#i've been in a slow transition between positions for months

[yukioujo]

not me speedrunning the event on its last day because i've had barely any time to play throughout its run

#❀ ⊹ ⁺ ₊ ˚ ⸝⸝ 𝐟𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲〘 ooc 〙. #I KNOW I KNOW MY GIRL DESERVES THE WORLD #I DID ALL OF THE MINIGAMES THO #work has been particularly grueling #i've been in a slow transition between positions for months #the position i switched into was already behind on work #and only started getting A LOT of new curveballs that fell to me that the last person never had to deal with #and i'm technically still ' in training ' and wasn't even properly trained #so i had to teach myself #and with all of the holidays and short weeks etc #WHELP #well #i've been going in early recently just to try and catch up #🥲 🥲 🥲 🥲 #so we'll see how that turns out #long tags for ts

[villainsrph]

hey everyone ! this is a big update that I've been trying to properly put together for a minute. between the holidays, IRL work, general life management, etc - I simply have not been here. I've always been slow, but my presence here has basically been non-existent and I apologize for that.

TL;DR commissions will be closed and no new work will be accepted for at minimum two to three weeks, if not longer! I'm transitioning commissions to being a side-gig as opposed to my full time job, and it's been tougher than I expected. I appreciate everyone bearing with me! under the cut is a good old genuine word-vomit processing a lot of big feelings I've had the last month and a more in depth explanation of my current situation!

I appreciate everyone who has commissioned me over the years and that continues to do so! I'm excited to continue to create for you guys in the future, with a healthier work mindset and schedule! all is well, I'm happy and starting to do well, and happy holidays to everyone!

(this paragraph is solely me gushing about my job, I could do it for hours.) I really love my IRL job. (I've posted it before, but to those who hadn't seen, I work in a movie theater now!) this is genuinely something I can see becoming a full fledged career for me and I didn't expect that. I have so much fun, I leave work feeling fulfilled and appreciated, and I've become close with practically every member of our staff. my identity as a trans man is respected as well. I'm also already having more opportunities within the company being offered to me, and I want to put the proper energy into it.

that is why I've been taking time to rest when I can and not push myself to be here online if I'm not physically or mentally in the right mindset to create, or putting a time limit on myself to do so. my anxiety surrounding my finances is something I've struggled with for years. going into a paid, consistent position has been eye-opening and so healthy for me. I never thought I'd be able to accomplish that (I certainly wasn't fit to in the past) and I'm genuinely very proud of myself and happy.

I've revolved everything in life around commissions in previous years, and not always in the healthiest way. I've taken the last few weeks to re-evaluate my feelings and expectations that I and I alone put on myself to be here. my life has changed a lot this year. truly from the lowest of low, to a place that is happy and warm. it feels appropriate to be going into the new year with taking a new outlook on life and work in general.

while I won't be stopping commissions any time soon, as I said above, I've been struggling to break out of the mindset of this being my sole full time job that I rely on and transitioning it into more of a side job for me. so to start with making healthier strides here, I am not going to be accepting commissions at least for the next two to three weeks at minimum. I'm going to solely focus on the current list and get caught up when I'm free to, and re-evaluate how much of my time I can properly dedicate to commissions every week. I want to find a good balance of commissions, my career, and my home life - with, for the first time since I started, commissions taking the backseat.

thank you again to everyone who has been patient with me beyond reason, who has commissioned me, bought templates, etc ! y'all are the reason I've been able to get to this point in my life, and I will forever be unbelievably fucking grateful. and if you actually read all of this, thank you.

#this is all a huge word vomit #but I needed it out of my brain tbh #it's been an Awful day irl due to some home/holiday stuff and I just needed to process some feelings #I love you guys so much and I'll never be able to convey how much I appreciate y'all #well and fucking truly #out. #this is something I've needed to do for a long time #and I'm ready to make that step!

[talesfromthebacklog]

Tales From The Backlog: Cult Of The Lamb

7/10

I bought this a few months back after I saw Mashed's very cute (and a little morbid) "Cult Of The Lamb" animation.

Cult Of The Lamb is an interesting franchise. It's so cute and yet has a great sense of crass humor. I put about 22 hours into this title and finished the game. (As well as got the DLC and finished some of the small side missions offered in game.)

It's a short romp but a good one nonetheless. Your own character motivation is very murky. You've been wronged, but have an opportunity to do a great deal of hurt in return. You're able to choose how benevolent (or malevolent) your cult becomes. I mostly stuck with the positive options because the villagers were ultimately so cute. (Though design wise I think the lamb is the cutest.)

The game is good but is financially broken quickly. Once you unlock the fishing ritual; kiss your money troubles goodbye. For a majority of my playthrough I wanted for nothing. This made the cult management part of the game a breeze which is a double edged sword. As I'm the kind of player where once I've started achieving things with too much ease I start to get bored. I don't want to struggle the whole game but I also broke it too quickly. (I picked up Rune Factory 3 Special in September which had a similar problem. I was 2/3rds through the game with $400,000 and had just finished year 1 summer in a few days. Not all games have to be long. I don't want this to be a long experience nor do I appreciate extending the game through empty grinding. I simply want the resources to be a touch more balanced.)

Don't get that complaint twisted, the cult management is fun. Though if they make any more of this game in the future I'd like to see some mechanics swapped for others. And maybe one or two more things to do. The villagers are great. I love how they defect, I like that they're dumb as rocks, it's cute you can customize each one. I kinda wish my marriage spouse had a special outfit to match you though. I want to see my spouse wear a special fleece or flower crown.

While it has good presentation I found the game likes to crash (and lag) a lot. Especially in-between transitions and loading screens. While those things aren't necessarily a game ruiner for me, I am surprised those problems haven't been patched out in the year-ish its been out. Its saving grace is its rigorous auto-save. Which does help make the problem more ignorable. But it is scary going through dungeons sometimes when that load screen takes jussssst a little too long and you're so close to the end with a bunch of good loot.

Okay? But what about the rogue-like portion of the game?:

You see a lot of bones of other games in Cult of The Lamb. Some I like. Some I don't. It mostly reminds me of The Binding of Isaac in terms of themes and gameplay. (A game I like aesthetically but don't like to play. Which in contrast I prefer Cult of The Lamb as it gives a break from its dungeon crawling and provides the dungeon crawling in shorter bursts. Binding is built well, but too long winded for my taste.) Also Stardew Valley. That fishing game was awfully familiar! Lol.

My main complaint is how I constantly seem to ONLY get my least favorite weapon of the game, the hammer. As a speedy player it's atrocious to play. Exiting/dying/finishing the dungeon and then coming back doesn't seem to fix my problem either. I keep getting the slow hammers. And I can play with them effectively... But they aren't fucking fun. Weapons just don't seem to have even distribution. I like the axe and the dagger damn it. It'd be less of a headache if weapon replacements appeared more frequently but the game seems to prefer ONLY giving me multiple curse/relic choices over multiple weapon choices. I've only ever seen the gloves appear two or three times in my playthrough and I was in the dungeons constantly.

I love how in a Cult of The Lamb dungeon romp the game gives you an option to play a dungeon as long or short as you like (Once you've beaten an area). The resource collecting is also fun and I like destroying the environments. And while I didn't use it, it was a nice touch that it allows players to turn off time progression in dungeons.

Other than that it's pretty standard fare. If you're good at these games you darn near don't need the curses and relics. Especially after you've racked up your tarot card deck. The tarot cards are arguably my favorite part of the dungeon sequences. They are small, decently substantial rewards for thoroughly exploring dungeons that give you some pretty fun boosts. Especially once you get multiple cards those boosts really start to add up and make you feel powerful. This paired with the "fleece" you choose to wear makes for a good time. The golden fleece was solidly my favorite of the lot.

The enemy variety is small but fun. I like the bosses. The fourth boss in particular I actually felt bad for to some degree. Learning more of the limited lore that is provided is satisfying. It's paced nicely too. And it is not lost on the game how hypocritical your own crusade is in your quest for freedom.

Overall this was a good experience and one I might come back to in a few years.

...

I am definitely getting some of their merch though the lamb is so stinking CUTE.

#cult of the lamb #tales from the backlog #narinder #devolver digital #gaming #gamer #video games #video game review #review #Nintendo switch #playstation #nintendo #playstation 5 #TFTB #the one who waits

[junebugwriter]

Tiring night. I work overnight as a hotel night auditor, and a lot of that is a pull between customer service and managing certain accounting tasks for the next day, which is a pretty easy job all things told, as long as the "customer service" variable is relatively manageable. However, it was a Friday night, and those are usually rough. Phones ringing off the hooks, guests lining up in front of me, you know the drill. It can be maddening.

I get the feeling it wasn't supposed to be like this. None of this is supposed to be like this. The more money people have to blow, the angrier they seem. I'm doing a the job of a supervisor for the pay of an entry level worker, and I've done so for six months, since the time the last overnight supervisor quit. I've just... kind of done it. Nobody asked. I've trained several people in that time. I've applied for the supervisor job, too. I've been told for a month now that any day now, the "promotion" will be mine. My pay hasn't gone up. My authorization hasn't gone up. I'm still just doing the same thing I've always been doing, for not nearly enough money.

But my story is hardly unique, isn't it? Companies don't do anything unless they are forced to. Management doesn't care about the workers until they are made to care. But I'm isolated. There are three (3) total overnight auditors at this hotel with service for over 600 rooms. We should have at least 6 people doing this job. But we don't. Because we've gotten by without it for so long, the management seems to think it's going to be fine forever. I've told my direct boss, who is fine and who gets it (tm) because she was a front desk worker not long ago and deals with all the front line bullshit on a regular basis. She's been fighting for me. But management has never responded to any email I've ever sent. They've never corresponded. I've only ever seen the current front office manager twice. In five years. Once was on accident as I was leaving. The other time was when he had just started working here. I had been here for three years at that point. I've outlasted three rounds of management hiring and firing.

From what I can tell, though, this is how it is EVERYWHERE. Every time I talk with other hotel staff, or with other service workers, or hell, even with OFFICE workers, people are being over-extended. This goes well beyond burnout. I mean, I'm burnt out. I know I am. But I'm managing doing this job full time, while writing a PhD dissertation... and now managing gender dysphoria and beginning transition, too. It's all so much. Everything is just happening so fast, it feels like the world is accelerating so fast, and nothing will ever slow down, get easier, or get better.

I don't know of any person my age who has hope things will get better any time soon. Unless we all do something about it, nothing will get done. I tried a union, but the anti-union work is very real around here. Also, I work with max 3 other people a night. I don't see the bulk of the work force, so organizing isn't exactly something I'm primed to do. Not that "organizing" is a thing I'm at all good at anyways.

I just feel so fucking fried, so tired. I know part of it is my disability, but I also just know that this isn't how things are supposed to be, either. Nobody should have to do all the shit we have to deal with. Nobody should be paid pennies for working at a place you could never in a hundred years reasonably afford given our wages. Yet here we are. And the worst part? Management keeps finding new, stupider ways to scam people out of their money, which makes customers madder because they KNOW that they're being scammed--and take it out on the service workers!! As if we're in any position to do anything about the pricing that was decided by the upper levels of everything! As if we don't already know that the hotel is garbage, overpriced, and only this expensive because we're in a tourism town!

I work all the fucking time, to the point where I don't want to do anything on my days off because I need the time to recover. But recovery never comes. Just more anxiety, more worry, more work. And it seems never ending.

It shouldn't be like this. This cannot continue. But it will, until we have a broad and connected working class to push back against the powers that be. I know, I'm isolated, disenfranchised, and disenchanted intentionally, that's how capitalism works. But goddamn, each day feels like we're all squealing into the next on bald tires and broken brakes, but if we stop, we starve.

This cannot continue. It all has to burn, so we can build a better world in the ashes of the old.

#work #capitalism #anarchism #communism #socialism #anarchocommunism #community #hospitality #service work #blog #personal #political philosophy #economics #capitalist realism

[steamishot]

holidays

the holidays are over and there's some post-holiday blues. this is better than the holiday blues that i've experienced previously, haha. i have a longer time to settle back into reality because the first week back at work was very slow and chill. all of the managers in HR, as well as some of my colleagues were out of office. my teammate L has officially left us to go to a different department. the work that i transferred over to her when i received a promotion will likely fall back on me again. our immediate team has had a very low turnover rate. S, L, I and i have all been part of our academic team for 4 years now and there was only one switch for the 5th person. however, it makes sense for L to jump because she's still young (3 years older than me).

sometimes, i find it difficult to transition between the lifestyles between NYC and here because it's so different. i'm definitely feeling some "in-betweener" symptoms. yesterday, SZ and i checked out a local yoga class in echo park at 9am. the first thing she said when i picked her up was that it's so windy and chilly outside, and that she was gonna be blown away by the wind (which in my mind was normal tolerable wind). then, when i got to yoga class, so many other people were talking about how windy and cold it has been. the yoga instructor even thanked people for coming out on such a chilly morning. i had no idea because my baseline of cold and wind has now changed, and i was oblivious to the wind/chill because it's way more tolerable and pleasant than the cold weather in NYC. i've been feeling really confused about how "cold" things are supposed to be to be considered cold now.

job search updates: matt had a 30 minute interview with COH last thursday, and we're in the process of setting up one with kaiser woodland hills. but no updates on LA general, UCI, or UCLA. the interview with LA general was back in late november, and we are hoping for an update this month. gah, i hate this anticipation and uncertainty. i explained in therapy that interviewing feels like a black hole sometimes. you expend so much effort into this one thing (prepping, and interviews that are sometimes 5 hours long) for it to be a gamble whether or not you move on. i've again started feeling more discouraged and pessimistic as time passes.

relationship: i've been feeling emotionally disconnected recently. it's just been difficult with his long work hours, on top of preppping for interviewing and interviewing, that our quality time together has been very limited. the last time i was back in LA, i felt depressed/sad that we were back to where we started - long distance with nothing to show for it. however, i feel more optimistic this time around and am seeing it in a more positive light. i am getting the human interaction/community feeling that i was craving, and he's getting the space to unwind after work and do his own thing without someone constantly there (and bugging him). although i miss him, the space does allow for us to focus on our own things, rather than always be intertwined due in part because of the small space. i'm proud of him that he's learning to human, take care of all his chores and make healthier meals, make time to gym/run. matt will be flying back to LA again tomorrow (he's working really hard) and we'll fly back to NYC together this sunday.

limbo: although i feel like our lives have been in limbo, not having roots in a specific place and always on the go, i am grateful that i have solid connections and some kinda roots on both coasts now. i was able to meet up with M&J and SZ this time around, and also met a bunch of family members. on the east coast, S&I are already planning for a double date home-cooked meal at their apartment (which i feel is reserved for close friends/family so it is a privilege), R&T will have a bday celebration in march, and T would like to celebrate my birthday with me. matt also booked another staycation at the equinox as my birthday gift. 🥰 although being in limbo and forced to be flexible has been difficult for me (as a rigid person), i'm trying to focus more on the positives of my situation instead. in LA, i also had the privilege of celebrating christmas and new years with our families. i'll also be going to vegas this week with matt's family, meeting up with previous coworkers and attending my nieces bday party this weekend before heading back.

