#i just want to start creating again >_< so sad that i havent been lately

[system-of-a-feather]

(more programming / TBMC / RAMCOA talk; nothing too heavy, same as last post, we just put it under the cut for ourselves cause these topics don't benefit most parts to engage with and thus we kept it off our own notifications)

But honestly, lately with how far into recovery we are and how much on and off fusing with XIV has stabilized me a lot more and made me a lot more clear with who I am and all that shit, I've largely been thinking a lot on the shit I've been through and all the parts I've been, cause at this point, I'm really trying to reconnect with my scattered subsystem parts.

Less so "scattered" and more so long lost because - for those that don't know / havent followed - like nine months or so ago an old version of myself that went by Data just kind of imploded under a lot of stress, pressure, trauma, and self destructive loops that were set off by the way we were healing and what not.

It was honestly really fucked up and a really unfair cause we were genuinely trying really hard to be "a good part" but programming and shit kept had us between "literally dying and at complete overload" or "doing shit that hurts ourselves and the system" and so we'd always just end up doing shit that caused problem and honestly, we had done everything we could to remove ourselves in that form from the picture in a healthy and failed multiple times - and so it was honestly kinda super fucked that when trying to stop existing, we instead shattered into like 4 or 5 parts

But in the end of it, I was a part that existed as a complete - for lack of better words - "burn out" and very extreme "turned off" response to the programs that were being regularly triggered prior to self implosion and it was a huge mess at first, but it ended up with me becoming the host of that subsystem and really? As much hell as it was, the implosion and generation of another subsystem really I think disconnected a lot of the experiences we had as Data and managed to shut down a number of parts to actually let me develop beyond just a "burnt out" state.

And in hindsight? It really worked because while I'm still Data, still part of that heavily and completely fucked programmed original part, I was "generated" in a state of literally being unable to deal with anything and as a part to cope with that and with space, really became a more developed part who is centered around the ability to cope and deal with what we were programmed to do and to.... NOT do that.

And now that I'm a lot more stable and full of a part, I honestly can go back and collect and look back at our experiences of how things have happened and how each part felt and worked and put things back together. At this point I hold almost everything Data originally did. I can look back and replay things and understand things and understand where everything came from, but I'm *not* Data - I'm Chunn (everyone in the brain says I should start spelling it Cheng or at least claim that as my secret Chinese name because its pronounced the same but I like the Chunn spelling so they can fuck off /hj)

And in that sense, the thing Data wanted so bad - to not be here and to not be in the way and to have anything but chronic stress and trauma responses and to just not cause problems for everyone in a desperate attempt to feel safe again - while it's not at all in the way he wanted or imagined it to be, he - we - got it. I don't resemble him much at all anymore, and that's sad in it's own way, but at the same time, is that not the very wish itself? To be ourselves but in a form we created and not in the form someone else created us for?

Anyways, these days it's kind of funny cause I basically serve a roll for the system that is the OPPOSITE of what we were programmed to do and while other parts are not as "impacted" as I was, I do end up sitting here and looking at the "less impacted" parts and go "Okay well that came from this shit I did and you don't notice it but that behavior of yours is intended to synergize (negatively) with what I was programmed to do so I'm going to tell you that I don't want to participate in that"

Cause as much as we were the overtly programmed part, I'm really realizing that it neither started nor ended with me and it really is oddly nice to be able to look at that and help in detangling this garbage.

And not to go into the details for safety reasons, but recently our therapist asked a question to Riku / Fei as to why we were doing XYZ and not another thing that would be more in character for them - and at the time they came up with some round about reason and explanation to which I had to ask, when they were thinking about it the next day, ".... is it not just because [feeling and condition that I know was an active major trigger]? Because you know you can state that and that is a perfectly valid and healthy thing to say. You are allowed to think that." and the genuine level of which they seemed to very hesitantly state it to themselves as if they were afraid to Set Something Off - it just really clicked something with me.

Cause that would have been me. That would have been me that would have been set off. That would have been me that would have changed that thought into a borderline / active crisis and/or mess that would be far more stress than just compliance to the programming. And in this moment, not only was I NOT being Set Off by it, but I was encouraging them to try it again despite many many many years of reinforced "if you do that you will regret it"

And it's really kind of nice to see. I can't think as original Data would, I barely can comprehend just how stuck that version of me was - they were so deeply intertwined in the programming its unfathomable even though it was me and I have the memories of it. Thus, I can't say "Data would be happy and proud to see where we've come", but I would like to think - even in the hell they were in - that theyd be comforted to know where we ended up.

But I digress. I felt like sharing this most of today cause man have we come far.

#alter: chunn #programming tw #programming #ramcoa tw #ramcoa #tbmc tw #tbmc #chill to reply if you like #im mostly rambling #recovery #healing

[red-elric]

can we see the iwaoi timeline :0

>:)

they met through their moms; like they just definitely have the vibe of 'our moms were friends' to me lol. lots of kids whose moms were friends are kinda whatever about each other, but i think in their case oikawa was clingy bc he strikes me as a kid who had trouble making friends, and iwaizumi has had a strong sense of duty for a LONG time so he felt the need to take care of him. they did genuinely get along as kids tho, and it grew into a really close friendship

i feel like oikawa started getting attention as a pretty boy in middle school, and it kinda inflated his ego a bit; meanwhile, iwaizumi was becoming Very Aware that most boys who are best friends dont hold hands and hug all the time..... i think they kinda drifted apart for a bit in that awkward middle school way. neither of them really wanted to, but they felt like they had to and noticed the distance the other one was creating. it culminates a bit when oikawa's mental health is going crazy over kageyama; i feel like the canon confrontation they have is the pivotal moment that brings them back together as besties again :,) especially since oikawa seems so much more grounded after that

they go into high school SOLIDLY best friends again, but not quite as touchy-feely as when they were kids still. no more calling each other first names, it's all iwachan and trashkawa lmao. they both start dating girls (oikawa much more often than iwaizumi, but the one or two relationships iwa has have a lot more depth to them than anyone oikawa dated) and they both get REALLY UPSET about the other one dating for reasons they Cannot explain. both of them had a girlfriend at the same time one (1) time in high school, leading to the most awkward double date in history and both girls dumping them within the next week aksjsjjsj. still tho, they stay tight despite the awkwardness and are fully unaware of their feelings this whole time theyre insane

i feel like iwa's realization moment is literally the night after their graduation party. theyre probably doing smth sappy like stargazing late at night bc oikawa's going to argentina soon and iwa's starting college soon after that and like. iwa has this full on crisis of 'oh shit i like him. oh shit im gay. oh shit i cant do anything about this bc he's literally moving to a different country tomorrow oh god oh fuck' meanwhile oikawas looking for aliens (and also sad bc he misses his bestie LOL)

im a freshman iwa and daichi roommate truther!!! not gonna get too deep into daichis story thats a different post but both of them are handling their 'oh wow im GAY gay' crises at the same time for a year or so. i dont see them going for each other at all but they do go to gay bars together and wake each other up in the middle of the night to rant about 'oh FUCK (random childhood story) i was gay the WHOLE TIME that was a CRUSH' aksjdjdjjdb. meanwhile oikawa thinks some of his new teammates are kinda cute!! he's starting to think hey maybe im not straight :) the full truth hasnt hit him yet

we saw oikawa get the ushijima/iwa selfie and get mad about it. we DIDNT see him scrolling through iwa's snap story showing him and ushijima attending a cali pride parade together. this is when oikawa learns that iwa might not be straight, and that iwa definitely didnt tell him, and he realizes that maybe they havent been talking much recently (of course not, theyre on opposite sides of the planet more often than not) and maybe theyre drifting apart and oh god does oikawa have ANY friends anymore did iwa and ushijima hook up oh god oh god (side note: i think itd be really funny if iwa and ushijima hooked up in cali. i dont think itd go anywhere but i think it leaves iwa with a lot of concerns aksjsjsjsbsh)

anyway this is the emotional state oikawa's in when he's visiting brazil and runs into hinata!! he latches onto him a bit bc hey, someone from home :) and flirts a bit just for fun and hinata flirts back and they DEFO hook up brazil fling ftw :) and then immediately after oikawa has a breakdown bc oh my GOD, he's in love w iwaizumi. hinata draws the line of 'were not hooking up again you cant handle this' and then makes a point to call oikawa every week bc he CLEARLY needs a friend ajsjsjjd. so now hinata is..... kinda oikawa's best friend? oikawa and iwa havent been talking less and less but theyre both sort of in love w each other? but its Weird

olympics are Very strange for both of them, bc theyre in the same space but iwaizumi spends a lot of time with the japan team and when oikawa's not w his teammates he gravitates towards hinata. i feel like the brazil fling story gets out around then too which gives iwa a Lot of feelings aksjjdjdhd

i kinda..... dont see them making much progress for a bit here, until oikawa has to retire bc his old hs knee injury starts acting up. i think he retires earlier than most of the pros in their age group, which kinda KILLS him but he's older now and a LITTLE more chill. anyway he decides to move back to japan, and the first person he decides to tell is iwa. even though they havent really talked much lately. and iwa asks him if he has a place to stay yet and he says no, not yet. and theyre both a little insane bc iwa offers to let him crash on his couch until he gets things figured out and oikawa says yes. even though they havent been best friends in years. HMMM

and they were roommates era!! oikawa spends some time wallowing but has too much energy to do so for long so he applies for some colleges! gets a degree, finally!! im partial to him getting an entomology degree bc 'the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle' KILLS me but no matter what late game academia oikawa feels good feels right. anyway they slip into being besties again RIDICULOUSLY easily, once they get past the awkward hump, and oikawa does that thing where he says he's looking for a place of his own but doesnt and iwa does that thing where he lets him

eventually they get into a fight, probably over smth stupid, but it blows up quick bc HEY THERES A BUNCH OF FEELINGS THEY HAVENT BEEN TALKING ABOUT!! i think what comes out here is the 'we werent friends for a long time and that hurt me' from both sides :/ and it ends w them promising to communicate better from here on out

things are better, and then they get drunk and kiss, and then freak out bc 'i dont think the other one wanted that' and then angst for a bit without talking about it bc theyre STUPID

THEYRE STILL ROOMMATES

anyway i think hinata talks to iwaizumi about it and is basically like 'hey dumbass oikawa actually likes you' which prompts iwa to Actually Talk About it

and then they kiss NOT DRUNK and live happily ever after :) :) :) and theyre like, 35 all their friends are married already theyre STUPID but i love them :,) they adopt twin daughters etc etc

#it me #iwaoi #iwaizumi hajime #oikawa tohru #THEYRE SO STUPID i love them tho #headcanons #haikyuu!!

[cornflower-cowboy]

I posted 824 times in 2022

That's 144 more posts than 2021!

59 posts created (7%)

765 posts reblogged (93%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@hmslusitania

@lightfiretomypaperwings

@aramblingjay

@arrenemris

@luulapants

I tagged 816 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#i really need a tag for queued posts😬 - 633 posts

#9-1-1 - 96 posts

#evan buckley - 58 posts

#marvel - 52 posts

#eddie diaz - 46 posts

#the witcher - 40 posts

#kasey's anxiety express - 38 posts

#bucky barnes - 38 posts

#op i love this♥️ - 37 posts

#steve rogers - 36 posts

Longest Tag: 134 characters

#its going to be a buddie fic because i havent written one in a while and right now seems like the perfect time to write some sad angst

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

The Next Logical Step

Harley and Shuri take the next logical step:

Building a potato gun out of vibranium.

