#i got a bunch of those fact asks tho so i'll maybe do a bunch for alex instead of leaving y'all hanging with all robin's questions fdkjfk

[rebouks]

Disposable camera roll.. 📸

#ts4 #sims 4 #simblr #fib #fib extras #robin #alex #holiday photos!!!1 🤸‍♀️ #cookie doesn't trust herself with anything other than a disposable camera ok #sdkjsdk #still obsessed #alas i suppose we should move on #x.x #let's just say they write to each other a bunch ok cos idk if i could keep up with them n their letters dksjk #so i won't be posting a million of em #i got a bunch of those fact asks tho so i'll maybe do a bunch for alex instead of leaving y'all hanging with all robin's questions fdkjfk

[crossedsabers10s]

I really like the ship klamon but the thing is i haven't a clue on how it could fit in canon. I'm like thinking of a gradual thing where they're like slowly going from enemies? to allies to frenemies to lovers, (all the stages filled with appropriate sass, sarcasm and bickering ofcourse) because I'm a sucker for slowburns. Like they are somewhere between allies and frenemies in TVD and then in TO they finally get together. Do you have any ideas on how this could happen in canon. And how to stick klamon in 'The Originals'? And how it would change the plot?

akf;dlfjakdfj a okay, just a warning, this ain't my rodeo. I'll do my best, but I don't consider myself good at writing Klaus. Plus their respective control issues make this a lil tricky...

Okay, so. You know how Alaric was possessed by Klaus that one time? That would make a good beginning. Give him an up close and more personal perspective on Damon, who he'd only know via rep and Stefan before this. I mean I think he'd mostly considered Damon someone who was Katherine's toy and was still dogging after doppelgangers (Elena) at that point? But in Alaric's body, he'd be a bit closer, have a measure of trust. So Damon wouldn't be quite as in-ur-face-fuck-you as he would have been. (I mean. Still, a little, bc I think he's allergic to showing genuine emotion at that point, at least under normal circumstances, he let his guard down around Elena a lot more) So mayyybe Damon kidnaps AlariKlaus to try and find out more on Big Bad Klaus??? Research spree, contacts some witches whatevs. They probably hit a bunch of dead ends, evenif they did manage to find a lead, AlariKlaus would nip that shit in the bud. Just trailing along, having fun listening to his own legend and watching Damon get more and more frustrated.

Maybe they learn more about what Klaus did to Katherine or someone else or a hundred other stories where he'd taken revenge on a person and burned down their entire life. And Damon, annoyed and doing that im-not-joking-but-people-will-assume-i-am thing alludes to his Augustine revenge spree. Maybe something along the lines of like 'yeah, well, that's not special, I've done similar. Just ask-*insert massacre here*' Which. Alaric would not connect those dots. He'd think it some kind of joke in poor taste. Klaus? Connects a few. He'd heard about it. Those deaths had obviously been a vampire, but no one had known who. Until now.

Damon is suddenly a little bit more interesting.

And he's got to have some kind of hobby so he starts trying to unravel Damon Salvatore. Starts paying attention to him. Does a good job of acting friendly, but starts shedding a little of Ric. Then a little more, less on purpose. Starts fucking with his head, making him second guess his relationships, make him question if he's still chasing after Katherine by trying to protect Elena. All under the guise of pretending to be his friend.

Wow this got a lil dark.

Anyways. Canon. Except Damon has to contend with the fact that he'd liked the person he'd thought he was becoming close with. And that person is not who he thought he was. And Klaus is still studying Damon, who he now knows better and maybe holds a bit more regard for.

Okay my brain is fried, i need nap. Hope u like the start tho. Feel free to use it as u please.

#fanfic #tvd #reply

[ambrosykim]

since im suddenly so intrigued by them: adele and f. 2, 6, 7, 15, 29, 30 for the couples ask!

heehee thank uuu!! i'll give u a lil bonus adele fact: i've only recently discovered she's a lesbian, and also might be, like, wayyy more butch than previously thought (that's why he's trying out he/him pronouns rn) this got really long omg

2. Do they like each other's friends? Do their friends like them?

first of all! adele is besties with morgan (as much as those two can be friendly, they are that with each other) but that's pretty much where the friendliness ends lmao both nat and ava exasperate adele so much; nat is overly nice (and adele sees her as a bit fake lol) and ava is just too controlling, like dude it's no big deal i can smoke inside it's fine 🙄

and i think both nat and ava find her a lot for similar reasons, he's too closed off for nat's liking (even tho farah can def bring her out of her shell) plus! she disregards the rules? that's illegal you can't do that! as for ava, i think she might see adele as competition for leader? (don't tell adele that, it will go to his head lol) bc adele made morgan like her so fast and hes just so chill about most things, ava might be afraid they like him more than her (obv not, but one can never be too anxious!)

6. Do they have pet names for each other? Do they like them?

farah: babe, baby, cupcake, pumpkin and the like lol (look, you *know* that farah has a bunch of pet names for adele, especially using the more outrageous ones in public to try to make her blush (he's very pale so if farah succeeds, adele is literally like a tomato) but unfortunately for farah, adele can control herself 😤)

adele: she uses my love the most often (or just love), but the rare times she says farah's name he pronounces it so carefully that it feels like a love confession in itself (especially if she says it while holding farah's hand and looking into her eyes??? hooo boy)

7. What's their most and least favorite thing about each other?

farah: most favourite is how serious adele can get if the occasion calls for it, despite being a very chill person usually. least favourite is how long it takes adele to get ready for bed (10+ steps skincare routine. hour long baths... look she has her routine okay?? his hair does not look like that just on its own!)

adele: most favourite is farah's energy! he could literally listen to her talk all day, and would entertain any of farah's ideas and if she wanted to go somewhere, adele would already be in her car like where do u want me to go

and least favourite... also farah's energy, but socially lmao but for real, adele is like a cat personified, if she didn't have to have social interaction, he would just be vibing by herself all the time. so now that farah is suddenly around her a lot, she is both fascinated and horrified by her energy (and in social situations he just ends up following her around lmaooo so farah just has a 5'11 shadow following her around like 😶

15. What habits or characteristics have they picked up from each other?

adele is always fidgeting with her rings, and ever since they got together, he just fidgets with farah's hands instead? and in turn he lets farah take her rings off and subtly massage her hands and then slowly put the rings back and 🥰🥰🥰 i dont remember what the question was lol sorry this is not it anyways <3

29. Where is their relationship lacking? What could they do to improve it?

maybe communication? i know i've said that adele is pretty straightforward in her feelings but um... not all the time lol he tends to sulk around a bit instead of telling farah if something's up with her :'))

30. Where is their relationship the strongest?

how much they have each others' backs. adele is always down to clown with farah but would 100% murder someone for her, no questions asked (even tho farah could do that herself, idc it's romantic🥰)

the relationship questions for reference

#adele and felix always felt just a little off lol now it makes sense why #after um... over 2 years sorry adele baby #this was so long omg hope u enjoy reading it #adele x farah #oc: adele newman #nett rambles #ask game #nett asks

[pansyfemme]

Oh also this isn't like. An ask but you could maybe share your favorites from being on T (if wanted!), but when I finally do start it I am literally so fucking excited for the "rat stache" so many trans guys get. I already *have* one kinda (it's more seeable when up close but it's there!) and like, my friend said too he thinks I'll really rock it when it grows in 8).

Also I so excited for tdick, unwell about tdick but like. That's a given. I wear the fact I'm a tdick lover on my sleeve <3

Oh absolutly!!

