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#i need to remember to fix that tomorrow
mattodore · 10 months
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close-ups under the cut if you wanna see 'em
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terrorbirb · 4 months
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This weekend started off fine but somehow I have ruined my life
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sweet-as-kiwis · 4 months
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Bertie got fixed!! :D
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#ngl rn the idea that i still have to stay here working on the same stuff when a potential phd project is on the horizon is a lil soul#crushing. like god i wanna b able to read papers abt that. not work on my existing papers. or take measurements. or stay here anymore#like probably at least 6 months more. thats so long 😭 let me shed this skin#ugh. at least the decision making is almost over. one more interview and then i should have all the decisions by the 1st week of march?#and then its just up to me to decide. rn id say the school i visited. but thats plenty of time to talk myself out of it. ugh#ugh me trying to do my job: ok i have like 7 things i could me doing *starts thing 1* oh wait but *starts thing 2*. i just ping pong#between tasks and dont get things all the way done. then im like oh i need to remember X thing later *instantly forgets* but i did just#experience the glory of being reminded to do a task via calender#listen. its like my brain has holes in it and theyre threatening to destroy my life lmao#most of the time i feel like a pinball when ur just hitting it back and forth between the bars. threatening to fall between them#ay ay ay. my poor feeble brain. someday ill fix iy#it. or like. try to manage it better so im not constantly on the edge of catastrophe. but ya kno that day is not today or tomorrow#bc i am paralyzed of driving lmao and its fucking wimby out there#ugh. i miss the snow already :-( i wanna go back :-( ugh they got their hooks in me#unrelated
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wildflowercryptid · 8 months
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wish i could stay up and think about kissing women, but alas, i have work in the morning. 😔
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vacantgodling · 9 months
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i think i’ve hit the stage of burnout where everything is desolate
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thekenobee · 1 year
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The worst thing about depression is that you're exhausted, dead on your feet all day but somehow the sleep doesn't come until 3am
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arctic-hands · 1 year
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Getting your payment a day early but being unable to pay rent that's due tomorrow because your phone is in the repair shop for who knows how long (they closed today still having my phone) and your bank's site never works on your desktop for some reason
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butchvamp · 1 year
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i really do feel like i am constantly being misunderstood or willfully misinterpreted or just straight up ignored
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motochiri · 4 months
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the way im never allowed to have a Good Day is actually funny at this point lmfao like if i say anything positive about anything or anyone i literally IMMEDIATELY get shit on by the universe like if u want me to kms just say that????
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ackerslut · 7 months
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my version of "i unblocked my ex and i'm texting them" is just "i desperately want this girlie who made up imaginary beef with me a year ago who i've had less than three conversations with and who will not stop vagueing about me on main to dm me so i can bite their jugular with my teeth" and i think that's so real and sexy of me.
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whis--ker · 7 months
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I really have to start counting calories, not because I want to lose weight or anything, but because I just realized that I (entirely accidentally) starved myself today. Oops
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jeongtokkie · 11 months
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YOUR ICONNNNN OMG
i know 😭 as soon as he posted that pic of twitter i couldn’t resist. changed my whole layout for him
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isn’t he so cute? 🥺
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a-b-riddle · 3 days
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Part Five
Can't stop thinking about the attempt of reconciliation and reader ain't having it. Our girl is going to be wilddddd y'all. Also goodnight. See y'all tomorrow (maybe)
You call Meredith when you get home.
You. Are. Fuming. She's not sure she can ever remember a time you using so many swear words at one time.
How fucking dare them? Immature? You're the immature one? You were the one trying your best to salvage four failing relationship meanwhile none of those assholes could be bothered to try and keep one. They had one person to manage: you.
"I wanna go out this weekend." "Wear something tight and borderline risk indecent exposure."
"You know what I always say," Meredith begins. "The best way to get over someone-"
"is to get under someone else." You finish. You weren't exactly keen on the idea of bringing someone to your bed just yet, but a little attention would do you some good. "I don't want to fuck someone just yet." You admitted. "I'm more on the getting drunk and making out."
"I didn't know we resorted back secondary school heavy petting?" She teased.
"University, Dear." You corrected. "I didn't peak until after I graduated."
"No." She argued. "You didn't put your books down long enough to realize that boys actually wanted to fuck you." You were glad she couldn't see you roll your eyes. "Saturday work for you? I have a late night Friday and won't be up for it."
