#i am immune to whatever she does to people. i don't hate her but i don't really like her either she simply just Exists to me. she is Mid!

[girlwiththegreenhat]

who give a shit about tayIor swift

#liz blogs #i saw an instagram post from someone like 'why is everyone who doesnt like taylor swift like mean and boring and sexist' like what . huh #she's just another mid celebrity i literally don't get why she's miles more popular than the next famous blonde_woman.mdl in hollywood #i'm not even being a Hater(tm) i literally . don't get it. i'm sorry. she made like two catchy songs in 2010. is that her whole Thing #'mid' isn't even being a hater it just means like. moderate. neither good nor bad. Middle. #are you guys ok does she have some kind of siren or mind control power #i am immune to whatever she does to people. i don't hate her but i don't really like her either she simply just Exists to me. she is Mid! #i've heard her music! i have no idea what's different about her that nets her this kind of insane rabid fanbase. i am lost #i spelled her first name with an i instead of an L lest her fans act like i just called her a slur and threatened her actual life #instead of just saying i don't get what the big deal is and she's not really any more or less special or talented than the next artist #you'll hear on the radio #anyway this post has been brought to you by 'why tf is she on the explore page'

[patronsaintofwant]

could u elaborate on what you dislike about the tlou show? i would love to hear your thoughts /genuine

okay. i will now.

first of all, i will say i have been a long time fan of the games. i remember playing the first one when i must have been.. what? eleven at the youngest. my stepdad needed to do something and asked me to keep the game going, just don't get him killed, right? it's the winter arc. for those who don't know, it's the part in the story where joel is gravely injured, and ellie basically has to fend for herself. so my stepfather has left me alone with the game, and i am suddenly a fourteen year old, fending for myself in the middle of winter.

enough of nostalgia i guess. i played until he came back. i thought about it for a while, and then it went away.

when the second game came out, i took the time to watch through both game plays, then got to play the games through myself. i knew about the controversy that the second game brought, but all i could feel was pain, with no idea where to put it. i had never felt this with another video game, which i had played plenty at this point.

the story was.. well, i don't know. to me, it's nearly overwhelming to think about. there is something so unique about playing through a story. but, i'll say, the games i had played before this had largely been choice-based games, butterfly effect. the last of us isn't, and it's this way on purpose.

the last of us marketed itself as a zombie game, survival, apocalyptic, whatever. this was at the height of the dystopian genre. it was a popular game, large audience. but as people played, they realized this was different. it was barely a zombie game. if anything, as you play, the zombies almost become a nuisance, an obstacle. because they aren't what this story is about. it's about joel and ellie.

now this is where the show comes in.

ellie is immune, but she doesn't want to be. the biggest part of her character is guilt, of being a survivor. ever since she first got bit with her best friend, and she turned, but ellie didn't, she has been waiting to die. she never, ever wanted to hurt anyone. not even people who wanted to hurt her. even when she has to, it makes her sick, it disturbs and traumatizes her. she lets nothing go.

joel, since the day his daughter dies, is a dead man walking. he doesn't want to care anymore, and for a while he doesn't. he doesn't tell tess. they communicate mentally while the torture and kill. it's innate. this is how they are.

and with ellie. well, with ellie, he's an asshole. he's rude and distant. he explicitly tells her he doesn't care about her in the beginning. he wants her to know this. he doesn't want her to care.

but as you the story goes on, joel and ellie have no choice but to be around each other. they don't like each other. whatever the writers of the show say, they weren't meant to be together. they aren't like magnets. that's the point. that's the whole point. as the story goes on, ellie tells jokes, she wants so desperately to make joel laugh, she tells him about the comics she stole. she asks him about his life before the pandemic. she talks about her friend before (even though he had said to keep their histories to themselves). she wants him to know, anyways. she wants him to care. and joel. well. he goes around and finds comics she'd like. he worries about her for no reason, and she does the same. they find themselves counting on each other, returning favors. they find themselves gaining allies, and then in the midst of the trauma of losing them. ellie does things she hates herself for. and joel tells her it's okay, it's okay. she helps him finally talk about her daughter again. it's alright. he's thankful.

they're in this story because they have to be. there are no other choices to be made. they aren't drawn to each other. and yet, they still find they're beside each other.

the point is love. of course it is. but it's also about the consequences of it. that you love, but at what cost.

the last of us is about people, about when they've lost everything, what they'll do to keep nothing. no one is wholly bad or wholly good. but it's no one's fault. but, then again, isn't it everyone's?

all that to say. the characters from the game are not present in the show. it's as simply as that. the world itself isn't even present. simply empty names and titles. and that's fine. it's just a shame.

#ask. #anon. #the last of us #tlou spoilers

[heyyyharry]

Happier

(inspired by happier by Olivia Rodrigo)

Word count: 2.4k

I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, but don't find no one better I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

Part 1: Drivers License

Part 2: Deja Vu

A/N: I edited the original lyrics to match the POV :)

.

.

.

Harry had come up with a thousand scenarios of how this day would play out. Actually, he’d been thinking of this day since the moment he’d received the news. He didn’t dare to hope that she’d say yes to coming back for a sequel. He’d been sure that they would write her character off, give a lame excuse for how his love interest could not make a return and make his character forget about her completely to move on with a new girl in town. It would have been great if it was that easy in real life. Once someone was written off the script, they were gone for good. Real-life relationships were not that simple. Goodbye didn’t mean ‘never see you again’. You would still share the same friend circle and social bubbles, and it was worse when you two worked in the same industry. Harry didn’t know how he’d lasted a year without running into her, not since the Grammys.

“Didn’t you two date?”

“No.” Harry shook his head, but his eyes stayed glued on Y/N from across the room. She wasn’t looking his way, too busy saying hello to everyone else. “No,” he repeated, more to himself than to his co-star. “We didn’t.”

“But she wrote an entire album about you,” said the other twin. What was her name again? Lulu?

“Luna!” cried her sister, Lex. “You can’t ask him that!”

“No, it’s okay,” Harry said with a tight smile, slightly annoyed by the blonde twins, but he didn’t want to seem like an ass on the first day of filming. “And I don’t know if it was for me. You should ask Y/N.”

“Ask me what?”

Harry flinched when he looked up and saw Y/N padding towards them. She hugged the twins, who seemed way too excited. Harry guessed they were Y/N’s fans. They gave off crazy fangirl vibes, probably just pretending not to know the drama to interrogate him. He couldn’t blame them for assuming he was the villain and definitely could not blame Y/N for portraying him as one. It was more important that he knew who he was and how much he had changed since his last relationship. Maybe they could finally be friends.

“Were they bothering you?” Y/N asked him once the twins had left.

Harry nodded. “They’re your friends?”

“Oh, I met them last year on tour. I’m surprised you don’t know them. They were on Disney.”

“I don’t watch Disney,” Harry admitted with a smile. “Well, not today’s Disney.”

“Understandable.” Y/N nodded and bit her lip. She seemed guarded with her straight back and hands hidden behind her. She eyed him up and down, quite subtle yet noticeable. “How have you been?”

“Pretty good,” he said, nodding slowly. “You?”

“Yeah, but mostly tired because of tour.”

“You’re done?”

“Yup, last night was the last show.”

“Nice.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow. “Nice?”

Harry blinked. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No.” Y/N giggled. “You still sound very...you.”

“Well, shouldn’t I?”

“Yeah, you should. But it’s been a year so…I mean, you haven’t changed much.”

“Right,” he said lowly, his eyes falling to his feet. Harry supposed he should say something else, perhaps bringing up another random topic to discuss, but all he could think about was what had happened between them. Things had been messy, hadn’t they? How could they go back to before that? Before her first song about him. Before he’d chosen someone else over her.

Or he could talk about her new relationship. She’d been in a happy relationship for almost six months, right? No wait, hadn’t they broke up two weeks ago? He wasn’t sure because he hadn’t been catching up. If they’d broken up, he’d sound like an ass to even mention her ex’s name. He should just stay quiet.

“I’ll see you later?” she said, gesturing at her stylist who was waiting by the door.

Harry could ask her right now -- the reason she’d agreed to film the sequel to their first movie together. He’d heard from a very reliable source that she’d specifically asked her agent to decline any project that he was in. So did this mean they were good? That she didn’t hate him anymore? He could have gathered his courage and got the answer right then…

“Yeah, see you.”

...but he didn’t.

And so she gave him a smile and a little wave, then happily returned to her stylist.

.

.

.

“See you tomorrow, Y/N!”

