#and how it affects me as a lesbian who is a man who is a woman who is fucking whatever else. and yes it is about transphobia too.

[skrunksthatwunk]

you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.

you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.

so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.

you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.

you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.

you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.

you know you broke the rule by interacting.

but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.

#before i maybe get yelled at: #1) no i do not think ppl are evil for having men dnis no i do not think these are all equal transgressions even #though there is an overlap that should be examined that i think is based in a degree of lesbian separatism + exclusionism #2) yes there are lesbian blogs and people that are cool about genderfucky people. i'm not talking about them #3) this is a stylized vent post about trying to find lesbian content on tumblr that isn't like this. all these dnis/rules are ones i have #encountered. no i do not literally tell these people to change their dnis to suit me. the conversations are symbolic and ideological in #nature. if i find a blog with men dni i generally go somewhere else. it's about emotions. it's about my feelings on that it's not literally #about dming someone demanding they change things. it's not about demanding that You change things or else you're a bad person. #4) it is about the conflicts and hypocrisy and inconsistency of strict and exclusive sexuality labels persisting in gender-diverse spaces #and how it affects me as a lesbian who is a man who is a woman who is fucking whatever else. and yes it is about transphobia too. #5) it's about how lesbians feel the need to exclude men and how i think efforts to do so fail and hurt ppl and are often misguided #tht i think also comes up in like. bi lesbian/mspec lesbian/gaybian discourse. i'm not any of those myself but it seems like there's overla #6) if this post seems whiny and sad and insecure that's because it probably is. i have a right to be all of those things. #7) no i do not think all lesbians are man-hating assholes. i am a lesbian. i love lesbians. i love dykes and most of them are fantastic ppl #i just think the general bullshit of the world leads to this defensive thing that ends up hurting others in our community y'know? #8) i get that my perspective/experience is a bit unusual and many lovely ppl haven't considered it. that's part of why i'm sharing this #nyarla dni #<- sorry man it's too vulnerable. gonna keep this one to the internet-only folks

[lord-radish]

imagine thinking that trans men are inherently bad or evil or predatory on the basis of gendered privilege and societal power structures. cringe

#transmasc discourse #like the idea that trans men gain male privilege and kick down the ladder to beat on the queer community is astonishingly stupid at best #the idea that transphobia or queerphobia as a whole doesn't affect them because they're Assimilating With The Oppressors is like #man fucking what is up with people yknow #gender essentialism is fucked up and it's the same force that's beaten down on bi ace and transfem people #the fact that this has turned into 'trans rights but only for the women' by some dumb-fuck shitstains is awful #no. trans rights for all. #like let me explain what I mean here: trans men aren't seen as men by transphobes #it's not 'oh you're a fella? crack a cold beer and let's bash some gays'. passing as a man has just as much risk to it as passing as a woman #because a man who will attack a trans woman as someone who is not a woman will most likely attack a trans man he does not see as a man #with the same violence he might level against a cis woman #that's just on the masc side. i can't speak for any violence against trans men by cis women but I can see how cis women discredit trans men #by claiming them as Lost Lesbians and Sisters In Arms who've been lost due to the Trans Agenda #like people shit on bi people because they have 'passing privilege'. but we know that bi people face homophobia #and other issues about their orientation. the idea that trans men get their Boys Will Be Boys card is to focus on a tiny selection #that *potentially* has the power to he a shithead - like a queerphobic asexual person or a malicious bi person #and paint an entire group of diverse people as literally the worst interpretation you can imagine about them #like consider that you have your own issues and/or biases in regards to people you like and want to hang out with #and stop calling entire groups of people invaders and oppressors whose entire goal is to upend the community #and turn the power of queer people against them #i understand how it feels to feel powerless and to have somewhere where you feel supported and safe #but if you're going to see pain and hate in every group who shares your experience but gives you an ick for whatever reason #there's a solid chance that the Righteous Crusade against them is - in fact - your own personal dislike wielding a modicum of power #that essentially functions the same way that hetero- and cis-normative standards and people have rejected you. #it is essentially you becoming the bully. and just like bi and ace and transfem people before I won't stand for it #trans men are my people.

[paintingformike]

lot of people in the st fandom misuse the term comphet...or maybe its just a tumblr issue in general

#speaking as a lesbian you guys have such a fundamental misunderstanding of what it is #cause its not just about the expectation to be straight its specifically about the patriarchy and men being in power #and how women are expected to center their lives around wanting validation from them/being attracted to them #so it’s specifically unique to lesbians and tbh i can agree that its a universal experience for women in general #but it affects lesbians the most cause unlike women who actually are attracted to men...theyre basically forced into it lmfao #like comphet has always been used to address how everything revolves around men and how womanhood is defined by attraction to men #but i’ve seen too many of yall using it to describe mike’s experiences as a gay man... #yes he experiences heteronormativity but not comphet 😭 #idk its just something that’s been bothering me for a while #but was kinda worried about addressing cause i didnt know if people would receive it well

[bioblsm]

ASKING FOR A KISS

✮ ꒰warnings꒱. N/A

✮ characters. kafka, serval, gepard, sampo, dan heng (il), jing yuan, blade, luka

☆彡 notes. im having hsr brainrot （╹◡╹）i got himeko on 33 pity..my kafka finally has her gf <3 thank you imbibitor lunae ur my fave lesbian protector d(^_^o) (it’s why i also pulled for him teehee)

KAFKA ⛧ 卡芙卡

“kafkaaaa~”

“yes, darlin’?”

“can i have a kiss, please?” you gaze at her with a sickeningly sweet smile which makes her chuckle and ruffle your hair lovingly.

“hmm, why do you want one?” kafka lifts your chin up with her forefinger and leans in teasingly close to your face, tilting it slightly to the left. your lips part expectantly at the same time she does and for a moment there’s nothing, no sound but your breathing. she pulls back a fraction more and rests a hand on your cheek, brushing her thumb gently over your soft skin.

you can feel your heart thumping against your chest and your hands begin to shake slightly. you think you could die, right here, right now, but instead you bite your tongue and try not to give into temptation. you cough awkwardly and avert your gaze to everywhere but her eyes, “uhm…just… because?”

kafka can’t help but chuckle and grin, leaning in to gently kiss you. she smells like leather and mint and yet ironically tastes sweet like berries. “you’re going to have to work for another one, alright~?”

SERVAL ⛧ 希露瓦

serval had asked you to come help her with the workshop, apparently she works better when she has you with her (despite her getting much less work done because she keeps staring at you). she’s cleaning some sort of mechanism before you trot your away over to tap on her shoulder.

“hm?” she turns her head to look at you, “what’s wrong, hun?”

“can i have a kiss?” you tilt your head and smile which just makes her heart skip a beat as she straightens up.

