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bolognamayhem117 · 3 days

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Hot Take: Astarion does NOT hate flowers. You just missed a few subtle hints through Act 1 and early Act 3.

Astarion's negativity is directed toward just about anything remotely pleasant as you move through early act three, starting the moment you leave Wyrm's Rock. First thing after Gortash's coronation he marvels near tears at the colors of the city in daylight. If you ask if he's alright, it pisses him off.

There's other instances I can't quite remember but he's a straight crank throughout early Act 3 and it took me several hours of gameplay to have a lightbulb moment about his newly crappier attitude.

He just spent the last two hundred years seeing everything in the overwhelmingly warm dim tones of indoor lighting via sconces, rushlights, and braziers, or the dingy blue gray of moonlight outside. Daylight colors are something he had more than a lifetime to forget and now that he has a chance to remember that vibrancy in his own home town, he knows he's going to have to forget it all over again either by death or by remaining a vampire spawn forever. The worm isn't going to live rent free in his head forever, and killing Cazador to ascend in his place likely feels like an insurmountable and impossible fight against a literal titan who could stomp him flat without a corm of effort.

He doesn't hate flowers, he hates EVERYTHING right now because it's all going away very soon and if he convinces himself he hates everything then he won't miss it when it's all gone again. He was denied this for two hundred years and he's PISSED at what was stolen from him and PISSED it's all going away again.

He behaved similarly in Act 1 about anyone besides him enjoying physical intimacy. Some of this content was cut, to my best knowledge, but the overwhelming majority of his dialog addressing the PC romancing anyone but him are negative or backhanded. This is for two reasons, I think. A: his Simple Plan just dissolved right before his eyes when you chose someone else which in his mind means he has zero safety net, and EVERYONE gets to enjoy sex (key wording being ENJOY, not simply having) except him... And it pisses him off.

He also gleefully interrupts the bug bear and the ogress, I think for the same reason as the above paragraph, being: If he doesn't get to enjoy intimacy neither do they.

He reacts with anger and disgust at anything he's being unfairly denied. Which... That's fair. His feelings are valid, but his reaction to it is pretty shitty and meanspirited.

The other companions I tend to keep in my party, (that is Lae'zel, Halsin, Karlach, and Wyll) however, are actually appearing to behave pretty patiently with him in Act 3 which I find interesting.

In the instance with the flowers Karlach doesn't bother trying to convince him otherwise of his opinion, she just tells him how they make her feel instead and rather than getting snippy or doubling down he more or less agrees to disagree. I also don't recall anyone disagreeing with Astarion during Gale's last quest tasks when he mentioned that he quit praying to gods who wouldn't hear him a long time ago but to be fair, I think the gods did everybody in this crew dirty and they all know it. It seems like they're consciously giving him the space to be mad about things, is what I'm saying.

Everyone I know including myself who crawled out of a long-term hot garbage situation kinda went wild for a bit with freedom, spoke poorly, behaved strangely, had extreme emotional reactions to things, and made some particularly terrible choices. I think that's just a part of recalibrating yourself, healing and learning how to be okay again.

Point is, I wouldn't conflate too many of the turbo-negative things he says with how he actually feels about anything. We certainly know what he says and what he feels are two very different things.

#astarion #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion ancunin #trauma #the pale elf #cazador szarr

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mascdestr0yer · 1 day

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heyy if you don’t mind could you write something abt paige teaching her non athletic gf how to play basketball?? i just love reading some paige fluff, ur writing is really good btw ! 💓

for the team

(not like that !)

Paige bueckers x fem!reader

Warnings: there really aren't any, not that I know of.

Synopsis: Coach Geno made a bet between Paige's girlfriend (you duh) who is always (not all the time, he's dramatic) at the team's practice, if you make a shot from half court he would cancel practice for a week.

Requested !

I feel so coolness, keep the requests coming please ! Thank you for the compliment, luv you all ! -millie

"baby you have to actually try," Paige huffed, rubbing her temples. "Your aim is way off."

"I am trying ! It's hard," I whined, giving her the basketball. "You do it then, since it's soo easy." I crossed my arms, waiting for her response.

"stop being a brat, a'ight. Back up a little, let me show you how real pros do it." She dribbled the ball a few times as I backed up to watch, she bent her knees slightly as she shot the ball from half court, she made it. She surprised herself, but shook it off.