“See you, Annie!” Y/N said as she put the rest of her things into her tote bag. Her new driver had got her schedule mixed up, and so she had to wait here for another half an hour. She was in no rush. It had been a light first day, and she’d had a fun time getting to know the new cast members and catching up with old friends.

She sat on the sofa in the lobby, legs crossed, texting her best friend about her day. She’d purposely left out the short off-screen conversation with Harry, and her best friend didn’t even bother to ask. In their world, he didn’t exist, and his name was censored in every conversation like a curse word that was even worse than ‘cunt’. Nevertheless, she didn’t hate him anymore. She was doing just fine on her own, being busy with her career, and she’d been in a happy relationship after her fall out with him.

She and the guy, a model, had broken up two weeks ago due to long distance and some differences that they could not change. They had ended on good terms and decided to stay friends. They said you could only stay friends with your ex when you still had feelings for each other, or you had never loved each other that much in the first place. For her, it was probably the latter. Her previous relationship had been more platonic than romantic, apparently. So she had nothing but the best to say about him.

As she was going through her camera roll, just reminiscing about the past, she heard footsteps approaching and looked up to find Harry. He offered a smile and gestured to the spot beside her on the sofa. “May I sit here? My ride is late.”

“Yeah, sure.” She hurriedly scooted over.

“Good job today,” he said. “You were great.”

“Thanks, so were you.” She smiled, and they both looked away at the same time. This was so awkward. She hated small talk. She’d never had to have small talk with Harry. Conversations with him used to be so easy and natural and silly. Whatever this was, it wasn’t them.

“Can we just be normal?”

At first, Y/N thought she’d been the one who’d said it, so when she realised it’d been Harry, she was speechless.

He swallowed and sat a bit straighter, still not looking at her. “I don’t want us to be weird and awkward.”

“Okay,” she said.

He cleared his throat. “Wanna try again?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Okay, not to sound like an ass but when Joey kept forgetting his lines, I was so pissed off, I could throw a chair at the wall.”

“Right?!” exclaimed Y/N, feeling free to have finally broken out of her shell. “Like, he doesn’t even have many lines. I know he’s new but damn...you can’t get far if you don’t learn your goddamn lines.”

Harry shook with laughter. “Oh God, we sound like dicks, don’t we?”

“Maybe.” Y/N laughed, covering her mouth. “But you know what? We can’t be nice in this industry. It’s impossible.”

“Shhh, if someone heard this, we would be into big trouble.”

“Oh please, I’ve had worse articles written about me than ‘Y/N speaks facts about her lazy co-star’.”

Harry tossed his head back and cackled. “The worst one I’ve got this week was ‘Harry Styles hates therapists.’”

“What?!” Y/N gasped. “No way! That’s so stupid!”

“Right?” Harry rolled his eyes. “I could get all my therapists to speak up for me but I’m kinda immune to bullshit now.”

“Therapists? Like plural?”

“Yeah, one in every city.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.”

Y/N rubbed her hands onto her legs. “Rough year?”

Harry’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as he leaned back. “You have no idea.” Then he swept his hair out of his eyes, sucked in a breath, and finally looked at her. “I wish I could have talked to you, though.”

She bit her tongue, knowing what she was about to say next would disappoint her best friend so much, but she had to. “So do I.”

Harry looked taken aback before his lips curled into a smile. “It’s silly, isn’t it? I haven’t talked to you in a year, and I feel like I know everything that’s happened to you except that I don’t.”

What he’d just said might make no sense for most people, but Y/N knew exactly what he meant. She nodded and wetted her lip. “You only know as much as everyone else does.”

“Yeah, I got updates on you from the news and our friends.”

“Same.” Y/N smiled back. “I hate how they write articles about your new haircut but not mine.”

“I like your new hair colour.”

“Thanks. I like your new car.”

Then they both burst out laughing. It was fun and also a little bit strange that Y/N didn’t feel the same anxiety talking to him as she used to. It must be because they had grown and were now meeting again as better people.

“Damn, my ride's here,” Y/N said as she read the text from her driver. “I gotta go now.”

“Oh, okay.” Harry stood up and followed Y/N to the entrance. “Hey, just wondering--”

“Yeah?”

“Am I...am I still blocked?” He looked a bit flustered as she tilted her head and squinted her eyes. “On your phone. Because I remember you having my number blocked--”

“I unblocked you on your birthday.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah.” Y/N shrugged. “I should’ve sent you a happy birthday text but...I didn’t want your girlfriend to get the wrong ideas.”

“My ex.”

“Yeah, I know.”

They smiled at each other one last time before saying goodbye. Y/N knew it was silly, but she was hoping he would go after her.

Ding.

A notification popped up when she was in the car. She was almost home, and it was from Harry’s number. He’d sent her a link with a message that said, “Hope you like it :)”.

Curious, she tapped on it and was directed to an audio file titled ‘Track 5’. The upload date was last year. About two weeks after their short conversation at the Grammys.

Hurriedly, she fumbled inside her bag for her iPods and put it on before she pressed play.

“Hey, Jeff, I couldn’t sleep so I wrote this song. Listen and let me know if it should go on the album.”

Then came the piano intro. It sounded good, so Y/N wondered how it hadn’t ended up on his last album.

But when he started to sing...

We ended a while ago Your friends are mine, you know, I know You've moved on, found someone new One more guy who brings out the better in you

And I thought my heart was detached From all the sunlight of our past But he’s so nice, he’s so funny Does he mean you forgot about me?

Oh, I hope you're happy But not like how you were with me I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, but don't find no one better I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

And does he tell you you’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen? An eternal love bullshit he might not even mean Remember when you were with me I meant it when you heard it first from me

And now I'm pickin' him apart Like cuttin' him down will make you miss my wretched heart But he’s charming, he looks kind He probably gives you butterflies

I hope you're happy But not like how you were with me I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, but don't find no one better

I hope you're happy I wish you all the best, really Say you love him, baby Just not like you loved me And think of me fondly when your hands are on him I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

The song was for her. He’d written it when her new relationship had gone public. Y/N sat there, staring blankly ahead until the honking of a car tore open her inner peace, and reality came crashing back in. The driver dropped her off at her house. Instead of going inside, she stood on her front steps and replayed the song one more time. When it ended, she decided to text him: Why didn’t this make it to the album?

She didn’t know where he was now, but it showed ‘typing’ in less than a second, as if he’d been waiting in their chat since he’d sent that link.

You would’ve hated me, Y/N.

True, she replied. Still, I would’ve loved the song lowkey. And added, I love it btw.

He took so long to type that it was driving her crazy. She flopped down on the concrete stair with her phone clutched in her hands, her heart thundering against her ribcage. Anxiety popped like a balloon when his message appeared: Were you happier?

She reread it again and again.

No.

I wasn’t either, he responded. I kept getting deja vu.

Ha, nice reference.

That song is my guilty pleasure. Love listening to you roasting me on loop.

That last message made Y/N bury her face into her palm and giggle like a fool. She thought for a second and wrote: I could come roast you in person now if that’s what you prefer. I think we’ve never had a proper roasting.

Can we meet, Y/N? Or are you busy now?

No, not busy.

Great, I’ll pick you up.

Just tell me where, she responded with a smile on her face. I got my drivers license now :)

#harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles writing #harry styles fluff #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles angst #harry styles one shot #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles fic

[eurydsea]

Mirror: A Tale of Twin Cities [Episode 5] Also, I'm Dropping it.

A lot went down in this episode yet I felt absolutely nothing as I watched it all play out on screen. I know these seemingly, hefty scenes were supposed to make me emotional (at least, that's what the director was going for) but I don't know these characters or their world well enough to be invested in anything that happens for it to pack a punch. Like, from the first episode to now, we've been given no foundation or buildup to the story. Just these maddeningly random sequences that make no sense to the narrative when combined as a whole.

For instance, we get scenes like:

The princess' Chastity Stamp becomes null and void but not for the reasons one would expect. Apparently, it's a purity detector for unladylike thoughts not pertaining to her betrothed. And here I was, thinking it was some weird Xianxia take on a Chastity Belt to keep the boys away from her virginal body. But what amuses me to no end about all of this is how she literally entertains the idea of eloping with Su Mo for a few seconds when the Chastity Stamp just...dissolves. Poof. Dust in the wind. If that's all it took to deem her impure, I would've been thrown in harlot jail on day one. Also, equally amusing is the security system equipped with this magical Chastity Stamp. It instantly alerted the Purity Apostle or whatever he is of its corruption and a slew of palace soldiers were on the princess in less time than it takes me to blink. She's then arrested along with Su Mo and they are taken away for Judgment Hour.