This is my entry for the @black-characters-matter-fest prompt #73. You can read it as Harley/Shuri but it’s more Gen.

Short piece included below the line.

Harley figured that it was the next logical step. Between the war, enemies turned allies and weapon upgrades, Shuri needed a project that wasn’t too taxing and actually sounded fun. So she agreed with his assessment. Peter was unfortunately unable to make it, but they had promised to do it again with him.

For now, her attention was on the prototype in front of her.

“Why a potato gun though?” Shuri asked Harley as he loaded up the schematics of the previous potato gun from his tablet to the holo-screen.

“I was ten and needed something to protect me and my sister from intruders. A real gun was out of the question and on of our neighbours had just planted a potato garden,” The boy shrugged, and Shuri shook her head.

“So now you want to make it better?”

“Just imagine if it could different vegetables. Or if it could shoot further.”

“Increase the power and velocity of the projectiles and you turn a simple potato gun into a weapon. We’d also have to account for the size difference of the vegetables,” Shuri said, already drawing up plans. Making a potato gun out of vibranium sounded like the stupidest idea that she ever had but she was tempted.

“Try these,” Harley slid over the digital schematics of an unfinished potato gun.

“Mark 15? Why do you have so many versions?” Shuri asked, taking a look at what she was sent. If she overlaid her plans with the ones in front of her, they would have the gun ready by the end of the day.

“Why not? Things can always be made better.”

“That’s what I said, but my brother doesn’t understand the need for upgrading,” Shuri rolled her eyes.

“No offence to the king, but I saw his shoes. Technological upgrades are the least of his worries,” Harley stage whispered. One of the Dora Milaje smiled for a brief second before schooling her face.

Shuri burst out laughing, thinking of the ‘What are those’ moment she had a few years back. It was a while ago and still her brother’s fashion sense hadn’t improved.

“No offense taken. I’ve also been trying to get him to change he shoes,” she said, catching her breath. Then she pointed at the screen, “Is the overlay good? I thought that we can use vibranium for the outer shell and pistons, then keep the rest a light metal. So –”

“– that it stays lightweight and we can make easy changes without wasting material,” Harley finished, nodding with an impressed look on his face. “This looks really good.”

“Well, anything made with vibranium usually does,” Shuri shrugged.

“Can’t argue that. I saw Bucky Barnes’ arm.”

“That was mostly my brother.”

“Ah, so the whole family is full of geniuses,” Harley joked. “Unfortunately, only the women have a good fashion sense.”

Shuri snorted again before turning back to the computer. They both worked on editing a few sections before they started with the fabrication process. It took them five hours to complete the entire potato gun, both the fabrication and assembly.

“That’s a beautiful gun,” Harley whistled, and Shuri nodded in agreement.

“Please tell me I’m not late,” Peter’s voice echoed through the lab as he made his way down the ramp.

“You missed all the science bits,” Harley shouted back. They hugged before Peter made his way over to hug Shuri. She could see that he was slightly out of breath, meaning he ran the whole way from the hangar to her lab.

“We still have to test it though,” Shuri offered.

“For science, right? We’re testing various vegetables for science,” Peter confirmed, a slightly mischievous glint in his eye.

Harley clapped him on the shoulder and turned to look at the Mark XIIV potato gun on the table, “Of course it’s for science.”

18 notes - Posted April 10, 2022

#4

My Heart Will Be Your Home Artwork

I had the pleasure of creating art for @drgrlfriend 's story for the @winterhawk-olympic-bang!

She wrote such an amazing story that I hope you all take the time to check out!

Read it here!

Artwork under the cut:

NB: shirtless guys and minor injury warning

Bucky and his soulmark:

Clint and his soulmark:

See the full post

18 notes - Posted November 7, 2022

#3

what for do you yearn?

Summary:

Geralt really didn't mean to fall for a biker. It doesn't help that Cirilla keeps cheering him on from the sidelines. And why do they suddenly own leather jackets?

In which Jaskier is the biker and Geralt is the single father who falls in love with him.

Warnings: N/A

Pairings: Jaskier/Geralt

Square Filled: Biker AU

A/N: @thewitcherbingo

Short piece I wrote under the tag.

I might expand on the story, I don't know...

Geralt wasn’t actually paying attention to the motorcycles as they parked outside the shopping centre. It wasn’t until Cirilla pulled his arm and pointed to them. He looked on in vague interest, scanning them as they all got off their bikes one at a time. Like dominos.

Until his eyes landed on the last person. There was nothing inherently special about the person, except for how out of place they looked. Everyone else was laughing and hanging off each other but that person – that man, Geralt discovered when he removed his helmet – was quiet and looked detached from the group.

Geralt was actually surprised to find that he was the leader, as all the men and women waited until he had passed before following him into the store. Not to mention, that while everyone else had embellishments and spots of colour on their bikes and clothes, the man’s clothes were a plain maroon leather and an equally plain black bike.

Right as he passed Geralt, their eyes met. It wasn’t anything special, but Geralt still felt a tingle down his spine at being noticed.

They held each other’s gaze until the man was gone into the store.

“Do you think they’re bad news?” Ciri asked, snapping Geralt out of what ever daze he had been in.

“Probably not, just because they look bad doesn’t mean that they are,” Geralt answered, placing the rest of their shopping bags into the car.

“I hope that they are, then something will finally happen in this town,” she muttered stepping away from where she was leaning against the trunk. “Maybe they’ll even let me join them. Do you think I’ll look good in a leather jacket?”

“Over my dead, burnt body, Ciri,” Geralt shut that idea down. He knew that once she got too excited about it, he’ll end up spending half his pay check on leather jackets and the other half on a motorcycle. And he was already busy paying for the fencing lessons she took interest in a few months prior.

“No need to take it that far,” she huffed.

Geralt rolled his eyes, “just get into the car.”

Ciri pouted but did as she was told. Her being gone gave Geralt a few minutes to process what had happened earlier. Geralt never stared, not if he didn’t have to, but there was something about that man.

Suddenly Geralt found himself wanting to know more about the mysterious biker leader.

23 notes - Posted February 16, 2022

#2

My first fill for @stucky-week Day 1: Memories. This will be one long work with one chapter for each day. Sometimes with art/moodboards, sometimes with a sneak peak into their life after CATWS.

As well as for @avengersbingo for the fill Reunited

Rating: Mature

Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Additional Tags: Reunions; Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier; Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence; Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier; Pre-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie); Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie); Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie); Other Additional Tags to Be Added; Getting Back Together; Sort of because Bucky doesn't remember; Bucky Barnes Recovering; Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug; Bucky Barnes Feels; Steve Rogers Needs a Hug; Steve Rogers Feels; Art; Sort of? - Freeform; Canon Typical Violence Against Hydra; how is that not a tag?

Chapters: 1/7

Summary:

Steve and Bucky on dealing with the aftermath of CATWS.

Together.

25 notes - Posted February 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Kasey's AO3 Master List

Note: this will be only of recent and upcoming fics. I don't have the energy to put them all.

Marvel

A Picture's Words, A Person's Story (SpideyPool, 14K, Completed)

Our Love Was Made for Movie Screens (Stucky, 4K, WIP)

Happy Valentine’s Day (ThunderShield, 2K, Completed)

By Fate (Tony/Sam, 4K, Completed)

It Feels Like Coming Home (Stucky, 28K, Completed)

This Was Not on The Brochure (Stucky, 5K, Completed)

I Saw Right Through You (Stucky, 12K, Completed)

9-1-1

This Is For My Mother (Buddie, 29K, Completed)

Unsteady (Christopher Diaz centric, 5k est, Coming Sept hopefully)

He loved you (and it was killing him) (Buddie, TBD, Coming Soon)

Teen Wolf

To Hold My Shaking Hands (Petopher, 3.4K, Completed)

To Run In To Your Arms (Steter, 11K, Completed)

Between The End and Where We Lie (Jordan/Kira, 20ish, Coming Soon)

Witcher

We'll Get Better (Geraskier, 4.5K, Completed)

what for d'you yearn? (Geraskier, TBD, TBD)

Halo

The Weight of Their Sins (Is the Guilt I Carry) (Gen, 1.2K, Completed)

The Battles We've Fought (Gen, TBD, TBD)

*******************************************

Hopefully I'll remember to update this as things happen. For now, you can check me out here for all my other fics.

40 notes - Posted July 12, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #actually surprised by what I'm seeing

[liliumwallichianum]

what a freaking week this has been and it's only wedneday. i wanted to write in my journal about the wisdoms i uncovered today but there's too much that i felt that i should type.

first lets start with dumping

-we dont deserve animals, how they protect and love us unconditionally... so much gratitutde

-god the fucking finale of mmm KILLED me . that moment she looks at the mic on gordon ford is how i feel about my life rn... how i felt at my HB audition (then killed it and landed it might i add), how i feel tuning out the bullshit around me. it brought me to tears

-not to mention..... my heart at all the lenny scenes. the way he talks about her... respects her.... sees her for what she is worth and sees her for all her strengths.... which btw kinda felt annoyed that she blew joel a kiss at the show bc what the fuck did he do besides make her miserable her entire career ..whereas lenny on the other hand... dear sweet lenny.. he did nothing but hype her up. her #1 fan. the only other person besides suz that never doubted her. always saw her worth and made sure she knew it... god that scene at the chinese food restaurant killed me with the fortune cookie. heart eyes on the way he talks about her and talks TO her about her 4L

-speaking about amazing men loving amazing woman. the wisdom that Miss C I A R A dropped on CHD really put things into perspective again. it was kinda my wake up call from the delusion ive been living in since july but also just like put me back on track to my anchoring faith that my mans really is out there and we really are becoming stronger and stronger every day for each other and the life we are going to create together. like it made me reallllllllllly happy knowing that there is gonna be somebody that God is creating for me, and we will be better together than i can even imagine in my tiny human brain. so yeah im just excited.

-also karma is real. and i need to stop lying about why im showing up to work late every day ( even tho it's kinda true ...)

-theme of my 20s is patience because good things come to those who wait but great things come to those that observe gratitude while waiting :))))))

-my momma is my bestie and i gotta stop being mean to her

-my bounce backs from my PMDD sessions are so much better than they used to be and im taking that as a fat dub! women are meant to rest! and make babies! and be creative and intuitive and be little angelic witchy fairies that create magic and keep familys going! ciara kinda proved my point on that pod episode tbh

-a bunch of other wisdom as to why i love god, myself, my life, and the beauty of everything around me that im too tired to explain rn but know deep down in my heart

ok i rest now love u

o one more thing - i feel so disconnected from the people previously in my life lmao and idk if this is all part of my growth or i just havent seen them in a while or something but i litearlly feel stronger and stronger the more i dont see my friends and idk.... not stronger but just more content? feels like im outgrowing everyone or maybe just growing in a diff direction and it's simultaneously sad but exciting because that means new souls should be arriving soon! excited to find the beauty in them :)

[bonemass07]

a vent i guess. tw

lately things have gotten rough again. I've been manic for the past several few months, somewhere between 10 and 7. Ive experienced manic and depressive episodes for a long time but I've never had a manic episode last this long. In January i lost a brother of mine to suicide and took that as a lesson because i had been so suicidal in the weeks leading up to him committing. I started heavily believing in mind over matter, gaslighting myself into being happy; and don't get me wrong, it worked for a while. But i can feel myself deteriorating. like every breath makes me sink and every exhale rips out my lungs. I isolate myself into my bed unless i am at my brothers house. i cant feel anything except this sadness. i used to love so deeply and now i can barely even catch feelings, unless i shouldn't like that person by any means, cause in that case ill create scenarios in my head all day and end up catching hard feelings. There's something wrong with me and i don't know what it is. I just don't want to feel this anymore. I logicized suicide back into my life and have been abusing any substance i can get my hands on. Im starting to want to die again. Ive been going to my brothers house a lot so that i dont have to be so lost in my head every night. Last night i had to come back home and when i put my shoes on i couold feel the wave coming. i stepped outside and felt heavy. i got in my car and turned on some music and took a deep exhale. I made it 10 minutes down the road before i started crying. I havent genuinely cried in so long it feel gut wrenching. i didnt even really get to cry that night because i had to stop myself so i could keep driving. I just want the pain to stop.

