#it honestly makes me feel exhausted sometimes

[borderlinereminders]

Thank you all for your responses. It’s exhausting running a server sometimes and I think a lot of people don’t realize the amount of emotional energy it takes. I spend a lot of time thinking about the server. I worry about the members. I notice if they disappear and I get concerned. The server and the people in it matter to me.

I can understand that I’m not perfect and I make mistakes. And I was second guessing myself because of the things being said about me.

I was feeling so anxious about all of this. So, thank you all for the reassurance. I honestly want to cry I feel so relieved by it.

#drama #not positive #these are tags I use for this stuff btw #you can filter them

[damned-punk]

What You Won’t Ever Find (Kidd x Reader)

Part Nine

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Content Warning: nsfw, modern!AU, suggestive language, unhealthy attachment, angst

Content Description: gn!reader meets Kidd in a bar and their relationship develops from there ♡

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The daisy that Kidd had welded was taunting you from its place on your nightstand. He was right that it’d never wilt but even if it could, the two of you likely wouldn’t last long enough to watch it happen. The cold metal material that comprised its stem and petals was ironic, a sardonic mimicry of what was beginning to feel like a fabricated relationship. You didn’t know what to think anymore, you no longer held distain for Hip’s advice though it could serve you no favors in your current situation. The writing had been on the wall from the night you’d met, the proposition of causal fun should’ve been a glaring red flag but you’d ignored it the same as you had many others.

You’d learned that Kidd was the type of person who could become enamored with someone and play with the idea of a relationship, but he seemed to lack the skills necessary to maintain the relationship once it was started. You assumed that years upon years of hardship and loss had significantly damaged his attachment style, the revelation doing little to help you work through the heavy sense of loss that clouded your psyche. Every day that passed was so dull, you couldn’t wait for them to end once they’d begun. You weren’t even sure how many days it had actually been and you honestly didn’t want to, it didn’t matter anyway.

Your phone was essentially out of commission on account of all the calls and texts that you didn’t have the strength to address. You could only read a few of them every once in a while, his words far too painful to handle. It was obvious when he was drunk or exhausted as what were once carefully selected words would turn into a barrage of mismatched phrases and letters. Killer had even reached out to check on you, he’d always been so kind. Sometimes you didn’t understand how they’d remained friends for so long, Kidd seemed to always be on some level of extreme. You wished you had whatever trait Killer possessed to make Kidd care for him so much, maybe then something meaningful could tether the two of you together.

You flinched upon hearing a car door shut just outside your home, a few short knocks on the door causing your heart to race. You did your best to peer out the window to identify the visitor but the angle made it nearly impossible. As you cracked the door open just a few inches, confusion knitted through your brows. Killer towered over you with his hands tucked in his jeans, alone and carefully considering what he wanted to say.

“I’m sure you’re upset and you don’t have to say anything, just please hear me out.”, he bargained with you.

“Alright.”, you replied after a moment, trusting Killer’s discretion.

“It really wasn’t what it looked like. He royally fucked up, but he did not sleep with her. I don’t know exactly how she ended up in the car with him, but she slept on the couch and he wasn’t interested in her at all. I can promise you that’d he would’ve told me if anything happened and if it had, I wouldn’t be here right now.”, Killer explained, “He woke up the next morning not even really knowing who in the hell she was. He was going to take her home and then come here to talk to you, but you got to the house before he had the chance.”

“He’s had more than once chance at this point.”, you noted, not exactly feeling like the situation was so easily rectified, “Is this something that he always does? If I believe you and go back to him, how long will it be before we’re right back here again?”

“I can’t say that this won’t ever happen again because I don’t know if it will or not. I hope it doesn’t, but Kidd is very temperamental sometimes and you know that just as well as I do.”, Killer replied with a very valid point, “I’ll be honest, I’ve only ever seen him this torn up one other time before… I wouldn’t have wasted your time or mine if I didn’t think it was worth it. He hasn’t slept and he won’t eat, all he does is fuck with shit in the garage all night, works, comes home, and then does it all over again.”

“I don’t know… This has been really hard, Killer. Things will be great for a little while and I’ll think we’re getting somewhere only for him to go off on me or leave me for someone else.”, you let your feelings be known, “I know that I love him, but I also know that I can’t keep doing this.”

