#i know theyve been struggling but like

[needylittlegirl]

starting to feel like maybe i wasn’t cut out for this whole being alive business

#when i was little i knew exactly what i wanted to do and how i wwnted my life to look #i knew what state i wanted to live in and what i wanted to go to school for when i was six years old #i knew who i wanted to be #and none of that changed all my dreams are still the ones i had when i was so young #but i havent achieved any of them #not a single one #and i just feel like. whats the point #if the rest of my life is like this i dont think i can do it #i have a decent job that i can definitely live off of im not struggling in any way #i just. nothing is how it was supposed to be #i dont feel good when i look at any aspect of my life so whats the point #i dont see myself becoming Happy in the future #and i dont know why i should keep going if im not going to be happy #and everyone tells me im still so young i could still reach my dreams #but when theyve been the same 90% of my life it really doesnt feel like it #idk #tbd

[aria0fgold]

Also what is going on with the Daydreaming One??? She has a sister but can't remember her name to the point that she believes she's an only child. Did the sister went to that island in the north that mysteriously disappeared that no one can say the name of anymore? Is that also the island where the king came from cuz whenever you beat him, he keeps saying how he still can't say "it." What's "it"?

#ariaplays: isat #isat spoilers #aight thats enough for the day again. but for the next loop am gon try and get a LOT done. and by that i just mean get me #here. looking for an item has got to be the biggest struggle ive ever had cuz i suck at remembering Which is Where #also the lil phrase the king says before beginning battle is a bit awkward cuz he's like: let's see which one the universe favors #well... im sorry to break it to you my guy but its definitely not you. speaking of awkward siffrin seems to have hit home with #when talking with loop bout how siff started calling everyone ''family members.'' honestly im soooo curious bout what #is up with loop. that theory hangout was one thing but like their Whole thing is so mysterious and interesting in that i #wanna know a lot bout em. they also did tell siff that theyve been in a similar situation before too. being in a timeloop #howd that happen. howd they get outta it. why do they know bout siff but siff doesnt know them. what happened to them #why do they look the way that they do and what did they mean bout siff being ''all that's left.'' so many questions... #yet so lil answers. well id get the answers sooner or later! first... i need to figure out where tf is that article bout the king

[mueritos]

Autism is not something you question, ask your terapist or whoever gave you your gender dysphoria diagnosis to assess you. Those tests on the internet are not reliable. People who get diagnosed later in life don't do so because they seek it but because they are admitted for co-morbidities.

any neurodivergence is always something u question, especially when u live in a society that is not built for people with neurodivergencies.

therapists are not all ideal, and I think your assumption that i got my GD diagnosis from one is funny, any doctor can prescribe you with that shit without much question. The reason why im looking to research more into autism is because my therapist told me to, and so I can better equip myself with the language needed to advocate for myself. I have already spoken to my therapist about this several times but unfortunately, not every therapist is even equipped or informed enough about autism to guide people seeking information or a diagnosis.

yea, obviously all of those tests have a huge disclaimer to not use them as a way to diagnose. but they sure as hell help me understand what are my neurodivergent traits, especially on things that were completely normal to me or about things I never thought about. they provide me questions to delve deeper and understand where I fall on them.

there are a lot of people who seek a diagnosis because they just simply want to know, IF theyre even of the privilege to seek an official diagnosis. people can seek answers to things that are a concern to them regardless of the severity. Sometimes it just helps to know. It helps to know so that you can better understand yourself and how to navigate your life. I have many friends who have self diagnosed themselves with various other neurodivergences because they know they have it, and having the word and the community helps them understand how to cope and learn.

so yea.

#muertoresponds #theres a lot im finding with how to cope with autism and avoiding meltdowns and overloads that i relate heavily to #to the point where i realized maybe something was up #i didnt even know i was struggling with sensory issues and social situations until i began learning more about autism #and about how to self sooth #and i realized that i was doing a lot of the same things folks with autism were doing to self soothe and regulate #people dont have to struggle profusely to seek a diagnosis or answers #maybe they just realize that theyve learned how to adapt #but man how much longer will that hold for idk #because i have been socially isolating a lot more now that i know i can #that i dont have to talk to people in a bright happy tone or that i dont have to go to parties or large functions #shit like that

[kraviolis]

i hate knowing that i would be so fucking good at and have so much fun with GTA RP while also being physically incapable of even trying it out.