[yangus]

im going to rebrand this account!

#violet.txt #been more into games lately and i kinda wanna make content for games again...... so sorry for the inactivity #i havent created in months and i WANTED so badly to make a gifset for every untamed episode but i Suck and got wrapped up in games #i just want to start creating again >_< so sad that i havent been lately #sorry to everyone who followed me for mdzs content ill try to keep at least some on here #but its mostly going to be square enix games

[byuncock]

Do you still love me? // Baekhyun

pairing: baekhyun x oc/reader

genre: angst, slight fluff?

word count: 1.6k

a/n: unedited! inspo came from a oneshot that is no longer available to read.

The cafe was filled with such a happy atmosphere. You were feeling everything, but.

You looked over to your boyfriend as his attention was solely on the one person sitting across from him. Which so happens to be his ex.

The both of you were out for your anniversary celebration, but it seems like you were the only one excited noting the outfits as you looked down at yours then looking over to Baekhyun's laidback hoodie and sweats. Good thing anything he wears makes him look stylish.

For some reason his ex keeps glaring at you from time to time. You havent even talked to her beside a simple introduction of hello's and my name is.

Your mood for the day has been ruined and dampened even more at the fact that he was paying attention to his ex more than you. You heave out a sigh while staring ahead just wanting them to finish talking so the both of you could just end the day even though it's only the after noon.

Hearing the sigh Baekhyun turns towards you while his friend is still talking. He stares a bit feeling bad that you had to deal with this on a special day.

He turns to her, "Well, it was nice seeing you again. If you don't mind leaving us since we are celebrating our anniversary after all" Baekhyun shoos her politely.

She let's out a flabbergasted "Oh!" and nods at the both of you then leaving. Baekhyun turns his head towards yours and gives a peck at your temple.

Feeling annoyed you stood up to leave not before telling him, "Let's go home, Baekhyun"

You were washing the dishes. Deep in thought about when things went wrong with your relationship with baekhyun.

He's been distant since around a month ago you ponder. Then the affection started decreasing weekly along with dates and communication you investigate.

As you were deep in thought Baekhyun was standing at the entrance of the kitchen the whole time with his arms crossed while staring at you. Also, deep in thought of what words to start off.

"Hey, we need to talk" he starts off as he uncrosses his arms and walks closer to you leaving a good distance.

Coming back to reality you looked over to him then down at the sink since you were still washing the dishes, "What did you wanna talk about?" letting out nonchalantly.

He opens his mouth, but the words are stuck. He closes and swallows, trying again, "I don't think I want to continue this relationship anymore" he lets out softly. As if he was hesitant even saying it, scared even.

You knew this was coming. Were you surprised? No. Just disappointed. You ceased washing the plates and turn to look fully at him, "Why?" genuinely curious even though you were breaking inside.

He stayed silent while looking around. Trying to find the words you assumed. "Do you still love me anymore?" you questioned in a whisper.

He stares at you straight in the eye, "I don't think I love you anymore" he finally lets out. Breaking you completely.

It was suddenly getting harder to breathe. You feel the tears creeping up. But you swallowed a large lump and nodded. Going back to finish washing the dishes, "Alright then, I guess this is it?" you questioned.

Not letting him say anything else when you added, "I'll pack my stuff when I'm done with this" you turn your head at him with a forced small smile.

Then he left.

-

It's been about a few weeks. Or a month. You don't really know since you lost count of the days. Not having the energy to even care about anything else besides your broken heart.

You were staying at your friend's place, who is kind enough to let you move in, but because of reasons you didn't want to do that to her. Letting her know you'll only be staying there for a short time until you find your own place.

The sun has set and the moon is shining brightly. Though the weather has been nice lately your mood hasn't got any better. So you try to cheer yourself up by having walks daily either in the morning or night.

This time around you were feeling extra sad and heartbroken which led to all memories with Baekhyun and self doubt. Must be your incoming monthly cycle.

You were walking out at night aimlessly. Which should be dangerous, but you didnt care at the moment. Not until someone grabbed your shoulders from behind and turned you around, startling you.

You were so shock you didn't really get to process who the person was before they pulled you into their embrace. The scent giving it away.

The tears you've been trying to keep at bay for the past week had finally been let go.

Baekhyun hears you sobbing and hugs you tighter while whispering apologies and I love yous in your ear.

You were so upset and hurt that he broke it off just like that. All the anger and sadness coming out through your sobs and actions. You pushed him away while looking at him.

"W- What ar-are you doin- doing?" you asked while hiccuping. Now that you were finally able to take a look at him you cried even harder.

He was flabbergasted, didn't know what to do, but pull you in his embrace once again while apologizing, "I.... I'm sorry my love.... I'm so sorry"

He tightened his hug while whispering apologies and sweet nothings.

While you just stood there. Limp. Bawling your eyes out at the same man who broke your heart.

So many thoughts were bombarding your already tired head. Why is he here? Why is he hugging me? How did he recognize me? What the fuck?

Baekhyun let you cry in his arms while he soothes your back. Waiting for you to calm down before he speaks again. When you do he lets out softly, "I would like to speak with you. If that's okay?" pulling away at arms length so he can look at you. Trying to decipher the emotion on your face other than sadness.

You were so confused, "What do you even want to talk about?" giving a deep frown as you try to back away from him and have a decent amount of space in between.

Baekhyun didn't like that. Even though you created distance he still managed to graze his hands down to yours to intertwine them.

"I wanted to apologize" he started quickly. "I know I broke your heart and told you I no longer loved you, but baby was I so damn wrong," he tightened his hold on you.

Millions of emotions ran through you. Still confused obviously. But now. Upset. How can he just do that? One second decides he no longer loves you and breaks it off then come back because he was wrong. Who does that?

He was eagerly waiting for any type of reply, but all he received was a troubled look and thoughts running through your head.

"These past weeks we've been apart felt like hell. I realized I made a mistake shortly after I broke it off with you, but I didn't want to get back to you so soon because I wanted to be sure that I still love you. Which I do, which is why I was trying to plan something until I ran into you" he pauses. Letting you soak in what he said before continuing.

He saw your eyes move from the ground up to his eyes. He took that as a queue to talk again and hopefully convince you how sincere he is.

"Something in my gut told me to do it now or else I wouldn't have got a chance later. So I took it." he pauses again and slowly gravitate you towards him into an embrace so the both of you could look directly at each other.

"Now I am hoping you can forgive me and give me another chance because I love you so damn much. I'm a fucking moron to ever thought I didn't love you anymore. Please, baby. Give me another chance and let me be with you again." he softly lets out with his lips just a centimeter away from yours.

His eyes occasionally drift between your eyes and your lips. Somehow his arms were wrapped around you.

You were still soaking it in. Everything was too much at the moment and in the state you were currently in didn't help.

The whole time he talked you didn't even reply back with anything besides all the emotional looks he caught.

You were deep in thought. So deep in thought you forgot what was happening until you feel his arms tighten around you.

You can tell the situation was making him anxious and your lack of response made it 10x worse.

"I don't" you croaked. Clearing your throat you tried again " I don't know" you finally let out.

He ended up placing his forehead against yours and stared deeply into your eyes. "Please" he begged with a crack in his voice. He closed his eyes and his expression seemed like he was holding back his tears.

You didn't feel bad.

You pulled away from him. Making sure you were six feet apart and he stood there with his eyes closed. You can see a tear run down his pretty features.

"My number's still the same" you whispered. You stood there for another few seconds then turn to leave.

If he wanted you back then he better work his ass off.

You were not going to experience that heart break again. You wanted to be sure that he means it so if the both of you do get back together there wouldn't be doubts. There wouldn't be second thoughts of what if Baekhyun falls out of love with you again. Because you have no idea if you can handle that the second time.

-

As you are walking back to your friend's place. Your phone vibrates.

~

a/n: lmk your thoughts!

#baekhyun #byun baekhyun #baekhyun scenario #baekhyun scenarios #baekhyun angst #baekhyun drabble #exo #exo angst #exo scenario #exo scenarios #admin b #my writings

[carrotycake]

a mass effect trilogy appreciation post 💕

so i completely forgot about trilogy appreciation week, and i haven’t had a lot of time lately to draw new stuff so i wanted to post some older mass effect drawings from about 6 or so years ago - drawn at the peak of my mass effect obsession when i was still in the middle of playing it so they are very dear to me (even if my art has improved since then lol). anyway read on if you want some personal thoughts & feelings on the series that has probably had the biggest impact on me as a person! <3

i think i can date this back to summer 2015 ish, before i even started my art blog! i always loved ashley and was very sad when i had to sacrifice her on my first playthrough as i was romancing kaidan :( i was studying english lit at uni when i played ME for the 1st time, and i was always inspired by ash’s love of poetry.

me playing mass effect for the first time also coincided with me properly getting into digital art, so a lot of my early pics are experimental lol XD the car chase in LotSB is still a favourite every time i play it, it has my favourite banter scenes from throughout the whole trilogy

i made this^ in response to playing mass effect 2 for the first time and being pleasantly delighted by the friendships you can make. i blasted through ME1 quite quickly and often forgot to talk to my crew members between missions, missing out on important info & bonding - this ofc led to wrex DYING (!!) and when i reached ME2 i was like. i Must talk to everyone. and i loved that even though i wasn’t romancing anyone in 2 (faithful to Kaidan), the friendships and bonds you create still feel as meaningful and good despite the lack of romance.

also an early 2015 pic, i was attempting to draw without lineart for the 1st time, and let me tell you this piece took SO LONG -_- I love Tali a lot though and the mission where you take her to Rannoch for the first time in ME3 has always stood out as one of my faves. Additionally, this quote has always stuck around in my brain;

"After time adrift among open stars, among tides of light and to shoals of dust, I will return to where I began."

can’t resist a cheeky samantha pic. i don’t need to go into tooo much detail about how much i adore samantha traynor but she really means a lot to me! her romance was one of the first ones i stumbled across, pre-mass effect playthrough, and it suddenly made me sit and think. hey samantha is gay and just wants a dog and a wife etc. maybe i can Also have that. maybe that is Me.

not to keep the serious introspection for last or anything, and also congrats if you read this long (apologies for the long post & the rambling) but. idk mass effect is still my favourite thing ever - even if i dip in and out and enjoy different things, mass effect is always going to be closest to my heart and i love it very much. ty to the people in the fandom that i’ve interacted with over the years, both on this account and my main @itsacuriousthing​ - again i havent been doing much of that recently but i am always grateful for the nice people making fanfiction and fanart. u guys are the best, truly 💕