“I know and I agree with you entirely, this can’t keep going on.”, Killer validated your understandably difficult position, “I’m asking you, as a friend, please give him a chance to explain himself. This isn’t something that I can fix or help him through, he’s spiraling without you.”

Killer watched you with hopeful eyes as you gave the situation some very intensive thought. To care is a curse and love is a cruel emotion. It’s manipulative, draining, and blinding above all else. It’s so beautiful when it blooms, but it is always met by the most gruesome of ends. Whether or not you still cared for Kidd wasn’t to be questioned, he meant the world to you and that would never change. That sentiment had come back to bite you so many times before but realistically, what more damage could be done?

“I’ll come see him, but I need you to be there.”, you relented as Killer let out a great sigh of relief.

“I’ll be right beside you, whatever you need.”, he patted your shoulder in an attempt to reassure you.

Killer held true to his word, staying at your side and offering as much support as he could in your respective circumstances. He waited patiently on the couch as you dressed yourself and kindly lead the way back to their shared home for you to follow. Kidd hadn’t noticed the two of you pull up and certainly couldn’t hear the slamming of car doors on account of the very heavy music that was blaring from the garage. The door was raised just enough for him to be able to walk out if needed, his bare and sweat-soaked back facing you as he leant over the engine bay of a worn vehicle. You stood just outside the door beside Killer, you couldn’t bring yourself to approach him and instead waited for him to notice the two of you.

After a few minutes had passed, he stood to retrieve a tool from his workbench. As he turned to resume tinkering, he caught sight of you and froze. His expression was facetious, not at all amusing but irrevocably indicative of how much he’d been struggling with all of this. There was no signature eyeliner or lipstick to speak of, only sunken eyes and dark circles in their wake. Trying to recollect himself, Kidd moved to turn the music down while Killer made his way to sit on their porch. He was close enough to intervene if things went sideways, but far enough to allow for some privacy.

You didn’t know what to say and it seemed like he didn’t either, the silence between the two of you growing rather awkward. Kidd looked totally defeated and while he was in the wrong, it wasn’t something you particularly enjoyed seeing. It felt like you could say anything and ruin him permanently if you really wanted to. Just as you felt doubt begin to chip away at your presence in the moment, Kidd extended his arms to you and gave you an optimistic look. Nearly all of your reservations faltered as you walked into his embrace, immediately being lifted off your feet and held as close to him as possible. His dampened forehead pressed against your neck as he folded himself around you. His grip was tight and as though he’d loose something precious if he ever let go.

“(Y/N), I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am.”, he spoke against your skin, “I promise you that nothing happened. I wanted to get the fuck out of there and when she asked me for a ride home, I guess I brought her here. She slept on the couch and I was about to actually take her home when you pulled in.”

“That’s only one small part of the much bigger problem, Kidd. You left me alone at a party full of people that I don’t really know and then you brought someone else home, only for me to find the two of you together the next day.”, you kept your voice low as to not escalate the situation, still stern enough to convey your point, “That was one of the worst feelings I’ve had in my entire life. I felt like I meant nothing to you or anyone else, that I was just something to throwaway and be forgotten.”

“It’s not like that and it’s never fuckin’ been like that.”, he said seriously, lifting his head to face you, “Please, let me make this up to you…”

This was something different, something that you hadn’t seen from him before. You hated everything about this, the way he’d make you feel, the way he’d sunken into himself, and the way that everything in your life seemed to revolve around him. Of course you wanted to pick up where you’d left off, but it went beyond that simple concept. Something within you knew that if this ended, there would never be another Kidd. In fact you’d never have the opportunity to be truly happy again, you’d only be mourning what should have been. It was unhealthy and that reality had crossed your mind, but in this moment in his arms, you didn’t care.

“I’ll give you anything you want, (Y/N)… You tell me what you need and I’ll make it happen.”, he pleaded with you while resting his forehead against your own, his tired eyes glazed and searching for any hint of clarity.

That always seemed to be his answer and you weren’t sure if he really meant it or if he just wished it were the truth. You wanted to believe that he had the ability to commit himself to an established relationship, but even that was a far cry from your current predicament. You undoubtedly wanted Kidd and it was looking like this would be the price you’d have to pay if you wished to stay with him. Perhaps this was the moment of unraveling, a realization of something you’d been missing all along.

