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hearthandhomemagick · 3 years

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Cottage Witch Journal Entry

I have a longing for Tennessee.

I have a pure, unadulterated and wild attraction to the Tennessee Mountains. This is a dream I’ve had, and a yearning I’ve felt, for years. A need to be hidden deep in the mountains in a tiny cottage/cabin of sorts. I’m sure this is an affinity very popular in mainstream culture today, and all I can think of when I hear people say they want a cottage or cabin in the mountains is, “How the Hell does everyone expect to FIT on these mountains?!” But, this is my Shadow Self, the over realistic and overthinking side of myself. And I easily get discouraged from my own wants thinking of others wants.

This is a side of me to notice in myself. I need to be able to move past thoughts of, “If everyone wants it, I’ll never have it.” and move forward with thoughts of, “This is something I want for myself, and I deserve to work hard for it.” And that’s a goal I have with myself.

You see, this post isn’t just about my want to be in Tennessee in the woods, it’s much deeper than that I feel. It’s about improvement and wanting to grow.

I bring up Tennessee because that is not a goal I can easily obtain within a couple of weeks or even a month. But, it is something I want to build up to obtaining. Something I want to do right so that everything is exactly as it needs to be. And I can’t fully accomplish this until I accomplish other goals that take precedent first. For Example, my physical health.

As a witch, I truly believe in loving every part of yourself, the good and the bad. The exciting and the terrifying. The understood and the neglected. Part of this acceptance process is learning what is and is not acceptable for my body. Now, I have struggled with my weight and how I see myself since I was a child. I remember a little boy seeing my tummy in a bathing suit in 1st grade and him telling me I was fat and that his dad said fat girls were ugly. Comments like this, stares and whispers were constant when in regards to my weight. It felt like an overwhelming amount of attention was directed at the way I looked, even if no one was looking at me I felt as though everyone was thinking about it. Over the years, this mental state took a tole on a lot more than I expected, even affecting me today with my Significant Other. The consistent attention to my own weight pulled me into depression, our of depression, into anxiety and out of anxiety. What I mean is I had an up and down relationship with my tummy.

I felt abandoned most days. I would get this idea that I was too much and not enough all at once. A gentle and cooing tone from my toxic thoughts led to a lot of issues and concerns for me and my health. Some days, I would read something that made me feel as though I was a Queen. A bad bitch lurking in this cruel world and taking it by the throat to stare it in the eyes and say, “I love my body fat.”

The sad part is your heart, mind and body know when you are lying to it. I didn’t love my body. Not in those confident moments and not in those depressed moments. I was locked away in a cage in my mind that gave me two illusions to choose from, while hiding my third option under the rug. I neglected my feelings because I didn’t want to experience them. I neglected my health because I didn’t want to deal with it. And I neglected my body because I hated it.

Reality here is that this is the only fucking body I have. Do you understand that? Let me repeat this so maybe you can understand how harsh of a reality this was to me.

I am on this Earth for goodness knows how long. 50 years, 20 years, 72 days. I don’t know, and no one does. I was literally forced into owning this body, whether I like it or not, it is mine. I can move houses, I can get a new car, I can get a new job. I cannot get a new body.

I heard this in High School and started what I called my weight loss journey. I lost maybe 20 pounds while attending a workout-boot camp of sorts and trying to maintain a healthy diet. That sentence resonated so much with me that I repeated it every day to myself. My motivation was on point. Then, I stopped going. There are multiple reasons why I stopped, but none of them are rightful excuses.

I just stopped.

Now, during those days I had lost weight, I was starting to gain confidence in myself and was attempting to genuinely look out for my health. I had more energy and felt amazing! But like I said, I had stopped for terrible reasons.

Fast-forward to college and you will find a very anxiety filled, sleep deprived and mentally exhausted Carly. Some nights I wouldn’t sleep but for 4-5 hours. Other nights I didn’t sleep at all. I believe my stay up streak was 3, going on 4 nights. All due to homework. My coping technique has always been eating food, too. So when you have a sleep deprived student settled next to a 24/7 pizza joint with half baked cookies, you gain 30-40 pounds.

