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nohaijiachi · 7 months

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I got randomly recommended this video by YT and wrote a ginormous comment in response because I have no self control, apparently, so I thought I might as well also share my thoughts here in regard to whatever is going with THIS FUCKING SMILE

(under a cut to not clog y'alls dashboards)

(the first part of the comment here is a direct response to some of the ideas put forth in the video, it is very short so give it a quick watch for more context if you want)

Imo it's not necessary to look into overcomplicated theories that rely too much on off screen shenanigans to explain the smile, for how amusing the idea of them having swapped during the kiss is (like, the kind of stuff I won't want to be actually canon, but I'll be very happy to see explored in fan fics lol)

I think to fully explain that smile we have to take in consideration multiple factors:

This show is very purposeful in what it does and doesn't, well... show. That last shot is very long and I think the fact that Aziraphale's and Crowley's expressions in the aftermath of their disastrous break up is shown in such a manner tells us a LOT about the state of mind they might be at the start of S3, and the obstacles they'll have to face. Aziraphale doesn't immediately smile, rather he seems to look almost shell-shocked for most of the shot; it's clear (to me at least lol) that the quiet ride up the elevator is finally giving him some desperately needed time to fully digest everything that happened, because too much has happened in an extremely short amount of time, and we all know Aziraphale doesn't do well with speed lol.

But, for how much he can sometimes be a complete moron, he is smart, and all he needs are just those seconds of quiet to properly ponder on everything, on the choices made and the ramifications of said choices, and that's how we get to smile-- I'll delve into what I think Aziraphale is going through in his mind in more details later, because I also think it's necessary to focus a bit on Crowley's own expression, since the both of them are so intrinsically linked that the narrative cannot make sense without taking the both of them into account.

Crowley's expression is much more static and doesn't change the way Aziraphale's does; he looks profoundly tired in ways we've never seen him before. I don't think he's giving up on Aziraphale, and I fully believe the fact that he stood there and waited for Aziraphale to disappear in the elevator, the both of them sharing that last look, was a quiet message: He'll never give up on Aziraphale, he'll be there, waiting. But wait is all he can do for Aziraphale, now, because he can't follow where Aziraphale is going.

For how messy and full of heightened emotions the confession + kiss are, I think actually denying Aziraphale's request was a HUGE step forward for Crowley's character. He's never been able to deny Aziraphale, he always went back to him after every fight, and we all know how stupidly whipped for Aziraphale he is and how he'd empty the ocean with a spoon if Aziraphale asked him nicely-- But to actually put his foot down and say "no, I cannot do this for you" when asked to all but renounce the person he is now? Especially with how Aziraphale is all but begging him openly? That's a huge step, and something I think Crowley desperately needs to mature as a person (or, well, person-shaped being). We all love how Aziraphale has him wrapped around his little finger I'm sure, but we also all know that if they truly want to build a strong, healthy relationship they also both need to be able to keep their individuality and to put forth adequate boundaries about what they are willing to do for each other within reason.

Asking Crowley to come back to being an angel when he's made blatantly clear for six thousand bloody years how much he despises Heaven is not a 'within reason' request, innit?

So, yeah, for how heartbreaking the break-up was, in a sense Crowley needs it. They both do. They both need time apart to figure their own shit out, dismantle all those unhealthy habits they had to adopt in order to be with one another as safely as they possibly could while still 'employed', and then come back together with a clearer mind and a whole deal stronger than before, both as individuals and as a couple.

And I think how tired and downtrodden Crowley looks in that last shot is a precursor to this process, just as much as Aziraphale's smile is... So, let me get back to our favorite angel and what I personally think is going on with him.

I think to properly contextualize that smile we need to look at not just the happening of those infamous last fifteen minutes, but of S2 as a whole, and what Aziraphale does in it.

So, what is Aziraphale doing during S2?

At the start he seems to be more or less comfortably settled in his current life; he's as happy as ever doing what he's always done, enjoying humanity's creativity with his books and his music and his food and drinks, seemingly content to be puttering about in his bookshop (which is a stark contrast with Crowley's homelessness and his kinda adrift and depressed attitude). Of course then Jim!Gabriel throws a wrench right into that, but imo I think there was a lot more going on behind the facade of Aziraphale's well ingrained habits.

Sure, he still has all of his familiar comforts and his routine, but from the moment we see him interact with Crowley I saw a deep restlessness emerge in him: The panicked look he launches Crowley when Nina asks him about his 'naked man friend', the way he speaks with Crowley with all those 'our' he uses, the blatant way he keeps reaching over and touching Crowley-- To me that suggests that Aziraphale is clearly not as happy as he seems to be on a superficial glance. He clearly wants more with Crowley, wants to bring their relationship to the next step, but because the both of them are so deeply entrenched in their unhealthy coping mechanisms and habits and their inability to openly communicate it doesn't even occur to Aziraphale to just... You know. Take the first step, actually say something about it. So he just keeps throwing bait after bait in the water, hoping Crowley will bite and be the one taking the initiative as he's always done, finally allowing Aziraphale to accept said initiative, this time around.

Of course, we all see that Crowley doesn't take any first step, which is probably something deeply frustrating for Aziraphale at a subconscious level. That's how we get the ball; sure, on the face of it it was Aziraphale's way to make Nina and Maggie fall in love, but... Was it, really? Let's be real, for how entirely believable it is that Aziraphale makes up the lie about Nina and Maggie's love to cover for their miracle is, since we've seen him being anxious around other angels, I don't think for a second that had Aziraphale just stopped and spent three minutes thinking about it he wouldn't have found a way to convince Muriel that Nina and Maggie were, in fact, in love, especially with how 'green' Muriel is about humans.

I fully believe that Aziraphale is not properly thinking during S2, period. He's frustrated by his inability to bring his and Crowley's relationship to what he wants it to be, and that frustration and single-minded objective is utterly obfuscating his thought process. There are plenty of moments he seemed almost manic, imo, which I read as another sign about his 'impaired' (allow me the term) state of mind as of S2.

So, yes, the ball: On the face of it something to actually turn his lie to the Archangels into truth, but deeper down, perhaps almost unconsciously, I think Aziraphale sees the ball as a way to finally make him and Crowley happen. That fact that he's taking pointers about romance from human literature is blatant, and obviously he truly does believe the ball will be THE way to make love bloom.

If you stop and think about it, the ball scene is terrifying. These people are being manipulated to play the perfect background parts to make, what is in Aziraphale's mind, the height of romance atmosphere happen. The fact we get a juxtaposition with Nina's "what the F is going on, am I losing my mind???" rightful attitude underlines this. And I truly believe Aziraphale isn't exerting said manipulation with intent, but rather doing so subconsciously, because he's just so fixated on the idea of having finally the perfect set-up to have Crowley as he desires that he is influencing everything around him. After all, we all know they both have the tendency of making things happen the way they want simply by thinking that's how things are supposed to happen.

And again, he's so manic and giddy when he asks Crowley to dance, his ass is not LISTENING. He literally needed a brick thrown through a window to snap out of it.

So, in the present we have an Aziraphale who , in his own way, is trying to take the initiative, come out with plans. There is a moment that I think might have slipped under the radar of a lot of people but that's frightfully important about who Aziraphale is at this point in the story, and who he will need to become: "I have a plan," Aziraphale said to Crowley during the stare down with the demons outside of the bookshop after the ruined ball; Crowley didn't even seem to have registered that sentence at all, because his mind is already projected forward and going a mile a minute about what to do to keep both the humans and Aziraphale safe in this situation.

Crowley, who loves to swoop in and save Aziraphale, doing what he's always done to keep his angel safe, even to the detriment of their relationship with one another... And Aziraphale, who adores playing the part of the damsel in distress in turn, is actually telling Crowley that *he has a plan*.

That's not something to take lightly, methinks. That's very much just another sign that Aziraphale's individuality is struggling, trying to emerge through Aziraphale's anxiety and doubts and fears and deeply ingrained habits. Aziraphale's cognitive dissonance in regards to heaven, and his shaken faith in God are huge motivators of his actions, and in the grand scheme of things the scant few years he had away from under the oppressive thumb of heaven is nothing. It was barely any time at all in the face of the eternity of an immortal life spent under that oppression, and yet we are already seeing little glimpses of Aziraphale's rebellious side struggling to get fully free.

