#i don't know where my group of people is :(

[uncanny-tranny]

I think there's this idea of privilege that people have where if you are privileged, you become a bad person, and the more privilege you possess, the worse of a person you are, like privlege is a nuclear bomb warehouse that you can add stock into.

This is an incomplete outlook on privilege because it places blame on individuals with privilege rather than the systems which give certain people privilege, while at the same time ignoring others to their detriment.

A cis person isn't bad because they have the privilege of not being trans. The system in place which prioritize cis voices, opinions, bodies, and, ultimately, cis lives over trans ones is bad. These are important distinctions because something like trans liberation will not be a reality if we don't dismantle the system which places trans people as lesser.

#privilege #trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #this applies to much more than just trans vs cis #and perhaps my outlook is coming from a privileged point of view. but i can't help but wonder if the way *some* people approach this... #...topic would even be conducive #this post isn't directed at a person or group by the way and i'm not wanting to start heated arguments #this is just Some Guy's opinion about the ways in which i have seen these discussions happen #i don't think anybody is a Bad Person simply for how they express being an individual who isn't thought about in society #it's HARD knowing your government and society doesn't care about you and i totally understand where these feelings come from. i just... #...i just think maybe there is a better way to approach this where everybody can be seen and listened to #just a quick post where i shoot a thought out at break-neck speed roght as i think of words

[furiousgoldfish]

Speaking from a bad place, so bear with me. Has anyone thought about how being important or special to other people is based just on the people closest to you?

We regard strangers as people who are fairly irrelevant to us, because they have little to no impact to our life, and their lives and struggles won't generally touch us. In contrast, lives of people directly around us have a great impact on us, and they decide our relevancy. We give them roles in our lives, like friends, mentors, partners, lovers, caretakers, and in that regard they're special to us, irreplaceable. We also want to have an equally strong meaning in their life, to have a warm place in their heart and respect in their minds, as they do for us.

When people around us who hold great relevancy for us, also give us that same relevancy back, we feel important, we know we're special to them. That our role in their life shapes their experience, gives them gratitude and they've accepted us as someone they want and need around.

In contrast to that, when people in our life refuse to give us that same respect, warmth and relevancy, then we wonder what is wrong with us. What is missing so we can't be appreciated and regarded with the same love and respect that we show to them. Lack of mutuality makes us sink down with insecurity, self doubt and deep feeling that we're not enough, that we've done something wrong, not to deserve the same that we give to others.

And it also works out the same in isolation, if you have no one close to you, no one who has your well being in mind or cares for what becomes of you, it feels like you're important to no one, like you are not special whatsoever, even like you could be disposable if nobody cares at all.

But none of that is based on what's inside of us, who we are or how much love and good we are capable of giving and showing. It's nothing even related to our behaviour and actions, you could put anyone in these situations and results would be generally similar; person who is not experiencing reciprocity, or is left to fend for themselves alone, will lose the feeling that they're important or special in any way.

Isn't that weird? That we can end up judging our own worth based on nothing we did, or nothing we are, just based on how people around us are treating us, or whether we have anyone around us at all. In our essence we didn't change at all, it's just who is or isn't around, that determines our worth.

If we're put in a group of people who want to create bonds based on good things they see in us, we'll become able of seeing that good in ourselves. If we're surrounded by people who all feel the same as we do, act on the same moral code, readily reciprocate respect and warmth that we show to them, we won't feel like anything is wrong with us. We'll feel at home.

And since this is so intrinsic to being a person, to long for this and only feel relevant, safe and cared for in these circumstances, isn't it natural that we all deserve that? To be surrounded by people who make us feel like nothing is wrong with us, and like we're at home? Who help us focus on everything good in us, and give us no reasons to believe that we should be rejected or banished at all? Since abuse did the absolute opposite, and forced us to believe there's only reasons for abandonment, hatred and contempt, I believe being in the environment where people see many reasons to want us in their lives, would heal us.

