#is the right way to be validated as an artist | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kohakhearts · 9 months

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when people first meet me and inquire about my studies im generally hit with two different responses, being 1) “wow, that’s an unusual combination”/“you don’t see that often”/etc. and 2) “you must be SO smart!” (or its evil twin, “you must hate yourself ha-ha”), and while the first is obviously a better response than the second, both are kinda…awkward to react to.

like? IS it an unusual combination of interests, or is it actually that most institutions make it exceptionally difficult for people to pursue stem and arts concurrently? and that we don’t often talk about the heavy crossover between stem and the arts because we’re so culturally obsessed with this notion that the world is split into Art People and Science People (also known as English People and Math People)?

and how would my interest in a science make me any smarter than someone in my program who chose to pursue a minor in history instead of physics? also, NO, i don’t hate myself. obviously taking stem classes after spending years believing im “not a math person” has lowered my gpa, but that’s not really something i care about, because at the end of the day i find the subject endlessly fascinating and i enjoy my classes very much, and i get better at math every semester because i have no choice. because it’s just…a method of communication. it’s a language. you practice, you improve - but you have to be consistent and intentional about it. the same way you have to be consistent and intentional about analyzing fictional texts and historical documents.

which is to say that like. you are using the same skills. i tutored a high school student last year who looked at me like i was crazy for saying that close reading a short story is functionally the same as solving an algebra problem. you collect like terms. then you compare and contrast them to make a statement about them - it’s human nature to seek refuge in what is familiar even if it is simultaneously traumatic, or x = 2 and y = -2. you can chart it, you can graph it, you can draw it. listen, isn’t there something so inherently beautiful about the word integral? it’s something intrinsic, baked into a person or a thing - the fundamental values formed within you by tiny, infinitesimal pieces: moments, experiences - they coalesce into something completely different, but still. you can go back. you can find the pieces. define them, pick them apart, put them together again in new ways. expand them, contract them, equate them to something else just to understand them.

half the study of mathematics is called analysis, for god’s sake. what is the study of art if not analysis? is it not the goal of the artist, the writer, to make sense of our place in the world? and is this not what we do in physics, too? look at the world and try to find reason in it? as the poet spends their life trying to make the intangible tangible, the particle physicist attempts to study dark matter. when we form a sentence, we utilize a complex system of equations that are so second-nature to us we don’t even register that’s what we’re doing - but there’s a reason this branch of linguistics is called syntactic calculus.

like…believe me. if you told my teenage self i’d be taking calculus-based courses in university, i wouldn’t have believed it. i teach high school students now who tell me they know they aren’t good at english, but it doesn’t matter to them because they do so well in math. and i get it. i do. but it’s disappointing, too, because i think my knowledge of math has made me a better reader and writer. and it feels like most people are missing out on that connection, because they feel like it’s impossible to make. but any experimentalist can tell you there’s an art to the scientific process. any musician or poet can tell you that great art is dictated by numbers - rhythm, rhyme and metre, all of it. the only group of people as interested in conceptual symmetry as physicists are artists.

anyway, all i’m saying is like - one is not more essential than the other, these things are inextricably linked, these things are as fundamental to human existence as breathing. there’s a reason why astronomers defer to shakespeare to name newly discovered bodies in space, you know? we've all gotta learn to love the math in our art and the artistry behind math.

#taylor.txt #anyway i have some profs this semester who really made me feel idk. vindicated in a way #like i get this so often you know? i get Looks i get 'you're crazy' and 'what's wrong with you' (in jest granted but still) ALL the time #so having a professor straight-up say that science is an art? validating!!!!#i think english and physics are extremely compatible subjects because they have a similar goal in a way you know?#and im not a good artist but nothing helped me understand HOW i can be better at drawing than calculus #i never knew how to draw a sphere until i had to put one on a graph of a 3d function yknow? and looking at the numbers that govern it #just made me Understand how it's Supposed To Be. and i think thats kinda cool?#also like. again. LINGUISTICS #and dont think this is like. in any way against the ideas of abstraction and subversion and whatnot in art #chaos right? antimatter? the entire study of quantum mechanics? there are so many parallels to draw #obviously nothing is a 1:1 but i just. art is science science is art and its so fuckin COOL