“of course!” serval brushes her hand over your cheek and pulls you in close, you can nearly make out the sweet taste of her chapstick as her lips mould with yours.

serval breaks the kiss after a while with a soft hum, “you never have to ask for a kiss, just come give me one.” she chuckles and ruffled your hair playfully before returning to her work.

GEPARD ⛧ 杰帕德

“geparddd, i want a kiss.” you whine as you lean onto him with a pout. patrolling belobog clearly doesn’t entail “ignoring your partner” now does it!

gepard sighs in some sort of defeat to gaze at you for a brief moment, “my love, please, i’m on duty…” he pinches your cheek in frustration at his own work, as much as he wants to kiss you, there’s just that nagging voice in his head telling him to not get distracted.

and well, that voice can’t be blamed since when gepard does give into your childish pleas he tends to…lose himself? it’s like he suddenly switches off and malfunctions for a good moment and ends up indulging you perhaps more than a good solider should.

“pleaseee, just a kiss on the cheek will do…” you pout teasingly and he can’t help but let out another deep sigh as he leans in to kiss your cheek. perfect. before his lips manage to touch your cheek you tilt your head so they incidentally land onto your lips instead.

gepard pulls back swiftly and looks at you with a stern but playful expression, “you…are such a little troublemaker.”

SAMPO KOSKI ⛧ 桑博

curse this man’s silver tongue and that wink of his. with just a few smooth words and actions he managed to embarrass you in front of the entire astral express. luckily, none of them noticed just how much that man’s words affect you as you had your back turned to them but still…

now you’re just standing there in front of a kneeling sampo who’s pleading for your forgiveness in the most shameful way possible. how is he still managing to stir up all these butterflies in your tummy while looking so pathetic…?

“pleaseee honey~ i’ll do anything to apologise!” anything? you repeat in your head before smiling subtly and glaring at him, which just makes him shiver as he stares at you with a clueless toothy smile. you lean in close to his ear with a frustrated expression, one which betrays the words that escape your lips, “give me a kiss and i’ll forgive you.”

you swear you’ve never seen him jump up and hold you so quickly. his hands immediately found hold of your waist to pull you in for a sweet yet rather sloppy kiss. god he’s such a loser for you.

DAN HENG (IL) ⛧ 丹恒 「饮月君」

“hey, dan heng, can i have a kiss? (^_^)” you whisper to him.

dan heng appreciates that no matter if he’s himself or imbibitor lunae, you treat him all the same; not out of some sort of disrespect but because you truly just view him as someone who you love and cherish, but, he couldn’t help but laugh at your slight obliviousness to the situation.

he was having a rather serious discussion with the astral express crew about his circumstances, it was lighthearted sure, given the fact no-one viewed him as anything more or less than himself so the topic wasn’t as hard to chew, but it was still a rather awkward conversation to have. he glances over at you for a brief moment and lands a gentle peck on your lips before continuing the somewhat amusing interrogation with march 7th.

no matter what, your needs will be his top priority, especially if they’re as cute as this one （╹◡╹).

JING YUAN ⛧ 景元

“you don’t have to ask.” jing yuan’s voice echoes in your ears as you stand there confused, tilting your head at him with a slight pout.

“what do you mean?” you continue to stare at him which just makes him chuckle at your harmless obliviousness.

“i see you gazing at my lips frequently, you want a kiss don’t you?” such small details don’t ever go unnoticed by your beloved. you awkwardly nod your head and avert your gaze.

he laughs and looks at you, placing his fingers under your chin to tilt your head upwards so that you’re looking right into his eyes. you can feel your breath hitch as jing yuan’s lips touch your own before you slowly relax in his gentle touch. it was a warm and sweet sensation of lips pressed against yours, he didn’t push for more than what is comfortable. this made your heart flutter as jing yuan pulled away, leaving only his thumb on the side of your face, stroking gently, making your eyes flutter open in bliss.

you stare at him with bashful eyes, his hand still caressing your cheek. you laugh at his eagerness when his thumb brushes across your bottom lip before he leans forward again for another kiss. this time his other hand rests securely at the curve of your waist, his grip loose enough that if you wanted to escape you could easily do so. but instead, you let out a soft hum of contentment as his lips press against your own.

BLADE ⛧ 刃

“can i have a kiss?”

“why?”

“because i want one..?”

blade remains quiet as his eyes scan you up and down almost eerily. watching blade examine you like this just makes you wonder what goes on in his head. blade wouldn’t say he flinches at your affections, your sweet and gentle touches or caresses do make his heart jump in his ribcage, but it never shows on his face.

to be quite frank, you couldn’t tell if he was internally ridiculing you or waiting for you to take the initiative.

“sorry, i thought you were going to...it doesn’t matter. come here.” well that answered your question. you can’t help but quietly giggle at his, ironically, wholesome dumbassery. wrapping your arms around his neck lovingly to pull him down towards you, you finally get the smooch you asked for~

LUKA ⛧ 卢卡

“can i kiss you?”

“can you give me—“

oh.

luka’s eyes widen before he begins laughing till his stomach hurts, both from the humorous aspect of the situation and the butterflies invading his tummy. you laugh along with him, shaking your head and rolling your eyes.

“am i going to get my kiss or are you going to laugh yourself to the next week?” he calms down slightly and captures you in a hug, swinging you gently from side to side affectionately.

“sorry! it’s just…quite cute how in sync we are. c’mere.” holding your face with his hands he began planting kisses across your cheeks before his lips finally settled on yours. you could feel yourself grin through the kiss before luka pulled alway and pecked your cheek quickly. “as much as i wanna stay here and keep kissing you, i have a match at the robot settlement so byebye love you!” he ushers away just as fast as he kissed you.

wait.

…

robot settlement?

well, that was definitely a “kiss goodbye” alright…better get natasha on speed dial.

© BIOBLSM ✮ do not copy steal or repost

#my tummy hurtz….i’m so brave #hsr x reader #kafka x reader #serval x reader #gepard x reader #sampo x reader #dan heng x reader #il x reader #dan heng il #jing yuan x reader #blade x reader #luka x reader #hsr x you #hsr x gn reader

[kthulhu42]

Hey, can I try to prove to you that trans healthcare is safe, effective, and science based? And also maybe that being trans, for most people at least, is not something that is necessarily misogynistic? As a trans man who deals with chronic pain and several mental health issues, I may have perspective and arguments to offer that you haven't considered yet. I would also like to know better why people are advocating for more restrictions on trans healthcare (in order to understand why something I see as very good is seen by some as very evil). I completely understand if you don't want to argue with some random person on the Internet, but as someone who is affected by issues that you regularly talk about, I would like the chance to try and change your mind, or at least to hear your arguments in a clearer manner so I can understand why you advocate for what you do.

While I appreciate your offer to educate me, it's rather an impossibility. I'm not un-educated on the science involved. When my friend died, we were given the stats on the complications of phalloplasty by her surgeon. Necrosis was at 18%. Urinary incontinence was near *80%*. Revisions were "To be expected". How is constant infection and pain healthcare? If other cosmetic surgeries had the same complication and failure rates, would I be expected to accept those too?