"no fair, you have years of experience.. and luck." I whined as she passed me the ball. "Noo, I don't want it." I whined more, passing it back to her.

"And I don't want practice, so either you keep practicing or my whole team will literally drag me, especially KK." She demanded, my frown becoming more visible, her expression quickly softening. "I didn't mean it like that, m'sorry. C'mere," she dropped the ball, letting it roll as she pulled me closer by my waist.

"you were so close, so why give up now? Come on, pleasee," she pleaded, gently holding the side of my face.

"fine, but you owe me." I say looking up at her. Her hands falling to my ass, squeezing it gently, with a smirk. "Paige !"

"my bad," she chuckled as she pulled away, walking over to get the basketball that rolled away. She picks it up and passes it to me. We got right back to practicing, for almost an hour.

┌──❀*̥˚───❀*̥˚─┐

Tomorrow,

The whole UCONN wbb was sitting on the sidelines as Coach Geno passed me the ball, I was standing half court.

"do I go now?" I asked softly, really nervous.

"Y/n if you miss-" Ice starts, Paige quickly cutting her off.

"stop, she's already nervous."

"both of you, please shut up." Azzi says, and she looks me in the eye nodding slightly.

I dribbled the ball.

One

Two

Three...

I bent my knees slightly, just like Paige did last night and I shot it. Everyone held their breaths crossing their fingers. Geno's eyes squinting to see if it'll go in or not.

I made it !

Loud cheering begins as the team ran over to me, Paige picking e up in spinning around. KK running around the courts yelling, Nika looked so relieved, thanking me. Paige puts me down quickly to run around with KK. Ines began skipping towards me and she hugged me tightly, thanking me.

"I can't breathe.."

"oh- sorry," she let go of the hug, Paige and KK running over to me.

"Y/n boo, you did that," KK hyped me up, Paige wrapping her arm around my shoulder.

"can we get chipotle?" I asked Paige, looking up at her, since she was driving.

"anything you want, I'll get it, extra chicken, extra guac, allat. I'll buy you boba too-"

"me too?" KK asked.

"definitely not." Paige said almost immediately.

"that's why you suck at rocket League,"

#paige bueckers x reader #paige bueckers #x reader #lesbian #wlw #wlw fluff #fluff #anon ask #Millie talks❀*̥˚#fem!reader #reblog please #drabble #uconn women’s basketball #uconn wbb #wbb #kk arnold #azzi fudd

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6ix9inewiturmom · 1 day

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Camera Caught- Matt Sturniolo

Summary: you accidentally left some hickeys on matt’s neck and the fans catch it, start making edits, and matt “punishes” you

Warnings: SMUT, degradation, orgasm denial, multiple orgasms, squirting, oral (female receiving), P in V, Unprotected sex, praising, slight crying.

A/N: I LOVE YOU ALL ENJOYY

PSA: I GIVE NO RIGHTS TO COPY MY WORK OR USE MY WORK FOR “INSPIRATION”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Matt and I’s relationship has been very very private, we've been trying to keep it that way till we both collectively agreed to go public. Matt was down in the garage filming for a Friday video and I was endlessly scrolling on TikTok, I came across this edit of Matt, I didn't think much of it till i saw the comments.

Mattscupsupremacy: THE HICKEY?! WHO IS SHE?? MATTS A FREAKY GAL

Chrissypoohmylover: UHM MATTHEW?? what a freaky man.. she’s one lucky girl to be getting that fire dick

Nickismyqueen: WHY IS NO ONE POINTING OUT THE FACT HES NOT EVEN TRYING TO COVER IT UP??

Yamother6629: we lost another one girls… Funeral at my place at 6 pm tmr 😔💔

Thefourthtriplet5239: MATT SEEMED SO VANILLA.. who would ever guess that man is kinky?

“No no no” I say panicking out loud and immediately jumping out of bed and running through the house and busting the door open to the garage where Nick, Matt, and Chris are barging into the garage which sends the boys into an immediate panic

“Okay so you can edit this out of the video but it's an emergency,” I say out of breath.

“Girl go the fuck on, you said it’s an emergency, spill let’s go” Nick says snapping his fingers.

“Okay, patience, so I was scrolling through TikTok like normally waiting for you guys to finish filming and I scroll across this Matt edit,” I say trying to find the edit on my phone.