At 245 Pounds, I was at my heaviest. This weight gain came on as my roommates were saying I was fat, stupid and were making me question myself frequently. Self hate festers among others who don’t value your worth, remember that. So, through those years of college I weighed an uncomfortable amount of weight that made my body start shutting down physically.

Mental Health had a lot to do with my physical health, here as well. When I was in a really bad place, I would stop moving completely and just sit still. If I had a terrible feeling, I’d cook something to make myself feel better or would just grab a processed, quick snack. It was a pattern of mine. I’d get just enough motivation to do one or two things, and then I’d stop all together and feel as though that was enough for a few weeks.

Eventually, when I was done with college, I started back on that rollercoaster of healthy and unhealthy. I’d lose 5 pounds, then gain 7 pounds right back. I started detail critiquing myself and stressing myself out. My weight never could get under control, and I couldn’t break the 200 mark to save my life. I would see pictures and videos of myself and feel as though I had eaten an entire buffet. Not too long after getting with my S/O and starting my job as a Sexual Violence Outreach Advocate, I got sick.

It started as a birthday dinner at a Korean Barbecue in 2019. I was with my two best friends at the time and having a blast. We all ate the same food, but when I woke up the following morning I was throwing up everything in my tummy.

The throwing up went on for 4 days before I was taken to the hospital, only for them to release me saying it was virus. My personal doctor couldn’t figure out what was wrong and it eventually became an everyday thing. I would wake up between 3-6 in the morning, go to the bathroom and be sick for hours before pulling myself together to make it to work.

Weeks turned into months, and months turned into a year.

I lost 50 pounds from this thing that no doctor could seem to figure out. I got x-rays and everything, but nothing and no one could tell me exactly what was going on with me. I couldn’t eat anything friend, only raw fruits and veggies, or broth. I only drank water and ginger based drinks, and could not for the life of me stop what was going on with my body. Many doctors tried to pass it as a virus, stomach ulcers, GURD, or even Heart Burn (?). None of them were right.

After a long time, my mom finally confessed that every woman in our family has Endometriosis. If you don’t know what this is, it is the build up of scar tissue on the outside of your uterus. This leads to nausea, ovarian cysts (which they found on me in x-rays) and sub or infertility. No doctor can diagnose it, either, unless you have a surgery to see if there is scarring. So for many, suffering on your own is easier than seeing a doctor.

I discussed this with my doctor, and it was as if a light flashed in her brain. This is a disease she cannot say I have, but can say it sounds very much like that. It is hereditary and once you have it, you have it for good.

After this information entered my line of though, I decided the stress from my job was too much for too little pay, and chose to leave. Leading up to my leaving the job, I was sick almost every second of every day. The moment I left, I felt better.

I still feel pain in my ovary area, but because I don’t have the money to see a doctor, and can control my pains with eating habits and physical influence, I choose to work through it alone.

I said ALL THAT BACKGROUND BULLSHIT JUST TO SAY THIS!!!!!

This is the part that marks my new journey. It is the Journey to Strength and Well Being. The Journey to Feeling Good. The Journey the Choosing my happiness over anything else. And the Journey to choosing the health of my body over my insecurities.

I wrote this because a couple of days ago I had a very graphic and vivid dream about my boyfriend falling in love with the woman I wanted to be. In other words, I seen him with a woman who literally presented all of my insecurities to me. Small, lithe and dainty, gentle and calming, and everything I wasn’t. She was beautiful. And he seen this, and did things for her that he never did for me. I woke up almost in tears, because my emotions were raw, but I had no idea that my insecurities were still very deeply rooted.

I pondered over the last few days of this dream. What it could mean, what I should do, how I should feel and I have finally come to a conclusion.

