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kissingkiszka · 3 months

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The Sweet Symphony - Chapter Two: Safari Song Sparks

Jake Kiszka x Reader series

Words: 1.7k+

Summary: After receiving an invitation from Jake to go to a charity event, your curiosity gets the best of you when you decide to attend

CW: MDNI, 18+, drinking, flirting, cursing, fluff, idk?

Masterlist

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The next day, you spent the whole afternoon pondering whether or not you were going to go to the charity event. He was a very attractive man, but you didn't know if there was more to him other than his looks. Sitting on your couch, you reach for your laptop that's on the side table. Your curiosity had gotten the best of you. However, you couldn't quite remember what he said his name was. Was it Jake or Jack? You typed in the search bar Greta Van Fleet and looked at the members. There he was.

Jake Kiszka.

There were various images of him playing the guitar and some with his band mates. You came across a video of the band playing a song called Built By Nations. You noticed all the men seemed to look the same. Trying to find the boy you had seen at the record store the day prior you scanned the screen, and there he was. The camera caught Jake playing his guitar. The way his fingers glided up and down the strings had you in a trance. The way his body moved to the beat under the bright red lights had your head spinning. It was now, you knew you had to go.

You flipped through your closet, coming across a pair of faux black leather pants that you always used to wear when you went for a night out. It was a perfect occasion to break them out again. They fit your body so well and accentuated your hips and ass. You paired it with a white corset top, that was basically a given to drive any man off the wall.

A few hours later, and you were off to the show. You were sure the concert had started already but you didn't mind being a little bit fashionably late. Besides, it would leave Jake guessing. As you got out of the Uber you quickly gave the driver a sweet 'thank you' and hurried inside. The loud music could be heard muffled from outside. As you stepped inside, the bright lights and loud sound enveloped you.

As you walked up to the stage, you saw the same group of guys in the video that you had watched earlier. They were in the middle of a song. Jake was jamming out on his guitar, and damn, did he look good doing it. He had lots of talent. You noticed he looked a little lost. He kept scanning the room and his gaze never just settled in one spot. His head continuously turned left, right, left, right. The song came to an end and you moved up in the crowd, trying to get closer to Jake. There was a big crowd that came out for the show. After the applause had settled, the main singer shouted into the mic, "This next one is called Safari Song!"

The crowd cheered wildly as the first notes began to play. The main singer began to sing, but you couldn't keep your eyes off Jake.

"Oh, lady, when you come on down, won't you come on down I said, to my town?"

He was bound to spot you sooner rather than later.

"Oh, mama, when you come on down, won't you come on down I said, to my home?"

He continued to look around, he looked anxious and lost.

"Oh, lady, won't you move my way? Can't you move my way? I'm getting hazy"

Maybe he just had stage fright?

"Oh, mama, when you give your lovin', when you give your love you drive me crazy"

His eyes kept scanning the crowd. And then, they finally landed on you.

"Ah, mama, what you gonna do with all that love in your heart?"

The eye contact grew more and more intense. He gave you a sexy smile and never took his eyes off you. His confidence grew once he saw you. As he loosened up, his body began to flow with the music.

"Ah, mama, what you gotta say about that love in your heart?"

As the song went on, the two of you continued to lock eyes. He began to play his guitar solo, not even bothering to glance down at his guitar once. You had him fully wrapped around your finger in this moment. The eyeliner he was wearing sent you into a spiral. The sweat on his forehead and the sweat that made his long hair stuck to his neck made you feel hot. The way his body was rocking, not missing a beat, made you feel flustered. The adrenaline was at an all time high right now. You both could feel that you needed one another. Badly. The only time he took his eyes off you was to throw his head back, which made you feel even more heated. His stage presence had grown much stronger. You were wrong, he definitely did not have stage fright after all.

"Do you remember what I said when I got down on my knees? Gotta get your lovin', baby, loving's all I need"

When his guitar solo ended, he gazed into your eyes once more and blew you a kiss. You pretended to catch it, blush covering your cheeks, and a cheesy smile appearing on your face. He smiled back, glad you had reciprocated it.

The intense, affectionate, and sometimes even awkward eye contact continued for the rest of the show. When the show ended, the lights went dark and the crowd roared with applause. The band walked off and disappeared from your view. You yearned to see him again. You were growing impatient. You didn't like the way he was able to take control of your conscious. As you made your way over to the bar, you heard his raspy voice laughing in your proximity. Getting closer, you saw the shadow of his silhouette behind the bar. He spotted you almost immediately.

"You came." He smiled proudly. "Did you like the show?" He was eager for your approval.

"You have some talent." You grinned, resting your elbows on the bar. "I'll have an old fashioned."

"You have good taste." He grabbed a glass from under the bar, swinging a towel over his shoulder. He placed the heels of his palms against the edge of the bar, slightly leaning towards you. He cocked his head just barely to the right. He gave you a cheeky smile, his tongue in between his teeth. "It's on me."

You couldn't help but let out a giggle at his little impression of a real bartender. He grabbed the bottle of whiskey and poured just the right amount into the glass. It was like he was a pro. You never took your eyes off him while he made your drink. It was mesmerizing. He radiated the most desirable energy you had ever felt from somebody else. He slid your drink across the bar, landing perfectly in your grip. He poured himself his own glass of Jack Daniels on the rocks and raised his glass.

"A toast. The night is still young." The glasses clinked together before he brought the glass up to his lips. He then watched as you took a sip, waiting for you to admire his bartending skills.

"Y'know, if you ever get sick of this musician stuff, you could take up bartending." You set the glass back down on the bar. "Tell me more about the band. I was not expecting such a good performance."

He chuckled, obviously a bit shy with all the praise and attention he was receiving from you."Well, if you couldn't tell already. I play with my two brothers, and our best friend. The singer, Josh, is my identical twin. Although more people would say my younger brother, Sam, looks more like my twin than my actual twin does."

"So, the talent runs in the family?" You gave him a smirk.

He chuckled shyly, he didn't quite know what to say. You watched as his chest slowly rose and fell, still catching his breath from the show, and being around you didn't make it any easier. Just as you opened your mouth to say something else, a few fans ran over to say hi to him. They were all teenage girls, definitely not the demographic you were expecting. He took selfies with all of them and signed a few things. It was really attractive to see him be so kind and respectful to his supporters. He gave them all hugs and just by watching the interactions you could tell his supporters meant the world to him. A big crowd soon surrounded him and you had grown quite cramped in the crowd. You tried to get his attention to tell him goodbye, and thanks for inviting you, but he was in the middle of taking a picture with a fan. As you adjusted the purse on your shoulder, you saw him look back at you. You gave him a nice smile and turned to leave, but he stopped you.

"Wait. Just a little longer." He grabbed your shoulder firmly. You spun around to look at him and his dazzling brown eyes were staring right at you. He reached into his pocket, digging around for a second. All the fans watched him in awe. He pulled out a guitar pick and made sure it got to you carefully. Some fans cheered, and a few even tried to reach in and take it for themselves instead, but he was adamant on it getting to you.

"Thanks." You mouthed to him, putting the pick into your purse then adjusting your posture to a more relaxed one. You wanted him badly. There was something about him.

He made his way around the bar. "Come with me." He grabbed your hand and squeezed through the crowd of fans, all reaching out to get their fingers on their favorite artist. Most of them had their phones out, and you just hoped they didn't film your face in any of them.

He brought you to the backstage area, all of his security guards giving you strange looks but he assured them that you were with him.

He turned to you, still gripping onto your hand. "It's a lot more mellow in here. Sorry you had to be all cramped back there."

"It's fine, nothing I haven't seen at a concert before."

He opened a door to his green room and gestured for you to sit on the couch. You obliged and watched as he began to pack up his things.

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snailsgoingdowntown · 10 months

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Day 4 of writing for blade until he comes home.

Blade x fem! Reader

Minors/blank blogs dni

This mini 'series' doesn't have an official timeline, it's all over the place, aka tomorrow I might write their first meeting only to write their 1st year anniversary the next day. Just an example.

Warnings: implied violent thoughts, mention of murder/death, slight possessiveness if you squint, toxic-ish relationship cuz blade would not be able to keep a healthy one, implied past sex.

Could be read as yandere but not intended to be. So I'll tag it just in case.

In which you're scared but unable to walk away.

You can't help but walk on eggshells around him.

No name given to you, your brother basically shoving this 6'2 man to you, who looks so bored it could practically be his entire personality. Black hair that reaches below the waist, the tips red. His eyes are also a unique color, red with golden rings within. And he's your 'travel buddy', which is really a nice way to say bodyguard.

It's been two since then, no longer as naive as you once were, unable to ignore the shady business your brother partakes in. Unable to pretend that this man seated next to you on your own bed, is anything but a crazed criminal, his wanted posters being torn down as quickly as possible outside. But for your own safety, you still play the part of a naive young woman - barely any knowledge of the outside world yet a bit temperamental at times.

You're scared of being killed.

Hurt.

Tortured.

And so much worse and even so, you allowed him in, Blade looking around your room with some interest. Books scattered around instead of being placed in the bookshelf, stuffed animals decorating your bed's corners and the opposite side of your perfered sleeping spot. A computer desk that's way too cluttered with resumes and job sites, a few empty coffee cups from earlier that day -

You allowed this criminal into your room. The worst part was that he wasn't the only one - your brother counts, too. And Kafka as well. And maybe even you, just for being related to and associated with them.

Maybe you're even worse.

You allowed yourself to become involved both romantically and sexually with a wanted criminal, one who may go crazy at any moment. It's even worse when you bring up the fact he's Mara struck, if you heard right. The worst part is that you're considering alerting the authorities.

You only found out their names through the wanted posters and kept your mouth shut about it.

No wonder your brother was so paranoid about leaving you alone. He can't monitor your activities, your access to the internet, can't control where you go outside. But he couldn't exactly keep you locked up either, the guilt would kill him. But apparently the guilt wasn't enough, still forcing you to act like the perfect sister, never ask questions and play pretend.

He knows that you know.

You just hope that Blade doesn't.

"It's your first time being in my room, huh?"

And hopefully the last.

"Hm." Blade doesn't say much, arms crossed and doesn't say much. Or anything at all really, letting out a sigh after a few more minutes of silence.

You forgot why he's even here.

"Your brother is worried about you," he doesn't look at you and you don't look at him. Your attention is on the T.V, trying to tune out his voice, his smell, his very presence because if you don't, you might scream. Scream at him for keeping it a secret, for lying to you too, for making you fall for him when he's the incarceration of evil -

He hasn't exactly given you a proper reason to be afraid of him. But after reading his list of crimes, it's hard to see him in the same light, especially when there's video evidence, victim reports from those who managed to get away somehow. Just when you finally were starting to open up to him, getting to know him properly, you found out everything thanks to a single wanted poster shown on the screen for but a second before the channel was changed by a maid.

Everyone knew expect you.

"Is he now? Hard to believe considering he sent a man into my room instead of a woman." You don't mean to bite back, but it's either that or let the fear reveal itself in your voice. Your actions. So, you cut yourself off from him, reverting to your past self from a year ago when you first met him.

Masking your fear with annoyance. Convincing yourself he's annoying rather than scary. It barely worked and it's barely helping now.

"He knows I don't have any dubious intent concerning you. I don't see why you're so uncomfortable with this, considering we... 'shared' a hotel room once. Plus the door is open," he gestures to it with his head.

The memory of the hotel room brings warmth to your face. Whispered praises, soft touches, kisses that lasted longer than needed. You can feel him looking at you, now.

You still don't look at him. Your entire body is tense, and it's obvious be can tell. From the way he decides to look at you and take in your appearance, to how he raises a brow, not understanding just why you're like this.

You did a 180.

From sharing secret and gentle touches, hidden kisses in the hallways, lingering looks as you pass by each other. Now you can barely look at him, and you're aware he's confused and maybe even a bit hurt - if he wasn't using you. It was a perfect plan on his part, worming his way into your heart, insurance in case anyone were to find out and rat him out, you could be there to lie for him.

But everything felt too genuine and that makes the matter worse.

"It's stuffy in here," standing up, you smooth out your dress, the skirt all wrinkled now. You try to ignore the way Blade stares at you, from your face to the way your legs move, unable to settle on one place. You can't tell if you're shivering from fear or slight arousal.

Just like how you can't tell if he wants to love you or kill you at times.

You're scared that he's going to hurt you. Go crazy and kill everyone in this house. Hurt himself.

You both fear and love him, but the fear is stronger than the love.

Blade reaches out from his position on the bed, hands resting on your sides before bringing you closer. You don't resist, allowing him to place you between his legs, trying your best not to flinch. He hasn't hurt you yet, he's still being gentle, he's still -

"We're the only ones here right now. Everyone left to either go home or attend to their business." His thumbs rub circles into your hips, tilting his head as his eyes travel between your thighs and your chest.

Your body freezes over. He just said your brother sent him to check on you, and now he's asking for...?

"I'm... I'm not really in the mood." You squeak in surprise when he brings you down with him, straddling him as he lays on his back. Locking eyes with you, his hands travel lower until they rest on your upper thighs. He hums in content.

"I know. But it's the perfect time for you to tell me what's wrong." The way his fingers dig into your flesh unsettles you. The look in his eyes do as well, both possessive and cautious. How did you not notice this before?

"Just tired. I didn't realize job hunting could be tedious," you settle down on him, gently placing your hands on his lower abdomen like you always would, drawing circles on it. When unsure and scared, revert to old habits that led to positive results.

You could feel him relax to your touch. Like his worries were disappearing, but not fully. You try your best not to cringe when one of his hands clasps over yours. His hold on it is gentle.

You wonder if these same hands strangled someone to death, or if he just stabbed them. They're blood stained, and you had allowed them to touch you, pleasure you, comfort you. And now they might strangle you someday, if he doesn't stab his sword through your heart first. And yet, despite everything, it still feels nice.

"Hm. Something else is going on in that head of yours," his grip on your hand gets tighter. In the past, you thought he would do such things because he didn't want to let go. But now knowing his past, finally putting a name to the look in his eyes, you're sure he wants to hurt you.

You remember him saying how to love something is to kill it, and to kill it is to love it.

You're scared he was talking about you. You want him to use you if loving you meant killing you. Because then throwing you away wouldn't spell the end of your life. But loving you would.

Even so, it almost hurts to think that.

"I wish you would tell me your real name." You all but sigh out, dropping your weight onto him, chest pressed against his, head nuzzled into the crook of his neck. He can't see your expression this way, the way your lips quiver and how wide your eyes are with every passing second.

His arms enclose around you, and for once, you hate how touch starved he is. You hate how his touch both comforts and horrifies you. You can't make you your mind, but you're still scared of him regardless.

