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#i dont know what else to tag im so tired
miwtual 10 months
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im so fucking tired of the disrespect gifmakers get on the gifmaker website
#kai.txt#negativity tw#(sorry these are gonna be a lot of tags. i have a lot of feelings and i dont know where else to put them)#we make gifs and nobody reblogs them#when they do get reblogged all people want to tell you is that your gifs arent good enough to them and rip it to shreds#'you're missing x' 'why didnt you do y' 'if i made this i would have abc' 'hey op ur wrong and this is why' 'i dont like this op'#reposters dont even reblog your fucking gifset but they'll save your gifs to repost later asking for how to do something#that they could have asked you how to do in the fucking first place#we reblog ourselves constantly because nobody else will and maybe to make our work look like it has more notes than it does#to make ourselves feel better about the lack of interaction we're getting#and then when we TALK about this frustration we have. people who are too afraid to say it to our faces#go on anon in our askboxes and tell us how we're somehow selfish for wanting people to interact with the sets#that we spent time on. hours. days. WEEKS in some cases#or we get anons who tell us the reason we dont have notes are because we arent good at gifmaking in the first place#but this is all on anon. because they're too scared to tell it to our faces#they're too scared for us to see that they ARENT a gifmaker and that they dont know how to do it any better either#they dont see us as people doing something we love as a hobby. they see us as content machines that dance like court jesters#im just so fucking tired of the disrespect#and this sentiment goes for more than just gifmakers. graphicmakers. artists. literally any creative hobby shared on this site#we get treated like shit and for what? literally for fucking what.
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anonzentimes 2 months
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(Anon from before) Thanks! I am doing better now. I think it was the cultural difference + me not doing voice inflections right (I used to "sound like a robot"). That specific complaint (me being "sarcastic") stopped about a year after I moved. Also, yeah, last night I was anxious about my job interview and stayed up super late distracting myself haha. Interview went blah, but I got it over with at least. Thanks for sharing your story too, the meltdown involving the cops sounded scary 馃槰. That is sweet how you relate to Nagito. I relate to Kazuichi for similar reasons myself
I'm happy to hear for certain things are better, and honestly fair I'd be super nervous hope you get the job anon!
I can't relate since I'm on the younger side, but even then I'm grades behind what I'm meant to be so I won't be having to worry about interviews for a while, I don't think? Kind of in the middle of growing up stages if that makes sense, trying to get rid of learned helplessness lol. I don't like saying I'm young though since I hate being underestimated usually, and also, associated with others my age who I feel like I'm not at the same maturity level with.
To be honest, I still sometimes feel trapped when not being able to explain how I feel or be understood but at least I don't scream anymore since I have the luxury at knowing enough words to attempt expressing myself, although for the two people angrily talking at me once I can't say the same for lol.
actually I'm kind of having one of those days today where I'm struggling to understand how I feel, like kind of feel like there's a block in my head preventing me from describing it, as well as my tummy and back hurt, and I'm in the waiting room for the dentist so uhhh today is NOT my day 馃拃
ANYWAYS personal stuff aside, I definitely never thought I'd get to the point where I'd understand Nagito well enough to where I can say I relate to him to a degree, but I am happy that I can and am able to identify how he makes me feel. Hajime and Nagito both have relatable traits honestly Lol. I'd love to hear about what makes Kazuichi relatable to you!
Thank you for the asks Anon! I enjoy them a lot :)
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simonstamenovic 10 months
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ok hi haha lol I dont rly feel like going in circles in my head forever trying to figure out whether, among other "smaller" things, being left alone in a room w only media as a child and not feeling like I had even a semblance of a personality for most of my life counts as "trauma"
a lot of these parts of me are new, I'm just recently putting names to them and it feels as though I'm developing facets of personalities in my mid 20s after a lifetime of either feeling like I'm basically just ADHD in a person, an amalgamation of kins shoved into a body, or something made of guilt Also shoved into a body.
