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suffarustuffaru · 8 months

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I don’t speak Japanese so I’d LOVE to hear more about the differences between the English and Japanese Re:Zero fandoms

yeah sure its very interesting to me now that ive noticed it more lately :o !! though ok disclaimer - i dont speak japanese either hah so if anyone is seeing this and does speak japanese + is familiar with the japanese speaking side of this fandom please add info if youd like!! and of course ill be mainly speaking from the english side of things bc im more familiar with that yes (sorry anon again im not a japanese speaker T^TT so sorry if i tread on info you already know!!). but yeah im speaking from my own experiences given the Topic at hand. ive been in this fandom since... 2019?? which is so wild to me aljsdfljsd.

anyway so - i think the big difference is mainly that the english fandom and many english speaking people that engage with rezero are. to put it bluntly, misconception runs Rampant to a very Interesting degree. to the point where it seems like the english speaking side of the fandom is More. Aggressive. than the japanese fandom. not that the japanese speaking side of the fandom is perfect - also bc what fandom is ever perfect 100% of the time, tbh - but that the louder people in the english rezero fandom are. well its a Very low bar. Very low. and from what little ive seen and heard so far, the japanese fandom tends to understand rezero and its characters better than the english fandom. which ig makes sense bc you know, rezero is japanese media, and also im sure cultural differences come into play here as well (im not familiar enough on this to speak about it in depth but the cultural differences feel Pretty Clear even though i cant 100% put my finger on what they specifically are).

but also bc yeah. its not That hard to beat some of the english fandom when it comes to media comprehension. misreading rezero is unfortunately Extremely common, both in and out of the rezero community. its Everywhere - youtube, myanimelist, ao3, ff.net, reddit, twitter, various rezero discords - and from what ive experienced, rezero tumblr basically kind of feels like finding an oasis after crawling through the desert for days on end lajdslfjs. which is probs bc rezero tumblr is Smaller and also a lot of us seem to be lgbtq+ in some way or be allies, so you dodge a lot of the misogyny and homophobia that happens in other rezero english circles. its why you see a lot of openly queer rezero-related posts on here while its a bit more. barren. in other rezero english places yes. bc its more safe to post queer rezero things on rezero tumblr rather than rezero reddit for Sure.

im not sure how the japanese fandom is with that exactly but theres some interesting differences between whats popular in the english fandom vs the japanese fandom. i mean as an otto fan ive been noticing how hes more popular with the japanese fandom—and on top of that, ottosuba is Way More popular in the japanese fandom too. reinsuba and julisuba seem to usually be the most popular mlm subaru ships in both fandoms but ottosuba is like A Little Up There in the japanese fandom. not sure if its on the same level as a ship like reinsuba but ottosubas Definitely loved as a ship. from what little ive seen it also seems like ships like vichisha are more acknowledged by the japanese fandom? im not entirely sure on like—Complete differences regarding what the japanese fandom finds interesting that may differ from english fandom, so ill really have to look more into the japanese fandoms fanart and fanfic when i can bc im pretty curious too. in general though, it seems like the japanese fandom has a bit more variety…. you can find fanart on So Many characters in rezero (which already has a very Massive cast full of very fleshed out characters) there. not that you cant in the english fandom bc theres a Bit of variety too, but id more so contribute that a little more to the Big Cast and less to having actual variety in fancontent. and of course im not saying that the japanese fandom may be a bit barren in some areas of fancontent—bc inevitably when u have a big cast of characters, side character content is gonna be more sparse compared to the main characters, but to me it does feel like the english fandom lacks variety in comparison. (and also yeah. seems like the japanese fandom acknowledges gay ships more in general tbh.)

