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adventuringblind · 2 months

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A Little Lost

Liam Lawson x Reader x Oscar Piastri x Logan Sargeant

Genre: fluff and hurt/comfort

Summary: With her ADHD driving her mind into a whirlwind, she ends up slipping in public and unable to find the one person she needs. Luckily Oscar and Logan are there to help.

Warnings: non-sexual age play, agere/age-regression, panic attacks, implied trauma, non-sexual use of daddy

Notes: I needed this for myself, honestly!! I hope the requester finds comfort in it like I did!

Side note: age-regression is NOT a kink. If you're going to request it, please don't make it a smut request. It gives ya girl mixed signals. AGEPLAY is a kink and has dd/lg dynamics. Please remember this when requesting... I'm begging T_T

Masterlist // Request Form // My Website // buy me a Ko-Fi

Everything is overwhelming at the moment. He thoughts are running in a million different directions. The noise and bustle of the paddock is pulling Her every which way.

She needs Liam. Without a shadow of a doubt, she needs him right this second.

Her mental state is dancing between headspaces. Her little self is attempting to break free of the confines she's put the girl in. To young and to alone to be out in this environment.

The alphatauri garage feels so far away. It's an endless walk she's been attempting to make for what feels like hours now. Liam, she just needs to get to him.

Panic rises every time someone bumps into her. She squeaks out a sorry, only to be met with annoyed grunts. She needs her daddy to make it better. No - Liam - she needs Liam.

The catalyst is someone shoving her away and complaining that she should pay more attention. She is paying attention. Her brain just has thirty tabs open, three of them have commercials playing, another is driving her senses wild, and where the heck is her da- Liam?!

The shove sends her tumbling to the ground. Her elbow hits the hard ground on impact. It's bleeding, and she's officially offline.

Her little self takes over, tears welling in her eyes as she hides around the corner and tugs at her hair. A desperate attempt to settle the whirlwind of her thoughts.

She needs her daddy.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Logan and Oscar are animatedly chatting about the race as they walk through the dwindling crowd. Liam had texted about a longer debrief and had asked them to check up on his girlfriend since she wasn't answering her phone.

They'd been an item the last couple of years like Oscar and Logan have. It's an interesting and often tense dynamic. The four of them are all extremely close, but neither of the couples have openly talked about any kind of open relationship.

Oscar and Logan have. It's often a source of interesting fantasies and warm fuzzy feelings. They say nothing, though. Scared of losing their closest friends in the pursuit of something mildly taboo still.

Logan is lost in his thoughts when Oscar stops suddenly. He hushes him and listens intently. It's then that Logan catches the muffled sobs.

They take off in the direction of the crying. Neither of them are ones to let somebody suffer when they can help it.

They turn the corner, and there sits their original target. She curled up with hair in every direction, and her fingers rake through it in a violent manner.

Logan approaches her like she's a wounded animal. He's not at all hurt when she curls farther into her corner.

"Osc, we're gonna need to call Liam."

"Already on it!"

She perks up at hearing Liam's name. Eyes wide and teary, but at least she doesn't look scared of the Logan for the moment. "Daddy? Are callin' daddy?"

Oh. Oh.

She's - how did they put it? - regressed, in age. They talked about it in passing but never elaborated. Logan and Oscar had never bothered to look into it. They were protective over it and they wanted to respect that.

He's regretting that decision just a tad now. He might be more prepared on what to do if he'd bothered to figure out what it is that happens to her.

The obvious thing is that she's vulnerable and scared. "Yeah, we're calling him." He smiles warmly at her. "Can you tell me what happened? Why you're so sad?" He keeps his tone calm to hopefully ease her into a less anxious state.

She untucks herself and shows Logan her red and bleeding elbow. "Was pushed."

It's not a terrible scrape, not one to be worried about, but it is getting on all her clothes. He'll have to ask about the pushing later.

Oscar comes back and sighs in annoyance. "He said another thirty minutes at least of debrief. I feel bad for worrying him now."

Oscar sees where the two are crouched and throws Logan a confused look. "Is everything alright?"

"Well, I think someone needs a band-aid for her elbow and somewhere to wait for daddy." Logan tries to communicate that there is more going on here. Oscar looks between the two, and then his face lights up in some kind realization.

"Lando already left for the day, so my room should be safe. And I know he has crayon band-aids in his room."

She considers the idea. Carefully studying both of their faces for some hint of malicious intent. "Daddy said no strangers."

Logan exaggerates a pondering face. "Are me and Osc strangers? I thought we were best friends!"

She shakes her head yes and moves closer to the American. A reassurance that she does consider him a friend. "More then friend!" She leans up to Logan and motions to lend his ear so she can whisper into it. "Daddy says loves." She giggles, and Logan has to use all his strength not to look dumbfounded at the confession.

Oscar and Logan wrangle her the back way to the McLaren motor home. Their success in going mostly unnoticed has both males breathing in relief as they step into the saftey of Oscar's room.

The Aussie ducks out to grab the band-aid from his teammates' room, and Logan is left to sit with the girl currently looking confused and intrigued. She hesitantly grabs the stuffed koala sitting on the shelf. The one Logan had gotten for him as a joke before they started dating.

"Has name?" Her fingers stroke the soft fluff of the toy.

"I'm not sure. Should we ask Osc when he gets back?" She nods once, then comes and sits on the couch with him. The stuffed koala cradled in her arms like it's the most precious thing she's ever seen.

Logan is still trying to comprehend what she meant earlier. Is it just her small brain misinterpreting something Liam said? Or is this an honest confession that she doesn't currently understand the implications of? He doesn't want to get his hopes up and settles on the second option for now.

Oscar sneaks back in the door and starts unwrapping the bangade. It is, in fact, shaped like a red crayon. Her eyes light up even as he washes the cut and places the band-aid on it.

"There we go, all better now." Oscar smiles at her as she hugs his koala.

"Thank you."

She's completely entranced in the stuffed toy again. Logan taps her on the nose to get her attention. "Did you want to ask Osc your question?"

She makes an 'o' shape with her mouth. "Does koala have a name?" She looks up at him with expectant eyes.

Oscar considers. "Hmmm, I don't think he does. Would you like to give him one?"

She takes careful consideration, weighing all the possible options. "Koko."

"Love it."

"Very creative!"

Her expression changes into something sad. Her eyes once again glassy like before. "Will daddy like?" She curls up in Logans lap with the toy.

"Yeah, he'll love it. Certainly not as much as he loves you."

She hums and closes her eyes. It's adorable and peaceful. "Do you think Liam might let us do this with her again?"

"If he doesn't kill us first. Speaking of, I should let him know where we are."

♡♡♡♡♡

Liam likes to think he's relatively quick. He runs often enough and has good stamina.

This is the fastest he's ever moved in his entire life. He grabs all their stuff with a speed that shocks both Daniel and Yuki.

"What's got you in a hurry, mate?"

"Just eager to see my girl, is all."

Daniel shoots him a wink. "Have a good time!" Liam can only laugh nervously in response. It's certainly not the good time he's thinking of. No, he'd promised her a nice dinner tonight.

Now he's thinking he might have to shift plans. Which - he's not upset about. Liam loves when she's in headspace because it gives him an excuse to do things he wouldn't normally. As in, she's obsessed with cars, and he gets to spend time building the most intricate tracks with household items, blocks, and an ungodly amount of Legos that they have at home. She's always sad when they have to leave them for long periods of time, but he brings a portion with just in case.

He makes for the McLaren garage and is greeted by Oscar out front. It's odd, knowing that their secret is out and yet the Aussie is looking at him affectionately.

They make light conversation while they venture into the building. It feels normal still, nothing to awkward aside from the fact Liam goes on rabbit trails every ten seconds. It's the reason Oscar knows how to handle Lando and his chaotic communication tactics.

Liam mentally slaps himself. Now is not the time to be drooling over his friend's stability and emotional intelligence. He should really just confess. They'd talked about it, they both want it, but that could result in rejection.

Oscar opens the door and slips inside. Liam takes a second to observe the scene in front of him. His girl, happily laying her head in Logan's lap rambling about the koala in her hands.

"Look who I found!" Oscar gestures to Liam. Her head perks up and she scrambles off the couch, slipping to the floor before throwing herself at Liam.

"Hi, love bug." Liam attempts to get on the floor without falling as she clings to him. He fails miserably as the topple over. "Were you good for Oscar and Logan?" She hums something into his chest that he can't decipher.

"She was an angel, honestly." Logan leans forward on the couch. It looks like he's contemplating something, shooting stead looks at Oscar.

With effort, Liam finally gets them situated on the floor. "Do you know what might have triggered this?"

"She scraped her elbow, was that it maybe?"

Liam ponders the suggestion. His eyes find the crayon band-aid that wasn't there the last time he saw her. He sighs, hopefully she was just overwhelmed, and this wasn't an altercation of some kind. "She's struggled with - uh, being shoved around - I guess. You know, home life things."

"Maybe she was shoved and fell which caused the panic attack." Oscar eyes them sadly.

"Well, you two feel up to helping us get out of here?"

♡♡♡♡♡

Oscar doesn't understand how Liam makes this look normal. HAs this been going on under their noses this whole time? If only he could go back in time, rewind a bit and do some research. He and logan could help out if they wanted.

She was falling asleep in the car and still looks like she might clock out in the elevator. Still, Oscar can't help imagining the four of them together, like this.

Liam twirls her around as they walk until she almost falls over. She falls into him, laughing and smiling, the injury from earlier forgotten about.

Their space is comfortable and lived in. The two even slip into a routine, pulling out food for dinner. He whispers something to her, and she skitters off.

They pull chairs out from around the small table. Liam offers them water and something to eat. "So, about... this."

"Which this? The four of us or her specifically?" Logan raises an eyebrow.

"Both."

The girl returns and climbs into Liam's lap clutching a notebook. She flips open to a page and excitedly hands it to Liam to hand to the two across the table.

Oscar isn't sure whether to laugh or melt, so he mixes the two together. The pages are lined with drawings of the four of them. "She's quite the artist."

"You've no idea. Our fridge is covered in artwork." Liam chuckles a bit and wraps his arms around her.

"Told you! More than friends!"

"Do you know what that means, love bug?"

"Three people to cuddle!"

Oscar really does laugh this time. "Well, you're not wrong!" He shoot a look to Logan.

"Count us in." The American smile.

Liam sighs heavily in disappointment. It's a confusing reaction that Oscar wasn't expecting. "She's going to murder me later for not having this talk when she's big."

"Can't be mad if you make me dessert!" A devilish grin spreads across her cheeks.

"Only this once."

"You said that last time."

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purple-star-eyes · 3 months

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QnA with Viv, Erika and Amir (Wednesday, 31st January 2024)

(1 day before the Season 1 finale)

Who would be the better dad?

>Lucifer cuz his heart is in the right place.

Alastor wanted to get under Luci's skin, which is where the Dad rivalry came from.

Alastor is canonically aro/ace.

Said in a livestream by his voiceactor Amir Talai but Viv didn't deny it.

"It didn't come up in the show yet obviously."

Amir Talai owns an "Oh deer" cup a fan made for him

Concerning Fantheories: A lot of people have gotten a lot of things right.

Viv tries to avoid it, but she's excited to see how exact people get it. Apparently quite a few have figured it out to the T.

When Viv first made the characters she changed a lot of stories around, case and point Vaggie's story changed.

Viv laughed when she saw the HB theory that Wally Wackford is a secret form of Mammon.

>clearly false, fun but not true according to Viv, debunked in real time

Viv's brother works at A24 and loves trolling fans with theories like "Charlie dies in ep.4" (false obviously)

Amir said Alastor has a tail. Viv doesnt confirm or deny it.

Viv: "The tail is not relevant."

-> Might be answered later, since he'd have to be without the coat

Erika likes that Charlie has actual realists around her keeping her grounded.

(Like Angel in ep.4)

Charlie's view is very simplistic on redemption.

The point of the show is to explore that the grey area and redemption are very complicated

(Charlie's arc)

Mimzie is a relieable narator when it comes to Alastor.

But his backstory will come up in future episodes.

There *HAS TO BE* someone that scares Alastor according to Amir.

"We haven't even scratched the surface with Alastor." According to Viv.

Why does Alastor keep Nifty around?

-> Will be explored in the next episodes.

He is very fond of her.

They can connect due to "they both dont care about anything"

How tall is Lucifer-> 5'2 (as per the definitiom of shortking) and Charlie is a foot taller than him. (The hat adds a lot)

The hat is a concious choice of Luci to make up for his height.

"He's not concerned with fashion. Just his height."

The other sins are very big, Viv loves that Luci is the tiniest one of the sins.

Charlie is 6ft

Valentino is 10ft

Angel is 8ft

Alastor is around Charlie's height

Erika's favourite V is Vox due to his voice. She might never love Valentino (he makes her mad).

Amir refused to comment who his favourite V is.

Is there more to the beef between Alastor and Vox?

-> they hate each other, Vox is jealous

Alastor enjoys Vox like a rug (Vox exists and he can walk all over him.)

Pretty simple and nice dynamic but nothing else.

Alastor thinks Vox is "inconsequencial".

Viv thinks Alastor is Chaotic Neutral.

(Tho she's not too familiar with the categories)

Amir says it's hard to say without giving anything away, regarding what his alignment is.

It was hard to record in 2021 due to having to record sessions and duets alone in the booths, according to Amir.

Erika felt a lot of pressure during the first 2 Episodes, because she knows how long people waited for it.

Brandon will help write Eps in Helluva Boss, but works a mile a minute so he will come in and go "Oh I remember this one" :)

Someone dies in Hazbin.

"You can sleep tonight if you think it's Angel Dust"

Both said by Vivzie. So she basically confirmed that Angel will (probably) NOT die.

She did say it was "going to be obvious" who it would be.

Season 2 is in production.

#purple talks #hazbinhotelcharlie #hazbinhotel #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin hotel theory #hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #lucifer hazbin hotel #hazbin angel dust #hazbin charlie #hazbin hotel spoilers #hazbin husk #hazbin hotel q and a #q and a #viviziepop #vivziepop q and a

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peachedtv · 1 year

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Re-Fucking-Venge

﹂ Yandere!Dabi x Nurse!Reader ‘Come dance with me in hell, won’t you, Father?’ And boy did Dabi fucking mean it. Poor little you to have been his next ledge to mindfuck his father to shards.

﹂Genre: angst, toxic relationship, slow burn, 18+

﹂ Warnings: AFAB, female pronouns, Kidnapping, non-sexual hair pulling, paralysis, angst, drugging, profanity, descriptions of panic attacks, violence, slight horror, insults, broken family dynamic (both Dabi [duh] and reader's),

﹂ WC: 6.67k

﹂ From Redact: this will be continued! My motivation sucks so I'll try to promise a regular schedule.. I first posted this story at 2k words, then kept editing back to get it up to 6.67k, so I'm reposting it to let the people see the final copy incase yk. If you wanna be on a taglist tell me !!! I'd love to have one

Honestly, everything's turned into a fucking mess.

After the absolute devastation of Dabi’s theatrical exposing of Endeavour, your workplace was swarmed by furious citizens and questioning paparazzi. They were angry. So fucking angry. Angry for the fact that Endeavour had such cruel impositions on his children, angry that his actions caused the root of such a murderous villain, and angry at the fall of heroes being ironically unheroic. Day or night, their anger wouldn’t stop. The continuous flashing lights of cameras, the synchronized yelling, and the fists that shook in the air. With the mantra of harassment towards your hospital, one would think you’re caring for number one himself—the one Dabi framed as the center point for his villainous roots, the one who did most of the hurting. But, no. You weren’t caring for Endeavour. You were the main nurse for his wife, Rei. And that's what truly ticked your soul.

It absolutely baffled you. Why were such a mantra of citizens harassing a regular person? Can’t they properly think that if Dabi’s speech pointed at Endeavour, it’s mainly Endeavour’s doing? Article after article, you started to understand that many hard-luck Endeavour fans were convinced that the abuse Dabi had forsaken was all Rei’s fault.

‘She’s manipulative.’

‘What a fucking gold digger.’

‘No wonder Endeavour had to take out his anger on his children.’

Yet who was the one in psychiatric care? Are these people truly blind to the obvious victim here? It made your blood boil.

You kept Rei under your loving care for years. As someone who had their own fucked up family situation, you felt for her since her admission oh so many years ago. You knew who she truly was, and so, it made you enraged that these strangers yelled at her as though they’d known her all their ignorant lives. As if they had the entire situation figured out when even Endeavour had his own twisted narration of what happened. People believe what they want to believe, and you began to understand that. People protect what and who they wish to protect. It did not matter how morphed and wicked the twists on their perceptions may be—as long as they can justify themselves. As long as they can justify the wrong.

And so, here, Rei was not the object of the crowd’s protection. She was the embodiment of their malformed justifications. The receiver of their hatred, the one to hear the garbage and clunk of cans thrown against her window.

It’s during a time like this that you’re truly brought back. Brought back to the Rei who first arrived. The Rei who was constantly in a fight or flight response. For the first few weeks of her stay, she wore a horrid expression of absolute dread. Her eyes truly had no spark, and her body felt empty of any soul. She always looked down, her chin tucked near her chest as she zoned out into a singular corner of her room. Many of the doctors and nurses complained to the head, saying she was too much for our hospital to handle. Whenever someone merely grazed her arm while cleaning her room, she would scream out in horror—thrashing about as tears threatened to spill from her eyes. Thus, when nurse after nurse had quit being her caretaker, finally you came up to the chopping block, and you had heard a lot about her. Of course, none of which was positive.

‘She’s fucking insane.’

‘That woman makes me want to quit.’

‘Thank god I got switched out.’

‘Goodluck, Y/N, you’ll need it.’

