#i dont need more. i only work and draw so like i really dont need anything???

[can-of-slorgs]

I'm personally blaming @starbiology and everyone who has reblogged or commented the other piece for this.

Bonus comic featuring my grundo:

#every minute i keep working on this i take psychological damage #neotag #neopets #vin memes #you'reall to blame for this monstruosity #i literally just searched “babygirl” pose and went “I... i can do that” #i didn't stop to think if i should though #Star i was gonna respond 2 the reblog with the first image only but decided it needed its own post for quarantining this... thing #again if youre seeing this with no context #you dont need context #i... i don't think there's any for that matter #just picture me writing all this tags while losing health in posion damage every turn #i am working on neo oc images i just need to render them but i.... i needed the world to see this before #my blog's already tainted anyway LMFAOO #yeah uh im dead in neo canon i drew this and inmediately got taken back by yours trully and never came back #also i'll try making a ref as well for my sona so i can draw them more im just really indecisive in what color to make him #split it is for now #i don't want to look at this anymore end me #i am making more drawings to kinda cover this thing from the light but at this point it just keeps reappearing like a mold #thats it im done see u all in kreludorian therapy #kreludorian health insurance in a farse

[skitskatdacat63]

Some matador studies :)

+ ref pic I like but couldn't even attempt to draw 😭

#its funny how your brain can randomly turn on #no one saw it (i hope) but i posted some other matador sketches last night #MAN they were not great imo. i only kept one of them for this post lmao #like i was referencing pics and it was just not working in my brain except for the one #and then i came back to it just now and boom suddenly i could ref poses very well?????? #istg i either struggle so bad and have to trace the pose to check shapes and its a whole ordeal #or like now i randomly can look at pics and get the pose down pretty well #not perfect obv but i drew these all in like 50 mins so ????? pretty good no? #just having a severe matador moment #like i wanna draw more of the AU but i need to study poses first #something i actually really dont do a lot cause its often frustrating #but wow these were quite fun! #not worrying abt the end product yknow #i love matador pics so fucking much #bcs you never have to worry abt: is this unrealistic? is this too flamboyant? #cause man the pics are fucking insane #i think the legs are my favorite? theyre all just very slayful i guess. idk how to describe it #but it always feels like a dance #anyways! maybe more matador nando soon #i think i said before but ah....really wanna draw him bloody #catie.art. #matador au

[britneyshakespeare]

My toxic trait is that I like how my incomplete drawings look better than the finished things

#im sorry i cant be her (my searching lines) #i cant stop thinking about this drawing i have a sinking feeling that im gonna be very unhappy when its done #or. not unhappy. but not as excited as i feel about it now! #i only worked in two short chunks on it but both were pretty productive #i have a feeling that when i take the time to really dedicate myself to it im gonna fuck something up #like i can see areas i need to/can improve already but the glaring flaws are ok! bc it's not finished! #it OVERALL looks cool and LOOKS like it has the potential to turn out well #but will it... WILL IT??? WILL IT EVER? #i have never been so totally completely satisfied w any finished drawing ive dedicated myself to fully. #tales from diana #this is also only the second time ive done a really deliberate self-portrait that wasnt in some for or another. practice #like of course ive drawn my face before. not that often actually. but since yes i do draw. i have drawn myself #i probably should've drawn myself more times for how often i think id like a nice picture of myself #but then again its not gonna be so 'nice' if i make it and am not totally happy w it? #see one of the ppl who inspired me to learn to draw is ned @sneez my dearest. he's spoiled me before #and drawn me very beautifully on several occasions and it's very much a thing to move one's heart #to see someone dedicate their talent to depicting YOU. #and i might say HE has made me look more beautiful in art than i think i'll ever look in the flesh #which is not to say he drew me inaccurately. but he's so talented that his art is more beautiful than life. #and i dont compare myself in skill to him bc he's been doing it for YEARS and way more trained than me in the visual arts. #like it simply wouldn't be fair so i only compare myself to myself. naturally #but i used to think. very VAINLY i might say. that if i could draw like him id draw beautiful pictures of myself all the time #well ce n'est pas ca mon ami. since learning to draw i've found im much more interested in drawing ppl i find beautiful #rather than myself. im not art. not through my own eyes at least. #i should really draw ned sometime. i really should. #actually somewhat embarrasingly i tried to draw him like 5 or 6 years ago. and i NEVER tried to draw then #i did show him tho and he thought it was very impressive but that's probably just bc he loves me. xoxox #maybe ill post that someday as a throwback just for the hell of it. lol. thatd be cute