I think these little glimpses inform us at great lengths about the evolution Aziraphale's character will go through in S3, and greatly explains that strange smile right at the end; in my opinion that smile isn't the smile of someone who's trying to convince himself that he's ok, or realizing that Crowley loves him (he knew already, they both knew and have known for a long time, their inability to properly express those feelings was their downfall, but I don't think either of them has doubted even for a second when it comes to how much they love one another). In my opinion that smile is the smile of someone who is steeling himself for what he envisions in his future; equal parts old-sedated anxiety and yet determination to actually enact plans he's surely concocting in his brilliant little mind. That's the smile of someone who has just realized that not only they can, but that they need to do something, and you can damn well be sure they won't be sitting and twiddling their thumbs waiting to be saved, but they'll be the one saving themselves and everybody else along with 'em, this time.

Just as Crowley needs to actually spend some time define himself as himself, and not just in relation to Aziraphale, Aziraphale needs to spend some time shedding all those fears and doubts that are weighing him down, and emerge the other side someone much more self-assured and ready to do what he thinks is right without all the hesitations that have indirectly been strengthened by Crowley; in a way, by allowing Aziraphale an out with his 'temptations', Crowley had been feeding into those hesitations, and had been holding Aziraphale back from fully maturing, even if not done on purpose, obviously. Imo is very important for Aziraphale's character that he comes to realize that he doesn't need those excuses Crowley gifted him to keep doing what he thinks is right, that he actualizes his own morality properly, and enacts on it.

I don't have the faintest clue about what is going to happen in S3, but I do fully believe the above paragraph is what Aziraphale and Crowley's respective character arcs will focus on. And once they'll come back together they'll be the most power couple that has ever power coupl-ed, and the Metatron will have no clue about what is about to hit him >:)

#good omens #good omens 2 #meta #I want Aziraphale to Fuck Shit Up in S3 #you think I was joking with that comic I drew some time ago?#I am NOT!#LET AZIRAPHALE FUCK SHIT UP HE DESERVES IT

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fullscoreshenanigans · 2 months

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What if a little, very little, part of Don blamed Ray for have waited Connie's shipment to put his plan in motion. What if he wondered why didn't Ray do it at the previous one? He tries to reason himself, thinking that two months wouldn't have been enough (they had more time between Connie and Ray), that it still wound't be fair for this kid shipped before Connie, but this little part of him poison his mind and he can't stop to wonder:"why couldn't he start his plan soonner".

Ray has not need to know that, because he blames himself enough like that about it. Even if he knows that he couldn't have done more. He still needed a reward to finish his anti-trackers thing, he couldn't have set his plan in motion during the previous shipment.

At a point, they probably spoke geniunely about it together. Because keeping that for themself isn't good aniyway.

I fully subscribe to them talking this out during their search for the Seven Walls with the many months they spend trekking around together (and this is why I can never forgive Shirai for that timeskip; all the bonding moments I was robbed of seeing </3)

Also very serendipitous that @sepiamestus wrote a one-shot titled Beautiful (and a little sad) featuring this topic, although the trigger is Ray asking Don if he blames him instead of the other way around.

A wonderful showcase not only of Don’s nuances and quirks, but also his cordial nature and how he seamlessly integrates the former into the latter, perfectly displaying his aptitude in assessing people’s emotional needs and acumen in easing them toward where they need to be in a way that comes to him as naturally as breathing. Very easy to hear his voice in this with the dialogue.

There is acknowledgment of the anger Don still feels regarding the subject, which is very reasonable given everything that's happened and that he's ten.

But it's acknowledged only after Don has established the intrinsic value of Ray as a person and beloved member of his family, in addition to creating a safe atmosphere where it's clear he's open and receptive to everything Ray has to say and is feeling by getting him to open up about a topic he's knowledgeable about and interested in before transitioning them back to the main topic at hand. He's able to easily discern how the subject has been plaguing Ray’s mind for months, so to immediately start off by expounding upon the full breadth of his complicated array of emotions regarding Conny's death would be in bad form. By establishing that sense of safety and trust, Don is able to honestly talk about his own feelings with a reassurance Ray can genuinely believe: that nothing Don says is meant to be accusatory. Excellent display of his emotional intelligence.

And how that leads into this 𝕆𝕌𝔾ℍ; the beautiful poignancy of ending the main scene with this and how it acts as foreshadowing to Ray’s declaration in chapter 119 to Norman and everyone else present in the room, with Don being an important factor in helping him reach that point.

Love a boy beaten down by circumstances beyond his control resulting in such a thorough self-loathing and sense of helplessness being treated with such gentle kindness and being afforded the time to heal at his own pace. <3

#naehja #sepiamestus #The Promised Neverland #TPN #TPN Fanfic #FSS Asks #FSS Chatter #Cuvitidala Arc #Post-Canon #TPN Ray #TPN Don #TPN Conny #Raydon #Conny #Ray #Don #I'm a basic bitch so whenever I get a soft character moment under a starry night sky #my mind defaults to the deleted TLK “Under the Stars” music for bgm until another track is put forth lol #Ruby why didn't you post your fic in the RD tag </3

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naurielrochnur · 3 months

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WIP tag game

RULES: Post the last sentence you wrote (fanfic / original / anything) and tag as many people as there are words in the sentence.

Thanks for the tag, @tragediegh

Is anyone actually posting just one sentence? I'm sure not. I'm working so hard to pull this fic kicking and screaming from my brain, so you're gonna enjoy a whole ass snippet whether you want to or not. This isn't the last thing I wrote, but its close enough and it'll make more sense out of context. Also, I like it better. I do what I want.

This is from a fic I am writing about the Fool's early days at Buckkeep. I am forever thinking about his relationship with Shrewd, and wanted to explore more deeply how he came to love his king so much that he was willing to abandon everything he worked towards to be by his side.

“And so you propose to be rid of him? To murder my grandson?” “Better now, when I can ensure a peaceful end.” Chade says quietly. “Leave him, and I may be forced to resort to more violent means. A man is much harder to kill than a boy.” “I do not like it,” Shrewd murmurs, and yet he seems to be considering the option. The child is gripping the poker he never put down, his entire body thrumming with tension. The intricately carved handle presses indents into his flesh, but he does not notice. This is the nexus he has Dreamed of, the one where he can save his Catalyst. He knows it as intrinsically as he knows his own name. All around him the possibilities unfurl into a multitude of futures. He saves his Catalyst, but only the first time. He loses his Catalyst, and then himself. He saves his Catalyst, again and again, but it is not enough, and his icy end fills him with despair. He loses his Catalyst, but he himself lives on, and on, and on, and the everyday the empty skies remind him of his failure. And, following the thinnest of paths, brilliant in its possibility and yet so fragile, he saves his Catalyst, and his Catalyst saves the world. The Path divides again from there, and in his favorite divergence, as he lays dying, he can just make out the shapes of dragons flying overhead through the ice of his grave.

I need more writer friends who haven't already been tagged. If you're seeing this and have a WIP you want to share, consider yourself tagged!

#I am obnoxiously feral over Shrewd and Beloved's friendship #Beloved was 100% ready to throw Fitz under the bus to stay with Shrewd #And we find out it was just because King Shrewd showed him kindness as a child when he really needed it?#EXCUSE ME #This fic is kicking my ass though #Please I need people to bother/encourage me into finishing it #100% serious please send help I want to finish this so bad #Realm of the Elderlings #The Fool #Shrewd Farseer #Rote #Beloved

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takearisk-xo · 1 year

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can i just say that i love how relatable your ginny is? in many stories ginny is perfect and harry is messed up, but in this they are both a hot mess. and what i love is how you do a great job of portraying ginny’s mindset in a way that not only shows that she blames harry, but also makes the audience blame him. but if you really think about it, she’s just as much the reason if not more that they’re so messed up. not saying harry’s not a complete wreck 24/7, because he definitely is, but our girl’s got trust issues, understandably so cough cough childhood trauma, and she’s all HARRY RUINED EVERYTHING HE DOESNT LET ME IN WHY IS HE LIKE THIS meanwhile this beautiful badass emotional trainwreck of a human is actually blocking him out even more then he’s blocking her and she’s creating problems in her head and making everything way worse for their situation. like harry’s got issues but he’s over being sad and is ready to snog the living fuck out of her and hold her and protect her and be there for her and she’s like why must he be so closed off and push me away and be unwilling to try meanwhile she gets angry every time he so much as breathes and avoids him at all costs but also loves him but has convinced herself it’s all 100% his fault and then gets pissed that she has feelings for him and tells herself more reasons why he sucks. self sabotage at its finest.