LA winter: this is also the first winter that i've ever WFH in LA. besides it getting darker and colder, i don't remember that winter had that much of an effect on me when i was commuting to the office. it was the same ish everyday/autopilot. now, i've been getting sleepy at like 7pm because it gets dark at 4pm. i also don't feel inclined to leave the house when it's dark. it's been harder to get up in the mornings because the bed is too comfortable and warm. and i do feel myself getting lazier to workout because of the cold.

life: my dad's cousin/family member passed away recently at 80. it was sad because my family had just had dinner with their family a few months ago and he seemed fine. we grew up meeting with their family periodically since i was little, and they were the only reason we would ever eat at vegetarian restaurants. my dad will be attending the funeral this week. this is the closest "family" member's death that we've had in america in a while. when my parents were on the cruise, they also learned of another friend's death. recently, my mom's cousin in france also passed away after battling cancer. i've never seen my parents cry, get emotional, or grieve over someone's death. it's always been a stoic understanding of "this is part of life". at their age 60+, death seems like a frequent topic ("did you hear this person died?" etc). it reminds me to stay present and cherish the times we have with all our loved ones.

[j-a-smiths-blog]

1356 5Dec23: Bar Exam results are out. Unfortunately, my nephew did not make it.

Besides the bar exam results it's been a slow start day and it is making me feel like I've seen enough of the Philippines and ready to go back to the states. But that currently just is not feasible.

My history friend messaged me this morning, which was quite a positive thing because without asking him to do so, he went and found information for me in regards to my story and character building. Providing dates of sailing as well as a few of the ships captains, armaments and such I could utilize the "Galeon of Manila Our Lady of the Pillar of Zaragoza" as the ship my character had sailed on as a carpenter. Starting from July 26, 1733, it conducted four safe transits between Manila and Acapulco as well as well as a few months off the coast of China before heading out on it fateful transit July 31, 1750.

I could utilize the April 8, 1747 departure from Acapulco as the only time I rode the ship as we headed to Manila, arriving on July 7, 1747. I'm thinking my character could be an undercover but that could be to deep... then I'm thinking I'm just a laborer who got lucky to transit with the ship back to Manila to "Start a new life"

So I have some wiggle to start developing. And maybe I just need to actually focus on this. We will see.

[insanelydeadlybookcollector]

517 The One With Rachel's Inadvertent Kiss

"I am serious, we're all over each other all the time." And nothing in the series point to the contrary. Ever.

Phoebe is definitely waking the dragon of Monica's competitiveness on purpose here. But why? Why are you doubting them?

I mean, sure, she's always seen them close and touching needlessly and nothing's really changed so maybe she wonders if they've made the transition from friends to lovers or they're more friends-with-benefits.

Maybe she sees them as this domestic old married couple - which they are - and wonders if they're still as hot as they were. She did catch them having sex, so she knows it has been hot and fiery between them.

More importantly, Phoebe has this vision of toxic relationships as healthy. She herself has never had a relationship that's lasted longer than three months (she'll admit to that in season 9 quite reluctantly) so she doesn't know what it's like to move from the honeymoon phase into something real. As far as we know, her mother never remarried, so her exposure to sex at an early age might not have been all that positive. Living on the streets has taught her to question love, be suspicious of kindness, and use sex as a transaction. She happily dates a man who was obsessed with her sister, and again in season 8 we see her date a man who is stalking her. She idolises the darker side of lust - the jealousy, the obsession, the chase because she's never seen or experienced the kinder sides of a romantic relationship - the closeness, the non-sexual touching, the need to be together all the time, and the pleasure of the other already smiling at you when you go to look at them.

Plus, Phoebe has just given up three babies, yes she intended to do it, but she's also suffering mentally because of it. and she's lashing out by being doubtful of her two closest friends. Monica being Monica has no idea that it's all just a silly game to make Phoebe feel better about herself by putting others down, and takes it as a challenge that she needs to prove herself to Phoebe.

Hot Take : What Phoebe is actually asking here is "I've only ever had sexual relationships, not romantic ones, when does the sex slow down to become what you and Chandler have? I want what you and Chandler have. but I don't know how to ask for tips without humiliating myself."

#why doesn't phoebe seem to like chandler sometimes #phoebe blowing hot and cold on her opinion of chandler makes me hurt #alternate reading: phoebe idolises mondler and wants to know how to get into a relationship that close but doesnt know how to ask #friends season five #friends tv #mondler #chandler and monica #chandler x monica #monica x chandler #monica and chandler #monica geller and chandler bing #chandler bing #monica geller #monica geller bing

[diobrando]

Idk how to do a read more on mobile anymore lol but uhhh idk keep scrolling since this is about my dogs

So I've got 2 senior German Shepards and their lifespan is between 10-14 years and ofc less if theyre boys (which they are) and one of my dogs is already 14 (if im remembering correctly and we got him for my uncle back in 2008) and the other dog we have no real way of knowing his age bc he was a stray that my brother forced me to take care of... it was a whole thing bc the dog wouldn't leave bc my brother kept giving him food and water and there's this ledge at the back of our property that had tons of vines and other plants ANYWAYS the point is that he would sleep there during the day and animal control never saw him when they spent 2 weeks in our neighborhood collecting the strays which my brother took as a sign to just transition the dog from there into our actually property and it was very annoying because we already had the dog my uncle no longer wanted (he originally said he'd take the dog bc his daughters agreed to help but they never did so the dog was very underweight by the time we moved into our house and my uncle saw how healthy he looked when they went to el Salvador for a month and we took him in so thats how ownership was transferred lol) but anyways I spent the first year pissed bc this dog was bigger than our first dog and he would steal his food, attack him, and ofc the cleanup was so hard bc we still hadn't covered up the dirt patches and they'd both make crazy messes... they get along fine now like they def love each other and I love them both since we've had them for so long now but they're so old... champion has his off days where he won't eat and he'll sometimes have accidents in my room (he doesn't get in trouble I know its not on purpose) and he has trouble with the steps out front and even falls into the gap between the fence :/ he's my 14 year old and he also has advanced arthritis so I try to be extra gentle and accommodating with him by buying him comfy beds and taking things extra slow and helping him get up (when possible bc I never know if he's going to bite me for it and I dont mind if he bites my hand but in some positions I just dont want to risk him feeling uncomfortable and lashing out and getting my neck or face bc god knows that would hurt a lot since both my dogs have strong bites) geez ok and ny other dog I estimate is btwn 11-13 hes so aggressive and territorial which is a major problem. He is not really allowed off the property bc I cant control him or hold him back if he lashes out (and I have been on the receiving one of his soft bites and let me tell you those things hurt so fuxking bad and it wasn't even that serious like yeah it tore the skin and I bled but it was just the surface and it was so funny bc he immediately knew he fucked up and went slack) but yeah he also has arthritis and its not as bad as my older dog but it will most likely get worse and he also has a weird growth on his chest between his 2 front paws and its like.... im already spending my money on their dog food (I wanna say roughly $60 a bag and $30 for a few packs of chicken or champion won't eat at all and this is every month) and I told my brother to consider what he wants to do with shaggy bc he is old and its most likely a tumor and idk if its gonna be worth it to spend thousands esp for him when he's the only one in his household that works and he has to support his wife, 2 kids, and the animals they have (yes my brother moved out and left me with that beast of a dog and he NEVER comes to visit them anyways so why put up a front like youre concerned... this is just like the new years eve incident when my dog ate a huge block of rat poison and I saw him finishing it and i had to immediately induce vomiting and then when he said he'd go to the vet with me he wanted me to wait 2 hours like ????? HELLO? HE ATE POISON!!! and then I had to spend the night at the ER bc my brother and mom had a stupid fight and she tried to kill herself)

so idk if it would be the right move to put them down soon or to let them die at home (probably in my room bc that is where champion spends most of his time when someone is at home) and it doesn't even matter which dog dies first (naturally it'll probably be champion) the other dog is going to be so depressed

#long post #sorry idk im not counting on anyone to read this or offer any advice either im just talk to myself bc i dont really have anyone to talk to

[mamikiddy]

Keys to Finding The Right Way to Potty Training.No Hustle No Stress

If you're like most parents who are still monitoring their two-year-olds' pee pees and poops, you're looking forward to potty training your toddler and moving closer and closer to a diaper-free household. And who could blame you? In addition to being expensive and messy, diapers may even serve as daycare roadblocks. So, it's in everyone's best interest to get the job done sooner rather than later...

Understandably, however, you may be unclear on the best method for potty training toddlers and may even be completely clueless. If so, don't worry - none of us was born knowing how to potty train children (it's definitely a learned skill) and you can get reliable help for real-life experts... like me.

Learn more the easiest ways to potty train your toddlers

I've been potty training toddlers for the past thirty years and have witnessed firsthand what approaches and techniques work best. I have also counseled hundreds of parents along the way and conducted extensive research in order to learn what pediatricians, child therapists, and other experts advise. And although potty training methods vary widely there are four basic approaches. The first is, what I call the "let-children-teach-themselves." Widely used in the United States, it is based on a belief that potty training is a developmental skill that cannot be "taught" - much like walking, talking and eating solid foods. In other words, children will be potty trained when they are ready. End of story.

To be perfectly blunt, this is hooey, and in my opinion has far more to do with parental preferences than it does with sound scientific theory. Simply put, this "method" requires little or no preparation and easily fits into busy lifestyles. Why? Because parents aren't doing anything!

Yes, they may introduce their children to the potty, but that's about it. As a result it usually takes 1-6 months longer to potty train; often interferes with childcare opportunities because these toddlers are that much older when they're trained; diapers are needed longer, so parents waste money; and it's more difficult to potty train these toddlers because their behaviors are more entrenched.

The second method for potty training toddlers is one that is not commonly used in the United States and practiced mostly in developing nations. I call it the "potty-train-babies" approach.

Parents using this process, hold their infants over the potty to catch their eliminations. It's based on the theory that babies will gradually learn to signal before they urinate or have bowel movements. And while there is scientific evidence that supports this theory and it certainly puts an early end to diapers, it is extremely impractical for most families. Why? Because it requires an extreme level of attention and commitment from parents, grandparents, babysitters, and anyone else who comes in contact with the babies. Also, as you might expect accidents are commonplace so time and energy spent cleaning up can be onerous. In other words, this is definitely not potty training made easy!

The third basic approach is the "practice-makes-perfect" method; over time parents introduce their children to the potty and conduct regular teaching sessions with them. The system is based on the belief is that toddlers will eventually "get it" and transition from diapers to pull-ups to underwear.

Learn more the easiest ways to potty train your toddlers

Again, in my opinion, this method sets parents - and children - up for failure for three major reasons:

1. The vast majority of parents cannot remain consistent over the extended period of time this requires (i.e. practice sessions must be frequent and regular in order for this to work). Also, you should be aware that this is a slow and circuitous road to a diaper-free world, so be prepared to hunker down for the long haul if go this route.

2. Using pull-ups and/or diapers during the training process sends complicated mixed messages to toddlers and severely hampers the potty training process

3. Children are learning to use the potty at their parents' initiation, not their own! That's not the objective here... the goal is to potty train toddlers, not parents!

The fourth basic method for potty training toddlers is the accelerated approach. Although there are many different techniques used within this fundamental mode - some good, others not - I do recommend this method.

Here is a quick overview of an accelerated method which combines time-tested, wholesome behavioral modification techniques within a positive, nurturing and emotionally supportive environment.

o Before potty training toddlers parents assess their developmental and chronological readiness

o One parent (or teacher) commits to potty training process for 24-48 hours and sets up a one-on-one teaching environment and prepares carefully in advance.

o The potty training teacher follows specific step-by-step instructions,which are designed to accelerate the potty-training process.

o Potty training is accomplished in much less time than traditional methods and provides a wonderful bonding experience for parents and their children.

In the end, however, how you potty train your child will be a personal decision based on your lifestyle and preferences, and regardless of which method you choose, it's important to keep the following in mind...

1. Toddlers have a profound and earnest wish to grow and master new skills, even though they may act as stubborn as mules! Children want to be potty trained, even if they don't show it!

2. Normal, healthy toddlers between the ages of 18 and 27 months should be physically and developmentally ready for potty training. If you have any concerns regarding your child's readiness, check with his/her pediatrician.

3. Parents who have a well-thought-out and workable plan - and execute it properly (this is a big one) - are far more successful (i.e. their children are potty trained faster, less stressfully, and more completely) than those who do not. Period. I hope this information has been helpful to you and you'll pass this article along to a friend or relative who may find it useful as well.