"That works."
"Sorry." She apologized. "I plan on getting you absolutely smashed so I need to be ready to play the nanny. I know how you love to get drunk and run off."
It was true. You had always found it hilarious when you were drunk to just run. Quite literally run away. It got to a point during university where Meredith would handcuff you to her so you didn't stray.
"I won't run." Your sober mind promised.
"Uh huh." Meredith's tone told you that she knew that was a load of shit. "I'll text Tabs. Let her know the plan."
The next day at the shop was pretty uneventful. No more unexpected visitors. You still had them all blocked. Not caring if now they decided to offer up some bullshit apology.
Months. This had been a steady decline for six months. A text or a simply sorry won't fix this. You weren't sure anything could.
But it didn't matter. You were done and they obviously were too.
You had picked up enough take out to feed a family, but you didn't plan on making your lunch before work or cooking when you got home. The rest of the week you planned on just going through the motions until you could go out Saturday and hopefully get everything out.
You weren't paying attention as you walked down the hallway to your flat. Fishing in your purse for keys. You were at almost at your door when you saw him.
Sitting next to your door was a familiar face. A face you felt you haven't seen in forever.
“What are you doing here, Kyle?" Your voice was flat as you continued to blindly try and find your keys with one hand. Fuck. You really need to clean out your purse...
“My key wouldn’t work.” He explained. "So I’m out here.”
"I'm aware why you're not in my apartment since I changed the locks," you said, trying to keep your irritation at bay. "What I am asking is why did you come here?"
"You won't return any of our messages."
"You're all blocked, so technically I didn't really get any messages." "Besides, you don't get to complain to me about not responding to texts, Kyle Garrick." Your fingers finally wraps around them. God bless. "If you're here for your things, it'll have to wait. I have to sort through everyone's shit and I don't know whose is whose."
"We need to talk." He explains as you put the key into the lock, opening the door.
"Nah," you say scrunching your nose in that way he used to adore. "I'm good. But you can swing by tomorrow and pick up your things if you'd like." You say before trying to shut the door on him. You were stupid in thinking you could be faster than him.
Dammit.
"I know things haven't been good and I've definitely could have been better,'' he admits. "But can you at least try and let us apologize? Let us try and work it out."
"No." You answered, trying to close the door. Not caring if you had to resort to kicking his shins to get him out.
"Why not?" He countered.
“Maybe because I've already tried, Kyle?” You gave up on trying to shut him out. You were strong, but he didn't have any issues in besting you. “Because I actually tried with you. With all of you. You didn’t need to come here giving me excuses about your life being hectic because I’ve made the excuses for you.” You didn't miss how he practically flinched. He had always blamed his busy life. Family. Work. You stopped caring about whatever excuse he gave you and realized it was just that. An excuse. “I’ve been telling myself for months that everything you guys didn’t do for me wasn’t because you didn’t care about me. It was because of the stress of your deployments is the reason none of you tell me when you get back from until it’s time to fuck. I tell myself it’s because of the fucked up situation of me being with all of you that makes it awkward to meet your families. Families you all have that I now know I’m not worthy of meeting.” He wanted to correct you. You were. You were worthy. He was an idiot. “It’s not that I need your excuses to make me feel like what you did was justified. No matter what it was, it was apparently to you because you did it.”
He took a step back, processing everything you had said. He had been selfish. You were the reliable constant in his life. Someone he believed he never disappointed. Someone he couldn't disappoint no matter how many times he fucked up.
You took the opportunity to slam the door. Quickly turning the lock before he had a chance to open it back up.
God...
That felt good.
You had spent that evening collecting their thing in case Kyle did show back up tomorrow. You wouldn't make their lives easier by sorting all their shit and organizing it. Everything. One box. Let them figure it out. You almost had a mind to add a shirt that you knew didn't belong to any of them just to have them argue over it. Or least make them think there was someone else...
You were almost tempted if not for the premise that you wanted them to realize this was their fault. Their fuck up. But now that you were officially all broken up, you were free game.
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whimsyprinx · 1 year
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I think I just would like for someone to hold me while I cry and tell me everything will be okay even if it’s not true or I don’t believe it
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ellecdc · 2 months
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PART 2 PLSSSSSSSSSSS
I need the comfort
ok ok ok ok ok mother's here - I've fixed it for you. Don't say I never did anything for ya 😉
part two of Mistake: poly!wolfstar x fem!reader
CW: angst, hurt and COMFORT read part one here
Remus felt like he’d just been slapped. In fact, he was sure that if he looked in a mirror, he would see a red welt in the shape of your hand across his cheek. 