The next memorable scene is the Crown Princess flinging herself from the the top of the pagoda because she's now "unpure" and can't inherit earth's power or something and believes she has to die for her next of kin(?) to inherit the power that's needed to become queen. It's absolutely wild and makes no sense but yeah. That's what happens. That's the best answer she could come up with to stop an impeding war and save her family's legacy. Of course, Su Mo is witness to this and he does what any Xianxia hero would do: runs in slow-mo to save the self-sacrificing heroine and helplessly watches as she oh, so slowly plummets to hard ground because he was a few seconds too late. Better luck next time, buddy.

Then we randomly scene cut to Su Mo despairing away in a dungeon as the Crown Prince passionately berates him for lowkey causing the princess' death when all three of these characters got, maybe, 2 scenes together in 5 episodes? Like? Why is the Crown Prince this invested in two people he's only just met? One of which he only become acquainted with a few minutes before she jumped to her death? Why is he guilt tripping a man he doesn't know? Why is he acting like he had any emotional stake in these nonexistent relationships? Why is Su Mo even in a jail cell when he's going to be banished to some other region? It's not like he's going to high tail it out of there. He's too busy hating himself to want to preserve his life. I am confusion but okay...moving on.

Now, here is my favorite scene out of all this tomfoolery. Su Mo has been banished and he's now listlessly wandering through a blizzarding wasteland. Why and to what end? Unclear. My guess would be he's looking for a nice spot to lie down and die in. He manages to find said dying spot and as he's just lying there, ruminating in his despair and regret, his gender-fluid seal disappears, permanently solidifying him as a Real Boy. Apparently, merpeople have this seal on their foreheads that allow them to change genders at will and that ability only goes away when one falls in love with the opposite gender. Thus, bye-bye goes the pride seal. But out of everything I had to suspend disbelief in to carry on watching is the fact that Su Mu didn't turn into a mericle while he roamed the below freezing mountains for God knows how long. Are merpeople immortal? Immune to extreme temperatures? It's a plot hole but one that's minute and weird to fixate on seeing as there's more glaring question marks in the story but here I am.

And now we are on the final part of this post. Fucking finally, am I right? I can prattle on for days, I know. But here we are, if you're still with me:

The last couple of minutes of episode 5 takes place 100 years after everything went to shit and it's just...a lot. It begins with the Crown Princess narrating how she didn't die after jumping from the pagoda and what she's been up too these 100 of years past. Apparently, this magical earth ring flew on her finger before she went caput and it ultimately saved her but put her in a coma for 100 years. Where did this ring come from? Why did it knock her out? No one knows. It just appeared out of thin air to save the day.

The princess then miraculously wakes up from said coma after her 100 year nap and the Crown Prince loses his earth power in a battle against darkness(?) I'm not too clear on that tidbit but then he too, is put into a magical coma. Again, I'm not sure why the coma but yeah. The princess then goes on a quest for his misplaced earth magic to wake him up? At least, I think that's her goal. There are a lot of things I'm not clear on.

As for Su Mo, I'm not 100% sure what he had been up to the all those years but I think he just roamed the snowy mountains in regret? From the little we are shown, he also reluctantly acquaints a band of refugees and a refugee child who has prophetic powers and divines his future which he gets sensitive about because Bai Ying is mentioned. Lord forbid the woman you loved a century ago be brought up in conversation. You know you have it bad when you develop a crush in a week but stay emo about it not working out for 100 years. That's some metal level pining right three. But I digress. So Su Mo, refugee girl, and traveling band of refugees are met with an avalanche and only Su Mo and RG surive it. Neither Su Mo or RG were too concerned with it either. People die and what of it was there take on that. In hindsight, it was an odd scene to include but whatever. Finally, the closing scene is of Su Mo and the princess coincidencely meeting in a forest (how does Su Mo even get from point A to B? I thought he was despairing in the mountains. Did he fly? Can merpeople fly? What am I saying? Ofc he can can fly, it's a Xianxia) when the episode ends.

Finally takes a deep breath.

And that's it, folks.

This pretty much sums up of all the key points from episode 5. Although, I'm left to wonder where the cohesiveness in all of it is. I'm sure had the screenwriter and director planned out a storyboard, these seemingly random segments would make more sense in the grand scheme of things but they obviously didn't and nothing adds up and I'm left highly amused by it all.

Twin Cities by far is the trippiest drama I've seen in recent years and the only way it'd make sense if one's system was pumped with psychedelic drugs.

#a tale of twin cities #mirror: tale of twin cities #mirror a tale of twin cities #cdrama

[thetaoofbetty]

I don't know why we're still talking about Betty's mistake or her being a bad friend or her the way she treated Cheryl. When do i have to remeber to these people, Cheryl sent Josie a pig's heart, does her mental health is more important than Josie's? Also this proves that no one in Riverdale, neither their faves is an angel. When Veronica accused Cheryl of incest publicly? They're still besties but, of course Betty is evil for kissing her boyfriend !!! She also apologized for that, she payed fod what she did 7 years ago !! Why take everything against Betty when their faves are flawed too??? Just say you hate her and go, we'll be happier like that, they're literally embarassing themselves with such "reasons you should hate Betty". I hate to take things against other characters (that i actually love!) but i have no idea why other's do everything to defend their faves but Betty stans can't...also if she's the worst character i wonder what's their opinion on riverdale parents. The worst thing is still hearing people calling her a cheater, that's it? years of bughead and Betty being a supportive girlfriend means nothing to them???? I'm tired of seeing Betty stans having to clarify: "i love her and i'm well aware of her mistakes", every characters is flawed but she's the one who pays the causes the most, like that's so sad :(

so, twitter is going through it today i assume? 

like, there’s no point in paying attention to teenagers mad on the bird app about whatever it is they’re mad about. 

whether they’re mad that their fave is a supporting character and, by definition, never going to get the storylines betty does or they’re mad that she made a mistake 7 years ago...none of it matters. it won’t make her storylines less important, it won’t stop her from getting back together with jughead, it’s just them running their mouths because they decided they don’t like her (did they ever like her outside of her being with jughead? i don’t know and don’t care tbh, that’s a them problem). 

you don’t have to clarify anything. that people feel the need to do it is more indicative of the sort of weird public shaming fandom uses to manipulate people into feeling bad for enjoying imperfect female fictional characters. 

i’ve already been through the villain shaming era of fandom on social media, i’m immune to their whining. literally, it’s fiction. you don’t need to qualify or explain why you like a character to anyone. that people expect you to is on them. every time i get an ask (and i do. lots of them) telling me to write an essay on why i like bughead or and justifying things i’ve said as a personal opinion, i think of this tweet: 

listen, people constantly complain about this show as if it promised them something else than what it delivers. it never said, “here is this sweet found family trope show where the romantic stakes are lower and friendships are the what’s holding this group together.” the stakes were life and death from the start: polly and jason risked it all to get out and they paid for it. jughead and betty both could have died in s2. archie could have died in s3 and he and veronica were seperated for most of that season, right? jughead almost died in s4. s5 is basically: they all could have died! they still might! 

(we all know they won’t and were never going to in any season but that’s not the point of the storylines, it’s the drama of it)

truthfully, the only one who ever seems to have a friendship montage is archie (unconscious or not). jughead’s is always betty (or betty majority) related. like, it’s all right there. it’s not subtle. 

the romantic drama of it all was always going to be bigger, messier, and far more emotionally wrought than some slow burn that takes 5 seasons to culminate into anything significant (yes, i am talking about the theories of you know who, they’re watching the wrong show for that dynamic). they were never going to break up undramatically. it was always going to be messy. the stakes are too high for them to have viable love interests outside of each other, they’ve never been presented that way so why expect it to happen now? because someone wants it? i want lots of things, doesn’t mean i’m going to get it. 

when the argument that a character is bad because she made a mistake 7 years ago as a teenager but no one has anything to say about everyone in town probably being an accessory to murder or doing whatever illegal thing it is they’re doing or have done because they know it’s fiction, i’m going to assume they took it personally and can’t let it go over a year later. which is fine. but it’s also not my problem. 

and i don’t think it’s yours, either, doll. more than half of them will pretend they never said anything when bughead gets back together anyway, tbh. might as well just mute, block, or unfollow because it’s not worth the energy. 

#besos! #allusions to stalking #with the whole cheryl and josie thing #mentions of 4x17 #discourse #i have learned to assume if i don't see it on my dash first it's from twitter #also because stan twitter is a thing #and they really go through it on the regular #anonymous

[bright-whump]

fyi, i agree abuse is abuse. and it's not ok. you're not alone my dude. i don't get why people aren't on board with that.

also you're latest fics have been giving me life. so thank you for that too!