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gayleafpool · 5 months

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Do u have any tattoos

NO AND I WANT ONE SO SO BADLY YOU HAVE NO IDEA

#asks #i have like ideas and plans and everything i just need to get a valid ID #and find. an artist i wanna go to #although funny question bc im gonna put the trampstamp on today #but it’s a temp tattoo #DO U HAVE ANY #i feel like i have asked this before and you have told me am i right or am i crazy #EITHER WAY!!!!!!!

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birb-reblogs · 11 months

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I’m seeing lots of ar/t figh/t stuff going around for July, and I always wish I had the motivation to participate. It seems so cool and fun! But I feel like a fraud b/c I have such a dispassion for my own OCs.

I have OCs- all older- just little interest in drawing them. Most of my characters were created for RP-adjacent groups on dA back in the day, and while I think I'm decent at thinking up concepts/stories and chars within a framework or based off a premise, I've never had any particular (original) passion projects I wanted to bring to life outside of that. (A few v vague ideas, but nothing of substance or that I'm attached to, anyway.)

This is kind of a meandering post but like, it's part me wanting to join a fun creative bandwagon (even if idk how much I'd actually vibe with the crowd), and more than that me feeling weird about not having more interest in my own work.

#embracing fanart and letting go of seeing it as 'lesser' than original work has been freeing in a lot of ways #but so many artists have stories they care deeply about and I've always felt lacking that I don't #less valid or like an impostor as a creative #a studio or network could bankroll me right now and offer to make any pitch I wanted a reality and I'd have nothing for em #I also think it sometimes makes it hard to connect w/ others over original work or OCs #b/c not a lot of reciprocity and mutual enthusiasm/sharing can happen yk #even if I think I'm not lacking anything and there's nothing wrong with just drawing stuff that makes you happy I still get caught up #personal post

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ihamtmus · 1 year

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people on twitter crying “free bts from hybe” because of one line about a member in a weverse magazine but weren’t they the ones calling all the hobi biased people solos and mantis because we wanted cds for jitb?? make it make sense

i mean by all means yes, free bts from hybe, but for very very different reasons. so many awful things happening and this is where they draw the line?

#THE most stupid hypocritical fandom in the world istg #hybe is a shitty money hungry company #that makes their artists participate in shady collabs and supports dynamic pricing #sells merch for 2958022 dollars and gives everyone 3927 versions of cds #except for one (1) artist who didn't even get one because they felt like saving the planet (getting an award for being eco) that day #and so many more shady things #but no let's all get angry at a weverse magazine #i mean they'd have the right to be angry about it if they let other people be angry about other valid reasons but no #from what i've heard the article is very problematic in different ways including racism #but let's be honest that's not why armys are angry #i bet they wouldn't have reacted like this if they didn't think a member they love was discredited #and that's a whole different problem too #big hit negativity #bts negativity #bts #my post

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storfulsten · 2 years

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Whitty and BFs theme song is "Feel Invincible" by Skillet and you CANNOT convince me otherwise. Like, look at the lyrics. They perfectly convey Whittys eternal struggle with Updike and The Greater Good, as well as how Whitty feels about BF. Plus with Whitty being a former rockstar, i can 10000% see him performing the song for BF.

bruh I've never heard this song before but listening to it now, yessir I agree very accurate for sure lol

#I'll just go ahead and add that to my bombeep playlist yessir #thanks for the recommendation #appreciate it :D #honestly the only other song I know for sure atm that I've heard before from the same artist is monster #which could also be valid whitty vibes but in a whole different way I suppose ha #actually I remember listening to 'whispers in the dark' when I was younger aswell #but uh not quite the right vibes with that one a bit too edgy ha #anyways nvm #random tangent sorry #thanks for this groovy message #stay groovy friendo

