#i know its stupid to like talk shit about your art because you work hard and all art is valid but

[orange-artist]

Brainworms: Sabo x Yonji

Hello little people in my phone. Today I bring you new update in the Good!Yonji AU (AU where Yonji defects from Germa at age 15 after learning about Emotions and starts a clothing store instead. more here)

Woke up this morning and my brain said to me "you know what would be funny? Putting Sabo and Good!Yonji into a room together." AKA Orange talks herself into another rarepair

Apparently, the conclusion my brain came to was that they would kiss. I presented the thought to my little buddies, @nosongunsung11 (rubber duck and feedback loop) and @courfeyracs-swordcane (hypeman) and the idea devolved and now I just ship them whole heartedly.

Let me present too you my newest agenda, Yonji x Sabo. (Target audience: 5) I will give yall the elevator pitch, but this is the longest elevator ride of your life and the music is terrible. Strap in.

Okay, SO- Yonji is a fashion nerd right? And one day, a tall, blonde, hot and most perfectly proportioned man walks into the store in an impeccably well kempt suit. The simp/artist genes kick in. Yonji wants to make a suit for this man so bad.

Yonji would just be a puddle in the floor like "please sir I will do anything. Let me make a suit for you."

Then he find out this guy is a runaway noble? (Who ran away at age 5!) Who is now fighting the world government? (Second in command!) Has brothers he hasn't seen in 10 years and is rebuilding their relationship? Survived Trauma and is living it up now causing problems for people of power? Yonji is so far gone.

On the flip side, Sabo does not like Yonji at first. Thinks he's a hooligan. Tries to scare him off by using big words™️ but Yonji is also an ex-prince and is not intimidated but swoons harder because hot and smart? Holy shit. He is also peak autistic swag and deadass does not pick up on the fact that Sabo is trying to bully him. Also, Sabo is undercover.

Yonji does succeed in convincing Sabo to let him make a suit and they end up becoming buddies. (They both have brother complexes and the other reminds them of the brothers and its bad I hate it but it is true)

One day Yonji gets caught in a revs fight and Sabo's like "I need to protect this totally normal and helpless civilian who has nothing to do with this" and Yonji is like "holy shit, a chance to show off in front of the cool guy". Anyways cue both of them going feral and insane in a fight and Yonji, wiping blood from his hands with a handkerchief because he was raised as a prince and habits die hard looks over at Sabo and it like "Anyways that was fun, wanna grab coffee? Oh, I know some very good ways to get blood stain out of wool. :)"

And Sabo realizes "something is deeply wrong with him and I dig it." Or as @nosongunsung11 puts it: "I can't see the simping working on Sabo what would Work is Yonji going fucking feral on a bunch of random marines"

They also get attached to the other on the basis of Yonji's AuDHD swag reminds Sabo of Luffy and and Sabo's blonde suited runaway energy reminds Yonji of Sanji. Both of these idiots have massive brother complexes and they are working on it-

They're both stupid and have issues and it works. Anyways, Yonji ends up joining the revs.

He makes disguises. He also gets a fedora.

Also more chances to be unhinged and feral.

Other things. Yonji is a big foodie and always wants to try everything on the menu but is unable to finish it and he's learned to Not Waste Food, however, Sabo already orders everything on a menu anyways so Yonji just takes a bite of everything.

The both carry around little notebook/sketchbooks, Sabo for his notes on random things and Yonji for his designs. Yonji is sometimes allowed to illustrate Sabo's notes.

Bonus: Sabo models for Yonji.

(inspired by irl event of being an art student and sometimes you need your friend to do emergency weird poses)

Please give relinquish your opinions about this I need to know.

#good yonji au #yonji one piece #vinsmoke yonji #sabo one piece #yonji x sabo #yonbo? yonsa? yonsabo? saboyon? sayon? #idk ship name #sabo x yonji #my art #vinsmoke yonji x sabo

[wraithsoutlaws]

.

i know it's just the Depression(TM) but i feel so forgettable lately and like i just can't do anything Good and certainly not something i'm really Proud of and i so rarely have motivation to do ANYTHING at all and when I do i spend it completely mortified that it's gonna be total shit and i'll hate it and it will make me feel even worse about it all because i can't even make myself happy and its just a constant of

>don't do art. feel bad > do art. feel bad

it just sucks when your main creative outlet is tied to the problem and its extra stupid because I KNOW its just my dumb brain being literally dumb as shit but that doesn't stop that feeling you know. i was also thinking about those "end of year VP" templates and how like...i really haven't done much that really sticks out to me this year and that sucks too. i Know that "good" has no meaning here but no amount of self awareness makes it any better.

so what do i do if i can't do art or vp or write or work on this stupid puzzle that's taunting me all day long to feel better? i lay in bed and feel worse. its too cold and gross to be outside and touch the grass.

*this isn't me looking for back pats or whatever i just gotta vent sometimes just to get it out im fine i promise it is fleeting it will pass* *you know your fandom is poison when you're self-conscious about your own mental illness vent posts because someone might use it to talk shit about you

anyways akfdljksal i've been sitting for over a week trying to figure out what to do for dagger's birthday pics and it took me so long to kind of get an idea and now i keep not having the energy or motivation to do it and now its in 2 days and im gonna be so mad at myself if i don't just let myself enjoy it (he is very special to me. cringe-haters hate me). its just so hard to find the joy when you're whole world is in a fog.

#*trust falls into the fiery pits of hell* #<- didn't know that's how you spell fiery #anyway this is jsut your normal sadboy vent post nothing to see here #if i don't verbalize it it will fester into a fungus and i Will begin to rot

[monstersinthecosmos]

I was asked in that Fanfic Writer Asks thing 💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing? and I wanted to break it out into its own space.

The No. 1 Most Impactful Lesson is Write What You Want to Read

But I do want to speak about this for a minute because like everything important that I know about writing ALWAYS comes back to this idea, and there's two main points I want to make about it.

Your "VOICE" is about your taste and your ideas more than it is about your technical skill, language, and structure.

People I think stress about "voice" thinking that they need to develop their language and prose and rhythm and all the flowery poetry. I don't think it matters, personally. I think if you have an idea, the idea itself is the thing that drives the story.

Fanfic is awesome to use to learn how to write because it's accessible to everyone, and you get such a wide sampling of skill in one place. And sometimes you can see a really atrocious fic and it kinda teaches you what not to do, and helps you understand what you do or don't like as a reader, but sometimes you also see the good idea peeking through and you can enjoy it anyway. There are fics I ADORE that are so sloppily written, break all the rules, formatted like shit LOL, and I'm still HERE FOR IT because the author had such great ideas.

I'm sure anyone who's learned a second language had learned this, but, I remember when I was studying abroad that the college president welcomed us to the program and gave us this huge pep talk about how like, when you're out in the world speaking a second language, your grammar isn't important. If you can COMMUNICATE, that's what's important. If you can point to the apple you want to buy and say "Apple buy", the person will understand what you're trying to say.

So I think of writing that way, too. Your ideas are more important than your technical skill. Share the ideas. Keep sharing the ideas. The skill will follow when you're putting the time in.

2. Writing for fun is just as valuable as writing for work.

I took a long break from fanfic writing in my 20s because I kinda thought I'd "moved on" and that it had been my teenager hobby. And I had gone to college for photography and becoming a professional photographer really killed a lot of my passion for the art. College really brainwashed me into thinking creativity is a waste of time if it's not monetized, so even though I always enjoyed writing, I spent a few years being hard on myself and thinking it was stupid to waste time on writing fic because I couldn't sell it.

And that's such bullshit?

Because the truth is that, by telling myself "Don't write stuff you can't sell" I just wound up not writing anything at all?

And writing is like, my lil thing that that I do for fun. I can do it for fun. It feels good. It's the space I've made to be creative where I specifically don't have to worry about money, and I value it so fucking much.

I'm sure there are other people who bypassed this life lesson by NOT falling into a capitalist trap LOL but if I can share that, to help others avoid it, I will!

Write what you want to read, because it's fun, because you want to! Because you have good taste and that's your voice! You can be confident and stand up and say "I think this idea is cool so I'm going to share it with you!"

Trust yourself and your taste!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't stress about the technical stuff, it will follow!

(Bonus point #3 is bonus because it's a little more about technical stuff but if you start thinking about write what you want to read WHEN YOU READ it really helps inform how you think about your story structure and pacing. Like when I get stuck on a pacing thing I'm always thinking "Would this bore me if I were reading it? Would I want to be slow burned? Would I want more time spent on this payoff?" etc. I think that shift in mindset really helps when it comes to your story structure!!!!!!!!!!!)

