#i am a scourge to feminism | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

confused-as-all-hell · 3 years

Text

Aelin Galathynius

She vaguely felt the light shifting on the lake. Vaguely felt the sighing wind, warm as it brushed against her damp cheeks. And heard, so soft it was as if she dreamed it, a woman's voice whispering, Why are you crying, Fireheart?...

"Because I am lost," she whispered onto the earth. "And I do not know the way.”

Aelin Galathynius, fierce and proud and exquisite. Adarlan’s Assassin, Aelin of the Wildfire, the Queen Who Walked Between Worlds. A girl who held death in the circle of her arms, who knew sorrow and misery by their first names, who gave herself for that glowing future ahead.

Aelin, my love, is not perfect. She says some awful things, and her actions are far from worldly and pure. Her mistakes are common as her own laughter. But I don’t know who told you characters have to be perfect, polished as gold.

She is allowed to be arrogant, dramatic, proud, daring, reckless, without being told off. These are the qualities often recognized in men, and so when a woman embodies them, she is instantly cut down for it. Aelin loves herself without fail, acknowledges her own beauty, is genuinely kind to herself.

I see so many posts encouraging girls to love themselves, and when one is portrayed in literature, everyone just turns on her. If your excuse is “well, she’s just too arrogant” please shut the fuck up. You do not get to decide what is too much. Nobody stupidly granted you that privilege.

It is perfectly fine for Aelin to see her appearance, her hair and eyes and body and smile, and say “I am happy with myself. I am beautiful.”

Don’t you fucking dare encourage feminism and then detest Aelin for admiring who is she.

Yes, she is out of the ordinary in terms of her looks, yes, she is curiously and suspiciously pretty. But if you dislike Aelin for her appearance, you’re shallow as fuck, I pray you do not like those oddly plain characters either.

The Fae are a race known for their grace and beauty, so do not tell me it’s funny how everyone is tiringly pretty. They’re supposed to be. That’s literally the whole point.

For those who complain her story is so special, would you rather read about the citizen who couldn’t find their favourite socks? I dare say no. The general idea of a story is to tell it from the most interesting point of view, in this case, Aelin’s. She is in the thick of everything, not by chance, but because she seeks the source of the trouble.

Her mistakes are plentiful, but Aelin has no trouble admitting this. She apologizes when necessary, admits to her wrongdoings, and she tries to be better. It’s not like she walks around with a blindfold. She works to understand others, never retracts her extended hand, loves her family without fail.

Aelin Galathynius is not thousands of years old, with all the wisdom of the centuries. She is a girl of seventeen, trying desperately to do her best, to save her home and her people and herself.

She woke between her parent’s cold corpses as a little girl, watched men and women die horrifically before she was eight, killed time and time again to save her own life. She found her best friend lying in pieces on her bed, bowed to her mother and father’s murderer, was enslaved and tortured and beaten and scourged.

Her trauma is not to be forgotten. Aelin is trying to save a world, and she’s still working through the terrors she witnessed so long ago. The inside of her mind was a lightless place, with no lamps to be seen.

It is okay for characters to fuck up. It’s okay for them to make mistakes and lash out. It’s okay for them to make bad choices, so long as they learn from them.

Nobody is made of gold. Nobody is unworthy of love. Nobody deserves your hatred.

Aelin is not the most powerful of her court, despite much bitter discourse.

Rowan is physically stronger, and far more capable with weaponry.

Lysandra is prized as a shape-shifter, her talent stated to be utterly invaluable.

Aedion commands his own legion, the fearsome Bane.

Elide is the cleverest, with precious insight and incredible wisdom.

Lorcan is a extraordinarily strong warrior.

Manon is the Witch-Queen, with plenty of influence and power.

Dorian has the strongest magic of them all, in the largest quantity.

Chaol is...

Anyways, Yrene’s healing gifts are considered their greatest asset in the war.

Though Aelin is certainly important, she does her part and only her part. She does not attempt to take credit for what she has not done. She will take the suffering upon herself, but never the joy.

Aelin is bleeding and bleeding, dashed on the rocks, and all of you can only scoff at her beauty and talent.

I am capable of writing eloquent pieces, playing several musical instruments, charming several adults, making people laugh, finding lovely angles for photographs, and much more.

Am I conceited to say so? I can appreciate my better qualities and absolutely hate work on my worse attributes.

Aelin isn’t the not-like-other-girls cutout. She is like other girls. She loves dogs and candy, can wield her weapons with staggering competence, chooses her favourite gowns cautiously, is proud of herself for her accomplishments, works to lift other women up.

Aelin, at the very least, can appreciate being like other girls is a compliment. Girls (and boys!!) are fucking amazing.

You can hardly expect a girl of eighteen to be perfectly polished.

Aelin herself knows this. She listens when Darrow says she’s unfit, and she works to prove why she is capable. She wants to be better, to learn how to properly rule her country.

As well as the whole ordeal with her keeping the allies secret, she was afraid. Aelin had a group of people shout at her, tell her what an awful job she was doing, how she didn’t deserve to be queen. She didn’t want to let them down more.

Everyone hates “perfect” characters, and then they hate the characters who fuck up. Pick a side. Pick a struggle. Pick a fight, if you like, I’m happy to give one over.

Aelin, the defender, the hero made history. She is so often hated; I would like to show her a little love.

60 notes · View notes

bluephoenixdruidicprincess · 5 years

Text

Some Thoughts on Jasmine from the Aladdin Remake

I've been thinking alot over the past couple of days (I know, I know, that's always a dangerous thing) but I've been sitting back, mulling over what it is that I don't like about Jasmine in the Aladdin live-action adaptation. But I think I've figured it out now. I am going to be talking about spoilers for the Aladdin remake so if you haven't seen the film yet, definitely scroll past this.

So, why don't I like Jasmine in the remake? She's clearly a character meant to empower women. And I, as a woman, to not like her, clearly not only makes me the worst feminist out there but also a scourge upon women everywhere. Really, I don't consider myself a feminist at all, at least not what the term has come to mean these days, I'm all for empowering women and having equality between men and women but that's as far as my personal brand of feminism goes.

But back to my thoughts on Jasmine in the Aladdin remake. Why don't I like her? The changes to her character about her wanting to be Sultan and then being given a chance to be Sultan at the end should be empowering and I should be worshipping the ground Naomi Scott walks on right? I do worship Naomi Scott -- she has a beautiful voice and is just a gorgeous person to look at and by god, is she trying to make this character work -- but that's beside the point and unfortunately, it isn't enough to get me behind this version of Jasmine. And I think it comes right down to a problem I've been noticing a lot in films these days. In an attempt to create "strong female characters," Hollywood likes to make those females characters as unproblematic as possible. They don't want to give these characters flaws that will affect how the story unfolds because they don't want those characters to be criticized or looked down upon for those decisions which is kind of ironic considering that when Hollywood does this, the critics bash them for it anyway saying that they've made their female characters too perfect and unrelatable which makes those characters boring. I noticed it with Rey from Star Wars, Carol Danvers in Captain Marvel, and I could go on and on. But I've also now realized Jasmine has also fallen into this unfortunate style of character writing. Jasmine really has no character arc in the remake. By the time the movie starts, she's essentially already gone through her character arc. She's already made the decision and believes she needs to be the sultan, that she's the only one capable of leading Agrabah into greatness because she's read lots of books apparently, although, apparently those books neglected to mention that when you go into the market place, you're actually expected to pay for the things you take, that's typically how commerce works. But she's horrified about the poverty levels the common people are experiencing and she believes she can save them. How? I have no idea. The movie never really goes into how she plans on saving her people. I guess through the power of charity and love. Oh and also, Agrabah apparently is being lead to ruin by Jasmine's father despite the fact that we're shown that Agrabah appears to be flourishing, even the poor people look immaculate in their perfectly pressed costumes. I'm just saying, Agrabah in this movie does not look like a nation supposedly struggling. So Jasmine has decided she's the best one to rule Agrabah, she's realized her dream and the only thing that's stopping her from achieving her ambition are the evil misogynistic men in her life. She has no flaws, the only thing that's holding her back are centuries of tradition dictated by the men in her life and that is all that drives "her story" (if you want to call what she has in the movie "a story"). She has an original song in the movie called Speechless which I'm sure if you haven't seen this movie yet, you can probably discern what the song is about. And everything I've just described to you happens within the first 15 minutes of the movie. Her wanting to be sultan is not something she decides at the end of the movie, apparently it's something she's always wanted since she was a little girl. She's always wanted it, it's just the evil men stopping her. Which, you know, isn't a thing unheard of in the time period and location this movie is taking place in. But what the movie also fails to do is tell me WHY I should root for her to become sultan. Why should I care that she wants to become sultan? Because she's a woman? Sorry, that's not going to fly with me, I need a little more than just "girl power" to get invested in that. This bland story-telling wouldn’t fly for me if this was a male character and I’m not going to give Jasmine a pass just because she’s a woman. Should I care because she wants to help the poor and unfortunate? How does she plan on helping them? What makes her the best choice? What is she going to change? The movie never tells us. We could've had an arc in the film where she's forced to deal with these very questions. Maybe upon meeting Aladdin, he brings it up and asks her why she feels she's the best person for the job. We could've followed her throughout the movie dealing with that question and at the end, her finally knowing the answer. In the third act, when Agrabah is under the control of Jafar, we could've had her leading a revolt with the common people against Jafar and she was able to do that on her own with the answers she found after digging within herself through her associations with Aladdin (and even her hand maiden could've played a part in this). Not to mention, a large scale revolt against Jafar would've been a far more preferable third act than what we actually got -- a lamp chase sequence which eerily reminded me of the horrible chase sequence you have to do in Kingdom Hearts 1 in the Agrabah level.

