#i am PUSHING THROUGH BOTH

[lovethistoomuch]

Jack and Mark discussing their friendship at the end of their latest video together:

Jack: you... you're genuinely one of my favourite people in the world.

Mark: awww

Jack: and I feel like, despite our (sigh) I don't know... cause people for a while were like: why don't they talk anymore? why don't they play together anymore? and, like, man, life get's in the way. eveybody has like different things going on.

Mark: yeah, sure do.

Jack: and I feel like we've both been on, like, parallel paths for so many years and every now and then, they like connect, but they're always kinda like, going in the same places and we always kinda, like have the same mentalities on things and... I don't think there's ever been, like, proper bad blood between either of us.

Mark: nooo! no! yes! so for anyone thinking, you know... I mean, all, all human relationships are interesting and dynamic in a way... but, no, yeah, you're one of my favourite people too. I love seeing the stuff that you make. and I can't wait to help you make some of the cool projects, ah, you've got on the horizon, cooking up in that noggin. and, uh...

Jack: that big old brain of mine

Mark: yeah.

source X

i'm really just so happy that they've addressed this! when i saw the video i was just delighted to see them talk to each other in a chill environment without having to interact with and comment on the game at all times. it felt like a step further than normal gaming videos. and then that ending totally made me cry.

seeing them from starting this really fast, intense friendship (that everyone was obsessed with at the time) and then it kind of falling apart with them not doing anything together any more and Jack even putting out a statement that they were never as close as people thought they were, a long time silence and then, pretty recently starting to do projects together again. it just makes me happy that they are so chill with each other now.

goes to show that things can probably get overwhelming pretty fast if you are pushed in a certain direction all the time. it's just so good to see they can be normal friends now without all the hype sorrounding it and i'm happy for them.

#jacksepticeye #sean mcloughlin #markiplier #mark fischbach #made this transkript mostly for me #so i can read it #cause i've watched that part 5 times in a row immediately #they've both been such a huge part of my life for so long #and seeing them reconnecting is just nice #not saying that they had to #or that they absolutely have to be friends #i am just glad that the crazy whirlwind of it all seems to be behind them now #and they can just chill together #and they don't shy away from the topic #it's very healthy i think #also maybe someone is happy to know this whithout sitting through an hour of them chatting about various topics #also i know jack said septiplier didn't push them apart #but even then #developing a friendship while being in the spotlight constantly must still be hard #long post

[saltpepperbeard]

*rolls in and out of the void but kisses y'alls foreheads as i go*

#hi hello work has been pushing me to the UTMOST limit #and so my mental and even physical energy are both very very down right now #i'm even starting to feel a bit sick :( #buuuuuut hello hello i'm rolling through the shadows and passing out blankies and kisses anyway <3 #or air kisses rather if i am indeed getting sick shdjkslds #HOPE NOT #REALLY HOPE NOT #also uh #season 3 news? 🤡 #anyone?? #bueller???

[papercutsmp3]

god i hate working a two person job being someone who doesn't miss or forget a thing with my coworker who idgafing through her life bc the way it hurts my pride when i have to also bear the burden of her not doing the job properly

#and my head of department just texted me likee well please be more careful next time (both of us) #and theres no way to just straight up tell him that i am always careful and i was not even there when that happened #well i still said that as carefully worded as possible bc theres no way im taking the blame for being careless #but i just hate it so much bc i always make sure everything is going properly i feel like im this girl's second team lead for fucks sake #i had a day off yesterday and just clocked in today and immediately have to listen how we didn't see important tasks #well there is no we actually i am fighting for my life #tbh this is such a minor unfairness but it still makes me feel million years worth of rage #and the situation at my mom's work is way more unfair to her genuinely i can't imagine how she is able to push through it #it's unrelated but it just crossed my mind. actually even with my shit coworker i am at least treated fairly in the eyes of my team lead #00

[mahi-does-some-art]

from old panel i didnt like

TO NEW PANEL I LOVE!

