#i can do it again. but it fucking sucks when its most of my irl friends all at once.

[deus-and-the-machina]

ffxiv garlemald discourse is so funny because people will go "ugh people just cant stand it when things aren't black and white" and then you look at how the empire are portrayed in stormblood and shadowbringers and its like hm. that seems like a pretty intense and accurate display of violent imperialism to me! Wow I wonder why people in this day and age may find it hard to feel sympathy for them or even hate them on principal. god its such a mystery.

the games like 50/50 to me on how it tackles these themes because I actually like the garlemald arc in EW, I think it has a lot of horrific and powerful scenes depicting how self destructive fascist propaganda and beliefs are, but I also think it doesn't go far enough on some fronts. the garleans' xenophobia is most notably and obstacle to getting them to accept the contingent's help, which is what they're there to do,

but there's never an admission of harm from any garleans on the uuuuuuuuh massive amount of war crimes the nations around them are still suffering from they're just kind of like "we misjudged you...but you actually wanted to help us all along" like yeah thats great now can we get you all some deprogramming because you keep talking about returning to your prime and glory days and I think we need to unpack some stuff you really SHOULDNT return to. im not even really talking about EW proper but the patches where things are a bit more chilled out and people are recovering.

It feels like they wanted to have their critique of imperialism and also have things end with the beauty of human connection and reaching out and these things just don't mesh well because hey a lot of your modern day audience is not gonna like having to treat people yelling xenophobic things at the cast and your character with kid gloves after you showed them hours and hours of the awful things these people's beliefs have done. especially in the present day hoo boy.

#im kind of torn between 'no characters dont need to be 'punished' to be redeemed but also the characters just being so lenient with the #colonizers after we see far too many people being lenient if not supportive of the colonizers irl. well. it really blows afslkjfalkf and #yeah you can argue if they'd gone through with the garlemald expansion they would've had more time to go into this but the fact is that its #absent from what they did do and I especially think the patches when we go to garlemald and the EW role quests going 'hey maybe the #provinces can help us rebuild' as if they'd have any goddamn right to ask that just make me feel like they didnt stick the landing #seeing all the characters who have suffering time and time again bc of the garleans or seen the results of their actions having to clamp #their mouths shut every time someone said something xenophobic in EW isnt satisfying and it leaves so much unsaid! #also some people feel like the narrative didnt blame emet enough but ngl I think thats reductive even with his micromanaging scheming littl #ass and the intention of garlemald turning out a shitshow that doesnt make anyone else less complicit. most governments like this exaggerat #and lie and spread propaganda but I dont think most people here excuse the actions of a bigot because 'they were raised that way' #this is also my issue with gaius' writing. hes primarily upset that ascians were behind what he thought was his good old fashioned natural #conquering ideology :( and doesnt it suck so much he killed people for it. like yeah he seems pretty aware what he did was wrong but his #ideology remains bizarrely intact and unchallenged by the characters around him. no dude it wasnt just the ascians the system is a lot more #complex than that by this point aaaaaugh #final fantasy xiv #ffxiv #siren says #I hope people are nice to me about this I dont think I said anything particularly controversial to the Tumblr crowd (twt maybe but fuck em) #ig my main point with this post is that the game isnt perfect at writing this and also that look. I actually liked the main arc in EW and I #like quite a few garlean characters but I completely understand why others didnt like it or any garleans esp if they have their own persona #experiences with colonialism and I dont get to tell them they're invalid for that. too many people get judgmental about this understandably #upsetting topic and you just gotta accept that this is a big line for many people

[nicodaws]

having a lil crisis at 1:30 in the am. as is tradition.

#this is such a long tag rant lmao sorry #tonight highlights r oh god i have no idea when im going to be able to medically transition #coz like ! fuck the uk system is designed to make us wait til we're 30 and i could go private but im not fucking loaded and im saving for #a year abroad in a few years and ffs im going fucking abroad for a year if all goes to plan and how does that even work and #idk how im supposed to do anything with no money and a transphobic family #and most the trans ppl ik irl have either been on the waiting list since they were 16 and r abt to get on T which i couldnt get coz my mum #would never #or they have fucking surgery dates scheduled coz their family can fucking afford to go private #and jealousy is an ugly emotion but man im feeling it so much rn #its just . i do not see the path that allows me to get what i need within the next like . 5 years . #its a stupid thing to be upset abt coz i cant change it but man im so upset abt it rn #my degree involves being on camera and podcasts and talking to strangers and i am not going to pass for any of it #anyway . its fine ill just have to save more and see abt private and get things moving ig #just. i want 2 talk to my mum abt it but i cant and it sucks. :] #. #idk i think i had this idea when i was like 12 and first coming out to friends that by the time i was 19 i would be on T getting surgery yk #but :] reality strikes again #delete later

[chuuyascumsock]

Well This Is Just Slut-tastic || Minors DNI

Summary: Hey guys, here’s the sexless virgin back again to write about something they have no clue about but acts like she does.

Tags: Female! Chuuya Nakahara/Reader, Afab reader, LESBIANS LESBIANS LESBIANS, Gay As Hell Sex, I’ve Never Had Sex, Help What Is Sex, Power Imbalance (You’re Her Subordinate), Petnames (Baby, Doll, Princess, Pretty Girl, etc.), Thigh Riding, Cunnilingus (momentarily tbh), Sucking Titties Because I Love Titties IRL, Uhhhh And A Side Of Scissoring, Classic Lesbian W.

Chuuya wasn’t used to being invited to out-of-work events by her co-workers. She couldn’t count how many times she’s seen the same uncomfortable look that’s crossed people’s faces when she walked by or even happened to be in their presence. Like they were scared of her. Being one of the executives came with its title which skewed every individual’s image every time it was brought to light about how much power she held. And it got lonely.

Until you showed up.

“Do you wanna come over for a girl’s night and sleepover at my place?”

At first, Chuuya had thought of you to be obnoxious with your kind compliments and gentle eyes– thinking of it to be a complete facade– much like how Dazai wears a mask to keep others from getting too close. But as you were placed under her as her subordinate by Mori, she came to see that there were no hidden motives or facade. You were the most genuine person she had ever come across. She’d be lying if your compliments didn’t stick with her and leave her blushing with her heart pounding in her chest. Especially when you told her how pretty you thought she looked.

“We can watch The Girl and Her Dog,” You add, watching the taken aback look on Chuuya’s face diminish into a spark of excitement in her eyes.

“Really?”

You nod, jutting your bottom lip out slightly, “So can you? Pleeease, Chuuya?”

Chuuya always wondered how you managed to get away with calling her by her first name so casually like you had known each other for years. It’s not like she did much about it anyways— a small part of her enjoyed the way her name rolled off your tongue. It felt… Intimate. Something she didn’t experience much with any of her other co-workers.

“Fine,” She sighs in defeat. Though it seems unprofessional to do things like this with her subordinate— what’s the harm?

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈

Fuck, did you have to keep it so cold in your apartment?

From the moment Chuuya stepped into your home, she’s been shivering nonstop. When asked about why it was so cold, you just tilted your head with an innocent smile, “Is it? I haven’t noticed.” How could you not feel it? Being in a tight tank top and skimpy shorts— you must’ve been lying.

If it wasn’t for Chuuya’s thick long-sleeved shirt, it was safe to say that her hard nippes would’ve made an appearance through a thinner fabric, just like your siff peaks through the tank top her eyes linger on. But she keeps her mouth shut, refusing to complain or comment about the temperature any longer after you’ve been so kind to her by offering a blanket (it didn’t help much).

You're as perceptive as ever though.

You watch her body tremble under the blanket occasionally— her eyes glued to the TV as she attempts to keep her mind off the cold. “If you want, we can cuddle. I don’t have anymore backup blankets,” You giggle.

Chuuya nearly immediately accepts, but then hesitates with a mixed expression on her face, “Isn’t that weird?”

“Why would it be weird? It’s only weird if you make it weird,” You turn your head back to face the TV.

She sits there, contemplating for a good minute before slowly shuffling over next to you until your shoulders pressed against one another. “Just don’t tell anyone about this,” Chuuya huffs, leaning into your surprisingly warm body. It takes everything in her to not react when you shift your body to wrap your arms around one of hers and hug her arm into your plush tits. A vivid blush crosses her face, fortunately barely visible due to the darkness engulfing the room.

“I won’t.”

Chuuya feels your eyes linger on her stiff posture before you relax against her body and rest your head on her shoulder. She’s stopped shivering, but at the cost of thinking about how your cute, perky nipples would feel with her lips wrapped around them.

It doesn’t get any better as the night continues and you tell her that you won’t stand for her sleeping on your uncomfortable couch.

You roll over to face Chuuya in your bed— eyes blurring in the dark for a few moments before you get a clear outline of her face. “Are you alright, Chuuya?” Your voice is soft, as well as your touch, your hand reaching to tuck a piece of her bangs away from her eyes.

Chuuya shivers at how your fingertips ghost over her skin, “I’m fine, why?” The subtle tremble in her voice betrays her reassurance, her thighs shifting under the covers to rub together from your electric touch and the cold.

Your eyes flicker over her face before you near her, your noses a few inches away, “Are you sure? You’re shivering again— we can always cuddle like earlier, I don’t mind.”

Or you could turn the AC down.

Groaning, Chuuya gives in once more to your warmth and sinks into your arms when you pull her close. “Can’t you turn the AC down?” She speaks her mind, only to be shut down quickly.

“Sorry, don’t know where it is, so I can’t change it,” What a lousy excuse and a lie, but Chuuya doesn’t comment or point it out— too distracted by the way her chest presses against yours.

Suddenly, there’s no space between either of you and everything begins to feel all too hot and sensitive.

With such little personal space, it wasn’t much of a surprise that Chuuya’s mind began to wander. Thoughts of what would happen if the distance between your lips closed and she could have her way with you evaded her, only adding to the heat.

“For someone who says she’s cold, you feel very warm right now, Chuuya,” You point out with a small smile, yet don’t make any attempts to move away.

Chuuya shivers when you shift just barely, your breasts sliding against hers as you adjust your position. With your noses now touching, she’s sure that she isn’t just imagining things. “Shut up…” She whispers.

Your eyes bore into her and she feels like she could just melt under your gaze. “You know, I meant what I said every time I said you looked absolutely beautiful and any guy would be lucky to have you,” You murmur softly.

Chuuya feels her heart skip a beat, but at the same time— a small bit of irritation nips at Chuuya when you mention her being with men. Was it not obvious enough that she wasn’t interested in them? “I don’t like men.”

“Oh…” To anyone else, it would’ve sounded like you were surprised, yet Chuuya could tell that it was something else, “Am I making you uncomfortable?”

There’s a small huff from Chuuya, “No, but I am annoyed that you still refuse to make a move even after telling you I don’t have an interest in men.”

“I was just trying to be cordial,” You respond quietly.

“I think we crossed that line hours ago,” She mutters before closing the gap between the both of you to press her lips against yours.

It’s firm and straight to the point, it almost feels like she’s still trying to be professional, even when she’s kissing. And it makes you giggle against her lips.

She pulls away with a quiet growl, “What’re you giggling at?”

“It’s just that your kisses fit you.”

“What’s wrong with the way I kiss?” Her brows furrow.

You move your arms away from around her waist before cupping her cheeks, “Nothing, I just thought it was cute. You don’t have to be so stiff, though.”

“Whatever,” She grumbles before you pull her into another kiss, this time much softer as she relaxes.

Chuuya’s hand falls to grab at your hip, pulling you closer to hook one of your legs over her own hip. You shiver as she rubs her hand along the expansion of your outer thigh, teeth nipping at your bottom lip.

