#humans are stupid

[tinkizzig]

The problem with humans is they are too good at what they do and too humble to take credit.

Captain’s log: earth date november 22nd in the current year: 

This is the one hundred and eighteenth day we have had a human engineer on board. Our first few weeks got off to a rocky start, with the human shutting down all power to the ship, and its computers leaving us temporarily stranded for 18 hours, as we re-established our power grid and mainframe. The human has gained a greater understanding about the technology all along the way, and has always been able to make the necessary repairs whenever needed ever since. 

Around day 38, the human found a way to shorten the coils and rearrange the circuits of a scanner by changing its function from an electro-wave impulse reader to an electro-wave impulse launcher. The damage to the hull of the ship was significant enough we had to seal it from the inside with our spot welders, while the oxygen needed to do this kind of work was leaking out of the ship. Without the humans quick thinking the repairs would have taken too long and the crew surely would have perished. The human had stuck his dirty laundry in the cracks of the hull which slowed the leaking by 20%. The rest of the crew reported that he looked like he was just trying to cover up his mistake with the laundry but regardless it helped all the same. 

Day 87 was the puzzle box lock out, which sort of explains itself. The human, being fascinated by the Erc’taal puzzle boxes we found in the market on Rec’taeel IV, built puzzle box-like switches to cover our security control panels. It didn’t take too long to solve, but our window of opportunity at the time had closed and a formal reprimand was issued. 

All of this brings us to today. The human, without any direction from the executive commanders or myself, solved the intricate problem of our warp drive sequencing. He had inverted our circuits and rearranged the coils to the sequencing drive, the warp engine, and the security control panel. He added some pulsar sequence boosters (the electro wave launcher) to each part of the sequence and even had to clean out some of his dirty laundry which somehow ended up among his spare parts and around his work area. The ship's command and I counseled extensively before deciding to let him test his project. If the project didn’t work we would spend the time reversing what he did and repair the components using it as a way to teach the human.

The commencement of the test was a surprising success, and along with the exponential increase in our warp capabilities, there was a very satisfying series of clicks and hisses that accompanied the sequence when activated. We contacted the admirals and high command about the discovery and they wanted to give the human credit for his work, the advancement of our technology, and reimagining of our whole exploration mission. He declined the award and offer for position advancement. All he wanted was to stay on the ship so he could hear the sequencing clicks and hisses every time it goes to warp. Humans are weird. 

#humans are space australians #humans are space orcs #humans are amazing #humans are stupid

[yan-ken]

Ok i don't know if anyone thought of this before but :

What if aliens don't have taste ? like they didn't have to develop taste buds for some reason and they only eat to appease their hunger ? Or maybe they don't feel hunger and only eat for nutrition ?

And when aliens will visit us they may get a handle on our anatomy and what is healthy food so everytime they see a human eating something with high levels of sugar they would just throw the food out cuz Sugar in the aliens perspective is technically poison to human wich leads to a conversation like :

Human : Sugar isn't that unhealthy

Alien : the Sugar that you humans make is poisonous, Especially in such high dosage.

Human : yeah but it tastes good !

Alien : tastes... good... ?

Human : yeah and it also releases dopamine !

Alien (who knows what dopamine is and is tired of humans self destructive behavior) : of course it fucking does.

#humans are weird #humans are stupid #humans

[heathercauthor]

Incorrect Book Quote

Lloyd: You're telling me you were a Merc for hire, commited murder and other crimes, been tortured, drowned, and beaten

Feng: yes

Lloyd: and you're afraid of our five foot tall rebel alien healer?

Feng: *holding his broken arm* yes please don't tell her I did it again

#book tumblr #scifibooks #earth sucks #ya fiction #humans are space orcs #apocalypse #alien invasion #alien x human #indie books #humans and aliens #unlikely allies #humans are stupid #humans are space raccoons

[benk625-blog]

Non Gratus Anus Rodentum

“What’s the deal with that one?” Yazz asked Snork. The former had learned a great deal from the latter about humans. Yazz no longer assumed that smaller race was harmless. His new favorite pastime was peppering his drinking buddy with questions about the galaxy’s most frightening species.