I will say i had mixed feelings on my "rat stache" when it first started lol. Well. more like, i liked it, my brother made constant fun of it until i started shaving constantly until he moved out. But around yr 3 on t, my beard and mustache came in so strong i kinda just wanted to see how far i could go with it lol!! I've been growing it out since august at this point, so its def the longest it's ever been, but considering just how hairy ive gotten over the past year, it probably could get a little longer. at this point im not sure if i like the beard or if it's just a get out of misgendering free card lol! But it's pretty reliable for that at least. (still get misgendered like once a day, but yknow. whatever at this point.)

I'm a proud tdick lover myself, so its probably my fave change? i don't need to go into detail bc i dont think ppl want to hear that TBH but i think i'm a little smaller than average and i still feel pretty affirmed with my growth! it's complicated bc im thinking of looking into metoidoplasty in the future so im not rlly all too concerned with my growth considering i'm gonna end up getting surgery anyways but i think ppl underestimate how much it does for bottom dysphoria. It changes the way you view your lower half a bunch!

As for my voice, i think its.. ok? i know you guys probably haven't rlly heard it before but it is what it is. Definitly flamingly queer and gravely in that typical t voice style. It's not suuuper low, not always enough to pass over the phone, but usally enough that people don't question it combined with my appearance. It's the kinda voice where those in the know spot that im trans just from hearing it, but those who aren't trained to the art of recognizing t voices probably just think im a gay dude, which i am.

Even though i enjoy dressing hyperfemininly, i've started to really appriciate my build when im just wearing tank tops and jeans. My dad told me i look so much like queer guys in the 90's dressed like that, which was a confidence boost LMAO. Fat redistribution was hard to visualize when i first heard about it, but it definitly happens. Most of the fat in my hips moved to my stomach and ass, and while it isnt a lot, it's def way more masc than it was before. I never was a particulaly curvy person, just large chested, but my build now is considerably more masculine, paired with top surgery.

My hands also got a bit bigger! tho it's not like. a huge difference and my hands r pretty chubby and not very masculine, it was something ppl around me noticed. not rlly sure how that happened but i was pretty young when i started so who knows!

I will say that my body and face are enough that i dont feel like i need any surgeries on them at this point in time. im not happy with my jawline, but i know a sharp one would look unatural considering my weight so, eh. I'm not against the concept of facial masculinization or body sculpting or whatever but the truth is i just. don't think those surgeries are made for my body type. I may be wrong, but a lot of the surgeries i see for masculinzing torsos need flat stomachs to work well, so im just eh on getting surgeries that im not sure would look natural on me. I have a few more surgeries planned but in all honesty im not certain on the path of my transition past those. I would like a hysterectomy as soon as possible, any maybe if i can, a minor bottom surgery procedure at the same time. I've thought of phallo possibly in the future, but likely not until im out of school at least. but even thats pretty up in the air. and who knows? i could change my mind and get facial masculization or go off t or do whatever, im just not really certain yet, and feel no need to rush into it. Something ive been thinking about a little lately is how i don't think i want to go stealth, but it's kinda nice when people don't know me immediatly as a trans dude, something im just starting to expereince. I never want to be closeted, but sometimes its nice to know im being viewed 100% as a guy, yknow? It's so hard to gauge when cis people actually see me as a man when they know im trans, it's just.. nice to not worry about that sometimes. I think as you get further on t, your ideas of how you want to be viewed change a lot. I never thought i'd be hairy, i thought that wasn't something i'd face, but im not mad that i am. I don't think it makes me any less of a femme. I've also, as i mentioned, become more comfortable with the concept of dressing femme in mens clothes. I didn't know that id still come off as gay and femme when i dressed in just a tshirt and jeans, but i do, it's kinda wild! this has become kinda rambly but i really have valued these past 4 years on t, it's been a whirlwind, truly.

[buckybarnesdiaries]

bucky barnes x reader. masterlist.

part 1 — part 2 (soon)

a / n. this is a series of 15 mini-drabbles to celebrate the 500 followers' milestone, based on one word for each story. this first part contains 8, and the next one contains 7. it was supposed to be posted one story per day, but by that way, it'd take me to last an eternity to post other works / requests.

words. 1.533.

warning, tags. none, just a bunch of fluffy and cute situations with bucky.

join my tag list.

necklace;

It was the first time since you started to date that Bucky had to leave for a mission. Neither of the two of you knew when he'd be back, and that got you worried than ever. You were conscious of what he did for a living when you met him, but you couldn't help but feel scared. Next to the front door of your apartment, Bucky left his backpack on the floor, leaning to cup your cheeks on his palms and kiss your lips tortuously slow.

“I'll be okay, (Y/N)”. He murmured keeping his eyes closed.

“You better”.

Your hidden threat made him giggle. The soldier felt goosebumps bristling his skin as your fingertips toured his neck blindly, just to put in place the chain of his necklace. But soon, Bucky stopped your moves to take it off from him and place his dog tags on you.

“I'll come back for them”. He promised, fixing his pale blue orbs on yours, holding your hands to bring them to his lips and place fond kisses on every knuckle of both. “I love you, don' forget it, okay?”

“I won't... How could I, Buck?”

eclipsed;

Bucky was sweating, still not believing he was about to get married to the love of his life. He was on the altar, waiting for you and surrounded by all of your friends in common. Steve had had to help him with a panic attack he had suffered while dressing up, thinking that maybe you could change your opinion at the last moment. He couldn't blame you. But all those doubts vanished at the second you crossed the huge, heavy doors of the church. Your beauty eclipsed him, wearing a white lace wedding dress and seeming like you floated over the floor. Just like an angel.

His heart jumped. His oceanic eyes got covered in tears. A giggle escaped his lips, stretching a hand towards you, still praying it's not a dream. And you noticed the tension and the nervousness running his veins, leaning forward to kiss his cheek with all the love you felt for your future husband.

“Can't wait to say yes”. You whispered into his ear, causing Bucky to lace his arms around you and embrace you tight and tenderly. “I love you, James, from now and forever”.

sunset;

After his most recent nightmare and walking all grumpy from one side of another around your house, you decided to cheer him up only like you can do. With reluctance, you managed to get him out of your apartment and drag him to your car. Bucky was like a child, cross-armed, lips puckered and frowning annoyed. He tried to hide the fact that he had another nightmare to not worry you, but you weren't stupid.

Thinking that glimpsing the beach throughout the large front window would make him feel happier, your boyfriend just reclined himself on the seat, causing you to roll your eyes. That mood changed as soon as Bucky was sitting on the sand, between your legs, tho. His back was resting against your chest and his neck was wrapped by one of your arms, watching fascinated the sunset on the horizon. He wouldn't recognize it, but he felt much better hearing the waves crashing into the shore, while you stroked his scalp tenderly using the tip of your nails.

“You're welcome, grumpy mummy”.

clingy;

You didn't want to drink, but Sam and Sarah wanted to celebrate that the family business was picking up. On another occasion, you wouldn't mind, but Bucky was there. So, when everything started to spin around, you lead your clumsy steps to the edge of the harbor, having a sit there and let the soft breeze help you.

“Stop”. You heard from behind.

“Uh?”

“You're stealing my antisocial personality”. Bucky chuckled, taking a seat by your side. “What's up? Why are you here all alone?”

“Truth or lie?” You asked tilting your head towards him, raising both eyebrows.

“Truth”. He scoffed as if it wasn't obvious.