whats focused in fancontent makes it easy to tell what may be popular in a fandom in terms of how fans perceive the source material and what fandoms want to do with the source material, if that makes sense. and its very easy to tell that with the english fandom if you just hop on rezero ao3–or even better, rezero reddit given theres a fanfic ideas thread thats usually pinned right at the top of the site. again i havent looked at japanese fanfic for rezero yet (bc i dont know where to look oops ajdndn) but when it comes to the english fandom you can tell that theyre generally more focused on the female cast both in fanart and in fanfic bc. theyre women and many fans on say, reddit or various rezero discords, are cis straight men, so inevitably… well lets just say you can tell when a man makes content for this fandom o.o theres also the. very weird reaction fic trends and trends following popular fics in the fandom, the two biggest being the watching him die again and again react fic and re:forgotten, the former of which includes a harem plot with subaru and the main girls of rezero while the latter is one of those subaru gets tortured by his ooc friends and then he gets revenge on them fics. which i suppose says something about the english fandom too.

of course on ao3 its dominated mainly by english fics (of course not all fics on there for rezero are in english— big shoutout to all the non english fics on rezero ao3 ur doing great <3 — but the majority are in english). and while yeah ur occasionally gonna find stuff like queer content or side character content or rarepair content, its definitely not that big in amount and also comes with the risk of. Hate. if anyones reading this and remembers the lone star stuff. (if u dont know—lone star was a julius x emilia fic where they NTR subaru or some shit and then it got bombed with hate bc of the ship? yeah.) so yeah english fandom is very cis straight oriented, ironically with the nastiest people being the very people that rezero criticizes. though this is also my personal experience, i do know several people personally whove been in this fandom for a while or were here for a while and yeah english fandom isnt very welcoming at times???? and it seems like at the very least the japanese fandom is A Little Less Aggressive than the english fandom is.

otherwise. yeah im very very curious about more of the differences in popular content between the japanese vs english fandom. i mean the english fandom’s main focus on the female cast for. Interesting Reasons other than their actual character depth is… interesting. and the astreas being popular in general vs otto + ottosubas popularity fluctuating is also very interesting to me (but i have several guesses as to Why that is), among other things. yeah id love to know what else the japanese fandom likes about rezero and see more of their content. i also have to wonder if characters like emilia and subaru are hated less by the japanese fandom…. T^T well that and the english fandom and many english speaking people engaging in rezero have this interesting pattern of either hating subaru No Matter What, wanting subaru to Not Be Subaru (ie using him as a self insert almost or attempting to change him into virtually another character), or putting subaru on a pedestal and ignoring his flaws and mistakes and that he Can do wrong. like theres Really not a lot of nuance there. so i wonder if the japanese fandom is. A Little more chill when it comes to character opinions like this too.

#rezero #tldr: english fandom sets the bar so low (unless ur on rz tumblr) that the japanese fandom def seems a bit better by comparison #in terms of. Calmness levels.#every time i step into a rezero space that isnt tumblr i get a little worried my heads gonna get bitten off by someone HAH #recently someone tried arguing with me over how i interpret otto (this was on reddit) and then said stuff that showed they did Not #understand his character that well so that was awkward 😭😭😭#even just by looking at otto fanart from the japanese fandom it seems like more people understand his character there. in the english fandom #he is. either Not There or his flaws are just handwaved away or replaced with Different flaws #atm hes the most obvious example i can think of when it comes to. how differently characters can be percieved by different parts of a fandom #for rezero. like hes near invisible here but ottosuba being almost on the same level as REINSUBA in jp fanbase is crazy to me #kinda reminds me of the disney’s duffy and friends line and how it failed in the us but its SUPER popular in asia. really fascinating #and also yeah some of the english fandom seems. more loudly misogynistic and homophobic which is very unfortunate #also im sorry ill never forgive that random person on reddit i just said one (1) thing on otto and they came for my throat like fr 😭😭😭#ask #i do wonder why reinsuba is so popular but thats probs bc reinhards well loved too and also hes op. which is a bonus for the english fandom #bc theyre into all the power scaling stuff. and also reinhard gets the other bonus of being a guy and he isnt shafted by canon. hes treated #very sympathetically which is another bonus akdnsn #i say this as a reinhard fan btw but as an emilia fan im also crying bc theyre SO SIMILAR and yet why do people hate emilia….#but u know. reins a guy and we havent got his pov yet so there isnt much to hate.

