#i love many facets of buffy

[jennycalendar]

your tags on that fandom post got me thinking of how... defensive fandom is of the status quo kinda? like I'm white so this might come off like I'm absolving myself which I'm not, but so often I see "fandom is a queer run space that fixes canon! buuuut we're going to focus on the white men because they're the only ones with depth :) and we're going to make actually good female characters cookie cutter. and we're going to ignore black men and especially black women. but queer run safe space!!"

the minute i got this ask i knew i had to wait until i was at home with my laptop because my fingers cannot fly as fast on my phone as they can on the computer keys. this is literally so much of what is happening in the buffy fandom. the whole thing is built on intrinsic systemic racism n misogyny that's reinforced within the show and that many in the fandom do not critically engage with in the slightest. it is absolutely objectively insane to me that i can make a post going, for example, "hey, isn't it fucked up as hell that the show treats the romani people as evil for wanting angel to suffer?" and then people will come into my inbox or land in my reblogs and go "well, actually, the show treats the romani people as shortsighted and bad at long-term planning, and i choose to read them that way too :)" and fully not see that there is a hell of a problem with THAT statement as well (real thing that happened). OR that kennedy hate is still hugely in vogue because she's mean and bratty and terrible and doesn't know her place!!! OR kendra's death & how easily she is forgotten by the fandom!!!!! OR the entire trend of handing buffy to a person's favorite character like a little trophy they've earned for being tortured and sad, reducing her to a facet of a romantic relationship & implying that this is what she needs to feel and be complete!

OR OH MY GOD THE ENTIRETY OF EVERYTHING SURROUNDING SPIKE. where do i even start with spike. completely serious, i am honestly endlessly impressed by the people who can still handle being fans of spike, because being a fan of spike means having to wade through 20 million fics where That Bitch Buffy must be narratively punished for abusing poor baby spike who only ever wanted to love her and was totally out of character every time he hurt her (and also drusilla is a vapid whore who didn't love spike, ever.) like i am not at this point in time always strong enough to engage with spike content simply because there is so much spike content that is SOAKED in violent misogyny repackaged as Deep, Torrid Romance. it's exhausting to try and find the good stuff when sometimes even the good stuff will throw you a curveball in chapter five or shy uncomfortably away from the racist realities of spike's character. the fact that robin wood has been hated for so long because he had the Nerve and the Audacity to want retribution for his mom, and that he is framed as in the wrong for wanting that, is in and of itself so fucking upsetting to me.

AN Y WAY. i agree with you. and i get what you're saying. i think an awareness of the pattern and a willingness to feel uncomfortable within your own mistakes is always a good place to start. i try so hard never to dig my heels in if i can avoid it.

#asks #i will say that i do have a softness for xander #but a lot of that has to do with the way i see fanon handle him! #either he is written off as disgusting garbage #OR he is picked up by toxic macho assholes who write toxic macho asshole fic about him #where he saves the girls and tells them all off for not appreciating him enough #i think there is something so compelling about his half-formed journey towards trying to redefine masculinity #and it is so fucked up that he is a tool for a narrative so steeped in misogyny #he raises some interesting questions that he himself can never fully answer #i like thinking about a narrative where his growth towards accepting his role as caretaker would feel more authentic #& of course uhhhh My Joyce Thing but again I Feel Like That One Is Obvious. So.

[allisoooon]

The reaction to Allison has been interesting ,(and mildly infuriating) I've seen so many people saying "obviously" this was setting her up as the big bad villian of S4 which I don't see at all.

I think it comes from a few different things:-

1) people saying they want morally ambiguous/dysfunctional characters but in reality don't unless it's 'pretty' or angsty or something people can easily project on to. I assume there has to be a big difference in demographic for TUA Vs say, The Boys which is full of reprehensible people but the audience expect it. We've seen The umbrellas kill people as kids , I don't think their morality is the same of everyone elses.

2) there are two things I think from a writing perspective probably should have been done differently a) the Luther rumour scene -it brings back the romance subplot that people hated and couldn't even accept as an example of how their childhood fucked them all up, and well, it's hard to redeem SA. Probably should have been cut.

b) there's a certain point in S3 where all Allisons dialogue becomes almost entirely angry/snarky which has lead to a large influx of 'omg Allison is such a bitch!!!!!' I wish there was a late in the series convo with someone neutral like Klaus to give the character a moment to breathe.

3) Lack of sympathy for the character bc we've seen very little of Allison's life pre S1 and in childhood. I've seen loads of people say that she has had a basically cushy life due to her powers, and I think sooo many of the audience believe if they had her powers it would be all sunshine and rainbows. We got multiple flashbacks for Klaus this season (which I loved) but I really think Allison would benefit from some.

4) good old racism and misogyny. I reaaaaallly wanna know what the reaction would have been if Klaus killed Harlan for revenge for the moms or some shit.

Whew, this is all very true. People want traumatized/morally grey characters as long as they're sexy about it (see: Spike from Buffy, who took the SA way further and was still probably the most popular character). It's still bizarre for people to have watched the second season and say she's never had to work for anything.

I also think it's the target, though. Being mean to Viktor is kind of treated like the ultimate sin. People act like he's a little kid. So we get an angry black woman (already stigmatized as fuck) screaming at a small white person people essentially see as a child and go "I understand why she's angry, but she's crossing a line by being mean about it." She's talking to someone who destroyed her life twice. Does she owe it to him to be nice about what he has done to her, sometimes intentionally? Don't get me wrong, their fight was fucked up and Allison said some fucked-up shit, but the issue of the audience's reaction to Allison this season is multi-faceted--and it is an issue.

We needed more of her perspective. Fuck, we needed that scene with Klaus or someone where she says she doesn't get why everyone's so keen on dying and letting everyone else die with them. Put that between the vote and Reg killing Luther and Klaus could help her come to terms with death by talking about what awaits them on the other side. She could start looking forward to seeing Ray again when they hear a scream from down the hall...

...Apparently I have a fanfic to write.

But for real, I don't think Allison's arc will feel satisfying until next season. I think there will be big consequences for her, as many as there were benefits for her this season, and I hope they will come after she has calmed down and is ready to make peace with everyone. That's not even getting into what Harlan could have meant when he said her vibration sounded "wrong" (something to do with her self-rumor, maybe?).

#tua meta #the umbrella academy #allison hargreeves #viktor hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #ask answered

[theearlgreymage]

🌻what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?

🌿how does creating make you feel?

🌻what makes you want to give up on writing?

Myself. I am very very very very hard on myself. The worst critic to my work is me. Constantly doubting that anything I write is even half decent. If I get into my head alone for too long I will throw everything away.

I stopped writing for nearly a decade because I thought I wasn't good enough to be publishing anything. And I am so glad I realized that was a mistake, because writing again in the last 6 months has made me so much happier as a person.

🌻 what makes you keep going?

People in the Carry On Fandom predominantly. The positive words of encouragement are so motivating, and so very genuine. Everyone has so many good ideas and will support you in whatever crazy plot you have and it is just so wholesome and makes me smile everyday.

There's a handful of people that I absolutely love talking to on a regular basis at this point, and they're all such wonderful people that I cannot thank enough for keeping me writing - @buffy @upuntil6am @ic3-que3n @shrekgogurt

Outside of the Carry On Fandom, there is no lying that it is an absurd amount of kudos and comments. My self doubt requires constant validation. It's a little unhealthy. But. Hey. I could be doing hard drugs?

🌿how does creating make you feel?

Writing makes me feel AMAZING when I'm in the process. It is, hands down, my favorite hobby.

It's the one thing that I was still able to do when I was at my absolute lowest points in life, and it was how I communicated to everyone where I was mentally. It's like a second language to me in a lot of ways. Can I put my own thoughts and emotions into words that make sense? No. But can I write a story about a character that represents me with symbolism and figurative language that explains what I'm experiencing? Yes.

Now, being in a better place mentally, it is just fun. It let's me explore different facets of myself as a person. Play with different concepts. Escape into different psyche's. Create my own array of little fantasy worlds. Develop a community where we can all share in the experience of creating and consuming fics and art together. It's a communal experience that I just love.

#ask game #I am a disaster #but it's fine #writing makes me happy #at the end of the day #i want to be an author when i grow up #shit #I turn 28 in 48 hours #help #I just realized #i am an adult

[annyankers]

I would love to hear more about your Angel !!

oKAY SO ANGEL

his tag on here is angel (train’s version) for reference. also my old rp blog for him is @aithrioch which has some things like headcanons and aesthetics.

Okay gonna make an effort to not repeat myself though I also can’t completely remember what I’ve already said so B)

More emphasis on his time homeless. Like it’s brought up in more when it makes sense and it becomes especially important in ATS and becomes a point of bonding and discussion between him and Gunn.

Dating Buffy is probably his biggest lapse in judgement since wandering into an alley to get laid in the 1700s and it shows. Like he walked in knowing this was a bad idea, saw every red flag and did it anyway. It’s not a reemergence of Angelus behavior it’s Peak Liam Nonsense and it’s left his relationship and feelings towards Buffy very complex and fucked. I think from like BTVS S4/ATS S1 on his primary feeling towards her isn’t really love but guilt. Guilt over how much he fucked up her life and not just as Angelus but you know, as an adult engaging romantically with a teen.

Angelus has more of a Hannibal Lector vibe.

Heavy substance abuse in BTVS as part of coping. When we see him in btvs he’s literally JUST stopped living on the streets in the Depths of Despair. So in btvs S1-2 he’s smoking and drinking heavily to try and make it through another moment on this bitch of an earth. The drinking isn’t as obvious an issue until Buffy’s with him more. Ironically angelus drinks and smokes a normal ass amount because he’s not Lamenting and angel stops doing both in s3 since you know.... fresh outta hell and all that. don’t worry he’s back to chain smoking when he gets into ATS lol. It becomes a Running Issue with him and his Very Human and Lung Dependent Staff.

He listens to the smiths, the cure and similar music. He’s that kinda person. yes. also still listens to barry mannilow. he’s a man of many facets.

He’s Very Normal about Darla. So Normal.