He doesn't say anything, but once again, his grip gets tighter and tighter until -

"I know that you know."

#blade x reader #honkai star rail blade #hsr blade #blade honkai #yandere blade x reader #yandere blade

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lilyrealm · 1 year

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my ass FINALLY wrote a new fic after ages and ages and its a one shot for degrees of lewdity 🤪🤪 you can find it here or under the cut

its about mickey because i got the dialogue where they say "I missed you" and it really Got My Goat

At first, your visits were just business. You needed help putting your name out in the business world. You needed Mickey to scrub nude images of you off the internet. You needed people to know not to mess with you lest they get put in the hospital. Always needing tough favours that Mickey tried not to pressure you into going through with. They were all dangerous things to do, after all.

But you came back with a spring in your step. You said Wren was a delight, and even played cards with him. Mickey thought you were crazy, but then, you'd been in the asylum, and come out fine. When Mickey offered you a question, you shook your head and let them close the door. You helped Landry find his black box lost deep in the moor and emerged with wings and plumage.

One time, they'd made the mistake of saying "I missed you" when you came calling. You'd stared at them, eyebrows raised, mouth open slightly. "Forget I said that," they said immediately. From outside, they thought they heard Landry chuckle.

You started to come more often. Mickey had gotten cameras set up in the pub for their own safety, but sometimes they'd catch themselves watching you banter with Landry, drinking and passing stolen goods under the counter.

You were stealing more and more. They'd heard the museum was slowly filling up with artifacts you'd found. You were asking Landry for help clearing your name more and more often. Mickey's gaze would slide over their computer, wondering if they ought to help you out. Their hands froze above their keyboard, a sinking feeling within them.

Mickey didn't get close to anyone for a reason. Bailey's punishments had taken away what little friends they'd had. Life was easier when you stopped caring so much about other people, and focused on surviving. Landry understood that, which was why Mickey liked working with him. He and Mickey had a mutually beneficial relationship, and he never tried to get more out of them like everyone else had, whether it be sexual favours, cyber favours, or just... trying to get close when Mickey didn't care about that.

They flexed their fingers and changed screens. If you needed help getting the police off your back, Landry was your guy. Mickey was here to help with your online presence. Which was atrocious, by the way. The fact that you had this many videos of you up was frankly astonishing. Then again, they knew it wasn't by choice. No one had a choice in this godforsaken town. Either you gave up your dignity or your life, and you didn't seem like the type to go down without a fight. Unless it played in your favour, of course. You'd told Landry you needed something from prison, of all places, and when he couldn't do anything to help you, had gotten yourself arrested.

Even time in jail didn't phase you. Apparently, you'd gotten help from Wren. Still a crazy option, in Mickey's opinion, but Wren was nothing if not a man of his word. Too close to Remy for comfort, but agreeable.

When you came in asking for help lowering your exhibition fame, Mickey asked you to remove their name from Bailey's computer. One of her thugs had been by the bar the other day, and Mickey had stayed in their room, but it was still too close of a call. They asked you to not get caught. "Please don't get caught," they reiterated seriously. Bailey is dangerous was the unspoken warning.

You nodded. Almost flippantly. Mickey should've been irritated, but their eyes fell on the tattoo on your thigh that read "Remy's cow". It reminded them of how much more you'd been through; that Mickey was lucky their skills kept them safe in the orphanage while everyone else got sold off.

The next day, Mickey was watching the cameras outside the pub (why yes, they'd added more) as some of Bailey's thugs loitered in an alleyway. They kept looking at the pub, which made Mickey anxious. But then you walked into view and they accosted you. Mickey watched, powerless, as they pulled you into the alley, holding your arms back and stripping you of your clothes. It was nothing they hadn't seen before, prowling the web for content of you to take down, but they instantly knew why Bailey's thugs were here. Bailey must've figured out you'd tampered with her computer.

Mickey's first instinct was to run. Though they doubted you would sell them out (you'd managed to escape interrogation at the Elk Street compound before, to their shock), they didn't know how much Bailey had figured out. Better safe than sorry, right? But Mickey looked to the screen again and took a deep breath. You'd proven strong all this while. Would it be too much to hope for that you'd accomplished your mission and this was just... Bailey's thugs on a day off? Yeah, right.

Still, five people at once was no joke. Mickey felt... awful, watching this like a voyeur, but what else could they do?

You were red in the face as they handled you brutally. You kept one man's dick away with your feet while you licked another woman's pussy. Though they couldn't hear much, they could tell by the way you convulsed that you'd cum. You took a deep breath, pulling away from the woman's crotch. The thugs' grip on you had loosened as you pleasured them, and Mickey watched your hand slip behind your back.

All of a sudden, the thugs fell back, screaming. One man covered his eyes as he took a direct shot of your pepper spray. The others tried to grab your arms, but you flailed, kicking with your high heels. It got one of them in the balls even as the woman held your arms behind you.

"You've only made them angrier," Mickey whispered. Should they get Landry? Would he even be able to help? They didn't want to take their eyes off of you, though. What if you collapsed the moment they looked away?

You pulled your arms out of the woman's grasp and aimed a kick at another thug. Your mouth was open, shouting, and though tears streamed down your face, you smirked derisively at them.

Mickey had seen videos of you punching rapists before, but today you didn't bother, unloading all your sprays upon them. They stumbled, screaming and grabbing blindly, but you dodged and weaved through their hands with the grace of a dancer. The last thug made a lunge for you, but you leaped away, running towards the pub.

Five minutes later, Mickey heard the familiar knock on their door. They got up, glancing at their computer screen, which showed the five thugs gathering themselves, eyes reddened, some of them clutching their genitals, where you'd really made it hurt.

You were already dressed in a new outfit, which Mickey assumed you'd gotten from the brothel nearby that you occasionally worked at. Your expression was mostly clear, though there was a certain anxiety around you that you couldn't hide.

Before Mickey could ask, you nodded and said you'd cleared their name from Bailey's computer. "There were all the other orphans' names as well. Full spreadsheet of everyone Bailey had ever sold, released or lost." It suddenly made sense why Bailey had sent so many thugs after you. One look in your eye and Mickey knew what you must've done. A million thoughts ran through their mind. It was reckless. It was stupid. It put a target on your back.

But in exchange, dozens of orphans were now free.

There was a slight pause, and you turned to leave. But Mickey intercepted you, awkwardly wrapping an arm around you while they mumbled, "You just saved a lot of people like me. Thank you." They quickly retreated into their room, but not before missing the soft expression on your face.

After that, Mickey found themselves looking forward to your visits more and more. When you came just to chat with Landry, Mickey watched, entranced. On days you came in looking haggard, their hands itched to hack all the cameras in town and find out what was plaguing you. Well, other than the usual terrors of living here. It'd gotten to the point that one day, you'd come in, knowing Mickey was done with their previous assignment, and left without seeing them, making them grouchy for the rest of the day. Landry brought food to them, and their reply was just snippy enough that he lingered, one foot in the door, an amused smile on his face.

"What?" Mickey asked, glaring.

"I reckon you've got a crush."

Mickey froze, food in hand, and turned slowly. Their murderous expression confirmed everything to Landry, who only whistled quietly.

"Get out."

He raised his hands in defeat, but he still wore that smug grin as Mickey slammed the door shut, clicking the locks into place.

#writing #my writing #dol #degrees of lewdity #mickey the hacker #mickey #dol mickey #i just think itd be soo cute if they got a widdle crush on pc and landry was like BET? and became their wingman #dol pc

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drabblesandimagines · 1 year

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Rock, Paper, Scissors

Thank you to @sandwitchstories for the suggestion on my High Five drabble!

I'm also running an event to celebrate 200 followers, so please check it out and send in your requests.

Kazuki sighs, looking at the contents of the refrigerator. He’s bone tired after a long week of reconnaissance and has no inspiration of what to make for dinner. He knows Rei won’t mind, but after seeing how much instant ramen the man had packed away, he was determined to get some nutrients in him most days – especially with the exercise regime he kept to. He knew he drank protein shakes, but Rei needed to respect the other food groups too.

“Hey, why don’t we order in for dinner?” He calls over his shoulder, finally shutting the refrigerator door in defeat. Rei’s on the sofa, playing a first person shooter on the games console. The blonde remembered telling Rei he should get a hobby – he used to spend an awful lot of time sleeping, smoking and staring into space – and, after they’d moved the exercise equipment in, Kazuki thought video games might fit the bill. He knew the Suwa heir wasn’t exactly going to go out socializing, but he had to suggest something to try and bring a smile to his face.

“Pizza.” The answer comes, his eyes never leaving the screen as he pulled off a perfect head shot.

“Ugh, sure.” Kazuki agrees – he’d had a sushi place he’d been interesting in trying, but he can’t be bothered with the fight. He picks up his phone and starts scrolling to find a menu for a place that delivers. “But you’re paying.”

“Why?”

“Your idea.”

“You’re the couch crasher.”

“I buy the groceries all the time…”

“Because you insist on home-cooked meals,” Rei grunts, mashing the buttons on the controller once more and Kazuki hears the victory ding.

“Okay. Rock, paper, scissors it? Loser pays.” Kazuki suggests, continuing to scroll through places on his phone.

“You want us to fight using only rock, paper and scissors? Interesting combination.” Rei stands up and stretches, looking around to see if any of the items are in sight. There’s probably some scissors in one of the kitchen drawers, some paper too… But a rock?

Kazuki looks up at him, a sarcastic retort on the tip of his tongue but the high-five incident a few weeks prior stops him. “No, no”, he laughs, lightly, rubbing the back of his head. “It’s just a game to help you decide something. I’ll pay…”

Rei’s the other side of the counter now. “Teach me.”

Kazuki places down his phone – he feels awful every time he lets a little bit of information like that slip, though he knows Rei’s aware that he didn’t have a standard childhood. “Okay, so it’s a game played between two people with your hand. You can play three options. Rock,” he clasps his right hand in a fist, making sure to keep it close to his chest so Rei doesn’t think he’s about to sock him one. He watches as Rei easily copies his motion. “Paper…” A flat palm this time – again, keeping it down low. “And scissors.” He returns his hand to the fist position, extending out his index and middle finger to mimic the snipping motion. “Got it?”

“Yeah. Then what?” Rei looks intrigued, quickly switching between the three positions with his hand.

“So, you can play one of those after the count of three. Rock beats scissors – it’ll blunt the blades. Scissors beats paper – it’ll cut through it. Paper beats rock – cos it covers it, or something. I always thought that was the weakest one of the lot…” He shrugs.

“Okay. After a count of three?”

“Yeah. You kinda bounce your fist like this and count, and we reveal what we’re going play on ‘go.’ I know it starts off looking like a rock, but you can change it to paper or scissors… Wanna give it a go?”

“Sure,” he shrugs, but Kazuki can tell he’s intrigued enough to give it a go.

“Right. On go, okay?” Rei nods. “One, two, three, go!” Kazuki goes for rock and so does Rei. The black-haired assassin looks up at him. "Then what?" "It's a draw. So, we can again. One, two, three, go." This time, Kazuki chooses paper and Rei goes for scissors. Rei looks at him, as if waiting for something to happen.

Kazuki smiles, “Go ahead - snip my paper in victory."

There’s a little hesitation, but Rei moves his hand forward and mimics the snipping motion on Kazuki’s flat palm.

“And that’s it?”

“Yeah, we can have another go and do a best of three if you like."

“But I won already.” Rei smirks.

“Yeah, but you might not the next round. Makes it more exciting, doesn’t it?”

“Mm, nah. You’re paying for the pizza. Medium, supreme – no green peppers or tomatoes.” Rei’s already turning back to his game as Kazuki sighs heavily.

“Come on - at least do a best of three for the veg!”

Masterlist . Requests welcome . Ko-fi

#ghostdogwrites #buddy daddies fanfic #buddy daddies fluff #kazuki kurusu #rei suwa #buddy daddies #kazuki x rei

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elementary-my-dear-daddy · 4 months

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"Swallow it. All of it." WITH ANALOGICAL (sub logan again i dont think i have 2 specify that but i will anyway) ALSO HEHE - @pupplaylogan

A Little Relief

Analogical (Virgil and Logan)

Warnings: Cockwarming, Oral Sex

Read it on AO3!

Virgil can't always focus when he's playing video games. Logan's there to help.

Virgil bit the inside of his cheek as his thumbs worked over the controller to his video game console. He stared at the screen intensely. There weren’t many games he could play without having too much of a panic attack, being the literal embodiment of anxiety and all, but there were a few that managed to calm him down after a stressful day. He sat against his bed’s headboard as he played some Stardew Valley, the farming sim being just the right amount of stimulation to keep him focused but not on the verge of having a meltdown. His character was currently exploring the mines and fighting off a swarm of monsters. He frowned when his health ran out and the screen went black.

“Dammit.” He groaned and let his controller rest on his chest. He sighed and looked down to the other thing keeping him focused. Logan, his boyfriend, was laying down and letting his cock rest in his mouth with his eyes closed. He reached down and gently pet his hair, smiling.

“You doing ok, L?” Virgil asked, gazing down at his boyfriend. He answered with a quick thumbs up, not even bothering to open his eyes. He was content cockwarming Virgil for as long as the other side would allow him to.

“Yeah, you’re ok.” He hummed, picking up his controller and starting up his game again. He occasionally glanced at Logan and gave him a head scratch or a boop on the nose, the latter making him scrunch up his face cutely.

As he played his game occasionally he’d thrust up shallowly into his mouth or his cock would give a slight twitch. Logan usually didn’t mind staying there being of service to Virgil, but since the other kept up his slight movements he curiously bobbed his head up and down on his dick. The action was immediately met with Virgil grabbing a fistful of his hair and forcing him all the way down to his base.

“Uh-uh. I didn’t say suck me off just yet, I’m still playing and you’re distracting.” He let go and returned to his game, once again clicking the buttons rapidly on the controller.

Logan sighed through his nose and let his head rest against Virgil’s thigh. He got comfortable in his position again, suppressing his gag reflex the best he could after being disrupted. He was like that for a while, letting the weight resting on his tongue comfort him.

Virgil finally paused his game and put the controller off to the side. He grabbed the sides of Logan’s head and with no preamble thrusted harshly into his mouth. Logan gagged at the sudden action, not expecting him to use him like this so quickly. Virgil forced his head up and down his cock, making him take his full length.

Once Logan understood what was happening, he let Virgil use his mouth, hollowing out his cheeks to aid in his pleasure. Virgil rolled his hips into the warmth repeatedly, letting out a groan every time Logan rolled his tongue over his head. The only other sounds that resonated were the occasional sounds of Logan gagging when he fully sheathed himself down his throat and the slick noise of him fucking his face.

