#is this even good???? i’m spiralling

[3terna15unshin3]

Connected

—

A/N: idea came from this ask, so thank u anon🥰🥰 it was so fun to think of how Matty and Este’s relationship was seen from the other side like what fans pick up on, and also establish how much they decide to share with fans vs keep to themselves. this concept is so interesting to me but i had a hard time writing from the pov of a fan hahaha so i just did it this way instead :))

This obvs is based heavily on TBSG lore so none of this makes sense if you haven’t read the main fic - go do that first!! and also check out the Instagram AUs, they add to the pizazz

—

“Love, look what I just saw on Twitter. This is hilarious.”

Este points her phone screen towards Matty as they sit in bed on a Sunday morning. He yawns, tired and still half asleep, then blinks his eyes a few times to read what she’s showing him. It’s a tweet from a fan that sits in her mentions from a couple of days ago when a clip from his Zane Lowe interview resurfaced.

megs ⎕ PL4YINGONMYM1ND

thinking about the fact that matty mentioned meeting e.manansala when she worked at a bookstore in manc to zane and in this 2018 interview he said his fav spot in the city is Greenhouse Books …….. what are the chances this is the same bookstore bc that would be so😭😭😭💔💔💔💔 https://manchesterwire.co.uk/?s=matty+healy+give-yourself-a-try/arts&culture/article

jaymie SAW UNDO LIVE trmanb1ackk

→ Replying to PL4YINGONMYM1ND

Hold on you might be onto something

megs ⎕ PL4YINGONMYM1ND

→ Replying to trmanb1ackk

right like okaayyy bookstore worker x customer to lovers notting hill pipeline????? 🤭 huge if true

She watches his eyes scan over the text and a fuzzy smile grow on his face. Matty loves talking about Este when he can—to bring some much deserved attention to her writing—and did so often, but does’t always mention many the details of their relationship. That was until strolling around the Northern Quarter with Zane brought a bit of it out of him.

Este is what brings him back to Manchester the most often, from visiting her family and Cate and Georgia to just needing a bit of a homey feeling from its familiar pubs and nostalgic shops. So, naturally, Matty talked about her in the interview done for the release of Being Funny—explaining how they’d met and how much the city means to them both.

“How they put two and two together is beyond me,” he says, scratching his head. “That Manchester Wire interview was five years ago now, you know. Did you ever read that?”

She chuckles. “Course I did! We had a few fans come in that summer with the sole intention of coming to a place you recommended, actually.”

“Why have you never told me that?” Matty asks, “You’re welcome for the business, by the way.”

“You never even told me about your little shout out, to be fair. I had to find out on my own,” Este teases. “Plus, we weren’t even a thing at that point—we’d met once! Quite creepy, in retrospect.”

“When you put it like that it’s honestly so cringe so please change the subject now.” Matty buries his head in the bunches of sheets that sit in her lap, embarrassed and frankly too sleepy to defend himself.

Este giggles, letting her hands settle into his curls. “Oh c’mon, you weren’t cringe. I’m just pulling your leg. It was sweet,” she reassures him.

“You’re just saying that because you feel bad,” he whines, then rubs his eyes to try and get the sleep out of them. “That’s so crazy that they dug that up, though. I’m not sure if many people know you’ve been around since then.”

“They probably looked at your life in 2019 and figured you were a rockstar with a new girl in every city but in reality you were calling me to get to sleep every night and doing origami in your free time because it reminded you of me.”

Matty’s jaw drops at her blunt comments. “I was about to get mad but I can’t even disagree.” He sits up, raking the hair out of his eyes. “Do people still use the word ‘simp’? Can that be applied to this situation? Was I a simp?”

She throws her head back, mouth wide, as she laughs at how ridiculous his question is.

“Please don’t say ‘simp’, love. You’re 34.” Este squeezes out between her giggles, “But no, people don’t use that word anymore. And yes it can be applied. And also yes, you were. And still are.”

“Proudly am,” he adds.

She leans into his side and he snakes his arm around her waist. They sit there, Matty only in a pair of pyjama pants and her an oversized tee, scrolling through the funny replies to the tweet and how big of a deal some fans were making it.

