#BUT IM GETTING SO MANY MIXED SIGNALS THAT I JUST DONT KNOW | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pinkanonwrites · 1 year

Note

(part 2. now featuring me rambling about a Modern Triguns hc i have)

okay so im Native American and i do think, in my hc (not yours. wanna reiterate that i am saying this for Fun Conversation and not to convince you of shit), i really like the idea of Vash and Knives being either surrounded by Indigenous American influence (people who are non-Indigenous can live on our reservations, maybe Rem is Indigenous and is cross-racially fostering them, i dunno) or Vash and Knives are white-passing Indigenous Americans themselves (i say "white-passing" bc i know their creator is Japanese but also Vash and Knives are pale-skinned, blue-eyed, blond boys so im assuming they are white? but some Japanese people could be mixed, that's true. i dont know enough about Trigun to know ethnicity canon/fanon, i just know "ah!!! they might be blond and blue-eyed, but i see Me in them!" so. headcanon. anyway)

and i say that bc a huge part of a pan-Indigenous culture (not that we are a monolith to generalize, theres so many fucking tribes and specific tribal cultures, but you get what i mean) is focused on the enviroment and our interconnectedness to it, ontop of our history of being genocided against up until the last Indian Residential School closed down in 2007 and we had our right to practice our culture given to us in 1978 (so 1978 is actually when American achieved religious-freedom) and now we are facing various Indigenous protective laws being disbanded in the U.S.-- it's easy for any marginalized group, esp ethnicities, to see relatability in the Plants. like, the Americas were founded with the blood of Black and Indigenous people. but also many other cultures have faced similar experiences. so i do think its easy to project any marginalized culture that has suffered onto Plants. its just also cool to be like "yo, my culture is very much based on protecting and understanding the enviroment, and this fictional group is called PLANTS? hell yeah, easy projection" but like. we arent the only culture that does that. so i dont think Indigenous Americans are special any form of projecting ourselves with Plants/Trigun. i just also AM Indigenous American and also AM projecting. so. im biased

and i am, in fact, doubly biased bc my Indigenous American father was a BIG fan of westerns, something Knives loves. my dad loved them bc He Is Very Old (im talking "my dad was 60, close to 70 when i was born" old. my mother is his second wife and they met when she was 40. so i was "wow thats late to have a baby, but not SUPER dangerous") and, though things have gotten slightly better since he was my age but uh.. the reason why he liked old westerns so much was because that WAS the only place where he could see people like him on-screen. even tho they died half the time. and were often racist. highly recommend the documentary "Reel Injun" if you would like a summary on how Indigenous people have been depicted on film, it is very funny for a documentary lmao but anyway, yes, this does also mean my dad was a Twilight fan. he watches those movies all the time (even tho they are ALSO racist against us, but its still really funny to say my dad is a Twi-hard lmao). and my dad wasnt alone in being like that, a LOT of Indigenous people my age (mid-20s) grew up with old western movies and whatnot bc it was the only representation we had for a long time, even moreso for any generation older than us. i can still hear "John Wayne's Teeth Hey-a, Hey-Hey-a" a'la the 90s movie, Smoke Signals, being chanted in my mind lmao

so Knives' lil "bang, bang" and how much he loved old west content made me feel especially seen lmao so i like the idea of him and Vash either being raised in an Indigenous culture by Indigenous people or being Indigenous themselves and being raised by Indigenous people. it brings me joy ♡ especially the latter, bc, tho im not blond and blue-eyed, i am white-passing. people assume i am white until i "out" myself (im also queer, i label myself as Two-Spirited actually, so i am using the verbage "out" knowingly lmao). i grew up hating my pale skin and my monolingual tongue, because that meant i looked like a colonizer and spoke the colonizer's langauge (and i, unfortunately, dont have the kind of brain that absorbs second languages well. at all. damn you auditory processing disorder lmao rip). i wanted to look more like my Indigenous relatives, and less like my white mother who married into our culture. and i see Knives' hatred of Plants' oppressors, and with the modern au and my hc of Indigentity and my personal history of struggling with self-hatred, and i see reflections of myself in him

and like. Knives' desire to kill all humans isnt translatable in a contemporary context, really. i dunno what job i would want my hc of him to have. you could argue he would be on the side of the extremeists in protesting, But Equating A Genocidal Character To A Contemporary Protestor feels.. bad lmao thats an understatement. but like. yeah, i do hc my personal modern au Knives to be a Land Back protestor, and i think Vash would agree actually. but im biased bc i support that movement too lmao i think the fact that Knives is so untranslatable to a modern context in all his variety adds to the tragedy of the Trigun/Trimax/Trigun Stampede/what-have-you narrative. i think modern au Knives might be antagonistic and a nag (or i could empathize with seeing him as modern cult-leader, tho thats irrelevant to this conversation. just bc i can empathize with it, doesnt mean i would ever create content of it or have it as my hc. cults are serious stuff people shouldnt trivialize and i dont have any experience with them, but if people want to vent out their feelings about cults using a modern Knives au?? i can understand that, im using him to project and vent too afterall lmao) to his brother, maybe be estranged, but overall i think the rift between them would be easier to breach than in the canon

i just find modern au Knives to, at least have the capacity to be, more sympathetic than his canon counterparts in all their variancies. he's fun to stretch around and play with lol

anyway, thanks for making a space where i felt welcomed to talk about Trigun modern hcs with you. i cant wait to see what you make. and, again, this was NOT an endorsement for you to follow me at all in this hc, i completely get (1) people have their own hcs of what Knives and Vash's ethnicities may be in a contemporary world and (2) that other people's modern au stories might not even feature disclosing an ethnicity. i just loved your excitement and wanted to spend part 1 engaging with you with your possible hcs, and part 2 sharing mine. i hope i worded all of this in a way that makes sense. thank you again ♡

Ooh, I really love your hcs! I'm always a little hesitant to do any in-depth headcanoning about the intricacies of racial minorities because I'm a very white person myself (a quarter Korean technically, but a blue-eyed blondie nonetheless), so it's really cool to read in-depth and interesting takes from people who obviously have a better scope on the ins and outs than I would!

I agree that Knives's genocidal nature isn't really easy to translate to a modern era. He's a tough guy to nail down! In my head at least, he's more of a nihilistic environmentalist while Vash is an optimistic one. I see him working in a very white-coat, laboratory, scientific field when it comes to conservation, he just strikes me as a scientist type. Him and Vash don't always see eye to eye on everything, and oftentimes he thinks he has to protect Vash because his brother is far too forgiving to the world, no matter how cruel it's been to him. But Vash doesn't want to be coddled either, he's not naive. He's making a conscious effort every day to choose to see the good in the world around them, and for one reason or another Nai just can't wrap his head around that.

He still loves his westerns though, I'm definitely keeping that. Nai was glued to Vash's stream when he was playing through Red Dead Redemption 2, no matter how much he says he doesn't care for video games.

I really liked reading your headcanons too, so thanks for reaching out! If you ever end up wanting to write anything longform that takes place in your modern AU, be sure to link it to me!

#pink chat #anon #asks #streamer au #vash the stampede #millions knives

26 notes · View notes

thepopularnobody413 · 4 months

Text

Samadhi (Birthday Mix 2)

“Samadhi” - A short journey compiling all of my emotions and life experiences in 2023 into an instrumental orchestration. I made this project in the state of flow and allowance. Each instrumental takes you through an exploration of emotions and feelings. This is me sharing my multidimensional self with others, without words. This is my beautiful transmutation. This is my dance; my flow state. My greatness in audio format. My 2023 experience. Love & Light to those who share and listen. Thank you.

Sharing Introspection:

Todays the day, my day. Im great full for all of you who tap in and tune in on a deeper level. Im feeling emotional as I write this as so much has happened to me and for me recently. It’s a lot.