Lupin?
You haven’t called him that since...well since you started dating. As a matter of fact, he can’t remember the last time you referred to him in any way other than some sickly-sweet pet name that he pretended embarrassed him, but he secretly preened at. 
I’ll see you around.
What the hell did that mean? What just happened?
He felt stuck...perhaps he should go after you? But you told him to go check on Sirius: make sure he’s okay for me, yeah? And he meant what he had said – the three of you would be back to normal in no time. They’d catch up with you tomorrow.
Remus tried to replay every interaction you had tonight. You had asked how their days were...he replied and asked how yours was. Should he have asked you first?
He should have asked you first.
You tried making conversation, but Remus was so hyper focused on Sirius’ mood – afraid that he’d do or say something out of pocket that would hurt your feelings – that each attempt sort of fell flat. Remus had been there before – he’s witnessed Sirius’ tendency to self-sabotage and ruin a good thing once he finally has it, and he didn’t want that to happen again. Not with you.
He knew what Sirius really needed was some quiet; a chance to ponder and lament angrily inside his own head without outside influence.
Maybe they should have cancelled – rescheduled your study date for another time. Clearly his effort to protect you from any negativity was in vain.  
But it was just a bad day, a blip, a one-off. You would all get some good sleep tonight and reconvene tomorrow.
Right?
Maybe he should have followed you.
But by the time he could manage to pry his feet from the floor of the library that he felt cemented to, you were gone. 
He would just have to talk it out with you tomorrow.
Remus entered his dorm to find Peter already asleep on his bed, James finishing the Transfiguration essay that was due tomorrow morning on his own bed, and both Remus and Sirius’ beds empty. 
“Pads around?” Remus asked James quietly as he began to shuck off his uniform. The quiet tone was mostly for courtesy’s sake knowing Peter could sleep through a stampede of hippogriffs.
James peered at Remus from above his glasses before nodding his head towards the bathroom door.
Sure enough, Remus found Sirius leaning against the shower stall with his eyes closed as the water cascaded around his form. 
“You almost done, love?” Remus asked gently. Sirius spooked slightly as he turned to look at Remus; his eyes were red and glossy...he had been crying.
“You didn’t stay with her?”
Remus fought the urge to grimace, to heave, to turn around and run. He opted to gently shake his head. “No, she... said she got most of what she needed to do done.”
Sirius seemed to consider that as he sighed. “Was she terribly upset? I didn’t...I didn’t mean to be an ass. I know James always says I’m quick to take it out on others – I tried really hard not to, honest. I swear it, Rem I-”
Remus began shaking his head as he moved towards Sirius. He could tell by the smell in the bathroom that Sirius had already washed his hair and there were no more suds on his body, so he turned the water off and handed Sirius a towel. 
“You were fine, Sirius. She’s – she’s fine.” He lied.
He lied. He lied to Sirius. About you.
But how could he look Sirius in the eye right now – Sirius who was currently standing naked, soaking wet, nearly hyperventilating, not over his disgusting parents but because he was afraid that he may have upset you – and tell him that between the maybe seven minutes since Sirius had left the library and now, Remus had completely mucked it all up?
The answer was: he couldn’t. He couldn’t look Sirius in the eye and admit that he may have just sabotaged your relationship.
It’s going to be fine. He tried to tell himself. We’ll fix this all tomorrow.
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You felt beyond childish, hiding in your dorm room like some toddler throwing a temper tantrum. But you had decided last night that what you really needed was space. Some breathing room. A chance to see this from a different lens. A different perspective.
And you couldn’t do that when your heart was breaking. And being around Remus and Sirius felt like that right now.
It felt heart breaking. 
And perhaps that was your answer right there. If this was causing you heart ache, why were you doing it to yourself? To them? You didn’t deserve that, and neither did they.
But it wasn’t just this you were worried about. It was more than just this relationship – it was the friendship that preceded it. It was the meshing of you into their circle of friends. You were their friend long before you were ever their girlfriend. You wouldn’t just be losing Remus and Sirius: your boyfriend’s; you’d also be losing Remus and Sirius: your friend’s.
Maybe you should have thought about that before you said yes.