Angel(us) has a Complex around his visual age and how it tends mean that he isn’t given much respect. Part of what fueled his actions back in the day was clout building so he’d get some fucking respect and stop being treated like a baby faced loser.

Circling back to the Buffy thing he realizes in ATS S2 that he perpetuated the cycle of abuse/grooming with her that Darla perpetuated on him. Because Darla 10000% groomed and manipulated him.

Darla and Angel have a Louis and Lestat vibe (but like..... more the new series version of them you know????)

Falls back into Catholicism after his time in hell for the comfort of it. he was born in 1700s Ireland where church was the center of life and Catholicism is like, the most ritualistic version of Christianity. It’s the familiarity and ritual/schedule of it that are comforting/helpful for him, less so the religious stuff. Even so ats needed more catholic stuff in it. Catholic ideology is a staple of angel’s thinking, the bedrock of it really. Literally all this shit about sin and redemption and shit is so aggressively catholic. He’s literally out here looking for a priest who can tell him how many Hail Marys he needs to say to atone for the Atrocities.

Is actually very jealous of Spike later into BTVS/ATS. When Spike’s hanging out with the Scoobies n shit just fine because Spike’s capable of that kind of interaction without a soul while Angel has one and still struggles with it. It’s one of the few things in which he gets jealous of Spike over, how easy it is for him to straddle the soul/morality/dark impulse control chasm. Like it’s very unlikely he’d ever say it out loud or tell the Scoobies but Angel knows just how difficult chip or no chip some vampires would find it to be even remotely civil let alone actually work with them. it frustrates him endlessly that Spike has it so easy.

Yes even as Angel he DOES have an EGO.

Angel(us) is just a metric ton of complexes in a trenchcoat. ATS is just a guided tour through them.

In my brain he’s a mix of Marcus from Deadly Class, Stefan from The Vampire Diaries and Hannibal Lector from the Movies and Shows. Along with some Columbo and Stock Lovecraft Protagonist for flavor.

He’s so pretentious, so lifeless and pallid. He’s like a drive thru attendant with an MFA in fine arts during a graveyard shift.

okay this is all I’m doing on this for now as opposed to the fucking NOVEL for Xander because I don’t have the energy/brain power for it now and if I waited for that to happen to write another novel it could be another 80 years lol

#answered #angel (train's version)

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E111 (Redux! Oct. 13, 2020)

Gooooood evening good evening good evening, all! I started the VOD late for this recap and somehow the first four or so minutes of the show have a Twitch audio copyright claim, so I am reduced to only reading Brian's lips when he asks if we're on the internet. Hilariously, Marisha's background room is a comfy-looking blue/gold fabric wall with a ceramic colorful abstract lamp and a yellow silk scarf over the lampshade, and Taliesin's is an industrial looking games room in grey and black with multiple monitors, overhead speakers, and mysterious metal fixtures behind him. What a treasure this group is, honestly.

Tonight's guests: Marisha Ray & Taliesin Jaffe, discussing episodes 110 and 111 again. I wildly speculate once more about what might have caused their absence: jury duty? Sam appearing on The Masked Singer? Something to do with the animated show? One day, we’ll know, one day... (One day this “copyrighted audio” section will come back from the wars, too. Ugh!) Finally! The audio comes back to reveal Brian discussing the endless reality of digital meetings and Marisha talking about (I think) her glare-reducing glasses she’s wearing. Welcome to the New Age (welcome to the New Age, to the New Age).

Announcements: Marisha suggests checking out Dimension20, another live tabletop gaming group, which premieres live on Wednesdays at 4pm (CollegeHumor). 

Brian immediately wants to know how they feel about the revelation that Molly is alive. Taliesin’s personal reaction: he “knows some things” he can’t talk about and is aware of several possibilities that might be going on, but had a sneaking suspicion that there would not be a body for them to find. He says it’s almost all there for anyone to see in past material. Marisha’s personal reaction: she just wants to know how she’s doing with her theories, & was trying to block Tal’s face out deliberately as she was going off on her theories in the last episode. Taliesin says he thought her ideas were pretty good!

Cad has no clue what to think - it’s like listening to your friends talk about Buffy. Marisha thought it was a 50/50 Molly would still be there, but Beau had no idea. Not that it mattered, because as soon as Matt went through with it the reveal still blew their minds. Tal laid out his plans for the character with Matt during Campaign One (towards the end) after they all got their VM tattoos.

It is a “horrifying and gross” thing to dig up a body, and Beau was pretty reluctant to do it. Tal, as Cad: “Sometimes dead’s better.” The moral quandary of trying to speak with a dead friend was very different here than the frequent occasions they used the spell in C1.

Taliesin says his poker face is very bad, so it’s easier for him to over-react and let it all play out. The only other player he can see very easily from his place in their current setup is Travis, and because he knows Travis doesn’t watch TM, tweet, or participate in social media, he admits he thoroughly enjoyed watching Travis freak out at his freaking out. He says he only knew about 20% of what Matt described at the end of that episode. He was picking things to mug to increase Travis’s surprise. I love this so much.

Taliesin provided the table left leg shake; Travis provided table right. Ha!

Beau is really accepting her role in the Cobalt Soul. It’s good when “as a person, you feel like you can settle into your calling. Sometimes you can do more from the inside than fighting from the outside.” It’s a mirrored but opposite path of Keyleth from C1; Beau felt like she was too good for her duty, while Keyleth thought she wasn’t good enough.

Caduceus is not a big believer in jumping to conclusions. He does have an idea/notion of the “city of the undead” and thinks all this necrotic energy must come from somewhere, and wonders if this is the “capital of anti-death.” He’s willing to believe whatever he sees. This is one of the few things that trigger a bit of loathing and disgust in him. It was terrifying that the Wildmother didn’t know anything.

Beau is pretty confident in her Charlie Day impression laying-out-the-research last episode. She enjoyed taking the things that were known & extrapolating around them; this is a huge facet of Marisha’s own personality and she really enjoys it, so she built a character this time that would allow that kind of puzzle-solving. It’s also why she repeatedly notes when Beau journals, so she can avoid metagaming. Trent’s mention of Vess Durogna’s tomb raiding was completely circumstantial, and the only reason she’d made the connection to the Tombtakers was because she’d recently reviewed those notes for a separate unannounced project. Sometimes she tries to make connections and Matt is like, “It was...just descriptive. Just flavor. The curtains were red...” and she has to discard a paragraph of notes. She feels like it’s still something they have to do because of “look at what he does! Look! It’s totally valid!”

Cosplay of the Week: @kitsunstudios with a gorgeous Caduceus with a very intricate silk vest.

Caduceus’s takedown of Trent! One of my favorite moments in the entirety of C2. Taliesin felt Trent was an asshole; Caduceus felt sorry for him because of how dumb he thought he was. Caduceus’s response was "this is the dumbest man I’ve ever met in my life. He’s so dumb! Is nobody going to tell this guy how dumb he is? Oh, they’re all freaked out. Somebody needs to tell this guy he’s an idiot before somebody gets hurt.” (Marisha: “Before?”) Tal says it was the product of several years of therapy and many drunk conversations with Whitney Moore. It was from a genuine place of concern from Caduceus. “How are you allowed to have this much power and be that dumb?”

Brian loved how funny it was to watch everyone tiptoe around Trent and then Caduceus bulldoze through the end of the meal.

Taliesin: “Damage doesn’t make you interesting or better. It’s not what makes you good. Character isn’t found in damage. Just recovery.”

Brian & Marisha commiserate going through the stage where believing surviving something automatically made you a stronger person, better for the pain; instead it just meant you had to pick up the pieces after. Marisha talks about how strength through survival may be true for some people, but it shouldn’t be considered a necessity. Taliesin talks about how he used to think he had to be miserable to write. Brian talks about how believing he liked reading and writing miserable things only limited him for years.

Marisha feels it’s a C2 theme that almost all the PCs have someone trying to handwave or take credit for their accomplishments or explain their pain as being for their own good (Trent, Beau’s dad, Obann). She thinks it’s interesting to see all the various ways people try to take credit for your work/delegitimize you as a person. She loves that RPGs allow you to explore these odd moralities in interesting ways. The only way to fight it is to have a sense of your own self-worth, which is a problem a lot of the M9 started with.

Caduceus likes everyone, and really likes people who appear to need role models (Eodwulf). “With the right friends and the right bar and the right attitude, I think he’d be okay. Come over here where it’s so much better. That seems like an exhausting friendship that you have there.”

Marisha loves the mix of personalities in the M9; Veth, Cad, & Jester were all “we kind of like them!” after the dinner, and she immediately made eye contact with Travis and they both shook their heads. She knows Beau has to go along with it for Caleb’s sake for now, but she & Fjord are pretty sus of Trent’s proteges.

Beau is less concerned about Artagan’s relationship to Jester because “he showed his ass--she’s less worried about Jester now because a little of the magic is gone.” It’s a little like becoming an adult and realizing your parents are also just adults & human. Caduceus wasn’t suspicious of the Traveler for a long time until they got to the island. Aside: Taliesin loves the pantheon in D&D. “The notion of attempting to apply common Western conceptions of religion to a world where you have a pantheon of interventionist gods as baseline makes no sense to me. Everyone admits that every other god is there and doing shit; it has more in common with ancient Rome than anything else.” Now that he knows it was a con, he feels the wind had been taken out of it. He does have a sense that Jester’s gotten back together with an ex: “I hope that I’m really happy for you.” They’re both interested to see how Jester navigates the new relationship.

My internet goes out, of course. I panic for a second, thinking I’ve lost everything above, but all is well! Thanks, Form History Control addon!

Marisha loved punching Artagan, but regretting rolling so poorly. “I miss violence.” Dani lets us know it’s been about four episodes since the last battle.

There’s no way the Cobalt Reserve doesn’t have a single document on the Eyes of Nine. Beau believes “there are no real secrets” because people are just bad at not writing things down. For there to be no information at all seems really suspicious for her.

Fanart of the Week: @oddalchemist on twitter with some awesome Beau conspiracy red-thread boards overlaid a distant shadowy Molly walking away.

Caduceus feels a little guilty for really enjoying his time right now with the M9 and not wanting to go home. He’s starting to suspect that he’s going to go home very different than when he left. “He has the softest problems. I don’t know if I want to move back in with Mom & Dad.”