BUT ITS A CELEBRATION BITCHES

Saturn Return:

This is the year of entering my Saturn Return hence the title of the track. I loved this track when I first made it; originally called Before August. (I made this the day before Aug 1st). This is the oldest track on the project (?) but this track just signifies ringing the “spiritual alarm” for me. It’s war, but not physical warfare, spiritual warfare. How does a warrior stick with a level of intensity yet remain light on his feet? Focus, concentration, preparation yet sensitivity all blended into one. The Art of War book is a great reference for this song. It’s not all about physicality or overpowering, as you begin to master the war within yourself, this song will become your dance and flow in that dance. Free your body from yourself and all attachments/limitations. WE are infinite.

Heart of Nipsey:

FOCUS-FOCUS-FOCUS. That’s what this track is all about. Focus and harnessing energies that expand your mind, energy and aura. This track was made in a meditative state. It feels like power. I love the way I layered this song. The sounds don’t even feel earthly. A spiritual experience if you allow it to be so. Notice if you have thoughts while this track plays you dive deeper into those thoughts. This songs vibrations honestly speak for itself.

Im also slowly trying to teach the people the importance of frequencies and energies in music! Consciously and subconsciously. You’re being affected at all levels. It starts with awareness. Enjoy the music by any means but in order to gain power it starts with awareness. Use this power of frequencies. Test it out play around.

Steady Flow:

Just as the title suggests. Maintaining balance and knowing when to enter your own flow state. Flow state is subjective. You can be tied to something flowing to your detriment or you can be flowing into a positive state of mind. But flow is so important.

A lot of my analogies recently when talking with others has been all about being the captain of your own ship. The foundation of your ship is water (this has many interpretations so sit with this on your own, then come back to me). As captain its important how you to talk to your crew (Conscious and subconcisous self). You have to know how to talk to the crew members. The pilot of an airplane doesn’t make announcements to the passengers on board with a voice full of fear lacking self confidence. If he did we all would be fucking terrified hoping the plane lands safely. But if you talk to your crew/passengers (self) with confidence and authority you begin to take control of all parts of you. No matter how bumpy the ride gets.

To go a little further, also think how the Captain of the boat prepares for storms or giant opposing waves. Nature always gives messages and signals so be alert and tapped into the right energies or you could miss something great or even miss danger that’s on the rise.

Remember the boat is YOUR VESSEL. Your crew is your consciousness and subconsciousness working on that boat everyone does their job and has their own assigned role.

Example: You dont tell the white blood cells in your body get to work, that’s just what they automatically do! It’s their role/position.

Now; what are you telling the crew members on board?

How do you get the crews attention and obedience, how do you guide your ship?

Are you even actually aware of who is on the ship?

Are there pirates on your ship?

Are pirates disgusted as crew members?

A pirates job is to steal the bounty.

What’s even worse you ask? That little crew member who is watching your every move absorbing all of you, why?

Because that crew mate is trying to become the captain of YOUR ship. He’s got his eyes set on it. He dreams of taking over your ship one day. Just really think about this. This is one tiny reason and example of why I said everything is tied to its opposite in a previous post. You really have to know what the fuck is going on inside of you and what you are telling yourself that impacts this internal ship.

No more gems of wisdom contact me directly or figure it out for yourself the deeper meaning of my words. Just remember 80% of your personal journey IN REAL LIFE is course correction. How much of what you planned actually fully entirely went your way? Probably not much.

The crew on that boat (or any) does not travel in a straight line. A plane doesn’t even fly in a straight line. The journey is never that simple sometimes you’re doing circles and zig zags. But just tap in and simply know where you want to go in all you do aka have it mapped out for starters.

10:17pm

Ahhh probably my favorite track on this project. Possibly my most emotional but on a deeper hidden level. This one is more personal. I got a text message at this time that completely broke me and shattered me. After recovering pieces of myself and trying to turn a new leaf for myself and my loved ones it just wasn’t enough for others. I understand but I broke my back transitioning and transforming myself. Still not perfect and im okay with that. Still working on me. I guess it hurts to know people still view and feel my energy as an older outdated version of myself. I was on a mission of trying to come together and work in harmony but I constantly kept getting met with resistance. That resistance has now become rejection and I sit here alone. 1+0+1+7 = 9 the end of a cycle etc etc. I still have hopes the newer me can be seen and allowed to flourish in others lives but it’s sadly not my choice. I have to accept my own failures. I have to accept who I am and who I was. A very big internal struggle for me but one of the most private internal struggles I face. I won’t shed light on the topic or the people but the feelings are all out there.

I go to sleep to this song. I relax to this song. I find confidence in this song. I find a void in this song, But I love it nonetheless. It loops itself perfectly for a trance state. Please if you really like this beat just listen but more importantly feel the vibrations. There is some sadness but dont be scared it transmutes to hope very seamlessly. It all depends what side of the spectrum you’re tapped into.

Suede:

Literally made this right after 10:17pm they are tied together. Both carry sadness but this one obviously carries more optimism especially towards the end. It’s all about transmutation. I consider myself very good at transmutation. Hope this project provides some truth and insight to me saying that. Im not an expert but I seem to have it down pact better than most. This track required no thought, nothing was consciously put into this song it was all flow state. Directing tying my 10:17pm experience into another song straight from the source. ME. Makes you listen to those songs a little differently right? Music is captivation. Use it wisely.

Pack Loud!:

The spiritual aka the spiral!

The spiral can fit all shapes, the spiral is literally spiritual, how does a spiral move? Etc etc. (Sit with this piece of info there’s more knowledge in it)

“We getting out the hood with this one!” Energy. It may not sound like one of those records but that is the energy captured and embodied. I know I succeeded on this beat. Im so proud of the way I layered this. The sounds all the little tones your subconscious is picking up but your conscious is probably ignoring without the proper focus. I love it. I can really manipulate your internal energy and you have no idea. This beat is like glue so if you listen consider a piece of me stuck with you for a while muahahaha. No but seriously. Another song dedicated to focus, freedom, new horizons. The sun rising (or setting) somewhere beautiful. The sky isn’t the limit you are the sky. You’re floating in it riding the waves like you do in your pool or favorite body of water. Life is beautiful. Life is exciting. Empower yourself. Share your light. Do the best you can and be the best you can be everyday. As long you did the best that YOU could, it doesn’t matter what anyone else says or feels towards your effort. DONT GIVE UP! Another flawless loop if you’re trying to tap into the energies without flow interruption.

P.S. This is probably the oldest song I made this in Summer 2023.

Gun Range:

Not anger but something close. It’s the other side of Saturn Return. Same exact goal and idea but with different emotions. You can use different emotions to achieve your same goal. You have to know when and how. Again transmutation. There is no fun and games in this track sorry, I can understand why you wouldn’t sit with this one. But to the unevolved and unaware who haven’t read this im sure its a pretty cool track. But yes black hole energy. It’s morphing something inside of you. But it still spins to the right (spiral). Not my favorite track but this was made after Suede so try and see the correlation of feelings. I was definitely in a mental space lol.

FYI

10:17PM, Suede, Gun Range, a new beginning and find wholeness not peace were all made one after the other amongst other songs that didn’t make the project from Nov 26 - Dec 1. I gave myself a week to put this together. I had ideas for other projects im working on but didn’t want to rush anything so instead I took what I was feeling and working (WAR-king) through and gave myself a deadline and let the rest flow.