“This can’t happen again.”, you repeated the same condition you’d given him before, praying that you’d never have to say it again, “I know this is hard on you, but you have to stop being so self destructive. People care about you and whether you intend for them to or not, your actions have very real consequences.”

“You’re right…”, he trailed off, seemingly taking in what you’d said, “I don’t want to lose you, (Y/N).”

“You won’t. We have some things we need to work on, but you won’t. I’m right here.”, you reassured him, lifting your head to kiss his forehead, “How about you go shower and then we’ll eat something? That’ll be a good start.”

He took your chin in his hand and placed a very passionate kiss to your lips. The gesture made up for the things he didn’t know how to say, also working to fluster Killer as he watched the two of you. He’d certainly tease Kidd for it later, happy that the two of you actually managed to reconcile with one another. You followed the two of them into the house and took some time to appreciate the comfort of Kidd’s bedroom. It was a sick sense of consolation, the familiarity of something you held so dear that was on the edge of being ripped from your hands at any given moment.

Part Ten

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A/N: Thank you for reading! All characters presented in the story have been caricatured to fit the desired plot devices. Some interactions and situations may read out of character, this is only to progress the story and does not reflect my view of their canon personalities.

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#kid pirates #one piece #one piece fanfiction #anime #one piece x reader #eustass kid #eustass kid x reader #captain kid x reader #killer one piece #massacre soldier killer #what you won’t ever find #captain kid #eustass captain kid

[apollosbisexualass]

As much as it’s fun to read about a kick ass female lead, I get so tired of having said lead having to continuously ‘prove herself’ to every man she meets. I opened this book to escape reality, not be harshly reminded of it.

#and then it leans into the ‘im not like other girls’ trope because she hates dresses or whatever #it honestly makes me feel exhausted sometimes #and angry #so angry #reading #reader #book readers #readerslife #femenist #femenism #misogynistic #female #female mc #y/a #ya books #books and reading #misoginy #tired thoughts #i’m tired

[schlange-edens]

@ my chronically ill peeps: you don't owe anyone the extra effort it takes to pretend that you are ok. You don't need to pretend, even if it makes people upset, downright furious even.

You will have people who get upset at you for being chronically ill, because surprise!! your condition is chronic and no matter how many times they ask: no, it did not get better overnight. No, not even after trying -thing-

It's ok to be chronically ill, it's not a moral failing or your fault, you are NOT a burden. Sometimes shit just happens. And the people who do matter? They will stick around, even if you're having a particularly bad day or when you simply don't have the energy to put a fake smile on your face.

Chronically ill people do not need to try harder, to grow despite our illness and be a "success story".

You are not a failure for having to rely on people or for being dependent on medication.

If you're not chronically ill, be prepared for the answer to the question of "How are you?" or "Are you OK?" It will not always be what you want to hear.

#chronic illness #health #the amount of people who got upsetti spaghetti with me for no longer pretending that I was fine was honestly frustrating #it can happen with your friends #family and others #might I suggest saying “same old or as always” if people repeatedly ask the same question every day DESPITE knowing of your condition #some mean well so try to explain your exhaustion at the question first #I have a friend like that #I told him it reminds me of my condition every day #idk if it's a good way to go about this #this is not a blueprint for how to act obviously #it's just how it makes me feel sometimes and other chronically ill people #I had people abandon me for being too tired all the time or having to cancel plans for doctor's appointments #if anyone has suggestions or experience on how they deal with this -> send them my way! #I'm always open to learn a few new tricks #thanks for reading all of this - peace-

[milo-is-rambling]

I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?

