#im not doing as bad then as i was then but this whole situation is so mentally taxing that nothing even smells good

[deus-and-the-machina]

hythlodaeus be like "teehee I hope I can be of some use" *clean headshot* 😊

bitch they wanted you for the aether-centric governmental position I know you think your curmudgeony cunt husband is amazing but stop selling yourself short its a slippery slope to sacrificing yourself to make god smh

#final fantasy xiv #ffxiv #im glad ee3 confirmed hes downplaying his own abilities bc soooooo many people just take characters at their word in this game #im always curious as to how his esteem issues developed I dont think its as simple as 'society' bc hes pretty accomplished in the context o #said society they wanted him on the convocation! hes in charge of a whole bureau and that doesnt mean no one ever made him feel bad and we #know erichthonious got mocked though his situation is more actively extreme but the main example of something hyth cant do is transformatio #which is considered preposterous to do in front of others most of the time so it seems like it wouldn't matter too much. maybe its moreso #that he sees others as better and more deserving and is constantly comparing himself and seeing others be better at him in certain areas #started to develop those esteem issues #siren says #funny post which is a trap for my character musings anyways #hythlodaeus

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

More silly MXTX polls to mull over for the week:

#poll #svsss #mdzs #tgcf #EDIT: JINGLES MISERABLY: I thought this was set for a week...not a day....Sigh...... #Thought about doing this just for mdzs but there are too many characters for a proper poll and im not strong enough to do a tournement. #So now its just the main duos (+anyone else who manages to be a strong contender. Freedom of expression and all) #I think its fun to put characters in scenarios! I also think its more interesting to raise the stakes. #You may imagine any situation what gets all 6 into the same room for a Mario Partio Kartio event. #The question is who is the most cringe and fail. For the humour of the situation! #and yes - as always (unless it gets rancid again) I will have a comic for the results at the end of the week <3 #This poll is a shout out to people like me who are bad at video games and suffer whenever mario kart comes out at parties. #I mean it with my whole ass that I should not be given a controller. #No I'm not trying to hide my abilities or be humble. Dont do it. #Yes I have played a *lot* of mario kart for the wii. No I'm not good.

[puppyeared]

i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand

#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona #its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around #one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them #making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth #i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since #memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an #association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont #fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell #on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one #dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong #despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them #interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing #i struggle find a balance between those two things #actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of #her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard #or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it?? #maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard #although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh #yapping #oc talk #oc

[salsa-di-pomodoro]

Ok but can we talk about the absolute horror of being watched and monitored 24/7 that the ancients must have had. The citizenship drones being like an Alexa that's constantly following and listening to you (except it's five pebbles and not Alexa lmao). The fucking OVERSEERS. THEY'RE CALLED THAT FOR A REASON. BECAUSE THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING THEIR CITIZENS AS WELL AS THE ENVIRONMENT ALL THE TIME. (I would talk about the fact that they all show arti fucking ads as well but honestly idk what else to say about that. Capitalism got yet another society 😔). That's some fucking nightmare fuel dystopian society settings we are being hinted at. You know the Big Brother Is Watching You thing. The book. Yeah that's what it reminds me of.

The Iterator Is Watching You.

#imagine not being able to escape being watched any second of your life #imagine being one of the first ancients who saw an iterator come into being #imagine being one of the first ancients who had to go live on top of them #imagine being one of the first amcients to be constantly scrutinized by the overseers #i bet they knew this wasn't really a good thing #no matter how religious they were. by the time of pebbles though they were far too religiously indoctrinated to realize this was bad #(as a society i mean. theres always some who disagree and figure out what's going on) #disclaimer i have never read the book i am talking about and only know it through references and pop culture. still tho yk what i mean #rain world #rainworld #rain world iterator #rw iterator #iterator #rw five pebbles #five pebbles #im tagging him too even tho hes only mentioned i wanna reach more ppl with this #pls i may not have said everything i wanted to say cause i cant get my thoughts straight rn but i want to hear what yall think about this #agh the whole situation is so fucked imagine being the Big Brother in this and not even having a choice in it. #imagine that everyone with critical thinking knows this and cant do anything about it. #not even mentioning the cataclysmic level rain the iterators brought. like dude who thought this was a good idea. #imagine all this + the end of the world and its ecosystem as you know it happening right before your eyes #and you cant even blame the person at fault that much bc they were literally fucking born into this #rw overseer #forgot this one #rw ancients

