#i live my life by that phrase

[artie-mess]

#art #artwork #original poem #poem #poems on tumblr #poetry #digital art #owl #i love owls #do it scared #i live my life by that phrase #agoraphobia #not going to be posting as often so i dont burn myself out as much #i actually enjoy this one #i took a little break and it made me feel better about art #ok im done yapping now #j'adore les chouettes

[sunslants]

imagine being named after the goddess of protection and growing up thinking the only way to protect the people you love is by putting yourself between them and the bullet. every bullet. & when the people you love die, you start to love the gun—every gun. you lock yourself in a room with a bomb to save the world and life is beautiful because you’re going to die.

then the bomb goes off and you live.

#s1 juno steel was life altering ngl #apologies for getting tumblr abt him i just feel soooooo. hes my mentally ill princess or whatever the phrase is #tpp #the penumbra podcast #WHAT is my stupid tag for my own posts i havent been using it for so long #my posts #sure #THE PROFOUNDNESS OF BEING ALIVE!!!! #s1 juno was so violently hurt like his whole existence was a wound. and then he lived…..

[teenagenutant]

wanted to draw my interpretation of future leo's Whole Deal and ended up with this

#tmnt #rottmnt #tmnt leo #hamato leonardo #future leo #my turtle art #future leo realizing that the life in the apocalypse is the only one most of their younger kids survivors know and that in order for them #to build towards a better future they have to know what happiness and peace- even in small doses- looks like. and he can't give up or #live without regard for his own life because people are looking up to him as their example: oh god. oh god oh god anyways lets karaoke!! #based directly off the classic images #'optimistic nihilism' wasnt exactly the phrase i was looking for but. ah well.

[yardsards]

also. amber gris as a character is really important to me as an appalachian.

not just her accent or the specific type of person justin based her off of but like

the feeling of losing someone to addiction/overdose while the government does nothing to help, just criminalizes and stigmatizes and makes things worse. which obviously happens in more places than just around here, but we have one of the highest rates of overdose death in the whole country and that whole set of scenes felt like they were really informed by growing up around that

#eliot posts #taz #taz ethersea #the adventure zone #amber gris #drugs cw #death mention #i've made posts like this and deleted them cuz i never feel like i'm wording it just right but just. god. #i'm lucky enough to have never been addicted or to have a best friend or immediate family member die from it #but i've lost or nearly lost extended family to it #and it's like. #my own accent isn't that thick and neither is my immediate family's or best friends' #but i've known ppl who talked like her. #specifically a man named larry who lived with us when we were real young #for some reason especially the way amber says ''come on'' just always reminds me so strongly of larry's voice. he said that phrase a lot #he was the one who taught me to tie my shoes even after my parents lost patience with me for being 'too old' to not understand #he drank excessively like my dad did but he never got mean with us kids #he came and went a few times over the years. the final time he left was when i was in late elementary #he died of an overdose when i was in high school. i didn't feel much of anything at the time. #it had been so long since i'd seen him but also i was at a point in my life where i'd've been numb to big emotions like that anyway #so my parents got drunk about it and i did nothing. just went to school and shit as usual. #i did not expect those feelings to get dredged up by a goddamned comedy dnd podcast #but they did it well i think #even though i had to pause it to take a breather multiple times. i enjoyed it overall. cathartic i guess?

[uncanny-tranny]

"A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips" being said like that's a bad thing. How beautiful is it that the memories and experiences my body has gone through will be etched into me, even if temporary, even if it isn't "flattering"? Why would I want to be alive if it meant that I am not permitted to live? And why should I avoid myself like I am a sin, like I am a curse, worse than death and pain?

I will envelop myself in layers of care and love, even if it means that I am slightly different. I will continue to do so even if I am alone. I have survived long enough. I will rest now, I will find peace.