I don't hate the changes they made to Jasmine's character, it just could've been executed better, been more meaningful and actually focused more on her as a character. Make her a more well-rounded character. But unfortunately, like a lot of the female characters from these films coming out lately, she basically stays the same for the entire film. Who you see in the beginning is basically who you see at the end. One day I hope Hollywood will eventually realize that it's not about making strong FEMALE characters but instead, strong female CHARACTERS. Hollywood likes to put their female characters in positions of power which to them is what supposedly makes them strong. But that isn't the case for me. What makes a character strong is the arc they go through to achieve their endgame. That's what I care about and the character of Jasmine in the re-make did not give that to me. She just felt like a very wishy-washy disingenuous character to me.

#Aladdin

6 notes · View notes

lupus-sanguinem · 2 years

Text

Dear friends and family.

This has been coming for a long time.

I've been feeling this was since a young age.

Throughout my teenage years it got worse and now my twenties even worse.

Everything is just so overwhelming and I mess things up over and over again. The reality checks I get are just to inform me I am better alone. Better away from people. Better dead.

I've wrote many of these. Some not taken seriously. Some never to be revealed. Some aimed at people some aimed at myself.

I'm serious about this one.

It's like a big black painful hole that sucks everything in, extinguishes flames, vaccuming your breath, collapsing all happiness, an entire being crumbling into the abyss.

I don't know who I am.

I never knew.

Everyone of you have a version of me in your memories, never once telling me. Never thought to care really.

I don't have the privilege of knowing me, or rather lack there of.

I am the person building me, but there's nothing there.

I just take on other people's personalities, likes, hates, hobbies just to feel love. Or a belonging.

I never felt like I belong anywhere.

This sad sick tortured world.

Doesn't deserve anything.

Ran by corrupt governments. Corrupt schools. Corrupt people. Corrupt children.

I wish I never been born.

The world is loveless. Cold. Cruel. And it made me the exact same.

I thought I was good. I thought I could conquer evil by just not doing anything just smile and be kind and love everything and everyone unconditional. But that world bullied me into being the same as it.

I was bullied by girls in school. Boys were repulsed by me. Teachers thought I wasn't doing enough, one yelled for not being loud enough.

I was shoved. Spat on. My hair pulled and ripped out. By girls my own age. I didn't understand, how could this happen over a stupid boy? Oh yes. Of course! Because he sexually assaulted them! And I had no idea! It was my fault I was warned but I ignored them for my own self interest. I'm toxic you see. My brain thrives in the drama because that's what it was taught.

The world is sexist and forces women to have children, banning abortions. Society forces it on you. You're not a real woman unless you have experienced child birth. What a load of bullshit. I hate the pressures. Sometimes I wish I was born a man.

But the feminist in me would also tell that thought to fuck off. We don't need more horrible men. We need good ones and women who are strong and have good careers and have the decision to choose what they want to do to their bodies.

Not men!

I blame my mother for how I am. She isn't a mother. Not mine. Not anymore. I hate her with a passion for how she treated me.

Letting strange men in our home, making me feel unsafe. Choosing them over me. Her daughter, whom she supposedly loved. But ever chance she got berated me.

Destroyed my trust by prying information from friends, boyfriends and family.

Filled me up with false promises of girly days and to repair our relationship.

She gave no shits. She felt okay abandoning that relationship and replacing it with having more kids. Those kids abused. Lying in the fifth and piss because she can't be bothered waking up after 2pm and an extra hour to wait for attention whilst she Chainsmokes 50. She's a trump supporter and an antivaxxer and anti-medicine. Scourge of the earth.

You are my reason for wanting death.

You are my soul reason wanting to be dead. You gave me these mental health issues and more learned toxic mechanisms.

You are the reason I had to navigate feminism alone without a female role model.

Now we move onto evil people.

Jordan. I was 14 almost 15 when you pestered me relentlessly about sex. You were 17 and 18, Crying everytime I said no. If I wanted to sleep you had to touch me with your sweaty slithering hands. I get flash backs every day. Mortified at how grossly you groomed a young teen.

You made the decision to tell my mother things.

You were my first downfall.

Laura

Again what the fuck. I'm too young. And then talk to girls even younger when I'm dating you? Also why the fuck would you expose a teen to porn and sex toys and cry about inserting them. Cry about wanting sex all the time.

Knuckles

Fuck off you. You caught me whilst I was vulnerable. You didn't respect me. You wanted to get back at a guy that was way more respected, gentlemanly and achieved than you. You thought it was okay to put my in a position to report him. You thought it was okay during my grief to touch me and pester me for sex and when I said no and placed boundaries you thought it was okay to sexually assault me as I'm asleep. Then not give any regard to me and still double down it was someone else's fault.

They sexually abused me and they should be accountable for my pain.

----------

Beth P. For the the longest time you have been my longest friend. But dropped me so many times because I wasn't exciting.

You'd ignore me.

Then only come back to me after break ups or when you pass through or childhood town.

Is it because my name is exotic somehow? Because everytime you met someone you had to show me off like a new purse? But never checked in to see how I was when there was countless times I checked in with you, sent you a card and gift and what did I get?

Ignored.

I know where I stand.

I love your family and want you to be happy. I just need to vent it out. Be happy. Don't make the same mistake. Check in on everyone. Or rather don't check in on them at all and make it clear you aren't friends if you can't mentally handle that.

I hope your baby is healthy and he is loved.

I hope you are loved by Dan. You are perfect for eachother. I hope you get married, I hope you have a flowy dress and perfect flowers and have the perfect vows. I love you for everything you have taught me and helped and supported me. I cherish a lot of of our memories both sincere and goofy.

Elanor. I'm sorry. Our friendship has grown since level 3 music and I love your humour and you are so talented. You have always listened to me and offered advice than you for that. I appreciate you so much. I appreciate our time at gigs, you could have taken anyone but you chose me and that have me hope and a spur of happiness and acceptance for a while. Thank you.

To my dear Father.

I used to be angry about the past and you leaving but that's not your fault. You needed to leave and rightfully so. I know you talked about if things were different you would have your children with you always and I love you for that.

I am still hurt from a lot of things you did when I was young but I also understand I was a little shit and deserved that.

I have trust issues I know and I'm sorry I never checked in with you. I never knew what to do. I love you.

To my brother's.

I love you all. You are all brave and strong and would do anything to protect me. But you can't protect me from myself. And I wish you could.

I wish you all successful careers. And happy love and partners and families.

Ride those bikes. Ride them on winding roads and straight roads. Hot days and okay days. Not wet days and maybe mildly windy days.

It's hard growing up the only female. I felt ignored and second best. But it's not your fault. Not any of your fault. I love you.

I don't think I have ever been chosen first. Just something that people say 'oh you'll do" or "you're not my ex but that's okay" "you're not this friends I like to party with but meh we'll work around it"

My anxiety stopped me from doing anything good in my life. Living in this shitty comfort bubble thinking things will come naturally.

No one taught me to help myself.

No one taught me to fix myself.

It's the hardest part but I'm so far gone from it.

I just want to disappear.

The pain I've caused, I'll only continue to carry it and more will be collected and it will continue to consume me.

Dear Anthony. I'm sorry my love, for everything.

But we part ways forever from here.

You can be free. You get get better.

Be better. Achieve all the good things without me holding you back and you don't have to hurt anymore. Soft bee. Beautiful crow.

All the hurt ends here.

All the hurt ends with me.

I don't want a funeral, cowards don't deserve them.

But I want everyone to listen to Life Eternal By Ghost at least once

The world won't miss someone that was always invisible. Used. Underappreciated. Cold and calloused.