Beau is trying to get comfortable with the idea of being happy. Jester is probably Beau’s first real best friend & one of the first healthy female friendships she’s ever had. As long as she still has Jester in her life, she doesn’t care. For Yasha... “At the end of the day, Beau is a lonely person and has always been a lonely person. And I think you kinda reach this point where once you’re not lonely anymore, you can kind of come out of the fog and realize that was horrible! And terrifying! And is even more terrifying now that I know what I could have, and I don’t want to go back to that. At the end of the day Beau doesn’t want to be lonely anymore. There’s always been that flirtation with Yasha, but everyone had to figure their own shit out. And now it feels like it’s coming out a little bit of that haze, maybe this actually could be...” There are a lot of ways they complement each other & are good-different from each other. Marisha believes people can be attracted to more than person at once.

Caduceus doesn’t think nature turned against him on Rumblecusp, it was just a reality of nature being dangerous and violent. “He has a complex relationship with nature.” He doesn’t expect special treatment.

Thoughts on the mansion: “Man, it’s nice to be seen.” Marisha: “I don’t know how I ended up becoming the Scanlan of this campaign, but I’m living for it.” It felt like an echo of “I’m better for having known you.” They compare Marisha taking specific notes on the campaign to Liam taking specific notes on people’s favorite tapestries, comics, etc.

They talk about missing theme parks and daydream a park version of the mansion in CritRoleLand. It’s lovely.

Taliesin never expected Divine Intervention to work; he just wanted to roll some dice. He’s still processing what he saw/heard. They all agree it was very useful in the Vokodo fight.

Vilya! Marisha: “Ah! Ah! Ah!” As a player, Marisha was so deep in Beau’s eyes she didn’t pick up it was Vilya at first (especially since Matt really emphasized they should not be looking for C1 NPCs). Marisha’s brain melted. She bawled her eyes out on the ride home after that episode. Right after it ended, Laura told Marisha “Keyleth finally gets her happy ending,” and it makes Marisha emotional again since Keyleth’s story ended so bittersweetly. She talks about the very real feelings of “just wanting them to be happy, though!” She went back and listened to all her old Keyleth playlists. Everyone was teary after the episode. “Everyone has these 100% real memories of being these characters and having these good times.”

And that’s that for that! Thanks for your patience, all, and is it Thursday yet?

#critical role #critical role spoilers #talks machina #talks machina spoilers #long post for ts

[song-of-oots]

I’ve been thinking a bit about Spike and how he manages to be simultaneously the least sympathetic and yet possibly the most psychologically interesting of my favourite characters.

Many of my favourites seem to fit roughly into the same basic archetype. They are generally either evil or morally grey. They tend to have a painful personal history leading to unresolved trauma. A combination of poor decision making, lingering emotional issues and toxic social environments set them on a dark path. In each case there is an underlying spark of decency and potential for change, though it’s really hit or miss whether they will be able to face up to their demons and become better people.

Basically, this isn’t Spike. Spike isn’t evil because of unresolved trauma or emotional issues. The woes of his past human self do shape his villainous persona in interesting ways, but they don’t make him a heartless killer. Being a demon does that. He kills because he likes it and because it is convenient for him, because it is in his nature and because basically, he has no conscience (or at least not much of one). He is often in touch with the darker aspects of human nature and sometimes displays a surprising capacity for empathy – but he has difficulty understanding the full nuances of the human condition, including morality and guilt. Ultimately his psychology is that of a monster; he is other.

This makes Spike a lot less sympathetic to me than my standard problematic faves, who are largely driven on a dark path by a combination of terrible circumstances and poor decision making. (I am not saying they are forced to be evil/do shitty things; they are not. I recognise they hold ultimate responsibility for their actions. But I can also see how the things they experienced can lead to an unhealthy mindset and truly terrible coping mechanisms, and that makes good decision making more challenging - especially in the context of social environments that normalise shitty behaviour.)

This otherness/fundamental evilness of Spike might make him less sympathetic, but it is also part of what makes him utterly, utterly fascinating, in ways that my standard faves are not. Because all of the others (even Redcloak, who is a goblin) are recognisably and painfully human in their psychology. Despite being quite relatable in some ways, I don’t believe the same is true of Spike. Spike is standing on the outskirts of humanity looking in and trying to make sense of it all. This is especially the case from Season 4 and 5 onwards. This is firstly due to the chip in his head, which forces him to interact with and even depend on humans to a much greater degree than ever before. And secondly he falls in love with Buffy, who is not only human, she’s also the fricking hero – a force of good and morality. It’s intriguing to watch him try to navigate this new mental landscape, where so many things that come naturally to him are wrong, and so many things that are hard for him to comprehend are right.

Trying to get into Spike’s head is like taking a step outside of yourself and observing the human world at arm’s length, where so many of the assumptions that we take for granted are no longer obvious at all. Trying to understand his point of view can be an exercise in mental gymnastics.

(Plus the fact that Spike is a psychologically complex, multi-faceted character in his own right; that helps too.)

You might also think that being a literal demon would make him the least capable of changing his ways, yet out of all my favourites, he’s arguably the one who changed the most. But perhaps that’s actually more realistic? Psychological change is hard. Most people can’t go and get a wish-granting demon to restore their soul or what have you. (Although the decision to get the soul in the first place was pretty much the crux of that transformation, so I guess it's all up for debate.)

#spike #spike analysis #btvs #buffy the vampire slayer #my favourite characters

[impalementation]

Why does Buffy has so many shadow selfs ? Cordelia, Kendra, Drusilla, Lily (from Anne), Faith, the first Slayer, Dawn and even Glory

Oh that's a cool question, since I've always liked that Buffy has so many of them, but never put the "why" into words. Thanks for asking.

First though, I want to distinguish between the concept of a foil and a shadow-self. I think Buffy's only true shadows are Cordelia in season one, the Angelus/Spike/Drusilla triumvirate in season two, Faith in season three, and Spike in season six. A shadow-self is necessarily the dark side of a character. It's the side that a character is tempted towards or is repressing. In The Wizard of Earthsea, for example, the protagonist unleashes a literal shadow of himself when he does a spell out of hubris and vanity. Mr. Hyde is a shadow of Dr. Jekyll because he embodies the evil urges that Dr. Jekyll thinks he should be better than. So Cordelia is a shadow for Buffy in season one because Buffy's season one character conflict is about whether to protect her self-interest, or embrace her dangerous heroic role. Season one Cordelia, being selfish and solipsistic, represents the kind of self-interest that Buffy is tempted by. Similarly in season six, Spike is Buffy's shadow because he is "dead" and isolated, and sees love and pain as intertwined, and Buffy is tempted to think of herself as dead, keep herself apart from her friends, and use her relationship with Spike to hurt herself.

By contrast, Kendra is more of a foil. A foil is someone who has similar qualities to another character, but with crucial differences that highlight the first character's traits. Kendra and Buffy are both slayers, but Kendra is sheltered and rulebound, which highlights the ways that Buffy isn't. Lily is also a foil, because her timid, dependent personality highlights Buffy assertiveness and agency. Even though both of them are runaways who lose a man they love. Faith is an interesting case in that she is both a shadow and a foil. Like Kendra, she is a slayer whose personality shines light on Buffy's. But she's also a shadow, because Buffy's season three character conflict is about her relationship to power, and how to use that power in a way that helps other people and rebels against authority in positive ways. And Faith uses power in negative ways (theft, murder), while also having an unhealthy relationship to authority (the fact that she is so susceptible to the Mayor, despite being "rebellious"). So Faith embodies the dark paths that Buffy could take.

(I have further thoughts on what the First Slayer--who yeah, is definitely a shadow in some respects, though not in the extended way that Buffy's season-long shadows are--represents, as well as Spike and Dawn. But I'm copping out on that for now.)

With that clarification out of the way though, as for why Buffy has so many shadows and foils and people meant to represent some sort of part of her, I think there are a few reasons. First are the practical, TV-making reasons, like the writers wanting to let the actors move on to other roles in the show. Or in general not wanting things to get stagnant. But I also think there's a truth underlying that practical desire for dynamism. Which is, that one's "shadow" desires often look different at different phases of one's life. Buffy grows up over the course of the show, and has a different character arc each season, so it makes sense to me that her "shadow" desires, like anyone's, would look different each season as well. She struggles with different things at 16 than at 20. Her shadows change for the same reason that each season's themes change: different phases have different problems. It also just makes sense to me that because Buffy is the protagonist, and therefore the show is concerned with her character development more than anyone else's, that the writers would regularly be introducing characters that reflect some aspect of her. That’s how you end of up with Glory and Dawn, or Sunday in The Freshman. Or Warren and Willow paralleling parts of Buffy in season six. It's just intelligently literary and idea-dense writing, to me. I also think it's actually a pretty cool testament to what a complex and ever-changing character Buffy is, that she would merit so many different foils. It's an indication that the writers have so many different ideas about her, and think that she has so many different facets, that no one character alone would ever be a sufficient foil for her. 

So that’s the answer, really. Most of all, I think the writers just had a lot of different ideas that they wanted to explore with Buffy, and using different foils allowed them to explore those ideas.