“Y/N how many times do I have to tell you to stop watching edits of me, I'm right here no need to fangirl over me,” Matt says with a sense of cockyness in his voice.

“No no hold on it gets better, so I scroll through the comments cause you know it's funny watching as the 12-year-olds talk about you being their ‘baby’-” start before Chris cut me off

“GET TO THE FUCKING POINT YAPPER,” Chris says throwing his hands in the air

“Says the one who goes on about putting a literal tit milk-drinking infant in the backseat of a car with no car seat. So let's not talk about her yapping” nick defends.

“ANYWAYS, Matt you forgot to cover your hickeys from the other night and everyone knows about it now, cause when you moved out of frame your hoodie must have come down, and there are edits and people calling you ‘vanilla’ whatever the hell that means, and like everyone is wondering who the girl is and I'm like panicking now,” I say with panic in my voice “I know you weren't ready to go public but everyone is like freaking the fuck out” I continue.

“Fuck, I thought the hoodie was a good cover” matt sighs “look its fine well figure it out after I'm done filming just go back inside and calm the hell down” he gives me a quick peck on my forehead and shutting the door of the car.

A couple of minutes later I got a text from matt, normally he does send me the occasional ‘i love you, almost done filming’ message but this one was a little different.

Matty B Rapz 💍

you’re in big trouble for getting us caught

i hope you ain’t tired cause you’re in for a long night

This wasn't out of the normal for Matt to be rough with me but over text? This is new, but I love it. I could feel myself getting soaked at all the possible ways Matt could fuck me, all the positions, thinking of all the ways in which he could make me cum.

After an hour and a half of endless scrolling through TikTok, I can hear the footsteps of Matt through the hallway.

“Hi baby, how was filming?” I say as he walks in the door immediately shutting it and locking it.

“Don't ‘baby’ me, strip,” he says harshly as his eyes darken with lust.

A smirk appeared on my lips, and moved off the bed walking towards him as I placed my phone down on the bedside table and slowly and teasingly removed my pants and shirt leaving me in my light pink lingerie set that I knew drove him insane, the way it hugged my curves, pushed my Brests up with a small delicate flower in the middle, and my underwear that sat and hung onto my hips with another small flower in the middle of it.

“So fucking sexy,” Matt says under his breath causing a light shade of pink to appear on my cheeks.

Matt wraps his arms around my torso and unclips my bra letting my breasts fall and the straps of my bra fall off my arms. He lightly pushes me back so I'm sitting on our shared bed as he places a deep and passionate kiss on my lips.

I yearn for more of his lips but he pulls away from me and starts trailing light kisses down my jaw and to my neck and sucking harshly on my neck so we have matching marks on my neck and soft moans escaping my lips.

“Since you had to go and get us caught,” he starts before sucking harsher in my neck in a pattern this time. “Everyone's gonna know who you belong to now” he pulls away walking back a couple of steps to admire the marks he left on my neck.

‘M’

His initial was spelled out on my neck.

“And you're not gonna cover that up. Got it?” he spits walking towards me and wrapping his hand around my neck.

“Yes, Matt” I whisper out

“Good fucking girl” he removes his hand from my neck and pushes me down so my back is now on the bed flat.

He lowers his body down, basically on his knees, and he leaves kisses down my stomach before kissing over my clothed pussy and a soft whimper comes out of my lips.

Using his teeth he guides my underwear off my legs and throws them on the floor with a smirk plastered on his face.

His face between my legs was always a sight for sore eyes, never failed to turn me on the way his blue eyes always stared at me through his eyelashes. He places small kisses around my thighs eventually making his way down to my dripping pussy and placing kisses everywhere around it but where I need him the most.

“Matt, please” I plead.

“What are you begging for? Use that filthy mouth of yours and tell me what you want” he says harshly.

“I need your mouth, please” i whine.

He smirks and uses his tongue to move up and down my folds collecting my juices he lets out a groan as the taste of my pussy touches his tongue. His lips attach to my clit sucking harshly on it.

“FUCK MATT” My back arches and my eyes roll back basically seeing my brain.

His tongue explores every inch of me as he keeps a steady gaze on me and how my body reacts to his mouth. His fingers trail into my begging hole that's clenched around the air begging to be fulfilled curling his slim fingers upward reaching a spot I could never reach by myself.