#sdgjkas thank you to my mother anne rice for teaching me this lesson lol #writing advice

[crabonfire]

more random tf2 headcannons :) (modern addition!)

Engineer likes Lego’s. He LOVES the fact that there’s a toy out there that empowers kids to create, he loves the Lego typewriter and is obsessed with the Lego creators sets. (Bonsai tree, sky wars mask, etc.) if you ask him about it he’ll be like “I think it’s great kids are learnin’ to build such things.” But he will never admit he actually wants the legos. Give him legos? So happy. In general, he likes puzzles. He loves games that have puzzles like Portal.

Pyro loves video games. Any game he’s up for it. I can see him as a MAJOR Kirby fan. He’d probably play Kirby games all day long if he got the chance to. Sometimes when he notices Engie working a little too much, he will drag him to their room and play Mario kart together. Sometimes he asks others, like scout!

Heavy doesn’t play many video games, but wanna know what he likes? Chess. He loves strategy and often plays with Medic, Spy, and Engineer. Snipers quite good at it, but he likes to watch instead so he can see how much each player struggle against each other. He finds it funny, yet insanely interesting.

Demoman and Soldier shop a lot. for the most random bullshit they can find. On some nights when everyone is asleep, they’ll sneak out to like a target and pick out the most random bullshit they can find. If anyone catches them while they try to sneak out, they ask them to come along. One time Scout and heavy came along and heavy ended up having a migraine over the three men wearing the most ridiculously stupid looking yet expensive clothing anyone has ever bought. He thinks it’s funny but is also questioning the amount of money they’ve spent in one night. He’s never coming with ever again.

Scout is really good at ALL the arcade games. But one thing he’s super good at? Claw machines and fucking DDR. He thinks of it as fun legwork and loves the competitive aspect of it. Trust me when I say he’s full combod all the fucking hard songs. Sometimes he’d just play to let out the stress tho. He’d play songs like Love Is Orange, A, and of course a CLASSIC fucking Butterfly (if u don’t know any of these songs I understand because barely nobody knows these, I just play a shit ton of ddr)

Medic has a twitter account where he just spams about how annoying the other mercs are at the medbay, if they’re treating him badly expect a whole thread on it. It’s private, everyone is on there and miss Pauling likes to reply and absolutely cackles at his tweets.

“These imbeciles get on my fucking nerves sometimes mein gott.” -medic

“I’m guessing you had a rough day?” -missp

“Yes. Scout screams like a final girl from a horror movie and demoman spilled his booze all over my table. If this job doesn’t kill them I will I swear.” -medic

“Wow…uh. I’m so sorry.” -missp

“No need to feel sorry, they might boss me around but I still have the pregnancy pen. If anyone gets out of line I’ll make them go through the worst pain of all, motherhood.” -medic

“OH.” -missp

“wtf” -scout

Spy is one of those competitive sports fans, but not in terms of sport, in terms of music. I can see him talking about his favorite jazz artist then go crazy that a pop artist who’s “nothing like *insert his fav artist*” is at the top of the billboard charts.

“HE IS MUCH MORE TALENTED THAN ANY OF THESE IDIOTIC POPSTARS. HOW THEY MAKE THESE VILE SONGS…ITS NOT ART! Nothing will compare to him, his music is like heaven to one’s ear…*rambles*”

Sniper goes to pet adoption centers to play around with the pets. He has this dog he plays with a lot, her name is Molly and he adores her.

“Your a cheeky girl aren’t cha? Your so cute…yes you are, yes you are.” He says as he’s petting Molly in his arms.

Nobody knows this except Pauling, who caught him while she was in the area. He walked in with a frown but walked out with the happiest grin shes ever seen on any man.

#tf2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 engineer #tf2 scout #tf2 pyro #tf2 heavy #tf2 medic #tf2 demoman #tf2 spy #tf2 sniper #tf2 soldier #tf2 pauling

[charrfie]

howdy laika! for that ask game, spamton with 17, 22, 23, 24?

LONG POST INCOMING PLEASE READY YOURSELF

17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?

See this is a tricky question bc I wouldn't say I truly LIKE any spamton ships really; they all don't work for me for one reason or another. But I'm fine with seeing some* of them regardless because I do view a majority of them as having been a part of his history? Like him and swatch for example. I do not enjoy that ship or actively take part in it but do I think there was something going on there during spamtons big shot years??? Yeah. Do I have a problem with anyone that does enjoy it? No. Kind of a non-answer but it's the best I've got

* = "Some" excluding any addison ships (bc I personally view them as siblings) and also ones that aren't morally gross, obviously

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

OH BOY AM I A FIC READER. For the past month or so as my hyperfixation on spam has ramped up in severity again I've been trying to read every spamton centric fic that's ever been written and wow has it been a journey. So as for what I like!! The easiest answer to this is probably just the general statement of "when people write him how he is in canon." It's surprisingly rare to see him written in such a manner but is always a nice surprise when he is. Not only do I say this in relation to his character as a whole, but his speech patterns too! Which- admittedly- are extremely difficult to get the hang of! So I understand if people aren't super well versed in it and can't write him accurately in that manner. But it's my favorite thing ever when people do.

As for the second part of this question, I think the most glaring thing I hate when it comes to fics about him is just how often he's infantilized. It's SHOCKING how often it happens. Sure sure, he can be silly no doubt about it, but he's a grown man in his 40s and has experienced so much awful shit. Can we knock it off with treating him like he's a newborn or is stupid?? In the same breadth is when people make him excessively kind or sweet right off the bat... like is he not kind of an asshole??? I think its perfectly fine to embrace that fact; him being morally gray adds SO much to his character! Dare I say a lot of people who enjoy his character wouldn't have been intrigued by him without it, so I don't know why that element of his character is so often neglected. Same with his small moments of kindness/humanity; they wouldn't hit as hard if he was like that the whole time. Idk. I'm kind of picky about writing and literature so I have a lot to say sorry lol

23. Favorite picture of this character?

If we're talking about canon art of him only then I will forever be thinking about this gif of him. It makes me crazy. Same with this drawing toby did of him, you people have no idea the damage it does to me

If fan works are included... then this piece by @fatspamton is my absolute favorite picture of spamton EVER and it has been for the longest time, no question about it. It's exactly how I see him in my head and he looks so charming in it T_T <3 All of this artists spamton art (and other art/music too!!) is absolutely worth looking at if you ask me; the way he draws spam is unbelievably perfect, I think about all of its works of him very often :"^]

24. What other character from another fandom of yours reminds you of them?

Going to be honest I've been stumped on this one. I don't think I have any answer?? There's no guy that takes up my brain space which is similar enough to him for me to say in full confidence "yeah x is like him," sorry!

#THANK YOU FOR ASKING THIS LOVE U #also to the artist whose works i included: #please let me know if youd like me to take down the actual picture and just leave the link to it up! ^_^ #laika answers #should i put this under a read more. is it too long. lmk #long post #you can ask me about spamton and I do not shut up

[baronfulmen]

Why you should clear your brain’s cache and cookies

A Rant About Shrooms, AI Art, Trauma, and Appreciating Life

Hey look at this image.  You shouldn’t trust evolutionary psychology people because it’s often Just So Stories people make up, but that doesn’t mean we should throw out the baby with the bath water so let’s talk about the evolutionary importance of ✨PATTERN RECOGNITION ✨

Okay so the tiger in the picture above is trying to hide so it can eat us, and we’re trying to see it so we can avoid being eaten.  Great.  Cool.  That means there’s a VERY important part of our brains that has evolved to look at noisy images and play “find the tiger”.  (It works for non-visual stuff too, we’ll get to that.)

This is also how AI-generated art works, basically.  You give a computer some random static and then say “somewhere in this image is [insert prompt], find it” and it tries very hard to do so, like when you point out shapes in clouds to someone.

Our brains work via committee, so the part that’s doing that kind of pattern recognition and visual processing isn’t really any smarter than something like Google Deep Dream which you can hand a picture of some dude and say “FIND THE DOGS” and it’ll give you this:

People have compared images like the one above to being on shrooms and, having now taken shrooms for the first time I can say I get the comparison.  What’s important, though, is WHY this seems to be the case.  So far as I can tell (I’ll say this disclaimer once, I am some random dude on Tumblr and this is an anecdote, not scientific data - your experiences and brain chemistry may vary, do your research, I am not endorsing anything illegal, etc.) what happens on shrooms isn’t you being high, in the traditional sense.