When you first saw her, the barrier you had about yourself slipped. No, you didn’t see a manic woman, nor did you see some form of a psycho. What you saw, mesmerized you. You were entranced. She was truly beautiful. Her white hair gently framed her face, while the sunlight in her room had a cold, blue hue, that you didn’t feel was present anywhere else in the hospital. She had the aura of an apathetic beauty, a flower that was plucked - for even wilting roses had their charm. Her eyes, though, those wonderful eyes. You could tell her deep irises once held the spark of happiness, the spark of hope and care. Yet now, her eyelids hung low, dark circles beneath her lids dragging her visage lower, and her posture as an enervated slouch. It was in that moment when you first laid eyes on her did you truly see who was deep inside the shell of her abused being. She brought you back, brought you back to who you easily could have become—shown you who you would’ve been had you not fought tooth and nail against your resolves. And so, determination flared inside of you. You will help her. You will bring back her spark. No one should fight so alone against something a crowd can’t handle. Thus, even if you’re the only one by her side, you will still be there.

It had taken a couple of months for you to barely disarm her violently defensive walls, but you managed. You always knocked on her door before entering, peering through before stepping into the room. You set up a small stool by her bedside, and every time you came to her you would sit down before getting to your medicinal caretaking. You’d smile, greet her warmly, and tell her silly stories about your day. Tales of the warm old man across the hall, of those pesky UA kids that couldn’t help but fight a little too hard for others. You would go into detail after detail, eyes dancing across the empty walls as you lightly laughed at the memories or clicked your tongue at some of the peskier ones. Although she never responded, you made sure to speak to her every single time.

Furthermore, you were careful, you truly wanted the best for your patients, and she is no different. You were careful when you delicately held the flowers’ stems as you poured in fresh water. You were careful when you gently told her everything you would care for before doing it. ‘I’ll be checking your heart rate, is that okay?’ You’d smile, not even grazing her arm before a sign of confirmation. And it was these careful things you did for Rei that truly made her love you too. Soon, she began to speak. Her voice was delicate and raspy, as she hadn’t used her vocals in such a long time. But still, you smiled at her. Tears welling in the corners of your eyes as you listened to her very first request for a glass of water. Progress is progress. And you were determined to continue it.

From her vaguely written patient file, you had an idea that her husband was the main factor in her descent into your care. But, you were horrified once Rei trusted you enough to spill her heart's deepest sorrows—all caused by her husband. She cried, and oh how her tears fell so quietly it shattered a piece of you that you didn’t know was there. After she began giving you one-worded answers, to replying in whole sentences, her walls soon came down and a woman desperate for help and comfort revealed herself. It broke your heart remembering the number of overtime shifts you’ve spent merely hugging her while she gripped your scrubs. Her arms desperately clinging to you for any minuscule support, her body trembling in the fear that you’ll give up and leave her just as the other nurses did. Those silent tears fell, her muffled cries making you wish you could take away her pain if only for a minute. Every night, that was the scene between you two. And every night, flashbacks of her husband’s cruel words yelled at her from the silence only she could hear. Not only as a nurse, but as a human being, you truly cared. And Rei could feel that sincerity, thus, you two grew close.

Even after Rei exponentially improved, you still tried your best to give her some kind of comfort she could cling to in the emptiness of the hospital’s blank walls. You were so proud of her. She came so, so far in her healing process. And your soul smiled at the thought of her gentle nod whenever you entered her room—she had the misfortune of a hundred lives, and didn’t deserve a single crumb more of difficulties.

So why did fate have the tv running that day?

You ran to her room, the blaring of her EKG racing your mind with worry. It had been long, too long, since her heart raced so. You had gotten used to her health, to her improved state, so how the hell did this happen? When you burst through the door, Rei was slumped on the ground with her hand clawing into her chest as she hyperventilated, her eyes wildly ajarred as her gaze stuck to the screen with tears swelling the corner of her ducts as her lips fell apart in these broken attempts of communication.

'-was born as the eldest son of Endeavour.'

‘Rei! Breathe, breathe, I’m right here for you. Please, what happened?’ You held her comfortingly, rubbing your palm in circular motions upon her back. God, how did this happen? Sorrow wretched your soul when she began to cry harder, frantically looking from the floor before her and the screen upon the tv. She shoved you away with as much force her could muster, you stumbled slightly back, in absolute shock. It had been a while since Rei had a any miniuscle of violence in her outbursts—let alone having an outburst in the first place, and it broke your heart to wonder why it was happening. You could tell her conciousness was slipping from the rapid breaths she choked to take, how her movements became more sluggish. She began to scream, her hands tangling into the hair on the side of her head as she knelt with her face to her knees. You reached into a nearby cabinet, taking a deep breath as you thrashed around the contents until your fingers wrapped about a minor sedative. It pained you, you haven’t had to go to such measures in so long. Your hand firmly on her shoulder, you told her everything was going to be alright before injecting the sedative and keeping your comforting words.

'I was created for my father's selfish dream.'

‘It’s okay, I’m right here. Don’t worry about a thing, Rei.’ You spoke gently, and her eyelids began weighing down to shut, before she looked deep into your eyes and whispered: ‘T-tell him I’m sorry.’ Your eyes followed her as she tried to look towards the tv. Upon the screen, a man was sitting upon a vintage couch. Throughout his body, horrid patches of purple plastered his skin, barely holding onto his stature with the use of staples, you could see the dip in his surviving skin and the bruised purple from the awful staple job on his body. It looked so painful your skin tingled in discomfort. With such a blatantly iconic look, how could you not recognize the man himself? Dabi. His hair was a messy black, his chin picked up toward the camera, and a darkened gaze of determination and resentment filled his eyes—a stare that would pierce the soul of any viewer.

'-my father would force my mother to give birth to more off-spring.'

How long had his voice been playing in the background? You stared, stared at the TV. You listened, listened to Dabi apathetically recall every horrifying detail Endeavour put his pitiful children through. The same details that had you shaken to insomnia at night when you first heard it through Rei's exasperated cries during her mental break downs. It was awful, Endeavour's actions were horrid. The neglect, the abuse, his cold demeanour, hearing both Rei and now Dabi recount those awful memories made you realize just how cold the air about you became as well - a sudden contrast as though your physical environment darkened from the heavy words Dabi spoke out about. You felt their pain, but you know you could never truly understand it. Not until you had gone through something the exact same, and even then, everyone processes trauma differently. Thus, empathy is such a golden key. The very key that had your shocked visage brim with tears. There wasn't a hint of pain in Dabi's voice, not yet, at least. Yet, you knew that years before, and deep inside his battered body, Touya was will trapped. Crying, begging, trying to crawl his way out. You saw a reflection of Rei in Dabi. The reflection of someone who was in pain but built these sky-high walls to hide any form of vulnerability.

‘Using the blood Endeavour left at the fight in Kyushu,’ his hand propping up a document, ‘there was a 99.99% match.’

Truly, it took a while to understand what you heard. Your eyes carefully traced the screen, ears perked up in denial as Dabi described every moment that Rei had described to you. Endeavour, the pain, the abuse, the screaming, the yelling. He recalled it with an absent look of apathy glazed across his face. His eyes reflecting that of an apathetic beauty. A look you recognized from the Rei who first walked into your care. If it weren’t for his unforgiving injuries, he would have been a splitting image of his mother. As you gazed upon his grotesque features, his lips mouthed the same name of the son who Rei prayed so desparately for the return of.

Yet you don’t think her prayers were answered in the best way.

You stared holes into that screen, watching his careful movements, scanning the paper Dabi held in his hands, as you watched his mouth moved it was in that moment that you realized you couldn’t hear. A ringing was blaring in your head as the only sensory you had left was that of sight. Your vision tunnelled, the sides of your perception clouding into black as you silently watched Dabi continue to expose that wretched hero who caused his dear family such tremendous misfortune. Dabi was the same Touya Rei cried to you with gulit over for all these years. The same Touya whos only remains found was a jawbone from the burning forest he died in. The same Touya who fell apart for the sake of his father’s dreams.

How isn’t he dead? It didn’t make any sense. His jaw, how was his jaw found without the rest of him? How had it come off? How did he survive the temperature of those flames being enough to cremate someone alive? Your eyes watched the screen, watched Dabi’s speech continue, that ringing spiking a headache of throbbing pain. Nothing made any sense. And you put your everything into focusing upon the scarred man on the screen so why did this have to happen? Rei was doing so well, it’s not fair, why did this have to happen? She doesnt deserve this to happen she had trued so fucking much. She didn’t deserve this, she was barely healed–

‘Miss Y/N! Is Mrs. Todoroki okay?’

Your coworker’s voice snapped you back into reality, and you stammered an apology before carefully placing Rei into her bed and turning off the tv with shaking hands. From the expression on your coworker’s face, you could tell they saw the footage aswell, their eyes nervously tracing to the ajarred cabinet door to the sedatives, understanding the regress in Rei’s stability from this entire situation.

Sadly, Rei’s instability wasn’t as fleeting as you had hoped. It didn’t take long for Rei to fall apart into the hole she fought so hard to climb out of. With the mantra of angered ex-Endeavor fans accusing her of child abuse, along with the constant paparazzi that flashed bright lights toward her window and posted her tear-struck face all over tabloids, you couldn’t blame her. For days after the incident, you refused to sleep. Staying by her side as she couldn’t rest at all. Although a hospital never sleeps, it still quiets at twilight. But no, not anymore. For even night didn’t tire the fucking protestors. They screamed out, police desparately trying to control the situation, although they were smart. Hugging the gates, not actually on the property of the hospital. Thus, the police couldn’t pull any legalities on them.

You never left the hospital anymore, every break and after your shifts, you would sit at Rei’s bedside. The aura was both somber and panicked, darkened with the occational sniffles and choked sobs of Rei’s rasped voice. Unlike the usual, you did not speak. You knew the voices in her head had come back now, and if you added your own, Rei wouldn’t be able to hold out any better than she already is. So, the only thing you knew to do was to never leave her alone, and her arms never left your back. You held her in an embrace every night, neither of you sleeping, neither of you talking. Slowly, she began to loosen her hold, gently sleeping a couple minutes a night with her chin resting on your shoulder. Your heart lit with hope, glad she could finally sleep a wink. Before long, she was truly able to fall into a decent slumber, her body resting against yours for a couple hours before she would gasp awake. Slowly but surely, improvement had come. And once Rei’s sleep schedule returned to some extent, you traveled back home to your apartment for the first time in over a week to gather your own well-deserved rest.

You wish you could say your return brought some comfort to you. But truly, the silence was eerie to say the least. Your mind was still worried. Worried that Rei would wake up in the middle of the night, all alone without you there. A part of you missed her already, but your boss became truly worried for your health after the bags under your eyes darkened into a bruise like hue. She demanded you at least go home for a night, and you relented. Truly, your body was giving up, and you needed the rest too.

Your keys twisted inside the lock as you pushed the door open, a familiar creak welcoming you back. You did not feel very welcome. The air was a piercing cold, with all the lights in your apartment off. The fact that it was late into the night did not help, with both an absence of light in your home and no twinkling stars to gaze upon. Everything was pure dark. You sighed, dumping your bag lazily by the door as you kicked off your shoes, taking heavy steps toward your room when you stopped. You stood still, so, so still. From the crack below your closed bedroom door, light bled into the dark hallway. You were scared, truly. You never leave the lights on before leaving, so what was happening here..? Why were the lights on?

A sense of dread filled your body, and you listened carefully. Nothing. No rummaging, no gentle thumps of someone’s steps, just the rays of light dauntingly brightening the floorboards and that white noise of ventilation. Quietly, you walked backward toward the front door, taking shaky breaths as your lungs quivered. You should’ve stayed with Rei. You shouldn’t have come. With how little sleep you had gotten, your mind felt as though you were floating. And obviously, you struggled to form any kind of rational thought about your current predicament. Despite that, you did have one thought. The thought that you must leave. Immediately. You didn’t care for your belongings, your jacket, nor your shoes and keys. All you cared for was to get the fuck out.

Every pore on the wall felt as though an eye was peering through, watching your pathetically fearful movements. Shivers spiked down your spine and every dark crack of any open door had an imagined silhouette peering through, faces tauntingly smiling to you through the dark. You were panicking.

Your hand gripped the knob, turning it slowly to stiffle it’s persistent creaks before you flung open the door to bolt outside. Your mind raced, breath hitching as steps slapped upon the cement. As you approached a corner, you turned your head back as you kept running—fully expecting the door to fly open and a figure to chase behind you. You couldn’t imagine why you had to have some burglary occur. You didn’t live in an exceptionally poor or rich area, and there were blatant security cameras throughout the building. The more you watched your back, the more you felt a little silly. Nothing came, and you nearly slowed down your bolt as a light chuckle of relief fell before your mouth. You’re safe, your apartment was safe. There’s no threat in your room, obviously, you must’ve forgotten to turn off the lights. You turned the corner as your bolt slowed into a jog. Yet, your momentary relief was short-lived the moment you roughly crashed into something in front of you.

You fell back, falling hard onto your ass with your palms scraping against the unforgiving texture of the floor. Gravel stung, digging into your open skid marks. Athough, that pain was nothing compared to the strike fear over who stood before you.

The very man upon your tv screen those days before.

The very man who single-handedly wrecked the top two heroes.

Dabi.

He looked down at you, a sickened gaze and smirk plastered over his graphic features. He looked manic, and he was manic. The way he demeaningly leaned down to you, hands dug deep into the pockets of his black slacks, the way he cocked his head to the side, it all made your throat starkly dry.

‘Why the long face, Y/N?’ You internally gagged, your name sounded so vile on his tongue, in the way his face stared at you with hatred. How does he know your name? What does he want? You stared up at him speechlessly, your jaw falling silent and eyes dropping wide with horror. Your mind raced in confusion. Jumping from one false hope to another, trying to relieve your fear that you might not survive this encounter. Your only connection with Dabi was as the nurse of his mother, was he extrapolating some revenge against her? But why? Endeavour had been the main perpetrator of the abuse, so why are you being dragged into this so mercilessly? You couldn’t think clearly, but you did know one thing. Both of you well knew Rei had barely anything to do with the harm Touya had endured. Yet, here he was. Newly born as Dabi, as the Dabi who stared down at you as though you coddled his worst enemy your whole life.

His hand shot toward your collar, the fabric ripping at certain ends from the sheer force he used to drag you closer to his face. Your hands grappled at his wrist, fingertips digging into his hand before your force hesitated when you latched right onto his staples. You were scared. You were really, really scared. The way his smile grew wider in response to those pathetic tears that welled in your eyes, the way he held you so tightly your windpipe felt as though it was burning in pain. You felt misjudged. Thrown into an undeserving cruelty that you hadn’t even sinned enough to deserve. But obviously, why would a villain care about whether or not you deserved their violence?

‘Why are you so scared? I’m only here to thank you.’ He quirked, eyes wide as he laughed at your pathetic expressions of fear and struggle. ‘You won't die, so don’t be too dramatic.’ He smiled, yet, you didn’t feel comforted. Heck, a part of you here realized how much you wish you could’ve died at this moment. Was living through whatever he was about to put you through better than hell itself?

‘You took care of my dear old mom ever since I left, comforting her all those nights, helping her recover from Mr. Number One.’ His grip tightened, your collar bunching up into his palms, harshly wheezing your throat as you struggled to breathe. You knew no amount of fighting back was going to drain him down to stop. Dabi had you stood completely upright, right up on the tip of your toes as he held the majority of your body weight up by your neck, still leaning forward to truly yell into your face. Even without the threat of his quirk, you’d never stand a fucking chance against him with how he towers over you. You could tell of the venom Dabi had in his recalling of your care as his mother’s nurse, his pupils dialating in fury. Had he felt things were unfair? That he hadn’t had the help Rei needed when he felt so much worse? You tried to be empathetic, trying to find a way so you could make it out alive. But the more Dabi tightened his hold on you, the more you realized you wouldn’t be getting out of this unscathed—far from it, actually.

‘I’m here to repay you. You know? You spent so many years caring for her, so I’ll repay your act of kindness.’ His voice dripped in sarcasm, venom seeping through as his spat out to you right in your face. Suddenly, his expression morphed, his smile churning so wide the staples holding his smile together began to rip at the corners of his mouth. ‘You know, that stupid woman isn’t the angel you keep treating her to be. Haven’t you seen little Shoto Todoroki? How do you think that scar on his precious face came to be?’ Your breath hitched as his grip tightened, your throat completely wrenched into his lone palm as heat began radiating through his fingers. Don’t listen to him, you told yourself. Rei messed up. She’s wasn’t the best mother. But no one helped her victim until she became the abuser. Shoto didn’t deserve that, neither did Rei deserve the cruelities of Endeavour, and nor did Touya deserve a crumb of the pressure he underwent. Can’t he understand that nearly everyone in this situation is some form of a victim? You felt frustrated trying to hold your tongue back against this man. He was blinded by rage, a rage that began rationally and morphed into something villianously sinister. It made you feel frustrated. He pitied himself too much. Everyone was struggling, Shoto and Rei too, so why was he so upset with you helping someone who needed to be helped?

‘You people disgust me. You save whoever the fuck you want, but leave the people who really need it out to burn up in a forest.’ You shook your head, shutting your eyes tightly in denial to his cruel accusations. You wanted to yell. Yell how stupid his words were, how tunnelled his thinking was. Dabi is being selfish. Yet, despite your anger, you were still striken with fear. You understood you were in no place to speak your mind, yet your words just spilled out in a frenzy.

‘You’re so linear.’ You said shakily, furrowing your eyebrows and trying to wrench your windpipe out of his grip so you could just barely breathe. ‘Rei was hurt too, she’s n-no angel, but she’s not such a demon either.’ You spoke quietly, but considered how you were choked up into the air it was remarkably impressive you could even get a peep out. Dabi seemed to only become amused, an upset form of amusement. Tears streamed down your cheeks, mainly from the physical agnoy, but moreso now that his palm began to luminate blue and heat up.

