#i will never understand the allos

[eggmeralda]

I hate having romantic feelings this is horrendous I wanna go back to being fully aromantic

#i'm soooooooo buried within the abyss rn i'm gonna go watch the great escape again as a distraction and then project all my issues onto ocs #how do you already have a thing with someone new when you've literally just gotten out of a toxic relationship #i will never understand the allos #i kind of never wanna talk to him again bc this cycle is just gonna keep happening like i can never be normal about him #god as much as i had a crisis about being aromantic and it took me like 4 years to accept it and i was so depressed about it #i much prefer that to whatever this is #but yeah so i never wanna see him again but also it's the best friendship I've ever had so idk what to do #he has no idea about any of this as well so like. idek #allo people i'm so sorry you have to deal with this #ramble #wait this was worded badly but context is he's just gotten out of a bad relationship and now already seems to have a thing with #this other girl #NO i can't even rewatch the great escape bc i'd have to put it on my letterboxd and the whole reason i use letterboxd is bc he introduced #me to it 2 years ago #fuck #WAIT FUCK i have a gig with him on wednesday. why can i not escape him i wish i'd never met him

[knifearo]

ultimately when it comes to shipping and fandom space treatment of aspec characters i just don't accept "aro/ace people can still date/have sex" as an answer from nonaspecs. like yeah. mhm. okay. now i think we both know that you're not saying that out of real interest in the diversity of aspec experiences. so you can turn in your seventeen-page essay on why and how you plan to examine this character's aspec identity within the context of a romantic or sexual relationship complete with evidence from canon and peer reviews from multiple aspec people within the next week or i'm putting you in the pit from the edgar allen poe story

#you know. the one with the pendulum #'hey. why are you as an allo person shipping this aspec character like this' #'oh aspec people can still date/have sex!' #'yeah. now can you answer the question that i actually asked you' #like goddamn just say you don't care they're aspec and you want to fulfill a sexual/romantic fantasy with them. that's Fine #it like. sucks. for sure. lotta aspec people will be unhappy with you. but everyone is entitled to their own wants and experiences. #but i'd prefer you just be honest with it rather than using our community's conversation points as retroactive justification #and ONCE AGAIN. you guys are real fucking cavalier with this shit and it shows a real fundamental lack of respect for aspecs #when most of you would NEVER ship a canonically gay character with the 'other' gender. cause again. it would suck. #you can do it. nobody's Stopping you. but it would suck. #and we understand that putting a queer character in situations that erase that queerness is shitty! until it comes to aspec characters! #and whoa... there it is again... people don't consider aspec identities to be queer... crazy how it always comes back to that #anyway. you all know what i'm talking about. have seen many posts about this lately #it is [ long sigh ] unfortunately a very hot button issue with the advent lately of alastor hazbinhotel #which. again. god i wish there were other canon aspec characters to be having this conversation about. #but we'll have to do our best with what we have #aromantic #aromanticism #arospec #aroace #talking #aspec #asexual #asexuality

[redysetdare]

I keep seeing posts where people are saying "Valentines doesn't effect asexuals!" "romantic relationships have nothing to do with asexuality!" And while i understand the point they are making is to stop conflating Aromanticism with Asexuality, it is still extremely annoying to find people don't understand the nuance that comes with asexualities connection to romance - because it DOES have a connection to it. It DOES have problems in relation to romance. To say it doesn't is ignoring a huge set is experiences that ace people face.

One of the most common experiences for asexuals is the struggle to be in romantic relationships because they are asexual. a lot of romantic relationships expect you to have sex. if you're someone who doesn't have sex then unfortunately that causes a lot of people to lose interest in you romantically as well.

There's also non-sam aces, and let me tell you it's so very strange to hear someone bring up non-sam aros but then ignore the existence of non-sam aces in order to prove some point of it somehow being ace peoples fault that aro and ace are viewed as the same. Some non-sam aces do not date either. they are still ace and they can still face similar problems to aromantic people because of that. they are still effected my amatonormativity.