I do not believe that you can change sex, and I do not believe in gendered souls that are so important that one must cut parts of their body to match it. As a - prior - mental health worker, I look at how we treat other instances of dysphoria and dysmorphia, and they're completely the opposite to how we treat Trans and GNC individuals. Why?

And then we come to the 4000% increase in teen girls identifying, and the internalised misogyny, the cult-like mentality of the TQ community, the sexism, erasure of women, and refusal of lesbian boundaries.

The issue starts and ends with the fact that you cannot change sex. Having any surgery at all, regardless of the visual effect, cannot change that. So why would I champion it? Why would I accept it, after watching the long, painful, drawn-out death of a friend who totally subscribed to this ideology?

Acceptance of the body, neutrality of the body, a disconnection of the pro-ana community, a focus on hobbies and works. That's how we help patients with severe body dysmorphia leading to anorexia. We don't give them liposuction. In fact, having anorexia - as I do - precludes you from accessing cosmetic surgery, because they know you're trying to achieve something impossible, that will only cause emotional distress.

Why does my body dysmorphia preclude me from surgery ( a much safer and less complex surgery than phallo or mastectomy)

While a Trans individuals dysmorphia means the complete opposite?

It's inconsistent medicine. It's dangerous medicine. And, due to recent laws in my country, even exploring the root of the dysphoria can be seen as anti-trans and can have detrimental effects on your career. How is it healthcare to deny doctors the ability to do their job?

#terfblr #radblr #radical feminism #Erica

[phoenixkaptain]

I love Stardew Valley and I love the community and I love how we all bond over pixelated chickens like we’re seventy-year-old women bonding over grandchildren- - -

But I get so annoyed with the character hate, like!!! All the characters are great!! All the romance-able characters are great!! I keep getting recommended videos about the bad parts of characters and I just want to scream!!

Penny: lovely. Charming. Kids are a big part of dating her because she teaches kids, of course she’s going to react a bit badly if you hate children. She is trying to teach kids so that they don’t have to have the same life she and her mother do, why do you hate this woman who is just anxious?

Shane: lovely. Charming. Perfect. “He still drinks after we get married, which ruins the whole story” NO. No. Shane is an alcoholic, and a severe one. If he quit cold-turkey, he would fucking die. “Harvey pumped his stomach” HE WOULD DIE. And I don’t care that my husband is messy, he has his own room and I don’t have to go over there!!

Maru: lovely. Charming. She hates working. She loves working on machines. She thinks about machines to build for you to make life easier. She’s adorable. She has a complicated relationship with her brother and I want to help them fix it goddangit because I love fictional siblings.

Elliott: lovely. Charming. An artist. He only leaves his home for like four hours a day. I can really relate to the desire to shave off all of one’s own hair. I feel that in my bones. Also, is friends with Willy and I fucking love Willy so A++

Leah: “she’s a lesbian” She’s fucking bi stop erasing bi rep in Bi Rep the Video Game

Sam: he’s a musician and a skater. This is what the perfect man looks like.

Emily: just the most charming. She has a complicated relationship with her sister because she takes care of her. She works at a saloon, how can someone not love a literal saloon worker? She’s crazy, she’s wild, she’s a flower child, I’m in love with her

Harvey: glasses. Doctor man. Occasionally puts on headphones to not so subtly hint that he doesn’t want to talk to you. This is what the perfect man looks lik-

Abigail: I don’t see a lot of people complain about Abigal, but I’ve seen a few and it just feels like- you guys love Sebastian so much but don’t like Abigail? What type of double standard is this?

Alex: everyone always says not to date him if your playing a female farmer, but honestly, his dialogue only cuts out parts if you play male. Like, he still says he felt different about you from day one even if you’re playing as a girl. The character affected the most by your gender choice in regards to dating Alex is George, and if you’ve already befriended George, he’ll apologize for being mean about your sexuality when he never even said anything mean about your sexuality, which is kind of funny

I never see people complain about Haley or Sebastian, which is fair, because Haley has a cute character arc and Sebastian loves frogs (this is what the perfect man lo-) My only problem is that people praise these two but rag on everyone else when I feel like all the characters are balanced pretty evenly in terms of good-bad traits.

Which trait is which is dependent on the person playing the game anyway, so when someone like me plays, I can’t help but find the characters perfect because I’m very forgiving when it comes to fictional characters’ undesirable traits. I mean, my favourite trait of all is stupidity, pure and unbridled, I’m talking facepalm-inducing, groan-worthy, the type of character people complain about the most; the type of stupid that makes people stop enjoying things. How can I dislike these characters who are cute and a bit awkward and so ready to bed the first hot farmer they come across even when that farmer sifts through their trash and passes out three steps away from their own house and drinks mayonnaise and would eat hay given half the chance. Like come on. They’re all moron-sexual. I can relate to that.

In conclusion: your favourite bachelor and/or bachelorette is as wonderful as you think they are and screw the people who try to tell you otherwise. The characters are great because they appeal to different people. Enjoy the game and enjoy the dating and I swear to God if I see another person say that certain farm layouts are bad because they don’t make enough money- the game doesn’t have a time limit! You can make as much money as you want! You could sell one sap everyday and nothing else and you would still be able to make it to however much money you desire to have. There’s not really a fast way to make ten billion gold, that doesn’t mean that the farm layouts you don’t like are bad and yes I’m ranting just because I love the slopes of the mining farm its layout is chamrjng and picturesque and provides a unique challenge to decorating and placing buildings and it’s actually the BEST farm layout because I just decided so and-!

Stardew Valley is a great game, 10/10 would recommend, and the new update is already great because I found carrot seeds and I like carrots :)

#the inane ramblings of a madman #stardew valley #stardew valley bachelors #stardew valley bachelorettes #i can judge all the characters pretty equally #because my fave partner is krobus #i love my creechur #he gives me hugs!!! #he waddles around my house!!! #i love this guy i want to give him all the hugs in the world #no joke he moved in and i hugged him like twenty times just because i could #krobus for bestest guy in the game #i love shane and penny was my first wifey and sebastian puts frogs in my home #but krobus man #🤌🤌🤌 #long post #ignore me i’ve been seeing things with mine eyes and it doth cause me great bother

[0th3rw0rldl1n3ss]

So I have a dormant scooby doo hyperfixation (that comes back now and then) and since the new Velma show is trending rn I feel the urge to tell everyone that in the Mystery Incorporated series Fred is canonically autistic with a special interest in making traps and I never see anyone mention this. It was confirmed in a video that’ll be linked at the bottom of this post.

But yeah, aside from all the other problems with the new Velma show (disclaimer: I haven’t seen the show yet but have seen some previews and have heard things about it that have given me very low hopes for how the show will be) one of the biggest icks for me so far is making Fred into a shallow and arrogant asshole popular rich boy stereotype instead of going the Mystery Inc route and making him a classic himbo and autistic who’s obsessed with building traps.