Some drugs interfere with your perception and processing of the world.  That’s what I was expecting, and for a moment it’s what I thought I was getting.  But instead, I think what the shrooms did was delete my brain’s config file.

So now you’ve lost all the built up definitions and stored patterns, and you look at the walls and your brain no longer knows if there’s something important in all the detail.  Is there a tiger hiding in there?  WHO KNOWS!  And it takes all those little swirls and textures in the plaster or paint and starts over-processing all of it looking for patterns.  This means you don’t so much “come down” from being high, but finish re-calibrating.  At some point your brain is all, “Hey I’ve determined that’s just a normal texture for the ceiling to have, I’m not going to look that closely anymore”.

Okay but what does that have to do with trauma and appreciating life?

So glad you asked, hypothetical reader.

As I mentioned above, it’s not just visual stuff that we look for patterns in.  From an evolutionary standpoint it’s super valuable to be able to say “hey I ate that plant and then got sick, those are probably related and I shouldn’t eat that anymore”.  But there’s two big problems with that.  The first is that as with the visual processing that one part of your brain on its own isn’t smart.  It’s an algorithm, not an entire brain, so it fucks up sometimes.

I know a guy that couldn’t check his mail, because he’d been in really bad debt for a while and the fear of losing his home and the hounding by debt collectors  traumatized him so badly that his brain said “Man every time we look at the stuff that comes in the mail we get SO UPSET!  Better avoid looking at mail!” which meant when someone put envelopes down on top of the groceries (meaning he’d have to pick up what might be bills to get to the food) he found himself thinking “maybe I should just order pizza” even though he knew how stupid that was.  Trauma is a bitch, y’all.

The other thing is that sometimes the pattern was valid but is simply no longer useful.  The context has changed, and now it’s getting in the way rather than helping... but your brain doesn’t have a reset button.  Well, not a built-in one... but turns out this shit does the trick:

This is a PB&J&M sandwich I ate yesterday.  Ignore the chipped plate.  It made me feel kinda queasy all day, and at first I was disappointed.  I felt a little floaty and wobbly and things did start to look a little interesting, and I was having a nice time, but it wasn’t the mind-blowing experience I’d been hoping for.  And then the shrooms finished deleting all my stored patterns.

You know that stoner thing where they’re like “dude this cat is, like, so soft.  Why can’t we all just love each other and pet cats?” and you roll your eyes at them?  Yeah, well, the thing to know is that’s not them being stoned, that’s them seeing the world with a fresh perspective and realizing that, yeah, cats ARE soft and we don’t appreciate that enough and man why CAN’T we just relax and love each other?

In other words, it’s not distorting your perception - it’s resetting it.  You get to experience that wonder and joy of seeing things for the first time, and it’s lovely.  There are so many details that your brain files away as unimportant - it’s busy checking for tigers, who cares about appreciating the grass?  I had a great talk with my daughter (side disclaimer, she’s an adult and I was totally lucid by then and I cleared it with my designated babysitter first) and got to really see her as an adult for the first time.  Kids grow up a little at a time and it’s wild to be able to wipe out the “yeah, yeah, that’s your kid, you know what they look like” thing and SEE them, see how they’ve grown and what they really look like as a whole adult person.

I also realized I wasn’t being fair with her.  She’s had issues I won’t go into here, she’s done some dangerous or irresponsible shit like most kids have and I was still filled with parental anxiety about that and was viewing her through that filter.  What is she up to?  Is she acting squirrely?  She hasn’t been home for a few days and now she’s all manic, is she safe?  Is she fucking up?  Am I fucking up by letting her fuck up?

And with that filter erased, I could see... she’s a good kid.  She’s manic because she has ADHD and decided she doesn’t want to take meds.  She has some issues, but she’s an adult now and those aren’t my business anymore; those are now her adult issues that she can work on in her own time and her own way.  I can finally look at her as... not a peer, she’s still my kid, but as a complete adult person that I don’t need to fix and can just love and support.

It’s like Marie Kondo came into my brain and was like “hey does this pattern you’re viewing everything through spark joy?  No?  Okay let’s thank it for its service and send it on its way.”

And this is why people use shrooms to treat trauma.  I’m not saying it’s a magic cure-all, I’m not saying that it will work for everyone, but... man it’s pretty great to clear things out.  That sense of wonder and appreciation is already fading, but it’s not that the shrooms are wearing off - the wipe was an event not a condition - it’s just the normal process of my brain filing things away as “not a tiger” and ignoring them again.

It’s like those power washing videos.  You scour off the accumulated grime, and then the grime starts to build up again but at least you get it nice and clean for now and were reminded that, hey, that can look pretty nice.  I can see why people say not to do them too often, as wonderful as my experience was there just wouldn’t be a point in doing it again right away.  Maybe in a few months, who knows.

Final thoughts and warnings

I was queasy the whole day, longer than most people seem to experience.  It didn’t bother me much, I never felt like I was in danger of throwing up although I know people who have.  If you’re worried about it there are ways around that, it’s caused by the actual mushrooms rather than the active chemicals so you can (supposedly) make a sort of tea and strain out the actual mushroom bits. 

I tried watching some of those trippy videos, and that was a mistake.  There was too much visual stimulation and the disconnect of “wait it looks like we’re flying through a psychedelic landscape of fractals but it feels like we’re just sitting in a chair” made me feel antsy and uncomfortable.  Turns out it’s better to just look at something fairly boring and let your brain over-analyze it.

Have a babysitter.  My wonderful supportive wife was mine, and I ended up not needing one but frankly that might be my own strange brain.  I’ve always had a strong separation between the main “thinking” part of my brain and the rest, so there wasn’t really any chance I would mistake my altered state for normal life.  Better safe than sorry though, especially at first.

Do your research.  Don’t go for the highest dose you can in search of some crazy trip - the best thing is the mental refresh, not seeing the walls move.  I took 3.5g, just for reference.

Plan for it to take up your whole day AND to be kinda tired the day after.  Think of it like taking a sick day, you’re going to want to spend most of the time just laying back and dozing on the couch.

Be in a good mood, and a place that makes you feel good.  Lots of people suggest being out in nature, I can imagine that would be really nice.

Be extremely cautious when combining shrooms with other things.  Don’t do it on purpose - it’s not needed, I promise - and do your research if you’re on anti depressants because while it seems mostly safe there’s theoretically a chance of having a bad interaction like serotonin syndrome.  My own research has implied that’s probably not an actual concern but I’m just some guy on Tumblr and you shouldn’t trust me.

Don’t use drugs if you’re under 20, don’t do illegal stuff, don’t blame me if you fuck yourself up.  I will not under any circumstances assist anyone in obtaining shrooms.  All I’ll say is they’re legal in some places and if you don’t live in one of those places you’re on your own.  While they do grow naturally in some places, so do mushrooms that will fucking kill you - and it can be hard to tell the difference.  Don’t eat random mushrooms, ever.

#shrooms #magic mushrooms #cw drug use #tw drug use #psychadelic

[theoddest1]

i fear viv is like j*k*r -

there is evidence, proof, so so much of it. and even then, just her behavior alone, without the really bad stuff, is questionable to say the least. i dont know how to put it, but she and her fans act like 12 year olds on wattpad (i used to be one of those kids to some extent ik what im talking about here lmfao). it is a FACT she's horrible and disgusting (i could list a thousand other things here but the critical community already knows all this) and still people defend and dickride her. it is no lie that her fanbase is like a cult. i wonder if these people are actually completely oblivious or are just as horrid because the fact she's a horrible person is as clear as day. the fetish shit, her weird ass transphobia, her blatant disgregard to actual victims that aren't her fans, her drawing... that , her racism, her- should i go on? and i fear there is no consequences for BOTH these people- they will go on until they die without ever facing their actions and stuff. its disturbing.

its like j*k*r all over again. i sense a pattern here. not sure what kind, but its so fucking baffling how both are horrid and insufferable AS CLEAR AS DAY as people and HARM OTHERS and still get so much support. both need to be studied because what the fuck have they going on that protects them meanwhile some people on social media get cancelled for one sentence they said 17 years ago (not that that's not "valid" it's just baffling how some people get cancelled over the smallest shit meanwhile....) and these people get to enjoy their life without consequences while there's MOUNTAINS of proven evidence.

i feel like i discovered a goddamn alien baby the way im so fucking flabbergasted at all this.

anyways, sorry for the rant.

i hope you have a nice day/evening/morning/night!