#krav talks #god is keeping me from doing GTA RP bcus they know it would completely take over my life and all i would do every single day is GTA RP #just watching it scratches an itch in my brain i can only imagine what actively participating would feel like #i just hope that when im finally physically capable of it its not like. completely dead and gone. #and also i mean. i could just. make a mute character. thats the main problem #but also that would limit my RP abilities so much #even tho i can type super fast typing does make me overthink myself #vs just talking in improv forces me to come up with something quickly and flows better #the one thing that ive always hated about RPG-types like fallout or sims or the like is that after the first playthru it gets sooo boring #bcus everything becomes so predictable #and mmos ive never liked bcus its so strange and uncomfortable to just see all these ppl around but have no immersive way to interact #but GTA RP and especially nopixel is like. EXACTLY what ive been looking for my whole life #i was obsessed with darkrp gmod servers as a youngin and loved the mix of practical mechanics with roleplaying #ive never been able to do tabletop rpgs bcus of my struggle with audio processing #and ttrpgs are literally 90% listening to someone explain whats happening #vs. roleplaying in multiplayer video games which just let me SEE whats goin on so i'd just have to ask ppl to repeat what they said #rather than asking a game master to repeat what they just said but theyve spent the past 5 minutes explaining the situation in detail

[meateater-lamb]

(dont read the tags actually)

#vent #god this year has been so fucking hard man #and things have been so strained with my friend #and i love them so much. theyre my best friend. but at this point are they? #cause they just keep getting pissed at me over everything #and acting really weird #and theyve just. turned into this unendingly angry and negative person to the point i feel like i can barely talk to them anymore #they are so short tempered which i mean they always have been but just not with ME yknow #like they for ten years were always so kind to me and weve always gotten along well #until the last like year #and i know theyre in a bad place but jesus theyve made it so hard to even hold a conversation anymore #and i mean i think things will get better if they can get out of their current situation. i really think we can go back to normal but just. #not til then. cause they seem like the only coping mechanism they use is pure fucking anger #and now theyve started directing it at me and im just. getting tired. #i cant tell if they are purposely pushing me away or not. but thats whats happening either way. #and its awful bc i just feel like its all my fault. like im not good enough #im not helpful enough im too annoying im just. not good enough care about anymore #they make me feel like none of my problems are important anymore and like i shouldnt even mention it if im struggling #meanwhile all they do is vent and rant and im really really tired but i dont think i can say anything #im trying to open myself up to being social with people other than them again. #they used to be my best safe space but now they arent anymore #but im still going to be there for them the best i can cause they dont deserve to be abandoned when theyre struggling #but i just hope they can get in a better place and idk. realize theyre kinda being a dick all the time #ugh idk #dont read this shit i just need to get my thoughts straight idk. #i was scrollin when i started thinkin abt this thats the only reason im writin on here abt it #probably gonna delete it in an hour anyway #moon

[sodrippy]

the thing about shiv and the baby and motherhood is i really dont think she'd care. i dont think she's ever had any interest in those things, in fact she's made it a point to be as far from those things as possible to show her father she's a serious person and as close to one of the boys as she can get. i still think people making digs about her ability to be a mother would be insulting to her insofar as they are meant to insult her, an incredibly prideful person who tries very hard to always be seen as hypercompetent no matter the task.

if anything, i think it might make sense that she found out about the pregnancy before logan died but i truly don't think she'd keep it once he was dead. he's about the only person she would keep the baby for, like she might feel it would give her leverage or sympathy, but once logan is gone the baby honestly is nothing but liability to her. it makes her perceived as less serious about the business it takes her out of the running for ceo or any real power.

i know theres obviously threads of inescapability as with every character in the show, and the ways in which shiv has tread on other women to get where she is yet cannot help being entrapped by the same things as those women, but i also feel like there's just something. i dont want to say misogynistic but the way shows sort of inevitably use motherhood as an intrinsic humanity-finder, like see she's a decent person she's keeping the baby she's not heartless, or whatever, is so flat and reductive, to me.

also of course, they might have done it with more nuance if it was yknow. actually planned and written in from the start of the season.