#trilogyappreciationweek #mass effect #mass effect fanart #mass effect art #mefanart #mass effect legendary edition #fyi this is all old art from around 2015 incase it wasnt stated #also this got real sappy real quick but #im just Love Mass Effect

[fleshblueberry]

Babe wake up im going to rant about my ocs lore because im bored

Tw/cw depression, suicide, kidnapping, addiction, unreality

I write angsty stuff for my ocs oops-

When i first started making my characters they were very different in alot of ways and they were very different from what they are now. But i some how managed to glue all the chaos of my ocs together into a semi-coherent story. I went through an insane amount of world building with myself and i honestly dont think ive ever writen or typed any of it out before! its all just up in my head (and you know my memory is trash so ive probably forgotten of alot of things i made before lol). Anyways- i have two main story lines for my characters. Ethan's story, and Vevlet's story. Although i must admit Ethan's story is less complex than velvets simply beacsue it acts as a story of prequeal to Velvets story line. (Alternate realities that happen to have effect on each other basically- we love space time junk)

Ethan's world is very similar to ours, the most similar out of any of my fantasy worlds lol. Ethan's story revolves around self-discovery. I mean for it to be a wholesome/lighthearted thing that quickly leads up to dark undertones (spoilers lol). Ethan's story begins with Eef pre-transition (AFAB to NB). We get to see Ethan learn about themself and have fun exploring emotions and what it means to be alive. Ethan comes from a run-down family (mom khs, dad mia). So he lives with his adoptive parents (who i have yet to design and think about- theyre lesbians 100% though). A major moment for Eef is meeting his partner Seth. As you already know Ethan and Seth are cute ass boyfriends and stuff but guess what! im jammed their story full of angst and edgy shit bc i "wrote" most of this when i was hella depressed! Anyways Seth's family is like moderally welathy, wealthier than most i would say. Seth catches feelings for the emo chick ofc (forgot to metion Eef was definately a hot goth girl before he transitions).... uh yea anyways seth ends up flirting and crushing on eef and eef is like yea sure im bored and sad why not. and they end up dating after a while. Theres an important moment in their relationship when Ethan take Seth to this dead tree. THis dead tree is very important also bc it is where his mother hanged herself, and Ethan doesnt quite remember that bc he was very young when it happened, but he knows it as a place of comfort and he goes there alot when he feels sad or alone. this tree could be taken as symbolizim but heheh ill never tell. anyways Ethan is like yo my fevorite tree and Seth is like wtf okay bro ily and all but why a dead tree with an unstable tire swing?? ANd ethans like idk but i like it here reminds me of my childhood (op my guy) and they spend the night there. Also when ethan comes out to seth as nonbinary seth is just like ok,,, because hes bisexual lol. anyways time skip and Seth has some addiction problems once he graduates, long story short- Ethan doesnt like it bc his dad was a druggie so he trys to help Seth and Seth raises his voice and ethan is tiny compared to his bf so hes naturally like terrified of being hit and he suddenly feels his world of happy and peace he build back up bieng destroyed once again so he heads to his mothers dead tree and decides life isnt worth it anymore, and he hangs himself in the exact spot his mother did.... once seth comes off one of his highs or whatever hes like- oh fuck i yelled and acted agro to my traumatized partner. and he immedatly goes to the tree bc its Ethans favortie spot but its to late. regret is the only emootion anymore... its over for them.

now youre probably wondering how the absolute hell does that tie into velvets lore?? well do i have a tale for you. Velvets sotry begins on her 21st birthday, she is out for drinks with her douchebag bf and her bestfriend. several drinks later she yells over blaring club music shes going to the restroom, and as shes walking back she sees her bf and her bestie making out and she doesnt even say anyhting and walks out alone. She is making her way back to her apartment very tipsy. She then hears a vechile driving beside her, she cant make out anyhting theyre saying and the people in the car get out and before she even relises whats going on shes thrown into the vechile and is being beaten and yelled at. She passes out as theyre driivng to somewhere. When she next awakes she is in a barn-looking place. Concreate walls painted red and straw all over the floor. she cant stand, her legs stung and so did her entire body. for several days- she doesnt know how long she stayed in this place unable to move or do anything. Weak and starving, she gathered up her last bit of strength and hung herself on a low board (havent really worked out the details on that scence bc i keep changing my mind but she does hang herself). Cut to a space of nothingness- legit nothing- exactly its impossible to imagine nothing. In the nothing sits velvet all skin and bone, and then an entity, a hooded figure with long hair, sits next to her. No words are spoke, but the entity looks at velvet longingly. Then it tears out its eye- just full on plunges its hand into its socket and rips it out. bloody mess honestly. the entity hands its eye to velvet, and she takes it. there is no thoughts here, no sound, only actions. Cut once more to a coriners room place? ya know the place with dead bodies and tables and shit- anyways a bright light emerges from dead!vevlets chest and surrounds her entire body. *cue stunned doctor mans* Velvet arises from her death with her scars healed over and... wings. Yup shes an angel now. I mean her world already had monsters and things of suppernatural belonging but- angels are rare. She makes 1 of 2 angels in their relam as of current. Angels are "made" from regrets. Regret overflowing from two sources- one long dead and the other recent. This is where ethan comes in. Ethan's regret from how he died was powerful and sad, powerful enough for his spirt- an entity- to reach Velvets. Velvet too, had much regret in her death. So young and so many things that could have been avoided. In the days following up to her death in the barn/cellar she only felt regret. Regret for all she did and all she didnt do. So much pain summoned the entity. Their powerful forces of regret pulled them together and allowed Velvet to return- but at a price for the both of them. the entity lost its eye- symbolizing a loss of humanity and conscientiousness. While Velvet lost herself, she no longer can view her world in the same way. She has severe ptsd- like episodes and halucinations. She cant go back, she has to live through he own grief. Velvets appearnace also changes quite a bit. Her hair got longer, she has two sleek gray wings on her back, and- one of her eyes are purple now. why does it hrut her to see that eye? why is it all so familiar yet far away. Her human brain can hardly understand all the changes. But she was gifted this- she knows she must try. And luckily for her society sees angels as higher beings. They are given the umost respect but they are also greatly feared because of how misterious their origins are. The only other known angel meets with velvet quite alot through her story, he will act as a sort of guide/plot device to make things a bit easier for myself (havent worked out his lore tho or even a design for him hjbfkjsdb). Anyways im tired and its 1:35 am so thats all the lore you get for now, plus its the stuff ive thought about the most so- i dont really want to think any furtherb ahead yet lol. to many little things to work out...... i love creating but oml typing hurts after an hour or so-

Jam out!

... I don't even know what to say to this

[kyukun]

Figment (OumaSai)

god i havent posted in a while but i am ALIVE!!! IVE JUST BEEN HELLABLAZY LATELY BUT UHHHHH YOU ASKED FOR ANGST AND I DELIEVERED LMAO HAVE FUNNNNN ;0000

title: figment

summary: Danganronpa is finally over. But the memories never faded. Especially the people.

word count: 1541

~~ prompt starts after cut! ~~

"Hey, Kokichi. How've you been?" He sat on the grass peacefully, his hat in between his legs as he crossed them. He turned his head, seeing flowers gently blossom over the grey stone. He smiled reminiscently, "I've been good. Though, things have been really quiet around here." He spoke softly, leaning against the gravestone beside him. 

 Shuichi fluttered his eyes open, noticing a mourning family walk along the pathway. "Danganronpa ended. That's all that matters, right?" Another silence had passed, the wind whispering through his ears as he gazed upon the other graves. He turned towards the rock, noticing the name embedded in it, feeling a wave of guilt wash over him.

 "Do you hate me? Be honest. I… I wasn't the most kind to you. I judged your character without even attempting to get close to you… You were never evil, you were scared. And I… And I judged you for it." Saihara had a feeling in the pit of his stomach that he couldn't erase, tears warming his face as they streamed down endlessly. He sobbed into his hands, setting the bouquet of flowers he had upside the grave. 

 "Geez, Saihara-chan. Didn't know you were such a sad sap."

 His head whipped up as fast as lighting. That voice sounded all too familiar. Though, there was no way it was actually him. He was gone. He was just hallucinating. Yeah. Hallucinating.

 "Aw, are these hydrangeas? Shumai, how'd you know these are my favorite flowers? Did you spy on me?"

 Shuichi knew that it was him. There was no way he was hallucinating. He turned towards the grave, which is where the sound was the closest. At that moment, he could've sworn he was dreaming. As wind blissfully blew leaves across their bodies, he locked eyes with Kokichi. He was almost glowing? He was sitting on his grave, leg over the other as the flowers were in his lap. He grinned softly at Shuichi, whose tired eyes seemed to widen the minute they met with his. 

 "K-Kokichi? I thought you were--"

 "Dead?" He finished his sentence, placing the flowers next to the rest. "I am."

 "Then how are you…?"

 "I have some unfinished business. Mainly with you. So wipe those drips of snot and tears and let's get talking." He giggled, swinging down from the grave onto the grass. He sat cross legged, directly in front of Shuichi. Despite him being a ghost, he wasn't transparent. Well, not fully. He sat in front of the sun, which allowed Shuichi to see right through him. 

 His heart ached seeing the slight transparency with his body. While Shuichi could see him, and to a degree feel him, he was gone. There was no shadow, no slight crevices in the grass where he sat, nothing. "You look so tired. Come on, don't tell me you haven't been sleeping much because of me!" He laughed, but Shuichi hadn't been laughing. He hadn't even dismissed it like he normally did either. Instead he stared at the ground, tears forming at the corner of his eyes. 

 Kokichi nearly panicked, feeling a bit guilty. He was dead for pete's sake. He didn't think anyone would actually miss him. No, he's being too selfish right now. He needed to comfort Shuichi. 

 "H-Hey, Shumai. I was kidding. Are… are you okay?"

 Shuichi had no clue what came over him but he lunged for Kokichi. He gripped him tightly in a hug, both of them now in the grass. It was a weird experience. He could still somewhat feel Kokichi but he was cold. It felt like hugging a block of ice. Nonetheless, he hugged him. He sobbed into his scarf, releasing all of those inner feelings into his tears. 

 Kokichi had his eyes opened wide, shocked as a blush ran through his cheeks as the taller male greeted him with an embrace. Shuichi said nothing, tears meeting with the cold body beneath him. Kokichi had no clue why he was acting like this, he could feel Saihara's heartbeat against his lifeless, cold one. It made him feel good. 

 Shuichi, in a realization of what he was doing, stood up. Obvious tears streaming down his face as he helped Kokichi sit up. "Sorry. I don't know what came over me."

 Kokichi stared at Shuichi as he used the back of his sleeve to wipe his tears with a sad grin. His face was soft when he noticed how much Shuichi had cried. He used a hand to reach out and touch him hesitantly. A cold hand that bled through the sun cupped his cheek, wiping the pain away with one swipe. He used his thumb to wipe away the agony that had built up in those cold and lonely months he had experienced.

 Shuichi looked up, sleeve gently falling down into his lap as he looked at Kokichi. Not just looked, but really looked at him. The sun cowered over his shoulders, still gleaming in his eyes but creating a shadow over them. His purple irises watered as a genuine smile took place of the once soft expression. 

 Shuichi placed a hand over Kokichi's, feeling nothing yet everything at the same time. "Saihara-chan, I love you."

 Kokichi squeaked out those four words quietly, feeling himself being drowned in his own tears. "I really did… I… I'm sorry for pushing you away. I should've told you how I felt when I was alive but I could see the scorn in your face when you looked at me. You looked so much happier when I was away and… Shit, sorry." 