When you part your lips, she’s eager to angle her head and deepen the kiss, her tongue invading your mouth as she moves her hand from your thigh to your ass. Her hand squeezes the fat of your ass momentarily, earning a muffled moan against her mouth and your hips jerking into her thigh between your legs.

Chuuya’s lips part from yours and she pants out, her warm breath hovering over your lips, “Have I ever told you that I think you’re fucking hot?” When you shake your head in a small ‘no’, she grips her fingers further into your fat to grind your clothed crotch over her thigh again. “Well you are— n’you make me so fuckin’ wet, baby.” She groans, moving to entangle her tongue with yours again.

The kiss grows sloppy and wet as your lips smack together loudly, a sheen of spit coating both of your lips, her hands not giving away at forcing your hips down against her muscled thigh. You begin to grind down on her thigh, small noises escaping the back of your throat as you feel the pressure rub against your clit through your clothes. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this,” You heave out when pulling away from the messy kiss.

“Yeah? You want me?” She moves her kisses along your jaw and down your throat. She’s given a quick nod from you in return which makes her grin, “I want you too, pretty girl.” Her teeth sink into the skin of your neck softly before she sucks at the spot, leaving a noticeable hickey above the base of your neck.

“Please… Wanna see you,” You plead, tugging at her long sleeved shirt, wanting it off.

Chuuya obliges and fumbles to take it off with how close the two of you are. She tosses her shirt away somewhere in your room and it, revealing her small, pert tits.

“They’re so pretty,” You mumble, hands trailing to run overly flatly against her chest.

“H-Hey, I can’t be the only one taking stuff off,” She shudders at your touch, her own hands coming to tug at your tank top to pull it off. Both topless and bare, you shiver, noticing just how cold your apartment really was, “Told you it was fuckin’ cold.” Her hands grab at your ass to pull you up further, her face now level with your breasts.

Your lips part into a moan when she takes one of your nipples into her mouth, rolling the hard bud between her tongue and teeth. “F-Fuck— yeah— well I was fine with it before cause it got you close to me,” One of your hands come up to thread into her soft locks as she sucks at your nipple. She takes the other nipple between two of her fingers to rub and play with as she hums against your skin.

“So you made it cold just so you could be close with me, hm? God, you just get cuter and cuter, baby,” Her words vibrate against your skin before she pulls away from your nipple with a quiet ‘pop’ and moves to the other one to suck on.

“A-Ah, Chuuya, that hurts,” You whine as she roughly pinches your nipples between her teeth and fingers.

“Yeah, well you don’t get to complain after I froze my ass off f’you instead of going home like I would’ve usually done,” She moves away from your chest to litter your sternum with love bites.

A pout settles over your lips as you tug at her hair, “I wanna have fun with you too, s’not fair that you get to do whatever.”

She puffs her cheeks out slightly, “You’re so impatient, you know that? Bet you’re wet,” She continues to kiss and nip at your skin, a hand reaching down to snap the waistband of your shorts against your hip.

“You’re one to talk— I bet you’re soaking,” You want to reach down to her own shorts, but she has you positioned in a way you can’t reach them, “This isn’t fair.”

“Really? I disagree,” She grins, maneuvering the both of you until you’re lying on your back and she’s hovering over you. Her hands quickly come to tug at the waistband of your shorts and underwear, pulling them off with ease as you lift your hips to help her. “Fuck, spread those legs for me, doll— wanna see that cute pussy of yours.”

It’s embarrassing, but you can’t help but open your legs at her demand to reveal your wet folds glistening with arousal. Her stare burns into your skin, making you squirm under her, “No more— I want to feel you, Chuu.”

Chuuya waves you off as she huffs through her nose, hands holding your thighs apart as she lowers her face down, “After I get a taste— then you can have me all you want, princess. But I need this,” She insists, tongue lolling out to lick a strip up through your puffy folds to collect your taste on her tongue. “You taste so good, y’know that, baby?” She buries her face back between your thighs to press wet kisses against your sopping pussy, uncaring of how messy they were.

Your thighs clamp around her head, fingers threading tightly into her hair as you needily rut your hips against her mouth, “Mm, feels good— but I really want you, Chuu. Please? A-Ah… Wanna feel your pussy on mine.” You whine.

Chuuya groans against you, the vibrations against your clit making you shiver and buck your hips against her before she sits up, “Fine, but next time, you better let me have a proper taste.”

“Promise, okay? But please— just need you s’bad,” You watch her with an impatient stare as she strips herself of her shorts and underwear, leaving her bare for you to see.

“Love how needy you are f’me, baby,” She sighs out as she fits herself between your legs, one of hers straddling over one of your legs to rest by your hip and the other resting near your ass. She grabs the latter leg and holds your leg against her chest for stability and leverage.

You can’t see much from the angle you’re at, but you can feel how wet she is when she lowers her pussy to come flush with you. And it makes you shudder feeling her slick leak from her soft pussy onto yours. “Oh my god…” Your head falls back onto the pillow when she moves her hand hand between the both of you to spread your sticky folds apart for her slippery cunt to slide across yours until her clit bumps yours.

“Fuck, I can feel you throbbing against me,” Chuuya gasps, pressing down against you harder. “Can’t believe you’re getting off on rubbing pussies with your superior, naughty girl,” She growls out, hand tightening around your leg.

You reach a hand out to fondle one of her perky tits as you try your best to rut your hips back against hers in rhythm, “Can’t help it, you’re s’pretty, Chuu.”

Chuuya moans, her chest arching into your hand as she grinds harder against your pussy, the arousal between you both creating a lewd schlicking noise with each time she moves her hips. “I think you’re pretty too, baby. The prettiest— fuck— the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”

Your soft groans and moans fall into desperate whimpers as your hand plays with her sensitive nipples and her grinding turns into bucking her hips roughly against yours erratically. “M’gonna come— Chuu, your pussy feels so good.”

“Yeah? Wanna feel you come all over my pussy, pretty,” She hunches over to smash her lips against yours, her hips animalistically rutting along with you— desperate to feel your nubby clit rub against hers again.

Jolts of pleasure shoot down your spine as the new angle of her hips and her tongue violating your mouth sends you over the edge. Your toes curl and thighs quake as your lips tremble against hers in the hazy kiss, your cum leaking from your clenching hole to join the slick between your legs.

Chuuya isn’t far behind as her hips falter and slow to long and tedious movements to ride out her own orgasm. You both pant against each other with open-mouths, pulling away just enough to look at the mess between the both of you.

Both of your pussies glisten with cum, threads of arousal connecting each other before Chuuya pulls away completely. “God, you’re so good,” She whispers as she places a soft kiss to your lips before you both untangle your limbs from one another to lie down and cuddle under the covers.

You bury your face into the crook of her neck, “Do you think I should turn the AC off?”

“Yeah— I wasn’t going to say anything, but I’m still really fucking cold.”

#chuuya x reader #chuuya nakahara x reader #chuuya smut #bsd x reader #bsd smut #bungou stray dogs x reader #devious dambi smuts

[romanoffsbish]

Wrong Choice …

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

This is my honest approach to the jealousy trope, because if it was IRL, I’d like to think a lot of us would just be insecure, and far less brazen. (Not that I don’t love a good jealous / smutty coupling)

Warnings: Jealousy, Fighting, Mean words muttered in anger, Injured reader, poor communication. Insecurities: •Natasha—Fear of abandonment | •Reader—Fear of being cheated on (again) / Used

18+ | Minors DNI |

Smut: Daddy(R), Good Girl (N), ‘Oral’(N-Sucking off a strap/getting throat fucked), Riding (N-Strap), Nipple stimulation (N), Teasing(N/R), lightweight Subby Natty. Kinks: Bulge, Degradation, Cock warming. (This wasn’t even supposed to happen, this was going to be smutless)

Natasha Romanoff is an absolute flirt, it's a well established notion around the compound, her smirk alone had the potential to inspire a room full of sexual tension. It’s not entirely her fault, it's been engrained in her psyche from all her forced training that it's now just apart of her daily banter. Her particular skillset was how she eventually won you over, and after making things official with her over a year ago you'd thought all the flirting would stop with you, but boy were you completely wrong.

Standing in a corner of the tower with your cosmo in hand you were silently seething. Across the way was a sight you'd never wanted to see, but no matter how hard you tried to look away you just couldn't bring yourself to. There stood Natasha, the love of your life, with her hands on the sizable bicep of none other than Bucky—her former booty call, and it all made you feel incredibly small, as if you weren't enough for her anymore, or maybe it was that you simply never were.

———————————

When she asked you out you thought you were the luckiest girl alive, but now you realize you were holding onto a childish hope with her. Natasha was beyond gorgeous, and could have anyone she wanted, but she'd settled for you. Maybe this was her finally realizing that, and breaking up with you just slipped her mind, or better yet, maybe this was her way of doing it. Insecurities plagued your mind, your previous 'this is what you deserve,' and the 'you'll never find someone willing to stay,' mantras ringing throughout your head on a continual loop.

A stream of tears falls down your cheeks before you could stop them, memories of your last two relationships coming back in flashes, hitting you like a freight train, and the idea that it could be happening all over again made your stomach twist into unbearable knots. It hurt twice as bad since she knew all about your most recent previous relationship with Sharon; just enough to know that the woman was an asshole who took advantage of your never ending well of kindness, and that she deserved to disappear off the face of the Earth for ever making you cry like she always managed to do.

Your phone buzzing pulled you from your short lived pity party when it was Fury's name flashing across your screen., "Agent Y/L/N, care to assist Commander Hill on a mission tonight? I'm aware there's a party, but I'd —." The poor guy couldn't even finish his thoughts, "I'm on my way.," your voice dangerous as your feet carry you out of the tower and to your car; Natasha can surely find her own ride home, or better yet she can stay with Bucky, ride him for all you care and leave your apartment empty.

—

Natasha was holding the pose perfectly, the subtle, but not really subtle touch of the arm, paired with the exaggerated laughter, and the inappropriate amount of side boob on display. If she played her cards right you'd be ripping her from the soldier, and out of the party in no time to remind her just where she belongs; Beneath you, as your tongue was relentless with its attacks on her, the thought alone had her soaking through her undergarments.

Bucky however takes notice of you, he began to shake her off, "Natasha, your girlfriend looks hurt.," his heart stuttering at the sight of your clearly distorted face. "The whole point is to make them jealous! Steve's glaring daggers into my back right now, and Y/N's—." Bucky interrupts her, "Leaving..."

Natasha turns around so fast the soldier's metal arm has to catch her so that she doesn't wind up eating shit. The glimpse of your wet cheeks telling her she royally fucked up here, "No, why is she crying? I, this wasn't supposed to happen.," she looks to the soldier for clarity, "Natasha, do you not know the hell she's been through? Honestly, I never should've indulged in your silly game because now she's hurting. Sharon cheated on her in her own apartment, and Maritza did that and then some to the poor girl, and now here we are playing an immature game of jealousy to have a steamy night."

Natasha's already running as Bucky airs his grievances, grabbing her coat from the hanger and charging out of the thick doors just in time to hear tires screech, and to see your brake lights as you tear out of the compound lot. Natasha's anxiety was through the roof, she wasn't even considering the prospect of a  negative reaction, but fuck did she feel stupid now after the full picture was before her.

——

Natasha has been unavailable to the world, every phone call ignored, and though most can figure out where she is, they know better than to just show up at your apartment and get her. It had been a week since she last saw you, even longer since she got to hold you or to feel your lips due to just returning from her own mission, and her already fragile heart was breaking more and more everyday. Nobody knew where you went, and if they did they surely weren't telling her, so she'd taken up a permanent residence on your couch. Marvin your calico appreciated the company, or at least he did up until she began to use him as a living tissue for her nonstop well of tears.