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pup-pee · 2 months

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this is basically my kyle playlist

california girls is rlly carrying the angst so sad((she eants me(2 b loved) is not the sadest song ots just the 1st))

#most if the songs r about alex ngl i love her sm #goodmirbing!! my headaches gone yiipppee!!!!#tgus doodles from yesterday tho lol #i was gonna post it on my kyle doodle acc but like?? not anymore #i drew him kinda leaky srry man #actually no not srry CRY MORE #this guy needs therapy idc what u say #i mean most of them do byt like i will ralk about his silly lil issues hes got sm of those #i feel so bad 4 the ppl i talk 2 omfg #i just talk talk talk & never shut up & THEY DONT TELL ME 2 SHUT UP?? makes me frel bad like oh shit i just yapped @ u im so srry #not even talking about dc all the time #its worse when its dc omg #‘no i like hearing u talk’ like uhm DO U? i can make u regreat that here let me talk about kyle rayner #all the ppl irl having 2 deal w/me shuffling trough comics & me making them see smth on my phone 4 context #i swear i dont talk over ppl ot @ least i rlly try not 2 #srry im like sleepy @ am remembering going over 2 1 of my parents friends house &i just talked talked talked #i was ddoung basically a horrible stand up routine #skjfkfkvkkgg #anyaysd kyleee omgg kyle raynerr??!!!#im so srry kyle nation #my kyle tag lmao #kyle rayner #<- is scared #2 put that #dc #puppee art #i think instead of talk talk talk i should say ramble ramble ramble

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kohakhearts · 1 month

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theres a really. special kind of despair in the uncertainty brought about by moments of success and achievement. the inevitable “what now” of reaching your goals. and i kind of wish someone had warned me how hollow graduating university would feel, tbh

#taylor.txt #im miserable primarily for other reasons right now but i dont think i appreciated how much this just…wouldnt feel like anything #i think especially in my case as someone who so desperately needed ‘going away to college’ to get out of my childhood situation #and now for the past 5 years everything ive done has been for the purpose of getting my degree and finishing school #like im fine i guess i just kind of wish i could feel proud of myself or happy its over instead of like dreading the ceremony and feeling #like everything i have to do for grad is just one more thing i have to check off a list. getting my grad photos done felt nice but idk #it kind of feels like no one really cares which. idk why i would expect it to NOT feel that way. but yeah #tl;dr im around Kinda…need to finish stuff up but im over the really busy part of this all. kinda just coasting to the end here tbh #when this is over i’m gonna get to my request fics. prommy. wanted to do them over the long weekend but i was sick :(#anyway like to be clear im fine. people have been pointing out today i seem down and i think embarrassingly a collection of my students #noticed me crying on the bus today but thats life i guess you make do. im sad and thats ok. tbh

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dreadark · 1 year

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Originium Arts Assimilation

it’s this thing

(joke)

you can assume it’s a measure of how well someone can use Originium Arts, and as far as I can tell it’s an innate biological characteristic that can’t be improved by training. however it can change, usually by how Oripathy improves most Infected’s ability to use Arts (though not always, as with Earthspirit and Astesia)

most operators have a Normal/Standard rating. usually casters and other Arts users will have an Excellent/Outstanding rating. and then Amiya has a mysterious ■■ rating, and Rosmontis has...something else

(Arknights’s physical exam ratings are Flawed < Normal < Standard < Excellent < Outstanding)

so the “Flawed” rating is notable here. in fact you can broadly separate all* the operators with that into having a connection to Feranmut or Seaborn

Feranmut

Feranmut obviously have some kind of powers, but are noted to specifically not be Originium Arts. as Closure says, “[Dusk] has 'no connection' to Originium whatsoever”

