#it feels like a summer day in mid july when you were playing in the fields with friends years ago

[rosie-writings]

Where Delicate Stops

Request: anon—I need more Sub!Colby my life depends on it

Summary: The tension in your friends with benefits relationship with Colby escalates into a massive blowup when he won’t admit that he is yours and you are his.

Warnings: Angst, Alcohol, Colby x Reader smut, Sub Colby, Dom Reader, Overstimulation, Bondage, Subspace, Squirting, Unprotected sex

Words: 8.3k

No Y/N Used

Title is from ‘Jaws’ by Sleep Token

Perhaps my downfall began the moment I agreed to playing friends with benefits with Colby about eight months ago after he agreed to pretend to be my boyfriend to protect me from an ex-boyfriend—

It wasn’t until it inevitably blew up in my face that I realized it was a bad decision.

Now, should I have anticipated it? Yes.

Should I have prepared for my fragile heart to become completely and utterly obsessed with him in every way? Also yes.

Instead, I pretended like I was a brick wall even though I knew it felt like my knees were stuffed with cotton after having less than seven hours of sleep at night. Maybe I had a bedtime now, and maybe I couldn’t wear jeans in the summer, but we all get old.

I didn’t realize that having a numbingly tender heart was another side effect of it as well.

Or maybe it was all Colby’s fault and none of mine.

After our previously twice a month cavorts in Colby’s bed, never mine, I left quickly. It became difficult for me to look at Sam in the eyes once he found out what Colby and I got up to behind closed doors. It put a stall in our friendship, and the dynamic was too unbalanced. I had never seen Sam so confrontational. After we communicated and I realized that Sam didn’t care as long as we would all still be friends in the end, these meet up happened once a week rather than twice a month.

Blame it on our relief of not having to sneak around anymore, or blame it on Sam like I found most appealing. The concept of Colby’s routine friends with benefits situation being Sam’s fault was too funny for me to not pass up on.

Until the first flutter happened.

The worst part was, we weren’t even in bed.

I remembered that afternoon nearly every day since, and I tried to use every flaming toxic thought to incinerate the butterflies that were born in my stomach that sunny day. God, it was so hot. Mid July in Las Vegas wasn’t forgiving, I learned that much.

What I also learned that day was when Colby spoke with this warmth—an ardor he only had when it was about particular topics that were closely personal to him—something deep and fiery ignited in me. 

I didn’t think much of it at first, but as the night settled and we had drinks under starlight on the patio of that club in the sky, I realized that blue eyes could reflect starlight too.

I laid myself down in my bed that night a bit too aggressively in order to knock the thoughts out of my pounding pre-hangover. It wasn’t enough. With every second, hour, and day, I thought of Colby more and more.

And the worst part was that it was in a new kind of way.

Definitely not a friends with benefits kind of way.

Not a friendly kind of way.

My legs were still quivering from last night. 

Before I opened my eyes, I knew I’d feel it. It was rare that I pushed and pushed Colby enough for him to actually lose control and ruin my chances at having a fully productive day the next. I cramped as I rolled over and tried to grab my phone off my table.

My phone wasn’t on the table.

In fact, my table was in the wrong place completely. 

I opened my eyes and adjusted to a brighter lighting that my bedroom never had in the morning. I had west facing windows. 

The sheets were too soft and dark and—

I sat up straight.

Colby lay asleep next to me. My heart pounded behind my bruised ribs and I sat frozen in uncertainty. What was I supposed to do? I broke one of our rules; one of our—if not, the—most important rule in this arrangement.

We weren’t supposed to stay overnight.

Better yet, that morphed into I wasn’t supposed to stay the night. I was always allowed to stay for as long as I wanted in their house, but between Colby and I, I was only allowed to sleep in an extra room. Not his bed.

And then, it happened again.

My heart skipped a beat at the sight of him there. He looked well rested; far from the stressed out shell of himself he was yesterday afternoon. His hair was messy and pushed back across the pillows. Then my eyes caught the few streaks of red on his back, his sides. 

My already parched throat clamped shut when I realized those were marks from my nails. I remembered doing that; I didn’t think I held onto him that hard. Then he stirred.

I looked away, I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know what time it was or where my phone was, I didn’t know if he would be upset—

“Hey,” a sweet half awake voice said. I looked at him on reflex. He hardly opened his eyes. It looked like he saw me once and then closed them in fear of the burning morning light.

Then his arms were out and one settled around me. He pulled me in, but on impulse, I pulled back.

When I fought him and tried to sit up straight, he went rigid. 

A tension fell over the room and I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t even know if I could speak yet, for that matter. 

“Come here,” he sighed with a heaviness that conveyed more to me than just those words.

He knew we were breaking a rule, but he didn’t care.

I didn’t move.

How could I move? If I laid myself down into him, I would stress my heart out. If I got out of bed, it would feel brittle. Hostile, almost. 

Colby sighed. 

“Colby,” I gasped without thinking. “We—I didn’t mean—“

”Yeah,” he cut me off. I was taken back by his sudden firm tone. I looked at him. He avoided eye contact with me with a darkness in his eyes. 

”What? Why are you upset?”

”I’m not.”

I scoffed.

”What’s wrong with you?” That accusatory tone welled anger inside of me. Mixed with the butterflies and the confusion, I wanted to cry.

“We—I literally—are you okay?”

”Well I thought I was.” 

I got out of bed with a sigh.

”What are you doing?” He gasped as he sat up.

”Colby!” I exasperated as I grabbed my clothes off the floor. “I stayed overnight!”

”I can see that.”

”Isn’t that—“ I heaved my bra on. “It’s that something you definitely didn't want to happen.”

“I mean, not particularly, I guess—“

”Then I’m leaving.”

”You don’t have to,” he rushed. I looked at him as my shirt fell over my body. His eyes called for me with a longing I wanted nothing more than to dive straight in to. Instead, I pulled my jeans over my aching hips. I noticed the way his eyes scanned the bruises in between the legs and on my hips and neck. 

“I have to. We broke a rule.”

”How important are the rules anyway?” 

I stood speechless as we stared each other down. 

“You literally demanded that I leave on night even when we were drunk and I couldn’t drive. You said that only Sam was allowed to know, so when my best friend accidentally found out because we both know how bad of a liar I am, you were so mad at me you didn’t touch me for two months. You said that—“

”I get it,” he spat. “Alright. I get it.”

”So when it’s my turn to uphold our stupid rules, suddenly they don’t matter? All because you feel like breaking them?”

”You think I want to break them?” He scoffed. My eyes widened. “It’s not my fault you fell asleep in a bed that’s not yours.”

Heat blazed through my mouth, down my throat, and to my heart.

”Considering I’m fucking you in your bed more often than even you sleep in it, I’d say it’s just as much mine as it is yours.”

He grumbled my name. I knew that tone; he rolled his eyes with it. I passed the foot of his bed and reached for the door handle. 

“Don’t come in here for like a month.” I scoffed. It nearly turned into a laugh. I whirled around to face him.

”Yeah, as if you could last that long. At this point, it seems like you need me or something. Maybe you should be more grateful that one of your best friends even puts up with your bullshit like I do.”

I slammed the door on my way out. 

And if I sobbed in my car all the way home, there was no one to witness it.

Two days later, my best friend told me I needed to get out of bed for myself or else she would yank me out and force me out of the house herself.

Regardless, I would be crying and pissed off, so I got out of bed.

In my eyes, I was pathetic. With every hour that passed without a word from Colby, my heart ached more and more. It wasn’t like he kicked me out of his life.

He kicked me out of his bed, and it wasn’t even permanent. I wasn’t even supposed to be in his bed anyway. This butterflies turned into a family of butterflies over time, so I assumed that my lack of self control was to blame.

If only I didn’t let my heart run too far from me and into Colby’s arms.

I’d be pissed too. Maybe he knew. Maybe he slowly caught on to the fact that when he kissed me—only while he was buried inside of me, of course, we weren’t allowed to kiss outside of sex—I always kissed him back twice as hard. Maybe he caught on to the fact that when he edged the tears out of my bleary eyes, they were called by unrequited love rather than his harsh hands.

Was it even love at this point?

If I didn’t love him, I would have taken a shot and moved on once after a good drunk cry.

The last meal I had was with him.

”Literally—“ I sat on the bathroom counter and leaned against the mirror with wet trails down my face. “You’re an idiot. But we know that. We also know that Colby’s an idiot so this could work out.” I glared at my best friend as she dabbed my face with a cotton ball. My tears smeared the foundation work she did.

”So what you’re saying is he could either want me or never want to see me again.”

With enthusiasm, she nodded her head with a smile. 

“I hate you.”

”Come on,” she said and popped my thigh lightly. “You look great. We’re going to be late anyway.”

”Like usual,” I sighed. She grabbed my wrist and yanked me out of the bathroom.

The club was louder than usual.

Hotter.

I couldn’t tell if the sun was five degrees closer to this exact point on Earth or if a darkness hung over the ambient fog as a mirror. My arm already linked in hers, my best friend b-lined for the bar. Two shots down and a drink in hand, we seeked our friends out. They already had a table. 

“Look who decided to show up!” I turned to Tara when her arms flooded around me like a blanket. “I can’t believe it’s been like what, three days now? I was concerned I wasn’t going to see you before I went home.”

”Thankfully I could make it,” I sighed and our conversations fell into motion.

The elephant in my head was screaming.

”Where’s Sam and Colby?” My best friend asked first.

”I don’t know,” Jake said. His eyes scanned the club. At least they were here. “They went off after a few shots.” 

“You guys want to?” She pressed on, and I waited for everyone else’s answer to decide for myself.

Did I want to?

I didn’t know if I fully wanted to see what the two were getting up to.

”Actually sure,” Johnnie was first to speak up. Jake agreed, and when it seemed like everyone else was on board, I too followed them.

With weak knees, sure, I followed them nonetheless.

The bass in my bones was appreciated.

My best friend’s arm was a crutch as we followed our friends and danced in a sea of drunk people who wouldn’t remember the way I was on the verge of tears anyway. 

Time slipped away from me and that was how I knew I was drunk. 

Colby wasn't on my mind anymore; I had forgotten we even went looking for the two anyway. As we danced, the tension was relieved from my body, and my best friend, Tara and I merged with the crowd and shuffled with them. We took another shot. More dancing. More singing. More laughing. 

And the world paused. 

Oh, it's Colby— my drunk mind happily thought as if I hadn't been heartbroken by him and as if we hadn't just been looking for him. Then I noticed the brunette against him. 

His hands were on her hips, his tongue practically down her throat, and I couldn't blink away the image of them there grinding against each other. The only thing I could think was how ridiculous they looked together because she was obscenely small. 

She might have been as big as Tara; might. 

Before soberness truly settled in, I acted on impulse and darted straight for them. My eyes were on him, not her, him. The familiar skin, familiar soft hair. 

She didn't know the difference between his footsteps and Sam’s. 

I grabbed her by the arm and flung her off of him. From the sheer velocity her body wrought passed me, I must have been significantly bigger than her. Sure, I was taller, but I could dunk her in a pool fully clothed and lift her out of it by her shoulders.

Colby looked at me with emotionlessly dark eyes. 

I stood my ground in front of him confidently without breaking the stare. Not even to blink. 

Then, his hands lifted, grabbed my face, and he kissed me.

I was fluent in the movement of his mouth and body against mine. I could identify his taste out of a pool of other people. I knew him by his hands alone. But I didn’t know this feeling. I didn’t know these sensations; the ones that mimicked the swarm of butterflies that infected my stomach when he was simply near me. 

I could have made an embarrassing noise, but the music drowned it out. Only he felt it, and it made him taste me deeper. I grabbed him and pulled him closer. One of his arms draped around my waist and the next thing I knew, my body was flush with his.

I thought I knew anger, but when I felt how hard he was against me already, anger I hadn’t met before seeped into my veins. 

I pulled away from him. A look must have contorted across my face, because he flinched and broke the stare. His eyes fluttered quickly, and I couldn’t choose between leaving him there or getting on my knees in front of the whole club.

This anger must have been jealousy, because only my hands were allowed to touch him for all these months. 

“If you need me,” I said with a quiet venom that tasted all too sweet. “I’ll be in our bed.”

And I turned on my heel and left the club.

My best friend and I lived in the same apartment complex deliberately within walking distance of our favorite strip of clubs. Before I exited, a hand grabbed my elbow. I spun as if I were actually prepared to hit Colby in the face, but my best friend stared back at me in shock.

”What the fuck is happening?”

”I’m running home then I’m going to Colby’s. Don’t wait up for me.” Knowing she would get the details in the late noon, she turned and left.

It was at most, 30 minutes later when I stepped foot in their house. Of course I knew the code.

I ordered the Uber when I saw my apartment in the distance. I changed clothes, tossed a bag together, and waited outside in the humid night for this ride straight to Sam and Colby’s house.

I didn’t even care that Sam had no warning. I didn’t care that Colby and I didn’t discuss this at first.

The numbness I felt was incomprehensible, and under it was a lake of fiery rage. I didn’t have a plan, but I knew that when I saw Colby walk into his bedroom that night it would come to me.

I lay myself down on his bed.

The room was dark aside from the orange glow from the bedside table. His silk sheets were cool against my body, and I almost fell asleep. The silence of the house cooled my temper, and the light spinning of the overhead fan lulled me to comfortable relaxation.

I only wore the white t-shirt I came here in. My gray sweatpants were on the floor. 

He could find out what I wore underneath later.

I was almost asleep. The stillness called me until I forgot about where I was.

Until the shrill of the front door pounced me awake. I lay still as could be. I heard the familiar voices—they were alone—and then footsteps. It wasn’t Colby; the closing of a door.

I waited. Then I realized, what if Colby wasn’t coming upstairs? It was hard for me to find someone who matched my pettiness, but Colby outdid me sometimes.

Then the door opened and closed again.

Then voices.

Then the front door.

Oh.

Colby and I were alone now. Unless he left with Sam. Unless this all was—

His bedroom door opened.

My eyes met his; hazy with alcohol but significantly sobered since the last time I saw them. I sat up to my elbows. Colby didn't know what to say. I think he was just as caught off guard by our actions tonight as I was.

“Come here,” I said. My voice hardly broke a whisper, but it did. He slipped out of his shoes as he crawled onto the bed and sat in front of me. The moment I saw that look in those eyes, the plan came to me.

He sucked in a startled breath when I kissed him. He kissed me back. We were on the right track. 

I held his face and licked into his mouth and he hummed as his hands trailed from my sides up my back. I straddled him and was pleased when he didn’t fight it. He didn’t fight. He didn’t even try to win dominance and taste me for himself. 

So when I laced my fingers with his jacket and shrugged it off of him, he not only conceded but also pulled his shirt off as well. My heart thrashed against my ribs as I kissed him. I caught my breath before I kissed down his neck. He didn’t speak, and I allowed his hands to feel me. 

The moment his hands went under my shirt, I backed away.

”Lay down,” I said. He hesitated. I knew he would put up a fight, so this sweet demeanor on my tongue had to last. “Please,” I sighed.

He caved, and when he lay down, I straddled him. 

“Oh my god—“ he gasped when I leaned down and kissed him. My hands tore across his skin. I made sure there wasn’t an inch of it missed. My nails trailed down his sides, his arms, and wrists before I latched onto his hands. 

Then, he thrusted his hips up into me.

”Fuck—“ He moaned when I interlaced our fingers and pinned his hands on either side of his head. I rolled my hips against his. 

When his eyes rolled back, I flickered my gaze to the handcuffs. 

I could not risk a miscalculation.

Without hesitation, I dragged his right hand up, grabbed the cuff and clicked it tightly around his wrist.

“What—“ He gasped, his voice breaking from the shock. Chilling vibrations cut through the center of me, and my hands shook as they wrestled with him. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

”Giving you what you deserve.”

I got off of him.

”I swear to god—no. Grab the key, now—“

”Mm, you never told me where you keep it, unfortunately.” The abrasive mess in which he said my name gutted me with fear, but what could he do?

His right hand was handcuffed above his head. 

Yes, Colby still had his left hand free, but if I wanted to get away from him, I could.

I had the power. Now, though, I had to figure out how to get his other hand locked up. 

Colby laughed.

”Um, no? It’s in the fucking drawer,” his head tossed towards his table next to the bed. “Get the key.”

”No,” I said firmly. I sat in front of him on my knees. 

“Get the fucking key, now. Unlock me.”