#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like. #what? am I missing something here? #my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day #but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both #gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a #bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of #being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even #with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like #go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m #afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make #this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s #so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room #and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until #my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and #that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad #anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know. #honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down

[arklay]

WIP DAY.

tagged by @girlbosselrond @morvaris @aartyom @risingsh0t @phillipsgraves @leviiackrman @indorilnerevarine & @denerims over the past month! sorry it's taken me so long to get to anything at all, i'm sure you guys have heard me address it enough, but thank you all so much for continuing to tag me in things while i've been inactive ♡

tagging @aelyosos @brujah @calenhads @florbelles @jendoe @lightwardens @liurnia @nokstella @nuclearstorms @shadowsofrose @shellibisshe @steelport @swordcoasts @wrymbloods @voerman & all of those who tagged me again cause i'm so behind + anyone else who'd like to share anything they're working on, not just writing! ♡

i haven't written anything since the last wip game i did, but i started trying to put diana's timeline together at the start of january, so i mean... i'll show that instead. as you can see, fatigue hasn't let me do much with it even though i've got all of her timeline already done and strewn about all over the place.

started with 1995 onwards cause it was originally going to be an ewskers timeline situation, but then wanted to include all of her backstory so i went back to the start and still have the late 80s and early 90s to get through before then, but yeah :]

it's going to include like all little moments i've thought of between the ewskers just for me and placing them on the timeline, so you can imagine how long this is going to get if i have to go to 2021 for village... like just 1996-1998 is going to be so much... she's very special to me if you couldn't tell already lmaoo

never sharing this though, it's just for me, and like will help for when i do her timeline page (more in-depth version of what's on her oc page) to just run through canon events and brief descriptions and whatnot. you understand.

everything is blurred out besides 1995 ewskers momence and the years, just cause like idk her i feel weird sharing her in-depth backstory unless it's in dms or something, just cause there's lots going on there and yeah. things. idk

i also made a carrd for twt if you wanna have a look at that :] there's some cheeky subtle things with the two resi items i used as pics hehe

actually, you know what, i'll give a lil bit from where i left of with that rewrite anyways, even though it's been months since i wrote it. but why not

Wesker left a fleeting kiss behind her ear then reached around her and hooked his fingers beneath her coat, prompting Diana to glance back at him. But all he did was gently pull it from her shoulders. She watched him from out of the corner of her eye as he hung it up on the rack by the door, his movements careful and almost calculated, until he turned back towards her, and the warmth of his body returned once more. He pressed up against her side this time, as opposed to her back, and one of his hands found a home on her waist. The way the arm it belonged to was resting firmly against her as he began leading her towards the kitchen was comforting, secure, yet unmistakably possessive. And she revelled in it. He had quite the knack for handling her just the way she wanted.

#tag games. #keep going to do picrews and just zoning out 😭 i'm so behind on literally everything but it's fine it's okay (lying) #i'm having a day and a half even though i woke up feeling okay but oh well. my last month has just been like watching videos during the day #or playing games when i have a bit more energy but like i can't do anything that requires me to actually read or write things like words #are just not computing in my brain at the moment but it's okay like i'm just exhausted and hoping soon i can get back to writing because i #still have over 30 wips going lmao but yeah it's been a time a half with lots of appointments and seeing specialists again and trying to #sort things out. i've been more active on twitter which i've mentioned before but it's just because like it's easier for me to sort of just #like and rt things and not having to do my organisation tags and things like i know that sounds so just small and simple but that's how #i've been lately like to my brain rn that seems like a really big task. so i just keep coming on here randomly for a few minutes then #disappearing so i'm sorry that i've definitely missed so much and i haven't been around to just show my appreciation and love to your #creations!! also just everything that happened in december and then a bit at the start of january too like i'm just a lil paranoid about #being on here honestly so i'm trying to get back to it and be okay with posting again and i'm going to make a promise to myself to actually #filter more tags i think? just to help me with like not exposing myself to things that do make me feel uncomfortable in any way!! i'm #rambling now but sorry sometimes i just need to lmaooo idk but yes so cute lil subtle things from my carrd i wanna talk about cause why not #i didn't have to change the blue herb from re0 besides making it brighter because it's already teal toned which is so sexy but i shifted #the hue on the spade key like SLIGHTLY like it was so little. but anyways. i use this emoji ✨ on my twitter name and yes cause sparkles but #also. three stars. the s.t.a.r.s. badge and logo :] then blue herb because i will have no poison in my safe space!!!! take a blue herb or #leave please!! only good vibes and safe space here!! spade key because i'm ace <3 i was going to include the diamond one in there as well #because am demiro and like those are the symbols in the community. ace of spades for ace. diamond for demis (both orientations) #but wasn't sure how to weave the pink through the rest of the carrd even though cyan and pink together is so pretty omg