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arcaneyouth · 2 months

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i think the one downside to people thinking my comic is super awesome and compelling is that i don't actually get to ramble about spoilers very often because people really want to see it play out naturally aisdUHASLDIUHASLIDH which is fair and flattering. i'm going to implode with all the words in my chest i'm not allowed to say tho

#what do you mean i don't get to tell you everythinga bout my ocs i love my ocs????#i'm fairly sure most of the people in my spoilers chat have it muted which is their right and they can do whatever they want #i'm just in the hell of my own making #i fucking love talking sooo so so much #and there's only a few people who i can legally ramble about this specific stuff to 😔 life is so suffering #queued post #as silly as this problem is. it is genuinely kind of distressing sometimes #i don't expect anyone to let me pity ramble to them it's fine i care about artistic integrity i understand why i can't ramble about this #it is also still so much i can't say and can't typically get a proper outlet for #i have GOT to find new ways to cope with this #writing script has been semi helpful..... i've gotten a TON of writing sessions in the last couple months #half of which were because i was so excited i couldn't breathe and i got it out through Writing It Out #other times tho? it just gets me more excited and more sad i can't tell anyone yet ALSIUDHASLIUDHASD #my torment as a person making a story is endless #when i was younger my problem was that i didn't get a lot of validation because nobody knew my comic #my problem now is i'm still not getting validation because i've done a really good job and now can't talk about it more without consequence #either way it's kinda lonely. hyperfixating on ocs is rough.

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leatherbookmark · 7 months

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was browsing UKO (i know. i know) out of boredom and i'm personally in love with the idea that it's somehow Bad to say you don't like a song without listening to it fully, eg. only after 30 seconds. "you're missing out on so many banger bridges" "if you can't spare 2-3 minutes i don't think your opinion is worth listening to" you'd think it's music journalists scoffing at someone who wants to submit album reviews with this mindset, and not redditors talking about sillay kpop songs

#shrimp thoughts #if a song doesn't captivate me then why would i go out of my way to ~give it a chance~? or even go as far as to listen to it a couple of #times solely so that my opinion is hashtag valid? also it's entirely possible to change your mind. like i did going from hating to loving #halazia. or hating the squeaky bed sample in rock with you but eventually learning to tolerate/like it because the rest of the song was fun #i feel like it's only an issue for like... twitter teens who think other twitter teens saying “X sucks is ugly and their music is stinky!!!#are a serious problem in which case. well #so much of music -- especially kpop -- is about what you're willing to give a chance to. tastes are subjective!#if a song starts off kinda boring and it's by an artist i don't care about i'm going to hit next 5 seconds in. if it's by my favourite #artist then i'm going to keep on listening to the end/listen to the entire album on loop. because i like their other stuff and i'm willing #to listen to the new stuff again if it doesn't captivate me right off the bat. deukae songs used to be that “love at first sight” 4 me but #i guess i just grew out of the honeymoon stage? i have expectations now and i don't think not vibing with their track is like #an act of personal betrayal/disrespecting my mains. but man teenage kp/op fans would honestly have #an aneurysm if they knew there are people who know a song is not up to their tastes without listening to it AT ALL due to: personal tastes #someone who only listens to idk. jazz and classical isn't going to like your oppa's newest cunty bop and it's not their flaw or failing

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laurelwinchester · 10 months

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"they live in different states" NOT a tinhat, only nosy - did Jensen and D move? I missed that!

yep, it looks like they've moved to connecticut. at least for now. they bought a house there. a giant ass estate actually.

#i'm not linking it because there are valid security concerns with this fandom but there's an article about it #i am deeply fascinated by their wealth because there is literally no way that is just cw money #at this point i'm kinda wondering if danneel is the one who brings in the big bucks with her house flipping and interior design #because it seems like something she's genuinely incredibly passionate about and is also EXTREMELY good at #like i'm sure the truth is just that they're smart with their money #but the idea of danneel being the secret breadwinner is much more fun to think about #because it's like this wildly competent woman completely dominating life and there's her trophy husband from the cw network #he's an artist. he likes to play pretend.#sometimes he sits in that big old boat of a car in the garage that smells like fifteen years of farts and cries over his dead fictional bff #and danneel's like ''aww baby don't be sad here's a few hundred bucks why don't you go out and buy yourself something pretty''#that feels right to me #(and i better not get any defensive stans telling me i'm demeaning him here because real talk he would love to be her trophy husband???)#asks #anon