[b4kuch1n]

learning how to color with my new screen tablet. turns out people still zoom in digitally and dont put their face up to ~.3 cm from the screen

#pokemon #swsh #champion leon #swordsman/beastiarian AU #coloring with this tablet is turning out to be! a learning curve #keep having to remember to not. plant my face directly onto the tablet to see small details #(this does not work btw. turns out there are a limited number of image particles on a physical screen and looking closer only lets u see the #particles. not the details of the drawing.) #instead of zooming in digitally #I need one of those shelves kids have to put distance between their eyes and their reading materials #like a plastic rack with foam padding and I put my chin on it and it keeps my face off the tablet. like a horse #and also it's still a Feat for my brain to like. delete the stylus tip from my vision. I have to look at the cursor instead of the stylus! #but I dont do that! I look at the stylus! which is big and of darker colors versus the bright screen! and also on top of the screen! #it's like having a new nose. and being Very aware of it. #I think it'll get better I'm already starting to forget it's there at points. that just needs to become more frequent #anyways. it's a curve for a reason. we are taking it a step at a time #inking with this tablet was really fun tho!! everything really is so much bigger and I love the tactile directness.... #but for now. I sleep. and then hopefully tomorrow I take care of more business #have a good night lads!! every day we learn something

[lime1991]

more!

#south park #butters stotch #vic chaos #professor chaos #marjorine stotch #vampire butters #my art #sketches #i felt the need to include the drawing explaining vic #he is not the ''evil alter'' he is a protector who wants revenge on their abusers #also while im here: as i see it ''vic'' and ''professor chaos'' become two different alters at some point in the future #so vic chaos in post covid is not professor victor chaos. you know? #vic chaos in post covid splits from butters being grounded for 16 years. and so the prof victor chaos we have here becomes prof chaos #two different alters IN THE FUTURE as of now they are one. #and also vic will always be older than butters. the only ones who dont age are marjorine and butters after a point #i like to imagine as an adult. even in return to covid. vic is still the host of the system. so butters basically becomes a little who is #like at oldest maybe 14 #i imagine vampire will grow with butters until hes a teenager and then stop aging around 14-16. #also i reference inside mari in the first sketch but really i think of this more like jane from doom patrol. how the entire system works to #protect kay. how jane becomes the host for years and has the pressure put on her not to do anything that would hurt kay. #like that feels like vic chaos to me. hes got pressure on him to not hurt butters. and theyve all got a job to protect butters. #sorry for the ramble ill definitely draw smth in reference to the scene from doom patrol s4 when jane gets high and apologizes to kay #and shes like ''im sorry. this is your body.'' and kay goes ''its our body.''

[lucalicatteart]

A character reference sheet sort of thing for the main character of the Poll Adventures, drawn more in my usual style (taking a picture of messy pencil sketches then coloring it digitally lol) rather than the cutesy ms paint style of the daily poll images .. there he is.. the adventure boy..

