#i'm meandering again

[andromeda3116]

had a lengthy conversation with a coworker yesterday, and she's sort of the... not-insane kind of conservative. the sort that's lived like this her whole life and seen only the bad sides, heard and taken to heart only the bad-faith interpretations of everything. and in that environment, yes, i can see the appeal of libertarianism, of withdrawing, of "burn it all down" and she is intelligent and thoughtful enough that i feel it's worth having these conversations with her, that i might actually be able to have an impact.

and i think i made headway! i told her about people tens of thousands of years ago making toys for their kids that look like the ones we make today, about how cave paintings come alive in firelight, about a healed femur from thousands and thousands of years ago proving that humans have always cared and helped one another, and yes, of course some people are awful, but they do not define us. and i think i made her think about it when she said that she believes we should allocate money to communities to better help one another and i was like "how is that not a government?" and she paused and then said "it's just that it's gotten too big, it's the bureaucracy that's killing us" and like. i can see that. i think there are ways to solve that problem, but it's not a fundamentally flawed belief. (again, sane. intelligent, educated, willing to consider alternate points of view.)

and i think that a lot of this... madness of the modern world is rooted in fear and despair and isolation and the sense that we've become completely disconnected from ourselves and our history, and we need to remember that this is not true. or -- it's only true if we choose to make it true, if we let it be true.

this does not have to be our legacy. this rage, this despair, this does not have to destroy us.

#humanism #again yes of course there are awful people out there #and people who have been too brainwashed by the cult to consider that it could be wrong #but - loud as they are - they are fewer than they seem #the world is not completely fucked and we are not a hopeless cause #and the people who say it is are either peddling their own snake oil cure #or wanting to drag you down into their despair with them #nihilism is useless and counterproductive #i don't believe there's anything out there but chaos and we are but a tiny creature on a small planet orbiting an average star #one of trillions; and of course it's easy to think ''we are too small for anything we do to matter'' but. no? #nothing is too small to matter #i mean. what do you even mean by ''what matters''? there is no ultimate goal or purpose of humanity #it's like the concept of ''more evolved'' species as though evolution is a ladder but it's not. there is no higher being to become. #there is no one holding the keys to the great answers of the universe; or if there is or ever will be it's just us #these tags have meandered beyond the point but ultimately i'm just trying to say that it's never ever over until you give up #(and even then you can usually find a way to un-give up)

[blujayonthewing]

I am having big New Car Anxiety but I am ALSO having 'I have fountain pen ink that color!! I have nail polish that color!! I'm gonna use those both to celebrate eeehehehee'

#the anxiety is mostly just because it's a big and important purchase #and is sort of inevitable and unavoidable #but other than that I'm prepared to make this car my whole personality #GASP OOOHH I CAN GO TO THE NATURE CENTER AND DO FOREST MEANDERS AND NATURE SKETCHING AGAIN OOOUUUGHHH #I gotta start brainstorming decals... I prefer not to wallpaper stuff with stickers so I gotta be a bit judicious #about me

[xx-vergil-xx]

ch. 37 teaser – road trip shenanigans

#hounds #the sandman #dreamling #dream of the endless #hob gadling #matthew (the sandman) #delirium of the endless #despair of the endless #I would tag this zac brown band's chicken fried but then again #finally got a free hour to work tonight #behold: the fruits of my labors #road trip nonsense and terrible country music #but fr wrote a scene tn that was so like plainly visualized in my head it made me twisty inside #and it made it onto the page and I'm very happy #also inching ever closer to a bit I desperately wanna get to which is the return of one of my true best beloveds #which I think will be in this ch if intermediary things don't meander and get too wordy #this ch also features a waffle house #and patsy cline #excited to share it when it's done #in the meantime all my love <3 #sleepy tired going to bed #gnight <3

[eilooxara]

I'm not going to look for it now but a while ago I made a mopey post about sorrow soaking into my heart and causing it to rot and that the only solution is a heart without any cracks in it "but who has one of those" and I think that's the best angsty metaphor I've ever come up with