Nian, Dusk, Ling: they’re fragments of Sui, self-explanatory

Kjera: an incarnation of Kjeragandr, self-explanatory

Surtr: ...this one’s more complicated

Invitation to Wine has this bit:

suspiciously specifically mentioning ancient Sarkaz swords

Surtr’s sword is noted to be the source of her power, since she doesn’t use any Originium Arts, and the sword somehow also prevents her Oripathy from worsening Surtr has a condition where she has a bunch of memories that aren’t her own, so much so that she can’t even recall what her own memories are anymore. which sounds pretty similar to what started happening with Lee after he picked up the goblet with part of the second Sui brother in it

conclusion: there’s a Feranmut dwelling in the sword, and since Surtr picked it up she’s been affected by it

though unlike Lee and the Sui brother, this one doesn’t seem to be intentionally taking her over? they’re friends :)

at least that’s what I’ll roll with until they give Surtr an event in 2025. aha...

Seaborn

for this one I’ll be using Seaborn and Sea Terror interchangeably, everyone just calls them all Seaborn anyway and there’s a few references to CN-only stuff, considering Highmore

Skadi, Specter, Gladiia: the Abyssal Hunters are revealed to be created by Aegir(nation) by somehow combining Aegir(people) with Seaborn

Gladiia’s a lead on this project, but Skadi didn’t seem to know about being part Seaborn until the events of Under Tides

Specter is unique among these since she’s also infected. she was injected with enough Originium to kill a town, but her Seaborn blood lets her resist Oripathy so she didn’t immediately explode this also means despite being infected, she can’t use Arts at all as Gladiia’s profile puts it, they’re “insulated” from Originium (I’d guess she wouldn’t get infected normally either)

Mizuki, Highmore: also Aegir+Seaborn hybrids, but created by the Church of the Deep

the process is probably different somehow; both the Hunters and these two have enhanced strength and are insulated from Originium, but the Hunters have their characteristic red eyes+white hair, while Mizuki/Highmore are more integrated into the Seaborn “hivemind” (at least that’s the cult’s goal)

these two were coincidentally both created by the same bishop Cicero, but he considers Mizuki a perfect creation while Highmore is a failure. probably because Mizuki accepted his Seaborn side and his way of thinking pretty much aligns with them, but Highmore rejected it and ended up turning into [the IS3 boss]

so being “imperfect” she has visible Seaborn cells on her arm, while Mizuki looks entirely like an ordinary Aegir

(probably shouldn’t get too into this before she’s in global but I just really like Highmore...)

oh and Mizuki’s abilities to cause hallucinations aren’t Originium Arts, but somehow a biological thing

Andreana: now here’s the slightly less straightforward case

she’s part of the Abyssal Hunter faction, but she doesn’t know the other Hunters. she’s similarly unable to use Originium Arts, but while she’s stronger than the average person she’s nowhere near Skadi’s superhuman strength

a drop of ink vs an inkwell you can just take that pretty literally I think; Andreana just has a lot less Seaborn in her, so the associated traits she has aren’t as strong

as for how she got this way, there’s a few allusions to her being experimented on when she was a kid. in her module she remembers “someone wrapped in the smell of the sea, a robed Iberian” being involved, which is almost definitely a member of the Church of the Deep

conclusion: she’s one of the cult’s earlier experiments with combining Aegir and Seaborn

Gladiia’s operator record reveals the cult does experiments on Aegir who come to their churches for medical assistance, so I’d guess her mother took her to them when she was young and this ended up happening so...why is she classified as an Abyssal Hunter, when Mizuki and Highmore who are also Aegir-Seaborn hybrids created by the cult aren’t?

because of gameplay. now she can buff the other Hunters and receive their buffs ...that’s it, there’s nothing to suggest she's actually related to Aegir’s “Abyssal Hunter” project. she doesn’t even have the white hair/red eyes

until HG finally remembers she exists and gives her a story to contradict this, maybe. but I’d be happy with her existing at all...