i love it. me too ginny

I HAVE HELD ONTO THIS MESSAGE FOR SO LONG BECAUSE I OPEN UP MY INBOX AND READ IT AND GRIN LIKE AN IDIOT!!

also i was reluctant to respond because like HOLY SHIT YOU GET IT!? you know??? you. get. it. and if i go on a total rant about HOW MUCH YOU GET IT i would literally spoil everything lmaooo so i'll try to freak out over this message with minimal spoilers skdfjskldjfs

under the cut because length

when i first set out to start the path from you, i knew the story i wanted to tell, but i knew it had to be a long evolution of both their internal thoughts and their views of each other. because we can make inferences and interpretations of their deepest, most intrinsic thoughts from the source material, but it's really fun for me to ask how does that change after trauma..?

and i knew (I KNEW) i wanted them both to be the most unreliable narrators imaginable. because that's how we think right?? or at least that's how i think, i can't speak for everyone else i suppose, but we rationalize and try to put puzzle pieces together that don't actually fit. and if you look close enough, ginny is such a PERFECT template for this kind of storytelling because she is so strong willed. she is open and emotionally mature with most everyone, except herself?? now a lot of this is me filling in the blanks between CoS and OoTP/HBP but i mean how does a girl spend an entire school year possessed and then just casually go on to be the most well-adjusted, well-liked, social butterfly?

she suppresses. she suppresses HARD.

and with that habit of suppress and overcome, all the sudden she is falling in love? and providing emotional support and a delightful sort of stability to a person who has never felt that in his entire life.

so i ran with it! i sat down and wrote out pages and pages of what ginny thought of harry, and what harry thought of ginny, and how ginny thought harry saw her, and how harry thought ginny saw him... and its the second half of those questions that gets *really* interesting.

how does ginny think harry sees her? how does ginny react when she thinks she can't be that ever again? what happens when suppress and overcome doesn't work anymore? what is she going to do when harry actually decides to open up about something for the first time in his life?

ginny has created this narrative in her head that blames harry and absolves her of guilt because the alternative would be admitting that she has kept him as far away from her as possible because if he saw her (the real her, after all the shit) then she thinks he wouldn't want her anymore. and that is just too devastating for her to even contemplate so she doesn't bother, and she goes along heightening all harry's mistakes in an effort to dampen her own.

and let me tell you... once harry looks outward and stops focusing so much on his own internal war when it comes to his feelings for ginny, he starts getting real tired of it.

#THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS MESSAGE #IT HAS BROUGHT ME SO MUCH JOY #AND SO MUCH INSPIRATION #AND SO MUCH MOTIVATION TO KEEP GOING #YOU HAVE NO IDEA #I LOVE YOU ANON #the path from you #anon #answered

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rollercoasterwords · 9 months

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Hi! I found your blog through the female rage substack article that you posted and I’m curious about a couple things (so I hope the tone of this ask will read as genuine/non-confrontational etc).

I really liked the article and the anti-gender essentialist content, so I looked through the others and eventually found your jegulus article (which I read and also liked) but I was sort of surprised to see that you are a part of the hp/marauders fandom. For me personally, everything related to that franchise has just been tainted since the whole jkr terf debacle really took off. I was big on hp when I was younger and wolfstar is a ship/dynamic that I enjoyed back then, so I’d probably like your stuff if I were to read it. But I decided some time ago to give any and all hp content the chop, because to me it didn’t feel right to engage with it anymore. So I was just wondering how you feel in that regard, if you don’t mind sharing. I don’t have anyone in my internet content circle that still actively posts about hp and if irl friends still enjoy it then it’s not something we talk about, so I’d just like to know how you juggle the ‘two sides’ in that sense of your trans-positive/anti-essentialist beliefs and fandom content that’s still so intrinsically connected to jkr and her politics. (Also, sorry if you’ve answered a question like this before. I scrolled through your blog a bit, but if yes then not far enough.)

Anyway, hope you’re well and I’ll probably keep an eye out for any future essays on your substack even if I don’t follow you on here. cheers! (and thanks for the “playing the whore” book rec, I’ll be looking into that. a rec from my end would be paul b. preciado's "can the monster speak". it's the written version of a speech he tried to give at a Freudian psychoanalysis conference about the position trans people occupy in psychoanalysis before being booed off stage. it was short and pretty intriguing, in case you're interested/haven't heard of it yet.)

hi! happy 2 hear u enjoyed the female rage essay--i wasn't expecting it to spread as much as it did + had to turn off reblogs for my own peace of mind 2 keep terfs away from my blog, but it's nice to know there are still people getting something out of it. also appreciate the book rec--that definitely sounds up my alley + i'm excited to check it out!

and i'll do my best to answer your question about hp, but i'm gonna put it under a cut because i know this is a contentious topic + i have a feeling my answer's gonna get long--so if anyone doesn't want 2 read abt my conflicting hp-fandom thoughts, just scroll away please xx

so, quite honestly, i'm in agreement with you that the entire franchise is tainted by jkr. the truth is that it was never really my intention to join the fandom--i read a single fic because it went viral on tiktok, then decided to rewrite the fic from another character's pov just for fun. at that point, i hadn't read any other hp fic and had never been involved in any kind of online fandom space, and although i'd read the hp books + watched the movies growing up i hadn't touched them in years + was so far removed from the franchise that i vaguely remembered hearing jkr had said some terfy stuff, but wasn't aware of the extent to which her politics were like. actively and significantly causing real-life harm.

anyway, i'd done a rewrite for fun of another story i liked and had posted it on ao3, and that had received a handful of people commenting + talking about the story with me as i wrote but had remained pretty self-contained + small. i was expecting the same sort of thing with the hp fic i rewrote, but instead someone posted about it on tiktok and it went viral, and then suddenly there were thousands of people reading every ch update and hundreds of comments. like i said, i had never been involved in an online fandom space before, so i sort of awkwardly stumbled into it and tried to figure out what i was doing as i finished up writing the fic. this was at a point in my life where i'd recently moved to a different country and had to go back in the closet after being publicly out for years, and this online fandom space became my only queer community and a bit of a lifeline in that way. i started making actual friends and talking to people + getting more deeply involved in the community aspect of things.

at the same time, i started actually educating myself on jkr + her politics + her impact, and the more i learned the more uncomfortable i became with being part of anything hp-related. now, i've been writing hp fic for almost two years and 'active' in the fandom for ~one and a half, and despite being grateful for the friends i've made and treasuring the space i've been able to cultivate, i've become increasingly disenchanted with 'the fandom' as a whole and have increasingly found it to be a hostile space, so i've sort of taken a step back from broader engagement and more + more have limited my interaction to just my mutuals here on tumblr. unfortunately, i think many of the 'bad parts' of this fandom are somewhat built-in because of the source material; there are a lot of people who agree with jkr's politics to varying extents and that can make it kind of a miserable place to be sometimes. i know many people insist that hp can be completely removed from jkr, but i don't think that's the case, and i've talked on my blog before about the fact that her politics are built into the very foundations of the text, so i think it's necessary to acknowledge her influence if we want to actually engage with hp at all in a way that isn't just perpetuating her politics.

all that being said, the point i'm at currently is that i'm not really sure that this fandom is a space i want to be a part of forever. again--i understand how it can be lifeline for some people and a queer community they might not have elsewhere, because that's been the case for me. but for me personally, as much as i value my own carved-out space, it doesn't completely outweigh the negatives that i have found myself coming into contact with more and more in this fandom. writing hp fic is also something that i keep strictly separate from 'real life,' contained solely in this online space, because i know that any engagement with hp is a red flag for many, many trans people and i don't want to bring it outside of this space. within this online space, i don't keep it a secret that i write hp fic; it's right at the top of my blog so that anyone who wants to can easily block and unfollow me. i only post my fics on ao3, where they are clearly tagged as harry potter fanfiction, and i only post about hp fic + fandom stuff on this blog, which was specifically created for that purpose. i've requested that people no longer post about my hp fics on platforms like tiktok where the algorithm could send it out onto anyone's fyp, and that request is also in my pinned faq. keeping my hp fic as contained as possible to only people who are already engaging with hp fic is one way that i try to mitigate any harm that might be caused by my fics contributing to hp's ongoing popularity.

the other ways i try to mitigate potential harm are by actively discouraging people from giving any financial support to hp + jkr and by being very vocal about my politics on this page, so that anyone who is following me will be getting pro-trans and anti-gender essentialism politics along with any hp engagement. i also don't engage with hp uncritically; i am specifically critical of the shitty politics in the books both in my posts on this blog and my fics themselves. i don't make it a secret that i think the books are politically rotten all the way down through to the foundations.