0 notes

pinepickled · 2 years

Text

I enter the feminism tag of tumblr, I am greeted with exclusively radfem blogs. Let's start acknowledging the scourge they are on this website

#feminism

0 notes

bioethicists · 6 years

Text

the two types of men's comments on my feminism posts

man 1: FUCK YOU BITCH!!! feminism is a scourge and you're all whores who don't know anything. this is sexist against men and you need to stop putting women on a pedestal and acknowledge that feminists are misandrists who want males dead!!!

man 2: I Myself Celebrate Women! i try to love women every day because i am a Male Feminist and i support them. i apologize so so so much for being an awful oppressor man and i can only hope that my kind wonderful humble actions will absolve the horrifying crime of being born a cishet man. i like to think i have a woman's soul. sorry about the patriarchy.

#like just reblog it u sharks #no need to blow yourself in the notes #c.txt #ok to rb

11 notes · View notes

brazenautomaton · 7 years

Note

“no, see, the lie is true because [repeats lie verbatim]” What part was a lie though

the part where you called me right wing, and you called me a misogynist, and you said groups of which I was a member who were lied about and called Bad Far-Right Misogynists are actually Bad Far-Right Misogynists so it’s all okay

you see a guy saying “Feminism is bad because it is sexism. feminism does not oppose sexism. feminism empowers sexism. feminism is congruent to sexism. all of the biases and goals and beliefs of feminism are the biases and goals and beliefs of sexism. feminism is bad because sexism is bad and feminism does not fight sexism because feminism is sexism. i am against sexism, so i am against the thing that is sexism, literally just sexism, nothing but sexism, not ‘reverse’ sexism but the same exact sexism in every way and in every respect."

and you conclude “oh, you must be saying you love sexism and hate things that are opposed to sexism, you hate women so much” because popularity scourges away your ability to read and understand words.

the opposition to Gamergate, from day one, was literally and not figuratively a conspiracy of people literally and not figuratively colluding in secret to defend a literal and not figurative abuser, and there’s an objectively verifiable record of this happening. popular people came together to defend the vicious, inveterate abuser in their midst, and they chose to defend this vicious, inveterate abuser by accusing everyone talking about her abuse of being an Evil Far-Right Misogynist. And it worked, and it worked limitlessly, and everyone who heard the lie dropped to their knees in ecstasy at the importance of the lie and became committed, lifelong allies of that vicious and inveterate abuser, just for the joy of repeating the lie.

if you were allowed to notice things happening in the real world, the amount of deference and attention and respect and utility being showered on this sociopathic abuser should be terrifying. but you can’t. you can only notice status games. and sociopathic abusers are very good at status games, so of course they would be able to define themselves as heroic saints of victimhood

all is lost

3 notes · View notes

simonalkenmayer · 7 years

Note

my dude, my mom's fkin abusive and i can't move out yet. i will sympathize with her when i no longer live here and doing so is no longer actively detrimental to my mental health. nice sentiment tho i guess :\

I’m sorry that you are in that situation. I truly am. People who have children with almost no perspective on what it means and/or no intention of caring for them truly disturb me. I don’t know your mother’s circumstances, nor yours, nor the other details surrounding this abuse, but clearly my little ramble on motherhood was not intended for those dealing with such things. In your case, it is still important to think of her as a person, if only to allow yourself the freedom to treat her like a stranger, to put some emotional distance between you. When that occurs, you can view her in whatever way you wish.

I’ll remind you and everyone else reading this, that humans are a brutal and destructive species. They don’t need to be. But they are. Survival instincts in something with higher order intelligence becomes a twisted psychological mess. You would think that would cause a rage in me like no other - a righteous indignation that fuels rampage after rampage - and indeed it has done upon occasion, but I am not a one-person scourge. Why is that? In all honesty, what I've seen fills me with a profound sorrow. Abusers learn their craft somewhere, and my heart, such as it is, breaks for them too. This doesn’t excuse their behavior. I can and do punish people frequently (by simple coincidences of eating), but really, my experiences have been such that I can pass but the smallest of judgements on people, limited to: “Am I hungry? Yes? Excellent. What looks acceptable?”

What I am saying to you, my friend, is that I haven’t the ability to reflect upon your situation, offer support, give unique insight into what she may b thinking. I can only say that she was likely mistreated herself, that she is ignorant of her duty to you, lacks strong character, and possibly hasn’t the slightest trace of empathy. But the existence of female serial killers doesn’t detract from feminism. So too in this case, an abusive mother does not detract from the general sentiment that a mother’s task is frightfully confusing and terrifying for her, that when she undertakes it, she makes a compact with herself to never feel safe or sure-footed again. That point is, in fact, only strengthened by your case - for if motherhood were easy, everyone would be good at it.

Please do remain safe. And as always, I amHere if you need to talk.

8 notes · View notes

newwavefeminism · 7 years

Text

How Feminists Need to Stop Worrying & Learn to Embrace Critique in the Post Women’s March Era

Erasing a history due to your lack of respect for the sacrifices of the marginalized

It goes without saying that the Civil Rights Movement wasn’t some extra curricular activity. It was a movement that grew from one of the most violent eras of our nation’s history. Civil Right’s leaders put their lives and safety on the line, literally, for black folks to be seen as human beings & full citizens. Civil Rights leaders were assassinated for working to make the invisible humanity of black folk, visible. Many of the issues the leaders called in to question still persist and contribute to black death and injustice. The Million Man March. Million Women March and the March on Washington are all events that have happened for black liberation. The Womens March on Washington, previously titled the Million Women March, obviously lifted inspiration from the work of black activists in the past. Whether or not you support the march, ignoring the fact the movement was co-opted, or acting like it “doesn’t matter” erases the work of Civil Rights leaders, is disrespectful and racist. FULL STOP.

In the same vein, A Day Without A Woman, despite whatever international examples you’re reaching to present, was inspired by the recent A Day Without Immigrants. (This has been verified by the organizers.) This was a very specific collective act designed to counter the violent anti-immigrant narrative in our country right now. Our country’s xenophobia is violent, harmful, and is splitting families apart. Yet our country also pretends that it doesn’t have a dependency immigrant workforces, while we paint immigrants as violent, lazy scourges on society. A day without immigrants was designed to counter xenophobic language and highlight humanity. Once again, co-opting this erases that point - and whether or not you plan to strike you simply CAN NOT close your eyes & ears and ignore that this erasure is very real. Denying this only cements the erasure and devalues the initial message even more.

These aren’t just nit-picky examples. This is to explain that this is a very important trend that deserves to be acknowledged. Ignoring it doesn’t make it go away and it makes it impossible for future events to reflect any type of genuine self awareness.

The invisible labor of marginalized solidarity

Despite the obvious evidence of the Womens March Co-Opting and erasing the labor and efforts of Civil Rights leaders, many black women attended the march. Even I have posted speeches given by black women at the Womens March, and followed it very closely. It is a false narrative to assert that it is mutually exclusive for one to be critical of a movement or event as well as supportive of its parts, some attendees, or learn from the fruits of its existence. As a black female who attended a PWI, I am no stranger to this. For 4 years I learned at an insutition that fundamentally came at odds with my marginalized identity in most ways. (Unsurprisingly my classmates and I were also faced with the response of “you should be grateful to be here” whenever we voiced dissent and critique - so way to be consistent y'all). But to my earlier point, there were many who came out in droves to support and participate in the women’s march who’s identities may not have been represented, celebrated, or fully recognized by the leadership/crowd of their local march. This is not new to the marginalized and it does not have to be explained to us, especially to black women, that in feminism you often are asked to join in and support a cause that may not support or respect the individual intricacies of your identity.

When feminist communities mirror abusive relationships

Perhaps there is a belief that a movement can only grow to represent and support you and your needs if you stand inside of it, put in work and push it to grow. The main problem with that framework is that often times it gets written as this: Put in labor and work if you expect us to validate your humanity. Don’t expect us to want to help you if you keep criticizing what we’re doing wrong. How do you expect me to respect your humanity if you don’t present me your research and annotated bibliography, & an action plan? When unchecked it is wildly abusive, and as the voices of the marginalized are silenced it is poisonous. It loses support, and those who leave for their own mental health, humanity and self value are seen as nefarious detractors who are dividing the movement.

Pedagogy of the oppressors

At the end of the day, this poison looks like marginalized folks speaking out and having their very valid, well documented experiences & critique dismissed as ignorance and naivety. There is this nefarious idea within the greater movement that any dissent is a threat and needs to be taken down. There is also the condescending undertones of “if I don’t know what you’re talking about, it’s obvious unintelligent babble.” Even in instances where someone is merely minding their own business and expressing a thought that exists in the margins of greater feminism, white supremacy comes out of THE WOODWORKS to silence, gaslight and beat down.

Here’s just a brief breakdown of the different, racist & condescending ways others tried to silence me yesterday when I briefly spoke about mere reservations towards the way “A Day Without a Woman” co-opted “A Day Without Immigrants” and how the Womens March on Washington was also co-opting and erasing Civil Rights work.