Hey, no worries! Rant away! It's a very strange enigma for sure, and the fandon does indeed act like a cult! My guess for how Viv keeps getting away with all this stuff is that she has a parasocial relationship with her fanbase. The idea of landing a job or getting close with a creator with such a large following overrides any sense of reason or care for her actions, so people keep gassing her up because it could likely lead her to like or comment on their stuff. There's also the pseudo kind act she puts on, so people think she's the sweetest person ever when she has showcased the opposite. There's also a loooot of fandom bullying. Lots of the big dogs in the fandom bully people into silence or make em think they're in the wrong.

There's a WHOLE lot of control going on here, and thanks to her ass kissers logic is thrown out the window. Finally, there were the overblown posts highlighting things that, while weird or gross, aren't "cancelable" enough or downright exaggerations of the truth or lies. These threads on Twitter, especially back in 2019, did more harm than good and led many into believing there was a mob that simply wanted to cancel her for being popular. The threads consisted of her old cringe art (some are very questionable don't get me wrong) rather than the ones where she encouraged fandom bullying and made fun of a 15 year old fan for simply being critical of her work and called them nasty for it. No one did any research on her behavior or how she was an absolute bully to people like Starvader. Callouts need to consist of hard evidence so stuff like this doesn't happen, where your callout does more harm than good.

These factors led to many straight up turning off their brains and blatantly ignoring hard evidence. It's very, very stupid.

Also, who is the other person you mentioned? The only one that comes to mind is the guy who plays League of Legends and is famous for winning many championships.

#anon ask #vivziepop #vivienne medrano #viv get a grip #vivziepop critical #vivziepop criticism

[clowngames]

i’m a game dev student at an art school and i’ve been really struggling with finding my niche…. i LOVE being a environment/modeler/texture artist, and i want to have more skills in the design/tech side… but i’ve been struggling really hard with learning unreal engine 5 for my classes. do you have any experience in unreal5 blueprinting or just anything more on the tech side? i would appreciate some advice to get through these tough college quarters :’D

Whenever someone entering gamedev on the programmer side is struggling to figure it out, there are generally two reasons for this.

The first is that they're struggling to get into the programmer mindset. Blueprints try to bridge the gap, but code doesn't work like english. It doesn't even work like the human brain. When we think or talk we take shortcuts to formulate or convey ideas because we can trust that when it comes time to interpret those ideas another person (or ourselves in the future) will fill in those gaps. This is so intuitive to us that we don't even notice that there are gaps. Programming forces you to become aware of how many gaps there are and fill them, and quite frankly it's a humbling experience.

I'm probably not saying anything you don't already know, but I want to emphasize that the way coding works is unintuitive to most people and we need to retrain our way of thinking to get good at it. This is unfortunately not a fast process. It's very common especially for new programmers (though I'm not immune even now) to go "I'm a fucking idiot, I'm a fucking idiot, I'm a fucking--I'M A GENIUS" because of the cycle of shit not working for stupid reasons and then finally working.

The second problem is that they're unfamiliar with (and overwhelmed by) the library they're working with.

A "library" in a programming context is typically collection of functions and objects you can import into a project, but each game engine has its own built in libraries which the engines are built around. These are the verbs and nouns that aren't built into, for example, C++, but have been added by Unreal Engine to make it easier to make games.

The better the game engine, the larger the library. Unfortunately, the larger the library the more overwhelming it is because that's a lot of shit to learn.

In your case anon the "library" would refer to the different kinds of nodes you can add to the blueprint. When you're new to it, even an expert Unity dev will struggle in Unreal because they don't know what their options are to accomplish things.

Now the reason I break down the new-programmer hurdles into two distinct problems is because they often seem like one problem, which can make it hard to solve. Both get better with experience so sometimes slamming your head against a wall is a viable way to get through them, but it's not the best.

If you think your main issue is the first problem, you can work on it through "exercise." This can be in the form of taking programming courses on codecademy (I'd recommend C++ since you're using Unreal, though C# isn't a bad choice) or by playing a game by Zachtronics like Infinifactory or Opus Magnum. These games are "programming puzzle games" and I can personally attest to having gotten better at Infinifactory as I got better at programming.

If you think it's the second problem, the biggest solvent is curiosity. When I get into a new engine, I spend a bit of time learning how it works and then immediately try and figure out how to do dumb shit in it. I made an incremental game in RPG Maker just to see if I could. It wasn't good, but it was a fun educational experience. Sometimes I'll come across a function I don't understand, and I'll open the engine's manual and read about the function and use that as a jumping off point to dive into similar functions.

It doesn't feel good for my advice to be "read the manual" but genuinely there's a point where you realize that you're reading the manual instead of watching youtube videos and it's like, holy shit I'm a real programmer. It's a sign that you're getting comfortable enough in the role that you're learning what questions to ask to figure out what you need to know (youtube is still a great resource of course).

All of that said though, if your aim is to be an environment artist I think it's okay to be bad at programming. Survive college, of course, but if you're in a team with a dedicated programmer (which you will be if you are not the programmer) then all you need is to be able to understand how to communicate with the programmer. It's really beneficial to know enough about the fundamentals of what you're working in to know what info the programmer needs from you and what info you need from them, but you don't have to be good at it to do that!

#asks #gamedev #I hope this advice is useful!

[cherries-in-wine]

My thoughts on 'the cursed heart' book 1

hii I just remembered this book exists and I'd like to share some opinions. Just a warning this post contains spoilers and my writing is messy af as this is more of a rant so i apologise in advance lol. I haven't read the second book yet just fyi.

Seeing the shit everyone said about this book I was honestly expecting another smutty trash like the nanny affair but they don't even kiss until chapter 9. I think the slowburn and the sexual tension was done decently well. I thought this was a sex slave kind of situation the way everyone was talking about it but its more of a "I saved your life so you'll work for me to repay your debts" situation. doesn't really make it any better but I guess its not as bad as sex slave. The whole BDSM shit was...questionable. I don't know what's so hard to understand about the fact that BDSM IS CONSENSUAL. IF YOU GUYS DON'T TALK ABOUT IT AND ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES BEFOREHAND ITS NOT BDSM ITS ABUSE. Just fyi these options are avoidable but I just think its inappropriate to call this BDSM.

The art is GORGEOUS and I love the little story book sequences you have for the character's background information. I ADORE the side characters like longclaw and sir monty have my heart. The idea for the book was definitely interesting. I liked the sun and moon court concept and the fae. It had potential but just like all the books choices has been putting out it just sort of fell flat. I really like the names too. I know they might be little too JK-Rowling-Cho-chang-ass-names but idk I find it cute how the sun court members are radiance, lustre,blaze,gleam etc. the book has a really nice aesthetic and fae are beautiful. The outfits are stunning as well. LEAF IS THE BEST PART OF THIS BOOK.

Kieran is honestly pretty mid. I don't find them that interesting I think they're just bland. I guess that could've been on purpose because they don't have a heart and stuff but I believe they could've done so much better.

I don't like how the fae are mostly left unnamed. That just made the sun court's betrayal fall flat because I don't even know these bitches so why would it hurt that they betrayed me? like first of all that shit was so predictable and second of all when you write a betrayal you'd want it to come from a character the reader really likes and is attached to so when they betray us it will hurt and just make you feel things but because we knew very little about about them I was just like "woahhhh womp womp I'm so hurt totallyyyyy didn't see this coming you got me dude" *pretends to be shocked*.

I think the it would've been much better if they pulled a prince Aerin from BOLAS kinda route with Radiance like maybe he and the other fae sneak in at night to visit mc, they grow close and he's treated as a love interest THEN he betrays mc. That would've made much more of an impact and then it would've made sense as to why mc was so trusting when they handed him their protection charm thingy to him. Honestly I find radiance much more interesting than Kieran.

Mc is.....a dumbass to put it lightly. I'm sorry but they're so stupid and they don't even have any growth by the end. I hate the "this character's only trait is being kind so they're dumb" trope. like first of all being kind isn't a fucking personality and idk crazy thought but maybe just maybe you can be kind and rational?? like why is every kind mc so dumb and lacks critical thinking skills. yea so didn't love mc either they were just bland.

My thoughts are kind of all over the place right now (they always are) so maybe ill add more stuff later but that's all for now. Thank you so much for reading my rant <33

#the cursed heart #the cursed heart book 1 #the cursed heart book 2 #the cursed heart choices #choices stories you play #TCH #TCH 1 #TCH 2 #pixelberry #pixelberry choices #choices stories we play #choices

[howl-fantasies]

I'm feeling' angsty today... So y'know what?

