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#im struggling y'all
robealafrancaise · 9 months
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Stumble across a cute pattern from 1949
Pattern was rerealeased in 2000
People are selling pattern online but for $20-30 and only in one size range that I've found 😭
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fabulouslygaybean · 2 years
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only like 6-7 more hours till im home hopefully :'))
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fakemortuary · 6 months
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Okay but now I NEED to rig a sex machine to an animatronic
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actualfarless · 8 months
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Bounty: Gale Orson - Part III
Read previous part here.
Story below. Also available on Wattpad or Reddit.
“I was — No, I am an unremarkable engineer.” Gale slumped into his chair. What little colour he had in his cheeks drained away. “I accept this. The university admitted me because we were at war. By the time I graduated, we squashed the so-called rebellion. Many of my peers returned home to start their own shops. I did not. I stayed with the kingdom’s forces—“
Leth rolled their eyes. “We don’t need the whole story. Get to the point.”
“I am.”
“Do it faster.”
“I fixed pipes. That’s it. For an entire decade, I was little more than a glorified handyman, moving between outposts whenever someone died or deserted. I was desperate for a promotion. That’s when I met Valkis.” Gale eyed Leth’s gun. “He said he could help me. He knew a member of the Order of Advancement — how, I cannot say, though I could venture a guess. He would introduce me, recommend me for an apprenticeship, if only I could find some documents for him. An apprenticeship was a demotion, technically, but the promise of a career… It was enticing. It was easy.
“I don’t remember what I found for Valkis, but he kept his word. My mentor was a madman. He worked us tirelessly. His designs were catastrophic in failure, but in success? Revolutionary. He could read a man in a glance, though he himself was inscrutable. We grew close. Others grew jealous. They assumed my master forged a path for me. In a way he did. Valkis approached me with an offer to buy my master’s research. I should have refused. I did not. He approached me several times, offering more and more bar each time. Eventually, I came to him.
“Not long after that, I found new designs at my desk. Brilliant designs. I thought my master tasked me with iteration, but when I came to him with questions, he praised me for my efforts. It was clear he had not created them. The papers had not been filed so, in a moment of weakness, I claimed them as my own. That is what set me on this path.” Gale sighed. “Valkis and I continued our trade. My rivals suffered setback after setback after setback but I rose through the ranks. When I had no more research to provide, I found other documents, other secrets. Then goods. Tools and weapons. I did everything he asked and more. I… I betrayed the kingdom for a nice coat and a portrait.”
“The point, Gale.” Leth held the gun loosely in their hand but aimed well enough to be threatening. Their finger danced around the trigger. They looked as if they might shoot him out of boredom if the story dragged any longer.
“Is it not clear? He carved a path for me and I followed unerringly. My research — my entire career — is stolen work. The higher my rank, the more my role changed. I’ve forged documents for him. Shipping manifests, clearances, what have you. I helped him build his empire. I smuggled drugs and weapons and artifacts. Even people. Whatever he asked, I did. But I’m done now. I’ve more than settled my debt. I will atone. Make amends. I am done.”
“You can never be ‘done,’” Julwei whispered.
“That’s all?” Leth asked.
Gale shifted his wet reddened eyes to Leth. “How can you say that? My entire career is built on betraying the kingdom. If I’m lucky, they’ll kill me.”
“Why now?”
“Lankaa is a punishment. The other masters could never prove my treachery, but they knew. Bastards. Half of them bought their own positions. How can they judge? Yet—“
Leth waved their gun. “Quickly.”
“They have proof. Another master sent me documents to review. It was bait.”
“Do they know you gave it to him?”
“If Valkis was half as careful, they would never know. He’s not so clumsy.”
“When was this?” Julwei asked.
“Months ago. They’re waiting. Biding their time until something happens.” Gale turned to the window. Only darkness returned his gaze. The major fires had been extinguished. Only embers remained. “Something like this.��
“There’s a train departing soon. What’s on it?” Leth asked.
“I don’t know.”
“It’s bound for Ochevey.”
“I don’t have them memorized.” Gale gestured to one of the intact desks. “The manifest is over there.”
Keeping their gun trained on Gale, Leth backed away to the desk and scanned the files. A pleased grin took their face. “Did you forge these?”
Gale shook his head.
“Then it’s your lucky day.”
Leth pulled the trigger of their pepperbox.
Blood sprayed over the desk and floor. Gale’s eyes widened. He glanced down at the hole in his chest, red slowly soaking his shirt, then to Leth. His lips trembled. Whatever question he had faded into the ether as he fell to the floor.