“Which one?” Snork asked. There was a table full of humans.

“The short Sheila, she can’t be more than 1.5 meters. I bet she doesn’t weigh more than 40 kilos, her combat kit has to outweigh her.”

“I’d tell ya mate, but you wouldn’t believe me. You’d better get it straight from the klop-klop’s chompers.” Snork placed his hands on either side of his mouth to amplify his yell. “Oi!, Sheila! This gezzer wants to buy you a pint of bitter and hear your story.”The woman left the table of humans and strutted over.

“I got lots of stories, Tall Green & Tusky. What do you want to know?’

“I’m Snork and this curious pile of maggots is Yazz. I bet you’ve got loads of tales. Hows about you tell him what the ink on yer arm means?”

“My call sign is Templeton. I’m guessing you lot haven’t seen subterranean combat?”

“Can’t say that I have.” Yazz admitted. Snork shook his head as well.

“Some insurgents literally go underground to protect themselves from bombing campaigns. They construct elaborate tunnel systems with power, ventilation and even makeshift hospitals. My job is to infiltrate and destroy these operations.”

“You don’t get, whaddayacallit, closet-fibula?” Yazz asked

“Claustrophobia, yeah-no, I’m not afraid of small spaces. Give me a tunnel or a space ship any day. It’s open spaces I don’t like. Standing on a planet surface and looking at the horizon gives me the wobblies and freaks me out.  I can’t tolerate bright light either that’s why I’m wearing these.” She taps the pair of thick black goggles that cover her eyes.

“How do you manage all your gear in those close quarters? I’ve never seen a Terry without 50 kilos of tech on their body and another hundred in their locker box.”

“Not us combat engineers. I have a flashlight, sidearm, multi-tool and a vest of explosive charges. For a long mission I might have couple of pouches with water and protein solution. It’s mostly a get in, get out kind of job.”

“Doesn’t that leave you vulnerable to attack?”

“It sure does. Enemy combatants aren’t the biggest risk, though. The tunnels are too tight for anything other than one on one. We try to avoid direct engagement. The idea is to move quietly as possible and listen for any sounds that might indicate danger. My biggest threat are booby-traps.”

“How do they ensnare your breasts?”

“How do they wha-“ Templeton laughed “No, no booby-trap is Terran slang for anti-personnel tactics. Things like: trip-wires to cause tunnel collapse, spike pits, hidden venomous animals, flood chambers and limb traps. Limb traps are the worst.” Templeton rested her foot on the edge of the table and lifted her pant leg. He lower calf was dotted with puckered scars on all sides.

“What they do is angle the spikes downward so that your foot can fall in, but trying to pull it out causes more damage. I had to spend three hours with my multi-tool sawing through each one praying the enemy couldn’t hear the noise. By the time I hobbled back to camp the wound was severely infected from animal venom and excrement. I almost lost the leg.

“I don’t know whether to call you the bravest, toughest or craziest human I have met.” Yazz mused.

“Just call me tunnel rat, it means all three.”

#humans are space orcs #humans are space australians #humans are silly #humans are aliens #humans are confusing #humans are stupid

[gobledi-gook]

Alien Gender and Biology

I think alien biology would work somewhat like fish, more specifically Clownfish!

I say this as my understanding of Clownfish is that they are all born male by default and become female when there isn’t another female around so they can reproduce.

My thinking is that aliens just don’t have a concept of gender physically or socially; and so when they want to reproduce, their bodies just change to do the necessary functions and that’s that.

Continuing; I think they would only refer to one another as names and/or possibly the first two letters of their name or the last two.

Some example; njwi lcsk wnx

“There’s Njwi, (nj or ni) is pretty fascinated with humans,”

“That’s Lcsk, (lc or lk) loves the earthlings you name ‘fish’ and takes care of a bunch of them!”

“Hey, Wnx! (wn or wx) is helping put up decor for the Mizo festival!”