It was about 2pm on a Friday when she heard keys jangling in the door, her eyes widening at the state of herself, and the surrounding mess taking over the living room of the apartment. Food wrappers of all kinds covered the coffee table next to her gallon of water, she smiled goofily at the thought of you being proud of her for staying hydrated, but then reality sunk back in, and she remembered how hurt you looked when you left without a word that night.

When the door finally creaked open she stood up from her permanently molded spot on your couch, taking in a steadying breath as she was anticipating seeing your face as it rounded the corner., "Sestra, Jeez, you look like the shit!," The redhead's shoulders deflated at the sight of Yelena, and she wondered if this was your way of breaking the news to her that you weren't ever coming back, and though she tried to fight it off she began to hyperventilate to the thought of you never returning to her.

Dreams were not much of a factor for her previously, but something about the way you smiled at her inspired her to live life like it was hers for the taking, and with you she soon realized it genuinely was. Life with you was everything she had ever wanted, and more ; even without discussing the future in too much detail in fear of rushing you, or coming off too strong she knew she wanted you there for every possible milestone there was to come.

Every first that ever counted to her was with you, no one had ever taken such care with her before, and though you weren't her first, you were the first person to make love to her. You'd reassured her when she hesitated that there was no rush, and you stayed true to your words as you took your time cherishing her. Every other encounter she has ever had was rough, and rushed as they used her for their own selfish needs then left come morning. She'd burst into tears about halfway through, you were nothing if not gentle, and it was then that she knew she was safe with you.

Something as mundane as having her morning coffee became an adventure for her; the both of you dancing around the other in the kitchen, sharing soft touches, and stealing glances while preparing for your separate days full of work. The morning routine almost always ended the same, you would be sat on the counter with Natasha stood in between your legs, your face in her hands as she slowly made out with you until the very last possible second, sometimes she'd even rationalized being late for just a few more minutes with you.

Silence had always been something that really bothered her, countless nights chained to a bed in the red-room where all she could hear were the leaky pipes, squeaks of mice, and cries of her fellow widows enough to make her wary. Then she came to learn over time that it was something you needed after a long day of work; you'd be tending to your shrubbery while she lounged on your soft recliner with a good book. No words were spoken, but the silence wasn't terrifying with you, the atmosphere was warm, and beyond welcoming; Marvin's purrs, pages shifting, and water trickling would be the only thing heard throughout the hour, and it never ceased to calm her chronically frantic mind.

You were her calm in every storm.

Everyone who was supposed to protect her, and to love her had left her behind like it was the easiest thing to do, and it was always a sore spot for her; that's why it took her three years to let you in, and now she's faced with losing you in much the same way, and she can't do it. What hurts her the most though is knowing it would've been her fault this time; that her sunshine was actually gone all because she was trying to spice up an already amazing enough sex life by means of pointless jealousy.

Yelena watched her sister collapse to the floor, of course she knew why, and though it hurt to see her so visibly broken she also struggled to find any sympathy for the redhead. Still, she lowered herself to the floor and held her close while her body violently shook with sobs., "Lena, where is she?! I-I want to tell her I'm sorry, it was all so stupid, and now she's gone.," Yelena hummed in acknowledgment, one hand on her sister's back as she traced calming circles while her other was extending out to reach for your baby cactus., "Da sestra, you are indeed very stupid, she'll come back, but that doesn't mean you deserve her forgiveness."

Natasha sobbed even louder at the harsh truth her sister unleashed, and Yelena slowly moved the cactus beneath her sister's cheek in a sly attempt to do as you'd asked of her., "I know, but—.," Natasha paused as something harsh brushed against her face., "Lena, what the hell are you doing?," Yelena looked at her sister as if it was the most obvious thing., "Y/N asked me to come over to refill Marvin's automatic feeder, and to water the plants, so since you were crying so many of the rivers I thought I'd kill two pigs, with the one pebble."

Natasha blinks away the remaining tears, her sisters words turning her off from her own grief., "So she has access to her phone then?," the question slips out and Yelena simply nods, always having refused to lie to either one of you for the other, regardless of the circumstances.

Natasha laughs, the short and bitter rumbling in her chest a bit of a shock to the blonde., "So, instead of facing me she's hiding? Leaving me to cry myself to sleep every night without even a text to let me know she's alive?!" Yelena was quick to stand as her sisters anger festered, moving around your apartment rather quickly in an attempt to avoid her sister's wrath, but it wasn't working,, "I can't fucking believe her! She didn't even talk to me about it! She just ran off like a big fucking baby, that's it, I'm dating an actual child.. When did that happen?! Maybe this was a sign, yeah? That nothing good is ever meant to last, and I should just put an end to the misery now."

Yelena dropped the bag of kibbles onto the floor much to Marvin's delight, in three quick strides she was face to face with her sister, and though her face was neutral she was pissed., "No Natalia, you don't get to be mad here, you tried to make the already insecure woman jealous, and it's not like it was a random floozy, no, it was your ex fuck buddy Bucky Barnes.," Yelena's hands were gripping onto her sister's shoulders tightly, shaking her with every word.

"Running was her defense mechanism, it's called fight or flight, and you triggered it by bringing back up her falsehoods of never being enough.," Natasha shook out of the hold and fell back onto the couch in a shamed silence., "Do you know how many nights I had held her trembling body after Sharon and Maritza?," Yelena was crying herself as she recalled it all, "Then I put all my trust in you to take care of her heart, and somehow after a year of success you just fucked it all up, then have the nerve to act like the jilted party here because she's taking her time with forgiving you."

Natasha just looks up at her sister as if she were a wounded puppy, and the blonde sighs., "If anything you should be proud of her Nat, because the old Y/N would've come running back to you without a single doubt, and I would have resented you for it had you let her do it." The redhead nods, and settles her cheek atop of her bent knees, eyes returning to the TV once more and the blonde takes that as her sign to go, leaving with a kiss to her forehead, and a text message sent to you.

—

*Go home, and either fix this or set her free.*

It's not that you didn't want to go home, because you missed your own bed like crazy. It's that you felt like an idiot for just running out, and accepting a mission in a fit of anger. You'd been completely off your game, and Maria wound up having you replaced after the third day when you took a bullet to the left shoulder that left you incapable of helping.

Being in the shield medical wing in a foreign country left you with a lot of time to think, and to read all of Natasha's hundreds of messages where you were able to not only see, but feel the desperation as it jumped off of the screen and settled into your cracked open heart. Regardless of her thoughtless flirting, you felt inclined to forgive her as it didn't take you much reading to realize her true intentions. You'd refused to have the conversation over text though, because so much gets lost through digital communication, and you wouldn't want anything else to go wrong.

Fortunately for the sake of your relationship Maria promised she'd pick you up today, the mission proving rather successful even with your hiccup, and you were relieved for that. The relief was short lived as the next wave of anxiety rolled through you, and it was directly linked to having to face Natasha after a week of inexplicable silence, Yelena's text didn't help you to stay calm, nor did watching the angry footage from your home security cameras.

Nonetheless, you loaded into the jet with a nervous smile on your face, and spent the entire three hours in the air going over what you should say. Much to Maria's dismay too as she was forced to play the role of a soundboard. When she was shoving you out of the jet faster than you could unbuckle with the excuse of mission reports you were chuckling, then for the fun of it all, or to simply call her bluff you texted Fury 'You're welcome for the increased productivity, expect Hill's reports by 5pm.,' You knew how much the commander hated all the paperwork, her usual excuses were actually pretty funny but you felt she deserved this slight for being so pushy.

The uplifted mood was short lived when you climbed into your car, excruciating jolts of pain radiated all throughout your body as you were forced to use your shoulder to drive around, but once you got settled on the road the pain had faded. It just couldn't compete with your stuttering heart the closer you got to your apartment. You'd taken the long way to give yourself time to calm down, even stopping off for a quality bottle of vodka and loads of snacks in preparation for the hypothesized long night.

Entering your own place had never been a point of stress before—come to think of it, neither had talking to your beautiful redhead. This is the first official form of dissension to ever arise in your otherwise solid relationship. Sure, you've definitely had arguments over the little thing; like cleaning up after oneself, or Marvin's diet, but it always ended the same—with cuddles and laughter as Natasha would grumble that her bra does indeed belong on the coat rack, and you'd reluctantly concede that five pieces of salami as a treat for 'being adorable,' was a bit much for the lazy feline.

The both of you were insanely stubborn, opinionated women who took their time in falling but subsequently loved really hard. Which really only leaves room for two routes, this will either be resolved instantaneously or it will become a heated blowout, and you just hope that if it's the latter that it doesn't mean everything is coming to an end, because now that the anger had faded you couldn't seem to imagine your life without the woman.

She was the woman of your dreams after all.

After shaking out some nerves you steadily put the key into the knob, quietly opened the door, then nearly collapsed at the sight of your space. A week, in seven days time she'd managed to make it a filthy mess, it was rather impressive. Funny too, because nobody else knew that she was a slob, her record for being all put together would crumble if you just sent Tony a picture. Shaking your head of the deadly idea you move in to pet an impatient Marvin behind the ears, then peer into the living room to see Natasha.

She was sleeping, you'd say peacefully but the tear stained cheeks, and body tremors gave way to the truth that she was in total misery. Settling your items onto the counter you pulled down two shot glasses in preparation then left it all on the counter so you could approach the love of your life without needing booze first., "Tasha...," she shifted, even grumbled some, but she remained asleep., "Honey, I need you to wake up, I think it's about time we talked."

Natasha was deep in a nightmare, one where you had that exact talk, and it wasn't anywhere close to as sweet as you're trying to be. It was an all out screaming match, and your words were haunting: 'A natural heartbreaker, you don't deserve me, and more to the point you're unlovable.,' 'You're just the common man's whore Natalia, always eager to please, a total fucking slut.,' 'Hope whoring yourself out was worth it Nat, because you've lost me for good.'

Your last words being, 'Get out, and never come back, you're no longer welcome here!,' was what officially did her in.

The phrases were so unlike you, deep down she even knew it was a horrid dream, but she just couldn't bring herself out of it, nor could she stop herself from believing every single word. How could she when they were her own thoughts being projected at her by your form? In real time her body was violently shaking, tears dripped down her face as she whimpered vaguely audible pleas, 'No. Please...,' The sight of her so broken was beyond devastating, and guilt began to gnaw at you for ever thinking silence was the best remedy to the situation.

Sadly your soft approach wasn't working, no amount of light shaking or whispered comfort brought her out of it, so in a desperate attempt to awaken her you slapped her across the face. Her reddened cheek only deepened at the sheer force you used, and in a perfect display of karma you were laid out on the floor with how abruptly she sat up; wincing as your shoulder took the brunt of the impact, and groaning as it consequently throbbed. Natasha's bleary eyes downcast to your pained form on the floor, and without much thought she jumped on you, only furthering your pain, but this time you did your best to mask it in favor of comforting her.

No words were said while you laid on the hardwood floor, holding tightly to Natasha's sobbing form all while whispering reassurances to the clearly distressed Avenger., "It's okay...," "You're going to be alright honey, I got you...," "It wasn't real, this is real, can you feel that? Whatever you saw it was a lie, your brain was tricking you, please, come back to me love.," With each soft phrase her body began to relax, her sobs faded into sniffles, and she somehow nuzzled even further into your chest for the much needed comfort.