“MATT” I scream out as My thighs close his head in.

“Legs stay open” he mutters through my pussy.

His fingers now moving at a pace that's driving me absolutely insane, his muted moans against my pussy is only turning me on more.

“close” i breathe out trying not to strain my voice.

“hold it,” he says muttering against me as his nose flicks my clit digging his face deeper into my pussy. He was almost moaning as much as I was, typically he didn't even care if he cums, he gets off at watching me come unglued from his mouth or fingers.

“Please” I repeat pleading with matt.

“No, you're gonna hold it and you're gonna show me how much of a good girl you can be” he lifts his head continuing his pace with his fingers.

His gaze never left me, the way my back arched off the bed and my eyes rolled back just at his fingers was always so amusing to him.

“You always look so beautiful wrapped around my fingers,” he says smirking down at me and taking his lower lip between his teeth as he continues to arch his fingers inside me.

“PL-PLEA- CUM” i mutter unable to form a coherent sentence.

“Go ahead baby, let it all out” he coos in my ear in a low raspy voice.

The knot in my stomach snaps, and my orgasm hits me like a bus, my legs shake as my cum drips down into his fingers. he removes his fingers licking off my cum from them.

“Face down ass up, I ain't done with you” he says sternly.

I slowly nod turning around and holding myself up by my elbows taunting my ass around in the air. Matt smirks to himself removes his hoodie, and quickly removes his boxers and pants throwing all his clothes somewhere in the room.

I feel the bed dip down from the weight of his knees behind me. He reaches his arm around to my mouth places his hand below my mouth.

“Spit” he says harshly.

I obey spitting in his hand as he uses my spit to rub around the tip of his cock moving his hand up and down to coat his cock.

Matt aligns himself with my entrance and immediately bottoms out letting a loud groan escape his lips as my hips jerk backward and a loud whine leaks from my lips.

“You think you're so fucking innocent huh? Leaving those fucking hickeys on my neck” he spits thrusting harshly into me gripping onto my hair and pushing my head far into the mattress.

“I-im SO-SORRY” I scream into the mattress.

“Oh, you're sorry? If you were sorry you wouldn't be creaming all over my fucking. dick.” he says thirsting harder to annunciate his last two words as his head hangs low to look down at the white rim that's formed around the base of his cock.

“FUCKK” I whine out with tears starting to form in my eyes from the overstimulation. “CANT- CANT-TAKE” I muffle out as his hand pushes my head farther in the bed.

“You wanted this” he grunts “You take it” his hand travels down my body and starts to toy with my sensitive clit.

“OH BABY-” i scream out as my cervix begins to twitch around his cock signaling how close I was.

“Oh you think you're gonna cum soon?” he taunts rubbing faster on my clit as his thrusts begin getting sloppier.

“Pl-pl-please” I whisper yell to him.

“You're so fucking pathetic” he groans out using both hands and pressing my waist down the bed and rolling his hips into me getting deeper and kissing my cervix with his cock.

My legs began to shake and tremble “CLOSE” i choke out. his grip on my waist loosens up as he leans down and kisses my back.

“let it go, baby, let it all out” With that, the knot in my stomach breaks and I squirt all over the bed leaving a wet mess beneath me. “God damn baby you're so fucking sexy” he leaves small kisses on my neck as his thrusts got even sloppier.

“Oh fuck” he buries his head in my neck and groans as his cum begins to shoot out of him filling my hole of his cum.

He softly pulls out of me rolling me over now laying on my back and gives me a soft peck on the lips.

“Let me clean you up, yeah?” he smiles down at me and I shoot him a small smile back.

He throws on the same pair of sweatpants from earlier and walks softly and carefully to the bathroom wetting a small rag and bringing it back into the room.

“You did amazing, Y/N” he smiles up at me as he carefully runs the warm wash rag down my legs and anywhere else that was covered in cum.

“I am sorry about getting us caught, I know that we didn't want to go public just yet” I softly whisper as he makes his way next to me bringing me into his arms and placing a kiss down on my head.

“Hey, don't worry about it. We'll figure it out in the morning. But for now, just get some sleep," he says, running his fingers through my hair and occasionally kissing my head. We eventually drifted asleep, intertwined with each other.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

A/N PT 2 HI LOVES!! IDK how to feel ab this one but i hope you guys enjoyed it! I hope you're doing amazing!! And have an amazing day/night/evening!!