#i think there are ways in which it could have been interesting #like if we actually got to see her grapple with it and figure out if she was keeping the baby or not #that could have been something but as it stands i think its so unnecessary and...yeah flat #but at the end of the day i really dont think she gives a fuck and i am really sick of seeing any Woman character fall into this motherhood #-thing esp when its characters who you know would be unaffected by it #again i think theres def room for shiv to have a struggle with it of like #dreams she used to have for herself and expectations her family enforced vs what shes already given up to come this far etc right #but the way shes all gutpunched about people saying she'd be a bad mother i think is like. idk the way its been done is left wanting yk? #succession #actually i think an interesting true to character way might even have been her changing her mind and keeping the baby out of spite- #-in direct response to what tom says in the tailgate fight #i would feel thats more realistic for her to have decided not to keep the baby but then bc tom goes out of his way to make that comment #and to make her hurt she keeps the baby to show him what a great mother she will be. all without him! #and then of course. the cycles. #that would have been more honest i think than whatever theyve done instead

[parasprite]

ik she'd never play favourites and stuff but god its like. depressingly clear how much my mum prefers hanging out with my cousin over me. they have outings and regular movie nights and go on walks together and run errands and do chores they do literally everything together. and honestly its not just that like... even when im hanging out with the two of them i know she's more focused on my cousin. like she takes an interest in his interests. she asks him about spanish all the time but doesn't give a shit that i'm learning portuguese. i feel like i bore her whenever i try to speak. i always wanna let him ride shotgun the rare times im out with them because she can hold a conversation with him but not me. and whenever i'm alone with her she just treats me like a receptacle for her dumb fucking rants about facebook drama and then she seems so surprised when i have good advice for her even though i Always have good advice. she treats me like her talk therapist. she never thinks about my needs or my life or my interests. not that i even wanna tell her about it.

and like. for my cousin's birthday she got him a paranormal activity 6-movie blu ray box set because it's their favourite film series to marathon together. like they've rewatched it a bunch of times. they discuss their fan theories and everything. yknow what she got me for my birthday this year? nada. which is PORTUGUESE for nothing. god and they had that spontaneous weekend partying in london together and then a few months later she fucking planned a trip and went to sussex alone even though she knew id been wanting to go to sussex with her for literal years. she kept saying she'd take me then she didn't. what the fuck.

#honestly i don't even envy their relationship because i know shes making him her surrogate spouse #ive kinda been there before and i don't wanna be that. it sucks #but im really sad because like. i love my cousin but i never get quality time with him like he and my mum Constantly have #nobody in my family ever wants to watch movies with me #god my dad and brother saw oppenheimer together today too theyve seen it 3 times together now #fuck this i HATEEE IT #i really need to like get in touch with my great auntie or someone i neeeed a relative i can hang out with #im so sick of nobody in this house giving a shit about me!!! #im so sick of craving attention and approval from people who will just never give a shit #ive felt this way for years like i remember telling my old therapist about this too it just. keeps happening and idk what to do about it #im so sick of listening to my brother infodump about programming languages #im so sick of hearing my mum talk about facebook #im so sick of my dad making a token effort but clearly struggling to connect with me #and. im not angry at my cousin but im sick of my mum always giving him attention. #its day in day out. constant low level misery and loneliness

[s1renidae]

always fun hanging out with my much cooler and more interesting childhood friends and hearing about all the shit they're up to and then they ask me what's going on in my life and i have to be like uh. nothing tee hee :) still unemployed and not in school and practically hobbyless because of chronic fatigue and executive dysfunction :) still obtrusively mentally ill and for some reason cant stop talking about it even when i don't want to and i can tell youre sick of hearing about it :) and then it's awkward for a minute cuz neither of us know what to say mmmmm literally someone just shoot me already

#note i use the term “childhood friends” loosely bcuz theyre my friends from middle school when i was like 13/14/15 #but i dont have any actual childhood friends bcuz no one from my actual childhood likes me. so :P #and like the thing is im being harsh on myself i know that!!! i draw and go to concerts and do volunteer work and rock climb sometimes #but the thing is i never think to say any of that one because they take up a very small amount of my time most of my days r just wasted awa #and two because they always ask after theyve talked about their lives which are. objectively way cooler or at least more successful #and then all i can think about how is how much i wish i was more like them </3 which has been true since we first met #so i guess i should be used to it but I'm not. it still hurts it hurts so bad #and the worst part is they both mean so so much to me even if we dont talk much and i know for a fact i don't mean the same to them #bcuz theyre the type of people who can. go places and do things and talk to people!!!! so theyve always had more options then me #but i always made friends so rarely and so fleetingly that im still holding onto those memories and onto them for dear life #idk long rant i wish i had more energy i wish i didnt struggle so much to make friends and find community i wish i had more to offer #i wish a lot of things that can just never happen #and i know its not fair to drag them into my self loathing like that and i know i can't hate myself into a version of myself i can love #but fuck man its so hard. why is everything so hard #.txt

