#i am not a discourse blog

[astrobei]

insp.

#i can’t believe smoking discourse was ever a thing but keep it away from my blog thank you i do not care for it #user fairyrona if you see this i am still thinking abt this art #and this fic is gna be the next thing i post i am so close to being done #sorry for taking ten years to write anything #byler #wip wednesday

[aromantic-diaries]

How I sleep knowing that a large number of people in the world who will never know me believe that my identity is a disorder and/or that I'm either a sad loser who can't get laid or a selfish antisocial asshole who hates people, and that even some LGBTQ+ people refuse to take me and my community seriously because they have a narrow view of what we are like

#aro #aromantic #arospec #ace #asexual #acespec #got told to kms by a rando on the internet today lmao this is the cross i bear for running an aspec blog #every day i am thankful that i wasn't around for The Ace Discourse. those of you who were are war veterans in my eyes and i salute you #anyways nighty night i'm literally just a person living my life

[badolmen]

Saw a post making fun of Asexuals in the year of our Good Vibes 2022 so a reminder:

The A stands for the Asexual community and spectrum (it also represents the Aromantic and Agender communities but I’m Asexual so I’ll be talking about that specifically in this post)

Celibacy is a choice to abstain from sex. Asexuality is a sexuality defined by a lack of sexual attraction to anyone, not by the choice to abstain from sex.

Every asexual person has different feelings on sex (an activity, not an attraction) - some are sex repulsed, some are sex neutral, and some are sex favorable. A physically pleasurable experience is not equal to an attraction to parties involved.

The Asexual community has been around since the dawn of the Queer liberation movement, and Asexual individuals have always existed.

Aphobia is real and has done tangible harm to Asexual people. Listen to and learn from their experiences.

If you make fun of Asexuals and their community jokes (dragons/cakes/cards) you are Aphobic. If you’re Asexual and you make fun of these aspects of your own community or consider them ‘cringe’ you have internalized Aphobia.

Sometimes teenagers and young people will identify as Asexual and change their label later in life. This does not mean that all young people who identify as Asexual will change their minds, nor does it mean that all people who identify as Asexual are young.

Seriously what do you people have against the dragons and cake jokes those are classic and hilarious please deconstruct why you have so much rage for harmless jokes that’s not a healthy response to silliness.

Anyways reblog this post if you’re Asexual, support Asexuals, or really want a dragon.

#edir:​that last point is not at other aces it’s at the aphobic post I saw #please don’t tag this as ace discourse it stresses me out those were dark times. we’re here to celebrate aces on this post <3 #yes I know it’s supposed to be sex favorable not positive I corrected the post hours after I made it. not my fault popular blog reblogged #the version w the typo #stop being weird and aggressive towards me in your tags I’m sorry my poorly worded 5 AM rage post got reblogged to your dash ig #ra speaks #asexual #asexuality #queer #lgbt #violence killing maiming biting etc. #i did not watch people who would evolve into modern t*rfs and g*nder critical blogs harass and suicide bait hundreds of blogs off this site #just to see it happen again #i am buff as hell I’ll kneecap you if I meet you irl #edit: #please be gentle in the notes I have the emotional constitution of a dog in an ASPCA commercial and also I don’t read tone well

[batlovestomarry]

A portion of my thoughts on the tomarry t/b discussion going on since probably forever, as a bottom!tom lover

I want to start this off by saying I am asexual. I’ve certainly become more okay with reading smut over the past year, but because of my asexuality (and my slightly less resolute but still prevalent sex repulsion as well as my incomprehension of people’s shockingly stubborn preferences (that I have no issue with, but for obvious, previously stated reasons, I don’t fully understand)), my experience with seeing and interacting with all sides of the fandom, and my general lack of care for who is topping or who is bottoming in general, I can approach this topic with some semblance of rationality that isn’t affected by, you know, a staunch opinion on something that people are as passionate about as sex. This is an opinion that I haven’t always held, because prior to FULLY joining the tomarrymort fandom (to be more specific: being active on social media and meeting people who prefer either dynamic), I didn’t even have an opinion on it. I didn’t even know t/b discourse EXISTED. This is an opinion I have gained after seeing many many many people from both sides discussing it, so to anyone who disagrees with my opinion miss me with that “oh, well you’re just biased from only interacting with one side of the fandom and having always enjoyed bottom!tom” bullshit, lmfao.