“You should respond. Tell Megs that she’s right.”

“Seriously?” Este asks, shocked that he’d want her to engage in something so meaningless and speculative.

But alas, he nods casually with a smile. “Yeah. They seem sweet, and just curious. And maybe being such a simp will give me some brownie points,” confirms Matty.

“God, enough of that word!”

Este e.manansala

→ Replying to PL4YINGONMYM1ND

Can confirm🤝

liv livmymistake_

→ Replying to PL4YINGONMYM1ND and e.manansala

MEGS OH MY GOD

Jude 🥾🌎 ittsjudesk

→ Replying to PL4YINGONMYM1ND and e.manansala

UMMMMMMMMMMM

megs ⎕ PL4YINGONMYM1ND

→ Replying to e.manansala

omg hi😭😭😭 are being fr i can’t cope

Este e.manansala

→ Replying to PL4YINGONMYM1ND

Greenhouse is the bookstore i worked at and is where matty and i met that year:)) and hi💌

megs ⎕ PL4YINGONMYM1ND

→ Replying to e.manansala

i think i’m psychic for guessing that🤭🤭🤭🤭

—

megs ⎕ PL4YINGONMYM1ND

k now i’m going crazy bc i had no clue him and este had been dating for that long💀 was genuinely convinced it had been 3 years max

Jude 🥾🌎 ittsjudesk

→ Replying to PL4YINGONMYM1ND

Literally they didn’t post each other until like 2020

sarah🧸 _102sar

→ Replying to PL4YINGONMYM1ND

I think she was at the 2018 Pryzm show too. Not sure but I was at the after party and remember seeing her there lol

megs ⎕ PL4YINGONMYM1ND

→ Replying to _102sar

WHAT…….. this lore being uncovered omg

“Someone recognises you from the Brief Inquiry album release show?!” exclaims Matty in disbelief. “There’s no way.”

They still sit in bed as Este types away, having fun interacting with the small group. He leans his head on her shoulder and watches her as she does it.

“They’ve known you longer than I have, you know. They know their stuff,” she responds.

“Even I don’t remember you being at the Pryzm show.”

Este’s mouth falls open in shock, thoroughly offended. “You prick.”

“I’m joking!” Matty defends through fits of laughter. “C’mon E, I’m joking.”

She knows he is, but enjoys the theatrics of it all; shoving his head off her shoulder and scooting away from his touch in protest.

“That was a special night for me! The first time I saw you play and met the guys! Don’t make fun!” Este pouts, crossing her arms playfully.

“Fine. I take it back, I take it back,” Matty begs, dragging her back over to him and bringing her legs over top of his. He grabs her hand and places a kiss on her palm. “I remember meeting Cate, and introducing you to Louis. And Ross making fun of my gallbladder surgery, and leaving Cate on the dance floor to get drinks, and screaming at each other over the music at the bar. You telling me about the anniversary party. I very much remember!”

“Okay, okay. Enough gushing. I forgive you.”

Matty pecks her palm once more and shuffles her even closer. “Open Twitter back up. This is fun.”

Jude 🥾🌎 ittsjudesk

→ Replying to PL4YINGONMYM1ND and _102sar

This is absolutely shocking bc how did his chronically online ass manage to hide a whole gf that long

megs ⎕ PL4YINGONMYM1ND

→ Replying to ittsjudesk

fr!!! like do we think she was on the abiior tour with them bc i swear jordan absolutely fed us with so much bts content it would be impossible to miss?? someone dig

sarah🧸 _102sar

→ Replying to PL4YINGONMYM1D and ittsjudesk

If u scroll back on her IG u can see Matty in her comments since then. And they’d repost each other on their stories and stuff🥲 So not that hidden if ur a stalker like me lmao

megs ⎕ PL4YINGONMYM1ND

→ Replying to _102sar

thoroughly upset that i missed so much bf matty content </3

Este e.manansala

→ Replying to PL4YINGONMYM1ND and _102sar

Ignore me stalking u🤭🤭 i was indeed at that Pryzm show lol but we weren’t dating yet. And during abiior tour I saw a few UK shows but otherwise i was just in Manc working/being a bad groupie x