*exceptions

Matterhorn

I mentioned it before but I really have no clue. he’s just like that

Deepcolor

as finally confirmed by her operator record, she is part-Seaborn just like the others (though she wasn’t even experimented on by Aegir or the cult...a Herald just gave her a “gift” directly, so that’s something. the two Heralds we know of are First to Talk and Endspeaker for reference.)

and since she is, she should have a “Flawed” rating here

so there’s 2 possible explanations for this discrepancy:

one, she’s a launch character they didn’t bother expanding on properly for 3.5 years. so they might not have had all this in mind at all when initially creating her

or two, she bsed her way through the operator exam and somehow tricked the tested into thinking she was using Originium Arts instead of.. whatever powers she has(??) they do make a point of how her casting method is weird and no one else can understand it, so

I’m inclined to go with the first one just because of how much they mention her skill with originium but Deepcolor is still so mysterious so who knows...

**wanted to mention the Blood Originium-Crystal Density of everyone but couldn’t find a good place to mention it, so it’s here now. wish I could put a readmore in a readmore

if you look through most uninfected operator profiles, the average is about 0.12-0.14 u/L

Dusk/Ling/Kjera all have 0.00 (Nian probably does too but she’s avoided physicals)

Surtr, despite being infected only has 0.10 u/L I assume she got infected before getting the sword, and it’s either keeping the progression of her Oripathy at bay or maybe even treating it

Gladiia has 0.011... Originium doesn’t exist in the sea though, so it could be because she only came up to land recently

Skadi has 0.013, which actually decreases to 0.012 in her alt. ignoring the special circumstances of her alt, I think her Seaborn cells might be “cleaning” the originium in her blood?

Specter has 0.31 which increases to 0.34 in her alt. pretty standard numbers for an infected, but the progress of her Oripathy is notedly slower

Mizuki has 0.07 and Highmore has 0.08. these are lower than average, but not as low as Skadi/Gladiia, probably because these two aren’t from Aegir we don’t have a physical of before their transformation, but my guess is the same as Skadi’s; their Seaborn cells are decreasing this value

Andreana has 0.12, which is...totally normal I guess the tiny Seaborn part of her only fucked up her ability to use Arts but didn’t give her any resistance to this. RIP

#arknights #surtr #andreana #those are just the two i'm talking about most...#i realized i kinda refer to this a lot #but it might not be immediately obvious #I don't really have a point to make here #it's just a few things I noticed #can I call this a 'theory' idek #(is this really over 1k words im gonna cry #you’re welcome to argue with me btw #im sure i missed things #post

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enhanced-operatives-division · 2 months

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Handing you .. fanart of your Juniper mask >:] I promised to myself I'd draw this ever since you dropped the design it's SO COOL!!! i hope you dont mind!

I'M GOING TO CRY YOU'RE TOO KIND OH MY GOD,,,,,,i NEVER mind ppl drawing my designs Im honoured you liked it so much to DRAW IT???????? I'm grinning like a bastard this has made my day, thank you so so so much

#screaming crying sobbing /pos #you're so kind im losing my mind over this #im never living this down you're so talented and you drew MY SILLY DESIGN??? overwhelming /pos #im so im so !!!!!!!!! AUUUUU #tysm like fr this means so much im so full of thank yous I've been rendered speechless #asks #[Agent: genebeanz]#[fanart]#<- AAAAAAAAA #ieytd #john juniper #im so. auu im gonna be riding this high all day #sobbinf........#im just staring at it man AUUAUAUA so kind im so im so i cant explain the emotion but i can feel it in my whole body #pure joy methinks #im a simple man.....one juniper drawing and all of a sudden im buzzing and then square that feeling because it's YOU????????#genuinely your comments on my art is such a huge inspiration to me for keeping at it man #this whole fandom has that effect in me tbh like it's so kind and close knit #auuu #okay im gonna stop rambling because I'll be here all day but one last time thank you oh my god #i react normally to things 👍/j

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indigopoptart · 7 days

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man i love the people im surrounded with. how did this happen. youre all so lovely😭