Imply my points are overused and doesn’t really matter (that the “movement” matters over our humanity, those who want their humanity recognizes are whining)

Question my basic understanding of what the definition of a strike is and how it has worked through history (if she disagrees, she must be ignorant & I must educate her in all my glorious privilege)

Tell me to stop “nit-picking” and “get involved" (calling for critical thought about the erasure of marginalized groups is merely unimportant nit-picking. That I need to stop complaining and continue to provide free labor to those who don’t respect my humanity)

“we all must make sacrifices” (because my black ass doesn’t know what sacrifice is. read: YOU need to sacrifice your humanity for US)

(My personal favorite) I care about what you’re saying, but I think you need to explain this a little more and provide more analysis. (I apparently didn’t care enough to go back and read the 5 other times you already answered this question and explained your point. I think you’re an unintelligent and I’m hoping that if I question you, you’ll realize you’re unintelligent)

tl;dr?

Full disclosure, I’m not saying anything that is particularly ground breaking. I think this is why I’m so surprised that the negative responses came out at full force last night. I really didn’t think that these things needed to still be explained in 2017, but I heavily underestimated the twilight in which people get engrossed into mainstream feminist movements and activities. I’m not telling you to stop supporting to women march, I’m not telling your not to strike. I honestly don’t care what people do either way, i’ll respect your decision one way or another. But what I don’t respect is this willful ignorance and desperate desire to shout out dissent within a movement.

So just one last reminder: If your movement tells you anyone in the margins of it that poses a critique or challenge needs to be shot down or silenced (as opposed to understood or listened to) - you really need to stop worshipping that movement. Back away from the keyboard, avoid hitting that reblog button, and go do some research.

Further reading:

Why I’m Skipping The Women’s March on Washington - Jamilah Lemieux

Why I Do Not Support The Women’s March on Washington - Brittany Toliver

#feminism #i'm reluctant to answer any more questions about my thoughts on this #so come to me with some bullshit after all this and you're just getting blocked #essay

246 notes · View notes

worldviraltrending · 5 years

Link

Gird your loins, America, for I have a bone-rattlingly powerful tale to tell: In case you haven’t heard, there is a new movie hitting theaters, and it will reportedly change the way you look at the world forever. It is called “Captain Marvel,” and it is based on a comic-book superhero, and the superhero is played by . . . here, you might grab your smelling salts, because this is super groundbreaking and wildly controversial in the year 2019 . . . A WOMAN.Whoa! I know! It’s mind-boggling! This has never happened before, except when it happened two years ago, when Wonder Woman came out, which was also when an impressively large press cohort collectively and conveniently forgot the countless strong female leads that had occurred even before then! Remember those fevered days? Remember when an alarming number of movie critics simultaneously lost their minds over the sheer raw feminism of Wonder Woman, documenting how they cried at the theater and declaring that viewing Wonder Woman might have been the most powerful experience of their life, which should deeply worry us all if that is indeed really true?It’s okay if you don’t remember: The Internet appears to be melting all of our brains. Anyway, I liked Wonder Woman, and I’m sure Captain Marvel is fine, despite the web of semi-hysterical press surrounding its release. The women in the film, intones one review at Forbes, “are pilots, they are scientists, they are warriors, and while some of the men around them might not understand that or accept it, the women don't frankly need them to and aren't going to wait around for the myopic men to catch up to the facts.”Ah, yes! Those daft, myopic men, always fouling things up! But wait, there’s more: “That's not to say, however, that Captain Marvel doesn't remind us of the sorts of daily frustrations, struggles, and inequalities women face in society — being told to smile more . . .”Wait. What? Let’s stop here, shall we? Out of the world’s massive crab bucket of problems, let us stop and consider the modern scourge among American women of being told to smile more. Has it been two seconds? Okay, that’s probably enough time — although if you google “Captain Marvel” and “smile more,” you will discover that many people fervently disagree.For the record, I have never been told to smile more. This deeply worries me, because perhaps it means I am smiling too much. Truly, it keeps me up at night, brooding like a superhero in anguish! Just kidding. It doesn’t worry me at all, because it doesn’t matter. I don’t care, and neither should you, and nobody should be in a tizzy about this particular subject in general, because life is precious and very short.With that in mind, here’s what does worry me a bit, even if it is a bit tangential: Captain Marvel, or at least the reception of it, might be a subtle indicator of how suffocating modern feminism has become.At a base level, the very idea of a superhero is innately goofy or farcical, or at least it should be. But Captain Marvel, by most accounts, is almost perfect: Strong. Beautiful. Driven. Ultra-powerful. According to Slate, she is a “serious, stolid type whose steel will and laser-focused commitment to her mission make her a formidable foe even when her fists aren’t glowing orange with photon-blasting superpowers,” which is impressive indeed.But what does it say about our culture that influential people take a movie like this — and similar so-called “representations” of women, which, as a reminder, are based on fictional comic-book characters with alien superpowers — so seriously? Perhaps it’s because modern feminism has morphed into a crazed culture of unforgiving, humorless, and ultimately atomized workaholism. But hey, that’s just my theory.On February 24, The Atlantic published a fascinating essay by Derek Thompson on the rise of American “workism,” which he describes as a “kind of religion” that promises “identity, transcendence, and community” by centering one’s life around work. While traditional religious faith has declined in America, Thompson notes, “everybody worships something. And workism is among the most potent of the new religions competing for congregants.” Morph workism with feminism and boy, oh boy, you’ve got something to behold.I have a fairly old-school view when it comes to female empowerment: Women should be free to pursue their dreams, whether that involves being an astronaut or an accountant or a farmer or a stay-at-home mom. I’ve also been around long enough to see that American culture relentlessly pushes high-achieving young women to obsessively put their careers first in their lives, no matter what their ultimate personal goals might be — even if those goals involve having a family.As Thompson notes in The Atlantic, “having a job or career they enjoy” is noted as “extremely or very important” for 95 percent of teens. Only 47 percent rank getting married with the same importance. Between men and women, guess who loses more from this cultural phenomenon? (Hint: It’s the half with the shorter biological clock.)Don’t get me wrong: Work can be very good! I’ve done a lot of it myself. I’m as big a fan of free-market capitalism as the next red-blooded American who grew up during the Reagan administration, trust me. Unfortunately, the modern feminist vision somehow morphs that capitalism into its worst caricature, or a Hobbesian war of all against all. Weirdly, it also simultaneously suggests that we all should be getting up at 5 a.m. daily to prep for, say, three Ironman races a year — or, even better, as the Los Angeles Times recently put it, “train like a noble Kree warrior hero” based on Captain Marvel star Brie Larson’s nine-month pre-movie workout plan. Right.Alternatively, you could just go running a few times a week and call it a day. Forget “leaning in,” America — lean out with me! Let’s start a movement together! You won’t get to be a proverbial Captain Marvel, but that’s okay. Like much of today’s pop feminism, that sounds kind of exhausting and not very fun.

from Yahoo News - Latest News & Headlines https://ift.tt/2NP5YT3

#Blogger

0 notes

selfinterestedphilanthropy · 5 years

Text

This is not spring, but...

It’s high past time I cleaned up that blog, if only because I’ve learned to recognise conservative talking points for what they are, and Holy Shit did I parrot them a lot a few years back.

(By the way, tumblr is, unsurprisingly, completely unsuited to that kind of operation. Half of my old posts didn’t even show on the dashboard when I first loaded it)

I’m not disowning everything I previously said, specially with regards to feminism and gender issues, but I am now ashamed of buying into the conservative way of framing social issues, which claims that the biggest problem we are facing right now is an overabundance of “political correctness” pushed by overzealous millenials. Of course, assuming that is even a real issue, it pales in comparison to the usual scourges of society: racism and other forms of discrimination, economic inequality, ecological destruction, etc. Basically all the things the right denies, or encourages more or less directly.

That said, I probably won’t post much more in the way of opinions. But at least I will have restored some coherency between that blog and my actual politics.

0 notes

junker-town · 6 years

Text

NFL Dad, Week 16: Pay it forward

On Christmas, SB Nation’s RedZone diarist looks back on a season of football and parenting

Christmas is difficult, even if you like it. As the days grow shorter, the responsibilities mount. You need to buy more gifts than is financially responsible. Buy and decorate a tree. Purchase and send Christmas cards. Arrange travel during the most difficult season to travel. And if you’re a parent, there’s a whole other slew of things to be bought and baked and dropped off at school.