This dream is a depiction of my fears. My brain was saying, “You need to address this shit right now.” and did it in the most face slap kind of way I could think.

I still, even after learning to love myself genuinely, have image issues that need to be nurtured and tended to before I can move forward in my life.

So, I’m making 1-3 goals every month that are attainable and reachable. This will be a brick road to my obtaining that cottage/cabin in the Tennessee Mountains.

This months Goals start today!

GOAL 1 - Learn to do a split, find a healthy yoga sequence, be able to do 15 pushups, & 30 Squats by the end of December.

GOAL 2 - Make a conscious effort to what you eat/making a new dish once a week to try.

GOAL 3 - Save $100.

This is a process, and I am only human. I don’t want to fall back into the habits of toxic mentality. I don’t want to neglect myself or how I feel and I don’t want to lose myself in to the world in the process of searching for freedom from myself.

I expect myself to exude self control, self love, and empowerment. I expect to expect better from and for myself, and I expect to accomplish my goals.

I manifest it here, I can do a split. I have a healthy maintainable yoga sequence that I have committed to growing expanding and changing. I can do 15 push ups and 30 squats. I have 100 dollars saved up already and make concious decisions that better my health rather than hurt it. This is part of my lifstyle now!

And it is for the better!

Thank you to anyone who read this through. These entries are more for my benefit and thought process, but appreciate anyone who recognizes it or even relates and wants to talk about it. It’s personal to me and means a lot. I intend on being on here more often to update my challenges and express how I use my witchcraft in the process of this Journey.

I love you all! Stay safe, warm and full to the brim! Later Witches! xx

#yule #witch #witchcraft #thinspo #healthy #yoga #workout #food #meal #habit #mentalhealth #comfort #hygge #cute #fun #craft #magic #magick #happy #storyline #witchjournal #journal #writing #creative

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omgkittymonster-blog · 5 years

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KAT'S KETO STARTER GUIDE

a quick guide to starting keto easily and without worries!

⦁ intro ⦁ science ⦁ myths and misconceptions

⦁ breakfast ⦁ lunch ⦁ dinner ⦁ snacks ⦁ food list CHEAT SHEET:

⦁ intermittent fasting ⦁ what to do when you go out to eat ⦁ what to drink and when

⦁ "carb cycling", cheat days, and how tos: ⦁ things to avoid that are a waste of money

INTRODUCTION TO KETO Keto is an amazing diet and/or lifestyle that when paired with multiple other forms of healthy choices can be a quick way to lose a few pounds or a healthy way to live longterm allowing you to still enjoy life without estranging yourself from your friends and family. It is very flexible and people that stick to keto find themselves in love with it and raving about their success, as long as they gave it the proper chance! I myself lost ten pounds the first week I did strict keto and I knew then I was hooked!

SCIENCE BEHIND KETO AND WHY IT WORKS The common american diet is very high in sugar, carbs, unhealthy fats, caffeine, sodium, etc. This recipe is a disaster waiting to happen, heart disease, obesity, cancers, diabetes, among a plethora of other terrible life stealing diseases that effect millions of americans. Whether you do a low carb, or low calorie, or low red meat and fat diet, the idea remains the same. Reduce calorie intake vs output, avoid foods that cause inflamations or gastro-intestinal upsets, and eat filling whole foods that offer a lot of nutrient density. Now, the reason that keto works so good is the science behind the diet: When you reduce the amount of sugar (glucose) your body intakes, which is its normal source of fuel, it panics, uses what it has, burns glycogen which is stored in the liver and muscles, and finally switches your body to KETONES (which burns FATS for fuel instead). When your body is in Ketosis, it will burn your body fat and consumed fats for energy, to do normal body functions. This sounds like a miracle, and I can honestly say it is. Most average americans have anywhere from a 20%-50% body fat ratio, men usually on the lower end of that, where anything over 30% is usually considered overweight. That being said, most people have a lot of fuel to burn that they would never have burned if they were eating a large amount of carbohydrates that the body prefers to burn first. You literally have your own fuel just waiting to go, and you will feel awesome when you see the fat melting off your tummy, thighs, back, face. :D

