i watched Dead Poets Society a few days ago and havent been the same since:( just been thinking about how Todd grieves, its the purest form i have ever seen. like at least once a day i have thought of that one scene and almost started crying. just the thought of feeling so much emotional pain, the chock, the throwing up, the nonsensical screaming and the pure p a i n he must have felt… imagine loving someone so much that the loss of them feels like the loss of yourself,..
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fantasies i'm not sure that i'm worthy of
“I’m bad, Suzuki,” he said to Shou the night before Shou’s dad attempted to take over the world.
The noise in his head rattled, shaking the bars of the prison Ritsu was trapped in. He wanted out. He wanted out so badly that he was ready to scratch and bite and claw his way through.
“Well,” Shou finally said, peeling the wall back and shushing the noise in Ritsu’s head, “I’m the one who burnt your house down. If you’re bad then… so am I.”
Ritsu sniffed, swiping at his eyes. “Yeah?”
“Yeah!” Shou sounded excited now, the blanket he was under rustling as if he were sitting up. “We can be bad together!”
[or, ritsu doesn't know how to process guilt and wants someone to tell him that he's a bad person]
🌵2,030 words | ritsu centric + platonic ritshou🌹
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why is the seeking of approval and delight in your craft becoming like. wrong to want.
I am a lurker, I know this. I like and reblog and kudos and bookmark but I rarely have something relevant to say and regardless artists are not "put feedback in get content out" machines; but is not the first thing we do when drawing run to show the ones we love? do we not seek to share and delight?
yes, likes act as that. so do kudos and silent reblogs and bookmarks and favorites and other silent methods of support.
maybe I, as someone who gets 1 or 2 likes per post (with the rare outbreak of 100-200 note fandom pieces), don't have the insight that some others seem to but like....
if an artists puts 8 hours of work into something on their own time that they love and are passionate about, that they thrive on while creating, and then posts it and is met with nothing? at all? it hurts. my dude. to use all the "right" tags, to post at the right time, the post on a schedule and still get the amount of interaction I have my whole artistic career?
well it's no real wonder I don't create as much as I could, if a child is met with no approval they will either throw a temper tantrum or silently stop creating.
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Like I know we all love making ADHD seem cool but like, don't forget it's actually a disability? My ADHD is bad enough I've nearly been evicted for forgetting to mail the rent check to the property manager, I've forgotten to pay the utility bills and had my water or power get turned off or had to pay fines bcs I missed a credit card payment. Once I was supposed to cat sit for a friend and I lost the house key she gave me but didn't realize until she was already out of town, and she had to call the apartment office to get someone to give me the spare so her cats would have food for the week. When I'm unmedicated I can't even get myself to shower half the time, forget eating or cleaning. Before I started living with my fiance I'd just like, not eat for days because I didn't have anyone to remind me to eat or go buy me food. I've forgotten to turn the stove off so many times and ruined kettles and tbh been DAMN fucking lucky the house didn't burn down. I've done stupid, impulsive shit that's nearly gotten me KILLED. I can't remember to close the shower curtain reliably even through my fiance points out every single time I forget, and he's almost out of soap rn bcs for the last MONTH neither of us have been able to remember to order more once we get out of the shower.
I've had such bad memory my entire life that to this day someone suggesting I forgot something because I simply didn't care enough is a legitimate trigger that, in the worst cases, makes me have a breakdown.
I get that for some of you this is just something that makes studying hard or you forget to take a pee break when you're playing Minecraft or whatever, that's still a valid struggle and you do deserve help and understanding, but like, ADHD is a disability. It's disabling. It's not impossible to improve and learn coping skills, meds help a lot, there are great accommodations out there(LIKE CLEANING SERVICES), but not every case of ADHD is the same, and a lot of them are pretty ugly ngl, and just because you managed to do something doesn't mean someone else is gonna be able to manage it too, or that they're being lazy for struggling. And that obviously doesn't mean ADHD people have a free pass to never work on themselves and make everyone cater to their every need or whatever, but we do deserve some understanding when we explain that our disability is actually disabling in ways that aren't palatable to you. So like, idk, maybe don't immediately recoil in horror when you find out that someone with ADHD can't keep their house clean. And for fucks sake don't ridicule them for it.
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