#idk anything abt it and i havent kept up with any of the news

[nrc-confessions]

Okay here’s the whole story I apologize greatly for how long this is

So today I was cooking lunch for myself at Scarabia, (I sometimes have to cook for myself if the cafeteria doesn’t have any of my safe foods that day) and I heard someone enter the kitchen. The dorm was mostly empty so I expected it to just be some other Scarabia student I’ve never met or smth

Lo and behold, it wasn’t, it was Kalim

Me and him share a class idk if I’ve said that (new spider anon lore 🤯) and he’d gotten injured during P.E this morning so I figured he was at the dorm as well, but I assumed he’d be in his room. It wasn’t anything bad he just fell off his broom and got kinda bruised up but Jamil was still flipping his shit

ANYWAY I finished cooking and ended up sharing some food w Kalim (side note he’s eaten my food before and I’m always rlly touched abt it bcuz Ik he struggles w eating food that Jamil didn’t cook and just knowing he trusts me that much is hnnnnnng) and once we finished eating he asked if I wanted to go carpet flying

I knew he was exempt from class bcuz he got hurt but I still very much had to go to class around this time, but I was not about to miss this opportunity so alchemy be damned

We’ve gone carpet flying once or twice before but from what I understand Kalim takes rlly anyone he feels like carpet flying (including paw anon fuck you calliope I havent forgiven you) so I didn’t think too much of it but at this point I was already gay panicking so this didn’t help

Anyway we get on the carpet n all that and I was kinda starting to zone out of a few reasons, the main being i have a slight fear of heights and I was kinda exhausted cuz I’ve had a tough past couple weeks but I was also zoning out bcuz I tend to do that while in close proximity to kalim

So I went kinda quiet and just hoped he’d keep talking and wouldn’t notice (also bcuz I love listening to him ramble) but he went quiet after a second too and then asked if I was okay, and I quickly said I was fine and went back to being silent but he didn’t keep talking so it was kinda awkward for a second THEN HE FUCKIN “are you sure you’re okay, habibi?” And I almost fell off the carpet

I made a comment abt how I was just rlly tired and ended up kinda rambling then I rambled a bit too far and said like ‘and you know how I get around you’ but I laughed it off and hoped he didn’t notice but he DID and HE TOOK IT THE WEONF WAY cuz he assumed that meant I didn’t like being around him??? And so I tried to elaborate without outing myself which was rlly hard and I think he caught on but he didn’t say anything so I just kept talking and digging myself a deeper hole but then (this is where I get really pathetic) I looked at him and he just had the most gentle patient expression on his face and I just started sobbing bcuz no one’s ever looked at me like that and i can’t properly process my emotions NORMALLY much less when it’s him then he kinda panicked a little bit but then he hugged me out of nowhere and I was NOT okay but I also kinda needed it so I just kinda sat there and cried into his shoulder for a few minutes and he was like whispering things some of it was in English some of it was in Arabic and I don’t know if it was making me cry harder or helping but he was like running his fingers through my hair and I just couldn’t take it anymore and I completely lost grasp of my emotions and ended up saying I love you without even realizing it then as soon as I realized it I panicked and let go of the hug and apologized but he just put his hands on my face and looked at me with his pretty fucking eyes and said it was okay and I lost all ability to breathe

Anyway he kinda like came closer and I was expecting him to hug me again but then he like moved his hand to my shoulder and used the other one to move my hair out of my face and I just completely lost it everything I did from here on is a blurry haze I was fueled by exhaustion and Gay panic but I lunged forward and kissed him AND HE KISSED BACK AND PUT HIS HANDS IN MY HAIR AND I STARTED CRYING AGAIN but then he brought thr carpet back down and I ran off to class and I’m currently typing this while half listening to Crewel yell at me but uh that happened

-🕷️

Thank you for your confession!

#posted by: 🌿 #nrc confessions #unreality #nrc confession #twst #night raven college #kalim al asim #anon: 🕷️

[leejihoonownsmyheart]

HELLO BRIE IM SO SORRY I HAVENT SENT ANY ASKS i might have texted u on instagram but icl i dont remmeber if i did but oml i was so busy BUT GUESS WHAT?!?!? my 2 irls came over yesterday and we took so many pics and idk smt abt yesterday was so fun like more fun than any days we have ever met up

I HAVE A STORY OKAY so i have 2 houses that are litearlly acrosss the street from each other bc yeah guys my family js needed another house we have ms ppl living with us but this is the first time my mom brought both of their families over for a party since yeah its only been my 2 friends that came over not their family but my irls came over in the morning to my current house and then around like 6(?) all 3 of us including my family went to the new house to wait for their families to arrive and then like at 8 all 3 of our families came back to my current house right AND THE CAR RIDE WAS SO FUNNY 😭 we thought we needed extra space so i sat on one of my irls irl B. and my other irl irl A. WAS SITTING ON ME and like we did have space by the time we we're driving like there was a whole extra seat next to us but we all stayed sitting on top of each other and we even took pictures of us sitting on each other LMAO

me and irl B kept saying coquette to every little thing and also to everything Irl A kept doing and shes like 'atp you're coquette bc u call everything coquette' IT WAS SO FUNNY ISTG😭😭

im litealrly never going to forget yesterday like it was hella fun and we took so many .5 pics from my moms phone (crying in iphone 7 user whos ios updates come late) and we walked a little in the rain and took videos but ran back to the car/house/driveway before our moms saw and killed us for leaving HAHHAS

BUT I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL BRIE MY LOVE, if anything interesting happened pls lmk i have nothing to do next week bc my uncle booked a last minute flight to our hometown and hes the only one who takes me fun places😞

HAPPY ONE DAY BEFORE JOSHUA DAY I MADE 100 JOSHUA EDITS 😝 posting half of htem today and the rest tmr

- 🤤 anon ofc if u havent realized HAHHAS imy love i hope ur doing well and better and good pls ttm i love you ⁉️

Oh you’re okay, i haven’t been checking instagram much either so that’s probably mostly on me honestly

THAT ALL SOUNDS LIKE SO MUCH FUN WHAT A LITTLE ADVENTURE, being cramped in cars with your irls… i miss days like that…

And y’all are so cute with the coquette stuff 😭 IM GLAD YOUR MOM DIDNT KILL Y’ALL IM SO GLAD YOU HAD FUN

EXCITED TO SEE THE JOSHUA EDITS?!?!

#i’m technically on vacation so i had been good #i mean an anon just broke up with me so now i am very very sad #BUT OVERALL IVE BEEN GOOS #b: 🤤 anon

[spikeinthepunch]

rebrand conflict

idk how to decide what is a good or bad decision in terms of like...wanting to rebrand. i wish i could count back to how long i have used "morrysillusion" overall, i dont have a specific date. but i know after the white/brown antelope/wolf fursona, i think i dropped "moreyytilatot"? i think i tried to just go by "morey" in some form (i recall "princemorry" url). and then i dropped the 'nisovinsillusion' url maybe in early 2016? but i also had the coffini url here for a good while after. i cant remember if i used morrysillusion outside of tumblr around that time so. idk...

and heres the thing-- i dont really feel disconnected from my username, its fine and i think its p cool. but also in my head i keep wanting to change it, and part of that is wanting to claim a super old username i have no bad associations with. and i think part of that is bc of all the ways i am trying to do the things i was denied through my younger years-- so i am just reliving a lot of nice things and recalling the vibes and online trend etc i had. but also like.... attitude? personality wise? i feel like im not reflecting that w my current "brand" so to speak. at the very least if i didnt change my username, i still dont feel like the current look is something i want. i think the urge on the username change is just an additional feeling to push away from what i have been under this name.

the username i keep wanting to fall back to is 'spikeinthepunch/spikedpunch' (had the short one on xboxlive and the long one on deviantart) which was a short lived username but has no negative relations to anything, and i wished i kept it for a bit longer. and its kind of an edgy username lol. but in my recent years of growing as an adult, moving out, and being my own person, i feel soooo different than how my accounts have been presenting me. i guess ive been like soft, simple, and stiff in presentation? i think i fell into this when i was thinking id keep doing art commissions etc in a "professional" way, and especially bc i was doing my CN internship around then and wanted to still look presentable for the industry when looking for jobs. and while i certainly would love to work in the creative industry potentially, i obviously dont need to keep up that Normal-er image, i never should have, but also at that age and time i didnt feel like i could be that way at all. i was far more nervous of people interpreting me badly, negatively, etc if i was more edgy or mature. i was young and not dealing with my issues and so fixated on trauma etc.

this is also lining up w my plans to rework my website too. and i think a lot of this feeling also comes along w my "mascot" who i think is lovely! but him being a "mascot" makes him.... very detached from me as a person. i havent had any sonas to relate to in almost over a year... and my mascot was never meant to be a sona, just a Guy to represent my vibe (the colors, aliens) and social media appearance. and i guess i dont like that vibe anymore. i havent even felt all too into the shift i made to Mikike just having a vague spacesuit either, i felt i was just forcing that in order to fit the simple minecraft skin format for readability. (if people were to draw my skin, making it plantigrade and less animal would be easier)

and of course an additional observation i have had in more recent times are manic episodes that make me uproot parts of my life and change a lot of stuff about my identity etc. it may not seem like that happens online but its bc i manage to hold back on changing things abt my online branding lol- but it often results in making sideblogs for whatever new fandom/media i attached to in my episode and irl changing my entire appearance to fit and much more (and promptly drop both in about a month or so- its why i have so many abandoned sideblogs). this is obviously the bigger issue bc its what makes it Very hard for me to not do this (n yes i am in a bit of an episode rn despite my medication so...). and shocker, so many of my username/url changes and failure to ever keep one long enough to form an identity is related to that as well! its a surprise i havent done it in years but it was the expectation to stay with one identity, one look, in order to be Normal and recognized in a professional way, and i dont like that.