Perhaps you are the kind of person who buys gifts throughout the year, then labels and stores them in a logical place. Maybe you can come home after a long day of work and crank out 30 Christmas cards while listening to Bing Crosby. I am not that person. I abuse my Amazon Prime membership to get gifts delivered in time, and I still end up shopping on Christmas Eve, which is also when I wrap gifts. The holiday cards we send — kids smiling, bullet points about the family — inevitably get mailed in the days after Christmas. (They say “Happy New Year” for a reason.)

On Friday, my grandmother had a massive aneurysm near her heart. She survived surgery but lost a kidney; the doctors said that similar conditions are fatal 90% of the time, and of the 10% who survive, 90% never leave the hospital again.

And of course I hadn’t sent her card yet. I dashed off an attempt to be positive, commending her toughness through the ordeal, which wasn’t over. I dropped it in the mail, and she died 12 hours later.

She never met my kids, but that didn’t stop her from lavishing them with gifts on their birthdays and Christmas. I called infrequently and visited less. And because of who I am, a bullshit deadline artist who can’t work ahead of schedule, a nice old lady didn’t get to see a couple more pictures of her great-grandchildren before she died.

I woke up to the news on Christmas Eve morning. My wife asked if I needed a few minutes. “I think so?” I said, and she went to get the kids up. But they were attuned to my absence. My son caught a glimpse of me in the doorway, and he ran to me yelling, “DADDY! DADDY!” with my daughter in hot pursuit. I gathered them in my arms and told them that I loved them, and if they didn’t see my tears, it’s only because they don’t yet understand that I’m fallible, flawed.

I wept because I can never repay the love I’ve gotten. I wept because I can only pay it forward.

In lieu of play-by-play of Week 16 RedZone action, this week’s NFL Dad is a retrospective on the season so far.

Week 1: Tony Romo’s announcing debut

Football: Tony Romo in the announcing booth is “like breathing pure oxygen after YEARS of Phil Simms leaking carbon monoxide into my home.” Elsewhere, Tom Savage gets mauled by the Jags for six sacks in the first half, and Bill O’Brien accidentally discovers that Deshaun Watson is his franchise quarterback.

Parenting:

Quick story from the kids’ birthday party. One of the dads there had a thick orange cast on his hand. He was a bookish guy: slim, glasses, graying hair and gray beard neatly trimmed — a Brooklyn Dad like many other Brooklyn Dads. One of the other dads gestured to his cast and said, “What happened?”

He sighed. “I smashed it pretty bad at Burning Man.” A long pause, and none of us interrupted it. He added: “... as one does.”

Week 2: Sick kids and dog vomit

Football:

In Pittsburgh, Sam Bradford is a late scratch due to his knee rejecting last week’s touchdown implant. Case Keenum will start, and if I had a bookie I would put my salary on the Steelers today.

Parenting:

My daughter broke her clavicle last week. It’s a common injury for young children, not just Tony Romo. She fell out of a chair a few minutes before we had to leave for her second day of preschool, and I didn’t think it was a serious injury at the time. “We have to go! Can’t miss the second day of school!” was my thinking. I should be an NFL team doctor.

So she’s in a sling for Week 2 of the NFL season (and for the next four weeks) while my son happily toddles around the house. Just kidding! My son is battling a 102-degree fever and an ear infection. Ha HA! Let’s watch some football!

Week 3: Protests, Naps, and Guacamole

Football: The 0-2 Saints start doing wild stuff like playing defense in their win over the Panthers; the insane ending to first half of Steelers-Bears deserves revisiting; Deshaun Watson’s brilliance isn’t enough to overcome the Pats in New England; the Eagles need a 61-yard field goal at the end of the game to beat the Giants.

Parenting:

My son’s other obsession tonight — besides smashing his face into the couch — is the hokey-pokey. He’s no good at putting his hand in and shaking it all about, but he DOMINATES at turning around. He spins around in circles until he careens left and crashes into the credenza. He thinks it’s hilarious. He is correct.

Week 4: Disney Princesses are a scourge

Football: Antonio Brown gets angry and flips a Gatorade cooler; the Dolphins get shut out in London while Jay Cutler’s no-effort Wildcat play goes viral; Dalvin Cook’s season ends with an ACL tear; the Jets beat the Jaguars in overtime; the Bucs defense is so bad that Eli Manning scores on a 14-yard scramble.

Parenting:

With the exception of Moana and maybe Frozen, the rest of the Disney princesses are a scourge on parenthood. The Disney Princess Industrial Complex essentially operates like the anti-vaccine movement. No matter how many parents want to raise their daughters to be action-oriented, independent problem solvers, there’s always a nanny or a grandmother who’s pushing Sleeping Beauty or Snow White (which are the SAME DAMN STORY), and that shit spreads like the plague.

And regardless of your feelings on feminism, the message isn’t a great one to send your kids. “Got a problem? Just go to sleep and someone will take care of it.” That only works if your dad owns an NFL team.

Week 5: Apple picking season

Football: Myles Garrett gets a sack on his first NFL snap; the Browns finally get their first lead of the season (it doesn’t last); Ben Roethlisberger throws five INTs, including consecutive pick-sixes, in a blowout to the visiting Jags; Odell Beckham suffers a season-ending injury; HOOOOO-WEEEEE look at this Cassel-Cutler shootout at the half.

Matt Ufford

Parenting:

My son is up from his nap. He sleepily staggers over and throws his arms around me in a big hug. I know that doesn’t really pop off the screen as anything special, but trust me when I say my brain is FLOODED with dopamine from his carefree smile and chubby arms.

This is the bone that human biology throws to parents. “Oh, is every day with a young child the hardest thing you’ve ever experienced? FINE, bathe in the warmth of infinite love.” And all of us stupid parents are like, “Oh, yeah, that’s good. This is worth surrendering my house to childproofing measures and chiming plastic bullshit.”

Week 6: Daughter’s birthday party; Aaron Rodgers injured

Football:

The Falcons were 11.5-point favorites at home, and they lost to Jay Cutler. Gonna have to fumigate the whole stadium after that one.

Parenting:

My daughter runs into the room wearing a pink cape. She eats a tortilla chip that my son discarded on the couch. “I’m a superhero!” she says.

“What’s your superhero name?” I ask.

“HMMMMM.” She has obviously not done the groundwork on her origin story.

“Are you the Pink Crusader?”

“Yeah!” She runs out of the room, then runs back in. “I’m a superhero!”

“What’s your superhero name?” I ask again.

She yells, “The Pink Crusader!” Again, she runs out of the room.

She runs back in and stops in front of me. She casually leans an arm on the couch and says, “I’m the Pink Crusader.”

Week 7: Pumpkin flavored everything

Football:

The Bears earned zero first downs in the second half and became the first NFL team to win with fewer than five completed passes since ... the last time John Fox coached in the NFL. I’d rather have a block of cement coach my team.

Also, Joe Thomas tears his triceps :(

Parenting:

My sister had kids years before I did, and I was the typical ignorant drunk uncle when it came to her devotion to the kids’ naps and schedule. “What’s with the schedule? Why can’t the kids just power through this one time?” Because the schedule is GOD, man! The schedule is all powerful. It is the weather; it is the earth beneath your feet. Reject it and your life will be untethered from reality, a nonstop maelstrom of tears and tantrums.

Week 8: Halloween is my daughter’s Super Bowl

Football:

The Texans-Seahawks barnburner owns the late afternoon games. And while Deshaun Watson and Russell Wilson will rightly be remembered as the stars of the game, I’d like to point out that at one point Pete Carroll challenged a Wilson incomplete pass, claiming it was a fumble. The challenge was successful, and the fumble forward was good for a first down. That game was WILD.

Parenting:

MIRACLE: Both of my kids are eating their dinner without complaint or hesitation. They ignore the TV to pay attention to the Halloween book my wife is reading. Years from now, when their grade school teacher praises their attention spans, I’m gonna get up in the middle of the parent-teacher conference and do Mick Jagger’s rooster strut.

Week 9: Daylight Savings and Football Fights

Football: Julio Jones drops a wide-open touchdown in the end zone on 4th down; Tyreke Hill scores on an end-of-half Hail Mary that was 40-plus yards short of the end zone (the Alex Smith special); A.J. Green and Jaelen Ramsey are both ejected after Ramsey provokes the normally calm Green into an MMA takedown.

Parenting:

I want to make it clear that when your 18-month-old child usually naps for 2-3 hours in the afternoon, then circumvents that with a 25-minute doze before noon, you don’t just have an awake kid instead of a sleeping kid. You have a walking tire fire instead of two hours of silence. I will run for office and/or lead a revolution to eliminate seasonal clock changes.

Also, this memory would be lost forever if not for this dumb column:

[My daughter] brings over a small bowl of cashews, climbs onto the couch, and sits next to me. I say, “Oh, you brought me cashews!” as I take one, because Stock Dad is the role I was born to play. But then she feeds me a cashew, so I feed her one. And we go on that way until the bowl is empty. There’s football on TV, I guess.