#paventure posting #sketches #I haven't drawn for real in a long time.. I forget how much I dislike coloring lol #I think if I did Neat Digital Art Lines that you can color in with the fill bucket tool it would be different but #since I can only really draw on phyiscal paper with a pencil and then just put that on the computer the lines are all too #messy for that to work. So I basically have to color it all coloring book style which is tedious #Honeslty I really like... physical art. like sculptures. and I like pencil and pen sketching . But I really dont like #most digital art at all. The exception is in MS paint for some reason. I think because I can use the bucket fill tool lol #and the pixelly lines give it some texture still. My main problem with digitial art lines is that they don't look like pencil on paper they #'re too “clean” like no scratchy messy texture looking stuff. Which I know you can use different brushes. I've tried. it just doesnt #have the same feel to it. ANYWAY.. Definitely need to practice more hjbjhb.. my anatomy and drawing fabrics and stuff #has gotten much more wonky than it used to be I think. but I've just been focusing so much more on writing #than drawing. Or only drawing the occasional sketch that goes along with writing (like worldbuilding stuff) #aside from Ms paint stuff I probably haven't really DRAWN like a full body sketch or face #or anything like that in maybe a year or more. yoink #OH ALSO i know his boots are different now because the poll voted to give him new boots ghjhbjb #I drew this before then. I actually thought more people would vote for the coat ToT #I wanted to draw him in a cool robe or something and have that be an addition to his outfit #instead just the shoes change. which aren't even visible in all drawings :( #A little purple outer coat. his favorite color. But alas. #And yeah the string that laces up his main tunic coat thing is technically like a tan yellowy sort of color but I usually #just draw it as black because it's easiest. especially with ms paint and doing really thin lines #also his hair is a little ridiculous and doesn't translate well from chibi type image to realistic but I tried gh.. the bangs lol...

[steakout-05]

ok as an artist i personally find traditional painting to be. really really annoying. like. i do not have the patience for it and i just find it to be really frustrating to set up and actually do and i end up not liking the results. i find that there's little room for mistakes and trying to fix them usually ends up with me making 50 other ones, paints can be so inconsistent and having to rely on availability and certain brands to continue making the paint is really inconvenient, not to mention expensive. spending a bunch of time trying to mix the right shade of paint, only for it to go down a completely different shade of colour and not being able to do anything about it is so frustrating as someone who likes consistency and having things just, y'know, not change colour as soon as it dries. plus, they all use different chemicals and can go off really easily or change textures and i am just not ok with having all my materials having an expiration date like food. lead and graphite pencils just don't do that and they can last for years, they're more reliable. every paint is drastically different and trying to find the right one is not only time consuming but, again, expensive, and i don't even see the point in experimenting when most of my materials end up not even getting used if i don't like using them. plus, i'm just.... really impatient. waiting for paint to dry sucks and is why i much prefer digital or just drawing something because i don't need to wait for anything, it just works. and then when i do want to take my time and work slowly for a better result, it dries too fast. it's kinda hellish trying to balance that time, especially considering how inconsistent paints are.

i like to use guidelines when doing art and i find painting straight onto a canvas to be really tricky because there's a lack of direction for me to actually paint. i'm at a complete loss at what to do when i pick up a brush because i can't map it out first without risking screwing up the paint. there's just so many things to keep track of and so much wet paint to avoid and i just do not have the mind for it. putting colours on a canvas and praying that it works just isn't it for me and requires a discipline that i just don't wanna involve myself with. painting is also just like... really exhausting and kinda painful. i got some pretty bad back issues and my arms tire and get sore easily and quickly when i'm standing in front of a canvas. it's a really physical activity for me and i just don't find something to be very fun to do at all when it's physically hurting me. i know drawing on a canvas has this issue too, which is why i prefer sketchbooks. sitting down and drawing something that doesn't break my entire spine every time i do it is much more preferrable than questioning if i should go to the doctor every time i make a brushstroke, lol

that's not to say that there's nothing i like about painting though! i can paint simple little things, and i like doing that. i like mixing colours with a palette knife and i find it fun and even a little relaxing. i painted some cute little chibi cardboard cutouts of the mario brothers one time and i found that to be really fun and i think i'd like to do that again! but apart from that, i just do not have the patience for it. i love the look of traditional paintings and i find many to be really beautiful, but i could never get into actually doing it myself because i hate the process. i'm content with just sketching and doing digital stuff because that's more fun to me and less stressful of a process to do. it's fun, it allows for more mistakes, it's easier to build up layers of shading and lines, not to mention using building up a figure with guidelines is super helpful with visualising what i want it to look like, and i can just erase something if i don't want it there or want to change something. it just makes sense to me.