#Anyway I'm feeling that way again tonight #eilooxology #Late night meanderings

[sgt-celestial]

okay 40 squares DONE I'll start putting the back panel together tomorrow probably. It's not going to be a direct copy of bob's jacket cuz it'll be more like a cardigan but I'm sooo excited to do this.....i haven't been this excited for a big crochet project since like my paul mccartney granny square waistcoat

#my mike nesmith hat and blonde on blonde scarf don't count cuz they were relatively small projects. I <3 them forever though #but ouuuuuaaaaggggghhhh I'm so glad I'm finding passion in my crafts again. thank god I officially do not have classes until september #emi's meandering jotts

[birdantlers]

one of my fav subtle texas-isms about king of the hill is how the only visual difference in the christmas episodes is that the grass is painted brown instead of green

#I'm rewatching koth again #not the whole thing in one binge im just kind of meandering around season 2 #koth #skit yells #king of the hill #i love fhis fucking show i don't care

[torchickentacos]

So. I had been listening to a song and thought, 'Huh. This is going on for a while, isn't it?" So I checked, and.... hm.

#I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD HAVE A 37 MINUTE SONG #WHAT THE FUCK DEFTONES????????????? also long tags i start rambling about random stuff. as I do. #listening to their sophomore album. not as much a fan of it as some of their other stuff but it's still fun #i've really enjoyed exploring their discography more #even though I don't pay much attention to the lyrics #some music is mostly about lyrics to me but others it's just vibes #this is vibes to me #it is good noise!!!! #rather than something I'd take time to really listen to on a lyrical level. no meaning I really care to pick apart as of right now #Their lyrics seem somewhat sparse and like separate trains of thought anyways rather than cohesive stories within a song #not a bad thing at all!!!!! I like it. just an observation #but again I am saying this after liking a few main songs and only just now diving deeper into the discography #so maybe i'm entirely wrong!!!! #but it is somewhat shattered and meandering rather than start to finish like your bluegrass. not the linear storytelling aspect to it #not at all to say they're meaningless though because they aren't #just a bit more vague or winding and fractured about how they deliver that meaning I guess. #but again I can vibe with that #i do think a lot of rock songs tend to put more emphasis on emotion and sensation over story but that's a whole thing i won't get into #partially because it's past 1 am #but also partially because I don't have the actual intelligence on the topic to back myself up. it's purely anecdotal #just something I noticed #which could very easily be skewed by the type of music I gravitate towards within the genre for all I know #but again. 1 am. not the time to dissect the theoretical... uh.. methodology i guess? of how I would go about measuring that. #it's soooo interesting but I am not well versed enough to really discuss it BUT I WANT TO BE #goddamn it I wish I had been more. uh. well in high school. I would have loved the analysis stuff #shakespeare actually is very fun to read!!!!! but that gets into a whole other thing i have about how schools tend to teach stuff like that #they suck the fun and theatrics out of it #and it's the fun and fascination that drives kids to want to pick it apart and think about it. #but again. whole other topic. goodnight i am cutting this off here before i keep going about random shit

[whysamwhy123]