Learn more the easiest ways to potty train your toddlers

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[vespertineflora]

WE COULD HAVE HAD IT ALLLLLLLLLLL. I’m so sad about xiyao, but lets ignore that and enjoy some tender fluffy smut instead.

Rating: Explicit Summary: It's Lan Xichen's first visit to Lanling since Jin Guangyao's ascent to the position of Chief Cultivator the previous month, and with everything he's been through recently, he's perhaps tenser than he otherwise would be, spending a peaceful evening with his dearest friend. Luckily, Jin Guangyao has some ideas about the best ways to relieve stress. (13.7k, a semi-platonic massage leads to MUCH more, top!jgy/bottom!lxc, see AO3 for full tags)

~~~

“Er-Ge, you seem tense.”

Lan Xichen looked up from the cup of tea he was gripping too tightly in his hands and across the small table to Jin Guangyao, who was offering him a kind smile, a look of sincere concern in his eyes. 

“My apologies,” Lan Xichen said. He let out a slow breath and tried to ground himself in the moment. He had no reason to be tense just now. It was his first time visiting with Jin Guangyao since the coronation the previous month, and they were having a perfectly lovely time. Dinner had been exquisite, and it was late in the evening now, most of the residents of Carp Tower having retired for the night some time ago. It was likely just them and a handful of patrolling guards who were still awake.

“No need to apologize. I know there’s been a lot on your mind recently,” Jin Guangyao said sympathetically. “Is it anything you’d like to discuss?”

Lan Xichen knew Jin Guangyao was right. The last few months had been... trying. Nie Mingjue’s sudden passing had stricken him deeper than he tried to show, processing his own grief at the loss of his sworn brother while also trying to offer Nie Huaisang support during his untimely transition to sect leader... Lan Wangji was finally out of bed in these last few months, the deep wounds finally healed into permanent scar tissue, his strength far from what it was after three years of being mostly bedridden, and his spirits still so low. The only slight joy he seemed to get was from being with A-Yuan, a relationship that Lan Xichen had spent the last several years mediating, as his uncle had been so set on Lan Wangji’s seclusion as punishment that he had only allowed them brief visits with one another.

And less traumatizing, but still hectic, had been Jin Guangshan’s death the previous month, leaving his only suitable heir, Jin Guangyao, in the new position of sect leader and Chief Cultivator. 

He shook his head, offering Jin Guangyao a faint smile. “No, it’s nothing but the same old worries. There’s no sense in discussing it again.”

Jin Guangyao had allowed him to vent his troubles over and over again. They had both lost their sworn brother, and even though Lan Xichen knew there had been tension between Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao, it had been an upsetting time for both of them and it wasn’t a topic he wanted to bring up just now. And Lan Wangji... Lan Xichen had probably talked of his worries over his brother for longer than he’d talked about anything with Jin Guangyao, and right now, he’d rather not trouble him again with more of the same.

“Then... would you mind if I...?” Jin Guangyao trailed off, but motioned across the table towards him, and even without finishing the question, Lan Xichen already thought he knew what Jin Guangyao was asking.

Lan Xichen gave Jin Guangyao a slightly more easy smile and a nod, and Jin Guangyao pushed himself up elegantly from his seat and rounded the table, kneeling behind him. Just a moment later, Jin Guangyao’s hands gently moved his hair forward over one shoulder and found their way to his shoulders, where they began kneading into the flesh in a familiar movement.

It wasn’t the first time Jin Guangyao had done such a thing for him. Years ago, when Lan Xichen had fled the Cloud Recesses with as many sacred scrolls as he could take with him, Jin Guangyao had been the one to keep hidden him away at a very high risk to himself, and more than that... he’d taken care of him. Lan Xichen was by no means helpless, of course, he’d helped where he could, but... Jin Guangyao had brought him meals and washed his clothes and had even gone so far as to massage him like this more than once, when he could tell that stressful times were becoming a bit too much for Lan Xichen to bear.

A soft breath pushed out of him as Jin Guangyao’s thumb pressed into a knot of tension at the back of his neck, and he issued a polite refusal, “This isn’t necessary, A-Yao.”

Even after so many years, Lan Xichen felt that Jin Guangyao’s formal gestures towards him were still too grand. Lan Xichen had never seen Jin Guangyao as someone lesser than himself, and he hoped that after so long, and after so much had changed, that Jin Guangyao still didn’t see their difference as such.

“I know, Er-Ge, but please, allow me. It eases my troubles to ease yours” Jin Guangyao replied, warm and insistent. His hands continued to move in practiced motions, fingers rubbing and pressing in tight circles as he continued almost casually, “Perhaps it’s too many years spent as a servant to others, but I’m not yet used to being waited on the way I am now. I can’t say I envy my past self, and it’s not a life I want to return to, but... this is something I enjoy doing for you.”

Lan Xichen let out a soft breath, something not quite a laugh, but an amused sound, and he smiled a bit more easily than before. He replied, “If that’s truly how you feel, then I won’t stop you. Thank you.”

“Think nothing of it,” Jin Guangyao replied softly, before investing himself in his task. 

Lan Xichen simply... didn’t want to take advantage of Jin Guangyao, who had been nothing but the dearest of friends to him for so many years, and had been trodden on so many times by others... Lan Xichen never wished to treat Jin Guangyao that way. But if this was truly something he wanted to do, then Lan Xichen would be a fool to refuse him. 

Especially because this was something Jin Guangyao was quite good at. Lan Xichen chose not to consider where Jin Guangyao had picked up the art of massage but... he had indeed picked it up somewhere. His hands moved rhythmically over Lan Xichen’s neck and shoulders and upper arms--he seemed to know exactly where Lan Xichen’s tension was being held and would dig his fingertips and knuckles in to just the right spot at just the right pressure, forcing out a dull ache until the muscle felt loose and limp, before he would move to his next target spot.

Lan Xichen felt himself relaxing more and more with each passing moment. His scalp tingled pleasantly, his troubles all but melting away little by little as Jin Guangyao’s hands moved from his shoulders down to his back, pressing in along his spine and kneading firmly into the strong muscles. It was impossible then not to think about how... intimate this was. They were alone in Jin Guangyao’s private chambers, where they likely would be undisturbed until morning. The room was dim, warmly lit by the glow of a few scattered candles, the faint smell of jasmine tea lingering in the air, and it was quiet outside of the soft swish of skin and fabric and... by comparison, the much more prominent sound of Lan Xichen’s soft exhales and hitched breaths with each new knot that Jin Guangyao discovered and worked away.

His head leaned forward, his shoulders relaxed, his hands sitting loosely in his lap. He could feel the warmth of Jin Guangyao’s figure behind him, and... he’d be lying to himself to ignore just how much he liked having Jin Guangyao’s hands on him, how... Lan Xichen wouldn’t have allowed this sort of intimacy from anyone else, and just how special Jin Guangyao was to him. He’d be lying to say he hadn’t ever considered what something more would be like, despite knowing the impossibility of such a thing. It didn’t stop him from dreaming, of course, didn’t stop his thoughts from wandering now or in the late hours, alone in his bed about what the heat of someone’s, a certain someone’s, hands or lips might just feel like...

Lan Xichen was so buried in the thoughts that he didn’t realize what he was feeling at first, didn’t process that Jin Guangyao had leaned in closer to him, and... that there was a pair of warm lips pressed to the back of his neck, just above the collar of his robes.

A shiver ran down his spine, and his previously relaxed pulse picked up as he processed what he was feeling, as the heat of the gesture overtook him. He was almost breathless as he gasped out a soft, “A-Yao?”

Jin Guangyao’s lips pulled back from the skin suddenly, but... he didn’t pull away any more than that, his knuckles still pressing into Lan Xichen’s lower back in a relieving motion. “I’m... so sorry, Er-Ge,” he said. Lan Xichen couldn’t see his face, but... he did sound apologetic, and... a bit breathless himself. His volume was low, still desperately intimate, “I’m not sure what came over me. Perhaps I’ve had too much to drink tonight.”

Lan Xichen was well aware that Jin Guangyao had had maybe two cups of liquor with dinner, and while Jin Guangyao had never been a heavy drinker, he wasn’t that much of a lightweight. It felt more like an easy excuse for such a brazen action than anything, though... Lan Xichen found that he suddenly didn’t want Jin Guangyao to have to make any such excuse. He could feel the ghost of Jin Guangyao’s lips where they’d been pressed to his skin and he was certainly going to be haunted by it for quite some time...

Jin Guangyao’s hands slowly moved up Lan Xichen’s back, doing nothing to walk back the deeper intimacy he’d created--and when he spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper as it caressed the shell of his ear. “I didn’t upset you, did I?”

“No,” Lan Xichen practically exhaled, his breath suddenly so high in his chest that he was afraid he’d lose it entirely. “Not at all.” 

He was... reeling a bit, his thoughts had been so soft, his body so relaxed, that going from that to this state of tension--not stress tension, but something else, something he’d never quite felt before--was almost like whiplash. He hadn’t fully adjusted, and part of him didn’t want to, even as the motion of Jin Guangyao’s hands on him was trying to provoke him right back into relaxation. 

“Not at all?” Jin Guangyao repeated back at him, his voice low and... curious now, almost a purr. It was a tone Lan Xichen wasn’t sure he’d ever heard him use before and it seemed to send a shudder down his spine. “Then... would it upset you if I did it again?”

Lan Xichen felt his heart thud as a sudden heat rose to his cheeks. He could hardly believe the implication, that Jin Guangyao could mean it, but he answered honestly, “It... wouldn’t.”

He only had to wait a second before he felt it again, the soft pressure of Jin Guangyao’s mouth against the skin, almost matching the first kiss exactly, causing the same strange and pleasurable shiver to run down Lan Xichen’s spine as before.

Reacting naturally, Lan Xichen leaned his head forward to expose more of his nape, and even absently reached up to pull his hair more neatly in front of him and out of the way. It was suddenly his highest priority to give Jin Guangyao’s lips as much access to his neck as they would like.

And Jin Guangyao’s lips seemed just as eager to be there as Lan Xichen was to have them. His hands somehow managed to keep up their slow progression of movement over his back, less massaging and more just a gentle up and down tracing of his fingers as his lips pressed softly on and off, scattering slow kisses over every exposed inch of skin.

If Lan Xichen had thought his breathing had been too obvious before, it was near-deafening to his own ears now. His lips had parted early on in the process, his breaths huffing softly between them, his heart fluttering in his chest. Was this... normal? Lan Xichen had never been touched like this before, had never even been kissed before, much less so... intimately. He was both a little light-headed and overwhelmingly enchanted--he felt like... like he was buzzing with delight, teetering on the edge of anticipation as Jin Guangyao’s lips slowly worked towards the exposed side of his neck.

When Jin Guangyao’s hand finally left his back, it was to raise to the collar of his robes and pull them down ever so slightly, allowing Jin Guangyao to press a kiss to the crook of his neck... before Lan Xichen felt the hot flick of tongue against the skin, and he heard himself gasp.

The sound only encouraged Jin Guangyao, and now each of his kisses was followed by a soft tease of the tip of his tongue, as he made his way almost torturously slowly back up his neck, until the kiss was just below his ear, and Jin Guangyao’s mouth lingered there, not only flicking his tongue at the skin, but suckling at the skin a bit as he... reached up with his hand to cradle it against the other side of Lan Xichen’s jaw and gently turn his face towards him.

Lan Xichen felt his body turning more than he actually turned it, adjusting as he felt Jin Guangyao doing the same. The new angle let Jin Guangyao continue forward, his lips leaving a trail of kisses along Lan Xichen’s jaw all the way down to his chin, then up to the corner of his mouth, before... 

They hovered over his for just a moment, hesitating before delivering the final blow... and then Jin Guangyao’s lips finally pressed gently to his own.

For a moment, Lan Xichen forgot to breathe or... really to do much of anything. He was stunned, completely and utterly; Jin Guangyao was kissing him, he was being kissed, this was what being kissed felt like, and besides a series of the most inane thoughts imaginable, his head was utterly empty. 

When Jin Guangyao pulled back a few seconds later, Lan Xichen expected a pause before being kissed again, but... instead Jin Guangyao’s mouth just hovered over his, his soft exhales brushing Lan Xichen’s lips, and Lan Xichen didn’t realize what he was waiting for... until it finally occurred to him, and this time, he was the one to close the sliver of distance between their lips.

Lan Xichen... didn’t exactly know what he was doing. He’d seen little kissing in his life and had obviously experienced far less, so his face felt warm as Jin Guangyao kissed him and he... followed his lead, moving his mouth back against Jin Guangyao’s in the way he thought was right. Jin Guangyao didn’t pull away again as their lips moved together, and before long their lips were parted and Jin Guangyao’s tongue was between his lips, coaxing his own forward...

Despite his likely sloppy reciprocation, Jin Guangyao kissed him no less passionately, and before Lan Xichen’s thoughts had caught up to the present, Jin Guangyao’s hands were on his neck, tugging at this robes--he pushed Lan Xichen’s outer coat down off his shoulders, and Lan Xichen complied before his hands reached up to press into Jin Guangyao’s hair, knocking his hat from his perch as he let it slump softly to the floor.

The next few minutes were a hazy blur of hands and lips and the slow shedding of their outermost layers, clothing discarded carelessly to the floor as neither of them were willing to break their lips apart long enough to fold them up properly. Lan Xichen had... thought about this, about kissing Jin Guangyao for... for ages, for years, since nearly the first time they had met, and it was awfully sudden to have such an obscure dream coming true before him, softly gasping for air as Jin Guangyao’s tongue slid so masterfully against his own. 

More than anything, it was the heat of arousal building beneath his skin that was leaving Lan Xichen more than thoroughly winded, the soft press of his arousal against the soft linen of his pants that was growing less and less soft with each swipe of Jin Guangyao’s tongue and each gentle nip of his teeth against Lan Xichen’s lips.