A new beginning:

Another heartbreak beat referencing 10:17pm. I won’t get into it anymore tho. But again you hear the sadness and the hopefulness and the optimism. A beautiful song made for me by me. Transmutation at its finest and humblest. (Another perfect loop fyi)

Find Wholeness, Not Peace:

The final track! The last track made for the project as well! Once I started feeling better about myself this track made itself and I think it shows. I played this almost as much as 10:17pm and I love the positive note we’re ending the year on regardless of whatever happens! I can still have all I desire and I know it. Timing is key. Flourish. Be great. The message is to find wholeness within self not a piece (Peace). The English language is tricking you and making your words manifest into jumbled mixed signals! You have to know the power of words. The English language is the most contradictory language I know! Break down the word dont. How do you “do” and “do not” in the same word/action. You can’t do and not do simultaneously! Ive been trying to teach all people I interact with about the way they use words. But a lot of people are in too deep to take the power of language back. Some of you know the power of language yet still make the same mistakes due to programming. Unless you give it a real conscious effort you’ll never know the power of your throat chakra! And even that takes much time with all the programming we’ve been through. So to each is own but I’ll continue to teach mine through example if not directly.

Think about peace, think about the peace sign. Two fingers upwards. It literally symbolizes a piece of a pie. Are you finding peace (piece) or harmony aka wholeness?

FIND WHOLENESS, NOT PEACE.

Aura Ambiance:

For some quiet stillness. It made me think of frank ocean for some reason. It’s just music I can play in the background and do whatever too. You dont have to think about it just flow with it. The same way we allow Frank Oceans music to do that to us. You can sit still or you can clean the house. It’s just that moment of me returning you back to your self after I hijacked your energy and vessel lol. But no harm was done here im using music spiritually from here on out.

Disclaimer: My music may not always feel spiritually focused depending on the circumstances (collaborating with other artists, or maybe even to appeal to different types of people) but it’s all intentional regardless. I know exactly what im putting out there. So it’s okay to hold me accountable. Not perfect. Dont want to be, but I care and ill continue to do my best.

This time I actually say peace intentionally. Because im giving a piece of me to you if you allow and accept it.

Thank you to all who wanted to dive in deep with me. Thank you to all who love and hate this project. Thank you to all who love and hate my words/truth. This is only the beginning! Ive said this before but ive never had my head screwed on this straight before. Ive never been this focused, never been this evolved. My past is my past. So you can stay there with it if you associate me with the past version of myself. But to all who are living in the present, manifesting in the future and use the past as nothing more but knowledge and reference points for course correction let’s collectively approach 2024 different.

A lot of knowledge ive got to share. Im looking to teach; I love teaching but I love being a student just as much. I can’t just give you all the information when you desire because if I did you would probably fail or miss the point entirely.

Instead search for the knowledge you specifically seek. If I told you the furnace was hot and could hurt you “dont touch it”. You would potentially avoid furnaces for the rest of life because of “fear and safety”. At least until you learn to take risk. You were taught not to touch it so you just go with it. But if you discover the furnace and its capabilities you have no bias opinion towards it. You fully explore that furnace, you touch it, you feel it out. Shit you might even get burned pretty bad but you’ll soon learn the furnace has temperatures. It’s not just always hot and dangerous. It’s not all bad for you. Look how many benefits the furnace actually has.

But tapped into the negative or “wrong things” you now have a whole belief system towards furnaces. You probably wouldn’t even want them in your home. Take this last bit of knowledge as you will, apply it to people, the things you fear, ideas you’ve sat with in your head. Stop being so objective become more subjective. You’ll soon learn a master masters both. But stop being so logical friends. Your eyes are basically photoshop. Stop relying on them so heavily.

I could sit here and teach all my 2023 lessons all day! But im done here.

See Ya Next Year!

Peace (haha)

#personal #music #spirituality

4 notes · View notes

solarwoniii · 1 year

Text

ive never posted crush content bcs idk but stuff is HAPPENING and i need to talk to someone and my friends are not trustworthy (my other crush ((yes i have two shut up)) now knows i like her and is avoiding me) and i just need to get this off of my chest

im getting so many mixed signals from this man like he stares at me from across the campus and whenever we're together with our friends he always laughs at my jokes n does that cute thing where his knee accidentally touches mine whenever we sit together shit and then he proceeds to just be dry and awkward as hell thru text LIKE WHAT

its not even like that just how he texts or anything BC IVE SEEN HIM GOING FERAL WITH HIS FRIENDS IN GROUPCHATS BEFORE HE IS ANYTHING BUT A DRY TEXTER but our dms omg our dms look EMBARRASSING and im always the one leading our conversations like 🙄🙄🙄 how many times am i gonna have to ask him ice breaker questions i find on google before he realises i like him

i put my instagram on my discord status the other day yk bc i didnt wanna give it to him directly bc idk thats kinda weird like 'omg hey [redacted] heres my insta'

but like . . . he never followed me (AND I KNOW HE HAS INSTA OK I SEARCHED HIS NAME UP LIKE THE LITTLE STALKER I AM AND HIS ACC CAME UP. HE HAD A NARUTO PFP AND A RLY WEIRD USERNAME ((thats just how naruto fans be ig)) BUT I KNOW IT WAS HIM OK)

n e ways im rly emo bc i kinda really really like him and i feel like he likes this other girl thats his friend and i dont even know her but apparently shes rly mean n shit LIKE I CAN DO SM BETTER ! LIKE ME INSTEAD but like if hes happy im happy ig 😔😔 he also called me annoying the other day LIKE IT WAS AS A JOKE BUT DAMN . . . idk whats wrong with me this crush has literally ruined me i cant take jokes anymore bc why was i laying in my bed the night it happened wondering if he hated me or if i was just being dumb and stupid and silly and sensitive (i was ((i am)))

#lol #i hate men so much #its ok why do i need dumb uni crush when i have kazuha and keita

7 notes · View notes

b1mbodoll · 5 months

Note

AAAAAAA OMG DO I HAVE A LONG ASS ASK FOR YOU. MY DATE/NOT DATE HAS JUST CONCLUDED....

So a little back story - I worked with this guy this past summer and like the first time we met I alr liked him. Like he was exactly my type. Like 100%. But I'm super shy (never dated anyone, never kissed anyone, never held hands with anyone) so I never really did anything obvious that I liked him bc I was nervous. We kind of flirted (maybe) a lot near the end of the summer. We texted a lot a lot but he ended up moving up to college for his apartment earlier than expected so we never got to see eachother after our last days of work. There was lots of drama on my end surrounding that trust. Like mental anguish bc I fumbled the bag hard.

Anyways. We start school respectively (I go to school in NY and him in TX) and we don't talk that often, just snap like everyday. But as the semester goes on we reply to each other's stories and have short, friendly convos more frequently. Flashforward to like, a week ago or something. I reply to his insta story and we start talking. He finds out that I'm going home for Thanksgiving and he is to so he asks me to hang out. This is odd bc we weren't close enough as friends for me to think that he would ask to see me.

Anyways again, I'm skipping details bc otherwise I'll never finish this lmao - the date/not date was like everything else we do. Vaguely romantic but could also be friendly. He picked me, we ate dinner and then went ice skating together. He walked up to my door to get me, held open doors for me, and opened the car door to walk me back to my house after we got back. But like - no moves were made. No attempts to hold my hand or kiss me. AT ALL. But like he also complimented my butterfly hair lips like sir 😭😭 idk what you want from me.

But now I'm feeling kind of tired of 6-7 months of not knowing where we stand with eachother. So I texted him afterwards saying "Thank you so much for tonight, I loved seeing you again! Although, I did want to know if it was a date or if it really was intended as just a hangout, bc it did seem like it sometimes? Either way, I'd love to meet up with you again if we're both in town!" He then liked bith of the thank you messages and replied, we definitely should. But then he replied to the daye/not date ask with - I don't know. I'll have to think about it. He then said something about it being more than he anticipated but still good, so idk if that means that it wasn't intended as a date but became one and he enjoyed it or if he meant it as a date but I fumbled the bag (I give just as many mixed signals bc I'm an anxious coward lmao) but it still ended up okay.

HOWEVER, I AM A GENIUS, LIKE RIZZ MASTER 1000. I accidentally left something in his car so tmmr morning he's gonna drive back to drop it off (It's like an hour round trip for him). And tomorrow is the day I will stop being a bitch. I'm gonna tell him that I'm interested but that I also do genuinely enjoy him as a person so like, however he intends to meet up with ne in the future I'll be okay with that.