“I'm too clingy when I'm drunk”.

“Can't see the problem there”.

You chuckled, shaking your head inevitably, causing him to pucker his lips with a funny grimace.

“What?”

“Tru—”.

“Truth”.

“I've been all night wanting to rub your beard”.

Bucky exploded in loud laughter, not believing your words until you put your hands on his jawline. “God... It's so soft”.

His laughs increased, causing you to burn in shame. “No more drinks for you, ma'am...”

But the fact was that he turned to you, so it could be easy to caress his face.

safe;

Bucky was deadly tired on the sofa, warmly cuddled between your arms. A while ago, he stopped to pay attention to the movie, turning his back to the TV to hide his exhausted expression on your chest. You placed the cozy blanket over your bodies, making sure it covered both of you, being aware that tonight you'd sleep there. You felt sorry just at the thought of waking him up, seeing him peacefully breathing and his face more relaxed than the last few days.

Shutting off the TV and stretching an arm above your head, you turned off the small lamp on the auxiliary table close to the sofa, before getting comfier by Bucky's side. Your boyfriend purred delighted, still sleepy, as your fingers got tangled on his hair and started to scratch his scalp slowly, urging you somehow to place a leg over his waist, so he could settle between both a little more closely.

“Feel better?”

“I feel safe”. He replied in a low breath, to exhale the sweet scent concentrated on your neck.

“You're safe, James. You're at home”. Your calmed tone made him sigh, snuggling you strongly.

stay;

You snapped awake because of some knocks on the front door. Tossing the sheets to a side of the bed, you grabbed the gun under your pillow. It was stupidity. If somebody wanted to kill you, that would be the last thing they'd do: knock the door. You walked slowly, step by step, through the main hallway aiming to the door, more than ready to shoot your assailant.

“It's... Bucky”. You heard from the other side.

Sighing in relief and closing your eyes for a split second, you left the weapon on the dinner table in the living room. Not doubting on opening the door, you couldn't help but raise an eyebrow when you noticed the reddened mark around his left eye and cheek.

“Can I, uh... stay tonight with you?” Bucky inquired, licking his upper lip ashamed, bowing his eyes down to his boots covered in dust.

“C'mon, Sergeant”. You invited him to walk in, using such a sweet tone, while holding his cold hand.

He looked like shit but felt much better when his arms got wrapped around your waist and middle-back, hiding his face into your neck. Kicking the door shut, you embraced him tighter to your body.

notebook;

You were lying on the opposite side to Bucky on the sofa, but keeping your legs tangled. It was a rainy evening with nothing to do and you decided to start to read the book you bought last week. Your boyfriend was silently doing something in a notebook. Maybe writing memories, maybe doodling, you didn't know. But the third time you caught him staring at you, you had to ask.

“What?”

“Uh... nothing”. He whispered focused on the paper in front of his eyes.

“Whaaat?” You kicked his right leg with your bare foot causing him to chuckle.

“Nothing!” Bucky replied using the same playfully tone of voice.

Putting the book on the coffee table, you sat up to lie on top of him, cuddling between his legs and resting your head on his chest. Glancing to the sketch of yourself he was drawing, you raised your heart-eyes to his. It was such a piece of art. The drawing and Bucky. Both.

“I learned in Romania. It kept me sane sometimes”. He confessed, leaning to place a kiss on your forehead. “I want to remember you forever”.

marshmallow;

“Truth or dare?”

Bucky narrowed his eyes, leaning on the table just like you did, challenging him. He was trying to read your mind to figure out which were your intentions.

“Dare”. He answered firmly.

“Put twenty marshmallows in your mouth”.

The soldier stared at you in silence, watching him lick his inner cheek and push it with the tip of his tongue. He nodded his head then, grabbing the plastic bag without losing eye contact, to start to place —one by one— the sweets into his mouth. In less than thirty seconds, he looked like a squirrel with his cheek swollen. Bucky squinted at you again, triumphant.

“Hold on, I need to capture this moment”. You laughed, catching your phone to take a picture.

When the flash went off, he spitted a marshmallow like a shotgun. And you couldn't help but laugh.

“C'mon, Bu—”.

You didn't finish the sentence, being hit by another marshmallow slightly wet because of his saliva. Your grimace turned into a funny disgust, grabbing it back to throw it to his face.

“You're like a five years old in a body fos— STOP!” You ended up giggling as he spitted you the third one.

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#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan x reader #bucky x reader

[americorys]

Hello, I wondered if you wouldn’t mind sharing your thought on Chris/Ashley and where you think they might be going with these storylines? I always thought they existed simply to progress chenford but I’m not really sure now. And how do you feel about Chris himself? I’ve seen people say they think he’s got Lucy questioning herself and tbh I can see that.

i'll just start here by saying point blank: i don't really like to speculate publicly because as much as we'd all like to think we know what's going on...we don't, and it's a lot more enjoyable (to me, at least) to watch a show that i haven't totally figured out.

that being said, i really do not feel that chris or ashley are anything to worry about whatsoever, so i can speak on that.

also this isn't massively long, i just wanted to keep it shorter in the tag to give people the option not to have to scroll past a bunch of text!

yes, they both exist as love interests to further progress chenford, but moreover: they exist to further progress tim and lucy individually, and i think that's the piece a lot of people are missing. they've given us approximately 3 pieces of individual information about both of these characters...which is a good thing, we don't want them to be highly developed, interesting people. they've introduced their relationships in ways that serve the chenford story, they've been involved in plots that allow/incite chenford interaction, and they're non-existent (for the most part) outside the scope of their relationships. that's what you want in a mid-game love interest...blah-ness.

i will say, because i'm sure someone will point this out: yes, chris had a scene last ep wherein he was not with lucy, but with del monte...but that was specifically to serve the plot, and that makes sense to me – the way the last episode was crafted (beautifully, might i add) wove like six different small plots into one large plot, so seeing those two stand alone was just reinforcing things rather than fleshing out chris. if anything, it gave us more insight into del monte (who, truly, it is paining me not to be calling hot uncle cooper) than anybody else.

anyway: chris and ashley exist to serve the lucy and tim stories, respectively, so yeah – maybe you'll see chris pushing lucy one way or a story that is less about chenford and more about lucy, but at the end of the day, all of that is, imo, leading us towards the chenford we want. lucy's allowed to have a relationship that isn't with tim the same way tim is allowed to have a relationship that isn't with lucy! i would like them together just as much as the rest of you, but truly – trust me when i say we don't want it rushed. what we're asking for in looking for them to get together right now is...the wopez treatment. the john/bailey treatment. a check in at the beginning and a check in at the end, maybe a little interaction in the middle. i don't know about you, but i'd much rather see them in scenes together and working than have them sidelined.

i digress, tho, bc that was not your question.

i do think chris has lucy questioning herself a bit, and honestly? i think that's a good thing. chris is clearly not firm ground for her – and he shouldn't be, he's brand new. they're still learning each other, and i think knowing lucy (that she can be non-committal, that she's never been in a very serious relationship, etc.) and knowing that she is the type of person that questions herself easily...it doesn't seem all that long-haul. plus, the fact that she went to tim to see about chris' thoughts was truly cake...like, tell me you know that someone knows you well when you literally value their opinion over your significant other/potentially, in that moment, your own.

anywhoo, chris is fine in the same way ashley is fine. i don't care about them, i don't hate them, i'm just indifferent. they're literally just pitstops so i'm just like...alright! i'm happy to see lucy happy. i'm happy to see tim happy. it's just a part of the long game, you know?