Imagine watching from the other side of the screen...

[name] laying in a pool of her own blood all alone on some random alleyway with the song Skyfall playing in the background as flashbacks of her childhood are revealed to the viewers. No one knows what's happening, and she just closes her eyes and smiled, as memories of her and her "friends" are presented to the screen.

She gripped tightly on her vest, as she let her tears fall. 'Victor.. please, take are of new Gotham, for she... Is my legacy'..

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Oh dear, I was a total mess thinking about your request! I love the angst and the opportunity your idea gives to have a little glimpse of Y/N's past and moments with her frenemies.

Warning: blood, mention of violence, profanities, english mistakes: I’m working on it, sorry it’s not my first language.

Word count: 2.3k

SKYFALL

The rain was pouring on Gotham city. Like any other day when you think about it. And when the rain wasn't crashing on the dirty pavement, it was snow, which was in charge to freeze the citizens to their bones.

She never minded the rain, she thought, while feeling it lick her skin and the blood which was also pouring out of the open wound in her chest, staining the hard road she was feeling against her back. Nevermind, the water will wash it away after all.

It wasn't the first time she was shot. No. The first time, she was 12. She had an errand to make, for Carmine Falcone. Even if she didn't meet the man in person, one of his goons told her she had to deliver a package. A medium one, in which she never knew what was patiently waiting to be given to his men. 

Don't ask question if you're not sure to want to know the answer or if you're not strong enough to keep it a secret. Rule number 2. First being: always think of you and your best interests.

So she delivered it. Without too much trouble, she was already a cautious little thing back then. She learnt it, thanks to her father. Not a violent man or an alcoholic, mind you, but a man way too naive and gullible for his own good. Thinking borrowing some money from wanna be mafiosi wouldn't be an issue, even with highly indecent interest rates.

And he spent it, helping her also too naive mother to buy a dingy gallery where she would be able to expose her art pieces in hope some rich artist or investor will find her. You know? Exactly like in the stupid tv film you would find on a shitty afternoon, when you've caught the flu or something. 

Impossible scenarios they were. The two adults made their first mistake: they talked about it. A lot. In the Narrows. See where it leads? Yes, a disaster. Wanna be mafiosi tricked the couple, vandalizing the gallery then showing their faces the next day in front of their door and demanding their money back. 

Another disaster. A proper beating for her father, a good one for her mother, and for her? Well let's say she was lucky enough not to be home at this moment. All this beating for another disaster on its way: her father having now to work for the mafiosi for free, in hope to be able to pay them back. 

In the next life maybe? Same for her mother, and her. Child labor? Who would it shock in this hell hole ruled by the underworld?

That's how she started working here and there for the Mafia. Simple tasks, like delivering this fucking package, but dangerous ones when a few foes of the clan she was currently working for barged in like cow-boys with machine guns, putting bullets in every body and furniture in the way. 

She was just about to escape when a bullet pierced the back of her shoulder. The white hot pain, the warmth of her own blood, the dizziness following, she was never going to forget it.

She laugh at her past self. She had thought she would never stand near a gun again. How wrong she was. Look at her now, wheezing like a fucking seal in the middle of nowhere because of it. Shit it hurts like the first time. 

Always have and always will, if she was lucky enough to be shot another time. Goodness, she was delirious, thinking about the next bullet to add to her ridiculous pierced body. Victor would have laugh. Goddammit, Victor... He will fucking lose it if she doesn't move her lazy ass from the ground.

Even with her best try, she was just able to move her right hand and arm. "Not good", she muttered. Yup he'll definitely lose it.

Her gaze was now on the dark sky, rumbling peacefully. Maybe he, Ed, or even Oswald or Jim would be able to find her before she painted the entire alley with her blood. Maybe take her to Carter, the biggest jerk but the better underground surgeon she knows.

She met the idiot when she was 15. A tall, blond slender teen with the greenest eyes she had ever seen. He always was a meanie to her, fixing her injuries while yelling in her ears how an imbecile she was and how she didn't deserve his talent.

He was like Ed, well, Riddl-ED, in a way. Always bossy and confident and looking at you like you were a nuisance. The only nuisance he would be able to find in this shitty hole who would let him butcher it willingly, she would remind him frequently, making him frown deeply. After all who, in their right state of mind, would want a bratty teen to stitch or cut them to take out a bullet? Exactly, nobody but her.

She owed him her ugliest scars, poor dude had to practice a bit before being able to do it properly. She also owed him her life. And a lot of money since he decided she didn't have to pay him anymore. "Because we have history dumbass" he would say. 

Ah! More because he was never able to stitch her without being a blushing mess. Got threatened by Victor at least a thousand times for that. But hey, he was a "friend" and an useful one at that. If his help depended of a few titties / butt showing, she was ok with it. 

Victor had to make peace with it. He still points his gun at his forehead though, or shoot a few things or graze Carter's skin from time to time, but his crush on his wife was useful. The blond idiot would die for her, they both knew it. She never told Zsasz, but the other man was her first. This secret, as well as many others will follow her into the grave.

She chuckled. Damn, Victor would be livid if he ever heard about it. Maybe she should have told him, just to see with a sadistic pleasure his face twist in pure fury. He thought he killed all her previous lovers. How wrong he was, and how the truth was hanging just in front of him every time they had to go to Carter's clinic. Ah-ha.

Ugh! She was now tasting her own blood in her mouth. Fuck. The picture of her mouth full of blood made her think of Ed after Sofia’s torture session. Her dear Ed. The dork met her a bit after, grinning like a fool with his bloody mouth. 

"Man, red is also your color I have to say. The combination with the green suit is just stunning. Can give you a proper mouth beating anytime, it would be my pleasure" She mocked. His face was priceless.

Now she was shuddering. Cold. It was always cold in this city. Slowly, she moved her head to have a better view of the damages. Ugh. Her vest was ruined. Oswald will be mad. This one was a present he randomly gave her last year, arguing that since she never told anyone when was her birthday, he decided it would be on Halloween.

Fitting for a witch, he also added. She laughed. He was near the right date, to be honest. She was born in November. First November to be precise. Day of the dead. Well he would learn it during her funerals. Maybe even make her outfit. She hoped so. At least she would be walking to Hell's gates in the proper clothes to show everyone who was the boss down there.

Religious, her? No way. She made fun of Carmine once, when he tried to put some good Christian values in her head. "Carmine, there is no need for I will never reach heaven". He was a bit mad at her for this statement, and gave her a proper scolding, just before she got a proper yelling, when she had to add: "Good lord. Heaven. What for? I wouldn't know anyone here". He was absolutely livid.

Did he make it? To heaven? If someone she knew truly deserved to be here, no doubt he was the one. Maybe he was able to see his mother again. Liza? she hoped not.

Her vision started to fade slowly. Will she saw him a bit before being thrown into the pit of hell? Would he be the one to guide her to the afterlife if it really exists? It would be nice.

He wasn't her father but he told her once, during one of those calm nights before a big storm: "None of my children have understood Gotham like I have or you have, Y/N. You would be a very good queen for the city, if you wanted too." He contemplated his words a bit and added with a fond smile. "But we both know you're too smart to become the woman everyone wants to kill. You prefer playing your mind games and never clearly chose where you stand on the board."

It worked so far. Today was probably the last time she played the game. And she was losing. She always liked to quote Olenna Tyrell when she said the game of thrones was one you played or you died. Gotham was the same. Minus dragons. For now. You were never too sure with the city and its new monsters lately...

Look at Barbara, for instance. The bitch came back from the dead like Voldemort with the help of her antiquity of a boyfriend. See? You're never too sure in Gotham. Oh please, if she dies, make sure she wouldn't come back like Butch. It would be atrocious.

Again, she had to chuckle. Humour and sarcasm were always her favorite coping mechanism. Even now. Better than crying, isn't it? Crying for the years she may have lived, probably with Victor. Crying for the puns she will never make to Ed or Oswald. 

Those three, do they even realize how important they were in her life? She would have preferred not. But here they were. They knew her better than her parents, both dead many years ago. The three criminals appreciated her as much as they hated her, but always respected her skills, her intelligence and never underestimated her. Never. For that, she wanted to thank them.

Y/N took another wheezing breath. She would have loved to thank Gordon too. How interesting he made the city, how he contributed to change the game for the better and worse. How a good man he was, even with his flaws, and also probably because of them. Because he slowly accepted to acknowledge his dark side. Saves his life, if he didn't, he would have ended like Barnes.