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

i have never felt this uniquely insane about a character <3 i cant get a read on him

#what is his DEAL #im usually really good at pegging a character's intentions / general vibe #BUT IM GETTING SO MANY MIXED SIGNALS THAT I JUST DONT KNOW #his off the charts rizz is fucking up my geiger counter #is he evil? is he a victim? a pawn/minion? does he have good intentions? neutral ones? bad ones? #I CANT TELL #welcome home #wally darling #i mean im team 'wally is a victim just trying to help / protect his friends (maybe the 'viewer')' #and home is maybe the main villian but also not bc the villain is the abstract force of cosmic horror manifesting as the chasm under home #and it has simply infected home or possessed it #and welcome home's whole deal is cosmic horror from a puppet's perspective #and they all need to stick together like glue to get through the Ordeals and Situations #and wally's just trying to keep his friends safe and the neighborhood together and fix home #BUT if it turns out wally is straight up evil then. yknow. i support his wrongs <3 #he could do literally anything and id be twirling my hair cheering and clapping #i love his big hair and gay little outfit #ever since i watched night minds video he hasnt left my brain. i think he's eating it #like i want him dead. i want him to be happy. i want to beat his little body against a wall until his stuffing comes out. i want to hug him #he is everything to me. he activates my maiming instincts but also my cherish instincts #i want him to get all the hugs from his friends #god i cant wait for this whole enchilada to kick off its gonna be a DOOZY #i trust clown's brilliant mind no matter which way they take this #absolutely fascinating stuff. i already know im in this for the long haul

[harbingersecho]

six fanarts thing - ty to everyone who gave me the chs!!

#rvb #su #sharkface #locus #jasper #garnet #queen eclipsa #felix #mine #six fanarts #a rare un-grungy locus! i imagine this is him before the whole Situation. back when he was a guy who would see an enemy soldier stranded #+ think the best of them and defend them to their fellow squadmates. he looks so wifey in this btw. who said that #i bully locs abt his smile being weird a lot but i do think that when he genuinely smiles. its beautiful. it heals the soul #i drew felix in the suit from merc trilogy but i couldnt get her face right. im sorry. you lost smirking butchy felix. she was hot though. #girl felix is the definition of 'stop saying you'll go gay bc of men i'll treat you just as bad' #idk anything abt star vs so i got her name wrong. oops lol #also i had an empty spot + had to draw jasper since i drew garnet too. jasper's my girl (gn) and shes done nothing wrong ever #wow who's surprised. jasper's my fav su character. you'll be shocked to know that the malachite theme is also my favorite track.

[good-beans]

I know most of our focus goes (rightfully) to the trial songs, but I genuinely believe Baptism of Fire is equally a masterpiece of meaningful writing and intense vocal acting

Incoming tag rant because I need to yell about this, feel free to yell back

#milgram #fuuta kajiyama #like the other vds have good writing about the character and whatever social issue their crime focuses on #but this one is very pointedly about YOU #its about the audience. its about the milgram project. its about self reflection. its about self-appointed roles. its about you #even if you didnt vote t1 or anything the whole things is calling on you to reflect on your own judgements of others #how you treat people who come off rougher. how you treat people who have made a (bad but) common mistake. #do you also find entertainment in seeing people dragged down and suffering because it would 'serve them right?' #but es always remains in control of the situation. the drama doesnt end with 'and fuuta was right - you guys suck!' #its clarified that situations are different and have nuance. we are reminded to look at things with nuance. #then we are smoothly re-immersed in the story #and then!! the acting itself!!! #arthur lounsbery put his whole fussy into that performance (<- fuuta pussy) and i am in his debt every day for it #in both his vds hes just super expressive and fun to listen to #i dont understand japanese but he packs so much interesting intonation and emotion into every word -- im obsessed listening to him #he nails all the subtle emotions fuuta has: the pouts and outrage as well as underlying fear grief insecurity and immaturity #and then baptism of fire hes just... Wailing #like mahiru has her innocent and pathetic cries of pain in her sweet voice that works for her character but fuutas pain feels much more raw #the way hes practically sobbing at the end -- his voice cracking and screeching throughout -- the whimper of pain #its so unbearably intense!! it hurts!! and its supposed to!! but hes just so raw with it #and dont even get me started on his pained hysteric laughter omg.... #its just. a masterpiece. #i always appreciate the vds but i dont think ive enjoyed/relistened to one as much as this one #okay WAIT im back to add one more thing because im obsessed with ths idea of intentions #specifically in milgram i think the intention behind the murders are very important to consider #so i love love love the huge focus on 'i didnt expect/mean for this to happen' #plus as a general theme in fiction i think its sooo juicy when good intentions get fucked up #so i loved the repetition of that #fuuta is such a special case because he genuinely had no desire or expectation for his victim to die #(maybe kazui too? but he doesn't say so in his vd like fuuta does)