They carried on like that for a few more minutes until Virgil’s thighs tensed and Logan knew he was close, "Swallow it. All of it."

Logan could barely process his words before cum was flooding his mouth as Virgil rode out his orgasm. He drank it down, trying not to displease the other by letting any spill. When he was sure he got all of it, he pulled off of his cock and took one last swallow to assure he got it all.

Virgil panted after his orgasm, catching his breath for a moment. It didn’t take long and he grabbed Logan by his hair again, sticking two fingers at his mouth, “Open.”

Logan obediently allowed the fingers to slip past his lips. They poked and prodded around his mouth before Virgil pulled them out and wiped them on his hoodie. He guided Logan back to his softening cock once again until he was at his original position cockwarming him.

“Good boy.” He said, patting Logan’s head and going to pick up his controller again. He clicked his game back on and went right back to playing it.

It was much easier to focus now.

#jamming out #not safe for sanders #nsfs analogical #asks #requests #fics

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bloop-im-a-frog-now · 1 year

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If The Gods Were Kind — cave pt.1

Hello! Welcome to the first part of this massive fic I have been writing for the past 3 months. This was part of the @lifefanworkexch and I had a ton of fun writing this! The prompt (given by the lovely Jupiter, my secret soulmate) was Desert duo Hurt/Comfort in Third Life, following canon closely. This first batch focuses on me playing with Minecraft world-building and adding some headcanons about the life series, since I’m following canon. I just can’t help myself, following the content creators’ videos.

Enjoy!

Master Post

— —

Content warnings: graphic description of animal death and dissecting process, gore, graphic description of violence, description of tending injury done badly and blood.

If the stars were aligned, maybe he wouldn’t be in this mess. If the universe had any pity for him (which he was certain it did for making him live this long), he would be sitting, looking at the sunset—looking at him. If the gods above wanted kindness, he shouldn’t remember what happened, shouldn’t remember a yearning that will never be fulfilled. A hole in his chest, forever empty, and an underlined anger, bubbling closer to the surface every day. Then, and only then, did the gods deserve his kindness.

He woke up in a clearing, full of colorful flowers. Some red, some yellow, but most were purple. He couldn’t name them all, even if he tried. He couldn’t remember how he got in this clearing. He couldn’t remember why he wasn’t wearing a shirt, and where all these scars in many shapes and forms came from. Actually, his mind was drawing on a blank when he tried to dig deep in his memories. The only certain thing he knew was his name.

Well, not really, but he did find a sort of communicator with a name engraved in the back.

GoodTimesWithScar.

He figured his name was Scar, if the engraved name indicated anything. The communicator itself was quite bland, a metallic shine to it. There was a keyboard, but he didn’t look at it for very long. The letters seemed to change shape every time he looked at it, and the back of his eyes ached. While the device wasn’t a box, it wasn’t thin either. He wondered how it fitted perfectly in his pockets.

The screen was black, making him search for a power button. How did he know he needed to find a power button was beyond him, but he needed to find one. He looked back at the keyboard and saw a button with a circle and a line cutting across half way. He pressed it. The screen became white, then gray.

There were two things written on the screen. “Punch a tree” and “You have no contacts”. First off, it took him an embarrassing amount of time to read those two things (not to mention the slight ache behind his eyes spreading to his temples), and second, he did not understand them. Punching a tree? Was that even possible? Scar looked around him, searching for trees, and saw some up on a hill. Might as well try.

As he climbed the hill, he was often losing his balance, almost falling every time. He kept looking at his hips, thinking maybe he was wearing something heavy, as his hips felt like they weren’t able to move to their complete capability, held back, but he was only wearing a belt with brown cargo pants. He had to take breaks, mostly to not fall over. When he arrived at the top, a wave of fatigue submerged him, and a sharp but short ache pierced his lower back. Scar stretched his back, hoping it would dim down, and was only left half satisfied. He slightly frowned, wondering what was up with his body.

He brought his focus back to the tree in front of him. He rolled his shoulders, glad he didn’t feel anything out of the ordinary (though, how would he know what was normal and what was not), and started punching the brown tree’s bark. He felt incredibly stupid when punching the trunk, but after a couple of punches, a part of it disappeared.

Scar yelped when the wood vanished. Where did it go? He ignored how heavy his shoulders felt, and walked frantically around the tree to find the wood he’d been punching.

“C’mon, c’mon, where are you?” he singsonged, desperately looking, even tearing grass. Maybe it shrunk. Maybe it was still stuck on the tree.

Scar got up from his crouched position with great difficulty. He had to sit down on his butt, and try again to hoist himself up with the help of the trunk. He looked inside the hole he punched and couldn’t see any wood hanging around. He groaned.

He took his communicator out of his pocket. He really didn’t want to touch the thing often, but he had no choice. He opened it and saw that the first message on his communicator changed. Scar took a deep breath and closed his eyes, bracing himself to read. This first message read: “Punch a tree: Achieved”. Scar’s eyebrows shot up. Did he get the wood? Where would he find the wood he supposedly got?

His communicator buzzed, drawing his attention back to the text. While the letters were still jumbled, he recognized certain shapes of certain letters and was able to get “Taking Inventory”. Inventory? As in, having a secret pocket dimension on his person? How would he find that? He patted himself, hoping it would activate something, but he got nothing except a dull ache in his calves, heavy and trembling.

He looked around. He couldn’t rest, he needed to understand what was going on. Or, at least, have a basic understanding of how this world worked, not that he had any previous knowledge of its rules.

Then, something clicked. He instinctively searched in his inventory for the piece of wood he just punched. Scar sighed, relieved he wasn’t as hopeless as he thought he’d be. He put the wood in his hand, feeling the rough structure of the bark. He wondered if he could do anything with this. Why did his communicator feel it was necessary to indicate to him he needed to do that? He looked at the tree with a hole. What other treasures did this tree hide?

He continued his punching, even punching the leafs to find some sticks, saplings and rarely, some apples. Scar looked back to the clearing. He went deeper into the forest than he originally thought. He should probably head back, who knows what this world would be beyond it. His eyes squinted when he saw a flash of blue, deeper than the color of the sky.

He went back to the clearing, wanting to know what this flash of blue was. He tried to step down, but immediately lost his balance. He grunted, a dull ache on his butt blossomed. He had to figure out how to go down the valley, into the clearing without losing some of his gait and feeling like his legs were gonna give out. Scar sat on the hill and started slowly sledding down. It wasn’t the most comfortable, but it was better than falling and rolling without any control.

When his butt reached a flat surface, he used the hill to hoist himself on his feet. He limped his way to the flash of blue, who has grown more prominent and frequent. His eyes fell on a little pond close to it, but he turned his attention back in front of him. It was a transparent wall, oscillations of blue and white moved in tandem. He could see the other side of the wall, a whole landscape before him. He was stuck inside a world. Whatever put him here didn’t want him to go very far.

He huffed and decided to check his inventory out of curiosity and boredom. In it, he saw crafting recipes. This might be useful, he could craft something to protect himself or even something to sleep on. His legs were wobbly underneath him, and he noticed a cliffside, filled with coal and different types of stone. He could maybe settle close to it before he went to explore the world. He circled the pond and sat close to the cliff, his back to the rock. He shimmed into a more comfortable sitting position and looked at the crafting recipes.

As Scar tried to craft something to protect himself, his communicator buzzed in his pocket. He stopped his crafting—which was growing less fruitful than he hoped it’d be—and looked at the screen. A key word he could decipher was “crafting table”, and the feeling of foolishness came crawling back, realizing what he needed to do. He went back to his crafting, this time making planks with the wood he collected. It was easier to manipulate planks than the trunk of a tree. With the planks, he used some of it to make the crafting table.

Scar placed it right beside him and swiveled to face the cliff. One of the recipes he looked at said he needed charcoal for torches. He figured torches were important, especially to see in the dark. He stood up, using the grip of the rock to help him, and feeling a soreness in his shoulders. After rolling them back, he made the necessary tools to survive, with the help of the crafting table and crafting recipes: a sword, an ax, and a pickaxe. He mined the coal and some stone. Could he use the stone to make better tools?

He heard an oink behind him. He turned around swiftly, and inhaled sharply. It was only a family of pigs. He sighed of relief and glanced at his stone ax, then back at the pigs. He slowly approached them, ready to swing. His calves spasmed and made him wince, forcing him to stop and wait for it to pass before swinging his ax to the animals.

“Aaaaand, gotcha,” he said as his ax cut one of the pigs’ heads off. The other two squealed and ran away from him. “Oh no, you won’t you little—” he chased them and raised his ax to chop one of their heads, “—rapscallion.”

One of them managed to escape while the other’s head was rolling on the grass, almost landing in the little pond. As he bent down to grab the head, Scar saw a mop of brown hair reflected in the water. He fell to his knees when he couldn’t stay in his crouched position, and decided to look at his reflection as he waited for the ache and the soreness that took over his lower body to pass.

He carded his short brown hair with his hand, fluorescent green eyes darting around his face. His hand went down to brush the jagged scar that ran from his temple to his jaw and traced the one on his nose to his cheekbone, surprised he didn’t feel any pinching sensation while he was talking to himself. His skin was sun-kissed, his arms were quite muscular, he had broad shoulders and quite a large form. Not to mention the beginnings of well-toned abs. He wondered what he did in his other life to end up in a shape like this.

When he could get up, Scar took the bodies of the two beheaded pigs to the cliffside, and placed them on the ground close to the crafting table. He sat down and poked at the dead animals.

How could he make them edible? He snacked on the apples he found, feeling energized every time he ate one, even making his lower body feel weightless. He poked the skin of one of the dead pigs, wondering how he could make them edible while munching his apple. He wanted the meat of the pigs, so he had to find a way to have access to said meat.

He took his stone sword and cut the body of the pigs in half. His knees cracked when he crouched and almost fell, as if his hips could not hold him in this position. But nausea caught in his throat as coagulated blood ended up everywhere before he could focus on the instability of his hips.

His ankles were shaking, it was getting harder to keep his position, so he placed his knees on the ground, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath before continuing this awful process. He needed food, the apples weren’t going to last him long, and he’d need to find a shelter before the night came.

Scar took out the organs he could see. They were covered in blood, squishy in his hands. He swallowed the bile that threatened to come up. The pigs were quite big, he ate an apple in order to use the little energy he had to skin them and make them edible.

He turned the dead animals around while getting rid of the skin that protected them, placed the organs to the side, and got as much meat as he could from the bones.

He sat on his butt with a big sigh, taking a breather from the horrid smell and the vicious sight. It’s only when the sun had passed its zenith that he put the meat on the stone. His hands were bloody and his pants dirtied.

He groaned and tried to get up. Nothing moved except his arms, and even then, it was hard to get them to grasp the rocks on the cliff to help him stand up. The last apple he ate was probably a couple of hours ago, and no way he was gonna eat raw meat.

He tried a second time, his legs buckled underneath him, landing on his butt harshly. He needed to cook the chops he made. He looked at the recipes, chanting “c’mon” under his breath to find something that would help him cook the meat. His eyes landed on the word “Furnace”.

“A-ha! Furnace!” He grinned at his victory.

The description was exactly what he was looking for. He rolled his shoulders back to soothe the soreness and tenderness he felt, closed his eyes to dim the ache behind them, and brought his focus back on the recipe, mumbling the instructions to himself. He needed the stone he mined earlier and his crafting table.

Scar glanced at the crafting table beside him. It would be hard for him to use it while sitting down, but getting up wasn’t an option when he knew his legs would buckle underneath him and wouldn’t be able to hold his body weight. He tried getting on his knees to at least see what he was doing.

He used the cliff and the crafting bench to help him, and with great difficulty, managed to be on his knees. He crafted the furnace and placed it beside the crafting table, using its support to scooch around. He put the coal he mined earlier and the pork chops in the furnace, waiting for them to cook.

Scar observed his surroundings, finding something to occupy his hands. Maybe getting more stone wouldn’t hurt anyone. He took his stone pickaxe in one hand and tried to raise it above his head to break the stone. Before he could even do that, the pickaxe became heavy in his grip, making it almost impossible to raise it above his head. Like his arm couldn’t go further than a certain angle. He rolled his shoulders, massaged them a bit and tried again.

Fool him once, shame on him. Fool him twice, shame on him again, apparently, because his arms still couldn’t reach above his head in order to swing at full force against the stone.

He groaned, giving up, and crafted more tools with the stone he managed to mine. He sat down close to the warmth of the furnace. He looked at the sky and couldn’t see the sun anymore. He saw hues of orange and a cool blue submerging most of the sky. Night was coming soon and he didn’t even have a shelter. But first, he needed something to stabilize himself, to help him move around with minimum energy.

Scar searched in his inventory for anything and found a couple of sticks from the branches of the tree he punched. He took them in his hand, inspecting them. He used them to stand up and measured every one of them to see which one would be best for his height. The one he chose was just below his waist, but it’d do for now.

He inspected the stick, unconsciously sitting on the crafting table. He couldn’t wrap his hand around the stick, it was too short for that, he would need something on top of it to hold it properly. How could he attach two different pieces together? He checked his inventory and found some residual leafs, some long enough to wrap around.

He winced. It wouldn’t stay for long, but it was all he had, so until he could find a better way to attach them together, this would have to do. He placed a small stick on top of the longest stick he had, wrapping leafs around it to temporarily secure it. He used the wall and the stick to stand up, legs trembling slightly at the weight on them. He grunted, stabbed the stick to the ground, and tested his balance. Scar had to bend in order to use his walking stick correctly, but not to the extreme that it would bother his movements.

He wondered how he managed to hurt himself so badly. He dug and dug in his memories, but just couldn’t grasp the reason. Did he get stung by an insect that affected muscles' articulation? He hadn’t seen any insects so far, it wasn’t a likely possibility. Clearly, he had a life before appearing in this clearing. A life that still affected him and left him clueless about what was going on with his body.

A burning smell reached his nostrils, and he sniffed the air to identify it. It smelled strong and sweet, like something tender and juicy was being cooked.

“Oh my gosh,” he realized out loud, “the pork!”

He landed on his knees in front of the furnace (much to the detriment of his calves), and searched inside for the pork chops. He let out a “a-ha!” when he found them and took them out with his bare hands.

Big mistake.

“Ow!” he yelled, dropping the burning meat on the ground. He put his fingers in his mouth, salivating around them to cool down the burn.