[roxannarambles]

rant in tags (mental health issues)

#i have ocd and it's been getting worse over the past 2 yrs #the intrusive thoughts are ...a LOT. so many every day. #it really exhausts me to the bone some days. #I've never had any help for it or anyone to talk to about it #just makes me feel very alone sometimes. #I finally was able to get a therapist altho she doesnt deal with ocd so I wont be getting help in that area for the moment #but I just wanted to post this just....to vent and feel like maybe someone out there heard me. #I've tried to find places online to talk about this stuff but all the places I've tried have been really awful #people online can be so terrible. #tumblr honestly feels like the safest space to me. people here have always been so cool and nice. #i just wanna feel like im not alone i guess. #so yeah anyway #just venting i guess #will delete later

[kenobster]

how does one respond when one's favorite author(s) comments on one's fic, like, how does one construct a comment purely out of drool, tears, and maniacal giggling? asking for a friend. >.>

#taking a brief break from work to chip at the ongoing mountain of feedback i never expected #i feel too supportedddddd #too much happy #too much love #how do i cope with this? #how do yall cope with this? #surely i cant be the only one who struggles with this?? #how can something simultaneously feel so good and yet so exhausting?!?! #idk how to deal lmao #ESP WHEN SOME OF UR FICS ARE MAKING ME CRY LIKE A FERAL BEAST AT 3AM like #also sometimes it feels like yall's fics have eyes #like oh HELLO kenobster ur looking nice this morning but weren't u just screaming incoherently at the floor like 3 hours ago bc of my fic? #lol and honestly like another thing is that yall just saw straight into the deepest levels of my soul #like #you just saw me naked! #and now i'm expected to waltz right in and show my face in a comment? it's too embarrassing! #does this make sense to literally anyone else? lol #or do i need to like maybe sleep for more than 4 hours tonight #personal

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sometimes u have a day thats just so. i cant even. its seems 2023 is my year of rage #directionless rage. i guess im mad at me but instead of being directed inward it just goes out into empty space #im just fucking. im at my saturation point #its a good thing i stopped taking measurements yesterday and went to the store tomorrow bc im so fucking #mostly bc i noticed a problem with the code for a paper that is fucking less than a day away from being locked in on acceptance #and now its like fucking i have to go through and change a lot and im also less than 48hrs away from another massive project starting #that will occupy my whole fucking waking nightmare of a life. so its a good thing im level headed. its a good thing i can accept my fuck #ups with honestly. bc im so fucking. ive had it. im up to fucking here with everything and i just want it to be done #im fucking full of bitterness and black bile and i want to break things. and whose fault is it? fucking mine #bc im too fucking exhausted constantly all the time to fucking pay attention to what im doing and notic that a fucking function isnt #working properly. fuck u fuck u fuck u. so what r we gonna do abt it? #idk well see what my boss says. i already texted her that news and its good bc at least i caught it but god its so fucking irritating #god. will i b told off for this? maybe. i probably deserve it. haha if so that will send me for an absolute tailspin. i cannot stand to #feel ive done something wrong. even when i kno i have. last time i had a total freakout meltdown and made v bad choices and that wasnt even #this bad. so its a good thing im currently fairly stable bc the desire to make bad choices is very strong #im just so sick and tired of everything and i want to let things implode bc im vindictive against myself. but we must not do that we must #be reasonable. so idk we may have to withdraw the paper. whatever i dont give a fuck. itll get accepted elsewhere. i dont fucking care #leave me alone to dissolve into the dirt and set my data ablaze to be helpful to no one. erase my Prospective impack. i don't fucking care #anyway today sucked. i might have to stay up all night trying to fix this. ensuring that i fuck up the start of the looming project yayyyyy #i hate it here. i stopped having fun over a year ago #itll b fine. im just fucking. im full im impotent rage #unrelated

[sugarsugarmp3]

i turn 21 on monday and i just know im not going to enjoy this weekend at all...