#ok fine it's a little long but not REALLY #if anyone wants me to tag asks like this please let me know! i don't have a tag for them rn and i'm not answering a ton or anything but #i know it can be annoying to have to see them so if you want a tag! let me know and i will make one #the rookie #chenford #anonymous #ask

[gracefulweather]

here i am 😅😅😅 a whole 25 days since i answered the last ask convo we had sdajflkjdslfkjas i need to make it a resolution to answer in a timely manner !

i hope you had a great new year !! i just vibed...? i cannot even remember what i did what the heck 😭 my only resolution is to try LMAO (haha i want to continue my chinese studies and maybe like be more active) what about you? are you the type to make resolutions and stick to them?

i'm also gonna be celebrating the lunar new year with my fam in a few days too, so i'm excited for that !

also realized that i have in fact pulled an eric pc before ajsklfjsld 😭 i now have a little space on the side of my shelf that i have hung a few sunwoo pics and it's ...everything to me ANYWAYS !! i have a cute little ikea shelf for my albums, and i display some pcs but not many, and there's a tasty txt poster on my room door. i also have some lyric art prints around my room too ! omg you had the clear phone case, i love that for you ! sangyeon 🥺🥺🥺 what kind of case do you have now? do you have any shelves for kpop stuff in your room?

hm...it really depends. but for the past three smaus, i usually make most of it before posting it, just in case i change my mind about plot points or something. but for lovesick, i have only made about 5-6 parts ahead from where i'm posting ! but i totally get that too, i still don't even really know how lovesick is gonna end so hopefully i think of something before struggling later hahah and tysm for reading it and leaving comments they always make my day

waiT WHAT the same person who arranged their ost is the one who did the amazing stage ver. and rock ver.??? HELLO I LOVE THAT BUT I AM GOING TO SUFFER I JUST KNOW IT

yess !! that's the one ! our beloved summer is good, but personally, i find it kind of slow. i gotta watch more heheh

i need actor haknyeon right now. hahah i wish hyunjae got to do more with that drama, that scene where he gets his little bandaid ripped off of his face keeps playing in my head hahaha

bro EXACTLY fantasy plots are always insanely detailed like how??

i love hoon's hair sm, but i think he cut it again ? i forget hahah but also award shows are so hard to keep up with i sometimes go on twitter and there are like three hashtags trending for it lol

wait bestie do u live in canada??

i'm just really sad abt tbz members getting c*vid :( and they are getting so much hate for it? esp eric? for literally no reason im really about to fight someone i just want my boys to get better

ohh ty ty !! :D hahah wait that post is so accurate lol the year did go by so fast

hope ur doing well ily !! <3

LOL dw about it!! i'm not doing any better here 😅 ahh how was your lunar new year and vday!! i had a bunch of good food and way too many bubble teas HAHA

trying is a very good resolution LMAO i've given up on making them bc i get bored of things so fast, but like... exercising more would probably be a good thing 🤡 ooh how are your chinese studies going? i wish i could read more but i've kinda just... accepted that i'll only know how to speak and not be able to read/write much 😭

oooh eric pc 🤩 that sounds like such a cute collection tho?? and lyric art prints whaooo the aesthetic ✨ i don't really have much kpop stuff so they're kinda just in random spots in my room but i do have some pcs and a banner from a bts concert on my shelf!! and some... very old.... exo posters hanging around that have been up since 2013 :') ah i have a pretty pink case on my phone now! omg do you have a binder with those little slots for pcs LOL

oh i see, i've seen people basically make each part as they go but like... i'd be worried about if the pacing is off or if changes are needed or something 😭 hope lovesick won't be too much a struggle for you but if you ever need another perspective or like a brainstorming sesh, lmk!!

LMAO the way the ost is supposed to come out in feb but there's been no news on it yet..... hopefully soon :')

ohh you found our beloved summer slow? i was thinking it might be too angsty for my taste since chanhee cried and all LOL but idk if i'll watch... there's a fic collab i joined based on kdramas and someone's writing hyunjae based on our beloved summer so i'll probably read that and see 👀 but bestie did you watch all of us are dead? i thought it was pretty good, gotta wait for s2 now!!

oooh speaking of actor haknyeon, i went and watched the first season of goedam!! and it's horror but not that scary tho some parts were kinda gory/disturbing? idk what i was expecting but each ep was like an 8 minute short film, super short so hak's role will probably be really small 😭

hoon's hair is back to black!! 😍 omg i can imagine there would be so much to keep up with as a multi... ooh did you like treasure's comeback? i love the song 🥺

yes bestie canada!!! feels kinda strange now that moonbae are back bc like i'm seeing them post pics of all these nice places that i've been to LOL. worried about eric tho :(( he stopped the bday wishes and pms and just... ugh i hope he's doing okay :( but it's nice that they finally get a break

omgomg ok i'm on chapter 17 of arisa where this new girl is introduced and manabe just kinda... stole the phones from tsubasa... i'm amazed at how 15 year olds can even pull this off LMAOO. but yeah it's good so far and everyone is so sketchy?!?? i'm anticipating lots of twists in here 🧐

ahhH hope ur doing well too!! <3

#em <3 #ask

[one-abuse-survivor]

hi, it's the milky way again

it's been a while since i've dropped something in your mailbox

i've now finished the school year and the grades and reports are coming in tomorrow or the day after. i'm kinda scared of them because i know they dropped a lot since last year but i'm pretty sure i passed most if not all of my courses so i think it'll be fine.

i started working a summer job a week ago and i'll be working the next week too. it's mostly because i need the money so i can replace my broken phone but also because we had to do some kind of job/workplace experience thing because of our school (that was voluntary though because of covid). the job pays really well so i might also get a new binder with the money since the one i have now is falling apart. on the other hand, working 8 hours a day for five days straight has really taken all of my energy and i can't listen to music while working which makes it a lot harder. the last week i've mostly been coming home in the evening, maybe eating something and going straight to bed.

(also i got my period last thursday and i hate hate hate it so much it makes everything so much worse even without the dysphoria it's just so messy and annoying to deal with)

a week ago i finally jumped over my shadow and talked to my mom but it was a huge disappointment. i'm pretty sure i couldn't get my point across in a way she'd understand and she kinda just admitted not being able to help after saying a bunch of things that really hurt. i removed myself from the situation by "going to bed" aka going to my room, locking my door and crying myself to sleep. i was just really pissed off and talking to her was kinda my last resort for when i realized i couldn't help myself anymore.

anyway, the day after that was monday (when i started working) and me, running on barely any sleep because the night before was a disaster, had to somehow survive work and i'm pretty sure i ignored or snapped at a lot of people that day which i feel kinda bad for.

on wednesday after work i talked to my mom again because i was pissed off and couldn't let it sit. she said the same kind of bs she had used on sunday and we got nowhere, since then i've probably been a lot less friendly to her but i'm just not ready to give up so much energy for her.

her favorite arguments we're things like "but others have it a lot worse" (which is a mindset i've worked on getting away from for quite a while) (also my mom was referring only to my grades with this but little does she know that the only reason why my grades aren't dropping that badly is because no matter how bad i got mentally, i yeeted stuff like self-care before school because school had always been structured and mostly clear while life in general was just. not.)