Scar cursed at himself for not thinking clearly and took one of the last sticks in his inventory to bring the pork chops closer to him. He took the coal out of the furnace, stepping on it to minimize a fire risk. It was a beautiful clearing, it would be sad for all of it to burn down. He waited for his food to cool before eating it with his non-burnt hand, landing on his butt after finding it difficult to sit on his knees for too long.

A wave of energy engulfed him, relaxing the tension around his lower neck and relieving some ache in his hips and shoulders. He could start working on his shelter if he felt better. He put the other three pork chops he managed to make edible in his inventory and took his walking stick.

Much to his dismay, with his frantic movements, the two pieces that were barely holding together separated. He groaned, and put them back where they were, wrapping the long and lean leaf around them, tying a knot. He stood up, still using the furnace and the stick to help him.

When he found his balance (even when the small stick was threatening to fall off at any moment), the sky became darker. Night was coming, and he forgot to craft torches and still didn’t have a shelter. He mentally slapped himself and quickly made some as the world submerged in twilight.

Scar placed one torch when he heard a groan. He looked behind him and couldn’t believe his eyes. Was that a zombie? It was slowly approaching him. He froze, not knowing what to do. Then, something sharp pierced his shoulder. He grunted, shoulder pushed back, and used the torch to see who shot an arrow at him.

His eyes widened.

A skeleton was on top of the hill, readying its bow once again. The zombie was getting closer, and he needed to get out of here. He hastily grabbed his crafting bench and his furnace, put them in his inventory, and began mining a hole in the cliff. It’d have to do as a shelter for now.

Something grabbed him and ate a piece of his flesh, right on his injured shoulder. He screamed and elbowed the thing behind him with as much force as he could muster. The zombie backed away with a sharp groan. Scar took out his stone sword and plunged it in the monster’s stomach. Another arrow hit his bitten shoulder. Again.

His legs were shaking, his hands trembled, and he forgot how to breathe. He took out his sword from the monster, not looking at it to see if it was dead, and quickly dug himself in a hole. He closed it when he had enough space for his body, dodging the arrows the skeleton shot mercilessly at him. He tried to bring his breathing back to normal, but it took him much more time than he would’ve liked.

After composing himself, Scar placed a torch, mined a larger hole (with great difficulty), and looked at his shoulder. Blood trailed down his chest, and he regretted not getting water from the pond. He didn’t have anything to clean the wound. He looked down, questioning why he wasn’t wearing a shirt, and saw his ripped pants. It was the best thing he had for the job.

Scar sat down, his body stiffen with tension, feeling every bit of pain the injury inflicted on him as he tried to cut the bottom of his pants. With laborious efforts (it was a feat and a half to bring his legs up towards him), he managed to get a piece and cleaned the blood off of himself. The piece of clothing was immediately soaked the closer it got to the wound. He also needed to get the arrows out of his wounded shoulder.

It was a painful process. Cutting the bottom of his pants, trying his best to clean the wound, pulling the arrow out, screaming, using the cloth to hold the blood in. Repeat.

In the end, his body slumped against the harsh stone wall, exhausted, adrenaline drained. He let out a big exhale and ate a pork chop. His mind wandered. If there were zombies, that meant there was civilization somewhere. That meant having supplies to heal his wound. That meant getting better materials for his walking stick.

His eyes landed on an iron ore. Could he collect the iron and forge armor? He really needed protection after that encounter, and tools weren’t gonna protect him from flying arrows and zombie bites. He gasped.

“Will I turn into a zombie?” he asked out loud. How did he know you could turn into a zombie if they bit you was beyond him, but he knew it. Scar figured if he was gonna turn into a zombie, he would’ve felt the effects by now. Fortunately, he didn’t turn into a brain-eating monster after minutes of holding his breath.

He ate another pork chop and felt his energy regenerated. He could mine, find out what sort of ore there was deep down, below him. He stood up, using his stick and the stone to help him up. His legs trembled, and he felt exhausted, but he needed to get out of this place, needed to find a village.

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#tw: animal death #tw: badly mended injury #tw: internalized ableism #tw: blood #tw: gore #tw: violence #third life #3rd life smp #goodtimeswithscar #gtws #scar #here we go #every batch will come every 4 days or every week #depending on how close i am to finish #:D #trafficblr #bloop's attention seeking strategy

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soil-just-needs-water-to-be · 11 months

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I’ve finally decided to upload the whole fanfic on here this is the start of it if you’d like to see more just let me know I’ll post a chapter a day unless anyone ask for more I’m really proud of this I know there are mistakes and all but here we go

Angst involved it does get mature eventually but for now just fluff and angst

It was late the buzz of Manchester leaking through my bedroom window as I lay in bed on my laptop in the mist of an online game of Pub-G (lame I know ). I've been playing for hours. I was supposed to be going to bed at least 3 hours ago ,that was the plan as I've got School tomorrow but for some reason I can't bring myself to close the game for the night. Doing things to preoccupy my mind is all I've needed for the past two weeks I've started studying for my GCSE,s probably to finally complete them in a few weeks and I'm so stressed about them. I kept ending up in games with and user called GeoDan16 and if by fate we keep ending up as the last players in the game and battling one another. I've won 7 of the 11 games we have played. I've added his user in the lobby of the games and I'm just waiting to see if he adds me back , This was so I can possibly have someone to speak to as I play. It takes about ten minutes before the acceptance alert rings through my room , as my laptop, phone and IPad light up due to having the game on all of them for all occasions. Spotting the alert on the corner of my laptop screen I pick up my phone and swiftly type a message. Yes I know I'm using my laptop and I could message them there but it feels better to message on my phone and play on my laptop. I just type a simple

TrumanBlack: " Hey there ...... these games are wild . You played good tho ;)"

I then just put my phone back onto the bed next to me and decide I want to watch YouTube for a while and hopefully let sleep consume me. After racking through YouTube for a video to watch I come across "Daz Blacks latest video I click on it , select the big screen options and pause it before it starts. I place me laptop down next to me and slide from my bed and into my on suite so I can use the bathroom and brush my teeth for what feels like the 20th time tonight. I've smoked an excessive amount tonight and I don't understand why. Hearing my alert tone go off again I quickly finish up in the bathroom and make my way back to bed and see my notification my my phone screen "message from GeoDan16". I open my phone properly to read it

GeoDan16: "Yo :) , thanks , how many games was that ?"

Pulling my blanket back around me I press play on the YouTube video and sink into the heat of the mattress and softness of the duvet

TrumanBlack : "I believe it was 11 , and I won 7 LOSER"

GeoDan16 : "Uhhh...rude , I still won 4 so excuse me but you ain't the overall winner "

TrumanBlack : "No I'm maybe not but I still did better than you ;D "

I know this is probably weird to think as I don't even know this person but feel a buzz something that says I'm gunna love them , like I've known them years and we're just catching up

GeoDan16: "Were just going to have to have a winner takes all round someday huh....also Truman??, What kind of name is that it's kinda interesting is someone obsessed with the Truman show or something "

TrumanBlack : "Nah I just came up with the name when I was like ten and it sounded kinda edgy :D "

As I'm laying there my eyes start to feel heavy and I can feel them starting to drop and I yawn. But I try to ignore it so I can stay up a little longer and hopefully learn more about this person

GeoDan16: " So it's not your real name then ???"

TrumanBlack: "nope it's actually Matty , what about you , what's your actual name "

GeoDan16 : "Contrary to popular belief it's not geo or Dan ... the names George "

TrumanBlack: "George...That's an old guys name...how old are you....im not talking to some ancient man am I "

I laugh to myself because obviously I can't be he played well ...too well for an old guy BUT I've got to cover my tracks my mum always tells me to be more safe online

GeoDan16: "Nah man I'm 16....oldest in my year .... Year 10 what about you ...Matty is 100% not your full name what are you 12?... rebelling against anyone who calls you your full name "

TrumanBlack : "I'll have you know George that I'm actually 17 not 12 and no my full name is Matthew but I only get called that at school or when I've pissed my mum off or my best friend.....but also year ten so your from the UK then"

GeoDan16: "yeh southwest London ....Wbu "

TrumanBlack : "ay im from Manchester "

It's not very often you meet someone from the same continent as you this late at night on these games so this is quite cool

TrumanBlack: "why you up so late then Georgie???"

GeoDan16: "I ain't been called Georgie since I was 7 Matthew :D , also I just can't sleep it's soooo cold right now ....and you ?"

TrumanBlack : "just stressing about GCSE's man ....I know I'm not dumb but my maths and physics are gunna go down the drain and I don't wanna fail "

GeoDan16: "ahh I feel ya bro ....I've just started studying for my GCSEs too but your must be year 11 and going to be doing them soon right ?"

TrumanBlack : "yup they start in a few weeks "

My eyes are now struggling to stay awake and my screen has become a blurry mess as I attempt to keep my eyes open and without realising it my phone slides out of my hand onto the duvet and my eyes shut slowly

GeoDan16 ; "I could help if you like "

I don't see or hear this message come through as I'm too far gone and too tired to realise and I just fall asleep and hopefully dream of good things

GeoDan16 "g'night Matty "

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ncredwolf910-8 · 10 months

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Note from Jen: This next confession belongs to Delilah from Texas. We had a wonderful Skype chat about our mutual interests. She is now part of the K9 Sex Club and will try to find like-minded people in her area to join. Hopefully, this will result in more confessions from Texas.

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2 years ago, when I was 26, I bought my first home. I was planning to move in with my fiancée, who I was engage to for 2 years. Unfortunately, we had a horrible breakup and I had to move on with my life without him. I was doing well for myself professionally, so I could afford a really nice 3-bedroom house with a nice garden and a pool. It wasn’t long before I became quite lonely, so I considered getting a room mate for a while. After much consideration, I decided that having a room mate was not for me, so I decided to get a dog instead. It took a lot longer to get a dog that I liked than I thought it would, but eventually I found a breeder who sold well-trained dogs. He rescued unwanted or abused puppies, raised them and trained them properly until they found the right home. The oldest was 3 years old. After a few visits and interacting with different dogs, we agreed that a wonderful, 2-year old Siberian Husky was the best match for me. He has the typical white and black fur with incredible, piercing blue eyes. I was glad to get a properly trained dog instead of a puppy that I’d have to train myself. The breeder gave his dogs nicknames and my boy’s name was Loki, because of a mischievous streak he had in him. I decided not to change his name. He settled in almost immediately when I brought him home, and very quickly became my close companion.

Personally, I wasn’t doing too well in finding a new, compatible guy to date after my breakup. I did go on dates, but it never went past a second date. It was frustrating to the point that I felt like simply giving up. Unfortunately, this also left me sexually frustrated. I only had sex with men I truly connected with, so the dates that I did go on never gave me satisfaction where this is concerned. I felt so much pent up frustration that I eventually bought myself a dildo and a vibrator. I got off with my new toys, but they weren’t the same as getting it from a guy, or feeling a real penis inside me, but what choice did I have? For the next 4 months, Loki was my only real companion.

One afternoon, I drove home from work feeling particularly horny. My mind was playing out sexual fantasies that kept me very turned on. My pussy was so wet that I knew my dildo would slide in effortlessly. When I got home, I let Loki in from the backyard like I always do. I rushed to feed him and refresh his water so that I could get down to the business of fucking myself. While Loki ate his food, I went to my room and got my toys from their hiding place in my closet before getting naked. I started ramming my dildo into my pussy as soon as I lay down on my bed. It was not giving me the satisfaction I was after, so I sat up and thought for a second. I decided to go to the living room and watch some porn online. I had a laptop hooked up to my TV with wireless keyboard and mouse, so I was browsing porn within minutes and working myself up even more. I found a 30 minute video of a woman getting pounded my 2 men that looked very interesting, so I got it started on my big screen. I sat back on the sofa with my butt at the edge of the seat, spread my legs wide open and slowly worked my dildo in my pussy. When the porn got intense, I started ramming my pussy.

Unbeknown to me, Loki had entered the living room and was silently watching me. When I first noticed him standing in the doorway, tilting his head while he stared at me, I got quite a fright. I immediately refocused on the job at hand and continued with enthusiasm. I glanced at Loki now and then, feeling strange to be watched by him. After a while, I realized that being watched was adding an interesting excitement to the moment. He’s only a dog, but that didn’t change the way it made me feel. Loki started walking towards me, very slowly. As he approached, his head would bob down and then back up again and I saw him sniff the air. I smiled as I realized that he must have picked up the scent of my wetness. I felt like I was putting on a show for him, and without thinking, I angled my body towards him to give him the best view between my legs that I could. It was as if he was human and I was teasing him with a private show, but when he was only 2 feet away from me and seemed like he was going to keep moving forward, I began to feel a little nervous.

I suddenly realized that there was a real chance he’d try to lick me or something if he got close enough. That made me nervous and I felt a shudder ripple through me. My mind began to race and I thought about shutting my legs and then going back to my room to finish, but I was surprised at myself when I simply removed my dildo and kept my legs open towards him. I watched him inch closer, still sniffing and looking between my legs. I was amazed to see my legs spread a little wider when his head was between my knees. I watched in silence, stunned at my own behavior as Loki inched closer still. His head was between my thighs now, and his snout was only an inch from my pussy. I felt his breath on my pussy and it made me shudder as goosebumps formed on my skin. I remember thinking, ‘What the hell am I doing?’. Loki’s snout touched my pussy and he continued to sniff in quick bursts of air. His wet nose making contact, and the cold air rushing over my pussy made my entire body shiver with delight. I could tell it was only seconds before Loki might try to lick me. I knew I was supposed to prevent it from happening, but my body refused to listen to reason.

Loki licked the air, millimeters from my pussy, so I knew that was my last chance to get out of this situation. My body still refused to move, so the next time his tongue came out, I felt it swipe over my pussy gently. I shuddered again from the incredibly light, and somewhat ticklish contact from his tongue. The next flick of his tongue was more deliberate, so I felt it even more and realized that the first lick was just a taste test. From the third flick of his tongue, and the rest that followed, Loki licked me properly and forcefully. His tongue slide between my lips, licking over my pussy hole and up to my clit with each swipe. My body twitched each time I felt his tongue on my clit, and it was way more satisfying than trying to get myself off. I watched his tongue lap my pussy over and over. It felt so amazing that I had to admit that I enjoyed his tongue more than my ex- fiancée’s. That was the moment I allowed myself to let go and completely enjoy what was happening.