tl;dr i dont like painting because it's inconsistent, expensive, time-consuming, directionless, frustrating and it makes my back hurt really bad. i'll just stick to drawing stuff :)

#vent #artist vent #i hate painting #i hate it so much and i just cannot understand it nor do i have the patience for it #i seriously had a crack at it and i just find it to be so annoying #there's so much preparation and i'd much prefer just whipping out a pencil and eraser and scribbling something down #to be fair though i do enjoy other art mediums that require more preparation #i find crafts to be fun and i really like working with air dry clay #using clay is just creating a little creature and i really quite like it a lot #making little cardboard guys is fun if not a bit tricky sometimes because my hands are so big compared to the tiny bits of carboard im usin #but it's very fun and cardboard is easy to get #clay is not so easy to get but you can get a lot of it and make many things with it #the only things i really dont like about clay is fingerprints and the fear of having your art literally explode when you fire it up #but other than that? fun! #painting? not fun! #paint is so messy and i don't like having goopy stuff getting stuck on me and all over my fingers all the time funnily enough #if i bump into something (which is very likely for me because i am clumsy) then oouuguh there goes all the paint its everywhere now #oh my god you know what i hate the most. i hate oil paints. i hate them so much. #the smell gives me bad headaches and makes me feel faint and it's hard to clean and dispose of and it's just more chemicals to deal with #it's just acrylic but more annoying #i don't think it's edible either which is. frustrating #it's also harder to clean out if you get stained with it (which is very likely because paint is messy) #i just dislike oil materials in general. they smell weird and they do not wash off. i still have oil pastel stains on one of my favourite- #-shirts despite the fact that it has been washed multiple times. and it took several days and so much fucking scrubbing to get- #-it out of my nails and off my hands completely. actual hellscape. #i know graphite and lead pencils would never betray me like this #pencils are so reliable and i love them <3 #pencils and drawing equipment in general are just more reliable and don't expire or develop inconsistent textures (except erasers for some- #-reason) and they don't! hurt! my! back! #like i'm over here needing to do the riker maneuver to sit down after i paint my back hurts so bad

[fruitsyrups]

ive crossed over into an alternate dimension where side profiles are somehow sometimes easier to draw than other angles. bodies in side profile however... nooo thank you...

#ok the back of the head is hard but the facial features proportions kind of feel easier to figure out . maybe. #weird #n e way im happy with the way i draw faces mostly maybe 50 percent of the time but im so not caught up on drawing bodies #like to the point it just looks bizarre #decent proportional face with like at least some understanding of structure/form even if it's not much #and then the stiffest clunkiest body you ever did see #or i can go the other way around and have an ok body. like decently fluid / proportional. but no face #theres some kind of disconnect. cant have both at once #thats only a sometimes thing though anyways. faces are generally easier #tried to do a teeny bit of gesture drawing yesterday but i was feeling sooo lazy and impatient so only 3 of them turned out ok ish #im pretty sure i post more often talking about art than i actually post art #i dont post most of the things i draw #i like to have my little secrets... #secrets in question are just literally anything that isnt adventure time art #actually looking through my art folder is crazy cause like if i saw this 3 years ago (i was really bad at drawing 3 years ago) i would. idk #drop dead or something #but now its like yeah same old same old. lots of problems. need to work on those. #but its nice to step back and be like woagh holy shit. massive improvement #earlier i was trying to dfraw a character and it wasn't coming out right but instead of getting frustrated and discouraged #it was more like i had this feeling of . idk. excitement to get better at drawing? #i dont know if this is just a temporary mood or maybe im turning over a new leaf. new optimistic mindset about art #<- watch that 'new mindset' totally disappear when i have a slightly more prolonged period of art struggle. lol