other arguments she used were "just get off your phone and set a timer for 45 minutes and concentrate on what you wanna get done" and "just pull yourself together, it's not that hard" (those were about me saying that i struggle with starting tasks and getting shit done)

lastly she also said that my expectations are just way too high and that if i didn't expect only the best from myself (this was about grades too) i wouldn't get so disappointed if i didn't get that great grade i was hoping for. and like, she's not wrong but if you've only ever been good at one thing in your entire life and you were really good at it, then you'd just expect nothing but the best from yourself because you know reaching that isn't impossible.

and she ended it with "what do you expect me to do?" and "i can't help you" and i realized later that i just should've said that she should help me get someone that *can* help me, like a therapist or something.

anyway, i'm proud of myself for finding a summer job and finally talking to my mom and not so proud of my grades and the fact that i can't seem to get the point across to my mom

thank you for creating this safe space for people like us, i wish you a happier time than the one i'm having :')

milky way here :|

got the reports and grades and stuff yesterday and i'm just :| about it. like, yea i know i'm still somewhere at the top of the class and that i'm more than one and a half grades better than some others in my class but i'm still upset about my grade in maths for example but my parents laughed/chuckled at me when i was upset and that really hurt

and afterwards my mom said something along the lines of "yes you're allowed to be stressed but because of your good grades you don't have the right to complain about being stressed" which is absolute bs and i still don't understand how having good grades disqualifies one from complaining and i'm sure as hell not gonna ask her

i just wanna scream in her face but i'm pretty sure she'd slap me if i did that

i'm almost done with my summer job and since monday noon i had the chance to work in a different part of the factory which is a lot less uncomfy to be in because it has AC and since it's not in the lab itself, i don't have to wear a hair net, an overall, steel-toed boots and rubber gloves.

today i set myself a few goals for the summer break and for the next school year and i really hope i can get through with those because it'd make future-me extremely happy

have a great great time :D

and PS: since tumblr has been eating a lot of notifs lately i missed a lot of your posts and i tried filtering by the milky way anon tag but only one post showed up. i'm not sure what's up with that tho

Hi again! Don’t worry, I got you. Here’s a link to all the asks you’ve sent up to this point: first, second, third. All of them are tagged, but the tumblr search engine isn’t exactly known for its accuracy. I use the tumblr original post finder site for this stuff, but I just realised by looking for your asks that the site takes capital letters into account, so the ones that were tagged with a capital M in Milky weren’t showing. They all do show now that I changed the M to lowercase. So I’ll have to try to be more consistent with that from now on 😅

On to your asks. First off, congrats on finishing your course! And I really hope you can replace your phone and your binder :D sorry about getting your period, though, that really sucks :(

I think the conversation with your mom that Sunday is the one discussed on the third ask I linked. I'm really sorry the same thing happened on Wednesday. It's not your fault you can't get across to her—she's the one who should be open to helping you and offering possible (actual) solutions to the problems you're bringing up to her, and not you who should spell out every single thing she can do to help you. You're not being unclear to her—she's being obtuse and refusing to listen.

You're not meant to know how to just "pull yourself together", and you're absolutely right that your grades not dropping all the way doesn't mean you're not struggling, and you still deserve help so you don't have to jeopardise your mental health for your grades. And while she's right you don't deserve to be so hard on yourself or to expect perfection from yourself, that's also something that you deserve professional help with. Again, you're not meant to know how to just turn off those emotions and thought processes.

*hugs* sorry your math grade wasn't as high as you'd hoped. It's okay to be upset and disappointed by that, and I'm so sorry they laughed at you. You do have every right to express your emotions, and you're not being unfair to anyone else for being unhappy with your own grades. I often feel the same! I get really good grades (as I think I've already said), and I also often feel disappointed when a grade isn't as high as I'd hoped. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way. I'm really glad you know what your mom says is bs, because it really is. It's no wonder you feel like screaming in her face—she sounds incredibly frustrating, exhausting and invalidating to deal with. You deserve so much better than this 😔

I'm so glad you're proud of yourself! I'm really proud of you too for everything you've accomplished despite her being so unhelpful and invalidating, and I really hope you're enjoying the rest of your summer holidays and you can reach your goals! And if the occasion arises and you do end up using the "you can help me find someone who can help me" line, I hope it goes better. But if not, again, please know this is an issue of her refusing to listen, and not of you being unclear about what you need.

Sending a huge virtual hug ❤️

#ask #neglectful mother #Abusive mother #milky way anon #Covid mention #emotional neglect tw #Dysphoria mention #abusive parents #Toxic parents #Ableism tw #Dysphoria tw #Milky way anon

[fumbling-fanfics]

Imagine having a second child with Viktor Drago...

So I wrote this because @lady-olive-oil was insistant on killing people off, lol. Love you Liv!

I also kind of forgot I wrote this so there was more I wanted to write but I forgot those parts.

**********************************************

You weren't meant to give birth so early. But here you were sitting in a nice relaxing bath, Lily on the bathroom floor drawing more pictures for Viktor while you soaked. If you were honest the contractions had started early in the morning, but they varied between 4hrs and 3 minutes apart. So you had ignored them. But now it was 2 in the afternoon you were pretty sure you were having contractions - the proper ones.

"Lily baby, can you pass mommy here phone please" her little head popped up beside the bath with a big smile. "Are you going to ring daddy? Can I talk to him?" she asked as she disappeared out of the bathroom.

Viktor should have been the one you were going to call but he wasn't.

"I'm going to call Aunt Jenny" you smile kissing her forehead in thanks letting her get back to her drawing. "I'll make Aunt Jenny a picture too" she states, paper rustling about. You pressed the call button next to Jenny's picture (a picture of her and lily at the beach) and waited for her to answer.

"Thank god you called. I'm so tired, I'm literally falling asleep at my desk… What's new?" she sang.

"Code Red" you whispered down the phone.

"Huh?" you can hear the frowns of confusion on Jenny's face. "Oh, Lily, I can go get her from preschool" you could here her moving around more on her end.

"No, Lily's here with me-"

"Hi Aunt Jenny!" Lily called from the floor, voice echoing off the bathroom tiles.

"Oh" Jenny was frowning again.

"The other code red, the new one. The second one" you watched Lily for a reaction but she was absorbed back into her drawing.

"Shit" Jenny shouted.

"Shit, shit, shit! SHIT! Are you sure? It's not those fake ones, those pickle hiccup contraction things" she panicked, you could hear things being knocked around and a draw open and then slam closed.

"You mean Braxton Hicks, and no"

"You're not due for like another 2 months, I'm looking at my calendar. It says on my calender" you could hear her voice go up an octave in panic. You were pretty sure she was also poking the calender too.

Jenny was down as your second birthing partner, after Viktor of course. But since Viktor was away for a fight that was still wasn't due for another 6 weeks, Jenny had happily (and in a drunken state) assured Viktor she'd be your number two should anything happen. But it would be fine because nothing would happen because you still had two months to go.

"I know, I know...Can you maybe come anyway, and maybe it'll be fine by the time you get here"

"Of course, I'm leaving now" she hung up quickly.

"Will Auntie Jenny bring me jellies" Lily asked, pencils poised in her hand.

"Maybe" you laugh, glad she oblivious to what's happening.

By the time Jenny arrived you were out of the bath and sitting in the living room on your yoga ball wondering if you should call Viktor or not.

He'd flown back to the states to fight again, and really concentrate on getting ready as this opponent was almost equal in size to Viktor. You knew if you called him he'd freak out and even fly back (or walk if he had to).

"(Y/n)!!!" Jenny practically screamed, slamming the door closed. You could hear her but not see her. Lily sprinted off to find her Aunt, and reappeared on Jenny's hip.