Autistic Fred Jones is the best version of Fred Jones. I love that he displays autistic characteristics without being a lazy one dimensional stereotype of autism. In the show, from what I remember (I need to give it a rewatch), he has a clear special interest in building traps to the point that it defines his life and affects his relationships, he struggles a lot with interpersonal relationships, indirect communication and social signals (especially when it comes to being oblivious to Daphne’s romantic signals, and the issues this causes in their relationship). But he’s not one dimensional, in fact he has more emotional complexity in this series than in any other rendition of Scooby Doo, in my opinion, and even though he’s autistic he’s still a conventionally attractive man and a central character who is desired by one of the main, attractive female leads in the show, which I almost NEVER see.

This Reddit post goes a bit more into the specifics of his autistic traits, for anyone interested.

Here’s the video I mentioned:

This post is about Fred, but I also wanted to mention that I have a lot of love for the Mystery Inc creators deliberately writing Velma as a lesbian who was struggling with coming to terms with her sexuality throughout the show, and giving her a canonical sapphic love interest, in a time where having a queer character in the main cast of a kids show was unheard of.

Anyway, I recommend watching Mystery Inc if you don’t want to watch the new Velma show but still want to watch something that hits the Scooby Doo nostalgia spot. It still has the fun of classic Scooby Doo that speaks to my inner child but it’s also dark and complex enough to appeal to teen and adult audiences (as well as younger audiences) without over the top edginess.

#Scooby doo #scooby doo mystery incorporated #mystery incorporated #mystery inc #hbo velma #velma 2023 #fred jones #fred scooby doo #autism #autistic characters #canon autistic character #autistic character #autistic Fred jones #autistic headcanon #🐱 #textpost #my post #autistic #actually autistic #Scooby doo fandom #Youtube #cartoons #cartoon fandoms #hyperfixation #hyperfixations #velma hbo max #Velma show

[aicedcoffeeandtea]

question for the culture of the ellie x reader community that i’m genuinely trying to understand but also having an even harder time wrapping my head around… and don’t fight me bc i know how this community loves to fight about everything!

in fics where the reader has a second love interest outside of ellie (excluding the ellie x reader x abby or ellie x reader x dina fics), why is the love interest always a man?

i myself have written a fic where reader was a lesbian that had an ex-boyfriend but only because it took place in the 80s and because it was actually relevant to the plot. and even then, i still made sure to tag that there would be references to reader being with a man in the past so that if anybody did read my story, they were doing it on their own discretion.

in a lot of the kinds of fics i’m talking about though, the reader being with a man could literally be swapped out with reader being with a woman and it would not change the story at all. but for some reason the default is 9/10 of the time, a man. it honestly wouldn’t even be that bad for me if 1) people tagged their works better and 2) if this didn’t happen so often.

this is a wlw space, where the common denominator that we all share is that we are attracted to women and non-men regardless of our specific sexualities. therefore, why is there a constant need to still include men in sapphic spaces? when you make reader be in a relationship with a man or have reader cheat on their male partner/love interest with ellie, you are automatically excluding those of us who are not attracted to men. plus, always having a lesbian, even more specifically a masc lesbian competing with a man puts a very strange taste in my mouth that i don’t think i can articulate the way i want to, but i feel like you can understand where im getting at here. i’m not even masc, im a hyper femme lesbian and it still rubs me off the wrong way, especially because most of this also only happens when it’s a fem reader, and the guy they’re with is always masculine.

and i’m sorry but im just gonna say it: ellie getting jealous of reader being with a man? yawn. boring. overdone. overused. predictable. trope ive seen way too many times. ellie getting jealous of reader being with a woman? im sat. adds spice. adds flavor. give me that shit.

if you disagree, that’s fine. we could (like civil adults) talk about it. i’m usually not the type to police people on what kinds of fics they write so i was very hesitant to even post this because i’m actually pro write whatever tf you want. but i definitely feel like it’s something that people do need to be more mindful of, so i guess i’m just asking people to do that, or at the very least can we tag our fics better so that i as a lesbian don’t waste my time reading the millionth fic where reader has both a masc lesbian and a man fighting for their affections? thanks, love yall. 🫶🏾

#ellie williams x reader #ellie x reader #tlou2 #ellie tlou #x reader

[mary-kasexual]

In honor of lesbian visibility week, I present a full list of female characters from Total Drama who have canonically shown no attraction to men! (as far as I'm aware)

Staci - Only present for one episode and only spoke for one episode, having no lines in the finale. None of these lines hint at Staci displaying any interest in men.

Dawn - The closest thing I could find was the "I didn't know you were a beetle whisperer!" scene, but even then, that could easily be read as platonic. Svetlana - Similar case to Staci in that her lines are pretty limited due to being actively suppressed by Mike or Mal. However she has not, in fact, said anything that hints at her liking men in those few lines.

Sammy & Amy - Other than that one "Topher thinks you're fat" line of dialogue (which could easily be played off as Amy trying to mess with her), neither of them have shown any on-screen interest in men.

Scarlett - The only extensive interaction she has with men are Max, whom she DESPISES, and their alliance is only romantically framed for the sake of a gag.

Sugar - Nothing in canon hints at her liking men. She admires Leonard, but this is most likely due to his perceived magical abilities rather than any sort of attraction as she displays a similar interest in Max later on.

Tammy - Similar case to Staci, she only had a very brief speaking role in episode 1 and never in these lines was it implied she was attracted to men.

Mary & Ellody - Only here for a short time (with Mary only having dialogue in the episode she was eliminated in rip), but neither of them express interest in guys.

Laurie & Miles - Same deal as Mary and Ellody, they go pretty early overall but haven't been shown to like men.

Jen - You'd expect someone of her character archetype to mention looking for 'cute guys' or something similar, but surprisingly no? The closest thing she has would be her friendship with Tom, which is treated as 100% platonic by the show even if you don't take into account the fact that Tom is gay.

Taylor - Another surprising one imo, it's never stated or implied that she likes guys in the show, not even a passing mention from what I've seen which I could've sworn happened on first watch. Mandela effect I guess 🤷

Josee - Similar deal to Jen as far as I'm aware, being that her closest relationship to a guy is with a gay man and treated as platonic throughout the race.

Sanders - Pretty clear-cut, no scenes of her expressing interest in men or romance in general.

MacArthur - "What about Brody?" The only time she's shown to return his affection is during the finale and she's actively trying to throw him off his game by using his crush against him. She only asks Brody to call her in the Surfers ending, which she doesn't do at all in the Cadets ending implying that she's most likely only in it for the money.

Scary Girl/Lauren - While she does hold an interest in Damien, nothing in canon says she's attracted to him, only to the sound of his screams.