✨Improvement✨

#servamp #mahiru shirota #shirota mahiru #puff draws #puff's succubus comic #god the first one doesnt even look like mahiru to me anymore ndjcjdndnfn #I am working on both UTBM and Succubus comic at around the same time but im doing both REALLY SLOWLY #HELP #the first attempt only looks like dat cuz i was pushing through it even tho i didnt like it #and now its a couple months later and i remembered the wip existed and now im back!! from outter space!!! #fr tho ive been so distraught about not writing much ive forgotten my other baby #i have two (2) big wips #one for art one for writing #both will be the death of me

[conspiracydawg]

help I'm having rdr2 feelings again

#thinking about the way the game's theme of a time coming to an end extends to its ecosystem #the constant awareness of these intricately detailed natural landscapes being pushed out in favor of human landscapes #when I say natural landscapes I mean both the geological and the biological #the logging company storyline #the house building storyline #the lone bison you can occasionally find east of horseshoe overlook #dead animals by train tracks #the mt rushmore stand-in #the expanding ranch in the epilogue #the sensation of impending and inevitable tragedy as you wander through the intricately detailed world #the main story's tragedy is echoed and amplified by the ending world around you #it's so fitting that you discover the illness and have the animal vision in saint denis #an urban environment where the animal is out of place and on borrowed time the same way arthur is #yes I am listening to the soundtrack again what of it #me bitching #rdr2

[artinandwritin]

I might not have done anything for Niv's birthday, but at least I'm doing some worldbuilding for the tribe he's part of during his childhood

Ain't that something

Anyway here's the do it for him board again cuz i think im morally obliged to post that on his birthday now

happy birthday baby boi

#the myriad tribe gets more and more insane the more i write down about them #theyre real meanies but theyre also so damaged on a bonerotting level #oh i like that word gotta use that in writing somewhere #like every single person in the myriad tribe is #deep down #not okay with what's going on in their tribe #but theyre just so forced to believe that this is the only way they can exist #they do assassination jobs from the good of their hearts #right? #they gotta let only the strongest survive #it's just the only way this will work for all of them #the people in the tribe are just so conditioned to believe this is the only way for them to exist that they force their children into deadl #schooling programs #forcing them to be in line in fear of them being killed in some horrific way #which is why there's such a push on obedience from an early age #“be disobedient and be killed” #which is terrifying but it's so deeply rooted into the people #that when dreamers like Klaus come along #they're immediately ostracized #which is also why kids aren't allowed voices in the tribe and are seen as less than until they've gone through training #to make their rebellion unnoticeable and teach them their voices don't matter #thus making them more obedient #so it's actually not “only the strong can belong” but “only the obedient can belong” #which #how am i ever going to portray this right through writing LMAO #ANYWAY probs to everyone who has read this far #i love the myriad tribe (as in. their deep worldbuilding based lore) #and i love developing them #and i love developing Niv and Klaus' arcs through it #cuz both of them aren't obedient at all and mainly Klaus dodges everything thrown at him in favour of his own mind

[persimmontartkisses]

Tomorrow marks a year since my mom died. Today it is my daughter's first Easter. Life has that funny way of continually being sorrow and joy in all things.

I am disabled. My children are healthy and happy.

I miss my mom. I am here with my own children. They smile when they see my face. They call me mama with their sweet little voices and pet my cheek with their tiny fingers as I press kisses into their skin.

I'm constantly a mix of grief and gratitude. Grief for my parents. Gratitude for the people I still have. Grief for the breakdown of my body. Gratitude that I am alive. I hurt in many ways, but I will power through today for my babies. I'll hold the baby up by her hands to take supported steps and help my son comb the underbrush in search of Easter eggs, though it will physically hurt me to do so. The world keeps going with or without me, so I'll do my best to keep up.

#little rambles #im in my feelings a little this morning #mom things #grief #dealing with grief #disabled #invisible disability #invisible illness #chronic pain #hypermobile ehlers danlos #hypermobile eds #spoonie #holidays #holidays are hard #pushing through #throwing my thoughts out into the void #gratitude #i am so sad and so grateful and im allowed to be both at the same time

[skrunksthatwunk]

just found out rascal (babycat)'s been with his owner this whole time instead of my roommate which is. something. :|