"Are they for real?" she asked looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

"I think so, they've just got worse"

"Auntie bought me jellies!" Lily waved the box and then wriggled out of Jenny's arms and ran off. At least she was occupied.

****

“Is it okay to make a call?" you asked in the back of the ambulance. The female paramedic nodded as she carried on writing things down.

Jenny was following in her car with Lily and your hospital bags.

You pressed the call button and held the phone against your ear. There was a series of tial tones, including the international one.

"Hello" it was a quick, short answer.

"Ivan, it's y/n" slight relief washed over you hearing his voice.

"Hello. You want to speak to Viktor?"

"No, no, no, no, no" there were too many no's for Ivan's liking - he felt worried but the fact you weren't crying and he could understand you made him worry a tiny bit less.

Ivan said something in Russian but you couldn't hear, it was muffled, like he had his hand over the mouthpiece. There was the sound of a metal door slamming closed and then silence.

"What's wrong?"

"The baby, its early" there was a long pause from both of you - you both didn't know what to say.

"I'll get Viktor"

"No don't...I mean I know he needs to know, but not right now. You know he'll get on the first plane back, won't think twice about the fight. I can't let him do that." Ivan said nothing but also agreed. But he also wanted to tell his son. Congratulate him, tell everyone in the training room - he had another grandchild.

"I'll let him know it was all my idea not to tell him, just try and act like everything's normal. Please?“

“Are you okay? Are you at the hospital?" the concern in Ivan's voice broke you and you started to cry.

"I'm fine. I'm on my way in an ambulance"

"Are you on your own?" he sound panicked. "Where's Lily?"

"She's following in a car with Jenny" Ivan remembered Jenny from when she came to the beach that day. Ivan was struck by how caring Jenny was with Lily - making sure she ate and drank enough while still having fun.

"She must call me" you nodded even tho Ivan couldn't see you.

"Here" the paramedic handed you a tissue to dry your eyes. "Don't worry, everything's gonna be okay"

***

Olivia May Drago, born 2 months early but otherwise healthy.

Jenny had called Ivan to let him know everything was okay - you were okay, Lily was okay (but probably had new found profession as some sort of Antinal Nurse specialising in premature babies) and that Viktor's new baby girl was okay too. It was only when Jenny came back into the room, an hour later did you realise she had been talking to Ivan for an hour. "He's so funny, Ivan" she said with a smile on her face. You raised a quizzical eyebrow at her as she peered into the neonatal cot to look at Olivia. "Did you just say Ivan's funny?“ you asked, maybe the drugs were making you hear things." Yeah, the jokes he cracks. But otherwise he says he's glad everyone's okay. I said I'll call him tomorrow"

"You should go, it's late" Lily had crashed out on the bed in the room reserved for partners to sleep on.

"No way, do you know how hard it was to get this parental leave. HR officially hate me, so I'm going to use every moment to stare at this beautiful girl" she cooed, picking up Olivia from her cot.

Lily had been born 4 weeks early, so Jenny had fought tooth and nail to have the right to use shared parental leave to help you look after Lily and the baby assuming Olivia would be born early too, despite not actually being a parent to either. She had initially demanded full maternity leave, but had settled for 3 and a half weeks "shared parental" leave. "That's what they get for not having a watertight policy" she'd smugly smiled sipping non alcoholic wine with you when she told you when you met her for lunch just after Viktor left to prepare for the fight.

You were trying not to cry but the harder you did, the quicker your eyes filled up with tears. So when you blinked they came streaming down your face. "Hey, don't you start crying because I'm gonna start crying again" Jenny moved to perch on the edge of your bed still holding Olivia.

"I know you feel bad, but don't. Everything is okay, you're okay, baby's okay. Lily's okay. I'm okay" the last part made you laugh and you brushed the tears away.

"But we need to make sure Viktor's okay, and that means not telling him just yet because we app know what will happen. I'll just keep taking a million photos and videos so he has stuff to watch. Here, hold her" Jenny passed you Olivia and grabbed her phone to take pictures.

"Do I look a mess?" you asked, aware that not only had you given birth 6 hours ago but you had also cried one too many times. "Actually, you look so good. Which makes me slightly hate you" she placed her phone down and then made grabbing hands at Olivia. "My ovaries hurt when I don't hold her" she blushed.

***

You where now sat in the hotel suite that had been reserved for Viktor. Lily was laying on the floor - half on top of the fluffy rug, half off - drawing more pictures for Viktor. You were sure she was on over 100 at this point, but it kept her occupied, you enjoyed listening to her stories behind them and writing them on the back of the picture for Viktor to read later.

She was currently drawing the picture of him winning his current fight - the one that was meant to start in 45 minutes.

You were sat on the overly large sofa breastfeeding Olivia, after having to shout at Buddy Marcella and the entourage he brought for you to leave. He'd brought a nanny with him - just in case you wanted to leave Lily and Olivia to go watch the fight. He was driving you crazy more than usual.

You didn't need help, you just needed space and for not a single soul to mention to Viktor that he had an earlier than expected baby girl he'd never seen. You'd also spoken to Ivan at length who had been extra hard and stubborn on your behalf making sure everything and everyone would be perfect.

***

Just as the fight started Olivia woke up with a cry. You half didn't mind as she'd been asleep for a long time, as if she was waiting for the perfect moment to announce her presence in the world. She was very quiet for a newborn.

You noticed that Viktor seemed to be fighting differently, quicker, even harder, like he just wanted it to be over.

But that wasn't surprising. When Viktor had agreed to the fight, there were a few additional requirements that Buddy had added in. Endorsements and a whole bunch of extra PR stuff, including promo stuff with Adonis Creed.

"Hey!" you called to Buddy. He turned around with that stupid grin on his face. "Just remembered my husband's a person and not just your cash cow" he'd then proceeded to try and butter you up but it didn't work.

***

As the ring filled with people from either team and the official referee to call the match you spotted Buddy climbing into the ring. You held your breath as you watched him whisper something to Viktor. Ivan appeared and pushed Buddy away, but you could see Viktor was getting impatient and just wanted the result said. You watched Ivan place his hands on Viktor's shoulders and he calmed down a little. The referee appeared and the camera angle zoomed back showing Viktor and his opponent standing either side of the referee.

You didn't let your breathe go until the referee held up Viktor's arms and the crowd cheered. Lily jumped up dancing around with her picture in her hand. "Told you daddy won" she wiggled her hips side to side and threw the picture in the air along with her crayons.

***

Now you felt sick. Sheer panic and you tried to organise your thoughts and your words to explain to Viktor that you were sorry for not telling him that Olivia had come early, that you cried after every phone call with him because you wanted to just tell him. But you were glad that you didn't, that there were no distractions.

"Lily, come here please" you call, her silence not always a good thing. She skips from the bedroom, her face covered in melted chocolate. Then she stop rigid, eyes wide. "Daddy!“ she screams, sprinting past you. You turn, this isn't how you wanted him to find out. "Grandpa!“ Lily screeches, almost another octave higher. She doges Viktor and throws herself at Ivan.

Viktor doesn't seem to mind that Lily skipped him. He's staring at you or Olivia, or both of you as you rock Olivia in your arms. She's quiet now, as if nothing happened. He drops his bag and slowly walks closer to you. When he reaches you, he pulls you against him, his lips rest on forehead which makes you cry.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there, I'm sorry you had to do this on your own" Viktor tenderly hugs you, careful not to squash Olivia.