So yeah. Story time over 🫶🫶🫶🫶 Sorry that it's actually so long but I remember how excited you were so I wanted to let you know how it went 💗💗💗💗

IM ON MY KNEES RN STOP u r so cute and agh!!!!!! i will be needing an update with whatever happens pretty please, honey 🤲

im so ☹️☹️☹️ u guys went ice skating ☹️ that’s so so so so fucking cute!!!!!! that actually is so cute my heart cant take it ໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১ but no moves being mad.. 🤬 yeah i need to have a stern talking to with this man!!! what r ur intentions with my little angel, you HEATHEN!!! hehe no but srsly dont be anxious sweetheart! i know its hard n way easier said than done, but you seem so wonderful and im sure he thinks that as well! im so glad you had a good time <3

rizz master 1000 has me crying omg ur too silly 😭 but him driving AN HOUR TO GIVE U UR THINGS STOP IT my little heart is so warm :( im proud of u for messaging him and asking for clarification about what the lil hangout was! n pls u r anything BUT a bitch!!!!! ur perfect and i hope things work out well with him!

dont apologize for he length! i love anything romance so inwas looking forward to this update!!!! wishing u the best of luck with him <3 mwah

#♡.signed. sealed. delivered.#♡.sweethearts #fullsun9890

4 notes · View notes

tfyouthinkiam505 · 2 years

Text

i want a comfortable life

i wanna be able to make enough to where im not afraid to spend money on things i need or maybe even things i want

i dont wanna have to worry about losing my home

or my friends

or my animals

ive saved up alot of money

tho, to a normal person

what ive saved isnt much as all

its everything ive saved by not buying food

or new clothing even while mine are falling apart

not buying new lightbulbs when mine burn out

showering so little as to not go through any shampoo or conditioner or body wash so i wont have to buy more

avoiding the doctors for fear my insurance somehow wont cover it and ill be stuck with the bill

not getting new glasses or contacts for the same reason

using my food card to pay for my rent

all this money ive saved just so i could move and find an apartment

but im scared to move

what if i dont have enough

what if i cant find a job that pays enough for me to afford my rent and bills

what if i get robbed

i wont have any furniture in my new place

will i be able to find cheap enough furniture?

what if apartments refuse to house me due to my animals even tho i have a letter from my doctor staying that theyre ESAs

i keep postponing when im trying to move to save up more and more money

cause no matter how much i save

i fear its not enough

and ill end up broke and homeless

idk how much money i need

is what i have enough?

how do i find help

how do i apply for assistance

how

why does every city i wanna live in seem so dangerous

it cant be that bad if people still live there??

i look up a city and i get so many mixed signal

"this city is rated the best city to live in in this state"

"this city is an absolute shit hole and should be avoided at all costs"

"this city is the friendliest in the state"

"you can and will get robbed at gun point in this city"

how am i suppose to know where i wanna go when theres always something bad everywhere

i just want someone to make the choice for me

find a place for me

set everything up for me

i cant do this myself

idk how

the world is so scary and im paralyzed with fear

idk what to do

4 notes · View notes

pippa-juice · 1 year

Text

alright, im making this post because a lot of people are struggling to play salmon run well, and it's been very frustrating recently to deal with teammates that just work so poorly. here's a little something to hopefully help you cooperate and work with your teammates better.

this is just a big dump thoughts from a stressed freelancer so my strategy may not align with what is actually best for playing sr!

i understand that this is big run and you are very excited, but please dont rush to the spawners and wait to lure them closer to the basket. this makes it a lot easier for immobile weapons like chargers and splatlings to safely deliver eggs without having to jump down below into risky situations.

if you are not going to do that, and kill bosses at low elevation (it is good to have a nice mix of low / high elevation killing on this map, just people dont seem to balance it well) pass eggs up to the higher elevation containing the egg basket. you can cooperate with another teammate to stay safe.

if you're the last player left, signal "this way!" to let your teammates know where to go to be revived. bombs and specials are good for this type of stuff. dont wait for your teammates to come to you and try to work together to revive them (throw bombs near them, just try to get closer to them if you can)

if you are dead, help your teammate revive you! try to get into an open area in their line of sight, and signal "help!". make sure if your coworker is actively shooting at you that you arent hiding behind a steel eel's wall or being blocked by other salmonids as best you can. get close to any bombs you see from your teammates and don't make them come to you, move closer to them.

walls! paint the walls! you never know when you'll be in a pinch and need to go somewhere quick to catch your breath. painting walls can be done right before a wave or when you have a little free time.

specials are very important in this game and it's also important to use them well, considering you only have two. specials can easily be wasted if you're being surrounded and end up killed before you can use them.

wavebreaker is great for crowd control and each wave will make it a lot easier to get rid of any lesser salmonids in the area. it also makes a great way to revive your teammates after death. it's amazing during glowflies and kills chums immediately during those types of waves.

inkjet can also be used to help revive your teammates safely while up in the air. it can also eliminate flyfishes if you shoot in their baskets. the elevation can make certain bosses a little easier to kill.

booyah bomb is really great for clearing out areas and reviving teammates. if you're the last person left, and are planning to throw the bomb beneath you to remove any salmonids collecting there, make sure your teammates are also within the area too. it does have a timer, if i recall? so look out for that. it can kill any boss and works wonders for in the event that there are many many bosses collecting around the egg basket.

reefslider... it's ok, its not all that great for sr though. use it to clear out areas and revive teammates. i don't have much to say on this one. it's nice against the big shot but it's not really an efficient use.

killer wail 5.0 is usually best for killing enemies like slammin lids and scrappers. if you're lucky your teammates may be able to try and reach it to be revived, though it's not as reliable as any other special.

crab tank can be really rapidfire and long range, a bomb shot from one of these can also get rid of a flyfish basket. it's good for all bosses, and it's an excellent special for glowflies, if you have them on you, curl up and watch the salmonids die trying to touch you. it's also really nice for cohozuna, as shots get increasingly rapidfire the longer you shoot for.

triple inkstrike works wonders for reviving teammates or getting rid of bosses. a well aimed one of these can take out most bosses.

timing is really important for using specials. should you use your booyah bomb in an attempt to reduce overwhelm in the area within the last 10secs of the game? no, you really should have done that a while ago. should you use both specials in rapid succession? probably not, but sometimes it may be needed... should you use your specials when you're the last person left? yeah! definitely! make sure theres a considerable amount of overwhelm in the area before you decide to use your special. several slammin lids and lessers pose a higher risk than a few chums.

i'll be continuing this real soon!

3 notes · View notes

yunick · 3 days

Text

i've told myself that i didn't like you anymore. honestly i feel like im lying to myself. ever since i told u my age everything has been dead between us. we were doing so fine and i fucked up, technically it was the right thing to do because i can't imagine lying to you abt that for a long time. i have had many crushes after you but i acc search for you in them. p (my crush rn) the first time i saw him i thought "hey he could be my crush, he kinda looks like m too" that was the first reason that came into my mind to like him. bc he was like you, totally like you. i have never thought of missing you again but here i am currently crying and rereading our old chats. honestly ang weird ng mga chats natin dati but like at least i was happy, i've changed drastically. i've gotten more quiet, i absolutely hate dc now bc it reminds me of you and if i do use it i backread our chats. i can't move on from you. idk why. i think i said this before but u had a big impact in my life even if i was -- when you met me, no one has gave me mixed signals like you, no one has made me risk my life getting a beating stealing my laptop while being grounded just to talk to them, always log in on dc every other time of the day to check if they chatted, no one has made me buy a ---- and think of them everytime i see one. i acc feel so lonely and boring now. especially nung december? i got no merry christmas or happy new year from my friends. i'm trying my best to not think of you thst much anymore but tonight i couldnt help it. when i saw a girl on ur pfp i was js AHHH ganon i honestly dont want to get back tgt, i wanna become friends again. we're acquaintances rn and i hate it. udk how happy i was when u replied to me when i said i was going batangas OMG my keyboard memorised it😭😭 anyway imy :> shld i send this? im feeling risky:>>

i sent this to him april 23, 2024, 1:45 am.