I don't like, claim to know what this means. but I don't think a lot of my current mutuals would feel comfortable interacting w me bc I don't necessarily believe in the black and white of what plurality is. I'm not able or planning on getting any formal diagnosis and while I'm discussing this w my therapist they're very much not one to pathologize
I definitely don't feel like one person but I dont think id count for most of you as a "system" as the different parts of me feel as though theyre still developing. take all of this as you will, I'm not going to stress my body out more by trying to figure out "what" I am as I've been doing that my whole life and I'm kinda tired of it.
I know that I'm not entirely one thing and feel Enough like multiple things for myself, but blurred in a lot of ways. like some sort of gem with many different facets.
not sure where to go w this tbh take this how you will. im not comfortable saying I'm leaning one way or the other regarding system discourse, (<- not a phrase i want to use but the best shorthand i have) as I genuinely don't believe the human brain is nearly that black and white.
I'm both "me" and very much not "me" at times. idk what this means but ik I'm not comfortable saying im just pandora and im not sure im "allowed" to say im a system and im not sure if it matters, or should matter, regarding friends. im going to be like this regardless, id unfollow me if this grey area im likely to stay in bothers you
if you don't want me refollowing I'd probably block, too, as my memory is bad
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thecherrygod 3 months
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#my posts#you know how this usually goes#i make an amount of tags so that if you read this its bc you've clicked and its not bc i am just posting it like whatever lmao#... unsure if i should even post it tho but what else do i do just leave it in my brain? idk maybe its the same maybe its better#maybe its worse? .... why have i been feeling kind of like this and at this kind of intensity for like about 2 weeks or more#2 weeks is how long ive been properly aware so i think its more but like. man.#like maybe its been like a month and i just havent been keeping track of time bc january is way too long to even try lmao#. but. idk. i just wish i could be kinda.. stable. like i cant feel good lmao#like it truly doesn't matter nothing is good enough in general#what i do isnt good enough#what goes on around me doesnt help trying to ignore the constant.. dread?#and like all things considered i should be doing good currently#or at least not this bad#but here i am constantly trying to not let myself feel too bad until im alone bc man.#so... yeah it just doesnt feel like anything is truly worth it not me as a person nor the things i do nor the things i experience lmao#also lately ive been just feeling more..... disconnected to others... like i dont understand them and they dont understand me#but like.. more than usual#and i guess its me? that it's kind of a me problem#idk I'm just tired. i need to sleep. i want to let face down on some sort of big water body or do something that will make my life worse#or they i will regret lmao#i. wont do any of those#also when i mean face down in some sort of bldy of water or whatever i dont necessarily mean like die#not against it but its not the only option#just lay there and float..... also not against it#i just want something that i cant have i guess bc im not sure what it is#like i just know what i want is to not constantly feel like this but idk how lmao#... u would sleep if i can bc man also I'm so tired#.... adding tags its a bit worse than I assumed lmao im also thinking about wether i deserve stuff or not lmao#like it got windy and cooler and i was like 'a blanket by my legs would be nice' only to be like 'no you don't deserve that ' like ah yeah#its kinda worse than i thought lmao
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bonesrbleaching 21 days
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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what
#lolaa.txt#what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa#also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men#and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man#so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face#that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin#you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to#never really have#im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are#if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box#then when would you have any space for self discovery#youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats#and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names#and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy#and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia#tw transphobes
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cryptojuice 6 months
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take this with a grain of extremely drunk but at this point I'm my journey? now? I'm like literally the idealest person in the world and I think everyone else has something wrong with them
