )

There certainly are a bunch of ‘cute’ scenes post holy-tomb scene and under the assumption that Edelgard is this my-way-or-the-highway type of person that many have her pegged as I can see how they might think that it “makes no sense” but that’s really down to wanting her not tp step outside of that idea they have of her. I mean even supervillains have silly everyday situations. Bin Laden loved Disney Movies, Hitler loved his dogs. By itself that has nothing to do with morality or likeability. It’s just being human. Supervillains blush, not because they’re not villains, but because they have blood vessels in their faces. It’s only logical that once you get close to someone and get them to trust you, you get to see more of their silly or vulnerable sides. It’s the same with Rhea. (except that the same people argue that having personable vulnerable sides at all makes Rhea good s of course it causes some cognitive dissonance when Edelgard also has them. I’ve yet to see ppl calling “waifuism” on Rhea (whom I would consider a full-fledged villain), and they shouldn’t - it’s characterization.) Same with ppl calling Edelgard a “manchild” for liking stuffed animals and sweets. She’s actually very mature and adult for her age, having some interests that aren’t super high-minded is just realistic and if you looked at her as a full 3D person who can have more than one trait you’d see that. 

This also goes with that tendency of holding up AM as the gold standard complaining about the lack of AM-like plot that they completely miss the different but equally compelling character arcs in VW and CF. That’s not a lack of arc, that IS the arc, it’s just a different arc: We get to see this tough, in-control high-minded character who’d completely given up on the normal life she wanted so much and resigned herself to never being understood finding out that she is very much still capable of normalcy and humanity and finding friendship and love and I think that’s beautiful. It’s my jam. 

And it’s meaningful precisely because it’s a change from only seeing the tough leader guise otherwise. Complaining about that is like complaining about getting to see Claude’s more wistful, dreamy, benevolent, not-entirely self-interest side in VW or claiming that the writing would be better if he were just a straight-up selfish trickster. Actually, if you removed their heroic traits you’d end up with a lot more generic characters. You’d simply get every wild card trickster ever, and every “Nietzschean” villain ever.  It’s the fact that they’re unconventional heroes that makes Claude and Edelgard so unique, compelling and interesting. If you like conventional heroes, Dimitri is right here. Your basic heroic fantasy ‘rightful king returns/ soft peace loving hero’, plus your basic jrpg guilt-ridden angsty protagonist. I mean there’s good reason that these character archetypes are popular. Plus he’s especially well-executed and recontextualized by the contrast to the others, but there he is, enjoy him! We’re not stopping you. 

It’s really Seteth who came up short arc wise. You could have given him an arc, the potential was there, he essentially transistions from protecting himself and his family to taking on his family’s heroic quest and rising up to that, but he doesn’t get like, a scene reflecting on that. Or you could’ve sent them on some mission to actually curb some corrupt cardinals etc, shown them actually reforming the church and realizing that it wasn’t all perfect, after all he very much knows that Rhea herself wasn’t all perfect. 

For all that much of media is obsessed with making characters “hot”, the truth is that if people like them for any reason, they will find them hot anyways, regardless of whether that was the intention. (unless the people in question are aroace, or the character is a literal, realistic prepubescent child)

You don’t have to “make”  a character hot for ppl to find them so.

#fire emblem: three houses #fire emblem three houses #fe3h #edelgard von hresvelg

[thanksjro]

Polyhex Wars, Book 2 Part 2: The Role of the Waifu This Evening Will Be Played by Ammo

Previously, on The Polyhex Wars…

Hound and company have found themselves at a docking station simply awash with Decepticons and their pods, having just arrived on Cybertron from Autobot City, all of them complaining about how Optimus’ new powers totally kicked their keisters. Some of them are wondering just where Starscream got to.

Hound's eyeing a big ol’ ship, but if he wants it, he’s going to need to come up with some sort of plan. He comes up with one, and it involves Ammo because of course it does.

Hound has a small holographic projector built into his wrist, which can do small-scale holographs- nothing too crazy, but he can disguise himself long enough to get to that ship. From there, he’ll overload the power systems for this area, creating a distraction.

You betcha, Buster Brown. Ammo’s role in this will require the use of his alt-mode. If you guessed that Ammo turns into a gun, congratulations! You’d be right.

Carrying straps don’t exist on Cybertron, and it’s solely so folks like Hound can slap their crushes to their thighs.