Xoxo

Gabs 💋

#Spotify #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo smut #the sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo smut #matthew sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #sturniolo

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mychlapci · 16 hours

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cybertronian weight gain means everything to meeeeeeee

i want cybertronians to be malnourish before and during the war and then once it's all over they go back home and finally so many mecha are able to get enough fuel in them.

i love it when weight gain is a sign of health and taking care of one's self. it's literally one of my favourite tropes of all time. literally nothing sexier than a character learning to feed themselves properly and their bodies finally at a good weight where it shows

i think blurr and sunstreaker are the best candidates for this. speedsters were intentionally deprived of fuel before the war because it made them faster and so blurr gets ordered to refuel more because he's at a dangerously unhealthy weight for his frame class.

and sunstreaker always gave up his energon to help his brother out because he could handle not getting as much fuel and sideswipe came first of course! sunstreaker's armour having to be refitted by a medic and he has such shapely thighs and a nice ass and a little bit of pudge around his waistline and tummy.

hmmm swerve would a good cook i just know it. he makes so much food for his beloved racer and always makes sure that he's refuelled on time.

it also helps that rubbing his spike and valve across blurr's new tummy just feels so good.

hmm so many mechs have to get their armour refitted because all that extra energon goes right to the tits. ratchet having rodimus sucking on his boobs just because they don't fit behind his windshield anymore. drift just going around the lost light barechested because primus gave him tits he's gonna show em' off!

magnus and megatron's boobs are big and saggy but so so soft. i bet cyclonus has a nice rack and tailgate likes fondling his big wife's tits at all possible hours of the day and i'm sure cyclonus likes tailgate's little boobs as well.

-burnt ice anon

I firmly believe a lot of cybertronians gain a shit ton of weight after the war because now they're fueling properly and aren't under so much duress. A lot of the speedster frames that were already super underfueled before the war now drink as much energon as they actually should and there suddenly getting fatter...

I do think Blurr has some issues with losing his perfect figure, but he's honestly only become more attractive to everyone around him now that his thighs have some real shape to them and his tummy's hanging out a lil bit. Besides, Swerve worships him all the same <3 and Sunstreaker's absolutely gotta get fatter, and i think he'd quickly realize that having bigger legs and ass looks good on him...

It's a titty renaissance after the war... so many mecha are getting fat in the chest area, pouches growing nice and heavy as they're suddenly filtering out a lot more energon than before. I know Ratchet's were already big, barely suited for his windshield, but now he has to get them milked a few times a day... Cyclonus is so old he's not used to his tits filling out with energon. They get bigger and softer and Tailgate is obsessed with them.

i do think Megatron's tits grow so much because he's also never properly fueled before. He never knew they could get this big. He has a hard time keeping them under his chest plate...

#valveplug #boobdayforever #lactation #weight gain kink #texty

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thenwethrowitonthefire · 26 days

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Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family

#fucking hell #it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister #who was equally dreading the day #my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt #then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present)#multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way.#combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high #weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells.#this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing.#then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on.#my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence #i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum #who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?)#me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting.#Which amuses the bored and the deaf #but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed #they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes #finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism*#still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously #(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something)#me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room #and made things appear that should not be there #I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go #you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room.#i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear #I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that.#the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well #she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer #maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk.#can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important

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thompsborn · 3 months

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i know i’ve said that being able to do the stereotypical insane ao3 authors notes is fun and amusing to me but can the universe NOT take that as a challenge to add more shit to my list of things to add next time i post ???? like. fucking. Calm Down Please.

#situations keep happening and i am TIRED #had to restrain a kid at work today which was AWFUL but he was trying to run into the road so i literally had to #almost cried bc of it but got the situation under control #but then when on my way to meet w coworkers to carpool to a meeting #my tire popped #super fun times super awesome super great #i mean my mom helped and we got it all fixed and handled #but basically from noon to like 6pm my mom and i were dealing w it bc everything had to be COMPLICATED #so i only just got home like 45 mins ago ish and i am SO tired holy fuck #but im eating left over orange chicken and then gonna shower and then just gonna be lazy and read and maybe write #if i have the brain power i will work on hb chp17 #but i also have a 4 hour training for work tomorrow so yeehaw #its 12:30-4:30 which isnt that bad but still #im also going to my dads afterwards to stay the night and visit him and my siblings #which is a good thing dont get me wrong i love visiting them #it just means i wont have a lot of freetime this weekend to work on writing and cleaning and stuff #not the end of the world and definitely worth it to see my dad and my baby siblings #but i wish it was a 3 day weekend so i could also have a day to just stay home and do things that i havent had the time to do yk #oh well. tis life. adulthood. having to handle situations and finding the best out of shitty circumstances. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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tamagotchikgs · 3 days