Julwei stared at the dying man. “Why?”
“Why do you care? I thought you’d cheer another dead blue.” Leth tucked the file into their jacket and holstered their weapon. “I never fingered you for the delicate type.”
They cracked a grin. Julwei left before they could say any more.
At the bottom of the lift shaft sat the mangled remains of the mekanica. The core in its chest dimmed. No more sparks flew off of it. Still, Julwei and Leth steered clear as they reached the bottom of the stairs. Magpie leaned against the wall. More corpses joined the two guards from earlier. Scattered weapons, spots of blood, and a shattered portrait frame told the story.
Magpie gestured toward the scrap. “Did you do that, Jules?”
“We did,” Leth replied. They glanced at the bodies. “Seems you were busy as well.”
“Couple ran when that heap fell. They’ll be back.”
Picking up one of the rifles from the floor, Julwei checked to see if it was loaded and slung it over her shoulder. “Then we should leave before they return.”
The train yard was abuzz with activity. Soldiers ran buckets of sand and water to the smoldering ruins that still threatened to reignite. Some cleared debris. Some tended to their wounds. Some, including Li, walked around the train, inspecting the locomotive and each of the eleven cars attached, jotting notes on their clipboards as they rotated around it.
Most of the civilians stood in neat lines by the gates of the compound as officers reviewed their documents. A few spoke with the engineers around the train.
The greybacks were nowhere in sight.
‘What’s the plan, Leth?” Julwei hissed. “Compound’s on alert. Gale’s dead—“
“Gale’s dead?”
“They won’t let anyone through the gates. How are we supposed to get out?”
“Why is Gale dead?” Magpie’s voice carried a cold, hard edge, and Julwei suddenly became aware of how the lizardfolk towered over them. How her axes dripped with blood. Julwei had few opportunities to see Magpie fight, but those were more than enough. The lizardfolk had been Val’s muscle longer than Julwei had been alive. That scared her more than any gun.
“Unimportant,” Leth replied. “We have our exit. Follow my lead.”
They marched proudly across the train yard. With every step, Julwei expected one of the soldiers to stop them. They stood out as clear impostors. She had never retrieved her jacket. Leth’s was shredded in the fight with Xanithar. Flecks of blood splattered Magpie’s uniform.
Yet no one bothered them.
They slipped into a train car with XIV-12-II painted on the side. Heavy industrial crates were stacked three high and secured with ropes. Without a word, they all squeezed into the darkened corners to hide. Julwei ducked into the gap beneath the metal frame that separated the crates to the floor. A knot of thick, itchy rope pressed against her leg.
The sturdy walls muffled the noises outside. The door to the freight car creaked open. They passed a moment in silence. Julwei held her breath. Her fingers crawled to the weapon on her hip.
“Leth?” Li called out in an elevated whisper. The islander stalked down the row with wide eyes. “Magpie?”
Leth poked their head out from their hiding spot. “Li? Did anyone else see us?”
“I doubt it.” Li paused a moment. “They’re considering delaying the train.”
“Don’t let them.”
“How?”
“It’s a train, dear. I assume there’s an engine. Get it going.”
Tapping his fingers against his thumb, Li chewed his lip as he surveyed the crates in the darkened car. “There’s a squad assigned to guard the cargo until Ochevey.”
“We’ll be off before then.”
“They’ll patrol.”
“We only need to get past the gates.”
Li glanced up, meeting Leth’s eyes, and nodded sharply. He stuck his head out the door. “All clear!”
“Watch your back,” he added in a whisper before sliding the door shut.
Magpie waited less than a heartbeat to speak. “Why is Gale dead? That was not the plan.”
The lizardfolk stepped out from her cover. The cramped space of the train car only exaggerated her stature. Her shoulders brushed against the crates. Her muscles tensed beneath rolled sleeves. She glowered at Leth.
Leth wore their usual smirk, but they moved a hand to rest on one of their knives.
“Things don’t always go according to plan.”
“You cost Val. He’s been working on Gale for years. Do you know how much you set him back?” Magpie pulled one of her axes from her belt and unfurled it with a flick of her wrist. “I should kill you now and be done with it. Or toss you out for the dogs.”
“Then why don’t you?”
The pair of them locked eyes for what seemed like an eternity. Outside the familiar roar of an air whistle bellowed and the train lurched forward. Neither lost their balance.
Leth arched an eyebrow. Leaning back against a crate, they pulled the knife from their belt with a slow deliberate movement, using it to pick at the dirt beneath their nails. “Thought so. You’re a clever girl, Magpie.”
The lizardfolk released a terrible guttural sound somewhere between a growl and a grunt.
“Gale was burned before we even arrived to this backwater mertiwa. This noise, the timing of it all, his death? Rebel activity. Convenient our little spy died before he could give up his master. The city is lost. The kingdom will shuffle troops around, increase their presence here, decrease security somewhere… more important. I doubt Lankaa was ever Val’s plan. If anything, he should thank me.”
“Don’t push your luck.”
Leth offered Magpie their usual infuriating grin. “I don’t need luck.”
“If he wanted Gale dead, he would have told me.”
“And that’s why you’re the muscle,” Leth muttered. They ran a finger along one of the crates. “Speaking of which, help me with this. And Julwei dear? You can stop hiding now. We’re past the gates I’m sure.”
Leth cut the straps on one of the crates and stepped aside to let Magpie lower it from the stack. She settled it on the floor with a loud thunk. Jabbing their knife between the lid and sides, Leth pried it open.
The change was subtle, like a breeze in the summer air, but Julwei still twitched. On impulse her hand reached for her gun, but no monsters burst through the doors. No inquisitors stepped out from the shadow.
The box held a bounty of cylinders not dissimilar to the charges Li provided earlier. They lay flat in rows, a dozen one way, more than half that the other, and several layers deep. They rested on beds of straw and wood, divided from each other by wooden slats. On either end of the cylinder stood a pair of prongs the size of a needle. Grooves lined with copper ran in arcane patterns around the tube. A narrow cutaway offered a peak at the clockwork components within. Tiny gears surrounded the glass of a liquid fuse.
“Cores,” Magpie said flatly. If there was surprise in her voice it waned beneath annoyance. “Worthless.”
“Not quite.”
“Anyone can buy cores from a shop. Why would they even bother with security?”
“Leth’s right,” Julwei said. “These are different.”
“I am.” Leth removed one of the cores from the crate and spun it in their hand. “This is military hardware. Secret technology. One of these cores will keep a your average mek running for two score. I bet we could sell them for a thousand bar each. Minimum. One crate would be hundreds of thousands. Worst case, they can make a powerful explosive.”
With a flick of their wrist, they tossed the core to Julwei. The air escaped her lungs as she scrambled to catch it. Time seemed to slow as the core bounced off the tips of Julwei’s fingers, spinning once — twice — before she caught it with her other hand.
Julwei expected the core to feel like ice. Her fingers numbed in anticipation. But the core felt no different than the world around it. It lay dormant, like a resting beast, waiting to slip fully into the ether.
She glared at Leth.
“Relax, darling. They’re not so fragile. Do you think Val will forgive me now?”
They directed that last sarcastic plea to Magpie who only offered a grunt in reply. “How do we get it off?”
“Hijack the train?”
Julwei and Magpie both stared at Leth and crossed their arms in near perfect unison.
“Fine. We decouple this car, let it roll to a stop, and we’re gone before they even notice.”
Neither Magpie nor Julwei questioned them as they swung the door open, revealing the space between the cars. A space that, save for the mechanical tendons that tied the cars together, should have been empty. Despite Li’s warning, none of the trio expected to see a tungsten woman leaning on one of the railings and smoking.
The soldier appeared equally shocked to see them. She blinked.
Leth pulled their gun. The tungsten dropped her cigarette.
She ducked as Leth fired. With a cry of pain, she fell backwards into the neighboring train car. Her rifle fell to the tracks below and exploded in a shower of dust and splinters. Leth’s pistol barked as they fired off another two rounds. The bullets whizzed past the woman as she scrambled for cover, ricocheting off the walls of the freight car.
Ducking back inside their car, Leth took cover behind a wall and dug through their pockets. Retrieving a preportioned packet of gunpowder, they tore it open with their teeth and reloaded the spent barrels. Glancing to Julwei and Magpie, they winked, silently conveying their confidence, and turned to aim out the door.
A heartbeat later, they swung back around. Their eyes were wide.
“We might have a problem.”
A storm of gunfire rained through the train car. Splinters showered the trio. Bullets bounced off the metal walls. Throwing herself to the ground, Julwei rolled under the crates and scrambled for her rifle. Magpie ducked behind the open crate. The lizardfolk winced as a stray bullet cut through her arm. A trail of blue blood trickled down to her elbow.
The hail of bullets paused. Sweat rolled down Julwei’s back. Rolling over to Magpie, Julwei braced her rifle on the crate and squinted down the barrel. Unlike the scattershot, the rifle was a powdergun. Unlike Leth’s pepperbox, the rifle only had the one round. She had to make her shots count.
“Think you can make it?”
Magpie glanced between Julwei and the soldiers. “If I go around. Leth!”
On Magpie’s command, Leth stepped out from their cover, extending their arm straight and narrowing their profile, posing more than aiming at the cluster of soldiers. With their trademark smirk, they fired a volley at the soldiers, flicking between the barrels of their pepperbox with precision. Their shots were wild, missing more often than not, but their enemies scrambled for cover. Some rounds drew blood. One punched through a soldier’s gut and he crumpled to the floor.
Magpie disappeared out the back of the car and Leth ducked back into cover. With a measured breath, Julwei gently squeezed the trigger. Smoke and fire exploded from the end of the barrel. The gun rammed her shoulder. The smell of burnt gunpowder stung her nostrils.
Her target spilled a handful of lead rounds as he fell.
Julwei hid behind the open crate as the soldiers fired another volley. Ignoring the splinters and whir of missed shots, she dug through her pockets in a desperate search for more rounds, only to realize her mistake. She had rounds for the scattershot. She had bearings for the powdergun. She had the core Leth had tossed. The packets of gunpowder, however, sat halfway up the tower that held Gale’s office, in the breast pocket of her stolen coat.
The gunfire paused again. Leth twisted the barrels of their gun, filling them as quickly as they could, and swore under their breath. A splotch of red stained heir shirt. Vaulting over the crate, Julwei slammed into the wall on the other side of the door frame.
“How many rounds?” she asked.
“Five. You?”
“No powder.”
For a second, Leth’s face twisted into concern. They shook the expression away. “What about that terrifying sidearm, my dear?”
“Enough for now. Not if more show.”
The two bounty hunters pressed against the wall as another round of fire burst through the train car. Their rifles now affixed with bayonets, the soldiers advanced slowly.
“I wish Magpie would hurry,” Leth said wistfully. They fired blindly out the corner, scattering the incoming crowd.
Julwei sighed. “Cover me?”
Leth nodded.
Ducking low, Julwei spun out of cover as Leth fired off a round over her head. She slammed the butt of her rifle into one of the soldiers off his feet and brought it down on his head. The wood cracked. Flecks of blood
Bursting through the door on the other side, Magpie charged a pair struggling to reload. She swung her weapons with terrifying strength, cleaving through limbs and rifles. She cut down most of the remaining guards before they could react, and those that did only managed to drop their weapons before falling to her.
Julwei charged. Though she lacked Magpie’s raw strength, her blows knocked the surprised soldiers down just as well. One caught Julwei’s rifle with her hands, twisting it away. Julwei followed the soldier’s momentum. She rammed her shoulder into the woman and forced her back a step. Before she could recover, Magpie swung an axe into the woman’s back.
“Jules,” she greeted.
“Maggie,” Julwei replied.
They surveyed the train car. Nearly a dozen soldiers were strewn over bolted down tables and benches filled with bullet holes. Blood pooled where their bodies lay. Loose gunpowder littered the floor.
Leth sat between the two cars. They pulled on the pin that bound the two together, though their fingers failed to find enough purchase to free it. They glanced to the other two and, realizing they were being watched, gestured at the coupler.
“It’s stuck. Magpie, dear, would you?”
The lizardfolk sighed. Hanging her axes on her hip, she bent down to examine the link between the cars. She wrapped one massive hand around the handle and tugged on the pin. Her muscles strained. The fabric of her stained shirt tore. Bit by bit, she wiggled it loose.
Julwei crossed her arms. “I thought you were covering me.”
“You two seemed to have it handled.” They stepped past Magpie and Julwei, meandering into the bloodied car, and grimaced. “It’s a bit messier than I would like.”
“Hard to clear a room clean.”
“No, not that.”
Julwei eyed them. “The job?”
“The reveal, darling. You know how I love it.”
Julwei went for her gun, but Leth pulled theirs first. The shot grazed Julwei’s waist and she recoiled, tumbling back among the crates. Magpie stumbled forward as Leth fired a shot through her back. She yanked the link free of the coupler, finally separating the cars, and turned on her heel to meet a mekanica soldier.
It swooped down from the roof, twisting around to swing both feet into Magpie’s chest, and landed on the gangway, separating Julwei and Magpie from Leth and the retreating train. The blue emblem of the Order of Advancement was painted on the mekanica’s chest. Like the one in Gale’s office, it folded its hands back inside its body and replaced them with blades. Its lens eyes twisted and whirred as it surveyed the train car.
The mekanica charged Magpie as soon as she found her feet. It sunk one blade into her gut and she roared with pain, but she caught the other before it could cut her throat. Wrenching the arm away, Magpie bashed her head against the mekanica’s. One of its eyes cracked.
Magpie reared back to strike again, but the mekanica wrenched its arms away. Blue blood dripped off its blade. Pulling an axe from her belt, Magpie swung and closed the gap. The mekanica parried her strikes, redirecting her axes into the crates nearby, and countering with its own jabs. It fought like liquid, flowing around the cramped space with ease, using every limb as a weapon.
Magpie fought with equal ferocity. Though the mekanica maintained its defenses well enough, any hit hat did connect dug deep into its armor. Sparks flashed as steel met steel. Magpie ignored the wounds as she wrestled with the mekanica, but she slowed. The shallow cuts healed but the wound in her gut continued to bleed. The floor grew slick with her blood.
The mekanica deflected another blow and rolled over Magpie. It stabbed one blade through her chest, slammed a knee into her skull, and, with a powerful kick, knocked the lizardfolk away. Magpie rolled backwards. Her axes clattered to the floor. Catching herself on the door frame, she tried to rise to her feet, only to collapse to her knees. Blood drooled from her mouth.
Julwei pulled her gun and fired. The scattershot ripped through the mekanica’s shredded armor. Bolts and gears fell away as shrapnel. One arm fell limply to its side.
The mekanica charged her. With practiced precision, Julwei ejected the round and slammed another into the gun. She cocked the hammer back.
With a breath, she squeezed the trigger.
The mekanica’s head disappeared in a cloud of shrapnel. The rest of it crashed into the bounty hunter. Julwei fell beneath the writhing pile of metal. The weight pressed down on her. She gasped for air. The mekanica’s body thrashed and bruised her as she tried to wiggle out from under it, but with a dead arm and no head, it could do little more.
The air shifted. The mekanica stilled. The familiar chill of the ether swept over Julwei, more intense than before. With a panicked glance to the machine’s chest, she saw the core — its mechanical heart — a tube with intricate copper engravings. The same as the core she had in her pocket.
Julwei pushed against the weight of the mekanica. It didn’t budge. She gasped for air and tried again. And still nothing. Closing her eyes, she focused on the air around her, calling out to the ether. The cold in the air grew dense. It seeped into her bones. Julwei focused on the metal corpse. How its intricately designed clockwork parts fit within the frame. How Magpie had cracked its armor. How the orchard smelled in summer. How her gun had destroyed what remained. She imagined it moving, lifting into the air through the magic of the ether, and freeing her.
Julwei pushed against the mekanica. And suddenly, the weight moved off her.
Julwei opened her eyes to Magpie. The lizardfolk’s shirt was stained with blood and her eyes burned with a fire so hot, Julwei could smell the smoke. She pressed one hand to her gut.
The other she offered to Julwei.
“We need to get out of here,’” she said as Magpie helped her to her feet. The pair hobbled down the cramped corridor to the gangway. The air was thick. The ether grew stronger with every passing moment. Though the car was no longer connected to the engine, the ground still passed by in a blur. They were beyond the city now and in the barren wastes of the old forest.
In an instant, the cold vanished.
The sweet smell of summer blossoms filled the air.
And all went dark.
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silks-up-my-sleeve · 9 months
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I keep fuckin locking something in the car jfc
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tei-to-tei · 5 months
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December 7 - Midnight Bakery
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | ...
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moralesmilesanhour · 9 months
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Idk how to explain it but I need more black brits to come on here and write Hobie the way that black americans from nyc write Miles
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wikiangela · 5 months
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last line tag
tagged by @jesuisici33 @thewolvesof1998 @daffi-990 @jamespearce9-1-1 @lover-of-mine @hippolotamus @disasterbuckdiaz 💖💖
___
It’s a good few weeks, and it feels like everyone’s back on track, settling into their lives again, figuring everything out one day at a time. Buck’s happy. He has his awesome girlfriend, his best friend seems finally more at ease, even if the divorce is adding some stress, and his other best friend is happier than ever with his mom around. Everything’s finally starting to go great.
And then it all gets disrupted again.