none of this is to say that there's, like...a Right Way to engage with this content or a set of rules that, if followed, Absolve All Shittiness. this is just an explanation of the personal evaluations i've had to weigh when it comes to deciding how i'm going to interact with content that is fundamentally opposed to my own politics. and again, i don't blame people who think that any amount of engagement is morally untenable and completely block it out. this is a growing source of cognitive dissonance in my own life, and i'm increasingly considering whether/for how much longer i want to continue to write fic + be involved in hp fandom. but for the time being, i'm still here + still writing fic, and i guess my feeling is that any harm that fic causes is a drop in the bucket, and even if i were to stop writing it wouldn't necessarily have a huge impact either way. i'm just some random guy online like everyone else; even though i talk about politics, that doesn't mean that i'm asking to be held up as some sort of moral standard, nor do i think anyone should be expected to be 100% politically perfect in every action they take--like, for me, writing hp fic kind of falls into the same category as like...eating mcdonalds even though i think factory farming is fucked, or buying + wearing makeup sometimes even though i think the beauty industry is fundamentally corrupt, or paying to see the new guardians of the galaxy movie in theaters even though i think marvel movies are us military propaganda. i don't think "no ethical consumption under capitalism" is an excuse to completely abandon any attempt to mitigate the harm our actions might cause, but it does matter to me the way in which someone is engaging with a fundamentally broken/corrupt piece of media beyond simply whether or not they're engaging at all. at the end of the day, it's up to everyone on their own to evaluate where they draw the line on hp, and i am not looking to make that judgment for anybody else considering that my own thoughts + feeling about it are still changing.

#ask

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mommalosthermind · 5 months

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I’ve gotten a handful of ‘she talks fanfic with her kids? She knows her kids preferences? I’d die of embarrassment. Wild.’

And Y’all. I get it, but also, do you know how sad that is?

Some of that is a hold-over from when it was considered a literal mental disorder. Women were fired, divorced, had their children forcibly stolen from them, were institutionalized. For reading fanfic. It was an extreme taboo with extreme consequences if the wrong person found out you were reading about Kirk and Spock, for fuck’s sake.

Some of that is just the shame the greater world or your own family have pressed deep into you over your interests. You learned not to share anything you love, that way it can’t be used to hurt you.

Some of that is an extension of folk assuming all fic is the porniest porn to ever porn, and the purity resurgence is screwing with your brain.

I get that, I do. I was the kid who’d get right in your face and out-cruel people who’d shit on things I showed an interest in, but I still won’t tell my mother what I write. That’s mine, and I shouldn’t have to fight anyone about it.

But I was also the kid who never had anyone to talk to. Never had anyone to be excited with.

Why wouldn’t I be that person for my own kids? Why would I NOT want to know what fandom’s eating them up today? Which character won’t stop clawing at the walls in their heads?

Why wouldn’t I take full advantage to give them a place where they can be happy? Excited? Where they can SHARE the things they love?

And, frankly, it’s always a wild ride to see what catches them. My eldest (14) writes the most violent things. They like to take characters and break them even more than canon did, and see all the ways they can put that character back together. Do they realize they’re exploring trauma, recovery, human relationships? Fuck no, but I do, and when we talk through it, we can talk about all those things. They like to write about love that transcends everything else. Unconditional acceptance. That means I’m doing something right somewhere, because it’s so intrinsic to how they think.

The middle kid, (12), he likes to write fantasy self insert epics. He gets to be the overpowered guy who also gets the guy at the end. He’s enjoying really breaking down the fight scenes, how the weapons work, spies and double-crossings, magic powers, shit like that. But what he’s also writing is found family. Getting angry and overcoming it. Looking at a shit situation and committing to making it better. Standing up for yourself, for those who can’t stand up for themselves. He’s allowing himself to be loud in a way he doesn’t usually in real life.

Do you know what I got when my therapy-mandated anger journal was purposely unearthed and read by my mother? I got the shit kicked out of me. My kid seeks me out. He sits in my lap as best a 12 year old who is taller than me can, and he goes, hey can we work through this scene I wrote when I was mad together?

Why wouldn’t I want to be part of that? It’s the same for what they read. I want to know. They’re excited! They have thoughts and ideas and guesses and why would I ever make them feel like they’re not allowed to be happy about the things they love?

They’re reading same-sex, bi, trans, ace, aro experiences, and those are helping them find the labels that fit themselves best right now. I want to be part of that, I should be part of that. They should know this bedrock is unconditional because it fucking well is.

I’ve been told my entirely-Blasé approach to sex is weird, and it probably is, especially in the current purity bullshit. But also: sex happens. Sex ed is so laughable here I was told tampons will kill me and I thought babies came out of the belly button until i was like ten. I’m very open with my kids about all of these things because it’s important. They need to know. They need to feel safe talking to me about it. No matter what the fuck it is.

I dunno guys. I know why so many folks’ immediate reaction is “oh fuck no I would never,” but have any of those folks considered being the wall? Keeping all that shit behind them so the next crop of kids gets to have something better than we did?

Let the kids around you be kids in a way you weren’t allowed.

TLDR: Don’t talk about things you love to people who use that to hurt you. But maybe realize you can be the person someone else goes to just to squee.

#Momma talks #fanfic #families #my kids #queer #anti purity culture #pro talk to your goddamn kids

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shallowseeker · 1 year

Text

Natural crisis points in The Winchesters character arcs and struggles

(Image from fangasm)

If it ever comes back for a short run or the characters appeared in later SPN incarnations, The Winchesters has a lot of built-in crisis points to power it forward.

I think overall, Robbie Thompson built them moderately well, because below are intrinsic qualities to each of them! He's good at building complex heroes, if he only has the time to follow through.

I. Fans as demonic forces

There are OG!fans actively rooting against it, which is VERY helpful for the writing team because such figures can immediately become an endless supply for bad-guy motives, villain monologues, demonic taunts, and dark mirrors.

Anyway, for characters, here's what I think:

///

MAIN SERIES THEMES

#1 BREAKING: Everyone has a breaking point, and when you do, you humans...your edges are sharp. You'll cut each other into ribbons. Familial counter: So, we'll break! But we'll be there to help pick each other up again. Even if it hurts. Even if we bleed. #2 DESTINED IDENTITY: You are who I say you are. Because I'm the only one who really knows you. You were written to be what I say you are. Familiar counter: I am my own person! No matter what you say. No matter how you wrote it before. #3 HUMAN-ING WRONG/FIXING OTHERS: You think you can fix them. Classic blunder. You can't. They're unfixable. Miswired. They were just born wrong, you know. Always running into danger. "John is a lost cause, he'll always devolve into abuser," etc etc. Familial counter: Maybe people don't need fixing. Maybe they just need to be accepted. Maybe, sometimes, they just need support!

#4 PEACE OR FREEDOM: Which would you rather have, peace or freedom? Familial counter: Both!

///

ALT MARY

Fear, powerlessness, destiny, entrapment, & the timeless Campbell classism of assumed stupidity

Go on, Mary. Trade your future for your blessed, blessed present.

No Mary Winchester in any timeline anywhere ever triumphed, because she is just too easy to trap. So are you.

You think you're a hunter? You're prey. Like an impala on the open savannah.

You're easily manipulated Mary, because you're just dumb, like all those backwoods Campbells.

We wanted the Winchesters for their brains, but we wanted you for your body. That's all you're good for. A weapon, a vessel.

("Stay present," was such an oft-repeated line for Alt!Mary. We could twist that into short-sightedness, I think.) ///

ALT JOHN

The worst version of yourself & the complicated gray of the Men of Letters; the arrogance of trying to be "the brains" and trying to be "lone wolf"

Become who you were meant to be.

I know who you really are, because I wrote you that way.

You're an abuser, a murderer, a bigot. It's your destiny.

You're just a soldier, a tool of war. A blunt hammer that hammers his own fuckin' thumb.

You're going to become the monster at the end of this book, John.

And the best part? You're going do it to yourself.

"I'm a John understander, you see."

So, go on.

Be all that you can be.

///

CARLOS

Doomed to be alone and fearful of reaching out; you become embittered by the constant pain of loss; you're so pathetically needy

You say you won't play my game, but you don't even see how you're already playing it.

You don't want to be alone, do you?

You actually want chaos to stay together. What if I told you that hunting could be forever? Would you choose it? I think you would, no matter who it hurt.

You're the weakest link because you're so desperate and needy.