She wanted to make fun of Harvey a last time. Damn, more than 15years making fun of the old cop... Creates links you know? He was like the uncle you want to call to make a prank or the one who, you know, would let you drink like hell even if you're underage and keep it a secret from your parents. Yeah. That kind of guy. She'll miss him.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She slowly tried to reach it. Not quick enough to catch it before it stopped though. Shit. With a shaking hand, she finally managed to pulled it out and turn it to look at the screen. Why did she even bother? 

She knew who was calling. And, since for the first time she didn't answer nor sent a text explaining why she wasn't able to, she knew he would immediately call back. And. Oh it started. Track her phone. When it buzzed again, she managed to press the green button.

"Dearest", she wheezed. "Hi."

The deafening silence on the other side of the line made her sigh. He was processing her terrible weak voice.

"Vic. I'm dying." She spoke again. She was never one to wrap thing in sugar and glitters. Both of them knew it and it was one of the reasons he was so fond of her, he told her once.

She heard him take a sudden breath,making her heart clench painfully. She knew what was coming.

"No. You're not."

Denial. Strong denial.

She gritted her teeth and tried to stay awake. Only a few minutes. Just enough to tell him what she had to. As if the gesture would help her to slow the inevitable, she clenched her vest.

"Victor..." She coughs a few times to spit out the blood in her throat and help her to be able to speak again. "... please. Take care of new Gotham..." another painful breathe and cough, "for she... is my legacy".

She was fading. She felt like the time she jumped to make a silly move she had seen in one of her games. But this time nothing will caught her at the end of her fall.

"Don't you dare", she heard him muttering. "Don't you FUCKING DARE Y/N!" and now the yelling. She was destroying him. She knew it. But for the first time, his pain didn't bring any smile on her face. On the contrary, she felt heavy tears roll down her cheeks and swore she was able to hear them crash on the pavement.

"I'm coming, Y/N. And when I'll be there, I'll make you regret making me feel like a fool." He muttered again. Anger and threats his way of coping. Letting him think he was controlling everything, even her death. 

Despite her situation she smiled but never stop crying. "You'll have to be... quicker than the devil himself." Her own voice sounded so distant. Maybe he said something but she would never know. It was too late. He will be too late. She took another breath, a strong shaking one. Only to be able to whisper:

"I love you."

She felt her hand letting go of the phone, she heard her arm smashing the ground loudly but felt no pain. She didn’t feel anything anymore. She could only listen. Listen to the distant voice yelling her name from the speaker of her phone. Then, nothing.

Everything went black. She lost the game.

--

A/N - To be continued?

I hope it was angsty enough for you my dear 🥰💐 have a beautiful day, take care.

#gotham #gotham imagine #gotham x reader #gotham fox #victor zsasz #victor zsasz imagine #victor zsasz x reader #gotham fandom #gotham villains #gotham oc #gotham villain x reader #gotham victor zsasz #Gotham Victor zsasz x reader

[freakshowtwopointoh]

Anything You Can Do - Cross The Line Part 4

Anything you can be, I can be greater

Sooner or later I'm greater than you

< prev | next >

“Do it again, freshie. This time, at least try to keep your legs straight.” It’s hard to complain about free tutoring from one of the best dancers in the company, but it becomes much easier when your teacher is Jordan Li. Nothing was ever good enough, and every correction was peppered with insults. But she could never bring herself to refuse their help. Not when the results of the auditions were about to come out. She performed the dance again, refraining from rolling her eyes. “And try to keep the frustration off of your face. You look constipated.” 

“It’d be easier if you didn’t insist on being an ass at every opportunity.”

“Again, freshie.”

And so she does it again. And again. And again. Until every muscle aches and it feels like the steps are blurring together into a blob of french nonsense. She stops, breathing heavily. She takes a swig from her water bottle. 

“Jesus, this is harder than when I was actually working with a coach.”

“You must’ve had a really shitty coach.” Jordan says simply, watching her as she pants. “Had enough?”

“For now, unless you want me fainting in the studio.” She says, chuckling as she unties her pointe shoes. “God, you’re lucky, you don’t have to deal with these bitches. If you could dance pointe, you might actually be the best dancer in this whole school.” She says absently. But she hears Jordan suck a breath through their teeth, and it's clear she’s hit some kind of nerve. 

“I don’t need cups on my feet to be the best dancer in this fucking school.” They snap, and leave faster than she even thought possible. Whoops. She finishes gathering her things, trying to figure out when the banter became... not banter. 

Ella shakes her head, and makes her way home. Jordan Li is an enigma in a leather jacket, and a distraction from her goals.

The next morning, the callback list was emailed to everyone who auditioned. There were two pairings competing for Romeo and Juliet: Luke and Cate, and Jordan and ... her?

Oh shit. 

Going into rehearsal, she kept her head down. She knew that everyone would be looking at her, talking about her. Not that she isn’t used to that, but now, its because the freshman got called back for the lead. And she was dancing with Jordan Li, the junior who kept getting snubbed for the lead. She begins stretching, feeling her thighs complain from the practice last night. Today is going to be a long day.

Jordan’s POV

Jordan knew that they needed to change partners if they wanted this part. First, because she’s the freshman. The freshman who is constantly on their mind, and constantly fucking shit up. Second, because she’s naive. Talking back to them, taunting them with her pointe shoes like she’s never thought about another person’s feelings before in her life. She’s just like every other snobby girl here - convinced that they are God’s gift to dance and that everyone else exists only to lift them up on stage. At least they’d danced with some of the other girls before. But Ella was just so green, so ... raw. And not to mention, every time they saw her dance, especially alone in the rehearsal room, they couldn’t help but stare. Each movement born from the music and her body working with the music to create new art. 

And yes, they were jealous. Jealous because she was right - she was the first dancer at this godforsaken company that was actually on their level. That actually lived and breathed dance. She was a dancer that .... 

No. Jordan shakes their head violently, expelling the thought from their head. They need to focus on themself, and getting that role. And they could not do that with a distraction like Ella Jackson. 

After class, when Ella did her usual duck-and-run routine (probably to go waste Daddy’s money at some stupid boutique or whatever), they went up to Lynne to try to convince her to change partners.

“Look, I know you know what you’re doing, but you have to understand, I need a more experienced dancer to shine. I’m not here to babysit, I’m here to excel.” They said hurriedly. 

“I paired you with Miss Jackson for a reason. And it was not, as you put it, to babysit. Don’t doubt my judgment, Li. I’ve told you this many times.”

They sighed, and went to say something else, but she cut them off with a wave of her hand. 

“I have other things to do than explain myself to you. Now shoo, you have practicing to do. This is not an easy Pas De Deux, as I’m sure you know.”

“Yes, madame. Good night.” She nods at them, and walks off to her office. They run their hands through their hair, frustrated. Then, begrudgingly, they head to the rehearsal room. 

When Ella arrives, they’re already snapping their third piece of cinnamon gum. The music queued on the stereo, and they’re focused on the script. Of course they hear her come in, but they don’t acknowledge her.

She clears her throat. “Hello? Earth to Li.”

“Yes, I see you. Why aren’t you warming up?” They say coldly. She rolls her eyes, and they bite back their irritation. Couldn’t she see that they were doing her a favor? They could always be meaner. She begins to warm up, and Jordan keeps reading through the choreo, trying to locate parts of the dance that would allow them to keep their distance. There were none. This dance is pure romance, and a few of the lifts require very precise positioning of their hands.

This is going to be interesting.

Ella’s POV

She doesn’t know if it was her comments last time, the fact that they were paired together, or just a general dislike, but Jordan was especially irritable during their first callback rehearsal. They spent the whole time watching her like a hawk, not dancing at all, as if nothing had changed. Snapping that fucking gum, having her repeat the routine over and over and over again with very little information on how she should be dancing. By the end of the night, she was ready to strangle them. 

“Again, freshie.” She clenched her jaw so tight it hurt her teeth. “And get that look off of your face.” She narrowed her eyes, and considered storming out. But she took a deep breath, and settled into position. Jordan chuckled, and started the music. She did the routine one more time, keeping her mind focused on the music alone, and when she was done, she was actually almost proud. She sat down to take her shoes off, and Jordan cleared their throat. “You’re not done here.”

“Yes, actually, I am.” Ella says simply, massaging her feet. “There’s only so much verbal abuse I can take at a time.” Jordan laughed once, humorlessly. 

“Whatever you say, freshie. I’m not complaining.” She finished packing up her stuff.

“Oh, Jordan? Um, I’m sorry. For yesterday. That was a low blow.” She says it quickly, and leaves the room before they can give her a clever retort, or ask her to explain further.