[azumasoroshi]

literally what is wrong with them why are they like this

are they exes are they divorced did they have a one night stand are they friends with benefits are they benefits without the friends are they secretly married and just fucking with ryuunosuke's head were they the lead roles in romeo and juliet in college what ARE they

they pass each other on the street like "good morning mr. reaper" "good morning detective" and their blatant whatever-tension just decimates the street they're standing on and any unfortunate passerb

deadass the prozd tv-san and lamp-san skit it's THEM look at them sparks

#i thought i could only add 8 images which was why i combined the first six images but apparently you can add 30 now?????? #i dont think that was a thing the last time i did a dgs screenshot spam #anyway #vanlock #homubaro #sharobaro #the more ship names i find for these two the more power i gain #what would their pokemon bulbapedia page ship name be #deathandtaxesshipping #i scroll the vanlock tag every day and every day i bawl my eyes out #i have art ideas for them but i lost my stylus so i cant DRAW it's actually killing me #how did 5th-8th grade soro draw with their finger what the fuck #i need pen pressure settings on or i will perish #i also have a vanlock fic in the works with a really funny premise to me and me alone but i dont have TIME to finish it #because sCHOOL is about to start #in like 3 days #UGH #dgs2 #dgs2 spoilers #dgs 2 spoilers #tgaa 2 #tgaa2 #tgaa 2 spoilers #tgaa2 spoilers #fuck tags #fucking imagine if i tried to tag the first game too id rather die

[caramel-mocha-latte]

Hey so... limited thing I'm gonna do, offering 3 headshot commissions on my ko-fi

https://ko-fi.com/mocha_latte/commissions

I don't need much, so they are only $5. Just enough to get me to Friday and get my bank account out of the negatives. I feel bad asking for donations otherwise, so I wanted to offer what I could in return!

#it may be finals time but... i really need to get to friday ok and im in the negative #so yeah just some headshots #and i am down to draw g/t like have big fingers grabbing your character by the good or patting their head #g/t #giant/tiny #g/t community #art commissions #emergency commissions #i know only needing to get to friday isnt the most urgent but... i do only get around $160 then have to wait two more weeks since work #only recently restarted #so.. i dont think this will hurt- #can you tell im anxious about even attemtping this?? lmao

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#for some reason it never occured to me that i could just like. take an art class if i wanted? #idk if id enjoy it. i probably would bc i like prompts so much but idk ive just not had much formal art training #i mean i took a lot of art classes in hs but my art teacher just made us paint realistically and i HATED that #so idk. i think i just wanna b better at framing/composition idk #idk y that never occured to me. i prob wont do it bc like with what fucking time. it would distract from my narut0 drawing lol #but its a nice thought. i just really need to memorize the cloud species bc im very Normal than u v much #while im being a slacker. i say on my day off where i spent 8-1.30 in the lab. sigh... #ugh but i wanna finish drawing a thing. ugh. also i need to work on a paper. ugh. im tired #maybe i could find tutorials online or something. ugh no i would need a class to hold me to actually trying what they recommend lol #unrelated #one of my lab mates took an art class. she does art stuff too. from what ive seen i think im better than her #i say bc im a competitive bitch. but she has way more confidence in her stuff bc she sells it and stuff #i tend to be more. oh u like want to buy my stuff? uh thanks but cringe. like come back in a month and i could do the same thing better #u just dont understand how bad this is in comparison to what i could do in the future. which is slightly baffling lmao #not only am i competitive. im self competitive