HELP I saw "fyi" and "abuse" and I thought the worst and was like "nah, I gotta go, not rn" /tosses phone/ lmfaoo thank God

I'M REALLY GLAD TO HEAR THIS !!! Like!! It's not hard!! It's really not!! To just!! "Yep, hitting kids is bad! Next question!" ????? THAT'S. Why is that controversial! Abuse is not a contest nor should it be "well this abuse is worse so this 'lesser' thing shouldn't be called abuse." Especially in this fandom where she literally on screen slapped Malcolm so hard he almost fell down and he was crying. Like. That wasn't a little nudge on the arm! And the amount of screenshots I have of people saying he deserved it and it wasn't abuse and "you can't even blame her!" ??????? And especially they use him being an adult as an excuse for why it's suddenly not abuse, and then as soon as you bring up that she also showed abusive behavior when she shook 10yo him while he was telling her "please stop you're hurting me!" you get blocked and labeled a sexist meanie or something because obviously there's no such thing as being abused by a woman and being triggered/arguing with people who are trying to convince you child abuse is okay is Wrong and Bad and YOU are the one in the wrong because you should simply let people have their harmless opinions...

You can still love the fuck out of Jessica/Ainsley/Martin and have them be your absolute favorite people on the show and all that! I super love Ainsley and I love to hate Martin and I even liked Jessica a few episodes! But you literally can't make posts in a fandom that attracted people who related to Malcolm and had abuse in their pasts, making reasons why they're angels and perfect and explain in essays why Malcolm just deserved/deserves their abuse/abusive behavior??? Or say shit like "disrespectful kids actually NEED to get hit it's good for them" or "I know Martin abused the shit out of him but he's still a really good father, abusers can still be good parents :(" or "Malcolm's an adult he shouldn't be so stupid as to fall for what Martin does" as if the second you turn 18 you gain magical powers to suddenly be immune to horrific gaslighting and emotional/psychological manipulation

These weren't like AO3 fics tagged "victim blaming" and "abuse apologism language" or whatever else, it wasn't "ooo whump, love whump" where whump is already by definition "fictional pain", there was no "well clearly it's just fiction, it's just a story, it's just a bad guy saying these things for drama or Malcolm thinking it because he's traumatized" no, these were actually just people's real opinions and they weren't fiction, they were real, about all victims/survivors. Malcolm is fake but posting your opinions that "you can't be abused as an adult and if your parent hits you you deserved it stop acting like it was a big deal" (someone on another platform literally called me crazy for thinking it was abuse and said "good job showing me you know nothing about "real abuse") is real and affects people and was so gross to see just thrown into the main tags.

It was so. Fucking disgusting. And so fucking triggering. Constantly fucking triggering.

Throwback too to being on a server of literally like 60 people and being told in the middle of everyone by a homophobe 20 years older than me (who was defending Jessica and insisting about how it wasn't abuse of course) that I personally irl wasn't actually abused and not only did no one say "hey, that's really fucked up, don't do that" and instead just watched and then awkwardly tried to change the subject, but then I was said to have overreacted because I got upset??

I am. Ranting. Holy shit. Sorry. Lmao. Man. MAN. I really! Don't like a lot of people!

Thank you so much for sending in this and making me remember the small part of the fandom that is in fact kind and good and caring lmao, I appreciate you, and thank you SO MUCH FOR YOUR COMPLIMENTS!!! I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKE MY STUFF!!! Much more whumped boy coming 😌😌💕💕💕

#asks #tw abuse #and for the record Martin has triggered me more times than Jessica #but physical abuse is a very specific very strong trigger #but that combined w the entire fandom defending what she did #when close to no one defended what Martin did #gave me a veeeery special hate. #the fandom honestly gave me a few very special hatreds ... #plus an alma mater there was only like three people that called out her horrible gas lighting??? #everyone else just ignored it #most everyone would Martin was a bad guy #it was very specific very weird people that wouldn't and it wasnt like the norm #whereas with jessica #it 100% was #same with Ainsley although it was about 50/50 wth who took her side and blamed malcolm #and said good for her #and the people who hated her for doing it #so it was a lot less... like. #there was a lot less hatred built up from constantly seeing nothing but love for them #and excuses about what theyd done

[masked-buffoon]

Chapter 10: Truth and illusions (Part 6)

Warnings: mention of traumatic events

Author notes: here is the last part for that chapter. I hope you liked it...! As always, don’t hesitate to comment and reblog...! And I’ll see you in the next chapter, where the case will continue! (Do I like cliffhangers? Surely I do...)

The blond man arrived shortly after the doctor's departure and, already, I could feel the atmosphere change. The investigation would be directed by him, despite the case being mine, and would be led according to his methods, which I feared would be too righteous. I decided to report to him nonetheless.

"A mentalist…?" He sounded shocked.

"Why, it's either that or this woman truly is a robot." I shrugged "What does your ideal notebook say?"

"Neither should be possible." He declared, simply.

I rolled my eyes and took a paper on the table of the dining room, where I had installed a computer and diverse tools to work.

"Here is the list of every person in Yokohama able to put someone under hypnosis."

"There are three of them… And only one is legal. Is that a joke, Ogawa…?"

"Quiet…! My name here is Fuyuno Kasumi…" I whispered.

"What on earth…" He grumbled "As you wish, but I will question you about that."

"Sure thing." I sighed "Can we go back to the case, now?"

"Then tell me about this list."

"It's not complicated. Mentalism, in particular hypnotism, isn't an easy skill to learn, in the first place, so the number of people using it is very low." I explained.

"Why are most of them criminals…?!"

"Mmh… Except for the purpose of amusing people, what do you think of such a technique? Yeah, exactly that." I answered in his stead as I saw his puzzled face "Committing a crime is so easy when you can manipulate the witnesses or even your target. Suppose you want to rob a house —"

"Alright, alright, no need for details." He cut me "You should stay here while I go and find these mentalists or whatever, then."

"Oh, I don't think so."

Kunikida glared at me and closed his notebook swiftly.

"Why is that?"

"First of all, this is my case, and —"

"Your case? That's not your case but the Agency's! Keep thinking so individually and you'll never be part of us…!"

Then, as though he had realised something, he stopped talking a minute, blankly staring at me. After being yelled at so vehemently, I did not dare say a thing anymore and patiently waited for him to go on.

"What's the other reason?"

"Well…" I hesitated.

"Goddammit, that woman really is a pain…"

I was anxious. In fact, I was completely lost and a strange ball of tears had formed in my throat. I fought to contain them. Why was it that I kept messing up…? With Yosano-sensei, with Kunikida…

"Hypnotism doesn't work on me…" I said in a breath.

"What? Speak louder…! You who's usually so confident, how is it I can't hear you anymore...?!"

"Why is it that she's so useless, all of a sudden…?!"

My legs gave up on me and I crouched down, shamefully holding my hands above my mouth to repress a sob, but my tears betrayed my true feelings. I who had strived not to cry again… Why was it I could never hold it back?

"Ogawa…? Wait, what —"

I gasped when he touched my wrist and covered my head with my arms, backing away from him as much as I could.

"I'm sorry…! I'm sorry…!" I cried "Please don't hit me… I'm sorry…! I won't be useless anymore… So… Please…"

"What the heck is she doing…?!"

"Stop that…!" He demanded "I didn't do a thing, so stop crying!"

He was suddenly pushed away and replaced by another person, whose touch immediately dissipated the aggressive thoughts coming to my mind. Instead, they were replaced by my own, which looped around my brain, repeating "incompetent" again and again. It did not calm me down, but at least, I had retrieved some of my sanity. Hearing myself again… It was helpful, after all. I wrapped my arms around the one who had saved me, recognising his warmth and thanking him silently for coming. After that terrible day, he was everything I needed to overcome the everlasting pain in my chest.

"Dazai…" I hiccupped "I… I screwed up…"

"Not yet, Ogawa…" He spoke, softly "Not yet…"

"With the detectives… I angered sensei and Kunikida…"

"Everyone makes mistakes…"

"... I am a hateful person…"

"Who said that?"

I pointed at myself.

"I can feel it… In here… I am not someone good… I can't do it, after all… Being part of the Agency… I'm not fit for the job after all…"

"Ogawa…" He sighed, grabbing my shoulders to force me to look at him "Stop, now. The director gave you a chance because he believes in you. That's why, don't you dare pity yourself and, instead, stand up to face the trials. You can do that much, can't you?"