Week 10: Poop. Poop everywhere.

Football: In the fantasy crime of the year, the Saints score six touchdowns on the ground while Drew Brees throws for none; rampant stupidity at the end of Chargers-Jaguars leads to overtime; John Fox challenges his team having 1st and goal at the 2, resulting in a Bears turnover. Coaching Move of the Year.

Parenting:

It’s weird the different stages kids can be at despite being similar sizes. My daughter, at age 3, is capable of having a conversation and expressing her feelings with words. My son, 18 months, understands everything we say, but is less a human than an organic chaos engine. The kid does forward-facing trust falls off stairs.

Week 11: National Interception Day

Football: Jay Cutler throws three interceptions in the first half, Alex Smith throws two against the Giants (including one on a shovel pass), Shane Vereen and Travis Kelce both throw picks on trick plays, and Nathan Peterman tosses FIVE on 14 passing attempts in a single half against the Chargers. Also, this Brock Osweiler interception is my favorite play of the year:

PICK-6-OHHH NO! Dre Kirkpatrick nearly has a 101-yard PICK-6... But fumbles inside the 5. Wow. #CINvsDEN http://pic.twitter.com/zUyPI5Q0xZ

— NFL (@NFL) November 19, 2017

Parenting:

My daughter is 3 years old and has still never seen Moana (or any movie), but frequent exposure to the soundtrack and a couple of plot points — “Moana has to save her people” — gives my daughter enough information to guide her body language, and we can see it in the way she play-acts.

When she’s Cinderella, I have to pretend to put a gown on her, and we dance together at the ball. When she’s Rapunzel, she flips her hair around; Ariel, and she holds up a scarf as a bikini. But when she’s Moana, she throws her shoulders back, struts with purpose, and thrusts her fist into the air — something she’d only previously done when saying, “I’m Batman!”

Week 12: Things fall apart

Football: Alex Smith implodes (again); Julio Jones destroys the Bucs; Broncos-Raiders is barely underway before the main event, Crabtree-Talib II: The Re-Snatchening.

Parenting:

I’m familiar with the schools of thought that say you shouldn’t incentivize potty training, and that’s how we started off, too. Then my daughter started holding in poops for several days before struggling to crank out the hardened rock in her butt, and we implemented a multi-tiered system of bribes that would put FIFA to shame.

Week 13: Christmas season!

Football: Tom Brady yells at Josh McDaniels; Eli Manning’s ironman streak is snapped by McAdoo-induced self-benching; the Jets-Chiefs shootout ends in Marcus Peters throwing a referee’s flag into the stands.

Parenting:

The kids play Ring Around the Rosie, and at the end of the song, only my daughter falls down. She looks at me from her back. “I just scored a touchdown.”

“Oh yeah?” I ask.

“I’m the Seahawks!”

My wife cuts in. “If you were the Seahawks, you wouldn’t get in the end zone so easily.” HARSH, WOMAN.

Week 14: SNOWBALL!

Football: LeSean McCoy carries the Bills to an overtime win over the Colts in a blizzard; Cam Newton single-handedly defeats the Vikings; the Browns choke away a two-touchdown lead against Brett Hundley’s Packers to keep their winless record intact; the Eagles-Rams heavyweight bout lives up to its billing, but Carson Wentz is lost to a torn ACL.

Parenting:

Before I had kids, diapers were the thing I feared most about parenthood. Which is stupid, because the thing you end up fearing most in the entire world is your own mortality. Diapers are fine.

That said, I just changed a diaper filled with the scent of death and campaign promises.

Week 15: Get used to disappointment

Football: Aaron Rodgers returns to save the Packers’ season, but the Panthers win to kill their dreams; Nick Foles coolly throws four touchdowns in his first start in relief of Wentz; catch rule shenanigans continue, with the ending of Patriots-Steelers the most pear-shaped; Teddy Bridgewater retakes the field to throw an interception.

Parenting:

Two- and 3-year-old kids have moods like the weather: Sometimes a thunderstorm hits, and there’s not much you can do but hole up and wait for it to pass. Eventually, the sun breaks through like nothing happened. As a parent, you feel your child owes you an explanation or apology for the 30 minutes you just lost, but you’ll get none. The weather has changed. You may as well shout at the sky, demand an explanation from the passing clouds.

Merry Christmas, everyone. Thank you for dealing with me and my kids this season. NFL Dad will be back with an especially loaded Week 17 edition next week.

0 notes

legalsteroidhnv-blog · 7 years

Text

Steroid Effects For Teenagers and Young Bodybuilders

The steroid impacts for youngsters and youthful muscle heads are in reality quite recently enough to panic the normal person and keep him or her from utilizing these medications legal steroids reviews. The Media has an uncanny propensity to report terrible impacts as being sure beyond a shadow of a doubt. In any case, it is critical for all youngsters and youthful muscle heads to take note of that the majority of the results expressed underneath are caused by the mishandle of such substances.

Steroids are the absolute most capable medications and even cautious clients will experience the ill effects of their potential negative reactions. Those jocks who are so intrigued by augmenting their bodies and extending their muscles ought to likewise be careful with these impacts. You can't absolutely take out androgenic impacts since they are the most widely recognized reviews legal steroids impacts that occur in all sex-based tissues. This infers those steroids that create anabolic impacts are likewise the ones whose reactions are the minimum attractive.

For male youngsters and youthful muscle heads, the normal condition of the hormones will create such symptoms as reviews legal steroids quickening the example of hairless ness that is so regular with generally men. The sex drive is additionally extensively lessened notwithstanding a reduced sperm tally. The improvement of the bosoms will likewise be quickened and I am certain no man needs these bosoms legal steroids reviews. Aside from these, the balls will recoil significantly. This implies men will encounter expanded feminization.

Then again, female adolescents and youthful muscle heads will turn out to be more solid by the procedure of masculization. The symptoms of utilizing such medications will augment the clitoris. There will likewise be impressive (and badly designed) changes in the menstrual cycle. Likewise, they will lose their piercing voices and create further, man-like voices. Also, the bosoms will be diminished in estimate Legal steroids reviews. Aside from this, the most exceedingly terrible symptom might be that most ladies will be scourged by hair loss that is male-designed. In any case, the issue that is finally too much to bear will be the hair that will develop on the face, for example, whiskers, mustaches and side consumes.

In any case, it is not everything to mishandling these substances. Steroid impacts for youngsters and youthful weight lifters, both male and female, will likewise involve an expanded danger of misery from skin illness. This incorporates legal steroids reviews blisters and skin break out. You will likewise be helpless to such cardiovascular illnesses like heart assaults and strokes. You may likewise experience the ill effects of ailments to your liver, for example, disease and growths. At long last, you may likewise get such mental reactions like uncommon hostility and sadness.

0 notes

junker-town · 7 years

Text

NFL Dad, Week 4: More chili and fewer Disney princesses, please

One dad, two toddlers, and six hours of the RedZone Channel: The story

I missed the national anthem because I was making chili.

I did not mean it as a slight to the flag, or to myself as a veteran. I honor and respect my own service. I merely wanted to make sure that the chili came to a boil before I turned it down to simmer for the next several hours.

It’s the first weekend of football where the weather feels like fall, and that means chili. Like certain other internet football writers, I love making chili. But I do not have a spicy chili take for you. My chili take is the same as my guacamole take: the bar is extremely low to be very delicious. Everyone has their magical secret that they claim is the KEY to the tastiest chili on the planet, and they should embrace the truth that gives them the best chili experience. But I think the greater truth is that chili is the ‘94 Cowboys, and we’re all just Barry Switzer.

Hey, don’t feel bad. Switzer won a Super Bowl! He’s like if Mike McCarthy had swag.

EARLY GAMES, FIRST HALF

— Jaguars-Jets, man. We really gonna do this?

And yet: Blake Bortles actually converts a third-and-nine with a real pass, and a few plays later he finds Leonard Fournette on a swing pass for a touchdown. 7-0 Jags in MetLife.

Next drive: Bilal Powell falls to the ground after lunging through the line, then gets up and sprints through the Jacksonville D for a 75-yard touchdown, the longest run in Jets history.

This is gonna be the best game today, huh?

— My son is about to go down for his nap, so I read him The House in the Night, which sounds like a horror movie but I swear is a very good bedtime book for young children. As I read, he glances up at Rams-Cowboys, so I hold the book directly in front of his face. How am I supposed to explain to my kids that the Rams have a good offense?

The kids go down within three minutes of each other. Naptime songs: a Spanish lullaby called “Los Pollitos” for my daughter and “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” for my son. I sing or hear “Twinkle Twinkle” probably 10 times a day. It’s the only song my daughter ever requests, and my son has now started humming it throughout the day. You know who sings a great version of it? Lisa Loeb. I long for the day when my kids are hooked on Moana. Moana bangs.