When you have your own chance of happiness, you can't even be happy for yourself; you're fundamentally broken (re:Anthony)

You're too busy steeling yourself for the loss that you ruin everything, so why bother wanting?

Might as well cut it out now before the love gets its hooks in you too deeply.

It's your foolish, reckless altruism that winds up hurting everyone around you. Irony's a bitch, ain't it?

///

LATA

Violence is inevitable, even for you.

You're not a good person. That's just how you get through your day.

One thing writing taught me is that anyone can do anything if you know where to put the right amount of pressure.

And it's beautiful how desperately you want to be good, and yet every action you take always hurts someone.

Your hands aren't really clean. You like to watch, don't you? You're just a hypocrite.

You let innocents die, just because you wouldn't go against your principles.

Or, you know--your tragic cowardice.

Everyone around you succumbs to violence because you're poison.

So go ahead and have your cake and eat it, too, Lata.

I hope you choke on it.

///

MILLIE WINCHESTER

"Sooner or later, everyone is gonna leave you."

How can you turn your back on your dream to chase your husband's shadow?

It's gonna kill all three of you before the show's over, you know.

You warned John not to go down this path, and now you're the one lighting the way.

Doing this won't bring Henry back to you, you know.

You weren't there for him.

When he walked out that door, he said I love you.

You were silent.

///

ADA MONROE

Kill him. Kill your son.

I told you, Ada. Cute cuddly half-breed pups become the biggest, baddest wolves.

When push comes to shove, you know what's gonna happen.

You've always known that he'll turn.

He'll turn on you.

Would you rather your son die at the hands of a stranger?

If it has to be done, wouldn't you rather it be by your merciful, loving hands?

You can die with him if you like. An equalizer of sorts.

Or maybe...you think that if you become powerful, become successful enough, you'll have enough power to protect you and him. Control him if it comes down to it.

You can always try.

You'll never be powerless again, you say?

I'll take that bet. Don't say I didn't warn you.

#spnwin #core4 #core4 key traits #twc #the winchesters #alt mary #alt john #alt mary/john #carlos cervantez #latika desai #spn theme ideas #millie winchester #ada monroe #savethewinchesters #core4 + fate #core4 + personal struggles #core4 + breaking and healing together #spn prequel #supernatural

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yonemurishiroku · 9 months

Note

In your older/ present Nico au how do u see a selfcest plot working out?

A March 15th ask! My sins just pile up don't they... Deep apologies to anon for the long wait. 😭😭😭

Referring to the selfcest plot here: 1 2 3 4 (Pretty messing tho bc I literally just post whatever I think of, pls go to the tag for more)

Anon please please know that I'm so, so glad to see someone interested in the selfcest AU and that your ask delights me to no end. This is my jam and only mine bc obviously nobody's unhinged enough to come up with it. 😭😭😭

To answer your question about "how a selfcest plot works out", I'm assuming you're asking about the relationship aspect, aka how their feelings come to be acknowledged? 👀

In that case, truthfully, I have no idea. LMAO. 😂

Actually no that's not right. Hmm. I mean. When I came up with this AU and decided to categorize it as "selfcest", the only thing in my mind was that: I wanted to see Nico love himself.

So, intrinsically, I suppose it might be a little different from what you might consider a typical romance? - the same way I sometimes go for the peculiar, rare, unnamed types of love. In this case, the important thing - the thing for which I built this whole AU and everything around it - is that Nico getting to show himself what love is.

The love in this, to me, is not technically like typical mainstream romances (of kisses and lovemaking etc...), but rather something about to cherish, to protect, to pray for the other's happiness, sometimes to hate as a result, and to fall.

Abstract, I know. I don't understand half of the things I wrote either. (And to think that I project my own self-esteem problem onto it...)

Anyway, the supreme repertoire of this AU is: the Older Nico showing his younger self that he deserves to be loved and could be selfish - because no one else has done it for him and selfishness is the peak unhealthy self-love - and thus, somewhat salvaging himself from the mistreatment he received in his lifetime.

Rather than romance, let's just say it's cherishing.

So, what about the Young Nico? How does he feel about this?

This is actually an angst pool I like to swim in, but like water, I can't properly get it out.

Let's just put ourselves in yNico's shoes. You have someone who treasures you so much it's unhealthy, and from said affection sprouts their wrongdoings. You can somewhat realize they're at wrong, but they're so nice to you, trying so hard for your sake, and suddenly the weight is on your shoulders.

It's already so complicated.

And to think that said person is your future self? That everything they do is just for your own good? That you sometimes want to trust them - over anything else, knowing nothing good would come out of it? That you have to choose between yourself and what's supposed to be "good"?

It's a can of worms I've yet to unpack. If I were to write this down it'd be a 20-something chapter of 100kw self-doubts and manipulation, for which I abs do not have the willpower.

BUT, let's just ask: Can you even call it love?

Again, it depends on what, exactly, you consider love. In this case, the gratitude is definitely there, the affection is def there - how can it not? when the F!Nico is the one teaching him about love, the desire to hold onto is def there; but the conflicts are also there (bc yeah I just have to make F!Nico an antagonist sue me), the doubts, and the "I wish it didn't have to come to this".

That, in a way, you give up on it, but you'd still be willing to give it a chance - if only there was one: The Young Nico treasures the precious things his future self has taught him, and he knew he had to give up on that, yet he couldn't stop himself from holding on.

Ah I love the blurring borders of love.

If you've followed me long enough, you'd probably realize that I don't always follow the definition of mainstream love/romance. In fact, when I say that "these two are in love", it's hardly ever about them wanting to kiss or lay around in the sheets, but rather them having a deep connection - whether it's by hatred, a grudge, a type of co-dependency, etc...

The term of "selfcest" itself, whilst posing as a couple tag, is used by me to indicate a connection, a somewhat attraction, and not completely a romance of normal standards. ❤🎇✨

So, to answer your question of how the selfcest part might play out: it's love, all the same.

#nico di angelo #pjo #hoo #toa #yone rambling #percy jackson and the olympians #heroes of olympus #trials of apollo #selfcest #selfcest au #selflove nico #time travel au #time travel #yone au #yone writing #self love

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shannankle · 1 year

Text

“I just built a home. I don’t want to move anywhere”

still thinking about moonlight chicken

one of the things i love is how it emphasizes the importance of finding home, a place to belong and people who understand you. There’s something intrinsically queer about this, in the way so many of us who are different have to find home much later in life. It’s something we have to fight for, even the process of imagining what home can look like outside the norm.

Of course, each character finds home in their own ways. But what stuck with me the most was Wen turning down his promotion. I love that he places home over career success, and it’s never framed as a downgrade or a limitation, but instead a form of liberation. It’s something I don’t think I’ve really seen explore in quite this way (apart from Kosenu Futari, which I think does it’s own beautiful exploration of similar themes).

Speaking from an aromantic perspective, there are plenty of stories that idealize romantic love as curing all problems (especially in straight romances). And of course there are counter narratives where the character (often a woman) chooses to follow their career and not give everything up for one boy. And I do think these have important things to say. But I often wonder if there is a bit of privilege even in these more feminist narratives. The way the choice between love and a career and the tension surrounding this type of decision can be different when you are queer or disabled, when your options are more limited, and when you may not have a traditional nuclear family or social circles to fall back on. When finding a home and connections is as essential for survival as financial stability.

I feel like MC captures that nuance. And of course, I think it’s important as well that the show offers a very different definition of love by taking on the more expansive notion of “home” rather than simplifying this to an amatonormative love story (with it’s own roots in heteronormativity). MC also captures nuance by showing that different people can have different goals but still be part of that “home.” Liming and Heart are choosing to go out and explore themselves, to get an education and work. Meanwhile Wen is making the choice to prioritize his relationship over a promotion, because that is what he needs most and it’s what is most liberating for him.

To make this a bit personal, I’m getting to the point in my life where I’m soon going to have to face a similar decision to Wen. I’m facing a tough job market post grad school, and it’s not uncommon for partners to live apart for a number of years or simply go separate ways. My advisor’s advice was to focus on the job first, cause relationships come and go. And I understand this reasoning, the way many people limit themselves or their desires by prioritizing amatonormativity over their own goals and happiness. But at the same time, we live in a capitalist society that demands we be productive to be successful, to have value. I’ve spent most of my childhood and adult life feeling like I had to prioritize academic and career success, to grind, even if that meant sacrificing a social life and connection. And of course, as someone who is queer and autistic, those connections can be even rarer to come by. Yet in the last few years I’ve found a platonic partner who I really can build a life with. To see her as “just another fish in the sea” to sacrifice the home I am building feels like a cruel and dishonest decision. Because finding and fostering a home for myself is as much necessary for my survival as career success. And home has been so limited in my life.

