#it’s the red and blue gay the opposites attract gay it’s eating my brain

[queenlilith43]

Why Malec Works Together-and SnowBaz Doesn't

Hello, everyone. Yes, I know this is technically my hiatus, but writing essays is a thing I do often so I wrote this thing.

If you've been paying attention to my Goodreads, I recently read Carry On. And I had THOUGHTS on that book. I actually ended up eating it two stars because the world building convinced me to read the second book.

Then I DNFed it at 44 pages.

So in this essay I will compare Simon and Baz's relationship to a better queer relationship-Magnus and Alec. Be prepared for some hot takes.

The first problem I see with Carry On (just in the whole) is when we first get Baz's POV. And the first thing we learn is that he is GAY. Like, hopelessly pining for Simon gay. And it for me it felt . . . Unnecessary.

It was like I'd been smacked with the sudden realization he was gay. And it didn't feel right at all.

Compared to when I found out Alec was gay in City of Bones. I was like, "okay." It worked.

Even though both Alec and Baz are both loners, Alec was at least shown as gay before that. Clary picked up on the way he was looking at Jace at least fifty pages before Izzy confirmed it.

It was the exact same with Simon suddenly being attracted to guys. Baz kisses him, and he's like, "I must be gay! But I'm straight!" Completely skips over bisexuals being a thing, which reeks of biphobia. (I'm also bi, so thanks, Rainbow Rowell, for erasing my identity.)

Compared to Magnus, whose bisexuality is not a surprise and works perfectly with him. Magnus is one of the best bisexuals in books I've read because he does care what people think of him. He acts and then thinks later. Hey, at least Magnus isn't some kind of rip-off Chosen Harry Potter.

Another issue I have is that Simon and Baz HAVE NO CHEMISTRY. Like, yes, Baz had a crush on him. But so did Alec for Jace and those two were never going to end up together even if Jace wasn't his parabatai and also queer. (Although Alone though Simon and Jace were dating; Jace could totally be bi or something.)

Baz just kissed Simon, and all of a sudden, Simon just loves him. Despite the fact Baz has been kind of a dick towards him for the entire time. Not the worst person, but the annoying roommate who REFUSES to pick up their socks. (Not exactly canon but he gives off those vibes.)

Somehow the rest of the book (which is less than 200 pages because the last 100 were hopeless gay pining and before that 200 pages of STRAIGHT) manages to drill this horrible no-chemistry relationship into you. It shows how bad their chemistry is.

Basically Simon is left alone to solve his problems, which he technically caused. So the other antagonist dies and Simon gets a devil tail and some wings. He looks like a rip-off blue Lucifer. I'm not even joking.

I don't even think Baz helped whatsoever. He just vibes with Simon's other friends, who didn't even help either.

Whereas we have Magnus and Alec where Magnus had to show up and help the Shadowhunters simply because he was dating Alec. Magnus, for no other reason than Alec, helped. And he actually did things, like doing some magic with Valentine's ship, fighting against Valentine's demons in City of Glass, and even going as far to SUMMON AZAZEL. That's pretty serious.

Even if Alec isn't technically the Chosen One, he's still chosen in the sense of being chosen to fight demons. The Shadowhunters are the warriors, who have to right against the demons. They were literally CHOSEN BY THE ANGEL RAZIEL. That's close enough for me.

Also, when Alec and Magnus fought together (Alliance rune in both CoG and TLBOW, the Battle of the Burren in CoLS, most of TRSM.) their relationship got better. It was amazing to see them grow closer together while defeating their enemies. It's the best.

If Baz doesn't help his boyfriend at all out of pure spite, it just DOES NOT WORK.

And then the last scene with Baz and Simon was kinda thrown together. They were trying not be gay while being gay. And it's not even like they really had that much homophobia. It's hinted at Baz's dad wouldn't approve of him dating a boy, and he would have to marry a girl.

But it's not like how Alec believed he could never be himself because the Shadowhunters frowned on if. In GOTSM, we did see how Alec felt oppressed by his dad when he was younger. And in the TV show he almost married Lydia before Magnus crashed his wedding, so there was some obvious homophobia.

Also, the homophobia for the Shadowhunters was more likely because of the bag of dicks known as the Cohort. It was obvious. Carry On had one person who disapproved and technically Baz could move out so it didn't matter.

And then we have the mess that is Wayward Son. I have read 44 pages of it, then gave up. Why? Because there is no plot to speak of.

Wayward Son and the Red Scrolls of Magic have similar premises: The world has been saved, now the relationship must be developed.

But Wayward Son doesn't have a demon-worshipping cult (which could happen because of Blue Lucifer over there). It instead has Simon adjusting to being normal.

But unlike the mundane Magnus from Season 3B of the TV show, nothing happened. It was just a stupid vacation that had no development over forty pages. I would forgive it if it was longer, but it's 356 pages, about the length of The Red Scrolls of Magic.

TRSM had plot when you started. We had Magnus and Alec in Paris, introducing their relationship at this time, and there was a little conflict involving demons. This was in the first twenty pages.

In the next twenty pages, another plot in the book was established: Magnus and Alec trying to take the next step. Which leads a huge part of the book, and a hilarious subplot.

After Magnus and Alec are interrupted by Tessa (who was calmly sitting on a chair), the main plot is introduced. Also known as Magnus's demon-worshipping cult, the Crimson Hand. There was plot here, all the way from the inciting incident of the Iblis demons to Tessa telling Magnus his cult is causing problems.

Wayward Son has no plot. They just randomly go on this vacation, and no magic plot happens. It's just a vacation on a fantasy backdrop. Which is so boring.

You could argue that the plot is Simon adjusting to being normal, but I throw in the evidence that is Magnus in most of season 3B of Shadowhunters.

First, some background.

Back in season 3A, Magnus gave up his magic to Asmodeus to help Jace. (Mainly because he wanted Alec to feel better but that's a discussion for another time.) They left to Magnus being a mundane for most of season 3B until Alec tried to get Magnus his magic back. (Another plot, but let me focus on the mundane part of this plot which was in episodes 11-13, and 17)

Magnus, who has used magic for his entire life, doesn't feel right. But he still tries to live his normal life. Which ends up with him facing off against another warlock and getting kidnapped. Good job, Magnus. You really fucked up.

You can see the way Magnus tries to adjust to being the person he is now, just a mundane. He's trying to be the same person he was before, just without his magic.

Even with it being a TV show and we can't see what Magnus is thinking, it's clear Magnus is hurting. He turns to alcohol, and is so sad and lonely. Alec offers him unconditional love (he even was going to propose to him!) but it just isn't enough.

In the end, Magnus gets magic back, and loses Alec. However, because Maryse has a brain and knew her son screwed up, managed to have Magnus connect the dots, yeet Asmodeus into Limbo, and ends up proposing to Alec. I was a mess by the end of the whole situation.

I've seen none of this in Wayward Son. Simon may show it in a different way but it's just . . . Not effective. He mopes around and his relationship with Baz doesn't matter.

So that is the exact opposite of Malec, where Alec clung onto Magnus and loved him enough to try and get him to stay. Baz wasn't doing anything. In fact, they were going to break up.

You know what, Wayward Son sounds like if CoLS Malec went on a trip. But I guess the time away from Camille would do Alec good, and they'd come back stronger than a 90's trend. Whereas Simon and Baz are hanging on by a loose thread and ate going to crash and burn soon.

I could continue ranting, but this is the best I can do. I know this might be me bashing on your favorite book, it just makes no sense to me.

#carry on #me ranting #malec #the mortal instruments #at least this is better #simon snow #baz pitch #from the cursed queue #julie is still on a break

[actionjaxkol]

Crystal #?? - Interview with Jaxkol

“Alright, Interview... whatever number this is. Trixie Spinwhistle with the Gift of Gob --”

“Wait -- wait so how does this work?”

“I ask you questions and you answer ‘em, babe. S’not rocket surgery.”

“Oh. So what is --”

“Don’t hurt yourself, kid, save the brainpower for the answers.”

BASICS

► Name ➔   “Jaxkol Dawnsedge. Previously Shadowriot. Previously-Previously Shadowfel” ► Are you single ➔ “Nope! Some beautiful weirdo had a terrible lapse in judgement that I am not letting them weasel out of.” ► Are you happy ➔   “I actually don’t remember being this happy before. It’s... nice.” ► Are you angry ➔  “Weirdly, I get angry easier than I used to. Only when people are treating others unfairly though.” ► Are your parents still married ➔   “As far as I know. They’re Nobles, ‘divorce’ isn’t a thing they do. I think my mom has a consort though.”

NINE FACTS

► Birth Place ➔ “Silvermoon City” ► Hair Color ➔ “White blond naturally, the illusion makes it grey-black.” ► Eye Color ➔ “Green naturally, blue with illusion. Sometimes I wonder what color they’d be if they didn’t glow. I’m kinda jealous of humans and dwarves and stuff, their eyes can be all different colors.” “Focus, kid.” ► Birthday ➔ “May nineteenth.” ► Mood ➔ “Restless, anxious, eager but shy. Lonely, but the temporary type. At odds with myself” ► Gender ➔ “I’m a guy, but I’m also an elf and on the small side, so I get mistaken for a girl like, once an month. Not as much in Stormwind though, but it’s happened. It’s amusing.” ► Summer or winter ➔ “I dunno. Living on the streets, both suck, but it was easier to cool down than it was to warm up when you’re skinny. I have a home now, so I’m curious to see what winters are like. ...and now I’m thinking of Pryn as a snow bunny. Yeah I definitely want to see Winter.” ► Morning or afternoon ➔ “Afternoons. That’s when everyone is starting to wind down and relax. But lately I’ve had to get up super early for Argent training and watching the sun rise over the harbor is just... spiritual or somethin’.”

