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luludakii · 1 month

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Simon and Xari aka two idiots in an endless headbutting battle ft sexual tension so obvious it may as well come with a neon sign

#xari is his superior and she does not let him forget it on god #big and small is such a fkcn Good Trope can u tell i love size difference lol #especially bc small always comes out on top #in more ways than one LOL #anyway #cod oc #cod #ghost

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cascade05 · 5 months

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I must be suuuuuuper super hot or somthn cause these bots keep hitting up my inbox like a bunch of horny teenagers

#what can i say #guess i got that RIZZ #them bots be so thirsty for me #I keep marking them as spam but they keep coming back #i’m playing hard to get 😌#lol #writers on tumblr #spam bots #sex bots #tumblr bots #funny stuff #funny #fucking bots #in more ways than one lol

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shimshamshimsham · 1 year

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#mlp #my little pony #jerma #jerma985 #discord #in more ways than one lol

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inkoutsidethelines · 11 months

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@universalfanfic I told myself this was going to be a short Mary/Owen moment. It is not. But I wanted to write about them planning their future so...it's what happened.

(Owen belongs to universalfanfic)

October, Year 8

I think letting the kids stay with someone for a weekend should be a regular thing. Mary was pretty sure that she and Owen hadn’t had the apartment completely to themselves overnight since…well, since Mikey had been born. Oh, they’d had people babysit for a couple hours at a time so they could have dates, but they hadn’t had a whole night to themselves in years.

They probably wouldn’t have taken a weekend for themselves quite this soon either if it wasn’t for Owen quitting his job. But with that change happening, they’d decided they needed a weekend to reimagine what their future was going to look like, so they’d enlisted her parents to take the boys for the weekend so they could talk and plan without interruptions.

Not that they’d done any planning the night before. A whole night with just the two of them, and no need to worry about kids interrupting? That had been too much to resist.

But now, as they sat down to a late breakfast, Mary’s thoughts turned towards the topic they actually needed to talk about. “So,” she said, “how are we starting this planning session?”

Owen considered as he chewed a bite of his French toast. He washed it down with a sip of coffee before he answered. “I don’t know. Imagine what we want our lives to look like twenty years from now?”

In twenty years the boys would be grown adults, and Mary wasn’t quite ready to think about that. “Let’s start with the fifty meter target,” she said. “What do we want our lives to look like five years from now?”

They both fell silent, musing over the possibilities. Mikey would be eight, the twins six. Mary let her gaze drift over the apartment, trying to imagine the boys at that age.

“We’re going to need a bigger place,” she said.

Their three bedroom, two bath apartment was incredibly spacious by Manhattan standards, but with three kids – two of them especially rambunctious – it was starting to feel full. They’d turned their guest room into Mikey’s room, and Theodore and Bradley were sharing the room that used to be Owen’s art room. The space would only feel more crowded as they grew, and the twins would undoubtedly want rooms of their own at some point.

“I definitely agree with that,” Owen said.

Mary flashed a teasing smile. “You just want an art room again.”

Owen arched an eyebrow. “You don’t want my canvases out of the bedroom?”

“Mm, you make a good point,” Mary said. “I also want you to have an art room. So we’d need…a four bedroom house? With an office or something we could make your art room. And a big kitchen. And, if we’re going big, space for a home gym.”

“A yard would be nice too,” Owen said, and Mary couldn’t help but let out a short laugh.

“Where in Manhattan are we going to find a place with a yard?” she asked.

Owen shrugged. “Who says we have to stay in the city?”

That caught Mary off guard. The idea of leaving the city had never occurred to her. “You think we should move to the suburbs?”

“The suburbs, or maybe out to the country,” Owen said. He leaned forward in his seat, his expression lighting up with excitement. “Think about it; we could buy a couple acres somewhere, and get a house built. Whatever we wanted. There’d be plenty of space outside for the kids to play, and we wouldn’t have to worry as much about Mikey having meltdowns.”

Oh, that was definitely appealing. Mikey still couldn’t handle the crowds of New York’s public transportation, or even just the sidewalks. The earmuffs helped a lot, and Mary was immensely grateful for them, but they didn’t solve every problem. He’d been overwhelmed by smells to the point of tears more than once.

Which meant, more often than not, Mary ended up stuck in the apartment with the kids unless Owen was home and able to jump them somewhere. She didn’t always mind that, but it had been getting harder lately, especially the more mobile Theodore and Bradley got. Some days, Mary was ready to climb out the window for a little peace.

The idea of being able to let them just go outside and play and wear themselves out? That sounded like bliss.

“They’d need a play set,” Mary said.

“We could build one,” Owen said with what Mary thought was a lot of confidence for someone who’d never built anything more complicated than an IKEA shelf.

There was a lot of appeal to the idea, but there were some potential drawbacks to the idea.