In this context, to make the simple claim that home is more important than career advancement, feels like an act of survival. To prioritize care over productivity it feels crip and it feels queer and it feels liberating, like taking a full breath for the first time in a long time. And I know neither road will be easy, but as Wen wrote “I just built a home” and I think I want to follow in his footsteps and hold on tight to that.

#hmmm maybe at some point I'll write a comparison between MC and Kosenu Futari and how they both queer the idea of home and family #Takahashi and Wen come to opposite choices but I think both works frame it in a way that doesn't flatten the importance of having home #moonlight chicken #moonlight chicken meta #my posts #my meta

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butwhatifidothis · 1 year

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Weird pivot for Cap'n to make Ingrid go from being racist towards Duscur to being racist towards Nabateans and making it sound like SHE WAS SAVED, but alright. Also, it makes her "talk" with Dimitri strangely more ironic lmao. "No, you see Dimitri, it was dirty Faerghus toxic masculinity culture's fault that I bought was so racist towards those poor Duscur people as a teenager! But now that I'm huffing Woobiegard's farts as a grown woman - I mean girl, I can see that it was the Nabateans I was supposed to be blaming this whole time! Unlike YOU." If I wasn't aware she was one of his "favorites" I could've sworn it was deliberate character bashing/assassination.

Yeeeahh, it's just. Very strange.

Cap'n puts so much emphasis on how much Ingrid has "grown" out of her hatred for the people of Duscur (that he never wrote but whatev) and how it was bad for her to have blamed them all for what happened to Lambert and Glenn and etc., but, like... then turns around and blames Nabateans as a whole and as a race for "what they did" to Fodlan. Like, straight up: "Woobiegard despised the Children of the Goddess for what they had done to Fodlan."

So it's like, it's not so much that Ingrid was wrong to hate the people of Duscur because the intrinsic act of hating an entire race/group of people for the actions of a few is wrong, since the whole of a race should not be held liable for what the minority may have done... but that Ingrid was targeting the wrong race of people. She would have been fine if the people of Duscur were mostly/wholly responsible for the Tragedy! Hell, her hatred for specifically Dedue would've even been encouraged, if the fic's treatment of Flayn is any indicator - Ingrid wouldn't have been expected to give basic decency to Dedue, Dedue would've been expected to earn Ingrid's trust after he intrinsically broke it by being the race of Duscurian! And any attempt on his end to try and find peace and safety and not trying to help Faerghus recover from what his people "did to it" would've been proof of his self-centeredness and selfishness!

...Not the best look gotta say. Placing the fic's treatment of Nabateans onto any of the human characters makes the already blatant racism even more apparent.

And it's just even more jarring to hear Ingrid say what she does to Dimitri? Like, legit, everything she says comes off as tone deaf and ignorant, especially her "you're working with those who killed at Duscur!" line. Like, bruh:

she has no idea if that's true, full stop

most of the people fighting for Dimitri here would likely be around his age, meaning they would've been teens at most when the Tragedy happened

many of the people who fight for Dimitri are common-born, so even if they were involved in Duscur they likely had no choice in the matter (since even extremely important nobles were put in hot water over this - hello Catherine - so commoners had to fuckin' chance at disobeying orders without heavy consequences)

Ingrid is currently, right now, trying to kill the one person who is actively trying to restore Duscur and has the power and means to do so, so she doesn't get to act like she cares so much about Ducsur

Ingrid is currently, right now, working with someone who hid the true perpetrators of the Tragedy for nearly a decade and actively and willingly worked with said perpetrators for years

Ingrid is currently, right now, blaming the entire race of Nabateans for causing all of Fodlan's problems and is willing to physically assault them at the drop of a hat, so she doesn't get to act like she's grown oh so much from her racist tendencies

It just comes off as a cheap attempt to make Ingrid and Woobiegard better than Dimitri - blow up or make up flaws in Dimitri, ignore the flaws that Ingrid and Woobiegard have. Even though their flaws are, um, a lot more worrying

#ask #anon #o captain my captain #fr tho same if I didn't know that Cap'n loves the shit outta Ingrid I would've thought the was bashing her #cuz even with how brazenly racist Ingrid is in the game she's someone EVEN MORE RACIST in the fic #but because it's towards ''the right people'' it's fine #again I am once more tapping the ''don't know Cap'n personally'' sign #since I want to make that crystal clear #it's just that yeah the writing itself is brazenly racist like holy shit

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romantic-reveries · 3 months

Text

Sometimes the longing for who I used to be is visceral.

I was reading this… compilation earlier, that I wrote when I was 24. Which is not terribly long ago, even though it feels it. And the way I wrote about the boy I liked then — it's how I always wanted to feel about someone. He didn't deserve that saturation of feeling, but I miss the way everything seemed brighter in its wake.

It made the world feel bright and shiny and new again. And here I am, freshly thirty and in love for the first time, and it's wonderful, and the man I'm with is extraordinary. I adore him in so many ways, and so much that sometimes I feel like I could explode with it. He feels so safe and warm and I feel good being around him. I've never had anything so steady with someone before, and I've tried to be careful of that pitfall, right? Of like—do I just feel sad sometimes because it's something healthy and I'm not used to that? But it's not that I find being with him boring, by any means. I love the stability of it. I love not constantly being in my head, drowning in insecurity and wondering if today is the day he changes his mind about me, or was that thing I said stupid? I just trust him, with everything in me. And I don't take that for granted for a second, how special and wonderful that is, how lonely I was for so long and how nice it is to have someone solid to lean on. There's nothing wrong. But sometimes, it feels like a gut punch that none of it happened like I wanted or dreamt of for so long. And sometimes, no matter how much I adore him, and how much chemistry I felt with him, and how very real it is, there's this niggling little worry that I allowed myself to lean into it when I perhaps previously wouldn't because I was nearing thirty and so desperately lonely for companionship in that way that it felt like a physical ache. And I could absolutely do worse than an incredibly kind man who treats me like a princess., you know?

And it feels so shallow, some silly schoolgirl fantasy, the things I always wanted. But I think reckoning with it is made even harder when I know people like I imagined exist. It just breaks my heart a little sometimes, when I see young couples. They can build a life together, you know? And there's no generational divide. I always dreamt of someone who just sort of intrinsically understood me. Who liked what I liked. Maybe not all of it (though that would've been cool), but most of it. Was passionate about words and music like me. Maybe even wrote, too, or played an instrument. Liked to cook. Liked to read. Understood internet humor and memes. Was witty, and self-possessed. And had that particular look I've always been drawn to—tall, lanky, refined. Dark, messy hair. Maybe glasses. And it's like—I had to wait until almost thirty to be in love, and I kept thinking, all those years, 'well, this just means that when I do meet someone, it'll be more likely I'll stay with them a long time.' And I pictured meeting someone, and eventually moving in together, maybe getting married, having some pets. Carving out a life together. Just for me to end up with someone twice my age. Someone who has young kids. Someone who lives an hour from me, in a place I don't see myself living that has no real job prospects because it's so small, and he can't move because of his children. And I adore his kids, truly — but again, if I was going to end up with someone that much older, the perk would've been that he was DONE with raising kids. The biggest perk in this scenario is that he doesn't want anyMORE, which is good, because I don't want any. And female friends. That's something I've wanted for so long, too. I don't know if I've ever had genuine female friendship. I had some really good friends when I was in school, but I also was terrified of fully being myself at that juncture of my life, and when that's your foundation, the relationships suffer. I never really let any of them in. And I kind of made some in 2022, but we didn't mesh and it just turned out to be a bust. They were all younger than me, one of them was super flaky, even if she was very sweet, one of them got into a relationship with a piece of shit dude and dropped off the face of the planet, and the other one just wasn't a very good friend to me. And then I think — well, maybe I'm the problem. Maybe I expect too much. But it doesn't seem like too much to expect people who consider themselves your friend to be consistent and kind to you. I don't know. Sometimes you just sort of wonder what it's all for, all these little dreams our head comes up with.

#1.29.24

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amugoffandoms · 5 months

Note

Ooh, 3, 17, and 29 for the fic asks if you want :D

whoopee!! more mug's ao3 writing wrapped!! here's the list!

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

i am incapable of picking just one so here's a list aidnjf!!

