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I know I’m not active on here at all because I use Tumblr only from my old phone which doesn’t work well…but…..OMG!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT GUYS!! IT’S BEEN ONE WHOLE FREAKING YEAR THAT ME! CAME OUT! °0° Omg I really can’t believe it. This era is really one year old already. Omg this year has passed SO FAST! Ugh. I feel like I’ve done nothinggggg but we’ve gotten SO MUCH!


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Hi, my name is Stella.

I’m 26 and I have been a Swiftie since ‘07. My life has been a living hell for years but this by far has been the worst. I suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia,hypochondria and depression since I was 12. I was also bullied a lot and lost two years of school for this reason, of the best students of my class. A life spent merely spent surviving but not living. I have trouble doing the simplest of things, others I just can’t. I never go out alone because I’m scared I’ll feel bad and I won’t get help. Once I had a panick attack so bad in the train station that I found myself screaming on top of my lungs, people would get away from me instead of asking me what’s wrong. I get by by myself, nobody helps me. Every night I get a panick attack and I never wake my parents I just go to my kitchen get my prescripted therapy, caress my sweet cat,scroll on my phone and I just try to relax. But it’s been 3 months since I last slept.In January I tried to fix this situation that was beyond fixing. My mum was very ill, but she was not aware so I got her into therapy…but she hasn’t quite forgiven me yet and I feel guilty at times for making her go through this. She’s still not there yet and I honestly don’t know if she ever will be. She has become a different person, she cries a lot, physically weak, repeats herself and she’s quite forgetful. My dad on the other hand is no help at all. He often makes things worse. I’m quite sure they were never really in love. Now when it comes to me I’ve never had a boyfriend and at this point I don’t think I will. I’m shy, awkward, I had become quite big and I was ashamed. The biggest problems are my health problems and my family situation. Boys are scared of me and they ghost me just like my few friends have. I’m a burden for me and for everyone else  even though I’d do anything for my friends. I don’t know what I have done to suffer so much. This evening I tried to have a nap but my parents started fighting and screaming In those few moments of sleep I dreamed that they had aired a new Taylor Swift video. I crouched beneath my tv and I burst into tears of joy. Taylor is my safety blanket, my medicine, my bestfriend. I really wish I could meet her! Sometimes I find myself thinking I will but then I think about how I’m so scared of going outside that I could never go to a concert of hers. To top it all even my grandparents are ill. Seeing my relatives so sick breaks my heart. With Covid-19 I can’t go out with my father to enjoy an ice cream, stroll through the streets, look at shops because I don’t even have a job anymore and what was left of my savings I used to cure my cat. Some days ago he fell really ill and I was so scared. If he had died I would have been devastated. Even my mum cried I held my tears and reassured her that everything was gonna be ok even if I’m not so sure about that. I have so much more to say but I don’t know who is willing to read through all of this. I’m just really tired of all of this and I’m hoping I’m something that will make me happy. Often I think that I want to be an actress to lead a different but better life. I just want to end this by saying I’m near to all those who suffer and that I extremely love Taylor Swift. Here is a drawing of me and Taylor where we make a heart with our hands and me and my lover on my last birthday (spent alone at home and nobody made me a present).

P.S.: A girl helped me translate this and I thank her deeply. And just so you know Taylor if I ever get the chance to meet you I will burst into tears and fathom to say I LOVE YOU.

@taylorswift @taylornation @tree-paine

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I’m Stella, an Italian Swiftie, and I’m so scared about Coronavirus. I’m an anxious girl with panic attacks and hypochondria. This situation seems like a film, but it’s reality! 😪😢😭

Please, give me courage!

Meanwhile I’m trying to be ironic. 😉

Italy right now is…

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