#healing from abuse #abuse recovery #trauma recovery #emotional abuse recovery #abuse healing #i know i wrote this seemingly positive post but in reality i am so bitter #because i know people will sometimes see a reason to want me and often it's just opportunistic #because i'm trained to not make problems and to be pleasing and useful and whatnot #but even then #even then the fact that i was abused and have consequences of that in me will be enough #for them to back out and decide i'm not worth the effort #because to be close to me would mean to acknowledge abuse and that it's real and happening #and has massive consequences #and this is just too much for anyone to contemplate accepting #and it's easier to just back away and decide i'm an abomination or whatever #whatever they see in me is never enough to face difficult concepts of abuse and recovery #and i'm tired of being seen as a nuisance because of something i didn't do and i didn't cause #i had zero control over where i was born or what was done to me there #but it's a reason to abandon me #i don't know where my group of people is :(

[thebirdandhersong]

I think the problem. the problem is that I have always been afraid of not being invited into the inner circle. and am always wanting to be part of the inner circle. inner circle being the circle of love and companionship and communion. of course being a TCK and a bit of a sheltered homeschooled oddball child has nudged this further along over the years. but I didn't realise how STRONG that desire still burned. to actually be wanted.

#in other words today has been an oddly sad day! discovering that the friends you've made have their own group chats #that are separate from the general group chat (that no one ever talks on) that you aren't a part of is......... i don't know #i KNOW i'm liked by them and i KNOW they love me but do they WANT me around? #like. i know i'm not UNpleasant to have around. i am a good listener and a good conversationalist. #i work very hard at it because it doesn't come naturally to me. #but clearly that's not enough to be added to exclusive group chats! clearly that's not enough to be part of inner core circles #i don't know this just came out of nowhere and i feel as if i've been slapped in the face #sitting at a table where people are talking about the thing someone sent to the group chat #or the photo or quote or reel someone sent to someone else is....... bizarre. #i am trying not to be so hurt by it! i am trying not to take it so personally #it happens. i know it happens. i know it will keep happening. it is just that i thought this was a place where i wouldn't be lonely #and this is the dorm community i've invested so much of my time and energy and love into since last year. #so i think i'm justified in being a little upset! #i'm not crying about it but that's because i'm not about to cry with other people sitting here in the study lounge! #the math is probably really wrong here but i thought that if i poured love in for the sake of pouring love in #somehow somewhere along the line i would also receive love. that i would actually be a part of this community. #anyway that's not going to change how i live here! i committed myself to doing my best this last year #because i don't want anyone to feel left out or unwanted or lonely. i already made the decision #to do everything i can to love the people here. #i'm not trying to toot my horn this is just what i actually want to and have decided to do! #i have birthday cards planned! i have midterm snacks planned! #i've just worked out how i can print christmas and easter cards and stickers! #i'm GOING to love darn it all i'm GOING to pour love in #i think it hurts especially because there's the boy problem going on too #of not being wanted in an area that i DIDN'T expect to be wanted in #and then learning that there is a collective not being wanted in this whole community #it is a Lot and it is very hard and i don't know what to do with it! #i have had this lie (that i'm inherently unloveable and undesirable) in my head since childhood #and i've worked SO HARD to shut that voice up. and it is so so hard to not believe it right now

[fromtheseventhhell]

Saying that non-conforming female characters don't face as much misogyny as their "feminine" counterparts is so funny cause literally the misogyny in their treatment is more overt because they aren't staying "in their place" like men think they should. The disdain for women + misogynistic societal ideals are so much more blatant in male characters interacting with these women. Countless times they are, in essence, told they need to sit down, shut up, and know their place but somehow that translates into them having "masculine privilege". I can only assume that people with this take haven't actually read the books and only get their information from second-hand sources.

#Men actually love it when the group they're oppressing doesn't conform with their restrictive measures that's exactly how things work 🙄 #George saying that his non-conforming female characters were outcasts was really just overkill cause this is explicitly stated in the books #It's such a stupid take to have or try to argue cause there's literally no basis for it anywhere in the books #the inherit misogyny in othering women for not conforming to a misogynistic and patriarchal society though...I have to laugh #Coming from the so-called feminists in fandom make a career of throwing female characters under the bus to prop up their faves #Brienne literally gets told not to go crying if she gets raped because she's asking for it by /acting like a man/ #and her mistreatment by both genders for her looks and behavior is well documented in her POV and those who interact with her #Asha gets denied her claim for being a women and repeatedly treated like an idiot for pushing for it anyways #Arya is an outcast in her own family and her behavior is lamented by her father mother and sister lol #I would just really like to know where this supposed privilege comes in??? where is it actually at?? #cause it doesn't get them better treatment...better access to their claims...security from being assaulted...so where exactly is it? #just another fandom idea that can never be backed up but people treat like an absolute fact anways #obligatory this isn't me that feminine female characters don't face misogyny cause people love misinterpreting my points #asoiaf #brienne of tarth #asha greyjoy #arya stark #daenerys targaryen #fandom nonsense