[todayisafridaynight]

hi snap ^^ your y3 stream inspired me to also do a speedrun of it but instead i got down the rabbit hole of reminiscing about the game and mostly mine and daigo and minedai and- anyways i went back to ur minedai works bc they're still some of my fav minedai stuff ever TM you just draw a specific flavor of minedai that's just the best

related to that (hopefully isnt a weird question but) do you have any fic recs for them 👀 i trust your judgement on having good taste on minedai fics. it's been a while since ive been to the tag lol and i always like reading people's recommendations (btw nsfw or not is fine. I'm Old)

im so sorry ive trapped you into doing y3 speedruns BUT FR THANK YOU I HOPE YOU HAVE FUN !!! it really is a fun run to do once you get the ball rolling lol...

i sometimes look at my old minedai stuff too i wont lie.... im very good at making things for myself to enjoy woah... but yeah do not be fooled... i still love them immensely.... so im glad those works still hold up for other people, it means a lot that theyre still good to an extent :)

as for fic recs not a weird question at all - happy birthday to this old thing i made back in august last year nothings changed LMAO

#snap chats #i need to make my fic rec a part of an faq at this point ive been asked bout it four times now im p sure #but yeah... you and me both anon i dont really read fanfiction anymore #when it comes to making minedai stuff tho its very funny to me #cause i be like 'am i making too much other stuff' when 1.) its not my job to make minedai stuff. i mean it could be-- #2.) even with the amount of arakawa family stuff i post its still not even halfway to the amount of minedai and mine/daigo solo stuff i pos #the thing about liking 'less popular' characters and/or pairings is i feel weirdly responsible to draw them #tragic to the people who dont like me but like the pairing like LMAO SORRY. ONLY FOOD'S FROM ME BUSTER #with minedai tho thats not really a problem. i think ?? #im ngl im also p particular bout how theyre portrayed and ik my way of doing it's kiiinda different #i mean i dont really see minedai works from western artists its mostly just eastern so if youre not in that scene uhh Oops <3 #so its like. im comfortable knowing theres at least a handful of people still showin love to the boys when im not #ive talked about this like ninety times already so i wont go into it any more than i already have #anyway ty for enjoying my stuff whether its my cringe speedruns or my goofy minedai posts <3

[mell0bee]

perhaps i shouldnt say anything bc im not caught up but that imogen design..... hmmmm.

#the art is gorgeous & i love everyone elses designs. i dont want to insult the artist. moreso laura probably (sorry laura ily) #i liked imogens OG design so much bc of the slight cowgirl/indiana jones vibes but still obviously fantasy adventurer it suited her so well #i know there's a lot of 'imogen main character' discourse floating around & i kind of agree but i think the only reason why what theyre #doing w her rn is semi-working for me is bc they play up the 'cursed chosen one' aspect of it. i love cursed chosen ones #& her design plays into it. western adventurer aesthetic showing her more practical personality + the magical girl vibes #this new design is giving like. average MMO generic sexy mage playable character. u know what i mean. #its not even giving magical girl minus the sailor moon circlet thing. big sad. #also arent they in wilde/mount. isnt it cold there. girl u are going to freeze. #love how this is the thing im critiquing on lmao. i think for the most part i have gotten over the critiques i have of c3 like. emotionally #the plot and stakes critiques u know #knowing vaugely what happens has really been helpful. i have time to process the stuff that i dont like and get over it lol #so when i actually get to those parts i can try and. ignore the flaws and just enjoy myself. has been working so far #bee watches c3 #& ive been having fun redesigning imogen even tho im not up to that part yet! #i need to get better at. drawing in general. so

[radlegowaffle]

why is there no koi fish emoji

eimis socials: twitter | twitch

#EimiArt #vtuber #dooblenauts #vtuber art #vtuber fanart #really tho why is there no koi fish emoji #itd be so cute and so easy #this took so long to make #i had the sketch done before july and i wanted to have like. a lot of stuff to work on #but im a sad lil man and only got two done (': #i honestly liked the sketch more than the final product #but i do really like how the eyes came out a LOT #theyre so freaking pretty #i need to remember how i did that #also probably took 100x longer cause i was trying to record it and i dont like having an hour of footage #when it comes to speed drawings lmao #either way. its done #do i like it? not really. but others do and thats all that matters #my art #artists on tumblr #those tags probably dont matter being all the way down here but just in case #i havent posted art in forever i forgot what tags to use lmao #vtubers #this is my tag for vtubers in general apparently