It was only as Jin Guangyao’s hands started reaching beneath the last layer of his under robe that Lan Xichen finally gathered his thoughts enough to speak up...

“Wait... wait, A-Yao,” he protested softly, while he still had the mental capacity to do so. 

Jin Guangyao responded with one final soft kiss before he paused to allow Lan Xichen to speak, though he lingered close, his hand still resting directly on Lan Xichen’s shoulder beneath the robe. When he spoke, his words were patient and caring, “What is it, Er-Ge?”

“We...” Lan Xichen spoke hesitantly, a large part of him not even wanting to voice the thought, for fear the argument in his head was too strong a reason and would actually end what they were doing. “Should we stop?”

Jin Guangyao’s free hair slid up to cradle his jaw delicately. He asked quietly, “Are you not enjoying this?”

Lan Xichen felt his face flush a bit warmer as his thoughts dropped to what was probably obvious evidence of his enjoyment of what they were doing. “No, that’s not it. It’s...” He didn’t want Jin Guangyao to get the wrong impression. He... wanted this. He wanted this more than he’d wanted many things in his life, he just... “I’m not sure it’s... appropriate.”

Maybe more than anything, he wanted to voice his doubts so that he might be talked out of them.

“Appropriate how?” Jin Guangyao questioned curiously, his tone anything but aggressive, as if he was willing to consider whatever argument Lan Xichen wished to present to him.

Lan Xichen, though normally quite articulate, wasn’t even sure he could find the words to put together his fears, about... how this might change things for them, for their clans, for... anything.

“Are you worried for our friendship?” Jin Guangyao asked after a long, quiet moment.

Lan Xichen felt overwhelmingly grateful to have a friend who understood him well enough to put together the pieces when he couldn’t. He nodded faintly, and felt... strangely relieved when he saw Jin Guangyao smile at him.

“Er-Ge, nothing could alter how dearly I hold you in my heart,” he spoke softly, even brushing their lips gently together. “If you’d like this to be just for tonight, then so be it. If it’s a night that bears repeating, my thoughts are the same. I could never think less of you, no matter what happens, and we don’t have to decide now.”

Already, Lan Xichen felt any resolve he might have had softening. He voiced timidly, “And what of our sects? Our reputations? I couldn’t bear for this to hurt you.”

It was Jin Guangyao’s reputation he feared for more than his own; Jin Guangyao was already publicly dragged as the son of a prostitute, already so highly contested, and having just been granted such a high rank... The last thing Lan Xichen wanted was for some scandalous affair to come crashing down on him, causing him to lose everything he'd worked so hard for.

“We’re all alone here,” Jin Guangyao replied reasonably as his thumb stroked Lan Xichen’s cheek. “No one has to know if we don’t want them to. And we’re already sworn brothers, no one’s ever questioned the time we spend alone together.”

It was another sound point, as they had every reason to spend time alone together. If there weren’t already rumors about the two of them sharing some secret relationship, there was no reason for such things to develop in the future, even if this... happened again.

And then it was on to Lan Xichen’s final fear, his final guilt. “And... what of Qin Su? I don’t want to come between you.”

Jin Guangyao had only been married to her for a year or so now, their son had been born not so long ago. Lan Xichen... didn’t want to be a cause for contention between them, and perhaps more so, he didn’t want to force Jin Guangyao into the role of his own father, nothing even close to that. He would never ask Jin Guangyao to leave his beloved wife, and he didn’t want to bring pain to a relationship that seemed so joyous.

Upon hearing his wife’s name, Jin Guangyao’s expression changed to something soft and thoughtful, and he pulled his face back just enough so that their eyes could meet more easily.

“You know I care deeply for Qin Su,” he said, before a smile tugged up the corner of his mouth and danced lightly in his eyes and he continued as if sharing some grand secret. “Just as she knows I care deeply for you.”

Lan Xichen felt his breath hitch at the words, glad for the pause Jin Guangyao gave him to take them in. Perhaps the conclusion of Jin Guangyao’s feelings for him should have been obvious given what they were doing, but... hearing Jin Guangyao directly compare his feelings for his wife to Lan Xichen like that was a bit overwhelming. 

“I have no desire to be like those who have come before me,” he said firmly, referencing his father without saying his name. “This isn’t a decision made out of careless lust, and it isn't something I would do with anyone else. Qin Su knows how I feel, and... in this case, for you, she would permit it. So if the thought of her is all that’s holding you back, you can put it from your mind.”

Lan Xichen sighed as the explanation sunk in, easing his tension, and the subtle response made the smile on Jin Guangyao’s face widen affectionately. “That’s just like you, to put the feelings of others before your own,” he said, before his grin turned a bit more sly. “Think selfishly for once, Er-Ge. Do you want to continue?”

His fears and doubts assuaged, Lan Xichen didn’t need to consider his answer long. He managed a smile back and replied, “I do.”

“Good,” Jin Guangyao replied, his thumb brushing sweetly against Lan Xichen’s cheek. “I do too.”

He leaned in and then they were kissing again--and it took hardly any time at all to build up the momentum they’d established earlier. Lan Xichen couldn’t help but wonder if Jin Guangyao had been waiting for and wanting this moment as long as he had, though he certainly wasn’t going to take time away from their kissing to ask.

It didn’t take Jin Guangyao long to get back to the task he’d been distracted from, and before Lan Xichen knew it, Jin Guangyao’s hands were slipping beneath the last layers of his robe again. His fingertips danced over the skin, and he only teased so nicely for a moment before he was pushing the robe down over his shoulders, Lan Xichen prying his own arms from around Jin Guangyao to let it fall to the floor with the rest of his clothes.

Immediately afterwards, his hands were on Jin Guangyao again, fingers threading up into his hair while the other hand snaked around Jin Guangyao’s back beneath his own already opened robes. He held onto him as Jin Guangyao’s hands began exploring his chest with abandon, tracing up and down of the firm lines of his muscles, fingertips brushing lightly over his nipples and causing an unexpectedly thrilling sensation that shocked a gasp out of him and made Jin Guangyao’s fingers linger there. Though Lan Xichen’s dizziness had nearly faded before, as Jin Guangyao’s fingertips rubbed over and lightly twisted at the buds on his chest, Lan Xichen found the sensation quickly returning--he shocked even himself as a particularly sharp tug made him let out a short whimper into Jin Guangyao’s mouth.

While one hand stayed behind to keep toying with the nipple that only seemed to be getting more sensitive, the other gently traced down Lan Xichen’s chest, before moving instead to rub at Lan Xichen’s thigh. 

Though it would have been nearly impossible to ignore his growing erection, especially considering Lan Xichen was certain he’d never been this aroused before, having Jin Guangyao’s hand pressing to the muscle so close to it now was nearly enough to make Lan Xichen quake, his body practically aching for the contact denied to it for so long.

As if he sensed this, Jin Guangyao didn’t tease him for long--in fact, just a moment later, Lan Xichen gasped sharply as he felt the heat of Jin Guangyao’s hand rubbing over him through the last thin bit of fabric separating them.

“May I take care of this, Er-Ge?” he asked, his voice so hot and breathless against Lan Xichen’s lips that the sound of it alone made Lan Xichen’s head spin. “Nothing would make me happier than to please you.”

Jin Guangyao’s hand lingered right where it was, gently cradled around the shaft of his cock, not moving at all--and Lan Xichen realized quickly enough that Jin Guangyao was waiting for his answer.

“Yes,” he gasped out softly, his voice tinged with a bit more desperation than he’d expected, before adding, “please.”

Jin Guangyao pressed a quick kiss to his lips before he started to trail away again--though it suddenly became that much harder to focus on where Jin Guangyao’s mouth was going as his hand started to slowly stroke the length of his erection, the heat almost unbearable even through his pants. After all, Lan Xichen had never been touched like this by another; he only rarely touched himself. This wasn’t the sort of stimulation he was used to receiving, so he couldn't help but find it thrilling now.

Meanwhile, Jin Guangyao’s mouth was laying a new trail of kisses down over Lan Xichen’s chest, his lips moving down inch by inch, kissing over his abdomen, his navel... before kissing the head of his cock through his pants, and making Lan Xichen’s eyes widen as he realized just what Jin Guangyao was planning.

Lan Xichen was inexperienced, but he wasn’t completely naive. Public displays of affection were non-existent in the Cloud Recesses, much less anything more... but Lan Lan Xichen had done his fair share of travelling, and he’d learned of more than just bloodshed during the war, stumbling upon more than one pair of soldiers seeking relief in one another after so much weary combat. Plus, no matter how his uncle tried to prevent and confiscate it, there had always been pornography in the Cloud Recesses and probably always would be. Lan Xichen had even accidentally found his brother’s own collection when he’d been searching his room for some text that was missing from the library (and had probably spent longer browsing the quite explicit art than he would ever care to admit).

Needless to say, he wasn’t confused about Jin Guangyao’s intentions as his friend carefully untied the front of his pants and reverently freed Lan Xichen’s erection from inside, but... he was in awe. What he’d expected when this began, he couldn’t say for sure, but he wouldn’t have guessed at Jin Guangyao’s desire to do this for him, wouldn’t have guessed he’d see such a pleased smile on his friend’s face as his lips descended to press a faint kiss to the tip of his cock, though even such a light touch left Lan Xichen gasping for air.

Jin Guangyao took his time pressing his lips all up and down the shaft, as if he’d been given a very precious gift, as if he were set on cherishing every inch of the offering standing before him--and it was perhaps that as much as the contact itself that was making Lan Xichen’s cheeks burn, that Jin Guangyao wasn’t just doing this for him, but that he seemed elated to do it, as if Lan Xichen was the one doing something for him and not the other way around.

Lan Xichen was quickly reduced to panting as he watched Jin Guangyao moving over him, eyes fixated, his hand eventually moving to press through the silky strands of Jin Guangyao’s hair, combing it back from his face so that Lan Xichen could keep it in view as much as possible as Jin Guangyao looked... almost serene in his movements, the trace of a smile lingering on his lips, his eyes half-closed... He looked as though if he were a cat, he’d be purring--and when a drop of pearly precum appeared at the tip of his cock, Jin Guangyao moved eagerly to lick it away with a flick of his tongue, making Lan Xichen’s breath stutter all over again.

As if this were a true indulgence for him, Jin Guangyao then took another long moment to trace the same pathways with his tongue, dragging it almost torturously slowly from the base to the tip, before he began to lap teasingly at the head, careful to lick up every drop of precum Lan Xichen spared. He chose a few spots to suckle lightly at, one spot near the base of his cock, then one just underneath the head that nearly made Lan Xichen see fireworks as Jin Guangyao’s tongue rubbed assertively against it.

Dazedly, Lan Xichen almost wondered how Jin Guangyao could so thoroughly know what he was doing--though he quickly realized how pointless such a question probably was. Despite never holding Jin Guangyao’s background against him, Lan Xichen was still aware of it. Lan Xichen couldn’t be certain of what Jin Guangyao was exposed to being raised in a brothel, but between that and the personal experience he most certainly had, it wasn’t nearly so much of a stretch to assume that Jin Guangyao would have some idea as to what he was doing.

When Jin Guangyao finally saw fit to wrap his lips around him, Lan Xichen’s vision nearly whited out for a second--he never could have imagined what such a thing could feel like, the inside of Jin Guangyao’s mouth so intensely hot that Lan Xichen had the fleeting impression that he somehow might have been burned, though as soon as Jin Guangyao started to suck at the head just a moment later, any worry of such of thing was quickly pushed away. The only thing Lan Xichen’s mind had space for was bliss, was Jin Guangyao’s tongue rubbing pointedly over the head of his cock, before his lips were sinking down to take Lan Xichen deeper into his mouth, bobbing his lips over the top half while his hand wrapped comfortably around the lower. After just a few seconds, the two halves began working together--and then working in earnest--stroking and sucking in tandem.

Though he’d been trying to continue watching Jin Guangyao’s dedicated efforts, Lan Xichen’s eyes squeezed shut, out of his control. After being strung along for so long, the orgasm was approaching quickly, and while part of Lan Xichen wanted to wallow in this moment of all-consuming ecstasy for hours, he knew he’d have no such luck. Quickly, his breaths became tainted with sound, soft, desperate moans and just a moment or so later, he gasped out a raspy warning, “A-Yao, I’m-”

He interrupted himself with a moan, pushing back the orgasm just a few seconds longer--though Jin Guangyao didn’t pull away, retreating only enough so that he was suckling on the head, and then suckling even harder until--

Lan Xichen came with a harder sound, muffled by his closed lips, fingers gripping involuntarily tighter for a few seconds on Jin Guangyao’s hair as he released into Jin Guangyao’s beckoning mouth.

When he managed to force his eyes open a half-second later, he saw Jin Guangyao eyeing the table, or perhaps more specifically one of the cups on the table, considerately... before the look on his face settled on acceptance and... after sliding his lips off of Lan Xichen’s cock, Lan Xichen realized he’d swallowed, making the heat on Lan Xichen’s face burn brightly once more.

Jin Guangyao sat up, one hand braced on Lan Xichen’s thigh as he leaned in. He reached up to delicately push a bit of Lan Xichen’s hair back behind his ear before gently nuzzling his cheek, all his movements soft and sweet as he let Lan Xichen catch his breath for a bit. He scattered kisses over his cheek and jaw, but... seemed to avoid going back to Lan Xichen’s lips for a reason that wasn’t immediately apparent to Lan Xichen.

Wanting to kiss him properly again, Lan Xichen turned his head to press his mouth more boldly to Jin Guangyao’s and didn’t hesitate to part his lips, to brush his tongue forward the way Jin Guangyao had done to him earlier to encourage the kiss to deepen, and though Jin Guangyao seemed surprised, he gave in a second later--and the unexpected and faintly bitter taste on Jin Guangyao’s tongue answered the question he hadn’t asked as Lan Xichen realized with a flurried rush of his pulse that he was tasting himself.