You were going to die over your fat tongue.

Your crying only seeming to fuel him even more as his smile ripped even wider. ‘I’m sorry— I didn’t mean it badly–‘ You panically wept. His eyes narrowed, a sense of absolute euphoria over the position of power he had. He felt so cocky, you know? He just ruined two of the top heroes’ careers and now he’s taking away the only support and comfort from his shitty mom. His revenge has just fucking started. He nonchalantly dropped your body onto the floor as he adjusted to stand straight. You crumbled to your knees, your hands flying to your throat as you wretched and coughed out. Your neck was painful to the touch, throbbing as you felt the bruise of his grip develop. Suddenly, he knelt down to one knee, looking at you with an unimpressed expression.

‘Don’t be so fucking dramatic. Be grateful you’re alive.’ He spat, his tone unforgiving. You sobbed, trying your best to sniffle your crying as you bit down on your lip and shut your eyes tightly—too stuck in horror to look at whatever the fuck your current situation was. From the fear of death you just had, you nearly wanted to thank him for sparing your life. Your hands violently shaking as you refused to look up to him, parts of you begging that this was all some bad trip. Suddenly, he laughed. He began to laugh, growing louder and more insane. You stopped breathing, opening your eyes to see him heaving in absolute exhilaration.

‘Don’t do that,’ He was profoundly euphoric, ‘you’re reminding me too much of how I cried to dear old Endeavour. What, are you trying to send me down memory lane?’ He finally calmed down a little, smiling at you as you knelt before him, fucking speechless. Your relief was immediately drowned out in the panic of what he was trying to do. He reached out, shoving his thumb into your mouth and forcing your jaw open. Taking his other hand, he forced two fingers down your throat without a shred of care. You gagged, grabbing his wrist and digging your nails into his skin as you felt a pill sink into being forced down into your body as he kept his fingers deep in your throat. Eyes wide as you tried to fight him off, jaw stiffening as you prepared to bite down on him. He stared you down warningly, his breaths deepening and hand warming on your jaw. You sobbed, relenting and loosening your grip on his wrist, shutting your eyes tightly. You felt a tear gently trickle down your cheek, it felt warm against your face. But not as warm as the threatening hand on your neck that wouldn't hesitate to burn. Dabi let go, standing up as you coughed out, feeling the pill stay stuck deep in your throat as you tried your best to ignore it. He lazily dragged his hand across your face, wiping your spit off his hand. You started to cry. Sobbing as quietly as you could as you heard. You could tell he was truly annoyed, clicking his tongue as he took heavy steps away from you - but still keeping a close enough distance to burn you alive if you tried to run away. You felt frustrated. What had you done to deserve this? What did he drug you with? Your panic made you hallucinate awful symptoms of the pill. The world began feeling dizzy, your head becoming light, ad your thoughts racing drunkenly. Although, rationally, you knew that you hadn't even digested the pill yet, so you tried your best to calm yourself down before the pill's effects would truly take place.

You didn't realize Dabi had taken his space between you two to take a quick call until he hung up, shoving his phone deep into his pocket before he looked back to you with a bored expression. 'Are you done crying?' He was annoyed. From the expression of apathy and boredom on his face, he resembled a tired dad sick of his children throwing a tantrum over every little thing. The way he looked down at you felt demeaning, and you felt your body shrink a little down into the core of your bruised heart. You wanted to stand up, your legs numb from being forced down to kneel this entire time. Yet, the fear you held over being burnt from any sudden movement kept you scarily still.

'Get up.' There wasn't a shred of care in his voice, but from the way he tangled his fingers in your hair, dragging you forward by it until you were knelt up awkwardly by his side like a dog, you weren't surprised by his verbal violence. Let alone his physical violence. You grabbed his hand, trying to ease the burning pain against your scalp. It felt as though your hair would rip from the root if he pulled just a little harder. Your eyes darted around, confusion to why he propped you up to him so closely. Was there some threat? Was something about to happen? You felt your heart pounding through your blouse, so loud it resonated inside your head. But, it didn't matter how much your scalp burned in pain. It didn't matter how your palms were still scraped open from your initial fall. It didn't matter how you had roughly fifteen minutes before that pill would digest. What did matter was that by the end of those fifteen minutes, you needed to be away from him and whatever he had planned for you. As though Dabi sensed your change in mood from fear to determination, his hand began to heat up.

'If you want to die, go ahead and try what you want. If not, stay down like the trash you are.' You felt the hope you built up crumble, maybe it was from Dabi's words. But mainly, it was from the literal crumble of the ground and roads in front of your apartment building. The way the earth caved in on the infamous stone-like creature that bulldozed through half of Japan—Gigantomachia of the League of Villians. His body was confined down so his brutish face was mere feet away from yours. His eyes were a glinted yellow, so much so they didn't resemble eyes in the slightest—moreso like large fragments of amber-filled or gold his sclera. You watched in horror as large rubbles of the road slipped down Machia's spikes, cracking their area of impact once they fell. Light after light turned on in your neighboring apartments, people opening their doors with pissed-off expressions darkened with eyebags. Looking to curse out whatever fool decided to make such a loud fuss in the middle of the night. Unsurprisingly, as the beast merely turned his head in their direction, and person after person ran out of their homes in wide-eyed fear.

Dabi rolled his eyes, unimpressed at their pathetic attempts at an escape. He raised his palm, flames bursting out from the center as screams of pain erupted. You stared in horror as the people you'd politely smile to every day burnt up before your eyes. You didn't plan it. Your arms reached up and grabbed Dabi's forearm to pull it down into our chest. You cringed when the flame lightly skimmed your shoulder, yet our grip on his arm remained iron. You refused to let people die right in front of you.

'What the fuck are you doing?!' He yelled, his flames dissipating as you watched a minuscule bunch run away safely. Dabi shoved you hard into the ground, glaring down at you in absolute annoyance. Yet you returned his glare, looking up at him with resentment. 'Fine, you wanna die? Go ahead.' He aimed his palm in your direction, a twinge of flames hurling out. Without a doubt, you were scared. You were scared of dying, scared of never seeing your loved ones again, and scared of the sorrow your death would cause. You hadn't had the impact you wished to have yet, yet here you were, about to die before barely making a dent of meaning in your life. But in that fear, you felt angry. Angry that you were being relentlessly harmed over helping someone who needed it, angry that Dabi would mercilessly burn the innocent without hesitation, and angry that he was mad at you over trying to save them. He was so unreasonable.

'God! Can you quit it?! I understand your pain, and I understand where you're coming from. But those people aren't Endeavour, Rei, or whoever else you hate! They didn't do anything to deserve being killed over, just like you didn't do anything to deserve what you went through as a kid. So why are you hurting them?!' You glared at him, adjusting your posture so you were sitting upright, a hand soothing the blistering burn on your shoulder. His flames fizzled out, and you saw his eyes widen. He was silent, still. As though for both of you, time stopped. You heard desperate steps fade away into the background, rubble from Machia falling upon the grass, and the sizzles of Dabi's flames eating away the fresh corpses that littered the scene about you two. His expression was apathetic, you couldn't read him. Yet, you felt his mind racing, before his palm picked up and slapped you, hard, right across your face.

'You understand me? Is that what you fucking said?' He was absolutely livid. You could hear the absolute anger in his voice, yet a soft smile spread across his lips. Your cheek felt stung, warm, and you were absolutely speechless. For some reason, him slapping you across your face felt more painful than the burn on your shoulder and the scrapes on your palms combined. It was the way he looked down at you. Down at you with absolute fury, as though you were a senseless fool. 'Don't you dare say you understand me when you haven't gone through what I did.' You could tell he wanted to kill you in that moment. You flinched when he reached out to you, expecting this to be your final moment. Instead, he threw you over his shoulder and jumped onto Machia's back, being dragged away to god knows where. You looked up to his face, catching a glimpse of his thumb wiping a droplet of blood from the corner of his eyes before wiping it onto his sleeve. Did he become injured? Or was that a common occurance? Truly, you shouldn't care. He had just battered you, violently dragging you upon the back of a rocky beast, and yet here your nursing instincts slapped you across the face to anaylze his aid.

Quickly, your brief confusion, or worry, for Dabi fell apart as you realized your legs couldn't feel the aggressive breeze of the wind against it's skin. You fought to move, to adjust your stature, yet you felt as though your nerves were burning, fighting against an invisble force that kept you scarily limp and still. Your heart began to pound in your chest, heavy breaths shaking your lungs as you nearly began to weep over what awful drug Dabi had foresaken onto you earlier. You felt constrained, uncomfortable, a distant tingle of pain tracing about the entirety of your skin as you tried to fight the stunt in your lower half. Your legs. Your legs were paraylzed. Your mind raced a mile a minute, heart dropping deep into your stomach. This isn't fair. It's not fair. You felt as though your life has fallen so far you couldn't even hear it's impact on the floor so down below. No resonating echoes, nothing. And that nothing was not at all what you deserved. You hand quivered, tracing across your shin to your thigh. It felt as though you traced your hand on another body, or a piece of your body that was no longer attached. You were disturbed, trying to keep your sanity together as your temples and eyes burned with frustrated tears. It wasn't until a tear hit your thigh, and you didn't even feel it, did you truly begin to break down.

Everything is a fucking mess.

#re-fucking-venge #yandere dabi #dabi #my hero academia #dabi x y/n #dabi x you #dabi x reader #mha x reader #bnha dabi #dabi smut #dabi headcanons #todoroki touya #todoroki toya #dabi angst

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maddascanbe-blog · 3 months

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Miracu-class girls are done! It took less time than I initially anticipated, thank goodness. Let's talk re-write's and re-designs shall we?

Sabrina so freaking cute, give the girl her hat. It was probably a gift from Chloe. For her redesign I thought she would be the kind to dress in cute blouses and flowy skirts. She has tennis skirts in every color for every occasion. As for her re-write- anyone who saw how I changed Chloe probably will guess that their dynamic is drastically changes as well.

Sabrina met Chloe when they were in their tween years, Officer Roger having worked security for the Bourgeois on multiple occasions. One day he had to bring his daughter into work and Chloe found her wandering the halls. When a kidnapper tried to abduct Chloe, Sabrina sprayed him with pepper spray her father gave her and then kicked him in the dick for good measure. Chloe then declared that Sabrina should be her full-time body guard, and she technically is being paid to hang out with Chloe. But Sabrina would have done it with or without the money since Chloe is actually very endearing once you figure out how she works.

Alix is next! Alix's violently pink hair could not be ignored, so I kept it (albeit a little less saturated) Also she is in fact still short. Her outfits are probably all variations of sports gear unless she has an event to attend at the museum. I also tanned her up since I imagine she spends a lot of time outside, girl is sunburnt. She is actually a year ahead in history, having gotten too bored with junior level classes. So she's friends with some of the seniors too. I won't get into Bunnix anytime soon but- let's just say it's a lot more tragic than cannon would ever admit. The rabbit's powers are changing, and Alix still has to live with that.

On a lighter note, Juleka, as stunning as ever. Tall queen. She is a year behind since her lack of participation in classes ultimately tanked her grade in several subjects. Her band director was more then happy for her to stay an extra year though, since she is trained classically as well as electrically on the bass. She may not like talking, but she has little fear of performing when the music can do the talking. Her twin brother actually graduated early, and he's working now to help pay for the band the two want to start. Her design doesn't change much from her cannon one other than the fact I switched her ripped leggings for lace ones. I imagine she actually has many outfits in this color pallet, since Chat Noir quickly becomes her favorite hero.

Mylene, okay the change I made here is pretty obvious. I debated for a long time on whether or not I change her skin tone. And when I did the line art? Wasn't planning too. But changed my mind last second, since I thought it helped the color pallet more. This would imply she is mixed, with her dad looking pretty much the same as cannon. it's hard to tell her unless you look closely but I gave her freckles that just cover every inch of her. She is Sunkissed. He character isn't super different, she is still easily startled, but she knows what she believes and will fight for it no matter what.

And finally, Rose! The lovely Rosey! The flower child! Her nonspecific illness still definitely happened, but I like to think she has actually recovered. I do not know enough about most chronic illnesses to make any sort of specification on what she has so nameless headache disease it is! She struggled a lot as a kid, but now she's planning to start a non-profit to help kids who are going through hard times of their own. She definitely still has her down days, the fact that she nearly died so young is not something she is quick to forget. But she will do whatever she can to give other people hope, sinee she knows all too well what it feels like to be hopeless.

As for her design, she had a bucket of pink upturned on her. She did have to have her hair shaved as an affect of her illness but now it's growing back faster than ever. She gets it cut every time it gets past a certain length to donate it.

Luka is next!

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous redesign #miraculous fanart #sabrina raincomprix #alix kubdel #juleka couffaine #mylene haprele #rose lavillant #akuma class #sabrina raincomprix redesign #alix kubdel redesign #juleka couffaine redesign #mylene haprele redesign #rose lavillant redesign

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creedslove · 10 months

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DESERVE IT - PART NINETEEN

Javier Peña x f!reader

Summary: gossip, wedding dresses trials and the visit of your mother who obviously doesn't like your fiance makes everyone really question if your wedding will happen or not

• PART ONE TO EIGHTEEN ON MY MASTERLIST

Warnings: fluff, mentions of smut and actual smut yay (unprotected p in v, ass play, butt plug (f!), oral f!receiving, fingering and SQUIRTING) breeding kink if you squint, reader's mom is a bitch, insecure!reader, insecure!Javi, fluff ❤️

A/N: besties, this one was a real hard chapter to write. It took me days to get it done and it wasn't even good, I don't know what happened, it felt like I simply couldn't get the story going, but in fact, I know exactly what happened: I am having a real hard time to let this story go, which is why I announce you guys, next chapter (chapter 20) will be our last one! It's time to give reader and Javi the happy ending they deserve it ❤️

5.8k words

The first thing you felt when you stirred in bed as you were trapped in that moment between sleep and consciousness, was Javier's boner pressed against your body. It wasn't unusual, it was a feeling you grew to love every single morning you woke up next to him, but with his recent absence once he left Colombia, you had missed it. It was just one of the particularities of your relationship that just made you and Javi… well, you and Javi.

You rubbed yourself against his hard on, dragging whimpers from his sleeping face, you didn't mean to tease him, you just wanted to be closer, feel his warmth against your body, like you had longed for all the time you had to spend apart. His arm was thrown over your body as you felt him sinking his face further into your hair, giggling softly at how he just mumbled something in his sleep. You hadn't seen Javi relaxed like that in months, you liked it. He wasn't wary, his body wasn't tense or stiff and he didn't wake up at every move you made in bed.

You opened your eyes and took in your surroundings, you were so used to the old routine, you expected to find yourself in his apartment in Colombia, the old furniture, the mirror facing the bed, the heat barging in from the window, but instead, you saw the room was still dark, blinders closed, the disposal of the furniture was different, the decoration wasn't the same, but the mirror by the bed… that remained. Dirty old Javier, always showing his kinkiness in the slightest details. He mumbled again against your head and you chuckled, you loved this new dynamics you two had established ever since you got to Laredo, it'd been a few weeks now and you were adapting just fine.

At first, you were so worried and anxious about everything. First of all, terrified Chucho would be annoyed at your presence, after all Javier just told him eventually one day you would move in with them and just a couple of days later you showed up there without a warning and he was forced to take you in. No matter how many times Javier tried assuring you Chucho was fine with it, you still felt worried about bothering him, you didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable in his own home and more than once you reminded Javi you would be okay with going somewhere else.

But you father-in-law happened to be a real welcoming person; at first, he was serious, kept to himself, and he very often glanced at you, as if he analyzed you, trying to figure out if you were a good person or not. At first, it was obvious he didn't put faith into Javier's engagement, that boy had been engaged once and things didn't end well for neither part, and Chucho was terrified of another scandal and the inevitable humiliation that would come together in case his son replicated his old behavior; that was until he noticed how head over heels Javier was for you, and then his concerns changed: what if instead of Javier breaking your heart, you broke his?

And that was why at first, all the older man did was stare at you and watch you quietly, trying to get a glimpse of your intentions. He knew Javier wasn't a child anymore, his son was strong, independent, and didn't get attached easily, but at the same time, Chucho had never seen him act towards a woman like that, he could see the need Javier had of you, of your touch, how he constantly had a hand over your body: on the small of your back, your thigh, your waist. It was explicit to him how emotionally dependent Javier was on you and it made him shiver to think of what would happen if you left him, he was sure his son would have a hell to pay. Some would've said he deserved it, he had it coming, but Chucho would be heartbroken too, he knew his son already came back from Colombia a little broken after everything he witnessed, and he didn't want him to suffer anymore.

But you started waking up early every morning and made everyone breakfast and your father-in-law couldn't deny the fact you were a good cook, and that breakfast was way better than his and his son's. Then when Javi and him left for work, you'd stay, organize the house a little and wait for them always with lunch and dinner ready and Chucho didn't hate that at all. But what really got to his heart, was when you asked him about what Javier was like when he was little. He saw it was finally his opportunity to speak, he'd missed that, having someone to talk to and you and him were quick to establish a good, sweet relationship. He was fatherly and protective of you and you were kind and patient with him. You understood the years of loneliness made him harden, somewhat like it had happened to Javier in Colombia, but once you showed him you were willing to listen to him, to what he had to say, Chucho became almost a second father to you, he appreciated you for giving him the attention Javier didn't, you listened to him, you paid attention to his advices and his life experience, and before he knew, he was convinced you were the right girl for his son, because to Chucho, you were already part of the family.