Myths and Misconceptions When I first started keto I thought I could eat as many hot dogs, burgers, chicken wings, ranch dressings, etc as I could stuff in my face. Truth be told you can, but your body will be severely lacking vitamins and minerals that you need to be healthy so I would suggest making sure to vary your diet, always include a healthy fat (example: salmon, avocado, macadamia nuts) and lots of greens whenever possible. If you absolutely cannot, taking a high nutrient density multi vitamin is really smart, as well as looking into electrolyte mixes or supplements. People will try to bully you or shame you for not eating "just one this" or "you have to try a bite" and after a little while, you absolutely can! But during the first month or so, til you become "fat adapted" it is best to be as diligent as possible, and you will be really proud of the results. Not all fats are created equal: While dirty keto does exist and sometimes is necessary, try to remember that quality of your fuel will always dictate how you feel. Will you feel better after a slice of greasy pizza or a big salad with lots of veggies and roasted turkey? Easy concept. You don't have to starve yourself. This was the hardest part for me to learn at first. Keto foods are filling, yummy, and full of flavor, so eat til you're about comfortably full and give the fork a rest. You'll find you're sated for many hours! Not all people get the keto flu. Some adapt to eating high fat really well with minimal issues. If you are feeling dizzy, lightheaded, or stomach sick, make sure you have plenty of water and if you need to, have a shot of pickle juice or a sprinkle of salt in your water. Vitamin water ZERO is also a decent way to get electrolytes without having to spend a lot on a supplement. I'd avoid zero sugar gatorade though, the sweetener in it is sucralose which is bad for ketosis.

NOW TO THE FUN PART: THE FOOD! I do most of my shopping at a normal grocery store, and most of the things I mention can be bought at meijer, target, walmart, or whatever your local chain is. Buy organic if you want! But it isnt necessary. Meats and dairy foods are best when bought all natural or organic if possible. Look for words like grass finished, or pasture raised.

Breakfast ideas: Omelets - add whatever meats veggies and cheeses from list fit your choosing Cauliflower "hash" - sautee pieces of cauliflower with meats, veggies, top with cheese and let it melt :D keto "cereal" - 2 cups unsweetened coconut, sprinkle with cinnamon, stevia, coconut oil, pecans, macadamia nuts, whatever. bake two minutes per side around 375 til toasted. cool and serve with unsweetened hemp, oat, almond or soy milk and fresh berries if you want! Chorizo and eggs with avocado and sour cream - they do make turkey chorizo too! or make your own by adding hot sauce and spices to ground turkey. :3 "Two Good" Makes a super low carb yogurt that tastes amazing - i eat it with berries or a "Quest" brand protein cookie for breakfast! Chia pudding - 2 T. chia seeds, milk substitute or water, stevia, and whatever flavor you want to add! Peanut butter, cocoa powder for PB cup, raspberry/almond, blueberry/pecan. Chill overnight, awesome grab and go Egg muffins - mix up eggs like youd be making scrambled eggs, add some ricotta or cottage cheese (full fat only), add toppings, bake for 5-10 mins til middle is set (use a tooth pick). Can freeze and pop in microwave or last a week in the fridge. I like mine with pesto and mozzarella with tomato on top.