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milksockets · 7 months

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why scan?

scanning is something i've done for probably about 12 years now (i'm ancient, for this site), with varying degrees of regularity, intensity, etc. it has ratcheted up since the dawn of 2023, though, which begs the question: why? why put so much time into what could not-wrongly be considered a passive activity, hunched over a piece of clunky machinery with the express purpose of preserving others' creations? the answers are several, and fascinating (not really).

i am a [sober] drug addict. anything i pursue, consume, create--more often than not--ends up taking on addictive qualities. i'll eat the same specific food item for a month, then never want to see, let alone taste it, again. i'll listen to one song on repeat for days until i'd rather hear nails on a chalkboard than have it shuffle on and assault my ears. one of the reasons that my scanning has increased in volume recently is that i acquired library cards to the 3 nyc library systems: nypl, brooklyn, and queens. as soon as i was able to, i pillaged + plundered those fine centers of learning, leaving any given library with as many hefty scan-worthy books as i could [barely] carry. here, finally, was a *free* way of obtaining more + more + more visual media to consume.

2023 saw me get my first legal, full-time job. as such, my adjusting to that hellish reality resulted in a steep decline in my own personal creative output. collaging, writing, and rapping all fell to the wayside as i slowly acclimated to a life of work that almost everyone else my age has known for over a decade is generally unbearable + detrimental to the maintenance of outside pursuits. in times of famine within my own artistic harvest, scanning, archiving, and sharing others' work is a means of feeling as though i am still contributing to the global oeuvre.

there’s an element of losing my mental self in a series of physical motions that becomes almost automatic after some time. “zoning out” is not something endemic to my daily life; if anything, i’m almost always too zoned in. relief is necessary. especially considering the shitshow this past year has been in terms of my personal life.

i am a product of capitalism’s cultivating a craving for constant consumption.

it seems that visual content is only going to continue to get more + more uninspired. has everything been done? did social media ruin it all? in any case, i feel a need to document the past. to a degree, it’s my version of doomsday prepping. (god forbid books go extinct altogether.)

i have always gravitated towards solitary activities. this topic could be a thesis in its own right.

i thrive on external validation. this reliance is something i’ve improved upon over the past several years, but it hasn’t been altogether extinguished. even though the materials i scan are not of my own creation, i nevertheless feel a vague pride in showcasing them. occasional appreciation thereof satisfies this fixation on others’ attention, albeit in a diluted form.

i am fortunate to live in a city bursting to the gills with cultural institutions. i am also lucky enough to have some disposable income that can be directed toward fulfilling my ravenous desire for visual media.

((i keep getting messages about the specifics of my scanner + "process":

i have a cheap ass hp envy 6055e and i just use the software it comes with.

there's nothing special or fancy happening here, and i could definitely invest in a better and/or a large format scanner, etc. but i really just don't care enough and it's not like i'm getting paid for this lmao))

#words #working girl #me

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drchucktingle · 3 months

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do you have any advice for writers who are trying to get their first book published?

as usual i will preface this with the reminder there is no 'correct' way to make art. i am not universally 'right' about any of this, but i can let you in on my thoughts and things i have noticed if that helps

more than anything what i would recommend to any artist is to find joy in the TROT, not the result. set goals that are in the action of doing, not in some future ending where you have 'become' something.

in other words, i have never dreamed of being a writer, i dream of writing.