#gen #buffy

[willowrosenboob]

Do you have like a top 5 fave Buffy characters and what you like about them? :)

tysm!!! god, making a top 5 list of characters is so hard!!!!! since getting into the show there has hardly ever been a point where I’ve been certain about my rankings. I just adore the buffyverse characters so much. but I will try to limit myself to 5

1) buffy summers, probably my most consistent favourite character. I just love how multi faceted she is, in a way that I can’t pinpoint one specific thing I love about her. I struggle to find things I genuinely dislike about her and her arc. she can be sweet and adorable, but also strong and courageous. she’s kind, but she can be mean and bitchy when she needs to. she’s an amazing friend, and I love her dynamic with pretty much everyone on the show, but when she’s alone she still musters her courage independent of her friends! and more than anything she inspires me. she suffers, but she always finds a way to get better and save the day. she’s my ultimate hero

2) dawn summers. I kind of get annoyed with how most discussion surrounding her has to do with defending her from her haters. like yes, I agree that she’s unfairly hated, but she’s so much more than that, you know? she just feels so down to earth and realistic, and in an adorably annoying way. I can’t help but find her completely loveable. also I find her relationship to buffy to be extremely important to how I view them both. seeing buffy cling to someone who represents the childhood she never got is so heartbreaking, and it makes them both seem all the more human. and by buffy loving dawn, I love dawn. it just feels so authentic, and I can’t help but be reminded of my own relationship to my younger sister. yeah she annoys me, but I can get really defensive over her

3) willow rosenberg. ah willow, my original favourite. I have a complicated relationship towards her. I find that my opinion of her is a lot more akin to people who hate her, in that I think she’s not really a good person. I see her clinging to her role in the scoobies not as her entirely wanting to do good, but mainly her wanting to have purpose, to be validated in a way that she never was in high school. willow’s insecurities follow her throughout the entire series, and she’s never truly able to shake them. and it’s this underlying conflict with herself that makes me love her so much. that she’s so desperate to prove her own identity that she doesn’t realize when she’s hurting those she loves, that she’s so relieved whenever she does something for her friends because she’s always scared that she isn’t enough for them. she’s afraid that’s she’s still just a friendless geek who no one will love. it’s scarily relatable sometimes. funnily enough some of the best willow meta I’ve read has been some old meta about her similarities to warren. it’s so fascinating that they can be so outwardly different, but be so similar at their cores

4) cordelia chase. what can I say, I love mean girls. I especially appreciate it when the mean girls are so unapologetic about it. the narrative doesn’t give her an aha moment where she changes her ways. she’s a complicated woman, she’s allowed to be complex and reflect with the main characters, but she’s never shoehorned into the role of a completely good guy. she can be scared, but she can also be brave. she fits into the stereotypical mean girl trope in many ways, but she’s also allowed to be more than that, by being smart, both in terms of book learning and emotions.

5) drusilla. I know I don’t talk about her much, but she really does make me go feral jdhsgsgs. like buffy, I can’t pinpoint one specific trait as being what I love about her. I think it’s just the vibe, you know? juliet landau is amazing, her dialogue is so dreamy and beautiful, and her story is absolutely heartbreaking. I think the only thing keeping me from placing her higher is her lack of screen time. she doesn’t really have a coherent arc outside of her relationships to other characters. but I still have this excitement whenever she appears on screen, and it hasn’t dulled with time

thanks so much for the ask, this was a lot of fun to write! honourable mention to spike, tara, and xander, who I also love. this problematic show is amazing

#answers #yoursummerfrost

[there-must-be-a-lock]

it's fresh and exciting, and I love it, and more than that, I love it for YOU. / And of course your writing has always been GOOD it's not about technically ability. I just feel like we are seeing a different side of you. // And maybe just maybe what you're working thru isnt quite so dark any more. It's still deep, and beautiful, and thank you for sharing! / But.... I hope you can hear what I am trying to say. DO you have any thoughts?

Hooo boy. Okay, so, I’ve been thinking about this some, because I’ve definitely noticed this in my own writing! I had a thought, the other day, that I should apologize to the people who originally followed me for smutty SPN reader inserts… because that is NOT the majority of what has been happening on this blog lately. Oops. I’m not actually sorry though. 

Basically, a couple things have changed. 

1. At the end of January, I finished Marked. It was the most time-consuming (over two years) most serious (meaningful and personal) and longest (83k) thing I’ve ever written. For the two years I was working on it, I think everything else I wrote was mostly filler: romance, smut, whatever, all of it basically served as a palate cleanser between deep difficult dark excursions into Marked. So when Marked was done, I felt really satisfied, like it would be okay if I never contributed anything else of substance to the SPN fandom, because I was proud of that one thing I’d accomplished. I also felt more confident, because I’d proved to myself that I could tackle a project that big and actually follow through and finish it. Most importantly, though, I felt like I’d worked through a really major trauma, and moved through a major step in my healing process, and I could move on with my life. Now that the Big Trauma was purged onto the page (doc, whatever) I could free up some brain space to think about other serious life experiences and delve into other dark nasty corners of my psyche. Wheee! 

2. I joined a lovely little Slack chat full of smart, supportive, talented, creative, kickass ladies, whose opinions I respect beyond measure. Finding that community of people who are always there if I need criticism or brainstorming or support or whatever else is a huge, HUGE boost to my creativity. I used to have random “oh it’d be funny if…” thoughts and I’d kinda brush em off and let them go. Now I share them, and there’s somebody there to come back with “that’d be hilarious, and also this should happen, and also here’s a picture of Harry Styles in a collar, now WRITE THE THING.”  

2a. One incoherent flail from one of the Slack crew always means more than any number of reblogs from random people. Not that comments and messages don’t feel good, always, but it means so much more coming from someone whose work I admire and whose opinions I value, and who I care about on a personal level. 

3. I realized that reader engagement was seriously down, and that there was no way anything I wrote was going to get as many notes as it might’ve two years ago, and that the amount of time and energy I put into things is never proportional to the amount of notes those things get. When I realized that, I took my one last fuck I’d had to give about notes or whether anyone would read something, and I chucked it out the window. Defenestrated that fuck. I have zero fucks left. 

So, where does that leave me? Fuckless and happy. 

No, literally though, fuckless. By which I mean, thanks to the Womanizer and some soul-searching, I’ve realized that I’m very content on my own. I’m just not particularly interested in sex right now, and I think that’s come through in a major way in my writing. Not that I haven’t written any smut, but it’s all had an underlying theme/issue/twist to it. Finally was about consent and communication and how difficult it can be to be honest with a partner. Envy was about, um, envy, and how ugly it can be. The most romantic, “normal” smutty things I’ve written were probably Five Seconds and the Everything quarantine ficlets, and those were pure escapism, because 2020 sucks and so I rewrote some of it. We are in a shitty situation and I wanted to imagine it less shitty for a minute. 

One thing I’ve been thinking about a lot lately is psychology, and very specific, darker facets of the boys I’d never really taken the time to dig into before, and through them, some of my own issues. Prey was a really weird twisted adventure into Soulless Sam and the way his brain worked. Set Yourself On Fire was about what I assume was the darkest time in Sam’s life, and it ended up being about my own depression and addiction issues. Quitting, also about addiction, and the way we perceive ourselves and hold onto patterns. Sharp Edges was about a personal headcanon I have about Sam, which is that he’s a very reluctant sadist who feels guilty about what he needs, but it ended up being just as much about the general psychology of BDSM and kink and the ways we hide from other people. When I stopped looking at the Winchesters as romantic leads, I found a whole lot of interesting material for other stories. 

Crossovers have been a ton of fun. I realized I imagine crossovers in my head all the time: what would these two have to say to each other, what do they have in common, wouldn’t it be funny if Valkyrie from the MCU met Gail from Sin City (“My warrior woman. My Valkyrie.”) or if Buffy and Dean had a pissing contest about who could sacrifice themselves the most. Again, there’s SO little overlap of fandoms for some of my favorite characters (see also: the Sam Winchester/Frank Iero fic) but I’ve just stopped caring (see #3 above) because they are so entertaining for me to write. Take a couple cool characters! Smush em together and see what happens! It’s like a chemistry experiment. Let’s see what explodes. 

And then there’s Fluff Friday. I’ve always had a tendency to put a lot of pressure on myself and to make everything Deep and Meaningful and Important, but I’ve realized that tropes exist because people fuckin love them, and I fuckin love em, and why the fuck not write a millionth “there was only one bed” fic, because I always love reading those. I’ve been allowing myself space to just do whatever the fuck makes me happy, and I’ve been taking requests because it’s also nice to make other people happy sometimes too. Even if there isn’t a real plot, even if it’s just 300 words where nothing really happens… those little moments can make someone smile. Like I said, it’s 2020. We all need some fuckin smiles. 

Tl;dr version: I stopped putting pressure on myself, I stopped worrying about notes, and I started writing the things that interest me. I’m having so much more fun writing these days. 10/10 would recommend defenestrating your remaining fucks.  

Thank you for still reading, and for noticing the change, and for sticking with me and my unpredictable brain. Your friendship is one of the best things that’s come out of this whole fandom deal. 

[dvp95]

meet me in the afterglow

pairing: dan howell/phil lester rating: explicit tags: getting back together, smut, hurt/comfort, light angst, happy ending, introspection word count: 1.5k summary: It had been Phil's decision, after all. Okay, technically, it had been a mutual decision, but it had been Phil who actually said the words. They're supposed to be past it by now.

written as a commission fill for ros ♥

read on ao3 or here!

They're sitting on opposite ends of the couch, idly scrolling on their own devices while Buffy acts as a comforting third party on the TV. Ever since he'd first gotten Dan to watch the show, Phil tends to just keep restarting it every time they hit Chosen again. Nothing else is quite as effective in breaking the quiet that could easily get into awkward territory as the familiar snappy dialogue and fight scenes.

Phil hasn't been paying enough attention to the episode they're on. He glances up and sees Tara in the doorway, hears her say, "Things fall apart. They fall apart so hard."

He stands up and mumbles something about going to the bathroom. Dan barely looks away from his laptop, but he asks if Phil wants him to pause the show. Even though they've both seen it so many times, Dan always offers. He's considerate that way.

"No, don't bother," says Phil. "I know how it ends."

Tara is asking if they can skip the hard part of making up and just be kissing again when Phil leaves the lounge. He wonders if Dan is invested enough in the plot to hear the speech, cognizant enough to make the connection to Phil abruptly leaving, or if he's too focused on whatever Reddit thread he's come across to give Tara and Willow any spare thought. Maybe the scene doesn't hit as close to home for Dan as it does for Phil.

It had been Phil's decision, after all. Okay, technically, it had been a mutual decision, but it had been Phil who actually said the words.

They're supposed to be past it by now.

Maybe things would have been easier if they weren't still best friends. They hadn't wanted to get their own places, didn't want to make a bigger deal of the breakup than absolutely necessary. That was a few years ago now - Phil acts like he can't remember the exact date, but he thinks Dan can probably see past his fake cheerfulness every time the anniversary passes - but sometimes it still hits Phil like a fresh wave of bitterness and remorse.