making this post and dumping thoughts has me thinking on a solution. as i said i dont really feel detached from my username. but what i dont relate to the most now is the way i feel i have gotten stuck in presenting myself online, and as a "brand". i want to toss out my color scheme, my mascot, my outward attitude. i want to let myself actually present in a way i like and not in a way that feels "clean". when my wcrp got shut down i had to come to the idea of acceptance and letting go of things i cannot control. and the reality of what truly doesnt matter in terms of what people may think of me. that was a huge pressure left on me for YEARS thanks to 2014-16 tumblr mindset and it is so so much harder to break esp if you want to try and be a creator and build an audience. i felt like i had become aware of this, and i have, but i didnt really click the fact that i wasnt into my current online presence bc i was still living with a piece of that era.. the fear of getting popular and being 'called out' for something for years ago, that wasnt even serious or bad, feeling like i was stepping carefully everywhere even when nothing was wrong. this doesnt entirely tie to WHY i want to do all the above. its just an observation on one of the things that hold me back too. just staying the same and staying safe. i hardly ever post, and while its something i chose to do its also a 'bonus' to not giving people much things to read off of me and assume from too.

this is getting too long and i think i have my point. idk what im gonna do but im thinking a lot abt how i should take control of my online life.

#sorry this could have been a shorter post but you know me #also. i cant change my username on all my sites either :/ so #my icon has been blank for this reason btw

[agayconcept]

hey, i really hope this doesnt come off the wrong way but you need to take a step back and reprioritise your costs. the people in your doctors office are the biggest assholes in the world but you shouldnt be using money on legal fees to go after them if it means you cant afford your rent.

actually, those funds are kept completely seperate, and i'm not intending to use any of it on some stupid lawsuit. i am however going to have to pay legal fees to have a legal representative advocate for me and my rights with this doctors office. because i cannot just up and leave 'the biggest assholes' there just bc it's financially inconvenient. because this office has 4 referrals in progress for me, a disability application in the works, and have all my records - some of which have not been completed/updated yet. and they are deliberately dragging their feet on all of the above.

so if i 'just don't bother' as you're suggesting, i would have to leave and i'd lose all those referrals and have to start completely over with a new office- which the wait list for is over a year. i would also have to completely restart the 3-6 month process for my disability application- which is the main financial reason i struggle with rent costs! because i'm not on disability and need to be! because i keep being discriminated against even outside this drs office.

(on a less important note, i would also have to wait until they finish updating my records before i can even register with another dr bc they wont have any correct/up to date info on them)

hence why i HAVE to continue dealing with/through this office even though i desperately dont want to - which means i have to have advocation, support and legal knowlege- which comes from a legal rep / organization / charity (which only provide free advice, you do still have to pay them to Do Anything). it is NOT something i can do by myself. cool for you (genuinely, no sarcasm intended) if you're able to get your rights respected or have the privilege to simply say fuck it and walk away- i do not. many people do not.

i think you may have misunderstood my intentions and reality here - this is not a situation where the abuse has happened, its over and im out, and therefore it is not worth legal hassle after the fact. this is an Ongoing Situation where i am TRAPPED dealing with this until i can get what i need (records, referrals, disability application) that is legally owed to me and is my right, but is instead being witheld.

so your suggestion, going with that, would be to either abandon or put off any and all healthcare progress (and my human rights, nbd) to instead pay my rent....which is something that, worst case scenario, i cannot be evicted for immediately. there is a grace period, its in the lease. they have to give us x amount of time, or offer us the option to split the payment. they only have to provide/allow that one time, but i havent used it yet so this could be that one time if i have to. (hence my notes earlier mentioning that the new building management seeming nice so hopefully they wouldn't be fussy abt it and would give us some time - bc as ppl on the internet often forget: my mother pays half the rent. i am not totally on my own here on that at least.)

look, i get that you may have had good intentions, but don't come into a situation you don't know the details and nuances of, and tell someone what to do with their money- especially when they're using it to protect their basic human rights. i didnt ask for anyone's financial or legal advice - so idk why you felt it was wanted, needed, or necessary.

like. you dont know the whole situation, i have (obvi) not shared all the details w strangers on the internet. you cant play financial advisor to a random person whose life you don't understand. idk why ppl think they can/should, rly.

anyway, genuinely for anyone on here: if it bothers you that much that my financial situation is incredibly complicated & messy due to a myriad of reasons, and that my scraping / surviving by might not be in the exact same personal fashion you would choose yourself?

you can ignore it or unfollow me, thats all good n cool.

if that wasnt your intention, and it just came across that way, then apologies for being short, and i hope the above explanation clears up the reasoning as to why i do, in fact, need to do certain things that i'm doing.

(for future reference: anons like these will be blocked. the only reason this one wasnt was because i knew it could have been a misunderstanding. but if it isnt, and anyone decides to send stuff like this, welp, its time for my best friend the block button to come hang out)

#say it with me kids #Strangers On The Internet Do Not Want Or Need Your Advice #unless they ask for it? dont come at someone for something u dont understand fully #esp bc genuinely it can like. not just be rly upsetting for that person but also slightly triggering depending on that persons situation #and current mental state #like bud i just got out of being forcibly hospitalized against my will & told i dont know whats good for me #only to leave and go to a drs appt where im told im cr*zy for wanting my treatment and dont know whats good for me #then go thru tons of legal advice phone calls being told BECAUSE I ASKED what actually would be good for me (a representative) #only to come on the internet to have a fun time and woop. there it is. #some anon decides they must. they simply Must. tell me that i dont know what tf is good for me #u know what bud?? thats Bad for my brain. rly bad. i sound mocking when i type 'thats triggering for me' but i am...not. im being serious. #leave ppl alone honestly #i come on tumblr to avoid stuff like this on twitter etc #just. like rly & genuinely? can everyone mind their own business & stop giving unsolicited (& often out of touch) advice. like in general. #just as a rule of thumb for life. not just the internet. #transphobia tw #tw hospitalization #ask to tag

[shatteredfears-arch]

ON THAT TOPIC literally joe exists for that dlc so we can have happy fun times st/reet f/ighter content in res gme, his storyline makes no gd sense bc, on one hand i being from a mixed race family, i did go three years not speaking to them at all. the italian/japanese side of my fam refuse to awknowledge me bc im part hispanic, i havent spoken to them since 2004, i wasnt even 10 years old when they stopped talking to me and i still understood why bc its the same reason my japanese grandmother tried to kill me— the hispanic side, tho, even tho they wont talk to you for years, rheybstill expect shit sent to them every year even as they tell you how shitty and horrible you are and to never be gay or you’ll be disowned (lol too late)

so on one hand, id understand it if they hated each other, but like??? joe loved his fucking niece (idk abt lucas he didnt mention him or margurite at all.. in fact joe only gave a fuck abt zoe fiven he was all too willing to murdwr what was left of jack) but he lived. next. door. yeah they had a whole ass swamp between them but like??? he could BOAT to their house??? bitch ely didnt speak to the family he apparently loved in THREE YEARS, had all these articles and shit pointing out suspicious shit (tbf i dont rhink he read any of them… i dont think he reads anything he didnt write himself) those mold monsters werent spreading yet, i dont fucking lnow, i guess eveline somehow kept it from spreading that far out (i find it doubtful that she would have mia trick ethan into coming out to have a new dad, but not trick joe into showing up for a new uncle tbh) like???

but also, he was the LITERAL PLAYER CHAR in EoZ, and then??? when shes transferred to new orleans he??? just stopped existing???? theres no mention of him???? I HAVE QUESTIONS

beyond hilarity what the fuck even was that dlc its so funny but it makes no sense lMAO

#out. #anyways should i find a way to make joe make sense #but then id have to add one more to keep the buttons stable #but i also thought abt adding a headcanon based d/uella d/ent so #hc based bc dc didnt know what to do w her to follow her creators vision and her created decided her reincarnation was sb that fucked one #of the men she claimed was her dad so.. thats weird dude i dont like that lol #hc based tho #.actuallg/ keeping her as harvey’s daughter #who’s just randomly jumping between obsession w different villains being her ‘dad’ when they dont want that #bc her agtual fad was so mad she wasnt a twin he ignored her #gr8 parenting harv gr8 job #ALSO THE BOAT. HOW DIDNHE NEVER SEE THE GD CRASHED BOAT.