#istg tumblr is the BEST place to find people #all my current online friends who im close asf with are people i found on here #my girl my besties hell even some of my mutuals i dont talk to bruh #almost all of em were found on here #who knew life would turn like this bro. who knew #its grateful hours rn stfu idc #like yall. i cannot put into words how much you mean to me #im finally getting out of a mental rut thats lasted me a few months (school related) (school just ended)#and the fact YALL STAYED BY ME???#its small nd yall r gonna be like dub miguel. friends do that #but i aint never had that #like the past three years around this same time i have lost people important to me and lost core support systems over and over and over #and it feels nice that im better enough/healed enough #and surrounded by people who truly care for me #that thats not the case anymore. its so liberating and god does it make me want to cry tears of gratefulness that this is my life now #i am loved in so many ways that i cannot even recount right now.#sorry maternity classes gang (group chat) im gonna lovedump later on you tonight probably #man. mann.#this is my life #like #/pos #thats so lovely man.#wanna namedrop yall so bad bc people deserve to know you all and deserve to know how beautiful and loving you are #but ik i shouldnt for privacy😭#ily all tho #even if we aint talk much ur presence is always appreciated by me #sorry sorry ill shut up now😭#indigo speaks #yapping

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unsurebisexualcore · 4 months

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percy’s complete and utter lack of self preservation is both a source of insurmountable pride and crippling anxiety

#just finished watching the last two episodes bc school sucks ass #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #the entire time I was just like “YOU DUMBASS GLORIOUS LITTLE IDIOT PLEASE SHHH SHHH SHUT-SHUT UP UR GOING TO DIE”#no one out here doin it like he is bro #istg he is the only main character for whom I will accept plot armor #what a little shit I love him so much #also oh my god the seasons over???#im so not normal about this???#like what do you MEAN I’m going to have to wait like another year to see the babies on screen again CEST BULLSHIT #anyway I’m gonna go rewatch the entire series and cry now

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needylittlegirl · 29 days

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theres a 99% chance we’re gonna move so i have to start packing little things now cause it makes the transition easier but i hate it i dont want to

#i know i sound like am immature little kid just pouting and stomping my foot #but i’ve had to move every two years since i was like 14 for so many different reasons #each place ive moved to just got increasingly worse so i think i have the right to pout like a 14 yr old girl #but its just dumb #if i start taking stuff down now itll make it easier to leave cause it wont feel like my space by then #its what ive always done #if i pack weeks ahead of time it just feels like im leaving a hotel or something #but right nows the hard part #im not even over my childhood home/s #i cant talk about those without crying and its been 20 years #i’d just like to stay in one place for awhile #we wont be going far cause me and my sister both have jobs right here but #its still different #im tired of seeing my stuff in boxes im tired of not feeling safe in my own space #it all just makes me so unstable cause i cant plant my roots anywhere #idk maybe its stupid #if everything goes according to plan #we’ll probably be moving a little after memorial day #and all i want to do is lock my door and refuse to let anyone do anything #im still just that little girl that was leaving her childhood bedroom and moving hours away #tbd #i didnt even get to skate today cause its raining #whatever im gonna get in bed and watch movies til i can go to sleep #if ive been bad at responding to msgs or not posting as much . this is why 👍#any sort of change like this makes me isolate myself like crazyy

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something-about-sunflowers · 2 years

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Thinking about Izzy with hanahaki, coughing up flowers over Ed for like 25-30 years. Yeah it sucks but its not gonna kill him. Obviously keeps it a secret (From Ed at least, Fang and Ivan caught on but they don’t wanna get involved in All That so they keep it to themselves and help Izzy out when he gets bad spells. None of them mention it but Izzy is grateful, which makes it all the worse when they start palling around with the Revenge crew over Izzy :’Tc).

(Uh, readmore cause I didn’t expect this to get. Like. Huge. lmao)

Then Stede Fucking Bonnet comes along and things get worse as he watches Ed fall for Stede, even if he doesn’t really understand. Still, he manages. Gotta push through, Ed would expect nothing less.