Sing Your Sins! - yeah this would be an obvious choice but like audhgjgjg it was so fun to write about!! just let them be happy guys please!,!@,&$$

37.2°C -- Yuno Kashiki's Trial 2 Voice Drama - I had a blast rewriting some of yuno's trial 2 vd for this swap au judt man some of the last lines kinda just hit hard and man judt man

a mug of whumptober 2023 fics - is this cheating?? yeah a little bit buy i had so much fun writing some of this!! really can't wait to get to the rest shhffjjf

ILOLL - yeah the characters are historical figures, I like writing and if the story just so happens to be through these figures that were sort of modernized by a musical then yeah ajfjfjf ANYWAYS you can see my favorite part of formatting and also gruesome writing in this ajfhfj love both of those things dearly sjjf

17. Your favorite character to write this year?

yuno.

but there are some close contenders!!

Sayori is really fun to write! There's a balance of bubbly and bittersweet you have to hit and it's always fun standing on that line! also just sayo :]

Es, Mahiru, and Fuuta all because I've written them a few times to understand their character better and also they have beliefs and traits that are so intrinsically woven into their character that it's like Oh we're gonna have fun writing this yippee!!

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

oh man there's so many auauausu

here are some that i picked out sjfjf

“Ha, you know that you’re just pushing everyone away when you’re being honest?” She knows. She knows. It’s stupid, but she knows. No matter what she’s like, she’ll have to lie. Just to have a little warmth. How cruel is that?

Shidou hears that voice. He can’t tell who said that, probably one of the doctors pulling him out of the room. Closing his mouth to stop the next scream, he realizes, for a second, he believes them. He believes that if he lets other people dip their hands in the ocean of blood he wades through every day, his wife will be waiting for him. His wife will be alive.

It's only that noise and him standing around. He can feel his chest tighten with guilt and dread. If he dared to breathe, it felt like something akin to a noose constricted his breath, pulling him away.

"Sometimes I wake up and everything feels frozen. It's cold and I can't feel anything. It's nothing. I can't feel the light against my face. I can't feel my body ache for relief."

"Y-Yuno—" "I can't tell if I'm on the edge of my life or I'm already dead." "!" "Then, Mahiru-san comes into my cell with Shidou-san. He fixes my bandages. And, eventually, I feel something. It's cold." "..." Es stares at the other. "I think we both know, even Shidou. I'm on the verge of dying, Es." Es stands up and slams the table, with Yuno only blankly staring. "Yuno, you aren't going to—" "Am I... really alive?"

so that's it!! :D thank you for asking ^^

#mug answers #ask game!#mug's ao3 writing wrapped

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dreaminginthedeepsouth · 1 year

Photo

(Illustrations: Paintings by Manafi al-Hayawan, depicting Adam and Eve, from Maragh in Mongolian Iran, 1294/99, and Adam and Eve from a copy of the Falnama, Book of Omens, ascribed to Ja´far al-Sadiq ca. 1550. Via Wiki. )

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Must The Story Of The Fall Be True? Ctd

My friend Kevin Sessums wrote a Facebook item two days ago about his vision of light beneath a crucifix when he walked the Camino, and a truly strange experience of what he describes as a "demonic" "angel of light" the other night outside the window of his Manhattan apartment. I can almost hear the rolling of the eyes out there. But his follow-up post got to something that really helped me:

I hope I didn't freak too many of you out yesterday with my posting about angelic and demonic visions - although I did feel as if I were in the finale scene of a Boito opera. Others of you might have just thought I was getting all Shirley MacLaine on your ass. Shirley did walk the Camino as I did and wrote a book about it in which she describes having her own visions there. When I read her book before heading over to Spain for my own walk on the Camino, God knows I rolled my own eyes at some of what she wrote of envisioning. But finally, yes, God alone knows if what I described yesterday is real or not. I only know it is true.

Things can be real and not true; and they can be true and not real. And sometimes, the true becomes the real, which is how Catholics see the Mass.

I am sure plenty of Christians today and in the past (and many today) believed in the literal truth of Genesis, down to the seven days and Adam as dust and Eve as his rib. They believed it to be real and true. But it is quite obvious to me in the 21st Century that this is not real, even though it may, in a deeper sense, tell us a metaphorical truth. I know many will scoff at this as pure expedience, shiftng the goalposts of religious faith through time to avoid any accountability. But from my point of view, it makes sense.

I am not a fundamentalist. I do not believe that human beings can truly, definitively understand the ways of God with any precision, and this view is, from Job to even Jesus, uncontroversial in Christianity. But we can, at various times, glimpse the Godhead, as in the Incarnation, even as we clumsily attempt to translate that ineffable truth into imagery and language that humans can understand. In that sense all religious doctrine is wrong. It has to be. And when it seems right, it is only because we may be grasping at a partial truth, not the whole:

Now we see through a glass, darkly; then we shall see face to face.

When Jesus spoke of the Kingdom of Heaven, he used human analogies and parables. By this act, He was telling us, I believe, that though we have some ability to grasp the divine, we are ultimately limited by our physical lives and needs and emotions. And so the revelation that with greater knowledge and intelligence, we can see that Genesis is literally untrue but, through metaphor, tells a deeper truth about us is not some strange post-hoc rationalization. It's intrinsic to the view that God is eternal but our grasp on God shifts and changes as we understand the world better and as Revelation unfolds through time.

So Genesis may no longer be real to us; but it can still be true. Is it contrary to the Big Bang, and the now-remarkable news that the universe is expanding at an accelerating rate? Yes and no. No, because its literal account is very different and empirically false. Yes, because we now know humankind emerged from earlier species around 200,000 years ago and was defined by greater intelligence and self-awareness - our consciousness expanding in the same accelerating way as the universe. I see Genesis as a myth that describes this process of becoming human, buried as it must have been in the collective conscious. It was the best they could come up with at the time.

This turns fundamentalism on its head. It does not say that there is a literal truth about everything, definitively revealed once and for all, and that we need to cling to it with white knuckles or abandon it altogether in the face of new empirical evidence. It says that the Truth is eternal, but we are not. But collectively, we have long striven to discern it almost as a defining characteristic of our species. So in each age, our guesses will be wrong, but also more attuned to what can be right. A key premise here is that reason and revelation are in the end compatible, but, on earth, we may never be able to prove it so. Hence the need for faith and reason in a constant dynamic and interaction. In the beginning was reason and reason was with God and reason was God. We need, in Pascal's words, both the use of and submission of reason.

For me, the key point is that we are all contingent beings in a long arc of human history and pre-history. But there is a direction: The knowledge and intelligence of humankind has expanded exponentially over time. Intelligence shows a slow but unremitting advance in the aggregate and at the top end, may soon, through computers, exceed anything previously known to man, and beyond. To argue therefore that religious stories told and written down thousands of years ago are bunk because they have been proven empirically untrue seems banal to me. Yes, the truths that are conveyed in this story are obviously filtered through the knowledge base at the time. So the sun and moon are designed for the earth; and the creation of everything was explained through a literal story of a figure "God" who can physically reach down to earth and mix some earth and create a human male, and then remove his rib while he is asleep and create a woman. But it does not threaten the fundamental concept of a creation, or, if you take the story as a metaphor, evolution itself. We knew these things to be true before we proved them to be real.

Atheists and fundamentalists want to argue that we cannot shift our understanding, because those who first wrote these things probably believed them to be literally true and countless Christians and Jews have done so throughout the ages. But if you believe that these ultimate things and questions, including God and the origin of our consciousness, must surpass our understanding, then the Truth exists outside of our capacity to grasp it - and we may, at different times in our species history, come up with different ways to express them, none of which, definitionally, can be actually real.

These are only hints and guesses, Hints followed by guesses; and the rest Is prayer, observance, discipline, thought and action. The hint half guessed, the gift half understood, is Incarnation.

The Incarnation is where the true and the real touched. And that, much more than the doctrine of atonement or of the Resurrection, is, to my mind and soul, the crux, as it were, of Christianity.

[via The Dish]

#creation stories #fundamentalism #The Dish #Christianity #Adam and Eve

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quetzalpapalotl · 2 years

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I did always thought that the way Barber wrote Optimus was an attempt to conciliate the way all the other IDW writers wrote him plus who Optimus is a world that has moved on from him, and it's really nice to see confirmation that was the case. I just really like how Barber cares about continuity not just regarding the physical aspects of the world, but the internal aspects of the characters as well.