[calamarispiderart]

abt to watch the pony movie!!! ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

#MLP #my little pony #mlp generation 5 #izzy moonbow #sunny starscout #my art #wooo #idk anything abt it and i havent kept up with any of the news #ands its two am #SO of course im gonna watch it #HDGDFH #also! i finally got a new laptop charger!!! #my mouse goes all over the place when its plugged in B:) #bc my laptop is........very old #and sick #i.........should get a new one when i can afford to........... #ponies #im very excited for this movie! i have no idea what its about #HDGBBDHS #me. the fool #AUU BARKS AND GROWLS AND BITES. TUMBLR PLS SHOW MY ART IN TAGS.....

[judas-redeemed]

i was tagged by @bandnerdleo <3

1. why did i choose ur url?

i changed it so many times but the current one just sounded cute + it fit my new pfp (which has actually been my discord pfp for several months now)

2. any side blogs?

nope!! tho i do have other blogs, theyre just not active. havent been for months.

3. how long have u been on tumblr?

since december??? of 2016 i think??? too fuckin long let me tell u that

4. do u have a quene tag?

nope!! i rarely quene anything tbh. but even if i did, no i didnt <3

5. why did u start this blog?

it was originally a sapphic yearning blog!! made for sapphic yearning!! but i wanted to post random shit unrelated to that, so i have since became a random tumblr blog

6. why did u choose ur icon/pfp?

so as i mentioned, it was originally my discord pfp. i got it to match someone who was very briefly my gf (hi prae!! hope ur doing alright) but i kept it after we broke up bc i liked it.

7. why did u choose ur header?

it. it. it matches..............

8. whats ur post w the most notes?

its my most popular uquiz, "how does it feel to be loved by u?" it has like 26k notes i think??

9. how many mutuals do u have?

no freaking clue but i love u all <3 its not ur fault im bad at counting <3

10. how many followers do u have?

441

11. how many ppl do u follow?

319

12. have u ever made a shitpost?

idk exactly what qualifies but im positive i have at least once

13. how much do u use tumblr?

i dont post all that much, but i do scroll thru it quite a bit

14. have u ever fought w another tumblr?

when i was younger, i did quite a bit. but i try to avoid that now. i mostly just block ppl.

15. how do u feel abt those "u need to reblog posts"?

well they are wrong bc i dont <3 but more seriously i dont think guilting is the right tactic. if i see that i dont reblog 9 times out of 10

16 + 17 do u like tag games? what abt ask games?

kinda?? depends on my mood!! but i love love love ask games

18. which of ur mutuals do u think is tumblr famous?

tbh i have no concept of tumblr fame (one of my fave parts of tumblr is that it feels like we're all screaming into the void) but i feel like im mutuals w some pretty popular sapphic blogs

19. do u have a crush on any of ur mutuals?

yeah :)

i tag @lovingly-longing-wlw (or ur main blog if u want) @froggiesapphic @strwbrysapphic and anyone else who wants to do it!!

#mine #tag game #long post

[spirit-shroud]

what are some roles that have been largely changed for cityrune? since you said queen was an influencer now :]

hi ty for asking me im vibrating. havent gotten to talk about this au now for three years and now that chapter 2 is like real and this time i can like........draw occasionally and i have more understanding of nuance...... [grips table] [screams]

this isnt quite what you asked but heres what's everyone from chapter 1 has been Up To with a little bit of context (and under a read more bc it got LENGTHY):

kris - professional stay at home teen (they live w/ asgore n help run the flower shop sometimes. this decision was entirely bc i dont like toriel). was wrongly diagnosed w Sudden Soul Rejection when they were incredibly young and given an experimental transplanted soul as a replacement. it works for them fine, give or take having to see gaster once a month for checkups. but sometimes the soul makes them skittish n decides they're going to sit in front of the pc and play 30 consecutive hours of a certain simulation game and not even let them drown people in the pool. if it were entirely up to them, they'd be like. passing out on the sofa to documentaries about bigfoot. or practicing cool knife tricks to impress their friends at their next tabletop meetup

- EDITED IN: the soul is kind of their friend. they are wearing a hypothetical get along shirt. most of the time, they agree on actions and things to do. tends to refer to themself + their soul as we/us which originally was just something they did in their head but they kept slipping in speech/text n just became a Thing of how they talk. switches to 'I/Me' whenever smth is wrong.

- also edited in: they believe the soul they have is their original soul bc nobody has told them otherwise. whenever theyre like 'oh yeah we think about our soul n view it as a separate entity to us like. all the time. it likes to hurt if we make too many choices it doesn't seem to like and kind of forces us to be a toned down version of what we want to be but thats just how souls are haha' and everyone is like.... 'Hey Kris That's Really Not How It Is.' theyre like. 'huh. gonna ignore that for now' - this was going to be a plot point

toriel - head of H0MEWOR1D (H01)'s department of education; kind of lost her roots as a simple math teacher as she was pushed into a lot of power she didn't even really seek out. divorced asgore over some miscommunications in their relationship; also loosely as a result of grief from asriel's death

asgore - the same. runs a lil flower/gift shop. people come in more to talk with him than to buy flowers most of the time, though

asriel Flowey - he's back in flower form, thanks to the government an accident. causes a lot of technology glitches wherever he goes, and wants revenge. isn't sure how to go about it. asriel "died" around 8 years before the story takes place and kris still misses him and refuses to even THINK about even the IDEA of calling someone their sibling after what happened, just in case it somehow happens a second time

susie - more of the same really. she spends most of her time either at grillby's (she's sort of become his assistant n helps with opening/closing. it just happened) or getting into low-stakes trouble w/ kris

noelle - she's in the city's equivalent of college and shes so tired. shes So Abysmally Tired n got kinda pushed 2 follow in her mom's footsteps. she's rarely around anymore except through text or on monsters & mages (dnd) night. (however.........she will come back w/ a long break n hang out w everyone again)

berdly - tbh i didnt even consider berdly when i made the au initially. idk what he's doing. probably in a similar situation to noelle??? canonically got kicked out of the M&M group due to clashes w/ other players but lurks in their group chat to posts memes sometimes

didnt rly think of any other of kris' classmates (+ their families) after ch1 and probably will continue to not, until chs 3-5 come out and i gotta whip up roles and histories for like. a lotta guys all of a sudden. i also forgot about noelle's parents

sans - runs a convenience store that everyone kind of thinks is a front, but also it has really cheap snacks and the local teens make a point of stopping there after school. so essentially, more of the same papyrus - similar to ut. is a very polite and sweet boy but you'll know when he's coming

grillby - he's back. he runs a bar like back in ut but the cozy vibes and weird-for-a-bar hours keep attracting kids who need parents, so half of his menu is comprised of overly sweet mocktails. usually only frequented by monsters

QC - same as usual. has a "rivalry" with grillbz but, theyre besties and have a book club

mettaton - he's real and he's back. he's similar to how he is back in ut w/ his EX body. likes to hang out at grillby's and talk to unsuspecting fans. has a show for everything

napstablook - similar to how they are in ut. helps mtt with making music sometimes. doesn't leave the house too often, but spends a lot of time posting on undernet

undyne - unfortunately. more of the same. she is a cop in the monster district. i am also upset by this but couldn't think of anything better for her

alphys - a doctor studying under dr. gaster in the hopes she'll one day take over his research. she spends most of her time as a nurse with a bigger title, though, and blocks out the weirdness of her job with anime.

gaster - weird guy. H01's top soul researcher and resident House wannabe. trying to manufacture the ultimate soul that can be controlled with simple internal switches, but so far he's only had 1 (very limited) success with a certain human. monsters just melt, and darkners just sorta......get weird... he's onto Something, though.

ralsei - lonely boy with some very strange hobbies. popular on UnderNet for poetry, baking videos, and general cryptid vibe. is the DM for the monsters & mages group (also seems to think everything is actually very fine in H01 when it is very much not)

lancer - about the same. professional Round Boy. lives w/ rouxls full time. follows susie around like a lost puppy and calls himself her "underling."

rouxls - runs a hotel/casino kind of deal where the objective Bad Guys hang out, and usually ends up doing any of the spade king's paperwork.

spade king - mafia godfather. kind of a dick. don't play cards with him

seam - works with the spade king as his right hand cat more or less because they have for a lot of years and are in that 'sunk cost fallacy' zone. thinks of retiring to a quiet life in the monster section of town like, daily

jevil - used to work with the spade king, but got imprisoned for Crimes. got weird after The Accident (separate from asriel's accident)

temmies (all) - dont really get mentioned except offhandedly but they run the monster space station. so far, are the only monsters who have ever been to space.

as far as chapter 2 goes:

yeah i dont have much so far for characters. in the original version of the au i accidentally made darkners as a whole just kinda..... not great? like all sorts of weird organized crime ties n sort of going out of their way to be A Problem to the city (not even in like. a revolution way. in a working against them but with the same goals kinda way). with the whole context it worked At The Time, bc i just had the spade king to look to as a villain, and also in this au the darkners are just trying to survive a world that ultimately was not built for them (that humans think they own, and monsters sort of... seeing this and wondering what it'll mean for them whichever one wins), but w/ new info abt how the dark world works n more guys to work with i want to kind of. edit the vibe a bit. like yea darkners will ultimately do whatever it takes to take over H01, but maybe in a better way than like. idk. all this. it doesnt have to be peaceful or anything it just has to be more adaptable as we meet more kinds of darkners

however yeah i thought up 'queen as some sort of childless mommy blogger/influencer' and that completely revived all memory i had of this au. she should be on mtt's talkshow. also she sells collectible wine glasses w/ her likeness

spamton is another one of gaster's failed soul experiments, but he hasn't melted yet, and seems............fine? sort of. so he hasn't gotten decommissioned yet. he does want to give you malware tho. hot monster singles in your area n all that

im blanking on the rest of the guys but i hope any of this was comprehensible

#kc takes questions #cityrune au #idk if tumblr still autotags things but if it does i am SORRY