[vanyafresita]

do you care about him

#I AM INSAAAAANNEEEEEEE #SHAKES U AND CRIES AND SCREAMS #READ DUNGEON MESHI AND FALL IN LOVE WITH HOLM AND DRAW HIM IN SITUATIONS AND SHOW MEEEEE #I LOVE HIM SOOOO MUCH #BANGS HEAD AGAINST WALL WHY IS HE SOOOOO 💕🧡💓🤍💝💖💜💘💛💚❣️💞 #im trying to draw more traditional art practicing w that thing about only using ink pen and not pencil so i cant erase #it IS working which makes me mad cuz ive avoided doing it for so long bcs im so dependent on erasing and im such a perfectionist #but i need to learn to accept mistakes and LET THEM BE and continue drawing #i need to make 1000 bad drawings in a day instead of one good drawing in a whole month cuz it will REALLY help me improve #anyways smiles PLEASE BE INSANE WITH ME ABOUT HOLM #vanya strawberry flavored #dunmeshi #my art

[foursidecity]

Wizards could've been so much better if they had more episodes and focused on douxie and merlin some more.. time travel is fine and all but instead I'm envisioning a two season arc where ones in the past and the seconds in the future so that were not skipping around all tha dang time. Bangs fist on table what was douxie doin on the streets where'd he meet archie GIMME ANSWERSSS

Watching the last season of trollhunters again and merlin talking about the two battles of killahead is cool n all but I feel like we barley had any time with him fighting Morgana compared to how much background they gave us on jim exploring and deyas arc. See my vision...

#dustbunnies.txt #trollhunters #also like douxie spent. alot of time on his own?? while waiting for merlin to wake up?? and then he DIES??? #we shouldve got. more about THAT HOLE SITUATION #was he just. doing CHORES. FOR A MILLENIA?? WAITING FOR HIS DAD TO WAKE UP??? WHAT THE HELL #also im sorry morganas arc is just. bad i guess #bad writng #like shes the embodiment of a villain but then they give us backstory and it falls flat because she has a point #but dosent STICK to it we KNOW she has no real morals #so showing her with genuine love for nature and magic and then just like. backing out of it because they already set her up #as the embodiment of evil #Dont get me started on the arcahne order btw ik we all got opinions on that whole situation #(their so awesome they couldve been such fun NEUTRAL entities that strayed from what they considerd right) belehshshhsjs

[mister13eyond]

🍦

name three good things about a character you hate

oh god when thinking "characters I hate" i can only think of ONE example: this motherfucker

i so rarely hate characters, even ones that are meant to be disliked, because i usually appreciate their presence in the story and how fun it is to dislike them, but joshu.... joshu is another story entirely. so uh, challenge mode, here we go:

i think nut king call genuinely has a really interesting power and design

the way he's written makes it really clear just how much of him being Like That is a result of his messy family situation and intergenerational trauma, and i really appreciate the nuance to show that sometimes well-intentioned families can fuck their kids up

[PART 8 SPOILER] giving yasuho his arm was nice i guess, shame about the Entire Rest of that scene

#to me his crime is worse than just Being Unlikeable: #his crime is that i Don't Want To Read About Him #and therefore every minute he spends on screen is agonizing time i could be spending with any of the other far more fun characters #he commits the sin of Being A Bad Character In A Structural Sense #which is 10x worse than any morally reprehensible actions #like shut up joshu the adults are talking and im trying to follow the plot #you have nothing to contribute #go away #literally the ONLY character i can think of that i've Hated in a long time #anyways i tried very hard to be nice #like i Understand why he's like that and i think it's a well written choice #it's very clear araki knew what he was doing and both wrote him to be unlikeable On Purpose #and also showed that he's the result of the whole mess of his family situation #so he's not entirely unsympathetic #just. ugh.