His fingers felt rough on my body and I whispered slightly. He was scolding me, too, and I knew that, had we not gone through specific stages of relationship, he would have slapped me. I took a moment to breath and wiped my tears away. He was right after all, crying would not solve a thing, nor would it fix the situation. I grabbed the hand he held out to me and stood up to brush the dust away from my clothes, then faced the blond detective.

"As I was saying earlier…" I cleared my throat "Hypnotism doesn't work on me. My ability allows me to know beforehand about my interlocutor's motives, after all."

"What the hell was that…" Kunikida groaned, massaging his temples "And what are you even doing here, Dazai…?!"

"I figured Ogawa would need some help with you~" He hummed "Besides, her name is Fuyuno Kasumi here, don't forget that…~"

"As long as it doesn't hinder the mission."

"It won't, I promise." I assured "Anyway, as I said —"

"Yes, I know, you're immune to hypnosis or whatever… Even so, I can't let you go alone, and you perfectly know why."

"It is true that I do seem mentally unstable to you…" I thought out loud, a hand under my chin "Moreover, you don't trust me…"

"That's not it…!" He protested "That's your first time working for us, have you already forgotten…?!"

I chuckled.

"Obviously, I was just messing with you. Although the part about trusting me was not a wrong guess from my part." I grinned "However, if you go, we'll never find Sakunosuke-kun."

"Hoh? Why is that?" He glared at me.

"Because~" Dazai answered for me "You'd be easily manipulated~"

"Me?? Never…!" He scoffed.

"Kunikida…" I held back a snicker "Just yesterday, I used you to go back to the Agency…"

"I did see through your intention…"

"And I convinced you to write something about wrinkles in your notebook when you arrested me, the first day we met… To better knock you out with a chair." I reminded him.

"You did that…?" Dazai's eyes widened "That's my friend…! Just before meeting you again, I did the same…! But it was about heart disease…~"

"Alright, you win!" He conceded "You'll go, and I'll come with you. Dazai you stay here to watch over Yumiko-san and Kitaro-kun while we investigate with… Fuyuno."

"Sure thing. Have fun the two of you~ And, mostly, don't traumatise her, Kunikida-kun~ She's a sensitive woman, as you witnessed~"

"Stop mocking me." I glanced at my friend playfully as we left "Let's go, Kunikida…! We'll start with the legal one, an illusionist named Cosmo… Cosmo the Wonderful. "

"Don't order me around…!" He protested "But, sure… That's better, to start…

"Don't tell me… You're afraid of being used…!" I guessed.

"Absolutely not…! Mind your own business…!"

"Eh… The mighty Kunikida is scared of illusionists… That's because you don't understand their tricks, but once you know how they work, it's fine." I told him.

"I'm not scared…!"

"Want me to explain how they do the box trick on the way? You know, the one where they cut —"

"Aaah stop that!! You're unbearable…!"

"... A person. In fact, they don't really cut their assistant. It's an illusion created by mirrors…"

"It's going to be a very long drive…"

#bsd #bsd oc #bsd fanfic #bsd dazai #bsd imagines #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs oc #dazai osamu #kunikida doppo #bsd kunikida

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

He makes me livid! I get so mad!!! I don't understand him at all. He makes me go UGH but in bad ways.

I went off on him first before I realised what his problem was... Like total accusations and misfit drama. All paranoid loca. I don't give a shit.

I draw conclusions and those were the most obvious.

But when you know someone... You have to remember their stupidity. One time he confessed... And I already had decided to break up with him... I was all I'm waiting till his dad dies then I'm done. He's a good friend when he tries but he doesn't make me,a priority. And so I hadn't told him. I just tired of him,upsetting me so I had to remove me.

So he said he wouldn't do anything for his pain,then, he would take 2x his Percocet with 5 shots of tequila then treat me like shit.

I really hadnt noticed. I was all "oh he's just in his mood where he's decided I'm not important to him"

And true enough when he told me his dad died I walked away from our relationship.

But honestly ... Years later... I missed him.. Because he treated me best. Because I say I walked

I mean I left, completely.

But despite his faults he's always treated me best. I mean person to person. He didn't give me what I wanted from,the relationship. But as a low key friend, he understood me the most

He understood i was scared to go to sleep and he would stay on the phone and help,me,sleep so I could. No one else can do that. My daughter, if she was sleeping with me. I could listen to her breathe and I could fall asleep that way. Because it would calm my r breathing if she was sleeping that calm sleep,breath

But he knew all what to say. And I never had to tell him or even tell him I was afraid to sleep or even admit it to myself.

I hope this helps some of y'all that are anti medicine as well.

I don't like hospitals or doctors (I like my personal doctors But aside from them) in general. I'm afraid of them. They make me hostile. I feel like theyre some dangerous S&M dungeon

Go and wait for hours to get bad news then they don't give you what you need because you're so fucking exhausted they don't understand. Or don't care or are the ones that like to kill patients.

So I like my doctors although I have to wait for hours to see them past my appointment time, they take extra time to see me and cover what I think I need. Their quality is worth the wait. I have 3. Primary, Pain and Urgent Care. And I use the computer urgent care where I leave an online message after finishing a long ass quizz through the insurance website.

And whatever pills they give me, I Google to make sure they were right. They always are. Im also interested in what else the pills cover. Like i take 2 different anti seizure pills for pain and one also for insulin sensitivity increase and metabolic increase. And i take an antidepressant that also covers fibromyalgia.

I have 13 prescriptions. Monthly. Some I have to take more than once per day. Plus i take vitamins.

Then I Google the pharmacy pills to make sure the pharmacy was right.

So.

I get it. Sometimes I don't want to take 13 prescriptions more than once per day or even at all.

But we need to know what we are taking and why.

And why it is important.

And we need to take our medicine. So we can survive

I think this information is especially important during this epidemic.

Now realize that antibiotics are not useful on viruses unless the virus causes a bacterial infection. Like.

A cold is a virus but in some people like myself and used to in my daughter, causes a severe sinus infection which requires antibiotics.

I know the point at which we need antibiotics and so i go to my urgent care lady because she understands and we just do a walk in. And i don't overwhelm my doctor who is taking time to give quality care and has long waiting patients.

But otherwise a virus does not respond to antibiotics. And anti-virus medications are quite rare.

Flu shot... But not a cold shot..

So we take over the counter medicine for our symptoms. Like coughing and runny nose

Sinus pressure in the eyes, nose, teeth. Jaw.

If you have a tooth ache you can take sinus medicine. Because the worst tooth pain is actually in your sinus cavity! That's a secret trick. Works every time.

So basically anytime you have facial pain that doesn't respond to Tylenol or ibuprofen or alieve, you can take sinus medicine. Also ear pain.

Google sinus cavities in the face and you'll see why.

Now an ear and sinus infection is a bacteria, usually but usually our bodies can fight it Well without an anti biotic. As long as it is treated with over the counter medicine. But sometimes, like with myself and my daughter, sometimes an antibiotic is needed..but that is after at least a week to 10 days of serious green overflow that doesn't respond to over the counter medicine.

Sometimes the bacteria is lab revealed by terrorists during the "flu and cold season" to create an income for pharmaceutical companies. For my daughter and i, they're usually too strong for our immune system.

Although since my ex husband left town, my daughter's immune system has significantly became stronger. While mine has not. So she needs less antibiotics, than I do.

Otherwise, my body can fight it on its own with a few doses of otc.

I had a tooth pulled a few years ago.. It created a pathway to my sinuses. I could rinse water in my mouth and it would come out my nose. I saw an ear, nose and throat specialist whom said i needed surgery immediately to repair my nose.

I said no thank you mother fucker

I had to have clearance from my cardiologist. So i took a stress test and failed. So i had to have an ultra sound. It wasn't good. But they said I could have the surgery since it was simple.

I said that's cool, but I don't want to.

I haven't done it. So I get sinus infection and pain quite often. My bone structure in my nose is center in my right nostril. Meaning it's really fucking bad

From being punched in the face a lot. The surgery sounds fucking horrible. And it's a cosmetic change.

I'm all nope. I'm a single mom. She don't take good care of me. I'll drown in the blood sliding down the back of my throat.

The tooth removal was so bad... It was horrible. There was blood every where for days... I can only imagine the nose surgery would be the same

I also hate the smell of blood. So I'm like no. It sounds like the most miserable thing.