Lan Xichen felt flustered all over again, his mouth hesitating for a split second as he swallowed the realization... but the hesitation quickly passed as he let his tongue press more confidently against Jin Guangyao’s, kissing him deeper. If Jin Guangyao was willing to do such a thing for him, it felt nothing less than ungrateful to avoid kissing him afterward.

They kissed heatedly for a moment or so more while Lan Xichen regained a bit of his composure, though he was far from unaware of Jin Guangyao’s state, could see the shape of his cock just as clearly beneath his pants just as Lan Xichen’s had been not so long ago, and while he didn’t know if he could be so bold as to take him into his mouth just yet, he longed to touch him, wanted to give Jin Guangyao the same pleasure he’d been given.

Lan Xichen reached his hands forward, where they settled briefly on Jin Guangyao’s hips, fingertips stroking over the bare skin as he gathered his nerve... after a moment, he let his hand drift across Jin Guangyao’s lap, until he could feel the shape of Jin Guangyao’s cock beneath his palm.

Jin Guangyao didn’t seem nearly so shaken by the sensation as Lan Xichen had been, but he did moan encouragingly into Lan Xichen’s mouth, his fingers pressing back into Lan Xichen’s hair as his tongue pressed a bit deeper into his mouth. Lan Xichen’s hand began to experimentally rub along the shaft, feeling it... firm up a bit more beneath his hand, and after a moment, Jin Guangyao’s hips started to press forward into the contact, lifting up until he was up on his knees in front of Lan Xichen, Lan Xichen’s head tilted back to continue being so thoroughly kissed as his hand continued to stroke Jin Guangyao, wondering when he should reach inside...

Before he could spend much time thinking about it, he felt Jin Guangyao gently guiding him up onto his knees to meet him--and before Lan Xichen’s hand could do much else, Jin Guangyao had slid it away from his cock and around to his back, his own arm wrapping around Lan Xichen in turn to pull their bodies flush together.

Somehow, feeling Jin Guangyao’s arousal pressing firmly against him was... just as intimate as holding it against his hand, and though his own cock had gone semi-soft after coming, he found it stiffening once more at the brand new sensation. 

The kiss continued as Jin Guangyao’s arms wrapped around him, and Lan Xichen did his part in helping to press their bodies flush, the heat of Jin Guangyao’s skin pressed all along his chest its own reward.

Jin Guangyao’s hands began to move again, fingertips dancing lightly all along his back, moving up as they started to rub circles into his muscles once more, before then began to work their way back down, to his lower back and then... Lan Xichen’s attention was almost solely focused on Jin Guangyao’s hands as they slipped beneath the lowered waist of his pants to cup the curve of his ass, and when they squeezed, even the rather gentle pressure was enough to make Lan Xichen moan as his cock gave an eager twitch and his hips pressed forward.

He... he thought he knew where this was going, where Jin Guangyao’s hands were heading. His mind almost reeled to think of it, because... he could probably count the times he’d seriously thought of the two of them together on both hands, having believed such a thing would never come to pass, and when he’d fantasized about it, their activities had usually just involved the eager exploration of yearning mouths and hands. Lan Xichen knew there was more, of course, he’d just never gone so far as to dream of it, to think about... who would be doing what or touching who where, but...

He couldn’t say he had any complaints about this. Jin Guangyao seemed to know what he was doing in a way that Lan Xichen didn’t and Lan Xichen trusted him implicitly to do whatever it was he had in mind.

Besides, Lan Xichen would be lying to say he wasn’t desperately interested to... find out what it would feel like, to experience the sensation of having something or... someone inside.

So Lan Xichen almost expected it as Jin Guangyao’s fingers moved inward, as his fingertips nearly ghosted along the space between his cheeks, seemingly gauging Lan Xichen’s reaction... which was overwhelmingly positive, his breath catching again, a soft sort of whimper escaping his mouth as he was caught off guard at the arousal such a sensation caused. 

Jin Guangyao’s fingers traced back over the cleft a second time, more firmly than before but still not pressing between them, and Lan Xichen felt his grip on Jin Guangyao tightening a bit more.

The kiss turned softer, lighter, and Jin Guangyao pulled away as little as possible to ask in that same low voice as before, “Have you ever been touched here?”

Lan Xichen shivered faintly, feeling his cheeks heat up again as he answered, “No.”

Jin Guangyao bit gently at his lip, his hips shifting forward and briefly drawing Lan Xichen’s attention down to where their cocks were pressed closed together. “Really?” Jin Guangyao pressed with a sort of curious amusement as the fingertip moved lightly up and down. Though Lan Xichen’s eyes were closed, he didn’t need to look to hear the playful smile in his voice. “Not even on your own? You weren’t ever curious enough to try?”

Lan Xichen realized suddenly he was being teased and he let out a breathless huff, feeling himself smiling in spite of the tingle of pleasure creeping up his spine. “Really, A-Yao, I haven’t,” he confirmed, mocking a touch of indignation to play along, “but you say it as though you have.”

Jin Guangyao let out his own light laugh and stole a quick kiss, before he confessed simply, “Perhaps because I have.”

Though Lan Xichen was going to offer no protest to the placement or... future placement of Jin Guangyao’s fingers... he couldn’t say that the thought of Jin Guangyao in bed, touching and fingering himself was any less an inciting mental picture. He huffed out another breath, though this one had far less to do with amusement and far more to do with arousal.

“It can be... quite sensual,” Jin Guangyao said, his voice taking on a more serious, breathless tone once again as he pressed a few more kisses on and off, his fingertip applying just the faintest bit of pressure between Lan Xichen’s cheeks. “I can show you, if you’d like. Would you... allow me that honor, Er-Ge?”

The lead up, the question was... no surprise; Lan Xichen had seen it coming ever since Jin Guangyao had moved his hands... yet actually hearing Jin Guangyao ask him in such a formal way left him a little stunned. It was hard to put into words, but it felt... Jin Guangyao made it feel like Lan Xichen was giving him some monumental gift, like letting Jin Guangyao touch him in such a way was the highest favor he could be granted. Though nothing would change Lan Xichen’s mind, it made a decision Lan Xichen had already committed to... feel more precious suddenly, made the choice seem... more intimate. 

Fighting past the stupor, he nodded vaguely, before he sucked in a breath and forced out a soft, “Yes.”

Jin Guangyao kissed him deeply again, and Lan Xichen all but melted into him. His arms slid up over Jin Guangyao’s shoulders, looping behind his back, as Jin Guangyao’s hands... actually moved away from behind him, and instead moved to the waist of his pants, where they slide the fabric down slowly of the curve of his ass, until the pants fell easily to the floor, pooling around his knees. 

Then Jin Guangyao’s hands were back on his ass again, squeezing and massaging for a brief moment, before Lan Xichen once again felt Jin Guangyao’s fingers tracing down over the cleft... He pressed between them and when his fingers rubbed a firm circle against Lan Xichen’s entrance, Lan Xichen felt a deep shudder roll through him--his hips jerked forward for friction, before immediately rolling back towards Jin Guangyao’s fingers, unsure which stimulation he wanted more.

Either way, Jin Guangyao delivered. His hips pressed firmly against Lan Xichen’s, while his fingers rubbed boldly, tracing a few circles against the rim, before swiping them up and down in a slow, steady motion. It was... strange, but exhilarating, to have Jin Guangyao touching him in such a private place, and... Lan Xichen could feel the arousal building beneath his skin all over again, as his breaths once more grew heavy. Despite not even knowing what to expect, his body was still eager for it.

“How does it feel?” Jin Guangyao asked tenderly, just as his fingertip applied a bit of pressure, sinking inside the tiniest fraction before retreating--a sensation by itself that was enough to punch the breath out of Lan Xichen. 

As if already knowing the answer, there was another smile in Jin Guangyao’s voice as he asked, “Would you like more?”

Lan Xichen didn’t bother speaking up this time; he nodded, and Jin Guangyao replied with a few short kisses before he started to pull away.

Gaining a bit of clarity, he felt Jin Guangyao gently moving the pants at his knees, and when he realized what he was doing, he quickly helped him remove them, pushing them aside with the rest of his clothing. Being completely nude left him feeling... oddly vulnerable--though it was mostly odd because of how intense the feeling suddenly was, despite having hardly any less coverage than he’d had a moment ago... although that was perhaps also enhanced by the reminder that Jin Guangyao still had his pants and open top on, having not nearly as much exposed skin as Lan Xichen now did.

With one final kiss... Jin Guangyao suddenly stood up and crossed to the wardrobe in his room, bending down to open one of the drawers as Lan Xichen watched him curiously. It didn’t take him long, and a moment later, he was returning to kneel back down with Lan Xichen, a small clay jar in hand. He opened the jar and tipped it over, pouring a clear, shiny substance generously over his fingers before setting the jar aside carefully.

Lan Xichen didn’t ask what it was--but he didn’t need to, as Jin Guangyao quickly resumed their earlier arrangement. He leaned in to kiss Lan Xichen and he pulled their bodies close together just as before, and when Jin Guangyao’s fingers returned to his entrance, Lan Xichen could feel the way they slid easily against the skin as they rubbed the slick substance amply over the rim. The texture of the oil between Jin Guangyao’s fingers and his entrance was a whole new sensation to suddenly get used to, but Jin Guangyao didn’t spare him much time before one of his fingertips was again pressing up against Lan Xichen’s hole, and without much effort, the digit slipped past the rim.

The finger pressed inside slowly, wiggling and rocking only as much as it needed to--Lan Xichen was no expert, of course, but... it seemed to go in without much trouble. It didn’t take long to feel the base of Jin Guangyao’s hand against his entrance, and as the finger started to rock in and out of his hole casually, there wasn’t any discomfort. It... was an unusual sensation, nothing like Lan Xichen had ever felt before, small and certainly intimate... and it was probably the awareness of the touch being erotic that aroused him as much as the slight actual sensation did.

Either way, though the kiss had definitely grown sloppy as it suffered from his split attention, he was able to keep it up, arms finding a comfortable place around Jin Guangyao’s shoulders as his finger moved inside, nice and slow for a while... before he started to speed up the pace a bit.

“If it gets to be too much, or if you don’t like it, tell me,” Jin Guangyao breathed against his lips, the words just barely audible over the soft huffs of Lan Xichen’s breathing. “One protest, one whisper from you, Er-Ge, and I’ll stop.” 

Maybe Lan Xichen was just hearing things... but there was almost an edge of desperation in Jin Guangyao’s voice, as if stopping was the last thing he would ever want to do, and as the finger started to move a little faster... Lan Xichen was starting to feel like it was the last thing he’d want Jin Guangyao to do as well.

“One word and it’s done,” Jin Guangyao continued, his voice just as heady. The finger pressed in deep, and swirled around slowly inside of him, which was an even more curious sensation. “I only want to pleasure you.”

The finger slid all the way out then, and Lan Xichen felt... two fingertips pressed at his hole this time. Just as slowly as the first time, both fingers started pressing--it didn’t seem to take much more effort to get them inside, but... the slight stretch was more obvious now. One finger had felt strange but almost negligible, two fingers... as they pressed in deeper, spread his hole more... there was nothing negligible about it now. Lan Xichen’s hips arched back a little into the sensation as Jin Guangyao’s fingers rocked in a little more gradually, filling him up a little at a time.

He realized suddenly that he’d stopped kissing Jin Guangyao, the movement faltering as he adjusted to the new sensation, but as Jin Guangyao found a slow pace to thrust his fingers at, Lan Xichen pressed his lips to Jin Guangyao’s again, all too happy to get back to kissing him.

It felt... it felt good. There was a slow, steady ripple of pleasure at having his rim stretched, and at the pressure of the fingers moving inside, and it wasn’t hard for Lan Xichen to understand why someone would enjoy the sensation. It wasn’t the intense feeling of having Jin Guangyao’s mouth on his cock, but it was certainly a welcome feeling.

He was forced to eat the words almost immediately after thinking them.

The angle of Jin Guangyao’s fingers had been adjusting slightly as they moved and as they pressed more firmly against the front wall inside, Lan Xichen’s entire body seemed to go rigged at the sudden deep satisfaction of whatever Jin Guangyao had found. And of course, his reaction to the touch was painfully obvious with the way he’d tensed up and his breath had stuttered. 

Jin Guangyao bit playfully at his lip, then decided to show no mercy. 

His fingers continued to thrust at that delicious angle, stretching the rim as they pressed in deep, and grazing over the spot that quickly had Lan Xichen on the verge of quaking with... whatever it was doing to him. Whatever calm he’d gained at the gentle pace of a single digit was quickly shirked away as Jin Guangyao’s fingers moved inside of him.

He tried to keep up with the kiss at first,  but it didn’t take long before his focus was pulled away, especially as Jin Guangyao moved his fingers quicker, purposefully provoking the sensation that seemed to somehow echo through his entire lower body. Lan Xichen soon needed his mouth for breathing more than he needed it for kissing, his exhales becoming helplessly tainted with sound as his head started to feel like it... like it was fogging over, like the unfamiliar sensation of intoxication making his head swim as Jin Guangyao’s fingers kept working.

After just a moment, Lan Xichen felt Jin Guangyao’s free hand at the back of his head. It gently guided his face down to the crook of Jin Guangyao’s neck, cradling it there lovingly. Through the growing haze of the arousal, he felt Jin Guangyao nuzzling into his hair gently as he soothed, “I’ve got you, Er-Ge. Just hold onto me.”

Lan Xichen did as he was told, his arms securing themselves around Jin Guangyao’s shoulders, letting his face get comfortable in the heat at the curve of Jin Guangyao’s neck--and as soon as he’d settled into this new position, Lan Xichen realized Jin Guangyao had actually still been showing him quite a bit of mercy until then.

His fingers gave up the charade of thrusting entirely, instead just pressing inside as much as they needed so that his fingertips were pressed right up against the most sensitive spot, and now, instead of brushing past it with each thrust... they started rubbing over it in the most pointed way possible.