[justablah56]

hmm I think instead of feeling bad I will simply project this bad onto The Character . for funsies .

#just blahs #not gonna do anything abt it bcs idk how i could but ovuehncke sparrow with scrupulosity ocd <3 #just consider with me sparrow being terrified of accidentally saying anything wrong or offending literally anyone #and her completely accidentally saying smthin offensive and trying to figure out how to properly deal with that #without just making the whole situation about herself rather than the person she actually offended #bcs shes afraid that makes her a bad person who just didnt care enough to be aware of herself #gets a bit venty past this point but guys im literally pinky promising you rn I'm ok and ill figure it out please no one bring it up to me #and nobody think about the fact that im projecting rn just think about sparrow ok #this is my way of dealing w similar stuff w/o making it about me bcs ik that thats a shitty thing to do and i need to work it out myself #aughhncns literally every time goddamnit . i accidentally do smthin wrong and then someone (very kindly !!!) tells me hey that was wrong #and then i have a breakdown about it and feel bad and overthink it for the next like week #jesus fucking christ ok it's fine im being patient with myself and i know no one thinks im a bad person #and i know that they know i didnt mean it #and i know that i did say smthin insensitive and thats just something i have to be aware of #and the fact that i said it doesn't mean that im a terrible horrific irredeemable person #i'm trying my best now to be aware of it and be better and think abt whst they said and that's all i can do and thats ok #its fine . #anyways . #also hi cookies if you see this genuinely thank you for telling me tho like i do appreciate it and i am ok dw

[bumblingbabooshka]

The Doctor turning into women and having romantic dalliances with men is every kind of queer...to me.

#EMH (pretending to be B'Elanna after having just SPRINTED down the hall): You wouldn't shoot a pregnant woman would you ??;; #Tuvok: (in the most 'give it up' tone possible) ...Come with Me doctor =_= #Tuvok gets docked points for falling for the ol' 'cough cough im sick' excuse but gains them all back by getting suspicious and starting #an investigation all on his own in the background <3 #Also Janeway being held captive and being just kinda pissed about the whole situation...yeah #HEHEHE I like this episode it's funny but also the stakes are high #Janeway sort of smirking and doing the 'come here' motion when that alien man was like 'do you know how to fix this?' - her swag..... #Janeway (captive and stressed beyond belief about the warp core): Yeah I have time to serve dom vibes #Tuvok - Chakotay - Janeway: Each having uniquely bad days #(Worst Security disaster ever - Got put in a morgue for hours - Held captive and threatened with death: + Voyager stranded) #I know Chakotay was unconscious for the morgue thing but still #Chakotay: -opens his eyes to see Tuvok standing there- #(they share a look like 'yeah it's some LIFE THREATENING scooby doo bullshit again') #Hey Chakotay maybe next time don't tell the imposter that you know they're an imposter right to their face <3 #Just some tactical strategy for next time <3 <- I love him I'm just being a bitch HEHEHE it was funny to me #Doctor: Hey I know we're in the middle of a serious thing here but like. Why don't we. You know. Hang out??? #Janeway: -sharp intake of breathe- ......ohhhh I don't really...DO hanging out. #YAY NAR~!!!!! GET HIS ASS~!!! #Nar I hope you live a simple but fulfilling life as a junk dealer or whatever it is you were talking about god bless <3 #Doctor: Now that I might die I have some last requests v_v Captain...throw my diary away. DO NOT. READ IT. Tuvok...I told Neelix about that #rash you got on your ass. We laughed about it for weeks. Sorry. #and then I smile and giggle and ass 'ass rash' to the Tuvok lore #SNRKEHEHE DAMN. HE GOT HARRY TOO??? #'Sorry I said you sucked absolute shit at playing the saxophone. I should have phrased it more delicately...damn it. It all becomes so clea #when you face the end.' (Harry: You said w hat????) SEVEN-!! #Seven: Stay over there computer boy =_= #SNRKEHEHEHHEHHAHAHAH #Janeway:....Is he...? / B'Elanna: NO. I've got him =_= I just deleted all that spam. He's FINE. #livetweeting

[jinstronaut]