 Shuichi felt Kokichi's hand slip away from his, "Kokichi, uhm…"

 "No, it's fine. I shouldn't be crying. I should be comforting you." He stood up, drying his tears. He hadn't even given Shuichi the chance to speak. He cleared his throat, adjusting his scarf away from Shuichi. "Just kidding! Sorry about that!" The latter stared bewildered as the liar swung back towards the front of him, perfectly fine in a mere matter of seconds. His eyes were still visibly puffy, wet even. 

 For a split second he showed his true emotions. No ulterior motive, no lies, nothing. He let his true self show but covered it as quickly as it was revealed. Shuichi could feel himself being pulled in his eyes, never wanting to look away from them. "Kokichi? Can I ask you something?"

 "Mhm! Anything!"

 "Why…" He trailed off, unable to find the words he once had but soon regathered his thoughts. He stood up, "Why do you hide yourself like that?"

 "Hide what? I'm not hiding anything. Jeez, did you really believe that sob story? Saihara-chan must be really gullible, huh?"

 "Kokichi, stop messing around. You know what I'm talking about. You… You just confessed to me a minute ago and you're acting like it meant nothing. You can't mess with people's feelings like that."

 His face grew sour, but there was that hint of sadness that was there before. "Why not? It's not like you felt the same anyway."

 "You don't know how I feel."

 There was a moment of silence between the two. Kokichi turned from Shuichi, a faltering smile on his lips. "O-Of course I know! You had feelings for Kaede, didn't you? You two were really cute together." While he didn't outright deny that, he didn't confirm it either.

 "Regardless of my relationship with everyone else, you never gave me a chance to reflect on my feelings for you. Doesn't that matter to you?" Shuichi, in a heap of emotions, gripped Kokichi by the hand. He forced him to stay put. "I know it's too late for that now but… I'm not saying I didn't feel anything." Sooner than not, Kokichi had begun to disappear. 

 "I have to go. See you around." 

 He panicked, quickly trying to stop the fading body from leaving but it was too late. He was left alone in the graveyard just as before, the sun setting into shades of purple. 

 He fell to his knees, looking at the palms of his hands as if searching for Kokichi's hand to reappear in his. 

 He was… gone.

 He turned towards the gravestone with pleading eyes, not recognizing the letters engraved on it. He took a few minutes to process what had just happened. The name on the grave wasn't Kokichi's, but someone else's. He heard a voice pull him back into reality. 

 "Shuichi? There you are. You wondered off again. Are you okay? Why are you in a graveyard?"

 "I was… paying a visit to Kokichi." Maki looked at him with a face of confusion, "Who is Kokichi?"

 "We were in Danganronpa together, remember? He… He passed."

 "Shuichi, we've been through this. Kokichi doesn't exist remember? Your doctor told you he's just an imaginary person you made up. Your memory is all messed up from the game. We should go."

 No. That wasn't right. He… he was real. He wasn't fake. He could remember everything so vividly. The blood, the lies, the feelings. There was no fucking way he wasn't real. Shuichi brushed it aside for now, leaving the flowers by the gravestone, taking the hand that Maki had offered and stood up. "R-Right… let's just go."

 He wasn't real. He wasn't real. 

#oumasai #saiouma #kokichi ouma #shuichi saihara #drv3 #danganronpa #kyus post #BRUH I HAVENT POSTED IN FOREVER OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY LMAO #I SWEAR ITS NOT BC IM QUITTING OR ANYTHING ITS JUST #I HAVENT HAD MUCH INSPO TO WRITE LATELY BUT #ITS BACK DW

[thequimmqueen]

hey if talkin about quimm makes you happy im happy to listen. - amii

Okay that hit right in my heart 😭😭😭 Usually i get so anxious Talking or Posting about them couse eventually theres people like the blue girl that makes fun of me for it,, but if you say so.. then ill be happy to do so.

So well,Lately I've been thinking about stuff like how their relationship is troughout the time they had realized they've got feelings for each other but dont say anything couse,, they havent completely talked things out. Or How things were for both without each other.

These like,, headcannons?? Happen around the time timm began working in the bakeria and quinn reencounters him there after a long time without knowing of him..

I once got the idea people thought my quinn would straight up forgive him and act like a typical shoujo Protagonist,, which is absolutely wrong becouse, Even if my Quinn is a little more soft and less cold with others that doesnt mean shes all cutesy and dorky thinking about timm like a teenager.

In my hcs,Quinn and Timm havent seen each other for around 3 years after Timm left the lawfirm,and during those years quinn went trough different phases trying to get over it- Becouse yeah! Its true that shes a Grumpy serious and independient woman who can lead a company by herself,, but She founded the place with him and a feeling of Sadness got stuck inside her even if she didnt want to.

She.. suffered about their separation,but didnt want to admit it becouse of her pride.

It was like that for around a year but then during the other two she'd be sad enough to start actually tearing a bit thinking about the possibility that she might have been a bad (work) partner to him and made him leave,, so during that time she Developed her own self to be a little more polite and create a nicer work/social environment so it didnt happen again.

(This is kinda why i hate when people say Quinn was a toxic partner to Timm,, like,nothing like that is ever mentioned in the flipdecks why would you make a character purposefully toxic?? Just to favour a different ship?? I detest those Hcs,,)

While quinn was trying to make herself less Rude and Cold,finding it difficult becouse she wasnt as open with people as she was years before,Timm was having a hella hard time paying for his apartment.

finding a Dance related job to become The proffesional dancer he dreamt to be was taking a lot of his time.. and well,he had to hurry to pay his basic needs and rent on time.

Basically both have a hard time after Timm's impulsive choice of leaving.

I forgot to mention this but,Timm also missed Quinn a few times when he wasnt busy thinking ln forming his new career.. She was resourceful and would always offer assistance when he was lost in paperwork.. it seemed difficult to him to succeed when his Attention span wasnt.. well,that good.

The Breaking point is when they recognize each other at the Bakery shop.

Quinn is upset,sad,frustrated,Embarassed- and Timms terrified becouse he knows the big mistake he did.

So its just like that- quinn is a lot more exigent and Picky with her food when ordering to him and basically acts overpowering to him out of frustration,especially becouse he has been the reason of all the tears shes dropped.

He made her feel Yearning for the first time.. and she didnt like that.

#quimm #this can be considered angst #angst #quinn x timm

[kendrixtermina]

Now here's an all new theory for where the procrastination comes from

Like the uni councilors thought of like generic selfhate insecurity or like spineless ppl pleasing (nope an anime cured me of that when I was 13 - thst sounded more like what that ladys own problems might be), fear or failure & wanting to spite my father, eveb that getting ahead through "talent" was an unfair advantage bad tainted and evil, or that "talent" meant being beholden and controlled by others (definitely somewhat right - we worked on that, it helped, the second guy was defs much much more helpful & compatible cause he focussed a lot more on strategies than wannabe-maternal pep talks) but there was always something else there that wasnt getting touched

In tje end I dont think I have talent and in any case what really matters is attitude toward "living the examined life" for example whst you do. What you notice.

Now I did notice that things get harder to do precisely because I actually want them(whereas a lot of ppl get distracted from stuff because they dont really want it) - at the same time I can totally function or pick up new habits in day to day life its not like I have some "hardware problem" like, say, ADHD or the like.

Like of course its some emotional knot it couldnt be anything else but I feel they didnt identify what kind of knot? Certainly not that first lady. If im trying to get clarity and you give me reassuring pep talks you just freak me out more for the love of god tell me whats happening. Nothing worse when a Doctor says "it will be over soon" rather than explain the procedure

Fear of/ distraction from wanting itself never really occured to me thats not a common stereotypical fear that ppl talk about.

Let me get this straight I never thought I was better than anyone I knew very well that I'm not. I thought of both those things as ways not to get bullied, maybe get somewhere where I feel that im in the right place.

If I look back at really breaking experiences it was times I really really wanted something and then I couldnt do it or some outside party stepped on my fingers. That Tori Amos Music Video where she escapes from a psycho killer's trunk and then the passerby's dont help her? That was my most favorite music video in the world for years maybe still is.

Like I was told I could maybe skip third grade and I poured all my energy and passion and strenght into that everything I had to do well, make friends with the new class i was so highly motivated I aced all the exams I felt so happy & fulfilled just being in thst flow state all the time... i wanted this more than anything. Maybe it was the first time I really wanted something beyond vague dreams or base desires. But the homeroom teacher hated my guts and put the kibosh on that; Probably because I was unwittingly repeating some of the artogant classist shit my father spouts without realizing how hurtful it is. my parents thought it wasnt worth going to the higher ups for that but having to essentially redo 4th grade in a crap school in the different town we moved to was one of the worst times of my life. Also I didnt find out that the teacher had hated me/acted in a petty way until years after I thought I just failed. That there was a possible place I could have belonged but turns out I really belong nowhere after all.

All my effort was for nothing. It was such a joy - i mean these days even getting code to work or solving math problems has that same joy - but all that effort and joy and wanting did was that... im tearing up and searching for the words to even process this tbh. I think I denied that joy, told myself that I was just a stupud kid thinking I was a special snowflake. It didnt even matter.

Rather than insist on staying up late to make sure my homework was done I just stopped caring and hardly did another piece of homework in my life just faking it on the spot or coasting through. It could have gone another way maybe if it werent for the bullies and my father the chief bully or if only I was more determined but it was like "okay I dont care anymore I just dont care" and I think thats stayed my default response to dissapointment to this day.

This TV show didnt turn out like I wanted? I dont care its just a tv show.

My father treated be with hatred all my life? Its okay I dont care about him and I dont want his love anyway.

Like there were other times when I thought I could be happy.

Like I really wanted to go to this boarding school for gifted kids. Again I thought maybe incorrectly that this would be a place where I can belong and not be bullied it was never about being better than anyone.

Again I wanted it I clamored and cried and made noise nonstop. Maybe I still hadnt wholly lost contact with willpower back then. I still thought of myself as strong willed.

And my father made me regret it. It was around the same time that mom briefly considered divorce maybe I was just the stress valve. Or he took it personally as wanting to get away from him. Duh he abused me of course I wanted away from him. He was such a suffocating control freak! Mom said yes first then he spoke to her and suddenly she followed everything he said. Thats when I really realized how emotionally manipulative was how abusive... i mean one of my first conscious memories of him is thinking "oh crap I will be just like cinderella" but he really laid it on so thick so transparently even a 10 year old could tell its manipulation. If you do this you dont love your mom. If you do this you dont love your siblings. If you dont obey me your mom will kill herself. No she wont you jerk even my 2 year old self could tell youre abusive.

The most cruel thing he did was briefly say yes. Again I got so happy. So invested. Just bending all I was towards that even though he bombarded me with abuse and mental torture.

And then on the day we were supposed to leave he said no youre not going.

Maybe I actually did say I didnt want to go because of one time he was doing this constant scientology type torture on me

That same reaction: "I dont want it I dont want anything so please please let me be"

Ppl think of bad childhoods as a game that you win if yoz turn 18 -or 28 maybe - without killing yourself. But its not. Every year you live it can take away from your potential. Every day less than you have to live it

He sure didnt let me have sucess with his overcontrol and abuse. Anything I was proud of he rules. When I graduated from school with a fairly good but not perfevt final score he humiliated me. When I turned 18 he humiliated me. Everything I did was a burden even just feeding and washing me. Hed give me unwanted white elephant gifts then bitch about how giving them to me ruined his life cause he had to work so muxh "Ingrate Ingrate Ingrate" Butch I never asked for anything I want nothing!