i nvr thought he would see it so i said told myself na isesend ko tas idedelete agad agad. but i was wrong he saw it. when he asked me what i sent my heart was beating so fast. i couldn't believe what just happened

i couldn't believe that he saw it and read a few sentences. he told me that he wasn't done reading and that i was rude for deleting it. so i asked if i should send it again, he said yes. after he read everything he asked me, "why me eunice?" i was stunned, i didn't know what to say or do. and he told me that he gave so many reasons for me to stop chasing him? idk wtv i was doing ig. i acc don't regret sending the paragraph bc i wanted him to know how i felt. wtv i had for him was all in my notes and since i was feeling risky idk i sent it.

if u ever see this, i'm so grateful for you to be a part of my life, for being my first ever crush, mu, kalandian. it's all stupid but i will forever cherish it. malay mo mag meet tayo one day? eh delulu. anyway thank you is all that i can say, m.

0 notes

mainssolid · 2 years

Text

Fuzzmeasure vs rew

#Fuzzmeasure vs rew how to

#Fuzzmeasure vs rew software

#Fuzzmeasure vs rew mac

discard the measurement if there were any pops or clicks during the sweep or if the impulse response does not resemble previous measurements. The impulse peak is not where it should be, the measurement may have been corrupted. matching the levels each time i get this message. so anyway i match the levels at the calibration stage again and click next.then finish so it takes a measurement. An RTA is really not very good for tuning the room. I think theres also a Smaart extension for one of the iPad/iPhone apps that give you the transfer function display. to find/tweak acoustic issues of the room but for final tuning Smaart is very comfortable. so i switched from the 4th preamp mic input back to the second preamp mic input and i pick up signal on REW. That said, REW & Fuzzmeasure are great tools for waterfall displays etc. i don't even get a signal when the ECM8000 has 48v and I'm clearly picking up audio on the interface but not on REW. using SMUGSoftwares FuzzMeasure 3.0 program and a 96kHz sample rate. I connect the measurement mic to my 4th preamp input and turn on 48v. So I drew a line from the tweeter to the 36 height of my ears, 106 away. So i load back up the calibration file i already had from when i was working with GIK. I don't own a Mac, but some people prefer the commercial (and affordable) FuzzMeasure program meant for Macs.

#Fuzzmeasure vs rew mac

got it.i click on calibrate and click next so the 1k tone plays constantly. REW also works with Mac and Linux computers. At that point, you should be able to measure a speaker, then switch the second speaker into the same measurement position, and measure it.

#Fuzzmeasure vs rew software

the video shows a small interface and says connect a cable going into an output then into an input. You need to measure the speaker output, using something like REW or FuzzMeasure, so you need a computer, the right software and a measurement mic. Next it goes to setting up the loop back. got it.universal audio apollo selected on output and input device. now in the video it starts by having yo click on preferences and select your interface. FuzzMeasure is one of the many helpful tools I use to do my job effectively.Ok so i started all the way from the beginning following the video. That means even though REW is cool, Dirac simply has superior results. Dirac is automated and has the most advanced algorithms out there (It uses mixed-phase filtering - in effect, a combination of IIR and FIR filters.) and also correct impulse and timing. Before FuzzMeasure, I did all this by ear. REW lets you design filters to correct frequency response. If indeed my ECM8000 is actually flat above 10khz, and the calibration file is rolling it off, due to the average ECM8000. When the ARC system uses the same mic to measure, you can see the rise above 10khz.

#Fuzzmeasure vs rew how to

A lot of clients just want you to tune the room fast and FuzzMeasure has definitely expedited the process.Ī lot of mastering engineers don’t do their own room scans however I feel that you have to know how to do your own work in case something gets accidentally moved or bumped. Anyway, Im aware of the rise above 10khz on the ECM8000, but I dont see much of a difference in REW with and without a calibration file. I'm not the guy designing rooms on a piece of paper, but I can tell you if a room sounds good or not. I’m not a trained acoustician, I’m an audio engineer. The decay time you see in your measurements includes reflections in the room, Amir measures decay produced by the speaker itself, resonances in cabinet and drivers. When using a USB microphone with REW, time-synchronized measurements must be performed using REW's 'acoustic timing reference' feature. Using a USB Microphone: Acoustic Timing Reference. To be able to show both the Waterfall and Reverb Time (RT60) graphs at the same time, without having to close one and then open the other, will save a lot of time as far as them grasping the scope of problems in the space. Because you are actually measuring your ROOM with REW. REW is a popular choice for measurement software, and is recommended as the first choice for use with MSO on all platforms. (2) Huang Ren Zhongs striped parasol stands out against the muddy cliff of excavated. FuzzMeasure is simple and affordable - the kind of tool that will empower the next generation of designers, consultants, and researchers. Example Sentences: (1) Among the 10 tissues examined, endogenous renin transcripts were identified in and restricted to kidney, submandibular gland, testes and ovary consistent with the expression pattern of the Ren-1c gene. I’ve also tried exporting each SPL measurement in REW and selecting the ‘normalise’ option during the export but when I re-import the measurements they’re not normalised to the same. Architectural acoustics is more complicated than it should be. In Fuzzmeasure, there a little tick box for each measurement that allows the frequency domain to be normalised, but I cannot find a similar option in REW.

#Fuzzmeasure vs rew

1 note · View note

worstloki · 4 years

Note

What even was Thor: Ragnarok? Ragnarok is the end of the nine realms but Hela just wanted to rule Asgard and conquer worlds? Why couldn't we see Jormangandr that would have been cool seeing Loki's kid (or pet if mcu Loki never had kids) fighting Fenris to the death instead of just attacking him just to get his a** kicked by Thanos. Why were the Asgardians not fighting? Forgive me I basically lived off mythology as a young child and I wanted to see some sort of fighting spirit. This upset me alot

To be fair it was upsetting especially since the film butchered the mythology’s depiction of Ragnarok, even if Loki was technically the one to burn Asgard down.

I just think it would’ve been a neat gag if along with the army of the dishonored dead (like in the comics) Hela had brought Fenris and Jormundangr and maybe Garm to Asgard too and through the entire fight whenever Loki tries to fight any of them they inexplicably turned around and ran because they refuse to fight him and he doesn’t even know why but its never addressed he just shrugs

I get that it was a completely, uh, unique interpretation of Ragnarok, and honesty didn’t expect the movie to follow the myths or comics, but there were so many opportunities for comedy and cool fights that ended up being missed along with decent references to the actual thing the film was named after

#considering people still follow the religion that is especially bad #then again its a movie and didn't have any obligation to follow the comics or myths #and sure i dont get why the asgardians didn't fight when we know they're militaristic #or why their army was so small #but i guess thats how it is #???#it wouldn't have taken much to have every citizen whip out a sword at some point right?#or to have bruce say 'do i really want to fight loki's kid?' before jumping onto the bifrost? because it at least acknowledges the myths?#its a fun movie and all but its messages about imperialism give out nearly as many mixed signals as hela being odin's firstborn did #im still of the opinion that odin adopted hela and she's actually loki's kid in the future #that would've been SO FUNNY #i also wanted the myths to be referenced more because... why couldn't we have fenris eat odin....#just a li'l chomp....