Suddenly, you were a little angry: they had asked you to be their girlfriend – not the other way around! Why would they put you through all of this for, what? For...
Was it really for nothing?
“Are you coming to breakfast?” Shelby asked you quietly from the door. You shifted your head on the pillow to make eye contact with her. “No, I’ve got some things to work on. I think I’ll hang out up here today.”
She seemed to consider you, eyes squinting and mouth pursing before she offered a curt nod. “I’ll bring something back for you then.”
You smiled gratefully at her. At least you knew if you did lose Remus and Sirius, you would still have friends who cared about you. 
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Sirius spent most of his life believing he’d never be worthy of nice things. He was raised by monsters which meant he was a product of monsters; he was basically a monster.
He knew that the Black Darkness was always simmering just below the surface. It was archetypal of Black’s to explode; to lace their words with venom and strike at their victim, always aiming for the jugular. It had been Sirius’ own M.O. for his whole life. He had nearly lost everyone who ever meant anything to him on account of it. He had almost lost Moony.
Which is why it was so important to him that you never end up the latest victim of his Black Darkness. He was so afraid of disappointing you, letting you down, making you feel unloved. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to live with himself if he slipped – if he said something or did something to make you hate him. 
And it wasn’t just you he was worried about hurting; he knew if he hurt you, Remus would likely never forgive him.
Remus may have forgiven Sirius for his Darkness once; he didn’t want to risk trying for a second time. Sirius felt he’d hit his threshold for forgiveness – one more sin and he’d be on his own, surely.
So, he walked away. He tried to do it nicely – to excuse himself politely, assure you he’d be back in no time. 
But he still left.
It was cowardly. 
He needed to talk to you.
Which is why Sirius could be found that morning sitting at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, knee bouncing frantically under the table and his body turned towards the entrance – waiting for you to make an appearance.
Except, you never came.
“Wait, Shelby just walked in without her. Where is she?” He asked despondently, turning towards Remus. 
Remus watched as Shelby and a few of your other friends sat at their usual places without you. “Come on.” He said quickly as the two of them stood and made their way over.
“Hey Shelby. Do you know where Y/N is?” Remus asked quietly, hoping his guilt didn’t permeate his tone. Unfortunately, under Shelby’s scrutinizing glance, he was sure he had been found out. 
“She’s in the dorm.” She said flatly, looking between the two boys. 
Sirius exchanged a glance with Remus before continuing. “Erm, do you...do you know why?” 
Shelby furrowed her brows “all she said was she had ‘some things to work on’ and that she’d be in the room today.”
Remus hissed under his breath and pulled Sirius aside.
“Pads, I’m sorry, but I think-”
“What is going on?” Sirius interrupted.
“Last night, I... I think Y/N was upset?”
“Upset? With me?” Sirius asked, shame worming its way through every cell in his body. 
“I don’t know. I... I don’t think so. But she...she said she’d ‘see me around’ and then called me Lupin.” 
All blood drained from Sirius’ face as he considered Remus’ words.
See him around...see him around!? What the hell did that mean? Did you not plan on seeing them again? Oh gods...you never planned on seeing them again.
“Rem...” Sirius breathed out, leaning against a pillar for support.
“I know, I don’t-”
“Good grief, what’s gotten into you two?” James commented as he walked into the Great Hall with Lily, who opted to carry on in her search for Regulus as James took in the state of his two friends.
“Well? What’s got you in such a twist?” He pressed when neither boy offered an explanation.
“It’s Y/N.” Remus admitted.
“She’s leaving us.” Sirius blurted.
“Okay, we don’t know that.” Remus conceded.
Sirius scoffed. “Well, she basically told you to go fuck yourself last night and now she’s avoiding us; what do you call that?”
“She didn’t tell me to go fuck myself!”
James groaned and rolled his eyes before grabbing Remus and Sirius’ shirts and dragging them over to the Slytherin table.
“That’s it. You guys need to talk to Regulus.” James muttered.
“Regulus?!” Sirius sputtered, looking at James incredulously. “I’m not asking my baby brother for relationship advice.”
“You’re not asking for relationship advice. You’re asking for his perspective on his own relationship.”
“Ew! That’s worse! I don’t want to hear about my baby brother’s relationship with my adoptive brother.” 
“Oh for- you are going to listen to Regulus’ perspective on what it’s like being added to a polyamorous relationship last.” James pressed, tone implying no nonsense. 