Este e.manansala

→ Replying to PL4YINGONMYM1ND

Also matty is sitting beside me now and he is cool with me filling u in (it was his idea) and he says hi. and that u guys are cute

megs ⎕ PL4YINGONMYM1ND

→ Replying to e.manansala

ohhh yes u are a working woman how could i forget!! bookstore worker/groupie same difference. thank u for responding😭 u are the coolest❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 (also hi matty😳)

Jude 🥾🌎 ittsjudesk

→ Replying to e.manansala

Hi Matty sorry for calling u chronically online x

Este e.manansala

→ Replying to ittsjudesk

He forgives you (but it’s true imo)

liv livmymistake_

→ Replying to e.manansala

este wait i have to know …. since u are a former bookstore girlie turned writer are u the reason matty periodically spam posts a bunch of literature on his instagram stories???? did u convert him to bookstoregirlieism??

Este e.manansala

→ Replying to livmymistake_

I am obsessed with the idea that he was illiterate before meeting me so i’m gonna say yes. thank u for that

Este e.manansala

→ Replying to livmymistake_

Liv it’s me I stole the phone and don’t appreciate this sentiment tbh. You should know I’ve always been a wanker so all the literature spams are just me letting that out and este just enables me. hope that helps x Matty

#is this even good???? i’m spiralling #like why do i feel like it isn’t giving anything. #tbsg #meste blurb #blurb #matty healy #the 1975 #matty healy fanfiction #the 1975 fanfiction #matty healy x oc #matty healy fic #matty healy fluff #matty healy fanfic #fanfiction #fluff

[armageddidnt]

Okay I’ve been reading a lot of discourse on the time stop theory and it does make a certain sense but there are some inconsistencies that leave me even more confused than before. Hear me out:

So here is the clock before the kiss. Seems to say around 9:25

And here is the clock directly after the Metatron returns. Now it seems to be around 9:40-9:45 ish even though only a few minutes of episode time has passed.

Also, when the Metatron returns, Aziraphale seems to be weirdly preoccupied with the clock and keeping himself directly between it and the Metatron

Neil and the entire production team have been so careful and deliberate about every little detail this season, I just cannot accept that it wasn’t intentional or just happened to be an oversight. At the same time, there doesn’t seem to be any point during the scene in which they might’ve actually stopped time to discuss something or do anything else. The only cut we get is right after Crowley walks out and before the Metatron walks in, but it doesn’t make sense for Crowley to leave and then re-enter the bookshop again to do some thing else during that cut away time. So I feel like something definitely happened here, but it’s not at all clear what it could have been. I don’t personally think it was the body swap because Crowley had already left at that point. But then why do the clock hands and Aziraphale’s behavior seem so intentional if something beyond the obvious wasn’t going on 

#I’m so confused what is even true anymore #what does it mean I need ANSWERS #something definitely happened but there are absolutely no clues about what it was ??? #please help I’m spiraling #theory #good omens #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #angel #good omens season 2 #good omens 2 #demon #good omens 2x06 #a/c #armageddidnt-blog #armageddidnt-thoughts-theories

[theteapotofdoom]

Going through something hella specific at the moment

#penny dreadful #IM CRAZY IM CRAZY IM FUCKING CRAZY YOU DON’T EVEN KNOOOOOW #HOW WAS IT SO GOOD AND SO BAD AT THE TIME #THE THEMES!!! THE MOTIFS!!! THE ACTING!!! THE COSTUMES!!! THE SETS!!! AND YET!!! SO MANY BAD EPICALLY BAD WRITING MOMENTS!!! #that’s not even going into the final season because that was honestly a crime 😔 and yet it had its moments BUT STILL A CRIME do you see wit #honestly still THE best Frankenstein adaptation of all time like everything with Victor and The Creature was just so 👌✨ no notes #and Vanessa Ives my beloved forever and always ❤️❤️❤️ #anyway I’m normal again #the spiral started because I visited the Natural History Museum of Lisbon and I was like #hmmm crazy Penny Dreadful vibes here