”No,” I said with a laugh. “You pissed me the fuck off. I think I should give you what I’ve been wanting to for so long.”

”Yeah?” He laughed. That flare of anger in his eyes made my stomach flip over itself. “And what’s that?”

”A taste of your own medicine. I’m a firm believer that you should at least know what it feels like to be treated the same way you treat someone else.” He scoffed.

”You cannot think that you can make me lose myself like I make you. You’re such a brainless mess after I had my way with you.”

”Is that a challenge?”

”What? No it’s—“

”It’s sounding like you’re giving yourself away, Colby,” I sighed and dropped my head to the side. His eyes softened as he watched my hair fall over my shoulder. “Challenging me kind of sounds like you want it.”

”I don’t want anything except for you to unlock me.”

”And what would you do to me if I did?’

”I’d tie you up and make you cum over and over until you’re crying saying you’re sorry and reminding yourself that you’re mine and mine only.”

”Oh,” I gasped. He stared blankly at my faux realization. “Thank you for the ideas, that doesn’t sound too bad now, does it?”

He said my name with finality; a warning.

I climbed over him and reached his table. But then his left hand came up and grabbed my side so rough that I yelled.

”Colby!” I screamed and slapped his arm.

”Come here,” he demanded. We wrestle until I finally bent his arm back and pinned it down with my knee. He lost all leverage. “You’re in so much trouble once I’m free.”

”Pf yeah,” I scoffed with a laugh. “If you can even speak when I free you.” His hand curled up and he scratched his nails into my skin. I gasped and pinned his hand down tightly. He dragged in a cold breath with a gasp. ”You made me bleed!” I yelled. He looked at me with wide eyes that broke from our playful banter. At least I thought it was playful; honestly, I was being dead serious and by the roughness he handled me with, I assumed he was being serious as well.

“Now,” I started again. “Be good and let me get stuff.” He laughed at me. “Colby,” I demanded and dug my thumb into the tendons of his wrist.

”Hey!” He cried in pain and tried to drag his hand back.

”You’re going to be good for me, right?” His eyes shined darkly up at me as if he were a child throwing a fit over being grounded. “Colby,” I groaned his name through gritted teeth.

Then, his eyes widened when I straddled him.

Immediately, his free hand came up and held my hip. The sweetness didn’t last long; he slapped my ass harshly and then dug his nails into the flesh until it too probably bled.

”Colby!” I shouted at him, and my hand found his throat.

He looked up at me in shock, and I stared down with an evil ever growing smile.

”Get the fuck off of me.”

”No,” I spat back. I squeezed. He closed his eyes once then opened again.

He said my name again with a grit on the end.

”I said no!” And I choked him harder. He sucked in an uneven breath. 

His grip on my hip didn’t hurt anymore.

”Now give me your other hand.”

This time, he didn’t say anything, he simply shook his head.

”Be good for me and give me your other hand. I can’t trust that you won’t try to stop me from giving you what you deserve.” He opened his eyes. 

They were hazier.

”And what do you think I deserve?” 

“Everything you’ve given me.” He laughed again.

”I’d like to see you try.

And his other hand raised up and lay down above his head. 

I essentially gawked at him, but didn’t lose the chance. Quickly, I wrapped the cuff around his wrist and I looked down to his eyes when they clicked tightly shut. He stared up at me in anticipation, and after I finally dragged myself out from drowning in his eyes, I got off of him.

”What? No come back—“

”Don’t tell me what to do. Do you allow me to give orders?” 

“No but giving orders isn’t your job.” I scoffed as I looked through the stash of toys we had in his drawer. 

“Says the person locked to the bed.”

”Oh my fucking god,” he grumbled deeply. I grabbed what I wanted and came back. “I’m going to tear you apart when you’re done.”

”I bet,” I laughed.

”What the fuck are you doing with those?” I didn’t respond as I left the fleshlight and vibrator on the bed next to us. He sucked in a breath as I unbuttoned his pants.

We knew. 

It was too obvious. 

He should have been grateful I didn’t make a remark from how painfully hard he was in his jeans already. 

But then—

But then I decided that I really couldn’t lose this moment in teasing him.

”So was it the fact that you’re handcuffed to the bed or the fact that I choked you that you’re already hard as fuck?” He gasped my name.

”Shut the fuck up.”

”No, no, I asked you a question.” I didn’t know where the sudden string of confidence came from, but I basked in it. I hovered over him like he would hover over me, and his eyes were dark with anger. “You answer my questions, Colby.”

”That was a stupid question.”

”If I said that to you, what would I deserve?” 

“I would slap you and then, well, you wouldn’t deserve to cum—“

His words were hardly out of his mouth before I slapped him. 

I smiled widely as his eyes widened in shock before they melted into a deeper anger. My hand lowered to his throat and I tightened like he would frequently tighten his hand around me.

“Thank you so much for all the ideas, you really are insightful.”

”Wait—“ I cut him off with a kiss. He kissed me back furiously, and my own head grew fuzzy from the way he pushed his tongue in my mouth and tasted me like he hadn’t been able to for years. I pulled away and his head collapsed back to the pillow with a pitiful groan. 

“You’re ridiculous,” I sighed as I kissed down his neck.

”How?” He asked. His voice wavered. I knew all his ticks; I knew that kissing down his neck and chest made him feel as light and fuzzy as it made me when he locked me up. 

“You’re acting like I haven’t allowed you to touch me for years.”

”Yeah it’s basically the same thing.” I laughed as I kissed over his chest and chills raced down his body in the wake of my breath. 

“You fucked the shit out of me three nights ago, Colby.” I knew he hated it when I talked to him like this; confident jeers laced with spite. 

“Oh fuck—“ He moaned when I rolled my hips with his. I too sucked in a fast breath because the friction of his jeans against my thin soaked underwear caught me off guard. I kissed down his skin and left love bites wherever I pleased. Each time I sucked and bit his skin and broke his evenly toned skin with blue and purple bruises, he shuddered and moaned.

I didn’t tease him for it in fear that he would conceal them.

Then my mouth reached his pantline. He gasped my name.

There it was. 

There was a different tone in his voice. A breathiness; a desperation. I looked up at him. His head was tossed back and he must have felt my stare because he looked straight at me.

”What? What’s wrong?” I teased. He shook his head and rolled his eyes.

”You’re the one being ridiculous now.”

”Oh am I?” 

“Yes,” he gritted his teeth. He pushed his head against his arm. 

“How am I being ridiculous now?”

”You know.”

”I don’t know anything,” I sighed and shook my head. My fingertips still invaded his underwear and slid across the skin that was indented from the band. 

His breathing was deeper now.

”Tell me what you want.”

”I don’t want anything.” I almost laughed out loud at that lie. The biggest lie. His eyes were nearly glazed over and his breathing was deep and uneven. When I moved over the front of his jeans, his hips ever so slightly thrusted up at me.

”You are such a liar,” I laughed. “Now tell me what you want.”

”I don’t—“

”I will do this all fucking night, Colby, so tell me what you want, now.” His eyes stared down at me widely, emotionlessly. He believed me. He bit his lip in thought. “Seriously, I will keep you here like this. You’re so hard already I know you have to cum to make it go away. So are you able to cum like this? With no one touching y—“

”Okay! Just-Just take off my pants.” I smiled down at him.

”You want me to take off your pants?”

”Yes.”

”What do you say?” A glare shot up in my direction. “You should be fluent in how to politely ask questions, right? Since you’ve trained me so well to be polite.” A loud gasp shot through his mouth when I pushed a knee down over his arousal. 

“Fuck—“ He cried and tossed his head back.

”Ask me nicely for what you want and maybe I’ll give it to you.”

”Please.” 

The word was so incredibly subtle but it was there.

”What did you say? I didn’t hear you.”

”I said please,” he groaned louder.

”Please what?” That fiery gaze behind his eyes almost made me tremble.

”Take off my pants, please.”

”Mm-hm…” I hummed. I watched as he tensed from where my fingers lightly traced across his body. ��That was shit. Ask again.”

”I swear to god—What do you want from me?”

”You know exactly what I want from you,” I spat as I lowered my face to his. He tried to lift up and kiss me but he couldn’t reach. “Now ask me nicely or I will get up and leave you here.”

”I already asked—“ My hand pinned his throat down to the bed.

”Try again.”

He moaned my name.

”That’s not what I’m asking—“

”Oh shit—please,” he moaned. This time it was real. His eyes closed with pleasure as I lowered my weight on his jeans. My other hand touched every inch of his skin and dipped below the waistband of his pants. I knew it was evil, but I pushed him further and further. 

“Please what?”

”Can you please take off my pants? Please?” 

Butterflies erupted in my stomach when his voice softened with yearning. A want so deep; I knew how that felt. That was a true desperation that I had never heard from him before.

”Oh my god,” I whispered. “You sound so nice,” I praised. 

This time when I kissed down his body, I unzipped his pants. Uneven breaths were my only response as I slowly pulled the black denim off. My own heart raced and my own skin caught on fire when he was free from them. His head met the pillow and every time I looked up to his face, I caught his eyes fluttering shut more often than not.

“Holy shit,” he moaned freely. I looked down in between us. I grinded down on him and I too almost lost myself in the pleasure. He was so hot and wet against me that even though we both were underwear, could I even call this dry humping? I moved against him tighter, and this time, he fucked his hips up into mine.

”Fuck, Colby—“ I accidentally moaned.

And that woke him up.

He looked up at me with that haze gone from his eyes. Anger dwelled there now, and he looked down in between us where I continuously rocked.

”What, does it feel so good now that you’re already losing that fake dominance? I know you’re already losing it; you’ve been pretending to not freak out this entire time—oh shit.”

I didn’t waste a second more. I yanked his underwear down and pulled him free from the rough confines. His head rolled and I watched as his lips parted. He fought it. I knew he did; he fought expressing how relieving it felt.

”What were you saying?” I teased brightly. He tried to fight it still. Then his eyes rolled back.

”Oh my god,” he moaned, and I smiled as I stroked him slowly. Painfully, infuriatingly slowly. “Stop. Just—“

”Okay.” 

And I dropped him.

”No, I mean stop teasing. Holy shit, just touch me.”

”That was mean,” I gasped. “If you really wanted it, you would beg for it.” 

“Shut the hell up.” He didn't laugh. He slowly lost it; it was too evident. I knew that when he laughed that was when my metaphorical tail shoved between my legs. But this faux anger? 

Colby was slowly breaking.

”I don't think I will. I think you should nicely ask me for what you want and then I will give it to you.”

He warned me with my name on his wet lips.

”Colby, be good for me and ask sweetly.”

”Please,” he grumbled. His hair spread across the pillow in frustration. “Please touch me.” He immediately choked on moans when I stroked him tightly. My hand was firmer than he liked and I moved so quickly that his eyes snapped closed. “Oh my god, oh my god, that’s—holy shit—that’s too much—oh fuck!”

”Is it? I thought you wanted me to touch you.” 

“Oh fuck—“ I watched as his chest rose up and down quickly. “Please—“

My stomach fell out of its place.

I didn’t ask for him to say that please.

”I’m sorry what?” I gasped.

He moaned my name. I quickened my pace. His stomach tensed and he lurched forward.

”Please!” He almost shouted.

”Please what?” I asked.

”I’m—oh my god—you’re going too fast.”

”How am I going too fast?” My voice was calm even though a storm lay behind my eyes. 

“I’m-I’m—oh my god—I’m gonna cum.”

”Yeah?” I pitifully laughed as my eyes watched his every move, every breath. He didn’t need to use words to communicate with me. 

His chest rose and fell, his wrists yanked at the cuffs, and his hips thrusted up into my hand. He sucked in a harsh breath and—

“No,” he gasped when I dropped him again. I sat back up and allowed his fiery eyes to rake over my body. 

I took off my shirt and I swear he stopped breathing. Then he rolled his eyes back and laid his head on the pillow. 

The lace of my bra matched my underwear; he knew what that meant.

”What’s wrong?” I teased. An airy tone lodged itself on my tongue and I couldn’t help but smile at his recoiling body. “Did you finally figure out that this is what I planned to do all along?”

”You’re such a bitch,” he whined.

”I am?” I gasped. I leaned over him and grabbed his face with a hand. His wide eyes stared up at me. “You’re the one who thought it was a good idea to make out with that random bitch! You-You—after literally fucking everything too?” My voice was loud and I shoved his head back down. When I stood back on my knees again, he looked at me with a sort of desperation in his eyes that I hadn’t seen before. “God knows what you did to her! You get her number? Did you touch her? If it weren’t for me, you probably would have fucked her tonight, wouldn’t you?”

”No—“

”Don’t lie to me!” My voice made him flinch. He moaned my name. “I’m serious! You are so goddamn confusing and selfish, Colby! I wanted you so bad and that’s how you repay me?”

”No it’s-it’s not—“

”Then why would you do it?” I asked. 

His body lurched forward when I grabbed him and stroked him quickly. He moaned my name again and I wanted to bask in the beautiful sound, but I couldnt. 

”Tell me!”

”Because—oh shit!”

”Colby!” I grabbed his hip with my other hand and left bloody crescent moons.

”Fuck! I’m—holy shit, please—I’m going to cum—“

”And I’m not stopping until you tell me—Actually,” I sighed as I remembered the toys on the bed. I grabbed the fleshlight.

”Fuck no, I’m—oh my fucking god—!”

”Why did you do that to me, hm?” I asked as I abrasively stoked him with the toy. His eyes rolled back and his body writhed under me. His moans were rough and he muttered incoherent words. “Colby?”

”Because—“ He gasped. He tried to bring his head up, but he couldn’t keep still and rested it against his arm.

”Tell me, now,” I spat. He looked up at me.

His eyes were glossy and a haze filled them again, only this time, his mouth spouted incoherent words endlessly.

”Colby—“

”I’m coming—“

”Fucking tell me,” I doubled down. 

The second his eyes snapped shut and lips parted to elicit the prettiest moans I ever heard, I watched as I stroked him through his orgasm. My heart stammered in my chest when I watched his cum streak from the end of the silicon. I dragged in a breath so that I wouldn’t cave—so that I wouldn’t moan—and I focused on the pain in my heart as his cum poured onto his skin and all over my hand and the toy.

”Stop,” he gasped breathlessly.

”Not until you tell me why you would do that to me.”

He said my name. His voice broke at the end.

”Colby,” I gritted my teeth. “Tell me why you thought it would be already with you breaking my heart like that.”

”I didn’t—oh my fucking god, please!” His voice was loud; it reverberated in my bones.

”You did!” I squeezed harder and this time, his body reeled against itself. His legs kicked out and he tried to push me away. “You kissed her, shit, you probably were going to fuck her too!”

”I fucking wasn’t! I didn’t!” He screamed. Tears welled in his eyes. 

“Okay, then why did you flirt—“

”I wanted you!” My heart stop. “Fuck, please! Please, I’m sorry. I’m sorry! I didn’t-didn’t kiss or fuck anyone! I needed you, want you so bad, but you didn’t-didn’t want me so-so I thought—“

”You thought making out with someone else was the right thing?” I gasped. Tears fell down his face now.

”Yes!” He cried. “Because then I can get ov-over you—you didn’t want-want me!” I slowed down my movements.

”Col-Colby,” I stuttered quietly. “You can safeword.”

And he laughed.

Heat boiled under my skin—something akin to humiliation—and so I grabbed the vibrator and turned it on.

“Holy shit—“ I cut his moan off by pushing the vibrator against his tip.

”You’re such an asshole, Jesus Christ,” I groaned. He writhed against the sheets as his wrists must have been bruises from the cuffs.

”Please,” he whined at that point, and I stroked him with a steady pace.

”So mean to me,” I sighed. “I like you Colby, Jesus Christ I like you so much; you’re all I wanted for so long, and you’re an idiot enough to make me jealous to get with me?”

“I’m sorry, please—”

”You can safewor—“

”No,” he cut me off. “No just-just please just…”

”Just what, baby?” I asked sweetly. He moaned loudly again.

”Fuck fuck fuck, I’m—holy shit!” I looked down at my work on him. My hand still stroked him with the clear silicon and my own teal vibrator buzzed him to the highest point of overstimulation. Fuck, he was so incredibly flushed red and purple; I didn’t know how much more he could handle and he was clearly too arrogant to safeword.

”Tell me, tell me now, Colby. What’s wrong?” He groaned as he tugged on the cuffs more and more. 