You also really enjoyed the times you spent with him, he was a wise man, he told you a lot about his life, his deceased wife and of course, about your Javi. And that's how you learned Javier was terrified of chickens when he was a toddler, and how he fell from a tree and broke his arm when he was eight. And how Chucho walked on him losing his virginity with Lorraine once when he came earlier from work.

And Javier wanted to kill himself, mortified and deeply embarrassed about being exposed like that to you. He knew you had a deep admiration for him, and he worried that would be ruined after the dreadful things his dad had told you about his life.

And all you could do was laugh, you loved learning more about him, each time you passed by a chicken you couldn't help yourself but giggle, and whenever you saw Lorraine running errands in town you couldn't help but cringe at the story you heard. No wonder she barely looked Chucho in the eyes. You also felt pretty good to learn that Chucho never called Lorraine 'mijita' just like he called you. You knew it was petty, she probably didn't even care about the Peñas anymore, but you couldn't help giving into that small competition established in your mind and fueled by people in town. Ever since Javier arrived, many people seemed to be betting against your relationship, they didn't mean harm for real, but they just had their fun by letting snarky comments here and there as if you and Javi were two tabloid celebrities with a scandalous life.

In the first weeks, it bothered you a little, it was just so disrespectful to be walking around the store and have people whispering about you, not even waiting for you to leave before making their comments, but as you were getting used to the city, you began simply not caring about things at all. Whenever you were out with Javi, you made sure to hold his hand, kiss his cheek or peck his lips, if people wanted to comment, then you two would give them something to talk about. So it stopped being annoying and it became funny, to the point of you and Javi establishing a competition of gossip you'd heard about yourselves.

'Did you know Y/N is pregnant and she is trying to hide?'

'I heard Javier is going back to Colombia and leaving his girlfriend behind'

'They aren't a couple, they are both undercover to chase down Pablo Escobar who faked his own death and moved to Laredo"

It always made you and Javi laugh, it was good to know your relationship was healthy enough so you could joke about stuff like that, you felt good about it, and Javi felt his heart swelling with pride to see you trusted him blindly.

While Chucho and Javi left for work, you often walked around town, sending out your resume to companies you found interesting, you often went grocery shopping and you got your library card done, so you could pick up a book and entertain yourself. Camila, the girl who gave you a ride to meet Javi the day you got to Laredo became your friend, and you sometimes hung out together at coffee shops or bakeries. Your life in Laredo was going better than expected, you weren't having any problems, you enjoyed the place, the weather, your relationship with Javi was just as good as it had been, he still couldn't keep his hands off you and you had already fucked in places you probably shouldn't have. His truck for once, the stables, the green fields behind his ranch… He also fingered you when you two went to the movies. You didn't even pretend you didn't want to, or that you thought it wasn't a good idea anymore… anywhere Javi wanted to take you, he had you willing to spread your legs for him.

It was so good, the intimacy you had with Javi you never had with anyone and you couldn't even if you tried. Though Javi's bedroom was away from his dad, you couldn't make as much noise as you would like to, so every Sunday morning, while Chucho went to church as a good catholic man, you and Javi enjoyed your alone time together. He would take his time with you and you loved every single part of it.

So you were already awake, when the rooster crowed and you knew it was only a matter of time for Chucho to leave for church. On the weekends, he established you didn't have to make them breakfast, it was your time off, but you still got up and made it, because the earlier he has breakfast, the sooner he'd leave you and Javi alone.

You were organizing the kitchen when Javi walked to you, arms snaking around your waist and kissing your neck. You whimpered at his touch, always knowing your body so well.

"Come on Javi, have breakfast honey" you whispered as he kissed your neck, nibbling it and not caring if he'd leave the mark of his teeth on your skin.

You groaned at his touch, Javier just had a way to touch and tease you, making everything else seem so distant and meaningless. At his touch, it felt like nothing but him and his cock mattered to you.

"You know damn well what I wanna have for breakfast baby girl" he whispered, his hands going for your breasts, squeezing them softly and toying with your nipples "you know I'm so fucking hungry… and thirsty for you" Javier whispered into your ear and sent shivers down your spine. Ever since he'd made you squirt for the first time, Javi was addicted to it, and he devoted his Sunday mornings to see you pour for him. There was nothing that made that man go on more than drip down your sweet honey, it drove him mad and you both knew it. "Come on cariño, the bed is all ready for you… everything is waterproof, your soft towels are in place so you can make your delicious mess, mi amor" he whispered and took you by the hand.

•••

Javi had been pounding into you for a while, you were feeling so worked up, your wetness leaking out of you as your cunt was already sensitive and swollen. Javier had teased and stimulated you, knowing just how to get you ready for him. A plug he had gifted you a couple of weeks before, shoved deep into your tight asshole, because he just knew you squirted when all your holes were filled. You felt so full, Javi's thick cock pounding into you as he pulled and pushed your plug by its base, fucking your ass at the same time. You were tired, sweaty, the knot in your lower belly getting more and more urgent and yet you still had to be strong enough to hold back your orgasm because Javi would punish you if you came before he told you it was okay to do it.

Your legs shook and Javi groaned at each thrust, the way your walls tightened around his cock, making him even more sensitive to you, but he was determined, he wanted to have all of your honey and he wouldn't stop until he got it.

Suddenly, his moves ceased and you felt empty as Javier slid out of you. You panted, trying to catch your breath glad to have a small break, which didn't take very long, not with Javi getting between your legs once more and breathing down your cunt "you're so perfect hermosa, you look so beautiful all spread up and open just for me…" he praised, his lips ghosting over your inner thigh, small gentle kisses, just enough to drag goosebumps all over your skin.

"Javi please… don't tease" you whimpered and saw his frown, before his hand swatted your cunt in one dry slap

"I can do whatever you want, cariño, this cunt is mine, this ass is mine, you are entirely mine, aren't ya?" He questioned you and you just nodded at him, whimpering as Javi finally got to your clit, suckling on it at the same time he used both arms to keep your waist in place, not letting you escape him as he ate you out, your legs shaking as he locked you with one arm, leaving the other free and shoving two fingers deep into your cunt, hitting your special spot and speeding up. He smirked at the undeniable pleasure in your face, loving how you moaned and slithered softly among the sheets. You felt that intense sensation building up once more, your lower belly felt on fire and you knew you were too close now, Javi could tell you weren't able to hold back any longer and softened up, giving your hard, soaked clit a gentle kiss "come on princesa, pour for me, make it fucking rain" he whispered against your pussy and you finally relaxed, reaching for your orgasm and letting the stream hit Javier.

You had only blurs of him waiting for your sweetness, you couldn't keep your eyes open, but Javi stood right there loving to get your load all over his face.

You felt like you were melting in a puddle of pleasure, feeling tired and a little sore and yet, Javi climbed on top of you, his face wet with your juices as he kissed you and got his cock inside of you again

"Come on cariño, let's make our baby Peña" he whispered into your ear.

•••

You giggled as you entered the kitchen, Javi was right behind you, hands around your waist, squeezing you and making you giggle as the two of you had dripping hair and the clothes still hanging tight to your bodies, as you exited the shower not more than minutes before. You should have made lunch at least an hour before, knowing Chucho would come from church hungry and you and Javi could also eat after spending a lot of energy in bed, but the way he couldn't keep his hands off you, really jeopardized the other activities in the house, and at the same time you sort of felt guilty about it, you couldn't resist when it came to Javier Peña. He was your addiction, you just needed and craved him at every hour of your day, the weeks you'd spent apart you thought you were going crazy without him by your side, so now that you could spend a lifetime with him, you definitely didn't want to let it go. As you got into the kitchen, you stopped dead on tracks

"Mom?!" You nearly shouted, eyes widening as you saw how your mother stood up next to Chucho, who had his hands on his waist - a classic Javier pose and you knew where he got that from, you could chuckle to yourself at that new piece of information on your fiance, if it weren't for the unnerving feeling your mom was giving you. The way she looked around displeased with everything and everyone. How she eyed Javier up and down and couldn't show the slightest smile or any traces of sympathy. "W-what are you doing here?" It was all you could ask her, watching as she shook her head and scoffed

"What exactly did you expect? You simply write me a letter saying you quit your job and that you were going to get married and live in this place?" She looked around "I needed to see with my own eyes, and yes, Y/N, you are indeed out of your mind!"

"I'm not. I'm marrying Javier and I'm staying in Laredo, because Javi and Don Chucho took me in and treat me like family. I don't care what you say, mom, I'm staying" you said and frowned "how did you even get in here?" And it was Chucho's turn to clear his throat and add his own version to the conversation

"I found the lady looking for information downtown, she wanted to know where our ranch was so I offered a ride"

Javier saw how tense you got and tried using his charms to soothe your mom, maybe all she needed was some flattering, just to get to know him, not many women could resists Javier's sweet brown eyes, his beautiful smile and his polite manners, but the moment he tried greeting him properly your mom made everything at her power to keep him away, not hiding the disdain for him, which immediately made you angry and guilty, to have your uninvited mom treating like shit the people who loved and treated you like family.

Everyone could feel the tension in that kitchen and yet it was a mystery how things would be solved. Luckily to you, Chucho offered to take all of you out for lunch at a nice restaurant, then he suggested you should take your mom to some shops and other sights of Laredo, and though you were thankful for that, you felt really upset to know she was there only with one mission: make you give up on your wedding.

You spent the rest of the day in a thick tension, you and your mom chatted briefly about family, work, and one could see and think it was just an ordinary case of mom and daughter catching up on the news, but you knew there was more to it. Luckily, Chucho's suggestion worked and she was easily distracted during the day, getting to know the city and going to bed early, being tired because of her trip. Javi also noticed everything and though he hadn't questioned you through the day you knew you would have a conversation about it. For all the time you've known each other, you barely spoke about your family, all you told him was that you had a complicated relationship with your mother and that they used to really like your former fiance, so when he left you, it all came out as a shock. You two hadn't discussed a guest list because after a whole week of trying to plan the details, you had decided to have a courthouse wedding. Not really you took that decision, but rather Javier and Chucho did. You realized the two of them were terrified of another scandal concerning that matter and even if you reassured Javier you trusted him and knew things would be different this time, he still thought it was safer to go with his dad's idea. You did feel disappointed, you'd already envisioned marrying Javier in a simple, but beautiful party, you had dreamed about inviting Murphy, Connie and your other friends, your family of course, not everybody, but the ones you were the closest to, and yet, you ended up agreeing to just signing the papers and carrying on with your day. A party didn't matter that much, but you would like to celebrate it, to put on a nice beautiful dress and show that whole town that yes, you and Javier loved each other and you would work out, despite every mean thing that'd been said and spread by those people. Your mom also agreed on having a discrete, small wedding, but it puzzled her to know why everyone seemed to be insisting on it, you could tell she was suspicious of something but you didn't feel like telling her everything that happened between Javier and his first bride, it would only bring all of you chaos and arguments.

When you got in your bedroom later that night, you had hopes Javi was already asleep, you didn't quite know what to expect, of course he was an intelligent and observing man and he definitely understood from the very beginning you mom already hated him. You didn't know if it bothered Javi or not, but it probably did a little, no one liked to be hated by someone else and especially not without a good reason. You closed the door quietly, seeing Javi was lying in bed and smiled relieved, though he immediately raised his head from his pillow and immediately turned towards you

"Cariño?" He called you and you bit your lips "we need to talk" he told you and beckoned, watching as you walked towards the edge of the bed and couldn't help but chuckle as he pulled you by your arm, making you lose balance and fall on top of him. You watched Javier closely, taking in how handsome he was, your heart not taking it as you admired his side profile and gently you traced the shape of his nose with the tip of your fingers, smiling at him, though you could see his expression was serious.

"Your mom doesn't want us to get married, does she?" He sighed as you nodded. "why? Does she know about Lorraine?" You shook your head shyly "I need you to use your words, cariño… come on" he whispered against your ear as if he was seducing you, like he often did.

"She doesn't, Javi… I haven't told my mom a lot of things, I haven't even called her, I wrote her a letter, hoping we would've been married by the time she got it. It felt weird not to tell her, but I knew she would have this reaction. She didn't like to know I was in love with you when I first got to Colombia and she definitely doesn't like our lifestyle, you know like the ranch and other things like this…" you said ashamed and looked down "I am not happy with her visit Javi, and I pissed off at how she got here and she thinks she's the queen of the world" you confessed and Javi straightened up his posture, rubbing his forehead and sighing "if she stays here for a long time, she will eventually find out about the gossip… maybe we should just go to the courthouse tomorrow, sign the papers and get this thing over with" he suggested and you couldn't help but feel disappointed, your wedding was now 'this thing'?! You shook your head

"Javi, do you really wanna marry me?" You asked worriedly and watched as he sighed again "I don't wanna be annoying and insecure, that's just not us… but we went from leaving Colombia and getting married, having a beautiful party, wearing a wedding dress for you, and then we just thought of a courthouse wedding and now you tell me we should do it tomorrow, just to get this thing over with?"

Javi held your face between his big hands and stroked your cheek gently, leaning in and pecked your lips, before getting off bed and getting on his knees in front of you. He took your hand, caressing it and watching his mom's ring "you're completely right, hermosa. I'm sorry if I made you feel like that, of course I still wanna marry you. I was worried you wouldn't want it after your mom arrived" he sighed "I don't want you to be upset… I want you to go out tomorrow and get yourself a pretty wedding dress, the most beautiful one you can find… I want you to be even more gorgeous to me, and once you get your dress we will figure something out, okay? Something that won't be as impersonal as a courthouse wedding… I just want you to be my wife, I want to have baby with you some day, mi amor" he said, giving you his sweet eyes, and leaning towards your touch as you caressed his cheek.

•••

"You know mom, you didn't really need to come here with me, it's a simple task… I'll pick a dress I like and buy it" you said as the two of you walked into the wedding dress store, the only one in Laredo and that you were sure you wouldn't really like the options, judging by what you'd seen in the window at least. You mom just rolled her eyes and scoffed

"You are already marrying this… man" she said "the least I can do for you is to help you pick up a decent wedding dress, knowing your taste it will definitely be a nightmare, Y/N" you gritted your teeth and before you could say anything else, a smiling girl came towards you, introducing herself as the clerk and dragging you over to the wedding dresses section. No matter how many times you'd said you were looking for a simple model, something comfortable and pretty, all she did was show you layers and layers of white, flamboyant lace, gigantic veils and your heart clenched to see you were having a hard time to even pick a dress, maybe it was all a sign? No, you shook that thought away, you and Javi were meant to be together, and no matter what was going on, you two would get married.

When you finally spotted a simple, sleeveless white dress, you sighed relieved. You didn't like it very much, but it fit better the kind of party - if you were having a party at all - than the other options and you insisted on trying it on, despite the comments coming from both your mom and the clerk, who stated the dress was too plain and too simple. You felt your blood boiling, but you didn't say anything at all, it was bad enough you and Javi were the constant subject of gossip around town, and you figured a public argument with your mom wouldn't favor either of you, so you forced yourself to suck it up and get inside the fitting room.

The clerk smiled at your mom trying to make small talk "so… ma'am, your daughter is marrying Javier Peña… he's kind of a big deal here in Laredo, everybody knows him, he's more of a lição hero, and it's cool that his first bride bought her dress here, and now his second bride is doing the same, hopefully she'll be luckier than Lorraine" the young girl shrugged, trying to sound innocent but also looking for some juicy details she could spread on with her co-workers later.

Your mom's eyes snapped at the girl's words and she didn't stop inquiring until your mom got the full, whole story. And boy, she wasn't happy about it.

You watched yourself in the mirror, you hated the dress. Maybe not the dress, but you were hating that experience, that tension and the stress. You hated that store, you hated that sales clerk who always whispered when she saw you and Javi passing by. There was nothing you wanted more than to marry Javi, and he had been clear about wanting to marry you too, but it felt like things weren't collaborating. Not even a dress you could find, and it made you anxious. As you undressed, you couldn't help but stare at your stomach, picturing if you'd look too different with a pregnant bump. You knew getting pregnant was just a matter of time and quite honestly you were a bit surprised it hadn't happened yet, with the amount of times Javi finished inside of you. Still, it didn't feel like the right moment just yet, but when it did, you'd be very happy to have baby Peña inside.

You knew it was time to get rid of that horrible dress and head home, but you didn't think your mom would be waiting for you at the door, her face seemed to have been replaced with a mask of anger which puzzled you until you all got to the ranch.

Chucho and Javi were at the table having some coffee and a slice of cake when they heard the commotion of the two women barging in. Your voices were loud but muffled and though it was obvious you and your mother were having an argument, they still couldn't exactly understand what you two were quarreling about. Both men got up and walked to the door, getting to the living room where you were already crying and your mom made sure to tell you horrible words, wanting to express her point of view which she considered to be the only right way to see things.

Javier didn't like that distress, he knew you were out to see your wedding dress, it was supposed to be a nice day for a woman, and he didn't need to be a genius to see whatever happened ruined it for you. His first reaction was to wrap his arms around your body and pull you closer, kissing the top of your head and stroking your cheek "shh calm down, cariño… what happened?" He asked worried but your mom immediately walked to him

"You happened!!!" She yelled "you happened to disgrace my daughter's life, Javier! How can she marry someone like you? You cannot even be called a man! You're a coward, a disgusting person!!! And my daughter is the stupidest woman in the world!!! She was humiliated by a man like you, but she seems to like your type because she is willing to make the same mistake for the second time now!!!" Your mom yelled feeling so angry and wanting to inflict as much pain as she could "and even if you don't abandon her at the altar, Mr. Peña… what do you have to offer her? This house? A life on the farm? Taking care of kids and animals? Until what? She gets too unattractive to you and you start chasing down girls half your age?"