its not about being an actor one day, its about a life of acting. its not about being a painter one day, its about a life of painting. its not about being a singer one day, its about a life of singing. if you can find joy and gratitude and RESONATE WITH THIS TIMELINE through the act of creation, then there really is no stopping you because you are not relying on any external systems to reach your goals you are fueled entirely from yourself. this also accounts for the fact that LUCK AND CIRCUMSTANCE are a huge factor in many of these big dreams, but they are rarely a huge factor in your ability to simply create. you are already a creator, we are all creators

when you do this the timeline will bend to you, not the other way around

as a BUSINESS BUCKAROO i will never do anything that is me BEGGING AND PLEADING for attention from a larger entity (publishing company, tv studio, what the heck ever). i am not over here worried and biting my fingernails. anything that feels like a LOTTO TICKET where i say 'please please please pick me' is not how i operate. instead i love working with buckaroos who see me as an equal entity and the discussion is 'you are cool, we are cool, lets trot together'

how did i get to the place where this is a mutual conversation instead of chuck begging for crumbs of attention? i focused on LOVING THE ACT OF CREATING not the desire to be a creator.

chucks big five publishing deal happened because i wrote a horror novel myself and then tweeted out 'would anyone like to traditionally publish this book?'. no query letters, no agent, THATS IT.

but that is ALSO the short version. the long version is that i spent a decade creating and publishing my own stuff BECAUSE I LOVE CREATING AND PUBLISHING MY OWN STUFF

THAT is how i would recommend approaching these things. YOU are doing your cool as heck thing and when that starts to resonate with this timeline others will be drawn to it. if that means sending out query letters to agents and all that then HECK YEAH go for it bud, just so long as you maintain the MENTALITY that you are looking for an equal partner not a one in a million ticket BECAUSE YOU WILL BE MAKING THIS INCREDIBLE ART ANYWAY, AND IF THEY WANT TO COME ALONG AND RIDE WITH YOU THEN LETS TROT, AND IF NOT LETS STILL TROT BECAUSE YOU ARE A VALID, WORTHY CREATOR REGARDLESS

so i guess thats my publishing advice

#buckaroo lifestyle #chuck tingle #publishing

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euqinim0dart · 3 months

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I was so shocked when I learned that most artists do not believe in talent, saying that it is not real. Because it very much is, and that's evident in all the unique ways people have expressed themselves over time. However, it should be reminded what exactly talent is and is not.

Most people (artist or not) get talent confused with skill, ambition, and passion.

Talent - the essence of you and how your view of the world is expressed with other people. Your heart, your soul. THIS is what makes art moving whether you like how it looks or not. This cannot be taught or obtained as we all have talent of some kind.

Skill - How good you are at something or the lack thereof. Art is SKILL, not a talent. It is merely a tool of expression that our species uses to communicate with each other, any person can make art. Skill comes from time and practice. You do not have to be talented to be skilled and vice versa. Art that lacks skill can still be captivating.

Ambition - The inert drive to complete something, to try and fail again. Ambition is generally active and not a passive action.

Passion - The love, admiration, respect, and care you have for something. You can be passionate about something but not be skilled or ambitious, at it. For example, I am passionate about animation but I do not exactly want to be an animator. *These definitions are based on real world experience, both mine and others.

You can be all 4 of these but it's no requirement to make art and express yourself.

You do NOT have to be talented at art to be a skilled artist. You may want to focus your soul energy into something else and that's ok! There are talented artists who are not skilled, and skilled artists who do not focus their talent in this area.

However you came to make art is valid and right for you, there are no rules on how to create! as long as you made it with your own hands, or got permission to use the artwork of others.

#text #art #artist on tumblr #not a sub-post #just my thoughts #art style can both be a talent or skill thing #depending on your use for art

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cosettepontmercys · 5 months