He wouldn’t stop chanting expletives so I stroked him faster and faster—

“Holy shit,” I gasped as quick and faint clear spurts came from him. “What the fuck; did you squirt for me, baby? Have you even done that before?” He choked on nothing as words left him. He still squirmed away from me, and while he wasn’t quite where I needed him yet, at least he couldn’t speak anymore. “You’re so fucking hot for as stupid as you are,” I said before I leaned over and kissed down his skin again. His shook timidly with every passing of my lips and breath, and when I reached the mess he made on his lower stomach, I licked it up and he moaned and tried to thrust his hips up.

”More?” I gasped. “You want more?”

”No! Please, no. No way.”

”Oh, so you still can speak?” He glared up at me and that was when I noticed it.

He didn’t pull at the cuffs anymore.

I took the vibrator off of him. He slumped back as deep breaths filled his burning lungs.

And when I took the fleshlight off of him, he relaxed so deeply that I thought he would pass out. Until I straddled him.

He gasped and looked up at me. I watched as my hands touched him, teased him, and I ground myself down on him. I knew he hardly had anything left of him; his head fell back immediately and bright eyes rolled back.

I didn’t care though. He didn’t meet his breaking point yet. So took my underwear off over him and he watched me hazily. His eyes didn’t leave my body, especially not when my aching arousal was right in front of him.

”What?” I asked with a slight laugh in my tone. He finally looked at my eyes. “Do you really not want to fuck me now?”

He moaned my name.

”You don’t?”

”Fuck,” he gasped. “Want it so bad.”

”What do you want?” He rolled his eyes with a moan. It turned into a gasp when I grinded down on him. It took everything in me to not melt from the way his body mended with mine. Our fluids mixed and he was so wet already and slightly less hard than usual; I almost sank down on him by accident multiple times.

”Please,” he whined.

”Please what?”

”Just want you,” he said through gritted teeth like it was a challenge.

”What do you want me to do?” I shot back.

”Fuck me,” he finally whispered. My head cocked to the side as if I misheard him.

”I’m sorry what?” I slid against him again and his head met the pillows. 

“Oh my fucking god, please! Fuck me, please fuck me. I need you so bad. Just fuck—oh fuck!” I pushed myself down on him, and I gasped when I finally was full. 

“Holy shit Colby,” rushed out of my mouth so fast that I let go of the dominance for a second. I rocked my hips lazily as if I tried to gather my bearings; as if I was the one edged and overstimulated to hell and back. “You feel so damn good oh fuck.” 

Rivers of moans flowed from him and I drank all of them up. I moved faster and faster until we both were sweaty and breathless. The way he looked up at me through hazy eyes and wordless moans pulled me in and I couldn’t resist. I brought myself down and kissed him, and oh, he kissed me back like it was the first and last time he could.

He licked into my mouth and I allowed it; I didn’t fight for more dominance. I didn’t know how to, not when he felt this unbelievable. 

“Shit—“ He gasped against my lips.

”What?” I whispered when I pulled back. 

“Close,” he whispered too.

”Already?” I teased. “You’re going to cum again for me?” He nodded quickly and I pressed him back down to the pillow with my hand around his throat. 

“Yes,” he choked when I squeezed tightly. “I’m so—oh shit—so close!” He whined and I kept moving even as I knew my own orgasm was just as close. 

“Yeah baby? Are you going to be so good for me and fill me with your cum?” He nodded quickly.

”Yes, please. Fuck, you feel so good.” I smiled down at him and I retracted my hand from his throat. He moaned freely and lay on the bed without tension. God, I loved it. I understood now how he loved the thrill of being in control.

I couldn’t get over the sight of his lax body on the bed and lax hands in the cuffs.

I grabbed the vibrator again.

”What—“

”Shh,” I told him. I turned it on then lowered it behind me. “You’re going to cum again for me right?”

”Yes! Why—fuck,” he choked on nothing and his jaw dropped. His eyes closed tightly and I marveled at the pleasure that painted his face when I pushed the vibrator against his perineum.

”What baby?” I teased again. And he writhed again, his breath grew faster and faster.

”Coming,” he choked out once and I turned the vibrator on a higher setting.

I knew when his orgasm crashed into him again. Another loud moan pushed from him and he couldn’t open his eyes. His face still gleamed wet from the tears, and I couldn’t stop watching him even as his body shook from even more overstimulation.

”Oh my fucking god—ugh!” He practically screamed my name when I didn’t stop my movements. I watched as his fingers tangled together so he could hold onto something and he pushed his cheek into the pillow as if I was too bright of a light for him to look at.

”Fuck Colby,” I moaned as I felt it grow and grow in my stomach. “Fuck, Colby—“ I gasped again as I couldn’t help it, I couldn’t control it anymore.

He opened his eyes again and watched me when I took the vibrator away from him and pressed it against myself. Immediately when it touched me, my climax hit me violently and I fell forward and held myself up by my hand next to his raised arm.

”Fuck! Oh my god, Colby,” I moaned his name as I rode out my high. I knew he watched me breathlessly. When I opened my eyes, his were still enchanted with me. “Holy shit,” I laughed. “You made me cum so hard.” A small smile pulled at his dark lips as he caught his breath.

”Oh my god—“ I pulled off of him and he finally relaxed fully on the bed. It took a second, but when I hovered over him, his cum pooled on his lower stomach again. “Come here,” he mumbled.

”What?” I asked. “I’m right here.”

”Taste you,” he slurred his words. Taken aback, it took a second or too until I walked on my knees up to his face. My legs shook with every movement until I was over him and he raised himself up and licked me once, twice, before pressing his tongue into me.

I moaned his name and palmed at his hair until he was finished with me. He looked up at me and from that look in his eyes, I knew he would never be finished with me. He just cleaned all that he could.

I kissed him. I kissed him so sweetly that he hummed in contentment and laid himself back down in the plush bedding. I pulled away and kissed his neck a few times before looking at him.

That haze in his eyes didn’t go away yet.

He didn’t pull at the cuffs.

He didn’t say anything yet.

”Let me unlock you now,” I said and he only nodded. 

When I unlocked him, his hands dropped to the mattress and stayed there.

”Colby,” I spoke gently. “You can move now.”

”I know,” he sighed. “I need-I need um, something—a minute.”

”Yeah, I know,” I said as I traced his skin with my fingertips. I laid down at his side and cuddled into him.

”Fuck,” he laughed as he came down from his headspace. “You’re in so much trouble.” 

“Oh am I?” I laughed. He turned to me and cuddled against me.

”Yeah, so much trouble… Tomorrow though. After—“ He sighed as if he caught his breath for the first time. “After a much needed discussion.”

”Okay,” I laughed and kissed him one more time. “I’ll be in trouble tomorrow after we have our much needed discussion.”

And we held onto each other when we slept that night. 

✧˖*°࿐

Taglist (Comment to be added):

@a-random-google-user

@graceciesiels22

@honestlybabymiracle

#sam and colby #colby brock #sam golbach #18+ only #minors dni #colby brock smut #colby brock x reader #rosie writings #rosie hub

[likehoneyandsilk]

Ease My Mind

Seldom did Joe lose his serene and composed demeanor. At least not outwardly. It periodically became easier to notice the shift, the sway in his everyday presence. As July rolled in, when the weeks passed in a haze, hot summer heat idle in the air, you observed as your lover lumbered through another day without a vocal complaint. It was the soft sighs, slouching shoulders, tender muscles, and tired eyes repeatedly finding salvage between your arms. Within your grasp, lips pressed against your chest and silky strands brushing underneath your chin, was where he felt most at peace, the voices in his head muted.

It was uncanny, you thought, sitting at the edge of the tub as Joe leaned back, body immersed in an ice bath. Uncanny that a season like Summer symbolizing warmth and positivity became such a dreadful time for him. The pressure he placed on himself tormented, gravely demeaning. It was times like this when the expectations from himself and the public, the desire to perform beyond optimal perfection, settled deep into his soul, rattling his bones, and forcing him past even his own lengthy limits. He was never unrestrained from his job. Instead, he was entirely devoted and enthroned till his very last game. Till the final call, the end of an era belonging to Cincinnati’s golden boy.

When February ended, and March peeked into your lives, it was bliss. You gave Joe grace for a few weeks to wrap his mind around another completed season and permit him time to heal and redeem his emotions. By late February he'd recomposed, football aside, and you both played house. From hometown trips, aimless drives, mid-day chatter, and the ever-so-thrilling nights in bed. The following months leading up to this moment, when the kisses and embraces became more compassionate, the moments held fragile, and the memories of another off-season taunting.

And today as you sat before him, watching dawn grace his face golden yellow, concealing those electric blue eyes, you could not help but feel a twinge of guilt. Off-season despite its bliss, signified more acknowledged time apart. It was easier during the season to work, share meals, take evenings in, lazy mornings in bed on off days, spend your weekends cheering him on, road trips, and fancy team dinners. Any moment together was treasured, the routine ironically steady. But now you pondered if a phone call to the hospital would suffice the turmoils in your stomach. A harmless sick day, an opportunity to play hooky, a chance to pull Joe away from his mind. Your feet moved before the gears in your brain, and within seconds you managed to escape the tiring but rewarding 12 hours ahead, to instead look after your lover.

Upon returning to the bathroom, you met with those captivating blue eyes. Joe smiled at you softly, eyes glancing over your frame. His voice barely audible as he muttered a “Hey you”. Some mornings were brief. He’d catch your lips in a rush, pulling the hem of an oversized shirt covering your body closer precipitously. His hands would find your waist, consuming your senses in just a few seconds, till you’d split, forced to conquer your days. He missed the feel of you against him, the hours spent keeping each other warm, and his ears sought the medley you’d spill from within, only made for him. But his muscles were sore, his legs throbbing, and when he had you alone he selfishly craved your nursing. Familiar hands massaging every aching spot, lips pressing pleasant kisses to sections of pain, and those loving eyes he prayed to call his forever laced with concern before he’d dismiss your mind, venture to revoke the fear in your voice, drive away all worry and pull you into sleep with him, holding you close as if to persuade you he was well.

And as you lay next to him, watching him drift away, observing the crease between his brows resolve and his chest rise and fall with tiresome depth, you knew he was attempting to convince himself.

This morning, however, he noted the relaxation in your stride. His gaze observed as you sat near him, pulling your long hair back before those angelic eyes inched closer, and you pressed your lips to his dearly. The water shifted, barely jumping at the contact of his cold and wet hand against the warm skin of your neck until another held you in place, securing your bare legs, thick fingers pressing into your skin. He groaned as your part, a lazy smile on your lips. The hem of your shirt was wet, water trickling down your neck. Joe's profound chest was littered with droplets, shimmering against the ray of dawn. You placed your forehead against his, closing your eyes as the feel of his hands crept closer to your bottom. He muttered incoherent remarks at the first feel of thin lace. Before he could pull you in, you spoke.

“What time is practice?” your voice was sweet, almost hushed. His head fell back, a desolate sigh leaving his lips. The room fell quiet again. You placed your lips against his neck, painting a pathway of gentle kisses to his jaw. “Around noon.” His fingers tugged the thin material covering your body, distressed hands longing to have his way. Pulling away, you nodded, your eyes wandering to the large window behind you. The sun was barely up, and Joe had finished an early morning workout already. “Well then,” You faced him again, reaching for a towel on the vanity, holding it out for him. “Better get you some breakfast.”

The house was beginning to glow as the sun inched steadily above the horizon. The white walls became yellow, the hardwood floors shining. The aroma of coffee engulfed Joe’s senses as he made his way down the stairs toward the kitchen. He found you assembling freshly toasted frozen waffles on a plate, dousing them with savory syrup. Before he could protest or retreat from anything outside of his strict diet, you spoke.

“Not today Burrow, one sugary breakfast won’t hurt you.” You motioned to the coffee cups as you lead him to the balcony, nudging the large French doors open with your foot, setting the plates before both of you on the table, as you relaxed into the patio couch. Joe took a hearty bite of a waffle, mouth overcome with sweetness and delight. But nothing matched the pacifying look in your eyes when he turned to face you. “Told you,” you whispered, a smile lurking on your lips. You both ate in silence for a moment, watching the day come alive before you. Finally, Joe spoke aloud, his arm circling your waist.

“Don’t you have work today?” He asked, confusion spreading over his face. He toyed with the hem of your shirt, tips of his fingers daring to graze skin. “No, I called in,” you declared simply, watching as the furrow between his eyebrows became apparent. “I want to spend the day with you.” You added, extending your leg over him, placing your weight on his large thighs. Your hands ran up his neck, as you bent towards him, lips barely apart. “I want to look after you today.” You whispered, exploring his eyes for a sign of solace. “Y/N you didn’t have to …”

Joe admired your drive and passion for your profession. He was in awe of your selfless nature to look after others day and night. During the season you put aside your career some weeks to help him focus, support him and be present with him. And he despised pulling you away from what you loved and did best. “I know, trust me I know, but I want to calm down whatever it is going on in here.” Your voice was an analgesic, and your fingers recovery as they ran through his hair, stroking his scalp. He fell loose before you, allowing you to take authority as you kissed him. His body settled beneath your touch. Your hands ran up his arms which had grown over the last few weeks, along his torso which was more firm. And as your chest pressed against his, your hair falling to frame his face, the taste of syrup and coffee filling his mouth, he guided you underneath him. His calloused restless hands found residence beneath your shirt, feeling the panes of your back as Joe released his weight gently onto you. Your hips pushed against his, a gasp escaping your lips when those blue eyes flashed before you, the larger man practically crawling down your body.

Despite the yearning, regardless of the butterflies in your stomach, you withdrew, mumbling a breathless “Wait”, the tips of your digits pushing into his broad shoulders. “Not yet,” you whimpered, sighing. You swiped the sole curl on his forehead aside as he fell next to you, face nestled into your neck. “Not yet.” You whispered, feeling his lashes flutter against you, the silent consolation when he found your skin underneath fabric again, legs entangling with yours. The pleasure he desired was not a remedy for easing his mind. And while you held him, grazing your fingers through his hair, you observed as his body rose and fell steadily. And as the day awoke, Joe slept within your arms, and you didn’t dare wake him till just before noon.

The sun was fully awake as you stood on the sidelines of Paycor Stadium. The sky above you a vivacious blue, not a cloud in sight. You watched Joe run drills with the team. Those long muscular legs were quick and fast. Daring blue eyes hyper-focused. And every throw was meticulous, as the football spun seamlessly into the hands of his receivers. His orange jersey brought out the tan in his skin which glistened underneath the heat.

As the whistle blew for a water break, Joe permit himself to look at you. When you followed him to the car this morning, any dread of practice seeped through him when you declared you would join. And now, as you stood a few steps away, engaged in polite conversation with the training staff, Joe pulled his ears from the banter amongst his teammates, tuning their voices out, and found serenity at the sight of you.

It was a challenge not to fixate on you during drills, knowing in the back of his mind, from the corner of his eyes that the pretty girl in the blue sundress with tiny daisies was his girl. The sun gleamed down on your rich skin, hair loose, blowing slightly with the soft breeze. White cheeky heart-shaped sunglasses rested atop your head. Your cheeks were rosy from the heat and that pretty smile on your pink lips filled him with warmth greater than the scorching heat as you listened intently to your speaker. Far too mesmerized, Joe barely heard the whistle blow near him. It wasn’t until Coach Taylor yelled his name demanding his attention, followed by the snicker of his teammates as they glanced back at their quarterback's weakness did he ultimately draw his eyes from you, but not until catching sight of a reassuring smile you sent his way.

In another two hours, you had sought shade in the tunnel watching as practice concluded. As the men made their way off the green grass, some stopping to embrace you, you watched Coach Taylor pull Joe aside. At first, his broad shoulders seemed to tighten, those fine lips pursed, but then as the words left the Coach’s mouth you watched him ease back into comfort. The pair approached you then, anticipation bubbled as a glistening Joe headed straight for you. “Joe is excused from media obligations today Y/N.” You smiled at Coach Taylor as he sent you a wink, bidding you both well.