"ENOUGH!!!" you finally roared, being fed up with that scene, that horrid act of cruelty "enough!!! You have no right to say those things, mom!!! You weren't invited here, you weren't even invited to the wedding, I just told you I would be getting married to Javi, well, now I don't even know if there will be a wedding, but you are no one to tell me what to do or what not to do!!! I love Javi and I want this life, we both do! I trust him, I wanna be his wife, be the mother of his children and if you don't like it, just go away!!! I'm not asking for permission or your approval!" You finally said and gently got rid of Javi's arms, not wanting to be there any longer.

You ran out the door and went for the green fields, the ones you often made love with him and walked until you were far away from the house, from that ranch that despite the large size, made you feel suffocated. You and sat down on the grass and allowed yourself to shed your tears, letting all the hurt out of your chest as you felt so upset at everything that was happening. Your mom had no right to try to ruin everything for you, you were supposed to be living the best of your relationship with Javi and not having everything spoiled by anyone just because they thought it was fun to comment on your life.

You hung your head low and sighed, trying to find some inner peace.

Some time later, Javi watched you from afar as he squinted his eyes because of the sun and placed his hands on his hips. He took a deep breath and walked towards you, climbing the small hill you sat yourself on and reaching you.

"Hey" he said licking his bottom lip "your mom packed her things and decided to fly back home, dad just took her to the airport…" he said carefully and watched as you nodded, your eyes still red and puffy. It simply broke his heart.

"J-Javi I'm so sorry about what she said… about everything, this scene, this argument, about the things I've told you… I'm just so tired of this, of having to step on eggshells all the time when we are out because people gossip about us, it's not fair we have to give up our wedding, our celebration of a new start because of a bunch of dicks around here… all the gossip was funny at first, but now's just tiring. I'm tired of having people telling me you're going to abandon me or you're going to cheat on me, because you're not" you held Javier's face between your hands and stared into his eyes "I know you'll never do this, we both know it" you sniffed sadly as Javi gently wiped the tears that insisted on falling down.

"You're totally right, cariño… I'm tired of that too, I understand if you don't wanna marry me or if you don't wanna live in Laredo with me, but I thought of a solution to show these fucking hillbillies how we're meant to be for real: I want to have a big ranch wedding, it can be here, in the fields… we get a priest or whatever to bless our ceremony, we have a big party so we can show everyone how we are getting married for real, the whole town as a witness to our love, so they'll shut up about it. You can get your wedding dress handmade with the seamstress who lives a couple of miles away…" he suggested it, his heart hammering his ribcage as he watched you closely. "What do you say, mi amor? Will you still marry me?"

And then Javi stared at you with his stupid, deep brown eyes, you could tell at that moment he would do anything for you and your heart clenched at how much you loved him, it just ran through your body, your veins, your pores. You loved Javier with your whole heart and soul and it was obvious you would still marry him.

_____

A/N: I hope you guys liked it 😭

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autisticlancemcclain · 11 months

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Jackie supports the lion swap? How dare you!

Okay SO. This is not the first time I’ve gotten an ask or a comment like this, and I’m fully aware it’s a joke (or at least I think), but I also know that it is kind of a controversial topic on here! And I’ve already written an essay in the topic, but I have some more thoughts I’d like to dive into.

I used to be team Blue Paladin Lance, and hardcore on that team, too. If you look at some of my old fics, you’ll see that. However since I am a contrary person by nature, I started to notice that Red Paladin Lance was way less liked, and so I started to like it more. I really grew fond of the dynamic Keith and Lance got to have as co-leaders, both because it was homoerotic as hell and because the symbolism was fun to explore, but klance is not the main reason I started to care so deeply for the lion change — it was actually Shiro and Allura.

I’m going to start with Shiro, because he’s one of the most fascinating characters in VLD, if not underdeveloped. Part of that fascination for me is that he probably has the most arcs and opportunities for character growth and development in the show, and yet somehow he’s the flattest. He’s portrayed as very one-dimensional in a lot of fic — he tends to be less of a character and more of a role. He’s the Space Dad, or the older brother, or the cool teacher, or the kind and wise friend, or even the stoic Black Paladin. He is loved, I think, but the role he plays is loved, not quite the person he is. And that makes sense, because that is exactly how he’s portrayed in canon.

To Keith, Shiro is “like a brother to [him]”, but what do we see of that dynamic? The show has a clear sense of how a brother acts, that’s a good chunk of Pidge’s character. We barely even know Matt, but Pidge carries herself in such a way that it’s clear when her brother shines through her. And yet even though Shiro also goes missing, twice even, Shiro does not shine through his brother. Keith’s impulses are his own, developed from general abandonment issues rather than Shiro’s specific absence. Shiro’s absence becomes less of Shiro’s absence and more of an absence of a beloved leader figure, kind of a martyr, a “Shiro would have wanted you to carry on”. It is really hard for us as a fandom to use Shiro’s disappearance as anything but a plot device, because that’s all it felt like! We have occasional moments with Shiro, enough to care about him in some way, but as a figure, not as a person. Someone pointed it out on one of my fics and I agree wholeheartedly — Shiro is not shown with any flaws, and that makes it really hard to love him, because you don’t really get the pleasure of defending him, of seeing his motivations, his reasons. Not until the very end, at least.

This is, in all honesty, likely just poor writing. Shiro’s character was honestly just sidelined to a role, because he is really not that present in the show. But I am going to work with the benefit of the doubt, and see if I can use the lion change to explain why we all kind of love Shiro anyway, despite the fact that he’s flat as hell.

Shiro isn’t the Black Paladin. He never was. He flew the Black Lion, yes, and he flew her well — but he was never her Chosen. He couldn’t have been. From the very beginning, the Black Lion was in mourning; she was in no space to choose a new paladin. She accepted Shiro, and she loved him, but he did not fall into her as much as he fell into the role she provided for him. He piloted the Black Lion, but he was not her Paladin. This is made obvious in two ways: in that he never got her bayard, and that from the very beginning, he set up a replacement for himself.

Doesn’t that strike anyone else as odd? I haven’t seen the show in five years, and I don’t plan on rewatching, but I do remember that every moment with Shiro almost had this underlying tension. The closest thing I have to canon off the top of my head is the Handbook (which I had to stop reading because they did everyone SO dirty there, even though some of it was honestly pretty funny), which was released in S2, and even that incredibly early canon talked about Keith replacing Shiro!

From the very beginning, Shiro was planning an out to his role. He knew it was not meant for him. He did the role well, but it was not his to do.

Aside from those two reasons, Shiro also…can’t be the Black Paladin. He can’t be that and himself, I mean. This part is a little more complicated, so I’m going to borrow some of my own tags from some awesome fanart I saw:

I really do think Shiro is defined by his humanity (as is heavily implied by his illness — this is a character who is completely and totally bound to his mortality. Of all the other characters, he is the one most familiar with death, so he is the one who is most intimate with the raw fear of being human. But more on that later), but it’s my last comment that I want to focus on — “he is DEFINED by his his humanity…even as his greatest asset is the part of him that is not human”.

Every second that Shiro is leader of Voltron, he is the Champion. That can literally be his only goal — he is the head of the fight against Zarkon and the Empire. Either Shiro comes out the Champion, or Zarkon does. Either Shiro has to grit his teeth and fight off the flashbacks and the fear and the pain and use the one thing that forces him to reconcile with the fact that he had his entire personhood stripped away (his arm, his Galra arm, one of their biggest advantages as a team; his connection to Zarkon through Black, something that can only help the war effort at a direct cost to him; everything he does in this war is shoving him right back into that Arena again and again and again), or Zarkon wins. Every second Shiro pilots Black, every time he plays her paladin, he has to be who the Empire made him to be. He has to be the Champion. Once again he is not Takashi Shirogane, the person, the astronaut, the man, he is the Role. He is the Space Dad he is the Pilot of the Black Lion he is the Champion. For every second he is in that lion he is stripping away himself.

Obviously, that is something that was never sustainable. On this argument alone, Shiro was going to waste away eventually. There was always going to be a point where Shiro was not going to be able to be the Champion anymore. There was always, from the very way the dynamic was set up, going to have to be a lion switch. Now, interestingly enough, there could have been a really easy fix to this: Black Paladin Allura. She’s already a born and raised leader, already shown her immense competence, already someone the rest of the paladins follow. With her at the helm, nothing else would have to change, right?

Well, maybe. We’ll never know. One part of that is absolutely true — Allura should have been a paladin from the very beginning. Her quintessence is canonically closest to the entirety of Voltron (something that bears its own essay,; the relationship between all six of the paladins and Voltron is wrought with heavy symbolism), she is the most highly trained, she is smart, and she actually wants to be out on the field. She should have been in that armour from day one.

But Allura cannot be the Black Paladin. Allura cannot handle other’s sacrifice.

Of course this is a complicated subject. Should a leader sit back and let her crew sacrifice themselves instead of her? Must she hold herself in higher regard, convince herself she’s more important? Of course not! Teams, especially Voltron, are built with assets. While not everyone might be ‘equal’ in the traditional sense, they are all integral, and expecting sacrifices is not the stance I am trying to take here. But the point of a team, especially a team so small and vital as Voltron, is that everyone is willing to be the sacrifice, as they have to be, and Allura simply can’t handle that. She shows us this from the beginning, when she disguises herself as Galra and is taken in place of anyone on the team she barely knows, and again in Oriande with the White Lion, and finally in the piece of shit canon ending. Allura has to be the sacrifice. Every time.

And how could she not be? The last time she spared herself of sacrifice, she lost her entire people. The last time she let others sacrifice themselves for her, she was left alone, to shoulder a war bigger and greater than she could ever handle. Allura is painfully familiar with the agony of being the survivor, and she cannot do that again. She cannot and will not put herself through that again. As the Black Paladin, she would have to let her team make sacrifices — she would have to let them have their own agency, their own decisions; she would have to let them choose to get hurt and choose to do risky things and analyse and react and act. As leader she would have to trust her team to put themselves in harm’s way, and not only that, but she would have to authorize them to do so.

Like Shiro cannot last as the Champion, Allura cannot last as the Survivor. Shiro cannot even last in Voltron, and it is foolish to keep Allura out of it. A lion change is absolutely necessary for the show to move forward, for the war to move forward. The initial team was doomed to fail.

How would it change, then? What would fit? I know I’ve said my piece. I know who I think would fit where. But since I’ve been comparing character arcs to their roles as paladins, I’d like to keep doing that — what about Keith makes me so sure that he’s the true Black Paladin?

I’ll show you with process of elimination. I know Black Paladin Lance is a favourite, and I can see why. Lance has many leadership qualities, is a good tactician, and cares deeply. However, aside from his desire for power making him less suitable for the role, Lance functions best as support, despite how much he hates it. He is the one who knows how to pick up the pieces of a broken situation. He is an excellent guide, which makes him an unbelievably valuable second. He is adaptable, so he can fill in for many different roles. He can step in for leader when necessary, but putting him in Black would encourage a more active role for him; would force him to anticipate and plan for specific outcomes rather than his strength as one who analyses any outcome as it arises and works within it then. Lance could be the Black Paladin, yes, but taking him from the body and placing him in the head would be a fool’s choice. It would be crippling to Voltron, to put the jack of all trades as a master of one. Lance’s arc is all about learning to love and trust himself as he is, as the seventh wheel. Not to put him in charge of the vehicle.

Well, what about Hunk? Hunk is incredibly intelligent and analytical. He probably could lead Voltron, and did in several occasions. But Hunk’s arc is interesting because it was handled so early in the show. Unlike the rest of the team, Hunk’s arcs were solved largely in the first season. His biggest flaws were his distrust of people and, literally, his inability to fly. He could not take his feet off the ground. He was so untrusting that he could not manage to take a step forward. However his bonding with Yellow and trust with the team and their subsequent and returned trust resolved these issues, more or less, which is probably why Hunk was treated more and more like a side character the longer VLD went on. Hunk didn’t need the role of Black Paladin because he had settled into the Yellow Paladin in a way that was sustainable.

Pidge is in a similar boat. Her arc, primarily, has been about finding her family. Voltron was almost second priority for her, or at least not her only first priority. And understandably so! As the youngest she was afforded with that lenience. Her growth was about growing into her own pain, about becoming her own person alongside what she had become in the absence of her brother. As the Black Paladin, she would no longer have the space to prioritize her search for her family alongside Voltron, so her position as Black Paladin would be unstable. She is best suited in Green, where she can focus on several things at once.

That really only leaves Keith. In many ways it comes full circle — the Black Lion healing from her grief by choosing the man who ran from his Galran heritage and his power as a leader, rather than the man who chose nationalism and power over anything else. Keith is Zarkon’s direct opposite, and as such is the other side of the same coin, the one who is truly Black’s Chosen. We know this because Keith is the one who wields the Black Bayard, and Keith is, from the very beginning, the one the rest of the team chooses to follow — I ask you whether it was for Shiro that the three other humans ran off to chase in the desert, or Keith? Who was it that Lance could not leave alone? Who was it that piqued Hunk’s curiousity? Who was it that challenged Pidge to choose Voltron, rather than the search for her family?

That covers Black Paladin Keith. But what about Red Paladin Lance? I’ve established already why he cannot be the Black Paladin, but why did he have to move from Blue? For that, I bring you another few slices from early, S2 and previous canon:

“I thought what we had was special!” “Seventh wheel, if you count the Alteans.” More than once, Lance laments over being forgotten. He struggles with feeling like anything but the extra, the unnecessary. Whether or not Blue Chose him is irrelevant — he does not feel Chosen by her. The Pilot of the Blue Lion position for Lance is as unsustainable as the Pilot of the Black Lion position for Shiro — Lance does not trust it. He doesn’t trust himself in the role, and doesn’t trust Blue in having chosen it for him. Obviously, this is not the role for him.

But Red? Keith’s Red Paladin, at least? Yes, he struggles with feeling like Keith’s second, but that is literally his arc. Lance’s development is about becoming his own person despite his own misgivings about being second-best. His role as the Red Paladin is the fulfilling of his arc, and is thus the best Lion for him, the Chosen. And Red did Choose him, mind you. There was an adjustment period, of course there was, but Red did more than let Lance pilot her. She opened up new possibilities for Lance — think the broadsword — that he could not see. Red saw his potential and revelled in it. She Chose him.

Lastly — and this turned out to be less relevant to the essay than I expected, but I do want to go over it a tad — is Shiro’s tie to humanity. I mentioned two important points: Shiro’s connection to mortality makes him the most intimate with his humanity out of all the characters, and he is undoubtedly the flattest character of them all. That is, if you don’t consider his clone to be part of his character.

But I’m begging you to reconsider. Reconsider, perhaps, who the clone is — Haggar had pure access to Shiro for a year, you remember. His thoughts, his dreams, his mannerisms, his priorities, his body. Even him at his most human, his most deranged, his most scared. She had Shiro then. She had Shiro when he had nothing to look forward to. She had Shiro when he hurt his crew to make sure they would live, at direct cost to himself.

She stripped him of his humanity — his connection to his own mortality. She took his illness from him. And who, then, did she return to the team? Who was clone? Shiro, mostly. The clone was happy to play with the team. The clone was clever. The clone believed, fully, that he was Shiro, only he was angrier and meaner, a little, and less capable of shoving down his own pain. Shiro, stripped of his tie to humanity and mortality, stripped of his compulsive need to be strained and stressed and the one everyone else can rely on, the Role rather than the Person, is emotional. He has flaws and outbursts. He can’t manage his own pain. He is is cruelest to the one person on the team — Lance — who canonically reminds him closest of himself.

Shiro, in the purest form that Haggar can make him, is flawed and self-hating. That is where our love for him comes. Not the man who pushes himself down at the same time as he sacrifices his personality to be someone for others, but the man who is struggling and can’t keep it locked down. That’s where it comes from.

Anyways. Like with my other essay, I’ll admit that this analysis is probably reading into this. The writing of VLD was flawed, at best, but regardless, I think the lion change is a rich amalgamation of the characters and who they really are.

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grlpartdoll · 3 months

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Ok so this is Sort of. Part 2 to this but not really?? It's kind of more like a what-if marvel episode Lol. Soap falls in love with reader and he's the one to pick her back up !! Again 18+ only Pls!!! No filth in this one. Just pure fluff.

Anyway. Soap eventually gets tired of this dynamic. He's your best friend, has been since the very first day you two met. Simon doesn't typically keep you around his friend — but Soap wasn't exactly the type to be told no.

His barely concealed crush on you makes Simon irritated, but it doesn't make others raise eyebrows that much.

It's obvious why someone would fall for you — such a sweet girl, with the kindest, biggest heart around. It was only a matter of time before anyone around you did fall in love with you.

So, anyway, Soap has a pathetic, schoolboy crush on you, and when you're in the throes of sadness and self hatred because of Simon, he's the one to pull you out each time, just until Ghost gets his hands on you, and breaks you all over again.

The first time you sort of notice it is when you come back from a night away with Simon, where he fucked you proper and then left you to sleep alone in his room while he went to the gym.

You come to your own quarters bruised and sloppy and barely able to walk, and Soap practically explodes out of his seat at the realization that you'd been fucked and then dumped like some dirty rag.

So Soap runs you a bath. And it's a little weird, and a little awkward, at first, but he's your best friend, he'd never let anything bad happen to you as long as you're with him.

And sure. His pants make a tent while he washes you. But, "it's only natural, Bonnie. 'm with a pretty girl and she's sitting there, naked, lettin' me soap her. I ken only stupid men wouldn't get hard."

And unlike when you're with Ghost, you don't really feel like it's purely sexual. Simon might have genuine feelings for you — maybe, you don't know — but he'd never shown it to you except for when hes balls deep inside you, whispering about how much he loves you. You feel like Soap actually cares as he drains your bath, gets you all bundled up in a towel and rubs you down nice and slow.

He doesn't mean to, but he kisses a bruise on your shoulder. And you, because you can't really think and because Simon has you still so far into your head, don't even care to try to figure out what it might mean, that he's soothing over your bruises with his lips.