I did a transcription of the relevant part but it's too long so under the cut it goes:

Well, you know when I first started this stuff, you know, and I went back and I read all the IDW Comics and tried to get a bead on who some of the characters were, you know. And and it's some degree like kind of really, tried to think through, what if all this stuff happened, you know? What if it had? Even though in the like, concrete reality of the way the comics were made, Optimus acts differently because a different writer wrote him, you know? But but in real life we don't always act the same. You know, we act differently around different people, even if we are intrinsically the same person that you know at any point we aren't as consistent as fictional characters are. So there's an element of reality to that that you know that that was kind of interesting. Kind of trying to figure out well, look at if you have the way Mike Costa was writing him, plus, the way Simon Furman was writing him. Got to blame everything on Mike and Simon (laughs). But but no, there's a big dose of who do I think he is.

He wasn't in the first year of RID, a little longer than that, even, in the first year and a half or so, two years almost. I knew if the series didn't get cancelled he would be there at some point. But I didn't know that would happen. I didn't know we'd wind up going as long as we did. But yeah, so gave me some time to think about.

He was a Great War leader and. somebody trying to be a good person, you know, like somebody that's not trying to do villainous things, ever. I don't think that's ever a thing that he does, but in a reality where a lot of times there isn't a right choice. There's just a less wrong choice. What choices can you have with when being right is what you're all about? You know like, when the the honor and goodness is the the main thing with you. I don't know. How do you maintain that in a world where the idea of right has shifted? You know, where the the right thing during war is different than the right thing after war.

And times change, you know. I mean you. can see that in real life all the time where our heroes from our youth, letting us down in the present day, you know? Not that I think Optimus has done that necessarily, but like, yeah, but you know the world keeps moving. And again, like that's a theme that I think cycles through the whole run of Transformers. There are people who are heroes who turn into villains given enough time, you know. Nova Prime started off with with the best event of of intentions and then turned into a, you know, horrible villain and and you can see that cycle through the original Primes. We're trying to do good, but eventually that goes bad and Optimus trying to be the one to break that cycle, but also you know, being a part of that cycle.

I don't know if I answered the question but that's kind of what it's. That's kind of how I think of him, you know, he's trying to do the right thing, but you might not agree with him and I think that's very valid, you know. There's like a squishy place writing fiction where, I don't want to be like-, I'm just going to say what happened and then and then you decide if it's right or wrong. Because I'm framing the entire discussion. You know what I mean? Like I'm right, like this isn't, this isn't real life where where you know? I feel like that's a a thing that I've heard people use to get out of morally dubious situations, but I you know. What I'm trying with Optimus is to create a situation where there's a valid argument for what he's doing, but there's also a valid argument for not doing what he's doing, you know. Windblade has a real good point, and she doesn't agree with with Optimus, but Optimus does have a, you know, a good point on his own too. I don't know, that's that's the intention.

Moonbase 2 Interview John Barber 2018

#not pictured the part where he talks about how the series mentions colonies and he was like #well colonies imply an empire and empires aren't really a nice thing #and that's how the series became what it is #based #also how he's not trying to give a definitive answer to who's right or wrong #especially because i feel like fandom discussions frames it like barber is trying to point out who is righteouss and good and right #and who is not #where is more about the conflic of all these people who are trying to do right but they have different idead and even struggle #to maintain their own ideals #quetzal rambles tf

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amicidomenicani · 1 year

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Question Dear Father Angelo, I am a twenty-one year old girl, a Catholic Christian, and I feel at peace with myself and with my Faith. However, reading the stories told in your questions and answers, I doubt my situation every time. I've been with a wonderful guy for two years, together we discovered the joy of a deeper intimate relationship. We're not married, we don't intend to, and right now I don't even intend to have kids. We have been using condoms since I stopped taking the pill, and we always feel safe and protected from unwanted pregnancies. I have always gone to Sunday Mass. I often go to pray in the afternoon because I like a silent church where I can talk to God better. I love life and I love God, who gives me wonderful moments every day with my family and friends. I think that living according to the dictates and will of the Most High means more than following behavioral rules. I think the kids who write to you don't fully appreciate life as those who experience all the joys it can give, including sexuality. I think God asks us for Love, Love and more Love. God doesn't care if you had intercourse before marriage, or if you had it with people of the same sex. I believe that whoever lives according to these ‘laws and moral rules’ and feels like a good Christian is doing everything wrong! God wants more from us, God wants us serene and at peace with others. There are already so many problems in the world, why waste energy and demonize these joys? Father, I love God and I want to continue to do so, but how can I if my behavior is judged inappropriate? Help me Father. Giulia Priest's answer Dear Giulia, 1. You have decided to have sex with your boyfriend. Furthermore, and I thank you for being sincere, there is no talk of marriage between you two. The first thing I'll tell you is this: we need to see what, according to God, is the meaning of sexual relations. If God had made people sexual only so that they could express their affection to each other, he would have had to clearly separate sex from the procreative capacity. And instead how many precautions not to procreate! You too used the pill before and now you use a condom. Evidently because you know that those potencies are procreative potencies. 2. Don't you think that these artificial interventions are against the intrinsic meaning of our sexuality? By the way, do you believe that our sexuality was structured by God as we received it for homosexual relationships? St. Paul speaks of homosexual relations as unnatural relations, "Therefore God handed them over to impurity through the lust of their hearts,for the mutual degradation of their bodies... Therefore, God handed them to degrading passions. Their females exchanged natural relationships for unnatural, and the males likewise gave up natural relations with the females and burned with lust for one another. Males did shameful things with male, and thus received in their own persons the due penalty for their perversity. And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God handed them over to their undiscerning mind to do what is improper." (Rom 1:24-28). 3. You wrote, "I think that living according to the dictates and will of the Most High means more than following behavioral rules." You are free to think so. Like the rest, you are also free to be a Christian. But Jesus did not say what you say. He said the opposite, “Whoever has my commandments and observes them, is the one who loves me. And whoever loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and reveal myself to him" (Jn 14:21). And again, “By this we know that we have known him: if we keep his commandments. Whoever says, ‘I know him,’ and does not keep his commandments, is a liar, and there is no truth in him" (1 Jn 2:3-4). 4. On the other hand, it is also like this in human love: if one calmly displeases the people he loves, one cannot speak of love. If he loved them, he would also love their will and would not h

urt them in any way. 5. You also wrote, "I think the kids who write to you don't fully appreciate life as those who experience all the joys it can give, including sexuality". Just a few days ago I replied to a girl who wrote to me, "In 2009, after a trip to Medjugorje, I rediscovered the value of faith and since then my boyfriend and I have tried to live in chastity. It was hard, especially because before that trip we had regular intercourse. I certainly do not regret this choice because we realize that our relationship has become more sincere, more true!”. So how can you say that those who write to me do not enjoy life? As you see, they say the opposite! 6. Finally you say, “I think God asks us for Love, Love and more Love. God doesn't care if you had intercourse before marriage, or if you had it with people of the same sex. I believe that whoever lives according to these ‘laws and moral rules’ and feels like a good Christian is doing everything wrong! God wants more from us, God wants us to be serene and at peace with others". The Lord asks for Love, with a capital L, as you wrote. But this Love, which in the New Testament is called Charity, indicates God's own way of loving. And God loves by giving the greatest good which is Himself, His personal presence within us, linked to the observance of his commandments. As you can see, God asks for love that leads to the sanctification of life, not to do what one wants. 8. Regarding homosexual relations, justified by you because God would ask for nothing but love, listen again to what the Holy Scripture says, "Do not be deceived; neither formicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor boy prostitutes, nor sodomites... will inherit the kingdom of God. That is what some of you used to be; but now you have had yourselves washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God” (1 Cor 6:9-11). As you can see, Christians must be "washed", "sanctified", "justified" (that is, redeemed from sin). Let's leave aside the homosexuals' speech now, but do you, with your behavior, seem to be washed, sanctified, redeemed from sin? You could ask, is this the path to sanctification? 9. Finally you conclude, "Father, I love God and I want to continue to do so, but how can I if my behavior is judged inappropriate?" The judgment of others cannot prevent us from loving God. The martyrs loved him to the end even though they faced people who hated their behavior. The problem, however, is another: whether we can say we love God when we quietly do what displeases Him, when we do what He has told us not to do, and when we say that those who keep His commandments are doing everything wrong . 10. I have tried to help you by bringing many arguments. But one more thing remains. Jesus said, " But whoever lives the truth comes to the light" (Jn 3:21). So I want to tell you, trust the Lord and his commandments. Live according to the truth taught by God. Then you will understand and relish everything. I assure you of my prayers and bless you. Father Angelo

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