Your chest rose and fell prominently as Joe stood before you. Your fingers intertwined with his as your backside depressed against the firm wall. “I don’t know what you did, but thank you.” The skin of his cheeks and forehead was sunkissed, the redness evident, and his baby blue eyes more luminous outside. The hair atop his head was messy, which he pushed back with his hand. With weary eyes Joe scanned near and far, before resting a hand over your head, bending down to press a grateful kiss to your lips. His right knee lightly pushed against your thigh, the edge of your little sun dress lifting dangerously higher. Your mind felt foggy, swamped with the fragrances of sweat, grass, and remnants of his cologne. Your arms wrapped around his neck, trying to reach his height as you stood on your toes, practically falling into him. And you didn’t pull back, not until a stream of whistles emerged from nearby. Joe laughed as he walked back into the locker room, turning to find your cheeks blushed, pulling the sunglasses over your eyes.

The house was silent, except for the sounds of soft breaths, the pages of your novel turning as your eyes skimmed over words, and the scratch of Joe’s pen against paper. The sun was beginning to descend below the horizon, the sky outside a canvas of cotton candy pink. The sound of Joe’s heartbeat filled your ears, as you lay your head on his chest, meshed into the couch. Much to your dismay, Joe was distracted with an article on his play. The writer critiqued his form, speed, and resilience. You listened as his heart quickened, frustration evident as he shifted uncomfortably against you. He obsessively underlined phrases and lines, reading over and over what this foreign man claimed he needed to improve. Unable to take it anymore you shifted, your weight no longer pulling into him and he forced his eyes away, a sudden panic as you stood up. Your novel fell in your spot on the couch, unfazed as you lost your page. "Put it away, please, for your sanity just put it away.” Joe watched as the familiar fear clouded your eyes. 

There were only so many times he could play dumb.

Circling your hand around his, you gestured for him to join you. Trailing behind you like a lost puppy, he watched your fingers skim as you flipped light switches, the house becoming dark as did the sky, a sleek dark blue. Reaching the bathroom, you pressed your palms into Joe’s chest, pushing him back towards the vanity. He watched as you filled the tub with warm water, the steam rising. You made your way effortlessly through the bathroom depositing rose and lavender Epsom salts into the water. Finally, when the tub was full, the waft of rose and lavender swallowing him, you came closer, your dainty fingers falling to his gray cotton shorts. Your fingers danced through the strings, loosening them as your hands slid up higher, pulling the black shirt over his head. Your eyes never met his, but he kept his on you, watching as the concern laced your features, tears threatening to spill.

“I want you to get in.” your voice was hushed, sending a shiver down his spine as he nodded, forcing his hands away from your waist as you turned without a glimpse. The door shut behind you, and you lingered, holding your breath till you heard the water shift, his relieved sigh loud as you imagined him descending into the water. After a few minutes of solitude, you knocked, peaking your head into the bathroom, catching Joe in utopia, head back, eyes closed as the warmth around soothed every muscle, each nerve, and delighted his skin. Quietly you sat next to him, your hips in alignment with his head. 

His eyes opened at the first feel of your touch and closed almost immediately. Loving hands massaged his shoulder, your palms outlining the pane of his collarbone, gracing his back, watching as he tensed and eased back into you. Dipping your hands into the water, you brought them back up, running your fingers through his scalp, washing away the scents reminding you of locker room shampoo. You worked quietly, shifting to press your hands into any exposed skin, bringing his arms to rest against your bare thighs as you relieved each knot, every tense form.

His eyes opened as his head fell against your stomach, his large hands closing around yours resting on his bare chest. The silence was comfort. The night had become cool, the floor beneath your feet icey. “What is it that’s on your mind?” He shifted against you, a sigh following a long pause. “What if I’m not good enough? What if I let everyone down again?” You purse your lips at these words, scouring for the right things to say as your head dipped lower in gloom. “You’re always going to think you need to do better. And whether you see it or not, you are better, every year. A trophy doesn’t prove your worth.” You hovered your hand underneath his chin, pulling his head back as you grazed your lips over his. He kissed you feverishly. “You just have to remind yourself you are getting better. It isn’t fair to not love and appreciate yourself the way you do others.” His features softened, eyes fading into realization. 

As he fell back into you, your hold tighter, you whispered into his ear, pressing your lips against it as if to seal the deal. “You play the game for a living, but you can’t live to play. There will always be someone to tell you that you aren’t better, but if you choose to listen and drive yourself into suffering when instead you can use it to build yourself soundly, I can only speculate how your mind would ease.” For a few more minutes you held him, listening to the sound of his breathing as his eyes stared out into the darkness, your words shifting in his brain.

And as you started the shower, pressing a loving kiss to his lips, you left the bathroom, retreating back to settle your own mind.

When you entered the bedroom again he sat against the headboard, long legs hanging off the bed, feet planted firmly on the ground, and a sober look on his face. Wordless, he reached for you, drawing you near, your legs draping over his thick-toned thighs, skin unveiled as his shorts rose higher. “You’re right Y/N.” The two simple words lingered between you, the concern in your eyes overcome with endearment. You pressed your lips into the crook of his neck, cheek resting on his shoulder as your arms wrapped around him. You breathed in the smells of rose and lavender, your brain fuzzy and stomach filling with butterflies. His fingers danced in your hair, an arm draped across your waist holding you close. “Lean back Joe.” he groaned ever so softly as you pulled away, in search of what it is you needed. 

He watched through heavy lustful eyes as you rummaged through the drawers, smiling as you pulled a pain relief oil from one. “Tell me where it hurts.” The room was dim, and as your bodies made shadows on the walls, the glow warm, your eyes glistening before him, Joe obeyed, guiding your hand to his left thigh. Sitting before him on your knees, settled between his outstretched legs, he gulped as you raised his shorts higher, heat rushing to your cheeks as the oil you rubbed between your palms met his thigh, fidgeting underneath your tedious hands. Slowly you made your way through every painful location, and as you pulled the his shirt over his head, your own eyes heavy, you beckoned to switch spots, settling behind him, drawing circles into the panes of his back, up his spine and down his biceps. And with every ease of pain, every delicate touch of love, he fell deeper in love if possible.

He listened as the water ran in the shower, waiting for you as the effects of the oil seeped into his muscles. For the first time in days he felt free. For the first time in days he didn’t dread tomorrow. And as you opened the door, eyes catching his, you made you way back to him hesitantly, afraid to inflict more pain. “There you go, that’s better.” You chuckled at his teasing remarks, cheeks crimson as your core met his thigh, his hands pulling the lace robe off your body, revealing white lace in the most intimate of spots.

“Thank you for today, and everyday,” he whispered, bringing you down with him, rolling over to face you as you fell beneath him. You nodded, knowing slowly but surely Joe understood. Your fingers traced the brim of his nose, the outline of his lips before digging your fingers into the hem of his shorts. You shuddered as his hands inched higher up your thighs, his lips trailing from your lips, down your neck, and descending below your sternum.

You sunk further in bed, engulfed by the sheets as his hands got lost in your hair, trailed down your warm arms and cupped your cheeks as his teeth grazed your bottom lip. “I wish I could make you forget it all” you whispered, words dripping with sympathy. He nodded against you, “I know ..., I know ...”. Your heart fluttered as his hips pressed against yours, skin meeting skin as your bodies entangled. Cupping his face within your hands you halted him, watching those desperate eyes hold your gaze intently. “You’re more than enough nine”. You watched the calm wash over his face, pictured the wave of relief running through his mind. And you kissed him, drawing him from his woes, pulling him into another world, reminding him just how much you loved him. 

#joe burrow #joe burrow imagines #joe burrow x reader #joe burrow imagine #cincinnati bengals #begals #joe burrow one shot #cincinnati bengals imagines #joe burrow oneshot #joe burrow writes #joe burrow fanfictoon #nfl imagine

[sugawhaaa]

-Gaon One-shot

Hot summer day

Warnings: smut

Genre:blow job, handjob, over stimulation, fluff to smut, praise

Pairing:sub!Jiseok x dom!fem!reader

A/N:I completely forgot to post this 😨 sorry 😭 ik smutty Gaon fics are very popular on my account bc Jiseok biased are fucking crazy and horny (I'm a Gaon biased)

You sat on the floor of the living room with your boyfriend as he played his guitar. You were on your phone just scrolling around listening to him play. You glanced up at him again to get another look at him in his loose tank top that hung low as he bent over to look at his guitar. You peer down his shirt before going back to your phone.

"Gah! It's too hot! I can't focus~" Jiseok groaned as he swung his arms around. Currently the AC was broken in mid July so everyone was dying from the heat.

"Jiseok-ah you're literally sitting right in front of the fan." You chuckled as the fan blasted air into Gaon's face. He grumbled as his face got hotter. You then noticed his eyebrows furrow for a minute before returning to normal. "You okay babe?" You asked as you leaned closer to him.

"Me? Yeah I'm fine~" he said as his ears went pink and sweat dripped down his face.

"You look really hot, are you feeling okay?" You asked as you went closer to him. You were on your knees right in front of him as you extended out a hand.

"N-No! I'm fine, just hot…" he said looking away from you.

"Jiseok don't lie," you said as you sat on the heels of your feet. He then covered his face in embarrassment and he curled up, tucking up his knees. "What's wrong?" You said as you patted his head.

"This weather…it's making my body act weird and I don't know why!" He whined and you looked at him confused.

"How so?" You look at him concerned.

"You know what I mean…" he covers his mouth after he speaks. You tilt your head before shaking it. "I keep getting boners for no reason." He blushes as he awaits your reply.

"That's natural," you chuckle.

"It is?" He looks confused.

"How do I know this but you don't?" You laugh and Jiseok shrugs. He sets his guitar away and listens to you. "I'm not sure of the details but usually the weather affects the consistency of them," you explain and he looks to the side. "You can put your legs down you know," you chuckle and his face gets even more red.

"N-No! It's embarrassing," he shys away from you.

"No it isn't," you shake your head and Gaon reluctantly puts his legs down. "Do you want me to help you~?" You say seductively and Jiseok looks at you shocked. He just lets out a bunch of stutters before clearing his throat.

"Would you do that?" He seems confused and you nod. He blushes and looks back at the floor. "You have to be in charge though…" he covers his eyes and let's you come over to him.

"You're so cute when you're shy~" you teased as you placed your thighs at either side of his hips, your face inches away from his.

"Please stop teasing I can't take this," he says as he covers his face again and you decide to be nice for once. You slipped off his shirt and started biting at his neck and he instantly lost himself. His hands wrapped around your body as he released soft whimpers from his throat. "My skin feels like it's on fire~" he chuckled as his hands went to your hair. His fingers twisting the strands between each other. You then started licking his chest and he started moaning quietly.

"Lay down," you gently pushed him down and he listened well. You pulled down his shorts and boxers swiftly. To get faster access you all brought them down only enough for his dick. He squeezed his eyes shut and seethed softly. Without warning you slipped your lips over the tip of him and he gasped. His body launched forward with a jerk and a moan. You knew how eager he was for this so you decided to just give it to him straight. He seemed to greatly enjoy considering the way his body squirmed beneath your movements.

"It feels so-so good," he whimpered as you fit his whole length into your mouth, your tongue swirling around him the whole way up. "I already feel so close~" he whined as his hands gripped your hair as you started moving your mouth. His moans increased and his body started shifting and tensing beneath you. "Y/N-ah~" you grabbed his hips and pulled him closer to reveal new heights for him. To none of your surprise hot liquid shot down your throat so much that you lightly choked. You slipped his cock out of your mouth before swallowing his cum. The texture of it going down your throat always felt ethereal. A little bit of his load dripped from your lips along with some of your own spit. You looked down to see Jiseok covered in his cum. All over his thighs, his hips, even up to his stomach.

"Are you okay baby?" He sat up and wiped some of the liquids off your chin. You nod before pinning him back down again.

"I'm not done with you yet." You said with lustful eyes. You kissed him and the mixed flavors of cum, his saliva and your own made your taste buds dance of pleasure. To be honest, your throat and jaw really hurt but you weren't going to let a few sore joints prevent you from making him cum in your mouth again. He hardly got time to come down from his high so he was already very sensitive to your touch. You slid his entire length into your mouth again and he choked on his moan.

"Your a-always so good to me babe~" Jiseok praised as his hands ran through your hair. Your hand then crept up to his base and started teasing it. "Ah-ah~ baby that's so-" he cut himself off with another moan as you bobbed your head faster. His back arched up and he rutted his hips into your mouth. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I just-I can't take this~ah~" he was a wreck under your touch and suddenly you felt his orgasm building. You let him release a little in your mouth but you didn't want all of it in your mouth again.

The rest of his load spilt onto himself while the little bit that was in your mouth was now pouring from your lips slowly. "That felt so amazing my love~" he panted beneath you.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it~" you cooed as you crawled up to him and grabbed him in a hug. You then slid your hand down his torso and back to his cock.

"Oh god-baby what are you doing?" He panicked and sat up.

"I'm not done," you said softly as you slowly moved your thumb on his tip as the rest of your hand wrapped around him. Little whimpers escaped his lips.

"Oh babe I don't know how much more I have in me~" he whimpered softly.

"Just a little more dear," you started moving faster and going down his whole length. He did look like a wreck…He was sweating like he was in a sauna for the past 2 hours and his hair was tangled and spread everywhere, he gasped for air like his life depended on it. It wasn't long after that he came all over your hands and the floor.

"I…I didn't mean to make that much of a mess…" he blushed before you laid down on top of him.

"Feel better now?" You smiled up at him.

"Yeah," he said as he panted and held you close. "Much better."

#xdinary heroes gaon #xdinary heroes #xdh imagines #xdh smut #xdinari hero fanfic #xdinary heroes fluff #xdh #xdh fluff #xdh x reader #xh gaon #xh jungsu #Spotify

[boston-babies]

You sat in the kitchen in your parents home, scrolling through your social media feed. You stared at the picture of you at the Vanity Fair Oscar party, that gorgeous red dress by Valentino..A haunting melody floated across your mind as you thought back to that night..

“Hot summer nights, mid-July, When you and I were forever wild, The crazy days, city lights..”

You shivered as you felt his breath on the back of your neck “your husband is one lucky man, if I were him, I’d never let you out of my sight” You felt your breath catch when you turned to face him. Those all to familiar blue eyes and dangerous smirk. Your heart beat quickened and your voice was shaky as you played along “Maybe we should show him what happens when I’m out of his sight”

He took your hand and lead you to the dance floor, everyone seemed to part ways to clear the floor for you both. He spun you once, then pulled you close and held you tight. Looking into his eyes, you fell into a trance, nothing else existed but the two of you.

Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful? Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul?I know you will, I know you will, I know that you will Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?

You glided across the dance floor; in perfect sync with one another. The room stood still in awe. The power you both emanated and commanded as you waltzed across was intoxicating. Camera flashes danced along your peripheral vision as you both floated around.

All that grace, all that body, All that face makes me wanna party,He's my sun, he makes me shine like diamonds

He dipped you and quickly pulled you back, hand resting dangerously low on your back and face mere inches from yours. Your hand clutched the lapel on his suit and he held your hand tight. His nose gently bumped yours as his lips just barely brushed against yours. “Come home with me” your eyes fluttered open, not even realizing they had closed.

The song and dance had ended minutes ago and you quickly looked around seeing everyone still staring, your son and best friend included. You looked back at your husband and subtly shook your head no. You carefully pulled away “I’m sorry..this shouldn’t have happened..” You spared him one last glance before quickly making your way off the dance floor and out of the venue.

Once you felt cool air hit your face outside, you took a deep breath. Finally calming down. Your eyes closed as you took a few more soothing breaths. After a few moments you opened your eyes and looked around. The carpet had cleared out and all the press went home. You sighed in relief that no one would catch this moment.

You felt an arm grab your elbow and turn you around. Chris looked just as flustered as you. He didn’t say a word as he gently held your face in both hands and pulled you in for a searing kiss. You pulled away after a moment to catch your breath. He still held you close “come. Home.” You thought for a moment, lightly biting your bottom lip before nodding.

*********

Your eyes fluttered open as sunlight gently warmed your face. A welcomed breeze blew through the window. You stretched, feeling sore in the most delicious way. You looked over to your right to see the gentle rise and fall of your husband’s naked back and brown hair tussled in the cutest way. You smiled for a moment until that all too familiar ache creeped its way back into your heart.

You looked back to your left and stared out the window. Last night shouldn’t have happened. You knew it was a bad idea but you were too caught up in the moment and judgement being clouded.

You carefully sat up and got out of bed. More than thankful in that moment that he was a heavy sleeper. You quietly got dressed, decided against leaving him a note and left.