Soap helps you remove the little makeup you have left, cooing at you when you try to do it yourself that you're "jus' such a sleepy girl, let me get that for you, poppet,"

You don't ask how he knows every step of your routine without a single fault. Once you feel fresh and clean again, Soap gets you into bed, and because you're vulnerable and would do anything for warmth that resembles sleeping in Simon's arms, you ask him to stay.

He gives you one of those smiles you hate. You know he's concealing his emotions with a shit-eating grin only because he's given it to Simon when, in a heated argument, he's said something that hurt his feelings.

So Soap doesn't sleep with you. When he's gone, you think you'll cry for a moment, but you don't. Your body doesn't hurt as much, and your heart is just a bit less restless.

Soap, the next day, (or really, the next night, because you spend the day in bed and wake up at an ungodly hour,) makes you food, and doesn't force you to finish your plate. He's just happy to see you eat.

When you're done, he brushes your hair and braids it, and it's so domestic it makes your heart ache. You two go and run together. He pushes when he knows you can do better, but stops when tears threaten to spill over. He pushes you, but knows your limits intimately, and doesn't push them like Simon would. Simon would keep asking for more, keep demanding more of you.

Simon disappears. The days pass slowly, but surely, and Soap begins to catch your little broken pieces one by one. Carefully, he pieces you back up, and you start to feel more human. The morning training helps, and the days spent with Soap and Gaz and your own friends actually starts to make you feel slightly more human — less like a fucktoy that exists for Simon's pleasure.

You're in the resting hall with Soap one day, piecing together a puzzle while he scrolls on his phone, shopping for clothes for when he goes back to visit his mum during his break. You all have a break planned three weeks from now, where Price plans to halt activities for at least a month. And it's nice, to look forward to something, but you honestly can't help but think that you, unlike everyone else, don't have anyone to go back to. Just like Simon. And perhaps that is why you two belong together.

But then he makes an offhanded comment about how he's going to buy a blanket for you, because his car's heating is shit, and he's been meaning to get it fixed, but for now the blanket will have to do while you fulfill your passenger princess duties.

"What?" You make, a bit confused.

He gazes up from his phone, cocking a brow at you. "Thought you'd like it. To spend the holidays with me and my ma. Y'dont got ta. But I'd like to have ya' bonnie."

And you think that that's when you realise that maybe you could love Soap — Johny, and that maybe you could finally have something to go back to.

So you agree, and of course Johny is giddy. In his head, that's finally a step towards you two being together. That's finally a step towards making you his and treating you right. Once the three weeks are up, you pack up your shit and you don't look back.

Simon sends you a text when you're halfway to Soap's mother's house, music blasting, the multiple blankets wrapped around your top and bottom.

Simon : where are you?

Simon : you're not at the barracks.

Simon : your stuff is gone.

Simon : where are you?

You take a while to reply. Not because you don't know how to, but because Soap notices, and snatches your phone. And it makes you laugh for once, and you don't feel like having a breakdown.

Soap manages to snap a photo of him driving, and you grumpily pawing at him for your phone back, and sends it to Simon.

You don't hear from him after that.

Soap's mother is warm and kind and inviting when you're introduced, she holds your hands like her son in a freakishly similar fashion, and kisses the top of them after patting them multiple times.

You tell her your names four times, but she forgets, and instead calls you "love". It's not on her — Soap tells you. Shes forgetful. Tends to forget everything, including taking care of herself. Which is why he wants to come home — before she forgets him, too.

That night, after a warm homecooked dinner and a long movie with hot chocolate and marshmallows, you don't exactly mean to seek out Soap, but there's something about the cold, and you needing to be held, and thinking too much about if Simon is alright. You want to shut it all out.

So you slip quietly into his childhood bedroom, and then under his covers. Soap doesn't even question it, only wraps you all up and presses you up against his naked chest, his deep, Scottish drawl telling you to "Go to sleep, poppet. I've got you."

And he does. When you wake up, he's still there. And he's staring at you. And it's all so much, you feel like your heart might burst in your chest.

You want to kiss him. But you don't. You let him hold you, and pray that if nothing else happens, he might still remain with you after everything, even if you're not willing to give him your body, or your lips.

And he does. After you both shower, he takes you and his mum to a local breakfast restaurant and treats you both to the best food in town. Everyone there somehow knows him, (though only as Johny, and never as Soap) and he makes it his goal to make sure everyone he sees also gets introduced to you.

He wraps an arm around your waist, puffs his chest, and tells everyone you're his best girl, his golden girl, his four-leaf clover. Someone eventually asks about when they'll see a ring on your finger. And before you can retort anything, Soap tells them that he'd sooner or later do it.

You think he's joking. He's not.

He takes you home after a day of outings to small rural markets and an amusement park. That night, when you're in bed, laying next to him, you ask him if he meant that. If he'd really marry you, if it came down to it.

His response doesn't change.

You're not sure if that's why you kiss him. You just know you do. Because if there is one thing you do know, its that you love Soap — your Johny — and that he loves you.

TAG LIST :

@lilliumrorum

#john soap mactavish #soap mactavish x reader #soap x reader #johny soap mactavish my beloved

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carulenes · 1 year

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an analysis of wolfwood’s characterization in trigun stampede as well as his connection to vash (+ why i believe he’s likely much older than we think)

okay i’ve been thinking abt this since eps 10 or 11 were released (this show became my special interest the second it dropped if i'm being completely honest) but its been scratching at my brain ever since i read the sakuracon radio interview and since i haven’t seen anyone talking abt this yet i figured i may as well because it’s clear they really did pull very extensively from the manga and i really am loving how they adapted his character. also i occasionally keep seeing the “tristamp wolfwood is a kid/is 14-15” takes which i need to at least try to help put to rest bc they make no sense given his other iterations and would actively make the story worse.

a quick tldr of my main points before i get on my very long winded soapbox:

wolfwood in trigun stampede has been used as an undying, unkillable soldier by the eye of michael for decades.

rollo as a character, as opposed to monev the gale, was designed specifically as a metaphor for wolfwood’s backstory.

wolfwood and vash are written to be literal complements to one another.

I literally don’t think I have the space to talk abt all my thoughts, and ofc these are all my personal thoughts so any and all of what i’m saying could be wrong, but direct analysis of eps 4-7 (as I think they’re the most important) and discussion of his trajectory in general under the cut (obvious spoilers for the show but also the manga as well as tw: discussions of suicide/suicidal ideation as well as the general tw list for the show's graphic content):

Starting first with a side point that Wolfwood was never a child at any point he was with Vash during thecourse of the story, including the manga. He has always been a man in his 20s, with trimax ww having the appearance of being in his 30s or 40s. It is absolutely crucial to his and Vash’s characterizations, as well as their entire dynamic together, that Wolfwood is an adult. Could make an entire separate post about this, but I feel like starting here is important.

Onto the sakuracon japan radio interview. The team gave a LOT of interesting insight into the development of the show, but one specific point stood out to me:

This is important, because I definitely missed it during the show’s initial run, but I think it’s REALLY obvious once you know what you’re looking for, and is a big factor in why I think he’s likely older than we realized.

————

EP 4: These are the very first lines that are said about him in the show, and the very first time we see him, he is absolutely exhausted:

We know that at this point, Wolfwood is likely on his way to Jeneora Rock to meet up with Vash to fulfill his contract...until Vash and co. quite literally slam into him (and his life) unexpectedly, nearly killing him with their van. He probably should’ve died except… he’s on his feet almost instantly, able to walk perfectly fine and being a jackass as though he didn’t get launched halfway across the desert by a moving vehicle. Which is… odd, naturally.

When they try to find help and instead find the dead couple, he specifically mentions that he isn't a priest like he's been in other iterations. He's now an undertaker, someone meant to guide others through their deaths:

His personality is hard to tap down. He's goofy and childish and downright unlikeable, and there's a hint of something lurking deeper, something menacing and potentially dangerous. So much so that Roberto is on edge the entire time their group is together after being swallowed by the Grand Worm, and flat out tells Vash that Wolfwood is untrustworthy and likely an assassin, "a man who can kill with a smile on his face". And Vash’s response is… really fucking weird, given how long the two have known each other:

not to mention he's wearing sunglasses Wolfwood is rightfully very ??? in response because, what the fuck is he talking about, and why is he so genuine about it, they just met???

Fast forward to a bit later, when Wolfwood is like "hey man, you really shouldn't be so trusting. I could've shot you in the back several times now." To which Vash is like "but you didn't, though." And Wolfwood is even more confused because is this guy stupid???

And then it's time for the final act: Wolfwood reveals his Punisher, destroying the Grand Worm while giving the illusion of taking out Zazie as well. Meryl was informed by someone that Wolfwood had been the one to save them all, but when she tries to thank him, he immediately shifts the subject, being annoying and arguably completely unlikeable. Roberto points out that Wolfwood had lied about who he was, trying to get Vash to realize that he still can't be trusted, and again Vash shoots it down: "We're alive because of him."

Wolfwood showed his role as the Punisher without hesitation, and not only was Vash not really phased by it, but he actually seemed to be inspired by him, stopping his self-destructive tendencies and even repeating his own words back to him. And that's the moment we finally learn his name in the show:

But then, almost immediately, we have a complete reversal of his scene with Vash in the Worm. It’s also of note that Zazie always specifically says human lives:

————

EP 5: One of the most important episodes in this discussion, and it starts with the name alone, "Child of Blessing". Here’s a very general summary:

A young boy in a much less than ideal living situation is chosen to be 'a blessing upon the world through his sacrifice', which turns out to secretly be mutilative experimentation on children in search of a subject compatible with a mysterious medicine that can heal any injury. The meds warp him, morph him into something that doesn't even appear to be human. He tries to return home, but his mother, the only family he knows and loves, is terrified of him. She calls him a monster, and the boy finds himself struggling to articulate who he is. Then, he wanders alone alone without purpose in that unchanging altered body, a body that can withstand lethal amounts of damage directly because of the meds, for at least 20 years. All he has is a single name: Vash the Stampede, the person who promised to save him, and the one person who managed to bring back his consciousness in the end, if only for a moment.

The moment Nicholas sees Rollo regenerate is the second the switch flips. He instantly demands to know what the fuck is up with him, and when Vash responds telling him that he was too late to give him the medicine he needed, Wolfwood shuts down, because he recognizes himself. From this moment until the rest of the episode, we are no longer seeing Nicholas D. Wolfwood; we're seeing Nicholas the Punisher.

Vash continues to push Rollo to remember who he is, while Nicholas continuously says that there's no way to save him, that he's already a monster now. In the final moments, Nicholas inevitably feels tasked with Rollo's death like the undertaker he is, and when Vash angrily demands to know why he took the shot, his response is:

When discussing Rollo's killer, Elendira refers to Nicholas by name, but Conrad specifically states that no, he is the Punisher.

In vol 10 of the manga, Vash thinks to himself: “I met a strange man. Just as I thought we had come to an understanding, I found that our core beliefs were opposed to each other. I was used to such situations, but I wonder how he felt.”

————

EP 6: This episode builds directly upon the foundations set by the episode prior. Child of Blessing ended with Rollo being referred to repeatedly as a monster, and this episode begins with Nicholas in the middle of completing a kill. Right before he does, his victim gets one final glance at his assailant, an inhuman looking executioner, and calls him a monster… directly because he will not die. He’s also been shown knocking back meds like tequila shots in tristamp, which we all know was NOT possible in the manga. During the flashback scene, Nicholas is literally called the Child of Blessing.

We see a very similar sequence with Nicholas that we saw with Rollo; the horrific torture, the bodily mutilation (during which Conrad specifically mentions that the drug will heal all damage done the body, as well as rebuild and strengthen the cells), and the attempt to return home:

Something different happens with Nicholas, though. Nicholas can't go home; he’s literally yanked away from his chance at freedom by Legato. Nicholas can’t go home, likely ever again in his mind, because Hopeland Orphanage and the Eye of Michael represent two fundamentally different ideals.

Hopeland (and thus Livio) is exactly like its name for Nicholas: it is is land of hope, the only place in the world where Wolfwood was allowed to exist freely. When Nicholas was taken by EoM, Wolfwood began to die.

The entirety of the EoM is shrouded in imagery of death and rebirth, specifically in regards to humanity. Humanity in this case has a dual meaning: humanity as a species, and humanity as a concept. Their philosophy is that the end justifies the means in that humans in this form will be preserved and would likely live exceedingly longer lives but, as repeatedly mentioned, there are side effects.

Aging and death are integral parts of the human experience, the two aspects of life that we ALL experience regardless of circumstance. Can you be human without humanity?

The message behind these two episodes is to show that the process of becoming part of the EoM is a metaphorical crucifixion symbolizing the death of one’s humanity. And Nicholas is interesting, because he’s almost the perfect specimen in their eyes and is treated as such. Almost. The only thing holding him back are the two strands of humanity he has left, both which are nearly destroyed in the very next episode.

————

EP 7: In the previous episode, during the animated flashback of Nicholas and Livio, we see a few scattered scenes of other people living at the orphanage. Interestingly, while almost all of the children are seen with very sparse detail (or even none really at all), there is one person, the caretaker, whose face we get a pretty clear picture of. At the very beginning of this episode, we have the first and only shot of the inside of the orphanage in the usual style. While none of the children are familiar and actually aren’t incredibly distinguishable from one another, there is one figure in the room with recognizable hair, but looks considerably older than in the flashback:

During the majority of their interactions, you don’t see Nicholas and Livio interacting with any of the other children. They are simply a background, a set piece to the story and a representation of just how other they were forced to become.

This episode features them fighting each other, dealing each other what should be mortal wounds, but somehow remain standing, as though they’re perfectly fine. As if on cue, the soldiers stationed call them both monsters and run away in fear.

But Vash doesn’t run from the danger. He runs towards it.

Nicholas tries to stop him, and all he gets in return is “he’s important to you, isn’t he?” as though that’s enough. But it is enough for Vash. And Nicholas doesn’t know what to do with that.

Nicholas comes dangerously close to giving up, to giving into his role as the Punisher and killing the last bit of Wolfwood to do so, but it’s Vash who stops him. He diverts his shot and, instead of hurting Livio, literally frees Nicholas from Legato and Zazie’s trap. Vash tells him to make him remember, and Nicholas thinks it’s bullshit… until he doesn’t.

And when he finally relents, when he tries to emulate what the silly blonde idiot keeps screaming at him about… It works. For a moment, but Livio does wake up for a moment. Nicholas hadn’t been able to see Rollo, but he did see this. And he really doesn’t know what to do about it.

To drive the point home, Livio drives a bullet into his own head and falls to the ground in a scene very reminiscent of Rollo’s death… but is implied to still be alive. With him saved, now it’s time for Hopeland. And this is when the narrative really turns a focus to the balance between Nicholas and Vash.

The group is half convinced that they’re about to die snd that the town will be destroyed when, all of a sudden, it’s Nicholas who’s yelling that they have to do something. Because despite all the noise Nicholas makes about self-sacrifice and calling Vash a weirdo, he’s directly inspired by his energy, which is proven correct when Vash is the first one to side with him.

Then, somehow despite the odds, the two of them manage to work together to stop the ion cannon. Which should have been impossible. And because of this, Nicholas is finally willing to give Vash the chance to take the lead on things.

When Vash and Wolfwood discuss their plan to save Hopeland, and after they argue about which method is the correct one, the conversation they have is probably the clearest depiction of Nicholas’ inner struggle:

Nicholas: Have it your way. Just for today. I do owe you one… but if the orphanage doesn’t survive this, I’ll hurt you so bad you’ll wish you were dead before I kill you.

Vash: Wolfwood…

Nicholas: Shut up! I’m the Punisher! I’m not like you… I’m Nicholas the Punisher…

He murmurs the last line as though he’s trying to convince himself. He uses his persona as the Punisher almost like a mask, like a cat puffing up and hissing to deter predators. It’s a defense mechanism, and a trauma response. Except.. it still doesn’t work, because the entire time Vash is simply not listening. Regardless of what Nicholas says, Vash does not stop fighting Nicholas on the title that was forced on him by the EoM and, in fact, blatantly rejects it. And the moment Nicholas finishes speaking, when he declares himself to be the Punisher, the episode’s title card finally appears: Wolfwood.

It's a direct representation of this panel of Nicholas' inner monologue from the manga:

——

Nicholas and Vash’s roles as each other’s complements is emphasized very deliberately when the two work to stop the sand steamer from smashing into Hopeland. These screenshots occur one directly after the other:

Another detail the team mentioned often during the interview was attention to use of color. In color theory, blue and orange are complementary colors: hues that are opposite each other on the color wheel but, when used together, come together to create harmony and balance. Additionally, Vash is the character typically associated with warm hues, while Nicholas is paired with colder ones; with the colors flipped, it’s almost as if they are literally mirror images of each other.

The two are in the same position, in the middle of similar actions, both drawing strength from that which makes them “other” in order to work together to protect a common goal. And once again, miraculously, they succeed, able to do together what neither could ever have done together.

This mirror motif is even clearer when comparing these respective scenes from each of their respective backstory episodes:

For Nicholas and Vash, on top of sharing such a crucial common thread in their backstories, often in the show they are seen together, either side by side or back to back. Often they’re shown doing the same thing at the same time, almost as though they’re moving as one. And they consistently save each other over and over again, with Nicholas acting to save Vash physically, and Vash working to protect Nicholas’ psyche. Vash refuses to let anyone continue to see themselves as a monster, as lesser than, in much the same way Nicholas refuses to let anyone else be used as one.

They are a pair, a unit working together to create a force that is stronger than the sum of its parts.

They are both “other”, they are both different, and they both seek to protect the things they love and care about despite the excruciating pain it can put them through.