Once you felt she was calm enough you decided now was a great time as any to cut the silence., "I'm so sorry for leaving honey, it's no excuse but something broke in me when I saw you and Bucky so close together. It was like all those years where I silently pined after you, where you had always kept me at an arms length, but now that I finally had you the idea that you were bored already really twisted me up.," While you sighed you felt her body tense., "Your messages told me quickly that I had read too far into things, but it didn't change how it made me feel, just made me regret my actions. It was too late to come back though, I'd been in Italy, stuck in their medbay...,"

Natasha cut off your speech with how quickly she lifted her head to peer down at you, lip trembling when she saw the fading scratches on your face, and her hands began to roam before you quickly cut their search off with a gentle grabbing of her wrists., "Angel, I'm okay now, please just let me finish up my thoughts.," Natasha melted into you again as you kissed her wrists, her willingness to fight at an all time low., "I really didn't know how to respond, and texting just felt so cheap, and a call impersonal. Now though, I realize even a simple text of 'Talk soon love.,' would have brought you some peace of mind, and I'm sorry I deprived you of that. I know that you're sorry too, I forgive you Natty, and I hope that you can forgive me too."

A loud sob broke from her chest at your words, your readiness to forgive her was both a relief and a stab to the gut as she felt undeserving. Her eyes shone with the various emotions as she pulled back to gaze into your honest pair. Her gaze fell to your lips for a millisecond, and you caught the longing in her eyes, so without anymore words you raised your hands up to cup her cheeks, wiping away her tears as you warmly smiled up at her before settling them behind her neck, and pulling her in for the kiss you'd both desperately needed all week long.

Natasha whimpers at the feel of your soft lips on hers, eagerly parting them as soon as your tongue had swiped across her lower lip, and she moaned once your tongue slid across hers. Her hands reflexively curled around and pulled at the hem of your shirt, causing you to pull back with a breathless chuckle as she moves to chase your lips,. "Baby, either you want my lips or you want my shirt off, now make a choice.," she narrows her eyes at you and softly huffs, but she leans back to allow you room to sit up. 

Her hands return to the bottom of your shirt as soon as you're upright, then everything stops when she pulls it over your head and though you tried to hide it, it was of no use as she hears the shallow breath you take in, her eyes fall from your face to your stitched shoulder. Fresh hot tears immediately return to her eyes, and you see as the guilt washes right over her., "Natty, I'm fine, it's just an itty bitty scratch.," Her shaky fingers traced over the surface of the clear bandage, and her lip began to tremble.

"It's my fault...," her croaky voice gave way to just how little she'd actually used it, and just how much she'd been crying, your heart was back to aching as you gripped her chin to bring her eyes back to yours as you spoke., "No!" Natasha went to rebut but the stern look in your eyes told her it was pointless, and you were grateful to her easy submission.

"It's not your fault Tasha.," you reassured her as you moved to kiss her cheek., "I'm okay.," her tears falling into the bow of your lip, and you continue to whisper the words, oscillating between her cheeks until she ceases to cry., "This was a miscalculation, and it was mine.," you conclude, then with your hold on her back you pull her back in to pick the mood back up, and to cut her many contradicting thoughts off.

Natasha squeals as you suddenly use your arm to then hoist her over your good shoulder, she dangles freely as you get to your feet. Emerald eyes full of wonder are glued to your backside, and her hands almost move of their own accord as they joyously squeeze at your covered asset, "Hey!," your nervous hearts settles when she only giggles at your weak warning shake, and just simply continues to knead at your ass.

The atmosphere in the room shifts when you toss her onto your bed, her eyes shamelessly trail down your exposed torso, and they only widen when she notices the bonus appendage poking out against the fabric of your pants. Once her eyes finally trail back up they find your blown out ones staring back, but your expression is starkly different, almost stern., "Let's discuss the real problem shall we?"

She quirks her brow at you, but regardless of the overall confusion she nods desperately, hopeful that if she was compliant that you'd give it to her., "Well, my sweet girl needed my cock, I was too clueless to see it was all just a cry for my attention...," Natasha had to fight the scowl that tried to consume her face, even if you were telling the unfiltered truth, all this teasing about it still promptly annoyed her., "Funny too, because all you had to do was ask. I'd wanted to fuck you the moment you got back, but then you were ushering me off to Stark's fiftieth gala of the year with silly plans of your own, because sometimes my sweet girl only thinks with her needy pussy huh?"

As if on cue Natasha's thighs are rubbing in search of friction, your hands were quick to throw them back open, as you settled your leg in between to prevent further disobedience., "I'm not into the whole jealousy thing, I don't need it to handle you properly...," you mused, and Natasha gulps when your hands shove her down by her shoulders so that she's flat and beneath you as you are now hovering over her.

"Tell me though baby, who do you belong to? Seems you might've needed the refresher." Your name dies in her throat when you sink your teeth into her neck, you lick over the mark to soothe the irritated skin then lowly chuckle, "I'm sorry love, I didn't quite catch that, wanna repeat it for me?," Natasha glares up at your now smirking face, but your quirked brow in warning has her smoothing out her features just as fast., "I'm all yours daddy... Mind, body, heart, soul... Every piece of me belongs to you."

Your heart wholeheartedly warms at her honest words, but you keep your face teasing as the title she used fuels your lust ridden mind., "Daddy's girl can be so smart sometimes..." you tease, rolling the covered bulge against her for emphasis on your intentions, and it proves to work well when her hands fist at the sheets., "Tell daddy what you want baby, seems you're finally learning how to properly communicate."

Everything about the moment is overwhelming for the redhead; the way you're speaking to her has her mind and panties a wholly mess, all of your subtle touches prove to be too much, but in the same turn they're somehow not enough, and it's left her to squirm about as she tries her hardest to formulate words since you are willfully ignoring her bodies obvious answer., "I-I.," she swallows thickly when looking into your blackened eyes, all the color muffled by the lust coursing through you., "I need you to be inside me, please, just fuck me daddy..."

Natasha whines as you teasingly chuckle, her eyes tracking your every move, you lean into her, lips ghosting over hers while maintaining steady eye contact with the absolute beauty., “Suck daddy off baby, get my cock ready for your pretty pussy, then I’ll let you ride me.,” Natasha wastes absolutely no time, she surges forward to attach her lips to yours, and her hands wrap around you to flip your positions. Gentle as can be too, she makes sure that when your body slams into the mattress that your shoulder isn’t affected, and as she pulls you both into a sitting position she manages to prop an abundance of pillows behind you so that you’re not straining your muscles.

The care she shows you even in the heat of the moment has your heart swelling two sizes, but when watching her slip onto the floor with your sweats so smoothly you’re back in the moment. Natasha smirks up at you with her bottom lip caught between her teeth while her hand toys around with your strap, playing up the act of jerking you off, and you groan as she pushes down, causing the harness to rub you just right. Natasha’s eyes remain locked on yours as she runs her tongue over the tip teasingly, and you give her the silly moment, enjoying the little play for power, but you both know it’s all yours.

“Such a silly girl, you do know it’s only you who suffers right? Tease me all you want baby, but that just means it’ll be ages until I fuck you.,” You laugh out mockingly, settling even further into your pillows while watching her eyes widen with the realization, and you wink when she gives in, wrapping her lips around the tip and begins to bob up and down the faux shaft., “Such a good fucking girl, you look so hot when you’re on your knees for me.,” her loud gags every time that you jut your hips upwards aides you on your journey towards your release.

Natasha mewls when you take over for her, a hand tightly gripping her by her hair, and you relentlessly slam her head down while your hips ruthlessly fuck the strap down her throat. The sight of her at your complete mercy has you reaching your peak with a loud groan after only a few more harsh thrusts. Your hand slips from her matted hair, and Natasha slowly pulls herself off the dildo with a loud pop, a trail of spit keeping her connected to you until she’s leaning back all the way, her ass settling on her heels while she works on catching her breath.

She watches you through hooded eyes as you do much in the same, recovering from your glorious high, and just the sight of you in a blissed out state had her squirming excitedly for her promised reward. She can feel just how affected she is by your domineering actions, her slick actively dripping down her thighs and onto your carpet showing her as much.

You can feel her staring up at you, and you have to fight off a knowing smirk so as to not give yourself away. The goal is to have her so incredibly needy that she can’t take it anymore, and you don’t even have to wait long before her hands settle on your thighs with a harsh grip, a wordless whimper leaving her lips. “Mm…,” you hum to let her know you hear her, then you open your eyes to find a masterpiece; those doe eyes full of silent need, her disheveled red hair, and those plump, bruised lips that shine.

The both of you are having a curious stare off, Natasha was being so incredibly good as she humored you with feigned patience, but with one curl of your pointer finger she’s on you., “Sweet girl, go ahead, a promise is a promise.,” Natasha smiles at your granted permission, you return the gesture as you share a moment of gentleness, your lips sealing the pure feeling, and catching the hot moan of your lover as she slides down your cock with embarrassing ease.

Natasha bounces rhythmically atop of you with her hands on your shoulders, her head thrown back with her mouth agape in a state of bliss. With your right hand on her lower back you keep her steadied while she shamelessly uses you to work herself up, moving like a madman who’d been deprived of all forms of touch, and you feel that delicious pit in your stomach steadily tightening at the idea of being used by such a powerful woman such as herself.

Natasha arches into you even further when your tongue flicks over her nipple, while a set of fingers pinches at the other, her breathing becomes more erratic the longer you play with her breasts, and she rips your lips away to slam against her own when she just can’t take it anymore., “Daddy, I-I need to cum, please.,” Your hands move to her hips., “Let go then.,” you murmur before your tongue moves to explore her mouth, you then roughly lift her up, and slam her back down while also jutting upwards, your strap goes into her so deeply that you can actually feel when the soft skin of her hips beneath your thumbs tightens as her belly forcefully bulges out.

It intrigues you immensely, your entire body in relative awe when you pull away from the lips of your lover to catch sight of the bulge. Natasha’s entire body spasms when you don’t stop, unrelenting in your need to continue to see this phenomenon, and so for the final time you’d offer a resistance by pushing down on it. Resulting in an intense jolt of her body as she screamed into your neck, her rather sudden orgasm came flooding out, and in a show of absolute synchronization yours does too, but this wasn’t supposed to be about you anymore. You held onto her hips tightly, just taking a moment to revel at the sight of the deliriously beautiful, panting mess that perfectly resided in your stronghold.

Rolling off the pillows you push her into the mattress, continuing to slowly rock your hips, allowing her the chance to prolong the orgasm and for it to come to an end at a leisurely pace. You watch closely as her expressive face tells you exactly when to cease your movements., “Oh baby, you look so tired…,” you coo, and she whines when you move to pull out of her, but the fight is superficial as your words reign true.

“I’ll tell you what my sweet girl… I’m going to go get us a snack, and grab your half finished gallon of water, I’m so proud of you honey.,” Natasha smiles victoriously as you praise her before sweetly pecking her on the lips, then she cries when your warmth is gone from over., “Ah-ah, Don’t whine now baby…,” you warned, her face instinctually neutralizes, and you smile as you feel somewhat accomplished.

“After we take care of ourselves, and you show me my very best girl I’ll let you cock warm daddy so we can take our well deserved nap. When I eventually wake up, I’ll then reawaken you by relentlessly fucking you into the next morning, sound fair?” Natasha frantically nods, and so you rush off to work your magic.

Returning in record speed with a plate full of garlic hummus and various means of foods to use for dipping, you feed the tired woman until she’s pushing your hand away much like a baby, and you chuckle at the show of delirium., “All done? Use your big girl words.,” you tease, and though beyond tired she’d still managed to narrow her eyes at you, and you playfully stick your tongue out at her before settling your lips to hers in a play for distraction.

Natasha happily sighs against your chest when you reenter her with minimal effort, and you sigh once your body is perfectly molded to her., “Detka…,” you tiredly hum in a nod for her to go on., “I’m so sorry, and please let me say it. You didn’t deserve—.,” your finger settles over her lips, and she groans at the silencing., “Natty, apologize to me later if you must, I’m too spent to properly address you, and that isn’t really fair to either of us. Come morning time I promise I’ll accept it all the same, so sh.”