40 notes · View notes

maroon5-official · 3 years

Text

#also please dont read my blog #im not sure if you still are but like #i blocked you so you wouldnt have to see how sad i was all the time and be worried #but i also need to articulate my thoughts if im going to talk to you again seriously #because i thought we were good #and now youre afraid of me?#im so confused #im hurt and confused and i genuinely just like #where my head is at? i constantly think you want to get rid of me #and you keep telling me my anxieties are assumed but you dont even think we'll be friends soon #im just so scared you dont actually want to try anymore #so what is it #im just so sad #if you dont want to even be my friend anymore just tell me #because i am getting so many mixed signals #and im irritated #not angry i havent been angry at all #i honestly dont know where the fuck that came frlm #im irritated #im sad #im confused #it irritated me that you ignored me and i got frustrated and figured that was it #you didnt want to be my friend #im just so fucking confused #where have i been angry

0 notes

rosequartzwriting · 3 years

Text

Bad Decisions

Pairing: Crosshair X Fem! Jedi Reader (no y/n)

Description: You cannot handle Crosshair. After him doing something bold during a mission, you two have some tension. Later at 79′s, things escalate into more bad decisions.

Warnings: Contains SMUT 18+, drinking at 79s, angst and hate, swearing, Cross being a tough dom, p.i.v. sex, oral (m receiving), light choking and spanking, f fingering, some degrading

Word Count: 5.0k (im not sorry)

A/N: My first smut fic im nervous MINORS GO AWAY DONT INTERACT, I hope my first time writing a sexy scene is okay let me know what you think! Gods this is filthy. Also contains some friendship with Cody because I love him. If you see typos or grammar mistakes NO YOU DIDNT I wanted to get this out ASAP lol. Also this is just in time for kinktober haha.

Masterlist | Fic Reading Recs | Ao3 | Quotev | Coffee

“What was that?” You gestured with your deactivated lightsaber towards the wreckage. Remains of battle droids and parts of the buildings scattered everywhere from the explosions. There was still smoke which rose up high into the air, defiantly being the signal that would let the rest of his squad know that things were finished.

“It did the job, didn’t it?” The still helmeted clone came down to your level from his position on the rooftops, climbing down a ladder with one hand holding his rifle.

You stomped up to him, who towered over you in height. “You blew up their town! We’re lucky we evacuated them before this all started!”

“See, I didn’t kill anybody.” His sarcastic words mixed with his permanent sly tone made you more aggravated with him than you already were.

“We can’t be going around blowing up the towns of those we have ties with. The senate is not going to be happy when they learn that we used rhydonium to blow up part of a residential complex!”

Crosshair took off his helmet and tucked it under his arm. The look on his face was of his signature gloom and unamusement. “I cleared out the droids, those were my orders.”

“And my orders were to clear out Separatist influence here, not be destructive!”

“I did what I had to do. There were too many droids, they would have over taken the two of us if I hadn’t done something. I basically saved your ass.” He had pulled out a toothpick, seemingly out of nowhere, and was jabbing it in your direction as he spoke.

“Saved me?” Unbelievable, you thought. “I was doing fine, I’m a Jedi.”

“Well, Jedi,” The title spilled off his tongue like it disgusted him. “you should thank me. And if you forgot, I don’t follow rules or codes. I take orders and execute them at any cost.”

You really despised this clone. From the way he carried himself to the seemingly bad ideas he often made on a whim. When Hunter’s instructions were vague, he often took matters into his own hands. All the time you have worked with the Bad Batch, there was always something he did that got on your nerves. This time you had to clean up his mess and you were not ready to try to explain to the counsel what happened here.

“Fuck you, Crosshair!”

He said nothing. Looked at you for a brief second. You felt his stare drag up and down your body. It slowed and lingered in places, eventually landing on your face again.

Then he had the absolute audacity to say, “Is that a threat or a promise?”

You let out an agitated sigh and did not reply to that.

“Let’s regroup, I need to have a word with your sergeant.” You shoulder checked him, shoving him with all your built up anger, and walked passed him.

His footsteps followed behind you in a respectable distance. He could easily close that distance with a few quick strides. He didn’t, feeling the tension between you both linger as you walked on. “No need to be so angry, darling.”

“Don’t call me that.”