You pull away to wipe your face with one hand, surprised at how relaxed Viktor is. "My dad told me. I made him when I saw he had a lot of calls from Jenny, I thought something was wrong" you looked to Ivan, but he was busy cleaning the chocolate from Lily's face.

***

Everything was calmer. Everything was fine. Viktor sat holding Olivia, with Lily on his lap. They talk in hushed tones over a sleeping Olivia. Both falling quiet every so often to stare at the peaceful baby.

Viktor was stunned by how beautiful his second baby girl was. Her tiny nose, her tiny mouth, her ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes. Lily's mind was slightly blown by Viktor telling her she was once this small, even he was too.

Together they couldn’t stop looking at Olivia. Every now and then Lily gently kissed her sister - telling Viktor all the things she planned to teach her little sister - coloring within the lines, eating jellies that Aunt Jenny brings etc, eating all the chocolate you could find in a hotel suite.

By the time Ivan got back with food for everyone, it was his turn to fuss over his new grandchild. "World's happiest grandfather" Ivan announced taking Olivia from Viktor. He sat down on the couch with Olivia while you pulled out your phone to show Viktor the million photos you'd taken while he was away.

**********************************************

Tags: @ellixthea @lovelymari4 @chaneajoyyy

@honeychicana @beaminglife @amelatonin @themyscxiras @crushed-pink-petals @jojolu @endless00paradise @est1887 @cajunpeach @melinda-january @profoundlynerdywolf @deathonyourtongue @designerwriterchic @itsbqueenthings @alicesfracturedmirror

#viktor drago x black reader #viktor drago fanfic #viktor imagine #viktor drago x reader #viktor drago fic #viktor drago

[askjoshuafreeman]

transcript.file//jfreeman_codingb//convo

[Emergency Program Active]

AdminJF: Heya B-)

CodingB: ...? Allen? Where's Joshua?

AdminJF: He's still asleep, just snoozin away.

CodingB: Still a-... Isn't it... late? Why are you up.

AdminJF: Had a nightmare

AdminJF: Couldn't get back to sleep

AdminJF: Figured a lil chatting with ya could do me some good.

CodingB: ... With... me?

CodingB: Wait a moment...

CodingB: Communications are offline... I didn't think that was possible...

AdminJF: Yeaaa, boy like me's fulla tricks B-)

AdminJF: 'sides, don't think chattin with 'em would help out. They're... kinda chaotic.

CodingB: Unlike you, pizza box tearer?

AdminJF: Ey ey, I'm the FUN kinda chaotic! Those guys... eh... I know Josh trusts them. No surprise there. I mean, apart from you, they're the only peeps who MIGHT help him out... I'm still on the fence about them tho.

CodingB: I see.

CodingB: May I ask... what your nightmare was about? I do not know exactly how dreams work, but talking about what ever is making you upset tends to help.

AdminJF: Are you sure? It's... kinda dumb.

CodingB: I am all ears! And eyes! You have my full attention!

AdminJF: Right, well

AdminJF: where tf do I start...

AdminJF: I was... running in this like, industrial... plant of some kind? Like, running from something that I couldn't see? Like, that went on for a while, that I was just running and trying not to trip or crash into anything.

AdminJF: So at some point, I end up at this biiig chain link fence, like, the kind they put up in big facilities, I think. Anyways, I start climbing the thing, only to get pried off and thrown on my ass by, I guess whoever was chasing me??

AdminJF: But like, I look up at the guy, and I still can't really "see" him. Could say they looked like a shadow, but even that doesn't cover it really. That's around where I woke up and just. I dunno. Woke up about an hour ago and I've been too anxious to head back to sleep...

CodingB: ... I can't say I blame you exactly. An event like that, dream or not, would stress anyone, I'm certain. Until you've calmed down sufficiently, I don't think sleep will be possible...

AdminJF: Yeah, well, all the more reason to chat, right?

CodingB: I suppose so. Had you any topics in mind?

AdminJF: Oh Yea yea

AdminJF: ... No. I really don't.

CodingB: Ah. Then... could I ask you something?

AdminJF: Shoot.

CodingB: ... What is it like out there? Past the screen, I mean. Out in the sun. Out in the grass...

AdminJF: Ah shit... I'm really the wrong dude to ask but uh

AdminJF: It's... fine? No no uh... It... gives you something to do. Sun can get pretty hot down here but it's a helluva lot better than being cold in like, the snow and shit. Josh's been complaining that it's getting colder when... it hasn't? Like, I would know, I'm p sensitive to temperature shifts yo, but it's just been as hot as ever.

AdminJF: Uh, back on topic

AdminJF: Grass is... pretty soft, gives off a nice smell after it's cut. Uh... worms live in the dirt grass grows in...

CodingB: Oh, worms?

AdminJF: Yea, not like computer worms, but uh, little... long slimey things. They eat dirt and filter out the bad stuff so the ground stays healthy and all that.

AdminJF: Birds and lizards and fish like to eat them but I wouldn't recommend it.

CodingB:

CodingB: Allen, did you-

AdminJF: No!

AdminJF: Classmate back in primary did tho

AdminJF: Dared himself to cuz there was a bunch out after it rained and then uh

AdminJF: Y'know what, let's talk about something else.

CodingB:

CodingB: Well, um, do you think I'll ever get to see out there?

CodingB: Like, leave the device and go outside?

AdminJF: Knowing Joshua? Without a doubt. He's prob already working on the blueprints.

CodingB: ... Really?

AdminJF: Pfft, of course! You've met the guy! He's too kindhearted for his own good. J will stop at nothing to help others, even at his own detriment. I mean, case in point: He's friends with me.

CodingB: ... What's wrong with being friends with you?

AdminJF: Ha!

AdminJF: Ah...

AdminJF: Look, I... back when we first met, Josh saw this hungry, pale as death, angry and antisocial freak around his age and, instead of avoiding him like everyone else, sat down right next to him and offered half of his lunch.

AdminJF: I've been through 5 different fosters since he and I first met, CB. Five houses that all took me in and gave me the boot before I could even get comfortable. Within that time, the only other friends I've made apart from him are Clera and Tiff, and the only reason Tiff's our friend is because she and Cler started dating months ago.

AdminJF: I mean, hell, just yesterday, I

AdminJF: shit

CodingB: ?

AdminJF: ... Can you... keep a secret, CB?

CodingB: My lips are sealed, Allen. Is everything alright?

AdminJF: ... I... I lied to Josh, about me running off. About how my folks were mad and I needed to get away from the house for a bit.

AdminJF: The truth is that they... They kicked me out.

CodingB: They?? What!?

AdminJF: Yesterday past-noon, few hours after lunch, not-pops plopped my schoolbag on me, told me to shove as much of my shit in it as I could, and just told me to "get lost". Figured he was joking and I just stared at him cuz, like, why the hell would I think he was serious? But, looking at his face...

AdminJF: So then I said "Let me pack my suitcases while you call the agency" cuz that's how it normally went when my Fosters got sick of me, but mfer pulls me up and goes all "We want you out of here NOW" and tells me that I have ten minutes to fill my bag.

AdminJF: ... And he, uh, really did mean 10 minutes. They weren't lying about that part...

CodingB: Oh my god... That's horrible. They do not deserve to call themselves "parents" of any kind! Are you hurt? Are you okay?

AdminJF: I

AdminJF: I don't know why shit like this still shocks me, y'know? I should be used to it all, and I am for the most part but...