#mental health #mental health advocacy #recovery #body shaming #body shaming tw #fatphobia tw #disordered eating tw #disordered eating mention tw #i swear i will fucking hunt whomever came up with that phrase #pleasure can be temporary without it being cast as sinful and shameful. the temporary is just as important as the permanent <3 #like... wow i kept a small frame throughout my life but at what cost. why would i torture myself with that #i will do what is best for *me* and not society actually. maybe i'm selfish when i say i wanna *live* #because i have survived without living long enough and i deserve to rest #(and you do too. you have endured and survived long enough. let your weary bones rest for once)

[your-fave-is-christian]

I have a dumb question, and I really hope this doesn’t sound rude. What’s the logic for some of the characters? Like, if they’re the “hero” in their storyline, but they don’t seem to follow Biblical doctrine… does that even count? I’m sorry if that sounds snotty; I don’t mean to have an attitude.

No, you're fine!!

Short answer: I don't know, I'm not the one sending in the characters 😂

But really I would say there's not necessarily a consistent logic that they have to fit. That's part of the beauty of Christianity, isn't it? Anyone who repents and believes is welcome; it's not limited to any certain type of people. For the characters people are sending in here, I think there are a few categories. There are some that fit what you said, who already hold Christian morals and who one could easily headcanon as being Christian within the story. Sometimes people send in villains who they want to have redemption arcs and become Christian. Sometimes it's characters who are Christian; mostly it's characters people would like to see become Christian.

#my favorite character who i headcanon as Christian is one who generally has very Christian morals and really wants to do good #but also lies a lot. and i think in that case it's like i could see him being Christian in the story #because Christians aren't perfect and even people who don't have their whole act together can believe #I'm not justifying continuing to do wrong. I'm trying to figure out how to phrase it #i think there's some post I've seen about how even terrible characters who do terrible things can be Christian #if they're repentant i think? point being that all of us are sinners and a character doesn't have to be perfectly good to be a believer #because none of us are. and a line from a song i know 'though I'm wretched i am not faithless' about a character who #has done bad things and is struggling to reconcile his actions with God's love and forgiveness #anyway. i was saying the character i like comes across to me as an imperfect Christian but also as someone who could really benefit from #learning and growing in the faith. i want to see that character grow morally stronger and become more like Jesus!!! #it would be good for him 🤷‍♀️ #and that's kinda the point of most of the characters people send. they either seem like they could genuinely BE Christian #or are characters people think really need Christianity in their lives #sometimes it's 'this character seems Christian' and sometimes it's 'i like this character and want them to become Christian' #i think characters who don't follow Biblical doctrine fall under either imperfect and learning Christian or needs Jesus in their life #ask

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sorry im thinking abt death again #because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died #that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from #time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed #i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she #died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way #my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today #for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days #and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt #future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her #last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that #and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving. #sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless #others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club #i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her #stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i #dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my #family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters #probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno. #i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity. #again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a #full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length #unrelated

[madamescarlette]

💐

#shocked with myself (maybe pleasantly surprised? is the right phrase) #at actually liking barbie a great deal more than i had prepared myself to #it was just a lot more sincere than i had expected; i was afraid it wouldn't be/be more on the snarky side of cinema lately #but it was strangely so much more heartfelt than that #of course some points felt rushed/too on the nose #but the girls and ryan gosling made me so happy #and her at the end saying (spoilers obvs) that yes YES she does want to take life by the hand and pay the price to live and live #also as a former representative of unrequited love the throughline felt a lot gentler than i was prepared for it to be #it was a lot more about emotion and the joy of growing up and growing old than i expected #i don't necessarily think its heart is as pure as a truly great movie?? #but it didn't laugh AT you. it made you laugh and it also meant what it said #which idk idk in a sea of endless winks at the camera laughing obnoxiously loudly media i appreciated the at least #wanting to live and live well aspect of it all and how it took that seriously #like someone on my dash said. i don't really know if it was a good movie?? but the borders of my mind are stretched #something in me is dreaming because of it. so i think that at least is worth it all #also all the girls in the theater laughing their heads off did something to me!!! #there were countless friends (including mine) decked out in pink and it was so so so sweet to me #(anyway. you didn't need these thoughts and maybe I'll retract it later when I've come down from the high of hugging both my buddies)

[heavyedit]

medical websites love to be like “how to stop having physical stress symptoms: 1. be in less stressful situations 2. don’t be stressed”