*surveys the landscape of Revolution and sighs deeply*

#aew lb #OC's gonna lose to the unfunny neckbrace meme guy #Because they have to try and make him feel like a threat again after spending months treating him like a complete joke #And to give Glassman Adam Cole and his merry band of midcarders something to do while MJF recovers #DG's gonna lose to - and probably join - Christian and his stupid faction #And the blackhole of awful booking that is the TNT championship picture will claim another victim #And because GOD FORBID Christian or Edge put over any young talent. Why that would be ridiculous! That's not what wrestling is about! #And perhaps worst of all #Swerve is gonna lose the world championship match #Confirming my suspicions that the only reason they reignited the Swerve/Hangman feud so soon after it ended #Was so that they could give Swerve a title match...and have Hangman take the pin #Because despite being the best thing in the entire fucking company by a country mile - AEW simply WILL NOT put a fucking belt on him #I mean why would they? They have a cavalcade of 50-year-old WWE guys and New Japan cast-offs they'd rather push instead 🙂🙂🙂 #So all he's gonna do is meander around the title picture without ever getting a singles championship run of his own #And this all SUUUUUUUUUUUCKS #Just UGGGGGGGGGH #Bad booking. Booking bad. #I would fucking looooooove to be proven wrong on all counts here #Or at the very least I hope I'm wrong about Swerve #Because if not...I might just be done with AEW entirely #Not even Mercedes showing up will keep me invested because why should I have any faith that they won't book her like shit too? #When all I have is evidence to the contrary? #Obligatory 'this is just my opinion and it's cool if you feel differently about any or all of this' #But...I cannot understand how y'all are enjoying AEW anymore. It's been TRASH for soooo long now this shit is DIRE. #And my patience has been thoroughly worn through

[troutfur]

I said it before and I'll say it again: GRAYPAW AND MISTPAW WOULD'VE BEEN INFINITELY BETTER PROTAGONISTS FOR ASC THAN SUNBEAM AND NIGHTHEART!

#i'm over here reading chapter four #and I'm so excited to see their continued relevance #all i ever wanted from the arc #like just indulge my vision for a bit: #this arc as a story of a litter growing up like a throwback to po3 #but instead of meandering pacing the breakneck speed of the plot keeps it in check #the drama the intrigue the potential to more fully develop RiverClan internal politics #the finally getting a more focused PoV spread again instead of jumping back and forth between three different clans #warrior cats #wc #a starless clan #frostpaw #graypaw #mistpaw

[dragonomatopoeia]

the posts about everywhere being walkable if you don't mind getting hit by a car are true in some senses. I am dependent on public transportation and walking and I have been hit by slow moving vehicles more than any of my non-pedestrian friends. whether by trick of fate or magnetism or the fact that if you are a short person constantly walking around, smaller than most of the larger and larger cars being manufactured these days, I have had more near-misses than anyone else I know

I have also been offered kindnesses. A single mother parked at the train station offered to drive me from the stop to my home every few days. Strangers who see me on the same commute every day offer me change for my fare. Some bus drivers waive it, even though I know they will get in trouble. People strike up conversations, ask about my health, debate the cost effectiveness of the monthly pass vs the flex pass vs the weekly

I could express some moral here about how all of the kindnesses are dependent on people seeing each other and how the causal cruelties are predicated on someone in a higher position being given the ability to run someone down without even seeing them. I could talk about how easy and quick it is to hurt someone when you can no longer see them.

But I think universalizing these lessons ignores the fact that these two methods of transport have been designed to prioritize different things, and are intentional in their choices. It isn't that drivers refuse to see pedestrians out of sheer malice. Cars have become larger. Crosswalks are poorly planned. Sidewalks are, in many places, non-existent. I have had to walk home along the shoulder of busy roads through no fault of drivers, but due to the failings of a system that prioritizes them at the cost of all others

#long post #this is pretty meandering and reflective but i'm just thinking about how #isolated cars are again

[beatcroc]

overall sonic frontiers opinion so far is the core game design is genuinely fantastic but they're also kind of weirdly awful at minor quality of life stuff

#not in any way that makes it unplayable or anything #just a lot of like. really small insances where its like. i feel like there could be less guesswork here #also i'm very interest in seeing where flynn's writing in an actual game will go #but so far the voice acting /dialogue/cutscenes have been uhhhhhhhhhhhhh really mediocre #again not Abysmal just like. yeah its a sonic game. like you know how much fun it is to make fun of sa1 cutscenes. its like that #i feel like this game is a lot more bland if you're actually trying to focus on progression because the gameplay loop is uh. uninspired. #BUT again the core design/layout of the terrain is like really really fucking good so #if you are the type who likes to just meander around by god you will find ways to meander. and eventually it will lead you back to the stor #this shit is DENSE #engaging with typical sonic level design architecture in like this freeform open world format is surprisingly very very cool #bweeeaaahh