Sirius (unwillingly) and Remus (placidly) were dragged to the dark side (read: the Slytherin table) to be read their Miranda Rights have their asses handed to them by one Regulus Arcturus Black. 
“Reg, dear. I’m begging, pleading, on my hands and knees: put the poor sods out of their misery.” James said as he bodily sat Remus and Sirius on the bench across from Regulus.
Lily snickered and poked her nose into Regulus’ cheek, causing the youngest Black to blush, though the rest of his face remained stoic as he sized Sirius and Remus up.
“What have the two of you done now?” He drawled. “I can’t help but notice one third – arguably the better third - of your little trio is missing.”
Sirius scoffed, though he didn’t argue – Regulus wasn’t wrong per se; he loved Moony, but you were indeed the best of the bunch.
James cleared his throat pointedly as he shot Remus and Sirius a look.
“Right, er” Remus started awkwardly. “We seem to have, uhm. I mean to say that-”
“Why does Y/N hate us?” Sirius spat, slapping a hand over his mouth immediately afterwards as if those words had fallen from his mouth without his consent.
“Y/N? As in your girlfriend, Y/N?” Regulus asked, moving his eyes between his brother and his brother’s boyfriend.
“Yes, as in our girlfriend.” Remus muttered.
“What did you say to offend her?” James asked unhelpfully.
“Do you think if we knew that, we’d be here right now?” Sirius spat back. 
“No, I don’t think that.” Regulus answered for him. “What I think has probably happened is she’s feeling terribly insecure in your relationship and neither of you have done anything to help her.”
Well that shut Sirius up... Sirius noticed that Remus was pretty quiet too.
“Were...” Sirius asked, grimacing when he looked over at Lily and James knowing this was teetering slightly into the realm of things-he-doesn’t-really-want-to-know-about-his-brother’s-relationship-with-his-best-friend territory. But damnit, Sirius was as desperate man. And desperate times called for desperate measures. “Were you terribly insecure when you started dating...these two?” Sirius sneered the end of his sentence earning him a ‘hey!’ from Lily and a solid whack up the back of the head from James.
“Yes.” Regulus answered simply.
“Why?” Remus asked, looking desperately close to pulling out his notebook to take notes. Scratch that, Sirius watched as James swallowed a teasing remark when Remus actually pulled out a notebook to take notes. 
“It’s hard coming after. There’s a part of your brain that convinces you that you are second best; that you’ve somehow come in second place. If that’s not bad enough, then you begin spending time with two people who already have history, already have a connection, and already have a rhythm that doesn’t leave much room to pull you into the mix. And if it does pull you into the mix, you end up feeling terribly guilty for disrupting that rhythm. It’s all quite difficult.”
Sirius’ mouth hung open at Regulus’ demure tone on what sounded like a really heartbreaking situation. 
“Let me ask you this,” Regulus continued, unawares of Sirius’ inner dialogue (which consisted mostly of panicked ‘oh my gods oh my gods oh my gods oh my gods). “How has your relationship – between the two of you – changed since you added a third?”
Remus and Sirius exchanged a glance before looking back at Regulus. “Uhm...not, really?”
“Not much at all.” Remus admitted more clearly.
“I see...” Regulus said, narrowing his gaze. “And how much time have each of you spent with her individually without the other present?”
Regulus got his answer in the form of awkward silence. 
“How did either of you expect your relationship to work if neither of you were willing to change the nature of yours in order to help it grow?” Regulus spat. 
“Well...” Remus started, but his sentence died when he realized there was nothing to say. 
“But...you stayed? Why?” Sirius asked his brother.
At this, Regulus’s face fell as he gave Sirius a sad smile. “Because of how we were raised, Sirius. I was so excited to be wanted, even for a moment, that I was willing to beg for scraps of whatever I could sink my claws into. She doesn’t strike me as that kind of girl.”
James and Lily looked forlorn as the latter placed her hand on Regulus’ shoulder consolingly. 
“It didn’t hurt to have the walking definition of unconditional love and the smartest, most intuitive witch I know to notice any discontent on my part.” He admitted shyly, earning him a smack of a kiss on the cheek from James.
“Gross. You guys are sickening.” Sirius muttered petulantly.
“So?” Lily interrupted what was close to becoming a squabble between the two Black brothers. “What are you guys going to do?”
Remus sported a determined expression as he looked to Sirius. “We’re going to make it right.”