That being said, it is abundantly clear that the issue for some people is more than just “untagged dynamics” as they insist. To this insistence I have two things to say: 1. If you are so bothered by one sex scene in the midst of a 200,000 word, novel length, beautifully written with a beautiful plot MASTERPIECE, perhaps don’t read untagged fics. Simple as that! Authors don’t owe you anything. 2. You know so damn well that your issue isn’t just untagged dynamics (which often only happen when authors are simply UNSURE about what they’re going to write in the future, rather than a desire to make fixed shippers angry and to fish for interactions and are NOT a personal attack or “protest” against tagging, contrary to what many believe).

Are you threatened by twink Tom riddle???? Are you disgusted by the concept of big strong masculine Tom being railed senseless ? Just asking the essential questions.

Furthermore, I see many fandom members persisting in the idea that non-fixed shippers call fixed shippers misogynists and that’s why “we” “start discourse” with fixed shippers (I am using the term “non-fixed shippers” to mean basically anyone who enjoys bottom!tom, because, regardless of whether you’re a fixed!bottom!tom shipper or not, it’s easier to do it this way. apologies for the generalization shdkdhdjdjd). There are many other posts that talk about this topic in much greater detail than I ever could, and I have to admit I’m not educated about the history and nuances of this to talk about it, so I’m just going to say that I genuinely do not give a fuck if you like bottom Harry or bottom Tom. I could not care less. I enjoy both. I’m not here to preach about whether it’s misogyny to prefer one thing another or not, because I simply don’t know. However, what I do know is that this whole thing about “bottom!tom enjoyers calling fixed bottom harries misogynistic” is a classic case of an echo chamber!! Non-fixed-shippers aren’t getting angry and upset at fixed shippers because you guys like bottom harry (which, according to them, is something we call a “misogynistic concept”!! who would have known!! i certainly didn’t know we were doing that!!). I haven’t honestly seen any instances of that. No, people are upset because you make “call-out” posts about authors and fics and blogs to say “oh, this fic/author is Bad Horrible Bad Bad because they didn’t tag t/b”, talk shit about people who mind their own business preferring bottom Tom (which can go both ways, but I see content from every side of the fandom and I have noticed that the non-fixed shippers side only really has an issue when the fixed shippers come in and start being senselessly rude. This irrational anger at those who have different preferences than you does tend to come from one side more than the other), and obtain a victim type mentality when an author of a long-form is either unsure about dynamics or just… doesn’t feel it’s necessary to tag. It’s as if certain people have a distorted view of what everyone is ACTUALLY upset about. No, we don’t care if you like Harry James Potter with a cock up his ass. As a matter of fact, I can say a lot of us do enjoy seeing that too!

I genuinely would like anyone to direct me to an instance of a non-fixed shipper calling out a fixed shipper over something that ISN’T retaliation for something ridiculous or simply mean a fixed shipper said about people just minding their business. Some people walk around here talking shit about anything that even dares to whisper the words “bottom Tom riddle” to their cultish circle of friends, calling them “freaks of nature”, “insane”, “detached from reality”, and “stupid bitches” (to name a few examples I’ve read). It is insanity. Some people just live in permanent delusion and insist that they are the poor victims here and that they can do no wrong and that they’re just “minding their business 🥺” enjoying their bottom!Harry yet FREAK OUT when they come across a bottom!tom fic/artwork/enjoyer who never even INTERACTED with them and act like they committed a grave sin of humanity.

In general, I feel it is just SILLY to get so fed up over seeing bottom Tom. the reaction that some people in this fandom have when they see anything that insinuates bottom Tom would make you think the person who created the art murdered 12 people and buried their bodies In a coal mine. It is ridiculous. Your inability to see past someone’s preferences and automatically labeling someone as “annoying” or “weird” over a fictional dynamic is bewildering.