[sootonthecarpet]

What faction do you usually pick in Fallout 4? It kind of sounds like you have beef with the Minutemen but the Brotherhood are bigoted trash, the Institute are bigoted trash who can't even accomplish anything productive, and the Railroad are super fixated on their ethically dubious synth liberation quest and do pretty much jack all for everyone else, so I'm curious as to which one you went along with in the end.

i havent played it thru to the end yet full disclosure kkfdksgf the main questline has been underwhelming so far, so i’ve been dragging my feet even tho i have like multiple playthroughs going. but i’m siding w the railroad because while there r heavy criticisms to b levied w/r/t their methodology, it still feels good to do literally anything to impact any of the game’s like, stilted in-universe bigotry subplots to even a small extent hahajfdsgf. plus i like most of the individual npcs, i end up more annoyed at my own lack of flexible dialogue options than i do at the characters themselves. (it’d be chill if the game had more RPG elements and i could like, influence the politics and idk ‘destiny’ of the group more overtly instead of just being Assigned Grunt.) some of their sidequests are actually pretty fun, or at least are no more bothersome than unguided exploration would be and give me a bit of character development to tide me over.

i guess i do kinda have beef with the minutemen but for the most part that’s my beef with the actual writers showing thru bc of how the game’s like. colonialist fantasy gameplay loop and its unironic fetish for revolutionary war imagery intersect hEAVily when it comes to the minutemen (obvs). in all honesty i’ve never wanted to dip too far into that questline or even take preston along much even tho he seems chill and i like him so far, bc i know the writing (or, best case scenario, the way the gameplay will inevitably actively subvert any good writing that sneaks in there) is just gonna end up seriously pissing me off.

there’s no like, group in fallout four that suits my political views bc even the vaguest whiff of real-world radical politics were very carefully kept out of the vaguely liberation-aligned groups in the game. like, goodneighbor is kind of implied to be SOME kind of socialist outpost right? shared resources, anyone is welcome etc. but wait! it’s a new reno esque hedonistic crimefest where you can get anything for the right price and the only language they speak are bullets! but wait! they have a mayor who they love and respect very much. or is he a de facto monarch? or is he just a mayor? (actually, he’s my lover.)  i don’t think it’s like, especially new or inventive of me to say this, but any theme that made it into the game was thoroughly stripped of meaning and made broadly palatable to like. the right-center, reactionary white gamer demographic. like, uhhhh, this was def a high budget game for a post-gamergate market. so honestly i take what i can get with the railroad. any moment im not cringing is a moment of good gameplay. (usually those moments are like, jumping into a lake in far harbor to get a better look at the non-interactible fish models for ecosystem lore, but again, i take what i can get.)

would have really liked a plot where the pre-game massacre of most of the railroad’s outposts allows the PC to like, optionally restructure it into an organization that’s actually involved with the ppl it’s set up to help (and nix the policy on mindwipes as a shortcut around trauma recovery/safeguarding of the vulnerable, and the--HOLy SHIT--disgusting attitude towards bodily autonomy in general, both of which seem to be there more for player convenience than for a well thought out story purpose), or even like. to see just a LiTTLe followup on some of the shit deacon says abt philosophical infighting early on out back of the slocums joe? but it doesn’t seem like we r going there and like, eh. i can keep my head down and grind out a few boring quests if it means avoiding the risk of total disillusionment with preston garvey and not having to listen to brotherhood anti-ghoulfucking PSAs or whatever godforsaken shit happens when i finally close out the act and let the institute beam me up ahaha.

oh yeah also like every guy who works for the railroad is weird-hot in one way or another (and also they sell me armored, combat-ready versions of casual clothing items so i can look great and feel safe, & make sure anyone whose inventory i can access has some armor on em without heavily impacting their look) and ultimately im shallow enough to let that tip the scales. plus its so nice to come back to the cave at like four AM after a long string of sidequests n see these totally random npcs who dont even like each other, all spooned up on all them mattresses. at the end of the day they deal w each other bc it’s cold and nasty. that’s a way more compelling vibe than i get from any of the actual faction related cutscenes in the game.

then i ruin it immediately by waking up tinker tom to buy more bulletproof dresses.

#anon #video games #fallout #thanks for this bud im like starting a manic episode #so when i got this i was like. ah. i can take off the gloves #hope it wasnt a disappointment to learn i have no real take on the end of the game ahaha #long post #fallout 4

[fairycosmos]

hello love! sorry to bother-i was hoping to get some insight.. I havent been able to afford my cancer treatment for over a year now, i work 2 jobs but everything goes to rent&bills (america lol) im not worried-it's just skin cancer & im confident i can hold out for a bit. The problem is that my friend is a bit panicked & upset abt it. should i have not said anything? ive kept this a secret from my other friends to avoid this and now i feel terrible bc shes upset abt something that cant be fixed

hey dude i am so so sorry to hear this, oh my god 😞😞 i really can not imagine what it must be like to be in your shoes rn and i mean this in the most non patronizing way but i feel i have to say - the strength you must have to display each day is smth i cant even quantify. it is absolutely abhorrent that you have to choose between paying rent and your fucking health, seriously. the injustice of it man the fucking insidiousness of these systems that they deliberately put in place god...... i wont get off topic or write too much but. if you ever start like a godfund me or anything like that feel free to send me the link. i will share it and do what i can to get you what you need. it’s ok to ask for help esp in such trying times and you deserve it, seriously. you shouldn’t be working two jobs just to get by when you need to be looking after yourself rn, though obviously i understand why you currently have to. anyway to answer your question, i don’t think you were wrong for saying something if you felt comfortable enough in the moment to. it’s your choice and yours alone, what you share and how in regards to such a personal thing. idk how to word this but right now, i wouldn’t be too concerned that your friend is upset. obviously it sucks to see, and it’s a sign she cares about you greatly so thats lovely. but it’s also a natural reaction to saddening news and she’s entitled to those feelings, as you are to yours. it’s alright to work through negative emotions and pain, it’s part of being human. it’s not a matter of personal fault in this context. i think having a support system and people you can talk to honestly about what’s going on is super important, and you don’t have to feel bad about it at all man. this is something that is happening to you first and foremost, not something you’re imposing on others, you know? it may take a while for you to internalize that idea and to let go of the guilt but i do believe its more than possible for you to get there. you haven’t done anything wrong. your friends deserve the chance to take care of you, too. ultimately i think it’ll be cathartic to allow your friend to come to terms in her own way, while practicing the art of putting yourself and your own well being first from here on out. emotionally and physically in any way you can. because that is seriously the only thing that matters rn. i mean it, if you set up any sort of donation post you’ll have my full support. i really really hope you’re able to start receiving treatment again soon whether it’s through work or financial aid. im sending you so much love and warmth honey, please take it easy and feel free to message me if you ever need a thing, any time 💖💖

#can not fucking believe capitalism. #anon

[iwillgotoheavenforyou]

I am really upset today. I have been stuck home for almost 2 years due to pandemic. Its not big deal since i am introvert but my mom is polar opposite of me. And i have been with her for 24/7 since pandemic. We have lots of quarrels i am uesd to it. Usually i am used to control my reactions and feelings very well no matter how bizzare news or situation is i am always controlled. But cant i just say what i want one time? One time i gave a little bit aggresive reaction and my brother had the audacity to bring abt everything he ever did for me? He accused me of over acting??? I kept calm in every adverse situation like when my father died, when my mom was thrwoing tantrums literally everyday when my mom and my brother fights when his marriage fell apart when he and mom keeep fighting every 2 days

I usually dont even express my interests true feelinhs or opinions to avoid chaos i always take step back to keep peace

But one time just one freaking time i told my family a minor inconvenience and he reacted like i was making it up and disregarded everything so i said forget it idk why i bothered so he accused me of overreacting? And said he never said no to anything why am i acting like this? Like buddy in case u havent noticed this the fucking reason i never sau any thing in this house. I try to keep my life and opinions to myself. I remember the othet day i talked for like 15 min in 24 hrs and out of those 15, 10 were on call. Even when i started watching kdramas i didnt tell my brother cause i knew he would judge me and thatd exactly what he did

I know they care abt me and all but they also dont see the real me

#Personal #late night #Thoughts #just venting

[boyegcs]

I enjoyed the film but I’m not a hardcore Jurassic Park fan in general so I’d like to hear the side of someone who feels quite strongly about the films and why you didn’t like it! Feel free to rant :)

hi omg thank u so much for giving me an outlet. beware, under the cut is jurassic world spoilers + bitchy ranting (to anyone else who is curious. feel free to join in on the discourse. im curious af)

lemme start by saying that i may just be a pessimist in general, i didn’t sleep well last night, and the first jurassic park is one of my favorite movies of all time. i havent watched the 2nd and 3rd much in recent years, and wasn’t crazy about jurassic world. nothing can do justice to the first movie. it is flawless, beautiful, sentimental, smart, and the animatronics… are so….. good…..