With no self-judgement to spoil the moment, I was able to fully experience the absolute pleasure my dog’s tongue was providing. It was broad, long, rough and warm. Everything that could possibly make a tongue perfect for licking pussy. Loki was really going at it now. I felt his tongue slither inside me a little sometimes, but the building orgasm I was feeling was surprisingly good. I never took my eyes away from between my legs. I realized that I loved watching his tongue move my lips around or separate them while I felt the amazing pleasure it gave my pussy. My body began to shiver as my orgasm neared the point of eruption. I held my breath, my mouth open as I anticipated the inevitable climax. When my orgasm finally exploded, I let out a gasp and my body convulsed. I shook and made quite a few sounds in ecstasy, so I was very glad that Loki wasn’t scared off and simply kept eating me out. My orgasm reached a climax I never experienced when my ex went down on me, making me feel grateful that I allowed Loki to do this to me. The extra wetness my pussy produced made Loki lick me intensely. I had such an incredible climax that I was shocked. When I was satisfied enough that I felt it was over, Loki wouldn’t stop licking. I had to lean forward and hug him to stop him. I put my cheek against his face and rubbed his flanks with both hands.

“Good boy Loki... Good boy.” I heard myself say.

He wagged his tail while I showed him appreciation. I ran my hand under him to rub his chest. As my hand moved back and forth I felt something strange. On the next stroke, I felt it again and it dawned on me, I just touched his cock. I leaned down to take a look and saw that his red cock was poking out. I froze for a few seconds as my mind raced. I had just received and incredible orgasm, but I was still turned on and desperate for penetration. The idea of using my dildo was unsatisfying, so the sight of a penis made me think thoughts that were usually unimaginable. I must have been frozen like that for almost a minute, thinking about his cock and wondering if he could fuck me. Another part of my mind told me how silly the idea was, and how wrong it was too. My pussy began to throb, deep inside. My skin pricked up with goosebumps and a surge of energy washed over me like a wave. My body wanted penetration from a real penis and it was signalling that fact as loud as it could. The minute that I was frozen like that seemed like an eternity. When I suddenly began to move again, it was with deliberate intent.

In a frenzied hurry, I got down onto my hands and knees and pulled Loki with me. He got excited and jumped around me. I needed him to get behind me and then mount me, but for a few moments there was only chaotic frustration. Suddenly, when Loki circled behind me, he paused the moment he got a whiff of my wet pussy. He began to sniff my rear and then started licking again. I left him to lick for a little while, forced to admit that his tongue swiping from my pussy and up over my ass hole was quite delightful, but I was desperate for penetration, so I rocked back instinctively, forcing him to stop licking when my rear went under his head. When that happened, his instinct to mount kicked in and I was very pleased to feel him on my back. He was motionless on top of me, so I reached between my legs to find his cock and then started tugging on it. He immediately began to hump and I moved my butt around to try help his cock find my pussy.

I was expecting to struggle for awhile, but I was pleasantly surprised when I felt his cock split my pussy lips. The moment he felt that, he began to hump me with urgency. His cock felt so small at first, but it grew to an impressive size within seconds, each forward thrust giving my hungry pussy more pleasure. Within moments, I was groaning in a satisfaction, grunting sometimes and smiling wide. My pussy stretched to its limit and I felt incredible stimulation in every part of my pussy.

“Oh.. my... god... Lo... ki.” I said each syllable with a thrust from him.

He fucked me much harder and way faster than I could have guessed he was capable. The biggest surprise though, was how amazing it felt. I was receiving the kind of sexual stimulation I only ever got from incredible sex with a man. An orgasm built up rapidly inside me, making me smile open mouth as I felt it growing.

“Shit Loki... you’re going to... make me cum.” I said incredulously.

2 thrusts later, I groaned out load as my orgasm erupted, tearing through my senses like an electric current was suddenly passed through me. My orgasm grew to an amazing climax. I felt like screaming, but no sound came out when I tried. Just when I thought I had reach the peak of my climax, Loki shoved his knot into my pussy, making my climax like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I was surprised at how long my orgasm lasted too, but also incredibly relieved to finally have the release I had been missing for so long.

Quite suddenly, everything was quiet and Loki and I were motionless, aside from heavy breathing. I wanted to tell him that he was a good boy, but I needed more time to recover before I could speak. I lowered my chest to the floor and spread my knees apart a little more so that I could rest with less effort. Loki’s cock was throbbing inside my pussy, still very deep and too large to pull out. I could feel him cum in waves. Every jet was warm and delightful. I had another mini orgasm while we were locked together and I giggled in pure bliss. By the time I had caught my breath, Loki’s cock was still stuck inside me. I got back up onto my hands and turned my head as far as I could to try see his face.

“Such a good boy Loki. I love you my boy.”

Everything happened so fast that I was still unsure of my feelings about what was going on, knowing that I shouldn’t even be thinking about sex with a dog, but the deed was done and I felt very satisfied. We remained tied for nearly 10 minutes, but I enjoyed every minute of having my pussy so completely filled. When his cock did finally come out, I felt suddenly empty and felt cold air rush into my gaping hole. Loki licked his cock and I collapsed to the floor, turning around to give my stiff body a break from holding me up like that for so long. As I lay on my back in amazement at what just happened, Loki shoved his snout between my legs and started licking, so I simply spread my legs open and allowed it. My pussy was very sensitive, so his licking was unbearable on the one hand, but soothing on the other. About another minute went by before he stopped licking and then lay down beside me and gave his cock a little more attention. I was still in shock from everything that just happened, so my mind was in chaos. The main thing I felt was total satisfaction, so I decided to hold onto that feeling and consider the situation a positive one. The moment I decided that, I began to think about having sex with Loki again.

Loki and I still have sex very regularly. I have kept trying to find the right man, so I still date when I find someone who interests me. So far, the only guy to even see me naked since this all started is my handsome Loki. If I ever do find a man who will interest me in a long term relationship, we will obviously have sex, but he’d better get used to the fact that I fuck my dog, because I’m not going to give that up easily

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ryverbind · 1 year

Text

Faceless Fixation {Sal Fisher}: Prologue

"Move, move, move!"

I left the awful, deteriorating city of Nockfell when I was ten years old. It was worth it-- I've always said that. I had nothing in that town; the population went down each day and hell, it was starting to look like I'd die there too.

I had to leave all of my friends behind, but at least we kept in touch. I only had three friends, anyway. Being able to keep those three around meant more to me than the fear of moving to a bigger city. Nothing was scary as long as I had my few friends.

"I'm trying! This guy in front of me is being stupid!"

Moving didn't mean much at the time, but it did leave me very lonely. Both of my parents were and still are workaholics, so I grew up pretty alone. Well, I did until mom and dad got divorced.

I think mom was the driving force behind dad's need to work so much. She was a drama queen.

Dad and I live in the heart of Los Angeles now. We moved here from San Diego just last year. He has his normal job that makes enough-- otherwise we wouldn't be in such a big city-- but making enough isn't always... enough over here.

"Go around him maybe!?"

But I've learned to work around that. Dad has, too. I have a mediocre job at a diner to pay for expenses and to help with some at-home things.

After all, life in one of America's most famous-- and most expensive-- city's won't pay for itself.

"Shut up, Ash! Fuck, why won't this person just move!?"

Though, I wish there was something I could do to make more money. Something to give me more freedom instead of being cramped in dad and I's little apartment. Something easier than breaking my back for pissy customers that won't even tip.

Honestly, I want something easier for me and dad.

And still, I find myself sitting in front of the TV in my living room-- mint chocolate chip ice cream in my hand as I watch my childhood friend fuck shit up on her most recent Youtube video.

The best part about this small, suffocating apartment is that it's on one of the highest floors. Sure, I have quite the elevator ride to take when I come home and sometimes I'm late to work because I miscalculate the time it'll take me to get down to the bottom floor-- but it's so worth it.

Our balcony doors are cracked open, the curtains pulled away to show the busy streets of Los Angeles below. The city is a beauty, that's for sure. The sun and headlights are always reflecting off of the tall, glass buildings which make for quite the light show-- and I have free tickets.

Early morning light filters into my dim living room. A stray golden ray forms a rift in the drab darkness of the rest of the room, illuminating a stripe across the back of the couch, across my legs, and then all the way to the other end of the room. I take note of dust that seems to float on the small stream of light as I redirect my focus from the Youtube video that's currently playing.

This apartment can only get so dark. When I say dim, it's still pretty bright. Our apartment is like any modern apartment-- it's new and filled with neutral colors, making it seem bright and inviting. Our walls are an eggshell white color. Our furniture is a mix of beige and black fabric, never leather because dad hates the feeling of it. And any wooden furniture is black, as well as our carpet.

It's simple, modern, sleek. It's everything a Los Angeles resident could want.

Right?

"Dammit, Sally! You cost us that entire game!"

My best friend's shrill scream pulls my attention back to the television. I see her face in the bottom left corner, her brows furrowed and mouth wide open in a mixture of shock and anger. Her cheeks turn a rosy shade as she begins scolding the guy in the mask at the top right of the screen.

They're playing Call of Duty.

"All you had to do was move around the glitched dumbass, are you kidding me?" Ash bellows. "How long have you been playing this game? I thought you were the pro. Give me my fucking crown."

Sally Face, the guy in the mask, or as he calls it, a prosthetic, snorts into the microphone. His head bobs with laughter, showing that he finds Ash's anger quite amusing. "Ash, if I could have moved around the guy, I would have. I was glitched, too." He pushes a veiny hand through his pretty hair. "I will never revoke my crown."

Sally Face is confusing in my brain. He has unnatural, bright cerulean hair. It's fluffy and full of layers, creating a pretty interesting texture to accompany the fringe that always hangs over his prosthetic.

His style is a contrast to his blue hair— dark, mainly all black clothing. He's always wearing either a plethora of different necklaces or just one that no one has ever seen before. He has chipped, black nail polish— no matter how many times he streams, it's always the same. I've never seen a fresh coat on his nails.

My favorite, and undoubtedly the most distracting, part about him happens to be the rings and bracelets he wears. He has plenty, much like his necklaces. Most times, Sally Face is wearing the same wrap-around snake ring with a black finish and a silver one with unique carvings and a garnet gem. He has a ton of cute fan-made bracelets that say different things, like "Cogito Ergo Sum" and "SF."

And he has this accent, a very attractive one. It's not too strong and I can't put my finger on what kind of accent it is, but I find myself holding onto his every word. There's just something about the way he articulates certain sounds.

Not like I'd admit it, but sometimes I rewind a YouTube video just to hear the way he says "water" or "coffee" again.

Is that down bad-ish of me?

Larry catches my attention, effectively dragging me back to earth from my simping thoughts. His face is in the top left corner of the screen; he pinches his lips together and shakes his head. "Will you two stop bickering? It's just a game," he says, shifting in his chair to get into a more comfortable position.

"Who stole Larry? Because you are not him," Todd's voice cuts in just as Larry finishes speaking. His face is in the bottom right corner. "You're supposed to be the shit-starter, not the shit-stopper," Todd continues, chuckling.

Larry snorts. "Maybe I'm just feeling different today. Ever thought of that, Todd? Huh?"

"You guys are insufferable," Ash scoffs, crossing her arms over her chest. She leans back in her chair, showing off her headset. It's super cute with little cat ears that change colors. "I'm taking away friend rights. I'm all for y/n now."

I perk up at the mention of my name. She never talks about me online-- not that I blame her. We agreed to pretty much keep our friendship private.

"Awe, come on, Ash," Larry whines, pouting at the camera. "We have to share y/n, and besides, we love you. You have to take care of us, mom," he jokes.

"Y/n is mine, thank you very much," Ash chirps, smiling wickedly. "And, for your information, I am not your mother so I can very easily dip out of your life."

"Fuck, it's like my dad all over again," Larry says. Everyone is silent, suddenly afraid to say a word as Larry's dad is a sore subject. But Larry starts giggling at his own joke.

"Stop making fun of such a serious situation, Larry," Todd says, holding back little giggles. "I'll go to hell if I laugh. Don't do this to me."

"Ash practically set up the entire joke, Larry just took advantage of the opportunity," Sally Face says, a pretty chuckle leaving his mouth. "But anyway, who's y/n?"

"Oh, shit." Ash slaps a hand over her mouth. "I completely forgot that I mentioned her. I was hoping I'd keep her a secret forever."

I tilt my head, my eyes narrowing as I watch the screen. All four of their characters are idle in the game lobby as they chat with each other.

Shoving a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth, I start to wonder if Ash, Larry, and Todd just... never bothered to mention me to Sally.

As far as I know, Sally Face moved to Nockfell long after I left. He became friends with my friends but I never met him. I never spoke to him. I had heard of him, but I just never bothered to reach out and get to know him.

Just two years ago, at the ripe ages of 21 and 22, the four of them decided to try streaming as a way to make money since there were only so may job opportunities in Nockfell. And wouldn't you know, the group went viral almost immediately.

Larry and Todd are the clowns, Ash is the pretty one with a temper, and Sally Face is the mysterious asshole. Viewers want a face reveal from him so bad and that's exactly why he became the most popular streamer out of the four.

Larry and Todd have about two million subscribers and followers, Ash is nearing 2.5 million, and Sally is at a whopping 3.5 million. They're pretty big.

So, my favorite pass-time is getting to watch all of them play. But today's video is extra spicy.

"We were so busy gatekeeping y/n that we couldn't even tell Sally?" Todd asks, a bit confused. "You know, now that I'm thinking about it-- I really don't think we ever mentioned her."

Larry hums, looking off to the side as he thinks. He chews on his bottom lip, tapping his finger against the armrest of his chair. "I've thought it out," he mumbles after a few moments. "I have no recollection of ever mentioning y/n."

Ash laughs shortly, shaking her head with a soft smile. "Damn. I guess we did a good job at keeping her a secret then."

Sally groans, leaning closer so we can clearly see his left eye in the screen. It's the most striking blue color I think I've ever seen. "Who the fuck is y/n?" He whispers, the microphone right against his prosthetic as he says it. This makes the whisper sound like a scream and, as a result, the other three jump in surprise.

"You don't get to know y/n, she's ours," Larry jokes, sticking his tongue out to tease Sally.

"Okay, fine." Sally backs up, his pretty hands gripping onto the armrests of his chair. He's wearing a black, long-sleeved shirt and a chain around his neck. His nails are painted black and multiple rings adorn his fingers— as per usual. "But is she hot?"

I choke on my bite of ice cream, spluttering pale green all over my dad's black carpet. The thought of staining his beloved carpet doesn't even cross my mind as I stare at the screen with wide eyes, watching as Sally Face waits patiently for his friends to recover from their surprised laughter.

"What's so funny?" Sally asks calmly, electric eyes flitting back and forth across the screen.

Larry takes a deep breath, one last laugh leaving him as he places a hand on his heart. "Bro, I can't even lie. I had the biggest crush on her whenever I knew her. She left a couple years before you came along." Larry winces, like he's just remembering that his millions of viewers will be seeing this video-- including me. "Sorry if you're watching this, y/n. I promise I'm over it but anyone can see that you're adorable." He shrugs, winking at the camera.