Instantly, a moan punched out of him, barely muffled by Jin Guangyao’s skin, his arms tightening around Jin Guangyao as desperately as if someone were going to try to pull him out of his grip--though he couldn’t honestly say what he was thinking, if anything, because suddenly all there was, the only thing was the overwhelming pressure of Jin Guangyao’s fingers inside of him, moving back and forth, up and down, rubbing circles mercilessly against the spot until Lan Xichen’s head was absolutely spinning, until he was sure that holding onto Jin Guangyao was the only thing keeping him upright as his entire body seemed to be trembling under the onslaught.

“Shhhh, shhhh,” Jin Guangyao hushed him gently, making Lan Xichen finally aware of all the noise he was making, the breathless whimpers and shaking moans pouring from his mouth. Not wanting the sound to travel beyond their room, he instantly tried to suppress the noise to deep, rushed breaths and though it was still far from silent, it would have to be enough.

Jin Guangyao’s hand stroked Lan Xichen’s hair delicately, in such sharp contrast to the sensation his fingers were causing down below and already Lan Xichen felt like an overripe fruit, one soft bite away from bursting, he felt overheated and dizzied, felt like he was on the verge of drowning in a pleasure the likes of which he’d never even imagined before...

And then Jin Guangyao’s hips pressed close to his again, and his fingertips rubbed even quicker inside of him--and there was nothing Lan Xichen could do to limit the desperate sound that rolled out of him as the orgasm seized him, the sensation somehow deeper than the first one had been, like it was punching out of him from the base of his spine, like it was echoing through his entire abdomen as his body tensed with it, his hole clenching tightly around the fingers inside.

When the orgasm released him, it was like someone had cut the strings that had been holding him up; he practically collapsed his whole weight against Jin Guangyao, who managed quite impressively to keep them from toppling over onto the floor, though it did take him a few seconds to regain his balance with the new weight leaning into him.

Jin Guangyao let out a soft laugh as his hand went back to stroking Lan Xichen’s hair, and Lan Xichen... felt a dazed smile curling at the corner of his lips in spite of himself. 

“Er-Ge, you seemed to enjoy that even more than I’d hoped,” he said, his tone faintly playful again as he scattered a few kisses against Lan Xichen’s head.

Lan Xichen huffed out a breath, the most laughter he could manage when his head was still swimming. “I think you’re underestimating yourself, A-Yao,” he protested faintly. “Perhaps you’re better at this then you’ve let on.”

“Perhaps,” Jin Guangyao replied ambiguously with another light laugh. “Either way, I’ll take it as a compliment.”

“You--ah,” Lan Xichen interrupted himself with a gasp as he suddenly felt Jin Guangyao’s fingers starting to move inside of him again, the slowest possible slide in and out as they seemed careful to avoid directly pressing into the stimulating spot inside. Even still, it was hard to express how it made him feel to be reminded of where Jin Guangyao’s fingers were and what they were doing. 

“You should,” he exhaled, before rolling his face more firmly against Jin Guangyao’s neck. “I meant it as one.”

Lan Xichen fell back into a rhythm of faint panting as Jin Guangyao’s fingers resumed their thrusting. Even without that intense stimulation, Lan Xichen still felt his arousal building again, the pleasure rippling out slowly from each movement. It was hard to say what was more arousing about it though. Was it the actual sensation, the stretching of his hole as Jin Guangyao made a dedicated effort to open him up, his fingers spreading apart every few thrusts to prepare him for what was coming next? 

Or... was it more of a mental arousal? Because now that Lan Xichen had a bit of mental energy to spare, he... he was aware how... obscene this was. He was being slowly fingered open by his dearest friend... and unless Lan Xichen was wrong about the trajectory of this activity, they’d soon be doing something far more intimate. This whole evening was breaking more of his sect’s rules than Lan Xichen cared to tally up right now, and if his uncle ever found out... Well, that wasn’t exactly what he wanted to think about at the moment, but he was sure it would result in quite an ugly reaction. But something about how forbidden this was added a definite layer of incitement to what they were doing that Lan Xichen wouldn’t bother denying.

Perhaps it was silly to try to untangle the two. Perhaps the mental and physical stimulations were intrinsically tied together and trying to figure out which was which was a fruitless exercise. Even still, it didn’t stop Lan Xichen from considering it for a few moments as Jin Guangyao’s fingers rocked inside of him.

He was thoroughly distracted from the thoughts soon after though, as Jin Guangyao’s fingers pulled out, more of the slick substance was added to them, and when they were replaced... Jin Guangyao was pressing a third finger inside along the first two.

The new stretch was all Lan Xichen could really focus on as Jin Guangyao nudged his fingers in deeper, just a little bit at a time, having to press a bit harder than before to get them to fit, even as Lan Xichen let his body relax as much as possible to accommodate them. Even still... Jin Guangyao moved gently, took his time, and despite certainly feeling the tension more distinctly against his rim, Lan Xichen couldn’t say it hurt. He... was expecting it to, eventually, as even he was privy to a certain amount of gossip about such activities, but so far, even as he felt Jin Guangyao’s fingers pressing all the way inside, there was no pain.

Jin Guangyao gently lifted his face after a moment, his mouth seeking Lan Xichen’s and Lan Xichen gladly indulged him. He let out a content breath, feeling himself relax more as he fell into the now familiar rhythm of their kissing. 

Time blurred; as they kissed and as Jin Guangyao’s fingers began to move more smoothly inside of him with each passing moment, Lan Xichen felt like... like he was floating, like he was hovering far about the ground, the whole world going soft and blissful for a long while as all he had to think about were the complementary movements of Jin Guangyao’s fingers and tongue. After a bit, he lifted his own hand, stroking his fingers affectionately through Jin Guangyao’s hair again.

At some point along the way, the soft bliss became tinted with an underlying urgency. As Jin Guangyao’s fingers became free to move more quickly, Lan Xichen felt his breathing increasing again and felt his cock hardening once more between their hips--he felt Jin Guangyao spread his fingers apart on a few thrusts, before finally... he slipped them out.

Lan Xichen felt his pulse rushing, the anticipation building beneath his skin, and as Jin Guangyao broke the kiss, Lan Xichen opened his eyes. He watched as Jin Guangyao settled back down on his knees, as he finally opened up his pants to free his cock, before drizzling a bit more of the oil from the jar over it, stroking it slowly a few times, the motion almost... hypnotizing in the warm glow of the candlelit room.

When Jin Guangyao looked back up at him... there was an achingly sweet smile on his face, his expression full of warmth and affection. He reached for Lan Xichen’s hip, and Lan Xichen let himself be guided forward, until he was straddling Jin Guangyao’s lap, until his hips had lowered just enough and Jin Guangyao could line the head of his cock up against his entrance.

Jin Guangyao tugged his head down a bit for a faint kiss, and told him tenderly, “Just relax, and take your time.”

Lan Xichen nodded, though he felt his cheeks flushing to realize he’d be the one in... control of their progression now, but... He could do it. He wanted this, wanted to feel Jin Guangyao inside of him, wanted... wanted Jin Guangyao to feel the same sort of pleasure he’d already given Lan Xichen twice over, because Jin Guangyao deserved that, and because... Lan Xichen cared so deeply for him and he wanted Jin Guangyao to know it. The fear of pain lingered faintly in the back of his head, but... he pushed it aside. It would be worth it, to give Jin Guangyao this.

He started to lower his hips, making sure to let out a slow exhale to keep himself relaxed... and without much fuss, the head slipped inside. 

He was... caught off guard briefly, by the difference. Jin Guangyao was... perhaps the slightest bit thicker than those three fingers had been, though perhaps it was the... texture of it inside, the heat of it compared to the fingers that was most striking. A slight shiver worked through him, as he was stunned by the thought that Jin Guangyao’s cock was inside of him, and he took a few slow breaths to steady himself before continuing.

Following Jin Guangyao’s words, he did take his time. His hips lowered an inch or so at a time, before breathing, adjusting, taking in the new stretch and the strange feeling of it, which only grew stranger the deeper it pressed, particularly as it pressed past the first few inches that Jin Guangyao’s fingers had been able to reach. Jin Guangyao’s face settled patiently against Lan Xichen’s chest, nuzzling and kissing him warmly as he let Lan Xichen work at his own pace.

Then, sooner than he’d expected, Lan Xichen... found himself resting on Jin Guangyao’s lap, his cock buried completely inside. And it... it felt good. He was still adjusting to the stretch of it, to the feeling of fullness, it was still an odd sensation... but as he gave his hips the tiny roll and felt it shifting inside of him, his body shuddered with the sudden wave of arousal it caused.

Jin Guangyao pressed a kiss to his collar bone, and asked, “How is it?”

Caught unaware by the question, Lan Xichen quite accidentally blurted the thought at the forefront of his mind. “It doesn’t hurt.”

“Well... that’s good,” Jin Guangyao replied in an almost unsure tone, before asking curiously, “Did you expect it to?”

Of course, Lan Xichen realized that ‘doesn’t hurt’ wasn’t exactly the most encouraging thing he could have said in this situation and immediately felt a bit embarrassed--though perhaps feeling embarrassed just now, with Jin Guangyao’s cock seated fully inside of him, was a bit silly. Even still, he responded almost sheepishly (now wondering if he’d heard wrong, somehow), “I... heard that it hurt, the first time.”

“Oh,” Jin Guangyao said, sounding relieved as he pressed his forehead to Lan Xichen’s skin. He shook his head vaguely, then kissed Lan Xichen’s chest. “Yes, it can. If couples are... too eager to get to the act and rush into it, it can hurt,” he explained, which made Lan Xichen feel a bit less ridiculous for his fear. He kissed Lan Xichen’s chest again, letting it linger a bit longer before he added, “But it doesn’t have to.” 

That... made sense, Lan Xichen supposed. And it... explained why Jin Guangyao had taken so long, opening him up one finger at a time they way he had.

Jin Guangyao’s head lifted from his chest, and Lan Xichen felt the hand on his neck gently turning his head so that their eyes could meet--where the earnest look in Jin Guangyao’s eyes was almost overwhelming in its sincerity.

“The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you,” he said with such a suddenly serious tone that it... shook Lan Xichen, almost to his core. “You’ve never been anything but kind towards me, you’ve never looked down on me. Even when everyone saw me as worthless, you... you never did. I can’t tell you how much that’s meant to me, and I... I would never want to hurt you, Er-Ge. You know that, don’t you?”

There was a hint of desperation seeping into the words, as if Jin Guangyao would be willing to beg if that was what it took for Lan Xichen to believe him, as if there was nothing he wouldn’t do to make Lan Xichen understand...

Lan Xichen couldn’t know where the sudden plea was coming from but... Jin Guangyao didn’t need to struggle to make him understand such a thing. His hand moved to gently cradle Jin Guangyao’s face, his expression softening into a compassionate smile. “I know, A-Yao,” he comforted him softly, hesitating only a second before pressing a kiss to the corner of his lips.

“I know,” he reassured him, kissing him again as he felt a tension he hadn’t even noticed fading from Jin Guangyao’s grip on him. “Of course I know.” Lan Xichen kissed him once more, letting their lips move together for a moment, thumb stroking gently along Jin Guangyao’s jaw, before he returned the question. “And you know I feel the same, don’t you? I would never hurt you. You mean the world to me.”

In just a few short years... Jin Guangyao had become his closet confidant, his dearest friend... He was sometimes the only person in the whole world with whom Lan Xichen felt he could truly relax and... just be. And of course, Lan Xichen loved his brother, loved his uncle, but... sometimes trying to have a conversation with his brother was as strenuous as trying to translate some ancient text with an incomplete key that he’d had to put together himself... and the need to meet every one of his uncle’s lofty expectations of him was weight enough to be crushed under, a near daily torment as he was forced to consider every way in which he could turn out a disappointment, which was a torment that had only seemed to double in its intensity in the years since Lan Wangji’s divergence from his Uncle’s wishes. 

Being with Jin Guangyao, being able to sit with him and chat and smile was... sometimes it felt like the only time he was actually able to breathe. 

He loved him. He wasn’t sure he could say that just now, but... he knew it in his heart to be true.

The fervent expression Jin Guangyao wore seemed to soften at those words. His eyes slipped shut as he let out a relieved sigh... and when he opened them a moment later, his gaze was soft and sentimental once more. He pressed his lips up to Lan Xichen’s, and only pulled away to whisper softly, “Thank you.”

Lan Xichen felt his own lips curling a bit as he leaned back into the kiss, taking a long moment to indulge himself. When he finally spoke again, he barely parted their lips to prompt playfully, “Thank you for what?”

Jin Guangyao clearly picked up on the change in tone and huffed out a soft breath, taking the opportunity to lighten the mood. “I’m not sure exactly,” he replied, shaking his head the tiniest bit. “For... everything, I think. Or maybe,” his hand drifted down over the curve of Lan Xichen’s ass and he gave it a light squeeze as he teased, “for this?”

“A-Yao!” Lan Xichen rebutted with a touch of surprise, his tone almost-scolding, though he clearly didn’t mean it seriously as his chest shook with a soft laugh. He leaned down to kiss Jin Guangyao again to try to ignore the heat rising to his face. It wasn’t like he’d forgotten that Jin Guangyao was inside of him, but being squeezed so unexpectedly brought his attention sharply back down to the area where Jin Guangyao’s cock was filling him quite nicely, where... he’d had more than enough time to get used to the new sensation.

“What?” Jin Guangyao protested with an almost innocent grin as his hands moved to settle on Lan Xichen’s hips. He let his head drift down to press a kiss at the hollow of Lan Xichen’s throat, his voice dropping into an almost sultry tone. “Does Er-Ge not want my gratitude?” 

Before Lan Xichen could be bothered to answer, Jin Guangyao’s hips rolled beneath him as his hands helped Lan Xichen roll into them, and the shift of the cock inside of him made him more concerned about sucking in a breath then trying to come up with a reply.