Hound’s about to head off, when he realizes that Fistfight isn’t in his direct line of sight. Blaster, when asked why he isn’t doing the one thing he’s been asked to do, brushes it off, saying that Courier is watching him. Any way you slice it, this sounds like a horrible arrangement: either Fistfight’s about to get offed, or you just left a dangerous killer with one of the smallest members of your team. Blaster, what the hell?

While Hound and Blaster are hashing it out, Courier points out an alarm system. I give it five minutes before that thing gets pulled like a fire alarm in a middle school on a snow day.

Meanwhile, up above on the surface of the planet, the Autobots have landed and are currently faced with the enemy swarming up from underground in the thousands.

Hmm, yes, I remember you.

Roberts really enjoys massacring the polity of Polyhex. It’s probably because so much shit is just happening there all the time.

Obviously, Optimus isn’t having any issue in this fight, going so far as to save Trailbreaker’s hide via eye lasers.

Wonder how Red Alert’s team is doing.

Not great, if that delightfully purple prose is anything to go by.

The Autobots are being loaded into those electric chairs we saw in Part 1, And Red Alert’s wondering how it all got to this point. Like, why the hell would Megatron had set up a throne in the underground pseudo-grave of their creator god? How was he supposed to figure that one out?

There’s this odd feeling of pride as nobody begs for their lives as they’re prepared to be electrocuted- at least they’ll still have their dignity, even if they won’t have their lives for too much longer.

Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, and Red Alert trade some Shakespeare-level insults with Megatron, up until he gives the order to kill the Autobots.

Red Alert, why do you even know what sputum is?

Back over with Hound, he’s just made it past the guard at the ship, all decked out in a disguise that makes him look like the mid-90s punk scene chewed him up and spat him out. As he’s doing his thing, the sounds of the battle above start trickling down into earshot. Hound aims Ammo and gets ready to blast the ship’s generator.

Back where the Autobots are hiding, Blaster is once again not paying attention, not realizing that Bumblebee’s being held at gunpoint by Shockwave until the guy notices that he’s not being answered. Fantastic work, Blaster.

Blaster’s communicator goes off, which, really, is just too bad, because it alerts Shockwave to Hound’s location. He points his gun-hand at the ship and fires, blowing the whole thing sky high, probably taking a few of the nearby Decepticon guards along with it.

Apparently having seen too much shit today to even process the very probable chance that Hound and Ammo are now dead, Blaster snarks at Shockwave, ignoring the gun now being put to his head to get in kissing distance so he can punch the guy in the gut. Cover blown, Blaster orders his team to start kicking ass.

Back with Red Alert, the execution’s been postponed, because Starscream’s decided to crash the party. Red Alert manages to break free of his bonds as complete and utter chaos unfolds. Seeing as the two Decepticons are currently busy trying to kill each other, the Autobots decide to take their leave. Too bad reinforcements have arrived, shimmying down ropes in the hallway- and they’re not the kind they were hoping for.

Returning to the scene with Blaster, it’s real revenge hours, as the Autobots use the rage they’ve been saving up for the last several hour on the hordes of Decepticons that are just pouring into the room at this point. They’re so mad, when Blaster gets ahold of Skywarp he immediately goes NOPE and pops out of there.

Suddenly, the flaming crater that once was the ship reveals that the ship is fine, actually, with Hound and Ammo posing all badass on the hood as Hound starts shooting for the generator up in the ceiling. This turns the lights out, and when the emergency lighting kicks on, the Autobots book it to that ship and climb aboard. They’re leaving.

Up with Optimus, it’s Hot Rod time. After almost being blown up, Hot Rod reports that the Decepticons have deployed all of their troops- and he does mean all of them- and suggests that the Autobots do the same. Optimus says that they already HAVE everyone deployed, then in the same breath annihilates a group of ‘Cons with the wave of a finger. Do you really need more troops at this point?

Guess Swindle’s inexplicable plot-armor didn’t grow in until 2001.

Hot Rod reminds Optimus that Red Alert and Hound’s teams aren’t currently up here fighting, as if they’re just sitting around twiddling their thumbs while all this nonsense is going on. Again, do you really need more troops at this point?

Skystalker has a ship floating above Optimus currently, and is about to try and bomb him out, when he too explodes. Then Snapdragon and Sky Quake explode.

Optimus likes exploding people. Nobody tell Hound, because I’m pretty sure that kills them, and that’s just NOT the Autobot way.