whatever, onto the new movie.

i liked things about it. i promise i did. i liked the chemistry between bryce dallas howard and chris pratt more in this one than the first. maisie was a very good child actress! i love justice smith and even if the dialogue wasn’t great, he was pretty relatable (franklin). i also love the actress daniella pineda so even though she didn’t have much screentime, i like her. and i adored that dinosaur in the cell next to them that then plouwed through the rich ass folks trying to buy the fucking dinosaurs.

uhh… the script. 

the first 20 minutes were soooo rigid and i was like ‘am i just sleep deprived or is this shit or both.’ i was ALSO on team ian malcolm since the beginning: let the dinosaurs die. like, i’ve seen all the jurassic park movies. dinosaurs are vicious af. not “let them burn on the island,” but like, essentially? AND THEN THE FORCED EMOTION AKA THE BRACHIOSAURUS(? IDK DINOSAUR NAMES JFC) ON THE ISLAND. like, thanks for that image. PLUS THE ANIMAL BRUTALITY. LIKE, IDK WHY IT HIT ME SO HARD. THEY WERE VERY MEAN TO THE ANIMALS. which sounds dumb coming from the girl who was just like ‘let em die’ 10 mins ago but, y’know, i don’t wanna fucking SEE IT HAPPEN. 

AND FORCED NOSTALGIA. FUCK U MOVIE. 

the couple reviews i saw were like ‘paying homage, respecting the first movie!’ no. fuck that. this movie RIPPED OFF DIRECT SCENES AND SHOTS FROM THE FIRST MOVIE. claw grabbing through bars. squashed under a car. EVEN THE DUMBWAITER SCENE, COPYING THE INFAMOUS KITCHEN SCENE. i was hands down waiting for lightning to electrocute owen and maisie when they were scaling the house. jfc.

the doctor, or … paleo-vet? (yes who i like!), literally had to GET OUT OF THE CAR and look AT THE SAME DINOSAUR as sam neill and laura dern did in the first movie. btw, there were some cgi-heavy scenes in this movie. idk why im SO susceptible to cgi, but i hate it when i notice it. like the cgi goat towards the middle-end? ugly af. even that cute triceratops with her baby i was like ‘ok but its fake…’ i might just be a negative, judgmental person. 

also, the cheap? thrills? like the writers were like lets add oNE MORE THING to add to this ALREADY TENSION-FILLED SCENE. like the truck and the boat/ferry. when they had to get the blood from the t-rex and it semi woke up and THEN guards locked them in and its like… just give them a break. things like that. idk, it got old fast.

BUT YEAH, WHAT GOT OLD THE MOST FAST, WAS DEFINITELY THE ACTUAL RIP-OFF OF MY FAVORITE MOVIE IN THE WORLD.

it wasn’t paying homage. if it was only a couple things, maybe? but i kept gesturing at the screen… i kept sighing… i probably ruined it for the poor dude sitting next to me who was just enjoying his damn popcorn… it was such a long movie and then the whole THATS NOT UR GRANDDAUGHTER SHE IS /ALSO/ A CLONE. like. thanks for giving me one more thing to worry about. i so needed that on top of james cromwell dying and u really mean to tell me tim put his trust in this piece of shit capitalist dudebro? (or maybe it wasn’t tim from the original and just james cromwell / lockwood dude all along… idk, i kinda was like ?? in the beginning, cause they were talking abt someone in college so w/e).

i dont know i think im repeating myself in circles here? if u have any questions or disagree please lmk! like specific examples or anything. or if u wanna avoid this mess cause im just this angry ball of fury, go ahead too. but thank you so much for asking

ADDENDUM: i ended up really loving blue. i saw the relationship between owen and his dinos in the first movie, but damn, it really grew in this one. the clips from when they were babies, blue PURRING, crying, him holding her when the bullet was being taken out, running away at the very end, fucking saving em all… like. blue is the real mvp. 

i liked things about this movie, but i had zero patience for what i hated about it.

ADDENDUM 2 (I SUCK) but i was really annoyed when owen was fighting all those dudes when the... indo-rex or w/e was in a cage and... idk, he might’ve gotten a scratch, but hes what, a behavioral? scientist??? i mean unless he takes some form of self-defense in his free time, he shouldn’t be so lucky to not get a single blow to the face from however many dudes he fought. but maybe his reflexes got cat-like working with the raptors.... whatever

#jw spoilers #idk how to tag #jurassic world #jurassic world fallen kingdom #im just ranting pls dont look @ this if u loved the movie or are in the tag to spazz or cry! #these are my personal opinions

[felixeslee]

92 q tag

hello this tag is highkey irrelevant now but it’s been in my drafts for ages so !! laskdgjasodigjsaldkgasodigjasdg which is why i wont b tagging anyone bc im so late but !! yeah !! ok !! !!!!!!!!!1111!!! lets !! go !!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

tagged by @hyuunjins @hyunjinh @straykiz and @dae-hwee from my w1 blog (lmaoo hi pindi this is sarah!! AIddgsdfk if youre aware of this blog but hope its ok if i do it here alskdg ) 

rules: once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. At the end choose 25 people to be tagged. 

🌙 LAST

Drink: the water that I drank this morning!! Aka around 12 hrs ago asdgasdgoij pls stay hydrated kids 

Text Message: i texted my brother if he knew where my dad was lol,,,,,,, sldkjgaosidgj 

Phone Call: CALLED MY BROTHER BC HE WASNT RESPONDING MY TEXTS,,,,, he also didn’t pick up ldskgjsoidgjsldkgsjdg

Song you listened to: Goodbye My Love by Aileeeee <3 lovv 

Time you cried: TODAY ,,,, i was getting super anxious bc i didn’t know where my dad was ??? he was supposed to pick me up but he forgot abt me until like an hr later… sldkgjaosidgj 

🌙 HAVE YOU EVER

Dated someone twice: no :00 lmao i’ve never dated… ever alskdjgaoijsdf 

Kissed someone and regretted it: i havent had my first kiss yet HEH 

Lost someone special: unfortunately, yes :( 

Been depressed: sdgksjadoiglskdfosdijgalskdfaosdigjaksdgoaisdjf idk 

Been drunk and thrown up: lmao i’ve never drank ,,, at all,,,, the smell of alchohol scares me,,,,, evn my little brother has had a sip once and he’s 5 yrs younger LMAO ,,, but im a noob and don’t wanna try sldkgjosidjgs 

🌙 IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU

Made a new friend: yay yes yeslgkdgsdf

Fallen out of love: i dont think i’ve ever evn been in love…. Sdlgksjdoigj 

Met someone who changed you: yes,,,,,,,,, 

Found out who your true friends are: uhhhh idk aslkdgjaosidjf i honestly can never tell when someone’s being a fake friend so!!!!!! Idk honestly lmao

Found out someone was talking about you: i did ! but it wasn’t for anything bad or anything……… they just criticized me behind my back?? But i agreed w their criticism so alsdkjgaosidgj  

🌙 GENERAL

How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: ummm,,,, like 4?? We r mutuals evn though none of them r actually kpop blogs,,,, so i always feel guilty spamminig their aesthetic feed w my screaming tags and annoying shit LMAO but i lov them <3 

Do you have any pets?: NO :”( I WANT A DOGGO THO …. REALLY BAD…..

Do you want to change your name?: uhhh ik so many sarahs its not evn funny and my last name is hella basic too????? Theres 3 ppl that share my first+last name in my school alone….. So maybe i’d change it to my chinese name (yue) ?? also bc it sounds more sophisticated,, and i lov anything that makes me sound smarter than the reality of my dumb self LOL 

What time did you wake up this morning: LOL so my alarm rings at 6:40 but i get out of bed at 7:10 SLDGKJSODIF … and i need to get out of the house by 7:20 lsdkgsdoig 

What were you doing last night: physics and apush :SLDGJOSIDFJ the 2 most dreaded classes UGH

Something you cannot wait for: DINNER .. i love me some gud dinner

Have you ever talked to a person named tom?: thomas jefferson my mAN 

What’s getting on your nerves right now: when it’s so heckin cold i can’t concentrate + i hate taking notes when it’s cold??? Bc then my hands r like half numb and it HURTS WHEN I TAKE NOTES sldkgsoidjf ALSO WHEN I DRAW ,,,,, STIFF FINGERS R THE WORST WHEN DRAWING

Blood type: i think a????????????

Nickname: my most common ones r swisso + salad (i promise these make sense in context LOL ) 

Relationship status: return NullPointerException; //im a cs person,,, dont judge

Zodiac sign: capricorn!

Pronouns: she + her

Favorite show: i dont watch many shows but i love watching a gud studio ghibli movie when im feelin down

College: this QUESTION LSDKGJSODIGJ ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i wanna go to college but will any accept me ??!?!

Hair colour: its naturally black but it’s currently dyed ombre from black → brown !!!!!!

Do you have a crush on someone: i havent had a legit crush in 3 yrs lmao……. 