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au by @poppy-metal

edits by @barbieprincesshilton

#jordan li #gen v #gen v prime #gen v fic #jordan li x reader #angst

[bondsmagii]

Man if we are talking about bad takes I have one for you: this whole eat the rich movement

And you know why? People can't discern who the rich are!! Like they are coming after doctors and lawyers and artists, people who made their money working, instead of focusing in the people who made their money by exploiting people like businessmen which is the whole point and my god people are goddamn stupid like the whole point of eating the rich was to go against exploitation "boss makes a dollar I make a dime" and like thats 99% of rich people yet Tumblr users see a doctor with a vacation house and lose it completely like my dude having money is not the problem, the problem is when people have money because they took it from you!! Anyways the whole thing has become such a joke and if I see one more person talking about celebrities when they say eat the rich imma legit lose it because taylor swift might be rich but she's rich bc you bought her stuff my guy not because she made you work and took about all of your profit

So yeah a lot of bad takes on this site that come from good places but have zero critical thinking behind it

people not being able to identify the Actual Rich terrifies me. like, they do realise that they're reinventing the concept of kulaks, right?

to an extent, I can get the idea of people being pissed off at very rich doctors in countries like America, where the healthcare system is there for profit. that's exploitative and fucked up, and while I understand that not all doctors are in it for the money, granted some of them are and they are using an exploitative system to get it -- but the real issue there is the healthcare system, rather than individual doctors. (in the UK, the idea of a rich healthcare professional is actually laughable, unless they're a private practise, which isn't as loaded here as you choose to go private and pay money; if you don't, you still have access to healthcare.)

as for everything else, especially when it comes to the arts... shit, man. it worries me, how so many people on this website will wax poetic about how art is worth so much, and artists are angels, etc, but boy howdy they sure don't want to pay artists. people are out there thinking the price of a book is exploitative because it prices out poorer people, without considering the fact that the whole £8.99 doesn't go to the author's pocket -- it pays the author, and everyone who marketed the book, and who edited it, and who did the art for the cover, and who bound the book, and who organised its distribution, etc. it's the same with singers, or movie stars, as well as fundamentally forgetting the fact that you consensually part with your money in order to have something you enjoy. it's not the same as having your wages literally stolen from you by a billionaire.

generally speaking, these people make their money because they're good at something. enough people think that Taylor Swift is good that they've bought her songs and made her rich. enough people like Stephen King's books that they've bought them and made him rich. movie stars are rich because they make good movies and people want to see them. they work. and none of these jobs are easy! they're hard fucking work, and a lot of people are involved in the finished product and they all need to be paid. super-rich billionaires and multi-millionaires, who hoard wealth and underpay employees and cut corners, are usually only talented at making money, and this is because they're despicable human beings. they also have more wealth than they could ever use even in a dozen lifetimes, and they remove it completely from the economy, and they use its influence to seek power and undercut laws and generally make the world a worse place, and they're in a whole different league. the kind of wealth we're seeing right now is supervillain levels of rich.

when there's issues like that, I really don't give a shit if someone who did 12 years of college and residency and who's worked 12 hour days minimum for 25 years has a vacation house. we'll discuss the ethics of multiple houses in a housing crisis when we've dealt with the bigger problems, like the multi-billionaire born to a blood emerald empire hoarding insane amounts of cash and contributing precisely nothing to society, for example. a large chunk of society's problems could be solved or at least on their way to being improved if we didn't have hoarding billionaires and starvation wages.

#anon #asks

[catsconflictscopicsandchamomile]

gods sometimes I hate that I can't think about Palestine, about everything going on in the world, 24/7.

I ask myself "well why not? why not just think about that stuff and school and chores? why does fUCKING FANDOM and special interests eat your life and personality like this? don't you have any empathy?"

and I know the answer. I know its because there have been MANY times in my life where I've taken my own advice and tried to think about "the issues" 24/7. I became a total asshole. angry, stupid, often self-destructive. I didn't make any change or contribution besides starting fights with strangers online, and any effort I DID make to contribute irl just led to so many messes that the people who were actually helping then had to step aside and clean up.

the times I'm most capable of help are when I'm able to keep a balance between awareness of the problems in the world, with other stuff (both fandom and just like... homework n shit). it feels SO wrong and SO un-natural to actively prioritize fandom, but I've tried the "right" way so much and been such a dick and done a good bit of harm.

and I've tried the "wrong" way this past year and done more good/participated more than ever.

results speak for themselves.

and ik everyone does activism differently.

I'm obviously not gonna break any boycotts, holy shit no. I'm still attending protests and making posters/art for local activist movements and doing what I can when I can.

its just so tempting to put 99.99999% of myself into REALLY feeling that grief and rage and helplessness... but again. I know, yknow?

I know how that ends. I may feel righteous and empathetic and, honestly, Cool(tm), but I'm not doing shit for anyone

if mainlining destiel into my brainstem lets me show up for protests and make art and do all of that while NOT being a total bag of dicks...

ugh. it just feels fucking weird

(& yes, I did try the "really feel it, no self-anesthetizing with fandom and no distancing myself from it on purpose" approach as recently as this fall. after physically forcing myself to not send threats to kill strangers' pets, exposing my unmasked face to cameras while chalking a govt building, being kinda socially inappropriate and considering vandalism, i realized that it does in fact still make me an asshole.)

like I feel guilty about purposefully distancing myself for these issues, but also simultaneously understand from past experience that this is the best way for me to make actual, meaningful contributions. its weird.

if i go full-in on Understanding(tm) it, I FEEL morally/spiritually superior, and sure, it MIGHT make me a better activist, but years of experience tell me that, despite how I'm perceiving myself in that moment, it wont.

if I keep distancing myself, ie LITERALLY PURPOSEFULLY seeking out fandom/yt brainrot/Shiny Happy Things to AVOID thinking about it, I do more. I'm involved more, go to more protests, meetings, talk to friends about it.

...that is the reverse of how those things should work.

I think this may be the same kind of reason I don't do existentialism or organized religion. there are some things, really deep or emotional things, that if I think abt them too hard I get stuck EXTREMELY far up my own ass in how I can "only" think of these things or else I'm "awful"

but that's it. its all just thinking. and feeling. and not acting.

...I guess I'll go back to obsessing over my little shows and ships, making actual contributions to anti-genocide, anti-colonialism, pro-palestine efforts

and wondering why the FUCK I'm like this.

...also ok tbh my desire for some kind of moral or spiritual depth/fulfillment/righteousness/forgiveness???? via immersing myself in the experience of VICTIMS OF ONGOING GENOCIDE to try to understand their experience is uhhh

creepy.

especially given that its at the direct detriment of my actual activism and to the emotional harm of peers and fellow activists.

yeah hm actually that is just kind of creepy. and not helpful.

#tw personal #personal #tw vent #vent #rant #tw rant #palestine #activism #internal struggles #i keep thinking im lying to myself just to have an excuse to not care #but looking at my activism when i engage “fully” vs when i dont #the difference is STAGGERING. “not engaging fully” seems to lead to much fuller engagement and idfk WHY #i think theres a part of me that sees stuff happening and ppl suffering and goes “I HAVE TO FIX THAT. I. ME.” #“if i cant fix that now. i can actually. it hurts too much” #and that part of me is rly self-destructive and not a team player #that part of me can stay in fandom. so the more grounded and collaborative part of me can do activism. #i am NOT. a GOOD PERSON. to LEAD THINGS #but IF i engage with these issues fully. I WILL TRY. and it will go POORLY. #Get My Head Out Of My Ass hours

[messrmoonyy]

im midway through the island as im typing this but ive watched streams before playing so i kinda know what happens!!! okay so like i know the scars are... Not So Great, but their gAFF???? impeccable. as a certified Forrest Bitch, this shit fucks.

the extras too??? the MODEL VIEWER??? every time i load up the game i have to look at alice, shes so precious and i feel so bad that ive most definately killed her as ellie :( and the concept art??? incredible!!! i love this kind of thing, i think its so cool to see how a game develops!! the woman dancing with joel intrigues me, like i know a lot of people see her as a potential love interest and yeah thats probably it but what if, wHAT IF- its tess. i know that sounds so stupid but i picture him missing her in jackson and reminiscing, like what would it be like if she were here?? would she have liked it? because i really dont see him being with anyone else DO YOU GET MY VISION (tess x reader?????? yeah the vibes fuck)

the IMAGERY????? the SYMBOLISM??????? i could talk about it forever and a day!!! the reoccurring theme of open windows is my favourite i love it so much, the autism bestie... its autisming!!!! thank you so much for listening to me rant about this

The island is the me of my FAV sections of the game. Tbh all of Abby’s gameplay is better than Ellie’s SUE ME. And I am a mega stealth bitch I love stealth play and the stealth on the island? AMAZING.