*************

You were brought out of your memory when Tanner walked in and loudly laid her purse on the kitchen table. She huffed “so, are we going to talk about you hooking up with your sort of but not really ex husband this past weekend or what?” You tried hiding your smirk and she went on a tangent “this is not funny! You and Chris hooked up! What the actual fuck?!” You sighed “I know, I’m not exactly proud of myself Tan..” you shook your head “what did you tell Ryan?” She rolled her eyes “don’t worry, kid doesn’t suspect a thing. I told him you and Chris just needed to talk about things and he didn’t think anything of that so you’re good”.

You nodded “none of the kids can know..this would hurt them and confuse them even more” she crossed her arms “glad you recognize that” you snapped “will you stop?! I know you don’t like Chris and I know what I did was stupid but Jesus Tanner I’m still human and it’s not like you haven’t made your fair share of mistakes” she sighed “I’m sorry, you’re right. I’m worried how this is going to affect you though..”

You shook your head “it already brought all the hurt back. Soon as I woke up the next morning, all of it came back..” your eyes watered “I couldn’t get it out of my mind, so I just got dressed and left”. Now it was her turn to hide her laugh “you..you one night standed him?” You wiped your eyes “it’s not funny!” She snorted “it is though” you started laughing too.

“Has he tried calling or texting you since?” You shook your head “no, not that I blame him.” She nodded “think he’ll tell the kids?” Your eyes widened “Oh god no, he wouldn’t do that to them”

Your phone vibrated and you looked down to see a text from Chris

You looked back up at Tanner “uh oh..”

A/n: of course I had to make things just a bit more messy and complicated😈🩷

[alexbkrieger13]

These new FC Bayern stars only come in a double pack

The top soccer players Pernille Harder and Magdalena Eriksson are moving to Munich on July 1st. What connects the two privately and on the pitch.

On her first day on Grünwalder Strasse, Pernille Harder internalized what was faltering at FC Bayern Munich . She had hardly signed the new professional contract when the Danish record striker reminded the fans of the club's motto in Bavarian: "Mia san mia!" Interestingly, "mia" is short for "billion" in Danish. The FCB men's squad is worth almost a billion, but as is well known, it has often lacked the much-vaunted Munich feeling of togetherness. 

Just as close as the men, the women's team of the record champions also won their fifth title this year, but with significantly less noise. In the 2023/2024 season, the championship is again the declared goal of the women - and in 30-year-old Pernille Harder they have signed one of the best offensive players in the world. She doesn't come alone: ​​Swedish defensive expert Magdalena Eriksson, Harder's partner, has also signed a professional contract with FC Bayern until 2026 . Both were previously on the pitch at Chelsea, winning the English Championship and the FA Women's Cup with the Blues. 

Harder and Eriksson are used to playing together – privately since 2014, twice in the same team on the pitch: in 2016 they won the Swedish championship with Linköpings FC, in 2020 Harder followed her friend to London .

She knows the Bundesliga from her time at VfL Wolfsburg: Between 2017 and 2020, Harder shot the Wolves to the championship and the cup four times. When she moved to London, she was the most expensive soccer player in the world at a transfer fee of 330,000 euros. Both players are coming to Bayern Munich on a free transfer.

Leaving Chelsea was a tearful one, especially for Magdalena Eriksson. For four years she was captain of the blues. When she was presented with the framed jersey with the number 16 in the Kingsmeadow stadium with its 4,800 seats in mid-May, the 29-year-old lost her voice. "I love you guys," she said to the fans, "and I want to say thank you for everything." It's good that her friend was standing next to her at that moment, grabbing the microphone and completing the parting words. Since the time at Chelsea, the two have only been in a double pack. "It means a lot to me that we can move here together and stay together," said Harder in Munich , "we already had a long-distance relationship, we don't want that again."

Off the pitch, Harder and Eriksson campaign for LGBTIQ rights

The sporting director of the FCB women, Bianca Rech, is convinced that these two can "make the difference" in the Munich game. Harder and Eriksson are also "incredible personalities" off the pitch. Anyone who follows them on Instagram knows about their commitment to LGBTIQ rights. Incidentally, her beliefs flow into the posts, Eriksson wears them as a tattoo on his shoulder. "We are all human and we shouldn't judge anyone," it says in Swedish. Among her followers is world-famous British top model Cara Delevingne , herself a queer activist. In addition to the square, the boulevard has long since discovered the two, but the couple rarely gets involved in advertising deals and photo shoots:in pink tulle skirts and hoodies. They have been moderating the talk show “The Hangout” for Sky Sports since 2022. Soccer stars like Megan Rapinoe talk about their experiences as queer athletes. 

In the Bundesliga, both also want to develop individually. "Seeing the German national team play at the European Championships last summer shows how the Bundesliga is developing"Harder says in the welcome video on Bayern's YouTube channel. "I'm excited to be back in the league." Her partner has no experience of the Bundesliga. In European football, however, she is a star and was nominated for the Ballon d'Or in 2021 and was voted into the Women's World Cup that same year, which she attributes to her hunger for wins: "One of my greatest talents as a footballer is that I've always had this urge to constantly improve", says Eriksson in the video. "Taking on a new challenge only makes me hungrier for success and for learning more." But she can also be modest: "Coming into a new football culture and a new team, that makes me humble."

#magdalena eriksson #pernille harder #fc bayern frauen #swewnt #denwnt #hardersson #magda article

[chelseafcwmemes]

https://avisendanmark.dk/sport/lysten-til-et-nyt-eventyr-og-tysk-disciplin-lokkede-harder-til-bayern

I assume most of you won’t have access. So while I can still use this magic trick, here’s the translated version

The desire for a new adventure and German discipline lured Harder to Bayern

Pernille Harder is leaving Chelsea this summer to return to German football. This time for Bayern Munich, where she hopes to complete the trophy list. Pernille Harder is one of the world's very best soccer players, and there isn't a major European club that wouldn't want to have her on the team card. Her presence alone seems to guarantee championships. She has won the national championship eight years in a row in three different countries. In mid-May, she announced that it was time for a new adventure after three years at Chelsea.

- I think it's exciting to enter new cultures and new clubs and to be in the phase where you join a new team and have to get to know a lot of new people and become part of a new culture, says Harder about the decision.

Several sports managers in the world's top clubs have undoubtedly stuck out a feeler. But what new adventure did Harder want after spending time in Sweden, Germany and England? Try the southern sun and crowded stands in Spain or Italy? The big teams PSG or Lyon in France? Or maybe the US? None of the parts. Together with his Swedish teammate and girlfriend Magdalena Eriksson, Harder signed a contract with the newly crowned German champions from Bayern Munich.

- I feel comfortable in Germany. Everyone works hard for the team, and you arrive on time. There is that "ordnung muss sein" approach and you are like a family on the team. It's cool, I think, says the Danish star striker.

Bayern Munich does not have a great history in the women's Champions League, but in recent years the team has played its way up to the top of Europe. The quarter-finals were the final stop in the last Champions Leauge season, but for the second time in three years they brought home the German championship in front of Pernille Harder's former club Wolfsburg. Bayern are currently fifth in the European rankings, and ambitions are high in the German club. Otherwise, the urge for German discipline would not have been enough to lure Harder back to the Danish neighbor to the south.

- There is no doubt that I want to play in the Champions League. I want to be in the tournament, and when I am in the tournament, I will do everything to win it, says Harder.

Three times she has been in the final, twice with Wolfsburg and once with Chelsea, but each time she has had to watch the opponents lift the trophy under the rain of confetti. Although Bayern beat eventual winners FC Barcelona last season, there are a small handful of teams who are still considered heavy favorites to triumph in the tournament. But that may very well change in the coming years, believes 30-year-old Harder, who has signed a contract with the southern Germans for the next three seasons.

- The club's goal is to win the league and the cup tournament and also get up to where you can win the Champions League. That is the goal for the future, says Harder.

These days she is gathered with the rest of the national team in Herning ahead of the WC finals in Australia and New Zealand, which begin on 20 July. On July 5, Denmark plays a test match against Spain in Gladsaxe, while the first match for Harder and co. at the WC will be July 22 against China. Then England and Haiti await in the group.

#pernille harder

[foxes-that-run]

Meet me in the Hallway

His debut's opening track - first taste the world had of solo Harry Styles. MMIH drew a line under 1D, telling the listener to not expect a teen popstar. It's slow and is still one of his more vulnerable songs.

Inspiration

You can hear the influence of Pink Floyd's Breathe in MMIH. Harry has long listed Pink Floyd as an influence, and he has a tattoo for the Dark side of the Moon Album cover, of which Breathe is the opening track. On 29 September 2016, while finalising his first album, Harry gave a 10 song mix tape to Another Man, Breathe was the first song.

It likens love to addiction, and includes not communicating with his partner, similar to Fine Line and Clean. It also has similarities to Only Angel. It was later referenced by both Harry and Taylor's songs about each other.

When was it written

MMIH, Kiwi and Sweet Creature were the first songs written for the album, in LA between February and May 2016. MMIH and Kiwi are in this photo of the album taking shape from before Harry cut his hair for Dunkirk.

Live performances and emotional range

Harry hasn't played it live since July 2018, it has emotional range:

Taylor was in London, in Hampstead Health start of 2018. Harry writes Fine Line (Jan 2018) & Taylor - Cruel Summer (mid-2018).

9 March - Joe and Taylor look miserable in the US Joe hikes in dark jeans and nikes, and again in London April 8.

11 March - Harry's tour starts again and MMIH was particularly hard to perform. In Copenhagen 19 March 2018, he turned away and left:

23-30 June - Taylor 1 week break in the US, now both in the US.

1 July - He smirks in the same song and sings "Running with you" rather than thieves:

The next week, Taylor and Joe were uncharacteristically papped in Turks and Caicos. That night, Harry talked to a fan who fell in love to MMIH. He then broke up with Camille shortly after and wrote Cherry and Falling.

Lyrics

Meet me in the hallway Meet me in the hallway I just left the bedroom Give me some morphine Is there any more to do?

In Only Angel Harry sings about breaking a knuckle on her bedroom door, driven by hunger, here he is overwhelmed with sadness mixed with desire.

Hallways are mentioned in many Haylor songs

Harry and Taylor have stayed in the same hotel many times, when they dated they did in NY and have both attended many international awards, like the 2013 NRG awards in Cannes.

Harry likens his attraction to his muse as a heroin addition. Taylor later sang in Death by a thousand cuts Taylor refers to this "Gave up on me like I was a bad drug".

Taylor had previously likened getting over Harry to recovering from a drug addiction in the closing track of 1989, Clean. "Ten months sober, I must admit / Just because you're clean, don't mean you don't miss it / Ten months older, I won't give in / Now that I'm clean, I'm never gonna risk it"

Just let me know I'll be at the door, at the door Hoping you'll come around Just let me know I'll be on the floor, on the floor Maybe we'll work it out I gotta get better, gotta get better I gotta get better, gotta get better I gotta get better, gotta get better And maybe we'll work it out

"Maybe we'll work it out" is almost a precursor to the chorus and end of Fine Line's uncertain "We'll be alright"

He's aware the person does not feel the same about him but is hoping that will change. Also similar to Fine Line, here is willing to be on the floor for her, whereas in the later Fine Line with great vulnerability he sings "I don't want to fight you / And I don't want to sleep in the dirt"

I walked the streets all day Running with the thieves Cause you left me in the hallway (Give me some more) Just take the pain away

Harry is lost and searching for a way to take his mind off his muse or find answers.

Taylor refers to this line in "Ready for it..?" "Knew I was a robber first time that he saw me / Stealing hearts and running off and never saying sorry"

In Saint Paul he changed this line to running with you and did the pointing up motion he has in medicine.

We don't talk about it It's something we don't do Cause once you go without it Nothing else will do

He sang this verse at the start of the tour 2017 - but not in 2018.

After pleading his love to take the pain away and be with him.

A theme in many of their songs reflect on the lack of communication:

In Fine Line Harry sings "Spreading you open / Is the only way of knowing you" to reflect that are drawn to each other but don't communicate:

In Message in a bottle, Two Ghosts and Sunflower Vol 6 Harry and Taylor are Tongue Tied

In Wish you would he 'Still doesn't know what [Taylor] never said'

They have spoken in interviews about song being the most amazing unspoken dialogue, that they can say things in song they can't to each other.

#haylor #Youtube #meet me in the hallway #harry styles #harry styles debut #hs1

[eddiesbigolepp]

cute swim suit

synopsis: summer meant heat, and while the younger kids spent their time at the pool, the older teens spent their time by lovers lake. much to munson’s pleasure

pairing: eddie munson x henderson!reader

warnings: swearing, suggestive language and behavior, flirty eddie and flirty reader

word count: 1133

a/n: this takes place in like mid july after the whole vecna thing bc eddie is alive, obv 😀

summer.

the most popular season in hawkins. it was like every other season but just ten times more.. more.

more parties, more hang outs, more friends, more plans, more fun, and more heat. especially more heat.

summer meant you spent your days lake side with your friends, and just a little bit worried about your kid brother. but today, he was with his friends, and probably out of your hair until you got home. so you placed your towel down, somewhat close to the shore, where the sun shone the brightest. kicking your sandals off, you drop your bag and sit down.

the dress you wore rippled in the breeze as you lean back on your hands. looking around you notice most of the graduated senior class is piling onto the sand, beach chairs and charcoal grills in hand. there’s a couple of girls who hop out the back of a pickup truck and boys who’s eyes linger way too long on them. there’s already people in the water, splashing around and playing chicken.

this is exactly what summer felt like.

you pulled your dress off and dig through your bag for some sunscreen. once you find it you start to apply it all over. you swear you hear a whistle when you start to put some on your chest, but you try your best to ignore it. once youre done, you lay back hands under your head as a makeshift pillow, finally relaxing.

“henderson,” a familiar voice greets you, taking a seat next to you. you peek over with one eye and you see jeans. black jeans on the hottest day of the week. you recognize it immediately.

“don’t call me that, im not my brother,” you roll your eyes with a smile. “what convinced you to come here? i know it wasn’t being surrounded by these jerks,” you question.

“thought i’d try to make peace, be the bigger person.” he says matter of factly.

“you’re hoping to deal, aren’t you?”

“yep,” he laughs, pulling his knees to his chest, his sneakers digging into the sand.

you chuckle back. bringing you hands down to prop yourself up on your elbows. “the least you could’ve done was wear some shorts,”

“thats not metal, babe.” he smirks, pulling his bag to his side, “but don’t worry, i came prepared.”

“good, because your making me hot,” you shake your head at him and turn to look at the lake in front of you. “this place is much better when its just our friends.”

“yeah yeah, we know you love to watch steve take his shirt off.” he teases.

“no, i watch you take your shirt off, get it right.” you quip, grabbing your sunglasses out of your bag and laying back down. you slide them onto your face and place your hands under your head again.

you don’t miss the way his ears go red, or the way his eye dart around trying to think of something to say. “what convinced you to come?” he asks, “i thought you were over hawkins high,”

“robin called yesterday, said she wanted me to come and that i owe her for using her discount at family video.” you explain, bending your left leg so your foot is flat on the sand.

“bribery, im starting to like her more and more you know..” he chuckles, leaning back on his hands. he looks over at you and your glowing body. he couldn’t help but try and sneak a look at the necklace that laid between the valley of your breasts. or how the strings of your cherry red bikini were pulled so high on your hips. his eyes trailed down your sparkling legs and to your perfectly done toes; painted red to match your suit.

he was hooked. hooked on his “prodigy’s” sister.

“i can feel you staring you know.” you mumble, eyes closed under the sunglasses.

“what? its a cute swim suit,” he says all too quickly.

“did you want to borrow it or something?” you giggle, “id have to wash it first of course, but i dont mind sharing,”

“laugh it up, i know you stare at my ass in these jeans sweetheart.” he smirks and watches your face darken half a shade.

you roll your eyes under your shades and stay quiet for a moment before sitting up. “gotta stay even.” you explain before flipping onto your stomach. you prop yourself up on your elbows again as you search for the sunscreen once more.

“get my back?” you grin, holding the bottle up to him. he freezes for a second, but eventually nods.

he mumbles a quick sure before taking the cream from your hands and squeezing it into his hands. as he readjusts you lay back down, head facing his old seat as you pull your hair to the side.

“ready?” he asks, rubbing his palms together.

“yes,” you answer quickly, “is it cold?” before you finish your question, his hands are on your shoulders, making you wince. he spreads the sunscreen across your upper back. thumbs coming up between your shoulder blades and you sigh happily as he starts to massage it in.