“Okay, say we build a house out in the middle of nowhere,” Mary said. “What happens when you start working again? I know I get cooped up here with the kids sometimes, but at least if I need something, I can have most stuff delivered pretty quickly, or it’s easy enough for family to visit me. If we actually go rural, that’s not going to be a thing.”

Owen hesitated a moment, and when he spoke his words were slower. “I’ve been thinking about that…and actually, what I’d really like to do next is stay home with you and the kids.”

Mary straightened in her seat, surprised by the answer. “Really?”

“Really,” Owen said. “I hated having to go back when my paternity leave ended. I hated that I missed Mikey’s first words, and Theodore and Bradley’s first steps. They’re growing so fast, and I don’t want to miss any of it. There’s no where in the world I’d rather be than with them and with you. And we have the money for it; neither of us have to work ever again unless we want to. And maybe I will one day, or you’ll want to. But right now, I want to be home.”

Mary reached over the table to hold his hand. “Having you home sounds amazing.”

He lifted her hand and kissed it before letting go. “I was also thinking,” he said, “that if I’m going to be home full time anyway, maybe we could go for number four.”

It was Mary’s turn to sit back in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m sorry, you want another kid?”

His smile wasn’t the least bit chagrined. “I like the idea of a mini Mary running around.”

Mary snorted. “If Mom’s to be believed, Bradley is going to fill that role very well.”

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

She did know; he’d mentioned hoping for a daughter before. “There’s no guarantee we’d have a girl even if we have another baby.”

“I know,” Owen said. “But it doesn’t hurt to try.”

Mary’s stare was deadpan enough to make him wince.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “Poor choice of words.”

Since he recognized the mistake, Mary decided not to hold it against him. “I could have twins again. Are you prepared for five kids?”

That made him pause a moment. “Yeah,” he finally said. “I could handle that. Could you?”

She considered for a long moment, then pointed at him. “If you go back to work before they start moving out, I’m selling one of them.”

His grin widened, and he leaned over the table to kiss her. Mary pulled back after a moment and added, “We have to wait like. A year though. I’m not going to deal with the stress of moving with a new baby. We need the house first.”

He kissed her again, a quick peck this time. “Then we’d better keep planning.”

#speak no evil #mary/owen #universalfanfic #they're making new life plans #in more ways than one lol #and i love that for them #<3

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juniper-bee-plz-sacrifice-me · 9 months

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You come home from work, weary and drained. Any shred of patience you had has been decimated by a bullshit, mid-shift parking ticket. You're irate, and you think, "now I have to go back home to my soon to be ex and his new partner." Instead as you walk to the door you see a note on your doorstep.

"Hello, Imzadi.

I paid the two of them to leave and get a hotel. Come inside, there's a glass of wine, a warm bath, and your favorite show is on. Go. Relax. Put your phone on the table. No one out there is as important as the Bee reading this letter.

When you're done, I've picked out some clothes for you to wear. Put them on and come back into the living room. I'll be waiting...

Your eternal, cosmic love"

You walk inside to find a remarkably spotless home. Absolutely no clutter, dishes, trash. Not a responsibility in sight. And the part of you that refuses to give into the relaxation is really looking too. The only thing you see is a floor littered with sunflower petals and little LED candles illuminating an otherwise dimly sunlit living space. Following the trail of petals you find yourself in the bathroom with literally everything you could want in a self care night prepared in it's entirety for you in advance. So you get to work doing as you're told. You can be so obedient for me. You get undressed and start soaking in the specifically crafted bath soak made for you and you alone. (I know how sensitive your skin can be, that's why I'll take care of it for you) Once you find yourself settled, halfway through the wine glass and not even 10 minutes into your soak. I come in quietly and put a cooling mask over your eyes, a stark but welcome contrast to the warmth of the bath, refreshing even. You hear me rustle about for a moment, a smile spreading across your face silently moving your legs to accommodate me joining you in the tub. But I don't. Instead you feel something on your shoulder, my hand starts to wash your shoulders and chest. I take my time in thoroughly washing your body before giving you a kiss on the forehead before leaving without having said a word. There was no need. You knew exactly what I would do, and I know exactly what you need.

When you finish your self care you get dressed and come into the living room to.....

#lust stories #nonself care #you deserve to relax #you deserve this afternoon and evening and night #you deserve the world #and i wanna give it to you #in more ways than one lol #youre perfect #i love you

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wardenswateringhole · 1 year

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I'm thinking real hard about opening commissions once my routine returns, which will probably be after the new year.

Both writing and drawing commissions.

Would anybody be interested in that?

Momma needs some cash.