The scars are tbh one of the most interesting game villains I’ve come across. Like they’re high key crazy but they’re so interesting.

If you love concept art I really suggest getting the ‘ the art of the last of us ‘ books! I have them and they are literal masterpieces and have so much additional text/ Info explaining everything. I’m the same and am a sucker for seeing how games are made and admiring the art. Even in game I love exploring everything cause I’m like ‘ PLS LEMME LOOK AND APPRECIATE ALL YOUR HARD WORK ITS SO PRETTY’

I’m really glad they didn’t go with some of their early ideas like the Joel’s love interest route and the Abby infiltrates Jackson route. But especially the Joel one like, I already get annoyed by the fact that Joel kinda doesn’t mention/ have a reaction about Tess even once after she dies so seeing him move on would’ve made me incredibly salty 😂💀 I am a Tess x reader girly out of canon we been knew. But in canon I am such a Joel x Tess girlie.

I love rambling about this game so you’re so welcome lmao pls rant to me whenever! I will happily rant back

#ask #also rip Alice. sorry I stabbed you you’re so cute

[ramblesinshamblesgreenbus]

i talk to T and I tell him, i'm doing to you what he's doing to me - why are we both so stupid? why do we both consent? why can't i treat you like a respectable human being instead of an emotional crutch. why do i get mad at you, like those shit owners that yell at their dogs when they yap in joy that they're finally home.

i tell him, you have the softness i crave. the gentleness i was robbed of. you disbarred the winding road to your heart, so why do i just wish to squash it? i would hope it's more than ego - i was hurt, i need to hurt someone else. maybe i need to teach you a lesson. maybe i need someone to really relate to. to look at and ask "see how it feels?". maybe. to do to someone what was done to me and hear "what you did was shit - you're a bad person" because then maybe I'd believe it about him.

late november and the bad mood comes from inside but the culprit is external.

what vexes me so about T? the fact that he admits his weakness? the fact that he doesn't lash out or act high and mighty when i hurt him? the fact that he is what i crave to be and what i loathe becoming? I'm puking my anxieties into the air, hoping they'll drift toward the ceiling but of course they rain back down on me. I’m not stupid—I know I’m creating my own misery.

I remember a man at the head of a seminar table saying that character should be able to be summed up simply by describing the way the moon appears over their shoulders. most writing advice gives me secondhand embarrassment but this made me sit up and pay attention. did I really understand what it meant? I was nineteen, chickpea-brained and perpetually high (should i give that a try? helped me navigate much shittier situations), hard to trust any assertion from that version of myself, but the idea that the world looks a particular way to everyone is an old one. every set of eyes sees differently and its up to the author to tether the moon to the character’s particular vision, individualize it. I suppose the revolutionary goal of all writing is to show someone else the inside of your own head, or inside the head of a character you made up, which is also your own head but with a specific kind of filter overlaid. at that seminar table, I thought to myself: to G, the moon looks like a curled-up girl crying in his bed. it came to me like that—easy. obviously he was an abuser and not my character, although I had invented enough good qualities of his for that to be considered a work of fiction. T can only see full moons - if I were to look him in the eye while he was looking at the moon, I'd see it reflected full in the blue of his gaze. why is that. make a joke about it being made of cheese. what's the moon like to B - probably a dark void right now, all-consuming, endless pit of a black hole. to me the moon is jagged and slim and pointy, and past me would want to resemble her, and present me just begs for it to be more, to shine brighter - my eyes hurt in the dark.

I think I was nine when I came home with the question of do you see the same colors I see and my mother said, “i don't know, tell me about them,” which meant nothing in the grand scheme of things, stuff rarely does - but it meant everything to me. let's create together. Dante and Aristotle or some shit like that. I want someone to get me like mum does.

the work has been good, better than good, but I can't articulate, or don't wanna articulate what has gripped me over the past few months even though it’s been transformative because the thing that’s gripped me also feels drenched in what the storm cloud discourse decided was Bad. obsession, perception, possession, boundary dissolving sublimity. art, I guess. creation. I don't fucking know. yeah I’m still haunted by all that same old shit, really wish that I weren’t. hard to write without thinking about it. my problem is certain arguments still ring thru my head because I found them so stupid and therefore chilling.

writing without righteousness makes me feel like a maniac, like a villain straddling a rocket aimed for a stranger's brain, whipping its flank like, faster faster. it also feels really good. C always warned that I was the kind of girl destined to ruin a life, but it can't be mine that’s destroyed because look where I am: quiet mornings with the cat on my lap, afternoons of work directed by me, produced by me, conjured by the sorcerer within me who either stands arms spread like angel wings or lies in wait, a fox curled in my heart-den. a girl curled in a bed, nose tucked into her tail. I really don't think I'll be able to live like this forever, don't believe I’m actually charmed. this has to be a trick, some kind of glitch that eventually will be corrected, but in the meantime I'll play the bandit, the congirl with an opal heart. I'm getting away with it. another corridor revealed, cobwebbed and stale. doubt does creep in, like maybe I shouldn't be searching so relentlessly, maybe I'm going to find something I shouldn't, maybe regret is around the corner.

[zombabiee]

my dad cussed tf out some old guy when trying to get in somewhere and although i agree he was in the right and that other guy was wrong it was so unnecessary the way he acted like theres no need for all that infront of little ass kids too like😭 it was annoying on the guys part too because for him he just stayed there like??? mf if you thought that was the exit then just fucking exit like??? why you waiting on us to go?? It was genuinely so stupid.

But yeah it was annoying to see me dad act like that because I really only like seeing him one way so him acting like that ruins his image for me. Idk if that incredibly naive of me to admit that but i just feel like that rn. My dad doesn’t look like no gangster or cholo he just sum regular looking mexican dad so ofc he woulda acted like that infront of the old guy because he didn’t look intimidating at all. I would of been pissed at him if he was cussing out at some cholo dude like theres no way you’re that stupid we both work at the liquor store see how scary these mfs are. But yeah I don’t think hes that dumb hope not.

But anyway it reminded me of how this older cholo who comes by at the store a lot is really nice and respectful to me. hes not as scary looking but u don’t always have to look it to be it yaknow? But he was cussing out his friend. And this friend he is no cholo or gangster at all. Just some regular mexican guy like my dad. I kept hearing him repeating relax relax blah blah we’re friends duadah all that stuff while he kept going ape shit on him. I just kept thinking dam sucks to be him because it must be scary pissing off your gangster friends. Like you’re not always friends with these people and most people always switch up so its liek you never know ya know? And ik this cholo has killed people before because i be over hearing him talk to his other cholo friends remembering old times. but yeah he just kept repeating those words and i kept thinking to my self like it must be scary being a dude sometimes because theres those power dynamics most times in where someone is more than you. Like as a guy is just like oh thats guy is more hard that guy is a little bitch or whatever whatever Especially around here it just makes me realize how fucking scary my area is and NOTHING that crazy has happened to me other than some guy getting stabbed and asking me to call the cops but like ig affected me directly you know? And ik it might be dumb but the lyric “you must be a muñeca if you’re still standing still” been in my head all day. Because i just kept thinking about it and every cholo is pretty much nice to me and like ofc they are because im im environment in where its just courteous like duh i sell beer to you ofc u would be. But they don’t have to ask about my day or give me stuff or tell me stuff about them, they choose too because im likable to them. So i can’t imagine them cussing me out or yelling at me or being really scary towards me because im a nice young pretty girl to them so its like why would they?? The only people who have gotten mad at me are women and this one homeless dude. Which even then the women dont scare me to much because ik girls actually dont do shit 😭 so im just like bruh nothing is going to happen theres no need for that. But still again its like you never know so i just wanna practice being a sweetheart to everyone. It made me insecure to be seen as naive, innocent and shy but i should start owning it because it could be use to my advantage some how and it just better to be nice like anger is only a stress reliever in the moment but then you just feel like shit afterwards. For me personally at least

Anger is such a strong emotion like the control it has over you the way you just feel your self swirl into so many negative things like theres nothin like it, its just such powerful feeling

But anyway yea i just felt like typing all this down because i just kept thinking about it while doing my art hw but point is I should really stop thinking im untouchable and get ready for the worst.