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“In light of everything that’s happened in the past three months alone, here’s some incredibly valid reasons to be pissed off at Taylor Swift, or simply not like her — as someone who loved her, and loved her music. First and foremost, Taylor Swift is personally burning a hole through the ozone with the amount of CO2 she uses. That’s not even the main point of this video; but this is a graph from 2022 of how much CO2 she produced of her 170 private jet flights, versus the average person. She has spent 70 grand on jet fuel alone. Taylor Swift, alone has used 170 tons of CO2 in the past 3 months. The average person only burns like, 16 tons. That’s not even the main part of this video. The main point of the video is the fact that she has not spoken up about Palestine. And the reason that is so fundamentally frustrating is that Taylor Swift has influence. Quote Brittany Broski, when she also didn’t speak up about Palestine — “if you have a platform, and you have people listening, you have to use it.” It’s criminal to not use it, and Taylor Swift uses it. This is from September 2023. Record-breaking registration numbers from one Instagram post. Literally stating, saying “I’ve been so lucky to see so many of you guys at my US shows recently. I’ve heard you raise your voices, and I know how powerful they are. Make sure you’re ready to use them in our elections this year!” They had a 72(%) increase in 18-year-old registrations. When it comes to Palestine, she’s completely silent. And now that it’s somewhat more socially acceptable to attend Pro-Palestine events, she’s been quietly going with Selena Gomez, but I for one, think that your Instagram is perhaps the best asset you have. If not, money. And I’m sure in a couple months, we’ll learn about how Taylor Swift was quietly setting up foundations for pro-Palestine, and that she was always for the cause and she’s always supported them, but all it takes is one fucking Instagram post. Especially when Israel Palestine is fundamentally a war of narratives. It’s whose story do you believe, despite the mounting evidence that proves that Israel has continuously been doing ethnic cleansing and genocide. They are still maintaining this narrative that they are not doing that. And all Taylor Swift has to do is say “hey, 22 thousand deaths in 3 months? The most in any modern war? This doesn’t seem right.” I don’t even want her to be that leftist or radical, but literally just to ask the question to her largely American audience, when US has bypassed Congress twice to sell millions in arms aid to Israel. Just for her to be like “Should that many kids be dying, perhaps?” The bar is on the floor, but she still refuses to do it. And the reason why Taylor Swift in particular, not because of the influence that she has and not because of the platform that she has, but why her in particular, is because the IDF continues to use her songs. I know it was a public trend, but the fact that so many occupation forces felt comfortable and confident to make like, dance edits to Taylor Swift’s music. I think it’s so important how an artist’s music is used because when the republicans wanted to use Eminem’s 8 mile track, he was like “absolutely fucking not, I do not give you consent to do that, and I do not associate with your politics. Don’t do that.” I feel like she should know that her music is being used as the anthem of the occupation forces as they go and bomb civilians. Her, and other artists like her, like Beyonce, who showed her film in Israel, and they’re all like dancing and singing, and saying “you’re not going to break my soul”, whilst they continue to bomb the shit out of civilians have said nothing. And I hope, as I’ve demonstrated in the video, for the people who are going to be like “What’s Taylor swift going to do? She’s not a politician.” Be serious. Be serious. She has a fucking chokehold on at least a billion people. She could’ve said and done way more than what she’s done, and also the CO2 levels." (from: this tiktok*)

* i tried to transcribe the tiktok since tiktok wasn't showing the captions for me but if i misheard anything please let me know!

#post: music #m: taylor swift #( i'm pretty sure i misheard a word or two but i listened like three times and tried to get this as accurate as i could )#( also her going to a pro-palestine event with selena gomez after selena's ... stuff ... to support a mutual friend ... was interesting ...#ts critical #taylor swift critical #ts criticism #anti taylor swift #(??????)

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lovelytsunoda · 7 months

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954 // logan sargeant

summary: florida man fucks shy college girl. or, back home in fort lauderdale y/n’s welcome home party is sabotaged by her race winner brother, and it gives her a bit of a complex. at least her brothers best friend is there to make her feel better about it.

pairing: logan sargeant x female kirkwood! reader

warnings: straight up smut, kyle kirkwood is a lot to handle in large doses (but we love him anyways), feelings of anxiety, minor sibling rivalry, body image issues. i am going to hell, littered with spelling mistakes because of how fast I was typing and pure laziness to go back and fix it

author's note: 954 is the area code for fort lauderdale. and technically kyle kirkwood lives in jupiter, but for the sake of the story let's pretend he's also from lauderdale.

she sat at the edge of the pier, jeans rolled up past her shins as she started off into the horizon, watching the sun dip below the ocean line.