And when Stede leaves and the Kraken happens Izzy goes through a good bit of hell. Ed is barely out the room after the toe incident before Izzy is hacking up so many flowers he thinks he might actually die this time. He doesn’t, though. Cleans himself up, puts his shaky legs to work. (And then Lucius finds out, doesn’t really matter who pulled him back on board, Izzy knows about it because none of them are subtle. He keeps the secret because. He’s really not sure. But Lucius is in the walls and he hears Izzy having a fit and now he knows. He wants to ask. Tries to, even, Izzy shuts him down and he’s not even angry when he does it. Just. Defeated. Lucius silently adds another thing to his ‘Things I’m Gonna Bitch At Blackbeard For Once He’s Not Crazy Anymore’ list.)

When Stede comes back its. Better. For a while. There’s a lot of hurt all around but everyone is alive and they’re (mostly) talking it through as a crew. Ed makes his apologies to the crew, even to Izzy. Stede makes his apologies as well. Izzy accepts that This Is His Life Now. Since Stede seems to actually want to learn now that he can’t just throw money at all his problems Izzy offers to actually teach him (instead of ‘teaching’ him like Ed does). He shows him the ropes (literally), gets him passable with a sword, keeps Ed focused when he’s teaching him navigation (not Izzy’s strong suit, he can manage if he needs to but Ed’s always been better at it). They actually find themselves getting along.

Izzy starts joining the crew during ‘story time’ (sometimes its stories, sometimes its other group activities, easier to just give it the one label). One night, after Stede finishes the story and everyone is heading to bed, he watches Stede and Ed head to their cabin. Sometimes they’ll ask him along for a night cap, not always though, and its. Fine. But. He watches them head off without him. The way they hold each other as they go, smiling, only eyes for each other.

He barely makes it to his room before he’s coughing up the most flowers he’s done since Ed fed him his toe. He, frustratedly, sets to work cleaning them up but. He actually stops to look at them. He stares. And stares and stares.

Two distinct types of flowers littler his floor. He tries to deny it but he understands immediately the implications. Fuck.

Still, Izzy is nothing if not the worlds most repressed trooper. He sticks it out. Or. Tries to. Its hard because Stede and Ed keep asking after him and seeking him out and talking and touching him and. Its just camaraderie he knows but. It makes him want. And he knows he can’t have that. He wouldn’t have a damn botanical garden in his chest if he could. Its starting to take its toll on him though. He can tell its getting bad because Stede and Ed are starting to worry about him. They don’t say it in so many words but he can see it in their eyes. Ed is more hesitant to go on raids, makes up some excuse about his knee playing up more than usual, but Izzy knows it because he can see how his hands shake even when at rest and he’s thinking about him slipping up in a fight. Stede’s plying him with herbal teas and feeding him several small meals throughout the day, he’s noticed Izzy can’t stomach much anymore, how he’s getting weaker by the day because of it.

He leaves after Lucius catches him having another fit. A bad one. He says he’s going to get the captains but Izzy begs him not to. ‘Not yet,’ he lies, ‘I’ll tell them myself but. Just. Give me some time.’ Lucius begrudgingly agrees, gives him two days. ‘And if you haven’t told them by then I’m going to do it myself and you can thank me later.’ Izzy leaves that night.

He shouldn’t be surprised, when he finds Calico Jack in some seedy bar at the nearest port he can reach, though he is. ‘Thought you were dead.’ He finds himself relieved he’s not, its nice to have a familiar face around if he’s gonna die here. (He knows he’s dying. Not immediately, he’s got more fight in him than that, but. Its coming on the horizon and he knows it. Like he knows a storm eventually follows a red dawn.)

Jack eyes him, calculating, never as drunk as he pretends to be. Izzy doesn’t know what he sees but he breaks into his usual grin and says, ‘Nah, still got - what is it - four? Four lives left. Take more than some crazy bird’s cursed cannon ball to take down Calico Jack, babydoll.’ If it were anybody else, Izzy would be bristling at the nickname, but he’s long since resigned himself to being called things like that from Jack. Jack loses his easy grin though and adds ‘You look a bit like death fuckin warmed over though, fuck happened to you?’ There’s genuine care in his tone and it reminds Izzy so much of Ed and Stede and, thank fuck Jack seems to notice because Izzy’s slapping a hand over his mouth and Jack is taking his arm and they barely make it to the shitty little room Jack’s occupying before the petals start spilling out. Jack holds him through the fit, its nice. Izzy almost regrets when its over because Jack sets him down on the bed and steps back, fixes him with a look he’s too exhausted to decipher. ‘Fuck.’ He says, eventually. ‘Think we’re gonna need a drink for this.’ The alcohol burns his tender throat but he knows Jack is gonna get him to talk anyway and its easier with the rum so he drinks. And he talks.