#is it autism? is that why people don't just fuckin communicate with me?#my autistic superpower is im TOO GOOD at communicating and everyone else is behind me.#im already in the 'so how do we meet our needs' stage when other people are in the avoidance stage or the self awareness stage#idk. idk. fuckin tired of it#tired of games tired of excuses tired of IMMATURITY#tired of being more grown than people in their mid 30s. tired of being more grown than my parents in their mid 50s#tired of being the ONLY person i know ACTIVELY working on their flaws and making progress#maybe others are just working on things i dont notice and maybe others dont notice what im doing. but idk. people have seemed to notice.#is it because im becoming buddhist? am i like more fucking enlightened or something?#i would hope that wouldn't be the only thing causing such a disconnect cause that sounds fucking pretentious#im drunk cause i was upset. remember yhis if you're reading these tags#im not upset anymore cause i got drunk. and made a really good omelette#but yeah i feel so different from other people. so much better and also so much worse. hashtag paradox#best communicator deepest thinker most compassionate soul. also most horrible awful sinner#鈫憃bsessed with the concept of sin in a fascinating way for someone who doesn't Believe in it#yes im a sinner yes im a real sex demon from hell no hell doesnt exist yes reincarnation is real yes i am buddhist yes i believe in ghosts.#i contain multitudes#anyways#i was supposed to *** ** ***** *** today and i didn't so I got grumpy i guess#i really need to practice the principles of detachment#I've gotten a lot better at patience and calm and meditation but i still care so much about inconsequential shit. enough to drink it away i#i should sleep i was trying to fix my sleep schedule the last two nights#but i don't want to. i want to drink and have fun and maybe cry#we'll see#doubt anyone is gonna read this it's mostly for me#gonna tag this#therapy#so i can find it if i need it#i just miss my girlfriend man. but she stood me up again without a word and it's disrespectful#and i know I'm gonna forgive her
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kinky-asexual 4 months
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*lays on the floor*
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princekirijo 7 months
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I do really want to talk more about my OCs and stuff more consistently because I think I'm at the point now where it's like "this is my blog and if people get annoyed by it they'll just unfollow so go wild" but the problem now is I just. Don't know what to say 馃拃 like what do people want to know 馃拃
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bow-ties-and-daydreams 7 months
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having Big Feelings in the tags. you neednt read them, but you should go drink water and stretch your eyes
#makin one of those posts thats all tags bc i need to just do emotions for a sec#98% of the time i fuckin love being aroace. i like how i exist in the world and our flags fucking baller#but wooo boy that 2% of the time (my current state)#nothin makes you stare into space despondently while crying silently like knowing therenothing *wrong* w you per se#but there something fundamental to your existence that means your emotional needs will very likely never be met the way you need them to be#my roommate whom i love with my whole entire soul has their partner over whom i also love with my whole entire soul#and its making me so agonizingly jealous bc i want what they have so badly it actually literaly fucking aches in my chest#i want the banter and the cuddling and the intimacy and the love. the goodnight phonecalls and the undeniable proof that i am loved just#as much as i love and that i am a peiority in someone else's life to the same degree that i prioritize them#but i know i dont get to have that because i cant do it the way almost anybody wants#i want to fall asleep next to someone but i dont want to date. i wont do it. it makes me so uncomfortable#but without performing romance theres almsot no chance ill get to have that kind of deeply intertwined life#and like. i love my friends dearly and deeply. i vall them the loves of my life bc they are#but even those relationships wont get to be like what i want so bad. they all have or want romance and i know how that works#it doesnt matter that they love me too because when you have a partner thats the priority. i get it. its fine.#i dont mind stepping back from my friends to give them room to build the lives they want.#i jusy want somone to want to build a life with *me*#dont mind me in just tired and sad and experiencing the agonies of being 22#theres a part of me that looks at all this and just says 'maybe someday' but ive been living off nothing bu 'someday' most of my life#and im dead fucking tired of it#idk man maybe im just mentally ill and have mommy issues who knows#anyway im going to bed now#if you know me irl and you read all this 1)this is NOT meant to imply youre doing something wrong. not your fault amatonormativity is this#2) ill be fine i just need to sleep and 3) i love you more than i know how to say and i always will no matter what shape our lives take
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mouthfullofsxnd 1 year
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Hello bestiess !!!!! if you鈥檙e looking for some funky fresh content of @bearsintreesofficial during their first headline tour in PHILADELPHIA look no further !!!!!