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

► Are you in love ➔ “I keep... trying to tell myself ‘no’, that I’m being stupid but... yes. I absolutely am.” ► Do you believe in love at first sight ➔ “So, it kinda works opposite for me. If I fancy someone right off the bat, it’s gonna end bad. If my first thought is like ‘who the fuck do you think you are?’ then we’ll probably be friends forever. Or mortal enemies. Like, Noah and I fought when we first met, but we were friends until.... Anyhow. Jiang and I hit it off immediately, but fucker was married. I hated Vyn when we first met, but... I trust him with my life now, he’s my brother. Totegar I was smitten with from the start and he.. Yeah. Let’s not talk about him. I didn’t know what to make of Pryn at first, I thought she was my exact opposite and that we’d be at odds but she’s my best friend. Oh shit, and Izzy! I was fucking scared shitless of him when we met and now he’s my baby brother!” “Yes or no would’a sufficed, kid.” ► Who ended your last relationship ➔ “Totegar was afraid to come to terms with being gay, so he kinda settled for me. I was safe and harmless and non-threatening. When he figured out that sleeping with another guy wouldn’t bring about the next Cataclysm, he dropped me like a bad habit and went after someone better. Like. The very next morning. ...It’s whatever.” ► Have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔  “I wanna say ‘no’ but, I mean, maybe? I know I really hurt Jiang’s wife, Yue, when I told her but... I didn’t know so I couldn’t stop it. I might have broken Red’s heart by telling him no. Over and over and over again. And probably a few more times to come...” ► Are you afraid of commitments ➔ “I’m not afraid to throw myself body and (what’s left of my) soul into things, but I’m terrified that I’m going to let people down...” ► Have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ “Yeah! I used to be really afraid of contact, anytime anyone touched me it was ya know. Never for good stuff. Vyn started making a point to hug and touch me just in a friendly way. And then I get to the Keg and people aren’t afraid to hug me and it’s.. Nice.” “Man, you are a talker...” “Sorry...” “Nah, this is good.” ► Have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ “I don’t... think so? I’m just amazed I have not-secret admirers.” ► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ “Yeah... a lot. Like... daily. Wait is that not normal?” “...No, kid.”

SIX CHOICES

► Love or lust ➔ “Love. I mean, I think you need some lust in a relationship, but you need that love first. Otherwise it’s just... meaningless.” ► Cats or Dogs ➔ “So my sister Jaelys used to have a cat, and she loved that damn thing. In Silvermoon, cats are everywhere, right? But this one used to like, ride on her shoulder and sleep in her lap while she studied. She even got it this pretty collar and like... we didn’t have spending money so I don’t know how she got it. Anyhow, my brother I guess didn’t like it as much, cuz when he was rising into the Fel arts, he used the cat for a ritual. I’ve never seen my sister cry, but... I did see something die in her eyes when he brought her the little body...” “...Kid?” “...Hmm? Oh! ...Dogs. I like dogs.” ► A few best friends or many regular friends ➔ “I get... really attached to people fast. Like, if I’m going to get close to someone at all, I’m in for everything. So... probably a few best friends. But I’m friends with everyone until they give me a reason not to be! Hey, like a dog I guess!” ► Wild night out or romantic night in ➔ “It’s hard to say. I really like going out and getting that energy out, but being alone with someone special, just... watching them do those little, meaningless, private things that make up their secret world... It’s so beautiful I never want to leave it.” ► Day or night ➔ “Day is hot and involves a lot of running. Night.”

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

► Been caught sneaking out ➔ “Growing up it never crossed my mind to disobey. If had to leave the apartment for any reason, I got permission from either Mother, or Father or failing that one of my two eldest siblings. Jaelys and I always had to have escorts. When I was living with Vyn for a while, I’d sneak out if... my brain started eating itself, I guess. He always found me though. So. Yes?” ► Fallen down/up the stairs ➔ “Yeah my feet and I don’t always communicate correctly. I’ve tripped over my own shadow.” ► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ “Yes... But it’s this weird, beautiful pain. I like being close to her because when she’s not there, I can’t believe that I have someone so amazing in my life. If I told her that she’s just call me stupid and whack me with her tail though.” ► Wanted to disappear ➔ “...yes... I have disappeared a few times. I can’t... seem to make it stick though. I guess for the best.”

FOUR PREFERENCES

► Smile or eyes ➔ “I like a smile that takes up the entire face. I mean the kind that makes the eyes bright like the stars. I like it when the mouth and the eyes agree with eachother. Izzy has an amazing smile that just lights up everything. Vyn’s is strong, protective, kinda like Ash’s. Jiira’s has secrets. Pryn’s has light that like... changes colors. Vali’s is hard and cold, but there’s fire beneath it. Drex’s is mischief. Kae is fire, white hot or smouldering embers, rarely anything in between. Aida... Aida is made of chocolate and cheesecake and -- oh shit chocolate cheesecake that’s a great idea.” “What about mine?” “...Sharp. Your smile is a blade and your eyes cut through people...” ► Shorter or Taller ➔ “I got a thing for people bigger than me. Which I guess isn’t hard.” ► Intelligence or Attraction ➔  “Humor. I’m not smart, so everyone is more intelligent than me. And I don’t.. really get attracted to people’s outside the same way other people do I guess. I don’t go ‘DAMN that dude has a nice ass, I must pursue him’ it’s more like... ‘your personality is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, I need to see every angle of it, good or bad’. Fuck, I would probably fall for a blighted murlock if we got along well enough.” ► Hook-up or Relationship ➔ “I’ve done the hookup thing, it doesn’t... it just... makes that void worse. Like drinking saltwater.”

FAMILY

► Do you and your family get along ➔ “No.” “...what that’s it? Kid you’ve rambled on ‘cat versus dog’ and that’s all I get?” “I... failed. I’ll pay for it when my luck runs out, but.. No. Three sisters, two brothers, and my parents - no we don’t get along.” ► Would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ “I really don’t think so, but I’ve been told otherwise. I think everyone goes through their awful shit, just cuz mine is more colorfully explosive, doesn’t mean it’s any more messed up than anyone elses’.” ► Have you ever ran away from home ➔ “Not before the Incident, and after that, I didn’t exactly have a home to run away from. I ran away from Vyn when I was supposed to be staying with him and got overwhelmed, but I don’t think that’s the same thing.” ► Have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ “Yeah.” “...is that all you’re gonna say on that?” “Yeah.”

FRIENDS

► Do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ “What?? No that’s fucked up. We might not get along, but I don’t hate anyone.” ► Do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ “I mean, some are better or closer than others, but I think everyone is exactly how they need to be.” ► Who is your best friend ➔ “Ah shit, hard question. I don’t have just one ‘best’ friend, they’re all amazing in their own ways. Sera is pretty awesome, I love Izzy. Kae is amazing and strong and I envy her. Pryn knows me probably better than Vyn at this point. Aida is adorable...I can’t... really answer this. Though now I’m curious if I’m anyone’s best friend.” ► Who knows everything about you ➔ “Pryn or Vynlluthein.”

(Art by @attractive-zombies Big ole stack of art here. )

Tagging: @attractive-zombies @wests-wow-gang @rouilleandcompany @lemmeaxeyousomething

#jax crystal #i just can't do anything easy can i #wra rp #warcraft rp #people to follow

[beeblackburn]

Pretender Reads A Little Hatred, Part I, Chapter Eight

There are no young heroes here, just a young adult trying to go through these chapters. Goes without saying spoilers ahead for the entirety of The First Law works beyond the keep reading. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Title: Young Heroes Point-of-View: Leo dan Brock

“Bastards,” breathed Jurand, studying the valley through his eyeglass.

Leo plucked it from his hand and trained it on the ridge. Through its round window, wobbling with his own barely controlled frustration, he could see the Northmen, their spears black pinpricks against the dull sky. They hadn’t moved all morning. Maybe three score of them, thoroughly enjoying the sight of Angland’s shameful retreat. Leo thrust the eyeglass at Whitewater Jin. “Bastards.”

“Aye,” agreed Jin in his thick Northern accent, lowering the glass and thoughtfully scratching at his beard. “They’re some bastards, all right.”

Glaward slumped over his saddle bow with a groan. “Who’d have thought war could be so bloody boring?”

With a chapter title like Young Heroes and an opening like this, they set up a chapter theme about young, dumb, male soldiers realizing that the thing they idealized to all hell and heaven beyond... is actually kind of boring, less the 1% pants-shitting terror and “glory” of actual fighting, and the 99% of the time, the tedium and waiting between such set-pieces of battlefield terrors.

On a side note, this just makes me smile at how this feels like Calder and Tunny espying each other on opposite ends of the battlefield. I enjoy me some military humor, and The Heroes was just full of that side-splitting stuff. I also enjoy Red vs. Blue for similar reasons!

“Nine-tenths of war is waiting,” said Jurand. “According to Stolicus.” As though quoting a famous source made it any easier to bear.

Snrrrrk. I mean, true, read knowledge is not lived experience, but the reason people quote from famous sources is because they’re generally universal truths, recognized as such by others. Enough that we repeat them, we repeat them so much because human nature really doesn’t change that much. War doesn’t change.

And, honestly, thank god, there’s someone in Leo’s group with a brain. Thank you, Jurand, for providing a counterbalance to Leo’s relentless testosterone into these chapters.

“You’ve two choices in war,” said Barniva, “boredom or terror, and in my experience boredom’s far preferable.”

Leo was tiring of Barniva’s experience. Of his talk of horrors the rest of them couldn’t understand. Of his frowning off at the horizon as if there were haunting memories beyond. All because he’d spent eight months on campaign in Styria, and barely left Lord Marshal Mitterick’s well-guarded command post the whole time.

Hey, Mitterick! How’ve you been? Probably not well, given how Terez talked about the Styria Campaigns. (grimaces)

And, I’m definitely seeing the shape of this chapter more now. Whereas Where the Fight’s Hottest was more a deep-dive into Leo’s individual character, Young Heroes is more into fleshing out his supporting cast, his band of brothers. And here’s where they start being differentiated: Jurand’s the knowledgeable one who gets his wisdom from books and history, Barniva’s the one who’s actually lived through war and gained wisdom through practical experience.

“Not everyone’s as fashionably war-weary as you.” Leo loosened his sword in the scabbard for the hundredth time that morning then shoved it back. “Some of us want to see some action.”

“Ritter saw some action.” Barniva rubbed at his scar with a fingertip. “That’s all I’ll say.”

Leo frowned, wishing he had a scar of his own. “If war’s so terrible, why don’t you take up farming or something?”

“I tried. I was no good at it.” And Barniva frowned off at the horizon as if there were haunting memories beyond.

God, Leo, you really did learn fuck nothing from what happened with Ritter, huh. All you keep wanting to see are the blessings of war and none of the curses, even after that loss and the anguish you felt. I really hope you get that scar you want, Leo, from skull to crotch.

Barniva reminds me of Craw in his war-weary ways, in the sense that he was tired of war, but he ended up traumatized and PTSD-ridden and couldn’t easily adjust back to peace-time, ending up roped right back into it because it was what he knew and was good at.

Except far younger, I presume.

Jurand caught Leo’s eye and rolled his to the heavens, and Leo had to smother a laugh. They knew each other’s minds so well they hardly even needed words.

Welp. So much for Jurand having the brain. Not that I didn’t laugh, but that’s because of the prose, these young men really should know better than to laugh off a more experienced man’s words. Jurand and Leo must really be close friends, if they have that sort of connection.