___
no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @gaydiaz @diazass @thebravebitch @silentxxsoul @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @arthursdent @diazblunt @911onabc @spagheddiediaz @housewifebuck @gayhoediaz @rogerzsteven @watchyourbuck @monsterrae1 @honestlydarkprincess @underwater-ninja-13 @eowon @exhuastedpigeon @weewootruck @loserdiaz @evanbegins @steadfastsaturnsrings @ladydorian05 @malewifediaz @pirrusstuff @theotherbuckley @911-on-abc @spotsandsocks @hoodie-buck @giddyupbuck @wildlife4life @fortheloveofbuddie @nmcggg @diazpatcher @jeeyuns
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THE BEST OF SHENKO 1/?
The end of the world has a way of reminding you of all the things you forgot to say do. Mass Effect: Legendary Edition (2021)
#mira makes gifs ✨#kaidan alenko#sophie shepard#EDI#shenko#fshenko#mass effect#mass effect legendary edition#dailygaming#OTP: you're real enough for me#i learned i am physically incapable of creating less than like 20 gifs at a time#but shenko stonks are up right now!!#gif’ing my favorite bisexuals gives me joy 🥹#even though ME2 is dry as shit for shenko content like it’s literally the sahara desert#like a whole ass 10 minutes max of cutscenes between shep and kaidan like come on#like 2 minutes in the prologue and like 8 minutes of cutscenes on horizon#and then an email and looking at the picture in your cabin before the suicide mission#i'm so sorry y'all ME2 shenko canon is absolute shit (besides kaidan being rightfully angry on horizon) which is why we ✨ignore it✨ 🥰#but i rant about ME2 VS treatment too much so i will not write another essay about it in the tags#i will say the EDI line isn't the exact quote from the game but i think about it a lot tbf#same with the quote i borrowed from anderson too lmao (which is also a tiny bit paraphrased)#i just love EDI asking shep for relationship advice when you get to follow shep and kaidan's relationship/struggles across 3 games#and anderson's quote about all the things you forgot to do in relation kahlee to is just *chef's kiss* when you think about shenko#like whether it starts in ME1 or ME3 shenko has some really fantastic moments across the series#two characters with strong morals who realize that they're falling in love and literally start to become each other's strength??#their soft place to land?? their support when they need it?? shenko will always have my heart#also the shenko quotes you get are the most fire thing in the world#you're real enough for me?? you make me feel human?? i want to be your strength- your soft place to land?? shenko you will always be famous#I FORGOT IM GONNA FIGHT LIKE HELL FOR THE CHANCE TO HOLD YOU AGAIN TOO LIKE??#but i’ll stop ranting now bc i do that wayyy to much in my tags lol. have a good day wherever you are! <3
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justablah56 · 4 months
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please fuck I need someone to tell me to get up and do some dishes/clean off the counter pleas you guys I need to do this but I need someone to affectionately and/or light heartedly yell at me so that I can convince myself to get up
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cellbitupdates · 2 months
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Cellbit tweeted!
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cloned-eyes · 10 months
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LEAVE ME ALONE MIGUEL
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cistematicchaos · 8 months
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Something that really sucks about being so fucking disabled is how much support I need and how it forces me to constantly rely on people regardless of whether I trust them or want to rely on them.
Requiring so much support forces me to constantly rely on shitty doctors/medical "professionals." I have to listen to them, I have to be nice to them, I have to ignore it when they treat me like shit so that they can give me subpar "medical assistance" and I can stay alive. It's not like I can afford to constantly be switching doctors or something, especially when a lot of them especially dislike disabled people like me who have so many visible issues and such a complicated medical history. (Not to mention I'm Black.)
It's anxiety wracking-So many people can't even imagine what it's like having to rely so much on people I don't even trust, people who don't even respect me! I can't even go to the ER anymore because of how badly they treat me. But it's not even just doctors. I'm also forced to rely on other people too! Because of my disabilities, I can't do a lot of things. I need "family" members to help me, even if I don't trust them or if they're abusive towards me.
I don't have control over so many aspects of my life because I can't control them because of my disabilities but I also don't have autonomy over them either because I have to rely on shitty people to control them for me! I've lost more autonomy than I ever knew I had because of my body becoming more fucked up and while I mourn that, more than that, I hate being forced to rely on people and not even being able to chose reliable folks.
But I have no choice. And it's just as infuriating as it is terrifying.
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scarystickers · 8 months
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Your ship isn't a good ship until there's a redraw of it with this painting
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paul-simon-juggling · 11 months
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Simon & Garfunkel: ✨️Glasses Edition ✨️
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spookythesillyfella · 4 months
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hey tumblr
furina headshot :]
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