Aces DO have connection to romance. Asexual DID have a reason to trend on valentines day along with Aro and Aroace. Asexuality is effected my romance and amatonormativity. Sop acting like it isn't. stop acting like aros and aces have absolutely nothing in common. We can work together and have similar experiences and still be seen as separate identities. there is overlap. stop treating this as black and white where one identity can only be effected by one kind of problem. It's naive at best and down right hateful at worse.

#text #aro #ace #aromantic #asexual #aroace #aspec #i might get hate for this one but as an aroace who for a while was a non-sam ace (before i found out about aro) #romance DOES effect aces #not in the same way that it effects aros but #treating aces as if they can never know or understand amatonormativity and have never faced similar issues? idk it's ignorant to me #some of the way ppl in the aro community talk about asexuality and aroace identities is just...idk frustrating #i understand the frustration on their end but also i need you all to not fall down the rabbit hole of becoming acephobic #and blaming ace people for all the problems that allos caused #and understand there is nuance to identities and just because someone is asexual alloromantic #doesn't mean they aren't effected by amatonormativity or that they have no issues related to romance at all #asexual and Aromantic are not the same thing but also stop acting like they have no overlap at all period #we used to help each other man. stop throwing some of us under the bus to try and make a point #romantic expectations are not an aro only problem

[iridescentis]

i have to try so hard not to get upset when i have conversations with my family about love and sexuality because i know they will never understand anything outside of amatonormativity but fuck it hurts

being told that i will never have a best friend who will want to be with me forever because 'everyone will eventually leave because everyone wants to fall in love and build a family' just gets to me even though i know there are people who want that but it's just so hard to remember when no one in my life does

#are qprs really that hard to grasp?? #there's also the thing where #i am the only aroace person i know who wants a life partner #so it's hard to remember there are people like me when ive never met anyone who feels the same #funnily enough one of my allo friends has shown me the most understanding out of anyone #don't even get me started on aesthetic attraction #the way i can't go nuts about beautiful women because people irl will assume i want to date them #no sir she is art #how do i explain that pretty people are the same as a cute animal or a flower to me #i cant because THEY WON'T LISTEN #im sorry im ranting im just deeply passionate about this #years of pretending my aesthetic attraction was romantic/sexual has driven me to madness #aroace #aromantic #asexual

[platoniromantic-feelings]

Allos will say and commit the most deranged, most unhealthy-sounding nonsense you've ever heard, and then say, "haha but that's normal tho, i'm so normal, this is a normal thing to do or feel, like maybe it's regrettable but it's totally normal".

#aro-ace #asexual #aromantic #allos being annoying #i will never understand why they do these things to themselves #platoniromantic-feelings original

[truly-jcjenson]

Sorry 😔😔

... What. The. Hell.

#jcjenson answers #gimmick blog #robo vibes #jcjenson > scjohnson #i will never understand allos lol

[omni-scient-pan-da]

"I need some way to prove that this was real, a memory is not enough, I'm scared that I'll forget how it feels to be young and in love"

- Cody Fry, Photograph

#cody fry #quote #song quote #song lyric #photograph #cody fry photograph #don't mind me over here sobbing when i heard this line #panda posts #i know i say sobbing as a reaction a lot because of intenet slang #but i have just listened to this song ten times in a row and literal tears have consistently fallen from my eyes every time we get to this #part #something something childhood slipping away something something amatonormativity putting a pressure to have romance young something #something questioning arospec knowing that ill never feel romance the way allos do and knowing I don't NEED romance the way allos do but #crying because they make it sound so beautiful and ill only ever be able to witness in it's glory and never actually partake in it #i will forever be trapped on the other side of the glass looking at something i will never fully understand knowing i can be happy without #it but always wondering if any relationship i have can ever measure up to the impossible pedestal amatonormativity has raised romance to #rest upon