It's not like he's had a lot of experience with this sort of thing. He hadn't had anything that looked like a relationship before Dan tumbled into his life, and there were a lot of things that he thinks he could do better now, if he was given the chance.

They're different people now. Phil has a better handle on his anxiety and a better perspective on what he can do to keep his private life private; Dan has settled confidently into his own skin and gotten through so much of his baggage with his therapist that he's tried to use some of the techniques on Phil whenever he won't talk about his feelings.

"If I wanted to be in therapy," Phil had recently snapped, strung taut by plans of a second world tour coming together to create a terrifying, overambitious picture, "then I'd be in therapy, Dan."

Dan had only shrugged. He rarely seemed to feel any guilt for attempting 'healthy communication', as he always called it. "Just trying to help."

Sometimes Phil hates him for that, but it never lasts. Phil might be able to hold a grudge with the best of them, but that had never applied to Dan. They're too entwined in each other at this point, too purposefully connected in every facet of their lives, for Phil to allow the irritation to make any sort of home in his chest. It's always been easier to let the arguments happen and then let them go.

Phil waits until he can hear Dawn Summers shrieking with happiness over the witches getting back together before he goes back to the lounge. He wonders if anyone would be that happy if he and Dan were to - but that way lies madness. He can't think about that. It's too easy to cling to faint hope that never really went away.

--

Phil can't be sure if it was Buffy that did it or not, but he's inclined to believe that it is. It's too much of a coincidence that Dan would knock lightly on his bedroom door a couple days later and give him a tired sort of grin.

"Hey," he says, and Phil wonders if he forgot to unload the dishwasher last night or something.

"Hi," says Phil. He slides his finger between the pages of his book and closes the cover gently, keeping his place while he gives Dan his attention. "Everything okay?"

Dan shrugs, hands shoved deep in his sweatpant pockets. He looks like he's been awake for too long, like he forgot to sleep again, and Phil's surge of protectiveness feels instinctual. He hates when Dan doesn't sleep, whether it's on purpose or not. It feels like he should be up with him, at least, keeping him company while thoughts ricochet around Dan's brain like a pinball machine.

"Things are," Dan hesitates for a fraction of a second, "fine."

It's pretty obvious to Phil that things aren't fine. He puts the receipt he's been using as a bookmark into his book and sets it aside. "C'mere."

Dan's whole body seems to slump forward in relief, and Phil feels like he's made the right decision. He sits up against his headboard properly and fluffs up the pillow he never uses. It’s the only thing on the side of the bed where a lanky boy took up too much space for so many years. Dan fills it again, sitting next to Phil and curling in on himself a bit. He leans into Phil, his curly head finding somewhere comfortable to rest on Phil's shoulder.

Wrapping his arm around Dan would jostle him, so Phil settles for putting his hand on Dan's knee and squeezing. He doesn't know if this is just one of Dan's hard days, which seem to be getting more and more frequent as the tour looms, or if it's something else entirely.

The room is quiet for a little while. It doesn't get anywhere near the realm of awkward, even with the cuddling. Phil's hope - dormant, insistent - flares again.

"I've been thinking," says Dan.

"Dangerous activity," Phil can't help himself from joking. He wonders if Dan is rolling his eyes or smiling. Or both, he supposes. A lot of the time, it's both. "What have you been thinking about?"

"I've been thinking that I don't want to do this without you," Dan says, a bit rushed. Phil is opening his mouth to ask for clarification when Dan's patented rambling barrels through. "The tour, yeah, but also the - the telling my family about me, which I want to do, but I don't want to do it alone. I don't want to do any of this alone."

Phil risks the grumbling to wrap both arms around Dan, pulling Dan against his chest in a proper cuddle. "You aren't alone. I'm not going anywhere."

"I know," Dan says. He looks up at Phil, brown eyes wide and full of meaning and close, and Phil momentarily forgets how to breathe. "I know you're gonna be there for whatever I need you to be there for. I just. I want to do it with you, not just... beside you."

There's a chance, however small, that Phil is misreading the situation. He thinks about that and about the choices he'd made that led to this and about Tara's speech, and he decides that he can't keep pushing his hope down like it's an excitable puppy. He lets it consume him, instead, lets the warmth spread through his whole body before he rests his forehead against Dan's in supplication.

Dan doesn't seem to be asking for penance. Dan is asking for something much simpler.

--

There are a lot of things that Phil loves in this world. Pancakes, Buffy, the way a dog's tail wags when he says hello to them, so many things he could list for days and not even be close to hitting the end. Even so, there's nothing quite like the needy noises that echo around the room when Phil takes Dan's cock deep into his throat, twists his fingers inside Dan, keeps eye contact with Dan to watch the way he falls apart. He watches Dan arch up, sweat beading on his forehead, and feels Dan's hand pushing and pulling in his hair. Dan falling apart - that's what Phil loves most in this world. He can't believe he went so long without it, no matter what his reasons were at the time.

--

"Like riding a bike," Dan laughs and collapses against Phil's chest. His mouth follows a path from Phil's collarbones to his jaw, ending at his well-abused lips.

Phil grins into the kiss. He wants Dan closer, impossibly. He's got his arms around Dan, Dan's legs bracketing his hips, he's still inside of Dan, but it doesn't feel like enough. They trade lazy, sweaty kisses until Dan eventually starts complaining about needing a shower.

He isn't ready to let go of Dan again, even for a handful of minutes, but that's not a problem - although it hasn't been taken advantage of yet, the shower in this flat is definitely big enough for the two of them.

#words words words #commission fills

[jennycalendar]

there are so many things that stood out to me as i watched the dark age in full for the first time in a very long time. the standout is the fact that this is an episode that has something very clear to say about jenny -- insidious, quiet, not at all the larger point of the episode, but clear. and what it has to say is that she’s impermanent.

on some level, i was expecting some degree of narrative antipathy towards jenny as i continued to watch this show. i wasn’t expecting to see it this clearly and this early. i’ve talked before about how surprise and innocence both throw jenny under the bus in a way i find unfair, limiting, and lazy, but the dark age does it too! this is a consistent pattern with her! she’s presented as something that directly contradicts information we’re given later in canon: someone who cannot handle the reality of the man that giles is. the episode is structured to demonstrate jenny as someone who enjoys the unserious, flirtatious romance of her connection with giles, but who balks at the reality of being truly involved with him, and who flinches away from the man that he really is. it is done so in a way that is not halfhearted. it is incisively deliberate -- in the framing, in everything.

we begin with giles/jenny’s romance in bloom, emphasizing in particular that jenny is eager. she is forward. she is direct about wanting to sleep with him, and the way that she describes him is incredibly key to this as well: she refers to him as a sexy fuddy-duddy. her attraction to him is illustrated within the episode as something that stems from him being adorable and old-fashioned, and the episode itself demonstrates that while the adorable, old-fashioned librarian is a facet of him, it’s not all that there is. we’re given jenny’s and buffy’s reactions to this in tandem at the end of the episode -- jenny flinching away, buffy drawing closer. this is also incredibly important.

constantly, consistently, this episode juxtaposes jenny and buffy. they are placed next to each other in the computer lab, joined by their joint disbelief that cordelia would overlook such a key detail about giles. the conversation they share is one about giles, with buffy turning to jenny for guidance re: how to help giles and jenny -- this is important -- having NO IDEA. jenny and giles share an intimate scene in his apartment, as do giles and buffy -- yet the key factor is that the intimacy between giles and jenny, the moment of comfort, is entirely false. it is a manufactured illusion that a demon is utilizing against him. the intimacy between giles and buffy, in contrast, is something real -- an admission about his past that we never actually see him share with jenny. again, the end of the episode contains similar parallels. giles attempts to express his desire to remain in jenny’s life, and jenny, now fully informed about the kind of man he is, moves away from his touch. buffy seeks giles out and expresses her appreciation for him, entirely as he is, + how grateful she is to know him as a complete individual. how this makes her life easier.

i obviously did not enjoy this. i can’t pretend at objectivity as i write this up, and it’s still a constant war with myself as i try to figure out a way to write this in any way that isn’t just SOOOO obviously biased (don’t think that’ll work, though, lmao), because i personally don’t like the way that this episode just staunchly refuses the possibility that jenny could love giles as he is. this feels like an episode intended to be the kiss of death for giles and jenny’s relationship, and taken in and of itself, it’s actually a really convincing argument for them not being able to work. we’re shown the depths of buffy and giles’s relationship, but so much of it is about placing buffy and giles’s relationship right next to giles and jenny’s relationship in order to demonstrate how ill-suited jenny is for giles. she’s weak. she’s easily infected. she’s unable to cope with the reality of closeness with giles. she’s a liability to him and unsympathetic to his isolation. buffy, meanwhile, ADAPTS to the reality of closeness with giles, EVOLVES this episode to protect and support him, rescues HERSELF when someone attempts to make her a victim of eyghon. these are all things that the dark age illustrates with aplomb. we see giles sitting with buffy, spilling his guts -- we never see him that candid about his past with jenny, even as she herself will later be candid about her past with him. 

and that’s the thing, too! this episode demonstrates such an INSANE double standard when it comes to the way giles handles secrets vs. the way jenny handles secrets. when point-blank asked to explain his deal re: a secret that is actively putting absolutely everyone in danger, giles refuses, snapping back with particularly vicious anger and telling buffy to “stay out of it.” he is determined to handle this shit on his own, and as ethan points out, this is not necessarily the best course when it comes to actually keeping people safe -- yet this episode presents him as a sympathetic figure. a flawed individual who deserves to be loved, understood, and accepted. multiple episodes later, jenny is THROWN AGAINST A DESK, and buffy’s furious demands for the truth are immediately met with complete, earnest honesty on jenny’s part, as well as complete and total cooperation with anything and everything that the scoobies demand of her & throw at her (think willow’s pointed brush-off, buffy’s dismissive cruelty, GILES COMING TO ASK HER FOR RESEARCH HELP AND TREATING HER LIKE SHIT IN THE SAME BREATH) -- yet she is presented as someone who has gotten her just desserts.