“Bastards.” Antaup tossed back that loose lock of dark hair that always hung across his forehead and right away it flopped down again. He was the one the girls couldn’t leave alone, slick and quick and well groomed as a winning racehorse, but all of Leo’s friends were fine-looking men in their own ways. Jin was fierce as the Bloody-Nine in a fight, but when that toothy grin split his red beard and those blue eyes twinkled, it was like the sun coming out. You couldn’t deny Barniva made the brooding veteran act work for him, especially with the scar on his forehead and the white streak it had left in his hair. Then Glaward was a slab of good-humoured manliness, with the height, and the shoulders, and the stubble already thick an hour after he shaved.

As handsome a crowd of young heroes as you could hope to find. What a painting they’d make! Maybe Leo would get one commissioned. Who’d know an artist? He found himself glancing sideways.

Riiiiiiight, “fine-looking men” and “the sun coming out,” huh. Wanting a painting, right? By the dead, is this as unsubtle as a truck rammed clean through a warehouse door. There’s definitely a narrative point to these descriptions, fleshing out Leo’s crew in the details so that we grow more attached to them, but my god, from a character standpoint, how can anyone read this and not come out of it thinking Leo is a very gay or, at least, bi-curious man? 

Which brings the question: does Leo know? I lean towards no, given how oblivious he generally is and there’s no conscious attraction register in his voice, but geez.

Which, are we really doing this, Abercrombie? Writing a gay/bi man who’s also dealing with toxic masculinity? There is no way a writer as meticulous as Abercrombie would accidentally write a LGBT+ character. I’m definitely game for it, but why did you have to make the most oblivious male point-of-view so far attracted to guys, man. 

(craughes in anguish and hilarity pain) What the fuck, Abercrombie, you shit.

Also, hey, another Bloody-Nine mention! Those are always fun! I guess he must’ve heard them, being at the Dogman’s place, during meals.

The ladies in Ostenhorm might not see it, but Jurand was the best-looking of the pack. They might’ve called his features soft, beside Glaward’s cleft chin or Antaup’s sharp cheekbones, but Leo thought of them more as… delicate? Subtle? The slightest bit vulnerable, even? But you’d find no one tougher than Jurand in defence of his friends. The expressiveness he could pack into a glance. The little frown as he thought something through. The twitch at the corner of his lips as he leaned close to say it. And always something worth hearing. Something nobody else would’ve—

Jurand glanced sideways and Leo looked quickly away, back up towards those Northmen on the ridge.

“Bastards,” he said, a little hoarse.

“Something nobody else would’ve—” what, Leo? (grins) I’m listening.

Right. So. Leo definitely isn’t aware he’s got gay/bi feelings. And he’s definitely got closeted feelings for Jurand, or I’ll eat his mud-drenched boot. I mean, come on, he fixates a lot of small details of Jurand, understands enough of his body language to know what will comes after each, even knows the emotional details on his face...

Too bad Leo is as thick as a brick. Which is a shame, because this is honestly pretty cute and the most I’ve related to Leo thus far. It’s a nice note between Leo and Jurand. I just hope, once Leo realizes it, he doesn’t obliviously charge into a confession and get rejected by Jurand. But, with Abercrombie, who knows. The Circle of the World isn’t that nice.

“And all we can do is sit here,” grumbled Antaup, having a little rummage to unstick his balls. “Like caged lions.”

“Like leashed puppies.” Glaward wrestled the eyeglass from Antaup’s hand. “Where the hell have you been, anyway?”

“Just… checking on the baggage.”

Jin snorted. “With a woman?”

“Not necessarily.” Antaup’s grin seemed to have twice as many teeth as a regulation mouth. “Could’ve been several. A man has to find something to stave off the despair. Who’d have thought war could be so bloody boring?”

(arches an eyebrow) An Eater like Yoru Sulfur? Antaup’s behavior doesn’t strike me as a lie, but maybe it’s a cover-up? Either way, what a ladies’ bone-head, you guys really think war is all glory and girls, as if you didn’t soak yourself through blood and rain awhile ago? Jurand and Barniva are really carrying this group’s brain cell count, aren’t they.

Barniva looked up. “You’ve two choices in—”

“Finish that sentence and I’ll stab you,” said Leo.

Snrrrk. Okay, that was kind of funny.

Leo could usually rely on some cheering when the common soldiers saw him. A few shouts of, “The Young Lion!” so he could shake a fist and slap a back and bellow some nonsense about the king. Now the men struggled past in silence with their eyes on the mud, and with no help yet from Midderland, even Leo was a lot less inspired by royalty than he used to be. It seemed the days of warrior-kings like Harod the Great and Casamir the Steadfast were far in the past, and supplies of patriotic bluster were running dangerously short.

I mean, given what Bayaz said about Harod and, more incisively, what Shenkt himself thinks of his former self... are those really models to emulate, Leo? I suppose I can’t really blame him, mostly because a kingdom that doesn’t help out its beaten men can’t help but look useless under that light.

On another note, it says something when Jezal’s reign even has the nobility a bit chafed, even despite Bayaz’s efforts to make Jezal look a warrior-king. After a point, substance really needs to be beneath the image you present outward. Though, I suppose those failed Union-Styria campaigns don’t help.

“I’d never argue with your mother on strategy,” grunted Antaup, “but constant retreat is no good for men’s spirits.”

“Taste o’ victory would soon perk ’em up,” said Whitewater.

“Perk us up, too.” Glaward nudged his horse closer to Leo, dropping his voice. “Be easy to teach those bastards a lesson.” And he bunched one big, veiny fist and punched at the air with it. “Like we did at that farm.”

There is a sound military logic to staving off low morale as much as possible. People won’t fight as hard under low morale, starving and cold and feeling like their king doesn’t care for them, as much as high spirits. A strong leader can help inspire more heat and blood out of their people than constant retreat. 

But...

Leo fiddled with the pommel of his sword, loosening it in the scabbard again. He could remember every detail of the charge. Ripping wind and thundering hooves. The axe-haft jolting in his hand. The fear-stricken faces of the enemy. The giddy joy as they broke and ran.

Jurand had that little crease of worry between his brows. “We’ve no idea what’s behind that ridge.”

Leo thought of Ritter’s funeral. The words by the grave. The weak-chinned wife weeping by the fireside. Men’s lives were in his hands. These men’s lives, who’d ride through fire for him. His friends. His brothers. He couldn’t stand to lose another.

“Jurand’s right.” He slapped his sword back, forced his hand away from the hilt. “We don’t know what’s behind that ridge. And mother would kill me.”

Hey! Turns out Ritter managed to sink in, just a little! Good for you, Leo! I managed to tolerate your musclehead existence just a little more! You might make a respectable middle-rung military man someday.

And, beyond the cute detail that Leo was clearly paying attention to Jurand beforehand to notice that little crease, it says good things that Leo’s willing to pay mind to sense when it comes from his best friend.

Good moment, even if you were briefly tempted by the lure of more battle for a moment. 

“We did all right against Stour Nightfall’s men last week,” grumbled Leo.

“Nightfall is over on our right just now.” She swished her baton towards the South, making him wince again. There was just something off about a woman waving a baton around, even if she was in command for now. “Those are Black Calder’s men. And Calder is not a warrior, like his son.” She raised one brow at Leo. “Or mine. Calder is a thinker, like me. You see those woods, over to the right? He has horsemen there, waiting for us to make a fool’s mistake.”

Ugh, Leo, I actually grew to tolerate you more for a second. Please don’t push some gross patriarchal bullshit onto us. It’s not cute, it’s dumb, and diminishing of the fierce women in this series and how much your mother’s been holding up the Angland boat as best as she could.

Also, YES, that’s my dumb Calder boy! Being all cunning and tactical, trying to out-think the others on the battlefield! Except, now, he’s got a worthy opponent in Finree. Though, I definitely wonder if Calder brushed up on his military tactics post-The Heroes. He was certainly fine and exercising some sound military logic back then, but this feels like a step-up from looking at the ground and exploiting loss of military intelligence.

Leo should’ve been pleased at his own good judgement. Instead he felt angry at missing the obvious. “So we just sit here and let them laugh at us?”

“I wouldn’t want them to miss the show.” His mother nodded towards the straggling column, thrown into even more disarray by a puddle in the track. “I put our shabbiest men in this valley with orders to march as badly as they could.”

“You did what?”

“Let them laugh, Leo. Their laughter will leave no widows weeping. We have our best companies out of sight in the valley behind. If they come, we’ll be ready.” She leaned from her saddle to push back his hair. “What’s this?”

Leo really has to learn to let go of a moment’s humiliation in order to seize the last laugh. All part of that toxic masculinity deconstruction, I see, and I suppose Leo’s still got a long’s way ahead of him in terms of learning that. Better a living laugh than the yawning of a corpse, Leo. Always.

“Nothing,” he said, brushing her hands away from the scab. “I was training. With Antaup and Barniva.”

“Finally managed to land one on him,” said Antaup, grinning.

Jurand cleared his throat and Leo’s mother frowned. “Tell me he didn’t fight you both at once.”

Antaup’s famous way with the ladies clearly didn’t include lady governors. “Well… not as such—”

“When will you learn you’ll never beat two strong men together?”

“I saw Bremer dan Gorst do it,” said Leo.

“That man’s no model for anything,” she snapped. “Think of your father. He was brave, none braver, but between your grandfather’s treason and the weakness of Angland when he took charge, he learned to be patient. He knew what he was good at. He never had too high an opinion of himself.”

BURN. And who better from than someone who told off Gorst about what a shithead he is? 

I love me some Finree, she’s so on-point throughout this book, just toppling these masculine egos, left to right. She’s such a great part of what makes Leo’s  testosterone poisoning so bearable down to brass tacks.

Though, gods, Leo... please don’t tell me you look up to Gorst and that’s you decided to go one-vs-two? I actually think there’s some wisdom in learning how to fight against multiple men at the same time, but if that’s the reason? 

Leo, please. Don’t be another fool like your fellow musclehead Glaward.

“You’re saying I do?”

Jurand cleared his throat again and Leo’s mother laughed. “You know I love you, Leo, but yes, painfully so. Still, it’s hardly a surprise you turned out hotheaded. You were conceived on a battlefield.”

Leo caught Glaward and Barniva grinning at each other and felt himself blushing. “Do you have to, Mother?”

“I don’t have to. Honestly, every generation seems to think coupling is some grand new invention never thought of before. How they believe they came into being in the first place is entirely beyond me. High time you found a wife of your own. Someone to keep you out of trouble.”