[yardsards]

"i dunno, i don't think i have social anxiety or anything, i'm just awkward. like, i can do public speaking with no problem so long as i have a script, it's just that certain weird things make me nervous. it's fine, i just make it sound worse than it is when talking to my therapists." <=guy whose gut feelings are frequently convinced that basically everyone wants to beat him with hammers

#eliot posts #my mental issues just tend to manifest Weirdly lol #some things that make me socially anxious: #asking for things #approaching/talking to people individually when i previously only knew them in group settings #approaching ppl in general if i don't have a specific social script #talking one on one to much older adults #joining new groups of people where they know each other but i don't know all of them #also when ppl reference inside jokes to each other that im not in on i think they hate me and are leaving me out on purpose. bc they hate m #the middle stage between ''polite small talk acquaintances'' and ''actual close friends'' is both difficult and confusing AND scary #things that don't make me socially anxious that make most socially anxious ppl anxious: #public speaking #ordering food #making small talk when expected to #going places alone #so i'm totally mentally healthy see :)

[unpretty]

Write more bruce or ill get angy 🥺🥺🥺😡😡😡

Idk what possessed that anon to send a threat NOW of all times??? You haven't updated a Bruce fic in like what 2 years?? Unless there's a new update i wasn't informed of 👀

Just why now????

assuming i'm correct about it being the same anon as the person who wrote me the long weird ask earlier this year, it has very little to do with me and a lot to do with their own mental health and whether they are both in a bad place psychologically and very lonely

#original #i don't think i saved that old ask anywhere #but it had very strong vibes of like #when you're in an RP group and someone develops a Problem where they have a Real Crush on your extremely fake OC #and most people can handle that fine but some people Can Not #and a failure to update registers emotionally for them the same as if you were keeping a real person from them #i don't know them and can't confirm that's what's happening but #i've. had to leave a lot of roleplaying communities. is the thing. #i'm too good at being an unbelievably desirable man it's my curse 😔

[maddy-ferguson]

when people who like seasons 1 and 2 better explain why it was better they always lose me when they say "the characters were what mattered the most the supernatural plot was basically not that important it was ALL about the characters" like...that's just what YOU were more interested in not what was happening in the show? like wdym the supernatural plotline wasn't that important in seasons 1 and 2. saying that it was more balanced or more subtle i get but saying that the supernatural plot wasn't THAT important and that it's not what made anyone love the show is a blatant lie

#and like i say: brf slt #and i've seen people say this many times on many occasions i'm not even exaggerating. or making anything up #and i've been saying this for. a year and a half. minus two months. when volume 1 came out someone tweeted 'what the duffers fail to #understand is that no one watches st because they care about the russians or whatever. people watch st to see a ragtag group of kids be #nice to each other! to see a lesbian and a man with nice hair be friends!' and i said i agree with this at like 60% the 60% being ofc that #i hate the russia stuff we know this. but like. as much as i like the relationships between the characters if there's no life-threatening #things going on for more than a few dozen minutes...then i don't really care like that would be another show. (this has been a constant #i was not as into the show or the characters as i am now when i said that like volume 1 was my first time watching the show #since 2019. and it's a constant because it's still true) like that's literally what fanfic is for. or other shows. #and plenty of people watch stranger things for the russians or whatever i was actually surprised when people were ranking the subplots i #saw quite a lot of people put russia in their top 2 i was stunned. it was mostly older people older people meaning anyone who was 22 in #the past. i'm kidding but like idk people who were like 40+ and also guys? idk. like there's actually an audience for that my bad you guys #(not my bad i will always be a russia in st anti. because i hate it.) #my point is. no that was actually it. i just don't get it wdym people don't like the STORY plenty of people do. in the fandom especially i #totally get focusing more on the characters and being more interested in that i literally never talk about the supernatural plot and i #really like the characters yk and i understand when people say that they enjoyed the distribution between character things and supernatural #plot things in s1-2 more but saying that the supernatural stuff was like an afterthought and that no one actually cares or cared ever and #that it was never important is? like i get where they're coming from but also...no #and i get doing the 'if you don't take it as literally the monsters and supernatural plot things mean this and that for real life and for #the characters' i think it's very fun but like. if you don't like the genre and ignored it for the characters...?that's not really on them #i worded this like my joyce and bob post from july i hope you like it. the first sentence only #wait i actually didn't. just realized. false advertising sorry #saying this as someone who likes seasons 1 and 2 better too that goes without saying