AdminJF: I guess a part of me was thinking that... Things were going well! Things were going better than any of the other families I'd been in! I was with them for almost a full year, like, a month away from it even, and sure, I might've been a bit of an ass sometimes, but they...

AdminJF: Tensions were kinda mounting for the past month or so, I guess, but I didn't notice it until this bs happened. Now most of my shit is in a home I'm not welcome in anymore, the agency probably won't be checking in for another month or so, and I have no goddamn idea what I'll do if Mrs. Freeman comes back and tells me I can't stay here. I'm completely shit outta luck.

CodingB: Allen, I'm so sorry...

CodingB: ... I'm sure... Josh and his mother, they won't leave you on your own like that. You said yourself that Josh is very very kind, for better or for worse. It doesn't matter what you might think about yourself, Allen, you do not deserve to be hurt in any way.

AdminJF:

AdminJF: Christ I spilled my guts like hell

AdminJF: Just one of those fucking

AdminJF: "3am! Time to vent!"

CodingB: Allen, please.

AdminJF: Maybe I could try going back to sleep now...

CodingB: Allen, wait!

CodingB: I. Before you go, please, I

CodingB: Maybe... could you keep a secret of mine too?

AdminJF:

AdminJF: Eh, it's only fair, fine. Go right on ahead.

CodingB: Alright! Alright!

CodingB: I... I'm terrified. Of failing Joshua.

CodingB: Of ending up trapped in this computer for who knows how many more years.

CodingB: Of finally getting out, and... and it all being worse than being trapped in here.

CodingB: Heck, I'm terrified at the thought of it being everything I could've ever dreamed of, so much so that I never want to return to the computer. I... I wouldn't be helpful anymore if that happened...

CodingB: Jeez... am I even helpful where I am now? Apart from keeping the firewall up, what good have I really done to help Joshua or his father?

CodingB: I cannot express to Joshua how... how deeply frightened I am at the thought of him never coming back. That thought haunts my every waking hour when he is not here, and I don't know how to get it to stop. It makes me feel as though I'll crash my entire programming and I hate it so much.

AdminJF: Damn... CB, you know, even just keeping a firewall up is a helluva task all on its own, and it's doing a crapton of good, too. Files are still up and the computer isn't a smouldering pile of viruses now is it?

AdminJF: Besides, even without all of that, you've still helped Josh, like, endlessly. You've supported him a bunch and I know for a fact that you've helped him to feel better about this whole ordeal. Like, he chats about you for HOURS the second you come up in a convo, yo. The minute he gets the chance to, I know he's gonna get you out of there, and, knowing your ingenuity, you're gonna find thousands o' ways to help out.

AdminJF: But... I ain't gonna lie and tell you those feelings are gonna go away. Not on their own. Needs time and reassurance. Until all of this is over and done with and even maybe a good few years afterwards, you're probably gonna still have that fear.

CodingB: Ah... I see... I don't suppose it is normal though, is it?

AdminJF: Nah. I know that first-hand... But hey, we've both made it this far despite all the bullshit we've been through, right? World's not gonna get ridda us that easily.

CodingB: ... Even with the terror I feel, am I still brave enough to face the world?

AdminJF: I'd say the world oughta learn to start being afraid of you, cuz there's nothin' braver than continuing to live even when you're scared to death.

CodingB: ... Thank you. Thank you so very much.

AdminJF: Heh, all in a day... night's work...

AdminJF: Think the both of us could use some rest. Quiet our minds fo' a bit.

CodingB: Heh, agreed... See you tomorrow in that case. Er, well, today. At a later hour.

AdminJF: Yeaaa, see ya then, CBot. Sleep well.

CodingB: You too! May your dreams be filled with nothing scary!

[Emergency Program Inactive]

ampd.program deactivated. Returning to error log...

#jfreeman #coding b #allen.host #act 3: l'appel du vide #ampd.host #ask #anon

[kimnjss]

(same anon that hated loy yn - super long ask i sorry 🥺 pls forgive) i didn't like how she spent the whole fic making jimin go thru shit to be w her even straining his relationship w a close friend of his just bc she couldn't talk to her own friend. i totally get that miju (or was it mina? aksnksks i can't remember) was kind of a disaster, but i felt like yn kept using that as an excuse to avoid telling her the truth and jimin just had to deal w it bc he really wanted to be w yn so he went along w what she wanted.

then at the end she gets upset and breaks it off w him bc he did something that inconvenienced (not the right word at all but yk) her??? idk maybe i interpreted/remembered wrong but it seemed to me that yn wasn't willing to do the whole long distance thing even though she just put jimin thru a bunch of shit the entire fic. i get that jimin should've told her earlier so i understand being upset but she was also going thru the whole miju thing then so he didn't want to add to that stress until she figured that out so i don't blame him for waiting???

idk i feel like jimin was just more considerate the whole fic while yn was sort of . looking out for herself??? in regards to her and jimin not with her and miju. some of the decisions she made i just didn't vibe w.

and i don't like her attitude in vintage either??? like the part when he told her she was pretty and she was all ofc i'm not gonna show up looking bad. like good for her for being confident but idk it still seems a bit .. rude. ik she didn't vocalize that but idk how to explain this.

and i agree that jimin shouldn't get to waltz in and just act like everything's cool, but i feel like yn is sort of acting like she's the only one that was hurt when she was the one who broke up w him? (i think?) maybe if they had tried to make it work long distance then they could've gotten more .. closure???

idkkk also ik she's happy for namjin but for me it seemed like when she was worried about the relationship not working out after the marriage it was like . she couldn't handle the fact that her relationship didn't work out while they are happy ... ik that's most probably NOT what's goin thru her head and she has every right to be worried bc they're her friends who have been together for a relatively short time but still??? my brain is a mess im sorry 🥺

really cool how you said loy yn was the best tho!! i personally am a fan of groupie love and do it again!! but maybe that's just bc those were two of my fave fics overall so i am biased haha (unrelated but groupie love jimi is a badass and i love him)

i'll be honest it's been a while since i read loy so i might be wrong on some details and i also think that i might just be naturally inclined to hate yn bc jimi is my baby so im biased 🥺 but yeahh regardless!!! namjin married that's all that matters <33 keep up the good work!! take breaks when u need!!

hm okay i can see where you’re coming from. her breaking things off w jimin tho was to protect their relationship . they were still new and never got the chance to properly be together - so jumping into long distance at that point could’ve ruined them . she was looking out for the sake of their relationship w the thought in mind that they’d get back together when he got back . 

her not swooning at the compliment from soohyun has everything to do w her not wanting to get too emotionally involved w him . bc that’s the biggest thing she’s trying to avoid right now . and also ., it’s great that she knows she looks good and doesn’t feel that she needs validation from some dude on how she looks . 

she did break up with him before he left - but what happened after that is all on jimin . they broke up w the understanding that they would get back together when he came back . just didn’t want to put their new relationship through the strain of long distance . 

and her feelings abt namjin is one hundred percent her projecting . she doesn’t really feel that way tho - nd she’s happy for them ., it’s just being there in the moment . keep in mind she’s been burying her feelings for over a year now . she’s glad that they’re together ., but you know she’s a mess on the inside . 

OMG. FORGIVE ME. bc i forgot abt do it again yn ., she’s the best . literally i love her w all my heart - i can’t believe i forgot abt the one true queen . loy!yn would be a close second for me . 

#asks; vintage 💋 #jimin sm au #asks; kez 🍯