[cutemeat]

more Sunny BitterSweet 16 shit...

this whole Four Walls Whiskey train of thought started cuz I was talking to my best friend last night about how I believe Dennis coming out/getting with Mac (so the gay shit of S16.. the Sweet) is low-key dependent on uh... Frank not being around anymore in some capacity (the depressing shit of S16.. the Bitter) ... cuz listen, I knew someone who Dennis reminds me of... like a lot.

The person I’m talkin about was my cousin’s uncle and he was really cagey and angry for a long time whenever he was around visiting with family and everyone was always like ‘why is he so angry all the time?’ and my mother was the only one who ever thought ‘... it’s cuz he’s gay and in the closet.’ (because she had some friends in the 90′s who were gay, so she was more familiar with those experiences than the rest of the family was) but no one believed her at the time... then eventually he moved away to NYC, far farrr away from the family, and finally got to be himself there and felt so much better.. but then he would still feel really on edge when he was at home. Like that super short fuse would come right back... But then his (very conservative and homophobic) mother who lived back home died. And after that, he finally came out to the family and introduced his boyfriend etcetc and he got so much more comfortable in general!... I just feel like something similar is happening with Dennis and Frank. lol.

#if u say this is just abt shipping shit i Will bite u #dennis is clearly gay and closeted like. thats the whole joke. thats been the joke. #again hes just more 'subtle' than Mac unless u are like... gay or have known someone who has experienced that kind of struggle #like of course audiences who arent trained to look for that shit wont see it unless its as obvious as they made it with like.. Mac #thats the whole point of MacDen being FOILs anyway... theyre both having the same struggles but it manifests in different levels of #obvious/subtle 'denial'.. it only got more overt with Dennis in S15 which makes me think.. Smth is coming #like they went thru this messy process of Mac 'coming out' unplanned so now they can do that with Dennis but hopefully more effective #since theyve gotten to learn from writing Mac's arc.. #and now that they know Glenn is uh. gonna be on the show LOLOLOL #anyway back to 'thats always been the joke abt dennis' #but thats been the joke abt Mac/Den since like S5. that theyre clearly gay and in this relationship but cant even see it themselves #like rob n charlie werent joking about that part. again ive seen those tv shows genuinely written to be like 'haha they act gay funny!' and #Macden Break Up is NOT like that dude. all right. #until like... Dee who isnt even SUSPICIOUS that could Actually be happening in Macden Break Up.. she was just lashing out at them cuz they #called her a lonely spinster LOL. but it wasnt until someone pointed it out they both became more hyperaware/paranoid n as weird as they #started getting in like S6 onwards... #and she does the same 'joke' in Dee Day.. she just thinks two guys kissing is funny. but for Dennis its not cuz hes gay. like... #thats the whole fuckin thing #the joke IS that dennis feels like.. to someone like Dee or Frank.. his existence is just a big fucking joke. #thats why hes so eager to push that all onto Mac.. he wants a slice of feeling like a 'normal' like who frank wanted him to be #but it still doesnt fill him up. it doesnt actually make him feel better. it only tarnishes his relationship with mac further. and he looks #like a total ass in the process.. #its fuckin sad dude #Glenn has litrlly said before writing Sunny RCG was not 'comedy ppl' n thats esp gotta be true of Glenn n Charlie.. so no i dont believe #everything they write is 'for the laughs'.. cuz theyre not comedy ppl LOL. in all honesty u dont need to be. n they cant write satire #super effectivley anyway n Thats why. theyre not comedy writers. thats why they need like.. Rob Rosell n Scott Marder. #to make it 'comedy' cuz RCG just writes rlly melodramatic characters. BUT #LIKE MELODRAMATIC PPL *ARE* FUNNY.. THESE PPL WHO TAKE THEMSELVES SO SERIOUSLY THEY NEVER REALIZE HOW CRAZY THEY SOUND #THATS GOOD CRINGE COMEDY DUDE. LIKE THE SINCERITY OF IT... THE SERIOUSNESS... but yea. again is why the show suffered so bad #w/o glenn being in the room...