“feel good?” he mumbles, eyes trailing down your spine and to your butt, where your bikini seems to be smaller. you hum in response, nodding your head with a giddy smile.

he lifts his hands, reaching over to get more lotion and you whine, missing the contact. “oh relax, im back you big baby,” he shakes his head, bringing his hands to your middle back and sliding them under the string of your bikini.

he drags them down to the small of your back, massaging your back again, and smirking at the blissed out expression on your face. he brings his hands around your hips and rubs his thumbs into them before lifting his hands away.

he pats the highest point of your butt twice signaling his completion. “all done, doll. and yes i do except tips.” he jokes, making his way back to his ‘seat’.

you frown, looking up at him and the stupid smirk on his face as he looks down at you. “you should do that more often, makes up for the stress of hanging out with you.” you joke back with a cheesy smile.

“someones fiesty after getting a free massage,” he shakes his head at you, feigning disappointment.

“i never said i wouldn’t pay you back.” you retort, reaching around behind your back. you pull at the thin strings of your swim suit and sigh as they fall down the sides of your back. he raises a brow at you and you smirk back up at him.

“what? i didn’t want a tan line.”

“your brother will kill me if he knew the things i’d do to you.”

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie stranger things #stranger things #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson smut #eddie #perv!eddie #eddie munson x henderson!reader #st #st4 #eddie munson st4 #st4 eddie #stranger things x reader #stranger things imagine #stranger things smut #stranger things 4

[qprsmackdown]

IRL/OC Bracket FINAL: C & G vs Michael and Mantis!

C & G propaganda:

Ok so these next few paragraphs are copy pasted from what I wrote on queering the map. Hope it makes you cry :) (Entries were written around mid-2020, with the last being written in 2023)

My school had a field trip to this park, my best friend and I found a quiet spot under some trees. I set up the blanket/mat I had brought, she propped up an umbrella. We laid down beside each other face-to-face. That was the first time I ever felt tempted to kiss someone. To this day I consider it as one of my gayest moments (right next to asking her out and later on asking her to be my qpp on a ferris wheel XD)

November(?) 2017 - We were talking about your maybe-crush on a friend when you mentioned that you used to have a crush on me. I confessed about my past crush on you too and started flirting with you. "Have you moved on from her? Will you be my girlfriend? We don't have to put a label on it or anything yet we can just-" "Yes" We dated for a month (full of silly puns and cheek kisses and gifts from Japan) before we broke up (can you blame us? we were twelve and our dads found out) but you're still my very best friend. I love you G - C

February 2020 - Day of the school fair, I had everything planned for a perfect day for you and me... until you brought along a classmate who had no one to hang out with and you were too kind to say no. We went on all of the rides, the three of us, and you mentioned how you have always wanted someone to dedicate a song to you at the song booth. I went out to reserve one, and then I stayed with you until both of you had to leave for your shifts. That's when I put my plan into action. I reserved a sunflower at the Lovebooth (I knew you liked sunflowers because of a certain character (the roses were way too romantic anyways)) and when you came back we got into line at the Ferris wheel with our other friends. While waiting my dedicated song finally played, and you turned to me with nearly the happiest smile I've ever saw on you. When we were getting closer I went to get my reserved sunflower, but the line was slow so I ended up asking my aunt to hold it for me. When the line was nearly there I got it back from her and our other friends helped me to hide it (Your sister wanted to ride with us but I told her my plan and she changed her mind). You got on and as you turned to face me I held out your sunflower. When we got to the top of the Ferris Wheel I asked what I had been planning to ask you for a week. "I don't know much about it yet, I still have to research more but... G, would you be my queer platonic partner?" You smiled the happiest smile I've ever seen on you that day. G, we haven't talked much since quarantine started, but I want you to know that I love you. I'm not sure what kind (romantic or platonic) but I know that you have a special place in my heart. I can't wait for this to be all over and for us to be by each other's side, drawing and reading and just talking about the things we never share with anybody else. I love you - C

July 2023 - The school fair was over 3 years ago, can you believe? So much has changed since then, quarantine happened, we were reduced to online classes, and I ended up moving to the States for a chance of a better life. We kept in touch, of course, through messages screaming over fandoms and platonic marriages on minecraft servers (how dare you for suggesting that before i knew abt cbeeduo >:( ) and like 5 meet ups over the summers. But it wasn't enough, and timezones and a desire for a more physical (in a actually there beside you sort of way) relationship eventually culminated in you asking to break it off two weeks before I met up with you in the Philippines. God damn it G, why didn't you wait? I had it all planned in my head. The night of my debut, as all my guests were leaving, I would take you to a private corner where we would talk, and I admit to you that yes, maybe my feelings for you turned out more romantic than I initially thought, but with the physical distance it wasn't right for us to pursue something of that nature, especially as I had wanted to try dating in college and didn't want to end up hurting you. I would say I love you and maybe leave you with a kiss, and that was how we'd gain closure. Well the kiss didn't happen and you laughed when I scolded you for not waiting before you admitted that yeah, you felt the same way but also agreed that our level of commitment wasn't right for us, not anymore. You promised me that if by the time we were done with college we were both single we could try again, but I won't hold you to that. G, thank you for being my bestest friend and first love, and I'm sorry that life didn't work out the way we had planned. I love you though, whether romantically or platonically, and I hope you're happy with where you end up in life - Yours always, C

anddddd that's it! veered a little romantic at times, but whats more queerplatonic than a relationship that blurs the lines of platonic and romantic eh? at the end of the day, we're still best friends and we care for each other deeply, even if we no longer officially label it as a qpr. hope our story made you cry >:D

More C & G Propaganda!

Michael and Mantis propaganda:

we're both boygirls and girlfaggots and boydykes, you literally cannot get queerer than this. gay in every direction

we're also both autistic and have adhd. leads to some fun conversations where one of us listens intently while the other is going off about whatever interest they've got the brainworms for at the moment and it's the most fun i will ever have (common topics are: good movies, tragedies and shipwrecks, cannibalism, the absurdly powerful dnd podcast just roll with it, and many more)

we're long distance and we really need this win bc the earth is literally homophobic and keeping us apart and making us sad :(

michael has this whole mushroom/lichen/microorganisms/rot thing going and i have the space thing going and they're essentially the same things but on different scales (life and death and life in death etc etc), so we're thematically compatible. we were made for each other frfr

uuhhhh mental health improvement i guess

we tricked at least three people into thinking we were dating before we actually started dating. not on purpose

we started dating on april fools! that's fun!

same trauma and same issues. we get a lot of mileage out of relating to each other

i keep breaking my sleep schedule for him

uhm. also. we're really niceys and cool and stuff :3

More Michael and Mantis Propaganda!

#qpr smackdown #qpr tournament #oc/real life qpr bracket #mod zazie

[canary0]

July 24th - Dracula 2023

Captain’s Log of the Demeter

I’ve heard that when you’re having or about to have a heart attack or something along those lines, you gain a sense of inevitable doom. I think I understand that feeling now.

We’re heading into the bay of Biscay with a major storm ahead, and another of the men disappeared. Needless to say, the others are understandably terrified. The mate is angry again – I can’t fathom why he gets angry when the men are nervous for very legitimate reasons. I’m worried there will be some violence between them. Can’t afford that when disappearances are happening.

I’ll have to keep an eye out.

–

The Diary of Mina Murray

Today Lucy brought us up to one of her favorite spots in Whitby and we got a chance to see more of the town. It’s very picturesque, with red-roofed buildings piled up along banks of the River Esk that runs through the town. The mouth of the river extends toward into long concrete constructions like pincers with lighthouses on either side in the middle. Most of the town is on one side of the river, alongside some beautiful beachfront that it will be fun to go down to this summer. On the other side are a few rows up houses, and then the area clears into a large green clearing, at the center of which is a beautiful ruin of an old abbey.

The spot in question is around the old abbey, and the day was perfect for going up there – bright and stunningly blue as can be imagined. Jonathan seemed hesitant as we approached the abbey from a distance, and as we crested the hill at the top of the stairs up to it, but I suppose that shouldn’t be two surprising for a variety of reasons. We paused for a little while at the top of the hill, as the lingering anemia left him more tired than usual, but then we continued on.

The old abbey is filled with beautiful, bright green grass, and the old architecture is remarkably intact – some of the windows even still have their mullions and glass. Jonathan took pictures as we went up, quite taken by the ruin’s beauty now that he was up here. He’s always loved beautiful landscapes, and it was a comfort to see him smile again. Lucy was excited to play tour guide, showing us all around and talking about the history of the abbey like a seasoned docent.

Not too far away is another active church, but it’s also very old. There’s a graveyard attached filled with very old graves. Walkways cross cross the grounds, and there are a lot of little stone benches scattered around. Lucy’s favorite is one toward the end of the graveyard, where you can see over the whole Esk River valley and across the headland, though Jonathan remained back in the shade, seeming content to gave out over the graveyard and wander the grounds a little bit.

I’ve heard stories here, about a white woman that appears in one of the church windows, and bells that sound when a ship is lost at sea. There were a few people about, and I ended up asking an older woman nearby. She looked to be in her mid-80s, maybe older, and had pale blue eyes that always seemed to be smiling.

She said, “Well… I’ve never seen the white woman in my time. I swear I’ve heard the bell at night, though. Now, my great grandad, he would have told you that it was all a bunch of hooey. Didn’t believe a thing he couldn’t hold in his two hands.” She chuckled at that. “Tourists like hearing about it, and I think it would be a bit fun if it were true, so I don’t think it’s a bad thing to indulge in such stories. I like telling them to my grandchildren.”

She told me a few stories of the possible origin of the white woman – supposedly a woman was built into the walls, a woman who died of sadness in the abbey after her husband didn’t return home, who still looks out to sea for him… It was all quite interesting. Lucy was quite rapt with attention as well. Even Jonathan was listening from a little way away, and joined us after she bade us goodbye and headed down the steps.

After she left, he sat down with Lucy and I and said, surprising both of us, “… I hope the story of the white woman is just a story.”

Lucy tilted her head. “Oh? I thought the idea of the second story rather romantic…”

He smiled a little at that. “Yes… But I wouldn’t want anyone to be tormented like that, trapped forever beyond death.” He put a hand on one of the tombstones as if it was the shoulder of a friend. “This is a beautiful place to rest. I’d like to hope everyone here is at peace.”

Lucy looked thoughtful at that, and we stayed up there and enjoyed the breeze for a while until sunset, returning once it was getting dim.

Apparently we're going wedding stuff shopping tomorrow, so we'll need rest.

#dracula daily #dracula 2023 #fanfic #jonathan harker #just for fun #modern retelling #lucy westenra #mina murray

[frostbeees]

like she wants to try me on

2023 wrappedmas day two • song: silk chiffon by MUNA, Phoebe Bridgers

ao3 · masterpost

Seamus always assumed she’d have to get over Gavin. Over her not-so-little crush on her best friend. She figured Gavin would eventually find some other girl or guy to bring home and she’d be left behind, still holding her feelings inside because no way in hell was she ever going to admit them to Gavin. She’d rather die, honestly. Gavin had never shown anything but friendly feelings towards her, even if they were both on the touchy, handsy, cuddle up together, hug longer than necessary, and occasionally swap drunken kisses type of friends. That's just how friends are, in her opinion, even if Gavin is the only friend she's like that with.

What Seamus didn’t assume is that one sweltering summer evening she’d be UNDER Gavin, hands buried in the soft, tight curls on top of Gavin’s head while Gavin’s mouth was–