#BIG vent in tags #the last two months have been honestly some of the worst of my life i am always always thinking about this rly shitty thing happened #and now i have to go home for my birthday weekend which i know i should be happy about and it is a good thing #but i just really dont want to go and i feel like a bad person for feeling that way #im doing better than someone i know and i need to go home and be there for them #i wanted to be in my apartment and relax with my friends #ive had 4 midterms this week and i am just exhausted with everything #and its not like it being my brithday will make my weekend bc thats literally impossible #and i feel so shitty about feeling this way bc im not the one who needs help right now and my bday shouldnt even be a priority in my family #bc we have bigger problems rn #but i still wish it was better. plus today sucked #i just am always awkward with people and i wish i was better at social stuff and ive felt rly lonely bc i only hve a few good friends #and trying to make friends is so impossible bc it seems like i keep doing the wrong thing and not being able to vibe with people #rn im just thankful for labs bc having constant lab partners are the only social interactions i get in almost all my classes #this girls would sit next to me in genetics and we would talk but i hvent seen them in a few weeks and i dont know their names #and im not great with faces so i cant even go up to them if i see them and i wouldnt even know what to say if i did #i see the same people in my classes but im sure they think im weird bc ive never talked with them but i always accidentally make eye contac #and one girl in 4/5 of my classes i sometimes talk with but i dont even know if she likes me and i acciendetnally made eye contact with her #while waiting for a lecture to start but then made no attemot to talk to her bc i thought itd be awkward and she probably thought i was #ignoring her #its just this week. its been so so shitty i dont know how to change thus

[jonny-b-meowborn]

i just cried after doing the dishes because of my paws being in pain and because I feel like I'm being a terrible host because I'm kinda tired of my guests. I love spending time with them, but having to go to work, do my house chores, keep them entertained and fed, is just too much. And I feel like being overwhelmed makes me a horrible host. I didnt tell them anything, I'm trying to seem like I'm not that tired, but just because in my head I'm getting tired of all that, I'm bad. And yes I know that my thoughts don't make me bad, but that doesn't matter because while I know that I still feel like absolute piece of garbage. Because like, how could I even think of that. I'm supposed to be happy about them being here, and I am happy, but I am also constantly in pain and have to do everything around the house and it's just too much

#i feel so guilty for that but sometimes i wish theyd leave early even though they just came here #not because i dont want them to be around #i just dont want to have to do absolutely everything for them #but i have to. theyre my guests #i wish they lived closer so we could meet without all that exhausting bullshit #just. go get a coffee or pizza together every now and then #but since they live across the country they cant visit often so every visit has to matter #and what makes me even more guilty is that im mostly tired of my sister's boyfriend #i like him. but im tired #my sister is my everything and i would kill and die for her. she can do whatever she wants #but also she does whatever she wants. if shes hungry or thirsty she knows she can just grab anything she wants from the fridge or whatever #because shes family. she lived with us most of her life. our home is still her home #but her boyfriend is someone new to this place. he lives differently from us simply because he wasnt a part of our family until recently #technically he can do whatever he wants but i know how awkward can it be to rummage in someone elses fridge #and he shouldnt have to clean the place. because hes a guest #so while my sister is just living here for now i have to do everything for him #and because im already making a meal for him why wouldnt i do it for my sister? #i do it anyway when only she is visiting because i love her #you know honestly im just a better host when there's only one guest. its not that overwhelming #okay also im hungry but i cant eat anything bc of various stupid reasons #mostly just. i dont feel comfortable eating around people i don't know thay much #but also i feel like i cant eat anything if i dont give them that thing too. but they already ate something this evening #there wasnt enough of that meal for three people so i just made them food. but now i fant get anything else for myself #without giving them that thing too but theyre not hungry anymore bc they already ate #and I'm just too fucking tired to make anything for everyone #i want to just make myself some toast or sandwich without having to do a million of them #im just generally tired and hungry and overwhelmed and in pain and i feel so guilty for being those things #ough #bee buzz

[piplupod]

i have no idea how to recover from this trip shdgjkl i just feel so sick and i feel like i ran two marathons and then got hit by a semi truck sdfjkl

i also am sleeping badly even though im back at home because the soundscape is so different and its much quieter at home than it was on the trip which is Nice but i am not used to it now ;-;

today has just kind of been a foggy haze and im trying to get things done that are low energy but i sort of just keep starting things and then not really finishing them properly fdsjkl

however i do have a new instagram account at hermit.thekermit that i'll be posting my trip photos on because i brought my kermit plushie with me everywhere and took many photos of him on vacation fsdgjkl so if ur interested in that, that's where that'll be !