[fincherfogg]

.

#i dont think my friends actually like me #recently theyve been seeming more and more like those no negativity allowed kinda ppl #and im going through a though time atm but with money and my disability #both things that none of them really struggle with or understand #physical disability specifically i mean #we have a vent channel in our discord and anytime anyone but me uses it they get showered with love #literally scrolling through it and realising im ignored every single time #and i dont go over board im not like wow i hate myself i should just die #im literally just like #hey guys just letting you know my legs are getting worse and our landlord is trying to make us homeless #like if your friend tells you they cant walk anymore i think if youre a normal fucking person youd at least say SOMETHING #theyve sucked for ages but im really realising it now #i think im just gonna tell them all to fuck off tomorrow #i only really talk to one of them anymore anyway

[tmpttion]

does anyone want to help me think of an ig username?

#i have this art acc which there but the name.. i dont like it anymore #but idk what to change it to #ppl i know irl follow me there and idk if i want that anymore jfkdgkk #like recently ive been drawing kpop boys only and like.. only posting that .. idk i feel judged #ig that's my family's fault though theyve been saying im obsessed ever since i started listening to kpop in general #which is not entirely wrong but like- what's the problem with that?? it's not like ive stopped living my life (not that i had many things #to do to begin with) #sorry this turned into a rant skfkdkdk but im struGgLiNg rn #ok there are some mistakes in those tags but i cant fix them without deleting everything so if you read this far i apologize but im not in #the mood to re write all that akfbskfnfk #.txt

[angelicmemo]

My life is quiet. Why do I still feel this?

#nothing is HAPPENING to make me anxious #if anything the few things i do have going on are good ones #im not overworked or going through some big life event or whatever im just existing and doing it Wrong #im not in a fight or struggling in any real way #but its like my brain is constantly vibrating out of my head #im shaky and stuttery and its been POINTED OUT that i seem off #but i dont know what it is #i dont know how to exist in a calm no pressure environment and its ruining me #ive almost broken video game controllers with the force it takes me to hold them and play without Being Weird ive ripped napkins and recipts #literally into shreds without realising im doing it #im so concious of my body and of physically existing within a space #nothing is wrong but i am so overwhelmingly anxious all the time i just cant seem to stop it #maybe i need to up my meds #but that feels so stupid and temporary like what am i meant to say #oh hi doctors nothing has happened but i feel like a pathetic shaking dog can you help me #i WANT to be around people #i want to play games and talk and watch things and feel comfortable in other peoples prescence without having to entertain them and i get SO #many chances and oppurtunities too like !!! i live with my best friends! this should be perfect! but i still cant do it #they reassure me literally constantly but my brain and anxiety just spins around in circles and then i talk about how im sorry this happens #so much that i feel that i should stop saying things because theyve heard this all before #and then they reassure me about THAT and then it happens again and again and again because my stupid brain just wont shut up #their experiance of me gets lessened and dimmer every time i dont do it right and eventually theyre going to wonder why they even keep me #around #again nothing has HAPPENED #theres not a big event or trauma to talk through im just existing in the world and it is so uncomfortable for me #i hate it i hate it i hate it #personal #tw/ negative thoughts

[chisatowo]