What do you like about yourself: the fact that im a deep sleeper. Idk how light sleepers function omg like wouldn’t u wake up to like,,,,, everything??! :((( that makes me sad bc u hav no idea how much i lov a nice long undisturbed slumber

   🌙 FIRSTS

First surgery: okAY so like i've had 2 procedures done on my eyes lmaooo like (1) when i was a smol beb of like 1 yr old i rolled off my bed aaaannnnddd the corner of my eye hit the edge of the sharp corner of the bedside table!!! and then y1ke$ things got ugly loll (((yes, i wuz dum + clumsy since the day i popped from the womb))) its all stitched up now and i hav a tinie tinie scar aslkdgs okay and (2) there was something weird abt my tearducts LOL so u know when u get sad nd stuff ur nose gets runny and u sniff a lot??? well like that wasn't the case for me bc the passage way from my eyes to my nose was completely blocked off,,,,, which resulted in me lookin like i was full blown cryin like every 2 seconds... like if i kept my eyes open for too long my eyes would get watery and tears would flow out LMAO ,,,, i looked like i just never stopped crying,,, but it was just my eyes were just ALWAYS WATERING sdlgjsdif damn u have no idea after the procedure i was like 'do ppl live like this??? not having to wipe tears every 0.2 sec??? oh my god,,, i am livin THE LIFE' 

First piercing: i hav no piercings!!! Bc stabbing holes thru myself scares me sdlkjgsoidg but i love the way earrings look tho so :///// 

First sport you joined: dance or gymnastics???? I dont rly remember

First vacation: CHINA prob???? 

First pair of sneakers: i think sketchers LMAO ,,, the big thing  

🌙 RIGHT NOW

Eating: nothing!!!!!

I’m about to: do som sketches for my AP art class 

Listening to: my dad sing som old chinese folk stuff behind me LOL 

Want kids: i already adopted all 9 members of stray kids tho ??? idk if im ready for more atm 

Get married: LOL This question just reminded me of smol story from my childhood: so like i used to b rly close w these 3 other kids,,,, one other girl and 2 guys,,, and our parents were all rly tight too,, and our four families would just go camping together and it was rly :’’D fun and so we all made a pact that I would marry one of the guys and the other girl would marry the other guy and we’d all go camping together forever but then KINDERGARTEN HIT,,,, we moved schools and yeah im still rly close w the girl but i miss the 4 of us dkgjsodigjsdlkgsdf LOL 

Career: waterbottle 🌙 

WHICH IS BETTER

Lips or eyes: eyes? Eh idk i just never rly considered lips ?? LOL 

Hugs or kisses: hugs? I dont hav experience w kisses so sldkgjsoidgjsd yike syikes yikes 

Shorter or taller: TALLER

Troublemaker or hesitant: uhhhhh neither??? Like i just want someone playful + extroverted bc im quite introverted,,,,,,,,,, so if he was hesitant we’d just b super awkward and quiet,,, and i don’t like getting involved w sketchy troublemaker shit either LOL ,,, 

Older or younger: as long as they r in the same school grade level,,,, and i guess 1-2 yrs older is okaY? But lowkey freaks me out if too old 

Romantic or spontaneous: sldkgjsoidfj both? Like i lov someone who is unpredictable and spontaneous,,,, but on the other hand im lowkey a helpless romantic lasdkgjaoisdjf 

Sensitive or loud: both i guess too??? Its good to have someone understanding and sensitive but also someone who knows how to have fun  :) 

Hookup or relationship: hookups,,,,,,,, just dont make sense to me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, like i get attached to someone p easily so even if i dont plan on being attached,,,, i’d probably get attached :(  

🌙 HAVE YOU EVER

Kissed a stranger: YIKES no 

Drank hard liquor: nO 

 Lost contacts/glasses: UH I HATE THIS BUT YES….. 

Sex on first date: yikes * (6.02 *10^23) adkgaosidjgaslkdf no thaNK you 

Broken someone’s heart: i dont know,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, like i might’ve but maybe im just not aware ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, but on a sidenote i think my old comupter science teacher gets a migrain everytime he sees me LOLLLLLL sdlgjsoidgjsldf 

Been arrested: no,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, :0 

Turned someone down: yeah lmao i kinda feel bad tho bc they were all good ppl,,,,  lskjgosidjf but thankfully im still good friends and pretty tight w all of them ~  

🌙 DO YOU BELIEVE

In yourself: ocassionally i try to :’’D

Miracles: lol yes 

Love at first sight: i used to ? but not anymore,,,, like i believe u can be attracted to someone at first sight ?? but i feel like love cannot be attained thru visual contact only asldgjoasidjalsdg

#sarah: tag #LMAO sry for the random stories here nd there #and i wrote this like 2 weeks ago so yeah .l LMAO #thank u all for tagging me i luh u all <333 #lSDKGJOSDIGJSDG

[sundrenched-smilez]

odd numbers for the lesbian asks! (if it's too many just do every 4th one maybe?)

1. Femme or butch? 

for type, im vry easily wooed by butches tbh

as for myself, im genderfluid + heavily lean towards butch-ish for one gender + have been gettin more comf w that term for myself. the 3 genders i switch between, ive described as sharp, dainty and tired, for reason of not really being comf w gender labels aside from nonbinary. sharp/tired r kinda butchish, moreso sharp. like leather jackets, ripped jeans, dress pants/shirts, defs flannels (which r a given for any mood im in tbh) while tired is like mb softer, more focused on flannels + loose tank tops/shirts, shorts + certain skirts, comfy clothes, and the like   

ive found that i’m leaning more towards butch lately too, like i’ve been a lot more comfortable with pants and a nice top than i have w dresses or most skirts + im wondering if i was just hanging on to femininity for sake of society, so those r things 2 think abt. i still feel comf in them sometimes, but it’s getting much less often. gender’s weird, i still cant cling to one bc of how pressuring that is so genderfluidity is still smth for me + it shifting to different percentages is okay (im thinking out loud @ this point, but its helping so i hope its interesting to read)

3. Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

both, but primarily flannels/plaid buttion-ups

5. Describe your aesthetic

aaahh theres a lot of diff aesthetics i could go into, but i have a tag if ur interested in a visual representation? basically, cosy homes, forests, wooden steps and bridges, cats, girls/nbs, water, plants, and old video game stuff, and clouds/skies. i’m sure there’s more in there, but for a good rule of thumb !! as for like dressing aesthetic, i like to look rly gay + attractive and a lil showy? like my shorts r Short and i love crop tops + a lot of my shirts show my bra thru them, + i like showing it when i can, like sports bra + a tank top is a fav look of mine bc i can make it look like my bra is a trim on the shirt + it’s cute. i’ve been wearing dresses less often, but occasionally, i like to rock one. id love a pair of combat boots but i have like size 11/12 feet + most stores dont carry that size + im hesitant to buy some online. 

7. Favorite pair of shoes?

its rly hard to find any, i have like walmart converse knockoffs atm + theyre a beige/grey color im not that huge on, it kinda reminds me of sandalwood but depressed

9. Any haircut goals for the future? 

there was the undercut!! and i have that down now c: next step is to dye it blue and mb some purple. i wanna bleach it if i’m gonna dye it, but im hesitant to do that bc of how damaging it is, but since my hair’s been cut a cpl time almost all the color is out now, so i think itll b ok if i take good care of it. 

11. Describe the worst date you’ve been on

i went to a cafe w someone (i think they were nb but i cant remember, it was like 2 yrs ago about ) and they were impossible to talk to bc they just kept saying “im awkward sorry” @ everything and like any conversations i tried to maintain were all one-shot responses, and like that was a lil frustrating. like i dont hold it against them or anything, more in a sense of i was rly tryin 2 carry it and just couldnt 

13. If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!

whooh i wish i was taken, i need affection + to b cute w someone 

15. Describe your dream wedding

hmmmm i havent thought much about it !! i know when i was younger i wanted to wear a black wedding dress but now im thinkin mb a suit that switches to dress @ the bottom?? that could b cool. I’d be happy w anything tbh, if im getting married, i’d just b happy to be w my wife/spouse. mb somewhere in a forest or on a boat would b cool, defs lots of good food and colorful flowers. I’d like a lot of color, most weddings ive been to are just b/w and bland for my taste (they’ve also all been straight tho so theres that.) it’s kind of wild to think that i might b married someday, but it’d b rly nice. i just haven’t thought much abt the planning of one. it’d b rly gay tho, probs give out tiny gay flags at each seat, and the cake could b lesbian flag colors. im rly drawing a blank on this, but i know id want all my friends around the country + world to be there. 

17. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

i definitely want to live in a port town at some point !! idk where i’d like to settle down, ideally somewhere that doesnt get much hotter than 90 degrees + has lots of parks + is big enough for some events, like pride stuff, little festivals, a farmer’s market, and places to do things, such as a movie theater, bowling alley, mb an aquarium, if not one in a nearby town. hiking trails r also good. 

19. Favorite lesbian novel/story?

on a sunbeam!!! its a huge inspiration for me, and i love it so much. it always puts me in such a good mindset when i read it, and the artist is my age, so it makes me feel like I can also accomplish great things if i rly put my heart into it!! which is such a good feeling, and it has great representation + characters that i love, and its rly gay, and in space and theres ships shaped like fish + its gorgeous : D i could go on for hrs abt it + how important it is to me. theres an nb character too, and like the aspect of found families is one that rly hits home and it helped me get thru a rough time of my life + better accept myself as queer/gay. 