If I had someone to take care of me and baby me like a little blood soaked lamb in need of care... That's s different story.. But I don't have anyone that would take care of me

After my tooth... I was throwing up the blood and my kid just stood there and stared,. Which I wanted to hide it from her I was sick... But I was in the kitchen and began violently puking in the trash can... Scared her to death

"Mom I'm scared"

"I am, too. This has never happened before"

So yeah fuck that nose. I got one crooked fucking nose. And it makes me sick.

She wants me to have surgery so I'll quit snoring.

Well.

Ear plugs are at the Dollar Tree, babe.

So y'all take your pills that you need

Some one cares about you

And they don't want to slap your face off. But you'll drive them to it. And a crooked nose isnt all its cracked up to Be. It pretty much sucks.

I can't even blow it Like a normal person....

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 1B - “I'm praying to Yoncé I survive and don't get first boot.”-Jess

no words.

LITERALLY

NO WORDS.

Two points. TWO FUCKING POINTS.

I'm praying to Yoncé I survive and don't get first foot. That ain't a cute look xoxox

i'm already forgetting to search for the idols, i'm already getting paranoid about if i need to start making alliances instead of just enjoying the really cute convos i'm having with ruthie lily and kevin (max is kinda dry and annoying but... we'll try to make it work ig).... and i'm already hating every challenge we do especially this one although i actually really liked the challenge it was so creative and fun, i just hated that i have bad luck and am stupid with the deduction things, HENCE why i havent looked for the idol yet. LOL. so.... tl;dr - things are going perfectly! this hufflepuffle is workin exactly as he should!

I just wanna say we really are the hufflepuffs. 114 moves in like 5 hours, but we did it.  Really proud of Ruthie, Landen, Kevin, Max, and I! Sending positive vibes to slytherin. Hope they are okay in this madness.

Yo my tribe? Kinda dope. I think that everyone worked really well together today! I think Joanna kinda took the lead and some of her ideas were... a choice. But! It got us first place! I think that this tribe has a good shot of getting to swap unscathed.

With Slytherin going to tribal, I really hope that someone I don’t know goes, but at the same time I’d be okay with Jess going? I feel like she’s such a sleeper threat in most games I’m in with her and I really just don’t want to compete with that this time around.

I kind of snapped and got myself an idol good until final 6 teehee.

I knew that the Snape's letter or writing or whatever that freak was up to was SOMETHING. Did I get lucky... hell fucking yeah.

A crackhead like me SHOULD NOT have all this POWER.

I also gave Jacob literally the worst clue ever because we are sharing clues ladies xoxoxo

The clue was:

"Snape is taken aback. “That wouldn’t be any business of yours now would it? I wouldn’t want to find out you are spreading false information. I trust you won’t have any issue with that”. Congrats! You’ve discovered Snape Storyline 2! That’s all for the moment, and will end your search for this round."

BOTH ARE HALF TRUE. Just in case he doesn't put 2 and 2 together and now I went from place to place on purpose. He's gonna think now I gave him something of value and I know he's gonna think "No way someone go an idol on day fucking 3".

CONFESSIONAL 1.1 — Walking into the Great Hall, I saw a few familiar faces... for not good reasons!

First Jacob, who I know from tengaged. He and I were in a similar friend group for a short period before he left it, but we had a rocky relationship. We flirted a bit (blame 16-year-old Nicholas), but that is in the past.

Secondly, Jess... who I just directly sent home in Eve’s The Challenge: Fresh Meat. She did not have great words to say to me (such as I’m condescending), so I was very wary and, honestly, unhappy with her being here.

But, as Kylie Minogue says, it’s better the devil you know.

Flash forward to the Sorting Ceremony, and I’m so happy to be.. Slytherin? I told Mister Vintage (Sammy) and Mister Heinen (Caeleb) that I’m either a Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, but I suppose I’ve been lying to myself.

Then, I see my tribe: both Jess and Jacob are present. This is a curse wrapped in a blessing wrapped in an enigma. And, I love it.

I hate, hate, hate conflict and bad vibes, so I directly spoke to both. Jacob did not easily recognize me, but remembered me fondly; so, a successful reacquaintance. Jess, on the other hand, was definitely more apprehensive (as was I), but I made one thing clear: the past is the past, and I am declaring my loyalty.

I have been hurt in previous games by shoving the past aside while the other is still grudgingly aiming for revenge, but I feel Jess is different. She apologized to me about her words, which did hurt, and I apologized to her. What I said was honest, so I’m glad to see a fateful blossoming.

The first reward challenge is revealed, and honestly, I’m really bad at participating in pre-merge competitions, because I do not mind tribal. However, I do want to, since we are such a small tribe, focus on maintaining our numbers in case of a swap. We came in second this reward, and honestly, I’m glad to have eaten cupcakes (although I hate cherry). The fact we all chose a dessert and were privately messaged makes me assume someone received an advantage, but who knows...

What I DO know is that I had two separate relationships, so I wanted to lock a trio down (Me, Jess, Jacob), but I obviously did not want to gamebot this early and make the chat day one. So, naturally, i waited until after immunity.

Speaking of immunity... I took charge, because I like it, but also, I wanted to be able to take blame if we lost. I hate the whole “let’s vote someone out cuz they cost us a virtual challenge” this early in the game, it’s a cheap way to vote. I want to vote on loyalty and activity instead. That’s why I am probably going to target Jessie or Vi, but I‘m unsure as to which will be my vote. On one hand, Vi is much less social, but she also contributed a lot to the challenge. I do not want to judge a book by it’s cover, so I will reach out to her and assess her vibe.

I like going to tribal first, because my philosophy is that it’s better to test loyalties now, rather than guess loyalties later.

Regarding other players, Jules and Juls just played in a mini with me and sheeped the majority alliance to screw me over, so I’m not feeling them right now. Bitterness doesn’t exist in my mind: play well and I respect it; sheep and be stupid, and I will gladly dish out the karma. 

I’m satisfied with the happenings of this game so far, and I hope to make it further!! This is one of my first real orgs so, I’m em definitely excited. x. nick

Yay we won immunity. Raffy do be carrying our tribe though!

WELL WELL WELL!!!!!!! as far as my relationships go which is where i left off last round, really nothing much has changed about how i feel about or view my tribemates, but in exciting news... we won immunity!! i am not going to be first boot that is so nice, and im hoping that we can keep winning immunity until a swap so I can feel more secure. I think I could stand a shot if we lost on this tribe but i think if so the vote would split 3-2 i dont think i can get a unanimous vote on anyone unless its myself which is NOT WHAT WERE TRYNA DO HERE !! if anything i feel like i have the best chance to wiggle myself in with the girls (lily and ruthie) Max would probably be my ideal first vote if we ever lose an immunity because I know landen can be useful in challenges, but he YET AGAIN addressed me with a name that does not sit well with me he called me a "challengewhore" yet another reference to TS 2020, so this is not a good sign. Ideally I could get landen out and still be set but i know he has a relationship with juls who i also have a relationship with and wish to continue to have in this game, and us going against each other could make that more stressful than it needs to be because i know landen avenged beck for voting juls out maybe juls would do the same for him? Much to think about, but thankfully i dont have to think about it all that hard because yet again we ARE SAFE !!! woo, anyways thats pretty much it hopefully we can keep winning :D

Ahhhh safety feels so nice, I’m glad that I’m not in danger of being the first boot. Also I love the fact that ravenclaw won the first challenge with so little moves HAHA!

I want to go far in this thing with lily and with kevin, my goal right now is to get to merge and owen be alive so I can work with him!

I am very happy to have won this immunity challenge. We barely won, but I managed to pull my tribe to a victory. Emphasis on the "I" part. I am very frustrated with my tribe's lack of challenge activeness and ability. If the time did not work for them, then I do not know why they even suggested doing it at 2 PM. This challenge would have gone faster if I had done everything myself. In the end, though, I hope this helps in me staying in the game because I am a necessity if they want to ever win a challenge in first place. I highly doubt that they could do it without me.

So I’m currently writing this with one hand because my cat decided to lie on my other one  anyways Nobody is really talking about the vote which means it’s probably me going but I’ll see what I can do to change that

Here's a breakdown of my first few experiences since I am writing this a few hours before the first tribal council.

FIRST I was cast in this game along with a BUNCH of people that are icons across different formats of Tumblr Survivor - so that's intimidating. Mostly because my play style is kinda vanilla in comparison. I gotta find a way to stand out or I'm going to be thrown out fast.

SECOND There's a twist that will probably have some major effect at some later point in the game where everyone is added to the Great Hall. I think that it's for convenience of posting things like results and challenges so it only has to be sent to one chat... but also so that we can feel THEMATIC which is a lot of fun.