I would like to say that this is not to resurrect any discourse!!! Nor is it meant with any disrespect to ANYONE in this entire fandom. I am appreictaive of every person here, whether I know you or not, because I love the tomarry fandom and I love how much effort artists and writers and everyone in between puts into keeping the ship alive! This isn’t intended as a target to ANYONE. I’m simply giving my opinion that I’ve held in for a long while now.

To sorta summarize:

Authors don’t owe you a certain dynamic or a certain tag in their own fic that they dedicated time, love, and care into.

Talking shit about people existing and enjoying different things than you is embarrassing behavior and makes you appear 14 years old to observers.

Public call-out posts for specific people doing absolutely nothing to you are weird as hell. Like why is this considered a normal thing to do.

Some people in this fandom have entitlement levels that are OFF THE CHAAARTTSSSS.

Telling people to “go outside and talk to actual gay people” over what is not “just t/b dynamics and/or preferences” but is actually normal, real life people being upset that you dragged their name through the dirt all because they posted once or twice about liking a certain character bottoming reeks of a lack of awareness. The moment a non-fixed shipper calls someone out for sending dozens of people to harass them over having a preference, millions of silly think pieces are created and non-fixed shippers are seen as “whiny”, but it’s somehow okay when the fixed shippers do it over much less?? 😭??? The hypocrisy!

How do I get it through people’s heads that NOBODY! OWES! YOU! ANYTHING!!! Everything that I’ve said has already been said time and time again and yet it still isn’t sinking in for many. You aren’t a god, you aren’t more important than anyone else here, you aren’t entitled to automatic perfect tagging on every fic you read. You don’t have to like it, but it’s the reality. There many tropes that people dislike in fics, but usually what they tend to do when it surprises them in an untagged fic is skip and move on with their lives rather than sending nasty anonymous messages, writing criticizing comments, tweeting about how much you hate this one untagged thing and everyone who enjoys this one untagged thing, etc etc

#this isn’t even in response to anything specific I saw #I just enjoy ranting and giving my opinions #if you have a different one than me i am willing to listen and respect !!! #kinda just wanted to get my thoughts out there I don’t even think there’s any sort of t/b discourse going on rn (as far as i know) THANKFUC #don’t want to generalize fixed shippers either I think you guys are cool !! it’s mostly just a few bad apples tbh #I’m not tagging this #the people who are meant to see it (mostly my bottom!tom moots <3) will see it and that’s all that matters #long post #too long… but I’m past the point of caring #this is my blog 🤗

[adarlingmess]

You download mods that makes BG3 characters look underage.

I download a mod that gives Haarlep Raphael's wrinkles and stubble. We are not the same.

#shitpost #not art #god my fandom stuff is starting to merge with my art blog and i'm totally fine with it #it's all raphael's fault #yes i am not shutting up about this devil soon #bg3 #bg3 discourse #raphael #raphael bg3 #baldur's gate raphael #raphael baldur's gate #raphael baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 raphael

[wandering-wolf23]

As a proshipper, it is not my problem if children wander into an area that is clearly marked for them to avoid. If they can't monitor their own internet usage, they have their parents and a multitude of internet apps.

If the dove is dead, don't be surprised to see maggots when you open the bag. Your inability to heed warnings is not my problem

#dispatches #original content? on this blog? #fandom discourse cw #discourse related #hello i am salty today #hot take #proshipper #pro ship #proshipper safe #proshippers please interact #proship #pro shipping #proship writer #dead dove related

[pommepom]

remember to wait for official explanations from quackity before jumping to conclusions <3 we don't know what is going on behind the scenes and neither do any of the ex-admins.

#qsmp #qsmp discourse #sorry to post discourse :( i don't normally post it especially on this blog but i wanted to say this #i am forever thankful for my timezone because i am going to sleep right now lol i hope by the time i wake up things have been explained

[latejulys]

logging in to see Beautiful Images at the cost of being subjected to 9725168340 opinions

#on the most useless topics too!!! just discourse on discourse on discourse #honestly not worth the time more often than not #i only come here now mostly to queue things for the svt networks bc there are no new admins yet #this blog's also been running from a 1k queue that started since the beginning of february dncjjsjxndj #am i becoming an offline girl now is this my cue #i used to love being here (and dont get me wrong i still do!!) but all this discourse is Very Tiring #are we not here to just unwind and mindlessly rb Images and funny texts idk 😭😭 #y.txt

[getgriddled]

overall the tomb fanbase is really just abhorrent in terms of racism. the amount of people i know who would even SLIGHTLY address/question the whitewashing in the fandom would be bombarded by replies (by mostly white! people) excusing it and tearing into my friends for this opinion😭like what?