Natasha settled into the mattress, slinging a blanket over your conjoined, naked body, and her arms wrapped around you protectively., “Sweet dreams detka, I love you.,” you tiredly smiled and kissed her bare chest., “I love you most my sweet girl, rest up, because I promise my dreams will be anything but sweet.”

Truth be told there was still a lot to hash out, but that seems like a tomorrow problem for the more level headed versions of the both of you. You’re more than content in the lusty bubble, and don’t wish to ruin the highs with hurt feelings, and Natasha’s submission tells you she’s on the same page as you.

Of all the ways this could’ve played out you’re just happy it was your fantasy third option, and that most of the tears were pleasurable…

—————————————————————

6,457 Words

(I can’t imagine I missed any warnings but do always tell me if I did, so I can be able to better protect you in the long run-even in an anon message if you’re not comfortable with a comment 💋)

😳 — 💋

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha romanoff angst #natasha romanoff smut #natasha x reader #natasha x y/n #natasha x you #natasha x fem!reader #natasha romanoff x female reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff x y/n #natasha romanoff x reader #natasharomanoffpov #gxg #black widow angst #black widow fluff #black widow smut #black widow x reader #black widow x y/n

[moodywyrm]

,,,,,,basketball!abby getting her chubby gf a new dress .. maybe a short navy blue one nd you’re nervous to try it on bc it’s tight,, but when you come out of the bathroom you give her a lil twirl like she always asks for and she’s just standing in front of you, looking you up and down and smiling, biting her lip murmuring “god damn..” n things like that AHHHHH

nonnie!!! I saw this one while waiting for my class to start and it made me so giggly n blushy, it's so cute!

abby is literally ur number one fan, always hyping you up, literally obsessed with anything you wear. and she also. fatally. has access to your Pinterest. and you have a board of pretty clothes you like, and the like twenty most recent pins are all some variation on this short blue (various shades) mini dress, all body tight velvet with flouncy lace on the hems, off the shoulder, with the cutest, lowest neckline. so what is her logical next step? she buys it, of course. she's helped you order clothes online before so she has ur measurements on your phone, and also she just knows you and your clothes, so she orders the dress in the perfect size and the shade that compliments ur skin best <3 and anxiously awaits its arrival.

when it arrives, she's literally bouncing with excitement, our fave golden retriever gf. ur like??? what did u do??? and she just shoves the package into ur hands and leads u to the bathroom, waiting on the bed for u to come out. and ur inside the bathroom like. fuck. kind of super anxious bc it is tight and it shows everything and fuck it's so pretty but u can feel that lil voice in ur head starting to pipe up like brain pls shut the fuck up. but you suck it up and open the door, and abby's jaw just drops.

she's staring at you in awe, mouth open, eyes dragging over every inch of ur pretty lil body, practically salivating with how badly she wants to feel you up. she finally looks you in the eyes, smiling at you before going "fucking hell baby" and standing up, attaching herself to you and kissing you, hands gripping at her hips and pulling you into her. ur giggling, kissing her back and rubbing at her biceps, whispering a lil 'thank u' to her. she pulls away, placing a kiss on ur forehead before stepping back to look at u, cross her arms and letting out a lil hiss.

"if I knew you'd look so fucking good, I would've bought you this sooner.... do you want more colors?" she's literally ready to order you an entire wardrobe of these dresses. she places her hands on you again, running them up and down ur sides, fingers trailing over the neckline and causing goosebumps to rise in her wake. soon enough she's walking backwards and pulling you with her, sitting on the edge of the bed while you straddle her, the dress riding up just enough to show more of your thighs and the slightest hint of ur pretty blue panties, and she damn near moans, because you look so fucking good. the way ur tits are just barely contained in the dress, spilling over due to her grabby hands, she knows she has to stop herself soon or she'll fuck you in this dress. and maybe you want her to.

ahhh!!!! this prompt is so cute I will 100% be imagining her as my personal hype-woman every time I wear a dress <3 also the dress I described??? if anyone can find one irl pls send the link bc now I want one.

#anon #abby anderson #abby anderson x reader #abby anderson smut #abby anderson x reader smut

[ugetelynx]

20 questions for fic authors!

Was tagged by the lovely @wisecrackingeric-2 thanks eric <33

1, How many works do you have?

I only have 12 posted for now mainly cause I’ve been struggling to finish fics but I PROMISE I have a TON of content when I get around to finishing them :)

2, Ao3 word count?

94,524 lmao 😭 didn’t think it’d be that much with only 12 fics considering most are only around 1-4k in length with the occasional 6k (with 28-29k from my two multi chapter fics)

3, What fandoms do you write for?

Resident evil mostly, with the occasional genshin thrown in :)

4, What are your top five fics by kudos?

1. It Starts With Love (And It Ends With You)

2. We’ll Be Alright

3. Wake Me Up When It’s All Over

4. Blissful Body Worship (NSFW) (You need an account to read)

5. Tension (NSFW) (same thing, sorry but I try and limit the people who see my nsfw fics lmao)

5, Do you respond to comments?

Not at all the time!!!! 90% of the time I don’t know how to reply but TRUST I see EVERY SINGLE ONE <333 I may not respond but I can guarantee I’m probably giggling like a kid over it

6, What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I’m gonna have to say Love Me Like We Have It All on this one, while one fic has canonical character death in it, I’d still say this one is more angsty cause the other one is grief focused and this one is just ouchie at least to me!!

7, What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

It’s gonna be We’ll Be Alright but it’s still a W.I.P so I’ll say my re4r rewrite (It Starts With Love (And It Ends With You)) has the happiest ending instead lmao

8, Do you get hate on fics?

Surprisingly no! Even when I wrote trans luis sex I’ve gotten nothing but support lol. One day though I’ll get to frame my first hate comment 🙏

9, Do you write smut?

Who do you think I am? Of course I do lmao. My only two published/finished nsfw fics are Blissful Body Worship and Tension, but I do have an re6 serennedy smut in the works along with a Great Gatsby x Serennedy au smut (same with some scaraxiao smut)

10, Crossovers?

Never done one, never plan too 🙏 I’ve made aus and such (points at my great gatsby x resident evil au) but i’ve never done crossovers nor plan too. Too much headache for me lmao

11, Ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of

12, Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

13, Ever co-wrote a fic before?

Yes actually! My friend and I have been working on a genshin au fic but its currently on pause due to our irl lives

14, What’s your all time favorite ship?

*Looks up from my fifty serennedy drawings* Huh

15, What’s a wip you wanna finish but doubt you ever will?

My mermaid au that was supposed to be for @hamartia-grander’s serennedy week :(

I lost so much motivation during that time and despite being SO excited about my mermaid au I just couldn’t push myself to finish it and whenever I go back to try and finish it my mind blanks on where I wanna take the fic :(

Really sucks cause I adored the concept and my initial thoughts for the AU

16, What are your writing strengths?

I have. No fucking idea my friends can answer this one for me they read my fics before BAKCNSKC

17, What are your writing weaknesses?

Not knowing when it’s.. too many words. Or too little words 😓

I love have long descriptions cause they’re fun to write but I’ve been told it gets too much, but I also get told if I don’t write descriptions and such it makes it feel too short

So I struggle to find a medium if that makes sense

18, Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

I’m learning Spanish for this exact reason :) I love having Luis speak Spanish in my fics so I’m learning both to better write it and to be able to communicate with my friends easier!

Big thank you to @mooseonahunt for helping me now and again with it!

19, First fandom you wrote for?

Resident Evil :) my first ever fic was my resi4make rewrite

20, Favorite fic you’ve written?

Not to toot my own horn but my current favorite fic is my how to train your dragon x resident evil au :) it’s a wip right now, and might even turn into a multi-chapter fic who knows! But so far I’m really proud with what I’ve got going!

[astraltrickster]

Thing is, AI is a nuanced topic. Most big tech advances are. I think the only one I've EVER been super close to that was almost 100% cut-and-dry was NFTs and the "metaverse" sucking ass, and even THAT...well, the former at least originated from an extremely poorly thought-out implementation of a potentially good idea (i.e., an anti-attribution loss registry to counter the damage of unsourced reposting, since convincing people outside of artist communities that YES that shit is rude as fuck BECAUSE it has the potential to be actually damaging is like talking to a wall).

There are good uses of it. There are horrible uses of it. We made the necessary breakthroughs in calculation at one of the WORST possible times, socioeconomically speaking. That doesn't mean we can unmake them. It's putting nearly every single common ethics violation in the world of tech as a whole into the spotlight, from the lack of protections against datamining to the abuse of outsourced labor in moderation work and much more. It didn't invent any of them, and in fact is BETTER about some of them than many other things we just let slide (and shouldn't). Technology marches on, in this form or any other. It changes industries and workflows. It CAN be for the better. The BOSSES always push to make it for cheaper and worse. This isn't the first time it's happened - not even in your lifetime if you didn't have to lie about your age to get here - and it will not be the last. It's just the most visible relative to its absolutely horrendous timing.

I'm in agreement with...some of the more technically-oriented circles I work with irl that it can be genuinely useful. I PERSONALLY do some hobby work in trying to make it more human-positive, for both accessibility and safety, as well as where that overlaps with just...fun. I'm in agreement with both the popular attitude among actors and commercial artists that the way corporations want to use it is absolutely fucking disgusting, and the recognition that a lot of people out there (especially on the fucking bird site) are being total fucking assholes with it. I'm in agreement with labor organizers that we need to place contractual and cultural limits on how it can and should be used. It's a complex subject!

Because of that complexity, I don't mind AT ALL if someone comes to a different conclusion about using it for small-time funsies than I do.

I DO mind when people resist the shitty usage via reactionary sentiment ("this tech is LAZY and DEGENERATE and ANYONE who uses it for ANY reason is a GREEDY ENTITLED SMOOTHBRAIN PARASITE!" - let's play "count the dogwhistles" btw!), blatant ableism ("there's NO ONE in the WORLD who's SO disabled they ACTUALLY need this to help with anything from basic communication to self-expression, or if there are it doesn't COUNT because the COMPUTER did it, not THEM!"), misinformation about how it works (e.g., the copy-paste myth - if that was how it worked ChatGPT papers wouldn't be absolutely full of fictitious citations and AI hands wouldnt look Like That, you realize this, right?), missing the forest for the trees (please do call out asshole usage of AI but not to the point of just forgetting that people were stealing other artists' WIPs to "finish" and making hoaxes and deepfakes and lean-staffing and cheating people out of credits LONG before we had this way to do it and they WILL continue to do so with OTHER new tech as well, an asshole will be an asshole no matter what tools they have; fighting the tech instead of the assholery will only let it happen again as soon as the method changes), using frameworks to fight that asshole usage that are ACTIVELY counterproductive (if it's legally declared that using your work as less than ONE BILLIONTH of my starting point, or developing a style too similar to yours, is infringing on your copyright, this will have WAY more negative impacts than positive; I sure hope the author of your favorite thing isn't the type to go full Anne Rice or JKR; plus even when ignoring the assistive usage of AI as we very much should not, GPT detectors throw a lot of false positives at non-native English speakers, so crackdowns against its usage end up hurting a lot of very vulnerable people far more than they hurt the people using it to do actual tangible harm), or just plain using it as an excuse to bully random other people who individually have about as much power to impact The Issue as dropping a soggy pea on the floor does.

...I also mind when people go full There Is No War In Ba Sing Se about it, but that's not a problem I encounter as much here on tumblr.

#tech #ai tag #current events #serious tag

[od-vents]

Hate having a scratching stim tbh

Coz like, when it happens, it's one of those stims that goes for a while before being able to stop it.