— In one of my fantasy leagues, I’m facing Ezekiel Elliott AND Todd Gurley, making every click to Rams-Cowboys fraught with anxiety. Naturally, Zeke is already scoring on a simple swing pass to the left. Alec Ogletree tried to tackle Elliott by the shoulders instead of pushing him out of bounds. The result: Ogletree is the one who goes flying out of bounds.

— With the exception of Moana and maybe Frozen, the rest of the Disney princesses are a scourge on parenthood. The Disney Princess Industrial Complex essentially operates like the anti-vaccine movement. No matter how many parents want to raise their daughters to be action-oriented, independent problem solvers, there’s always a nanny or a grandmother who’s pushing Sleeping Beauty or Snow White (which are the SAME DAMN STORY), and that shit spreads like the plague.

— Will Fuller catches a 16-yard touchdown from Deshaun Watson, and the Texans are up on the Titans 21-0 early in the 2nd quarter. Wow, isn’t it crazy that the rookie quarterback most prepared for the pros was the guy who was the best player on the field in consecutive national title games against Alabama? Who could have foreseen that? The guy just flew under the radar.

Good job by the Bears to trade up to get the guy who started for NC State for a year, though.

— My daughter is infected with that princess virus, by the way. After spending the last week obsessed with Ariel and The Little Mermaid, the new game we played outside today is “I’m Cinderella!” She pretends to put on a dress, rides in a coach to the ball (the other side of the courtyard), dances, then leaves the ball. Then we play again. And again. And again.

You ever throw a tennis ball for a tireless Labrador retriever? It’s like that. Early on, I make all the horsey sounds on the way to the ball, and I pick her up and waltz in circles while humming “The Blue Danube” (FULL DISCLOSURE: this moment is magical, and by itself justifies having children). By the fifth time, though, it’s like, “OK, sweetie, have fun at the ball,” while I sit on the pavement.

I have never given my daughter a fairy tale book or Disney media of any kind, by the way. Kids just end up with the knowledge and matériel through their toddler network of spies and informants.

— Alfred Morris breaks off a 70-yard run, and I’m enthralled by the prospect of a Cowboys touchdown being scored by someone other than Elliott. But of COURSE Morris gets tackled a few yards short of the goal line.

Zeke, of course, punches it in from two yards out. But wait! It gets overturned on review; the officials rule he was short of the end zone. So, Zeke immediately gets the ball again and scores easily. The lesson? Never play fantasy football.

— I’m seeing it more on Twitter than on RedZone, but Antonio Brown went wild on the Steelers sideline, flipping a Gatorade cooler and yelling at coaches after not getting the ball deep on third down despite being open. Look at this topspin! Rafael Nadal would be jealous.

If you’re inclined to chastise Brown for the angry display, please keep in mind that he has to interact with Todd Haley six days a week. That would push anyone the edge.

— Gio Bernard takes a screen pass and goes 61 yards completely untouched to put the Bengals up 21-0 over the Browns, and I think that’s all I need to write about this game today. The Battle of Ohio: There Couldn’t Possibly Be Less at Stake™.

— Dalvin Cook scores a short TD to put Vikings up 7-3 over the Lions just before halftime. This game has been punt-filled death slog, but Cook justifies its existence. Like Deshaun Watson at quarterback, Cook was the running back who, if you watched what he did in college, you naturally assumed he would be good in the pros*. It’s why I drafted him on three of my four fantasy teams. Love that guy.

*statement applies only to sane people who aren’t NFL scouts

— Juju Smith-Schuster scores and has an INCREDIBLY good TD celebration.

HADOUKEN http://pic.twitter.com/gdHBwEOlmW

— Mike Tunison (@xmasape) October 1, 2017

After the game, Smith-Schuster will insist that this is the kamehameha from Dragon Ball Z, but that’s only because he never had the pleasure of playing Street Fighter.

— Stephen Gostkowski doinks in a 50-yard field goal as the first half ends. The Pats trail 17-16 at home to the Panthers. QUELLE INTRIGUE!

— Facing fourth-and-21 on their own 47 with 22 seconds left in the half, the Jets run a fake punt ... and convert it! Incredible. The MOST Jetsy thing the Jets could have done is hilariously mess that up, but the second-most Jetsy thing is convert it by having one Jet collide into the Jet ballcarrier, inadvertently redirecting him away from tacklers.

... Annnnnnd they missed the ensuing field goal. (*jazz hands*) The Aristo-Jets!

EARLY GAMES, SECOND HALF

— At halftime of the early games, I get to see highlights from this morning’s Dolphins-Saints game in London. Oh my Lord, the Dolphins got shut out by the Saints. THE SAINTS!!! And just a week after Miami managed just six points against the Jets. The Dolphins should be contracted immediately.

I can only assume this was a Cutlerian performance for the ages. (*performs quick Google search*)

Cutler really selling his role in the Wildcat at the bottom of the screen http://pic.twitter.com/WgHxXvxlHL

— Mike Tunison (@xmasape) October 1, 2017

Ohhhh yeah, that’s the stuff! He’s still my favorite NFL player who doesn’t want to be in the NFL.

— The Bills score a defensive TD on a scoop-and-score to take the lead in Atlanta. It’s a questionable call: it could or maybe even should have been ruled a forward pass, but there hasn’t been much about this game that suggests the Falcons should be winning anyway.

— Will Fuller scores on 10-yard fade, his second TD. hey, welcome back, Will Fuller! I remember being excited about Fuller’s career after he opened it with back-to-back 100-yard games. And then: BROCKED. He spent the rest of 2016 in the same barren wilds as DeAndre Hopkins, running fruitless routes as Osweiler checked down to C.J. Fiedorowicz and Ryan Griffin underneath. I hope Fuller and Hopkins score 20 touchdowns apiece this season. They deserve it.

P.S. Deshaun Watson was the top-ranked quarterback in the draft according to ESPN, Sports Illustrated, Pro Football Focus, and (of course) SB Nation. He was the third selected. The two quarterbacks taken ahead of him have thrown a combined zero passes this season. Try to remember this when the Lamar Jackson smear campaign starts next spring.

— Dalvin Cook grabs his left knee mid-play and fumbles. NOOOOOOO my dear sweet Dalvin! That’s an ACL tear. No need to wait for the reports, that’s as obvious as can be. The Vikings have a 7-6 lead, 25 minutes to play, and Case Keenum at quarterback. I am etching VIKINGS LOSE in my stone tablet.

Elsewhere, Marcus Mariota is out with a hamstring injury, and Julio Jones is out with a hip injury (the Falcons have also lost Mohamed Sanu). No one can have any fun things.

— The Bills appear to be leaning on the run:

11-minute field goal drive by Buffalo. I didn't enjoy it, but it was beautiful

— jason (@JasonKirkSBN) October 1, 2017

— On first-and-goal in Foxborough, Cam Newton keeps a read-option and barrels into the end zone. The Panthers are up two touchdowns in New England with 13 minutes to play, and the Pats defense looks like butt.

The Patriots have allowed the opposing QB to throw for 300+ pass yards in all 4 games this season. They had 3 such games all of last season

— NFL Research (@NFLResearch) October 1, 2017

CORRECTION: The Pats defense IS butt.

— Our dog is giving my wife and I the nervous look that tells us she has to pee. My wife volunteers to take her for a walk, but says, “I’m wearing short-shorts.” Our son is sleeping in our room, so she has no access to warmer pants.

“I cannot help you,” I say, assuming she can be cold for a minute.

“You can give me your pants,” she says. I weigh nearly one-and-half times what she does; my canvas pants seem unlikely to fit.

But I know which battles to fight in marriage, and this hand is an easy fold. Off go my pants. She puts them on. “Do I look like a man?” she asks.

“The important thing is that you’ll be warm,” is the thing I should have said.

— Todd Gurley splits out wide and catches a slant, then looks like Sammy Watkins as he races past the defense. The touchdown gives the Rams the lead, 26-24.

— (*spins Wheel of Misfortune*) C’monnn, Jets! Show me Jets! (*wheel lands on JETS*)

.@MYLESJACK. WOW. 82-yard fumble return TD! #JAXvsNYJ http://pic.twitter.com/MBo9v9P0T8

— NFL (@NFL) October 1, 2017

— Watch out, world! Matt Cassel is here to bring the Titans back! ... down to Earth. Or perhaps a little lower than that. His second interception in seven throws is a pick-six. It’s 54-14, Texans.

Is it still political to suggest that perhaps an NFL team should employ Colin Kaepernick?

— The endings of the early games happen in a flurry just as my children wake up, and it’s goddamn pandemonium in my home. This is merely a summary:

The Falcons choke twice and lose.

The Vikings pretend to have a chance, but they never did.