Let’s try it with human names; sophie reilly noah

“Sophie really loves art! Have you seen how good (so or se) is at it?”

“Reilly is awesome! Have you seen how cool (re or ry) looks?!”

“Noah’s super smart, (no or nh) is like a Jack-of-all-trades type,”

To round it up, I think aliens would find it odd that we are stuck with the same biology our entire lives and be extremely confused about the gender roles we abide by, our use of pronouns would also probably throw them for a loop;

“But how do you know which person someone’s talking about when you say ‘he’ or ‘she’ for almost half your population?”

This has just been my two cents to the whole ‘humans are space oddities’ tag and several others :D

#pronouns #gender roles #no gender confusion #alien #aliens #alien culture #humans #humans are space oddities #humans are weird #humans are strange #humans are stupid #humans are dumb #english #english is dumb #why is our language like this #can we just do this now? #wait #are these like neopronouns or something #I’m googling it #idk man #clownfish #clownfish are smart #I like clownfish #:)

[cat-brains]

"narcissism" this "borderline" that, ok. I'd like you to show me one human being who doesn't have these tendencies. the human brain is hot-wired to thrive on emotions and human contact. it's why solitary confinement and abuse are considered inhumane. it's why it's illegal in most places. you goofballs.

#humans are stupid #bpd #borderline personality disorder #narcissism #narcissistic personality disorder

[vwwiskers]

i am watching the kissing booth 2 to torture myself, and i cant help but notice, that, literally the girl and thatguy should be kismesis, and then there wouldnt be complickcations w her matesprit. also the two main characters are literally moirails?? what is wrong w me.

#iggy t4lks #humans are stupid

[atyd1960]

The human race is so dumb it never fails to bewilder me

#truly #history repeats itself #antisemitism #war #humans are stupid

[bob-frank451]

I finnaly finished my second chapter for Deathworlder, a short story based on the humans are wierd genre, and it is now available on AO3!

Enjoy

#humans are space orcs #humans are weird #earth is space australia #humans are stupid #humans are crazy #humans are space australians #humans are wierd #humans are space raccoons #deathworlder #humans are deathworlders

[foxyfrolic]

Anytime I visit earth and see cats wandering around I wanna take them back to my gateway where they’ll be safe. But then I’d either have to keep feeding them or release different prey animals and then make a whole ecosystem in here…… and I’m sure there are unforeseen consequences to that or something

#ic; online #humans are stupid #your cats belong INSIDE OF YOUR HOME

[cursed-legacy]

demon lord kazan

#out of blood #hes way cooler than muzan tho #its less 'humans are inferior' and more #humans are stupid #and disrespectful

[heathercauthor]

*cheske and Feng, human, sitting in the rebel base's dungeons*

Cheske: Who should we call?

Feng: I'd send for Diem(tiny alien healer), but I feel safer in jail.

#book tumblr #ya fiction #book nerd #earth sucks #humans are space orcs #alien invasion #book aesthetic #alien x human #humans are cute #humans are stupid #incorrect quote #incorrect quotes #incorrect book quotes

[rhulyon]

As much as i try I am unable to comprehend travel for turism as something ammusing. You must conceal yourself in a space where you cannot nearly move for several hours. And then there what? You are in a slightly different scenery surrounded by completly extrangers in a place where you barely know the customs or the ways people entertain themselves. Where is the fun in that?

#humans are stupid

[treeffles]

Can I just reiterate the fact that I don't like public transport?

#get me off this bus #humans are stupid

[ceo-of-sloppy-men]

Humanity is literally the spoilt younger sibling of that mass effect franchise. We put in 0 effort (we got to space and then everything else was almost handed to us), started a war with the Turians the moment we met them (first contact war), and then got a spectre before Hanar, Drell, Quarians, etc. got a seat on the council.

#mass effect trilogy #humans are stupid

[unimatrix-420]

it's pretty fucked up that none of the other planets in our galaxy wanted us so earth took us in and then this is how we repay her

#personal #climate change #earth #mother earth #random thoughts #global warming #humans are stupid