#if you dont know whats happening basically mr and my roommate (dorms) have been raising an abused kitten belonging to our floormates #we had him for a month and a half i think and then a month of break has gone by with my roomie staying on campus and me going back home #to my prey-driven dogs and snake and cat-allergic mother among other things. hence the inability to really take him in easily. #i mean shit. if she decided to actually take care of him instead of making everyone around her into free childcare then that's a good thing #*petcare #and admittedly both me and my roommate should've been more in contact about him whether this was going on or not #we both have really bad object permanence + flow of time issues though so it kinda... didnt happen #i thought about him a lot though. i planned on coming back early to spend a few days just chilling with him before the semester started #but other stuff got in the way and i had the 'its too late so dont ask at all' guilt #idk. it seems like hes alive but i don't know much more than that rn. it makes me nervous yk #but i never thought she'd just. still have him. i never expect what she does with him tbh #i almost feel better about getting stuck and not figuring out visiting or shared custody (in my house that is Not Ideal For Him) knowing it #wasn't even really attainable but. shit. #i want her to treat him like he deserves and if she's doing that i have no right to complain. he's not my cat. he's not. #but it means she'll probably just leave with him someday. no thanks or payment or future contact. idk i just. thought this would end sooner #in taking him to a shelter or a new home or us taking him in or her putting her foot down. but instead it's like im drowning in gelatin #what am i even doing. i love him. so much. and i want a cat so so bad. i want *him* so bad. #but i didn't rescue him and i didnt even try and. god idk. i love him and i still couldn't get my ass up to visit in a whole month #i want to say it's because i was stuck and it's not untrue. but i just. idk. i still feel like i shoulda pushed through or whatever anyway. #it makes me feel like im just as bad as his owner when i know im not. im not. #he's probably a lot bigger now. assuming she's actually feeding him. god. i really thought he'd be with my roommate #for reasons im not even gonna bother getting into. and i was reassured that my roomie would tell me if something was up with him. and she #didnt. and im not mad at her it's not her fault i didn't reach out when i wanted to know. but i feel just. ough. stupid ass situation i got #myself into. stupid sad ass consequences of being nosy and big hearted and wanting to help in stupid ways #at least her dogs didnt eat him. i was worried about that. i don't think i could take it if she got him killed and i didn't push harder to #help him. but i can't just fucking. kidnap him. he's not mine and we're neighbors and i can't even keep him at my home. not really. #god i miss him so much. i hope i didn't hurt him by leaving. fucking hell. #but he needs somebody and his owner is almost certainly not it. and maybe im not either but i want to try for him. man.

[cultofthepigeon]

actually i talk about math but i wanna say something on reading also

yeah a lot of people call the classics Snobby and everyone with a lit degree has taken that as a personal offense and decried it as anti-intellectualism and blah blah blah instead of actually like addressing why people might say that

but to anyone who cares im pretty sure people say that shit as a defense mechanism

The Classics as a whole can be intimidating, especially if you already struggle with reading/writing or didnt have a good education on the subject

theres decades if not centuries of people talking about these works and interpreting and argueing about them and on top of that theyre Great Works that Everyone Should Read and Everyone knows about. theres also, whether you like it or not, a nice sheen of Only Smart/Highly Educated People Can Truely Appreciate This on top

so when someone approaches one of these works for the first time it already feels like coming in late to the party

but on top of that the writing styles can be dense, the books/poems/plays lengthy. theres usually a lot of historical context thats needed to fully appreciate the story being told. and thats before you get into whatever literary/mythological illusions thatll almost certainly be inside the story itself

then they take a crack at it and its slow and confusing and boring and really time consuming but everyone else is talking about how amazing it is and what a Classic it is but because of all the reasons listed above this new reader Just Doesnt Get It and well

that makes em feel fucking stupid. they feel like an idiot

so they brush it off as pretencious and snobby because otherwise theyre just too stupid to get it

or alternatively, they push through the whole thing, dont get what the fuss is about, and assume everyone praising it is so far up their own ass theyre now a circle

the same can also be said for things like movies, art, and music

im not saying that the brushing off of The Classics or more involved books/art/movies etc is GOOD

but i think brushing it off as anti-intellectualism is just attempting to ignore the actual problem

#i am saying this as someone who likes The Classics #and has had their share of reading them both #in the Just Push Through It way #and the More Contextualized way #unironically i think this whole issue is similar #to how its real fucking difficult to just jump into cape comics from the big two #imagine tryingnto reqd the entire spiderman canon #with no reference #but spiderman at least has the benefit of a bunch of bright flashy pictures and mostly contemporary writing styles #ppp

[waywardvagabonds]

Equal parts excited and full of anxiety and just dead tired right now.