I let out an obnoxious laugh, a smile forming on my lips as I continue watching. Larry has always been hilarious, though I never knew he had a crush on me.

Todd closes his left eye, a little quirk of his. He always does this when he's thinking. "Well," he sighs, tapping his index finger against his arm. "She's beautiful, I'll say that. But I'm gay, so like, I'm not Larry. I've never wanted to fuck her. Unlike someone, apparently."

Larry shoots forward, a serious expression on his face as he starts yelling out to defend himself. "Fuck off, Todd! I never said I wanted to fuck her, I just said I had a crush on her! She's hot!"

This has gotten a bit crazy. When I sat down to watch this video after Ash begged me to put it on earlier, I expected to giggle a bit and relax on my one off-day of the week. I didn't expect to be hearing about famous streamers, who are also my friends, wanting to dick me down.

I feel like I've just worked a double shift.

I place my melting carton of ice cream on the wooden floor at the foot of the couch, my eyes never straying from the TV screen as I watch Larry and Todd bicker.

Ash and Sally watch, seemingly just as horrified as I am.

After a couple seconds, Larry runs a hand down his face, sighing as he listens to Todd get a good laugh out of the situation.

"Okay," Sally awkwardly drags out the word. "So we have one vote for hot, one vote for beautiful. What's your opinion of the mysterious y/n, Ash?"

Ash hums, smiling brightly. "I vote both. Y/n is the hottest and most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

Sally Face nods his head and I smile. Ash has always been so kind to me, though I think she, Larry, and Todd are hyping my looks up a bit too much. I'm not the hottest or the most beautiful.

"So the important question now, Ash, is would you fuck y/n?" Sally asks. What a dick.

I scoff at the screen, scrunching my face up. He knows that we're all close, clearly. Todd and Larry joking with each other about his crush is all in good fun, but the tone in Sally's voice shows that he's trying to start shit.

Ash narrows her eyes, "Yes, actually, I would."

I pause the video, my smile so wide that it genuinely hurts. I debate calling Ash for a moment just to give her a little smooch through the phone and tell her how much I love her. But I can always call her later. There's only two minutes left of the video anyway.

Larry chortles, Todd following with a very similar sign of amusement.

Sally nods, humming again. "Okay. Two points for hot, two points for beautiful. Those ratings are pretty good."

He pauses, lifting a hand and suddenly waving them off dismissively. "But you guys have terrible taste, so I doubt she lives up to the hype you guys gave her."

What the fuck did he just say?

I shoot up into a sitting position, scooting toward the edge of the couch with my jaw dragging along the fabric. Did I hear that correctly?

Sally looks into the camera. I feel like he's staring me directly in the eye, a sarcastic and cocky look in his gaze as he says, "Sorry, Y/n Whoever-You-Are."

Come again?

—————————

A/N:::::

I don't have much planned for this book just yet, but most of you know what I'm about. Expect angst, expect comedy, and most of all, EXPECT SPICE!

THIS IS JUST A PROLOGUE TO GIVE EVERYONE A TASTE AND I WILL NOT BE UPDATING AGAIN UNTIL I AM FINISHED WITH MY OTHER BOOK!

Sorry for the caps, just wanna make it loud and out there :P

As always, I love you all so much and I'm so excited to start this new, lovely journey with you guys :3

~Ryver <3

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artistcaptainbendy · 6 months

Text

Running from termination

chapter 1- The beginning....with snacks

It was a dark and cold night, the only light was from the moon and stars as the trees towered above. Lumberjack Krupp was walking down the same path he's always been down multiple times before, with his axe to his side. He wipes some sweat from the day's work from his head.

‘’ Ah, I love me some late night tree chopping, nothing’s better. Well, some homemade cheesecake from my sweet logroll is definitely a close second.’’ He said, slightly chuckling to himself.

He continues deeper into the wood and soon hears a sound, but not the usual woodland noise, it was the sound of someone calling his name. He stopped in his tracks and looked around to see who could be calling. The soft, calming voice spoke again ‘’ Benjamin….Benjamin….Benjamin…’’

“ Agh, not again!” he exclaimed “ I told you ghost children this before! I’m not joining your party! I’m sure that cake is a lie!’’

The voice kept calling to him and after a while, he noticed that this voice wasn’t the same as the ghost children from before, it almost sounded like his own voice, but different. He begins to follow where the voice is coming from, walking though some bushes and trees, going deeper and deeper into woods until he reaches a blue light and in front of him was a glowing portal to who knows where. He looked at it confused.

“What in the world is this?” he said with confusion. He looked at it for a moment , almost trying to study it and after studying it for a bit he started to turn around. “ Well, I should probably just leave it be, might just be my mind playing tricks on me again and if it is real, who knows where it goes. It could lead to some ghost ready to haunt me or maybe send me back in time to when the space aliens had control of the world or even worse…..my parents house…..’’ he shivers at the thought. ‘’ Nope! Not gonna do it, I’m just going to go home” he then proceeds to start walking away from the portal, but then stops and thinks out loud. ‘’ Then again…this could be the doorway to bigfoot and my apple peeler!” quickly turning back around he ran right into the portal, a bit of bright light hits him but quickly fades to reveal a hallway.

The hallway was darkly lit with flickering lights being the only light source.The walls were cracked and aged with webs on the corners and what seemed to be some black goo on the tile floor.

“Umm, I think i should be going now” but as he turned around to leave, lumberjack krupp saw that the portal was now gone leaving him to only go one way….down the hall. He waited a moment and started to walk down the way, step after step until he approached a room. The room was in just as much disarray as the hall, it had a big screen on the wall and two pathways to each side of it. It seems to have been some type of waiting room with some chairs tipped over and more of that goo. The goo was what really got his attention and as he started to get closer to it, suddenly the tv turned on. There was some static, but then a clear image came though and the video started to play.

‘’ Welcome and hello my fellow Krupps! I’m SP! Krupp! Your bestest buddy, your all around pal, and the founder of Krupptopia!! It’s a working in progress title hehe, here you can experience all the fun and thrills a Krupp can enjoy. We have a fully stocked kitchen with all kinds of food including guacamole, a massive swimming pool with swimming lessons on wednesdays, reading room, lounge, game room, ball pit, manatee viewing, venting zone and so much more!! I hope you enjoy your stay here and if you have any questions just come see me, I’ll be around bye!” The video turns off and lumberjack is just more confused than before.

‘’....ok? At least I know now this place has a game room…oh and who to talk to about getting out of here. Hmm odd, that guy looked familiar, but i just don’t know where I’ve seen him” He pondered a bit but decided to think about it later. Looking down the two paths, he chose to go right.

Walking down the hall, he could tell the withering had worsened and even more goo on the walls. LJ takes a closer look at the goo and sees that it wasn’t completely black, but had faded colors of space and stars. Before he could even question what this stuff is, a loud thund could be heard farther down the hall. He slowly walked to where the sound came from, coming across an opened door. Looking inside the room it looked as if a tornado went through, chairs thrown around, tables flipped over, and vending machines broken into. In the middle of the room someone was led over and eating some of the snacks from the vending machines.

“ Oh! Hey it’s great to see another person around here. I was worried I would be alone here, you don’t mind sharing some of those snacks do you?” he asked with joy in his voice.

The man stayed silent and slowly stood up, the same goo that covered the walls was on his arms, legs, and face. The only thing visible was his teeth as he started to make gasly noises as if it was hard for him to breathe. He took a step closer to LJ leaving a trail behind him. LJ, shocked at what’s looking at, slowly takes steps back out of the room.

With fear in his voice he said “ I’m actually not hungry anymore, y-you can keep the snacks and I’ll just get going” He tried to reach for his axe, but the creature let’s out a rawr and charges at him causing him to run out the room and farther down the hall. Turning multiple corners and down different paths, every few seconds looking behind him to see the creature is still behind him. LJ tried to run faster to lose his pursuer, he was able to get ahead far enough and hide behind a wall. He could hear the creature run past and down another hall, he could feel his heart racing and took some deep breaths trying to put together what he just saw. He just needed a moment to relax, but then the intercom above him started to play loud static and cut to a familiar voice.

“Hello everyone! It seems we have a new krupp to join that party! Now why don’t we all give him a big welcome! I’ll even sing the welcome song!” he then processed to sing “ Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! To our fun place! Come and take a seat and have a little break! Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! it ‘s great to have you here! Where everyone is happy and spreads a little cheer!” The song goes on and on. LJ starts to panic, knowing that all the noise will attract the creature to him “ shut up, shut up, shut up” he starts looking around to find a way to turn the intercom off and remembers he has an axe, quickly throwing it at the intercom and breaking it into pieces.

He picks up the axe from the floor “ hehe, looks like I stopped it just in ti-” suddenly a giant goo fist comes at his head and he quickly ducks down as the fist hits the wall.

“ RAWR!!” The creature let out about to strike at LJ again.

LJ runs under its arm and down the hall and it gives chase again, many twists and turns, hallways starting to all look the same, doors that won’t open, the creature getting closer and closer, he was starting to feel his heart racing faster and faster, any turn could lead to a dead end.

“ Game room or not! I hate this place!” he screamed out, running down every turn of the halls till he reached a hallway with a single door at the end, seeing it as the only way he ran to the door, the creature not far behind him. What feels like a mile long run, he makes it to the door and is able to open it with only seconds before it could get him, he gets in the room and closes the door behind him, pushing his body against the door, banging could be heard on the other side. Looking around the room he sees boxes and other objects near him and pulls it in front of the door blocking it.

After a moment, the banging stops and the sound of goopy steps could be heard walking away. “....HA! Can’t get me now! The power of a door and random items have saved the day again!” LJ lets out as he catches his breath, but suddenly some boxes in the corner of the room fall over to reveal someone in the shadows. Taking his axe out and pointing at the mysterious figure he asked “ Who’s there?! I’m ready this time you freak and I’ll be taking the snacks because I am hungry!”

There was silence as the figure slowly came from behind the boxes.

“You’re…..you’re not infected?” The hooded man said, almost shocked.

“Infected? What are you talking about? And who are you?!” he stated now with more anger in his voice.

The hooded man takes his hood off to show a face similar to LJ just without a beard and scar over his left eye.

“I’m….GP.”

#captain underpants #lumberjack krupp #happy halloween #Running from termination #fanfic #i'm open to criticism

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krueger4eva · 9 months

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The Himbo Trio, Part 3

Launchpad was determined to have Steelbeak and Storkules be able fill his 13 and a half boots, figuratively and literally.

It was time to go shopping!

From now on, it was black boots, baseball caps, khaki pants and fuzzy jackets.

To say that Steelbeak was humiliated by these “goofy threads” he was forced to wear was an understatement. He says that the jacket was ruining his street cred. A few faces from his past jokingly said that they confused him for some middle-aged hockey fanatic.

Meanwhile, the golden-haired demigod was struggling with the daunting task of wearing pants AND a shirt. Storkules protests that the material of his new attire was itching in… unfortunate places.

Yet, adjusting to wearing Launchpad’s civilian clothes was nothing compared to trying to squeeze into tights or a leotard.

Due to his clumsy nature, the pilot was inspired by the graceful nature of the ballerinas he saw on television, leading him to sign up for ballet classes. Even after moving to St. Canard, Launchpad managed to adjust his schedule and still attend his lessons. Now, he has two new classmates to join him.

For once, Storkules was excited for this Launchpad Lesson. During a video presentation created by LP, Storkules immediately became an admirer for the art of classic ballet while clips of stage performances played in front of him. While wiping tears from his eyes, he described the dancing as poetry in motion, wishing to join the ranks of these legends. He was especially moved by a screening of Apollo.

Meanwhile, Steelbeak was struggling to keep awake during the presentation. Fortunately, the itchy material of his new fur-collared bomber jacket kept him awake.

Sadly, our two newcomers were FAR from prepared for the grueling, intensive world of BALLET! 🩰

The class starts at 8am sharp and the instructor makes it clear that lateness is not tolerated for any reason in this field of dance. Even showing up one minute late could disrupt your entire training. The technique classes are especially crucial for this eduction. These classes are two hour lessons for the ballerinas to learn the basic steps of ballet. You could not move on to the next lessons without memorizing and practicing the fundamentals first.

Another aspect of ballet to learn is to always save your money on pointe shoes, the special footwear used to help ballerinas dance on the tips of their toes. These shoes are very expensive and with how big the Himbo Trio’s feet are, the brand that they need is doubly pricey. In addition, the average lifespan of a pair of pointe shoes is between a week to over a month, depending on the brand. To put it simply, these three might need a few part-time jobs to pay for these expenses.

Steelbeak learned the hard way that ballet lessons are never to be underestimated. While ballet is not considered a sport, the vigorous steps to become a professional ballerina can add perfect muscle tone to even the most ordinary civilian.

Poor Storkules experienced firsthand that while the dancing is extraordinary, weeks of stretching and turning does not feel glamorous to him.

On a positive note, there is a physical therapy clinic that gives treatment to each of the students. While they recuperate from their dance injuries, Steelbeak can use this free time to plot how to arrange a NEW injury for Launchpad and make it look like an accident.

The tension among the trio only increased when Launchpad spent hours trying to teach the other two to play the saxophone.

…and since Storkules and Steelbeak have zero musical expertise, also Storkules had never even heard of a saxophone until now, it goes about as well as you expect…

But nothing could compare these poor birds for their most dangerous lesson in McQuack Studies yet: how to properly crash! 💥

It is common knowledge that Launchpad is not the most competent pilot given his history of crashing planes. And cars, boats, submarines, bicycles, shopping carts… but I digress.

However, for the safety of him and his passengers, LP has a unique gift of crashing without causing a single injury to anyone involved. So, he decided to pass those same skills to Steelbeak and Storkules just in case of any emergency.

It could take weeks or even months of training, not to mention extensive injury risks and medical bills, but Launchpad is confident that he can teach…

After this Himbo Training from Hell is over, no one would fault Steelbeak for wanting to switch back to the dark side…

…and there’s a high chance that Storkules might accompany him on that path.