Nicholas and Vash’s entite dynamic is basically “I don’t understand you, but I recognize you. I recognize myself in you. And somehow, that’s enough for me to trust you.”

————

So with all this in mind, here is how I’ve come to understand Nicholas’ arc throughout tristamp:

When we first meet Nicholas D. Wolfwood we meet a weary man longing for death to save him, longing to be free from the purposelessness of his life but knowing the hope is futile. He works for the Eye of Michael as an assassin against his will and has for God knows how long. Not only is he no longer a priest, but he’s no longer religious at all, having no belief in God at all and a particular disdain for the false promises and hopes of salvation that are portrayed by it. He doesn’t care about the clothes he wears, whether he looks messy, whether it’s suited for the desert, because he literally doesn’t care about anything, really. He has no home, and can never go back to the orphanage— there’s likely no one left there that he knows anyway, and even of there were, they wouldn’t recognize the monster he’s become. Nicholas is tired, he’s angry, he’s potentially depressed. He fights impractically, sometimes leaving himself open to attacks he could probably block with his Punisher, but he just doesn’t care. He’s just here to do his job, which is to escort his piece of shit CEO’s assumedly equally piece of shit brother to him so they can destroy the world together and he can hopefully die off in peace.

Until he actually meets Vash, and he’s… really fucking weird. He’s dumb and naive and acts like he knows Nicholas on some deep level after they’ve just met, but… he’s not a bad guy. Just another crybaby who doesn’t understand the world. He can see the Punisher and not be frightened by it. That means something, means enough that he feels that he can introduce himself now. He still doesn’t know how to handle kindness, so he deflects whenever it’s shown to him, making irreverent jokes and being annoying in order push people away. But then he meets Rollo and has a flashback to himself. He learns that Vash is no stranger to false promises, has sold the same thing to the kid who ended up just like him, and yeah, Vash is no better than the EoM. He talks a big game but doesn’t actually know anything. Nicholas kills Rollo out of mercy because it’s what he wishes could be done to him; every day of living his life is torture.

But then his hometown and childhood best friend are suddenly in danger. He’d completely forgotten what it felt like to have something to lose, to protect. And without planning for it, Vash also becomes something to protect, because even if he doesn’t act like it, Nicholas desperately wants to believe in him. He doesn’t want the EoM to be right. But the feeling of having something to protect is terrifying, because it means you have something to lose. Nicholas gets incredibly stressed out by this, because it’s been so long that he doesn’t even remember what it feels like. But it’s enough to get him, for likely the first time in a very long time, to hope. And it’s Vash who helps him so that he’s able to hang on to that hope for a little while longer.

He still can’t get too excited, because he hasn’t actually finished his job yet. Before he does, though, he sees Vash’s scars (which was a deliberate choice, as in both the manga AND the og anime this scene went to the girls) and wow, if it weren’t for the regenerative properties of the drug, he would likely look the same. He drops Vash off with Knives and knows that Vash will likely be killed, but he’s also expecting to die himself in the fallout, so it doesn’t matter, really. Except for some reason, it does a bit. And then, yet again, Vash miraculously doesn’t die, and in fact changes the game and actually looks like he might stand a chance against Knives, and is clearly willing to die to do it.

And then July is destroyed. But, miraculously, Nicholas isn’t dead. He still finished the contract, but now… now what?

The show began with Nicholas at his lowest, and ends with Vash at his lowest point. And Nicholas owes him one.

————

INCREDIBLY long story short, it really is clear that they weren’t kidding, the team really drew SO MUCH inspiration from the themes trimax it’s unbelievable and I really really think we’re in for something incredible during the second phase. I also think it’s gonna hurt like a bitch.

#trigun stampede #trigun #trigun 2023 #nicholas d. wolfwood #nicholas the punisher #tristamp #tristamp wolfwood #vash the stampede #tristamp vash #this had no reason being this long but fuck it we ball and i was off work and had the time anyway #neurodivergency go brrr ig idk but like i really haven’t seen anyone mention any of this #and like it really is entirely possible someone did but like i Need to discuss it

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thereal-true-ogilvie · 1 year

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hello everyone welcome to i talk about benrey for a minute here

as someone who’s watched the entirety of hlvrai at least 6 times, the full vods at least 3, and the cast commentary hovering somewhere around 10, i consider myself to be pretty well-versed in the series. i also kin benrey. this is probably important to my perception of him.

the series is about self-aware AI. its in the title! so it seems obvious enough to me that Benrey was programmed to be the final boss. he was SUPPOSED to be a silly character that antagonizes the protag and throws off the group dynamic, and then it’s a big reveal and you get to beat up this guy that was mean to you!

but he doesnt wanna. hes self aware.

Of all the characters, i think Bubby and Tommy are the most “powerful” in that they were able to break their characters the most. Tommy is a bit of a wild card because he doesn’t usually act like an AI. I view him as the “character you’re supposed to protect” in the party, but somewhere along the way he, too, became self-aware and figured out how to handle his own. I think that’s where the age thing comes in. He was programmed to be a 5-year-old that you’re trying to get out of this dangerous facility! but he didn’t want to be a 5-year-old, he’s smarter than that, he’s capable! so he changed it. Him being the son of Gman also probably helped with him being able to just do that.

I take Bubby and Dr. Coomer as both being tutorial characters. Dr. Coomer is a bit broken, but he still does his best to teach you about things. I think he’s the tutorial NPC that goes “watch out for [x]” and “we can use ropes to cross big pits!” and “we should call them Peeper Puppies!” while Bubby was supposed to be the “here’s how you shoot a gun”

Like, Dr. Coomer does the knowledge about the world, and Bubby does the action. for the video game. And Bubby is supposed to be kinda cold to you, because the action-tutorial NPCs tend to be. Like “what you cant even hold your own? tch, guess ill have to teach you.” But Bubby doesn’t do that. He doesn’t WANT to play the game, he wants to go back home. He liked it before the game was switched on. So he doesn’t teach Gordon shit and just tries to speedrun so the player will leave and he can go back home.

one little scene that stood out to me so much was when the crew is sitting around in a circle with the pigeons. not outside, the other scene with them sitting in a circle and there’s pigeons. why are there 2 of those.

anyways, Benrey is just staring at this pigeon behind Gordon, and singing to it, calmly. And then there’s a loud beep that sounds like the vox, and definitely doesnt come from Benrey. and he suddenly gets up and shoots the pigeon. That reads SO HARD like he was being too soft with the game world, so it pushed him to do something evil randomly. Like a little villain reboot.

Almost everything he does to antagonize Gordon can be read as genuine confusion. He kills random NPCs because he knows theyre not important, and that they can’t feel anything, and that they’ll only slow the team’s progress. And what makes Gordon so mad at him is how often Benrey says Gordon shouldnt be allowed in here. I take that as a similar stance to Bubby. Benrey doesn’t want to be the villain. He doesn’t want the player to progress and make him. That gets more obvious the closer we get to the end, and most people tend to notice it in the last scenes before Xen, where he’s suggesting they go all the way back, and basically begging the player to stop here, at least for a little while.

its really sad, honestly. but i take the cast commentary bits as canon. Which makes it adorable when Benrey comes back into the movie theatre with Gordon and we get

“I wonder what will happen. I bet you know what happens!”

“I win!!!”

He did win. He got to get past being the final boss. He got to join the epilogue. I think, he probably wasn’t supposed to be able to. But these guys broke the game enough that he could. Isn’t that sweet? Isn’t that a nice ending for him? I think he deserves it.

Wayne says he acts like “he isn’t aware unless he’s being spoken to” and I think that fits really well. Like, sometimes his actions are coded into his behavior, so he does them without realizing. And then the player interacting with him (which is the premise of the self-awareness) forces him to actually look at what he did, and sometimes he has no idea how to explain it. Leading to his “huh?”

listen to me. are you listening. i need you to hear this. i need more people to understand benrey. and how much i love him. hes trapped in the narrative, doomed by it to be the villain. but he doesn’t want to be. he clearly cares about the crew in his own silly goofy way. he doesn’t want to fight them. i wrote down everything he said in the finale, and he only says 5 outright malicious lines, all of which are directly after an unnatural pause, like he’s being rebooted again. Some important lines: “I knew this was gonna happen,”

“Stop shooting at me, I have to shoot back, I don’t wanna do that,”

“I didn’t have a big plan, I was supposed to be nice, but you forced me to be BAD so I’m gonna be BAD… friend.” the small, quiet “friend” there gets me every time. even after everything, even after his nature is revealed, he wants to believe theyre still friends.

“Don’t go in there, please… I don’t like that room." The amount of times he sounds so genuinely sad when asking them to stop, or even just saying “bro..” like he’s mourning the friendship they could’ve had. The amount of times he sounds genuinely pained when he’s glitching out and stretching across the screen.

And his last words, said childishly of course, but,

“This isn’t fair.”

#god i love character analysis #benrey #hlvrai #dr coomer #bubby #tommy coolatta

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thekingofwinterblog · 5 months

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So just something I noticed about spirit, which might give an insight into his and Maka's mother's relationship, and timeline.

This is the only picture we have of Maka's mother as her and Spirit are telling Maka about the legends of Fire Force... I haven't actually read it, so i have no idea what those might be, but what i find interesting is how spirit looks so... Young, while his wife does not.

Like Spirit had maka while he was 18 years of age, so he cant be more than 20 at most here, but he looks like a teenager, while his wife despite being smaller, looks like she's in her early thirties.

Where am i going with this?

Well, in this flashback we see the dynamic the previous generation had while still at school... And notice that Spirit looks barely younger while flirting with this random lady, than he did after having Maka.

Now, for obvious reasons this doesnt mean that this scene is set before he and his ex-wife hooked up, but it's not hard to imagine that there likely was a period in Spirit's life where he tried to clean his act up, given that his wife actually agreed to marry him.

Meanwhile, this flashback to an earlier point than that gives us one of our only direct looks into how Spirit and Stein functioned as partners.

Their dynamic isnt as important as the ages here. This is clearly taken from their first year or so, and Spirit looks like a 12 year old who's hit a growth spurt, but not matured at all elsevise.

With all of this in mind, and with what we know of Spirit and his wife's school years, what can we figure out?

We know Spirit and Stein was partners, all the way until Maka's mother, while still a student discovered Stein's experiments, upon which Spirit was transfered into her care.

Why is this important? Because 1. It seems likely that all of the drama around this likely happened in their last year of school.

In other words, Maka was probably concieved while spirit and his wife was still in school.

If that is true, it likely means maka was not a planned child, and that one of the reasons why Maka's mother thought Spirit could clean up his act, was that he was still barely not schoolboy anymore when they hooked up.

In other words, while naive on her part, it was a possibility. Plenty of teenagers do leave behind their childish ways upon leaving school.

However, there is one final bit of info i havent covered yet.

We know there was a time period when the Albarns were happy together, or at least they were from Little Maka's perspective.

However, there is one little detail from these pictures from happier days that shines a final light on how things unfolded.

Spirit is not wearing his work attire. That means that at this point, he is likely not yet a death scythe, or at the very least, he is not THE death scythe.

When we get Flashbacks to Maka spying on Spirit as he's committing infidelity, Maka and spirit are both a bit older, but Spirit also has adopted his current work attire, meaning that at this point, he's become Shinigami's weapon... And that gives a very different picture of how things unfolded.

Because it means that when Spirit was still with his wife, as not just her husband, but her partner, he probably remained true to her, and was a dad Maka admired... It was when that stopped, and he no longer saw her every day, as their work took them in different directions, that Spirit fell back to his old ways, and began cheating on her. It's a thing that actually happens a depressingly lot in reality, when couples grow physically separated due to job developments, and one begins to cheat on the other.

If so it adds some very much needed context to why Maka's mother left Death City and her job as a meister behind so decisively without any further contact.

We know that she was a meister with the skills and determination to see Spirit's journey to a death scythe through to the finish... And the only thing she got out of it, was Shinigami taking her husband away from her, him then falling back into his old ways, and then years of an unhappy marriage, and finally all that remained of her happy teenage dream was the remains of a broken life. That was her reward for suceeding in doing her job to the fullest of her abilities.

No wonder she is bitter, not just at Spirit, but the entire system, and especially her old boss.

#soul eater #maka's mother #spirit albarn #maka albarn #meta #speculation #depressing timeline of events #franken stein

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eldritch-spouse · 4 months

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THAT LIVIUS X VINNEL ANON IS NOW GETTING ME TO SHIP ICONS WITH YOUR OTHER OCS, JUST FUCKING GREAT/sarcastic /pos (sorry if this one's long I just gotta get these outta my system lmao)

Kalymir x Patches: because let's face it, Patches can absolutely take quite a bit of a beating [and we know he'd beat off to getting a beating anyways], but there's always the threat of Kalymir ACTUALLY just straight up killing him - Admin assures him that they won't let him die, but sometimes, the way that Kalymir grins at him makes him worry... Also I love size difference and I want Kalymir to (figuratively) tear his ass apart with his cock

Vorticia x Morell: obvious reasons. He's one of the greatest monster chefs of all time, she's the Greed icon - she keeps coming back for his food (and occasionally his bobbles) and he keeps getting very flattered that the literal icon of greed loves his food. Also... Madame Pinnie did mention that Morell has had horny thoughts in which HE'S the one being eaten, even if he's also super terrified of that... And... Firstly, Vorticia's a snake-monster, so idk how her body would react to the poison, but if we're being hopeful, she'd be immune to it - or maybe the fact that she's the icon of greed has something to do with it(?); second of all, she'd probably have the equipment and/or magic to get rid of the poison.

Rinxx x Nebul: HEAR ME OUT HEAR ME OUT-- Nebul to me seems like the type to absolutely exploit the fact that Rinxx has a ton of money and would use him to buy all the sex toys and pearls he could ever want (plus stuff for Purpur of course). Also, the idea of Rinxx being a sugar daddy for Nebul is HILARIOUS. I can imagine Nebul knowing this and being frustrated, because he can't just turn around and give the bird to an Icon (his ass is big but his balls aren't). He has to live with the fact that, no matter how he dominates Rinxx in the bed, no matter how much the Icon allows the Wraith to degrade and demean and even hurt him-- Nebul is not the one who's in control of the dynamic. Idk if he would, but would Nebul ever grow to start liking the fact that he's actually the submissive one? (On a sidenote: I can imagine Rinxx groping Nebul a lot cause he's thick as FUCK and also forcing the guy to wear much tighter, more leg revealing clothes that hug his thighs and ass-- also forcibly pounding Nebul into submission when Nebul irritates him, hehah)

[I love how you spell Rinx like he's a pornstar, Rinxxx. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Ah, Kalymir and Patches, we've talked about that. You captured the essence of it well, but the ass tearing is going to be more literal than physical here. Patches, ever the glutton for pain, will find all his cravings brutally satisfied. And Kalymir, ever fond of resilient little things, will adore taking Patches to his undead breaking point over and over and over.

Morell and Vorticia is equally stressful. All of these are. Vorticia will work Morell stupid in her desire to taste all his talent, but Mori is getting a delicious ego stroke as well as watching a massive woman take rabid, almost lustful enjoyment from devouring his cuisine. It'd be hard to ignore an inkling of chemistry here. But, as you know, typically, most people who lay with Vorticia perish. Perhaps it'll be a different story here, she wouldn't want to lose the best chef she's ever met!

Rinx and Nebul is an interesting pair. And indeed, Nebul will keep fighting for his dominating role as hard as he can. Sexually, he'll never accept submission, and outside of intimacy, he'll still try to cling to any minuscule shred of power he can attain, even if all he can do in certain situations is refuse gifts- Which is very frustrating for Rinx. Fact of the matter is that even when he holds control, it is only allowed and never inherent, which will chew at the wraith. But goodness, the benefits of this dynamic are so many... He can at least revel in the power of being so wanted by someone of such status.

#Kalymir oc #Patches oc #Nebul oc #Rinx oc #Morell oc #Vorticia oc

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laughterliberator · 3 months

Text

Tickle Thoughts Day #1

Had this series going on my last blog, so I figured I’d start it here. This could be a controversial topic, but here goes.

(TW: discussion of the fetish/kinky side of tickling. Not NSFW, but wanted to warn any hard SFW readers just in case)

So…. I have a tickle fetish. Does that mean I have to engage in hookup culture?

I’ve discovered a different side of the tickle community in the last few weeks. I’ve always been on the kink-heavy half, the side where people are very obvious about their sexual enjoyment of our little hobby. And yes, I’m one of them: I do get turned on by tickling. Always have, always will.

Since I got started in the community, I’ve been led to believe that’s all the tickling community could be: a horny group of “friends” that also frequently try to satisfy one another sexually. Being raised the way I was, I had to suppress a lot of discomfort about this lifestyle. I did it well, too: I found enjoyment, satisfaction, and even a certain level of community. I even saw a few strong romantic relationships in my friend group.

But I never found true, unconditional relationships. Everyone was trying to get a piece of me, or me a piece of them, and it led to fights, high emotions, and hurt feelings often. I frequently left servers, sites, and people when I got burnt out from the pressure. That’s where the end of 2023 found me.

Fastforward to 2024

I rejoin Tumblr after a hiatus, and accidentally stumble upon the other side: people who love tickling as innocent, unburdened fun. Not describing it as a “fetish,” but still using the same terminologies of Lee, Ler, etc. Less-to-no bondage, sensory play or stimulation (though that varies from person to person).

Suddenly I’m having genuine conversations that aren’t motivated to move right into tickling, though it’s certainly involved. Suddenly I feel slightly less used, slightly less like a commodity. Suddenly, I understand the idea of having truly trusting interpersonal relationships that weren’t trying to constantly get in my tickle pants.

The problem? The fetish-ness of tickling is still ingrained in my identity. It’s not wrong to exclude, but the complete extrication of that aspect of my tickle talk gave me culture shock. I’m riding a fence here: loving the genuineness that comes from pursuing the innocence of tickling, but not wanting to deny that with a committed partner, I hope to engage in this as a fetish.