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i try my best not to think of it and i havent in years but the fact the only people who were ever supposed to be my friends irl would always dump their love on me and then to leave me & say they dont like me over and over and over again only so they could watch my reaction n make fun of me together maybe did affect me huh

#i am normal i am not affected ii do not see ◡_◡#[distant sounds of me crying & screaming && gasping for air &&& ripping myself to shreds like a bear]#i was always an autistic lil freak who didnt speak so i guess i shouldnt be surprised #but like. i always just wanted them to like me #i always just wanted the chance to like them back and let be allowed. always just wanted someone to be pals with. someone i could trust to #have my back for once vs everything else #i remember such a specific moment right #and we were going on a roadtrip w her and one i already had #and they ended up talking before we left #the worst part is i had to keep seeing them. i had to just keep reliving the humiliation over n over again n it got so deep in me #& the og one had a plan that we would sit together in the back n n we had like. tons of stuff brought we could do n snacks n all this #n then at the very last second literally as i had just sat down she was like . actually. i dont want you back here. i want her she's way be #better #and i remember so specifically she was like. LOL look at ur face..........#and so i had to sit up front alone w nothing to do the entire ride but listen to them make fun of me for it #i feel like it would be better if they had left it at that but then they always came back n treated me so sweetly so i was like . ok i have #a chance #maybe they do like me #like the same girl went on to share cookies she had bought w me and we sat on the lawn for hours hanging out n eating them #and then she did it again #and again #but i was so alone in the world otherwise that i stayed #for years n years #my therapist always talks about how because of how long ive had anxiety means itll take either equally as long or longer to recover #and all i can think ab is how i lived with everything horrible at home #always just wanting to escape #to living through bad things outside of it too #just piling on top #from 6-16 #and i kept going back

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knifegremliin · 1 month

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sometimes i look at my laptop and i just think. god, imagine how you would be if you were windows 7.

to clarify, i fucking love my laptop (even if he keeps wanting to physically break on me). mik is my baby. he is the best running laptop i have ever owned in my entire life. going on 6 years and still going Strong. but imagine.... imagine if windows 7....

#🔪.text #windows 10 is better than windows 8 #but quite frankly that is Not a high bar to pass #that bar is underground.#there are definitely features of windows 10 i really do like #(night light you are my savior)#but windows 7 will still always be the best and i miss it so much #and ohhhh my god.... mik with windows 7?#he'd be unstoppable #nothing could beat him.#he would be The Laptop Ever #and i already love him to death #i am literally planning on just replacing his ssd rather than getting a new laptop #for as long as i can i will try to just replace parts to keep him going #mik has done so much for me and has been so so good to me #like yeah he is slowing down a lil bit now #but compared to my previous laptops?#he is doing PHENOMENAL #i mean jin. he. can barely run last time i tried LOL #he is. so so slow :')#and my last laptop it took me like 2-3 hours to transfer all my stuff just because of how slow it was at that point #i think jin is gonna end up being the same way #but mik? not mik.#mik's fine.#anyway that's enough on me gushing about my laptop #i do this frequently btw #i can and will talk about how much i love my baby boy (my laptop) to anyone who is willing to listen

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iliveinprocrasti-nationn · 1 month

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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more #I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s #the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything #that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da #lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how #get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to #and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not #be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much #of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in #bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it #into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it #but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted #any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself #not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha #usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day #because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere #I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s #just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway #this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this #bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school #vent tw #yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely #disability #chronically ill #i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho #i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to #anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse #I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours #I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework

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anotherpapercut · 2 months

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hey what do you do about the intense feelings of dread and anxiety when you think about getting a college degree and also when you think about the alternative (not getting a degree)