#Wardenspeaks #Commissions #I'm a broke bitch #In more ways than one lol

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stuckinapril · 4 months

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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

#It’s just so different #even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol #in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps #if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it #esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends #no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr #u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS #meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life #this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation #like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers #who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them #and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends #it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me #I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc #like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this #so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works #p

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saeiken · 4 months

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<3

#one piece #trafalgar law #donquixote corazon #donquixote rosinante #corazon one piece #law one piece #one piece fanart #colored these as if they were riso pieces just to practice #riso is a rlly weird way to think as someone v used to digital lol #but oddly satisfying #i dont think ill print these tho theyre a lil too niche for the school events id be selling prints at #also omg im vv close to finishing dressrosa and i like them SM #dont have more thoughts abt them other than :D rn but ough #good shit

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sysig · 4 months

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Permission to headbutt: Granted (Patreon)

#My art #UT #Sans #Papyrus #Ft. something smol and I do on a regular basis ♪#This could be Handplates or it could be classic Undertale I leave that up to you lol #I definitely picked up a lot of the style quirks lol - but there are some of the ones that I like myself! Like Papyrus' darkmode clothes lol #And Sans' shorts having the stripe in the front haha - little details ♫#Realistically it probably is Handplates tho just based on where my head's at lol - I love the Handplates dynamic :D #Handplates #I talked myself into it! Pfft ♪#I found myself relating a lot to Sans especially while rereading - I want nothing more in the world than for my siblings to be happy! <3 #So I gathered up a bunch of ideas of things especially me and smol do together and this was the most obviously cute one haha #Easiest to do! Tho I did still go a little extra on this lol #I'm trying to do more digital stuff ♪ It wasn't the best art day and I'm still a little nervous to jump right in :')#Not doing any sketches on paper beforehand feels weird but I guess it is thematic in a way lol #And I'm still pleased with how they turned out hehe #It really does feel nice to be drawing them again <3 #And doing silly sibling things! Hehe #I dunno how clear it is since it's so ingrained into how smol and I talk to each other lol family language!#One of us will literally just announce ''bonk'' and the other will prepare for/lean in for a headbutt haha #She is a tiny bit taller than me - it's not quite /this/ extreme but she does lean down for me! S'cute <3 #I like to think Papyrus would do the same hehe ♪ Let your lazy brother headbutt you! He can only reach so far!#On minimal effort anyhow hehe #It's just a fun way to be silly together ♫♪#Also yes I did show this to her and she cosigned lol - ''Cute'' -smol

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wasyago · 3 months

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squeaky_toy_sound_effect.mp4

#im gonna end up giving half the hermits these animal noses bc they're too cute and fun they'll all look like goofy movie cast #its a sacrifice im willing to make tho #i wanna try to implement more fun and magical details and traits into my designs and not only base them on realism #god knows if something comes out of it #like. you know how in ancient mythology they mashed all the cool animals together in insane ways that make no sense? i wanna do that #about scar: idk if im gonna keep drawing him with this nose tbh. still haven't decided if i like it more than the normal one #might also come up with something else entirely too. that's always an option lol #like. maybe a more kitty nose? or ooh a big round lilo and stitch nose damn... really i should be drawing this and not typing whoops #hermitcraft #goodtimeswithscar #my art #sketch

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puppetmaster13u · 3 months

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Prompt 198

Now Bruce was not expecting to reincarnate upon his death. At least he thinks he died, he’s pretty sure he did. There wasn’t any other reason for him to be a well, literal baby. Around two he thinks, which fits well with the fact that it’s around that time that babies start forming memory recall, if he, well, remembered correctly.

But while he knew about reincarnation thanks to Shayera and Carter, he’d never exactly given it much thought towards himself. Because seriously, what were the chances of such a thing as him being given another chance?

So he was quite surprised at his situation, experimentally opening and closing pudgy hands that looked well, just a tiny bit off. He’d never been that pale before, he thinks, even back when he never went outside like, ever.

He turned his gaze towards the mobile above him with a sort of idle curiosity- a mixture of bats (ha) and other trinkets he wasn’t familiar with. It also caused him to get his first good look at his parent, asleep on a rocking chair right next to the crib.

Huh. They had the same pale skin he did, albeit in the light it looked like it was slightly tinted blue, and while their hair was white they didn’t exactly look old. They looked surprisingly well rested for raising a toddler too, unless they had a nanny or something similar… He rolled over, managing to very shakily push himself to his feet with the help of the crib.

Why was standing so hard as a toddler? And why did he have his memories of everything except how he had died anyway?

His head whipped up from where they were staring at his feet when he heard a snort, finding his parent awake and standing. Somehow silently enough that he hadn’t noticed- or he was that easily distracted by the unfamiliar giddiness bursting in his chest.

“Morning little bat,” his parent easily picked him up and held him while he inwardly sighed at the nickname. Of course his bat motif would follow him into this life. A low rumbling almost caused him to jump, his body relaxing before he could fully register the sound. The… purring?

Oh.

He wasn’t human this time around.