Huh! Was he literally born during The Heroes' time then? That still makes me wonder why he hasn’t gotten the Lord Governor position yet. He should be of age, no?

Also, shit, Leo, you really had to ask that? If your head was any bigger, you’d fill the entirety of Angland yourself. I’d put good odds on it being denser than the soil there too.

Also, “someone to keep you out of trouble”? I thought that was Jurand’s job, don’t think I missed that cleared throat, hehehe.

“I thought that was your job,” he grumbled.

“I have a war to fight.”

“That’s the problem. You’re not bloody fighting.”

“Did you never read that Verturio I gave you? Not fighting is what war’s all about.” And taking the last word, as ever, she trotted off westwards with her retinue following.

Jurand cleared his throat yet again and Leo rounded on him. “Could you just bloody cough and get it over with?”

“Well, the lady governor always makes some very good points. And you really should read Verturio—”

Snrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk. Oh, Jurand, you are precious with your throat clearing. And nice to know you’ve got enough bone to speak some good sense opposite to what Leo wants to hear.

Huh! Well, that certainly answers one question from the last Leo chapter! Sounds like Finree’s brushed up on her military leaders. And it doesn’t surprise me that Verturio’s her choice of leader, given how much more cunning Verturio ran, compared to Stolicus’ more honest and morally upstanding leader.

Honestly, Finree, you’re better off giving Leo more Stolicus, he’s more likely to take that to heart than Verturio and, especially, Farans and Bayaz Bialoveld.

“She’s only governor until the king confirms me in my father’s place.” Three years since the funeral, and Leo was still bloody waiting. He glared across the valley at those bastard Northmen, watching from their ridge. “Then I can do things my way.”

Oooh, details confirmed! Hal died three years ago, huh? And, wait, Leo wasn’t automatically recognized as Lord Governor? Why was that? What’s Glokta’s motive for that?

Also, damn, Leo, don’t get sulky. Don’t think I didn’t notice how you decided to itch for a fight now, despite not wanting to earlier, after your mother came and emasculated you. Leo here just strikes me as a dude who does everything contrary to his parent, just to get a rise out of them, and it’s frankly more childish than most of Rikke’s whining. You really think your way won’t get a bunch of your men killed sooner, given how you’re handling things now? Learn some damn restraint and tactics, Young Lion!

“Mmm.” Jurand had that worried crease between his brows again.

“Whose side are you on?”

“The Union side, along with you and your mother.”

Leo couldn’t help grinning. “Very reasonable, as always.”

Jurand grinned back. “Someone needs to be.”

Jurand, you’re a peerless jewel, and I love you.

And good to know that Leo has a decent sense of humor. He definitely strikes me as a frat bro with a sword in the sense that he’ll get all huffy and heated when a woman cuts him down, but he’ll allow a ton of wisecracks from his friends, deserved or not (but definitely deserved here and, let’s face it, a blanket rest of the time because Leo’s brain seems to be mostly muscle, partly heart, and heavy with sharpened steel).

“Reasonable men might live longer.” Leo pulled his gloves off and tossed them over, left Jurand juggling them as he swung down from his saddle. “But does anyone remember the bastards afterwards?”

Reasonable men also have less dead friends, Leo. And most people in the Circle of the World would prefer a breathing life to a life only in the stories and songs. As the Bloody-Nine would say, “You got to be realistic,” you battle-hungry fool. 

The drummer boy at the head of the next company had given up playing altogether, shambling along with knees knocking against his drum, teeth chattering from the cold. He looked up as Leo came close and snatched his white hands from his armpits, but fumbled his sticks and sent them tumbling to the dirt.

Leo stooped and plucked them up before the boy could bend, gripped them in his teeth while he shrugged off his cloak and offered it out. “I’ll swap you.”

“My lord?” The boy could hardly believe his luck as he wriggled from the strap of his drum and swaddled himself in several dozen marks’ worth of best Midderland wool.

Say one thing about Leo dan Brock, say he instinctively knows how to improve his men’s morale without a battle. Good to know, military-wise, there’s more than a fist in his brain, a legit natural-born leader in Leo and someone who could legitimately be a great man in his own right. (snaps fingers and sighs) We just gotten knock out that pesky charge-happy mentality of his... 

A leader should share the hardships of his men, his father used to tell him. He’d have a dry tent, a warm fire and a good dinner this evening, while they’d be lucky to get a blanket and a bowl of soup. But if he could put a little spring in their step on the way, it would be something. Something for them, and something for him. Something to show those bastards on the hill.

That, and Leo had always been the worst man in the world when it came to doing nothing.

“I’ll try to remember how to play,” he called over his shoulder, “if you lot can remember how to march!”

“I’m no genius like Jurand,” called Glaward, turning so he was trotting backwards, “but as I recall, it’s one foot after the other!”

“We’ll give it a try, my lord!” called a thickset sergeant, the men already moving faster.

Leo smiled as he started to tap out the rhythm. “That’s all I ask.”

Yup, Hal’s advice strikes close to Stolicus here:

“A captain looks first to the comfort of his men, then to his own.”

And here’s Leo, when he’s just with his men, trying to improve their morale, even if his motives are a bit more selfish than first blush. Men of action not need to be solely men of fighting only. They have to inspire their men beyond every battle’s victory. Times like this, I definitely see the leader Finree believes and wants her son to be, if not for his thundering stubbornness in the face of a good military sense.

Leo’s still got a book to improve beyond this though, so let’s hope for the best.

As a chapter, Young Heroes details Leo’s relationship with his men as a unit, fleshing them out as characters, such as Antaup, Barniva, and, especially, Jurand. Theme-wise, it’s all about the tedium of war after the thundering blood-rush and glory of Where the Fight’s Hottest, about what happens when young heroes have to be face-to-face with the most boring reality of war. It details Leo’s genuine good qualities as a leader and slowly shows him learning from Ritter’s death, but, on a more fruitful and interesting note, it sets up him having an attraction to men, which is... mmm. Definitely interesting, combined with his toxic masculinity, also shown with his interacting with his mother.

At least Leo made me bang my head against a wall less this time.

PART I

Chapter One: Blessings and Curses Chapter Two: Where the Fight’s Hottest Chapter Three: Guilt Is a Luxury Chapter Four: Keeping Score Chapter Five:  A Little Public Hanging Chapter Six: The Breakers Chapter Seven: The Answer to Your Tears Chapter Eight: Young Heroes Chapter Nine: The Moment

#a little hatred #a little hatred spoilers #the age of madness #the first law #joe abercrombie #leo dan brock #a little hatred part I

[laurendwarddd]

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

Rita 🤤

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Definitely outgoing!

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

My girlfriend when she gets home in 1 hour 😍

4. Are you easy to get along with?

Yeah I am, I try to make everyone comfortable!

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

No because she’d be too drunk and encouraging me to drink more.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Apparently idiots, but currently attracted to anything to do with her.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

I’m already in a relationship 🥴

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

My boss, he’s a dick.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

All Rita does is talk about so I have to learn to be okay with it 😂

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Rita!

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

‘My brain is fried’ - Rita

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Lonely hearts - 5sos

Renee’s song - Bazzi

Without Fear - Dermot Kennedy

Dont start now - Dua Lipa

Not the same way - 5sos

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

I miss Rita having fake nails for this purpose!

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Sometimes, but I also believe you have to make your own luck.

15. What good thing happened this summer?

I explored a lot with Rita, went a small hike with her and then went to Bali!

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Well she as soon as she gets home I would hope that’s what I’m doing.

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

Absolutely!

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

I don’t even know who that is

19. Do you like bubble baths?

Depends on the mood

20. Do you like your neighbors?

I don’t know them

21. What are you bad habits?

I leave wet towels on the bed (don’t be mad Rita)

22. Where would you like to travel?

Thailand, and then Spain!

23. Do you have trust issues?

I did, but not anymore, I know who I can and can’t trust and I’m very lucky.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

... Seeing Rita, falling asleep with Rita, eating with Rita, is it inappropriate if I say having sex with Rita?

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

My belly button

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Usually cuddle up to Rita then make coffee

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

Darker!

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

Tegan and Rita

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

A few, but I’m friends with most of them now.

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Absolutely!

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

Just

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Nobody honestly

33. Spell your name with your chin.

nope

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

Nope

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

Tv

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

No, I’m not afraid of sharing my feelings.

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

I usually ramble

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Long brown hair, deep brown eyes, small and soft hands, beautiful lips, small in height, witty, smart, funny, and her name is Rita.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

I’d say general pants

40. What do you want to do after high school?

I’m out of High school and definitely not doing what I wanted.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Depends on the situation.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

Im tired or super angry.

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Always. It’s the only language everyone understands.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Bottom of the ocean for sure

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

If it’s not Rita it’s my job

46. What are you paranoid about?

I get super paranoid about the dark

47. Have you ever been high?

Like last week

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Last weekend

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Nope, everyone knows everything.

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?black

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Nope my life is very good

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

How much I care

53. Favourite makeup brand?

Idk tbh

54. Favourite store?

General Pants or Thrills

55. Favourite blog?

Mm anything positive

56. Favourite colour?

Normally red but it’s actually pastel blue now

57. Favourite food? Thai

58. Last thing you ate? Fruit

59. First thing you ate this morning? Fruit

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Always!

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Too much of a long strory hahah

62. Been arrested? For what?

N/A

63. Ever been in love?

I am right now 🤤😍

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

Can I tell you the story of my first kiss with my girlfriend? Well it was a while ago, we’d gone out to dinner/drinks at the cove in Patterson Lakes, and I’d driven her home from our first date and as I hugged her goodbye I kissed her, she then proceeded to walk away and trip. 😳

65. Are you hungry right now?

Nooe

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

No way

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Facebook not that I have it anymore.

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr.

69. Are you watching tv right now?

No I’m in bed reading.

70. Names of your bestfriends?

Tegan and Jasmine

71. Craving something? What?

I want curry.

72. What colour are your towels?

Blue

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 3 because I have to have melman

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

Does melman count?

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

Maybe 2-3?

75. Favourite animal?

A sloth or a bat

76. What colour is your underwear?

Black

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Ew

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

White

80. What colour pants? White

81. Favourite tv show? I don’t know, I like them all.

82. Favourite movie? Moulin Rouge

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean Girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? 21 jump street

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Idk 🥴

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Definitely Dory

87. First person you talked to today?

Rita!

88. Last person you talked to today?

Rita. We literally talk 90% of the day

89. Name a person you hate?

I only hate one person but I won’t name them

90. Name a person you love?

Rita

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Yes holy wow yes

92. In a fight with someone?

No, because a fight would require any kind of care and I have none.