Lunch ideas: La tortilla factory low carb wrap "blt" - these tortillas are amazing and come in many sizes. If you cant find those, find any brand that says "low carb" - look for net carbs under 6 for best choices. Add avocado, turkey bacon, mayo if desired, lettuce, tomato, peppers, etc. Eat with cheese chips (recipe in snacks) Soups: Creamy chicken chili, broccoli cheese (substitute heavy cream and broth in place for milk in recipes) bone broth veggie soups (imagine PHO or Ramen with no noodles!) MAKE A BIG ASS SALAD WITH WHATEVER MEATS AND CHEESE AND VEGGIES YOU WANT (that are safe on the list ofc) this is what i do a lot, and i put the dressing on the side so i can just munch on it throughout the day without it getting soggy. If you find yourself picking certain parts out of your salad right away, try to focus on those more until your body is craving other things. Some days i eat my meats right away, others i eat all my veggies. Your body often tells you what you need without even realizing. If you're a grazer make a fruit and nut tray, or "lunchables" almost. There is a recipe for whats called CLOUD BREAD. It's basically like a fluffy meringue that is made with cream cheese and eggs. I dont make it a lot, I almost always would rather have those wraps. They're that good and last longer :D Try to keep things with you that you know you will eat, rather than things you think you're supposed to eat, because cold fish sounds disgusting vs that yummy five piece chicken tender with hot sauce. >_>

Dinner Ideas: Dinner is my forte because for a long time I was doing OMAD keto, aka "One meal a day keto" where I would fast until dinner every day, except for coffee, tea and water. During these times I dreamt up many cheat meals that I JUST HAD TO HAVE and went home and keto-ized em. If there's a will there's a way, bahahaha. OMAD is not recommended at the start of ketosis because you may feel low on energy or dizzy sometimes and we want to avoid bad feelings during initiation so when you see the success you have you won't have a negative feeling as to why it happened.

LITERALLY IMAGINE YOUR FAVORITE DINNER. Whatever you're craving. You can hack it. We got this. Chinese/Take out? Easy mode. You can make stir fries, fried cauliflower rice, sweet and sour chicken (using parmesan for a crust!), peanut "noodles" or "zoodles", egg foo young, etc! American: Wings, burgers, brats/sausages, grilled chicken, etc - most cook out foods in whole form are totally safe. Pair with grilled veggies or a salad, or make a pasta salad from zoodles with homemade italian dressing. YUMMMM bish Italian: Low carb tomato sauces and "noodles", Fat head Pizza (link to fat head dough recipe will be at bottom. This shit is dope. I never even liked pizza before this). Chicken Parmesan, "Spaghetti and Meatballs", Lasagna: AND OMG GUESS WHAT. Alfredo is like totally fair game, and its really good with mushrooms and chicken. :P Mexican: HOLY FUCK I EAT THIS STUFF SO MUCH. Like, pretty much everything but the chips and rice are totally gucci for keto. Taco/Burrito bowls, fajitas, ceviche, salsa, avocado salad, guacamole, and for dipping I make cheese chips or thin slices of cucumber spritzed with chili lime and salt. Greek: Greek salad, schwarma, gyros (either without bread or use the low carb wraps), hemp seed "Falafel", tzatziki sauce, feta cheese, olives, etc. I have even made indian and thai curries, moroccan food, middle eastern We have made chicken tenders, french fries, chips, "nachos", fish fry, breaded mushrooms, mozz sticks, cheese curds. All your craving foods! The internet is wonderful for this, just make sure you are paying close attention to how much a portion is, or if its higher in carbs than you're allowed for the day.

Above I posted a picture for a shopping list.

This is a nice shopping list but I find it is sort of strict. Try to stick to these items to start but You can add in things like more nuts or avocados, almond and coconut flours (to make cakes and breads!), and higher starch veggies and fruits as time goes on. I get down on some cantaloupe pretty often, and have a cupcake at least once a month.

Intermittent Fasting IF is typically considered an advance technique or body reset especially after big meal days or cheating, and while it has amazing health benefits, I would suggest you research it yourself and decide if it's right for you. I had a lot of luck with it because I hate to keep track of my calories on an app so I knew if I ate whatever I could within a five to seven hour period that the chances that I would eat more than 1800 calories would go way down. Each person is different, if you feel physically hungry, don't deny that feeling. Here is a link that describes and explains types of IF. https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/intermittent-fasting-guide#methods