#oliver.mp3 #girl for one i have anxiety for two stressful things continue to happen #sorry but taking deep breaths and going for walks will not fix my moms broken leg or get me another job #or get me back the $6000 i just spent on my cat’s er vet bill #meditation doesn’t pay the rent #i still haven’t done anything creative since the year started pretty much #bc i feel like i shouldn’t be focusing on anything but how to fix my situation #time spent drawing is time i could be spending applying for jobs. why would i spend time writing when it’s not making me money #i’m sick of living like this like truly it has been the last whole fucking year and it just keeps getting worse #what did i do to deserve this like truly why me #why do these events feel so specifically calculated and timed to drain our bank accounts and stress me out further #i think abt that phrase it has to get worse before it gets better. so every time something happens i’m like ok it’s gonna get better now #but somehow it continues to get worse #i feel like i’m watching my entire life crumble away right before my eyes everything me and my mom have worked for is just dwindling #and i’m only fucking 20

[ipatrichor]

actually i think one of the things in outsiders that really fucked me up was one of owen's turns of phrase

when magic tricks him and goes into the maze alone, only surviving because he figures out what happened quick enough to follow & rescue her, he tells her that he's never going to stop coming after her (to make sure she's safe, to protect her)

and then after owen's gotten his memories back, he tells apo that he's never going to stop coming after him (to hunt him down, to kill him)

#i am never going to be normal about phrases being repeated with a different meaning #and i think this one especially fucks me up because it really hammers home the difference between owen at his core #(wanting to keep people safe. living to protect. loving his friends so so much hed do anything to keep them alive & happy) #and the person he became as a result of the trauma he experienced and the actions he took and life he led because if it #i think the real tragedy of this character lies in that we see who he couldve been!!! he was Good and he loved so much & tried so hard #but he lost his support system (mostly apo but also rasbi + graecie) and just. never quite learned to trust/rely on the others #because he believed what angel said- he can't show them weakness. theyre counting on him so he has to stay strong for them no matter what #i fully believe that if things had been different he could have overcome his past after remembering. if that support system had been built #i think he wouldve had a chance at least. #and thats the tragedy. he was so caught up in being their rock that they didnt know how to love him and he didnt know how to let them #after apo and angel he didnt let anyone in enough that they couldve changed his mind #so of course no one could save him. he would never have let them #anyway this smp fucked me up real bad. i think it did something to my brain pathways i think theyre realigned #pat.txt

[mikiruma]

#talking #polls #ok i lied im posting this. this is more important than sleep #anyway context for each one bc they all apply #1) my friend dallas :) we basically lived the exact same internet life and only met around high school. whack #2) self explanatory #3) roadhog just appeared out of thin air and isnt in a video game owned by a shitty company wdym #4) my parents asked me not to get diagnosed but i have official papers saying Autistic Tendencies+ #outside the diagnosis prompt so like. LOL idk why the phrasing is so hilarious. but yeah #5) my cool uncle was in multiple bands & i have a few shirts for them! still havent heard any of their music though #6) real and true. was hyped for rewritten so we could try again and then disney shit the bed #7) PEOPLE SAY I WAS WEIRD/GROSS FOR THIS BUT IT WAS SO GOOD???? COME ON #8) i joke about fictionkin amino a lot but that place was a god damn nightmare i cant believe how long i used that app

[themyscirah]