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

A billion

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

A few

95. Last movie you watched?

Something with Rita

96. Favourite actress?

Nicole Kidman

97. Favourite actor?

Chris Evans

98. Do you tan a lot?

No 😂

99. Have any pets?

I have two dogs and a cat!

100. How are you feeling?

Really good, I let go of some baggage today and finally realised what I have in front of me.

101. Do you type fast?

Yeah I do

102. Do you regret anything from your past? Only the last year hahaha except I wouldn’t have met Rita so I don’t know!

103. Can you spell well?

Yeah except I rely on autocorrect to much

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Of course

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yes

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Sure

107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yesss

108. What should you be doing? Literally nothing, I’m wrecked

109. Is something irritating you right now? Nope

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Not really, I’ve never been in love until now with Rita

111. Do you have trust issues? Not anymore

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? rita

113. What was your childhood nickname? Loz

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?yes

115. Do you play the Wii? No

116. Are you listening to music right now? No

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? No

118. Do you like Chinese food? Yes

119. Favourite book? Anything bau tauplin

120. Are you afraid of the dark? Yes

121. Are you mean? Yes

122. Is cheating ever okay? No

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? Nope

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? Nope

125. Do you believe in true love? Yes

126. Are you currently bored? No

127. What makes you happy? anything to do with Rita

128. Would you change your name? No way

129. What your zodiac sign? Aquarius

130. Do you like subway? Yummy

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Laugh cause he’s gay

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Rita

133. Favourite lyrics right now? Not really

134. Can you count to one million? I’d get bored real quick

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? I love you

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Depends on whose home

137. How tall are you? Midget sized

138. Curly or Straight hair? Both

139. Brunette or Blonde? Both

140. Summer or Winter? Summer for sure

141. Night or Day? Day

142. Favourite month? January

143. Are you a vegetarian? Yes

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Milk

145. Tea or Coffee? Coffee

146. Was today a good day? It surprisingly was, off to a rough start but it’s going to end well

147. Mars or Snickers? Snickers

[coffeesforfuckers]

Our Summers Together Are My Best Kept Secrets And My Biggest Mistakes // Chapter Eight

Ships: Peterick, Brallon, Ferard, Trohley, Jalex, Zian and others in the background

Description: Summers for most kids are spent going to the beach and on vacations with your family but lots are shipped off to summer camps for the whole summer. But the kids at Hempman Summer Camp actually beg to go! Patrick Stump, Andy Hurley and Joe Trohman all met there, they had all known each other for probably over a decade because of this absolutely amazing stay-away camp for kids from the ages of six to nineteen. All the kids that were there came back until they couldn't and they always had the same kids except a few new, younger, kids every year. That is until the year that the weird kid with the jet-black, dyed, black fringe and the crazy piercings and a couple tattoos comes in like he owns the place. That year also happens to be the same year that Patrick Stump gets gum stuck to the new emo kid's face and hair. It was love at first sight... But hate at first interaction for the blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy and the complete opposite for the new kid, Pete Wentz.

Chapter 8: Eight: A Meal For Two, A Car Ride For The Damned and A Love To Fool Them All.

Pete

Having Dallon and Brendon as roommates was quite an experience. Brendon was a bit stand-off-ish and from what Dallon says, it’s from a traumatic experience. But he’s been getting more touchy-feely. Brendon is constantly touching Dallon and grabbing him, it’s funny. There’s something familiar about him really but I couldn’t place it, I’d figure it out later, right now I was too busy trying to get Patrick to fall in love with me.

It was still just a lot of fucking and him flipping shit if it got too crazy for him. He’s pulling me out to his car in the parking lot, wanting to go drive somewhere and have sex in his car.

We get out where we won’t get caught and Patrick pulls over the car, fumbling into the back of the car. I stay up front, lost in my own world. I can feel his arms wrap around me from around the seat, Patrick is kissing my neck and I can’t resist. I flop into the back on top of Patrick. He kisses my neck and bites at my ear, I suck at his skin and grab at his crotch. It escalated quickly and soon enough we’re shifting around, slamming into things, things being jabbed into us. Patrick’s elbow jabbing into my stomach by accident, my knee shoved into his side. This had been a terrible idea.

“Patrick you’re probably going to end up with my foot up your ass instead of my dick if we fuck in here.” I sigh.

“Let me blow you then.” He says instantly, his wide, blue eyes sparkle with a weird excitement. I, at first, am hesitant but think, what could go wrong and nod.

“Okay, sure.” I shrug and he pushes me and my back slams into the car door I groan and he starts kissing me, undoing my pants. He lets me struggle out of them before doing anything. I’m already hard as a rock at this point so I didn’t need Patrick to get me hard first.

Before I truly have a chance to process any of this my head is tossed back and I’m gasping. This was new, so new… So good, “Oh, fuck… Patrick….” I breathe and shiver as a rush of pleasure runs over me. It was all moving so fast, pieces were missing from my memory.

His tongue flicks around the head of my dick in a way that causes me to let out a much louder moan than normal, my fists clenching in his bleach-blonde hair, panting and almost choking. My hips involuntarily thrust upward and Patrick pulls away, gagging at the unexpected dick being shoved deeper than he could take.

“Fuck.” Patrick coughs, “I almost threw up, dude, don’t do that.” He groans, rubbing his hand over his chest.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, it just felt so good I couldn’t really help it.” I frown and he smiles back at me.

“Shut up and stop apologizing.” He moves back to hovering just above my cock. I whine at his teasing and he smirks, taking my whole length. I moan and clench his hair within my fists. His tongue runs over my member and I choke back a gasp, throwing my head back.

“Oh fuck…” I gasp and arch my back. This felt really good, so fucking good.

I cum into his mouth and he pulls back, swallowing the mouthful of semen. He kisses me quickly and grins.

“Ready to go back?” He asks as I pull my pants back up.

“What about you?” I ask seeing as he got nothing out of this.

“No, let's go out to eat.” He insists even though I can full well see he has a bulge.

“Um? But, Patrick?” I'm thoroughly confused.

He tumbles back into the driver's seat, “Come on. Where do you want to eat?” He watches me as I fall into my seat up front.

“Wherever you want to go I guess?”

Frank

In the car to the concert Gee blared Sleeping With Sirens and sang the lyrics, well more like shouted them while drumming the air and banging his head. His long red locks of hair flying everywhere. I sing along too, but not as loud and violently as Gerard, he’s crazy into music and he’s actually pretty great himself, he can sing like nothing I’ve ever heard, well besides Brendon and Patrick that is, they’re voices are god-like and so is Gerard’s in my opinion, their like a trinity. A very emo, trinity.

Kellin Quinn was a fucking god . Okay?

He’s so exited to meet them, he’s practically shaking when we pull up outside of the small venue almost two hours from camp. I wasn’t nearly as excited as Gerard but I don’t think many people could be, these were his idols. I also wasn’t like, super into them either but they did have good music.

We make our way out of the car and Gerard is tugging at my arm, trying to pull me as fast as he could go into the building. I’m laughing at his excitement. It was so cute.

“Hurry up!” He whines as I go ‘ too slow ’ for him.

“I am! I have tiny legs!” I defend and he starts chuckling at the statement, knowing full well that it was true.

“Your tiny legs are too slow, get bigger ones.” He teases with a grin and I roll my eyes.

“I hate you.” I groan, continuing to jog after him. He’s so cute when he’s this excited, I haven’t ever seen him so excited before.

Inside the venue, waiting in line was worse, Gerard was so fucking pumped and bouncy. So cute.

I yawn and Gerard smacks me, “What the fuck’s that for!?” I elbow him in the side.

“Stop being bored you fucking loser.” He hip-checks me and I slam into the person walking by, some older man who was probably in his twentie’s or thirty’s.

“Sorry about that.” I apologize and Gerard makes a choking noise, attracting both mine and the guy’s attention.

“You’re Justin Hills!” Gerard coughs, gripping onto me in awe. The man holds a finger up to his lips and smiles at him, ruffling his hair.

“See you two soon.” He nods towards the passes around our necks. Gerard squeals into my shoulder nodding as he hugs me, squeezing his arms around my waist.

“Oh my god, Frank! You touched Justin fucking Hills!” He shakes me and I laugh.

“Dude I didn’t even know his name until you said it, I didn’t even know who he was.” I chuckle, rubbing at my neck, “I like their music and I mean I know most of it but I don’t know any of the members.” I shrug and give a sheepish smile to him.

“Really? You like them but don’t even know their names?” Gerard seemed baffled by my ignorance to the subject.

“Yeah?” I shrug, is that not what people do?

“Weird…”

Rian

I lay on my bed with my eyes closed, not sleeping but not awake enough to function. I’d been like this for probably two hours, I was just trying to nap but my brain was not allowing that. It was running wild with adventures, nothing in particular, just falling between dreaming and real life.

I hear the door squeak open and clatter closed, too tired to even see who’d come into the room.

“Rian, get up.” I hear Zach’s voice which is extremely stern for some reason.

“No, sleep, shh.” I hum but I’m soon being ripped from the warmth of my blankets to the cool wooden floor.

“Get up.” He’s even more serious this time and I groan, sitting up.

“You didn’t have to be so rough, jesus.” I grumble, rubbing at my back.

“I can’t take it anymore!” He shouts, pacing as he tosses his hands into the air.

“Take what? I’m sorry, I’m not awake enough for this, please explain.” I grumble, staggering to my feet and yawning. I stretch and my back cracks, Zach winces at the sound.

“Them! Alex, Jack, Tyler, Brendon, Dallon! Their driving me fucking nuts! ‘ You should date, Rian! You and Rian would be so cute together! Are you together yet? ’” He mocks, “I’m gonna put a gun to my fucking head and pull the trigger if I have to hear it one more fucking time!” He’s yelling as he grabs me by shoulders, shaking me as he says his next words, “Will you fake date me until they fuck off?” He begs.

“Dude, neither of us are gay though, right? I know I’m not.” I say.

“I’m not either but I’m so close to killing myself or all of them that I will do anything to make them stop.” He pleads, “Please, we can break up in a few weeks, just fake an argument and end it!”

“We’re going to have to make out and kiss and touch and shit Zach!” I push him off of me, “No way in hell, I’m sorry Zach, but no way.”

“Please!” He shouts, “Rian I will do anything! I mean it’s just kissing! It’s not like it’s sex!”

“Well, I don’t want my first kiss to be with a dude, Zach!” I yell back and he freezes.

“You’ve never had your first kiss?” He gasps, wide-eyed.

“This is why I never told any of you.” I huff and cross my arms.

“You always said that your first kiss was out at a pond near your house with the neighbor girl though! It was such a pretty story!”