With how I sit criss-cross a lot, the scratching will most likely end up on my legs. One time, just chilling in my room. My sis came in, and me being in shorts having completely forgot abt the fuckin scratchin, red scratch lines basically all up my legs an shit. AND SHE ASKS IF I WAS HARMING MYSELF AGAIN

Like. Thanks for caring, but. It's not cut marks? It's just. Scratch scratch scratch. That's not self-harm.

She brings it up to dad minutes after she left my room, and now I'm just sitting, on the verge of fucking tears coz I can hear them fucking talking abt me.

I hate having this stupid stim, coz if it continues, if they see more of the scratching marks, I know they're gonna want to end up seeing if I have SHed in easier to hide places. I don't want to have to go back to the hospital. I don't care if my last visit was just 2 weeks. It sucked there. I faked it just so I could leave, and I'm so certain my sister caught on to that a bit after I had left(this was a few years back, btw.) And she knows my fucking mental health has be shit and gotten shittier.

And I know it's bad. But I'm so scared that if they do end up seeing if I've made new SH scars, they will find them. Coz I was fucking stupid I didn't even think about hiding the few well enough.

And if I start wearing baggie clothing again, they'll get even more suspicious abt it all coz it's getting warmer here.

I just. I fucking hate all of this. I hate that I can't just be in an okay mindset without it deteriorating and shrivling back into whatever the fuck is going on rn. I hate how recently I've just been wishing I could just be what the majority of the world considers "normal" and that I've just been masking its behind a fucking "teehee :3"

I'm not okay. I am not fucking okay. But the courage to speak up and ask for help, to just reach for someone to talk to irl without having a breakdown and hiding behind a fucking smile and being "a good daughter/sister/aunt" again. That courage just isn't there, and I don't think it ever will be.

#tw vent #vent post #tw sh related #tw self destructive behavior #at least im aware of it.. #tw misgendering #mostly towards myself #like #ik i do still kinda have fem pronouns but they dont fit and never get used except irl and #that just makes me feel i have to fit the role since literally everyone i told irl was like “but mqybe your not.” #fucking gender shit #anyway #sorry this is a whole dump of shit #why am i even apologizing this is my blog fkr literal vents and shit #also the amount of times i have to just stop typing coz blury by tears now yay #i fucking hate it here #fuck life #id rather be dead #like seriously #if i had the courage i probably fucking would do something stupid like that #all the stuff is avaliable to do it #welp. guess i gott tag this now> #tw sui talk

[whumpitisthen]

here's a quick rundown on astarion: gay vampire spawn (not a vampire. like a demo version vampire. a "lesser" one but don't let him hear that) who has been kept for 200 years by his master as a slave. guy (who was an actual vampire) carved him up, tortured him and forced him to lure victims into his manor. astarion has been abused in so many ways i'd hit some sort of character limit if i listed half of them. he was only allowed to feet on rats and small vermin in the sewers. poor little meow meow astarion is now free due to [game story] reasons and seeks power and revenge -- he's an edgy fuck with a lot of swag and no moral compass. bro is a menace and loves causing problems on purpose. [slight spoiler] he will literally try to suck some of your blood like a day or two after you meet him and unless you succeed a skill check he'll just keep doing it until you die. if you resurrect yourself afterwards he'll go like "ooooh ooopsie sowwy! i wouldn't kill you if i knew you'll be back teehee can we forget about this? ;) <3 don't fucking kill me". he's such a good fucking whumpee you don't even know. it's insane. i don't want to ramble but he's almost everything i've ever wanted from a character like this in a large scale rpg. [slightly bigger spoiler] despite being the go-to "fuckable" character who everyone finds hot as hell (both in-universe and online) he's HORRIBLY traumatized by his sexual experiences from when he used to be a slave and when you romance him a good portion of his storyline revolves around trying to make him realize that he's more than just a slab of very attractive meat. he hides his feelings behind a facade of "evil tumblr sexyman-esque" mannierisms and getting to finally peel it back and see him for the poor wet cat that he is is so fucking satisfying. [an even bigger spoiler] i loved watching him cry when he finally gets to confront his former master. pristine content. there's so much more to his character (and this game in general) but if you ever need to justify spending full price on a new videogame release, there's nothing better than bg3. if i could choose one game to beam directly into the brain of each whumpblr user, it'd be this one.

Okay so i already loved him from the very little information i had about him, but this is so delicious

I saw some pics of bad scars which are always hhh and heard that he is a whumpee but i didn't know the extent and now i think ive collected a new blorbo

You are telling me he meets his old master at some point...... and he cries..... and hes all sad....... he rly was made for tumblr but especially me youre telling me he has white hair and is a vampire twink who was a slave and hurt and traumatised and he has incredible sad wet cat energy and he only has a flimsy layer of confidence and absolutely no idea what morals are. i knew i needed to know more you have to understand my knowledge of the game stopped at the bear sex scene like that is it and yet i somehow always find the most pathetic little men no matter what in any media i could not give a shit about any of the rest i will consume the entire thing just to know the exact extent of his sad little life

Also i wish i had the opportunity to even consider buying a full price new release no matter how good the game is there is no world in which id be able to pay for that. Also idk about the gameplay either it seems very story oriented roleplay and almost dating sim-ish? Not a huge fan of those in general its gotta have more gameplay than walking around and basically watching a movie, but, again. No idea about anything, maybe it has incredible gameplay and i just dont know. Dont tell me if it does itll just make ms sadder bc that would absolutely make me wanna play it myself. Its kinda funny honestly the longer i spend not knowing anything the crazier everyone seems to me both online and irl. Its like im living in a separate world, i know no one who hasn't played this fucking game fjfhskhfd

#asks #anonymous #that lasts part wasnt a read btw im glad its such a good game #im so used to new releases costing a whole lot of money while being complete dumpster fires #its just actually amazing bc I'm usually the guy who knows everything thats going on Especially in the gaming world #and now im just here like #hey ive been seeing this lil vampire dude a lot lately? no fucking clue who he is but i hope he endures torture today :) #thank you for the ask! #and the tiny explanation #you rly know what i like and came ready with all the whumpy bits #appreciate it greatly #all i need to know is that he is so sad and whumpable and traumatised and looks fantastic in pain

[wintermutal]

so like...this is an interesting thing i feel compelled to write out to arrange my thoughts about it, because i think there are people in my life irl i need to have this talk with. it's just a note about social communication with mental illness that has you really inside your own head.

im a pretty insecure person now but i used to be even more insecure, i hated myself so much and i was convinced that it didn't hurt other people because it's just me hurting myself and therefore it never escaped, but the thing is that when youre lost in the sauce and constantly are fucking with yourself it makes it really, really hard for others to talk to you about stuff you actually need to improve on, because you either 1. take the criticism as a direct insult and respond to them as if it actually was an insult or 2. take it in a way that they clearly did not mean to make it clear that youre hurt. for instance:

person (normal): hey man could you stop whistling? its kind of annoying

mentally ill response 1 (taking it as an insult): well fine, i guess i just wont do it at all ever then.

mentally ill response 2 (taking it as criticism but way too intensely): yeah....sure i guess.....:(.....whatever......

the first response sucks because they didn't mean it as an insult. they said that your whistling was annoying, not that you were as a person, so your response-- which is a response made for an insult, intended to hurt them-- is punishing them for the act of asking you stop doing something. the second response sucks because it's taking what theyre saying as something that fucks up your day and how you function. the first one will make people less likely to talk to you about your behavior because that response leaves them hurt and confused and repairing the situation is more work then its worth if you continue responding to things this way, and the second will make people less likely to talk to you about your behavior because, despite what your brain says, they don't hate you (in fact, most people don't) and they don't want to make you feel bad or ruin your day. these are two responses that express that you hate yourself in a way that also hurts or confuses other people around you. it's not the only way that this happens. when you learn to be less insecure, you also hurt fewer people by accident.

the correct and functional response is: yeah sure man. and then you stop doing it.

a strategy i like is taking something that i catastrophize, for instance, the thought that maybe ill just never whistle ever again then and THEN this person will be sorry, and asking myself, 'where the fuck did they say for me to never whistle again tho'. they didn't. it isnt fair or normal for me to react that way when they literally were not insulting me to begin with, it was just me taking it incredibly the wrong way in my head. if i have a problem i can talk to them about it, but they shouldn't feel bad for asking me this.

i get that sometimes emotions run high and people say stuff like this. you too may have said stuff like this. although the intention is not to hurt anyone but yourself in saying these things, these are weird and kind of manipulative responses because other people don't live in your head and many times don't actually think poorly of you. they're just asking you to like, idk pick your clothes up off the floor or something. you gotta just take the L with grace man, it seems like a little thing but if you say this kind of stuff a lot, it can be really, really harmful to the people around you. just something to be aware of in terms of social skills

#i think like. realizing this really helped me dial back my own self loathing lmao #bc its like. you dont live in a vacuum and you hating yourself will hurt other people in the process via stuff like this #vandal.txt

[treeofnonsense]

INFODUMP TIME: SINF EDITION

i'm aorry

SO. This is a series of 6 books that I affectionately call the Modern Fantasy Mythological and Historical Real Person Fiction series. And it's accurate. Very accurate.

I'm emo about it every day and I once scared kya by reblogging something from his nlog onto my sinf sideblog and he didn't know it was me. It's such a batshit crazy book I read a lot of batshit books, okay.

But one of the things about it is that people use magic by using their auras, something many folks irl have heard about. Auras and vibes and energies and such. In SINF you have a finite amount of aura you can use before doing magic consumes your physical body instead. Depleting your aura is BAD. You need to rest if you do, or if you get severely injured because your aura automatically tries to heal you regardless of if there's any aura to heal you with.

Auras come in a few different forms and MILLIONS of colors. They also have unique smells, and although you can technically change it, you have an original scent that is yours exclusively. (The bad guys in the series are extra as FUCK and make their auras smell like rotten meat and stuff. Drama queens.)

There are 3 auras that are the most powerful, but one type of aura trumps them all. Those three are Gold, Silver, and Black. Gold and silver are rare as fuck, and the twin teenaged Main Characters of the series have those colors naturally, and in the purest form. But we never quite hear about anyone who has a black aura, and the one time I recall it mentioned (it's been a while since I read them) it's just....implied. And then we NEVER hear about black auras again, despite apparently being a huge cog in the wheel that makes up the magic of this world.

HOWEVER. You know me. You know that if I have wiggle room, then I will ponder. And I don't just have wiggle room with the concept of black auras-- i have a fucking warehouse.

And so, middle school Marcel began to think-thonk. And I've been think-thonking for a decade now.

The legendary twin auras of pure gold and silver are representative of the Sun and the Moon in SINF. They literally ARE those things. Others can have (and have had) pure gold or silver, but they weren't as powerful because they were twins. They weren't the Sun and Moon. So it stands to reason that a black aura would have some celestial symbol as well, yeah?? But what? Now originally I assumed it might be an eclipse. But the black aura is an independent concept, unlike the Sun and Moon auras which depend on each other to keep balance across the multiverse (yes there's a multiverse in SINF. Don't worry about it.) So now what?? What is something in astronomy that is associated with darkness and doesn't necessarily have something else to balance it?

That's right. A black hole.

How would that work, you may ask? How does an aura, which already consumes itself and then its bearer even when it's normal, somehow function efficiently when it mimics a fucking BLACK HOLE. Well boy do I have the answer for you 🫵🏼

It lays dormant, but when ignited, can only take energy from auras around it. This bitch will consume SOMEBODY ELSE in order to power itself. And it's hungry.

What does a black aura look like?? Uh well. I actually headcanon that it's colorless. Invisible, even, except for a faint disruption around its bearer, much like how stuff bends around an actual black hole. Auras can only be used when someone is Awakened, but black auras can Awaken someone nearby who previously was not, just to start sucking up their aura juice for magical purposes.