anyways if anyone has any advice on how to like... recuperate while having chronic fatigue pls lmk because i desperately wish to not feel like i do rn fdsjkl i knew it was going to be bad but i had no idea it'd be This Bad and this hard fsdjkl

#i need like. bed rest quite honestly. but i have to mow the lawn sometime tomorrow or monday fsjdkfl and uhhh #idk how im going to do that fdsjkl i am exhausted to my bones #it doesnt help that my eyes are really tired too so i cant even look at screens for very long #which makes it really hard bc screens are like. the one thing i have to do all my low/no energy tasks on #like watching videos or scrolling dsfjkl #i also want to play stardew but it feels stressful for some reason fjdskl RIP me ig #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[bewby]

.

#i know i can't help it because i have like. no friends irl but it still feels so pathetic that i wanr so much attention online❤️ #it's so annoying and i know it's also because i grew up this way but sometimes i feel myself just focusing on this too hard and going #insane and honestly i hate sharing this becuase i'm ashamed and embarassed of it but then again this is human. i'm human so shut up #like i KNOW it's sad and pathetic but what can i do genuinely. it makes me so sad everyday that my online friends live so far away #because IF you all were close i would just spontaneously meet up with you guys and do whatever like i literally think about this SO MUCH #i wanted to just write down a bunch of activities but i stopped myself like . because this isnjust so sad #it's okay to be emotional it's ok to want friends to have stupid karaoke nights with or who you cry with at 3 am on the kitchen floor ❤️ #yeah anyways i kinda got off topic. i wish i could feel happy on my own too but once again. i am human i can't help but want to be seen. or #want to be close with my mutuals. we need eachother to survive.'i 'm just tired and wish itnwasn't thisfucking extreme. like it fucking #exhausts me physically bro #my emotions are gonna kill me one day i am soooo so tired

[fatoujallovv]

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#i just spent a week in a house with my extended family and watched them leave shoes and books and playing cards in every corner of the house #and it hit me like a brick how exhausting it is to have adhd #i can’t afford to put my stuff anywhere but the exact location my monkey brain expects to find it or else it may as well be gone forever #it takes literal herculean amounts of effort to remember my medications on even a remotely regular basis #not to mention showering eating three times a day and getting a reasonable amount of sleep #i’m at literal war with myself to take care of my belongings and my health and i don’t give myself enough credit for how taxing that is #sometimes i feel like adhd is that quirky little accessory to my personality that everyone makes it out to be #but it honestly just fucking sucks most of the time #ellie talks 😗✌️ #personal #delete later

[deanncastiel]

so i may or may not have uh, obtained the videos to make the gifs. the question is will i 🤔🤔🤔

#look i love gifmaking i truly do #but i need it to not feel like a race to get everything out there as quickly as possible #bc i inevitably fail #and while i was fairly successful in not participating in this race bc i know that it's not good for me #i gif at my own pace thank you very much (or at least.. i did lol) #i was still feeling it A LOT #but honestly lbr i was burning myself out with all of these ideas but never having the capacity or energy to get to all of them #(or any of them really) #and then i would make myself feel bad bc i would have all these ideas and then never get to them and it was a vicious cycle #anyway all this word vomit is to say that... maybe... sometime soon..... sure... #literally have a buck set that i was working on for MONTHS that i honestly don't think i'll finish #bc it was part of this series i had planned and the amount of work that would have to go into it just exhausts me #eloquently put love #bri's adventures in photoshop

[draconicace]

fell asleep for like. 2.5 hours and had a dream with characters i am now calling NormalGuy and Singer, so that's fun

#aiden's monologuing #usually i don't remember enough story details to write much down #i like the little story. i wrote it down in my notes app and maybe i'll flesh it out sometime #honestly. unfortunately for me. it would work better as a comic rather than written work #this is my prize for falling asleep at 7pm #ghh. the duality of showering exhausting me but also making me feel Like A Person again