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads // twitter thread  

Tears in the Water

NA contemporary slice of life romance about a competitive swimmer with anxiety at a sports university

they start seriously questioning their gender when they make some new friends and start dating a trans volleyball player

queer friend groups, aspec characters

#Tears in the Water #aroaessidhe 2023 reads #trans books #nonbinary books #asexual books #i enjoyed this overall! #a good slice of life with lots of gender feelings #a few nitpicks: #there were a lot of like….jumping STRAIGHT into 3 paragraph dialogue about feelings about gender or sexuality or anxiety with no breaks #which like isn’t inherently bad I just think there could have been more of a lead up/build a lot of the times to make it feel more like a na #natural conversation #(the occasional word-vomit-monologue is fine but this was like. all the time) #re: the aroace side character; he’s ace and questioning if he’s aro and we mostly see that through the lens of negativity; #or he’s talking about his feelings as if it’s a negative thing to the MC and the MC is like telling him he’s probably aro and it’s valid #I guess there is an important space for aros who don’t want to be aro coming to terms with it (and he is happier about it by the end!) #i just don’t relate lmao i’ve never wanted to be allo. lmao. #i think something felt just slightly off about how it was written and discussed? maybe more the fact that it was through the MCs eyes more t #than anything #and also shoved into one chapter rather than. spaced out a bit idk #(also I don’t understand knowing you’re ace but not really knowing anything about being aro? but i guess that is also probably something #people experience irl) #(anyway; not a ‘this is bad representation’ criticism just a ‘could have been slightly better’ one)

[plushiehamuko]

being aroace is crazy bc sometimes it's like. whoo yay i have such a wider perception of relationships that's so cool yay!!! and sometimes it's like. i hate this it sucks

#squishy talks too much #i love my identity as aroace. but like #i am tired of being misunderstood #i wish i didn't have to go on social media and see people saying aroace identities and relationships aren't real #i wish i didn't have to go on aroace posts and see allo people say shit that is just straight up insensitive in the comments lol #i wish i didn't have to simplify my identity when people i don't know well enough ask bc they're not gonna understand if i tell them i'm #aro and a lesbian. sometimes people don't even understand asexual and lesbian #some people don't even know aro and ace are both separate things. some people don't know there is aroace at all #and like i don't mind when they're nice and they're respectful upon me explaining but it's like. can we please acknowledge aroace people #just as a whole. to the point where i don't have to consistently explain even the *very basic basics* to people both queer and not queer #and i wish i never personally had to argue with people about whether my aroaceness is valid or not #like. people have told me my identity and other aroace identities are fake DIRECTLY and DEBATED me on my OWN FEELINGS #like it's fuckin high school english or sum. it's insane #and i wish i could look at the list of Options when it comes to relationships and like #not want to choose 'none of the above but also not nothing in general' #and. i'm just tired #WAIT I FORGOT ONE MORE #i wish people would have aroace hcs for characters that aren't just #The Token Obvious Character To Call Aroace #i wish allo people would see us as more than a few repetitive and tired stereotypes #and i wish close relationships in fiction would be seen in aroace contexts #okay that's seriously it sorry for hater-ing on main

[minipisi-is-dumb]

man i am so so glad more aspec people are finding community and acceptance and visibility and all those nice words. like the idea that more and more aspecs don't have to grow up feeling alienated from everyone or that they know that there's nothing wrong with them makes me SO happy UAGHSHSHS guys i love being aroace have i told u that