But how they got to this point is a different story. 

~~~

They had been out basically just killing time in town all day, rollerblading up and down familiar palm-tree-lined streets and repeatedly having near accidents with tourists who couldn’t keep their eyes forward. The day was hot and humid, a typical mid-July Florida weekday and they had just ducked inside a corner store to avoid the daily rain shower, flipflops making obnoxious sounds against the shiny tile as they roamed the aisles with their skates under their arms.

Seamus was happy to just follow Gavin around for the day. It wasn’t like they had anything better to do. But Gavin turned on her halfway down the aisle of dog toys and treats, beach equipment, marked-down Fourth of July garb, and baby formula.

“Hey,” Gavin flashed her sharkiest smile and Seamus just knew she meant trouble with it. “How much do you trust me?”

And that’s the question, isn’t it? Seamus trusts Gavin with her whole heart, to hold it, to break it, to set it free. She trusts her enough to follow her from their youth field hockey league to a travel league to the high school team to Ann Arbor where they’ve both committed to play in the fall. She’s trusted Gavin since they were four years old and she knew what it meant. 

“With my life,” Seamus shoots back, matching Gavin’s energy. 

Gavin holds out her hand and Seamus takes it without a thought, letting Gavin tug her down the aisle and back out the door into the rain. They make quick work of switching back from their sandals to their blades and then they’re off, Gavin’s fingers intertwined with her own as she pulls Seamus with her. 

Seamus has an inkling of an idea of where Gavin is leading them. There was this baseball park that they used to frequent as kids that now sits unused and basically abandoned. It’s where a lot of their friends would go after dark to smoke and drink and just exist away from the eyes of watchful parents. It’s where Seamus first realized that maybe she liked Gavin as more than a friend, when, at fourteen, she watched Gavin kiss one of their girl friends during a game of spin the bottle and felt intense jealousy bubble up inside her.

Sure enough, Gavin turns down the street just past the diner that leads back to the park. They’re drenched at this point, despite the rain being light, and when they reach the dirt paths that connect the road to the ballparks and outbuildings they both abandon their blades and trudge barefoot through the soaked grass. Gavin leads them towards one of the dugouts so they’re mostly sheltered from the rain and they sit in silence for a few minutes as they catch their breath. 

Seamus can’t help but start thinking about how this is probably the last time they’ll get to do this. It won’t be long until they’re packing up Gavin’s beater car that she insists they drive all the way up to Michigan. And then after that, everything’s going to change. They’re going to share a dorm but they’re only in a few overlapping classes. And, yeah, they’ll have field hockey but Seamus just knows that Gavin’s going to go all in on getting involved in campus life and that’s just not Seamus’ scene unless she’s being dragged along by Gavin but who wants to be weighed down with their childhood best friend when they could be out making new friends and finding new people to make out with at crowded parties. And there won’t even be endless miles of sandy beaches to escape to when she’s feeling ungrounded. 

She’s dreading leaving this bubble they have here, despite how excited she is. 

“Tell me again, Gavo, how close is Ann Arbor to Detroit?” Seamus asks even though they’ve talked about this a million times. “How far are we gonna have to drive to get to water?”

Gavin grabs her hand, smushes her fingers together to keep it mitten-shaped, and presses her finger into the fleshy spot just left of her thumb.

“This is Ann Arbor,” Gavin slides her finger over to the edge of the base of Seamus’ thumb, “and this is Detroit.”

Seamus nods. 

“But there are lakes everywhere. Big ones. You won’t even miss the ocean one bit. The Hugheses already said we’re invited to their lakehouse any time so all you gotta do is say the word and we’ll go.”

It’s a conversation they’ve had a hundred times at this point, that started from the day Gavin first brought up the idea of leaving home to play field hockey. And it’s a ploy, to keep Gavin talking about home and their life together. 

Seamus expects Gavin to drop her hand after that but instead, she links their fingers together again, resting their hands on Seamus’ thigh. They sit like that, quiet, just listening to the raindrops hit the wood roof until Gavin breaks the silence. 

“Hey Shea,” she whispers.

Seamus grunts an acknowledgment. 

“Remember all the times we used to come here after school? The parties?”

“Of course, Gavo.”

“How come you never tried to get me in spin the bottle?”

Seamus ignores her own shock at the question to look at Gavin. Gavin’s not looking back at her. She’s looking down at the ground under her dangling feet and Seamus wants to scream because she never sees Gavin look so vulnerable, so shy, so– worried that Seamus is the one who’s about to do the heart breaking. 

“That’s not how the game works?” Seamus poses it as a question.

“Oh fuck off,” Gavin says gently, with a huff of a laugh. “You know that Riley and Sammi both knew how to get the bottle to land on whoever they wanted. It was easy.”

“I didn’t want you to tell me no,” she admits honestly. 

“That’s not how the game works,” Gavin parrots back the answer and grins up at Seamus, finally looking up from the ground beneath them. “Plus, I’d never tell you no.”

Seamus can’t think of anything to respond with but thankfully it doesn’t matter. Gavin’s closing the distance between them, pulling Seamus closer by her shoulder with her free hand. She waits a moment like she’s trying to give Seamus the chance to say no but Seamus nods her head and then Gavin is crashing their mouths together. It’s a rough kiss, more teeth than soft lips but Seamus doesn’t want it to end. 

Unfortunately, it does, as Gavin pulls back, a small string of spit connecting their lips and then breaking between them. 

“Wanted to get that out of the way before I cracked in our dorm room and pinned you against a closet.”

“Gavin!” Seamus whacks her on the chest, harder than she means to. 

“Want to do more, too.” And the shark smile is back as Gavin leans back towards Seamus’ body, pushing her down against the cracked wood of the bench, pinning her in place. “Wanna do everything with you.”

#my writing #wrappedmas #hrpf

[the-empress-7]

Rumor-tracking anon here. I feel like I should make a side-tumblr with the name.

So many many apologies in advance for another long one. This one is incredibly nuanced because there are a lot of moving pieces and it does sound tinhatty but I PROMISE there's a point.

TL;DR - I need People Anon's help in trying to figure out the timing of the interview and the photoshoot if Kashner was filing his story around 8/2/17. I'm totally okay with extrapolating if she can only answer/give context using People's weekly format. My questions:

1) How long before a monthly magazine is published does the book close? 2) How long before the book closes are the articles and photographs due to be filed? 3) How far in advance of a publication's release are the advance copies/previews done?

The two three rumors I am working on are:

Harry proposed a very long time before they announced the engagement.

They kept the engagement a secret for a long time for a specific reason.

Something happened that caused the palace and Harry to "let" Meghan stay after the VF interview when in the past, Harry notoriously cut friends and girls out if they talked to the press.

And the Big Question is: when exactly did Harry propose?

So now the verrrrrrry long version. (feel free to put a cut here!)

Bower's VF excerpt says:

After Harry proposed, they discussed announcing the engagement when The Queen returned from her summer in Balmoral.

They were engaged when Meghan did the VF interview.

VF sent a preview copy when Meghan and Harry were in Botswana for her birthday, which Meghan saw after returning home.

The pictures accompanying the VF article were taken in London.

Meghan, Harry, and the Palace were angry that the VF story was about Harry. (Meghan b/c she wanted the focus to be her philanthropy, Harry b/c he didn't want to be in the article, and the Palace because she existed.)

From internet sleuthing -- all dates 2017 unless noted otherwise and I'm using American date convention (mm/dd).

Meghan shut her social media down in April 2017. We know she thrived on social media so she wouldn't have shut it down without something definite and concrete being given to her in return.

Meghan was papped with Harry in May 2017 - early May at polo and mid-May around Pippa's wedding.

Meghan did not attend Wimbledon 2017. (Serena wasn't playing so of course Meghan wasn't going to waste her time.) So she was not papped in London in late June/early July.

Per the Court Circular, Harry's summer holiday started 7/29. We know he was back in London by 8/29 as he attended the Diana Sunken Garden thing on 8/30.

Per the Court Circular, The Queen was in Balmoral from 8/7 to 10/10 so Harry and Meghan weren't planning to tell anyone they were engaged until at least 10/11.

Meghan's birthday is August 4. Meghan and Harry were papped at the airport in Botswana on 8/4 and her PR said there was a birthday party for her that night. We can assume Meghan flew into London around 7/28, when Harry took off for the summer.

Suits Season 7 announced filming dates of 4/4 - 11/15. Production actually wrapped on 11/23. The last pictures of Meghan on the Suits set were from 11/11. Meghan's stand-in tweeted on 11/17 and it seems to be a goodbye/thank you tweet, suggesting that 11/17 was her last day, meaning no more scenes involving Rachel Zane.

Suits Season 7 was split into half-seasons, with the first half airing in summer 2017 (7/12 - 9/13) and the second half airing in spring 2018 (3/28/18 - 4/25/18). This suggests that the production took a break in the summer for the cast to do PR for the premiere.

Members of Suits started doing PR for the new season in June 2017 with the ATX Festival. Meghan is seen in set photos taken 7/12 to celebrate filming Suits' 100th episode that Sarah Rafferty posted on IG.

On 11/20, Meghan moved to London after being spotted in the London airport and after movers were seen at her Toronto house.

The engagement was announced on 11/27.

So all of this to say I think the VF photoshoot was at the end of July, probably no later than 7/28 since Harry usually didn't work when she's visiting. Since Kashner (the VF writer) ended his story by saying Meghan texted him right before he was filing that she would be unreachable and a couple days later were the Botswana airport pics, that suggests he was probably filing the story around 8/4.

If Kashner filed on 8/4, then it was probably after a few weeks for VF to fact-check her, a week or two to write the story and turn in a draft for fact-checking, and a day or so for the interview. That puts the interview happening in early July, or at least sometime before July 12 when we know definitively she was still in Toronto on the Suits set. Which means that the photoshoot was either at the end of July when she was flying in ahead of the Botswana trip or in early/mid-May when she was papped at polo or Pippa's wedding. The latter sounds like it might be too early in the process since if the interview was early July, then they were probably negotiating the article in June with the offer being made late May/early June. (People Anon, help! Does this timeline sound reasonable? Is this the process?)

And if Bower's tea that they were engaged before she did the VF interview is true, then the evidence is indicating they actually got engaged in April or May. (Of course, it's also entirely possible there were other secret trips to London in the intervening time but when you look at Meghan's PR cycle, which always had a pap walk or a story about her being in London with Harry every 3-4 weeks like clockwork and there are no new stories between Pippa's wedding and August, it does seem unlikely.)

We know from their engagement interview that the proposal was very spur-of-the-moment, unexpected, and Harry had been unprepared. To me this sounds like Harry didn't have a ring for her. He just got caught up in the emotions of seeing her again and proposed, sans ring. Was that May? Maybe. Was that July? Maybe. Definitely wasn't November when she moved to London like their PR's been claiming since 2017. Definitely wasn't September or October like maybe they told friends, if they told people they were waiting till The Queen came back from Balmoral. Maybe Harry presented her with the ring around that time to make it official and that's their story, they're sticking to it, but it doesn't jibe with Bower's findings nor basic internet sleuthing.

(In other words, shenanigans afoot since the very beginning as everyone rightly suspected.)

So if they were secretly engaged when she did the VF interview, that means the proposal or the discussion to marry was in the late spring. And if Harry did propose in the late spring/mid-summer like the evidence shows (rather than the autumn like they claim), then why did they wait 4 to 7 months till November to announce? Why didn't they announce it around August 31st, the 20th anniversary of Diana's death, in a tribute to his mother's legacy? (It was guaranteed wall-to-wall press coverage and Meghan probably would've sold out the VF issue if they did, possibly cementing her as a "serious" cover girl at Kate's level.) Why didn't they announce it in September ahead of the Toronto Invictus Games and after the VF article? (Arguably they did with Meghan's strategic product placement of the Husband shirt.) Why didn't they announce it the second The Queen was back from Balmoral?

My theory: Harry knew they effed up with the VF article and delayed it to let the palace's anger blow over, and luckily Big Bro William to the rescue announcing Kate's third pregnancy right before Meghan's VF issue dropped so the firm could ignore the Meghan story in favor of pushing the new Cambridge baby.

And if Harry proposed before Meghan did the interview and if they were engaged before the issue dropped/the advance copy went out, then that explains why Meghan got to stick around after talking to the press about their relationship and why Meghan got the official royal treatment at Toronto IG despite being "just" a girlfriend; Harry was already committed and engaged to Meghan.

So finally FINALLY all this to say that People Anon might help me confirm this long-held Tumblr rumor: Meghan had something over Harry that caused him to keep her after she talked to VF about the relationship, and that was their engagement.

Whew.

If you want to respond with that Charlie Day gif from It's Always Sunny, the one where he's crazy on coffee explaining conspiracy theories in front of the wall of paper, I totally understand.

Although at this point I've been researching and writing this up for so long that now I'm doubting Bower's excerpt says they were engaged when she did the VF interview and I made that part up by overthinking it too much. I'm just going to click submit and you can tell me if I imagined that part.

I'll crawl back into my research hole now.

Phew. I hope you are saving all these somewhere.

Paging People Anon for Rumor Tracking Anon.

[nedlittle]

Top 5 MCR songs? Also, top 5 Gerard Way Looks?

beginning to think i didn't think this through because i have so much love in my heart that choosing favourite songs feels illegal. they're all my favourite (except for blood which I think is hilarious as a concept but would never voluntarily listen to it) however

vampires will never hurt you - they immediately peaked with this one i genuinely think it's in top 3 songs they've ever written on sheer technical creativity. the first 30 seconds send a spike of pure adrenaline through my body. i could lift a bus if vampires was playing in the bg. absolutely deranged choice for a first single yet absolutely in character for them. love that half the songs off bullets don't even feel like songs that are verse > chorus > verse > chorus > bridge > chorus. they're just stories set against the sicknastiest guitar you've ever heard. but vampires in particular feels like everyone is performing until they pass out the energy doesn't flag for half a second. perfect song. i could listen to it every day and not get tired of it

boy division - iconic from start to finish. the amount of time tourists walked in one me going absolutely sicko mode to this one on slow days is at LEAST 3. love how tongue-in-cheek the lyrics are wrt to legacy and image love that i have listened to this song approximately 4000 times since mid-july and yet i do not know half the lyrics bc someone will not enunciate. putting it after foundations on setlists is such a fun choice because it really doesn't give you a second to breathe. going straight from the healing and awe and resilience of being told to fix your heart IMMEDIATELY into IFALLMYENEMIESTHREWAPARTY--

the foundations of decay - i know i'm prone to exaggeration and hyperbole but this one is dead fucking serious. the first time i listened to foundations i was like oh wow new music! and i liked it well enough but didn't seek it out or really think about it that much the first few times i heard it and then during the summer i saw some fanart and thought oh hm maybe i should give foundations another listen and that time i heard "you must fix your heart" clear as a fucking bell like a bolt of lightning clean through down to the centre of me right when i was experiencing such intense existential dread about turning 25--an age i never thought i'd reach--and not having a stable job or future that i thought i would lay down and die from it. you must fix your heart!! and you must build an altar where it swells!! i just had such a profound experience hearing that lyric and i listened to just the bridge over and over again for a week until i could hear it like static in my ears even when it wasn't playing. you must fix your heart. if i remember and get over my fear of appointments i'm going to get this tattooed on my human body. i mean this forever.

mama - do not need to explain this one. ray toro i would fight god for you thank you for taking a dare to write a rock polka 100% seriously and as a result transgenderizing millions of people across the globe on a daily basis. also up there in top 3 songs they've ever written. screaming YOU SHOULD HAVE RAISED A BABY GIRL I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER SON with thousands of people would both fix me and make me worse. LIZA MINNELLI is there

our lady of sorrows - the childhood catholicism really jumped out with this one but in my defense stand up fucking tall don't let them see your back and take my fucking hand and never be afraid again. gay-ass epic of gilgamesh-ass punk song. i know the point is that it's short but also i wish it were 10 minutes long

okay jesus christ we're putting the looks under a read more because i'm going to end up writing a phd thesis on each of them and the good people who followed me for other things shouldn't have to scroll 10 km uphill in the snow to see other posts

i am limiting these looks to recent tour fits because otherwise we will be here for the next 7 years and i will end up burning all the hair off my scalp in another bad dye job SO let's watch me get embarrassing

gerard of arc

protestants invented the rapture so they could describe mcr. we knew this one was coming the only question was when a joan outfit was coming and boy howdy did they deliver. i don't know if this one would have been as impactful if there wasn't already a mini-joan canon within their discography but because there have been years and years of build up to gerard going full joan, waking up and seeing this was pure vindication. also helps that i'm a big fan of the og joan fit at voodoofest in 2008 (2007?). love the change from the red skirt that's often associated with joan (especially in millais' painting) to a red cape so that instead it's chainmail all the way down. also there's something so striking about a chainmail gown. apart from the arm braces and the piece at the breastbone there's no real armour, even regular textiles that look like armour--i mean, practicality. you don't wanna pass out midway through na na na. also the BLOOD post-stake joan and the big ass buckle boots! i'm so glad someone got a visual on the boots bc the shoes often make or break an outfit for me and i was trying to figure out wtf they had underrneath the gown without sounding like a perv. the little joan sticker on his wizard noise tower. saints for girls. give this bitch a sword. if i talk about this too long i will be fully insane. moving on

2. high school english teacher who you homoerotically imprinted on but specifically with the jacket + glasses

feel like i do not need to explain this one. best they've ever looked unironically. it was all over for me the second i saw the pearl bracelet. the day after this happened i went to the heterosexual wedding of a high school friend in what i can only describe as a slightly more masc version of this fit which was likened by my friends to both a dead victorian child and a medieval knight. this look was my lockscreen until joan happened and genuinely my life has not known a single moment of peace since. i am not exaggerating when i say that on nights i knew there was a show i had trouble sleeping because i was tormented by the idea of gerard way out in public wearing a cunty little outfit. one night i genuinely woke up in a cold sweat and the first coherent thought was "what if an outfit happened" because i am Extremely Normal. i invented a brand new emotion looking at this and that emotion is 'gender horny' and no i do not know what that means. someone needs to take me out back and old yeller me i can't keep living like this. next

3. cheergate original flavour