Really eldritch of me, I think. I definitely have an OC with a black aura and she's everything to me.

I love how middle-schoolcel took the most edgelord of books and made the most edgelord of OCs out of it. Fantastic. Glorious. Sometimes you just need to satiate the inner teenager.

The idea of auras being the source of power is actually really interesting, to be honest. But having the main characters be extra special gold and silver aura teenagers and the bad guys smell like rotten meat and there's an extra-special black aura we never hear about is also hilarious.

#infodump ask game #thank you marcel! #i've probably also scared alex and payton with my sideblog to be fair

[hollysoda]

On a bit of a tier list kick and realised “goddamn I’ve played a lot of different Mario Kart games recently” so decided to rank them :D

Notes below:

Idc what anyone says Mario Kart 8 Deluxe is the most fun I’ve had playing any of these. “But it’s so much easier” “but the booster course is just a cash grab” I don’t care!! I enjoy it!! There so many tracks to choose from and all of their soundtracks are so goddamn good!! Plus the booster course is slowly improving the character roster which is amazing!! I know it’s the old “new=good” thing but this time it’s true I’m sorry

On the other hand, Mario Kart Wii. I’m nostalgic I’m sorry but can you really blame me when this game literally ruled my childhood from ages 5-10? So many cool and iconic nitro tracks and the best character roster in the whole series. I’d love to play it again if my wii remotes weren’t broken

Okay so I didn’t remember all that much about Mario Kart DS. I knew I had it when I was a kid but other than a few courses I had mostly forgotten about the game, but I bought it second hand the other day and omg. This game slaps. It’s so fucking fun and I can’t believe I forgot about it. Straight to top A tier

Mario Kart 7 is also probably a nostalgia based pick tbh but it was the game that actually made me play Mario Kart properly. I learned to drift in MK7 and overall appreciated the competitive side of the series a lot more. Also it has my all time favourite track, Melody Motorway :) (or Music Park for Americans)

Honestly the only reason I enjoyed Mario Kart 64 as much as I did was because it’s so fucking chaotic and brutal to the point where it’s funny. Drifted too far? Approached the jump awkwardly? Oops you’re now facing backwards and in last place! Some of the courses are ridiculously long *cough* Rainbow Road which lowers it

Probably a bit controversial but I do enjoy Tour. I haven’t played in over a year but late 2021 - mid 2022 I played it to DEATH because one of my irls got me back into it and coincidentally this was a pretty rough period in my life, so I do owe it one for keeping me stable. Kinda sucked that they got rid of the gatcha feature though :(

Mario Kart Super Circuit is really tricky for me but I really like the graphics. That’s probably it’s only saving grace lmao. Maybe I just find the GBA era of pixel graphics to be endearing idk. It has the same level of brutality as N64 but nowhere near as fun

I have played the arcade game a few times in amusements and it is fun :) that’s it. I don’t play it enough to actually have a proper opinion.

Og Mario Kart is very annoying and the tracks and boring. If I see their asses as a retro track I am not happy >:(

Never owned a Wii U so I never played the og Mario Kart 8 but all I know is that MK8D vastly improved on a lot of its flaws over the years so ultimately it is just better. Also I desperately want to play Double Dash (please add GameCube games to the switch Nintendo holy shit) and I would rank it high because all the tracks that have been turned into retro tracks are so so fun.

#tier list #mario kart #mario kart 8 deluxe #mario kart wii #mario kart ds #mario kart 7 #mario kart 64 #mario kart tour #mario kart super circuit

[jinkicake]

Sigh, tighnari despite my best efforts has wormed his way into my heart and your thing didn’t help🤧 I am not immune to assholes unfortunately. IK he would oh so subtly but weird plants around for me to eat like oh nooo how on earth did that get there??? Sigh its an Aphrodisiac so unfortunately I have to rail you🙄 like he’s so annoying but also 5”4 so he shouldn’t get to cocky. He just has the vibe of someone who knows exactly what they’re doing you think your just hanging out w him for the day but by the morning when your picking your clothes up off the floor you realize he had it planned all along, alike of course were not far away enough from people so i can fuck you out of your mind, why would you even think that!?😣 motherfucker would destroy you and not feel bad at all, like your gunna be in a sex pollen situation there’s no getting around it it’s just gunna happen and when it does he completely loses all rational thought, he’s this is near a popular trail but who cares when he’s balls deep inside you? Will regain consciousness looking like you were hit by a train, bruises and bite marks everywhere, hair a mess and he has the audacity to be like “ I’m gunna patch you up” I HATE HIM!! Only way I will feel better is if I can suck him off while he’s tied to a hair unable to move; would like to see him squirming bc I refuse to let him get the upper hand ever, feels like most sex w him is like argument or angry bc he’s constantly testing the patience of everyone in his vicinity

omggg why were you refusing tighnari in the first place??? LMFAOOOOO nawr literally he is so sassy and so snide, i love it. There's just something abt mean guys, ya know?

okay.... you didnt have to bring up his height. you did that to hurt me, didn't you? he's my short king and oddly enough i feel like his height gives him a reason to be so rude LOL

but, yes, yes, yandere!tighnari is crazy and would drug you w an aphrodisiac just so then he gets to fuck you! i love it..... he'd be so obsessive, i want it!

His brain is so big, he's canonically smart so like he'd def know how to get into your pants without you even realizing it.... tbh talking about shitty!tighnari kinda makes me want him even more than if we were talking about nice!tighnari.... hmmm

NAURRR SEE FOR ALL THE REASONS YOUD HATE HIM, I LOVE HIMMMM like him being a complete dick and using you for his own pleasure time and time again makes him more appealing like??? yes tighnari i will help you get through any sex pollen or aphrodisiac or h34t that you encounter!!! i feel like if you tied tighnari down to a chair, he'd be a bitch and break his way out of the restraints hehehe ohmgeeeeee frustrated tighnari holding you down and fucking you with no hesitation, too good!!!!

i am currently jotting down angry sex w tighnari into my thoughts..... argument turns into sex... disagreement turns into tighnari cock..... hmmm yeah, that's perfect!!!!

it's kinda funny how much i enjoy fictional yandere and shitty!men topics bc if a m*n ever dared to treat me in a similar way irl i would not hesitate to k!ll him LOL

#sarahandoikawatalkshit #xiaos spicy almond tofu #i do enjoy yandere there i said it

[tomatoluvr69]

useless complaint post literally you don’t have to bother reading this it will just help me to rant a bit

This is sooooo not a real issue I’m just in the throes of pmdd but like I have a bunch of semi-expected (but way earlier than I’d thought) unemployed time so I’m using its alignment with the warm weather to go backpacking/live out of my car in [nearby national park and national forests] but right now I feel zero enthusiasm and I really hope it’s not gonna suck bc my heart’s not in it…like if I’m kind of doing it out of obligation bc it’s unusual to have such an extended span of time off when you’re an adult, then am I going to have the drive to get thru the parts that suck, like the exhaustion of steep trail days, the days when it storms so hard you have zero dry gear, etc. but really the part that I’m the most trepidatious about is the loneliness. But it’s so weird bc I’m struggling socially here and I really think some extended alone time would help?? But it’s always hard and I don’t want to lololol. Honestly what would help this the most is to just wait until after my fucking period. But as it is right now I feel like I’m just going thru the motions. If I could fucking live in my house for the equivalent amount of time without my social life encroaching I absolutely would but I’m so burnt out from my close friends leaving and from my last dear relationship here being at times really tough (it’s one that feels like my well-being rides on it— when it’s good, I’m on top of the world, when it’s not I’m hurt and confused and crawling out of my own skin). I still have a community here but it feels like it’s my roommates’ world, and I’m a guest whose presence is like…anodyne at best? And I really think I’ve just latched onto the idea of my trip as a vague mental escape hatch and haven’t really grasped the idea of the fact that I’ll still be present in my ailing brain and treacherous body when I go on the trip— I’m not just taking a nap from my (admittedly spoiled little baby) problems. And when I did the same thing for 3 or 4 weeks last summer I was dropped off & picked up, which created a really nice incentive to stay on trail— to leave, I’d have had to somehow communicate & coordinate with the relatives who’d agreed on a set date to come pick me up, i.e. effectively trapping me in the woods so I’d stay when I got all grumpy or sad or began semi-hallucinating human voices or was ready to throw it all away to get my hands on a slice of pepperoni pizza and a big old kombucha lol.

Anyways this is such not a real problem but me ol’ paranoid ass is convinced a whole passel of my irls have this blog’s url so I can’t freely complain about what’s really bothering me, which is that I’m starting to see harbingers of the devastating dissolution of my closest relationship. Or, even worse, my relegation to a much more distant connection. And I’m trying desperately to convince myself I should stay in this fucking town, because I’m suuuuuuuuper prone to just fleeing when I start to feel [inaudible], which is a super unsustainable way to live my life and o know it’s not [city] I’m trying to flee but myself which scientists are telling me I can’t physically do…but is that the truth?? Or is the truth that I actually do need a clean break from [redacted]…or is that just a convenient lie I’m telling myself so I can flee again. Or is THAT a convenient lie I’m telling myself so that I can keep my head in the sand and keep [redacted]. It’s so cool how you can’t trust your own heart and mind and you might just suffer from uncertainty forever and you’ll die chasing happiness with the grass always greener but also like pmdd and I don’t really want to go on this trip but I think I must. I think…

#like. even this trip itself is evidence that my nature is just a fucking flee-er. #and I think I’d settle for love but like that would require someone to love me. lol #and I’ve got some semblance of it here but it’s not enough and it’s very fucking painful. like what happens if the strongest ties you may #ever render are just enough. bc you’re not enough. lol #also I think I have to leave when I said I’d leave bc my internal shameometer prevents me from telling my male roommate I’m staying #solely to use the toilet during um well you know. #and also the more I come to terms with the fact that I’m almost definitely autistic the more I really can see how much masking fucking #drains me. #and the friends who left were the ones around whom I didn’t really feel the need to mask. but these social things the past few weeks have #fucking walloped me and I’m just :-( ;-( :-( #oops did not mean to make him wink. #and it just feels like the rest of my life is going to be a cycle of masking for long enough that someone likes me. and then being #abandoned by them for romantic relationships or some geographical distance reason or like ummm fucking liability by lorde reasons #ugsjkskwnenwjsmz :-( :-/

[barnabyseyelashes]

crewmate’s log

life (?) update

been writing this for a while mentally i guess. really good at just thinking things and not doing them. but an update bc i know i’ve been absent; for some of you longer than others, and i do regret and am sorry for that. i do love and care about you and think about you all even when i am gone, and i hope everyone has been holding on. 

i feel like i’m one of the maquis adrift on the voyager, and it has been a long, lonely hard travel. and unfortunately often i feel like a worse person for it. 

general c/tw for illness/covid/cancer, IPV, parental death. it is kinda long so feel free to skim/skip as needed. 

my spouse and i have very little IRL support, we have been paying over $4k usd a month on rent alone, my mom and sister are the only family i’ve spoken to since december. spouse working full time in thankfully a better job with a shorter commute but having to care full time for me & our elderly ill cat when at home. 