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

#and i might do it again bc its just #a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc #which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow #it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag #people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just #so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what #like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao #and it never ever used to #but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly #or whatever the make believe rules are idk #this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus #bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community #and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit #bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were #i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year #but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad #once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care #ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control #i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile #and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be #a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion #so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao #why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things???? #i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just #ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand #so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time #but yeah anyways idk ! #be nice its so easy ! #tbd

[gayemoji]

need someone still up to date with mcyt/dream in general to tell me what to think

#i watched the whole vidoe & i still dont care #i just need like a 'heres what was good heres what was bad heres extra context' plot summary. #bc my takeaway having not cared for three years is 'oh its all normal bullshit twitter cancel culture' but im aware that i do not care. #and that he is definitely hyping himself up to be more innocent than he might be ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #i did think him. constantly talking about how well he handled situations. and how he supported victims. wss fuckin wrird #but otherwise im just so apathetic to everything. like whats real. whats fake. what does this video change. #i need the biased 'immersed in the drama' takes to balance out my one viewing of dreams essays or whatever the fuck #dreamwastaken #mcyt #m

[gobstoppr]

and btw im in my hater arc rn. as time goes on the more i find a lot of 'fandom' stuff insufferable (i like art n stuff. just the way that fandom refits every media to fit a single mold and set of boring archetypes is exhausting.)

i just get really easily annoyed lately. and have been unfollowing people on a whim a lot. its not personal i promise

#fandom culture has made me actively dislike shit i was fixated on a year ago. looking at your ninja turtles #its not even like what they were doing were particularly offensive it was just exhaustingly boring #im sorry i just really dont care about ur 2 million fics about leo being a sadboy. or one million seperated aus. #theres definetly a part of the whole situation in general which has been me coming to terms with my own internalized misogny #actively re-examining my tendencys to gravity towards male characters #idk maybe its making me dislike art more. but idk. ive always analyzed why i react certain ways to certain things. this isnt new for me #anywaays. i had been following a bunch of ninja turtle blogs and they sorta kept messing around with shows like ninjago too #and at some point i was just like. i dont know if these shows are actually that good guys. i think youjust like shows for little boys #and fandoms tend to shaft female chars so it sure helps that their casts are 98% male . #maybe theyre not your blorbo maybe theyre just Guy McAverageMan. thats not inherently bad but you have to consider it. #guys rottmnt is isnt even that good . its not that good ok. its alright/pretty good. and the movie does a few neat things #i feel like ive become one of those people that turn 18 and then immediately go 'minors dni'. im not there yet but i just. #we're watching kids shows. its ok . you can say it. #you may have noticed ive been reblogging a lot of dungeon meshi stuff. i read it all over the past week. #but here's the thing. i thought it was mid/good for like 70% of it. #i think its got some really really cool worldbuilding ideas and stuff #but i think a lot of the writing was sorta. uninteresting to me. #my discord friends have been raving over izutsumi for months. #but i found her presence in the story to be weird and underdeveloped. she felt out of place and her introduction felt clumsy #i felt when the story was ramping up the manga got a lot better. because again theres some rlly cool ideas at play #all the shit with the lion? incredible. the way all the infighting led to more problems bc the elves refuse to explain anything? rlly good. #marcille landing in power? reallly good shit. (i still thought it was a lil undercooked still tho) #i cant stop thinking about laios in that climax scene. i think he shouldve been feral a lot more often #uhh. i got distracted. fandom bad and annoying. #saw a post talking about marcille realizing izutsumi is only 17 and then describing how 'omg shes a mom now' and i wanted to throw up #im done. i swear. im done talking for real. aagh #text

[dreamonminecraft]

I'm glad you all think I'm well articulated because I've had two bloody noses today, throw up in my mouth every time I get a notification, haven't left my bed in 6 hours, eaten anything since yesterday afternoon, or brushed my teeth. So. Sunshine and rainbows everybody I'm doing great.

#I've calmed myself down a little bit and made moral qualms with myself but I'm still very much in the trenches emotionally #the fact that so many people are validating my feelings is making me feel a lot less alone #tw eating disorder -> #honestly ever since dream posted the picture of his scars it really triggered me #I was very anorexic during quarantine and i had gotten better #im not doing as bad then as i was then but this whole situation is so mentally taxing that nothing even smells good #things are tough. I can't lose this. and maybe some of what im saying is copium but it's really all i have left