The Cowboys can’t keep up with the Rams’ furious field goal kicking. Greg Zuerlein finishes with seven FGs and the Cowboys fall, 35-30.

Tom Brady leads the Pats on a comeback to tie the game, but the Panthers kick a game-winning field goal as time expires. The Bills lead the AFC East. The Pats are tied with the Jets. MWAHAHAHAHAHA.

LATE GAMES, FIRST HALF

— This week in Marshawn Lynch:

Raiders RB Marshawn Lynch wearing an "Everybody vs Trump" T-shirt: http://pic.twitter.com/7aiCUbjLUD

— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) October 1, 2017

This Marshawn Lynch and Kevin Durant mural in Oakland is amazing ( : jc.ro / Instagram) http://pic.twitter.com/VIcPdIPqdq

— SB Nation (@SBNation) October 1, 2017

— The chaos of the post-nap toddler rodeo is tamped down by breadsticks and hummus. When in doubt, feed the children.

— All of the early games are over except Jaguars-Jets:

We have OVERTIME! #JAXvsNYJ

— NFL (@NFL) October 1, 2017

I assume the NFL is trying to convey excitement, but it makes more sense if you read that as an urgent public warning. “EVERYBODY! Calmly and quickly move to the exits. This game is going to OVERTIME!”

— Mike Evans scores a touchdown to post the Bucs to an early 7-0 over the Giants in Tampa, where it is 92 degrees and raining on the first day of October. NEVER TAMPA.

— Chili time! It’s only a little after 4:00 — nowhere close to dinner time — but I didn’t eat lunch. Come to think of it, did I even eat breakfast? I take stock of the food I’ve eaten today, and 100% of my food intake is scraps that my children didn’t finish. No wonder I’m running on empty. I fill a ramekin with chili (a full bowl would ruin dinner!) and top it with cheese.

— The Jets win. Whoop-dee-doo. I maintain that we should have sent both teams home with a tie and spared everyone the thrill of extra Josh McCown.

— Some Bronco named Derby makes a spectacular one-handed catch on the sideline for a touchdown.

Easily the best play of the day so far, and it was made by someone I’ve never heard of until today. It’s been a while since Peyton Manning made fantasy owners know every tight end on the Bronco depth chart.

— I put my daughter’s hair in a ponytail, then secure the stray hair that falls into her face with a bow. I couldn’t do this a month ago. I’ve had short hair all my life; making a ponytail was an entirely new life skill.

And before you laugh: yes, I technically knew how to make one. But knowing how and actually doing it are two very different things. Like, I know how to make that one-handed catch that Derby made, but I couldn’t attempt it without falling on my face and/or suffering several pulled muscles. Same thing with giving a toddler a ponytail: pull one little hair, and you’ve got tears, screaming, and no second chance.

— It’s 4:51 and MAYBE I’m having a second ramekin of chili. ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME.

— Tyrell Williams scores on a 75-yard bomb from Philip Rivers. I love to joke about Rivers’ floaty passes, but that was a perfect bomb.

— 5:12 p.m.: The second ramekin of chili was a mistake. I can barely keep my eyes open.

The kids don’t get chili, by the way. This is partly because neither is potty-trained, and I don’t want to deal with the diapers. But it’s also because my daughter says, “Too spicy!” even though I didn’t add the habanero that gives the chili the heat I like it to have SPECIFICALLY so she could try it. Parenting: Enjoy everything you love just a little less.™

— Eli Manning scrambles for a touchdown from 14 yards out, his first rushing TD since 2014. He now leads the Giants in rushing scores. He had -9 rushing yards all last season.

The Giants are down 13-10 now, but whatever the final score ends up being, the Bucs lose.

— After two near-turnovers on one drive, Carson Palmer is sacked on third down, forcing a punt. He looks terrible. Cards trail 6-3 late in the first half. The less I say about this game, the better. (The only other note I have from this half is “Hoyer armpunt.”)

— SO SLEEPY.

LATE GAMES, SECOND HALF

— Halftime of the late games coincides nicely with my kids’ bath time, so I chase my daughter around the apartment while she yells “NAKED KID IN THE HOUSE” before I can finally get her in the tub. And for once, my kids actually deign to (A) sit down in the tub and (B) bathe together without fighting. My daughter puts bubbles on her little brother (“I’m giving him a bubble tank top!”), then wraps a plastic T-Rex in a wash cloth to keep him warm. Reptiles ARE cold-blooded, you know.

— I’m relieved there’s no Seahawks game until tonight. I don’t know how it usually reads in the column, but trying to watch your dumb stupid moron team protect its excellent quarterback by diving onto the ground while you try to guide your children through dinner, baths, and a calm period before bedtime is goddamn RUINOUS for my nerves. Banish the Seahawks to Monday Night Football every week, I say.

Unfortunately, the Niners lead the Cards 9-6 and this game looks EXTREMELY like the usual Seahawks bullshit. Yes, technically, this is NFC West bullshit, but we know who patient zero is.

— Every announcer calls Eli Manning “Eli.” So annoying. Did he send you a Christmas card? No? Then call him “Manning” like a professional. He’s not your best friend. He’s not your little brother. He’s a paste-eating 36-year-old who’s got one wish left from the genie.

Related: the Bucs are losing 17-16 at the end of the third quarter. How can you lose to this Giants team? Oh right, make Eli Manning look like Marcus Mariota.

— I read my son Boats Go while Denver kicks a field goal to go up 13-7. It’s a great board book for young toddlers: it’s just a bunch of different kinds of boats that you make the sounds for. My son, who typically jumps out of my lap to go crash through a wall three pages into any book, laughs and claps throughout.

There are other books in the series — Trains Go, Planes Go, Cars Go, etc — but the boats are where it’s at. Every train sounds the same, don’t try to sell me lies.

— My RedZone picture keeps freezing, sometimes for minutes at a time. From what I can tell, Khalil Mack is the only Raider on defense.

— My daughter is finally out of the bath after 30 minutes. “My hands are wrink-a-dee,” she says, and I don’t want to correct her. Kids saying things wrong is one of my favorite little things about being a parent. She calls triangles “tri-ang-guh-rulls,” and the extra syllable reminds me of Homer Simpson saying “saxomophone.”

— The backlash to Tony Romo has already begun, and it’s too much for even a cynical and weary internet traveler like myself.

Listening to Tony Romo is like getting puppies thrown at you with ever-increasing velocity

— Jay Busbee (@jaybusbee) October 1, 2017

He’s still great! I’m amazed that people can love a guy in Week 1 and turn on him by Week 4. Y’all are never gonna have a successful marriage.

— I click to CBS for Romo’s call of OAK-DEN because my RedZone has been frozen for too long, then back and forth between the two network games (the other is TB-NYG), like some kind of prole. Ugh.

— Mike Evans with a drop on first-and-10 at the slightest bit of contact. Now, I love Evans. He has no good comparison in the NFL: He’s totally unique in his size and ability in the red zone, but man, his floor is Kenny Britt.

Ben McAdoo challenges the play (he thinks it’s a fumble), but of course he loses the challenge and a timeout. McAdoo’s entire vibe is “gym teacher going through a divorce,” but he’d still win a custody hearing before a coach’s challenge.

That drop leads to the Bucs going for it on fourth-and-two, and the pass to Cameron Brate falls incomplete.

The best 4th down throw the Bucs have is a slant to a TE who isn't OJ Howard?? I'm selling my Bucs stock.

— Geoff Schwartz (@geoffschwartz) October 1, 2017

— Derek Carr out with a back injury, and Oakland is down 16-7 in Denver. Enter E.J. Manuel. This game is over.

— The ticker says 49ers-Cardinals is 12-12. Iowa-ass game.

— While I was putting the kids to bed, the Giants took the lead in Tampa. But I’m back for Nick Folk’s game-winning field goal from 34 yards out. Bucs win! Giants cover!

— OF COURSE the 49ers and Cardinals are going to overtime. Each team has scored one field goal per quarter so far, let’s kick some more field goals and call it a tie.

I am dead serious: I reject the entire notion of regular-season overtime. Y’all played 60 minutes of skullsmash and ended up with the same amount of points? Congratulations, that’s a tie, we’ll see you again next week.

Like, we have super-computers that can figure ties into playoff seeding and draft position; why do people get so mad about ties? “DURRRR it’s like kissing your sister!” No it’s not. Two teams finishing a game with the same number of points is nothing like incestuous foreplay. Let them play overtime in the playoffs, when the games NEED to have a winner.

Anyway, with the Niners leading 15-12, Larry Fitzgerald scores a last-minute touchdown for the Cardinals to win the game. Some people will use this to celebrate overtime’s existence, but I don’t think the ends justify the means. Overtime still blows.

I’m having another bowl of chili.

0 notes