21. Favorite lesbian musician?

adult mom (tho i think they’re bi but still gay), or hayley kiyoko

23. Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?

i think so, but i can’t place when, it’s been a bit. 

25. Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?

talking abt being gay w other girls/nbs is lovely and cathartic, i never got to growing up bc i lived in a homophobic town + i was like dealing heavily with internalized homophobia and body/gender dysphoria so i was ace for a bit. talking more abt like sexual attraction + aesthetic attraction is new to me, and that’s been a process to get to, but it’s nice that I can now do so w/o being belittled or barraged by insult. i also just love the thought of being w someone, and daydreaming abt when that happens is really nice. also,, girls + nbs r a blessing and brighten my day and im so glad im attracted 2 them 

27. Turn ons?

absolutely communication, that’s a need. i had a bad experience w someone bc she wasn’t communicative at all, and failed to tell me that we weren’t dating despite us going on several dates + kissing??? like i wont go too into it, but hatchi matchi it was a mess. so yeah, communication, affection, and like reassurance that they actually want to be with me, and that my presence is wanted and enjoyed. I got a lot of “i dont care”s for answers last sort-of relationship, and that was rly discouraging. another turn on is for them to initiate talking and things, like holding hands or planning to hang out + such. consent is another big one. 

29. Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

i usually tend to ask them out, but im still dealing w internalized junk, so its difficult. i also havent any situations in which they liked me back, which is frustrating. like i got lead on earlier summer for abt a month until i asked what we were doing + didnt rly get an answer, and it was this whole mess. i generally try to make the first move tho, bc i know firsthand how difficult it is, but that being said, it’s still hard for me to know for sure if theyre interested + i dont wanna make things uncomf w them, so i’ll wait until i think there might b attraction. that being said, once that’s all out of the way, i like to consider myself a good flirt when im trying. 

31. Talk about your interests or hobbies!

i have lots of interests!! im obsessed w steven universe, its my fav show (and if u ever have time, we should totally watch it together sometime, i rly think you’d love it, it’s super gay + heartwarming.) i really love playing music and learning new songs, which im rly great at memorizing. talking to friends + gettin 2 know them better is always nice and fun. i like to draw new things + see the different ways ppl draw, so seeing art on here is always fun for me. i’m also rly into polygon videos (it’s a youtube channel, not like videos abt polygon haha) and this podcast called the adventure zone. season one just ended, so i might start listening to another one called friends at the table. i rly wanna start a podcast w someone, but can never find anyone to start it with. idk what I’d talk abt but if i could find a partner for it, i think it’d be a lot of fun. mb smth abt games or books/queer representation in media. doing a dnd podcast would also b rly fun, but a lot of work + editing so mb later down the road !! im blanking on other interests atm, but animations and cartoons r lovely and i aim to make something in that field one day, if not just a comic.

my hobbies r mostlyyyy drawing, dnd things now every thursday, hanging w my friends, playing video games, sometimes writing (i rly wanna start a comic, and im tryin to get my butt into gear on it), goin to parks, listening to music, and goin 2 events w roe + cesar, two of my friends. sometimes ill play music!! i need to get more than the keyboard i’m lending, but i love performing. ill also watch leg birds on youtube, theyre a lesbian couple that plays gams + theyre rly sweet. 

33. Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

its easy for me to love friends, doesnt usu take me more than a few months of knowing them if were talking a lot. as for falling in love, that takes me a lot longer. ive never rly been in love w someone. i thought i was once, but rly it was just my first gay experience w someone and i wanted it to be perfect so i projected a lot of things + made it better than it seemed to myself for the duration of it, which wasn’t healthy, so i wanna avoid doing that again, + take things slower next time. or at least for what they are. 

35. Ever fallen for a straight girl?

a few times, they were just crushes tho, so it wasnt too too bad

37. Favorite comfort food?

hot cocoa or tea. as for food food, i dont think i have one. mb french toast or cinnamon rolls. 

39. Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?

i used to be a vegetarian!! for like a yr, but it was difficult for me to eat and feel full, and i was pretty underweight, so i stopped. 

41. Early-riser or night-owl?

both, i tend to stay up, but getting up early can be nice if i dont have to do anything. like just gently waking + making some tea and a nice breakfast + sittin around for a bit. 

43. What is your Myers-Briggs type?

enfp-a 

45. At what age did you know you were a lesbian?

i think like 16-17? it took me a bit to get words for identity, like lesbian/nonbinary and the like, but i always knew, like id call myself an individual as opposed to gendered terms that i was referred to, and always felt rly yucky w deadname + the wrong pronouns

47. Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?

ive got one crush atm !! and another person who seems nice, but i wanna hang out w before like thinking abt a crush (im poly, which perhaps goes w/o saying, but i always like to state it when talking abt these things, jic )

49. Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future

i’d like a partner or two, to get some bongos- i got to play some a couple weeks ago, and it was the most fun i’ve had playing anything!! having smth with an instant response that i could make up rhythms with was really rewarding and so much fun. i know i want a cat at some point, to go on cute dates + cuddle and kiss a lot w someone, to visit my friends in other places, dye my hair, get a better job, to travel a bit, make a comic, go to college for animation and storyboarding, mb go to camp at some point, and I’d like to make some more friends here, i’m already making some, which i’m super happy about, but it’s always nice meeting new ppl 

thank u for asking!! this was relaxing + fun, and a lot of the topics were cathartic to talk about, and i needed it. so thanks for listening too kinda

also im queen of commas, i’ve discovered while typing this

#msg in a bottle #cass charts #idk what i want my ask tag to be

[arvoze]

man, this was sent like, nearly 2 weeks ago or w/e, and i completely ignored it bc i didnt have the energy/ability to care (you literally sent these when it was between 1 - 2am my time) but, it was recently brought to my attn that you put both me + lal in your byf (because i.... banned you from a server i guess, and that means lals at fault too?) so.

i guess it’s high time i answer this lmao. maybe you wont even see this. maybe youll vague abt me for the next few weeks and try and make me out to be a bad person, but i dont care lol. anyways this is under a cut bc its pointless drama i guess. ask 2 tag

additionally: this isnt rly meant to act as a callout post. but since u asked on anon (and im pretty sure we’re mutually blocked) i cant really talk about this privately. this is mostly just.. well. answering your question. ive written this little paragraph after i’ve written everything below, so like, idk dude, it happens sometimes, i get rly heated abt shit and then cool down after a while. so this is wild.

edit: i havent read this thru nor do i care about reading it through. are there a bunch of typos? probably. dont care though

i dont rly have the energy to pull up Everything esp because that lke.... requires going thru so many discord messages adn i really just. dont care enough to sift through everything

“but if u dont care why are you writing this” shut up u wanted answers didnt u lol

nyways heres just . some shit lmao

man firstly let’s deal w your post abt my server

+ dont worry! ive got it archived in case u delete it bc who knows what ud do lol. nyways

lets just do some breakin apart on this:

i was lterally shaking at the time and having my OWN panic issues but i guess you dont rly take that into consideration lol?

this is one of the biggest exaggerations like ... you made it sound like the server was some big special place jdfghdkj theres literally 4 mods and 2 of them didnt even talk to you. the other 2 were me and lal

like half of the server isnt even fucken active on the server and the majority of the other half dont even care about unfollowing/blocking u. what a wild assumption. thts the funniest shit 2 me

please you literally sent me 3 asks when it was way too early in the morning 4 me expecting me to reply as if it was possible for me to give u all the reasons in like 10 minutes jesus christ

ths is one of the ugliest posts ive ever seen + this was posted before you were banned frm the server. several ppl in the server have bpd + i was absolutely not willing to have smeone who says this sht abt their illnesses around (re: the whole “not actively in therapy” and shit. fuck off lol)

here’s some other stuff on my list that you might remember:

(kin stuff) being fully aware that my brother wasn’t - and still isn’t - okay with doubles with a specific character, and that you were specifically warned whilst he was offline, and you knew this was the case, yet decided that your best way of explaining something was..... fuck dude, whats the wording you used? “i’d say but some people here aren’t ok with doubles” or some shit which is! literally just as bad! and tht shit has fucked my bro up so severely tht he still fuckn..... thinks abt + the shit uve said In General (shrugging emoji)

heres a fucken wild ride for u: ur the reason he left th server anyways and why the second i banned u i was immediately happy because holy shit i can talk to my bro again bc i could invite him back! to a chat where he doesnt have to deal w someone who causes him constant panic attacks! wowee

lets not forget me expressing my extreme distaste of lying [person] + r.idged.og + ridg.epho.s but u completely ignoring that shit (+ wowie remember when u said lying was yr friend and that you didnt like me venting negatively abt them bc my nasty experiences r somehow less important than ?? tht shit??? lol anyways)

god the entire fucking drama w the lying shit . i cant believe i was on yr side for a while jdfghkj. that whole fiasco was so shitty. nyways thts nothing to do w me its just something that made so many ppl uncomfy

remember when you left the lying chat and then vented to us about shit but then rejoined the lying chat unbeknownst to us + caused shit again (surprise, i know about that)

you, generally, made several people uncomfortable (myself included), and as the owner of the server, i’d much rather kick one person from the server than have several people being uncomfortable. but if that’s an unreasonable thing to do then please, inform me, because that’s news to me.

whilst i dont support alex or alex’s partner in any way, shape or form (before u try and call me a fucken apologist/supporter/whatever lol), the blatant deliberate misgendering of alex’s partner on your byf was extremely shitty of you (which has since been fixed, but yikes).