But as I had to eat I did in fact have to ask things of him and I hated it so much.

No wonder that I turned out afraid of wanting things eh?

Hed seen some poster when we went to see tje school I wanted to go to - not by the school by an individual student - about the history of abortion portrayed in a positive way or at least that was his official reason why I couldnt go. Again I had wanted something badly with all my being and again all my being availed nothing. Irrelevant like I didnt exist. All my screaming gone unheard.

And this is so silly cause im not a child anymore I have control and if I were to stop procrastinating I could have money and gave even more control.

I havent even spoken to him in years now hes no longer relevant. Its not about him its about thus bad pattern I picked up.

I like how this books handles it with the idea that certain experiences dont create the type but that it nakes you uniquely suceotible to certain kinds of hurt or certain misunderstandings.

Because with all this discourse about bad message free media ive really come to think that while it can and should be minimized its not possible to eradicate cause human mibds are so quicl so fallible to extract overgeneralizations and make it mean something abput themselves

Like an immature statistical learning model easily overtrained by noisy data.

Another time I was nearly happy was when I started looking for work, doing my thesis...

Same pattern I was engaged, happy to be engaged talking to ppl at both work and in the uni work group loving it all so much...

my life had started to feel meaningful again. And it had gotten to that point in part because of my ex-fiance. Yes the councelling heloed taking up meditation helped, getting high on morning glory that one time helped a whole lot got more self esteem from that than I ever got from my father.

But that all started because of my ex fiance.

He was an i tellectual type and he had a sense of purpose about him like hes a legendary character and everyone around him became legendary too. And he found me useful! Others had called me "walking dictionary" with mockery and scorn he called me his google and it meant love and admiration. Maybe I got a bit of an ego trip off of tjat but I also really stupidly dumbtastically loved him I bragged of him to anyobe who listened everything he did seemed fascinating abd interesting and meaningful, but also I just loved the sweet gentle warmth of being next to him in the morning. Once again I was happy and everything was joyful even when it was hard, I felt strong and meaningful and useful and I let myself openly want things.

And then it all blew up. Worse yet i was so mistaken abozt him it really shook my confidence in my own judgement or any sense of clarity. I was si confused during the fucking breakup like I hadnt been since I left my father's house.

Google hah! More like his personal Alexa! It turns out he didnt respect or like me at all.

I couldnt even be sad or angry cause it was all my mistake. The one feeling I allowed - and even that took me weeks to identify - is dissapointment. Heavy leaden dissapointment i didnt even kniw that was a feeling you could feel so strongly. I didnt even do anything wrong you have to open yourself to have love. He could habe choosen to love me he just simply didnt. He probably thought he did but he wouldnt evebn do something as simple as not make fun of my voice or clean when I am sick.

Once he started putting me in the "wife" role he just became unable to see me. His loss really cause I think he wanted to keep me from all those annoying texts and email he had the nerve to write.

By all means I was right to trust but also right to leave later but still my sense of certainty and purpose and meaning was totally shaken. He did the sort of romantic stuff I didnt think was real. I knew I loved him when we had this conversation about water on mars. He got me the perfect books for my birthday! He said I was pretty and a genius and looked just like an actress. He got me this titanic esque heart pendant with stars. We were stuck at midnight in a train station that one time and he pulled out a picnic rug two plastic glasses and a shampain bottle. It never worked out but he said he might take me to see the LHC! I really thought we would be buried in the same hole folks!. He had read that same steven Hawkings book that I loved. One of the rather few books he actually read as I would find. Sigh.

And I fell right back into that same old pattern. Dont care about anything dont want anything it would be stuoid unrealistic and silly to want.

When I first came to uni I also had this feeling of hapiness and belongingness and wanting, I was putting in an effort, talking to ppl more.. and when things went wrong the slightest bit I pulled by hand back from that like from an open flame.

And here I am years later most the sucess or contact I get is comments on my fanfictions.

I thought I was doing that, or drawing, because its Stakes/Evaluation-free (going by the fear of failure theory) or because at least with the ffs gratification/payoff for effort is immediate compared to original stuff or uni work. Its a nice little niche at least.

I mean I do care about it its not "just" distraction but maybe ive been profaning it in that way... and so etimes I dont even do that and go for full unadulterated undebatable distraction; Line to 7 I guess. Tje only reason I spoke face to face to anyone else than the delivery guy this week is that I had some doctors appointments.

But not its distraction from stuff Im too lazy to do or even from pressure like I always thought. But from wanting things.

So the original fiction went great while it was a distraction from school not so much when its one of the things I most want and actually have the time to do it.

Even thought thats the most practiced skill I have that I never stopped working on since I was 10. 🤦‍♀️

I mean they already explained that its basically like meditation. Or weeds. Or popup ads. Youve got to click them away as they pop up.

I always told myself thst I didnt have to be happy... and thats not even untrue actually but it would sure be neat to be happy again one of these days.

#enneagram #enneagram type 5 #feelings #enneagram 5w4 #5w4

[kinktae]

hi babe !!! i’m starting on my journey through the whole bitchin’ series today !!! and i just wanted to say that it really reminds me of that 70’s show (even if i know urs is set in the 80’s lmao) !!! and i want to congratulate u on the job well done !!!

All the bitchin’ asks I didn’t get to answer in time uwu. Spoilers ahead:

prince-jjk said: just read your beyond the story for bitchin’ and i literally cried twice 🥺 especially in the 10yrs later when, for the wedding gift, jk gives y/n the contract they wrote all the way back when they barely knew eachother, that part just made me be like skfkskckskfkd on the inside, that was adorable.

Anonymous said: bitchin is so soft 🥺 it was love at first chapter for me, i loved watching y/n and jk grow throughout the story both together and on their own and i love all the soft lil moments and reading every chapter warmed my heart so damn much 🥺 thank you 💕

Anonymous said: okay so i finally read bitchin’ all in one day and 🥺🥺🥺🥺 they are both idiots i love them sm,, thank u for writing such an incredible story!!💕💗💕💘💗

Anonymous said: MISS ROSE?!?!?!?! BITCHIN' IS BACK AND WITH YOUR BEHIND THE SCENES COMMENTARY?!?! I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE EXCITED MA'AM!! AND WELCOME BACK QUEEN WE'VE MISSED YOU AND THESE LOVABLE DORKS!!!!💛💓💙💕💜💖💚💞❤💘💗

Anonymous said: I LOVED WHAT YOU POSTED FOR BITCHIN OMGGG i actually LOVE seeing behind the scenes of writing so i really enjoyed reading about the details of bitchin. nOT TO MENTION HOW CUTE THE EPILOGUE WAS PLEASE I DONT THINK ILL EVER GET OVER THEM but overall i really liked it and thank you so so so so so so so much for this

Anonymous said: i swear Yara and Taehyung do be the cutest couple :(

beifong-bitch said: So im new around here and just started reading bitchin and oh god- I KEEP IMAGINING TAES VOICE SOUNDING LIKE THAT ONE SURFER DUDE FROM TOTAL DRAMA.

Anonymous said: beyond the story: bitchin’ got me so emotional like??? i think i can’t live without them:( thank you for this beautiful story🤧 you’re so talented

sapphireprinces5 said: can I just say that the fact you called it Behind The Story as BTS is so genius and the best chef’s kiss of the century. reading this made me tear up like I miss the two so much and to see them happy forever was just 🤧 it was so cool to see how the stories developed and your thoughts as you wrote them. thank you for giving this to us - probably one of the best gifts i’ve ever received as a reader. amazing, you’re amazing

mochiieberry said: JUST READ THE UPDATE FOR BITCHIN AND FINALLY I CAN START MY DAY(ignore the fact it’s 3 am :) ). But honestly after reading BITCHIN I questioned what happened afterwards and thank you for writing the behind the scenes and giving us 10 year update!!

ggukcangetit said: oh my gosh i was missing bitchin' and you posted the most incredible companion piece. also love how its called beyond the story (BTS) so sneaky rose (¬‿¬) you really spoilt us with the connect i am sad and happy so thanks for that. lastly, just wanna appreciate how much effort, hard work, and care you devote to your stories, characters, and readers. since you are a LOT younger than me imma go ahead and say this- uWu rose is the best liddol bean in the world. okay bye.

Anonymous said: I just wanted to say thank you for the extra bitchin' content! It's one of my favorite fics ever (mainly bc I am a woman in stem who takes shit from no man and I hardcore identify with yn) and to see how much you love the fic and genuinely get excited about the little details you slip in to make it more enjoyable for you to write just makes my heart !!! bc i love nothing more than hearing writers talk about their works with pride. love you lots and thank you for always putting out great content!

Anonymous said: Yara refusing to put a label on her relationship after 10 years sends me. For one thing, as an independent woman who is terrified of commitment, I can 100% relate lol. The titles she gives him instead killed me as well. Her outrage at the crustaceans was also so something I’d do. Like “no ma’am my best friend ain’t sign up for this and as far as I’m concerned she’s gonna get exactly what she wants”. Yara is my spirit animal.

Anonymous said: I have a lot of questions. #1- How dare you? Bitch I am sobbing. I love those Bitchin fools and I ain’t ever gonna stop loving them!

lee-u-ne12 said: I may have giggled one too many times during my "beyond the story: bitchin'" reading. Dammit it's just so cute! I found it charming how instead of just giving us an update on the characters you included some commentery on each chapter! Ngl i was rlly sad earlier but this made me smile :)

Anonymous said: I definitely noticed the sock thing and thought it was stupidly cute (like this entire fic tbh) and djjdjdjdjjd I wish I had commented on it when I first read it! I loved the behind the stuff and loved all the reasoning as to why you didn't want y/n to be a 'popular guy gave me confidence' type of character 👏 honestly loved it all thank you!!!!

Anonymous said: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WRITING BITCHIN’!! ITS A WORK OF ART AND SO AMAZING QND I LOVE U SO MUCH MISS ROSE 😭😭😭💕💓💖💕💗💞❣️💖💝

Anonymous said: AHAHJAJAJAJJA THIS MADE ME SOOOOO HAPPY AND I HAVEN’T FELT THIS HAPPY AND SAPPY IN SUCJ A LONG TIMEEE!! i absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE READING THE BACKSTORY AND BEHIND THE SCENES OF WRITING THIS FIC AND THE 10 YEARS LATER AND WEDDING MADE ME SO FUCKING HAPPY AHAHAHJAHA I ALSO LOVE TAE AND YARA SO MUCH AND I LOVE THAT THEYRE SO HAPPY BRO AND LIKE THEY DIDN’T NEED A LABEL LIKE yES PERIODT!UGHUGHYGHI I LOVE YOU SO MCUH MISS ROSE AJHSJS I HAVE SO MUCG LOVE FOR YOUU 😭😭😭💖💓💕

Anonymous said: ROSE YOU SON OF A BITCH I LOVE YOU

cheeky-kookie said: ROSE, I am so happy this is the best birthday present wowza ily thank you bitchin' update I cry

Anonymous said: oh my gosh yara and tae are gonna get married someday and she's still gonna be like what? husband? you meaN my matChing riGg wEareR.

Anonymous said: Just wanted to let you know, I just read BITCHIN' AND IT'S THE BEST STORY I'VE READ IN A WHILE AND NOW ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITES. I would totally read it again in the future . Thank you for writing it and sharing it with us and you're awesome!