[wist-eri]

quick wip

no i’m totally not obsessed with this man he’s totally not living in my mind rent free

also originally i had this like handheld card-style vertical orientation for this drawing but,, i might actually like what i have right now

(feel free to look in the tags to see me rant about david btw)

#wips #i’m reading every single theory on here btw. y’all. why are y’all so good at doing interpretations like those it’s insane #should i also bring up the fact that uhh #since the motives weren’t disclosed until after arei’s death #the first time david actually heard his motive was during the confrontation with arei? #i feel like his given motive contributed to him like. breaking #because it probably feeds into his inner spiral of self hatred and confirms his inner doubts #as well as. literally reminding him of the parts he hates the most about himself #so hearing accusations of manipulation from AREI of all people? who he literally just tried to help?? god that must hurt for him #don’t even mention the SHOCK value of hearing that out of nowhere for the first time. god #david chiem #danganronpa despair time #drdt #fanganronpa

[bravevolunteer]

michael's physical fate mirroring his emotional trauma is so perfectly engineered to make me fucking insane and that choice was not intentional at AAAALLLL

#love writing a character with barely any/absolutely terrible source material with the rawest fucking concepts and symbolic threads ever. #it doesn't make me lose my mind at all #michael who has his insides hollowed out who is LITERALLY piloted around like a puppet only to be abandoned a shell of who he once was. #doomed to live on as something awful to stay hidden in shadows to despise looking in the mirror the sheer dissociation and dissonance that #comes with it. it is such a good symbolic mirror to how grief trauma and abuse has effected him how he can't look in the mirror without #seeing william. FEELING used after being beckoned to the warehouse under the promise of doing good and being of use and maybe even approved #of or loved only to have the last shred of a possible life taken from him. whatever william Intended in bringing michael to SL can you #imagine how emotionally devastating grappling with it was on TOP of literally fucking rotting. no wonder he finally decided on revenge. #this has been ping ponging around my brain all day and i could just let it keep spiraling sorry #⁂ ･ﾟ: i was looking for a job‚ and then i found a job‚ and heaven knows i’m miserable now ➛ ooc

[autistic-katara]

dunno if this is a hot take but there shouldnt be stuff ur not allowed to write abt. like put age restrictions on things sure and if someones portraying smthn objectively bad in a good light we should 100% be allowed to judge them but the fact that theres stuff u legally cant publish is weird as fuck

#this is also why i’m very pro-ao3 not censoring stuff #cause while u cant like make money off it or smthn #u can post stuff on there that a publisher wouldnt even consider #and if the world spirals so far we get the hayes code 2.0 #i would like somewhere id be able to consume “fucked up” content #(aka stuff w/ gays smut and basically everything a good conservative christian would be appalled by) #and thats not me supporting ppl who write like incest or whatever #i’m just saying we should be allowed to write and publish whatever tf we want #and if somethings fucked up then WE get to tell the author that not some big corporation #idk just my thoughts #ryan shut the fuck up

[callixton]

merrily time merrily time. vibrating 4ever over this

#it better be good ‼️ #even just looking at the set is kind of making me feel sick in a good way i think i’m gonna spiral forever #ted talks #merrily we roll along

[dahldahlbills]

nano day 7

total word count: 1085

made it through the first week!!

#had a not so great day and spent most of my evening crying so I almost didn’t write #but I knew I would feel even worse if I didn’t so I sucked it up and got some words down #but hey 7 days of consistently writing 1000+ words?? that’s p solid #hoping tomorrow is a lot better and that’s today’s Events won’t put a damper on the rest of the week :/ #if not maybe I will set aside an hour or two to draw and listen to podcasts to help ✨escape✨ #was hoping writing would be a good enough distraction but the thing about writing #..is that you’re thinking the whole time #and when you’re thinking.. well ! you end up getting stuck in your head and spiraling. as one does #what sucks is that I had a lot of extra time today that could’ve gone towards writing #but I was so upset I just ended up sleeping and moping #also I haven’t drawn in like a week and I’m not happy about it :/ #anyway the portion of scene 5 that I’ve written isn’t too bad. I’m enjoying the dynamic of the two mcs so far #dahl does nano 23

[didsomeonesaybuffet]

.