“It’s called being a good story-teller, asshole.” I grumble.

“I won’t kiss you, we could just be like… The type that doesn’t ‘show-off’ around our friends and stuff.” He still begs and I, of course , relent.

“Fine. Not for too long though.”

“Deal.” Zach nods, “Hey, so like have you done anything with anybody before?” He asks.

“I’ve never dated anyone, jeez, fuck off already.”

Asshole.

Chapter Masterlist ~

Previous -

One - The Gum Habit Gone Bad

Two - On the Rooftop with You

Three - I Have a Forehead Texting Me and He’s Kind of Cute?

Four - Memories I Keep Locked Away for Times Like This

Five - Crying into the Void That is You

Six - A New Year and a New Us and Some New Friends

Seven - Abandoning You Was My Worst Mistake but Somehow You’re Still There For Me

Next -

Nine - Falling For You

#wattpad #peterick #pete wentz #patrick stump #panic! at the disco #Panic! #P!ATD #Jalex #fanfic #atl #all time low #jack barakat #alex gaskarth #jalex fanfic #random #au #archive of our own #author #gay #fall out boy #fall out boy fanfic #Brallon #ferard #my chemical romance #mcr #mcr fic #my chemical romance fanfic #fanfiction #zian #trohley

[expressioninsideout]

Coffee Bliss, 2016

Third place in Expression 2016′s writing category went to Miriam Roberts-Thomson for her piece “Coffee Bliss”

They found Emma’s almost completely by accident.

Isaiah and Lucas had been on their way to the local Starbucks to do some work when the rain started. Working in their flat was like some sort of slow torture; their hyperactive brains distracting them from even attempting when they were in the same room as their consoles. Besides, Starbucks was warm, and the coffee was decent, if overpriced, and the wifi was better than at their dorm, so...

They weren’t even halfway there yet, and being the sensible students they were, they’d forgotten to pack anything that even resembled a raincoat. This wasn’t rain that you could ignore either, like the light splattering of springtime showers. No, this was the type of rain that promised thunderstorms and flooding.

Spotting a nearby awning, Isaiah pulls Lucas under it, which coincidentally turns out to be the entrance to some sort of cafe. The word Emma’s is elegantly inscribed in the glass on the door, above a sign that proclaimed their free wifi. Isaiah and Lucas exchange glances - dude, are you thinking what I’m thinking? Duh, bro, of course I’m thinking what you’re thinking - then, taking it as a sign from above, they stumble inside before they, like. Drown, or something.

The cafe is instantly, blessedly warm. The smell of coffee wafts through the air, warming Isaiah’s soul to its core. Sighing with content, they instinctively scope out the best seats with power sockets nearby and went to claim it as their own. The cafe has a sort of homey, mismatched feel to it, the tables and chairs all different, but somehow matching. Squishy armchairs are dotted around the room, and a crackling fireplace sits opposite the counter.

Isaiah sends Lucas a pleading glance, his eyes beseeching him to say yes.

“No,” Lucas says sternly, before glancing around and sighing. “Okay, okay. Maybe. But let’s see how their coffee is first, before we make any commitments,”

“Our coffee is brilliant,” a scary-intense looking brunette calls from behind the counter. Her name tag reads ‘ANGEL’ in neat block letters, with a golden halo drawn at an angle on top. Isaiah wishes that it was her real name.

She’s simultaneously the most beautiful and the scariest person Isaiah’s ever seen - although the latter could be a cause of the former. Her hair and eyes are mere shades darker than her bronze skin, giving her the appearance of a monochrome statue. If he was interested in girls, Isaiah would probably be too intimidated to talk to her - as he observes in Lucas, who is, in fact, interested enough for the both of them. He watches his friend flush a blotchy red, the colour spreading down his neck, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he tries to form coherent syllables.

“What would you recommend? Isaiah asks, taking pity on Lucas’ inability to speak actual human words.

“Well that really depends on what you’re here for,” the girl smiles, and pulls two mugs out from under the counter. The mugs, like the rest of the decor, don’t match, but are disarmingly charming. One of them has all the Avenger’s logos on it, and the other bears a turtle wearing a hat. Isaiah falls a little bit in love, and when he turns to Lucas, he can practically see the shackles tying him to Starbucks splintering. “Do you actually want coffee, or did you prefer tea?”

***

The coffee, it turns out, is brilliant. Better than Starbucks could ever dream of. The wifi is fast, and they don’t have to pay for it, and when he tries one of the many slices in the cabinet, Isaiah legitimately thinks that it could be the best thing he’s ever eaten in his entire life.

It kind of just makes sense that they stay, after that.

***

Isaiah met Lucas when they were both in year nine. From his primary school, there were exactly eleven other students who were going to the same college as him. One of those students was his friend. On their first day of college, however, his friend promptly ditched him to go and bother his older brother - such was the way of the thirteen-year-old.

He spent much of the first few weeks of college alone, sketching in his form class when bored. Then, one such time, when he was sketching a particularly detailed portrait of Captain America, another boy plopped down beside him.

“That’s really good,” the other boy had said matter of factly.

“Thanks, it’s what I’m gonna do when I’m older,” Isaiah blurted with all the confidence of his age.

“That’s awesome! I think I might be a lawyer maybe, or a police officer, but I don’t really know for sure. My name’s Lucas, what’s yours?” Lucas responded with an easy grin.

“Isaiah,” he’d said, and the rest, as they say, was history.

Isaiah had never really had such a close friend before - but that was okay. He thought that perhaps he was just waiting for Lucas to turn up.

***

It turns out that the barrister's name is actually Cara. She’s only a year older than Isaiah and Lucas, and goes to the local uni, and Isaiah thinks that she might be the coolest person he’s ever met.

There’s no one else working in the cafe that they can see, and it is pretty dead - between the wind threatening to blow small children away, and the rain tipping down outside, they reckon that anyone with half a brain would be inside keeping warm.

Isaiah and Lucas pretend not to watch her as she moves around making a drink for herself. Watching people without really watching them is a talent of Isaiah’s - as an artist, he’s picked up some pretty weird skills - so it isn’t a surprise to see her walking over to their table.

“Do you guys mind if I sit with you for a while? This shift is always pretty dead, and on a day like today...” she collapses into a chair at their table.

“Go ahead,” Isaiah smiles.

Lucas, once again, seems to have gone mute, which actually is probably a good thing. If he could talk, he’d probably say something stupid and scare her off so. Cara seems like an easy person to talk to though, so Isaiah’s reasonably certain that he can handle this conversation.

And - yeah, he was right. Cara’s awesome, and they quickly bond over their shared love for art. He finds out that Cara’s only studying to be a Veterinarian because her parents wouldn’t let her get a massive student loan for something she didn’t really need a degree for, which - fair point, actually.

“Still - these are really good. You’re talented,” Cara said, flipping through Isaiah’s sketchbook.

“Thanks,” Isaiah smiles. “Oh! That one’s my favourite,” he stops the page from turning.

The image is of Isaiah and Lucas, copied from a photograph. In it, they’re both laughing, heads tilted up, smiles evident on both their faces. Isaiah had drawn it just before he’d come out to Lucas, so he’d always have something to remember their friendship by in case things went sour.

“Of course it is,” Lucas mutters from his seat.

He keeps on shooting Isaiah incredulous looks like - dude how did we trick this freaking supermodel of a girl into thinking we’re cool? Isaiah has no idea, but he’s not complaining.

By the time they leave, Cara has well and truly worked her way into their lives. Lucas had managed to actually contribute a sufficient amount to the conversation, without accidentally offending anyone. Cara makes them promise to come back before she lets them leave, and - it’s nice, having someone that isn’t them wanting them to come back. Isaiah thinks that they might just have found somewhere that they could return to after anything.

Well. A place that isn’t each other.

***

So the thing about Emma’s is that everyone who works there seems to be unfairly attractive. They’ve come up with a theory that they only hire perfect tens.

There’s Cara, obviously, but there’s also Nick, the other barrister that works there full time. With his long blond curls and sharp blue eyes, he’s probably one of the most stunning men Isaiah’s ever seen.

“Bro, his cheekbones could probably cut glass. That’s so unfair,” Lucas murmurs to him one day. Isaiah gives him a strange look, to which Lucas rolls his eyes and promptly responds, “Just cause I’m not gay, doesn’t mean that I can’t appreciate a good-looking man when I see one. It’s not like you don’t appreciate Cara’s looks on a regular basis.”

Which - yeah. That’s actually a really good point.

There’s Emily, who comes hand in hand with Nick. She’s only two years younger than him, and they share the same blonde curls and blue eyes.

“Excellent genes in that family,” Isaiah mutters to Lucas when Emily is first introduced as Nick’s sister.

Emily only works when one of the others can’t make it, but she’s there more often than not anyway.

Then there’s Jackson. He owns the cafe, and is also their main pastry chef. He looks like he’d be more in place on a rugby field than in a kitchen, with arms the size of Isaiah’s entire head. He’s got tattoos running the length of his arms, and he looks like he could rip their heads off without a second thought. He’d completely terrified Isaiah and Lucas when they’d first met him, but he’d just nodded and offered them a free custard square.

Isaiah isn’t usually big on custard squares, but this was like some type of religious experience. Lucas had groaned slightly, and Isaiah muttered something about never eating anything else again, and Jackson had graced them with the tiniest of smiles before retreating back into the kitchen.

Cara looked relieved. Isaiah wondered what would have happened if they didn’t like the custard squares.

The other regulars to the cafe are also ridiculously attractive, which is profoundly unfair. There’s a string of pretty girls - and quite a few pretty boys - that come in to swoon over Nick; there’s a red-headed girl who comes in, sits in a corner and has quiet conversations with Cara over tea; there’s Sasha, an engineering student, who comes and sits behind piles of books and dirty mugs, and Charlie, who alternates between reading and staring wistfully at Sasha.

“We’re the worst looking people in this cafe.” Isaiah laments after a week of being there and staring at pretty people eating pastries.

Then he looks at Lucas, and not for the first time realises how nice he is to actually look at, all sharp angles and freckles and brown hair. He’s attractive in a careless way, the kind of person that just gets more and more attractive the longer you look at them. Isaiah sighs, and adapts his previous statement - I’m the worst looking person in this cafe.

“That’s okay. I’m okay with being unattractive if it means we can be surrounded by attractive people all the time,” Lucas shrugs.

It’s one of those weird statements that probably shouldn’t be comforting but is - even if it only makes sense to them.

***

Isaiah has plans, okay?

When they finished college, Lucas went off to police college, got a job at the local station, and Isaiah...

Well.