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Shelby stood by her word and brought your breakfast. She also brought you lunch, and then dinner. But by the following morning, she was tired of playing the role of house elf.
“Alright, are you going to tell me why you’re avoiding Lupin and Black?” She asked plainly, plopping herself down uninvited onto your bed.
“Wha-? I’m ... I’m not avoiding them.” You lied poorly.
“Please; don’t spit on my muffin and call it frosting, Y/N. You’re obviously avoiding them.”
“I...ew?”
She groaned and fell onto her back in defeat. “Please, for all that is holy, tell me why they’ve been following me around like kicked puppies hoping I’ll take them to their master?”
You rolled your eyes and turned back to your book that you held open but had never been reading. “Yeah, I’m sure they’re real upset.” You muttered.
“That’s it.” She spat and plucked your book out of your hands, throwing it over her shoulder unceremoniously. You cringed to think about how Remus would feel seeing a book treated in such a way.
“I was reading that!”
“Don’t lie to me again.” She said, levelling you with a ‘no nonsense’ look. “Spill.”
You sighed deeply, looking toward the window to try and find the words you’d spent the last 24 hours trying to formulate. She never rushed you for your answer, giving you all the time you needed. 
“I feel insignificant.” You admitted finally.
“And?”
You turned to face her, bemusement painting your features. “What do you mean, and?”
“And... have you spoken to them about it?”
You felt a little embarrassed to admit that no, you hadn’t.
“Why not?”
And that simple question seemed to set off all the emotions (mostly frustration) that simmered beneath your surface.
“Because Shelby. Because I don’t want to have to beg for love and affection. I don’t want to have to tell people how to love me; they should just already love me. I don’t want to feel like I’m intruding in someone else’s relationship. I don’t want to have to point out that I’m here and I’m hurting. It’s mortifying. I... I think I’m just done.”
Shelby nodded in understanding before she stood from your bed. “Then you need to finish this today. No more hiding in your room being angry by yourself, and no more letting them sniff around the castle like dejected little runts. Put all three of you out of your misery.” 
It was your turn to nod as you too stood from your bed, ready to face possibly one of the most heartbreaking days of your life.
But Shelby was right; it was time. 
The worst part was that Shelby had been telling the truth; Remus and Sirius did look like kicked puppies. 
The second you had entered the Great Hall you heard a crash of knees against benches and cutlery clashing as Sirius clumsily tried to vacate his seat in record time to make it over to you.
“Y/N!” He called, as if you could have missed the racket he made just prior. 
He looked gaunt – like he hadn’t eaten or slept enough (in the only less than 48 hours) since you’d seen him last. His eyes were red and a little swollen, like he’d been rubbing at them.
You immediately felt sick with guilt; if he really was struggling with things with his family, the last thing you wanted was to add to his stress. But Sirius was looking after himself, and Remus was looking after him too; someone needed to think about you. You had to look after yourself.
Remus didn’t look much better, approaching the two of you much more slowly, hardly making eye contact with you as if you’d lash out at any moment. You had to admit that it annoyed you a little bit.
“Hi Sirius.” You offered, voice grating over the sudden tightness. “Remus.”
Some of the tension seemed to leave Remus’ shoulders as he made an effort to make eye contact with you.
“Can we talk?” He asked timidly. 
You knew what was coming, what was happening, what you yourself had come here planning to do.
But it broke your heart nonetheless.
“Sure.” You whispered, and exited the Great Hall without waiting to see if they were following you. 
You walked into an empty classroom and leaned against one of the walls as Remus and Sirius closed the door behind them. They shared another look and stood opposite of you.
More secret conversations. You thought bitterly. And doesn’t this just paint a lovely picture; them versus you. 
“Y/N. We, uhm...we’ve been talking, and we realized that...that maybe we haven’t gone about this the right way.” Sirius started, looking at Remus continuously as he addressed you. 
We’ve made a terrible mistake. 
“We didn’t take into account the ways in which our relationship would have to change in order to make the three of us work” Remus added.
We didn’t realize how much you’d take away from us, you heard
“We feel like we’ve been unfair to you, and... we’re really sorry.” Sirius concluded, looking like his heart had been ripped out of his rib cage. You supposed that would make sense, considering that’s how you currently felt yourself.
It probably hurt all the same to them – they’d be losing the friendships the three of you had created too; the friendship you had with Remus, the friendship you had with Sirius, and the fun the three of you had all together. But you still loved them, and the last thing you wanted to do was to interfere in their relationship.