one could quibble about the magnitude of the secrets involved, but eyghon is presented as less of a threat in large part because the only person it ever actually threatens is jenny. much like angelus, the only person that the monster ever actually harms is jenny -- and both times, she is presented as responsible for it to some degree by virtue of wanting something from giles. it’s striking that jenny’s significant romantic overtures towards giles (wanting to sleep with him, telling him she’s in love with him) are always paired with some sort of harm inflicted upon her -- death, or something only narrowly escaping it. it’s striking that in this episode in particular, jenny’s desire to sleep with giles becomes something monstrous, utilized to try and tempt him -- and when he doesn’t succumb, she herself becomes something entirely unrecognizable. it’s key that giles never succumb to the temptation that is jenny. the individual that is jenny exists only hypothetically, and only in the margins.

this episode is insistent about presenting jenny as a road that will only lead to misery for giles. it works as foreshadowing for passion, certainly, but it’s also determined to highlight the fact that the problem lies within jenny herself. she isn’t able to handle the supernatural. she’s not as strong as she thinks. what she loves about giles isn’t real, and when faced with the reality of him, she flinches back. giles himself says it: “i don’t think she’ll ever really forgive me.”

thing is, though, SHE DOES. and only three episodes later! and THIS is where my little blorbo agenda shows up with baffling intensity, because this episode’s thesis statement about jenny JUST DOES NOT MAKE SENSE when looking at EVERYTHING WE ARE GIVEN ABOUT HER. she makes the decision to get back together with him, despite the clear implications in the dark age that all she enjoyed about him was the “sexy fuddy-duddy.” she is revealed to have intense ties to the supernatural, despite the clear implications in the dark age that this isn’t a life she can handle or wants to be a part of. the dark age is saying something about giles and jenny’s relationship that doesn’t match up with what canon says later, which is that she makes the CONSCIOUS CHOICE to come back to him, and that she has ALWAYS been a part of this world that she’s theoretically too terrified to continue living in with giles.

i feel that there are plenty of ways to emphasize the most important theme of this episode -- which is, of course, buffy coming to recognize giles as a flawed adult -- without also having to emphasize jenny’s inability to recognize giles as a flawed adult! she’s a plot device in this episode, a TOTAL nonentity: she’s something that can demonstrate that giles is complicated. she needs to be a shitty girlfriend so that we can understand that giles is HARD to understand. quite honestly, i’m starting to understand where some of the less savory takes on jenny are coming from, because this episode in particular leans into the idea of jenny Just Not Understanding Giles Enough. jenny Not Being Good Enough For Giles. fun fact: the first time i watched this episode with my mom, her take was to say, dismissively, “jenny can’t handle it.” i think that that’s an important anecdote to slot neatly in here. if taken totally at face value, and if one already might resent jenny for any reason (shippy or otherwise), this episode can easily and quietly feed into that resentment. jenny is shown Not Handling It.

yet, as ever, the messaging re: jenny is so inconsistent -- a by-product of her status as a Sexy Lamp, which is really in FULL SWING this episode -- that even this statement cannot remain true within the greater context of her largely hypothetical character arc. though she is demonstrated as someone who Doesn’t Understand Giles, someone who Can’t Handle Him, the show goes on to draw back the curtain and reveal that 1) she wants to be with him & 2) she actually has her own little Tragic Backstory that neatly matches his! the way she’s treated this episode -- the way the episode frames her as pulling away from giles explicitly BECAUSE she can’t handle what he’s done to her -- is not consistent with the notion of her returning to him, nor is it consistent with her backstory. it does not make sense. 

(honorable mention to the foreshadowing of passion, which saturates the eyghon confrontation on a level that i truly didn’t realize until watching it now -- not just angel saving jenny, but how he saves her. how jenny-as-eyghon enters, and buffy steps in front of giles, but her furious attempt to block jenny is aborted and she’s thrown to the side. how jenny-as-eyghon is inches away from giles, from doing what she’s been “waiting to do for a long time,” before angel pulls her roughly away from him and wraps his hands around her neck. that is RIGHT THERE, people.)

(and btws this post is dedicated to @korinainspace​ + @alltheangstmygifttoyou​ bc y’all were very gracious about me going actually insane as we watched this and i greatly appreciate it. i hope you two are getting some excellent sleep. <3 )

#celia's buffy rewatch 2022 edition #meta #jenny calendar #btvs #lmao no idea what to do with all of these thoughts. hopefully they are at least relatively coherent! #i have very complicated feelings about this episode now that i've watched it and that makes me sad :( #all of my btvs takes are just literally never what i expect them to be as i watch it is deranged #anyway a little bit nervous about this because it's my first totally unhinged overanalytical jenny take in a really long time #and y'all have been getting the soft tosses for a year or so methinks bc i've been a little busy and tired #but if at least one person is like Celia I'm Feeling Unwell because of this post i shall feel encouraged

[daredevilexchange]

Want to be featured here? Head to this page and fill in the form!

See what this is about here, or if you’re using the app here.

What's your fannish ID? Eledhwen

What types of fanworks do you create?  Fic: I have always written. I can't draw so branching out into art is highly unlikely!

What are your favourite types of fanworks, when you're not creating?  Fic!

What do you like in particular about this fandom? I hadn't written anything for ages before I discovered Daredevil (the TV show, not the comics), but something about it got the creative juices flowing again and all of a sudden I was writing. And because this is still an active fandom there was feedback, which always makes me want to write more! I find the characters, particularly Matt, fascinating with so many facets to explore and so many 'what ifs' to play with. 

What about your creating process? I mostly write in the evenings, usually in short bursts unless I'm feeling particularly inspired, never to music.

Do you interact a lot with other fans?  Not so much - but I do love feedback on things I've written. Is there any particular piece you'd like to showcase for this post? It can be created for it or not. Why did you pick it? I think I'd pick my 'Whose secret is it anyway' series (https://archiveofourown.org/series/1248500) which was really when I got into the proper swing of writing in this fandom. I am a sucker for an identity reveal and basically this series is five of them. It let me play with a whole bunch of supporting characters as well as Matt and I'm proud of the way each of them turned out.

Do you have other fandoms you'd like to talk about?  I started out writing Lord of the Rings fanfic when I was fairly young, way back before the internet was a thing, and when the internet became a thing I wrote tons and tons of it. Quite a lot of my LOTR stuff is also on AO3. I've also had phases of writing Buffy/Angel, Pirates of the Caribbean, Doctor Who and Being Human over the years. The common factors I think are interesting characters and scope for world-building outside of canon. 

Where can your fanworks be found?  AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eledhwen/pseuds/Eledhwen

Thank you, Eledhwen!

banner by @context-is-for-kingpins​ !

[ID on a white background, four black triangles that look like spotlights from above. Each illuminates one of the Defenders silhouetted in white: Jessica, Luke, Danny, Matt. A hand on the left is holding a pen writing the words Content Creator Spotlight. There is a little Punisher skull on the pen. End ID]

#daredevil fic #daredevil #marvel #content creator spotlight

[penguin-writes-books]

Little White Lies - Chapter 4

TJ stared at the ceiling above him, eyes heavy with exhaustion, head spinning with memories. He'd long since abandoned all hope of falling asleep. The suit he'd set aside for the funeral was hanging on his closet door, patiently awaiting the moment he put it on the next morning. Or was it this morning? A glance at the clock confirmed that it was 1:03 in the morning and TJ would be getting ready in ten hours. TJ recalled the cold morning, eight days ago to the minute, when he'd woken to his little sister shaking him awake. Molly's footsteps against the creaking wood of their house had never woken TJ, but her small hands tugging his arm had never failed. If he could have only known that 24 hours and three minutes later, she'd be gone. He would have hugged her goodbye before school. He would have gotten the chance to say goodbye. TJ couldn't imagine a time when he'd be used to making it through a night without waking up to Molly pulling on his arm. Or not walking her home from school when his mom stayed late at the elementary school. Or making it through a Saturday without Molly begging him to take her to the kids' gym. He couldn't help but recall the day he got the job there; Molly's excited squeals as she realized she could spend more time there on the weekends, her insistence on coming with him to his first shift. Somehow, Molly's voice rang through his head like a broken record player designed specifically to make him cry, the last words she ever spoke to him looping through his head. 'Don't let the bed bugs bite.' A sentiment mumbled as she drifted into sleep, then an endearing habit, now a painful reminder of what had been lost. Molly was six years, nine months, and fourteen days old when she died, TJ realized. To her, the scariest things in the world were still bed bugs and the bitter, sticky aftertaste of cough syrup. Her favorite people in the world were still TJ, Amber, Mom, and the girl who sat behind her during storytime, who taught her how to remember the months. The most money she'd ever had was a five dollar bill that Amber had pressed into her hand at a baseball game, with which she proudly bought a hot dog at the concession stand. Her favorite food in the world was string cheese, and the tallest person on Earth was Mr. Lorren, the fourth-grade teacher down the hall from Mrs. Morris's kindergarten classroom. She'd never told Charlie Manning, the boy who'd let her borrow his crayon one day, that she liked him. And now, she never would.

TJ pulled the zipper on the back of Amber's dress up, stepping around her to stand beside her. She turned to fix his tie, adjusting it and stepping back to look him up and down. "No," she grumbled, pulling the tie off him. She quickly pulled the suit jacket off of him, mumbling something about it being too 'prom' for a funeral. "Why is your shirt so white?" "What- Amber?" Amber shook her head, pulling a dark gray dress shirt from TJ's closet and handing it to him. TJ took it, swapping it for the white one he was wearing. Stepping back, she furiously shook her head, picking the suit jacket back up but leaving the tie on his bed. "Here. Wear." "Right, no time for full sentences," TJ said, pulling the jacket back on. "Sorry, I'm just stressed," Amber said quietly. "Amber." TJ put his hands on her shoulders, before pulling her into a hug. "It's going to be okay," he whispered into her shoulder. "I'll be right there the whole time." "Okay," Amber said, nodding unconvincingly. "Okay." This time, she sounded more concrete. She lifted her chin, carefully wiping her eyes and leading TJ out of his room. They filed into the kitchen, where Jennifer was standing, her hands trembling slightly as she took a sip of her coffee. "Ready to go?" "Yeah," Amber said, squeezing TJ's hand much harder than was logically necessary. Jennifer nodded silently, picking up her keys and leading them out of the house. "Take a deep breath," TJ whispered as he and Amber followed her. They both opted to sit in the back seat, neither having the energy to fight over the front seat. The car ride felt longer than it was, the buildings outside melting into one another as they drove. The paper in the pocket of TJ's suit jacket, upon which he'd written his eulogy for Molly, felt heavy as it rustled when he moved to get out of the car. Amber had declined to give a eulogy when she and TJ were asked, so TJ took the responsibility. Now though, he realized why Amber had forgone the eulogy. As he approached the hall of the cemetery, both Amber and his mother on his left, he realized that he was going to stand in front of a group of people, Cyrus, Andi, Buffy, and Jonah included, and give a speech about who Molly was and how much she'd be missed. "Hey," Amber whispered. "Now it's your turn to take a deep breath."