i present to you the most swagtastic photos of bears in trees in philly you ever did see
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reggiestein 1 year
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seeing art or like fanfic of him where they try to like make him normal or overly hot/cute makes me SICK. KEEP HIS GREY SKIN. KEEP HIS AWKWARDNESS. KEEP HIS VOICE CRACKS. KEEP THE FACT THAT HES KINDA CRINGY ITS OKAY. KEEP THAT HES GOOFY PLEASE its literally what makes him so great stop being scared of his flaws
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dexaroth 2 years
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i know its unrealistic and nonsense to feel bad bc im not as good as i could be within a hobby bc a hobby is supposed to be fun and occupy your time but i cant for the life of me not feel guilty about not drawing and not improving
like.. i have most of the resources. i often have the time. i have almost a thousand pictures in my reference folder to be used to practice and learn. i have an internet connection to be inspired and learn from those better than me and yet... i just don't feel like drawing. and i mean drawing something grand.. not just the dozens of doodles and oc refsheets i keep churning.. i want to do standalone pieces like i used to and look at them fondly and feel proud of something. but i just dont have the flame to do it for months and months on end
i mean obviously this is much more likely to happen when it has been your primary hobby for over like 7 years contrary to, say, webpage coding which i just started to learn like a year ago. what's keeping me from wanting to draw though? its so frustrating to know you Have the Potential to be a good artist and knowing How you could become more but just.. not feeling like it. and telling urself im gonna draw tomorrow and tomorrow comes and its one of those days you'd rather stare at a wall the whole afternoon and it just keeps going and going and you stay stumped
#yes i have the potential to do so much better than what i can show you right now dude trust me#not only for personal reasons but i also want to start looking into doing commissions for real and like.#thats insane#idk what to draw > set up comms so someone gives me smn to draw > they dont know what i can draw > idk what to draw > repeat#im also like the guy that loves giving gift art but ive had so many cases where i drew for a rando and they just. treated it like a product#sold along the character like cool! so glad i spent my time into a drawing for you to throw it into your garage sale like everything else!#and that looming fucking awful sense of 'originality' like boohoo someone drew this already waaaa i dont believe in originality why do i >#> care so much. Why. its like knowing there isnt a monster under ur bed and still suffocating yourself inside the bedsheets. nonsense...#this is so tiring. not drawing to me feels like neglecting a dear friend#even though i dont feel bad at not practicing at a game. at not knowing how to code everything in 2 days#at not knowing the best clays to sculpt or the best knitting tricks.#bc its a fucking hobby. i should feel obligated to do it i should have fun when i want to and yet i chain myself to it#i shouldn't fell obligated* oop#could you imagine how crazy stupid it'd be that a construction worker felt bad for not building some lately#WHY AM I LIKE THIS!!! I DONT GET IT!!!#dextxt#<its always funny to end a post with a cry and then have it followed by lowercase txt tag like teehee just another white guy moment#but i do mean im tired and frustrated and miserable for nothing.. war and hate on planet earth or whatever. *explodes*
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edgelordfucker 2 years
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i don't write for fun i write because i'm compelled. don't even like it that much just gotta do it.
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yall ever cry from how lonely you are? :(
#personal#been doing that more and more often lately#i also feel like im oversharing in the tags of other posts even more than i usually have#but i. dont have much people to talk to#or at least. i dont know how to talk to people. not naturally or without putting my brain into overdrive#maybe the autism's to blame but being a good conversationalist and someone that seems human to other humans is not a natural habit for me#and ive been trying!! ive been trying all my fucking life to give off the right vibes - whatever the fuck that means -#and to not seem like an alien and to just have whatever -it- is that everyone else has#but i feel like no matter what i do I'll always just feel like people are looking at me like im from the uncanny valley#it's like i have to learn to be human academically and every time i have human interaction to anyone outside of my immediate family is#like being given a test#why cant things be natural for me!! why do i have to learn things academically!!#im so tired of tests!! and i feel like at this point i should just /know/ how this goes#and not need to pull up human interaction information in my brain!! it should be hardwired in!!!#im tired!! im so fucking tired!! but im so lonely!!#but im fucking exhausted!!!#and i can be good at the human interaction but it's not natural for me!!#i dont wanna just be good at it!! i want it to be easy!!#i want all the practice ive put in to be fucking innate by now!!#i am burnt out on everything!!!#i am always trying my best but it is never good enough!!!
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the-kipsabian 2 years
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oh boy
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