Finally fully read the last 25ji event *punches a wall*

#rat rambles #sekai posting #I love them sk so so so much its unreal #I want to put them under a microscope and study them #just the way ena struggles to relate to mafuyu's actions but has begun to much more easily relate to their emotions #which in turn allows her to somewhat understand their actions even if she still struggles somewhat #and also the way mafuyu is clearly becoming more and more uncomfortable and even scared of her house #its the dread with barely supresses panic #it just. hit me rly hard seeing mafuyu like that. our moms are very different but I still know that feeling all too well #and evidently ena is familiar with it too #mafuyu was so expressive in the event it rly shows how far theyve come even if escape is still far away #what rly gets to me abt mafuyu though is how clear it is that their mask holds a grain of truth to it #and thats what makes it so hard for mafuyu to break out of it. because despite how artifishal their mask is it exists because of their #unfortunately still present desire to be what those around them want to be. because despite everything they still love their parents #thats where a lot of their internal confict comes from and why it felt impossible for them to find themself #theyre doing a lot better than they used to. theyve made so much progress #but its mostly been under one private enviorment and thats rapidly becoming a problem as it becomes less private #they wont be able to keep both parts of their life seperate forever. its already starting to crack and bleed #and thats whats rly scary abt mafuyu's homelife to me. its not gonna get any easier to keep the peace and theyre starting to realise that #but I feel like theyre gonna try to keep the peace as long a pheasibly possible. even if they realised that their mom may perhapse not be #the greatest (unlikely theyll let themself get past mildly disagreeing with like a thing for a while tbh) that underlying fear can override #a lot when it comes to parents especially #one thing I do find interesting abt mafuyu is how despite everything they dont actually seem to have a lot of self loathing issues #also I am very convinced at this point that mafuyu has some sort of social anxiety disorder #it just seems like so much of what they do is based on fear (even if they dont realise it) #so in conclusion: mafuyu has mental illness™ and no one is surprised #ok wow I talked way more abt mafuyu than I meant to. I made this post to talk abt ena. oops sorry ena fkfmdjdjd

[jaechan01]

🥹🏆

#im speechless i was talking myself down like ok we might not win rn but it's realistic that we will at some point bc we got so close #last time. i was fully expecting to cry my eyes out but im just sitting here all dazed lmao waiting for it to hit #like. all idols work hard #but man. dongkiz/dkz did not have it easy at any point. since their debut theyve been fighting to stay afloat #to the point of considering quitting altogether #and it was NEVER due to them being inferior in any way. they have some of the BEST dancers and vocalists of this gen theres no argument #i cant imagine how difficult it's been especially with the rebranding #sick and injured members. the feeling of just. not being enough and not being able to do your job properly #it broke my heart when jaechan described how the end of -21 felt for him... #i... feel so lucky i get to somehow be a part of this honestly 😭🫂💌 #i know im being dramatic but also im not like this is such a huge moment for any group that's been struggling #to have their talent realised #god they all worked so hard 🥺.. i keep thinking of jong becoming the leader with how young he is and what an incredible job hes doing #i keep thinking about jaechan falling asleep on the semantic error set like 😭.. having no energy for kkumiya but pushing through #like that's nothing to glamorise this isnt to say like 'see what you can achieve with hard work' but the reality of it is that they had to #because their circumstances are so different to how it is for bigger companies #and to anyone and everyone who talked shit about SE or jaechan or the idol-bl pipeline. you were wrong. so. #semantic error for sure gave both jaechan and dkz visibility that's been crucial. but anyone who even for a second thinks #that dkz didnt do this as a GROUP can suck it tbh . none of them couldve done this by themselves. #im so thankful for yoon for taking care of them all. im so thankful for jonghyeong for being such an amazing leader #im so thankful for mingyu for choosing dongyo out of all companies and to all the new members #and to jaechan for doing what he wants. for being unapologetic and not caring what others think #to munik and wondae for being such an integral part of their sound for a long time and giving us amazing performances that still #bring in new fans.. ❤️ #ok i'll calm down now #CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!

[ddejavvu]

hotch hiring spencer to tutor his (college aged) daughter, and hes so impressed with how much theyve been studying and how hes helped her grades, until one day he walks in on one of their "study sessions," but they're not really studying at all.....

Aaron knew there'd be no better person to turn to than Dr. Spencer Reid when his daughter began struggling with her college course load. You're having trouble studying efficiently, you spend so much time at your desk scribbling down ineffective notes that you forget to eat, sleep, and take care of yourself. He's worried about you, his heart aches for his baby girl, so he asks Spencer to start coming over on Saturdays to help you.

It works great. Not only do your grades skyrocket, but your mood does too, no longer sullen from having no free time or sleep schedule. You're back to your old self, maybe even happier now, and Aaron can't hold back the smile on his face as he ascends the stairs, an array of your favorite snacks in hand.