“Although, even if you asked, I don’t think I could stop being grateful to you,” Jin Guangyao continued, now letting his mouth trail across Lan Xichen’s collar bone. His hips rolled again, and this time Lan Xichen picked up on it only a bit too late, and he moved his own hips, though he still shivered at the resulting sensation.

“You’ve given me so much, Er-Ge,” he went on sweetly, leaning a bit forward as his mouth and kisses trailed down Lan Xichen’s chest. “Much more than I could ever say.” 

When his hips moved again, Lan Xichen was ready for it, and he moved in tandem, their bodies rolling together this time, the sensation inside combining with the brush of his own cock against Jin Guangyao’s stomach.

“So perhaps I can express it better like this.” His lips finally reached their destination and wrapped around his nipple, letting the heat of his tongue drag across it.

Lan Xichen’s breath immediately stuttered, his arms taking up their perch around Jin Guangyao’s shoulders again--and as Jin Guangyao’s hips moved, and moved again, and again, creating a steady rhythm, Lan Xichen’s movements matched him, until he was rolling his body steadily in Jin Guangyao’s lap.

The pleasure was... unbelievable. Lan Xichen almost couldn’t wrap his mind around it, the motion down below causing a steady stream of ecstasy that seemed to swirl up his spine and fill his head--and it was only reinforced as Jin Guangyao’s mouth worked on his nipple, as his lips tugged at it, his tongue swirled around it, as he sucked and then eventually started to use his teeth in a motion that was making it increasingly sensitive, until the scrape of Jin Guangyao’s teeth was sending sharp jolts of pleasure down to his cock. 

Lan Xichen’s breathing had gone ragged before long, and though he’d been matching Jin Guangyao’s pace, his body almost started moving on its own as he began to rock faster, jerking his hips forward and down quickly, to feel that spike of pleasure from the spot Jin Guangyao had stimulated with his fingers earlier. His head starting to spin, he let it drop to bury against Jin Guangyao’s hair, just trying to hold onto him as he felt the steady crawl of the approaching orgasm.

It must have been painfully obvious to Jin Guangyao, because as Lan Xichen’s movements became more frantic, Jin Guangyao’s movements became more pointed. He started to bite and tug a bit more urgently at Lan Xichen’s nipple, and just a moment later, his hand wrapped around Lan Xichen’s cock, starting to stroke him in time with the mounting motions of Lan Xichen’s hips.

It didn’t take long after that--Lan Xichen tried his best to keep his voice down, pressing his face against Jin Guangyao’s hair to muffle the noise, but there was little he could do to stifle the moan as the orgasm gripped him. His body rocked forward just a few more times before he felt himself tensing, the tightness of Jin Guangyao’s cock inside of him almost dizzying as he clamped down around it.

Before he even had time to come down from the high, he felt Jin Guangyao’s arm bracing behind his hips and head and the backward motion of his own body--and a second later he was on his back, and with a quick snap, Jin Guangyao’s hips were pressed tightly to his ass, his cock pushing inside even deeper than before as the stimulation forced a sudden, shocked gasp out of him. 

Jin Guangyao’s head immediately lifted, an apology in his eyes that immediately bled to his lips, “Sorry.”

“No,” Lan Xichen replied quickly, dismissing the apology and urging, “Keep going.” 

Not needing to be told twice, Jin Guangyao’s hips began to move again, grinding hard against him, his cock stirring around inside and making Lan Xichen’s legs naturally snap around Jin Guangyao’s waist, nearly making his vision white out--especially at the near-painful jolt as it pressed against the sensitive spot, now desperately overstimulated.

Lan Xichen heard the strain of his own half-strangled noise, and threw out a quick, “Don’t stop,” before Jin Guangyao could doubt himself again or hesitate. Jin Guangyao hadn’t come yet, and Lan Xichen wanted him to. After everything he’d done for Lan Xichen, not just tonight, but everything leading up to tonight... this euphoria was something Lan Xichen wanted so desperately to share with him that he couldn’t bear to make him stop now, not even as the overstimulation was near-devastating, the sensation walking a dangerous line between rapture and torment, something that was somehow both unwelcome and desperately needed all at once. Half of him was close to begging to make it stop while the other half was convinced that if it did stop, he’d only be begging to make it start again.

By the third brush, Lan Xichen had to pull away one of the arms desperately clinging to Jin Guangyao’s back to press his hand over his own mouth to keep from crying out as loud as his body wanted to in response to the stimulation he was receiving. His entire body was tight and his heels dug roughly into the small of Jin Guangyao’s back to make sure he wouldn’t pull away or stop; his head was pushed back against the floor, leaving the elegant line of his neck fully exposed--something that Jin Guangyao was quick to take advantage of.

His mouth latched onto a spot low on Lan Xichen’s throat; he bit down, which somehow forced Lan Xichen’s thoughts away from the turmoil of Jin Guangyao’s grinding cock. It split his focus, forced a deep breath into his lungs and knocked him out of the almost hopeless spiral that had nearly tried to pull him under.

It only took a few minutes for most of the pain to fade from the movements--the intensity was still there, he was still hypersensitive to every movement, but eventually the balance was restored, the arousal overtaking the agony and allowing him to feel less like he was about to spiral out of control. The rigidity faded from his grip as he continued to cling to Jin Guangyao, his arm collapsing away from his mouth as he got control over the sounds coming out of his throat once more.

Only then did Jin Guangyao’s pace change; his grinds began to get a little more depth, their bodies not pressed nearly so tightly together as Jin Guangyao drew back a bit more before grinding forward again... and this trend continued until the grinding had fully turned into thrusting, until Lan Xichen had a new sensation to be bowled over by as he felt the slight withdraw of Jin Guangyao’s cock before it was pressed quickly back, filling him up completely, before withdrawing again.

Jin Guangyao found his pace soon enough, and Lan Xichen slowly managed to time his exhales with every time Jin Guangyao thrust inside, the breaths sharp and noisy. After just a moment, both his arms were wrapped tightly around Jin Guangyao’s back again, this time clutching at the last remaining layer of his robes almost grateful to have something to grip as Jin Guangyao’s hips continued, as his cock thrust in over and over, and as Lan Xichen, somehow, felt the steady escalation of his arousal all over again.

Of course, it wasn’t much longer before he heard Jin Guangyao’s breathing getting heavy, felt the heat of his huffing against his skin as his mouth stayed latched onto his neck--and then Jin Guangyao’s hips began to snap a little faster, and Lan Xichen heard a soft wet smack at the end of each thrust, as it felt impossibly like Jin Guangyao’s cock was hitting even deeper than before... and then there was the faintest pause as he felt Jin Guangyao adjusting the way their hips lined up, curling Lan Xichen’s upward a bit more...

And when Jin Guangyao thrust again, Lan Xichen felt why as Jin Guangyao’s cock thrust directly into that sensitive spot and he was left gasping for air from it--the only indication Jin Guangyao needed as evidence of his accomplishment, before he accelerated into his previous pace, hips smacking together again as his breathing began to take on sound...

Lan Xichen could only half pay attention to that though, as whatever thoughts he had left were on the intense blows of pleasure, on clinging to Jin Guangyao as tightly as he could, and on not simply crying out the way his body so deeply craved to, just forced himself to pant heavy and ragged and noisy--though as he felt himself getting closer, he found himself gasping, “A-Yao, A-Yao- A-Yao.”

“Er-Ge,” Jin Guangyao rasped back, an almost hesitation in his voice, “I’m about to--”

“Come inside,” Lan Xichen replied quickly, wanting no argument, and mentally rebelling at the idea of Jin Guangyao pulling out right now, when they were both so close, when he just needed a little more...

Suddenly, Jin Guangyao surged forward, locking his lips onto Lan Xichen’s; his final few thrusts were even sharper in intensity and then--

Strangely, Lan Xichen felt it. Jin Guangyao moaned roughly against his lips and he felt.. something almost like a twitch as Jin Guangyao’s pressed into him as deeply as he could, and he felt the heat of his release inside, which by itself was enough to leave him dazed--after just a second, Jin Guangyao’s hips were grinding hard against him again, his hand moved back to eagerly stroke Lan Xichen’s cock, and a second later Lan Xichen was blindsided with his own orgasm, punctuated with a sharp moan and the background sound of tearing fabric.

A few seconds later, Lan Xichen felt all the strength sap out of him and he collapsed against the reassuringly solid floor beneath his back, while Jin Guangyao collapsed just as immediately on top of him. His face migrated into the crook of Lan Xichen’s neck as the both of them struggled for a few minutes to catch their breaths.

As his thoughts returned to him, it... really sunk in, what they had just done, what they’d just experienced together (were still technically experiencing, considering Jin Guangyao’s cock and cum very much still inside him). Before he could even help it, Lan Xichen found himself smiling, and as his heart seemed to swell with joy, the smile grew until he felt his chest shaking with a silent, gentle laugh.

Jin Guangyao must have felt his shaking, because his head lifted almost immediately... but the concern on his face faded into a faint smile once he saw Lan Xichen’s expression. His hand lifted to Lan Xichen’s jaw and he said, “That’s a good laugh, I hope.”

Lan Xichen huffed out another soft breath, his smile only growing warmer. He mimicked Jin Guangyao’s movements, reaching for his face, then leaning up to kiss him again, before he confirmed, “It is.”

He felt... happy, overjoyed, maybe more than he could ever remember feeling. After the struggle and loss and death and everything, he... he didn’t know he could feel this way. He’s not even sure he knew this sort of bliss existed until just now. He was exhausted and content and so, so in love that he could nearly cry for all that he could keep it contained within him.

He kissed Jin Guangyao again, and then again, and again... until that’s all that mattered for a little while. At some point, Jin Guangyao slid his cock out to slide up his body a bit and make kissing easier on both of them, and as the late hour settled in around both of them, their lazy, languid kissing and gently exploring hands stayed tender and non-urgent.

As Lan Xichen’s hands slid over Jin Guangyao’s back... he realized quite suddenly his fingers were moving from cloth to... skin, as they slid through a sizable tear in the back of the fabric. Lan Xichen flushed immediately as he realized that the ripping sound he’d heard earlier but hadn’t really given any thought to... was the sound of him tearing a hole in the robes.

Noticing Lan Xichen’s reaction, and the feeling of his hand directly against his back when that would otherwise be impossible, Jin Guangyao broke the kiss to venture knowingly, “You tore my robe, didn’t you?”

“I did,” Lan Xichen admitted sheepishly, thought he felt a soft, embarrassed laugh bubbling up in his chest.

Jin Guangyao huffed out his own semi-exasperated laugh and scolded, “Still can’t be trusted around laundry, I see.”

Though the smile didn’t leave his face, Lan Xichen felt himself wince internally, knowing immediately that Jin Guangyao was referring to his attempts to wash his own clothing when he’d been on the run from the Wens so many years ago. He pulled Jin Guangyao back in to kiss him again, thought he interrupted himself to ask, “How many robes did I ruin before you banned me from washing my clothes? Four?”

“Four,” Jin Guangyao repeated back to him emphatically. “We only had so many clothes that would fit you. I had to stop you or before long you would have been in hiding in the nude.”

Lan Xichen laughed quietly as Jin Guangyao kissed him again, mumbling a quiet, “I’m so sorry,” against his lips, before taking a few slow breaths to clear the laughter from his chest, before saying more sincerely, “Thank you.”

Echoing Lan Xichen’s own words from earlier, Jin Guangyao replied warmly, “Thank you for what?”

“For everything,” Lan Xichen found himself saying, understand Jin Guangyao’s earlier reply more thoroughly now than ever. There were... already so many years between them, and from Jin Guangyao sheltering him when he was on the run, to him helping him to rebuild the Cloud Recesses, to... every moment of friendship the two of them had shared... Lan Xichen wouldn’t know where to begin thanking his most precious friend. He pushed his fingers delicately back through Jin Guangyao’s hair and added, “For this.”

Jin Guangyao gave him a heart-achingly sweet smile, though the edge of his eyes almost seemed tinged with the faintest bit of sadness before he leaned in to press their lips together chastely, before agreeing softly, “Of course, Er-Ge.”

Eventually, however many minutes later, they managed to pry their mouths and bodies apart, cleaning up a bit before Lan Xichen retired to his own room to sleep. His visit this time wasn’t meant to be a long one, so after a shared breakfast, he was planning to head back to the Cloud Recesses... though before he left, he was eagerly pulled aside by Jin Guangyao into his room for a private farewell that consisted of an almost tentative kiss, until Lan Xichen happily returned it.

“Will you visit again soon?” Jin Guangyao asked him, clearly trying not to sound overeager... though if it wasn’t for Lan Xichen’s own duties as a sect leader forcing him to return home, Lan Xichen was honestly afraid he might not bother leaving at all.

“I will,” Lan Xichen replied, before, with a final long kiss, he forced himself to go.

For the whole flight back home, a smile was plastered to his face, and his thoughts were on planning his next visit to Lanling as soon as possible.

#xiyao #xiyao fanfic #mdzs fanfic #the untamed fanfic #mdzs #mo dao zu shi fanfic #vesper posts #wrote a thing

[polyamorouspixie]

Do you agree that, when opening a relationship, things should move at the speed of the more uncomfortable/less poly/more insecure partner? I've read that a lot, but also feel like forcing somebody to "take things slow" with another partner can create a lot of strain and tension in the pre-existing relationship? I've seen people on blogs/forums/reddit talk about doing things step-by-step for YEARS and meanwhile my relationship has changed a lot in less than a month... where is the middle ground?

I’ve been thinking this over for a little while. I even made M let me talk it over with him; and he’s not nearly as into relationship theory as I am (he’s found something that works, he’s happy with that. he doesn’t need to dissect it into a million pieces; I feel the same way about his political work). It’s not a thing I’ve ever had to work with consciously in my life, so I didn’t have an immediate answer. 

I think the middle ground involves looking at the circumstances.