[wekillitwithfire]

its a unique kind of pain when you get really into something with a small fanbase and not much recent fanart, and you find a really cool piece from a really good artist and you just love how they interpret and draw the characters and you're obsessed with it and you can't wait to see what else they have in store, but then you go to their blog and you realize that the drawing was just a one-off 'i watched this show (etc.) recently and thought it was kinda cool" and they're very unlikely to make anything else for it again

#in general being into superhero comics it's so. it's sketchy out there #and it's like i don't know WHERE to go. where do i look? where is it safe? #it's one of those things where the source material and the fanbase is so big that its super diluted and spread out all over the place #there are factions. i'm likely to stumble into enemy territory. i'm absolutely going to walk face first into untagged x reader smut. #i walk into a bar searching for water and all the usual patrons turn their heads staring daggers at me #so i wander down the dusty road sunburnt and dehydrated just looking for a place to lie my head down for the night #and i meet a man on the street corner selling some beautiful pieces or original art and i say #good day to you sir my what fine work you've got there! #and he takes me by the hand and he says #come with me. i know a place #and so he leads me down an alley back round behind the inn (no vacancies) and he takes me to a door #and there's a staircase that leads to a room down under the old inn and i step inside and there's a group of 10 or so people #engaging in a lively discussion around a table and they look at at me- this newcomer- and welcome me like an old friend #and its beautiful #...huh?

[icewindandboringhorror]

Recent-ish life pictures and etc.

#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that -- #1. bright very poofy cloud sky #2. saw these weird bugs on a sidewalk that were clustered in a pile and some of them were sitting butt to butt or something.. I wonder if #that's how they mate?? or maybe just some sortof strange bug fight or something.. interesting little creature party happening #out on the pavement on that day #3. Its kind of hard to see but on the inside of this watermelon there is a slightly lighter formation that sort of looks like a heart shape #4. special breakfast of scrambled eggs. soy sausages. and jarred artichoke heart. with some black coffee and whipped cream + a strawberry #5. ARBY.. fish ...traditional summer treat available only until like september maybe for like a month. but I love them because theyre cheap #lol.. the next closest/cheapest fried fish sort of option that is easily acessible to me is a more upscale fast food place where you can ge #three tiny little chunks of fish maybe the palm of your hand sized for about $17 lol... so 4 arby fried fish chunks for like $5 is good #6. & 7 - very cool sunset colored sort of pink/yellow/orange flower I found growing wild in someone's yard #8. got as a gift from someone who got it for christmas but didn't really want it and asked if I did since everyone knows Im like The Person #Who's Obsessed With Cats out of any group of people.. but I still havent done it lol.. it just sits there gathering dust until I have #the time on top of my 600 other projects. I think it's cool that it's gray so it does look like noodle (my cat) #9. Noodle (the aforementioned gray cat) with fancy lighting behind him #photo diary

[suddencolds]