#third times the charm and all that right? #finding an apartment was nowhere near as stressful for my last two big moves #but on the bright side pushing through the bullshit means i don’t have to do all my health insurance and car stuff twice over #because i now have an address!!! #y’all know me i am not one to hate on taxes but if i had ended up having to retitle my car TWICE #pro tip DON’T move in january or when your car’s registration is about to expire #i am regrettably doing both what a nightmare

[tarantula-hawk-wasp]

hands and knees begging myself to be responsible tonight bc i have so much to do but i can feel in my heart irresponsible brain is going to win and im gonna end up drawing and making myself more behind and stressed but like i spent 8 hours researching and writing art history texts at my internship do i fucking want to research for my history class tonight even tho i should so i can let the professor know if my topic is viable? no i want to draw. and like even research aside i need to do dishes and laundry and pack

#which frustratingly the relevant articles are from a journal our school doesn't subscribe to and like i could just ask her to change my topi #but like if i wait until after thanksgiving that is pushing it too close UGH #i hate school #i hate how busy i am right now ugh i was on the phone with my dad and he was like you sound really unhappy and i was like well thing is i #am and like i just have to slog through the rest of this semester but it is a hard slog #call my schedule oatmeal the way its fucking GRUELING #they werent lying that 25hrs a week internship but 1hr walking there and back 5 days a week (so 30 hours time) is a fucking LOT on top of #classes and teaching like im physically sore im tired and burnt out im behind on grading #i love the work im doing at the internship and i love teaching it is just challenging to balance both #and like i knew grad school would be hard and I knew this semester would be hard and i can get through it and i will get through it #i dont even like complaining about it bc like i signed up for this knowingly and i knew what i was committing to and the internship is so s #so helpful for me career wise and i really enjoy it and like my classes are also important career wise #im just constantly treading water but im drowning a little #every like mental health problem i have is being exacerbated #i feel like i have two parts of my brain like rational logical brain that knows what i need to do to get the tasks done and then wild #impulsive fun brain that just wants to goof off and that part of my brain has the steering wheel most of the time and i have to wrestle it #away to get work done anytime im not like in an office #which like yes that is a metaphorical way to describe executive dysfunction but i have not had time to try to get any diagnoses even tho #we've been suspicious for 6 years now

[wickershells]

txt

#i just dont really know what to do. my friends never express concern for me and they never tell me they love me without overt irony or some #watering down of the sentence. they never reach out when i need them and everything they say is so detached and distant and cold #and maybe im just in my head again maybe its getting to the time of year when my life routinely falls apart moreso than all the other month #but i feel so abandoned all the time. and stupid. and unloveable. my friend once told me that her love for me would erode #whenever i vanished for mental health reasons so i stopped vanishing and started instead pushing through the illness and opening up more to #her but it was too much for her to handle and all my baggage almost ended our friendship so here i am vanishing again except this time with #the debilitating knowledge that every day she loves me less and less and less. if i am not there she stops loving me and if i am she stops #loving me. what do i do. my illness takes everything from me every damn thing. she wont call me but she bought a ticket to see me in januar #and i cant reconcile it. shes visiting her girlfriend and its the same price to come over here too so i guess why not. its not really #for me. we dont have plans to do anything for my birthday and i doubt she will offer and i dont want to be the one to do so like last year #i want someone to love me without me asking them to. i want to be able to trust people without having it broken. i want to feel like an #equal and not so inferior all the time. i'm not her best friend anymore. she doesnt tell me personal things she doesnt share everything #she used to with me. i try and try to start doing the things we used to but she doesnt do them. i shared my location again but she didnt #share hers. so i stopped again and she didnt even ask me why. she has not asked if im okay in weeks. if i vanished forever i dont think #she would even notice. i cant see her mourning the loss of me. i dont think i matter that much to her. and it is so painful #with both of my best friends i watch them gladly do things with other people and never do things with me unless i beg. i am constantly #excluded from their lives i am the outsider friend. and it is so damn lonely. and every time i'm presented w the opportunity to make new #friends i'm paralysed w fear because how many times have i lost people. i'm either too little or too much or both at once. constantly absen #or constantly sad and it's poisonous i feel poisonous. i'm not fit for community despite how desperate i am for it i just feel perpetually #undeserving. and so stupid and unsuccessful in comparison to them. i'm too much effort to be around and i get why i really do #even this it's just so much heaviness all the time i am such a burden. they just don't love me as much anymore. love lost #added to my family baggage and my dead childhood dog and the nothingness of my future i just can't see myself continuing i don't know what #to do. my parents don't support me my friends are never there the nhs is a joke i am actually genuinely alone lol #what if i can't recover. some people are destined not to. what if that's me. what if i am never happy. i'm never going to accomplish #anything i'm stuck here. stagnant and unmoving. the most disposable and useless person alive #sorry. will delete later as usual. but for reasons stated above i have nowhere else to put these thoughts #and i am drowning in them #vent

[keirametzbrassknuckles]

I do think it's funny though that writing isn't really thought of as something that has "sketches" or "warmups". You're either writing a completely fleshed out original story or you're failing at being a writer.