Thinking abt Jessica Cruz and the ability to overcome great fear again

#everybody including canon: omg hal is the greatest lantern kyle is the best etc. etc. #HOWEVER OKAY. my vision..... #with like 15 to 20 years of our time i could expand on stuff and give her THE character arc okay #like im just saying yellow lantern jess arc could ACTUALLY be so good bc i would do it as a way to bring her back to the corps stronger and #better and more assured #in herself because like its not about NOT being afraid is about OVERCOMING it and bravery isnt the absence of fear but action in spite of it #et cetera et cetera #like okay i was kidding when i said i think shed be more powerful than kyle or hal #because theyre both totally overpowered in their own way ofc with hal's willpower abilities at like insane levels and kyle's command of the #emotional spectrum being what it is et cetera #BUT. jess has such an interesting relationship with the ring and BEING a green lantern and its like i want to go deeper with that. like down #to the center of the earth deeper. because i feel like shes a character that would have such a great connection to being a lantern and would #especially be the one to embody the 'overcome great fear' phrase at its core #also like THE RELATIONSHIP SHE HAS TO BEING A LANTERN- #all the lanterns have interesting relationships to the corps or what it means to be a gl but for me jess's is just SOOOOOO compelling and #rich and just. being a lantern saved her life. becoming a lantern GAVE her her life BACK. on multiple levels!!! #like quite literally bc of the fact that volthoom died in her body before she got the ring but like before she became a gl she wasn’t living #a life at least not socially. even when she was power ring i still doubt HIGHLY that she even really left the watchtower when not on mission #because like. they glossed over it but the power ring doesnt come off. she was always like that and even with her control over it always a #little primed to blow and i think that's something jess was aware of even if the rest of the jl wasn't as much #bc she like was always reminded of how precarious her power over the power ring could be like it said HORRIBLE things to her all the time!!! #like on power it would be just calling her names like verbal abuse #so even while she had control over the ring it was a tenuous sort of precarious state and she was very aware of that!!! #and i feel like thats what it often comes down to for jess: control. i think its a key part of her character that she desires that sort of #control over herself and her fear due to feeling a lack of it for so long. and THATS why i think that yellow lantern jess has SO much #potential bc it has a huge chance to explore her relationship with the concept of control and harken back to her origin and early days as a #hero. #gosh i went on a tangent here but yeah. LOTS of feelings abt jess #basically a whole meta in the tags tbh #jessica cruz

[taichi-x-koushiro]

"We need more complex a UTISTIC c HARACTERs {+in dIGIMO}---"

You guys can't even handle Aut!Koushiro headcanons {and probably still can't, in the year 2k24}

#izzyizumi chatter #aut koushiro #aut!koushiro #koushiro hcs #koushiro headcanons #02 fan base issues #advs fan base issues #story of my life in this fan base since tri saikai first dropped #i am still forever unamused to the point of genuine rage at the current state of the so called meta fan circle{s} #(only reason I hold back from chewing it+Ableists out publicly still is because I know for a FACT those people are wrong about A u t i s m) #(AND its diagnosis history in the early 2000s BECAUSE I LIVED IT) #(Uses these phrasings for abbreviating anyhow and to keep out of Search) #its not rbable for a reason #('You guys cant even handle {x} chara---' yeah you guys cant even handle Aut!HCs OR A u t i s t i c s with {g e n d e r} issues!!!!) #more complex identities memes

[1o1percentmilk]

it's so worth listening to almost 4 minutes of SHC by foster the people just for the payoff of "do you want to live forever?"

#like the rest of the song is good too but this line's lived in my head rent free since hs #the chord progression there #*patrick bateman voice* the song is not about a relationship with another person as it may seem at first flush but is actually about the #-creative process (a theme present in many ftp songs) and how 'living life' can be interpreted both as creating things and as loving #-life itself - and in this interpretation the phrase 'do you want to live forever' is an invitation to keep creating #-and keeping that love open #the line 'i want to do it again' is about keeping that openmindedness towards positive things alive and a willingness to try again #ftp is very i feel 'the curtains were blue' at times but i eat it up always #loyal like sid and nancy.... very 2016-2017 politics #yap #music tag

[suncaptor]

there's something specifically inside my head that is closing up that makes trusting anything so hard. i have to manually keep my mind open to the potential of anything being significant. i am so used to things being bad and things hurting and things not working and being powerless that it takes an exorbitant amount of mental energy to make sure I don't let myself shut down possibility. and I do it because I never want a certainty inside of me besides love to rule anything. but I want my brain elastic again. i want it open like breathing. it doesn't erase the unfairness or the critique or any of the bitter-built philosophy.