“it’s your party, what are you doing out here alone?”

she rolled her eyes, pulling her feet out of the water before following the voice. “why do you think? kyle hijacked it. I’m back home for less than a day and he’s already stealing the spotlight again.”

that was the way it always went in the kirkwood household: y/n came home from school, and everything was great, and then kyle waltzes in and suddenly everything is about him again.

logan shook his head, settling onto the pier next to her, a gentle hand resting on her thigh. she shrugged it off, anxiously twisting one of the rings on her hand.

“you know he doesn’t do it on purpose, right?” logan soothed “he loves you, and he hates that you feel like this.”

“i know. the inferiority complex is all me.”

“it’s not a complex, and your feelings are valid.”

she shook her head. “everyone tells me i shouldn’t have quit karting. even when it made me hate myself.”

she sighed, laying down on the pier, worn wood scratching at her skin, but not splintering against her baby pink tank top. “what am I doing with my life, logan?”

“hey, look at me.” logan encouraged, fingertips against her chin to angle her face towards him. “you are doing great things. deans list every semester, you’re a great artist and I’d be shocked if firms weren’t lining up to hire you as a litigator.”

“you’re just saying that.” she refused to meet his eyes. logan was kyles best friend, for god sakes. she’d crumble under his stare, his touch.

“but I’m not.” logan insisted, gripping her face now, making her look at him. she needed to know how wonderful she was, and he was going to be the one to tel her. “you are smart and funny and all kinds of wonderful, kirkwood. any guy would be lucky to have you, and anyone else should consider themselves blessed to have you as a friend.”

“you really mean that?”

“why would I lie to you, y/n?”

she barely had time to respond before logans lips were on hers. she was hesitant at first, unsure if logan really knew what he was doing. unsure if he was really kissing her because he wanted to or because he pitied her.

the intrusive thoughts didn’t stay long, however, as she snapped to attention and moved her lips against his, wrapping her body around his.

“jesus.” logan breathed. “those jeans make your ass look incredible. well, your ass always looks incredible, but these jeans are really doing it for me.”

she laughed at how red logan's face was, a shade that looked more salmon under the sunset. the pier was digging into her skin, and she was starting to get uncomfortable, logan's lips along her neck not quite enough to distract from the discomfort of what she was sure would become a splinter if their activities were not relocated.

somehow they made it to her bedroom without being discovered by the partygoers, much less kyle. the fairy lights tacked to her dusty pink walls were the only light in the room as logan backed her up against her bookshelf, securely caging her body against his.

she felt safe in logan's arms. protected.

"i've been crazy about you for years now." logan growled in between kisses. "every night i came over to watch panthers games with your brother, and you were there in those tight little jean shorts, laughing and giggling with your friends. or when i'd stay the night and you'd walk past his bedroom door to get to the bathroom in the middle of the night, your skimpy silk top falling down your shoulder just enough to give me a taste of your gorgeous body. do you know how many times i've jerked off to the thought of you in kyle's bathroom? you're stunning, y/n. don't let anybody tell you otherwise."

her mind was reeling, and she couldn't find the proper words as she tugged at the collar of logan's button down shirt, pressing her lips back to his. logan sargeant was interested in her.

logan saw her for her, not just as kyle kirkwood's baby sister.

clothes were shed, buttons ripped off shirts. her head was spinning, elated and giddy and she couldn't find the words to tell logan how incredible she felt as his large hands squeezed her breasts over the mesh padding of her bralette.

she gasped, logan taking that chance to slip his tongue into her mouth, his fingers grappling for the clasp on her bra.

all at once, reality came crashing back down on her. she pulled away, hands flying up to cover her exposed breasts as the pale fabric tumbled to the hardwood floor.

she wouldn't meet logan's eyes, scared to know what he thought of her naked body. scared to see him stare at her and not know what he was thinking.

his eyes softened, the lust drawing back as concern seeped in to his irises. "y/n, pretty girl, you don't need to hide yourself around me. who made you think that you weren't sexy as all hell? i never want you feel like you have to be shy around me."

he gently gripped her arms, guiding her towards the wall length mirror hanging on the back of the ensuite door. logan stood behind her, lifting her chin so that she would meet his eyes in the mirror. placing his hands over hers, he gently pulled her palms off her breasts, exposing her bare torso to the soft lighting in the room.