Nichelle - Too busy having no lines to talk about boys. seethingwithrage

Millie - Zero attraction to men in canon, the most interactions she has are with and about Priya. She's sorta friendly with Damien, but it doesn't rise anywhere above platonic (probably because she shoved him into a meat grinder but who knows) and actively seems to be disgusted by or otherwise pretty averse to most of the male cast.

MK - Has never been shown to be interested in guys or even romance in general. In fact, she actively seems to dislike it as seen in the episode where Caleb and Priya kiss where she goes “Yeah, that was sweet, but it’s also how you get mono” (this is ace mk propaganda btw). There was also Nichelle's intro in season 1 when she was looking at her starry-eyed, clearly a joke but yk still noteworthy.

Julia - My favorite lesbian <3 zero attraction or hints at attraction to men in canon + listen... we all watched season 2 you know what I'm talking about don't lie. The closest things she has to romantic interactions with men in canon are at most one-sided and always with her actively disliking said man on the other side (Wayne + maybe Ripper in season 1).

#total drama #tdi #td roti #tdpi #tdrr #tdi reboot #if I missed anything/anyone please lmk! #happy lesbian visibility week!

[rouge-the-bat]

i really do wonder what ppl who tout the "non-men loving non-men" definition of lesbian think about multigender people. do they EVER consider us? even a tiny bit? bc it certainly doesnt feel like it. it feels like any one of these situations:

they already dont think being multigender is a thing, and say shit like "you can only be a man, a woman, or nonbinary, not all of the above."

they quite literally dont think about how multigender people would work in relation to sexuality. they may claim to support us, but they dont pay attention to or care about the fact our gender identity ISNT just an isolated thing that has no affect or connection to anything else about us.

they look at my gender (genderfluid between woman, man, and many forms of nonbinary, more oftentimes a mix), and say oh well youre PARTIALLY a man in some way so that means you cant be a lesbian! so, basically my man-ness just "taints" me and negates the fact that im also a woman and nonbinary? what about the days where my genderfluidity contains no bit of man at all? can i only be a lesbian SOMETIMES?

they yell about non-men all they want, but see my gender and go, "oh not YOU though :) i mean people who are ONLY a man!" and not realize how that is 1. them not saying at all what they mean in their definition if still SOME men are okay and 2. extremely comes across as misgendering and that they dont see me as Actually a man if im not mono-gendered, regardless of their intention. if you are going to categorize people as "men or non-men" and try to fit me in only one or the other, you are misgendering me no matter what. non-men is not the same thing as non-mono-gendered-men.

and all of this also makes me wonder: what would these people think if they saw me in person, holding hands with my girlfriend?

for context: transmeds would 100% consider me a faker not only bc im genderfluid, use any pronouns (esp neos), and am without dysphoria (for gender anyways), but because theyd think im just cis. im afab with no hormone changes or surgery, nor do i want any (my ideal genitals being a dick or barbie-doll-smooth aside, since i dont care enough to do surgery about it, and any of my other gender ideals would require shapeshifting), i like my big boobs, AND im femme. my fat even adds to my curves. most people would probably read me as only a girl and not think twice about it, esp if im dressing up as femme as i like being at the time.

so, if these people shouting "non-men loving non-men" at those like me all the time ended up seeing me irl, what would they think? would they see im extremely femme and read as a girl while holding hands with my girlfriend (who isnt femme but still is easily read as a girl) and think oh yeah, thats a lesbian right there? because a huge part of me says that they absolutely would have no issue with it

who knows if anyone who swears up and down by the "non-men loving non-men" definition will actually read this, but i REALLY wish more people would actually hear out multigender folks and see how definitions like this are incompatible with us. think about how our identity doesnt exist in a vacuum. realize that plenty of us ARE lesbians no matter what anyone else says, and we do not abide to your """inclusive""" definition that actually doesnt consider our existence at all.

or at least realize identity labels dont have a one-size-fits-all definition in the vastness of queer experiences, that people are going to have definitions for things that are different from yours, and you dont hold the One True Right Definition. realize that definitions are not rules that are placed upon words, theyre explanations for how these words are being used across the world, through time, and vary from person, place, and time. definitions are fluid, not static, and many words have multiple definitions.

#lesbian #multigender #genderfluid #lesboy #genderfluid lesbian #multigender lesbian

[literary-butch]

The way Leslie Feinberg talks about the women's liberation movement in Stone Butch Blues (I think in chapter 13?) really fucking resonated with me and made me go oh shit because this is what we've never recovered from. This line that says you must fit into the conventions that is either 'man' or 'woman' but only ever in the way other people describe for you. We had this for the gay lib movement, third wave feminism, the debates about lesbian sex ethics, modern trans debates. Its why we hate women who are masculine and men who are feminine, its why we hate drag performers and any trans person who doesn't perfectly pass as cisgendered. Its why nonbinary is only accepted if you can be seen as woman-lite. We are still culturally clinging to the differences between the binary sexes instead of deconstructing the ways compulsory gender has harmed most of us. I think we need some serious thinking about the nuances between freedom to express and cultural gender identity, how we can enjoy butch/femme identities without forcing them into a new binary all over again, and ALSO about how specifically lesbian trauma around cismen affects how we treat and see masculine presenting women, butches, and the trans*/nonbinary people in our community.

#butch lesbian #butch4butch #queer history #stone butch blues #leslie feinberg #he him lesbian #trans identity #transfem #transmasc #nonbinary lesbian #femme4butch #femme lesbian #queer media #queer studies

[detransraichu]

it really does feel like having emotional intelligence as a woman is a full-time fucking job. like you're so aware of how to defuse situations and fawn and mask and be pwetty and be so polite so that no man gets mad or creepy around you. it's like we're stuck on a theatre play and we're not allowed to leave our roles. but i wanna leave my role. i'm a woman i'm a hairy sweaty grunting angsty animal like any other trying to survive in a male dominated world and i have to be miss sunshine while therapizing and mothering men emotionally???? FUCK THAT i'm done!!!! I'M DONE!!!! no more nice woman. i'll use my emotional intelligence, my empathy, my comfort skills, only on those who deserve it. i don't want to overextend myself emotionally for other ppl's sake bc i was raised trained to be a Good Little Girl and do whatever other people needed me to do and become arm candy or an overworked mother with a shitty husband. like holy shit. i'm really realizing my upbringing living as a girl reallyyyy affected me deeply i'm glad in some ways bc thank god i'm not emotionally constipated like cis men, but also sad bc it's like i'm a soldier who was trained for a war i never wanted to go to anyway, and that i wasn't even contractually obligated to go to!!! and now i'm realizing i can opt out. i can be my own woman. i can be a human being first, woman second, and i don't need to be defined by my upbringing. i can be my own kind of woman and i can be human now. like i can start acting like an actual human being and not my idea of a Good Woman