~

#not snz #more musings 📝 / mini vent: #not sure why my social battery is so limited 😭 and also so inconsistent #i feel like i can't sustain the amount of... like continued/consistent enthusiasm i see others giving esp in group settings #i just don't know how to engage in that way without burning out #over the past few weeks i've been stuck in like #a strange state where i can't muster the energy to properly respond to even the people i'm most excited to reply to #which is strange?? #(and if that is you i am sorry 😭 i love you and i will get back to you) #i think i can't even like manage to get myself into the mindset of enjoying something for myself (eg. a conversation with a friend) #i think a part of it is the stress from work leeching into my personal life #i feel like i've been working so hard and for such long hours but its the kind of work where the progress i've made is very hard to track?? #:( i just want to be off of ******* work so i can work on ******* work again #i also want to get ahead enough on everything in my life so that i write y+v D: #i feel like i haven't had a properly restful day in weeks... even over the weekend i was busy attending to others' needs #i just want a break from it all... but i dont have enough time to take off... but i dont know how much more of this i can take #i remember also feeling during uni like i was drowning #like there were simply not enough hours in a day to deliver everything i promised. it's such an awful feeling #i just feel defeated. like i've felt exhausted for weeks and weeks on end and like i spend every waking hour working on something or other #but ofc there is nothing to do but to keep at it 😭 other people can handle all of this and more #there are so many people i refuse to let down

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

So, Canada has decided to stop sending arms to Israel after an NDP motion. The Liberals made major amendments to it so as to firmly condemn Hamas as well. It's kind of a mixed bag. Honestly, it's naive of me but I didn't expect there would still be so much outrage, even if the motion did call for an acknowledgement of Palestine as a state. All the Conservatives voted against it - to be fair, some of them wanted to wait for the motion to be passed because the amendments were super last minute and the Bloc Quebecois were annoyed that because of this there wasn't a French translation.

I guess it's a step in the right direction. I think it's still weak but you can read more on it here.

Source 1, Source 2, Source 3

#I think the biggest thing that confuses me is that there are still comments about Israel being the only safe place for Jewish people #I don't doubt that - a large (I think unfortunately a majority) percent of the hate crimes this year #have been against Jewish people in my country #But uh... maybe the solution here is to work on making Canada (and the world in general) safer for Jewish people? #I know you can't change people's individual attitudes but really #i think saying 'ah yes jewish people will be safe in this place far away from us #where we don't have to deal with this issue in our own country. not anywhere else though' is... weird #also I think if your argument is genuinely that one group's safety has to come at the expense of an entire other group of people #you need to start thinking outside of such a limited narrow scope #storyrambles #<-i'll probably delete my tags after i'm just... sigh... #i know i'm naive to a degree but i really think these opinions are not... especially radical #also i think canada is reticent to show too much support because that might get conversations going around our occupation #of indigenous land and the landback movements #but that's my own thoughts and a separate (though related) matter

[sun-marie]

What I really think media with ensemble casts, especially those in a traveling group of some kind, are missing are big, blow-out arguments between the group. Especially when there's a conflict of interests, I am such a sucker for when two or more characters disagree so strongly that they realize very little is actually holding them together as a group, and wonder if it's time to go their separate ways.

I feel like a lot of video games, specifically, just kind of assume once the traveling band is "complete", it's forced to stay together until the player expressly permits it, but I don't really find that very compelling and a lot of times it feels more like they're relying on some kind of immediately strong bond that hasn't really been earned. Which is a shame, because in my opinion one of the best ways to strengthen that bond is to have the characters disagree and argue. Maybe they realize they're only being superficially held together and so they temporarily split up, only to then realize how much they've come to care for the others in the group. Then they reunite, make-up, formulate a plan to go forward, and boom, the group bond is that much stronger. Or maybe they don't even split up, and maybe they never learn to like each other, but they decide whatever cause their working toward is more important. Something else, bigger than them, is holding them together.

It just feels like a lot of potential is going to waste to just skip straight to the intense found family bond, without earning it.