and this is probably the sickest i’ve ever been in my life which is saying a lot, considering ive been poisoned by toxic black mold before & have dealt with literally crippling stomach issues previous. ever since november everything has been happening. i slept basically all december, i was too tired to be awake more than 3-5 hours at a time most days. i haven’t even been able to wash my hair or proper shower since. much of december and january i was unable to walk (and i mean literally dragging myself with my arms/using my moms walker as crutches unable to walk) which was a fun new exciting development. thankfully we started to live our current place by then, as our apartment is on the second floor with awful cinder stairs. though we still haven’t moved for real and are stuck paying for it until near may. soooo really uh not jazzed to find out how we will move in the next two months when i still have days i can’t walk. especially since again we basically have no IRL support. i’m doing better at least a little, i’ve started nutrient IV therapy again which is helping even if it’s extremely difficult (and expensive). my stomach is still so fucked up that i can barely eat. it’s so clenched all the time if i have more than like 3 crackers i will have Lead Weight and 6-10 hours of pain :) thank you cannabis literally without her i would not be eating at all. even still i’m belching like a beer hall competitor for hours most days it fucking sucks. the only real progress tho has been that at least i’ve been having a lot fewer panic attacks and less general anxiety now that we are living in our new spot which i’m very grateful for. kinda surprising bc usually if my stomach hurts i have anxiety and often panic so that at least has been a relief. the rest of my brain has been fucking trash garbage tho, nonverbal or partially verbal mostly. multiple meltdowns a week when b4 it was a biannual occurrence. no brain power, lots of autistic rage & ideation. just awful to be & inflict on everyone else. i am sorry for that. it is largely why i shut down at times. i simply fucking have to. 

obviously i’ve been too sick to really do anything but spouse and i are deep in our pokémon hole and it’s keeping us good company. lol despite the graphics scvi are pretty good games. writing? character development? in MY pokémon main series game? more likely than you think.. 

still it’s so bittersweet to be saying sayonara to satoshi shounen, ah ah ahhh i’m gonna cry so hard (already have). but i think the new series will be good. it will just be different. 

also i was blessed bc in the first 30 min of playing i caught a shiny mareep, one of my top 6 fave lines and one of my fave shinies. i only caught 1 in pogo and so i was so jazzed. she’s carried us 💖 my beloved deanna (like dddk, not tng) 

one of the things that’s also been good is our new living situation, even if its annoying and complicated sometimes to share with other people, i’m glad we are living with my literal oldest friend and the only person from high school i still talk to lol. we have a cottage, bigger than our old one, and even tho it doesn’t have a bathroom, the insulation & windows are shit, it’s been good. & it is under 2k a month, we got a small room in the main house now too so spouse has an office & we have some extra storage. but the best is having space to make a large, productive garden, and my friends 3 ducks and 3 chickens. skip the next part if you don’t wanna see my essay about them LMAO.  

and omg gay people, i’ll never not be raising poultry now. bird flu in domestic flock was finally detected in our county this winter, which makes me sweat a bit but fingers crossed we will be ok. my friends ex (who lived here b4 us) did most of the bird care. since i’ve been here tho it’s basically all been me, and of my choice. tricky when i have been sick but truthfully they take about 20 min a day of daily care, and maybe an hour a week of general maitenence. in early autumn when we got here, it was so easy to be outside for hours with them.. no one had ever been able to pet them before. my friend wasn’t even trusted enough to see the duckies swim in their pool while she was in the yard! nowadays the two nonskittish ducks are happy to pop in there even if i’m in the splash zone 🤣 i’m awful i do love the ducks best because they are sweet, simple creatures who know what’s good in life (treats, bodies of water, naps, frequent loud gay sex) while the chickens are a bit mean 😭 i still haven’t resolved the pecking order issues (the lowest chicken, emma [cream legbar], always beats up on the nervous duck, lydia [ancona]) but hopefully in summer i’ll be able to help shift that. kitty (brown khaki campbell) & jane (silver welsh harlequin) are very well trained to “cmere” and eat readily (jane, too readily..) from my hand. the dominant chickens, boss lady/lizzie (black ameraucana supposably) & eleanor (grey lace silverruds blå) will do the same but they aren’t quite as good at the recall lol. i’ve been reading on raising them all, working on gentling them, and enriching their lives.. i love it. they have really helped me, especially kitty. she is very special. she is the smallest but she lays the hugest fucking eggs, and since mid autum it’s been DAILY. like lord girl you gotta stop and moult eventually your feathers are so tatty. spouse has breakfast every day now though. i’m allergic to eggs so 😂 oh well. they’re great fun to raise regardless. (i’ve even recently gotten skittish lydia to eat worms from my hand, so i’ve officially touched them all!!) 

anyway i could talk about my beloved birds for fuckin ever obviously lol but i also wanna write about my family a bit too, bc so much has happened. tw covid , IPV , cancer 

i may have had covid in summer/early fall but my mom and sis got it for real, both of them in december/january. i don’t remember which. my mom got hers likely from the hospital cuz her ONCOLOGIST told her to get her mri there instead of the specialty mri clinic :) which is nice. my mom has lymphoma as well as several autoimmune diseases and pretty severe mental illness. she has been sick in and off since. she is sick rn & i am missing this weeks IV because of that. so shout out to california removing mask requirements in healthcare settings as of april 🤮👍 

my sister got hers from her shitty ex bf. that man supported her while she dealt with numerous health issues and surgeries in.. 2020..1? 21 i think. idk. maybe both. he supported her thru the hell that the last year was. up until last month when he fucking attacked her over a disagreement about a LITTER BOX. literally grabbed her , held her, and dumped dirty cat litter box over her head then destroyed the box with a huge chefs knife. bc that’s a really normal response. my sister had to call the cops. she’s gonna get a restraining order against him and his fucked up parents. but now she’s out she’s realized he had been abusing her verbally & emotionally like their whole relationship. 💔 i’m just so glad she fucking survived and he didn’t do worse, good god. she has been staying in our apartment most of the winter bc covid and now until she can get her own place so even tho we are hemmoraghing money on that shithole, at least it’s useful.. bc lol my moms husband literally told my sister “well in your bfs defense, any guy would react like that to a woman behaving like that” LIKE UM? NO?!??!? so she isn’t comfortable being there. spouse and i never felt safe around that man and it is a large reason we moved from my cottage at my moms to my dads place to begin with. so at least we have officially broken off any relationship to that trash man which is great but my mom won’t leave him so i have to just make my peace that disease will take her if he doesn’t someday. fun stuff. 

tw parental death

also cool and fun things happening lately is that this saturday it will have been a year since my fathers physical form drew breath. to say this last 15 or so months have sucked shit is the biggest understatement ever. my aunt currently has like two days to settle his estate; yes she still has a large proportion of my sister & my inheritance. no i haven’t seen or spoken to her since my grandpas funeral in september but i’m the “child of her heart” like ok. & my da had a reverse mortgage on our home of 20 years, and they forced us to sell it within a few months instead of the 12 legally we were allowed. that move was absolute hell. and i had to spend 8k on movers just for some of them to 1% ass it; they literally broke multiple peices of my dads ceramic artworks bc i tried and tried to get people to help me pack them but no one but my mom did. she couldn’t manage them all. it’s hard to forgive myself. it’s so fucking enourmous to bear the weight of knowing i have to be the one who cares for and maintaines his body of work, at least the bulk of it. god that fucker i’m still mad he gave away my favourite bowl to a goddamn woman he met at the pool LMFAO classic mike manoeuvre. one of his brothers took the fish vase i wanted too.. and the vase that matches the one he was throwing when my moms water broke with me. if it was steve i forgive you because my uncle steve also is dying of bladder cancer rn (da had multiple myeloma, diagnosed 2016) and i feel shit for not speaking with him for months but. illness. larry you’re on thin ice, hugh if it was you i’ll kill you myself 🔪  same for you mary especially cuz u actually knew i wanted that shit. 

dads bday was literally in january but did any one of those bitches text me? no. did any of his friends text me? no. tbf i can barely respond to texts but like still.. i feel bad i haven’t seen or called my grandma but also. illness! been nonverbal most days! so like 🥲 everyone else has their grief too i get it but lol to have everyone say “we will be there for you” and for literally no one to be seen its very hurtful. at least one of his friends text me to check in on me and my sister yday. but it really truly feels like no one gives a shit. and with my moms lack of health i’m having to prepare to be an orphan within 5 years.  

my sister bought a star for him months ago in some registry. i didn’t have the heart to tell her that it was near meaningless, these registries aren’t anything, no one can own these things. but on clear nights i still look off the leading edge of the plow into whatever near nothingness that faint light is coming from, adrift in emptiness. 

———

anyways that’s pretty much all from me. (is it enough LOL. happy saturn return with saturn in sideral aquarius. in my 1H too 😩) as i get better i will be getting back slowly into discord and shit, i’ve literally just been too exhausted and unable to function. some of yiz have known abt some of this, but mostly my main acct tweeps & tumblr muts haven’t, so i just figured i would write this, and maybe it would help me in some way. hopefully i’ll be back on tumblr soon too, i literally just can’t use it with our internet (and lack of) here lmfao. i’ll slowly be getting this out to my e-circles as i have energy in the next days. 

sending love to you all in pawsitivity discord; yuri horse club, gabriel, kurt & folks from tumblr; and all the rest of yiz. (i don’t mean to forget or omit anyone, honest). i hate that illness & shit has kept me from you. the last year has taught me well to value the time we have and it is not guaranteed. i love you all, i miss you, and i am wishing you well. i am hoping to reconnect soon. beannachtaí 💚💙💜 

#tw for fun stuff like covid cancer parental death IPV / domestic violence #u know the usual grab bag of things 😩 #🖋🦓 #🖋️🦓

[dromaeo-sauridae]

drop the spoilers of the bad stuff real

under cut incase anyone else cares about spoilers. im assuming you mean the stuff i mentioned before that was making me want to leave, it wasnt due to the movie itself it was really just stuff that i personally didnt want to watch and wasnt prepared for. read reviews and warnings before going to movies kids this was a doozy 👍 tw for animal abuse and experimentation

gotg3 goes in depth about rocket’s backstory, if you dont know he was part of a bunch of experiments. i closed my eyes for most of it cuz experimentation stuff especially on kids or animals grosses me out real bad. they go into it REAL HARD all throughout the movie, idk how much they actually showed but my mother and sister said there was a part where they mutate a turtle and its apparently really gross.

rocket has friends who were all experimented on as well and when he tries to break all of them out they all get killed. hes kept alive because of an anomaly in his brain(? im gonna be honest i was covering my ears, the sound was HORRIBLE it was so loud it gave me a headache so i had my eyes closed and ears covered at this point. thats why he managed to escape and survive, they didnt want to damage his brain).

the whole plot of the movie is the guy who did all this shit to rocket wants him back so he can have his brain, and while attempting to kidnap him rocket gets shot (or hit i couldnt tell, the whole scene was complete chaos and again i had my ears covered cuz FUCKING LOUD). theres multiple fairly graphic scenes where hes convulsing n shit, and they have no way to help him due to the guy (I CANT REMEMBER HIS NAME HES JUST THE GUY TO ME I NEVER READ THE COMICSSHSHAH) installing a kill switch on his heart so that if any surgery or anything gets done itll kill him.

it was bad enough to make me cry over a raccoon and i cant stand raccoons irl they make my skin crawl. but i always liked guardians and rocket was my favorite (i have two cats named rocket and groot. i love em) so watching this kinda sucked. i will say though, i havent watched a marvel movie since i think endgame and i havent been impressed with anything they do, but all of the stuff i couldnt watch aside (plus like 1 other thing)… its a good movie. i probably wouldnt watch it again and suffering through chris pratt being emo that his girlfriend lost her memories(???? I DONT REMEMBER THIS FROM ENDGAME BTW?? WAS THIS IN ANOTHER MOVIE) was really annoying, it was good. i liked the ending and was prepared to see rocket die horribly, which didnt happen thank GOD.

all that to say the VERY FIRST SCENE OF THE MOVIE made me so nauseous i almost threw up and seeing the part where rocket figures out that hes a raccoon made me cry. good movie probably wouldnt recommend

#people talking to me #im rereading this and god its rambly but im not gonna make it pretty idc enough #anyway tldr. rocket has a very bad time and it made roach upset 👍