#i have so many thoughts about this actually but its 1am and i need to be up at 7 and ive had a few beers and i am not able to adress them #atm #something something the push for fic to be recognized as a legitimate form of the craft #when even at its most in depth and diligent its basically a sketch #and sometimes its just original fiction with a crutch #which is almost worse #tracing and borrowing gesture is how visual artists learn to model the figures they want #copying and living into those same gestures is how writers learn to write #and idk why that isnt acknowledged or respected #visual arts students have for years suffered through being made to copy ~The Canon~ #and like...isn't that what fic is? just sub blorbo from my shows for Girl With A Pearl Earring #but also i think looking at fic as anything more than either a copy or a practice is a disservice in both directions: #to the fic and to you as the author #idk...

[fabcreature]

you know, over the summer i had a big crying session roughly every two weeks, bc i was rly stressed out about starting school and feeling like i'm not good enough and i'm gonna fail spectacularly. and i was like "damn, i've been crying a lot lately". but while the fear and self hatred were very much real, a small, more rational part of me did think "it's gonna get better once i start school, i'll realize i've been freaking out over nothing, it's gonna be fine really".

now i've been going to school a little over a month and um. now i cry like. every day? i either cry in the car after school or at night in bed, or both. once i did already on my way to school. every day i feel either tired, sad, or angry, or two of the above, or all or the above. never none of the above though. the hating of myself and feeling like i'm going to fail has not gone away. if anything i'd say it's a little stronger now? i'm just constantly stressed about everything all the time. there's too much going on all at once. while our school has lots of great aspects and great things, i really do feel like i hate my school, the bits that are bad are just so fucking. so fucking bad. so i'm just annoyed and stressed and sad. genuinely good days are a very rare occurence now.

i was just about to cry myself to sleep but had to stop and get up cus i started seriously hyperventilating.

funny how life turns out huh

#sorry for ranting about my misery except i'm not sorry because this is my blog and i do whatever the fuck i want #the slapping Myself In The Face When I'm Frustrated habit has come back stronger than ever 👍 #i was raised to never quit stuff and like. hold onto stuff you've commited to. so like #whatever it is in life i'm used to just always pushing through no matter what #i'm wondering if this one's gonna be my breaking point #am i finally gonna reach the point. where i just. can't anymore #if i can just power through this that will be really impressive #because i am just #so tired #i am so tired all the time #i'm just so desperate to not be at school. and yet i have signed up to a thing that will have me spending more time at school #it's important to me and i don't wanna skip out on it but #by god i'm just tired #and i'm sad and #angry and #god i wish i knew how to scream #god i wish i could go outside at night and both be and feel safe #god i wish i could stop time #i am not doing good #i am not doing good at all #fuck #eg posts

[ghostbeam]

Good morning I love u guys<3

#been having a hard time lately but I’m pushing through #it’s why I wasn’t on much this weekend #but ANYWAYS I am trying very hard to get the two fics I wanna write out during October #they’re both roughly outlined #and I might start writing one of them w just the rough outline #but the other needs more planning I think #but I am TRYING!!!! and I will do it #how are u guys I hope ur all good I hope u get a nice beverage as a treat today<3 #ok I’ll shut up now byyyyyyye #ghost thoughts

[jimkirkachu]

are there any 30-something single tos spirkers out here desperately wishing for a human fixer-upper to share their life / never ever ever have children with?

asking for a friend of course

#not trek #personal log #fatigue #exhaustion #wishful thinking #tomorrow will make 5 days of babysitting the niblings and i want to make it abundantly clear that i literally never signed up for this #children are so hard on ocd/germophobia #i love my niblings to death but holy mother of macaroni and cheese i have ZERO nurturing or caretaking impulses #they have so much energy and ask so many questions and make SO MUCH EYE CONTACT it freaks me out #stop looking at me stop visually perceiving me it's too much #and i probably only have a few good years left with them before they figure out what a fucking loser i am #so i feel like an absolute monster for not knowing how to cope with my stupid symptoms & just suck it up in favor of creating nice memories #but asdfghjkl my limits are so frustrating and i don't know how to push through them or let them go or whatever it is that normal people do #niblings #family drama #nd problems #and somehow having no one to snuggle with to recharge my stupid batteries makes everything feel so much harder #because the kids' parents have each other #both their sets of grandparents have each other #and i am literally the only single and/or childless person left in my entire family 👍 #never want children #but do want snuggle buddy or spouse or something idk? #but lest we forget i am #unloveable #forever alone #soul sick #heartsick #jtkchu's brain #jtkchu is toxic #stfu jtkchu