Jack doesn’t call him an idiot but its strongly implied. Izzy doesn’t know what he expects him to do, its not as if he chose this. He doesn’t call him an idiot though, instead he. Takes care of him? Its odd, he knows Jack isn’t as callous and heartless as he pretends to be, knows he’s actually got pretty good bedside manners in fact (There’d been a time before all the legend and everything after when they were all sailing together, they’d lost their medic during a raid and Jack stepped up. He was no doctor but he knew enough to keep everyone from dying til they go someone new. He also had a child and Izzy knew, for all that he was regularly absent from their life, he wasn’t an absent father. He knew how to care for people.), but it surprises him nonetheless to have it turned towards him. Like it matters to him that Izzy is as comfortable as he can be, given the circumstances.

Izzy manages to be up and around most days but they’re growing fewer. Lacking much better to do (he’s never been good at sitting idle) he follows Jack around when he can manage to get out of bed. On days where he can’t Jack still goes out, Izzy wonders why, he mostly just drinks and fucks around, its hardly as if he can’t do that here with Izzy. He supposes he must not make for very good company, sorry state he’s in. Still.

He’s more than a bit annoyed that it takes him hacking up even more flowers after Jack leaves one morning, with a ‘Be back sometime this evening Babydoll, I got something for you,’ to realize. ‘Fuck’s sake,’ he rasps, staring down at the mound of three distinct types of petals. He’s so tired. He’ll clean it up later, promises himself he’ll be up before Jack gets back to clean them up.

He dreams of warm hands, fond smiles, soft touches, and tender voices and wakes coughing up more and more flowers. He can’t breathe. Tears sting his eyes, from the pain in his throat and his lungs, at the thought of being alone at the end like this. He spares a brief thought towards how Jack will react, coming back this evening to find him gone. Wonders how Stede would react. Edward. Still more flowers.

The door bursts open and Izzy doesn’t have the air or the energy to startle. Jack. Jack is there and he looks panicked. And there’s Stede behind him. And Edward. Somehow Izzy finds the air to let out a hysterical little laugh, it comes out more of a gasp. Must have died already, he thinks, how else could they all be here, as though his thoughts summoned them.

‘Izzy!’ He’s not sure which of them is calling him, his vision is starting to go spotty and his ears are ringing. Maybe none of them, maybe its a trick of his desperate, dying mind. There’s hands on him, warm and soft and. Instinct tells him to fight, he can’t see who’s touching him, he knows he needs to fight but. He’s so tired. He can’t see but he feels his eyes slip shut.

‘Izzy, I love you.’

Nothing.

#the dork is being a dork #the dork does a fic #apparently #izzy hands #edward teach #stede bonnet #jack rackham #uh #stackedhands #gentlejizzed #im not sure what the agreed upon ship name is tbh #izzy/ed/stede/cj #he wakes up afterward to some very angry worried faces #they're all crying and telling him they love him talking over each other #lucius is also there crying telling him he's a fucking idiot and he should have listened to him earlier #jack put 2 and 2 together to realize izzy was sick over ed and stede so when he went out without izzy he was tracking them down #as best he could without actually leaving trying to get the message to them that izzy was dying over them and 'if you dont get your sorry #fucking asses here before he does and fix this then i'm gonna fuckin kill yall myself'#naturally they were already looking for izzy and they booked it when word reached them #real talk i have no idea where this came from i was just struck by the thought #izzy hands‚ the one man repressed and stupid enough to almost die from hanahaki over THREE people at once #i hope its obvious that they all do love him and he's just really fucking stupid about it

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