#listen LISTEN i might sound like im 40 years older than what i actually am but #i never thought there'd be community at all #and that more and more aspec visibility is OUT THERE #like shows and books and movies and songs and CULTURE #like DUDE WE'RE SLOWLY BEING PART OF HUNAN CULTURE #HOW COOL IS THAT #something something lore dropping but guys i went through so much shit #that could have been easier to manage or just not be an issue had i known earlier or found confidence in it #and there being aspecs who will grow fucking SEEING THEMSELVES EXISTING #LIKE HAPPY AND FULFILLING LIVES ????? DUDE ?????? #LIKE EVERY TIME I SEE HOW EVEN NON ACE PPL TALK AND UNDERSTAND MORE AND MORE #usghshshs just fills me with undescribable joy #from jaidens video to alice oseman to jdramas with aspec protagonists #to amazing musicians like moses sumney or songs like never been in love #to allos being more comfortable with our concepts and slowly letting go of the pressure of amatonormativity #it takes time and time will take surely #but that makes me so hopefully man #ugh #idk this typa stuff means a lot ladies #minipisi.txt #asexual #asexuality #aromantic #aromanticism

[redysetdare]

I do not know how to express how fucking wild it is that I litrally had to come out THREE TIMES TO MY PARENTS Over being AroAce because they:

A) Keep forgetting B) Think it's a phase

I literally had to come out to my mom AGAIN LAST YEAR because my mom thought a friend and I were dating and responded to me saying i had told her i was aroace with "I didn't know if you were over that"

#text #aroace #aro #ace #aromantic #asexual #it still boggles my mind #i first came out to them to get them to stop asking me if i liked anyone in school #then i had to recome out again when i came out as trans because my mom thought i was a lesbian #and that i was using aroace to hide the fact i was a lesbian #and then ofc what i mentioned in the post #basically my mom consistently keeps assuming im secretly allo even tho i have consistently expressed not being so #the fact that she keeps also consistently assuming im gay like #I have told u exactly what i am i do not understand why its so hard for u to just accept it??? #i literally gave u the baby explaination too of me never wanted to date or get married or have sex SO LIKE???? #the thing is SHE KNOWS SHE HAS USED ME BEING ACE TO TRY AND QUESTION ME GETTING BOTTOM SURGERY #SO ITS NOT LIKE SHE'S FORGETTING #SHE JUST ISNT TAKING IT SERIOUSLY

[xjustonemoremiraclex]

for what is worth eddie talking with marisol was actually pretty cute he's SUCH a dork ad chris' sass continues to keep me alive <3

the couch saga ending with buck picking out a new couch with another woman, yet again, is... a choice 🤷‍♀️ i like natalia fine but that made no sense lmao

#having said that these two dating again with people they've spent 2 seconds with is beyond baffling lol #i will never understand allos #911 #911 spoilers #the rest of the finale was great though i'm glad bathena is finally going on that cruise <3

[timeisacephalopod]

I saw a post the other day that kinda pushed back on the way all coming of age movies are about sexuality and all high school stories basically center around who wants to fuck who and how that's like. Not really all coming of age and high school stories should offer since you know. Youth isn't about who you have a crush on and probably coming of age stories in particular should be far more diverse in subject matter than they are.

Honestly as someone who, when I was 'coming of age' age, hated coming of age stories and still do for the exact reason listed above (see the weird scene in It where we all sexualize a 13 year old girl because boys have crushes and surely there's no other way to portray this than feeling a child up with a camera to demonstrate boys have ~feelings~ Bev gets no equivalent scene because she's the object of affection rather than the subject feeling desire) I also wish there was diversity in those stories. And coming of age stories about adults- we don't stop going through huge life moments that change everything forever, but back to kids. When I was a kid I could have desperately used a coming of age story where the character has a sick and dying parent who does die by the end of the story and what happens after that. Granted I did just fine without it, but even without being asexual it's always irked me that coming of age stories don't seem to appreciate that kids have way larger problems and way better stories to tell then first crushes and first kisses for shit sake give kids who went through what I did as a kid some kind of story about what happens when your parent gets cancer and how complicated that is and stop assuming the biggest thing that happens around puberty is discovering sexuality that, if you were queer, you probably already noticed what you felt wasn't in a coming of age story anyway.