i have finally fully 100% realized that i don't need to brainwash myself into worrying abt every little thing i do bc the patriarchy wants to keep me submissive and insecure and soft spoken. it wants me to doubt myself and stay in line. an easily swayed woman is a good woman by male society's standards. child-like, always needing guidance, not loud and brash and unlovable. when a man is outspoken, loud and proud he's the next president. when women do it they're nags and feminazi bitches. and i actually love bitches, i'm more of a dog person than a cat person tbh. i'm just a human who happens to be a woman too. it's the least interesting thing about me, like my height or hair color or me being a lesbian!!! it doesn't define me beyond just a trait i happen to have. i'm really starting to shed the layers of internalized misogyny i've always had about myself and it's SOOOO FUCKIGN FREEING!!!!! like oh my fucking god. i was like a turtle who kept retreating into her shell at the smallest thing and didn't want to inconvenience anybody. so unnecessary! turns out i don't need to do that i can just be a little guy who lives her life to THE FULLEST!!!!! bc you only live once bitches!!!! seize the moment be ur true self don't fawn all the time it's okay to be a grown ass adult and speak ur mind and make ur OWN choices!!!!

#lay text #radfem #radblr

[tocomplainfriend]

It feels less like you want to address a real life problem to characters, but more like you want to have another of your characters you constantly baby and want others to fangirl over.

TW: Rape, SA, Racism, Stereotyping, Homophobia, Acephobia, Arophobia.

The representations of topics in media DOES affect real people.

Fiction can affect reality.

Let's start easy, Jaws. This goes back to Hazbin I promise.

"Since the release of Jaws in 1975, the world has witnessed a staggering decline of 71% in shark and ray populations, and around 100 million sharks are killed each year." (including multiple practices of mass hunting sharks in competition)

Both Steven Spielberg and the original writer Peter Benchley regret the movie and book. It's a big reason of the shark treatment, when it started by old fishermen worrying about shark biting people in the beaches they made money of.

Even if you aren't a shark killer yourself, a lot of things you believe of sharks are untrue myths that come from making sharks "evil" human killer animals. Sharks cannot smell blood from miles away, that's not even how water works, the particles of blood need to enter their nostrils. Sharks are not man eaters, they attack other prey animals before human. Shark attacks are extremely rare, even if they happen they are not justifiable to kill all sharks.

Sharks actually have personalities they can fit in, they are smart and recognize people and boats- and form positive relationships with people. They can even like getting pet by people.

Other level to represent other thing sin media that affects reality we can address Queer, representation as a topic.

I hope it is not a surprise for you... possible non-straight, non-cis person reading this. That the constant representation of gay man as kid predator is a problem. They used old commercial (PSA) to spread negative views of gay man. Media is used to spread messages and affect its viewer. This is, there are cartoons created by Jehovah witness (or similar religions) to spread their beliefs and teach to their children in an easy, digestible way.

Same with the amount of straight woman that went off to read shitty yaoi manga and fetishy gay wattpad stories, and went to sexualize and diminish queer men. Constantly making gay man's personality into bottom or top (uke and seme shit). I witness this irl, others have too.

Same with shitty men that view Lesbians as a porn machine for men, cause "monkey brain like woman, lesbian = two women". Which happens in general and adult media. All of these are EASY examples.

Another one which turns out many people don't think about. Having your representation of an AroAce character (on purpose or not) be the psychopath with no feelings. Associating the not being romantically or sexually to means you have no heart, to be abnormal, by then a psychopath. An abuse or serial killer.

Fiction does affect reality-

A racist film, 'Birth of the nation' Revived the KKK and let to all the discrimination, and the homicide of black people of centuries ahead.

-

Coming back around, how you treat the topic of SA, and r-pe- affects the real world. You would think someone who wrote that, had in mind on how that affects people in real life. Didn't you want to represent victims of SA/R-pe that are sex workers and male?

Reducing the r-pist, pimp, trafficker character to an air head to treat as silly is crazy to do. Specially as... oh idk... the creator? Both this and the tweet of the voice actor calling Val "Bubbles Coded" is so crazy. The character is also not deep enough by itself, it's pretty much Stupid and a R-pist sex trafficker. The tweet below Viv's fucking kills me too.

The fact Val is shown to be air head stupid doesn't delete he backed Angel (and by being a sex trafficker and a pimp, and him licking charlie that means he has multiple victims) into a corner and under his control. Too then abuse of him in many different ways. Manipulations are not only done by Super mastermind people, and representing it in such way diminished, affects people who have being manipulated and actually try to question if they have being or not. Manipulators can be normal, average people, they usually are not obvious. Even if Val is openly a shitty person that's really obvious, it doesn't detract from him being manipulative to people. The scene where Val threatens him in chains that is manipulation, his text messages are manipulation (even if you think it is too obvious to be successful).

How you represent SA/R-PE, and its perpetrators, do affect real life.

Going around and having your "serious R-pe episode", to then go in other episodes or the other series you are writing to make r-pe/sa jokes is terrible. For the person that directed the whole scene of poison to NOT be r-pe/sa victim (said by themselves) with a r-pe fetish with this character's in specific, to directed in the most graphic way possible is awful. To go around babying your r-pist character is crazy.

Hope you understand that this doesn't mean not treating any topic at all. Creators should be awere on how they treat topics and the scenarios they create with them, too. People and viewers need to also put their brain to understand the media they consume. But you can't always put all blame only on the viewers of a series, if media is messy is a fault of the media. You can criticize both.

You need to acknowledge Valentino is indeed a terrible person, You don't need to delete his actions or the weight of them.

I also just know that a lot of Val fans just like him to draw him in r-pe art and get their fetishized gay ship. Cause that's what they are into. You won't even do that with a woman, because you are into your fucked up fetishized gay porn from wattpad you never left behind.

If you like him, FUCK IT, just please take his abuse seriously. Don't default your entire usage, and view of the character to be 'uwufied' fandom stuff, please.

I hate how the topic has being treated, in and out of the show. I'm a victim, and I'm hurt by how these things are treated and knowing how it affects others. Even in things I haven't watched! Don't make the argument don't like it? Just don't watch it. The movies from the video of SA of men being a joke, many I haven't watch- that still affects over all. It's still a problem and it's disheartening.

Also have this:

#hazbin critical #hazbin hotel criticism #hazbin hotel critical #hazbin hotel critique #vivziepop critical #vivziepop criticism #vivziepop critique #tw sa #tw rape #tw homophobia #tw racsim #tw acephobia #tw arophobia

[nansheonearth]

It's insane to me that posts like this can get a thousand notes saying the literal opposite of what radical feminists believe. There's people in the notes writing a whole break down of beliefs that aren't radical feminist in the slightest like they are experts on wrong information. How do you live like this? How do you base so much of your activism on something you know so little about? I work against neonazi ideas because I've read about them, I've watched documentaries about them. I've listened to their actual words. I'm against the oil industry because I've done research about it's affects on the environment, it's push for war and destabilization. I'm against surveillance culture because it's affect on activism and it's fueling of capitalism because I've learned about it. You have to actually learn about the people you're against.