Hot Rod, much like everyone else, wants to know how he does it. Optimus reiterates that he doesn’t know, only that he’s been able to do it since he got back from Limbo. Saying it out loud gives him pause.

Optimus orders Hot Rod to go do a search and rescue for the missing teams, then disappears from this mortal plane. Hot Rod, having decided he’s got going to be the one to try and parse the mystical bullshit that Optimus seems to be dealing with currently, runs off to pull together a search party, only to be crushed under Skystalker’s ship.

Hopping back a whole two minutes in time, Hound’s firing the ship’s weapons through the Decepticon forces, being an absolute terror. Blaster’s trying to figure out just how they’re going to leave, seeing as their ship’s been damaged enough to not be able to go up. After a bit of banter, the Autobots notice something standing in the port menacingly. It’s a Decepticon Imperial Guard. The last time we saw one of these guys, it thought it was god and had to get smacked around by Nightbeat’s atheism.

Figuring the worst that could happen is that they all die, Hound whips the ship around and heads for one of the massive holes in the floor that connect to the thrusters stuck into Cybertron at present. They fall in, and since that explosion destroyed the windshield, they’re subjected to all the detriments of terminal velocity. Hound unstraps from his chair and floats up to the back of the ship to see if anyone can make forcefields.

Luckily there is a guy, and his name is Blocker. Blocker does his thing, and everyone braces for impact.

Blocker’s name was recycled in the IDW prose story Out of Bullets, which was a sort of deleted-scene story that connected to Bullets. In it, he was a member of the Wreckers, and ultimately was removed from the team after he was found chewing on a dead friend’s transformation cog. Hopefully he gets a little less of a gruesome characterization here.

Over in the Primus chamber, it’s 30 seconds earlier. Whether this means it’s 30 seconds before Hound’s thing, or 30 seconds before the two minutes we went back earlier isn’t clear. What is clear is that the Decepticon reinforcements are here for Starscream, who immediately shreds them like wet tissue paper. Even Megatron’s afraid!

Screaming for help as he’s pinned by Starscream, he immediately appeals to the Autobots’ better nature, saying that he’ll abort the Juggernaut plans if they stop him from being killed. Everyone is completely on-board to just let Megatron eat it.

Everyone except Slapdash, for some fucking reason. The Autobots run after the little idiot, all of them jumping onto Starscream, instead of just grabbing their wayward moron and bolting for the exit. Predictably, this does nothing to stop the guy, who proceeds to throw all of them, along with Megatron, so hard off of him that they imbed into the wall.

That’s about the time that Hound’s ship crashes through the ceiling and crushes Starscream. Is it blasphemy or heresy when you destroy a religious monument? Because the Primus chamber’s been through the wringer at this point.

While all this is happening, Optimus seems to be having a spiritual journey of some sort, as he finds himself in Iacon, facing the Last Autobot, a guardian of sorts put in place by Primus himself to guide the Cybertronian race if needed. Optimus is kind of annoyed to have been pulled away from the battle, but hears the guy out, seeing as he seems to know what’s going on with these powers. Also, because he’s very large and intimidating, and brushing him off is probably a one-way ticket to robot hell.

So, because Optimus somehow became the storehouse for an entire not-dimension, he’s going to die if he doesn’t pawn off these powers to someone even more powerful than himself. Which, you know, is probably going to be a little difficult, seeing as he’s Optimus friggin’ Prime. Optimus brushes this off, ready to get back to the fight he’d been so rudely removed from.

Back at the crash site, it’s time to count the dead bodies. We’ve got Flanker, Dipshot, Counterblast and Transit. Megatron peels himself off the wall and quickly returns with his reinforcements, who I guess were just kind of standing around waiting for their boss to give the okay. Maybe they’re vampires and have to be invited in.

Starscream digs himself out from under the ship, mad as a hornet. His face is missing, which is a fun thing. Megatron orders his men to fire on him, and Starscream just wipes the floor with them immediately. Megatron then attempts to ally himself with the Autobots, just as Starscream throws a girder and pins Hound and Courier, promptly knocking them out.

Up on the surface, Optimus Prime is posing on a mountain very dramatically as he summons his troops- quite literally. All those in the Primus chamber are immediately transported to the mountain, and with that all the Autobots are gathered in one spot.

And that’s the end of Book 2.

#transformers #jro #polyhex wars #book two #part two #maccadam #Hannzreads #text post #long post #prose writing