“It’s okay, it wasn’t your fault.” You admitted finally. “It was just a mistake.”
Remus’ head cocked to the side like a confused puppy whilst Sirius’ eyebrows furrowed. “Well...I, I’m not sure-” Remus started but was cut off by Sirius.
“Wait, Y/N, what exactly do you think the mistake was?”
You looked between the two of them as you lifted your shoulder. “I... I guess including me?” You stated as a question.
Sirius actually sputtered as Remus stepped towards you, stopping himself seemingly before he made to grab you.
“No! No, Dove. That’s not a mistake!” He insisted.
“Are you kidding? You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to us – no, no. This...wow, okay. Can we start from the beginning, please? Why do you think this was a mistake?” Sirius managed to (barely) get out.
You looked to the ceiling, eyes stinging at the reality of having to voice your hurt. “Because” your voice came out embarrassingly high. “Because it-it felt...better when we were friends. I didn’t feel...in the way. And it felt easier. Just - I didn’t mean to come in between you, and I never...” you cut yourself off, quickly moving into hyperventilating territory. 
“But-”
“It’s not a mistake!” Sirius shouted, cutting Remus off. “This wasn’t a mistake! You weren’t a mistake. I... okay. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, that’s true. But I don’t consider that a mistake. Not you, never you.”
“It was a surprise; a happy accident.” Remus added hopefully shy.
You felt drunk...dizzy...beyond confused. Weren’t they breaking up with you? Weren’t you supposed to be breaking up with them!?
“I think it was easier when we were friends because we weren’t putting so much pressure on ourselves to get this right.” Sirius explained.
Remus nodded and continued. “Sirius used to get so jealous if I got to hang out with you without him if he was at practice – took us a while to figure out that it was because he wished he was the one hanging out with you. When we started dating, I guess Sirius and I figured we’d just make sure to always hangout with you together so that neither of us felt left out. But we never even thought about how that must’ve been making you feel, dove. I’m so sorry.” 
“Regulus read us our rights.” Sirius admitted abashedly. “He pointed out that the relationship between the three of us will only work if our relationships with each other are strong. And we didn’t make our individual relationships with you a priority – that was our mistake, Y/N. Not you.” 
“Our mistake was believing you would just ‘catch up’ to where we are – which is years in the making – and also expecting you to somehow do that on your own. It was selfish and thoughtless.” Remus stressed
The things they were saying made sense and spoke to your very soul, but you couldn’t shake off this lingering feeling of dread.
“I... I should have said something... about how I was feeling.”
Sirius sighed, but it was Remus who spoke. “I think all of us could have done a better job communicating, that’s true. But we should have been more considerate. We asked you to join us, dove; we should have made that easy for you to do.”
“To think how much grief we’ve caused ourselves, when we could have just solved this all with a conversation.” Sirius mumbled dejectedly. 
“We’re not too late, are we? To solve this?” Remus asked quietly. Sirius’ eyes looked like they were close to popping out of his skull as he stood and made for you, grabbing your hands pleadingly.
“Oh gods, Y/N. You... you were breaking up with us, weren’t you? You thought we were breaking up with you?” His voice sounded very close to a sob.
“Please...please dove I- I don’t know that we deserve it, but please give us a chance to make this right, to do this properly. Give us a chance to love you the way you deserve.” Remus begged, moving to stand in front of you with Sirius, though he controlled his urge to grab your hands. 
You looked between the two boys; the two boys who you’ve been basically in love with for so long – the two boys who have proclaimed to feel the same way about you - and wondered to yourself again:
Have we made a terrible mistake?
Remus’ golden eyes shimmered with compassion and warmth, and Sirius burned fiercely in devotion and promises.  
Had you made a mistake? Falling in love with them?
No.
Perhaps Remus was right. Perhaps this was a happy accident.
“Okay.” You whispered. Remus exhaled the breath he’d been holding while Sirius’ face morphed into a small, hopeful kind of smile – far shyer than you were used to seeing from the boy.
“Okay?” He asked, moving his hands up from your wrists to your shoulders.
“Yeah... I-I don’t want to lose you guys.” You admitted wetly, a tear betraying you as it fell down your cheek. Sirius was quick to catch it with his thumb.
“Never, dove. Not if I can help it.” Remus promised. 
You believed him.  
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