(kin stuff) pretending to not be a double around lal, knowing he’s not comfortable with doubles (which, maybe you’re not! but given you’re kin w mc.ree + got that in your byf, and don’t have anything abt not follwing if ur x.phos in ur byf...... boyo)

god theres more but im not willing to dig up all the shit + also dont want to ask other ppl about their personal problems bc thats exposing them to a past/experience they probably want to forget about/never revisit

if u found this? congratulations. you got your answers.

if ur gonna vague abt me? go ahead. i dont really see what ive done wrong lmao.

also, re: why i didn’t tell you anything at all,

i was having a panic attack and almost throwing up

i kept trying to find reasons to keep you in the server, because i didn’t want problems to arise

i will literally never talk to ppl abt this kinda shit privately bc i dont want people to feel bad but 2 late

#jack dont look #bluespace #drama i guess but idk #ive been meaning to get this off my chest for a while but ehhh #i didnt talk abt the thing that pushed me to do stuff but its like ... not rly worth mentioning i guess #ths is sometthing ppl can skip over idc i just wanted to finally answer this

[xomaleriestar]

Collection of notes

17.02.2021 at 10:02

so what i wanted to say before initially

is that i read the letter

and was wondering if its still relevant

ok so my response letter its so in heat of the moment and gross but whatever. i wanna share before ur travels and not think about it

i think i have feelings for you too big time but im hella damaged and have big problems w trust so its hard to accept any thoughts of them. i literally cant stop thinking about u and it burns in my chest when i do

its recent, like 2 weeks. always thought im totally tripping out and were totally chill but like bro when i went to take that covid test the other day thats when i realised that it might be a fucking problem cuz i literally felt empty inside w out u and im soso scared sooooo scared of being ok with "feelings" and its really goddamn hard to talk about them as well for me but lets see what happens in the next month

slight overview of damage: the more i open up the more distant i get usually. i've always felt im not worthy of anything good in life and im rotten throughout and its my "destiny" to lean how to give myself away to """"god"""" and reach enlightenment through my own methods

i think all comes from my relationship with my mom which i need to fix before being capable of love cuz ive felt my whole life like i have no idea what it is as i think my mother does not know either. so its been my plan all along to try and learn to love my mother on this trip and forgive her (my whole life i ive been dealing with trauma from my dad so new level now spiritually)

it completely quiet in estonia so my mind is racing but whatever

our souls are connected forever and i feel a very strong connection to u and ur very good to me or just are good

18.02.2021 at 08:15

i love you so fucking much. everytime i look at you or think of you i feel blessed. writing these letters im not sure you even exist anymore. (having flashbacks of i love dick :D)

and i relate with everything you've said

i'm honestly very very very confused as well with these things so don't be scared to move at your own pace and trust yourself first..? there's nothing to prove and we both are free and i dont need you to give me anything you dont want to. everything

at the right place right time. i feel lucky?

on the topic of trust... you are the first person in my life i've connected with only based on my gut feeling. i overthink a lot, but with you i havent had the need to. in the past i would change a lot for a person, but with you i've only gone deeper within and it's gotten me to a point where i have you and for the first time i feel ready and i dont want to distance myself to avoid getting hurt and im totally okay with being completely honest with you. the feeling of trust came very naturally but it's still scary. usually i search for understanding and i always feel i never get it but with you its so different, i dont think about it. i've never actually realised before now that it's trust i've struggled with and it makes sense with every part of my life. trusting myself with my art, trusting others with myself. again, coming back to my upbringing-it defo makes sense cuz i've never trusted my mother

it's defo a strange point in our timeline but im glad we've talked about these things and opened up more

please have a safe flight, i cant wait u to be in nyc already and defo call me i miss u so

15.03.2021 at 01:00

i just remembered that i almost gave away my room away in july and cuz i was so depressed wanted to stay in estonia. found a new person but she literally cancelled like a week before i came back to uk and my init

2:42 am

literally i cant sleep and am spiralling so hard. yesterday i found this voice memo from my dads bday in the summer where my mom got super depressive/manic and is crying and im talking with her and i cant get the fucking sounds out of my head and honestly im shocked i even recorded it. my whole childhood was literally spent by her facing the window in our kitchen, not showing her face and crying and later locking herself up in the bathroom and i literally got the whole thing recorded and its so painful to listen

ugh i cant fall back asleep, spiralling so hard. yesterday i found this crazy voice memo from summer, dads bday where my mom got super manic and i had recorded it and found it yesterday. listened to the whole thing a couple times and now its stuck in my head like some random song. i'll play it to u one day, it's literally my 9-18yrs explained in that recording. my thoughts are rapidly shifting between that voice memo and you, i literally spent the whole day thinking about you.

i once dreamt that i needed to speak to my mother, grabbed her by her shoulder to turn around to see her face but she kept turning around and had no face, only hair. i never saw her face and this one time when i was stoned, i was trying to remember her face and couldnt. now realising that maybe it was because of these moments

19.03.2021 at 10:42

i love you so fucking much i love you i love you i love you so mich i love you i love you i love u love u i love you i love you i love you so much i love you so much im in love woth you i miss you im in love with you im in love with you l love you i love you im in love with you im in love with you i love you i love you im in love im in love love i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you so i love you so i love you so much i love you so much i love you i love you i think i really love you i love you so much its hard to breathe and i think i really love you and it feels great to really say it to you

20.03.2021 at 17:12

love u so fucking much coumba honestly i hope youll have an amazing day. im gonna go offline for a bit 

had a really strange dream, really mundane. took the metro home from some festival and was living in my grandmas apartment again and elevator was broken so had to take the stairs. but it was super slow and dramatic. on my way up (the apt is on 6th floor) i over heard my neighbour family fight and i left the door open to overhear what the topic was and they were yelling at their child? 

i crave physical touch

hey hope ur being productive!! goddamn, ive just been writing and reading the whole day and figuring out this creative block situation/ why am i so triggered by work. found the right stuff to read and feeling full of life again. hope u are too

hope you're not second guessing me for getting sad yesterday. im feeling fucking crazy and it might be cause im starting my period. i keep rereading your letter. 

26.03.2021 at 19:21

bless you

ur so nice to me

had a walk and it was really refreshing. feeling better but have so many anxieties that sometimes i just explode

i fucking love u too. sometimes its like ur my lifes worth of care i never 

sometimes i feel like my lifes worth of good is coming to my life through you

......ur so nice to me....honestly i love u too so much..... i think it might be bc of full moon but im just like a total wreck today :D thanks for hearing me out before. and yes i'm excited to see whats waiting for me in london!! 

in other news -.... called me rude and an egomaniac bc i told her i was depressed and feeling xtremely anxious blabla basically overview of what i told u today so will postpone thinking about countryside stuff. feeling like shit again lolzzzzzz bc of it.... we were supposed to go together with misha but misha cancelled right so im not really in a hurry which she knew and wished me a happy trip back to london. like whenever she doesnt get what she wants she goes off but i mean i do understand that im being an asshole as well so its like the perfect way to end this day

baah mh im just gonna rant here u dont even have to respond :D but i used to be really really selfless growing up and my parents always bring it up that i let my friends use me lol and ive been hella defensive abt it always bc i never knew how intense it was?. friends literally always came first and i kinda repressed my true self bc of embarrassment etc etc and two years ago it slowly started morphing into hurt and disappointment idk why i expected sth back (now i dont thats prolly why im super self centred and delusional as well i guess) so like after all this shit when im like yo having a hard time i get called a fucking egomaniac... i think im tired and honestly the fact that im getting along w evert so well makes me so happy but yeah since eliann is horrible at expressing emotions its harder 

31.03.2021 at 20:20

❣️ is for  🚬👄👗COOL🕶☕️🏙❣️

❣️ is for 🎀🎀🎀ORIGINAL 🎀🎀❣️

❣️ is for ⭐️Ur A Star ⭐️ ❣️

❣️ is for MUSIC 🎧🔊🎶❣️

❣️ is for 🦋🦋 BEAUTIFUL 🦋🦋❣️

❣️ is for 💫💐🧚‍♀️ANGELIC 🏵🖼🔮❣️

❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️

02.04.2021 at 14:24

miiisssssssss uuuuuuu sooooo muuuccchhhh aaaannndddd caaannnnoooottttt wwwaaaaaiiiitttt toooo seeeeee uuuuuuu aaallllrrreeeaaaddddyyyyy iiimmmm sssoooop eeexxxccciiittteeeeddddd ffffoooorrrrr iiiittttt

11.04.2021 at 12:54

i really reaally love you

13.04.2021 at 21:53

have said this before but im drunk AGAIN and will say this AGAIN that i think ur amazing 

14.02.2021 at 01:46

im in love w u