[raeygina-george]

I need to do art style studies but i CAN'T

#raey spam #i wont be able to draw for like 2 weeks due to The Busy........ #oughhhhh i wanna shade clothes sooooo bad right now #(normal human desire) #i also wanna work more on my omori designs #color prototype for basil is done so im literally so close (this is gonna take another 3 months bc im not putting actual time into it) #after that i gotta make refs for all of them #well I don't Have to but i would like to #then i can do a full illustration w them #and i need to do a composition study sooo bad omg #i really wanna start working on more involved art #instead of like. random headshots of characters not doing anything in specific #i also gotta do a revenge......... best not to leave it till next year but i also only have like 4 days left that im free in july.... so sad #some more details on my omori au for the no one that is interested: #actually I straight up dont have any #i should draw them fighting sweetheart...... ough.... #i also need to draw like every day lately I've been feeling like my art is kind of not where it could be? #i do like my art but im conflicted ig? #idk how to explain it like. i often feel like i improve a lot between each piece but that also means that pieces from like not that long ago #are Not Good to me #idk it's like. feeling as though only a couple select pieces are worthy of any attention at all #also i have a lot of art styles i wanna study that are all wildy different so like how am I supposed to choose #well I'll just keep making art I like and whatever happens happens ig. #oh i wanna draw mari like really badly #maybe i can do a little traditional art of her as a treat............. #anyways is anyone interested in seeing some of my wip omori designs ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[mejomonster]

U know how sometimes you feel a bit (and that bit can vary wildly) sad about how many flaws you have (which is normal and human) and how much growing you can do (which is a good goal but perhaps self destructive once you're putting off A Certain Amount of life until you've done "more work" with that goal post of "more work" always moving farther even though at a certain point you should probably accept that every person is somewhat flawed and always needs to grow more and it's okay to Actively Live one's life and enjoy it DURING that endless process of growing)

Well I certainly feel that way again. I feel like all I should do in my free time for the next 3 months (rather than play or create or self care) is do workbooks for healing and growing. And that I shouldn't bother with my life goals again until I've completed the workbooks At Minimum. (And my instincts are saying ummm that plan sounds like a touch workaholic and avoiding actually living life and isolating)

#rant #i just. i decided i want a loving relationship. its been many years. id like to date again #so i. as usual when i have a problem. looked up HOW #well i read 1 book about physical and thought process changes i can make. and it suggested date within 3 weeks. among other tjings #and so i looked up INTERNAL work to find love. because perhaps if i can fix whatever INTERNALLY draws me to only run into unavailable people #will allow me to start running into AVAILABLE options instead. so i need to complete this 300 page therapy workbook. #and theres no point doing the date within 3 weeks if im only able to ask out unavailable people currently. #so ill do the date in 3 weeks AFTER i complete the workbook. #the workbook is exhaustjng and makes me cry but hey maybe itll help. anyway i wish someone had given it to me 5 years ago #but anyway to hqve time to do with workbook ASAP i dont have time for shows #and i rarely have time for Play anyway. something i hear i need. #because i got chronic illnesss wooh and a lot of my free time i need to go to doctors and physical therapy #and manage my diet (cause i have gastroparesis so if im not careful i Cant eat) #and also i need more muscle so my back stops fucking up. #and also i need time to meditate so my pelvic floor relaxes at least a little to lower the gi issues and pain. #so like. #and then also im sure friends would like to see me more. #meanwhile all i really wanna do? is go to a #cabin by the beach in rhe woods and sleep 2 days then eat cake then read and write my fucking novels