#winters ramblings #id actually LOVE to see a coming of age story about an immigrant child moving to a new country #and have the coming of age center around THAT instead of these bizarre vaguely adult explorations of sexuality #that honestly ive never related to anyway like maybe the allos get it but even THEY deserve more diversity in stories #SURELY even your local allos have a dad dying of cancer they desperately need to know what to do with #like deadass a therapist told me at 26 i was robbed as a child because of what i went through and i STILL cry when i think of that #but no coming of age is all sex shit because children according to adults dont have real issues #which tells me adukts writing the stories are MASSIVELY privileged or stunted by execs or straight up assune kids wont watch #a REAL coming of age story. also i want a coming of age story about a 40 year old who is going through a career change #and the struggles that come with late career change. the benefits of a late career change. all the complicated family goo around all this #just give me decent stories that arent too focused on fycking RELATIONSHIPS for once. have them there sure i dont care #but for FUCK sakes can we stop pretending a 13 year olds biggest concern us who they have a crush on?? #my dad was DEAD and i knew only one other person who lost her mom way younger than me at 8 #we did not understand each other and how could we when our situations were so different. BOTH of us were so highly alienated #because NO ONE not even each other could relate to a lot if the people around us. the only thing we DID have in common #was the sick feeling we got when someone would bitch about their parents having fair expectations or not giving them literally everything #we both had an 'at least you HAVE parents to hokd you to reasonable standards and all you do is SQUANDER it' even if our feelings werent #faur to our peers anymore than their feelings were fair to us. wheres the coming of age story about THAT #tell me a story about a 16 year old whos mom has been dead HALF her life already like my friend. i was lucky enough not to deal with that #until i was 24. she deserved better out if high school and coming of age stories too. believe it or not kids have REAL lives and problems #and im SO tired of no one writing anything but some sad kids books about it even if the books are SOMETHING to start with #like for shit sakes must NICEthat the worst thing YOU went through was realizing you had a sexuality but my queer ass #ALWAYS knew i was different and highschool highlighted that a BUNCH so unless we're exploring aroace teens that doesnt appeal either #great yet ANOTHER story about straight teenagers because THEYRE the ones who need guidance on how to express themselves #like they dont see strsight people storoes and sexuality EVERYWHERE plus the ACTUAL opportunity to date in high school #that most queer kids dont get or dont get in the same way. why is THAT the only story being told when its the most saturated and BORING #and also ignores that kids have REAL issues and NO angency. explore THAT. do ANYTHING but yet another fucking coming of age story #about straight kids having crushes on each other and thats IT like come on SERIOUSLY

[xiernin]

maybe this is a really niche thing but oh my god i absolutely hate it when i read something like “x character has never had a crush. they have never felt anything for anyone, they don’t understand the stereotypical crush behavior, and none of it makes sense to them.” and then the next line is something like “dont get them wrong though, they just know what they like.”

me, an aro, screaming from the sidelines: OR MAYBE THEYRE AROMANTIC

i mean freedom to people to write whatever they want, but it’s just a personal pet peeve… i swear it’s like aros don’t exist or that we can’t 😭

#idk i just really hate it #idek why properly 😭😭 it just annoys me #maybe it’s my fault for always thinking ‘this sounds so aromantic’ and then just setting myself up for disappointment #but idk people will literally be like ‘this character has never felt romantic attraction ever and doesnt understand it but dont worry theyre #still completely normal and allo’ 😭😭

[bemtevis]

“I love him more than anything” sir you have a family

#I understand why you love him more than your friends #y'all barely know each other past the surface lol #but uh. your parents. your sisters #ik it's a superlative but allos are so weird about love #MY aspec thomas would never #sol rambles

[boneless-mika]

Following cosplayers who cosplay characters you’re attracted to is hard enough without them making bdsm content lmao

#extra since I’m aroace so I’ve really never experienced feelings like this about real people and I feel awful #like I’m doing something wrong even though I know I’m not #and these are just normal feelings allos have for people even when not cosplaying #I guess it’s my secret view of the allo world #and oh boy I don’t understand how they do it