Anonymous said: Bitchin' was amazing. I cried. Thank you for writing it 🖤

Anonymous said: I think I've read bitchin like 3 times now but in never fails to put a smile on my face. The 80s slang kills me every time. Just wanted to say it's one of my favourite fics I've ever read :)

Anonymous said: i just finished bitchin’ AND IT WAS SO GOOD i cried at the end when it came full circle about the paper 😭❤️

Anonymous said: Hi I just binge read bitchin I’ve always ran into it but I hesitate Bc I knew it wasn’t completed I’m the worst but,,, ow. Ow. My heart physically melted you developed two characters so well and there’s no way I’m not going to reread again and again because of how good and genuine their relationship was. Uhh that’s it sorry I just wanted to let you know I’ll need money Bc my heart is unfunctional because of how full it is

Anonymous said: i just wanted to tell you that you made me feel so 🥺🥺🥺🥺!!!! with bitchin', that it is one of my favorite stories ever and that it's just so amazing and well written i just- don't stop doing what you're doing please !!!!!

Anonymous said: hi sorry this is random but im a huge fan of your work! i havent checked in with tumblr too much lately but last night i binge read camellia, groovy, and bitchin and oh my goodness i was so enthralled !! you have such a wonderful ability to engage readers with such relatable and dynamic characters! like wowowow i cant wait to read more of your writing! thanks so much for putting in the time and effort you do to create your work, its great and im glad you get to share it with the world! 🌟

Anonymous said: hi so i may or may not have read all of bitchin in one night BUT I LOVED IT AND IM AMAZED BY YOU 🥺♥️

Anonymous said: hiii! bitchin’ has been the best thing i have ever read and im so sad that its over, but im so happy you wrote it! u are an incredible writer❤️❤️❤️

emdancing said: Hi! I’d just like to say I binged bitchin and i absolutely loved it! It just might be my favorite koo fic 💕 your writing is awesome and so are you!!

Anonymous said: i binge read bitchin this weekend and i don’t even like fanfics but kept seeing it get recommended so decided to check it out and i loved it 😭 jungkook in that fic is so perfect and cute (except for his mess up with kiri) and that note at the end got me emotional 🥺 your story and writing was too too good, i skipped all the smut but still loved it 💗 thank you for sharing one of the most heartwarming and lovely stories i have ever read! 🤧

lowlifeoeuvre said: Hi i just read bitchin and i only have one thing to say about it... A WHOLE MASTERPIECE MAN!! literally almost cried and actually made a very inhuman happy noise at the end. I will for sure be reading anything else you write or have written.

babeewiththepowerr said: I just finished reading Bitchin and now I’m crying 😢 it was soooo pretty and well written 💜

#ask

[cloudyhyunjin]

Therapy Pt.5

Guilt is a dangerous feeling, but that would never stop you from feeling it

Genre: Angst, Fluff(??)

Word Count: 3.0k

Song: Saturday Nights-Khalid

A/N: A link to my masterlist because i havent updated this fic in forever 

Thank you for waiting for me

You sat on the couch in Woojin’s arms. The movie on the tv playing through the ending credits. Woojin had been asleep since about thirty minutes into your current session of binge watching Disney movies. You stared at the tv and tried to read all of the names and jobs, doing anything to keep your mind distracted. The guilt was overwhelming you. It was eating you up inside and you didn’t know what to do about it. You thought that after eight months you would be over him. You hoped at after a painful year without him that you would be over it, but you weren’t. You mind constantly flashed back to the way he link his arm with yours as you walked down the cold January streets, or the way he would smile at you when he knew you had a bad day. How you saw only saw Chan’s eyes every time you looked into Woojin’s. He didn’t deserve this. Woojin didn’t deserve any of this. 

He shouldn’t have to wake you up from nightmares in which Chan is slipping though your fingers like sand. He shouldn’t have to hold you and console you when you’re crying about another man. He shouldn’t have to take a different path to get the river when walking with you just so that you didn’t walk past the coffee shop that tore you apart inside. Every thought in your head was that you shouldn’t be putting him through all of this. Especially because he put up with all of it. He woke you up from nightmares, and he held you through all of your tears. He spent days walking to and from the river by himself just so that he could find the shortest path with the least amount of people and the best sights. You didn’t deserve this. The love from him that you had grown so accustomed to felt sad. You felt like you were taking advantage of him.

You shifted your gaze from the tv to his face only to find him awake. Your eyes met and he held the contact for a few moments before smiling and opening his mouth to speak to you.

“How long have you been thinking?” He asked, you felt bad that he knew you inside and out. That he could look at you and just know that your brain was running laps around one issue. And although he didn’t mention it, it was obvious that he knew what you were thinking about. You snuggled closer into his embrace and turned your head to look back at the tv.

“Since you fell asleep.” 

“I don’t know how such a small brain has so much time to think.” Woojin teased. You turned back to look at him and flicked his thigh with your right hand. He threw his head back and laughed at your action. He only laughed for a few seconds but god, it felt like an eternity. Even if you felt like you didn’t deserve him, you would never get sick of him. The way he laughed wholeheartedly at anything he found funny. The flowers that he brought you almost every day. How he would bring you a hot chocolate during his lunch break when you were at home. You thought that his generosity would wear off when you first started the relationship. That eventually he would stop caring as much as he did. He would stop holding you when you cried, or he would get tired of you talking about your past two relationships. He would get sick of hearing the names Jae and Chan roll of your lips every few weeks. You feared that eventually he would make you choose like they did, but he didn’t. “I’m just kidding, everyone knows that you’re the brains in this relationship.” Woojin shifted his position on the couch so that he could wrap both of his arms around your waist and move his head into your shoulder. 

“Sir, you can remember how to make every single item on the menu at the shop just off the top of your head and there’s like, fifty different drinks. I think you’re the smart one here.” He chuckled lightly at your comment and moved his head to rest by your neck. You placed your left hand on his head and ran your fingers gently through his hair. “Alright you’re getting too cuddly, it’s bedtime.” You joked and tried to move from his embrace to go to your shared bedroom but he just squeezed you tighter so you couldn’t leave your warm spot on the couch.

“No,” he mumbled and pulled the blanket over the two of you. “Let’s just stay here tonight.” You smiled at his tired form and adjusted yourself so that you were closer to him.

“Okay.” You whispered, barely audible. You fell asleep that night without Chan on your mind. 

~

You were walking to the coffee shop. It didn’t make sense but you were. One foot in front of the other moving you quickly and painfully closer to your destination. You had your first fight with Woojin, it was over something so small and stupid that you couldn’t even remember what it was about anymore. The only thing that you could remember was his blank expression, it shook you to the core thinking about his face. He looked so much like Jae when he was mad. It was late, you didn’t remember what time the shop closed anymore but you had a feeling that it was too late. Everything was always too late of too early, it was never the right time.

Jae was too late. Waiting three or four or five hours or two days sitting in the house hoping he would just come home. Cold cups of coffee sitting in the kitchen that you had made in the morning for him but were still sitting there untouched by the time you had gotten back from work at 5 pm. Dinner dates with your parents that had to be cancelled because he didn’t come home from “work” on time. 

Chan was too early. He came before you had a chance to fall out of love. Before you could decide if love was really worth it. He felt like waking up at five am even though your alarm didn’t go off for another hour but staying up anyways because it gave you extra time to get yourself ready. Getting to the shop ten minutes before his break started but sitting in the corner of the dimly lit coffee shop because you would’ve waited a thousand years for him to be ready. Too early to realize that everything you had ever wanted was standing right in front of you.

Woojin was the only person that was there for you right on time, as if the universe knew that you needed him. Getting off of work the same time as you. Flowers being delivered at the end of your day just as the bouquet that he bought you three days ago had started wilting. Arriving at his shop during your lunch break just as he was walking out from behind the counter with two full mugs of hot chocolate, one for each of you. Waking you up from nightmares right before they get to the bad part. Unconditional love to help you heal exactly when you needed it most.

Maybe that was why you ran when, for once, the timing felt off. 

The white sign on the outside of the coffee shop hadn’t been flipped over to say “Closed” yet, so you walked in. The smell and look of everything creating a flood of bad memories. It felt like the downpour in your head wouldn’t ever stop once you saw him. He was washing tables, specifically the booth that the two of you had always shared.

“I know the sign on the door says we aren’t closed but we actually close at-” He stopped washing the tables to turn around and look at you, the black rag dropping from his hand and his sentence being cut short when you made eye contact. It didn’t feel right to be here.

“I was really hoping you weren’t closed.” You said and played with the ends of your jacket, the same one he gave to you that night by the river. He smiled slightly and leaned down to pick up the rag off the floor.

“We closed ten minutes ago but you can stay.” He examined your face for a few seconds before speaking again, “You look like you need it right now.”

~

Chan walked to the table with two mugs of hot chocolate. It was a different table than the one you used to sit at. He sat down across from you at the unwashed table and placed a cup in front of you. You grabbed the warm mug and pulled it immediately to your lips It didn’t taste the same as Woojin’s hot chocolate. It was all sweet, too simple to be anything more than a way to warm yourself up, but you enjoyed the warmth it gave you for now. You sat in silence for a few minutes, quietly sipping your drinks before he spoke up.

“So what happened?” He questioned, he always asked but never pried. You enjoyed that feature about him. Your current boyfriend would ask and ask and ask again to get you to tell him things so that he could try to solve them, you still appreciated it though. You tried your hardest to push down your comparisons before speaking but it didn’t work.

“Woojin and I got into a fight,” Chan’s attitude visibly changed when you mentioned the name. As bad at it was, he hoped that the next time he the two of you met you wouldn’t be with him anymore. One can only dream. “I didn’t know where else to go.”

“Why didn’t you just go home?” He asked, he knew the answer when he saw you look down and remove your hands from the table. A quiet ‘oh’ left his mouth when the realization hit him. “How long have you... you know, been living together?”

“About four months.” You moved your hand back up to grasp the hot cup, the heat hurt a little bit but you didn’t pull away. You needed the distraction. “I moved in pretty quickly. I don’t know why but I did.” You tried to come up with an explanation for him but you couldn’t.

“You moved on quickly,” Chan blurted out. Your eyes snapping up to him as the words left his mouth. “You moved in with him because you moved on and because you fell in love with someone else. Listen that’s fine and everything and I’m not mad but I was hoping-”

“What exactly were you hoping for Chan?” You snapped at him, “Were you hoping that I would come to my senses and leave Jae for you? Were you hoping that I would keep sitting in my room and texting and calling you for hours on end waiting and begging for you to reply? Waiting for you to give me a chance to show you that I loved you more than anything in the entire fucking world? God, you really never knew me if you think I could’ve moved on from you. Ever.” You were out of breath by the time you finished talking. Your throat and brain hurt after your confession. It was his turn to look down shyly.

“You told me that you didn’t love me.” He picked at the skin by him thumbs. It was a habit that he picked up from you and never bothered to drop. 

“I was never good with words.” You picked up your mug and took a sip. “So any new developments in your life?” You try changing the subject as quickly as possible. Chan moved around uncomfortably in his chair and picked up his drink to take a sip.

“Um yeah, actually.” He speaks quietly from behind his mug. “I.. I um.. I have a girlfriend now.” His voice so quiet and unsure that you almost don’t hear him, in the back of your head you know that was the intention. He was trying to soften the blow. It didn’t help. 