The game started in the Great Hall and we got sorted into our houses and the implication was that it's random but.. I don't think it's entirely true if I can read into what the hosts said to me once I was sorted into Gryffindor (something about running out of room in Hufflepuff) - because I definitely didn't say Gryffindor in my application.

THIRD My tribe has the following people: Joshua, Juls, Raffy, Autumn, and myself. 

I do not know how many of theme said Gryffindor when they applied but also did not want to bring it up to them as I am masquerading as a brave idiot. :D

Anyway, I started conversations with all of them and they all seem very sweet!!

I've played in a game before with Raffy where he was super snakey but also a great ally until he tried to snake me. So there's that... he's also an "over the top" type of person so he takes charge a lot of the time and voices his opinions about everything. I hope we can create some sort of working relationship in the game, but I think that he will tell me the truth if he does align against me.

Autumn is super chill and super strategic-minded. She puts lots of thought into all of her decisions and makes calls that benefit her getting to the end while trying to align with the right people. If I can't get to the FTC of this game... TBH I want to make sure she gets there. I played with her in one game and we both were tossed out one after another when the game turned on our "side". I don't think that relationship will factor into this game as it was forever ago and we both kinda play "new" every time we start a game but I'm hoping she will want to try and play with me just because I've seen how great she is at the game.

Juls is a very fun person who seems to always be having a great time! I found out she lives in Texas too and that she was excited to get to know me because we are from the same state. I was like.. do I know you? Because when she messaged me the way she did implied that she knew who I was and I was thinking OH NO what have people said.

Joshua seems really sweet. He hasn't added incredibly much to conversations so far with him but he has contributed some fun things. I love that he tries to be entertaining, but as I see it so far he's the first person I'd be willing to vote out if it came to our tribe going to council... though of course, having said that I bet they've all declared me their first choice.

FOURTH The reward challenge was the Letter plus Number challenge so as predicted...

I did terribly and earned 0 points for our tribe and was SO happy it was not for immunity.

The immunity challenge was a Choose Your Own Adventure Puzzle.

We got a slow start in that I feel like everyone was afraid to make a move because that would put a target on whoever "failed for the team". Then me and Raffy kind of got things rolling with him taking the main leader role and me taking on a secondary role either agreeing with his suggestions or contributing a suggestion for what we should do.

There was a misunderstanding with the competition and we ended up making a whole bunch of extra moves because it was unclear to us that the letters we found at a later part of the challenge were able to be changed into numbers at a lockbox so we did a bunch of extra stuff... and I was resigned to the fact we were going to the first tribal when we go surprised that Slytherin... DID WORSE!!! O_O

Anyway... I still have no alliances or confirmed "working game" relationships and I really don't feel like starting those conversations at the moment so if I am out of the ones established or on the bottom of one that will add me to "pick me up" for later votes then I blame myself for not trying hard enough in that category.

FIFTH I definitely didn't just now search for the idol and waste two days that I could have searched other times. Nope! Not me!! :)

Anyway I went on a trip to Hagrid's Hut because I love me some Hagrid and I figured he'd let me in since I"m a Gryffindor and he loves us the best (you know, like a reverse Snape)... I dug through all of his junk and found his umbrella. Apparently I liked that it was pink and then left his hut. 

To be honest, I probably should have taken his dragon's egg and turned him in... maybe could have gotten him fired.

Someone finally got me to come out of retirement- can you believe it

It's been cute so far and I have no complaints, probably cause the hosts wisely put me, Owen, and Dan in separate corners lmao. Yooo if we all make it to merge?? Hell hath no fury. But we will cross that bridge when we get there! And for now I enjoy the calm before the storm. I deadass forgot how to be an org so I need all the time I can get to socialize and reacclimate. Me checking Skype more than once a year? Don't remember ever doing that. I love Raffy, it's always good to see Chips, I think I like Juls, and I'm not sure how I feel about Joshua but it's fine. I like Gryffindor cause we have no beef and I hope it stays that way.

ok so my tribe lost :( big sad. but im def ok bc jess is soooo close to me and we made a threesome with nick so. i think jessie is an easy first boot bc shes not around as much as vi. but really its our decision at the end of the day!

here’s the hot goss.. i’m a little upset i didn’t get anyone i Know on my house/tribe but also grateful HSBSNSNN all i know is that so far i’ve been doing pretty solid in securing relationships with those on my team (at least.. i hope so :flushed:) and i’m hoping they all like me hehe. kinda praying to just mist my way to merge where i can be united with people who like me enough to keep me around still.. >:D 

[survivor-iceland]

Ep. 12 - “Take these results back I don't fucking want them” - Timmy

Timmy

So I wasted my idol, but I'm not as sad as I thought I would be about it. If Maynor had gotten more votes and I didn't use it then I would've been devastated, so this is a much better alternative. We're both still here and we accomplished our goal of completing another blindside. The difficult part is towards the end game of differentiating my moves from his. This game I have tried to be more social and I think I'm doing well with talking to people. The bond is weak but at least I'm still making an effort so it can't be said that I'm not. I knew Dylan was the biggest threat currently and I'm the one who found the idol and held onto it during many stress inducing tribal councils. At this point, I doubt I'm going to make FTC but I would really love to because I finally think I have played a game that deserves a win. I've made moves, caused fights, won fights, and blindsided people when they needed to be, yet was also an underdog for a few rounds. There is so much game left though because F6 is my downfall and it's going to be F6 for the next two rounds...so fuck my life. If I have to sacrifice my game for Maynor's though I will because seeing him sad breaks my heart so much more than losing this game will and I know how much he wants to win.

Maynor

I can’t believe that Dylan Raffy Ellie and Jack split 2-2 and had Joseph as their ‘fifth vote’. During the beginning of the day and afternoon i was defeated because felt like there wasnt a way for me and Timmy to stay. Then when Joseph and I started talking. We figured that they might be splitting their votes and wanting him on their side to be able to. So i blew up smoke to Raffy about how i was mad on how Joseph ghosted me and was rude. So he thought i was voting Joseph. But me timmy n i voted Dylan. I was so nervous that they were doing 3-1 and using Joseph to make it 3-2. But they screwed themselves again which was amazing and now its a 3-3 but feel like elli or raffy wouldnt want to go home by a rock. So crossing fingers f6 tribal goes our way.

Maynor

Im doing the 12 hr check in and honestly its kinda hard to remember when i cant have an alarm going for me while im at work. But will keep doing it until i it. Having the idol on our side would be great. Ive done the challenge but i need to like keep playing it cuz im not that good at it. My best score is 3,120 skdhshs thats not good i know that for sure. Need to keep trying on that one. I just hope me Timmy or joseph find the idol and keep trying at the challenge.

RaffyN

either Jack nor I got anything from the idol hunt which means that someone else has to have it. I must win this immunity or else I will literally being going next without having a chance of EoE. But I feel confident in this challenge because I am great at flash games. I'm aiming for 30k, but the goal is 50k. 

Raffy

I think Ellie and Jack are the most frustrating people that I've ever worked with in that they are always so paranoid and make these grandoise plans that never work out. I mean that's me. But I never knew how insufferable I was. The target is obviously me, yet that continuously drone on in their self-centered views of the game about how they are going to be targeted because they are the goats or whatever. At the end of the day, I just hope one of us wins immunity because that shit is needed right now.

Jack

So Raffy won immunity and Zoe's back and also has immunity. I'm 98% sure that the votes are coming for me this round, but maybe if we can get Zoe to vote with us? ugh idols also, I might play mine cause yeah.

Timmy

Take these results back I don't fucking want them. The fact that Raffy is immune was bad, but the fact that Zoe is back is so much worse. So I'm practically fucked now and I hate it. So much for having a 3-3 split. Honestly they should get rid of Joseph or Ellie since those two are goats and at least one of them will be at FTC so there are really only two seats left. If people wanted to be at FTC, they should get rid of them.

Jack

Okay so like Zoe immediately private messages when she gets back like "hey i wanna work with you, Ellie, and Raffy cause Maynor and Timmy were the ones that voted her out. I feel suddenly way more confident on this vote but also like ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. what if they do play an idol and then they be voting for me since zoe and raffy have immunity and ahhhhhhh

Raffy

I am so glad that Zoe is back in this game with immunity. This is an automatic number for me which she proves because she is asking me to be a part of any alliance I am in and who to trust. She's basically eating out of the palm of my hand. She was immediately added to Path of Crack which is me, Jack, and Ellie. We currently have the numbers on our side right now, and it feels amazing to be a winner. 