#why are so many of the people excusing this also pr0sh1p🤨 #psa this is a personal tlt side blog so i WILL post “discourse opinions” sometimes. if you dont like it you can unfollow #i am not catering this blog to anyone but myself and my friends. and normal fans

[braxiatel]

Saying “they hold up each others man boobs and kiss with tongue” about two content creators on YOUTUBE DOT COM is so fucking deranged. Say that about fictional people PLEASE

I normally don't take fic prompts but I'll make an exception for you anon <3

---

As the door to his treehouse starter home opened with a click, Scar - a magical elf and not a youtube content creator - looked up from the elven cookies he had been baking. 

“Hello? Is anybody home?”

It was Mumbo Jumbo, a vampire who was also not some human guy. He was, however, Scar’s boyfriend. 

“In here,” Scar called, wiping his hands on the front of his apron, starting at the top where it covered his scitties. A moment later warm arms settled around his waist and a familiar form pressed against his back. Mumbo's impressive jumbos settled against his shoulder blades.

"Hello there," he said, laying his hands over Mumbo's.

"You're tense," Mumbo commented.

"Back pain," Scar sighed.

"Let me help?" Mumbo requested. His mumboobies were pushed against Scar's back as he began to move.

"I wouldn't mind that," Scar agreed. Mumbo's hands came up to cup his scitaments. With the significant weight taken off his upper back the dull ache in Scar's spine began to fade and he sighed happily.

"How are you?" Scar asked his lover.

"Erh," Mumbo shrugged. "I'm actually dealing with a bit of a backache myself, if I'm being honest, babe."

"Mumbo, you should have told me," Scar tutted. "What sort of boyfriend would I be if I didn't try to help. Let me go a moment?"

Mumbo complied, and as Scar turned around in his arms his snickerdoodles brushed against Mumbo's mumblebees.

Scar brought up his hands to hold Mumbo's monosaccharides, feeling the heavy Monster Energy™s in his palms. Mumbo likewise picked Scar's seismographs up again, probably admiring their muscly nature from the reverent look he was giving Scar.

"That's much better," Mumbo said. He gave Scar's left sarcophagus a gentle caress. "I love you."

"I love you too," Scar told him, unconsciously leaning closer. As he did his Scandinavian Airlines Systems pressed suggestively against Mumbo's Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sundays.

"Scar?" Mumbo asked.

"Yes, Mumbo?" Scar asked back, licking his lips.

"Are we about to kiss?"

They were.

(They did).

(With tongue).

Now, anon, if you actually want to have a conversation about this complicated topic, acknowledging the nuances, I would be happy to explain to you why I personally do not consider this to be real people shipping. But from your tone I am guessing that is not the case, so as long as you keep the circus music playing I'm going to keep on clowning.

#Anonymous #also: baby's first anon hate :o #hermitshipping on my blog that says I post hermitshipping on the hermitshipping website. who would have thunk #this is not going in the writing tag #hermitshipping #hermitcraft #i am only maintagging for my non mcyt followers #sorry about that #redscape #mumscar #scarbo #discourse #hermitshipping discourse #suggestive #the void collection

[astronomodome]

recent twitter discourse under the cut bc I hate everything good in the world and love making myself suffer

It just frustrates me so much to see Doc and others hounded so much on twitter for not speaking out about the genocide in Palestine. Of course I have to preface this discussion with saying that yes it is terrible and it’s morally correct to speak out about it and offer resources. However (and I mostly see this on twitter) a lot of the pressure being put on ccs to post about it is not only performative but in fact harmful to the ccs’ wellbeing AND to the cause it’s meant to support.

All the tweets I’ve seen about getting the ccs to post about this issue sort of have this air of moral superiority to them despite coming from a place of genuine concern (I assume), like these youtubers have some moral obligation to do stuff for their fans. Serious world issue aside I think this comes from a very parasocial place, this idea that ccs owe their fans whatever the fans want to ask of them. They’re not your friends. They have thoughts and opinions that you don’t see and they have the right to develop their thoughts themselves just like any other person. So much of this demanding stuff dips into harassment territory and it’s just so disappointing to see.

The worst part, to me, is that the statements that ARE given at that point are meaningless too because they come not from a place of genuine thought and emotion about the issue but because a bunch of twitter users demanded them to talk about it. Maybe they would be able to make a statement more meaningful and helpful than just ‘hey look at these three links’ if they were given the grace everyone else is given to study the issue and speak out if it means a lot to them.

The ccs don’t owe you anything. Get over yourselves. Do what you can to support Palestinian voices, donate, signal boost on your own platform and stop pretending it’s some huge moral failure that a minecraft youtuber won’t tweet what you want them to.

#I realize that I haven’t been doing any of those things myself #I guess I’ve been assuming that anyone with half a brain and an internet presence of any kind has seen the situation #so in making this post I do feel like I am somewhat defending myself and this blog as a place of respite from the issues of the world #cause yeah. it’s serious stuff. but I don’t think I have much of an impact so I’m letting people who know more speak up #is that wrong? I’m not sure #discourse #astro speaks

[mogai-sunflowers]

most exclusionists have probably never had to ACTUALLY struggle to figure out their identity. like, i mean ACTUALLY struggle. not just being a little confused for a little while but figuring it out without much pain or hassle and after that point not really questioning again. and it fucking shows.

like oh i’m so sorry you spent a month slightly confused over your sexuality or gender, but then you figured it out and that was that. so now you think you’re the fucking end all be all of the queer experience and expect it to be that fucking easy for everyone. good for fucking you.

every night for four years, i was up agonizing over my sexuality. a lot of the times it was so painful i couldn’t breathe, just had to fucking keep going feeling like there was no end in sight to the NOT KNOWING. and some of y’all will truly never ever understand what that feels like but instead of acknowledging that you act like it should just be fucking easy for us.

5 years later, i’m not actually that much closer to figuring any of it out. but i’ve never been happier. you know what helped me get there? realizing that my worth is not dependent upon whether or not i have myself figured out, that i don’t need to have myself figured out in order to move forward with my life. and then, fucking THEN, gender came into the picture and sometimes i feel like i’m right back where i started.

last night, when i was outed to my mom, she was more accepting of my gender identity than most of the people in this “community”. my 60 year old mother who got confused when i said i thought i was a boy because “i thought you were asexual”, still managed to be more comforting and supportive of my journey with gender and sexuality, than any of the exclusionists who’ve come for me on here. my mother, who doesn’t know the difference between a trans man and a trans woman, still was able to tell me that my soul doesn’t change just because my gender might and that i have time to figure it out and don’t need to rush myself, whereas i’ve had hundreds of OTHER QUEER PEOPLE tell me to kill myself for being bi and a lesbian and a boy.

so fuck you. fuck you if you think that you know more about me than i do. fuck you if you think those years i spent in constant questioning agony, don’t matter because i just have to use the definition that makes everyone else comfortable. fuck your exclusionism, fuck your gatekeeping, fuck you forever.

#🌌when the stars align ; reigns rambles🌌 #i am not doing well rn #theres this really popular blog on here whos super vitriolic against mspec lesbians and lesboys #and she claims to be an activist lmao #like girl i get it you're 18 #i just turned 19 i get it we're young we can be stupid #but you're just a fucking asshole #ofc she calls herself a lipstick lesbian too #tw exclusionism #exclusionism tw #tw discourse

[captainkirkk]

kind of a weird question, but I was wondering if you could give an example of epithets that bother you? I feel like I really struggle with "doing too much" in my writing and never knowing when/how to tone it down. I know it's all personal preference, but I'd love to hear your views!

Most epithets tbh

When they're pointing something out, I like them. For example: "I'm not rich," said the princess dripping in diamonds. That's telling me something. But a lot of fic authors use them just as a substitute of a name/pronoun and it's clunky

I can forgive the occasional epithet, but I hate when they're in every paragraph. And don't get me started on the hair-colour epithets. The blonde smiled... The brunette grimaced... The ravenette waved... The greenette....

#if i see 'colour-ette' i am out of there #it's on the same level as using 'orbs' for eyes kjdksks #it's always epithet hating hours on my blog #ask #anon #fic discourse

[benkeibear]

Regarding the discourse. Is it wrong of people to send death threats, misgender, throw around all kinds of big words? Yes. We don't need to argue about this.

Is it acceptable of people, regardless of being a csa survivor or not to tell (other) csa survivors that they're not allowed to be emotional or even triggered? No. Not for one second.

I'm tired of seeing this, tired of being told "it's just fiction it can not harm you" yes. It is a drawing but it brings back trauma I wasn't and still am not ready to share but feel forced to do so by having other csa survivors tell me that my emotions aren't valid. Dark content is a way to cope for many and it's okay as long as it stays fiction! Does this mean people who like dark content have to like the entirety spectrum? Definitely not. Curate your own experience. Block them and move on.

Personally I enjoy cnc because it gives me the feeling of having power over a situation that happened years ago. I enjoy my gore movies. I enjoy (some) dark content but I draw the line at shota/loli out of personal reasons. It doesn't justify sending hate or calling a person a pedophile (as long as it stays fiction) but i'm allowed to warn others who feel the same. I'm allowed to curate my own experience.

#rhy speaks ♡ #tw discourse #if I see one more of my mutuals defend this behavior of telling csa what's allowed to trigger and what not I'll get the buttersock #just coming on here to post this because this discourse even haunted my new blog because it shows up on “popular posts” #I'm angry and I am triggered by the things I've seen #and by constantly hearing that I'm not allowed to feel like this... #I'm a csa survivor do not tell me I'm not allowed to be upset about getting triggered #I apologize if I hurt anyone with my reaction to this but it's taken a toll ok my physical and mental wellbeing #I'll log out again now

[skrunksthatwunk]

you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.

you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.

so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.

you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.

you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.

you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.

you know you broke the rule by interacting.

but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.

#before i maybe get yelled at: #1) no i do not think ppl are evil for having men dnis no i do not think these are all equal transgressions even #though there is an overlap that should be examined that i think is based in a degree of lesbian separatism + exclusionism #2) yes there are lesbian blogs and people that are cool about genderfucky people. i'm not talking about them #3) this is a stylized vent post about trying to find lesbian content on tumblr that isn't like this. all these dnis/rules are ones i have #encountered. no i do not literally tell these people to change their dnis to suit me. the conversations are symbolic and ideological in #nature. if i find a blog with men dni i generally go somewhere else. it's about emotions. it's about my feelings on that it's not literally #about dming someone demanding they change things. it's not about demanding that You change things or else you're a bad person. #4) it is about the conflicts and hypocrisy and inconsistency of strict and exclusive sexuality labels persisting in gender-diverse spaces #and how it affects me as a lesbian who is a man who is a woman who is fucking whatever else. and yes it is about transphobia too. #5) it's about how lesbians feel the need to exclude men and how i think efforts to do so fail and hurt ppl and are often misguided #tht i think also comes up in like. bi lesbian/mspec lesbian/gaybian discourse. i'm not any of those myself but it seems like there's overla #6) if this post seems whiny and sad and insecure that's because it probably is. i have a right to be all of those things. #7) no i do not think all lesbians are man-hating assholes. i am a lesbian. i love lesbians. i love dykes and most of them are fantastic ppl #i just think the general bullshit of the world leads to this defensive thing that ends up hurting others in our community y'know? #8) i get that my perspective/experience is a bit unusual and many lovely ppl haven't considered it. that's part of why i'm sharing this #nyarla dni #<- sorry man it's too vulnerable. gonna keep this one to the internet-only folks

[solecist]

not the vod starting with 악어 asking his friends their opinions on the beanie, and them telling him it compresses his hair too much/because it's black it looks like part of his hair LMAO

meanwhile all i can think of is quackity who never doesn't have a beanie asdjflsdakfj

#for the record i think the beanie looks good on him #but the beanie discourse was really funny to hear play out #qsmp 악어 #liveblogging? #but like not but like i am blogging as i'm watching the vod lolol #edit: #vodblogging #!