Previous part

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#ducktales #ducktales 2017 #headcanons #launchpad mcquack #steelbeak #storkules #ALL HAIL THE HIMBO TRIO!!#ballet #ballerina #Disney #DT17 #the himbo trio

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siyeonjisoo · 2 years

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Seeing MCR in concert has been something I dreamed about when I first found the band in 2006/7 (It was some time in that school year, 5th grade). My mom would listen to the Welcome to the Black Parade album in the car and the song Blood played once and I knew I was hooked on them for life. But I was too young to get to see them whenever they toured. They would go to places too far away to go to shows with my mom who liked them. And on dates that didn’t work for my other mom to go with me, even though she didn’t like them. (Yes, I have 2 moms. One is into the emo scene and has the biggest crush on Amy Lee. The other is a country music head but able to chaperon me to events as a kid.) So I waited and waited until the day I would be an adult and they would still be touring and I could finally see them! And then, one spring day in my junior year of high school, they announced they were disbanding. And until very recently, I had resigned myself to the fact that I would never see them live. When they announced this current tour, the tickets sold out before I could get tickets. And then the tour kept getting postponed with Covid so I thought it would eventually get canceled. But then, a miracle happened. It didn’t get canceled. And I was able to buy a resale ticket. A dream quite literally 16+ years in the making got to come true last night. And what a dream it was.

For the openers, we had different bands than the night before, apparently. Homeless Gospel Choir was up first. I wasn’t really into them, their lyrics were pretty basic and repetitive, though, so they got people singing along pretty easily. I also disapprove of the image they had up on the screens during their performance, it included a modified version of a racist flag that made me cringe. And they introduced like 3 out of 4 songs they played as “this is a protest song!” and the one they didn’t was a love song. Coolest thing that happened was they brought out Frank Iero to sing one of these protest songs with them and DUDE HE IS SO SMOL. People told me this but he is for real so much tinier than I thought.

Next up was Midtown. I am loosely familiar with their music so it was kinda cool to see them. I hadn’t done any research into who was opening before they came on stage so both of these groups were a complete surprise for me. The singer kept teasing about how his kids were in the crowd and he was trying to find them. They were in my section at the time (left after they finished their set) and screaming their heads off to get his attention and he still couldn’t find them until the folks in the pit noticed them and all pointed. And then he monologed a bit about how “we didn’t wanna come on this tour because now our kids are gonna think we’re cool”. They seem like fun and chill folks to be in a band fandom for. They also got the crowd to crouch down to jump on the beat and there were like 20 people resolutely standing there straight-faced and not even looking around, still standing up in the middle of this otherwise crouched down pit which was kinda awkward looking.

And then. Then it was time. See, I knew that Gerard had dressed up in one of their lil fits the previous night so I was worried I wouldn’t get a fun outfit but the glittery gold suit jacket? Was perfect. I probably would have combusted if I had gotten an outfit that showed off his legs so that is for the better. I was in a solid side-view position but perfectly even with where they would all stand if they came to the edges of the stage so I got very clear views of their profiles. Also, my phone is rude and takes really high quality while zoomed all the way in videos but potato quality pictures? I do not understand and need someone better with cameras/phones to help me see if that’s a settings thing I can fix.....

I started to hyperventilate a bit and cry when they came on stage and started Foundations. That was time for tears number one of the night but nowhere near the last. I’d brought my Dreamcatcher lightstick and set it to white, hoping to match to the colors of the stage lighting as best I could throughout the show, but the person standing next to me complained that the white was too bright and the only color they were okay with was the blue so I had a blue light over in section 17 the whole show, showing off my attempts at wotagei cuz I am nothing if not idol trash. Emo to Kpop pipeline baby!

I was on the side of the stage where Frank and Mikey usually hang out and Mikey kept walking over to the stairs to get onto the stage to try and interact with our section. It was blocked by equipment on the stage for everyone else, I think, so it was like a personal show lmao. That man is more attractive than it is fair.......that or I just generally have a thing for bassists....Either way, he is very nice to look at lmao.

The setlist has been different for every show so the only guaranteed thing that I knew was the first song would be Foundations of Decay. I was really hoping for a few Danger Days songs because that’s my favorite album. So getting Na Na Na, Summertime, S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W/, and Planetary (GO!) on this setlist was everything my heart could have asked for. I cried all through Summertime because I think that’s like in my top 3 favorite MCR songs. I screamed my heart out all through House of Wolves. Something about that song makes me wish I could do metal screaming vocals, I don’t know why.

I read that this was the first time that Planetary (GO!) was performed since 2012 which was awesome! That song is such a perfect pump-up song, one of my go-tos when I need to physically pump myself up. I’m certain that every single person in that stadium was jumping during the chorus and it was so beautiful.

I cried again during Welcome to the Black Parade (obviously) and Skylines and Turnstiles. These are the two most iconic MCR songs I think. I would give my firstborn to be able to experience listening to either of these songs again for the first time. And that experience pales to what it felt like live. If there is any song that the whole crowd knows all the words to, it's gotta be Black Parade and I just felt so at home and hugged by the voices of everyone who was there. It was indescribably wonderful. And Skylines and Turnstiles was much the same. I felt a connectedness to everyone there and the members on stage.

Bury Me In Black was I think the only song I don’t know the words to at all so I took a video of part of it. I tried to zoom in on close enough to be able to see Ray cuz he didn’t move around at all, he stuck on his side of the stage. But he stepped backward and I couldn’t see him anymore but then Mikey kept walking out of frame and then JUMPING back in. Quite literally.

It all happened in such a blur that I barely remember anything that Gerard said in their comments to the crowd but here are a few things I do remember. During I wanna say Helena? Someone in the pit threw a still half-full can of beer on the stage and it almost hit Gerard’s little tech set-up and he was very cutely complaining about it after the fact. And then, apparently, Kerang put out a review of their Riot Fest show that has since been edited to not include a diss at how MCR kept pausing their set to tell the crowd to back up and how it was “ruining the flow” of their set. Which Gerard had, apparently, read before this got removed from the article so they had a little moment of “someone said we don’t have any flow” and OMG this is the most New Jersey I have ever heard them sound. Like they don’t have much of an accent beyond generic north east atlantic I think but he sounded full NJ and it was the funniest.

Frank’s full family was in attendance it seems. We spotted his dad before the show started and then his wife and kids were in the backstage area that was next to my section so we could see them. His kids came out in front of the stage (between stage and barricade) to watch for a few songs and one of them was filming on their phone and good lord that’s the best fancam video from the tour, I’m certain, but we will never get to see it unless Frank posts it himself. They were very enthusiastically enjoying the music and when Frank saw them, he looked really happy too. It was sweet and made me glad I was on the side where I was to see that.

His kids went backstage again and the whole band left the stage for a minute or two. I thought about sitting at this point until they came back but by the time I’d decided to, they were coming back. They seriously played 17 songs with minimal breaks between songs and then were off stage for just a few minutes. The stamina these guys all have is amazing. They came back with Vampires Will Never Hurt You which is one of the songs that makes me go ABSOLUTELY crazy. Any energy I physically had left was exerted in this song. I was really hoping (even though I doubted it) that they would play Vampire Money right after that but instead, we got a super rare edition COVER. It was a cover of the Sid Vicious cover of Frank Sinatra’s My Way. My body recognized it but it took until the chorus for my brain to realize it at which point the glitzy gold suit made sense.

This concert felt like a love letter to NJ. I think I saw someone else say that on TikTok and I agree wholeheartedly. I’m never more happy and grateful and proud to be from NJ than when we talk about the musicians that are from here. Coincidentally, so many of my favorites come from here and I’m very grateful for that fact.

After My Way, the show was over. I stumbled out of the venue and started hyperventilating on the way back to Penn Station. To the random person who stopped me to compliment my shirt, you don’t know this but I think you helped pull me back to reality just enough to keep from having a panic attack on the middle of the streets in Newark so thank you very very much. Didn’t need my map to get to Penn cuz pretty much the whole stadium was going there too which prompted a person there to say the funniest thing of the night when I walked past them “Oh my gosh, it’s a horde of emos coming at me!”. Made me laugh really hard.

All in all, this was a truly magical time. I think this is as close to a religious experience as my atheist ass is ever gonna get. I am so fucking glad they decided to come back and tour again. I am even more fucking glad I got a ticket to see them. I cried at least eight times that day - before, during, and after the show. And I’m crying again now thinking about it. Shoutout to me back in 06, be glad your mom’s got good taste and shares it with you! I’m now even more excited for WWYF when I get to see them again!!

#mcr #my chrmical romance #newark day 2 #concert write up #ori does thing's

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stokan · 1 year

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Every 2022 Film Nominated for an Oscar Ranked

40. Tell It Like a Woman - It’s true, this “movie” actual exists. I’ve seen it with my own eyes, and they haven’t stopped bleeding since. That this collection of sub-student-film level shorts is an absolute embarrassment for everyone involved is besides the point. What I really want you to know about this “movie” is that the Diane Warren song that is the entire reason for this project to exist plays in one of the shorts, then it plays again over the closing credits, then it plays a SECOND time over the closing credits, but then it ends and the credits are still going. And no new songs starts! So you’re just sitting there in the most uncomfortable interminable silence ever because I guess they couldn’t afford a second song (?) and at Academy screenings it’s considered incredibly rude to leave before the credits are done. But thank god you didn’t because then after the credits there is a MUSIC VIDEO FOR THE SONG! And that music video is longer and looks like it cost more than basically all of the shorts you just watched. And part of the music video is Diane Warren directing the music video you're currently watching?? And as a legitimate smile formed on my face while all of this was unfolding, it’s only then that I truly understood Stockholm Syndrome.

39. Blonde - Feels truly wild that this wasn’t the worst movie I saw this year. It’s hard to say if I hated this more than Andrew Dominick hates Marilyn Monroe, but regardless, I can’t imagine ever having a more unpleasant time at the movies than I did watching this three-hour-long Ana de Armas hostage video. Please don’t watch Blonde.

38. Bardo - More like BardNO. If you’re going to make a movie about you feel like you suck as an artist and are unworthy as a person, what you don't want is the end result to make the audience definitely agree with you. But other than the truly gorgeous cinematography, making Inarritu’s self-loathing an ACTUAL loathing is the only other thing this film successfully achieves. Well, that and single-handedly killing the idea of Netflix giving unlimited money to directors to make their passion projects unimpeded. Never thought I would say this, but after watching Bardo - please studios, give directors more notes.

37. Black Panther: Wakanda Forever - “Yeah, but your scientists were so occupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should” - Dr. Ian Malcom, a character who would later appear in Jurassic Park: Dominion.

While watching this movie I kept trying to figure out what on earth the character of RiRi had to do with anything, only to get home and learn that her sole purpose in the movie was to set up a future TV series. At this point buying a ticket for an MCU movie is exactly like Ralphie in A Christmas Story sending off for Annie’s Secret Circle Decoder Ring, only you already know in advance the answer will always just ultimately be “don’t forget to drink your Ovaltine”.

36. EO - I’m sure when they were making this movie they thought “well, if nothing else, at least we’re definitely making the best artsy existential European donkey movie this year.” Nope!

No human in this movie behaves like an actual human being, every major choice is contrived simply to keep the plot moving forward, and the donkey is the best actor in the cast. Nice try though.

35. Puss in Boots: The Last Wish - When adults don't take animation seriously as an art form and write it off as essentially kids entertainment, this is the exact movie they’re thinking of - brightly colored, turbo-charged drivel, with broad characters, broader jokes, and nothing interesting to say. Not to yuck anyone’s yum, as I’m sure if I was 8 years old I would want all things Puss and Boots mainlined directly into my veins, but as a non-8-year-old, this was very much Not For Me.

(Also, as a 40 year old man, if you’d like to almost certainly get put on some kind of list then I would really recommend going by yourself, in a heavy coat and sweatpants, to a 9:30pm Friday night screening of a Puss in Boots film.)

34. Navalny - Important story, one truly great scene, and a film that I know a lot of people seem to like, but as a piece of movie making, for me, well...are the kids still saying “mid”? If so, I’m gonna say the thing that I’m sure ALL the kids are saying - a sentence that you can hear as you walk down the halls of any school in America - "Navalny is mid”.

33. The Sea Beast - Less than a month after having seen it, here’s the grand total of what I remember about this movie: there was a sea beast.

32. The Whale - If you want to know why there are many different art forms used to tell stories a great example is that this script works beautifully as a play, and terribly as a movie. Theater and film are different mediums, and what works on stage often seems overwrought and overwritten on film. And as we learn more and more with each passing year, most movies don’t make good plays either. So just let plays be plays and movies be movies. And let whatever exactly Sadie Sink and Samatha Morton are doing in The Whale never be either ever again.

31. Mrs Harris Goes to Paris - A beautiful looking trifle that tastes lovely and sweet but has absolutely no nutritional value because it’s mostly just air. A movie that feels like it should have premiered on British Airways’ in-flight entertainment network, if that can somehow be read as a semi-compliment.

30. Empire of Light - There’s a truly moving and interesting movie in here about the power of film and communal experience. The problem is that there are three other movies in here as well. Still, if you got Colman and you got Deakins, you got something. Just not any more than that though.

28. A House Made of Splinters - This year’s Oscar Doc Mad Libs entry. There’s always at least one nominee where the log line is: verite footage of a woman/group of women operating (an uplifting and important social service) in (country that’s currently in the news for being at war). in this case it’s (orphanage) and (Ukraine). Important story, truly heroic work, and further proof that if you point a camera at kids for long enough you’re always gonna wind up with some profound truths. But I watch a version of this exact movie every single year.

27. Argentina 1985 - Would seem difficult to take something as emotionally compelling as the true-life story of people being disappeared by a South American military dictatorship and make a movie about it that feels as conventional as an extra long Law and Oder episode, but here we are. That’s not to say it isn’t well made, important, and watchable - people love Law and Order! - just that it’s so by the numbers it feels more like a math equation than a film. If you’ve ever seen a movie before, you know where this one is going.

26. Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery - Everything listed before this movie I would not really recommend, and everything after it, at least on some level, I would. And this is the exact mid-point. A perfectly decent movie that I feel absolutely nothing about. See it, or don’t - I can’t imagine a world where I would possibly care one way or the other. it’s simply the blindfolded lady who holds up the scale.

25. The Quiet Girl - It’s hard to totally put my finger on why this movie feels like one that in a few years I’ll almost certainly forget ever having seen, when at the same time there are very stylistically and tonally similar movies much higher on my list, but if I had to try and sum it up, I’d say it’s this: the girl is too quiet.

24. To Leslie - Honestly, is Andrea Riseborough getting nominated for this movie that much different than Laura Dern getting nominated for Rambling Rose or Jessica Lange WINNING for Blue Sky? I have no idea, I’ve never seen those movies. But an actress getting nominated for a micro-budget film no one saw from a tiny distributor isn’t some sort of new scandal, it used to be an annual tradition. Hell, To Leslie is exactly the sort of pleasant feel-good elevated-middle-brow indie that the Oscars were practically built on in the 90s. Although Mark Maron is the least believable Texan in movie history, and the budget definitely shows, and the style is non-existent, as half of Hollywood has at this point tweeted - it’s a small movie with a big heart. And I didn’t even get paid to say that!