i wasn't following the tour rabidly or having Hot Kit Emo Summer yet so the morning after cheergate og i was innocently scrolling through tumblr, saw fanart, and went wait. WAIT. and then mine eyes were blessed by images and the little gay people in my phone going from awe to horniness back to awe at breakneck speed. if this hadn't been on my day off i'm not sure how i would have coped. you think i would have been able to balance a cashbox in the wake of cheergate? i can barely do that under normal circumstances. sometimes gender is a horseshoe that swings back around to you with someone else's euphoria, sometimes it's contagious like laughter. the delicately puffed sleeves are what does me in specifically. puffed sleeves pristine white sneakers tiny little socks smooth ass legs. if i think for more than three minutes about the possibility of the cheerleading dress being the defining outfit of the return era i immediately get a tension headache. there are kids who got into mcr during the break up and this is going to be THEIR gerard....i need to put my head into a blender.

4. cunt dragula/count fagula

99% perfect recreation of bela lugosi in dracula 1931 HELLO?? (1% imperfect because the tailcoat is cut weirdly high both for a beat-by-beat recreation and 1930s evening wear in general and i cannot stop looking at it) i love this one bc it's just so Fun and the details are so theatre kid-y that i am reduced to self-recognition through the other. tinted hair gel. white foundation. drawn-on eyebrows. the way the cape swishes. we love to have fun here this one looked so fun to wear. even though i am not a big fan of dracula 1931 i am Not Immune to dracula 1931. glad there was a gud evening 9 years in the making :)

5. pool boy at the vampire mansion

fully-fledged character in 6 words. pool boy at the vampire mansion is like a mother to me. this falls into the category of outfits that i have deemed in my Big Spreadsheet of Tour Outfits (i am extremely mentally healthy thank you for asking) 'camp counsellor fits'. looks EXTREMELY comfy and even though it's so simple, everything works together so well even the clear face mask which i always forget exists. i love you tiniest shorts on planet earth. i love you crooked hand-lettered t-shirt handmade with love. i love you black converse. i would say more about this but the thing about living with your parents at 25 is that if my mother comes upstairs to drag me to the dinner table she will see me being extremely abnormal about gerard way online.

bonus points to: nurse (made me reread hanif abdurraqib's extremely wonderful black parade essay also gave me insane emotions re: my own concepts of health and chronic pain lol), lil ghostie (my close personal friend :^)), fruit bat drag queen (newark 1, would have been #4 if not for dracula)

#ari i am so sorry because you did ask for this but also you did not ask for THIS #every day of my life i am waiting for someone to ask my opinions on american rock band my chemical romance and today i am vindicated #standuptragicomedy #answered #mcr #long post #who will take one for the team and ask me my top 5 joan paintings i want to see redrawn with gerard #(this is a trap you do not want to do this)

[hargrove-mayfields]

Mini Harringrove Week Day One, July 29th! @harringroveweek

Chosen prompt: Lakehouse

A four hour drive to Michigan. That’s what it takes to get to the Harringtons mostly abandoned summer beach house.

Things in Hawkins have been unreasonably chaotic in the last few months of 1986, and Steve wanted to take Billy away from it. He saw no reason to object, so they braved the obnoxiously long car ride, or at least, it seemed long to Billy who’d only taken one official road trip in his life, most of which was now blocked out of his memory by trauma, and they were there by mid-day. A spur of the moment type deal. Packing messy suitcases into the bimmers trunk and leaving without telling anybody they were going.

When they finally get there, Billy’s feeling antsy. Cars haven’t really been his thing since his accident, closed-in spaces in general just not really that great, so he suggests that, instead of unpacking, they just go straight down to the water. Light up a few smokes and just sit on the beach.

He’s more than disappointed when they do. “This is the beach?”

“Uh.. yeah?” Steve sounds like he doesn’t get it, and that leaves Billy at a loss.

Because apparently, this specific stretch of beach that the Harringtons own, is the opposite of the kinds of beaches Billy grew up on. Sure, he’s used to dreary weather reflecting back on the waves, cloudy skies that loom, since he was usually only allowed down by the water on days when there were less people out to notice the bruises on him and momma with only bathing suits to cover them. But this is a different kind of disappointment from a thunderstorm on a swimming day.

This is a rock beach. With pebbles and sharp rocks and shells making up the shoreline instead of sand. He’s never seen anything like it and suddenly he hates Steve’s parents more than ever for picking this spot for their home away from home, “Stevie, where’s the sand? The waves?”

As if he hadn’t noticed, Steve points out, “It’s a rock beach. I don’t think there’s any sandy beaches unless you want to drive another hour, and then we wouldn’t have a place to stay.”

“Didn't you ever want to build a sand castle? Or take your shoes off to play? Or dig holes and find little crabs and shit?”

“My parents thought sand would be too messy.” Steve shrugs, which is pretty much what he had chalked it up to, so Billy continues, “Alright, I guess I expect that from them, but you still can’t surf in this water.”

“Obviously?” Steve crosses his arms over his chest, either to protect himself from the cool breeze by the water or just because he’s arguing his point and defensive about it, “You didn’t even bring your board. What’s it matter if you could surf anyway?”

“You can rent them Steve! At real beaches, they actually have shit for you to do!” Billy argues passionately, though not really serious about it. He motions to the surrounding beach to prove his point, hadn't even realized until then that it was literally just an empty stretch of beach for miles. No shacks or stands or pop-ups along it’s distance. Just rocks and more rocks.

Steve hums, something like humor, but too hesitant to commit to it, “You can rent a kite across the street here..”

“How thrilling.” Billy matches that, the tense sort of joking that happens when they aren’t sure if the other is truly upset. He changes the subject before one of them actually is, “What do you usually do when you come here?”

“Lock myself in the lake house and refuse to have any fun.” So much for not being tense.

Billy frowns, “Seriously?”

“Well, yeah. Usually I come out here with my parents, and spending the day with those two isn’t exactly ideal. They just talk shit about everybody on the beach and complain about the poor people ruining their view and I can’t stand it.” Steve rambles, as he rocks on his heels making this scratchy dry sound of rocks shifting under his shoes, reminding Billy of why this place isn’t exactly the dream getaway he’d been imagining. Context for why Steve wouldn’t think so either.

He lets Steve keep explaining anyways, “The only other times I’ve come here was just to escape Hawkins for.. reasons. I didn’t exactly feel like sunshine and cool mist. I just felt like I needed to lock myself in my room, you know?”

“Yeah, I get it. Most of us just don’t have separate houses to go brood in.” It’s a lame attempt at a joke and it doesn’t land.

Steve looks down like he’s been chastised, kicks at colorful pebbles more deliberately now. Humid winds cut through the cool air and almost carry the soft sound of his voice away entirely, “We don’t have to stay. I just thought it might be nice to get away for a while. For reasons.”

“Didn’t mean to be an asshole, Stevie. It’s just.. so different from home.”

“And you miss it.”

That’s a kind of vulnerability only Steve is allowed to know about. A recent development too. If he'd brought that up a few months ago, Billy might’ve stormed right off of the beach. Rather, he probably wouldn’t even be here. But because this is Steve and because they are where they are now, he admits with a bitter sort of chuckle, “Hell yeah I do. Miss it every day. If it weren’t for you and that shitty NDA, I’d be back by now.”

“And Max.”

“Nah. The shitbird can take care of herself now. I’m sticking it out for you, babes.”

“So.. I’m holding you back?” Billy isn’t sure if it’s something about his tone, or something in the way Steve worries about everything, but they keep doing this. Having miscommunications over the smallest of details, something which Billy thought was honestly kind of romantic, knowing they cared about each other that deeply.

“No- Steve, you gotta quit making assumptions.” He clarifies, tries to right all the misunderstandings before they can build up and cause something worse, “Yeah this beach is kinda shitty and I’d rather be back in California, but I don’t care about that shit as long as I’ve got you.”

“That’s cheesy.”

“You made me say it.”

Steve finally cracks a smile, understanding the light way Billy is trying to be, shaking off some of those nerves, “Fine, well, are we just going to stand here and talk or are we going to do something?”

“Hell, I don’t know. Is it even safe to swim in lake water?” To Billy, that’s a reasonable enough question. Unlike back home, where the water crashed clear and blue as far as the eye could see, lake water is muddy and brown. Everything about it is the opposite of his California beaches, so it doesn’t hurt to clarify.

Steve must think it’s pretty reasonable too, because while he refutes it, his tone is level and observational, “Well, yeah, but it’s probably too cold.”

“I say we either head back to the house then, or we pack this shit up and take ourselves on a road trip.”

“Billy, it's 2,000 miles away.”

He’s still trying to be lighthearted. Trying to pretend that he’s not struggling inside, and not even because the beach sucks, though that doesn’t help. He rolls his eyes and pretends to playfully about it, “Yeah, yeah. I’m just saying. We’d have a lot more fun back home.”

“I’ve tried to get you to take me.” Steve hums, and Billy refutes, maybe just slightly too quick, too rehearsed for when he knew Steve would inevitably ask again, “And I will. When the time is right.”

But Steve is used to being brushed off and lied to. Even if the intention is different from what he’s used to, he can still see right through Billy, “You don’t want to go back.. do you?”

“Um, I can take you there right now.” Billy tries to deflect, his pulse rate tripling as he realizes that’s probably not going to be enough.

Which it isn’t, because Steve carries on, bold in his observations, “Not to the house, Billy. To California. Lately you just.. seem like you’re hiding something about it. You talk about it all the time, you sound like you’re trying to convince yourself of something.”

All Billy can say is, “Am I that obvious?”

But again Steve’s got a better answer that won’t let him give up on this conversation, “I’d rather you be honest.”

Billy gives in and takes the bait, no coaxing required, “There’s just a lot of loose ends back home. Shit I don’t really want to face now that I’m not the same as I was when I left.”

“Like?”

“Like my old friends. My old neighborhood… My momma.”

“Billy..” Steve tries but he doesn’t know what else to say. It’s easy for Billy to fill that gap though because he isn’t done. This is one burden he’s carried for a lot longer than Steve’s known about it, or even known him.

“Yeah, it’s stupid, I know. I just thought.. If this place reminded me of home, I could have the best of both. I could have sunshine and waves but not have to deal with the hard stuff.” Billy sighs, thus taking a deep breath of fresh lake air to ground himself in this reality, in the surroundings that caused this problem in the first place, “But it’s so different. Everything’s different. I don’t-“

When his voice finally trails off, caught by tears he’ll never let be seen, Steve offers, “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Billy. I get it. You don’t have to want to go back. Nostalgia doesn’t mean you were happy.”

“But I don’t want to stay in Hawkins for the rest of my life either.”

“There are other places in the world, Bills. We can go wherever you want.”

“Wandering ain’t my thing..” Billy mutters, a lot to take in. Steve catches on quickly, knows Billy too well for the latter's own good, “Now you’re just looking for an excuse.”

“Shut up, I just.. never had that before. I wanted to go up north with momma. I didn’t want to come to Hawkins. I’ve never been this free to choose before.” Billy tries to be rational, tries not to get too hung up on the past now that he’s made strides to live in the present, but there’s one sentiment he can’t shake from that mindset, “Wish I’d ditched Neil sooner so I knew what to do with that freedom.”

Steve pauses, seeming to comprehend all the nuance that comes with a phrase like that from Billy and deciding to reroute it again to his own point, the stubborn little bastard, “I asked you to move with me the day you turned 18.”

This time, it’s just adding to this pressure under the surface for Billy. He thinks it’s playful, but Billy’s too far removed to agree. Gently as he can, he implies, “Stevie. I really need to get this off my chest.”

A flush on his cheeks that has nothing to do with the almost nonexistent sun, Steve apologizes, “Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. I just-“ Billy takes another heavy deep breath. This is something he’s bottled up for a long time and never told anybody. He has to brace himself before he explains carefully, “Nothing feels right anymore. There’s still pieces of me missing that I’m never gonna get back. I used to think that sticking around in Hawkins would fix it. I’d be there for Max and I’d pretend to be the badass new kid and everything would be fine. But I still felt empty. So I daydreamed about home. I wanted to go back and pick up all the things I left behind so I could be happy again. And now that I’m with you I know that won’t fix it. I’ve had time to figure it out.”

“I know you offered me a chance before but I wasn’t ready then. And now I am. I’m ready for the rest of our lives, wherever that might take us, as long as it isn’t here, and as long as it isn’t right back into my past.”

“You hate this beach that much?” Steve attempts after all that heaviness. Billy knows he dumped too much on him at once and almost cracks a smile about it. Almost. Steve rushes to apologize again, but a little sheepish, “Sorry. I didn’t know what else to say.”

“You could start with whether or not you want that too?”

“Of course I do. I’ve wanted to ditch Hawkins since my parents moved me there in first grade. It would be a dream to run away with you.”

The easiness finally makes it to Billy, that confirmation from Steve all he needed to ease off the edge, “It is a pretty shitty place, isn’t it?”

“Shitty is an understatement. Indiana in general is literal hell on earth. I’ve always been jealous of where you grew up.” Almost like he just now remembers what this whole conflict had been about, Steve quickly asks, to not let his last comment dwell, “Where would you rather go?”

“Hell, I dunno. Figured you’d have that ready too, Mr. ‘I’ve had my future planned out for me since I was a toddler.’” Billy quips to avoid admitting he has no plan. Has never had one. Always forced to live one day at a time.

“I’ve always liked the south?” Steve suggests, to which Billy, a city boy in nature and a flaming homosexual in every other way, simply objects, “Yikes.”

“You asked.”

“And I don’t like the answer. Unless we’re talking south-west. Arizona seems pretty rad.”

Steve scoffs a laugh, “There’s not actually a bunch of hot cowboys in unbuttoned shirts running around out there, you know.”

“Yeah, yeah. But there is heat. You know I hate the cold. Especially now.” Billy points out, pretending that Steve’s first point was never his own.

“Maybe we could compromise on that.”

“Aw, Stevie can’t handle a little bit of sun?”

In response, Steve holds out his arms, skin bitten as red as the blush that was lingering on his face. Even through the lingering clouds, wearing only a cutoff shirt isn’t enough, “Look at me! I’m covered in like ten layers of sunscreen right now and I’m still burning up.”

Point proven.

All the same, Billy has an idea. One that might break any tension from this conversation that was always going to be hard to have, but especially unexpected like this. He doesn’t want things to be weird anymore, so he declares, “Let’s cool you off then!”

Even though he’s taller, Billy can whisk Steve off his feet with ease. All that deadlifting paying off as he carries an unsuspecting boyfriend towards the water.

Steve only seems to get what’s coming when Billy makes it knee deep in the water, protesting, “Billy, wait-“

Too late. Billy dunks him under, letting him kick his limbs around like a cat in the water despite the fact that he already pulled him back up just as his hair got wet.

Billy can’t help but laugh at Steve when he’s all soggy and trying to look mean. Sputtering like he somehow got lungfuls of water from literally one second under the surface. Through the sharp laugh, Billy remarks, “I don’t think you’re cut out for beach life anyways, Stevie.”

“I wasn’t ready!” Steve hits Billy’s chest with a closed fist in protest, a gesture undermined completely by the stupidly wide smile that spreads across his face framed by water droplets, “I could’ve drowned.”

“I had you the whole time, baby. And I’m never gonna let you go.” He trails off in a sing-song tone and spins around with him in the water, just to be annoying and cheesy, just to make Steve pout.

“Not even if I ask nicely?”

“Nah. You’ll get sand everywhere.”

Steve rolls his eyes at that callback, only making Billy more smug. He doesn’t even try to match him in his attempts at being a nuisance, “I know. This is my beach house, remember?”

“I just wanna do something that doesn’t involve my body going into shock. Or sulking in the house.” Steve explains, so Billy caves and begrudgingly returns him to shore, would’ve dropped Steve without ceremony if there was sand underneath him, but had to be careful because of the rocks. That’s another thing about this place. He feels strangely restricted in a way that the beaches back home made him feel free, like an escape.

He suggests sarcastically, if not just to playfully remind Steve of his distaste with this place that’s currently rising within him again, “There’s always that kite..?”

“Yeah, no thanks. I meant like looking for beach glass.” Steve scoffs, and Billy has to one up that attitude to correct, “Sea glass.”

“No, it’s beach glass. This is the lake, remember?”

“Technicalities.” Billy disregards, still thinks he’s right, but sinking down to sit next to Steve on the shoreline with his legs outstretched into the water. He has no interest in what Steve’s looking for, oversaturated with fake ripoffs of colored glass in gift shops back home. He asks nonetheless, very much interested in Steve, if not his hobbies, “Have you ever even seen the ocean, Stevie?”

Steve sifts a pile of rocks through his fingers, coming up with nothing but the same broken shells and fractured rocks that litter the entire beach, “Nope. Just a few of the Great Lakes. Erie and Michigan. Other than that, just lots of creeks and rivers.”

Billy doesn’t correct the way Steve pronounces creek like there’s an ‘i’ in it, moving on to casually remark, “I can see why you like the idea of traveling so much. You’ve been cooped all your damn life.”

Steve picks up another handful, drops it without really looking. This obviously isn’t relaxing him like it’s supposed, he’s in his own thoughts, “But if that’s not what you want..”

Billy pretends he doesn’t notice Steve’s hesitation, knows if he acknowledges it too much Steve will shut down and start worrying about him instead. So he looks out as far as they can see from their little spot, with tiny waves they couldn’t even jump on a boogie board lapping at their legs, “I said I don’t like to wander. I didn’t say anything about traveling.”

“What does that even mean?” Steve finally looks up at him, so Billy looks back, a small smile cracked across his features, “Means I wouldn’t mind selling that wrecked old Chevy so we could buy an RV. As long as we’re going somewhere with a purpose, I’d go anywhere with you.”

Brown eyes shine with more than sunshine, expectant and relieved and just happy. Billy would throw away everything for those eyes. Already knows his answer is going to be yes before Steve even asks, “Even if we made a tiny pit stop in California?”

Billy likes this speed for them, between serious and free. He hums, confirming in the most casual way he can think to, “Keep it in So-Cal and you got yourself a deal.”

“How do we decide when to settle? That’s your dream isn’t it? To find someplace to be happy?” Steve tries to see Billy’s side, on a much better note than they started on.

That makes Billy feel better to say, “That’s our compromise then. We travel until we find the right spot, and we stop there. Shitty small towns and bad memories be damned. We go where we go and we stay where it feels good to stay.”

“Then maybe we can see about those six little nuggets?”

“Don’t push your luck, Stevie.”

“How’s three kids and a dog sound?” Another compromise, but Billy isn’t so quick to accept this one, “We’ll see.”

“Maybe we could foster?“ Again, Steve pushes, only joking, a serious conversation to be had when they aren’t to a happy spot.

It’s Billy who reminds him that they don’t have to decide yet, a luxury neither of them are really used to, “Hey. One step at a time, baby. We have all the time in the world to make up our minds.”

Just a few months ago, they didn’t have that long. They only had until the chime of a clock to do everything they needed to. Until the steady pulse of hospital machinery gave out.

Even though everything worked out, the lingering memories of a time when they were unsure make it hard. Make moments like these where they can just sit and relax and talk even more precious.

Steve smiles so genuinely Billy feels a tug in chest, “Yeah.. I guess we do.”

#HarringroveWeek #harringrove #billy x steve #billy hargrove #steve harrington #more under the cut #written by someone who has also never seen the ocean btw #ej writer #my writing #story by ej!