And regarding the actual post: saying that radfems hate transmen (literal women) because they are men (they're literally not men) is such a projection. In my personal life, the only people who I've seen complain about transmen in lesbian spaces are libfems because libfems are the ones who believe in the fairytale that a woman can become a man. Taking testosterone, changing documents, identify as a man, getting those around you to go along with it; none of these makes a woman a man at the end of the day.

#trans #gender #patriarchy #radfem #o #petewentzwombtattoo #mccarthyism

[unhinged-transmasc-man]

(This is a very long post, but worth reading)

Being a trans man is bizarre. Because you grow up being treated as a girl and sexualized as one, mocked and diminished and dismissed as one. “Oh you’re just a whiny little hysterical girl, shut up.” You’re constantly gaslit about your interests and experiences and trauma. You know what it looks like when someone sees you as small and insignificant, unworthy of listening to. You have femininity forced onto you and get punished if you disobey. If you’re Asian, you’re even more sexualized and infantilized due to fetishization. And if you’re black or brown, society never considered you innocent to begin with. You’ve been an adult from the moment you were born. Being socialized as having a white girlhood is a very particular experience. But if you’re on the internet and in queer spaces you learn that femininity is always really good, actually, that it never punishes anyone, and that you can be anyone except a man. You can be a lesbian, you can be non-binary, you can be butch, you can be transmasc, as long as you don’t Step Over The Line to being a man. As long as you Stay Good. These ideas slowly creep into your head and stay there, sometimes being what keeps you from realizing you’re a man.

And then you realize you’re a man. And you still have all those experiences, you’ve still been hurt by misogyny in the same way, you’ve still had violence enacted upon you. But now it’s somehow worse, because the same people who supported you when you were butch, or a lesbian, or transmasc but not a man, suddenly they’re gone. You can see the distaste they have for you. Suddenly those “jokes” about men you and others made out of pressure and internalized self-hate affect you, and it hurts. So you speak up, say that actually, you’re a man and you’re not bad. And they laugh at you. They say that either “oh we didn’t mean YOU,” or “if you’re a man, then you’re included.” And what are you supposed to say to that? Either all men are evil but you’re not evil so you can’t be one, or you become a victim of a kind of violence resulting from 2010s Buzzfeed “progressive” gender essentialist bullshit “feminism”, where you have to tolerate demonization of your identity as a man to be acknowledged as a man. Sometimes you’ll take it, because you want to be seen as a man so bad that even being complicit in your own dehumanization is better than being forced into womanhood. (I’m also talking about you, pick-me trans guys. If you grew out of it, good in you, but this may be a wake up call you need.)

So you go on the internet for a supportive trans community and you find that things have shifted since you thought you were still an identity of Not A Man. You still have the same experiences, but now you can’t complain about them. People call you “a whiny hysterical little girl,” but in different words. Now you’re “an aggressive toxic man.” Keep in mind, you’re still regularly misgendered and treated as a girl offline, but that doesn’t matter to these people. You’ve crossed that line, and now you’re Bad, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t talk about experiences, you can’t talk about prejudice, you can’t talk about issues that uniquely affect trans men. You can’t talk about how cis women throwing a tantrum at inclusive reproductive language is at words meant to include trans men, not trans women. You can’t talk about how afab socialization still effects you, that it keeps you from speaking out at this very moment. You can’t talk about the rate of violence, or of murder, or of sexual assault. Suddenly the people who know full well how inherently violent it is to misgender trans women in death are saying “but terfs like trans men, they just want to save you, you don’t die like we do,” and you don’t know what to say. Because it’s so untrue.

You know exactly how terfs attack trans men, all the fear-mongering about “poor autistic lost lesbians,” and “amputating healthy breasts and fertility,” and “internalized misogyny, they did this to escape the patriarchy.” You know the fear-mongering about it and where it comes from, because you’ve seen it from the day you were born. It’s the language of putting men who they see as deviant women back in their place. And yet no one besides you and other trans men seem to see it. When JK Rowling comes out with her transphobic manifesto, she talks just as much about trans men as she does trans women. And yet the only response you see to her is “trans women are women!!!!”. And generally, that’s the only response you ever see to any type of transphobia. That trans women are women. This gets so ingrained that anyone other than you is completely unprepared for how to defend trans men against transphobia, because they think transphobia only affects trans women and don’t understand the unique language. It also doesn’t help that most of them already believe the same things (mainly, that being a man is Bad and Not Progressive) and they can’t argue against what they believe.

And so here you are, still experiencing misogyny and violence, still being misgendered and threatened, uniquely in danger for being visibly trans, but you can’t talk about it now. Because you use he/him now, and that makes you evil. Other trans people, who are supposed to be your family, think you’re evil. They project their hatred of cis men and masculinity onto you, and you’re bewildered. You realize they can accept you for being trans, but they can’t accept you for being a man.

They’ll try and get you to separate those parts, say nonsense like “all transphobia is only based on trans women,” when you know for a fact it affects people in different ways. If you say telling all men to die is problematic, they’ll call you transmisogynistic and sexist as though you don’t know misogyny like the back of your hand. You try telling people who have been dehumanized for being trans that you don’t want to be dehumanized for what makes you trans, and get demonized even further. You get the worst combination of all. You get diminished and mocked and condescended and dismissed, “Oh you’re just a whiny little hysterical girl, shut up,” turns into “Oh you’re just a whiny little hysterical man. Stop speaking over women.” You’re still constantly gaslit about your interests and experiences and trauma, because liking masculinity is seen as bad now that you’ve realized you’re a man. You know what it looks like when someone sees you as small and insignificant, unworthy of listening to (especially as growing up as a Jewish girl, and now a Jewish man). They see you as not only small and insignificant, unworthy of listening to, but they justify it with your identity. Before, it was that “women” weren’t worthy of being listened to because they were stupid and insignificant, and now it’s that you’re a man, and men shouldn’t talk about their experiences fear because they’re Evil. You had femininity forced onto you and got punished if you disobeyed, and now you get that again! But now you’re a “toxic man” if you hate being misgendered. You get the misogyny of being treated like a woman and the demonization of being a man, and you can’t talk about either. “You can’t complain now,” they say, “you asked for this. You chose this.”

They use the same language of those “he’s only pulling your hair because he likes you” teachers (“terfs want to forcibly detransition you bc they care about you”) or “you were asking for it” adults after being catcalled for the first time at age 12 (“you chose to be a man”) or the same fucking language as terfs, who they claim to hate. They use this same language, except now it’s a chance for them to project their trauma with masculinity onto you. You learn a lot of people only hate terfs because they don’t include trans women, not because they’re fascists who believe in innate gender essentialism and that your genitals determine everything about you. You learn a lot of trans people are terfs. In everything but name, they are. They believe in gender essentialism, in radical feminism, that all men are evil, just including trans women. In their view, they slot trans women into the status of white womanhood as eternal victims, and trans men into the status of white manhood as eternal oppressors. Except that doesn’t work.

(Not to mention that non-binary people can also be men or/and women, and are entirely left out in all of this except to fit into this oppression point calculator developed in a previous un-invented circle of discourse hell)

You find a small circle of trans men and mascs talking about the same stuff you’re talking about. You realize that realizing you’re a trans man means you have to become an activist for trans men. Every word you think of to describe your own experiences is, again, mocked and dismissed. You’re gaslit even more heavily than you were before, by the same people who claim you have power over them. People who have never talked to a trans man in good faith spread misinformation, that testosterone is easy to get (it’s actually harder to get than estrogen because it’s a level three substance that results in a felony if taken without a prescription), that it’s poison (and maybe it was for them, but they say it as a universal statement), that all trans men worry about is misgendering, ignoring the very real violence against us specifically for being TRANS MEN. And you die a little inside and grow very disillusioned and alienated from other trans people. You notice that traits of a testosterone-induced puberty are demonized even when that hurts trans women, and you notice any trans women who try to speak up are silenced, just as you are. And it hurts. Where is the community in this?

But still, you have your own community, slowly raising awareness for these things. You dust off your skills you got from validating yourself from harm from your abusive mother, and put on that same shield you used against abusive cis boys in high school who made period jokes and said cis lesbians just wanted to be men. You use the language to describe your own oppression that you know to be true. You use “transandrophobia” and “anti masculinity” without apology. You’re not going to apologize, flutter your lashes and give a nervous laugh the way you did for cis men when you were in danger, to other trans people about transphobia. Not anymore, not now, and not ever again. You work through your own self-hatred of masculinity that the queer “community” fully endorses and practices daily, and realize that being a man is good, actually. You start defining your own ideal of masculinity, and start being your own role model of what you want to be as a man.

You’re on testosterone and see it demonized daily by other trans people, and see that what gives you happiness is mocked as what makes you unlovable and disgusting. It hurts, but you learn to brush them aside. Solidarity is important, you’ve always known this. Sometimes you can get through to people, who will realize they’re hurting you and stop. But some people won’t, and will victimize themselves eternally. That’s not your fault, and the emotional labor you carried over from being raised as a girl means you especially need to hear this. That’s not your job. Not because women should have that job, but because no one should have to do more work than is equal. You are trans because you are a man, and so your manhood cannot be separated from your transness. Other people practicing transphobia against you is their fault, not yours.

You start to learn that damn, the patriarchy really does effect men from how other queer people treat you. Because people, especially women (both cis and trans) start treating you like a non-human robot, an emotional punching bag. That’s if they don’t demonize you entirely. But still, you have your community, you’re transitioning, and you’re happy. You start growing into your manhood and masculinity, really growing into it. And there are times when you’re really, really happy. You decide to make your own representation. Don’t let anyone take that away from you, fellow trans men. You are handsome, you are strong, you are resilient. Your are courageous and lovely and kind. You are worthy of love not despite being a man, but because you are a man. It’s been hard, it’ll be hard. But it’s worth it to be a man.

(This ended up being a long post, a combination of what started out as a rant and turned into more of a personal journey narrative. I want to make people feel heard. You are valid. It’s not just in your head, they are gaslighting you. You aren’t sensitive, you aren’t dramatic, you aren’t toxic, and you aren’t whiny. You’re a trans man who wants to be known as a man without being demonized for it. Never be afraid to speak up against transphobia, especially when it’s from other trans people. They should know better, it is not your fault. I love you. I’ve also learned more about multigender people and intersex people, but I can’t speak to their experience at all and so didn’t want to misrepresent. But I can only imagine it’s even more complicated and hard for you, so you get even more love and support <333)

(If you’re not a trans man or transmasc reading this, and you support it, thank you. This was specifically about trans men because it’s the man part people really demonize, and transmasc as an identity is still seen as “safe” because it’s “not a man”. For supportive trans women and transfems, I love you. Keep speaking up for us. But for anyone who comes at this in bad faith, re-evaluate why you feel attacked. Are you perpetuating harm against trans men? Are you continuing gender essentialism but justify it because you have a marginalized identity? Are you projecting your trauma against cis men, men in general, and masculinity against people who can’t fight back? Reflect and grow the fuck up. Are you a trans man who’s bought into dehumanizing yourself so you can be seen as “one of the good ones”? Are you a white trans woman weaponizing your newfound sense of white womanhood onto trans men, especially non-white trans men? Reflect on how demonizing men and masculinity as inherently predatory and dangerous effects jewish men, black men, brown men, disabled men, and Asian men. And maybe just white cishet men as well!!! They’re also people!!!! Being a man isn’t inherently a bad thing. You should be mad at systems, not people, and individuals when they perpetuate harm. Being marginalized in one area doesn’t mean you can claim to be the voice of the community while hurting members of the community you supposedly consider yourself apart of.)

#cw transandrophobia #transandrophobia #transmisandry #anti-masculinity #cw sa mention #cw terf mention #cw jk rowling #trans guy #trans man #trans men

[biracy]

As a dyke i once joked that a fictional character who was male was experiencing comphet and someone told me off for using it because "its a lesbian only term" No the fuck it isnt... Really putting the L in lgbt... Also. Imo comphet can apply to anyone, even het people. Yes even cishet people. Its like a mosquito it gets Everyone

So true honestly like I think a reexaminining of heterosexuality as a social system and approaching "compulsory heterosexuality" theory through that lens would be a lot more productive than "comphet is when only lesbians feel pressure to date men, no one else can experience it". Like I said in my post, as a bisexual person I have an experience that falls explicitly outside of mainstream standards of heterosexuality, and I also feel social pressure to date "acceptable" heterosexual men in an "acceptable" heterosexual woman fashion (i.e. not be the freako that I am). I've also read about how straight trans people inherently cannot perform "heterosexuality" as a social system, which inherently excludes trans people. That's not to say that trans people cannot be straight, as in "attracted to/only interested in dating people of different genders (trans women who date men, trans men who date women)", but to say that all trans people cannot fit into heterosexuality as it is defined by patriarchy, religious hegemony, etc. I think too many people discuss "comphet" while operating under a definition of "heterosexuality" as "when a woman dates a man", which I think, when examined through both bisexual and transgender lenses, falls through. It disregards the existence of heterosexuality and heteronormativity as systems that can negatively affect and control everyone, especially all women, in favor of paying lipservice to what is essentially an "am I gay" quiz written like five years ago. I think the ways comphet affects lesbians, bi women, and straight women are all different, but I also think a multifaceted approach to comphet theory is important lol

#maybe this is the prison of heterosexuality. yknow #ask #anon #lgbt #comphet