23. Living - Why did we need essentially a shot-for-shot remake of Ikiru only set in England instead of Japan? Seriously, who is this for? It feels almost radically, defiantly, inessential. But the performances, especially Bill Nighy, are pretty great. And hey, Ikiru is a classic for a reason. So, whatever. Ultimately it was worth seeing, but this is last time I will ever write about Living again for the rest of my life.

22. Causeway - “Brian Tyree Henry, Oscar Nominee” has nice ring to it. And Jennifer Lawrence - also good at acting. Out of the little run I’m on here of nice but slight character study dramas, this feels like the best of the bunch. That may not be saying a ton, but it’s something, which also feels like a solid summary of this film.

21. All The Beauty And The Bloodshed - Scalding hot take: Nan Golden seems like a bit of a tough hang. Take that’s not hot at all: the Sackler family are evil pieces of shit. And sure, getting you emotionally riled up about their awfulness is sort of a layup, but by combining it with Nan Golden’s incredible life story, tough hang though she may be, this movie 360 windmill dunks it.

20. Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio - Not a del Toro person, never going to be a del Toro person, just not my vibe, and truly baffled as to why he spent his time making the millionth adaptation of a story no one was asking to see remade, but damn if the result isn’t impressive. It may not be my thing, and it’s honestly unclear who it’s audience exactly is supposed to be, but the level of care and craft on display is undeniably worthy of praise. Indifferent towards the player, but respect the hell out of the game.

19. Fire of Love - It’s almost impossible to watch this movie and not think the whole time about how you’re watching two Wes Anderson characters. Which is fitting because the style of this movie is more notable than the substance. But what stye it is. And although I said it’s somewhat lacking in substance, it does get at one very important and universal truth: don’t go chasing volcanoes.

18. Turning Red - As a massive Pixar fanboy it’s been a while since they’ve had a script that rose to the standards of their glory days, but I think this finally does the trick. The movie is visually a little too frantic and busy for my taste, but I’m also not its target audience, so that’s fine. It has something real and original to say to a demographic that I have aged out of and that’s more than valid. Teen and tween audiences need real art too, and not just pandering dreck. So while maybe this movie wasn’t one of my personal favorites of the year, it feels good to be able to roll up my sleeves and show my #TeamPixar tattoo with pride once again.

17. RRR - There’s a warning before this film that no actual animals were harmed because all the animals are CGI, which is hilarious because there’s no way anyone could possibly think anything in this movie was real, including the human beings. It’s definitely the first massive budget blockbuster action spectacular that also feels like they used non-union actors. Which is fitting because it’s as much video game as it is a movie. I absolutely admire the hell out of the craft, the ambition, originality, and fight choreography on display, but bottom line is that a movie where a guy punches a tiger in the face with a fist that’s on fire is just fundamentally never going to be My Thing. The musical numbers, especially Naatu Naatu, are truly electric though, and if you’re a 16-year-old boy bump this ranking up infinity places.

16. The Batman - This is why we can’t have nice things. You make a superhero movie that feels like it was done by an actual human rather than a committee, with great interesting acting choices, a real visual style, and a distinct dark aesthetic that feels like it enhances the specific story being told rather than the demands of some larger universe, and it makes money, but it leaves no cultural footprint. This coming and going without seeming to leave a mark shows that it’s not the Batman movie we deserved, but it was for sure the one I needed, and it deserved better.

15. Elvis - It’s important to preface this by saying that as a theater kid I’m a Baz Lurhman fan. R&J? Seminal movie of my adolescence and a huge reason I still love Shakespeare today. Moulin Rouge? Own it on a worn-out special edition DVD. The Great Gatsby? Underrated! Australia? Sure! So your milage may understandably vary, and I get that. I totally see all the flaws. But damn if Baz making a movie ABOUT music doesn’t just bypass all my critical facilities and go straight to my pleasure center. Is this movie what cocaine is like? Anyway, it’s not GOOD, but also, for me, it’s great. And if Austin Butler winds up winning the Oscar I’m gonna feel pretty proud of walking out of the theater after seeing Elvis back in the summer and calling my shot

14. All Quiet on the Western Front - I do firmly believe the famous Truffaut quote that there’s no such thing as an anti-war movie. But this is the exception to that rule. Like West Side Story last year, it pulls off the miraculous task of remaking a movie that didn’t need remaking while yet also justifying its own existence. And while it now feels like we’ve officially reached the end point of war movie verisimilitude, what an exclamation point to cap off the journey. It’s truly insane WWI ever happened, and if only we could go back in time and show them this film, it never would have. It’s that powerful.

13. Avatar: The Way of Water - There’s nothing I’m more out on in movies than when one CGI thing is fighting another CGI thing. Yet when the whole movie is CGI things fighting CGI things? Apparently I’m all the way in.

Look the story is dumb, and the dialogue is stilted, and the mythology this world is trying to build feels pretty cringe, but by god is this movie gorgeous to look at and an absolute technical marvel. And the final third of this movie is some of the best action filmmaking I’ve seen in a very long time. James Cameron, incredible stager of action sequences, who knew? Strap on some 3D glasses, see this on an IMAX screen on a Friday night in a crowded theater, and try not to be entertained, I dare you.

12. All That Breathes - I do this insane project of watching every single Oscar nominee every year because without fail it exposes me to one or two or three movies I fall in love with that I wouldn’t have ever seen otherwise. Well that, and also because there’s something wrong with my brain. But most often these wonderful finds are documentaries, for example: Attica, Time, Minding the Gap, and my beloved Honeyland. Much like Honeyland, my find this year, All That Breathes, is about something simple - in this case its two brothers running a Mumbai bird hospital instead of Honeyland’s Macedonian beekeeper - but like with that film, as it slowly reveals itself, it turns out to really be about Everything All At Once. Family, geopolitics, the climate crisis, religion, interconnectedness - truly all that breathes. Great film, and can’t wait to see what subtly beautiful Senegalese goat herder documentary I fall in love with in 2023.

11. Top Gun: Maverick - The platonic ideal of a summer blockbuster. This is not my kind of movie at all, and yet I even I was won over. Resistance is impossible. Picking nits is pointless. Because sure it’s as by the numbers as they come yet, wow is that counting fun. It almost single handedly justifies the concept of just turning your brain off and having a good escapist time at the movies. But most importantly for me, it just makes me feel good about never wavering in one of my deepest held beliefs: Jennifer Connelly is the most attractive human being who has ever lived.

10. Women Talking - Here’s to truth in advertising. No one who can read titles can say they didn’t know EXACTLY what they walking into with this film. But what great talking it is. And what great women! Although ::poking his head the slightest bit humanly possible out from behind the world’s largest bush:: the one truly transcendent performance in the film for me was Ben Wishaw. But everyone was great really. And fitting that the only great play adaptation of the year wasn’t a play adaptation at all. It was just a true ensemble working together to tell an important story in urgent and poetic language in a purposely claustrophobic setting. It’s a real shame then that this film seems to be evaporating from the collective consciousness before it ever even made its way in, because it’s actually the one thing we should all be doing more of: watching women talking.

9. TAR - As a card carrying elitist film snob it pains me as much to rank TAR this low as it does for you to see it here. And there was a point, maybe about two hours into the movie, where it seemed like it was ending, and I thought to myself “what a masterpiece!”. But the problem is it didn’t end there. It kept going. And the last part of this film, the part that some people online think is supposed to be a dream or whatever, just absolutely does not work for me. And wow oh wow does it feel like the absolute last scene isn’t just beamed in from a totally different movie but from a totally different planet. It’s the exact opposite of sticking the landing. That being said, Todd Field is an actual genius, the dialogue is in a league of its own, and it’s fitting Cate Blanchett is probably not going to win the Oscar because an Oscar feel almost beneath her performance. But still…that last 20 minutes. So please don’t tar me, but #9 it is.

8. Triangle of Sadness - I think all the time about Connor Oberst performing his anti-Bush song “When the President Talks to God” years ago on The Tonight Show. This dense, well-written song with no chorus and no hooks that got what can best be described as polite applause. And I remember thinking, good song, but what is the point of it? It will reach absolutely no one who doesn’t already hate Bush. You know what will? Green Day writing a song literally called “American Idiot” about how the president is, well, an American idiot, but it has a sing-along chorus that kicks ass. And I think about that when people criticize Triangle of Sadness for being too obvious, because you know what - it absolutely kicks ass.

On paper, sure, people quoting Lenin and Reagan back at each other while rich people throw up on each other on a luxury cruise is embarrassingly on the nose, but in practice, watching it play out on screen in a movie theater full of people, I was laughing so hard I could barely feel my face, let alone my nose. And all the chatter about how this movie makes obvious points about how rich people are bad feels like it comes from people who wrote the movie off half-way thru, because it totally misses the third act, which is the complicated, thorny, and dark heart of the film. (Justice for Dolly de Leon!)

Look, maybe this wasn’t your cup of tea, but anecdotally, talking to people from all areas of my life, especially people younger than me, this is BY FAR the movie from this year that people bring up to me the most. And they always say how its themes were thought-provoking and important and worth watching. And to me that’s proof of my belief that what may on paper come off as obvious, is in fact the year’s catchiest chorus.

7. Babylon - Is it the best movie of the year? No. Would I personally give it my hypothetical Oscar vote? Definitely not. Should it win best picture? Don’t be absurd. But would I give up all my worldly possessions to a join a new religion where we move out to the woods and chant the name Babylon up to the heavens 12 hours a day? Absolutely!

Babylon is like if one of Stephon’s clubs was a movie - this film has everything: an alligator attack, a guy eating a live mouse, a Jean Smart monologue about existentialism, Margot Robbie projectile vomiting on someone’s face, footage from the 1982 film Tron. It’s as though someone told Damien Chazelle this was going to be the final movie ever made and he somehow, miraculously, aced the assignment. It’s definitely one of the most movie movies ever to movie. It feels weird to not be typing about this movie strictly in all caps. And if you think this movie is majorly flawed, well, sure, probably, but you’re missing the point. MOVIES!!!!

My head knows I cant rank this any higher than #7, but in my heart? Well, what’s a ranking higher than #1? #-100? In my heart this was the -100th best movie of the year.

6. Close - A stunningly beautiful and heartbreaking movie from what feels like a major new voice in Lukas Dhont. A movie that pulls off the magic trick of somehow making you feel deeply sympathetic towards those trapped in the prison of masculinity, rather than angry about the toxicity of it. And speaking of magical - in the year of great child actor performances the two in this movie are the best of them all. Just an absolute gem of a movie. Go see Close.

5. Aftersun - If TAR botched its ending, then Aftersun is the gymnastics judges crossing out their 10s and writing in 11s of sticking your landing. Because, spoiler alert, but the final scene of this movie is maybe the best use of a pre-existing popular song in film history. That sounds like hyperbole, but I was literally shaking with emotion during “Under Pressure”. It’s my new go-to need-a-good-cry YouTube clip. And a quiet film about a childhood experience where nothing much happens and it’s all subtext until finally one incredible scene of intense emotion is so totally my shit that it feels like I excreted it from my own colon. Was it maybe a little TOO quiet in parts? Perhaps. And the framing device didn’t TOTALLY work. But still, Charlotte Wells being able to compete with this film in the best the First Feature category at awards shows feels unfair. It’s so confident and expertly crafted that I feel like she’s a future My Favorite Director just waiting to happen.

4. Everything Everywhere All At Once - Sure you can make the argument it’s a hat on an infinite number of hats, but HOLY SHIT LOOK AT ALL THOSE FUCKING HATS!!!! The inventiveness, originality, and utter chaos on display in a movie that’s about to win Best Picture is truly mind-blowing. It’s like a Jackson Pollock of ideas. When they say they don’t make em like that anymore, this is the exact opposite of what they’re talking about.

3. The Banshees of Inisherin - Barry Keoghan might be my favorite actor working today, Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson are the new dysfunctional Hepburn and Tracy, and Kerry Condon should win all the Oscars. But for me this movie is all about the script. That fecking script. Laugh out loud funny, endlessly quotable, and utterly heartbreaking. I mean, Martin McDonagh - good at writing things, who knew? Plays shouldn’t be movies, but maybe more movies should be by writers of plays.

2. Marcel the Shell With Shoes On - I want to have a genetic mutation causing me to have more thumbs just so I can give this more than two thumbs up. This movie is a miracle. How did a super twee one-joke YouTube short become the most moving and heartfelt mediation on family and connection and existentialism I’ve seen in a long time? It still doesn’t seem possible and yet I’ve seen it with my own tear-stained eyes. I can’t compare it to any movie I’ve ever seen before and I can’t imagine anything quite like it will ever come along again. And most miraculous of all, if it moves even a slight inch in any other direction it becomes cloying, or sappy, or obvious, or any multitude of other sins, yet it’s in such total control of its tone it’s like watching Lydia Tar conduct a tone orchestra. And finally, if the scene where Marcel finally finds his family didn’t totally turn you into a sobbing mess than you yourself might be a shell, or at least have one for a heart. I cried, I laughed uproariously, and I fell in love with an animated shell with shoes on - what more could you possibly want out of a film?

1. The Fabelmans - Is this the movie that I feel most passionate about from 2022? No. Read what I had to say about most of the past 10 entries for proof. I’m honestly surprised to see this here, and I’m the one making the list. But here’s the thing: my favorite film of 2017 was Lady Bird. Of 2018 was Eighth Grade. Of 2019 was Little Women. I’m nothing if not consistent in my total love of and weakness for a coming of age story. We all have our things. And one this well shot, and scored, and written, and acted, and DIRECTED - I dunno what to tell you. This was the movie that best combined quality of filmmaking with emotional connection for me personally. It had the most scenes I loved, the most performances I enjoyed, the most shots I marveled at. It seems like it wasn’t for everyone, and as the years pass I have a feeling this ranking might change, but for right now, thinking back on the year in film, I have a hot take to end things on: Steven Spielberg knows how to fucking make a great movie.

SHORTS

My Year of Dicks (animated)

Ice Merchants (animated)

The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse (animated)

Haulout (doc)

An Ostrich Told Me The World Is Fake And I Think I Believe It (animated)

The Elephant Whisperers (doc)

How Do You Measure A Year? (doc)

The Red Suitcase (live action)

The Flying Sailor (animated)

Le Pupille (live action)

An Irish Goodbye (live action)

The Martha Mitchell Effect (doc)

Ivalu (live action)

Stranger at the Gate (doc)

Night Ride (live action)

#Oscars

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