[pangolin-404]

"The value of Life is negative. The balance of being is rotated by 38 degrees. The surface is full of cracks, a turgid light shines through. Fleshy primordial bodies sluggishly roll down the slope. Only you slide upwards, with a celestial step. You become beautified, a saintly figure. Your pristine idiocy reveals a safe path through the impenetrable fog of Life. Your dull sword cuts through the weak tendons and membranes of the garden of corruption. Sit on the throne of contentment and ferment. Inspect the eternal blue skies of your kingdom. You come to a realization. You pick up an onion and begin peeling."

#thoughts #my art #cruelty squad #cruelty squad posting #tw gore #tw blood #ask to tag #I feel like this is such an. oddly-soft toned piece; considering the nature of the game. meant to be. solemn #I'm not sure if I necessarily agree with all the philosophy this game waxes but I admire how it hits the mark #in both things I DO agree with and in how clearly it tells its own message as a whole #the world the game takes place in; where death is nothing and people are regularly killed; killers; unhinged and uncaring and meandering #and you are a creature struck by sheer luck amongst depression and desperation to live and pay #and even if you become a monster as well; ripping things apart; you are blessed you are a wretched husk #I feel so utterly unhinged speaking this way; praising the storytelling and world of a game that loOKS LIKE THAT #a reviewer I listened to summed it up as; it is best understood by people already aware of the worst parts of the world #the wealthy the lack of taxes; the murder the guns the open carry jokes #I will admit; that line. 'you one of those open carry guys? I respect that.' it made me cackle #my favorite level story-wise is the apartment. rent due. the normalcy of the player's room. it's so calm. it's normal. it's normal #and then it's not. and then it's back into the fray and never touched again

[mothghhost]

I have finished an art piece!!!!! even tho I am so busy!!!!! I will scan it in and post it soon <3

#it's about spaaaace #i think my biggest art fan mutual was destroyed by tumblr staff again tho #will post soooooooon when i am not falling asleep #I'm super proud of it :) #moth meanderings

[fifty-ten]

so far (like 3 hours of playtime) fashion dreamer seems like a good spiritual successor to style savvy (new style boutique), which makes me really happy

#i think the only thing I'm a bit down on is that it has a lot of mobile-game type things? like #timed events and quests that have to be cleared for that event & minigatchas and stuff like that... #and there's the ever-glaring issue of the fact that there are no fat body types in the game. but that's not unique to this game (sad) #but it scratches the basic style savvy itch of meandering and creating a billion outfits in rapid succession. #at the same time again - at this point im not sure if I'd necessarily recommend this game over styling star (←last style savvy title) #i'll have to see if the game has some hidden depths lying around somewhere i suppose. #fiftytenpost

[forhappysake]

We're Okay

A/N - Guys idk where this came from. I guess I'm just feeling emotional and inspired.

Content - After JJ admits her decade-long love for Spencer, you and your boyfriend have to have a conversation to calm both of your doubts and fears.

Warnings: spencer reid x fem!reader, season 14 spoilers, anxiety, mentions of typical BAU-level crime stuff, fluff at the end

You walked in the door slowly, cautionary even; afraid the smallest noise would bring reality crashing down on you. The car ride home had been completely silent, as neither of you bothered to turn on the radio. Spencer shuffled in behind you, the click of the lock making you wince as you did your best to avoid his gaze. You stripped off your coat, throwing it over the couch before walking straight into the bathroom, shutting the door firmly behind you. 

As you started the shower and stripped off your clothes, the evening’s events rushed back into your mind. Being involved in a hostage situation with an unstable unsub was one thing. JJ being held at gunpoint was worse. However, as if all that wasn’t enough, JJ admitting her decade-long hidden love for Spencer was the final nail in the coffin. As you climbed into the shower, you did your best to let the water wash away the thoughts running through your head. 