My general, one-size-fits-most advice for a couple looking to go from monogamous to poly without anyone in particular in mind, is to spend about three months untangling from each other. Three months isn’t ages to wait but it’s long enough to establish a new normal in which you spend periods of time without your partner. You take it in turns being the one at home with no plans while the other one does something fun. You see your family and friends by yourself. You cultivate a solo or uninteresting-to-your-partner hobby. You spend entire nights without each other (sneaking back in at 5am misses the point). 

If you find it takes longer or less time than three months, absolutely fine. What it does is separate “I’m feeling bad because you’re romantically/sexually involved with someone else” from “I feel bad because you are having fun away from me”--two different problems with different solutions. You know you’ve reached the point where I’d recommend you start creating dating profiles when it’s normal and not a big deal to spend a large chunk of a day without your partner, even when you don’t have to because of work or other unavoidable commitments, and you can go to bed without them there without tossing and turning for hours. 

Once you’ve done that, you can tune back in for my advice for people opening a relationship for a particular person or people, which I’m going to waffle on about below.

I think the thing to remember here is that whether or not this works out for you is not constantly on a hair trigger of going one way or the other. Waiting an extra day or doing things in a different order isn’t the make or break of your relationship. 

I don’t believe in vetos. If you want to have certain boundaries (”I’m sorry, but I would no longer wish to be a part of this relationship if...”) that’s perfectly fine and healthy, but “you can’t do x y or z” is going to cause issues. And I don’t believe it’s a good idea to put restrictions on what your partner can do with their newer partner. I don’t think things like “you can’t have sex on the first date” or “this act is only for us and not for anyone else” or the worst, “you can’t fall in love with anyone else” ever work, because as soon as you’re in a position where the Forbidden Thing is a possibility, then it suddenly seems a very silly and arbitrary rule, and anyway it’s disrespectful to the newer partner, who is a real person too. And a lot of this “going slowly” stuff is just saying “that particular act is off the table... for now”, and falls into exactly the same pitfalls as doing that forever.

So I don’t think you should do that. What I do think you should do is instead of thinking of rules, is think in terms of being considerate. Would it upset my partner if I announce I’m in love with someone I met three weeks ago? Is it inconsiderate to ask my partner to sleep on the couch to make space for someone they don’t know? Chances are you know your partner extremely well, and even more likely, you’re in a position where you can talk to them about it. This kind of advice can’t have a “one size fits all” time frame on it because people are different. Things like “since this is the first date, I’d really prefer it if you did come home tonight afterwards, though once I’m used to the idea I’ll be fine with you staying out” are reasonable requests; “I know you have a date but you have to be in by 10pm on the dot or I will have a breakdown!” is not reasonable. Reasonable means being able to debate “okay, but the only showing of the movie ends after the last bus and she lives much nearer the cinema than we do. What if I call you to say goodnight before bed instead?” and “I’d be much happier if not, if you can reschedule for another day I’d prefer it, but I get that you’re not doing this to hurt me so I’ll be okay if this is the only day you can go”. It’s okay to discuss things so long as you don’t make demands. If you have a healthy relationship, you’ll be able to come to a compromise that reflects the reality of the situation. 

Like most of my advice, I’ve taken far too many words to say “don’t worry about it so much, let it happen organically and look at each scenario that comes up individually while being kind and fair to each other”. 

So the things that might happen here are:

1) you both take each other’s feelings into account. You include each other in decisions, go out of your way to consider each other while accepting that your partner isn’t responsible for all your feelings, and it’s important as an adult to be able to process things without demanding someone else change any time you feel bad. You make healthy decisions with your new partners, e.g. not seeing them every day for a whole week when you started seeing each other a month ago, or deciding you’re in love with someone you’ve known less than six months. Your relationship transitions to an open one over a period of time that works for you. 

2) one or both parties makes unreasonable demands like “I’m poly so I’ll sleep with whoever I like even if it’s your sister/boss/mortal enemy!” “you can have another partner but only if you only see her on Wednesdays between 3pm and 5:05pm when there’s a full moon”. You become angry and resentful, return to monogamy and hate each other. Maybe you get married so you can hate each other with rings on. 

3) one person just so happens to always have a seemingly good reason to stop whatever their partner wants to do. “I’m just having a bad day today, can you cancel your date?” “I’ve always disliked her in particular, anyone but her is fine” “well also not him either, I don’t trust him”. On its own it seems fair but as a pattern you realise they just do not want to be poly, and for whatever reason (usually fear of losing their partner), they don’t want to just say so. A hard decision is going to have to be made. 

But if you want me to put a time on it, less than a month is very rapid (though it is going to change if you open your relationship), but if after years an open relationship the participants are happy with hasn’t occurred, I’m pretty confident saying it never will. 

Feel free to message me if you have more questions about this, whether you’re original anon or someone else.

[zombiiesque]

Nocturne Alchemy Halloween 2019 - Part One

Originally published 10/8/2019

Hey y'all, and happy Halloween month! October is, bar none, my favorite time of the year, even though it's a little ridiculously hot here in Florida. It took me forever to decide what I wanted, but I finally picked up some treats from Nocturne Alchemy's Halloween 2019 release, and I want to share my thoughts on those, and maybe cover briefly what I have that appears in the Resurgence section, as well. So let's dive right in, shall we?

What did I wind up choosing? A pretty good selection, having tested everything, I don't think there's a single one that isn't going to work! I picked out Pirate's Rum for Jody, but I haven't tested it on him yet, so we'll skip that for now. The rest of what I got was Blood, Blood Queen, Blackout, Vampire Bourbon Patchouli Bat, and The Mummy Returns - as it turns out, I have an aged bottle of that, so I'm probably going to swap my new bottle. They sent me Mummy's Spirit as a prize from a contest I won on the business page on Facebook, and the free sample was the brand new PC scent, Halloween 2020. That's a pretty exciting set!

Blood – Kashmir (Studio Limited), Pipe Tobacco accord, Caramel Oudh (NA Studio), Black Patchouli leaves, Palo Santo essential oil, Italian Bergamot, Italian Pine resin, Frankincense Resin, Myrrh wood and Bastet’s Musk. Oh, this is intense. It's almost a little scary, and these are notes that are right in my wheelhouse. That was my first thought when I put this on my skin - but then it warms and melds, and ooooof - it's captivating. Apply this lightly - a little goes a very long way. Right away, I get the palo santo, and then it sort of melts into this caramel oudh and tobacco. I love NA's tobacco, and I don't have much of it, so I really, really wanted this one. I'm getting almost a leather feel at first, but that stage doesn't last very long. If I sniff really hard, I can pick out the pine, Kashmir (a deep red musk), patchouli, and resins while it's still wet. Once it starts drying though, as I mentioned before, it really all melds together. It's got a slightly unisex feel, and I really want to try this one on my fiance, I think it would be amazing on a man. But he is going to have to share it, if he likes it - I love this entirely too much to give it up. Oh my gosh, it's so dark and sexy, I can't stop huffing my wrists. This is an inky fall night, the moon up high and bright in the sky. There's a chill in the air, but a huff of smoke from someone's pipe - and there's a bonfire in the distance. You're wrapped up nice and warm though. And holy bats do you smell amazing. It lasts quite a while, too. I got a solid 10+ hours out of it. I kept catching whiffs of it that had me trying to figure out what it was before I remembered what I was wearing. Yeah, love this one.

Blackout – NA Chypre accord (labdanum, oakmoss, lavender, patchouli and neroli), Jasmine Absolute, NA Oudh, Bastet Amber Absolute, Mandarin, Clove and Amber accord. Blackout is a stunner of a chypre. This is darkly gothic, and it feels almost....dangerous. Hah! I love it. Chypres are an interesting group for me, most of the time I love them, but sometimes there's a floral that can turn up a little weird on my skin? That's definitely not happening here. If you took a look at the notes and were worried about the jasmine, mandarin, or clove - I spent a full two days with Blackout, and I'm just not able to truly pick them out. When I first put it on, while wet, there's a slight hint of a spicy floral, but it just melts into something deeper and darker so quickly, I can't get a handle on what the florals would be. This is just so smooth and sophisticated. If Blackout was a True Blood character, it would be Eric. Hah! I'm not sure if I could pick out my favorite between this, Blood, and Blood Queen, as I love them all - they're wildly different - but I think if I were pressured, it would be Blackout. The oakmoss is perfection here, I find it to be the most noticeable note in the chypre accord. Since that's a particular favorite of mine from NA, I'm happy to see it star here. This is so starkly beautiful. There's almost a coldness here, but it's drawing me in - it's very appealing. I think that Blood and Blood Queen are very warm scents, but Blackout is just .... chilly.

Blood Queen – Wild Black Currant, Cemetery Musk, Santalum White (Studio Limited), Kashmir (Studio Limited), Black Musk, Blood Wine accord, Black Violet and Lilac essence. Blood Queen is just so purple and wild! I had a hard time choosing what I was going to order to go along with Blackout and Vampire Bourbon Patchouli Bat. I finally settled on Blood, but I kinda was looking hard at Skeletonic, as I adore woody scents - I might have to go back for it, but the notes for Blood Queen just kept pulling me in. This is definitely a me scent, and so I plopped it in my cart and didn't look back. I think I expected the Kashmir, which is a deep, sexy, rich red musk, to kind of be the star here. And it's here, don't get me wrong. Kashmir and Black Musk are not musks that will ever be described as shy, but though I get both of them, they're playing so well with the other notes - like a dance. It's mesmerizing. On my skin, the wine and Cemetery Musk play supporting roles. There's a sweetness and fullness that they add to Blood Queen. Primarily, though, this perfume is a fruity floral musk - and a stunner. This is a come hither, slinky, sultry, masterpiece. Not shy, even a little bit. The blackcurrant is juicy and sweet - it's a good counter for the dark florals of violet and lilac. I usually avoid florals, but I really like how they play darkly with the musks and fruit. If Blackout is Eric, I'm calling Blood Queen Pam. *wink* It lasts forever on my skin, too. A solid 8 to 10 hours!

Mummy’s Spirit – Green Matcha Tea, Violet, Egyptian Blue Chamomile Essential Oil, Egyptian Papyrus essential oil, Egyptian Musk and Egyptian Red Musk and NA Limestone Amber. This was the bottle that I won in a contest NA had on their business page, and they picked out for me. I actually was kind of drooling over the description of it already, because I do love that papyrus note, and their green teas. Naturally, I love this one. It's bright and fresh and crisp, and the green tea is gorgeous here. It's been so, so hot here in Florida - we're missing fall by a long shot. This is a great transitional scent - I can definitely see wearing it as it gets colder, but I wore it a few days in a row when it was over 90 degrees and it was lovely then, also. This is a lighter scent - it needed a couple of applications throughout the day, but I suspect the more it ages, it will get a little more longevity, because I've noticed that's a pattern with scents that start out lighter from NA. Just worth mentioning it as something to be aware of, in terms of a review. For me, I don't mind reapplying - I usually take scent with me wherever I go. But I'll be looking forward to see how this one is going to play out with age, as I already love it. It's quite different from the others that I chose myself, but it's definitely something I'll be reaching for often. I don't get a lot of the violet, so it must be a background note. The chamomile lends a light herbal tone, adding to the overall "green" feel of Mummy's Spirit. I don't get a lot of the violet, but I think on my skin it adds a softly sweet contrast against the green, herbal feel of the tea and chamomile.

Vampire Bourbon Patchouli Bat – Golden and Black Patchouli essential oils slow-drip blended into our Bourbon Vanille Absolute, Sugared Vanilla pods with hints of Oak and Hinoki wood. This one was my first choice - I knew absolutely I was going to get it. And it was an instant win, right out of the mailbox. This is warm and cozy, but at the same time, dead sexy and darkly slinky. The slightly boozy vanilla against the patchouli is perfectly balanced - and I am totally getting the oak and hinoki wood, so that's really awesome, I was hoping I'd be able to smell that in the mix! I feel like the woods really help keep that balance here, because the Bourbon Vanille is quite a rich note, along with the sugared vanilla. The long drydown on this is an almost spicy, plush, slightly narcotic vanilla, balanced with a dark, resinous, herbal patchouli. This isn't your hippie grandma's patchouli scent, by a long shot. This is elegant and polished. It would be a great date night scent - but at the same time, it's cozy and inviting, and I'd wear this to go stomping in the fall leaves in a sweater and jean jacket. I'd also wear it to dinner with my guy. If you were even thinking about Vampire Bourbon Patchouli Bat, do yourself a favor - go pick it up. Yesterday. Word in the fan run Facebook group, the House of NA Tent, is super positive - I think it's the fan favorite of NAlloween 2019.

You know what? I've been thinking about it. I think Blood would be Alcide. *wink*

Edit: At the risk of repeating myself, I'm going to throw a blanket statement out for all of these - I cannot wait to see what they're going to be like with some aging. I accidentally bought a bottle of The Mummy Returns, and I already had one from last year. The fresh bottle is truly a gorgeous scent, but that aged bottle? Wow. So just bear that in mind, my impressions are from bottles I've only had about a week. It's going to be fun to revisit them next Halloween!

Okay, that's going to wrap it up for today. I'm going to go ahead and do a second half, and cover Halloween 2020 (YESSSS) and the Resurgence that I have, including my beautifully aged bottle of The Mummy Returns. The Resurgence reviews are posted here, if you would like to take a look! Thanks for joining me, y'all!