TJ walked shakily up to the front of the hall, setting the sheet of notebook paper in his hand onto the podium. He looked up at the small crowd, all watching him intently, some crying. He took a final deep breath and a glance to Amber, who nodded silently. 'Deep breath,' she mouthed. TJ nodded, following her lead before addressing the group. "Friends, family, thank you for coming," he started, his voice shaky. "It means so much to us that you're all here. Um, in writing this...eulogy, I found it to be a near impossible feat. Molly Eleanor Kippen was someone you could not simply describe in words, and I'm sure that all who knew her would be unable to contest such a statement. Amber and I were beyond lucky to have her for a sister. "Molly was perfect, in most senses of the word, save for her inability to exhibit a bad trait- a purely inhumane facet of her personality that many have marveled at. Molly was unfailingly kind, loving, and warm-hearted, and my life and the lives those around us were without a doubt bettered infinitely for having her in them." The rest of TJ's eulogy passed without him truly understanding the words tumbling out of his mouth. When he finished, he reached up to wipe away tears that he found weren't there, then took his seat next to Amber.

At the end of the funeral, TJ, Amber, and Jennifer stood at the front of the room as their friends and extended family filed up to them, all offering various sentiments of sympathy. "Hey Kippen," Buffy said, having reached the front of the line. "I'm so sorry- really." "Thanks, Buffy. Means a lot." "That was a beautiful eulogy," Buffy said after a moment. "I honestly have no idea what I said or did up there. How'd I do? How was the tear-to-word ratio?" "You did great," Buffy chuckled. "And it was very low, you didn't shed a tear the whole time." "Good to know. Thanks for coming." "Of course," Buffy said, hugging Amber before stepping out of the line to meet back with her mom. The last pair in line was Andi and Cyrus, who both immediately stepped forward to hug their own respective twin. Jennifer stepped away, rubbing Amber on the back one last time before moving to speak to someone about Molly's burial. Andi let Amber cry into her shoulder, mumbling her sympathy, while Cyrus simply hugged TJ. The silence wrapped around their hug, a comforting shell of quiet that held them warmly as the boys stood with their arms wrapped around one another. "How are you?" Cyrus whispered after a few moments, pulling away so he could meet TJ's eyes. "I- I don't know," TJ admitted. "I didn't cry up there. I was so sure I'd cry, but I still haven't. I feel so terrible." "Hey," Cyrus said gently, setting a hand on TJ's forearm. "You're allowed to not cry." "I know," TJ mumbled, nodding. "Thank you for being here." "I'll always be here for you, okay? No matter what." He held his pinky finger out to TJ, who linked his into it immediately. "You promise?" he asked, his voice quiet as he looked up from their pinky promise to Cyrus's eyes. He nodded, his brown eyes warm as he looked up at TJ. "I promise, TJ. Always."

#andi mack #tyrus #tj kippen #cyrus goodman #little white lies fic #ambi #amber kippen #amber brown #amber (andi mack)

[hennyjolzen]

by PAM GROSSMAN May 30, 2019

Pam Grossman is the author of Waking the Witch: Reflections on Women, Magic, and Power.

Witches have always walked among us, populating societies and storyscapes across the globe for thousands of years. From Circe to Hermione, from Morgan le Fay to Marie Laveau, the witch has long existed in the tales we tell about ladies with strange powers that can harm or heal. And although people of all genders have been considered witches, it is a word that is now usually associated with women.

Throughout most of history, she has been someone to fear, an uncanny Other who threatens our safety or manipulates reality for her own mercurial purposes. She’s a pariah, a persona non grata, a bogeywoman to defeat and discard. Though she has often been deemed a destructive entity, in actuality a witchy woman has historically been far more susceptible to attack than an inflictor of violence herself. As with other “terrifying” outsiders, she occupies a paradoxical role in cultural consciousness as both vicious aggressor and vulnerable prey.

Over the past 150 years or so, however, the witch has done another magic trick, by turning from a fright into a figure of inspiration. She is now as likely to be the heroine of your favorite TV show as she is its villain. She might show up in the form of your Wiccan coworker, or the beloved musician who gives off a sorceress vibe in videos or onstage.

There is also a chance that she is you, and that “witch” is an identity you have taken upon yourself for any number of reasons — heartfelt or flippant, public or private.

Today, more women than ever are choosing the way of the witch, whether literally or symbolically. They’re floating down catwalks and sidewalks in gauzy black clothing and adorning themselves with Pinterest-worthy pentagrams and crystals. They’re filling up movie theaters to watch witchy films, and gathering in back rooms and backyards to do rituals, consult tarot cards and set life-altering intentions. They’re marching in the streets with HEX THE PATRIARCHY placards and casting spells each month to try to constrain the commander-in-chief. Year after year, articles keep proclaiming, “It’s the Season of the Witch!” as journalists try to wrap their heads around the mushrooming witch “trend.”

And all of this begs the question: Why?

Why do witches matter? Why are they seemingly everywhere right now? What, exactly, are they? (And why the hell won’t they go away?)

I get asked such things over and over, and you would think that after a lifetime of studying and writing about witches, as well as hosting a witch-themed podcast and being a practitioner of witchcraft myself, my answers would be succinct.

In fact, I find that the more I work with the witch, the more complex she becomes. Hers is a slippery spirit: try to pin her down, and she’ll only recede further into the deep, dark wood.

I do know this for sure though: show me your witches, and I’ll show you your feelings about women. The fact that the resurgence of feminism and the popularity of the witch are ascending at the same time is no coincidence: the two are reflections of each other.

That said, this current Witch Wave is nothing new. I was a teen in the 1990s, the decade that brought us such pop-occulture as Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charmed and The Craft, not to mention riot grrrls and third-wave feminists who taught me that female power could come in a variety of colors and sexualities. I learned that women could lead a revolution while wearing lipstick and combat boots — and sometimes even a cloak.

But my own witchly awakening came at an even earlier age.

Morganville, New Jersey, where I was raised, was a solidly suburban town, but it retained enough natural land features back then to still feel a little bit scruffy in spots. We had a small patch of woods in our backyard that abutted a horse farm, and the two were separated by a wisp of running water that we could cross via a plank of wood. In one corner of the yard, a giant puddle would form whenever it rained, surrounded by a border of ferns. My older sister, Emily, and I called this spot our Magical Place. That it would vanish and then reappear only added to its mystery. It was a portal to the unknown.

These woods are where I first remember doing magic — entering that state of deep play where imaginative action becomes reality. I would spend hours out there, creating rituals with rocks and sticks, drawing secret symbols in the dirt, losing all track of time. It was a space that felt holy and wild, yet still strangely safe.

As we age, we’re supposed to stop filling our heads with such “nonsense.” Unicorns are to be traded in for Barbie dolls (though both are mythical creatures, to be sure). We lose our tooth fairies, walk away from our wizards. Dragons get slain on the altar of youth.

Most kids grow out of their “magic phase.” I grew further into mine.

My grandma Trudy was a librarian at the West Long Branch Library, which meant I got to spend many an afternoon lurking between the 001.9 and 135 Dewey decimal–sections, reading about Bigfoot and dream interpretation and Nostradamus. I spent countless hours in my room, learning about witches and goddesses, and I loved anything by authors like George MacDonald, Roald Dahl, and Michael Ende — writers fluent in the language of enchantment. Books were my broomstick. They allowed me to fly to other realms where anything was possible.

Though fictional witches were my first guides, I soon discovered that magic was something real people could do. I started frequenting new age shops and experimenting with mass-market paperback spell books from the mall. I was raised Jewish but found myself attracted to belief systems that felt more individualized and mystical and that fully honored the feminine. Eventually I found my way to modern Paganism, a self-directed spiritual path that sustains me to this day. I’m not unique in this trajectory of pivoting away from organized religion and toward something more personal: as of September 2017, more than a quarter of U.S. adults — 27% — now say that they think of themselves as spiritual but not religious, according to Pew Research Center.

Now, I identify both as a witch and with the archetype of the witch overall, and I use the term fluidly. At any given time, I might use the word witch to signify my spiritual beliefs, my supernatural interests or my role as an unapologetically complex, dynamic female in a world that prefers its women to be smiling and still. I use it with equal parts sincerity and salt: with a bow to a rich and often painful history of worldwide witchcraft, and a wink to other members of our not-so-secret society of people who fight from the fringes for the liberty to be our weirdest and most wondrous selves. Magic is made in the margins.

To be clear: you don’t have to practice witchcraft or any other alternative form of spirituality to awaken your own inner witch. You may feel attracted to her symbolism, her style or her stories but are not about to rush out to buy a cauldron or go sing songs to the sky. Maybe you’re more of a nasty woman than a devotee of the Goddess. That’s perfectly fine: the witch belongs to you too.

I remain more convinced than ever that the concept of the witch endures because she transcends literalism and because she has so many dark and sparkling things to teach us. Many people get fixated on the “truth” of the witch, and numerous fine history books attempt to tackle the topic from the angle of so-called factuality. Did people actually believe in magic? They most certainly did and still do. Were the thousands of victims who were killed in the 16th- and 17th-century witch hunts actually witches themselves? Most likely not. Are witches real? Why, yes, you’re reading the words of one. All of these things are true.