So, which side is right? Who’s in the wrong?

Neither. Not really. The problem isn’t whether you view tickling as a turn-on or spotless fun, the real issue (in my opinion) is hookup culture. It saps the genuineness from people, it adds manipulation and end goals, and it reduces your tickle status to “tickle skill,” “experience,” and “session #”.

(Side note: from here on out, I’m done asking people “How many sessions have you had?” For me, there are too many similarities between that and “body count.”)

The tickling community isn’t entirely broken; only some parts. Hookups aren’t the issue, hookup culture is. The idea that you need “experience” rather than connection, “clout” instead of character, and “play partners” with no commitment. It’s seeped into our tickle community, and it’s time we root it out.

In conclusion: I know there are other people on this fence with me. Let’s build some houses up here.

(DISCLAIMER: It’s not my intention to disparage any polyamorous dynamics, aromantic individuals, people who don’t enjoy sex, or anyone who seeks out romantic connection by means of tickle sessions. This criticism is merely of the non-committal expectations imbued into our tickle culture today. Let’s please have understanding and reasonable discussions in the comments.)

#tickle thoughts #tword community #tickle ideas #tickle session

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qtkat · 1 year

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being eric cartman’s babysitter would include…

gender: female she/her (being referred to as a girl, as well)

warnings: use of y/n (I KNOW OKAY)

request: nope

a/n: thank you all so much for the likes and reblogs on my first post! i appreciate more than you’d think haha. these headcanons are set when you’ve been his babysitter for a while now, and are based on actually liking you, since i love the mother/older sister figure and eric dynamic (and also i don’t think there’d be much to write about if eric hated you, other than if it’s an enemies to friends i guess lol). also if you want these type of hcs for any of the others just lmk! also wanted to lyk i was fucking smacked writing this, so if there’s any mistakes tell me and i’ll fix them.

- eric dragging you along with him everywhere

- like genuinely dragging you by the wrist and booking it type

- he’s probably tried to take you to school with him

- the bell rings when you were just done getting ready for school and he’s just standing there like ‘ 😃 ‘

- you’re just staring back at him confused

- after a while he’s like “well, are you gonna put on your jacket?”

- FULLY SERIOUS

- and you’re like “what”

- and he just sighs, head down, pinching his nose, “jesus y/n, just puT THE DAMN COAT ON.” (squealing like a little piggy btw)

- “christ, okay - okay.”

- you have one arm in as you’re dragged down the path leading up to your house

- he forced you to drive and you were honestly so disoriented you just did it

- he marches into school, jaw locked dude 😭😭

- everyone is staring, like mr mackey fully stopped in his tracks but didn’t say anything

- mr garrison is so confused bro 😭

- “eric!”

- “yeees” (aka yiiiis)

- “why did you bring a teenage girl with you to school?!!!??”

- ofc you had to leave, because duh??

- don’t worry too much though, the little gremlin made your exit very dramatic

- full on screaming punching the ground at you slowly back away

- i read once about eric dragging out your name like he does his moms, and he does that here too

- has probably accidentally called you mom once (we don’t talk about that)

- you guys have sleepovers

- it’s actually so cute, whenever you’re set to come to his house he gets so excited

- like he’s so hyper the whole day of the sleepover

- his mother is not to disturb

- you improvise stories about clyde frog for him all night, setting up a theater with the plushie in hand

- now presenting: eric and clyde frog go to space

- .. -or the wild west, taking over the world, etc.

- he always opens up to you so much at these sleepovers

- like just fully starts telling you about how hard he has it without a dad

- has cried in your arms multiple times (we don’t talk about that)

- you were so there during the stick of truth

- you’re like an alchemist or a red mage (or a combination, if they’ll allow that)

- this is how you formally meet the other boys

- they like you, even though they didn’t really talk with you too much

- i think it’s pretty obvious to everyone eric is a jealous person, so he wouldn’t like sharing your attention much (hence you not really talking to the other boys)

- if you ever need to go away for an extended amount of time he will freak

- tries to manipulate you into staying like how he did his mom in the real estate episode

- also you better hope he’s the only kid you’re babysitting

- oh boy if he finds out you’re babysitting, like, butters or something he would throw a fit

- i swear

- so in conclusion you have gained 10 extra bucks an hour and a child making you hang out with him 24/7

- you guys have a sweet relationship

#south park #sp eric #eric cartman #sp cartman #south park x reader #eric cartman x reader #eric cartman x you #south park fanfiction #eric cartman fanfiction #qtkat writes

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mdhwrites · 21 days

Note

What do you think about the four most popular ships in Amphibia (Sashanne, Sasharcy, Marcanne, and Sashannarcy)? Even if shipping and romance aren’t that important and only used to teach a lesson or for a comedy episode, it’s pretty obvious that the relationship between the girls can be seen either as platonic or romantic.

So I'm going to first give my one sentence thoughts on each by concept and then canon before going in deep on this:

Sashanne: A unique dynamic that is actually very context specific so hard to actually recreate and I'd argue most people don't even try or get close in fan works (myself included)/I do like them but I 100% think they needed a couple years to figure out their lives away from each other or else post Amphibia they would have likely become toxic in a new way.

Sasharcy: Classic nerd and popular pairing/FUCKING NONEXISTENT.

Marcanne: A bit more nuanced since it's much more the slacker and the passionate one as far as a dynamic goes but not in the way you expect./Held back by a lot more tell don't show, especially in the first couple episodes that Marcy is introduced but it's cute and you can EASILY see how this whole trip will have made Anne be able to appreciate her oldest friend more.

Sashannarcy: In concept these are actually a GREAT polyamory trio and I love that it has such mainstream appeal with a fandom/I don't think it works from the show's perspective because of how well defined Sasha and Anne's relationship is while Marcy struggles to have a presence.

In case you didn't notice a running theme, these ships have essentially the same problem as my greatest problem with the show: Marcy. Her weaker writing compared to the rest of the cast and the fact that she serves a narrative role more than she acts as her own character makes it hard for me to be compelled by her canon self in ships. It's akin to why Willow and Hunter don't appeal to me from a shipping perspective. I like characters, not plot devices. Yes, Marcy is better than both of those characters as she actually has a firmer character than either but that doesn't fix that her narrative utility comes before who she is most of the time.

The other big element that maybe has always held me back from shipping them in canon once I watched the show is actually the fact that I agree with the show: As teenagers, they were AWFUL for each other. Marcy needs her own, personal strength that she found some of in Amphibia but needs to actually put to use in the real world. Sasha brutally changed so much of herself and was clearly struggling with that, over correcting or still wanting to run even to the end. She asks if it's okay for her to abandon Marcy after all, even after she's gone so far to make up to Anne as to give up ALL power in her life which isn't healthy either. Anne is the closest to being ready for a relationship after Amphibia but Sprig's Birthday/Give a Frog a Cookie showed that her self sacrificing tendency for her friends and her desperation for approval still. She may do it for better people than for Sasha but she is still struggling.

They all just need time to figure themselves out as people because your relationships SHOULD NOT DEFINE YOU. That's kind of part of the point of the ending. Take the good and grow as a person, whether you lose someone by choice or by circumstance. That includes for the trio as friends or romantically.

Okay, but I did mention something potentially quite controversial which is my Sashanne take. See... Their dynamic in most fandom works is the overzealous, brash one versus the patient, more responsible one with Sasha and Anne respectively. That is accurate post Amphibia but it also carries NONE of their baggage and usually leans a lot more on Sasha's tomboy nature instead of the fact that Sasha is a girl who can both kick your ass and then worry about having chipped a nail. The complexities of Sashanne that make it so compelling in the show just don't show up as much except as an obstacle to get over to get together. That works for shipping but it's not why their friendship is as complicated and interesting as it is in the show. It doesn't have the punch it should and it's damn near impossible to replicate because that level of history is hard to depict. It only functions in the show as being well depicted because of how much time is spent essentially breaking Anne out of Sasha's control, which is part of it. Anne is someone who pretty much left a cult and Sashanne is her having to decide to now be with her cult leader but not slip back into the mentality the cult taught her. That's... not easy to put it mildly.

But then again, a lot of people just take Sasha and Anne working together for a greater cause to mean they have literally no issues anymore despite Sasha's Angels existing. I guess that happens when somehow the entire fandom doesn't give a fuck about Amphibia but only the trio. sigh

Let's end this on a positive note though which is that if I am so rough on essentially all the Sasha relationships for needing time for Sasha to genuinely internalize her lessons, Marcy is the opposite. While I complained about her above, the strength to the fact that she's a pretty well defined, nice character who can be used mostly to support others arcs is that she more neatly fits into a position for shipping. Her awkwardness and nerdiness is PRIME romance fodder (there's a reason a shocking amount of romantic protagonists are clumsy but that's for a different blog) and her passion makes it easy to understand why someone would want to be with her.

And I do want to say some thoughts on Marcanne. Even if they start on a rough place with more tell instead of show, it actually does kind of work in this context. A complaint I've had about other relationships is not actually knowing what the other is interested in their partner for besides "That's the hot one." There is ZERO ambiguity here. Marcy likes Anne because of her compassion, something she probably has worried about wearing out herself. Anne has always appreciated Marcy's intelligence but Amphibia has made her understand Marcy's passion far better than she did before and Anne clearly actually is into that now that she better cares about others properly. This also clearly shows their chemistry as we know the strengths and weaknesses each of them cover for the other, though not perfectly as they're both still human and the same things they admire in the other can cause anxiety and worry in themselves from comparing themselves to their partner. Marcy in Wartwood and Scavenger Hunt are all it takes for all of this to come out and it leads to more romantic chemistry, and a genuinely dynamic look at what they could be, than a lot of romance movies manage in their entire runtime.

In conclusion, I like all of them in general. In practice, I find most of them deeply compelling within the show. It's just... It doesn't drive me to want to write them during the show romantically because I agree with the show. They're complicated, both as a trio and as themselves, and they probably could use a more solid ground for themselves before they really start working on each other.

And that is honestly even better to me because it just makes them all the more interesting.

======+++++======

For anyone curious why I didn't talk about Sashannarcy at all despite literally being a polyamory writer, it's because I kind of wanted to keep it to the ships that I think are properly represented in the show and Marcy and Sasha get essentially zero time together to try and form a relationship beyond "Marcy thinks Sasha is really fucking cool while Sasha barely gives Marcy the time of day if she's not also giving attention to Anne." The theoretical would be fun to talk about but it's pretty much only the theoretical and I decided to keep the blog more focused on the practical.

Also had a moment after this of going "Huh. I wonder how much of me being demiromantic is playing a part in how I see these.?

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

#amphibia #Marcanne #Sashanne #Sasharcy #Sashannarcy

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shrekgogurt · 23 days

Text

An ask game for writers to procrastinate working on you WIP(s)

Thanks for the tags @theearlgreymage and @wellbelesbian !!!!

🦈Tell us the name of your/ one of your WIP(s)

For the sake of this endeavor I’m gonna focus on I Knew A Boy, I Knew A Man which is also more affectionately referred to as IKABIKAM, eyecab eyecam, 👁️🚕👁️📸, etc.

🍄Describe your wip/one of your wips in the format of “___ + ___ =___”

Natasha as like a vaguely Margaret Thatcher figure but she was in office in the late 90s not the 80s don’t think about it too hard okay the exact policy/praxis doesn’t matter so much as the ideology/vibes/dynamic + Davy (The Mage) as like a fucked up Welsh caricature (of his own design) because he’s overcompensating and has the media literacy of the worst film bro you’ve ever had the misfortune of talking to = their sons falling in love through football/soccer against all odds as juxtaposed between childhood and adulthood.

🌍What tags or warnings will your / one of your wip(s) need if you intend to share it?

Trauma

🧭An alternative title to your/ one of your WIP(s)?

Solsbury Hill for obvious reasons

⚠️Which wip you’re most likely to finish or update next?

This one :-)

💾What is your document of your wip/ a wip called? (not the stories actual title but what you’ve saved it as)

Okay, I’m usually absolute ass at naming files in any helpful fashion but this project is so organized on Google Docs. My notes app is a different story. Those don’t even have titles. I just launch into my whims as they come.

Most interesting answer I can give is that the folder containing all my fic documents is titled “kill the part that cringes.”

🖍Post Any sentence from your wip

Listen, I warned y’all.

To be in love with Simon Snow—a life sentence, an encyclopedia of grief.

♻️A scrapped idea for your current WIP

In the original musings of IKABIKAM—titled Scarborough Fair as the club was gonna be in Scarborough—Simon was Irish rather than Welsh and raised by Ruth. I know. Wild to think about now. But it’s true. And then I did some excavating on canon and the story we have today was born. Lost to time (the original idea of this fic which was actually two fics) is a whole very fun scene. I had planned that after the international break match against other, Simon convinced Baz to go out on the town with him. I wrote this snippet back then. It didn’t make the cut for obvious reasons and honestly I don’t know how much I stand by the characterization. Or the prose. Everything about IKABIKAM is better to me but this sexy little number deserves the people’s attention. I’m slightly concerned it’s offensive.

They’re playing INDUSTRY BABY in this club right now? I’m not dancing with Simon Snow to a Lil Nas X song. That music video…I’m only a man. I’m also not exactly sober. I will not risk a Snow relapse. Besides, Snow himself just downed the rest of his drink.

He leans toward me to say something. With the combination of his drunkenness and his accent I can barely make out his words, “eye gahta gohbakta da barrr.” (Translation: I’ve got to go back to the bar.) He really doesn’t.

I pluck the glass from his hand, “this last one is on me.”

He goofily smiles. His head is drooping to the side and his eyes are half-lidded. It would be adorable if I wasn’t worried about him falling over. I scan the room. One of the other Irish players is nearby. I hook Snow’s arm in mine (both my hands are full!) and drag him towards his teammate. He stumbles behind me looking completely blissed out.

I tap the other player on his shoulder. Clancy I think? The left winger. “Hey, I’m going to force Snow home so he can avoid a stomach pump. Could you make sure he doesn’t wander off while I close out my tab?”

He nods. I throw Snow at him and maneuver through the crowd up to the bar. It’s packed. I finish my own drink before I can push an opening to order. The bartender nods at me. She looks worn out from the night. I don’t blame her.

“Soda water with lime please.”

“Sure. What’s the name on the tab?”

“Grimm-Pitch. Could you close it?”

She nods and turns on her heel. A minute or so later she returns with the drink and my card. I take them.

“Is there any chance I could close out my mate’s tab too. He’s pissed.” I gesture back at the direction of Snow and Clancy. A circle of women have surrounded them. Honestly, fair.

The bartender gives me a wary eye. “What’s the name?”

“Snow.”

“Snow? Like the footballer Simon Snow over there?” She points at Simon.

I nod. The bartender scoffs, “Sure I’ll give Simon Snow’s card to some random Englishman.”

Random Englishman? Am I really going to have to do you know who I am this woman? I go for a subtle approach and just sort of lift an eyebrow and draw attention to the name on my own card: Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch. The realization hits her. I was afraid I would have to tie my hair up.

“Oh shit. Fuck you’re Baz Pitch.” She stares at me. I hold out my hand. “Right, the card!” She hands me Snow’s card.

I nod, “Alright. Thanks.”

She shakes her head at me, “No, sorry for the hassle. Have a good night English…defensive midfielder…Baz Pitch.” She says my name with a laugh like she’s awestruck I’m in this Dublin nightclub (fair), “and thanks for the win today!”

I’m beyond tired of hearing that line.

When I return Snow is having the time of his life: posted up surrounded by ladies singing along to Ayyy Ladies. They’re not being subtle in their flirting. (Again, fair. Good for them.) Snow is incredibly respectful despite being off his face. Good lad. He’s still far too drunk to consent to anything so I don’t feel terribly guilty for pulling him away from the grind fest.

When he sees me approach he lights up, “Baz!” His arms fly open. “Took you long enough.”

I hand him his drink. There is a blonde woman dancing on him. She throws her arms around his neck. He knocks back the drink and chugs it in one go. A little water dribbles down his chin and he wipes it away with his thumb. It catches on his bottom lip. He hasn’t looked away from me once. And this fucking song…

“When I hit it from the back, don't fuss, don't fight

When I put it in ya mouth, don't scratch, don't bite”

I need to get the fuck out of here.

He hands me back the glass, “That drink was awful. What was it?” His speech is a little less slurred than before.

“Water. I’m taking you home.”

He blushes, “What?”

“You’re plastered. So, you should get sick in your own loo rather than on this lovely woman,” I give the blonde a wink. She dances away.

I’m pretty sure tabs aren’t even really that much of a thing in Ireland. And like…I don’t think you can close them out for someone else. So like. I don’t know what the fuck I was on while writing that. Obviously not Google.com, or reality. But most of all I was absolutely jump-scared reading that back and discovering I was gonna make Baz a defensive midfielder? WTF!?

🤔What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet?

A hockey one-shot. Whenever it happens the chirps are gonna be out of this world.

🤡How many Wips are you actively working on?

One in a way that’s meaningful. Maybe two. It’s a fresh thing.

🛠Is there a scene or anything in the WIP you are struggling with right now?

The chapter is really expositional in an isolated way and so I have to backtrack for context without being boring.

❤️Not a question, just a second kudos to send.

Blessed beyond belief.

Now tagging @artsyunderstudy @brilla-brilla-estrellita @cutestkilla @facewithoutheart @hushed-chorus @iamamythologicalcreature @ileadacharmedlife @j-nipper-95 @noblecorgi @prettygoododds @thewholelemon @valeffelees @roomwithanopenfire @youarenevertooold @you-remind-me-of-the-babe omg and @emeryhall tell me everything

#ikabikam #bonus content

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