Joseph sent a message in the tribe chat that was meant to be passed to Jay which was an idol question that was like how to "show" people the idol to gain trust, but that's not how this works honey. He wants us to believe that he has an idol so that we freak out. So, our plan is to make Joseph fully believe it is him while actually voting for Maynor or Timmy. Plus I like pulling him through the wringer. After all, he's the rattiest person in this game and it feels so good to fuck him over. 

JackO

kay so plans set up, and I’m actually p confident in it. So we’re going to go for Maynor, but act like it’s actually a go for Joseph. Also Joseph did a thing where he sent a message to tribe chat like “hey jay how do you show someone you have an idol??” And I’m like *squint* cause there’s no way that’s legit right? Like he does NOT have an idol and he did not just send that shit by accident. And if he did WELL then good thing we’re NOT voting for him and just telling him that so maybe he’ll play it randomly. 

Jack

Okay so plans set up, and I’m actually p confident in it. So we’re going to go for Maynor, but act like it’s actually a go for Joseph. Also Joseph did a thing where he sent a message to tribe chat like “hey jay how do you show someone you have an idol??” And I’m like *squint* cause there’s no way that’s legit right? Like he does NOT have an idol and he did not just send that shit by accident. And if he did WELL then good thing we’re NOT voting for him and just telling him that so maybe he’ll play it randomly. 

Ellie

ELLIE MIGHT BE DOING A BLINDSIDE??

Raffy

 feel like someone has the idol because I checked 2/3 of the remaining paths and there is nothing there in either of them. Of course it could always be in the third one, but I highly doubt someone hasn't reached the end of the one. So, I am just going to have to play around it which is scary. My alliance wants to vote out Maynor, and I do too, but I have a suspicion that, if they have it, they will use it on him. I'm not sure what I am going to do because of all of this, but at least I have individual immunity around my neck. I think we should subvert expectations and vote Timmy out just because we've been spreading Joseph's and Maynor's name only. Honestly, I'll leave the best plan to Zoe and the others because I do not want to ruin this chance. However, I do not want to be stuck in a 3-3 deadlock again.

Timmy

I really have no idea if this plan is going to work. I want Jack out so bad since I’m not working with him and he doesn’t talk to me. I’m just hoping Ellie is going to do what she tells me, but that’s a longshot.

Timmy

Maynor has an idol!!! I am so happy. The issue is, who knows who the other side is voting for, but I believe that he can make it to F5 now.

Maynor

I cant believe i found the idol. Sidhdhd like its crazy. Thinking of playing it tonight. I am. I will be upset if somehow Timmy goes. I will go all out to take them out. I hope jack goes so itll atleast be a tie next round. I just want to keep Timmy and Joseph in this game. So nervous. Tribal like in a minute. Ajdbhss

Jack

Imma play my idol if someone plays an idol on maynor, because i trust that zoe and raffy and ellie arent gonna back stab me, but jesus i hope...... also im sending this now cause idk if i actually said that in confessional tho

Joseph Collins

Lolol. This. Is. A. Confession. Words words words

Joseph Collins

I developed a ploy to cause some rifts between the alliance of dyaln jack raffy and Ellie. They have an obvious 4-3 advantage, but Timmy might’ve talked some sense into Ellie that would make her flip on them. And vote jack out. If we pull this off, I would be so impressed. If I go home, the trick I pulled was worth it. 

Zoe

I CAME BACK FROM THE EDGE!!!!!!

Immediately I messaged Raffy and Ellie who seemed super happy to see me, and I made Raffy make a group chat with me, him, Ellie, and Jack, and now we have a sick majority. I trust Ellie the most, and I honestly want to take her to the end with maybe. Maybe Jack too. Tonight we are hoping in a big way that Maynor is the one who goes home, though we told Joseph that it was him because he will likely use his idol and tell others that we told him it was him.

Jack

So APPARENTLY RAFFY BE PLAYING IT UP AND I HOPE THATS TRUE, but yeah he (hopefully) is hopefully just playing. but yeah so i still stand by my very definitely not wishy-washy decision of Ellie cause that gurl was like rando flipping when i'm legit thinking we a final 3. but wowowowowow idk ill make a better confessional tomorrow.

[olivieblake]

Do you have any ill feelings towards people who learn more Pro life than pro choice? (If they just personally don't agree with it but wouldn't condemn someone for going through with it if it wasn't for health reason?) I ask because I struggle with this part of me :( I am pro life but understand abortion can be needed in terms of health. I don't like it to be used as Birth Control, but it someone uses it that way I won't judge them. Though I get hate for my beliefs anyways :(

Oh boy, Anon, I know I’m shouldering a lot of risk by handling this subject on a blog devoted largely to Harry Potter erotica, but back in the depths of my conscience I know that this topic is important enough to be honest about, so here we go; have mercy.

This is what I believe:

Every person (in this case, specifically every woman) has a right to do with her body, her mind, and her spirituality whatever she chooses. You have a right to be pro life. You have a right to embrace that belief wholeheartedly or to struggle with it; you are free to hold your beliefs however you choose. It’s not anyone’s right - especially not mine - to condemn someone for making that choice for herself, whatever it may be.

However, this is my experience: I have worked with a number of social services and public institutions in Los Angeles and Chicago, and from my experience, I believe that abortion in reality is nothing like the belittled form of ‘birth control’ that some conservative politicians claim. In my view, unplanned pregnancies that result in abortion are due to three main factors: 1) that sexual education is severely limited, 2) pregnancies can be economically crippling, and 3) that it is a cultural anomaly for males to shoulder responsibility that comes with an unwanted pregnancy. 

To the first point: in many cases, most people - men and women - are simply not informed about the realities of sex; and why would they be, really, if they’re getting their only information from unreliable sources like the internet (which we all know is full of Fools™, myself included)? Public education in particular is hampered by limitations on what can or can’t be taught, and a girl who is told by a boy she cares about and/or trusts that a condom ‘doesn’t feel good’ or ‘won’t fit my gigantic penis’ might believe those things if nobody teaches her otherwise. 

This leads us to my second point: yes, conceivably there are other options than abortion - adoption, for example - but the cost of medical attention during pregnancy itself is extremely prohibitive, and in a country like the one I live in where insurance is more than a little costly, that’s not an option for most people. If I were to get pregnant right now, I would be in huge trouble. I have a preexisting condition (I’m bipolar) and mr blake does as well (he had brain cancer as a child and several knee surgeries while he played college baseball) which means that without ACA (Obamacare), we wouldn’t have insurance, and as long as that program continues to be in a state of political flux, there’s no telling whether I’d even have it at all in 9 months. 

[Sidebar: as a person with bipolar, I would require constant blood tests during pregnancy because of the medications I would need, because depression and mania in the mother can negatively affect the development of the baby’s immune system. Do you know how much those blood tests alone cost, even without the doctor and the insurance bills and the psychiatrist? Upwards of $900 each round, depending on the medication cocktail, and they’re required at regular intervals during pregnancy. That’s just a side point, of course, in case you didn’t know - because I certainly didn’t until I bothered to find out. Believe me, that’s just one more thing they don’t teach in sex ed class.]

My final point is that our society generally accepts - depending, of course, on the context, the demographics, and the cultural factors - that a pregnant girl is the pregnant girl’s problem, end of story. I hope we can agree that’s not fair - and I want to be clear even as I say that that I unequivocally admire the triumph of the single mother. My mother, in fact, had me out of wedlock and raised me by herself, so I would never, ever say that women are not capable of great things despite the difficulty of pregnancy/child-rearing. All I’m saying is that with the stigma of pregnancy and the difficulty of living on one income - if there is an income at all - means that abortion can be the lesser of two evils; i.e., that the life of the mother is valuable, too, and her right to choose herself is her choice to make.

I know I asked for this can of worms when I casually mentioned that I wished for reproductive rights, but I want to make this clear: whether you personally are pro life or pro choice isn’t the issue. Believing or not believing in abortion is not the issue. The real issue, in my view, is simply that a political system dominated by men has determined that it is their job to ensure that women are not permitted to make that choice for themselves, despite the fact that pregnancy is a two part equation. There are a hundred more arguments I could make about why women should have access to birth control - how, for example, increased access to birth control can help prevent unwanted pregnancies in lieu of better sexual education, thus reducing the need for abortions to begin with - but that’s not what I want. That’s not what I wish for.

This is what I wished for: that someday I can have the certainty of knowing that my vagina and my partner’s penis have the same fundamental rights and freedoms - and that’s literally all I’m asking.

#gratuitous personal information #political can of worms