#it's so hard to describe what I mean. i think it's the combo of the like. specific part of my brain's development + the amount of trauma #I have endured + the degree of which that has been taking place on a backdrop of the world being incredibly injust no matter what I do #this is very very silly but the extent of how much this impacts me was made clear by how like. closed off I was to even liking an album by #my favourite singer. like obviously I am obsessively keeping myself open I would never let my preconceived sense of doom and stubbornness #control my willingness to let things in #but it shouldn't be so hard to keep my mind open to things like... liking my favourite musician of most of my life's music........... #and that's a VERY silly example but that's why it's easier to talk about. it takes so much work to be open enough for things like therapy #or religion because they've damaged me so much #how am i supposed to handle this on a backdrop of constant constant helplessness in the face of living insecurity and illness and trauma? #the problem is if you try so so so hard again and again and remain hopeful regardless of how illogical that hope is #but you get let down so constantly since you're never stop trying ever even when systems fail you again and again #and you're watching horrible things happen and everything that shapes you is horror #then regardless of how much you try it's so hard to let yourself let go of the very realistic lived experience of doubt and critique #and I DO. do NOT get me wrong. I am obsessive and refuse to be my own problem #but the act of doing so shouldn't be like this. it's in everything i do. from simple things like listening to new music to even the mere #possibility of a future #i am very worried this one is going to be misinterpreted bc I AM NOT saying I'm stubborn in the face of systems that have repeatedly failed #me. I AM NOT. I am saying to not be shouldn't take this work when it envelops the rest of my life. #if anyone reads this far please please acknowledge the degree of which I almost pathologically try again and again when I can guarantee #nearly everyone wouldn't and still fight to keep myself open to hope because that's just something in me that is like that. but BEING like #that is. repeatedly putting yourself in situations where you are powerless already and helpless to get better and then are hurt more and #there's no way to escape it's just the repeated nature of it and then trying to not be the issue. #it's the problem in itself. #my ambition SHOULD be smarter. #god I'll go into this when I fully understand it another time. i don't think i have this phrased in a way to make all the dots of what i #mean correlate in the significant ways to anyone but me #but hey i guess i'm expecting anyone to read this in a light to misperceive me in the first place instead of accept maybe I'm not explainin #well or giving me the benefit of the doubt. see. #delete

[pepprs]

one year ago today i got some of the worst news ive ever gotten in my life so far. i am so lucky because the news wasn’t as bad as it could have been and also on the scale of things you could get bad news about it’s basically nothing like it’s not even a big deal compared to other things ive experienced let alone other ppl. but it was fucking horrible. it came out of nowhere. it defined the last year and it changed my whole life. there’s no point to making this post there’s no point in acknowledging it with other people around bc quite literally not a single person on this planet cares / is still hurt by it to the degree i am and im not saying that bitterly it’s simply a thing that is true of the situation. but i feel the need to acknowledge it on here not for anyone to sympathize or whatever but bc ive been documenting all the fallout of it on here / vaguing abt it multiple times a week for 52 weeks lol and i want this to be part of the record. but it’s like. damn. it’s been a year since it happened. but more importantly i SURVIVED this year. i survived. im still here. and even though im still wounded from it and can’t see all the good that came from it right now (though i am definitely aware of a lot of good that has come from it!) i am growing and changing. i might never fully heal from it (though maybe i will!) but one day this will not hurt as bad as it does. i am going to try to hold on to that.

#purrs #delete later #NOT to use this phrase knowing what it connotes. but what if you came into my life and the instant i made eye contact with you i knew i #wanted to get to know you and you became a role model for me in 4.5 days and then i spent 4.5 years clinging to your ankles and developing a #(possibly delusional / one sided) psychic bond with you and we were part of each others stories and you changed my life foreveand helped to #shape my heart and helped me find my wings and learn to fly and then one day in july tou revealed that you got another job and had been #searching for the last 6 months and you were abandoning us just as i was finally coming into my own in my most vulnerable moment and the #implication of this (because of your personality / lifestyle / whatever) is not only that we would no longer be colleagues but also no loger #in each others lives basically at all (also this is because of my own mental illnesses and our complicated relationship dynamic btw) and i #sobbed harder than i ever sobbed before in my entire life right in front of you and you told me to stop crying because it was making the #decision harder but that only made me sob harder because i love you and i still love you. and we were both girls #<- again. NOT what this is. just punchline of meme reference