He went to uni, got a BA with a major in Art History, then booked a spot at a tiny studio by their apartment. He was good, and he knew that he had what it took to be really good, but he just needed to be noticed. There was only so much he could do through a blog.

In most ways, this was the hardest part.

“If I could just get a place at an exhibition or something...” Isaiah trails off.

Lucas had heard the rant about a thousand times already, but he was still patient.

“You’ll get there,” Lucas patted his shoulder.

“A foot in the door, that’s all I need,” Isaiah says earnestly, pencil clutched in his hand. “Maybe I should start a new series,”

“Good idea,” Lucas says absently, staring off at Cara and Nick working.

Isaiah follows his gaze to Cara. She’s leaning over a mug, trying to do some new form of latte art - a flower, or leaf, or something. Her tongue is sticking out, and her brow is furrowed in concentration, and it’s kind of adorable. Isaiah’s apparently not the only one who thinks so either - Nick is frozen where he is, paused in the middle of wiping a spill. He’s staring at Cara with something akin to longing in his eyes, watching for only a few careful seconds before moving on. Cara turns to say something to him - but then she pauses, watches him for a few moments, the same intense expression on her face.

Huh. Interesting.

Isaiah feels his fingers twitch, and he scrambles for a pencil.

“Dude, chill,” Lucas says, looking at him bizarrely. “It’s not going anywhere,”

“How did I not see this earlier? Actually, why did I not think this earlier?” Isaiah mutters, sketching furiously.

“What? What’s happening?” Lucas actually sounds slightly concerned.

“Look,” Isaiah nods towards the counter.

Lucas looks, and.... Yup. There it was. He’d seen it.

“Bro,” he whispers.

“Yeah,” Isaiah whispers back.

“Oh my god,” Lucas grabs his arm.

“And Sasha and Charlie too, look,” Isaiah grins, and starts sketching again. “I should just do a series on Emma’s.”

“You should,” Lucas nods.

“Yeah,” Isaiah says. “I really should.”

***

It all just comes easy after that.

He goes to Emma’s, spends a couple hours drinking coffee and sketching, then heads over to the studio to transfer to canvas, or to start painting. The finished series will consist of twelve paintings, all of them workers or regulars at Emma’s. Some of them will be small, and others large, and they’ll all be painted in the same warm, golden tones.

Sketching the people at Emma’s comes easy - they’re all incredibly easy to look at, and incredibly interesting to draw. There’s such a large variety as well - Cara, with her dark skin and curly hair, Nick and Emily, with their matching blonde locks and strong expressions, Jackson, with his muscly arms and pastries. Sasha has her books and mugs, and Charlie has his Kindle. The nameless girl Cara talks to, her eye makeup so dark it could be war-paint.

Isaiah loves it.

He figures that he should probably tell them at some point, but he doesn’t want them to get mad at him. He just wants to have this thing for a while, this thing that’s completely and irrevocably his.

Lucas comes and watches him paint sometimes, when he’s not working. It’s nice, the two of them there. Since they stumbled into Emma’s for the first time, it feels like they haven’t really had much time where it’s just them. Not like they used to. This, however. This is nice.

It takes him two and a half months to finish all the sketches and have them transferred to canvas. Ten of the paintings are finished, and the last two well under way. Isaiah’s planning on scanning them into some of the owners of the local galleries once they’re finished, and he knows in his heart of hearts that they’re good enough to be shown.

He just has to finish first.

***

There’s a new guy at the counter.

Isaiah repeats: there’s a new guy at the counter.

Cara’s not there - it’s her usual shift, but she’s conspicuously absent. Isaiah knows it’s her shift because every Tuesday for the last month he would come in for a coffee, then sit at the closest table and work on his art. Cara would come and top off his coffee when it ran out, and when she went on her break, she would come and sit with him and they would talk about various artworks. It was fun.

Today though - today, she’s not here. The guy standing behind the counter is most definitely not Cara. He’s got a type of dark, brooding thing going on, his eyes as dark as a freaking midnight sky. A beanie is shoved on his head, pulled down over his ears, and Isaiah can see the edge of a tattoo peeking out from under his collar.

It’s really working for him.

“Can I help?” the guy says, raising an eyebrow at Isaiah.

“Uh. Yeah,” Isaiah stutters, stumbling to a stop before he can say something stupid like ‘a ring’. “Cara?”

Which - yeah. That’s not too much better, really.

“She’s off sick,” the guy says, looking surprised - and it’s ridiculous how attractive Isaiah finds it.

“Oh. Is this your first shift?” Isaiah asks, and reading the guy's face, he can tell that it is. “I just haven’t seen you around before... and I come here a lot, so,”

“It is. But don’t worry, I’ve worked at a coffee house before, so your coffee won’t suck,” the guy says, seeming to take Isaiah’s comment as a challenge. It wasn’t meant as one, but damn if this guy isn’t taking it literally. He’s actually rolling up his sleeves, something that is really doing something to Isaiah, and God, okay, he needs to stop, now.

“Okay. Alright,” Isaiah thinks for a moment, then leans forward onto the counter. “So, don’t get me wrong, Cara and Nick are great and all, but they both suck at making chai tea lattes. Think you can do better?”

“I know I can do better,” the guy smirks - it’s a good look - and pulls a mug out from under the counter. “This latte’s going to blow your mind.”

(It’s not the latte that blow’s Isaiah’s mind.)

***

The latte, it turns out, is pretty damn good. Isaiah might be a little bit in love.

Jackson eventually gets around to giving the new guy a name tag, so he finds out his name - or at least, part of it - is Thatcher. Emily finds out that Thatcher transferred from another university, and that he’s halfway through getting Masters in writing. She tells Isaiah that he wants to be a journalist, and that she hadn’t really been able to get much else out of him apart from that.

Isaiah’s a bit disappointed, honestly. Emily gives no indication on whether or not Thatcher’s gay, or bi, or anything else other than straight, and Isaiah doesn’t ask. He’s pretty sure that at this point everyone working at Emma’s knows about his sexuality, but he hasn’t explicitly told anyone, and he doesn’t want to assume. He just figures that if they want to know, they’ll ask, and then he’ll tell them. Besides, what business is it of theirs what gender Isaiah likes?

The only people he’s ever explicitly come out to are his parents and Lucas. His parents hadn’t cared much, thank God, something that was so relieving to him at the time that he started crying. His parents just exchanged one look, then scooped him up in a massive hug. Lucas had just shrugged, and said that from the way Isaiah had been waxing poetic about Chris Evans’ shoulders after The Avengers came out, it was fairly obvious.

“Yeah,” Isaiah had sighed. “Chris Evans has great shoulders...”

“Yes, Isaiah. I know. We’ve been through this,” Lucas had looked at him seriously. “You know I don’t care about any of this, right? You’re my best friend,”

Isaiah had teared up a little bit, and they’d spent the rest of the night hugging and crying and repeatedly saying “I love you, man!” and “No, I love you, man!”

It was a bonding experience for the both of them.

The point was, though, that Isaiah, having never really told anyone about his sexuality, wasn’t really sure how to ask about someone else's. He wasn’t even sure if he should ask. What if Thatcher wasn’t gay, and took offence?

What if he was?

***

Isaiah spends the next few weeks sketching picture upon picture of Thatcher. He finds out a lot of things about him while he does so as well - his first name is Westley, though almost nobody ever calls him that. Once, Lucas called him Westley from across the room, then spent the next two days convinced that Thatcher was going to kill him. It was pretty funny. Isaiah’s not too sure why though, as the one time he called him Wes by accident, his eyes had gotten all soft and crinkly, and the way Thatcher smiled at him had him convinced that he’d never call him anything else again.

It was so cute Isaiah had spilt his latte all over the counter, then flushed a bright pink when Wes had just laughed and made him a new one.

Wes wears beanies almost all the time, and pairs them with combat boots and leather jackets when outside. He rides a motorbike to Emma’s most days, all sleek black metal. Isaiah loves drawing him next to Cara, their two aesthetics so completely opposite it’s incredible. Wes is kind, and attractive, and he makes good coffee, and damn Isaiah is in so deep.

“He could be gay. You never know,” Lucas says one day, hunched over their table.

“Yeah, right,” Isaiah scowls, looking at the way Wes is talking to a female customer. Wes sees him looking and smiles over at him, sending a small wave their way. “I’m gonna be so alone,”

“Aww, that’s okay dude, you can always come and live with me in my attic, okay? I’ll even get you a blanket so you can be all cosy and warm,” Lucas pulls Isaiah in, ruffling his hair.

“Get off!” Isaiah says, shoving Lucas’ arm off him, but he’s laughing, so the effect is somewhat ruined.

Lucas just grins back, then steals the last bite of Isaiah’s custard square.

“Hey!” Isaiah protests, looking around indignantly.

He catches sight of Wes again, but this time the other man refuses to catch his eye, and is instead polishing a glass so furiously, Isaiah starts to worry about the glass. Wes looks for all the world like he wants to smash it instead of place it gently under the counter, and it’s kind of scary. Isaiah pretends that it doesn’t bother him that Wes won’t look his way.

“Seriously though, I reckon you have a serious shot,” Lucas says, oblivious to the way Wes is suddenly avoiding Isaiah like the plague. “He actually looks like he enjoys talking to you. It’s incredible,”

“Sure,” Isaiah snorts. “He gets on with you, Cara and Nick just fine,”

Lucas barks out a laugh. “Dude, he looks at me like I’ve killed his entire family all the time. I don’t think he’s smiled at me once since he’s been here,”

“Don’t be stupid, he smiles all the time,” Isaiah says dismissively.

“He smiles at you all the time,” Lucas says, hitting Isaiah’s arm slightly, before going back to his coffee, and ignoring the fact that he’s completely just shattered Isaiah’s entire world.

***

It was early.

Isaiah had spent the night finishing off his series, painting the final image of Cara, Nick and now Wes behind the counter. Cara was laughing, Nick looking fondly at her, and Wes in the midst of pouring a coffee. He’s quite proud of it, honestly. All he has to do now is scan them into the gallery owners.

But first, coffee.

He’s been up for most of the night working, after the owner of the small studio left him the keys to lock up. He must have fallen asleep at some point - he’d woken up about twenty minutes ago, plastered to a desk, paintbrush still in his hand. It was safe to say, his first priority at this point was getting some decent coffee - so naturally, he heads to Emma’s.

He doesn’t even think they’re open yet, but Wes must see him pawing pathetically at the door, and pauses in setting up to go and let him in, a casual smirk on his face. 

“You look like death warmed up,” Wes says, his voice fond. “You alright?”