#there are exceptions of course #like I thought it was clever how bg3 did it where the group didn't necessarily intend to be traveling together this long #and then once they learned about the tadpoles and the artifact it turns out it's either stay together or die #but a disagreement between them every once and a while instead of assuming they're all insta-besties couldn't hurt #and DA2 kinda circumvents this by Hawke not really going anywhere #so if Fenris isn't having a good time with Anders he can just like stay home and vice versa #but games like Octopath Traveler 2 would really benefit from some stronger disagreements #like my first playthrough Castti's ch. 4 and Osvald's ch. 5 lined up right next to each other #and like vague ot2 spoilers #but what I would give to see them hash it out #over whether to save thousands of people Castti doesn't know potentially at the cost of saving one person Osvald cares a great deal for #or vice versa #especially with how hardened Osvald's become it would have been soooo juicy #i get that would've been difficult to implement and that's probably more the job of fanfic #but that's just an example of what I mean #idk I just think more creators shouldn't be afraid to have their characters seriously argue with each other #because not every disagreement is a dealbreaker and can in fact strengthen their bonds #and like not every game cast needs to be found family! but if you want that found family effect you have to show them arguing like a family #poe1 is a good example of a group that travel together and don't necessarily have this tight bond #they just feel like good friends (mostly) #i had other examples that I can't think of now and may add later #I feel like I was going somewhere with this but yeah it's just something I've been thinking about #let characters fight sometimes. conflict is what makes stories good #edit: FE: 3 Houses was the other example I was thinking of! #like things get pretty dire in the Blue Lions route and Dimitri has some pretty questionable moments #but with the exception of like Felix hardly anyone calls him out on it they just kind of go along with it #and lo and behold Felix is one of my favorite 3H characters and his friendship with Dimitri is extremely compelling #bc their friendship was tested and survived #marie speaks

[altruistic-meme]

got lost down a rabbit hole bc i was thinking about trying to make a like crocheting/knitting group near me. but!!! i found out there IS a meetup group for it that meets every other sunday :) so im going to try and see if i can maybe join that and hopefully i can vibe with the people there ;;;; wish me luck

#considering my extreme anxiety we'll see if i ever actually ATTEND a meeting #but well #maybe putting myself down as 'attending' will kickstart my anxiety enough to get me to go ;;;; #bc i know the host will be able to see that and i'll know that theyll be expecting me #and maybe i can actually make some friends #tho i don't exactly expect the group to be around my age but hey its a start ok #im also going to start being dragged to trivia and music bingo via my sister #bc she's been going for a while and i've tagged along like twice #but due to me normally working at night i couldn't really attend aside from special occurrences where i get the night off #but now i will be able to go! #so yay! #those people are ALSO mostly older than me but that's okay #also rip me having to put my real name on my bio :'))) bc i know 2 of my sisters use meetup #ANYWHO #ALL THAT TO SAY MAYBE I'LL MAKE SOME FRIENDS NEXT YEAR :'))))))) #shh ac

[damnprecious]

how many times can one show up to a gathering wearing the same exact outfit before people start to think you're a cartoon character

#noopa rambles #asking for a friend #the friend is me I am Stress(tm) #my friend is hosting a bday party and I don't really know the other people there that well #I've hanged out with them before in a similar context half a dozen times #but the gatherings don't happen often and I'm awkward af and still very much at the observing stage #if I ever actually get comfortable in that group they're gonna be Shook(tm) bc then I won't shut up #I'm just. not there yet hfdjhgd #but anyhow I've worn pretty much the same exact outfit to last three gatherings at least #some accessories may have changed but the outfit itself is the same #at which point does it get weird jkgjghgjhgh #I just love my bright red track jacket so much!!! #it has the best pockets!!! #it sparks joy!!! and comfort!!! #idk if they have even noticed since the gatherings don't happen super often; a couple in the past six months I think #but the jacket is bright red so it might be an item that sticks to your mind #it'd probably be safe to assume that people really don't pay that much attention to others but my god #imagine a world where you didn't overthink everything to hell

[shitty-check-please-aus]

nothing kills a group chat in quite the same way as multiple people getting partners

#I don't want to be a bitch and like I am happy for people #but I can complain a little bit on the internet where nobody can see me #people with partners just get very focused on that person #and then the group chat is just me & the other single person #AND the newest person to get a bf is one of my only local friends #so it's just like. ok you've spent 6 days with your new bf. I will not bug you and ask if you want to go anywhere or do anything. #it's just. UGH I'm trying so fucking hard to get a social life going #and it feels like I missed some mystery window to like apply to have a social life #I didn't know there were auditions and callbacks are already done #some of this is probably the winter depression hitting #just. UGH. fuck. #I really am happy for my friends when they get partners and I'd never say any of this to them #I just needed to complain a little