“How long?” You swirl the remainder of your hot chocolate in your mug, determined not to make eye contact.

“Just a few months. I don’t know if it’s that serious yet but she’s cool, and she has a cat named butterscotch.” Your mind flashes back to your first time meeting Woojin when he says those words, butterscotch lattes in a new coffee shop sounds like a nice thing to remember right now. “I don’t know if I could ever love her thought.” He adds.

“And why’s that, Chan?” He missed hearing you say his name so softly. He thinks long and hard before answering.

“She’s not you.” He chuckles. You open your mouth to say something back but he stops you with more words. An explanation you couldn’t give him. “I can’t look at her without seeing you. I can’t look at anyone without something about them reminding me of you. Working here doesn’t feel the same. Hot chocolate doesn’t taste right. Flowers don’t smell the same. Everything’s... different” Chan keeps talking but you aren’t listening until he reached across the table and puts a hand over yours. “Hey can you look at me?” 

“No,” the words come so quietly from your mouth that it shocks even you. “I don’t think I’ll be able to look at you right now with out falling in love again.” Your voice is shaky and you feel like crying. Why did you always have to cry around him?

“Well then look at me, and if you fall in love again you can make a choice.” More choices, you were plagued with them. The thought bounced around in your head for a few seconds, wondering if you should risk it. Ultimately before your brain can make a decision you take a chance. You move your head in his direction before you moved your eyes. He looked different than he did before. He looks like he’s lost a little weight, his cheeks don’t hold the softness that you remember. His eyes are a little less bright and the bags underneath them look a little less sunken in. But he still feels like the man you fell in love with. “So,” He starts “How do I look?” He smiles. And you smile back at him. The timing of the situation never having felt more perfect.

~

You walk back into the apartment a little bit after one am. Woojin was still up and sitting at the kitchen island, his finger running mindless circles around the rim of his coffee mug. He looks up and smiles when he sees you, not an ounce of sadness in his expression. Every part of him radiating joy at the fact that you just stepped through the door. He stands up quickly and walks over to give you a hug. You return the action without second thought and start crying at the contact.

“Hey, sweetheart.” He pulls back a bit and puts your head in his hands, your arms stay wrapped around his waist and he wipes the tears off your face with his thumbs. “Whats wrong? I’m not mad at you if that’s what your worried about. I’m sorry that I got so upset over nothing.”

“I’m not mad either.” You confess. A heavy silence hangs in the air as you try to think of your next words. Of how you should break it to him. “While I was out... I um.. I went...” Your words trail off, the action of telling him feeling so much worse than the thought.

“I know baby,” Your smile becomes sad as he speaks. “I went out to look for you when you left and I just so happen to be such a great boyfriend, that I knew exactly where to look for you.” He laughs but you only feel sad. He knew you would run to Chan, it broke your heart. You really didn’t deserve him. “I’m not mad I get it.”

“Why aren’t you mad?” Woojin’s face looks confused by your question. “I got into one argument with you after all of these months of you treating my like I’m the only person in the world and I run back to someone that broke my heart. You should be mad. You should be screaming at me and breaking up with me right now as we speak.” You remove your hands from his waist so that you can pull his hands away from your face. Woojin keeps his hands in the same spot even with your efforts. He smiles at you again. A smile that would truly be the death of you. 

“Because I love you.” He explains simply. He says it like its so obvious and you feel stupid for ever doubting him. He’s told you that he loves  you a million times before this moment, but somehow it holds more meaning this time. So much meaning that it makes you want to cry. “I love you so much more than anything in the world. More than hot chocolate, and sunsets, and singing, and Lion King. I know that this isn’t easy for you and I’m okay with that. I understand that loving you is so much more than having you. All I want is for you to be happy, even if it isn’t with me. If you decide that your happiness is found in someone else then I’m fine with that. If you love something let it go right baby?” You start crying again for the third time that night.

“I don’t deserve you.” You blurt out and bury your face into his neck.

“You deserve the whole world Y/n.” He rubs soft soothing circles on your back. “And if one day, your indecisive ass makes a choice, I’ll be okay with whatever you choose.” You laugh at his comment and pull back from him to wipe your eyes, Woojin’s hands still placed comfortably on your back. 

Woojin went to bed earlier than you did that night, he understood that you needed some time alone to think things over. You crawled into bed with him about an hour later for what he assumed to be the last time. You had made your decision, and he was well aware.

#stray kids #stray kids fanfic #stray kids fanfiction #woojin angst #woojin fluff #chan angst #stray kids imagine #stray kids imagines #therapy

[tumblunni]

PRIME SOUL DESTROYING MADDIMAN LINES

"Hans full sustained my heart"

"I don't even remember why i started making him"

CUE FINDING A BUNCH OF SAD OLD DIARIES

"I feel like a stranger in my own home"

"I havent been home in weeks"

"Am i just using my research as an excuse not to go home?"

"My delinquent son extorted $30 from me the last time i saw him"

"I dont know how to tell them why i'm so distant, but they'll understand when i conquer the world in their names!"

"I'd been neglecting my family recently and hoped to make it up to them"

"I returned triumphant to the house, only to find it empty"

"I'd hoped that my wife leaving me was an april fools joke. But she didnt come home that day, or the next day, or the next..."

"I've finally created the ultimate yokai, however i feel no joy. Instead i only remember another birth...when my son was born, i made a promise to my wife that i would protect him. Even if i had to bring the world to heel! Now i'm on the verge of accomplishing it, it has no meaning anymore. But its too late... The deed is done..."

"It's particularly cold today..."

AND BACK TO OUR EQUALLY SAD PRESENT DAY

"Yes! Yes i remember! I wanted my wife and son to come home! I wanted them to know me!" (Oh god seriously that one line)

"I should thank you, you reminded me od precious things."

And yeah then its a funny scene of you still getting in a contrived excuse to have a boss fight anyway, but he says its cos he feels obligated to avenge his experiment even though youre his friend now. LIKE WTF EVEN THE JOKES ARE DEPRESSING

"Tomorrow, and the next day and the next! Every day is full of new beginnings! Thank you!"

"I will begin again, bring the world to its knees, and once i finally have it in my hands I can return home to Cherry Hill and be with my wife and child"

Like excuse me holy fuck did he just drop THE NAME OF WHERE HE'S BURIED and THE INTENTION TO FUCKIN COMMIT SUICIDE A SECOND TIME?? Like i know technically its just finally passing on, but still oh god. I'm glad ultimately in the next game he got a continuation of his plot and found more reasons to live now, instead of just living because he felt too ashamed to pass on until he completed his life goal. Which i suppose is still better than being lost unable to remember his life goal, just directionlessly hurting both himself and everyone around him. But still HELLO THAT IS NOT OKAY my goddamn HEART

Every goddamn second i play yokai watch is now dubbed Operation Keep This Man As Far Away From Cherry Hill As Possible, thank you

YOURE GONNA PRACTISE SELF CARE AND MENTAL HEALTH RECOVERY IF I HAVE TO BRING THE WORLD TO HEEL TO MAKE IT HAPPEN

I cant believe i love this character even more than i already diddddddd

#*sobs into my hands* #please stop hurting the dad #nintendo...blease...

[cutaepatootie]

41, 50,52,53,46, 17, 13, 35 (any story for you), 36(animal 7 hehe) omg i’m so sorry for too many questions i hope i’m not too late 😅

Hahaha, don’t be sorry! I’m glad you asked bc I love this type of things hehe. You’re not too late dw. There are some answers I’ve already answered, but I’ll copy and paste them. Lots of love sweet! 🖤

41. How many stories do you work on at one time?

Rn I’m working on 4 hehe. But I like to post one at a time bc I lose interest really soon and I know that if I’m posting one and I start posting another story, I’ll get more invested in the second one. Tho, rn I’m working on one that I’m planning on posting soon even if I haven’t finished posting Animal.

50. Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had.

You can read it here.

52. How did writing change you?

I don’t know if it changed me bc I’ve always written and imagined stories, even when I was a kid. But posting them has changed me for sure, I can share my stories - my thoughts - and see how people think about them, I can see people enjoying what I write and that makes me feel... Full? hahaha I don’t know how to describe it with words, it just feels right, like it’s what I should be doing.

53. What does writing mean to you?

The whole world! I think I’d suffocate if I didn’t write. It’s like my mind is always working on new stories, always imagining and creating, and I feel that, if I didn’t write them I’d explode or something hahaha. I’ll put a really visual example. When you want to pee so bad that you feel as if your bladder is going to explode and you’re going to die? Well, the pee is my stories and the bladder my brain xd.

46. What would your story _______ look like as a tv show or movie? 

Hmm I’d love to see how the new Fantasy Tales I’m writing would look like if it was a tv show. I’d love to think it would look like Game of Thrones, but I think that’s wishful thinking hehe. About a fallen bookmark on a Thursday afternoon, I think it’d look like a Makoto Shinkai movie, so sad yet beautiful, with the cherry blossoms, the train and all.

47. Do you start with characters or plot when working on a new story?

Hmm... Whoa, such an interesting question. Guess I never thought about it. Usually I come up with the plot first, and then I guess I adapt my characters to it. But again, I usually get inspired by people, their personalities and all and then I create the story. It depends on the story? There are stories inspired by characters and their personalities and there are characters inspired by stories that my mind created (sorry, that was such a bad answer hahaha)

17. On avarage, how much writing do you get done in a day?

It depends on the day. If I’m really busy, I don’t write. Yeah, I love writing, but it’s not my priority :( If I’m not busy I usually spend 2 - 4 hours aprox. if not more.

13. How do you deal with writers block?

I HATE WRITERS BLOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU WRITERS BLOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, it’s so frustrating... UGH! I don’t deal with it as you can see by this answer hahaha, I just let the frustration take my body. I guess I just stop writing and go on with my life, and as I said, I need to write, so eventually I start to feel the need to write and I write again. 

35. Tell some backstory details about one of your characters in your story ________.

Hmmm... I’ll tell you the backstory details about Jungkook in Animal Don’t know if this is the answer you wanted hahah but I’m telling you the backstory of how Jungkook’s character in Animal was born. Okay, so I think I’ve already said this, but Jungkook’s character was insipired by a patient I met during my practices at the hospital this year. I was his nurse, and he was this really tall man (195 cm I think) broad shoulders and all that. He was old but he had eyes that looked like crystals of how clear they were, white hair and strong features, he sure had been really pretty a long time ago. A bit grumpy, rude sometimes and jumpy and scary. He hated most of the people at that floor, but somehow he grew fond of me and we became friends. I would talk to him and accompany him because he was always alone, like, no one ever came to see him or called about him. Me and my nurse grew curious of him and searched his name in Google. Turns out he had been a famous underground boxer in Russia and had had troubles with the law and he had scaped from them. I was talking one day with him when he told me that, when he was young he had loved a girl that reminded him of me. I think he grew fond of me bc I wasn’t scared of him and I always took time to speak to him or visit him. He never told me about that girl anymore, but that’s how Animal was created (he wasn’t dying either, he was sent to a refuge bc he didn’t have a home) 

36. A spoiler for story _________.

Akhsjfkhgads 😈😈 do I have to answer this? You know how much I love creating hype and not telling anything about my new chapters... But I’ll do it for you! (maybe it’s a shitty spoiler but it’s the only one I can say for now) I’ll tell you okay!!Jungkook’sbeenshotanddramaisgoingtohappen. AJKLSHDLGASJDGHAJH