Isaiah loses his words for a second at the sound of Wes’ voice, warm and gravelly from sleep still. “I just need coffee. Like a big coffee. The biggest. Scratch that - all of the coffee you have. I need it,”

“Okay okay, calm down. Gimme a sec,” Wes shoots him a grin, and - Isaiah doesn’t need coffee, he needs a shot of tequila.

Wes turns and gets a giant flask out from the kitchen, larger than Emma’s usual to go cups, drying it with a towel on his way out. Isaiah watches as he fills it with coffee, fascinated with the way his hands make the motions almost on instinct. It’s an art form in itself, really.

“Here,” Wes hands the flask to Isaiah.

Their fingers brush as Isaiah takes it, sending chills down Isaiah’s spine.

“Big enough for you?” Wes quirks an eyebrow - and if he were anyone else, Isaiah would think that he was flirting.

“Uh, yeah,” Isaiah’s voice is nearly an octave higher than usual when he answers. “Thanks, Wes,”

It’s almost seven hours later that he notices the name on the bottom - neat letters proclaiming the flask as belonging to a ‘W. Thatcher’. It shouldn’t feel like a big issue, but - it really does.

He stares at the flask for a long, long time.

***

Isaiah had sent copies of his work to several of the local gallery owners, so now all he had to do was wait. He hadn’t wanted to upload them to his blog in case he got accepted by a gallery owner who had strict copyright, but it was a close thing. The main thing he wanted to do was show everyone at Emma’s, but he didn’t want to risk anything just yet.

So yeah. Now he just had to wait.

He goes to Emma’s and gets coffee, talks to Cara and Wes, hangs out with Lucas, sketches random people he sees. It’s entertaining enough, but he misses having something to do every day. He misses having a purpose.

It’s three weeks later when he gets the email.

***

Dear Mister Waters,

We’re delighted to inform you that your series ‘Coffee Bliss’ has been accepted into our new exhibition. The opening night is on the 21st of October of this year, and we would love for you to attend. Please find attached tickets for you and a plus one. Additional tickets will cost $20 each.

Kind Regards,

Blue Stone Gallery.

***

“Dude, dude, dude, dude dude dude dude dude!” Isaiah jumps on Lucas, shaking his shoulder before grabbing him in a giant bear hug.

Lucas hates bear hugs.

“Bro, get off!” Lucas pushes him off his bed.

Isaiah jumps back on, and hugs him again. “I got in!” he chants, “I got in, I got in, I got in!”

“Where? What?” Lucas rubs his eyes, then sits up.

“Blue Stone Gallery! They put me in their new exhibition!” Isaiah grins wildly.

“Oh my God, dude, that’s awesome!” Lucas grins back, thumping his arm.

“Yeah! They gave me two tickets to their opening night, do you wanna come?”

“Yeah, bro! That’s so cool, you’re all professional and stuff now,” Lucas teases. “When’s the opening?”

“The twenty-first,” Isaiah smiles happily. “Hey, I’m gonna head over to Emma’s, I think I might tell Wes and Cara,”

“Okay, have fun,” Lucas says. “Tell them I say hi,”

“Will do,” Isaiah stands up, and all but floats out of the room he’s so happy.

It seems like things are finally heading up.

***

“You. Did. What?” Cara asks, and Isaiah can all but see the steam coming out of her ears.

“I uh. Did a series on Emma’s. It got accepted into Blue Stone Gallery’s new exhibition,” Isaiah says, slightly less enthusiastically.

“And you didn’t think to, you know, ask any of us first?” she says, glaring at him.

“I thought it would be better if you didn’t know... more natural,” Isaiah explains, then immediately regrets it.

“Oh so that just makes it okay for you to invade our privacy like this,” Cara snaps, and if Isaiah wasn’t already scared out if his mind, he was now.

“Uhhh,” he croaks, then looks to Wes and Nick standing just behind her.

Nick just shrugs at him, expression apologetic. Wes avoids his eye for a second, then sighs and rubs a weary hand over his eyes.

“Cara,” Wes says, touching her shoulder. “Don’t you think he has a point? You’re an artist too, can’t you see where he’s coming from?”

“That - ugh! Stop trying to reason with me!” Cara wheels around to him.

‘Thank you’ Isaiah mouths to Wes, who grimaces in response.

“Isaiah’s our friend, we should be happy for him,” Wes continues. “You of all people should know how hard it is for an artist to make it,”

“I’m sorry, Cara,” Isaiah says softly. “I just didn’t want to risk our friendship,”

“You should have thought of that earlier,” she whispers back, then turns and walks off.

Isaiah stares after her sadly. “This is why I didn’t want to tell anyone,” he mutters.

“Sorry man. She’ll come round,” Wes leans over the counter and pats Isaiah’s shoulder sympathetically. “I think it’s awesome though. Congratulations,”

“Thanks,” Isaiah smiles. “I should probably go though... I’ll see you tomorrow maybe,” he turns and heads for the door.

“Don’t be a stranger!” Wes calls after him.

Isaiah waves in acknowledgement, then leaves the cafe.

He tries to ignore the thought that tells him that what he’s leaving behind is irreparable.

***

“Hey, Isaiah...” Lucas says, eyes pleading.

“What is it?” Isaiah sighs, rolling over.

He’d been lying on his bed, face down, sulking after what happened at Emma’s.

“Hypothetically...” Lucas trails off sheepishly. “What would you say if I couldn’t make it to the opening night?” he rushes out.

Isaiah groans dramatically, then buries his face back into his pillow.

“Oh no. What happened?” Lucas sits down and pats Isaiah’s shoulder.

“Cara’s mad at me,” he mumbles.

“Why?” Lucas sounds surprised.

“Paintings,” Isaiah grunts.

“Oh. I’m sorry,”

Isaiah groans again. “Wait. Did you just say that you can’t make the opening night?” he looks up suddenly.

“Yeah...” Lucas scratches his neck. “I’m really really sorry, there’s a work thing I can’t miss,”

Isaiah just sighs. “What happened? Everything was going so well,”

Lucas rubs Isaiah’s shoulder.

“It’ll be fine,” Lucas says again.

Isaiah mumbles something ineligible, then faceplants back into his pillow.

Here is safe.

Here is good.

***

Lucas had gone out to his event a while ago, leaving Isaiah where he was, sitting on the couch and making him promise to eat something before he fell asleep. He’s wearing his oldest, comfiest clothes, binge watching Parks and Rec, wallowing in his feelings. The opening night of the gallery starts in half an hour, and Isaiah’s planning on spending the whole evening staying right where he is.

It’s a solid plan.

A knock on the door startles him out of the show. Thinking it’s Lucas forgetting his keys, Isaiah rolls his eyes and stands up. There’s another knock on the door, more insistent this time, and Isaiah’s just saying, “Hold on, dude, I’m coming!” when he opens the door, and --

It’s not Lucas.

Wes is standing on the other side of the door, wearing a suit and a smile.

“You ready?” Wes asks.

“What?” Isaiah asks, confused.

“... For the opening?” Wes elaborates.

“I --” Isaiah stops. Frowns. “I wasn’t gonna go,” he admits.

“What?” Now it’s Wes’ turn to be confused.

“Lucas has this work thing, and Cara’s mad at me, and it just doesn’t really feel like something I’m supposed to be celebrating right now,” Isaiah explains.

He’s still confused as why Wes is here - but looking as good as he does in that suit, Isaiah’s not going to start complaining any time soon.

“Lucas... what? I’m confused,” Wes scratches his head.

Isaiah sighs. “Do you wanna come in?”

Wes nods, and they move to the couch, Isaiah curling back into the ball he was in not moments before.

“I don’t wanna be rude or anything, and I’m not really complaining - but why are you here?” Isaiah asks Wes.

“Lucas came down to Emma’s earlier. He said that something came up, but did I want to go to your opening tonight? And I thought, yeah, that sounds like it could be fun, then he gave me the time, and your address, and said that you’d see me then,” Wes says slowly.

Isaiah exhales. “Of course he did. I uh. Wasn’t planning on going,”

“Yeah, I realise that now,” Wes grins easily. “So what were you planning on doing?”

Crying, Isaiah thinks. “I was just gonna rewatch Parks and Rec,” he says instead.

“Okay. Mind if I join?” Wes asks.

Isaiah looks at him and nods, perhaps a bit too fast. Wes smiles again, and toes off his shoes so he can nestle into the couch. Isaiah hits play, and tries not to watch Wes too much. It’s not working too well for him. They watch for a while, then Wes shucks off his his jacket and loosens his tie. Isaiah’s mouth dries out, and his breath catches in his throat at the sight of Wes’ tight white shirt.

“Like what you see?” Wes teases, noticing Isaiah’s stare.

Isaiah flushes and looks away.

“Hey,” Wes says, suddenly gentle. Isaiah looks up, and sees that Wes has shifted so he’s right in front of him. “It’s okay,”

“Wes, I...” Isaiah breaks off, looks down again.

He feels a hand on his face and closes his eyes.

“Isaiah,” Wes breathes, and Isaiah opens his eyes to see Wes staring at him with such intensity that it hurts to breathe.

Isaiah breathes out slowly, shakily, then all of a sudden Wes’ lips are on his, and his eyes are glued closed, all of his other senses telling him that one of Wes’ hands is in his hair, and their bodies pressed together, and Wes’ other hand is pulling him close, closer than they’d ever been before.

They break apart slowly, breathing each other’s air for a while until they’re dizzy with it.

“Wow,” Wes whispers.

“I thought...” Isaiah breaks off, then laughs a little. “I thought you were straight,”

Wes chuckles, sliding his hand from Isaiah’s hair to his hand, then twining their fingers together.

“I’m bi, so... you’re half right, I guess,” he explains. “I thought you were dating Lucas,”

“Lucas?” Isaiah snorts. “He’s so unbelievably straight it’s not funny,”

“And you?” Wes prompts.

Isaiah presses his lips together. “I’m really, really not,”

“Lucky for me,” Wes smiles, then leans in and kisses Isaiah again.

It’s exciting, and new, and perfect.

So, goddamn perfect.

And - later, Isaiah will take Wes to the exhibition, and they’ll ooh and aah at all the paintings, and Wes will kiss Isaiah in front of his series. Later, when Cara forgives him, Isaiah will spend all his free time at Emma’s, sketching Wes until he goes on break, then sketching him some more. Later, they’ll move in together, and get a cat, and start a life.

Right now though?

Right now, they’ve got seven seasons of Parks and Rec, and a couch, and an empty apartment.

And it’s pretty awesome.

“I would like you to know that "Coffee Bliss” is a slice of life - the events that take place in the story are events that could easily take place in someone's life.”

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