"look at you beautiful you are, y/n. i'm serious."

"you're just saying that so you can get your dick wet." even as she said it, she knew it didn't sound like she meant it.

but even still, staring at herself in the mirror, all she could focus on was the way that she looked: the stretch marks on her breasts, the smattering of freckles up her arms (or were they moles, like the two on her back?).

"what will it take to show you how sexy you are, y/n?" logan rasped, undoing the button on her jeans. "should i make you watch yourself as i touch you?"

"yeah." her voice was shaky. "i think you should show me how sexy i am. clearly, i need reminding." where was this sudden boldness coming from?

"that;s my sexy, shy girl." logan cooed, tugging her jeans down her legs, kissing over her ass and down her leg before coming back up, eyes hungry at the sight of the young woman in front of him, panties hiked high on her hips and fairly see through as he slipped a hand over teh fabric and between her legs, teasing at the dampness beginning to form.

she gasped as logan slicked up his fingers, slipping them inside of her in one swift movement, working around the fabric of her cheeky panties. she was breathing hard, biting her bottom lip as she took in the sight in the mirror: logan's fingers flexing in and out of her, arousal running over his pale skin, his face contorted in concentration as he growled down her ear, telling her how tight she felt, and how good she was for him.

her own skin was rosy and flushed, a sheen of sweat beginning ro form as she felt her body heating up. there was something sinful about watching herself in the mirror, finally allowing herself to let loose a moan.

"that's my girl. don't get shy on me now, i want to know that you feel as good as i do." logan groaned, sucking on her neck. "touch me, baby. i know you want to. feel how fucking hard i am for you."

she loosened her grip on logan's wrist, internally grinning at the nail marks that she left behind in his skin before slipping an arm behind her, cupping his bulge in her hand.

she was floored. she knew logan was big (she could always see the outline in his swim shorts, forcing herself to stop staring before he noticed) but knowing that she had this effect on him?

it was a powerful thing.

"jesus, logan." she whined. "i need it inside of me."

logan's eyes sparkled. "what do you need inside of you, sweetheart? i need you to say it for me." he started pumping his fingers faster, his other hand moving to fondle her left breast, tweaking the rosy bud of her nipple between his fingers.

she sighed heavily, feeling her legs turn mushy as she leaned back against logan. "need your cock." she mumbled, unsure if she could speak any louder.

"what was that, darling? don't be shy now, i can't give you what you need if you don't tell me, love."

fuck you, she thought, biting her lip hard enough to draw blood. she was clenching around his fingers now, unsure of hoe much longer she'd be able to last. but she needed him inside of her, felt like she might die if he wasn't.

"your cock!" she shouted. "please, logan, i need your big cock inside me, please, god, i need it."

why did she say that? she should never have said that. it made her sound desperate. but in a way, she was desperate, wasn't she?

logans fingers stopped their ministrations, pulling out of her and taking a trail of her juices with them. she thought her eyes were going to roll back in her head before logan laid her down on her queen bed, her hair fanning out behind her as he started to undo his jeans, resort shirt still hanging off his frame, face flushed and covered in a sheen of sweat as he licked her arousal off his fingers.

"do you have condoms, kirkwood? because i really don't want to have to go digging for them in kyle's room."

"please don't talk about my brother when i want you to fuck my brains out."

logan smirked. "not so shy now, are we, my sexy girl."

"shut up! go the ensuite, top vanity drawer on the left. you literally cannot miss the box."

she could have laughed, lying back on the bed and kicking off her panties as logan ran, half naked and dropping his resort shirt behind him, to the ensuite.

he stumbled back, tripping over discarded clothes and the fluffy carpet, triumphantly holding the box above his head.

"the whole box? how much do you think you're getting tonight, sarge?"

logan raised an eyebrow. "call me that, and i'm going to make you forget how shy you are and have you scream my name all night long."

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