He chuckled deeply. You felt it rattle in the air. It traveled to your bones. It did not help your growing headache. You were hoping things would clear up after you had talked to Hunter, Tech, and Wreaker. Then you needed to deal with matters back on Coruscant, which you were not excited for.

~~~

You downed the contents of your glass in a single swig.

“Woah,” Cody laughed, “easy there.”

“I need it.” You put your glass down on the bar with a satisfying click. You turned around and laid your back against the bar, looking out into the busy club and stretching your arms out. “Had a rough day.”

“I can tell,” Cody sipped from his glass.

By some miracle, you had talked your way out of trouble with both the Senate and the Jedi Council. Nobody was joyed at the fact that the town you were assigned to protect had been damaged by explosions. What mattered was you got the civilians out safely and cleared out the enemy where they were not permitted. You still mentally beat yourself up for allowing such a thing to happen. But your excuse had been that force 99 was known for doing things not by the book. And with Hunter’s approval, put full responsibility on the fact that they had been assigned to you.

You had been so stressed out that you needed a night out to clear your head.

After you had dealt with the problem you were presented with, you cleaned yourself up, wore something nice, and made your way to 79′s. You had ran into Commander Cody on the way out, and invited your old friend for a night out. It was night on Coruscant already and the club was buzzing with activity from its other patrons. The music was bumping, the bass traveling through your body with every beat. The sound of clones and others drunkenly talking and laughing and gossiping rattled around the building.

You had replaced the previous chaos with another type of chaos, but this one soothed you.

“I worked with force 99 today,” you told Cody and he let out a chuckle, being aware of your complications with that one member of the team.

“He give you a hard time again?” he asked.

“You could say that,” you sighed.

“Don’t worry about that.” Cody put an arm around your shoulders in a comforting way. “You’re here to relax. I’ll buy you your next drink. And maybe later we can go dancing, if you like.”

Thank the Maker for this man.

You and Cody spent the beginning of the night together. You two chatted and laughed through the music, saying hi to any familiar faces that walked by. After a few drinks, you were feeling the excited affects of the alcohol and dragged Cody to the dance floor. You danced away all the tension and stress that had been building up inside you all day. And for a moment you forgot you were a Jedi, not having a care in the world and not thinking about the war.

After what felt like a couple hours spent at 79′s, Cody took your hand and started to pull you off the dance floor. You pouted as he pulled you through the crowd of clones and others. He gave you a soft smile over his shoulder.

“I should head out, I have to rise early tomorrow morning. Me and the General have a mission on the outer rim.” Cody rose his voice so you could hear him over the music.

“Aww, already?” You whined, stumbling in your heels a little. Cody’s hand was right at your waist to catch you if you fell.

“Sorry, sweetheart.” He patted you on the back in a brotherly way. “You will be alright here by yourself?”

“I’ll find some entertainment.” You giggled, now back and leaning against the bar. “See you on the field, Commander.”

He returned your light-toned salute with one of his own before he disappeared into the crowd and out of the building. You were sad to see him go a bit early in the night, but knew Cody was not one to party too hard. If you wanted a crazy night that resulted in a hangover, you would call a few friends from the 501st.

You turned around and eyed the bartender, and without needing to ask you what you wanted, he handed you a short glass of the cocktail you had been ordering. With a light thank you, you brought it to your lips.

Suddenly, a slithering voice from right beside you said, “Eventful night?”

Not even needing to look to your left, you knew who that voice belonged to. You choked and your cocktail sputtered out of your mouth, splashing onto your hand and the front of your jacket. After a second of regaining your composure, you looked up and sure enough there he was.

Crosshair was leaning on the bar, a glass of dark liquor in his hand and toothpick hanging from his lips. He gave you a blank yet amused expression from witnessing you spilling your drink on yourself. Another thing that added to your shock was seeing him wear something other than his clone armour. A leather jacket and dark jeans. It was an odd sight but you were overcome with enough irritation to oversee it at the moment.

You slammed your glass on the bar. “What are you doing here?”

“Same as you I assume,” he said, lifting his drink almost in a cheers motion.

“How long have you been standing there?” you asked in an annoyed tone, grabbing a napkin to dry your mess.

“Since before you came from the dance floor with the Reg.”

He plucked his toothpick out of his mouth and took a swig of his drink. Whiskey. You watched his movements with loathing.

“You’re exactly the last person I wanted to see tonight,” you practically growled at him, “and here you are, chilling with a glass of whiskey right beside me.”

Cross looked down at his glass, “How’d you know?”

“I can smell it.” you spat, bringing your own glass to your lips without breaking eye contact with him as you stared him down.

That was not the only thing you could smell from him. There was a woodsy scent coming from him. In juxtapose to the sharp and sour smell of alcohol on him and in the air, there lingered that softer smell. Was that cologne? Your senses seemed to focus on it.

“You clean up nicely, this is the first time I’ve seen you not so...uptight,” he said, putting his toothpick back into his mouth.

Not many people you knew saw you in anything other than your Jedi attire, only those who ran into you at 79′s. Tonight you had gone all out, hoping that you might catch someone’s eye. A cropped lacey top was poking out from the opening of your jacket, a leather skirt making the outfit a little more flirtatious. You had done your hair and makeup as well. Defiantly deviating from what a Jedi is expected to look like.

You rolled your eyes at him, “I could say the same for you, but I might vomit.”

Crosshair chuckled darkly.

“Don’t laugh at me.”

“I am and I will.”

You growled, “Why am I still here? I came here to get away from you!”

Cross downed the contents of his glass before standing up to his full height. Even in your heels, he was still this tall and intimidating image. “Why do you always act like such a bitch?”

“I’m not a bitch, you’re a fucking prick!”

He was all up in your face now, cornering you against the bar. “Do you actually want to test me? Cause I will make you regret every word that comes out of that loud mouth of yours!”

His words and his tone, for some reason, went straight to your core. A flush crept up on your face and burned into your skin. The sudden urge to tighten your legs together twitched at you.

The distance between you both was filled with tension. All the other times you both had been in a room together the tension felt like burning anger. But this moment...it felt...electric. A new kind of tension. You had no idea where it came from. Maybe it was because he had you basically bent over backwards onto the bar, or how his statement could be interpreted into another way. Alcohol could have been a factor as well.

Your eyes scorched into his amber ones. They then darted down to the toothpick hanging from his lips. The tip of his tongue was swirling it around. You stared at it and a filthy image popped into your mind. It made you shutter, but that shutter was not one of disgust like they usually were.

You leaned in closer. He froze and did not dare to move. Slowly, without breaking eye contract with him, you got close enough to gently grab the toothpick from his lips with your own. You pulled back just enough to have some distance while still in close proximity, and let the small piece of wood hang from your mouth in the same way he does it.

Crosshair looked dumbstruck. You mentally praised yourself for making the clone who always knew what to say absolutely speechless. That looked turned into one that resembled a hungry animal. Feral and possessive.

With him looking at you like this and the seductive move you had just pulled, you realized something for the first time in your life: Crosshair was incredibly sexy.

His eyes wandered further and you felt the heat of his stare scan down to your chest, lower to your hips and thighs. They lingered on your leather skirt that suddenly felt too tight on your body. The strong smell of his whiskey coming off him made your head spin. He inched ever so closer, his next words whispered.

“You’re playing with fire, darling.”

This was the first time that you did not snap at him from calling you that. You were overcome with the feeling that you wanted him to call you that again.

You shrugged playfully and whispered to him, “Maybe I’m just a bitch.”

Cross raised his hand and let it land on your arm, before having his fingers travel up your bicep, shoulder, the bare skin of your neck, your jaw, to your lips. He gently took the toothpick from them, brushing against the plush flesh before retreating.

“Maybe you are,” he whispered back.

“Keep talking to me like that and my tipsy ass I might do something.” Your words were almost threatening, but in the whispered exchange it was seductive.

“Really?” He was so close now that you could feel the vibrations of his voice. “What’s on that mind of yours?”

You decided to finally scratch that seething itch you were feeling, one that might have been buried deep inside of you for so long. During the biggest fuck it moment in your entire life, you grabbed the collar of Crosshair’s jacket and slammed your lips onto his. His hands found your waist as you felt him kiss you back instantly. It was heated and almost aggressive. You were being leaned even further onto the bar top as Crosshair seemed to get overly into it. You did not complain.

When you pulled away, you saw his eyes were blown with lust.

“Come home with me,” you said with a crack in your voice.

“Absolutely.”

~~~

As soon as you shut the door to your small city apartment, there was zero space between the two of you. Crosshair had shoved you up against the door, kissing you roughly once again. One hand was on your waist and slithering its way into the opening of your jacket, while the other was tracing the leather of your skirt and grabbing your backside. You were completely turned on by everything about this, seemingly fueled by the fire of your hatred for this man. But you wanted him so badly.

He helped you out of your jacket without breaking the kiss. When it was tossed on the floor, he pushed you back against the door and raised his knee to press between your legs. You whimpered, the need for pressure and friction there being teased. Cross pulled away from you to chuckle.

He took a good look at you, “One second you’re yelling at me and the next you want me in your bedroom.” A hand went to the zipper on your skirt, slowly pulling it down. While he did that, you pulled your shirt over your head. “Oh fuck me, darling,” he hissed and yanked your skirt down so you could kick it off you.

Underneath you had worn a red set of lacey lingerie.

“You wore these to 79′s thinking you were gonna go home with some reg?” He tisked you teasingly. “Pathetic.” He then brought his lips right up to your ear, they brushed against your earlobe. “I’ll show you a better time than any reg could ever give you.” He left kisses on your ear and let them drag all the way down to your neck and collar bones. “No reg deserves a body this beautiful.”

Your legs almost collapsed right there. His words had never made you feel this way until now. Words coming out of that mouth often made your blood boil. Now they were making a different heat rush all throughout your body, making you hot and bothered and weak and desperate to be touched. It made you wonder what else that smart tongue was capable of.

His arms snaked around your torso and up, painstakingly tracing the lace of your bra. His long, slender fingers continued to travel towards your back. They finally reached the clasp and he unhooked it in one swift motion. That told you he had experience. You shuttered again, for what felt like the millionth time.

He slid the straps off your shoulders and dropped your bra to the floor, revealing your breasts that were perky from your arousal. Crosshair’s fingers traced themselves around their shape and eventually gently grasped them with his hands. He gave them both a squeeze. A small whine left your throat.

“Just so you know what you’re getting yourself into, I don’t play lightly. After I warm you up, I’m not going to hold back.”

He kissed you again, a lot softer than before. He was easing you into it, testing the waters. Then you realized he was asking for your consent.

His next words confirmed your suspicions, “If you’ll let me.”

You were astonished at his gentle tone despite the burning desire in his eyes. This was the calm in the storm, the eye of the hurricane. A small pause before he would be all over you again. You were surprised that he even had a gentle side to show, even for a brief moment.

But you were ready for where this would go. “Take me, Crosshair.”

He smirked at you and you sucked in a sharp breath.

In painstakingly slow motions, he helped slide your panties off your ass and down your legs. He did not even let them drop completely before he was kissing you roughly again. The fabric had gotten caught around one of your heels, which were still on, you would have tried to shake them off if it wasn't for what he did next.

While still pressing you against the door, his hand dived between your legs. Your cry was muffled as you felt him circle the wetness that had pooled at your opening. He moved up wards just slightly to tease your sensitive bundle of nerves. It was the slightest brush, but you writhed in his arms.

“So sensitive,” he purred. He knew what his teasing was doing.

“You really are a prick,” you hissed at him through your teeth. But he shut you up by putting pressure on your clit again, making you throw your head back and hit the door.

“Maybe I am,” he chuckled. You had to let out a breath of a laugh at that, remembering his words at the club. He then slipped one finger into your opening, making you squeak in surprise. “Oh you’re so wet already. I always suspected you would be such a slut.” He put a second finger to join the first.