#ooooh I’m on the verge of spiralling a bit I think #like I’m okay #on the whole #I think? #but like #idk I think everyone dislikes me and finds me annoying which is understandable but it doesn’t feel good #probably need an early night #gonna try and sleep myself back to being okay #alright I love you #even though sometimes things aren’t great they get better #you’re loved you’re loved you’re so loved #I think I miss some people but I feel like it’s gonna come off so weird if I tell them #anyway

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

Got overwhelming depressed so I bought tea

#I’m just really not in a good space lately #and I’m so out of i don’t feel connected to myself #I wake up and am unsure of my age or what year it is #I go through phases of forgetting my gfs name or that I even have a gf #I’m an absolute mess right now #my mental health is in the toilet #I’m just quietly spiraling too #I’ve just shut down #I got overhwhelmed with my recovery coach today and told her #she said I didn’t even look like it #which makes me feel like I’m faking everything or it’s not even that bad #I just want to sleep and be in a coma #but I can’t sleep for 24 hours 7 days a week my body physically won’t let men #anytime awake feels like too much

[burntblueberrywaffles]

Went from shit mental health, to oh maybe I’m ok actually :) to the one fuckign thing I was looking forward to with school starting again getting canceled and now my anxiety is raging again 🫠

#i don’t even know why #i cant pinpoint a thing that’s stressing me out I’m just;;;; #fuckign WHY #my friend was supposed to join the dnd game and I was looking to it so fuckign much but apparently it won’t work out bc of her schedule #i think if I don’t have a thing to look forward to every week to keep me sane I’ll start spiraling lol #like I usually have my school’s art comitee every week #but that doesn’t start until way alter in the year and my good friend who was in it changed school #also this summer I had Star Wars screenings with the discord besties but we’re done watching most of the movies already #Ive already been feeling the RSD acting up so bad recently #and that usually means a spiral of self isolation #cause I wnat to talk with my friend but any conversation that doesn’t go 100% perfectly could set me off #welp #burntblueberrywaffles

[skhardwarevers1]

anyways “just don’t leave me alone wondering where you are” Program and “I am stronger than you give me credit for” Vista

#Could also be Moon & Tera they’re both equally as sad #But I’m gonna just. Let that sink in. #Even in the early phases (Hansel/Gretel) they were designed specifically to be a stronger more logical machine and a human-esque creation #Vista was never meant to be as strong mentally or physically as Program could #but they pushed through anyway. The perceived imbalance between them will always get me #Vista/Gretel thought Koeia liked Program/Hansel more because he served a purpose #Program/Hansel thought Koeia liked Vista/Gretel more because they were like her “daughter” #And later Program ends up putting aside their differences to look out for them #“For the greater good” my ass! He cared about their well being more because he knew they were supposedly “weaker” than him #but realizing there wasn’t much of a difference between them in Koeia’s eyes made him feel compelled to shield them from some things #He figured that they were meant to be like siblings #he wanted to be their sibling #They wanted to too but they didn’t want to be inferior #They felt that Program was better than them in every way. It was him that made the project possible after all! #Clearly he /must/ be better right? #So they’re stuck in a weird spot of not having known each other for years and only perceiving what they thin other was compared to themself #And then being thrown into a situation where they’re trying to make it out together #Even as early as before the incident Program was looking out for Vista #Program felt threatened by Clay sometimes and would try to tell Vista to get out #Him attacking Clay was his way of trying to help #Which only fucks up Moon a little more when Procyon starts taking that same “helping” role and gets Clay…you know…speared…. #And they feel so betrayed it sends them into an entire spiral of barely knowing who they are anymore #Anyways I didn’t meant to rant bye bye #S.K thinks #I hope this changes someone’s perception of Moon as a whole. Just one person I’ll be happy with that

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more #I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s #the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything #that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da #lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how #get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to #and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not #be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much #of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so. #literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in #bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it #into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it #but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted #any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself #not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha #usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day #because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere #I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s #just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway #this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this #bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school #vent tw #yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely #disability #chronically ill #i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho #i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to #anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse #I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours #I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework