#im so burnt out and tired plus like other things and i would rather take a long break instead of just going straight in | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

warmau · 5 years

Note

Can i request something cOOL with ncts kun like from friends-to-enemies-to-lovers? (or just from enemies to lovers mom please I'm desperate)

you’d never been one for big parties, but after being practically begged to go by johnny

you really couldnt say no

plus it was christmas - you should at least try your best to spend it with friends

(and not binge watching those sappy hallmark movies by yourself)

the party was at a cabin rented by someones way-too-rich parents

and when you got there, you were greeted by ten and johnny

already slightly pink in the cheeks, swaying back and forth to mariah carey’s classic all i want for christmas is you

“YOU MADE IT!”

johnny slurs, happy grin plastered over his face

“come on in,,,,we have,,,,,,,food and and PUNCH!”

ten extends his cup in offering, but you gently push it away - letting yourself into the house

that’s practically shaking with loud music and way too many occupants

you make some rounds, chatting with mark who looks embarrassed to be wearing the neon flashing santa hat taeyong had bought him

you dance a little with yukhei and sicheng who try to liven up your mood

but just as you start to get into the flow of things

he arrives

you and qian kun have an,,,,,,,interesting relationship

ever since you’d first met - you disagreed about everything and anything

there wasnt one topic where you and kun could see eye to eye

at first you guys tried to laugh it off like hahaha we’re just opposites ,,,, but at some point it got real

and personal

if there was ever a reason to butt heads - you two would find it

which is why everyone, for the most part, tried to keep you separated

so they wouldnt get caught in the middle of it

because, even though people were used to kun being calm and quite reasonable

around you, it was like a fire went off and just the seething energy that came off you too,,,,,,,,,,,,yuta would say he could literally feel himself getting burnt

but now here you were

both at this party

and you told yourself - just stay away. mind your business

but it was like god was playing a cruel trick

because as well as you two did, avoiding each other at the party and only exchanged passive aggressive glares

neither of you expected to be stuck in that damn cabin for the night

when the party had died down, and most of the people were gone, you’d volunteered to help get some stuff in order and to make sure johnny - who’d fallen asleep in a corner got back home safe

the only people left were you, him, jaehyun (who was the rich kid who got his rich parents to even rent this place), mark, jungwoo and,,,,,,,,

kun

you thought he’d already left - but there he was

piling dirty plates into garbage bags

and as you two locked eyes you tried to look away first, make yourself completely disinterested

until

“guys, look outside”

you perked up, trying to see past jaehyun who was staring - wide eyed into the snow covered porch

at first you didn’t get what he meant but then

“wait - wait - how high is the snow right now?”

jaehyun made his way over, touching the door and pushing against it

it didnt budge

“um,,,,,,,,,,im going to assume that means a bear is holding us locked in here or -”

jungwoo asks, but jaehyun shakes his head

“the snow must have gotten too high during the party and even worse while we were cleaning. i guess we’ll have to wait out the night so it melts.”

you sigh, but think that the cabin is big enough. you can crash on one of the couches

“oh ew, someone totally soaked the coaches with punch and oh - oh im going to be sick!”

mark’s voice breaks a little as he clamps his hand over his mouth

you blink, turning to jaehyun and asking - right at the same time as kun

“how many beds does this place have?”

jaehyun sits down and decides that somehow, the rooms will have to be divided up

there’s two bedrooms and a basement guest room

jaehyun and johnny take the basement guest room - it has two separate beds and jaehyun insists they need it so that if johnny gets sick (he is pretty hungover) that jaehyun doesnt have to be,,,,,,right there next to him when it happens

mark and jungwoo agree to take one of the bedrooms

which leaves you and kun in the other one

with

one bed

“ill sleep on the floor.”

he says curtly

but when you lean down to touch it, it’s ice cold

“oh and then blame me when you get sick, no way. we can share the bed. we just need to build a wall,,,”

you mutter, taking as many pillows off the bed and lining them up in the middle

to make a clean split for your side and his side

“they’re going to fall over”

kun says, deadpan

“well then use some of your magic to make sure they dont”

you snark back, making sure to get a jab in at his “magician” hobby

he rolls his eyes, but starts to pull of his sweater

which makes you throw your hands up to cover your face

“what are you doing?”

“i dont want to sweat through my sweater when im sle-”

“just keep it on, it’s cold in here anyway!”

he huffs, falling down against the mattress and sending half the pillow wall to the floor

you grumble, picking them up and setting them back into a line before getting under your side of the covers first

this is the worst thing in the world

you think to yourself, confused why in the world you’d gotten all embarrassed when kun had tried taking his clothes off

it’s because you don’t want to see him like that!

your brain responds and you agree - but still your heart beats a little quicker in your chest

of course,,,,,,,,,,you get absolutely no sleep,,,,,,,,,

you spend the night staring at your side of the wall when suddenly you feel kun shift

“are you awake?”

his soft voice asks and you swallow

“yeah. what do you want?”

you try to sound agitated, but you’re not - you’re just tired

“why do we hate each other?”

“w-what?”

the bed moves again and you hear kun move some of the pillows out of the way

you ready yourself to get angry, to tell him to stop whatever he’s thinking of doing, but you cant bring yourself to even turn around

“i mean - when did we decided not to like each other?”

“we didn’t decide. we’re just completely opposite from each other so why would we ever like each other?”

the wind beats against the windows and makes the sound loud in the silence of the room

you feel kun looking at your back

and you don’t know why it makes you feel all kinds of things in your chest

“i think i like you anyways”

those words finally make you turn around - because you stop feeling those funny butterflies in your stomach and start realizing that this has to be some joke

“kun, don’t think im stupid enough to believe that after fighting all the time that you secretly actually -”

he puts a hand out and touches your cheek, you pause and in the darkness of the room you can tell that he’s ,,,,,,, being super serious

“maybe if you’d remember every other thing about us rather then just our arguing you would know im not playing around.”

he breathes and you blink

it’s true,,,alll you remember about kun is you two getting into it over the stupidest, pettiest little things

but there have been spare moments where you’re sure you’d caught him staring at you

but that’s because he thinks im annoying! he’s not staring - he’s glaring at me

how he’d ask if you were going to come along whenever your friends and his went out

that’s because he wants me not to go!

or how he’d stayed behind today - to help jaehyun and you

no no - just to help jaehyun, he’d never do something nice just for you

“are you saying,,,,,”

“im saying i like you. i really really like you. so can you please stop hating me and start liking me too?”

because you’re at a lose for words - and because you’re literally inches apart from your enemy whose just confessed to you on a bed of all places

you sort of just freeze

but kun comes closer, till the pillow wall between you is completely gone and the heat from his body circles yours

“i cant use my magic - and im not forcing you to like me back - but i think under it all you do at least think im cu-”

he starts

but then you finally react

you lean in, kissing kun

granted you miss his lips and hit the top of his nose because it’s so dark

but you KISS kun

and he moves his head a bit so he can properly kiss you back

and it’s unreal - like you’re really kissing this guy who all you’ve ever done is get mad at each other

and you’re actually loving it

pulling back, you feel kun’s legs tangle with yours and you don’t know how else to say it

but

“i guess i like you too,,,,,,,,but it would have been so much easier if you had just told me from the beginning-”

“ok ok im not going to argue about liking each other too. we’ve argued enough, do you know what we should do from now on?”

you crinkle your nose, but ask kun to explain

you feel his hand tread through your hair and pull you in close again

before he whispers

“more kissing. from now on, no arguing just lots and lots and lots of kisses”

finally, you think

that’s something we can agree on

#nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct au #kun scenarios #kun imagines #kun au #member: kun #sfw #nct #qian kun

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iamsonyeondone · 5 years

Text

plus one // kim doyoung

♥ florist! doyoung x wedding planner! reader

♥ fluff!

♥ 2.5k words

as much as your job required you to run multiple errands and search for whatever the bridezillas were so persistent to having

it was still something you had fun doing especially when you get clients who were unexpectedly easy-going

but even if they werent, you tried your best to look at the brightside

and maybe also confide in the multiple shop owners you had gotten to know through your job

irene, the owner of the boutique that you would always recommend to your clients, is always a sweetheart to you whenever she sees you drop by to check on the dresses

when i meant sweetheart, i meant the kind where she really takes care of you like a motherly figure

“are you sure you’ve gotten enough to eat? wendy stopped by with lunch and she brought some extra. have lunch with me?”

or “did you stain your dress shirt again? change into this one and i’ll take care of that stain,” as she casually whips out detergent and fabric softener from in between the dresses????

but you also have the bakery where you accidentally become the food critic for kun because he cant trust his nephew's friends because they’ll eat anything edible

especially jaemin who may or may not have sneaked behind the counter to make his own concoction of coffee because kun wouldnt’t let them in

but thats because the last time they went into the kitchen, they nearly burnt the building down

anYways, whenever you meet kun its always the usual “try this” “yn what do you think?” “is it a little too sweet?”

and you try your best to give whatever knowledge you have from cakes that your clients have ordered

and kun would have this big smile, thanking you before he rushes off to the kitchen again

aside from the two most loveliest people you’ve ever met on the job, theres was one other person who wasn’t as lovely

or at least not as welcoming

kim dongyoung, the florist you always order from but you just wished he would be a little less,,, sarcastic

it’s not like you hated him for being him

you just cant wrap your mind around the fact that nearly every sentence that comes out from his mouth would be sarcastic

like that one time you couldn’t pronounce peonies and pronounced them as ponies instead and he looked at you with That Look

as if you couldn’t pronounce cat or something

“this isn’t a stable yn. if you wanted to see horses, this isn’t the place you should be going to,”

and sometimes he gets on your nerves when you call out to him and he just ignores you because you’re just dropping by to check on the bouquet order

and he just goes like “did yall hear sumn?”

but one day, when you were absolutely exhausted from tending to a third-level bridezilla aka the second worst kind, and you had your last stop at the flower shop

you went in as per usual and asked if doyoung had already prepared the bouquet you asked him to prepare the day before

and doyoung scoffs, “you think?”

and it wasn’t even half as bad as he usually teased you

but you’re suddenly in tears and it most definitely caught doyoung off-guard

like he’s always seen you remain firm and strong no matter how annoying he gets most of the times

but to see you in shambles like this made him feel like the biggest douchebag on earth

instead of showing you the bouquet, he brings a tissue box from his desk and wipes your tears, repeating his apologies as much as he could

and as your sniffling and hiccuping from your breakdown, doyoung curses in his head

because he’s the biggest idiot, getting his heart shattered just by looking at your distress

“kun came by because he wasn’t on shift today and knew you would be coming later so he dropped off some bagels and coffee if you wanted. he said it was another experiment,”

while your throat still felt like a pit was stuck in it, you nodded your head slowly while doyoung fetched the paperbag and a cup from his desk

the two of you sat in silence while you nibbled on the bag, thinking to yourself to thank kun when you see him

and doyoung just sits on the opposite side, leaning back on his chair with his arms folded

and you feel like he’s burning a hole through your head with his eyes and couldnt help but take a few glances his way

and he’s just staring right at you

as if he was too far into dream land to notice you were looking back at him

the way his face looked a little solemn, which was unusual for you to see him in that state

that was until you remembered the little breakdown from earlier and your eyes shift away from his dark ones

you couldnt handle the silence any longer, fidgeting in your seat as you sipped your drink

“im...sorry for earlier. it was a rough day and-”

“i’m the one who was supposed to apologize, you don’t have to,” he cut you off, sighing as he combed through his hair with his fingers

“yeah but it must’ve been awkward seeing me be a crybaby,”

and doyoung bites his tongue from agreeing with you

“we all have our moments, im just glad you dont see mine,”

you gasp dramatically, placing a hand on your chest, an obvious attempt to lighten the mood

“kim dongyoung cries too,”

“ha ha very funny. I’m not a robot you know,” he rolled his eyes and somehow, seeing you with that growing smile on your face lifted a weight he didnt know had been on his shoulders

“anyways, i need to close up shop now so make sure you got all your things,” he waved his hand, dismissing you as he locked up the back room and packed his belongings

just as you slung your bag over your shoulder, a picture of him and kun as well as their friends were framed and put on his desk

and you weren’t sure how you weren’t able to spot such a striking photo full of a huge group of guys

but when you see doyoung smiling so brightly in the photo, you couldn’t help but smile as well

“if you’re done oggling my friends, you could maybe get out before you get locked in?” he raised a brow, leaving the door open as he waited for you to leave

as he locked the main doors, you couldnt help but imagine that big grin on his face

“why don’t you ever smile as often?” you questioned him out of the blue

“i dont see a need to.” he replied nonchalantly, walking off once the entrance was locked

“whatever floats your boat i guess. by the way...” you trailed off, stopping him in his tracks as he turned back to face you

“thank you, doyoung,” you smiled, waving him goodbye before rushing off to the other direction

for some reason, your cheeks felt like they had been lit on fire and the tightening feeling around your chest felt unfamiliar

and while you were too busy fussing over symptoms that would have been obvious to the public eye, doyoung watched your figure disappear while a smile grew on his face

with a small chuckle he turned the other way and huffed

“maybe smiling isnt that bad,” he mumbled under his breath, taking slower than usual in his walk back home

a week passes and said third-level bridezilla's wedding had finally arrived

and you've never felt more tired than you did in your entire college life

with barely 2 hours of sleep, you rushed around the venue with your clipboard in hand, checking things off your list once they were prepared

after the main hall had been done, it was finally your time to do your job as councellor for the bride but a tap on your shoulder stops you from rushing to the waiting room

"yn? cant believe you forgot something so important," doyoung smirks, pointing to a bouquet of fresh flowers in his other hand

you sigh, thanking him profusely as you took it carefully into your arms

your concealer wasnt doing a good job in hiding your dark circles, and the stray strands of hair that were sticking out from your once styled hair made you look unkempt

"is there anything else you need help with? im free for the rest of the day," doyoung asks without hesitation

remembering the mental breakdown you had that day was a good enough reason to ask you

"i dont- i dont think so but i need to go and see the bride before it starts and then check if the groom's ready and most importantly the rings and the ringbearers are probably with the groom too-"

"I'll check on the groom and the ringbearers, while you go tackle that monster in the waiting room," he chuckle

and you see this wide smile plastered on his face

and for a split second, your heart nearly jumps right out of your chest

but when the thought of the bride comes wrecking through, you thank him once again, running down the hallway with your clipboard close to your chest

while doyoung jogs off to find the groom, his heart racing for one reason only

as your calming the bride down with the second box of tissues, trying your best to maintain the makeup that the makeup artist had painstakingly done for 2 whole hours

doyoung was more than ready, already ensuring the groom’s outift as well as the ringbearer who was the groom’s adorable nephew

all that’s left was to wait for the event to begin

once the bride had calmed down and successfully did not wipe the hours of work on her face, you checked on the bridesmaids before heading off to the venue

just as you walked down the halls, you see doyoung walking ahead of you

as quietly as you could, you sneaked up behhind him, grabbing his shoulders and scaring him

yet doyoung didnt even make a sound

until you pouted and he couldnt resist letting out the most sarcastic yell paired with the most unamused expression

"sheesh, you could've just stopped at not reacting rather than give me the shittiest one you've ever given me," you huffed, brushing your stray strands of hair as the both of you walked side by side

"but it was entertaining seeing you fail, so it wasn't really a failure was it?" he teased

and yet the endearing gesture of his to brush the annoying strand of hair behind your ear is the only thing you can notice

"y-yeah whatever. besides, is everything ready on the groom’s side?” you questioned, avoiding his eyes

“he’s practically ready to say his vows right now. what about the bride? heard she had the sixth mental breakdown today,” he chuckled while you groaned, massaging your temples

“she started crying about her double chin because she’s been stress-eating the past week so the make-up artists had to contour her chin a little more,” your story made doyoung burst out laughing, and although it caught you by surprise, you laughed along, relishing in the rare moment

“let’s get this over and done with,” his smile still shining after his laughing fit

“we?” you raised a brow

“you really think you can handle this bridezilla alone?” he smirked

“let’s do this then,” with a final look and a loud thump of your heart, you and doyoung head over to the venue

everything went on smoother than you had planned - the bride only started crying after her vows, the cute nephew didnt trip over his own two chubby feet and everything was done just as it did during rehearsals

you couldnt control the relieved smile on your lips and doyoung might have not be able to control his eyes from watching you every once in a while, his smile mirroring yours

“now all that’s left is the reception in two hours. see you later then?” you asked doyoung while everyone else scattered out of the venue

“of course you will. before i go, wear something blue,” he flashed you another smile before rushing out of the doors

did he...ask you that for the two of you to match?

you shake your head from the clouds while your heart raced once more

doyoung really has a way of creeping into your heart

as the reception began and you were walking from one end to another to ensure everything was ready, you dont notice doyoung walking in with a navy blue suit, his hair swept back

because if you did, you would have stopped entirely and knocked into one of the waiters

which was something you nearly did if it werent for one of the bride’s sisters

“did i see what i think i saw, yn?” in a second, doyoung was now in front of you and that damn smirk of his on display

“shut up, you didnt see anything. and anyways, why did you ask me to wear blue anyway? i had to ask irene to borrow me one,” you sighed, brushing off imaginary dust off of your outift to distract you from how good-looking doyoung had become

not like he wasnt good-looking in the first place

“to match with me obviously, i can’t come here uninvited so i guess i’m you’re plus one for now,” he shrugged when in reality, its making it hard for him to breathe and difficult for him to not only focus on you

“i completely forgot-”

“yn! thank you for helping my sister with her wedding- oh is this your boyfriend? is he the one in charge of the bouquet?” the sister’s bride grins wide while the two of you exchanged anxious looks

“y-yeah, he’s the one who arranged the bouquet. how is the outfit change going?” you mustered up a sweet smile to cover your raging heart as you linked arms with doyoung, nudging him to play along

“oh everything’s fine, dont worry about it. by the way, if you guys ever plan on tying the knot, dont fret to call me, i will gladly lend a helping hand,” but before she could go on about marriage, she was pulled to the side by her cousin, leaving you and doyoung

“to make this easier, why dont i just be your actual plus one?” doyoung shrugged, sneaking his fingers to intertwine with yours instead, making you freeze on the spot

“what?” you nearly snap your head from turning to look at him

“did i stutter?” he squeezes your hand, a small smile adorning his face

“wait, the feelings are mutual?-” you stutter, still wide-eyed from his sudden confession

“oh god you’re such an idiot, but i guess you’re my idiot now,” he let out a tired chuckle, holding you by the waist and pressing a gentle kiss to your temple

kim dongyoung was actually a lovely florist

he just had no idea how to handle ‘feelings’

a/n: its been so long since i wrote that im having so much trouble making sense of my words but i hope you guys like it!!

#kpop #imagine #scenario #writing #fanfic #fanfiction #x reader #reader #reader insert #bulletpoint scenario #nct #nct 2018 #nct u #nct 127 #kim dongyoung #kim doyoung #doyoung

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jess-oh · 5 years

Text

Reflection

hello again journal,

i guess a lot did happen this past year and im just figuring out what to do now and where to go from here.

A part of me wants to take a step back from college hour but at the same time, I don’t want to go to Catalyst either. I do genuinely enjoy hanging out with Min, Songbee, Sharon, Anna, and everyone. But I don’t want to go and have to face Johnathan, Jason, and Amanda. I’m still trying to navigate how I feel about them and my relationship with them and why. I’ve been a lot more reserved recently and aware of how my words impact others and the effect they may have on them. Especially if it’ll be unintentionally negative.

I was just chilling on one of the couches in Movement today and I was surprised when Johnathan went up to me to talk specifically to me and see how I was doing. I avoided talking to Amanda in person today though. I’m not sure if either of them noticed. I’m still trying to figure out exactly how to work through that. I tried to text her last night and she actually responded with concern in her tone. I ended up being too tired to get into everything though and decided to just brush it off. I told her that it was fine and to just not worry about it and we left it at that. I was really dreading having to go to college hour with them today when I saw them both present in service today but was pleasantly surprised to see neither of them there. I was really afraid I would end up in a group with just the two of them and P. Josh. I would’ve absolutely loved that before. Now? Not so much.

I’m just.

I’m upset because I feel like I tried so hard to reach out to Amanda and take care of her and get her plugged into the community so that she could have a community and not feel left out. Especially because I felt like that was something I needed to do to be a part of it and I didn’t want her to feel like an outsider. And yet, she’s so widely adored and loved by so many people without ever really trying to come and be involved and reach out and invest into their lives. I feel like I did so much just to be accepted and I’m not even that close with them. She didn’t even need to try to just be a part of something I tried so hard to be a part of. And, I’m upset that she decided to come to these events so easily when Johnathan asked her but never came whenever I asked her.

And I don’t know if I just did something wrong or if the timing just wasn’t right or what. and i also dont even know if i should tell her because there’s nothing amanda would be able to change or do to help the situation anyway. what’s done is done. the year has already passed. i missed my chance to invest into these people in the past and now i just have to move forward.

but it does kind of break my heart because i do genuinely love amanda and i was more than happy to be there for her whenever she confessed something on her heart or vented to me or cried or anything else. i do genuinely love her and want the best for her. so it just sucks now that whenever i see her or am i reminded of her, i just feel upset and hurt.

and i really dont know what to do fix it.

i just.

i relied so heavily upon the people in old MAST this past year and now it just feels like they’re all moving on and im losing them. and im being left alone to fend for myself again. and at this point, i dont even know why i bother trying.

as for jason, lowkey resenting him seems to make the most sense to me. it explains why im always on edge whenever i see or talk to him. we are actually good, close friends and we do trust each other on a very deep level. but i hate that i feel like i cant hangout or defend certain people without thinking about him and the negative emotions he has tied with them and me feeling like im betraying him if i trust them and always trying to find a way to bridge them to him. ive been trying really hard to be strong and optimistic for him recently but it’s definitely hard and has been taking a toll on me. i want to be able to just vent and be upset sometimes too and be able to rely on other people to be that optimist for me. i dont want to always be the person that has to be strong and help others. i want to just be able to rest and be too.

i confessed to rachel in the car today that i feel incredibly burnt out and i just dont want to serve in movement anymore and i was actually sad to hear that college hour would be happening over the summer bc i just wanted to take the time to rest and not think about anything but to instead just be present and give and receive as i go. not feeling like i have certain expectations placed upon me by the community to act a certain way or do a certain thing. and she encouraged me to talk to pjosh about it. tbh, i was planning to but i was pretty hesitant bc i felt like he’d want me there as a constant presence for him during this transition into the summer and someone he could rely on for honest feedback and advice on what to do in terms of ideas. but, talking to her definitely helped. and plus, ik pjosh trusts David too so hopefully he can ask him to be that presence instead while i take a step back and just rest.

i also am in charge of a lot for VBS just bc i wanted to help jenny out and i was afraid no one else would step up but i feel like im just in over my head now. i want to step down from “looking holy” and leading a missions workshop. They’d both be great opportunities for me, sure but I would much rather just focus my attention to these kids and taking care of them as best I can. But I also don’t want to just flake on Jenny when I already made a commitment to step up and do it. And I think I still could. But it’d be extra work and I’m doing my best to rest this summer rn. I don’t want to waste all of June overworking myself and feeling stressed and only having July to rest. August will be busy again when I’m back in California too. I just don’t want to have to worry or do or stress about anything until school starts up for me again in September. Is that too much to ask? Why did I dig myself a hole of work instead of actually just relaxing? I feel like I’m running out of time to relax and there’s so much to do and be done and I’m just perpetually stressed. I just want to be able to rest and not have to worry about bills or money or people or serving or anything. At least for a week or something. No church people. No work. No nothing. Just me, being able to rest and relax, knowing that I don’t need to be doing anything. Finally just giving myself a break. That’s what I want to do.

I want to be able to casually skip church on Sunday without feeling like I’m neglecting my responsibilities. I want to be able to just not be okay and be okay with that. I don’t want to feel like I have to be okay and strong all the time even when I’m not. I’m just so tired of trying. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m so tired of working. I’m exhausted. Just let me rest in peace and do absolutely nothing. Please. This is what I want.

#reflection

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clickclackadinfinitum-blog · 6 years

Text

Wonder at Something Better

Rotten drops of fluid that stunk of chemical cocktails and burnt fabrics had overwhelmed a young man hoping to find shelter from his pursuers. Choosing to duck into an old triage tent wasn’t his best decision, but it was all he could think to do. Soldiers of gnarled flesh and fractured bone skittered around the edges of his vision as they seemed to grasp fruitlessly at the air. They weren’t natural, or at least the young man hoped they weren’t. As the man clambered underneath a nearby row of cots he found himself wide-eyed, unable to comprehend his situation. All he had hoped to do was stroll through a historic battlefield to find inspiration, he hoped that the historic gravity of the area would offer room to think.

The day was overcast, growing dimmer and dimmer as he arrived at the field. Despite its grim look, the skies never let a single drop slip. It was as if the world itself choked back tears as the young man looked at the scorched, pitted earth. Every step toward the field’s heart took minutes. When he finally reached the largest crater in the field, he felt the earth beneath his feet trembling. His initial panic saved him from the first of those soldiers as it was born from the earth, and here he was.

Finally finding the time to breathe, the uninspired man peeked out from the row of cots hesitantly. What he thought was the hearty rap of rain finally arriving turned out to be the strangely malformed soldiers dragging their extremities against the tent’s fabric as they hobbled past. Where could they be going now? Had they lost interest? Such questions served the young man little, all he could do now was wait until they were further off and investigate.

When the last of the malformed soldiers’ shadows slipped by, the young man skittered to the tent’s entrance and curiously peered outside. What he saw seemed unbelievable. Seven soldiers, in all their disfigured form, barely able to stand, huddled together in what seemed to be a friendly meeting. One such soldier had the right side of his skull missing, replaced with some facsimile created from cracked cement and dirt, yet he seemed almost jovial judging by the way he slung his bloodied, dislocated arm around another abomination that shared his uniform, so discolored from their resting place that it was difficult to ascertain their allegiance.

All he could do was stand and watch these strange men chat. This was beyond unbelievable, beyond surreal. The undead seemed to exist, and despite his initial fears, they seemed… pleasant. Pleasant to one another, at least. It wasn’t until one of the small group noticed him that he was able to fully comprehend what was happening.

“Ah, lad. You’re the one that woke us up? Well, don’t dawdle. I suspect you’ll be needing some time to talk.” The soldier with the broken skull had spoken to him this time. The young man could feel the world around him sinking. Into what, he could not determine. What had the world come to? How could these poor men persist in this state? He was overthinking again. The fearful lad was almost content to stare and sonder for the rest of his days until the Cement-Skulled Soldier hobbled over. Looking him up and down, the soldier sighed. “We get so many of you boys these days. Come, we’re makin’ a fire.”

And so the lad sat with his strange new ‘friends’, as they insisted they be called. A sufficiently warm fire warded off the previously nipping air, and the Cement-Skulled Soldier seemed to further indicate that he led the group as he broke the silence. “Now, young lad… I don’t know your name, but I can take a stab the purpose of your visit. You feel as though you’ve let yourself down, yes?” The soldier grumbled. The young man nodded quickly. “Well ‘course you do, who has ever visited here to appreciate what’s grown? You came here to see the remnants of something broken, not what had survived.” To the young man, most of this sounded rather… hokey.

With a low, somber growl, the soldier continued. “We get lads like you every few weeks. Ones who feel at the end of their rope, hoping to find the will to trudge onward by looking at something they’ve never had to endure. They never think to find inspiration from the areas that nature has reclaimed, where life has continued on.” One of the other soldiers, garbed in smeared black and blues with only the flesh of his lower jaw remaining, looked down in what the young man assumed was shame. Cement Skull continued: “The men who visit here rarely come back. I always hope they find somewhere better than here, but you never know. As long as they look to the wrong things to keep them going, perhaps they’re always here.”

The young man nodded, even though all of this was somewhat beyond him. Something about the soldier’s last statement struck a chord, though. What had he looked to for inspiration before?... He couldn’t even remember. Through his whole life, not one thing that he felt had driven him actually took root in his mind. Why was that? A shiver ran through the soldiers, fatiguing them for a moment. Cement Skull continued once more. “You kept thinking about us the moment you got here, didn’t you? The men from battles carried out on this field. What did we feel, right? What drove us to fight?” The young man wasn’t sure he wanted to listen further, but he wasn’t imbecilic enough to anger the undead. “I’ll tell you what, lad. Fear and courage. We fought for causes we might not have even understood, things we may not have even believed in. What we feared most was dying itself, and that drove us to perform great things. Some days we fought ‘cause that was our order, some days ‘cause we wanted to make sure our brothers didn’t die for nothing. We never had the time to stop and wonder what this all drove at, you know. Not for long, at least. You have that luxury. You’ve got the time to think. Use it to wonder at somethin’ better.”

Beyond their small campfire stood a hill cracked by an artillery shell that had come out a dud, weeds surrounding it in an almost accepting manner. When the Cement-Skulled soldier finished his little spiel, he wordlessly gestured for the young man to venture up to it. As the uninspired man crested the steep hill, he looked back to his acquaintances. He had expected them to disappear, to be hallucinations, but no… There they stood.

“Somethin’ better, lad. Other way.”

Looking past the dud, he could see a vast forest sprawling out before them past the incline below. Small birds flew quickly between the trees, sounds of bustling natural life could just barely be heard. Without even thinking, the young man was descending into this community of nature, already coming up with a fake argument between the flighty little things. He chuckled to himself as he saw a squirrel get spooked right out of a tree by one such bird. It gave him an idea. His mind felt just a bit clearer.

Now far behind the young man, the soldiers remained at their fire for a time, sharing small talk and meaningful glances. Finally, the Cement-Skulled Soldier was prepared to do all the speaking once more. “Well fellas, I suppose that’s another one down. Hopefully he finds his way back alright. Maybe we got through to ‘im.” Reaching into a breast pocket, he was dismayed to find a completely crushed pack of cigarettes. “We’ve got the rest of the damn day, and I had the luck to squish the things on my way up. For fuck’s sake.”

The soldier garbed in black finally snorted, somehow. “You always talk so odd when the livin’ folks are here. You got a complex or summin’?” Cement Skull did his best to shoot a smarmy glance his way. “Maybe I just like helpin’ folk. Even if they pass us off as a fever dream, they might still learn. Plus, you lot don’t seem too interested in chimin’ in.”

The Cement-Skulled soldier removed a single banged-up cigarette from his pack, letting its tip sit against the fire a moment before setting it between his partially decayed lips. “Well… ‘side from that, maybe I’m tired of seeing fellas like him so sad. Makes ya wonder, doesn’t it? So many folk gettin’ so sad ‘n so lost. They need a pep talk from us now? What a crock.”

The soldiers nodded in unison, each of them returning to their own personal time-wasters as they whiled away the hours. By nightfall, they would be resting once more, awaiting another tortured soul. They had traded their freedom for the young folk of their nations, and now they traded their rest as well. Though he wouldn’t say it, the Cement-Skulled Soldier truly envied the young. He wouldn’t give up the time he served for the world, but he could always wonder. The skies darkened slightly, a touch of rain coming their way. It would soon grow to a downpour.

“Now now, don’t be such a sourpuss. I’ll put it out when I’m ready. Not going back under with one lit.” The Cement-Skulled Soldier smiled for the last time that night.

Another old little piece of mine. Not really sure what to say about it, I haven’t really thought of it in quite some time... I want to say I pumped it out when I was fighting to inspire myself again? (If that already wasn’t blatantly obvious) To be honest I’m not sure how much I like it. I touched it up some, read it over and over, and it just seems so utterly sappy. Plus, I was intentionally vague about where this took place, then I made the silly attempt to give them accents that probably ended up pretty inconsistent. Overall I can’t say I like it, but if anyone’s reading, well... Tell me what you think!

#short story #short stories #new writer #new writers #sappy shit #or is it really sappy?#I guess it feels that way to me

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