#literally wish so bad i had parents i could live with. i feel like it would make this all feel more doable if i wasn't like #also worrying about making enough money #um anyway i was offered a promotion at one of my jobs but it would mean coming in an extra day and working more hours #and this is my first time taking classes in a while and its just been difficult to keep up w everything already #but the job seems really cool. and pays more #and like i could do less than full time school but its already gonna take me at least 3 years going full time #and im fuckin 24 im already older than half the people in my classes im afraid to be 30 and still unable to pursue the field i wanna pursue #not that thats old or anything i just. im ready to move on with my life. i want to move away so fucking bad #and i dont see many ways to do that without at least a bachelors

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an-aura-about-you · 3 months

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sometimes the best thing about a day of work is that it's over.

#work whinging in the tags #a coworker was out today and will be out on Monday as well #Monday it won't be as bad but today it sucked because this week's the week I do my day team's banks #I don't bother telling my night team this because every time I did before it didn't made any difference #I busted my ass working on the early banks getting them as done as I could #but of course I still get one bank like 6 minutes before my break and it's got a query that requires me to look at 500 items #so naturally I'm late to my break but fuck y'all I AM gonna take my entire break #so of course by the time I get back I already had a bank waiting for me #and I couldn't keep on top of some of my day team's bank work because of it #one of my day team banks ended up taking like an hour between doing that work a 1200 item query & working 4 other banks on the side #and THEN the person who hands out banks forgot to assign one to me until I had already clocked out #for the record they got the bank about 20 minutes before I was scheduled to clock out they had plenty of time to do it #and then I said that I can do it but it was going to be overtime at this point #and they said 'that's okay' so I took that to mean I was supposed to do it #so I said 'ok I'm working on it now'#only for them to ask 'are you working on the bank?'#like yes???? I literally just said I was??????#and that's when I realized that they possibly meant 'that's okay' as 'don't worry about it you can go for the night'#but if that's what they meant THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE USED A PHRASE AS AMBIGUOUS AS 'THAT'S OKAY'

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sovonight · 1 year

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#i wanted to find xan's epilogue slides so that i could talk about them and i failed but im talking abt them off my memory anyway #so: how is xan legally allowed to become charname's high priest when he still has the moonblade #like. that's corellon's thing. so what is the process of divorcing himself from that duty #previous conversations have emphasized that chances for him to be free of the moonblade are rare and difficult #so i assume charname as a new deity steps in and does that for him #but even if it's possible & easy: would xan give it up just like that? like he says multiple times that he hates the burden of the sword #but i keep thinking back to that 1 exchange abt secret names where xan explains his secret name literally means promised to the blade #and charname's like 'i prefer xan to your true name and i think so do you; it separates you from your moonblade'#and xan gets really quiet and he's like 'my name was a gift from my father. as was the moonblade' and the conversation instantly ends #like??? the blade is tied up in so much significance. is he really so ready to simp for goddess!charname that his filial piety disappears #like i know that immediately after u save him from bodhi he's like 'i will do whatever you want me to with my life'#and he's outright like 'if you want me to be your high priest when you ascend to godhood i'm 100% down'#but bro just for saving his life?? idk abt anyone else but i save his life on a daily basis. guy is always 2 hits away from death #maybe he's especially awed like 'wow charname took a potentially fatal blow for me' but my guy she does that every damn hour #she's a permanent member of the front line just to keep the aggro off of you. have some more appreciation for her everyday sacrifice #idk it's the way that he's been asking charname not to use her divine powers for 2 full games bc he fears it will consume her #and how he's been sighing longingly and going 'i wish we could have our wedding and a quiet life'#and then. suddenly. he's indifferent to / in full support of the goddess ending??#like my guy are you aware that you're going to have to share her?? that she'll have other champions besides you??#that you're never going to truly have her again? that the most you will have of her is her avatar and the visits she makes in your dreams #that you're abandoning the seldarine and might not get to see your parents in the afterlife ever??#i do love the full devotion thing. i do. but xan's brand of devotion has always come with an asterisk #his and charname's values have to align even Somewhat for his romance to even happen #so what is this? ''if you get far enough in his romance his values no longer matter''?#''feel free to choose whatever ending you want bc at this point he'll just indulge you and go along with it''?#sorry did i romance a fucking reed in the wind?? if i wanted someone that bends to any and all whims xan would be the last person i picked #he's all 'i can't say no to you' now and i'm like *slumps over my desk* i miss when he was contrary about everything #the 'cant say no' thing is even worse if in the underdark you--no i wont get into it #sovo note

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truckstoptigers · 4 months

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i remember i'd hear about how my state is one of the most dangerous places in terms of sex trafficking and i would think, what an awful thing. how terrible is it that my state has such an issue with trafficking that it's enough for it to be a well-known, well-documented serious danger/risk area.

and i still didn't think it would ever happen to me.

#familial trafficking is a very real thing and i am not okay :)#i still have a hard time coming to terms w it. i mean. thats what happened. i was trafficked. but it wasnt a stranger.#it was my fucking dad!! what the fuck!!!!!#he wouldnt stick around whenever hed bring me somewhere so it could happen. he literally left me w men he didnt even really know.#i remember one of them asked me once 'think your dad would let me keep you?' and all i could do was cry because well.#what exactly was stopping him from taking me? it sure as hell wasnt the law because me being seven fucking years old didnt matter.#im sure some of them thought about it. i just got lucky. i only got to go back home because of dumb luck. not everyone gets that chance.#sometimes i still feel like shit for using the word 'trafficking' to describe what happened to me because i know thats what it was #but it still doesnt feel like its *my* word to use. like im blowing it all out of proportion even though thats. literally what it was.#i dont know how to talk to anyone about it. just typing this made me have to put my phone down for a minute so i could try to calm down.#and then i also had to set it down for like an hour for the same reason. i just. im gonna go play minecraft for a few hours.#csa vent #trauma vent #actuallyabused #actuallytraumatized #tw trafficking #forgetting about this shit for years and having the memories come flooding back all of a sudden has been. SO difficult.#im so tired of thinking about it but i cant stop.

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novelmonger · 8 months

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I think I forgot to post a scoping update this week. I forgot multiple things I was supposed to do on Friday, so I guess that shouldn't come as a surprise. What happened on Friday? Did Friday happen at all?

The entire month of August doesn't quite feel real. The whole summer feels like it's neverending, but also passing by in the blink of an eye. I'm sure that's partly because of my grandpa's passing, partly because of remodeling the bathrooms, which has been a bigger upheaval that I realized it was going to be even though I didn't really need to do much myself.

I feel like I'm waiting for life to go back to normal. Like I'm waiting for just a single day where I can stay home all day and have no distractions or claims on my attention, where I can just hole up in my room and actually buckle down and work on writing and scoping homework. Because it seems like, even when I have a few hours in between workmen coming to the house, or going to my grandma's for a meal, or a thousand other responsibilities and errands that aren't supposed to take much time, I blink and those hours are gone and I haven't done anything more productive than catch up on my Tumblr dashboard.

Tomorrow I'll be eight hours behind on what's supposed to be my scoping schedule. And I'm probably not going to have time to do much, if any, homework until Thursday this week. I'm getting horrible flashbacks to college, even though my current deadlines are completely self-imposed. It's that feeling of finding yourself balancing on a ball that's rolling down a hill, and you can't stop or you'll fall flat on your face, but you also can't catch up or slow down. It's like a very calm, subdued panic, if that makes any sense.

I don't really have much of a life, and yet I still have no time to do anything. And I'm still running on only 5-7 hours of sleep a night, which is entirely my own fault, but if I stopped earlier each night, I'd only have even more to catch up on the next day....

I probably just need to go to bed. Things usually seem slightly more manageable in the morning, even if that's bleary-eyed at 5 a.m. and none of the circumstances have actually changed a jot.

Oh. And I'm on Chapter 15.

#rambling into the void #what's the scope?#i mean...i HAVE made some progress on writing and scoping #but it doesn't feel like much because every time i'm like 'okay NOW i can settle down and get to work'#i look at the clock and i only have twenty minutes before the next Scheduled Thing i need to do #and then all motivation to be productive goes out the window and i just do busy-work instead #i just keep telling myself that my parents will be leaving in a week and then life will resume its normal course #feels awful to wish them gone but i feel obligated to spend time with them while they're here #which is great and all but yesterday i literally spent twelve hours with people #so by the time i could FINALLY sit down and do something on my own my poor introverted brain was oozing out my ears #okay now i'm just complaining to nobody in the tags so i really DO need to go to bed

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