What to do when you go out to eat We live in a time where many people eat low carb, or restaurants are very willing to wiggle with ingredients or substitutions. Remember that nicer restaurants appreciate this less, but if you know that it will be happening, you can always call the restaurant and let them know in advance. Many chefs are reasonable and want your business and willing to help. Always check the menu for words like, naked, ask for sauces on the side, try to stick to things that are usually safe, blue cheese, ranch, vinaigrettes, mayos. When a dish comes with a carb side, most places will double up on steamed or grilled veg for very little extra or no charge. I get steak with a literal dick ton of broccoli or asparagus and lotsa butter and its good and filling. :D Burgers can be put on top of a side salad , or ask for a lettuce wrap. Make sure wings and chickens arent breaded before frying or baking. Chinese restaurants usually have a section that has all the same ingredients but sauce on the side and veggies steamed, good for when you go out. Egg drop soup is usually ok as long as you don't eat a gallon of it. If something comes that you really want, but can't have, just have one small bite and cover the rest of it with too much salt or ketchup or something than you can handle, or trade it away. This will prevent you from eating it all. There's lots of options and understand that whenever you go out, there is a chance that you might slip out of ketosis. Don't be discouraged because a small slip is a lot easier to deal with than a big one, and you will feel fine within 12 hrs.

What to drink and when Coffee, espresso, unsweetened teas, club soda or la croix like drinks with zero fake sugars added (look for aspartame, sucralose, dextrose, erythritol, etc), pure liquors with no added flavor or sugar (vodka, gin, whiskey, rum, tequila), dry red wine (cabernet, merlot) dry white wine (sauvignon blanc, brut champagne, pinot grigo, chardonnay). Keep in mind that alcohol still contains a lot of calories and while it will not likely bump you out of ketosis, it does delay your body burning calories because it is too busy trying to destroy the evil alcohol from your bloodstream (dramatic music) so limiting intake in the first month really helps you to get in the swing and feel good and hydrated :P. Side Note: Ketal One makes new no sugar added Botanical Vodka and the Peach one and the cucumber mint one are fucking amazing, the end.

"Carb cycling" cheat days, and how to IF YOU KNOW YOU'RE GONNA CHEAT mentally prepare yourself for that. Know what you want to eat, what isnt worth it, and how to stop yourself when you are done. Ever been on a bender where you drank like three days in a row and by the end you're like dude wtf happened all I wanted was to drink friday night and now its sunday where did it go". This has happened to me lots with holidays and special occasion weekends, and the best advice I have for you is to pay attention to how cheating makes you feel. Don't feel guilty unless you feel bad for your progress or your body. Sadly, potatoes make me feel like garbage so I try to avoid them like the plague even when I do cheat. Try to not eat for as long as you can handle after you cheat to allow your body some rest and to burn the glucose and glycogen that may be still in your system. If you feel good enough some cardio or lifting may help to get you back in faster. Ultimately, if keto is a lifestyle for you, remember that life happens and its ok to be human, and eat things that are unhealthy as long as its not the normal. Remind yourself that you deserve to be happy as well as healthy and balance that in your mind. Being positive and recognizing this will help you to not fall off the deep end either way, by being too strict or completely abandoning keto, which often in the early phase will lead you to gaining all that weight you lost back. Carb cycling is a form of keto diet for athletes or very physical people who benefit from a quick carb before intense activity in order to feed their muscles or whatever but as I am not one of those people, I just stick to my higher carb fruits and veggies when I think I might go for a run or walk, or drag my ass down the road, whatever you'd like to call it. >_>

Things to avoid that are a waste of money Don't buy "exo ketones" or "Keto drinks" or powders, anything "bullet-proof" is basically bullshit, you can make the same things for zillions of dollars less and it will taste better as well. Keto urine strips are pretty much just a waste of money, they aren't really indicative of where you are at. Expensive "keto" supplements aren't necessary, take your multi and drink your electrolytes and you should be good to go. Keep in mind if you are an intense athlete I am not so like talk to your doctor or coach dude.

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