“Huh?” you breathed, it coming out more as a moan than something comprehendible.

“I’ve wanted to rip your clothes off ever since the first time you screamed in my face.”

You laughed brightly at that and he chuckled again. But you were right back to moaning when his fingers probed deeper into you. They curled beautifully inside you, finding a spot that no one else you had been with found before. You gripped the front of his jacket tightly as he lifted one of your legs with his other hand, guiding it from behind your knee to rest around his waist.

The state he had you in was driving you crazy. Against the door, fingering you, fully naked while he had not taken a single thing off.

“Crosshair,” you moaned his name. He growled in your ear at that. “Holy fuck.”

“Enjoying yourself, baby?”

You nodded pathetically.

He slid his fingers out of you and pushed your leg back down so he could begin to strip his jacket off. While he was doing that you reached for his belt and fumbled with the buckle.

“Eager little thing,” His jacket dropped and he pulled his shirt over his head. He was beautifully built, a slender toneness with strong biceps and abs. Grey hair was softly scattered across his chest, which lead down his waist and dipped into his pants. You wanted them off so badly. Crosshair saw the desperation in your eyes, so he helped you undo his belt and zipper.

He roughly pushed you down to get on your knees. “Show me how much you want me.” You obeyed, looking up at him with innocent eyes as you pulled his jeans and underwear down past his hips. His hard cock sprung free right in your face and you did not hesitate to gently grasp it with one hand and bring the tip to your lips. You lapped up the bead of precum slowly and he sighed in content, “That’s a good girl.”

You wrapped your lips around him and took as much as you could, letting your hand hold the rest. His growls were driving you insane and going right to your pussy. His fingers threaded through your hair and lightly tugged on your scalp as you began to bob your head on him. Tears were already swelling in your eyes from how he hit the back of your throat on every stroke. You paced yourself, reminding yourself to breathe, and took him like something from a naughty holovid.

Crosshair’s growling turned into mumbling curses, spilling with praises as he began to move his hips in time with you. And when you looked up at him with your beautiful eyes, a gag trying to push its way out of your throat, his knees felt weak. He gripped your hair harder and began to fuck your throat with some force, you squeezing your eyes shut and taking what he was giving you.

He quickly yanked you off of his cock and huffed heavily, “Damn baby, you’re gonna make me cum too early.” He helped you up off the floor, turned you around to spank your ass, and pushed you forwards towards your bedroom. “Move it!” You obeyed, feeling him continue to poke at your cheeks along the way. Your giggles made him chuckle, and his lips were on your neck.

“You’re a loud mouth in bed, Cross.” You jabbed at him, feeling his teeth begin to nibble at your shoulder playfully. You could defiantly get used to hearing him talk so much now. His often silent and independent demeanor was nowhere in sight, overcome by this animal that was hidden all along.

“Hands and knees, I’m fucking you right now.”

You did not hesitate to craw onto your bed. It was like you could feel him watching you, so you made sure to arch your back nicely and sway your hips. He followed behind, resting on his knees and bringing a hand up to stroke at your pussy lips from behind. You twitched under him, anticipating the moment he would finally give you what you wanted.

After another slap on the ass that left you whining, he lined his cock up to your dripping hole. He slowly slid in and the stretch made you sink to your elbows. The feeling of Crosshair filling you up made you let out a moan that softly shuttered through your body.

“Oh fuck,” He seethed, his words adding to your own pleasure, “you’re so tight.”

When he moved you were gone. Your moaning grew louder with every forceful movement of his hips, mixing with the sounds of your ass slapping onto his pelvis. Crosshair’s grunting and soft growls were being burned into your memory, you not wanting to forget how you were making him feel.

And when he knocked your knees further apart on the bed in the slightest, a new angle gave you more pleasure. You sinking lower made his strokes deeper, him being able to reach that beautiful spot inside you once again. His pace began to pick up as well, the hands on your waist letting him have more control over you.

The absurdity of what was happening dawned on you in that moment. “What am I doing?” you said in between crying out.

“You’re not asking me to stop. You’re not regretting it.”

“I might later.”

“You’re loving it right now, so what does it matter?” He snapped his hips for emphasis, thrusting into you even harder now. The sounds you were making said that you were indeed loving it.

“Ohhh I fucking hate you!” You seethed through your teeth.

“I hate you too, darling,” he growled in reply. He kept railing you with the new force and let out a noise that was purely animal. “Oh, but I do love this pussy.”

Admitting it disgusted you, but he was the best you have ever had. He had you completely cock dumb from what he was doing to you. Something told you that you might not regret this later.

He grabbed a fistful of your hair and pulled your head back. You let out another whimpering moan that let him know that you were all his. His other hand reached over to stroke your clit while still ramming into you. You were so overwhelmed with all the sensations and how good he was. The best kind of torture, physically and mentally.

Crosshair was almost laughing at the whining mess you had become.

You were surprised at how quickly he was able to build you up. You could feel your release creeping up and your muscles tightening with it. He could feel your walls clench around him as you whimpered more and gripped the bedsheets, so he kept his pace steady and tortured your clit even more.

“Crosshair-” you choked on his name in a moan, “I-”

“I know, baby.” He let go of your hair and moved to softly grasp the front of your neck. He carefully pulled you back, making sure you were okay with it. More whimpering told him yes. “Cum for me!”

His sexy voice is what sent you over the edge. You trembled underneath him, screaming his name as he fucked you through it. He had some mercy on you to stop stroking your clit, but still held on to your neck as he brought his pace down. He let you enjoy the moment. “Good girl.”

You had never had a more beautiful orgasm than what you had just experienced.

Crosshair slid out of you, leaving you feeling empty. He helped you turn around to face him, holding onto your weakened body firmly. You kissed each other again with hunger.

He grabbed your boobs and pushed you backwards. “On your back,” he demanded. Despite your shaking legs, you did as he said. “I’m not done with you,” He climbed on top of you and settled himself between your legs again. Pushing back in, he gripped your thighs and kissed your chest and neck.

It felt different with having him on top of you, caging over you and having you down against your bed. His height made you feel small, like it often did, but here it felt exciting. You wrapped your arms around his neck and let your fingers thread through the short strands of his hair.

After your release, his thrusts were impactful in your oversensitive core.

He held onto you as he chased his own. His dominant energy was slowly fading as he got closer, becoming weak for you and how you were making him feel. His grunts turned into quiet moans, and that made you smile.

“I’m close, darling,” He burred his face in your neck. “Fuck,” he growled, “where do I-”

“In me,” you moaned, “I’m fine.”

He sputtered as his thrusts lost their rhythm. All is muscles tightened. He his back was glimmering with a thin sheen of sweat. His teeth sunk into your shoulder as he came, a moan coming from the back of his throat. His muscles all relaxed in his bliss, like any anger inside of him simply disappeared.

You could feel his hot release mix with your own wetness. You held onto him as he collapsed on top of you, breathing heavily next to your ear. You shoulder ached from his biting, but you did not mind at all. Thankfully it was in a place you could cover with your robes, you thought.

When he regained himself enough, he pulled out and laid down beside you. He clung onto you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and letting you rest against his chest. The gesture was comforting, another part of his soft side that you had witnessed tonight. An all new layer of Crosshair that made you want this moment and this night to last forever.

He whispered while out of breath, “I’m taking a break before I play with you again, I still want more.” His hand stroked your waist and hip gently. When he was tired from his release, he looked so a peace. So relaxed and content, just seeing it on his face made you feel the same.

You nuzzled into his chest, then poked at his shoulder with a finger, “Your squad,” you huffed, “will never,” another huff, “know about this.”

“I’d never hear the end of it if they knew.” he sighed with a hint of a smile in his voice.

~~~

TAGS: @wolffes-eye

643 notes · View notes