Unfortunately, your attempt was unsuccessful. As you dried off and wrapped yourself in a towel, your mind raced. You’d been dating Spencer for nearly a year and a half. The two of you had just recently moved in together. Having known him and JJ for at least half a decade, you knew they were close, but you never would have guessed this was coming. You couldn’t help but wonder if he felt the same way she did. If so, what did this mean for your relationship?

After stalling in the bathroom for so long that goosebumps dotted your freshly dried body, you mustered up the courage to slip out of the bathroom and into the bedroom that you shared with Spencer. As you walked across the hallway, you could see his silhouette sitting on the living room couch, head bent forward. You couldn’t tell if he was reading or in deep thought, but you decided that either option was better than the alternative: trying to have a conversation. 

You snuck into the bedroom, gently turning on the bedroom light and letting your eyes adjust to the warm glow of your room. You meandered to the closet, pulling out a simple t-shirt and shorts to sleep in. Slipping into your pajamas and stealing a glance at yourself in the vanity mirror, you noticed one of the many images covering the tabletop. 

A framed photograph from less than a year ago of JJ, Will, Spencer, and yourself with the boys on a weekend hiking trip. You felt a pang of guilt in your chest and wondered if Will had any idea what was going on in JJ’s head. You shook the thought away, reminding yourself that you had bigger problems of your own to deal with. You turned back to the bed, sliding under the covers and turning off the light. Despite your distress, you were exhausted and you found yourself losing track of time and drifting off to sleep in mere minutes. 

*  *  *

You awoke to the sound of the bedroom door latching shut. You rolled over, blinking your eyes open in an attempt to sneak a peak at your bedside alarm clock. You’d already been asleep for three hours and Spencer was just now coming to bed. It was well after midnight, and you knew that meant he had been up thinking about something. You figured it would be best not to push the subject after everything that had happened. 

With your eyes shut, you waited to feel the familiar sensation of Spencer climbing into bed. Instead, you felt his weight at the foot of the bed, as if he had perched himself on the end. You tried not to think much of this and did your best to fake sleep. However, it soon became apparent that Spencer was on to you. 

“I know you’re awake,” he said gently. His voice was gruff from the hours he’d spent in silence. Spencer waited before speaking again, “I think we should talk about what happened.” 

There it is, you thought. Your stomach sank as your eyes fluttered open. You rolled over to face him, leaning up on your arms. It was then you noticed that he was still in his suit. His unkempt hair fell over his eyes and you couldn’t help but feel a bit sorry for the disheveled man in front of you. “Alright,” you relented, still refusing to meet his eyes, “what do you want to talk about?”

Spencer rolled his neck, tension evident in his movements. “I want to know how you feel about what was said earlier,” he said. For the first time in hours, you met his eyes, trying to gauge his sincerity. You found no signs of dishonesty, so you fell back on the bed, letting out a dramatic sigh. 

“I don’t know, Spencer,” you groaned. “I definitely was surprised. I definitely wasn’t thrilled.” Spencer nodded, moving some hair away from his eyes as you spoke. “But,” you started again, “it’s not like we can go back and change it now.” 

He reached an arm out, putting a hand over the covers on top of your knee. “I know,” he whispered, “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

You scoffed a bit at his sincerity and his innocence, meeting his eyes once more. “And how do you feel about it?” you asked. 

Spencer bit his lip in thought. You could tell you had caught him off guard with the question, and he seemed to be calculating his response. “Can I be honest with you?” he said. 

You raised your eyebrows, the nervous feeling in your stomach intensifying. Is this where he tells you he feels the same way and leaves for good? You pushed your thoughts to the side. “Always,” you whispered.

He sighed, laying back on the bed so he was next to you. You could feel the heat radiating off him, and you wanted nothing more than to curl into his warmth. You knew this wasn’t the time, so you held yourself back and held your breath, awaiting his response. 