Spencer's inhumanly obsessed with cheez-its, and your own snack of choice is held in his other hand. He thinks the least he can do to thank Spencer is feed the man, seeing as he's so skinny sometimes his snug sweater vests are loose. You swing the door shut during your study sessions, at Aaron's own request, because he couldn't hear the television downstairs over the sound of your chatter. He doesn't think to knock, he's sure the creaking of your door's old hinges will be enough of a sound to break you out of your study stupor.

"Y/N, Spencer, I brought- oh my god."

Your dad's voice nearly goes down a full octave, sending your stomach swirling. He speaks low when he's mad, and watching you scramble out of Spencer's lap and straighten your wrinkled top, you're sure he's livid.

"I- uh, Hotch," Spencer babbles, but you smack the back of his hand to get him to shut up. He runs his fingers through his hair instead, combing out the strands that you'd mussed while licking over his bottom lip.

"Dad!" You chime, "Um- I'm sorry, we- I didn't know you'd come in. We just- we were studying, but then, I- I got distracted, really, it wasn't Spencer's fault, we- I just- I-"

"Stop." Aaron shuts his eyes, snack bags now shoved carelessly onto your bedside table as your dad brings a hand to his face. You're sure this is scarier than any situation Spencer's ever faced before, including aggravated unsubs and near-shootings.

Your dad buries his face in his hand, one large enough to cover his features. It's almost scarier not seeing his stern face; you wonder if his eyes are glowing red.

"Hotch- sir, I'm so sorry." Spencer tries again, and your dad holds up his free hand to silence him. He doesn't need to be told twice, or- thrice, and he closes his mouth.

"How long have you two been doing this?" He asks, muffled by his hand in front of his face.

"Only two weeks. Or- Saturdays, only two days. Just- this time, and, uh, the last time."

"It started last week?"

"Yes." You confirm, nodding even if he can't see.

"Are you studying?"

"Yes." You promise, smoothing out a rumpled study guide and hoping he can't hear it, "Uh- this is our- well, my break."

"Fantastic." Your dad drawls, finally dragging his palm down his face and looking you dead in the eyes. It looks like it almost hurts him to do so, and you feel residual pain in your stomach, churning away again.

"I suppose there are worse people you could be doing that with." He muses carefully, "Though I wish you weren't doing it at all. But you're in college."

"I am," You nod.

"And you're an adult."

"I am."

"And I can't tell you what to do anymore."

You stay silent, not wanting to push your luck.

"Okay. There's nothing I can do," He decides, face still more stoic than when he'd entered, intent on giving you snacks. If he'd had known you'd been eating Spencer's face, he would have saved them for later.

"Don't do it here." He pleads, "At least not while I'm here. And- and while I'm here," He warns, looking at Spencer this time, "This door stays open. Understand?"

"Yes, dad." You nod, and Spencer echoes it with 'sir' as a replacement.

"Study." Aaron narrows his eyes at the both of you, pointedly jamming the door stop beneath the door until it's practically punching a hole through the wall where the knob hits, "If your grades drop again, this is over."

"Yes, dad." You call again, waiting until he storms off down the stairs to even breathe in Spencer's direction.

"Oh my god," Spencer groans, burying his face in his hands, "Oh my god, that was- that was awful."

"He didn't say no!" You point out, grinning at the blushy man beside you, "That went, like, a thousand times better than I was expecting."

"At least I don't have to hide it anymore. Do you know how hard it was for me to pretend I wasn't putting the moves on his daughter while we were in Dallas this past week?"

"I know how hard it was to pretend I wasn't tonguing his agent during dinner last night," You shrug, grinning at Spencer who looks like he's not quite ready to be relieved yet, "No more secrets for either of us, pretty boy."

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[dyhardvalentine]

i really hope they dont kill kipperlily with no chance at redemption…. :(( shes not a good person but shes also a KID. she deserves a chance at redemption as much as aelwyn and ragh did.

the thing is i dont think she fully understands what is to live/grow up struggling vs being “more interesting” in her ideals. shes like 16-17. all she knows is anger. i dont want her story to end violently. i want her to have a change. i want all the rat grinders to have a chance bc as much as theyve probably done theyre kids. theyve been filled with an anger thats twisted their perceptions and clouded their mind. they dont deserve to die now

#the rat grinders #kipperlilly copperkettle #d20 fantasy high #dimension 20 fantasy high #fantasy high #fhjy spoilers #fhjy #they deserve more than death #treat them like the complex characters they are guys pls