But whether or not there were actually women and men who practiced witchcraft in Rome or Lancashire or Salem, say, is less interesting to me than the fact that the idea of witches has remained so evocative and influential and so, well, bewitching in the first place.

In other words, the fact and the fiction of the witch are inextricably linked. Each informs the other and always has. I’m fascinated by how one archetype can encompass so many different facets. The witch is a notorious shape-shifter, and she comes in many guises:

A hag in a pointy hat, cackling madly as she boils a pot of bones.

A scarlet-lipped seductress slipping a potion into the drink of her unsuspecting paramour.

A cross-dressing French revolutionary who hears the voices of angels and saints.

A perfectly coifed suburban housewife, twitching her nose to change her circumstances at will, despite her husband’s protests.

A woman dancing in New York City’s Central Park with her coven to mark the change of the seasons or a new lunar phase.

The witch has a green face and a fleet of flying monkeys. She wears scarves and leather and lace.

She lives in Africa; on the island of Aeaea; in a tower; in a chicken-leg hut; in Peoria, Illinois.

She lurks in the forests of fairy tales, in the gilded frames of paintings, in the plotlines of sitcoms and YA novels, and between the bars of ghostly blues songs.

She is solitary.

She comes in threes.

She’s a member of a coven.

Sometimes she’s a he.

She is stunning, she is hideous, she is insidious, she is ubiquitous.

She is our downfall. She is our deliverance.

Our witches say as much about us as they do about anything else — for better and for worse.

More than anything, though, the witch is a shining and shadowy symbol of female power and a force for subverting the status quo. No matter what form she takes, she remains an electric source of magical agitation that we can all plug into whenever we need a high-voltage charge.

She is also a vessel that contains our conflicting feelings about female power: our fear of it, our desire for it and our hope that it can — and will — grow stronger, despite the flames that are thrown at it.

Whether the witch is depicted as villainous or valorous, she is always a figure of freedom — both its loss and its gain. She is perhaps the only female archetype who is an independent operator. Virgins, whores, daughters, mothers, wives — each of these is defined by whom she is sleeping with or not, the care that she is giving or that is given to her, or some sort of symbiotic debt that she must eventually pay.

The witch owes nothing. That is what makes her dangerous. And that is what makes her divine.

Witches have power on their own terms. They have agency. They create. They praise. They commune with the spiritual realm, freely and free of any mediator.

They metamorphose, and they make things happen. They are change agents whose primary purpose is to transform the world as it is into the world they would like it to be.

This is also why being called a witch and calling oneself a witch are usually two vastly different experiences. In the first case, it’s often an act of degradation, an attack against a perceived threat.

The second is an act of reclamation, an expression of autonomy and pride. Both of these aspects of the archetype are important to keep in mind. They may seem like contradictions, but there is much to glean from their interplay.

The witch is the ultimate feminist icon because she is a fully rounded symbol of female oppression and liberation. She shows us how to tap into our own might and magic, despite the many who try to strip us of our power.

We need her now more than ever.

[ramblingsofaqueerwoman]

1-5 & 15-20 from Old Hollywood

1.) Who is your favorite actress?

Brie Larson!! I fell in love with her in The United States of Tara, then even more in Room, and Captain Marvel was just the icing on the cake.

2.) Who is your favorite actor?

This is tougher, because I tend to hyperfixate on actors and then get very done with them lol but currently it’s Hale Appleman, I loved him in both The Magicians and his tiny role in Private Romeo.

3.) A guilty pleasure actor or actress?

Probably Paul Bettany? Especially in A Knight’s Tale and Inkheart. 

4.) Favorite on-screen outfit(s)?

This is so hard because I geek out over costumes/outfits so much, but the first one that came to mind was the overralls from Mamma Mia. They’re everything a good outfit should be, iconic and also suits the character so well. I feel like there’s probably a much better answer to this, but I’m tired so it’s what I’m going with lol. I might come back and talk about another one later. 

5.) Actress with the best hair?

Natasha Lyonne!! Her curls are everything I hope mine would be. 

15.) Best overall costume design?

Lord of the Rings. My little seamstress heart geeks out over those costumes every single time I rewatch, honestly, they’re a goddamn inspiration. 

16.) Favorite scene in a movie?

The Scene in Pride & Prejudice. You know the one. With the confession, and the rain, and all of the tension, and the dialogue. It’s a fucking cinematic masterpiece.

17.) Favorite ending to a movie?

The ending of The Princess Bride is just phenomenal. Both the ending with Buttercup and Wesley, and the ending with the Kid and the Grandfather. SO GOOD.

18.) Favorite movie quotes?

Okay, there are SO MANY, so I’m gonna go with the one I most recently quoted. “I’m a writer, I give the truth scope!” - Geoffrey Chaucer, A Knight’s Tale

19.) Favorite female character?

Buffy Summers. She was the first female character that was everything to me. Going back to watching her is like coming home in a way. She was strong and brave and smart and sassy and caring, and never apologized for any facet of herself.

20.) Favorite male character?

Aragorn. Once again, this one goes back to childhood, he was everything I wanted to be as a kid. He was powerful and competent and respected and badass, and I wanted that more than anything. Plus he got to kiss Liv Tyler, who was prettier than my pre-teen heart could handle.

#thank you so much!!!! #these were a lot of fun and I really wanna go in depth about a lot of them but then the post would be too long lol #i'll come back and rant later #you're the best!! love you!! #childoftimeandmagic #askemma

[ettadunham]

A Buffy rewatch 3x16 Doppelgängland

aka evil skanky and kinda gay

Welcome to this dailyish text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and rant about it in 10-3k words. What you can expect: long run-on sentences and disjointed observations, often focused on one tiny detail about the episode. What you shouldn’t be expecting: actual reviews that make sense.

And if today’s episode doesn’t make you laugh out loud uncomfortably at least 5 times during each rewatch... then you’re probably Vamp!Willow, and that’s cool. You do you. Literally, I guess.

During my rant for The Wish, I already confessed that that episode used to be pretty high up on my personal list. I’m aware however, that most people prefer Doppelgangland to that fun AU apocalypse scenario... and I get it. I really do, especially these days.

On the other hand, it’s also tough to make comparisons. It’s a different tone, different vibe and offers different things for the show’s general storyline and lore, despite using the same alternate universe as a jumping point. The Wish is a dark and gloomy exploration of the hell we make for ourselves once we lose hope in a better world. Doppelgangland is a non-stop fun ride that’s a major milestone and has many future implications for Willow’s character arc.

But let’s start at the beginning-ish, with an unfairly neglected segment of these rants that I like to call Out of Context Wuffy.

Willow:  How come the sudden calisthenics? Aren't you sort of naturally buff, Buff? *giggles* Buff buff.

(If that’s not the official ship name, I will make it so, if it’s the last thing I do on this site.)

Willow then talks about how the whole pencil floating she does requires emotional control... and then when she’s like “Oh, I’m totally fine with us talking about Faith”, the pencil starts twirling like crazy like some supernatural lie detector.

But there’ll be plenty of opportunity to discuss Willow’s feelings on Faith a couple of eps from now.

Faith herself is presently bonding with the Mayor, but she also goes out of her way to touch Buffy’s shoulder in a scene beforehand???

There really is no heterosexual explanation for this. Like, I literally can’t explain how Faith acts with Buffy in any other way. We just have to accept that Faith is in love with Buffy as part of the text rather than just subtext, and move on from there.

Oz:  I'd call that a radical interpretation of the text.

Shut up, Joss, I’m right and you know it.

But this episode is still very much a Willow episode, so I should probably talk Willow. Which, as you may know, I’m prone to do a lot anyway.

The problem that I’m kind of running into is that I find it hard to talk about the subtle effects and shifts this episode starts or shines a light on in Willow’s character without seeing that arc folding out first. Like, I know where we’re going, and I could talk about that part I guess, but I’m more interested in re-experiencing and paying more attention to the steps that take us there.

Something that this episode calls out for instance, is how Willow feels like she’s The Doormat, even in their own friend group. The person that gets bullied to do other peoples work for them, someone they rely on to be there and do what they ask of her.

This, while coincides with Willow’s desire for validation, runs counter to her need to feel special. So when Anya asks if she wants to do a spell with her, there’s absolutely no hesitation on her part. Finally, she gets to do something that sets her apart!

But then Evil!Willow appears, and that represents a whole new can of worms to Willow... On the plus side, one of those is the fact that she’s not afraid to want or ask things for herself. And that’s a lesson that our Willow will certainly take away from this encounter I think.

I particularly like the ending scene, where the jock Willow was supposed to tutor, and who tried to get her to write his whole essay for him, shows up after his encounter with Vamp!Willow. And he’s actually done all the work. Thoroughly. Twice. And even gives his apple to Willow.

It’s a rare occasion where we see Willow actually having the power in an encounter or relationship like that. At least it’s been rare up until this point.

That’s sort of the fun of Vamp!Willow here. She may not be our Willow exactly, and she may be an evil creepy vampire (as all vampires are), but she still makes Willow consider new possibilities... As well as perhaps confront some facets of her character that she ignored in the past.

Willow:  That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil and... skanky. And I think I'm kinda gay. Buffy:  Willow, just remember, a vampire's personality has nothing to do with the person it was. Angel:  Well, actually...

And just look at that girl in the screencap above. She’s so gay for Vamp!Willow, it’s not even funny. No wonder she got the Moloch treatment of getting immediately killed by her evil gay crush. (Those wacky 90s, am I right?)

Let’s not forget though, that Vamp!Willow evidently also enjoys getting handsy with herself. Their shared scenes are essentially the embodiment of the “I don’t wanna have sex with my clone ‘cause what if my clone is evil” meme.

Meanwhile Anya gets introduced more, and I can’t wait to spend some more quality time with my favorite 1000-year-old demon child.

Arguably something else that can be said of this episode, is that it’s just all memorable lines all the time, from start to finish. So, much like with the previous episode, I can only advise you to give this episode in particular a rewatch. It’s very much worth it.

Press play on Doppelgangland you guys, watch order be damned!

#buffy rewatch 2k19 #btvs talk #btvs