“First, I was confused,” Spencer explained, eyes locked on the ceiling. “I haven’t thought about JJ like that in over ten years. Frankly, I never knew she thought of me that way, so I was caught off-guard.” 

So he did have a crush on her at one time, you thought. You were ready to close your eyes in defeat, to slip off the bed and out of the apartment and never come back when he cleared his throat. 

“But then,” he started once more, “I had a quick epiphany of all the moments she’d gone out of her way for me, and I could understand where she was coming from.” You turned to look at him, watching his eyes scan the ceiling as he tried to come up with his next statements. 

“And?” you asked, prompting him to continue. 

“And then,” he continued your previous statement, “I was terribly appalled.” 

Your head, which had turned to the ceiling, snapped back in his direction. You felt your eyebrows raise and your jaw drop open a bit in surprise. “Appalled?” you asked, confusion evident in your expression. 

“Appalled,” Spencer echoed, sitting up on the edge of the bed once more and looking back at you. 

“Why?” you asked. 

Spencer shook his head, looking around the room. “I’ve been thinking about that for the last couple hours, and I’ve come up with a lot of reasons,” he mused. “I know she was in a tight place, but Will deserves better than that. The boys deserve better than that. But aside from them,” he leaned over on the bed, intertwining his fingers with yours, “I couldn’t stop thinking about what you must have thought. I was so afraid of your reaction and of losing you.”

Despite your evident emotional state as tears pooled in your eyes, you tried to play it off. “Spencer, this isn’t about me,” you reminded him. 

“Yes,” he said, lying next to you, “it is.” Spencer ran a hand through his hair, pulling some curls out of his eyes. “Everyone knows how much I love you. I know how scary something like this can be. But you have to know that I have no idea where this came from and that anything JJ and I had died, on my end, long before I ever met you.” 

You glanced over at him, the sincerity in his voice had moved you to believe him. For a moment, you forgot about JJ and Will, the boys, and the implications of her words. You offered his fingers a small squeeze. “So we’re okay?” you asked in a tiny voice. 

“More than,” Spencer whispered. 

He rolled on his side to face you and you mirrored his actions. He wrapped his arms tight around your body, the textured material of his suit jacket pressed against your cheek. A gentle kiss was pressed to your forehead and you found yourself falling back into sleep. After several minutes passed, you felt Spencer’s voice rumble through his chest for a final time before he succumbed to sleep: “Ever since I met you,” he mumbled, smoothing some stray hairs away from your face, “it’s always been you.”

#criminal minds #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid #criminal minds x reader #dr spencer reid #spencer reid fluff #bau x reader #jennifer jj jareau #jennifer jareau #jennifer jareau fanfiction #jeid #doctor spencer reid #doctor reid #agent reid #matthew gray gubler #criminal minds fic #bau x female reader #bau fic #bau #spencer reid fanfic #criminal minds fandom #spencer reid criminal minds #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fic #spencer reid angst #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine

[alteredphoenix]

The more I read about JJK flooring the gas pedal and any% speedrunning its way to ending this year, the more I lose my confidence in rereading it again.

#like. i was reading it during the shibuya arc #about 3/4 of the way before it ended #and i remember thinking the story so far was alright #decent but IMO not really worth the hype #b/c as i read it i got the impression it was missing something #although not sure what exactly it was missing other than it just *did* #of course i found out it has light novels so maybe *that* was what i was missing #but then i heard about the female cast getting tossed to the wayside #plus the meandering of the culling games arc #plus talk of plot threads and whatnot being left dangling and unresolved #(and nobara STILL not being accounted for) #and i'm like. should i still try...? lmao #idk. this isn't meant to knock on anyone reading the series #i'm just. once again noticing this trend of authors blasting their way through their own series in spite of their popularity #and idk if it's b/c of health issues or editorial headbutting or just being sick of their own work #but it's not only depressing it's rather frustrating #like dude that's a story you made w/ your own blood sweat and tears. put some heart into it...!!